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You Don’t Need More Motivation. You Need Meaning.

Stop chasing comfort and start volunteering for discomfort. Take one contrary action today—something you've always avoided—and repeat it tomorrow. Self-mastery isn't about optimizing yourself; it's about getting outside yourself through service to others. The path of least resistance is actually vol

45m

Summary published by , updated .

Rich Roll Podcast

Key Takeaway

Stop chasing comfort and start volunteering for discomfort. Take one contrary action today—something you've always avoided—and repeat it tomorrow. Self-mastery isn't about optimizing yourself; it's about getting outside yourself through service to others. The path of least resistance is actually volunteering for the most resistance, because that's where nobody else is going and where real growth happens.

Episode Overview

This episode challenges the modern obsession with self-optimization and surface-level improvement (looks maxing, enhancement maxing) and argues that true fulfillment comes from service to others, embracing discomfort, and investing in relationships and community. The speaker advocates for 'fulfillment maxing' over gratification maxing, emphasizing that happiness comes from enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning—not from chasing power, property, or prestige.

Main Insights

Self-Obsession Is the Enemy of Fulfillment

Modern culture promotes self-optimization and enhancement maxing, but this self-obsession actually antagonizes our real goals of meaning and happiness. The cure is service—making your life about something bigger than yourself. The more service-oriented you are, the more purpose and fulfillment you'll experience.

Pursue the Three Macronutrients of Happiness

According to Arthur Brooks, happiness comes from three macronutrients: enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. Instead of chasing happiness directly, engage in behaviors that nourish you with these three elements. This requires stepping outside self-gratification and investing in faith, family, friends, and meaningful work.

Take Contrary Action to Break Patterns

Change begins with doing something different than what you've been doing. Identify one small contrary action—something outside your comfort zone—that you can sustain daily. Make the lift low enough to ensure success, then build momentum through consistency. Momentum transforms hard things into easy things.

The Path of Least Resistance Is Volunteering for Most Resistance

By choosing the areas with the most resistance (where others won't go), you find white space with less competition. This counterintuitive approach—whether in sports, career, or personal growth—allows you to distinguish yourself and grow without the noise and crowding of popular paths.

Your Life Only Happens in the Present

Stop dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. The present moment is the only thing that's real and the only opportunity to take action. Each day, make decisions based on who you want to be when your head hits the pillow tonight, not on grand future goals or past regrets.

Notable Quotes

"We are in this cycle of surface-level gratification maxing. And what we should be doing is fulfillment maxing."

Rich Roll

"The bottom line is that all of this self-optimization, this enhancement maxing, all of this looks maxing, these things are proxies for our self-obsession, these indulgences of self-gratification that operate only on a surface level."

Rich Roll

"Self-obsession is the enemy. The cure is service, in which you're making your life about something other than yourself. The more you can do that, I promise you, the more fulfilled you will feel, the more internally satisfied you will feel."

Rich Roll

"The path of least resistance is actually volunteering for the most resistance."

Rich Roll

"Your life is only happening in the present. The present is the only thing that's actually real, and this moment is your only opportunity to actually do anything about it."

Rich Roll

Action Items

Suggested exercises inspired by the conversation.

  • 1
    Identify and Take One Contrary Action Today

    Choose one small behavior that's different from your usual pattern—something slightly uncomfortable but sustainable. It could be as simple as not putting sugar in your coffee. Make it repeatable, build the muscle around it, then gradually increase the difficulty.

  • 2
    Invest in Relationships Even When Inconvenient

    Show up for the people who matter to you, especially when it disrupts your routine. Make a conscious choice to prioritize connection over comfort. Check in on friends, help family members, or engage with your community in ways that require genuine effort and presence.

  • 3
    Perform One Selfless Act Daily

    Ask yourself: What is one thing I can do today on behalf of another person? What can I do today that is selfless instead of selfish? Focus on service-oriented actions that make you step outside your self-obsession, even in small ways.

  • 4
    Put the Phone Down and Touch Grass

    Literally get outside, be in nature, break a sweat, and push hard things around. Say yes to experiences you've historically avoided. Develop the confidence to venture into parts unknown and engage with discomfort rather than scrolling for dopamine hits.

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Full Transcript

Read or copy the complete episode transcript.

We seem to be suffering from a fatal We seem to be suffering from a fatal case of [music] self-optimization case of [music] self-optimization case of [music] self-optimization obsession. Everywhere you look, you see obsession. Everywhere you look, you see obsession. Everywhere you look, you see it. They enhance [music] games, looks it. They enhance [music] games, looks it. They enhance [music] games, looks maxing, your morning protocol. We are in maxing, your morning protocol. We are in maxing, your morning protocol. We are in this cycle of surface-level [music] this cycle of surface-level [music] this cycle of surface-level [music] gratification maxing. And what we should gratification maxing. And what we should gratification maxing. And what we should be doing is fulfillment maxing. I want to start by talking about what's I want to start by talking about what's happening in modern society right now. happening in modern society right now. happening in modern society right now. It's basically just hard to be alive. It's basically just hard to be alive. It's basically just hard to be alive. We're all daunted by our We're all daunted by our We're all daunted by our responsibilities, just getting through responsibilities, just getting through responsibilities, just getting through the day, meeting our obligations. This the day, meeting our obligations. This the day, meeting our obligations. This is driving a sense of malaise and is driving a sense of malaise and is driving a sense of malaise and anxiety that I think is pervasive. anxiety that I think is pervasive. anxiety that I think is pervasive. Meanwhile, we're being sold this book of Meanwhile, we're being sold this book of Meanwhile, we're being sold this book of lies that all of the happiness and the lies that all of the happiness and the lies that all of the happiness and the fulfillment and the lasting satisfaction fulfillment and the lasting satisfaction fulfillment and the lasting satisfaction that we're seeking is on the other side that we're seeking is on the other side that we're seeking is on the other side of the next purchase, the next comfort of the next purchase, the next comfort of the next purchase, the next comfort that is just outside of our reach, the that is just outside of our reach, the that is just outside of our reach, the next luxury good, the next next luxury good, the next next luxury good, the next >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> premium experience. All of which, of >> premium experience. All of which, of >> premium experience. All of which, of course, promises to fill that hole in course, promises to fill that hole in course, promises to fill that hole in our spirit. And we're happy to be happy our spirit. And we're happy to be happy our spirit. And we're happy to be happy consumers and chase those things, the consumers and chase those things, the consumers and chase those things, the modern conveniences, thinking that if we modern conveniences, thinking that if we modern conveniences, thinking that if we can make our life a little bit more can make our life a little bit more can make our life a little bit more comfortable, a little bit more comfortable, a little bit more comfortable, a little bit more convenient by dint of mobile apps or convenient by dint of mobile apps or convenient by dint of mobile apps or premium goods, that finally, we will premium goods, that finally, we will premium goods, that finally, we will feel a sense of satisfaction and lasting feel a sense of satisfaction and lasting feel a sense of satisfaction and lasting happiness. Of course, this never works. happiness. Of course, this never works. happiness. Of course, this never works. At the same time, we're also deluded At the same time, we're also deluded At the same time, we're also deluded that the hyper-connected world that we that the hyper-connected world that we that the hyper-connected world that we live in is going to deliver a sense of live in is going to deliver a sense of live in is going to deliver a sense of connection. We've all experienced that connection. We've all experienced that connection. We've all experienced that it's quite the opposite. The more it's quite the opposite. The more it's quite the opposite. The more tethered to our devices we are, the more tethered to our devices we are, the more tethered to our devices we are, the more engaged in our doom scrolling that we engaged in our doom scrolling that we engaged in our doom scrolling that we become, the more lonely, alienated, and become, the more lonely, alienated, and become, the more lonely, alienated, and isolated we feel. And yet, we continue isolated we feel. And yet, we continue isolated we feel. And yet, we continue to return to this well because these to return to this well because these to return to this well because these devices are very scientifically designed devices are very scientifically designed devices are very scientifically designed to light up our dopamine sensors and to light up our dopamine sensors and to light up our dopamine sensors and activate an addictive compulsive activate an addictive compulsive activate an addictive compulsive response that keeps us online so that response that keeps us online so that response that keeps us online so that our our our technological overlords can continue to technological overlords can continue to technological overlords can continue to profit off of profit off of profit off of farming our data in the growing farming our data in the growing farming our data in the growing attention economy. Meanwhile, there's a attention economy. Meanwhile, there's a attention economy. Meanwhile, there's a widening of the socioeconomic gap, widening of the socioeconomic gap, widening of the socioeconomic gap, meaning that opportunities are more meaning that opportunities are more meaning that opportunities are more scarce than they have been in the past. scarce than they have been in the past. scarce than they have been in the past. And then, of course, our fears are And then, of course, our fears are And then, of course, our fears are impulse by our social media feeds that impulse by our social media feeds that impulse by our social media feeds that then then then lead us to even trust our relationships lead us to even trust our relationships lead us to even trust our relationships less, drive us further apart, as this less, drive us further apart, as this less, drive us further apart, as this increasing divide and division around increasing divide and division around increasing divide and division around our various opinions continues to our various opinions continues to our various opinions continues to escalate and metastasize. escalate and metastasize. escalate and metastasize. While third spaces are continuing to While third spaces are continuing to While third spaces are continuing to disappear, meaning that not only do we disappear, meaning that not only do we disappear, meaning that not only do we not know our neighbors anymore, we not know our neighbors anymore, we not know our neighbors anymore, we actually don't really want to. And so, actually don't really want to. And so, actually don't really want to. And so, within that, our community-oriented within that, our community-oriented within that, our community-oriented spirit that has always been part and spirit that has always been part and spirit that has always been part and parcel of the American experiment seems parcel of the American experiment seems parcel of the American experiment seems to be degrading quite precipitously. to be degrading quite precipitously. to be degrading quite precipitously. And with that, we become more and more And with that, we become more and more And with that, we become more and more focused on ourselves. What's important focused on ourselves. What's important focused on ourselves. What's important is what I want and how to get it. And is what I want and how to get it. And is what I want and how to get it. And this self-obsession, while packaged in a this self-obsession, while packaged in a this self-obsession, while packaged in a way that makes us feel like pursuing it way that makes us feel like pursuing it way that makes us feel like pursuing it is going to purchase the happiness, the is going to purchase the happiness, the is going to purchase the happiness, the real thing that we want, the meaning, real thing that we want, the meaning, real thing that we want, the meaning, satisfaction, satisfaction, satisfaction, the sense of our lives holding meaning. the sense of our lives holding meaning. the sense of our lives holding meaning. Uh all of this self-obsession is Uh all of this self-obsession is Uh all of this self-obsession is actually antagonizing actually antagonizing actually antagonizing that goal, the real goal, finding true that goal, the real goal, finding true that goal, the real goal, finding true meaning and lasting happiness and meaning and lasting happiness and meaning and lasting happiness and satisfaction. And the bottom line is satisfaction. And the bottom line is satisfaction. And the bottom line is that all of this self-optimization, this that all of this self-optimization, this that all of this self-optimization, this enhancement maxing, all of this looks enhancement maxing, all of this looks enhancement maxing, all of this looks maxing, these things are maxing, these things are maxing, these things are proxies for our self-obsession, these proxies for our self-obsession, these proxies for our self-obsession, these indulgences of self-gratification indulgences of self-gratification indulgences of self-gratification that operate only on a surface level. We that operate only on a surface level. We that operate only on a surface level. We tell ourselves that these are the things tell ourselves that these are the things tell ourselves that these are the things that are going to move our lives towards that are going to move our lives towards that are going to move our lives towards the things that we might only the things that we might only the things that we might only unconsciously be aware that we actually unconsciously be aware that we actually unconsciously be aware that we actually want, which is this sense that like we want, which is this sense that like we want, which is this sense that like we matter. My life has meaning. I have matter. My life has meaning. I have matter. My life has meaning. I have purpose. I have direction. purpose. I have direction. purpose. I have direction. But the thing is, all of those are But the thing is, all of those are But the thing is, all of those are oriented around what Arthur Brooks calls oriented around what Arthur Brooks calls oriented around what Arthur Brooks calls the three P's. the three P's. the three P's. We make these decisions and we engage in We make these decisions and we engage in We make these decisions and we engage in these behaviors because we're on the these behaviors because we're on the these behaviors because we're on the chase for either power, property, or chase for either power, property, or chase for either power, property, or prestige. These material pursuits that prestige. These material pursuits that prestige. These material pursuits that we are convinced, even though we know we are convinced, even though we know we are convinced, even though we know better, are going to get us the better, are going to get us the better, are going to get us the happiness and the satisfaction and the happiness and the satisfaction and the happiness and the satisfaction and the fulfillment that we want. Because once fulfillment that we want. Because once fulfillment that we want. Because once we get them, then we will feel like we we get them, then we will feel like we we get them, then we will feel like we have transcended uncertainty, the need have transcended uncertainty, the need have transcended uncertainty, the need for constant work, and pain. These are for constant work, and pain. These are for constant work, and pain. These are the three truths that Phil Stutz talks the three truths that Phil Stutz talks the three truths that Phil Stutz talks about. Unfortunately, it never works. We about. Unfortunately, it never works. We about. Unfortunately, it never works. We know this. We keep doing it anyway. What know this. We keep doing it anyway. What know this. We keep doing it anyway. What does actually work is disabusing does actually work is disabusing does actually work is disabusing ourselves of this delusion that the ourselves of this delusion that the ourselves of this delusion that the pursuit of these three P's is going to pursuit of these three P's is going to pursuit of these three P's is going to get us to the place that we really want get us to the place that we really want get us to the place that we really want to be. The first thing we need to do is to be. The first thing we need to do is to be. The first thing we need to do is to realize that all of this me me me is to realize that all of this me me me is to realize that all of this me me me is antagonizing our goal. And what we need antagonizing our goal. And what we need antagonizing our goal. And what we need to do is pursue another P. And that P is to do is pursue another P. And that P is to do is pursue another P. And that P is purpose. purpose. purpose. One of the ways to do that, first of One of the ways to do that, first of One of the ways to do that, first of all, is to understand what Arthur Brooks all, is to understand what Arthur Brooks all, is to understand what Arthur Brooks calls the three macronutrients of calls the three macronutrients of calls the three macronutrients of happiness, which are enjoyment, happiness, which are enjoyment, happiness, which are enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. These are the satisfaction, and meaning. These are the satisfaction, and meaning. These are the things that we should be after. We things that we should be after. We things that we should be after. We shouldn't chase happiness, we should try shouldn't chase happiness, we should try shouldn't chase happiness, we should try to engage in behaviors that nourish us to engage in behaviors that nourish us to engage in behaviors that nourish us with those three macronutrients. with those three macronutrients. with those three macronutrients. So, essentially, what you're doing is So, essentially, what you're doing is So, essentially, what you're doing is you're broadening the aperture on your you're broadening the aperture on your you're broadening the aperture on your life. You don't want to be swimming like life. You don't want to be swimming like life. You don't want to be swimming like a goldfish in a tiny little bowl. You a goldfish in a tiny little bowl. You a goldfish in a tiny little bowl. You want to think more broadly, and you want want to think more broadly, and you want want to think more broadly, and you want to start to consider how you're to start to consider how you're to start to consider how you're investing in behaviors and decisions investing in behaviors and decisions investing in behaviors and decisions that are actually going to drive your that are actually going to drive your that are actually going to drive your life in the direction that you want, so life in the direction that you want, so life in the direction that you want, so that you don't feel despairing, that you that you don't feel despairing, that you that you don't feel despairing, that you don't feel alone, and that you don't don't feel alone, and that you don't don't feel alone, and that you don't feel like your life is lacking meaning feel like your life is lacking meaning feel like your life is lacking meaning and purpose. So, how do we do this? and purpose. So, how do we do this? and purpose. So, how do we do this? Well, it boils down to some pretty basic Well, it boils down to some pretty basic Well, it boils down to some pretty basic [ __ ] The first thing you have to do is [ __ ] The first thing you have to do is [ __ ] The first thing you have to do is you have to do something different than you have to do something different than you have to do something different than what you have been doing. If you keep what you have been doing. If you keep what you have been doing. If you keep doing what you've been doing, you're doing what you've been doing, you're doing what you've been doing, you're going to get the same [ __ ] going to get the same [ __ ] going to get the same [ __ ] Essentially, what you have to do is you Essentially, what you have to do is you Essentially, what you have to do is you have to take a contrary action. have to take a contrary action. have to take a contrary action. This is going to require you to get out This is going to require you to get out This is going to require you to get out of your comfort zone, but you can make of your comfort zone, but you can make of your comfort zone, but you can make the lift very low. What is one thing the lift very low. What is one thing the lift very low. What is one thing that you can do today, that you can do today, that you can do today, maybe right now even, that is different maybe right now even, that is different maybe right now even, that is different than the way you have always done things than the way you have always done things than the way you have always done things that will interrupt this pattern, that will interrupt this pattern, that will interrupt this pattern, even if it's ever so slightly, and even if it's ever so slightly, and even if it's ever so slightly, and something that you can repeat the next something that you can repeat the next something that you can repeat the next day and the next day after that, day and the next day after that, day and the next day after that, something that you can sustain. That is something that you can sustain. That is something that you can sustain. That is the action you should identify and take, the action you should identify and take, the action you should identify and take, and it doesn't have to be some grand and it doesn't have to be some grand and it doesn't have to be some grand gesture. You don't have to declare that gesture. You don't have to declare that gesture. You don't have to declare that you're setting some crazy goal, or that you're setting some crazy goal, or that you're setting some crazy goal, or that you're quitting your job, or that you're you're quitting your job, or that you're you're quitting your job, or that you're finally going to do something about your finally going to do something about your finally going to do something about your life. Maybe it's just not putting sugar life. Maybe it's just not putting sugar life. Maybe it's just not putting sugar in your coffee, just some in your coffee, just some in your coffee, just some act of act of act of esteem-building esteem-building esteem-building behavior that will engender your life behavior that will engender your life behavior that will engender your life with one grain of sand of self-esteem with one grain of sand of self-esteem with one grain of sand of self-esteem that you didn't have had you not taken that you didn't have had you not taken that you didn't have had you not taken it. Then you repeat that contrary it. Then you repeat that contrary it. Then you repeat that contrary action. It's called next right action, action. It's called next right action, action. It's called next right action, and then you build a muscle around that and then you build a muscle around that and then you build a muscle around that behavior, sustaining it day after day behavior, sustaining it day after day behavior, sustaining it day after day until it becomes second nature, and then until it becomes second nature, and then until it becomes second nature, and then you can turn the volume up on what your you can turn the volume up on what your you can turn the volume up on what your next contrary action is. These are the next contrary action is. These are the next contrary action is. These are the building blocks of change. It's the only building blocks of change. It's the only building blocks of change. It's the only way way way any change is ever made, and it just any change is ever made, and it just any change is ever made, and it just boils down to these very basic elements. boils down to these very basic elements. boils down to these very basic elements. Repeatable, you set yourself up for Repeatable, you set yourself up for Repeatable, you set yourself up for success by making it an easy lift, and success by making it an easy lift, and success by making it an easy lift, and then you start to then you start to then you start to develop this reflex towards action that develop this reflex towards action that develop this reflex towards action that has nothing to do with how you feel has nothing to do with how you feel has nothing to do with how you feel about it because you know about it because you know about it because you know you are making an investment in your you are making an investment in your you are making an investment in your future self. What you want is future self. What you want is future self. What you want is consistency, and consistency buys you consistency, and consistency buys you consistency, and consistency buys you momentum, and momentum is like this momentum, and momentum is like this momentum, and momentum is like this mystical spiritual energy that turns mystical spiritual energy that turns mystical spiritual energy that turns hard things into easy things. It's like hard things into easy things. It's like hard things into easy things. It's like a wave that you can surf effortlessly a wave that you can surf effortlessly a wave that you can surf effortlessly that then that then that then engenders even more self-confidence, engenders even more self-confidence, engenders even more self-confidence, more self-esteem to take that next step, more self-esteem to take that next step, more self-esteem to take that next step, and handle that more difficult contrary and handle that more difficult contrary and handle that more difficult contrary action. Essentially, you're assembling action. Essentially, you're assembling action. Essentially, you're assembling all the pieces to build this foundation all the pieces to build this foundation all the pieces to build this foundation for your new life, and every day you're for your new life, and every day you're for your new life, and every day you're inching your life inching your life inching your life more and more in the trajectory of the more and more in the trajectory of the more and more in the trajectory of the more aspirant future self. So, what does more aspirant future self. So, what does more aspirant future self. So, what does this mean? It means you got to get out this mean? It means you got to get out this mean? It means you got to get out of your comfort zone. You got to put the of your comfort zone. You got to put the of your comfort zone. You got to put the [ __ ] phone down, and you got to touch [ __ ] phone down, and you got to touch [ __ ] phone down, and you got to touch grass, be in nature, roll in the dirt, grass, be in nature, roll in the dirt, grass, be in nature, roll in the dirt, break a sweat, push hard things around, break a sweat, push hard things around, break a sweat, push hard things around, ask a boy or a girl out on a date, set ask a boy or a girl out on a date, set ask a boy or a girl out on a date, set yourself up for failure, experience yourself up for failure, experience yourself up for failure, experience failure, learn from it, approach life failure, learn from it, approach life failure, learn from it, approach life with a greater degree of curiosity, with a greater degree of curiosity, with a greater degree of curiosity, venture to parts unknown, and start to venture to parts unknown, and start to venture to parts unknown, and start to develop the confidence and the reflex to develop the confidence and the reflex to develop the confidence and the reflex to say yes to experiences you have say yes to experiences you have say yes to experiences you have historically and always just reflexively historically and always just reflexively historically and always just reflexively said no to. said no to. said no to. Your life is not going to happen the way Your life is not going to happen the way Your life is not going to happen the way you want it to unless you you want it to unless you you want it to unless you make the decisions and engage in the make the decisions and engage in the make the decisions and engage in the uncomfortable behaviors that are going uncomfortable behaviors that are going uncomfortable behaviors that are going to get you there. to get you there. to get you there. Nobody else is going to do it for you. Nobody else is going to do it for you. Nobody else is going to do it for you. You have to take responsibility for this You have to take responsibility for this You have to take responsibility for this because it's between you and you, and because it's between you and you, and because it's between you and you, and you only have one life to live. So, you only have one life to live. So, you only have one life to live. So, really reflect on what you want that really reflect on what you want that really reflect on what you want that life to be. And however impossible it life to be. And however impossible it life to be. And however impossible it may feel may feel may feel basically tripping out on the future and basically tripping out on the future and basically tripping out on the future and how unimaginable it is or how how unimaginable it is or how how unimaginable it is or how inaccessible it feels to you or inaccessible it feels to you or inaccessible it feels to you or reflecting upon your past and all the reflecting upon your past and all the reflecting upon your past and all the reasons why reasons why reasons why you're not going to be able to do that you're not going to be able to do that you're not going to be able to do that thing or the regret that you have about thing or the regret that you have about thing or the regret that you have about not making the decision that might might not making the decision that might might not making the decision that might might have put you in a place better than have put you in a place better than have put you in a place better than where you are right now, all of that is where you are right now, all of that is where you are right now, all of that is irrelevant. irrelevant. irrelevant. Your life is only happening in the Your life is only happening in the Your life is only happening in the present. The present is the only thing present. The present is the only thing present. The present is the only thing that's actually real, and this moment is that's actually real, and this moment is that's actually real, and this moment is your only opportunity to actually do your only opportunity to actually do your only opportunity to actually do anything about it. All of these, again, anything about it. All of these, again, anything about it. All of these, again, are building blocks [music] are building blocks [music] are building blocks [music] that are moving your life in the right that are moving your life in the right that are moving your life in the right direction, that are allowing you to claw direction, that are allowing you to claw direction, that are allowing you to claw ever so slowly out of whatever despair ever so slowly out of whatever despair ever so slowly out of whatever despair [music] and disaffectation [music] and disaffectation [music] and disaffectation and sense of disconnection that you're and sense of disconnection that you're and sense of disconnection that you're experiencing. [music] This episode is brought to you by This episode is brought to you by Momentous. Momentous. 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[music] These behaviors, these decisions around These behaviors, these decisions around discomfort, have to be oriented around a discomfort, have to be oriented around a discomfort, have to be oriented around a few fundamental pillars: faith, family, few fundamental pillars: faith, family, few fundamental pillars: faith, family, friends, and meaningful work. friends, and meaningful work. friends, and meaningful work. What is your relationship with What is your relationship with What is your relationship with spirituality like? What is the quality spirituality like? What is the quality spirituality like? What is the quality of your relationships? Are you investing of your relationships? Are you investing of your relationships? Are you investing in your friends? As Arthur Brooks would in your friends? As Arthur Brooks would in your friends? As Arthur Brooks would say, your real friends, not your deal say, your real friends, not your deal say, your real friends, not your deal friends. Are you showing up for them? friends. Are you showing up for them? friends. Are you showing up for them? Are you stepping outside of your Are you stepping outside of your Are you stepping outside of your self-obsession self-obsession self-obsession to invest in the people you care about, to invest in the people you care about, to invest in the people you care about, in your community, in meaningful work, in your community, in meaningful work, in your community, in meaningful work, in work, and in pursuits that are bigger in work, and in pursuits that are bigger in work, and in pursuits that are bigger than yourself, especially when that than yourself, especially when that than yourself, especially when that investment is inconvenient. investment is inconvenient. investment is inconvenient. It's not about making sure that your It's not about making sure that your It's not about making sure that your self-obsessions are intact. It's about self-obsessions are intact. It's about self-obsessions are intact. It's about putting them aside and learning how to putting them aside and learning how to putting them aside and learning how to be of service to other people. Again, be of service to other people. Again, be of service to other people. Again, especially when it's inconvenient. especially when it's inconvenient. especially when it's inconvenient. Because that is what is going to give Because that is what is going to give Because that is what is going to give your life meaning, and the quality of your life meaning, and the quality of your life meaning, and the quality of your relationships are going to dictate your relationships are going to dictate your relationships are going to dictate the degree to which you feel the degree to which you feel the degree to which you feel connected. And that disconnection, that connected. And that disconnection, that connected. And that disconnection, that despair, that loneliness that is being despair, that loneliness that is being despair, that loneliness that is being provoked by our digital devices and our provoked by our digital devices and our provoked by our digital devices and our consumerism culture, consumerism culture, consumerism culture, and our addiction to comfort, these and our addiction to comfort, these and our addiction to comfort, these things can all be overcome by things can all be overcome by things can all be overcome by engaging with discomfort, allowing engaging with discomfort, allowing engaging with discomfort, allowing yourself to be inconvenienced, and yourself to be inconvenienced, and yourself to be inconvenienced, and showing up for the people that you care showing up for the people that you care showing up for the people that you care about and that care about you, and about and that care about you, and about and that care about you, and making sure that they feel seen and making sure that they feel seen and making sure that they feel seen and heard. And then, how are you being of heard. And then, how are you being of heard. And then, how are you being of service to your community, to your local service to your community, to your local service to your community, to your local community, to the world at large, to the community, to the world at large, to the community, to the world at large, to the people that you care about? The more people that you care about? The more people that you care about? The more service-oriented you approach your life, service-oriented you approach your life, service-oriented you approach your life, the more purpose, meaning, and the more purpose, meaning, and the more purpose, meaning, and fulfillment you're going to experience. fulfillment you're going to experience. fulfillment you're going to experience. And service, of course, is orthogonal to And service, of course, is orthogonal to And service, of course, is orthogonal to self-obsession. It's the self-obsession self-obsession. It's the self-obsession self-obsession. It's the self-obsession that is driving all of the despair, all that is driving all of the despair, all that is driving all of the despair, all of the cultural messages are around of the cultural messages are around of the cultural messages are around prioritizing yourself obsession, and I'm prioritizing yourself obsession, and I'm prioritizing yourself obsession, and I'm here to tell you, based on personal here to tell you, based on personal here to tell you, based on personal experience, that self-obsession is the experience, that self-obsession is the experience, that self-obsession is the enemy. The cure is service, in which enemy. The cure is service, in which enemy. The cure is service, in which you're making your life about something you're making your life about something you're making your life about something other than yourself. The more you can do other than yourself. The more you can do other than yourself. The more you can do that, I promise you, the more fulfilled that, I promise you, the more fulfilled that, I promise you, the more fulfilled you will feel, the more internally you will feel, the more internally you will feel, the more internally satisfied you will feel, and then, over satisfied you will feel, and then, over satisfied you will feel, and then, over time, this lends itself to getting some time, this lends itself to getting some time, this lends itself to getting some clarity on purpose and meaning. These clarity on purpose and meaning. These clarity on purpose and meaning. These are big, kind of like fuzzy, ephemeral are big, kind of like fuzzy, ephemeral are big, kind of like fuzzy, ephemeral words that I think are intimidating. words that I think are intimidating. words that I think are intimidating. Like, what's my purpose? Like, how do I Like, what's my purpose? Like, how do I Like, what's my purpose? Like, how do I get fulfillment? They seem impossible, get fulfillment? They seem impossible, get fulfillment? They seem impossible, and most people don't know what their and most people don't know what their and most people don't know what their purpose is, and I can say, "You need a purpose is, and I can say, "You need a purpose is, and I can say, "You need a mission. Go get on a mission, and that mission. Go get on a mission, and that mission. Go get on a mission, and that will solve everything." But, like, what will solve everything." But, like, what will solve everything." But, like, what are you supposed to do with that if you are you supposed to do with that if you are you supposed to do with that if you don't know what your mission is? don't know what your mission is? don't know what your mission is? And all I'm saying is you don't have to And all I'm saying is you don't have to And all I'm saying is you don't have to worry about any of those things. It worry about any of those things. It worry about any of those things. It boils down to these little contrary boils down to these little contrary boils down to these little contrary actions. Contrary actions designed to actions. Contrary actions designed to actions. Contrary actions designed to step outside of yourself and your step outside of yourself and your step outside of yourself and your self-obsession that are oriented around self-obsession that are oriented around self-obsession that are oriented around friends, family, work, faith, or friends, family, work, faith, or friends, family, work, faith, or things that are more important and things that are more important and things that are more important and bigger than yourself. bigger than yourself. bigger than yourself. What is one thing you can do today on What is one thing you can do today on What is one thing you can do today on behalf of another person? What is one behalf of another person? What is one behalf of another person? What is one thing you can do today that is selfless thing you can do today that is selfless thing you can do today that is selfless instead of selfish? What is one thing instead of selfish? What is one thing instead of selfish? What is one thing today that you can do that's going to today that you can do that's going to today that you can do that's going to make you a little bit uncomfortable? It make you a little bit uncomfortable? It make you a little bit uncomfortable? It might embarrass you, or it might set you might embarrass you, or it might set you might embarrass you, or it might set you up for a failure. Can you say yes to up for a failure. Can you say yes to up for a failure. Can you say yes to that? If not, lower the volume on it a that? If not, lower the volume on it a that? If not, lower the volume on it a little bit until you can say yes. little bit until you can say yes. little bit until you can say yes. It's all about willingness. What are you It's all about willingness. What are you It's all about willingness. What are you willing to do? You can talk willing to do? You can talk willing to do? You can talk theoretically about these things. One theoretically about these things. One theoretically about these things. One day I'm going to do this, or, you know, day I'm going to do this, or, you know, day I'm going to do this, or, you know, next month I'm going to do this next month I'm going to do this next month I'm going to do this challenge. I don't care about that. None challenge. I don't care about that. None challenge. I don't care about that. None of that means [ __ ] All that matters is, of that means [ __ ] All that matters is, of that means [ __ ] All that matters is, what are you doing right now? What are what are you doing right now? What are what are you doing right now? What are you going to do today? you going to do today? you going to do today? What are you going to be able to tell What are you going to be able to tell What are you going to be able to tell yourself yourself yourself when no one's around and your head hits when no one's around and your head hits when no one's around and your head hits the pillow tonight? Did you follow the pillow tonight? Did you follow the pillow tonight? Did you follow through on any of these things that I through on any of these things that I through on any of these things that I am talking about here today? If so, am talking about here today? If so, am talking about here today? If so, you're going to feel a little bit better you're going to feel a little bit better you're going to feel a little bit better about yourself than you did the night about yourself than you did the night about yourself than you did the night prior. And that's what I want for you. prior. And that's what I want for you. prior. And that's what I want for you. These are the things we build upon that These are the things we build upon that These are the things we build upon that seem insignificant and small and seem insignificant and small and seem insignificant and small and meaningless and somewhat trivial, but I meaningless and somewhat trivial, but I meaningless and somewhat trivial, but I promise you when you build upon them day promise you when you build upon them day promise you when you build upon them day after day after day, after day after day, after day after day, the trajectory of your life starts to the trajectory of your life starts to the trajectory of your life starts to shift. And then suddenly shift. And then suddenly shift. And then suddenly you might stumble upon a purpose or you you might stumble upon a purpose or you you might stumble upon a purpose or you might might might find a mission, a mission that you never find a mission, a mission that you never find a mission, a mission that you never would have even thought of otherwise. Or would have even thought of otherwise. Or would have even thought of otherwise. Or you might start to develop a you might start to develop a you might start to develop a relationship with purpose that you relationship with purpose that you relationship with purpose that you didn't know was possible. didn't know was possible. didn't know was possible. But it is the daily tiny little things But it is the daily tiny little things But it is the daily tiny little things that you're doing every single day. So, that you're doing every single day. So, that you're doing every single day. So, distill it down to the present, to these distill it down to the present, to these distill it down to the present, to these little bite-size chunks, forget about little bite-size chunks, forget about little bite-size chunks, forget about the rest, and just think about how do the rest, and just think about how do the rest, and just think about how do you want to feel when your head hits the you want to feel when your head hits the you want to feel when your head hits the pillow tonight? Did you live up to a pillow tonight? Did you live up to a pillow tonight? Did you live up to a promise that you made to yourself or did promise that you made to yourself or did promise that you made to yourself or did you let yourself down? you let yourself down? you let yourself down? What was the one contrary action you What was the one contrary action you What was the one contrary action you took that you couldn't take yesterday took that you couldn't take yesterday took that you couldn't take yesterday that you did today? that you did today? that you did today? And allow yourself to feel good about And allow yourself to feel good about And allow yourself to feel good about that. And then tomorrow that. And then tomorrow that. And then tomorrow we wake up and we build. we wake up and we build. we wake up and we build. What this is is fulfillment maxing. It What this is is fulfillment maxing. It What this is is fulfillment maxing. It is the opposite of looks maxing. Looks is the opposite of looks maxing. Looks is the opposite of looks maxing. Looks maxing is the pinnacle of maxing is the pinnacle of maxing is the pinnacle of self-obsession. Fulfillment maxing self-obsession. Fulfillment maxing self-obsession. Fulfillment maxing requires focusing on the opposite of requires focusing on the opposite of requires focusing on the opposite of self-obsession. The selfless acts that self-obsession. The selfless acts that self-obsession. The selfless acts that you take on behalf of others and the you take on behalf of others and the you take on behalf of others and the world at large that engender the world at large that engender the world at large that engender the self-esteem that you've always been self-esteem that you've always been self-esteem that you've always been searching for in these surface-level searching for in these surface-level searching for in these surface-level self-gratification behaviors. self-gratification behaviors. self-gratification behaviors. And herein lies a great irony. By And herein lies a great irony. By And herein lies a great irony. By focusing on this, on fulfillment maxing, focusing on this, on fulfillment maxing, focusing on this, on fulfillment maxing, you're actually serving ultimate human you're actually serving ultimate human you're actually serving ultimate human performance optimization. So, if this is performance optimization. So, if this is performance optimization. So, if this is the vernacular and the language that the vernacular and the language that the vernacular and the language that appeals to you, look at it this way, as appeals to you, look at it this way, as appeals to you, look at it this way, as the white space. While everyone else is the white space. While everyone else is the white space. While everyone else is off looks maxing and enhancement maxing off looks maxing and enhancement maxing off looks maxing and enhancement maxing and engaging in all of these and engaging in all of these and engaging in all of these self-obsessive, self-gratifying, self-obsessive, self-gratifying, self-obsessive, self-gratifying, surface-level behaviors, surface-level behaviors, surface-level behaviors, you're actually going where no one else you're actually going where no one else you're actually going where no one else is going, where there's no competition. is going, where there's no competition. is going, where there's no competition. By doubling down on fulfillment, on By doubling down on fulfillment, on By doubling down on fulfillment, on purpose, on purpose, on purpose, on >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> what you have to do to get that >> what you have to do to get that >> what you have to do to get that long-term satisfaction, your performance long-term satisfaction, your performance long-term satisfaction, your performance as a human being or whatever it is that as a human being or whatever it is that as a human being or whatever it is that you're like you're like you're like ambitiously chasing, that becomes more ambitiously chasing, that becomes more ambitiously chasing, that becomes more accessible. So, it's actually accessible. So, it's actually accessible. So, it's actually you could call it a life hack, I you could call it a life hack, I you could call it a life hack, I suppose. suppose. suppose. Uh and I think it's part and parcel with Uh and I think it's part and parcel with Uh and I think it's part and parcel with this overall life philosophy that has this overall life philosophy that has this overall life philosophy that has served me well, which boils down to a served me well, which boils down to a served me well, which boils down to a phrase I like to repeat, which is the phrase I like to repeat, which is the phrase I like to repeat, which is the path of least resistance is actually path of least resistance is actually path of least resistance is actually volunteering for the most resistance. volunteering for the most resistance. volunteering for the most resistance. And this gets to the white space idea. And this gets to the white space idea. And this gets to the white space idea. So, let me just explain it by dint of So, let me just explain it by dint of So, let me just explain it by dint of example. example. example. When I was a young swimmer, When I was a young swimmer, When I was a young swimmer, I was pretty good, but there were plenty I was pretty good, but there were plenty I was pretty good, but there were plenty of kids that were much more talented of kids that were much more talented of kids that were much more talented than me. than me. than me. And And And that is why I decided to focus on the that is why I decided to focus on the that is why I decided to focus on the 200-m butterfly, because that is an 200-m butterfly, because that is an 200-m butterfly, because that is an event event event notoriously painful that nobody else notoriously painful that nobody else notoriously painful that nobody else wanted to participate in. And I wanted to participate in. And I wanted to participate in. And I realized, "Oh, that's the white space. realized, "Oh, that's the white space. realized, "Oh, that's the white space. That's the place where there's the least That's the place where there's the least That's the place where there's the least amount of competition, and if I focus amount of competition, and if I focus amount of competition, and if I focus exclusively on that, that puts me in a exclusively on that, that puts me in a exclusively on that, that puts me in a better position to basically better position to basically better position to basically distinguish myself." distinguish myself." distinguish myself." And so, in order to do that, I was And so, in order to do that, I was And so, in order to do that, I was volunteering for a heightened level of volunteering for a heightened level of volunteering for a heightened level of suffering because that's a very suffering because that's a very suffering because that's a very difficult race to train for. difficult race to train for. difficult race to train for. Uh but by doing that, I succeeded and Uh but by doing that, I succeeded and Uh but by doing that, I succeeded and was able to distinguish myself in that was able to distinguish myself in that was able to distinguish myself in that event. And that was a lesson that I event. And that was a lesson that I event. And that was a lesson that I learned early on that I've applied later learned early on that I've applied later learned early on that I've applied later in my life. I think looking back, it's in my life. I think looking back, it's in my life. I think looking back, it's also why I decided to go into also why I decided to go into also why I decided to go into ultra-endurance triathlon rather than ultra-endurance triathlon rather than ultra-endurance triathlon rather than Ironman. I realized like, "Oh, there's Ironman. I realized like, "Oh, there's Ironman. I realized like, "Oh, there's so many fewer competitors at the double so many fewer competitors at the double so many fewer competitors at the double Ironman distance than there are in the Ironman distance than there are in the Ironman distance than there are in the Ironman distance." Ironman distance." Ironman distance." Maybe if I go over here, it gives me a Maybe if I go over here, it gives me a Maybe if I go over here, it gives me a greater chance of distinguishing myself, greater chance of distinguishing myself, greater chance of distinguishing myself, of of of trying to kind of access my of of of trying to kind of access my of of of trying to kind of access my inner excellence. And I was able to do inner excellence. And I was able to do inner excellence. And I was able to do that. Then, that. Then, that. Then, same thing with podcasting. I started same thing with podcasting. I started same thing with podcasting. I started this podcast back in 2012. That was a this podcast back in 2012. That was a this podcast back in 2012. That was a period of time in which nobody thought period of time in which nobody thought period of time in which nobody thought you could make a living doing this. you could make a living doing this. you could make a living doing this. And it certainly wasn't cool. If you And it certainly wasn't cool. If you And it certainly wasn't cool. If you were to decide you were going to start a were to decide you were going to start a were to decide you were going to start a podcast back then, you were opening podcast back then, you were opening podcast back then, you were opening yourself up to ridicule of basically yourself up to ridicule of basically yourself up to ridicule of basically people being dismissive of you or making people being dismissive of you or making people being dismissive of you or making fun of you or just not taking you fun of you or just not taking you fun of you or just not taking you seriously. Uh but that was the white seriously. Uh but that was the white seriously. Uh but that was the white space back then. There was very little space back then. There was very little space back then. There was very little competition. There weren't very many competition. There weren't very many competition. There weren't very many people doing it back then. And I had people doing it back then. And I had people doing it back then. And I had the foresight to see and to believe that the foresight to see and to believe that the foresight to see and to believe that it was going to grow into this bigger it was going to grow into this bigger it was going to grow into this bigger thing. And by jumping into it in that thing. And by jumping into it in that thing. And by jumping into it in that period of time in which there was close period of time in which there was close period of time in which there was close to no competition, I was able to to no competition, I was able to to no competition, I was able to distinguish myself early and develop a distinguish myself early and develop a distinguish myself early and develop a foothold and build an audience before it foothold and build an audience before it foothold and build an audience before it became so crowded and saturated. And I became so crowded and saturated. And I became so crowded and saturated. And I have benefited as a result of that. So, have benefited as a result of that. So, have benefited as a result of that. So, the point that I'm making is that in the point that I'm making is that in the point that I'm making is that in terms of thinking about our relationship terms of thinking about our relationship terms of thinking about our relationship with discomfort and how that connects with discomfort and how that connects with discomfort and how that connects with our aspirations for our self, with our aspirations for our self, with our aspirations for our self, it's valuable to contextualize your it's valuable to contextualize your it's valuable to contextualize your relationship with discomfort in the relationship with discomfort in the relationship with discomfort in the context of context of context of resistance. Where is there a lot of resistance. Where is there a lot of resistance. Where is there a lot of resistance? resistance? resistance? And where there's a lot of resistance, And where there's a lot of resistance, And where there's a lot of resistance, there's going to be less competition, there's going to be less competition, there's going to be less competition, less participants, and generally, in my less participants, and generally, in my less participants, and generally, in my experience, when that white space experience, when that white space experience, when that white space matches up with something I'm curious matches up with something I'm curious matches up with something I'm curious about or feel a natural gravitation about or feel a natural gravitation about or feel a natural gravitation towards, I have developed a reflex to go towards, I have developed a reflex to go towards, I have developed a reflex to go in that direction. in that direction. in that direction. By By By welcoming that degree of heightened welcoming that degree of heightened welcoming that degree of heightened resistance into my life, I actually am resistance into my life, I actually am resistance into my life, I actually am setting myself up for a path of least setting myself up for a path of least setting myself up for a path of least resistance because resistance because resistance because it is there where nobody else is that it is there where nobody else is that it is there where nobody else is that you're going to [music] be able to do you're going to [music] be able to do you're going to [music] be able to do your thing unfettered, to grow, to your thing unfettered, to grow, to your thing unfettered, to grow, to evolve, to change, to fail, to learn, evolve, to change, to fail, to learn, evolve, to change, to fail, to learn, and to [music] improve and to [music] improve and to [music] improve in a way that is setting you up to in a way that is setting you up to in a way that is setting you up to distinguish yourself. 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It disappears into the skin [music] instead of sitting on top skin [music] instead of sitting on top skin [music] instead of sitting on top of it, and it's actually hydrating with of it, and it's actually hydrating with of it, and it's actually hydrating with things like aloe and green tea working things like aloe and green tea working things like aloe and green tea working with your skin instead of against it. with your skin instead of against it. with your skin instead of against it. And it's why both of these products have And it's why both of these products have And it's why both of these products have earned permanent spots in my routine, earned permanent spots in my routine, earned permanent spots in my routine, spots that I do not hand out easily. spots that I do not hand out easily. spots that I do not hand out easily. 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And [music] bigger than a product. And honestly, I got to tell you that is how honestly, I got to tell you that is how honestly, I got to tell you that is how Go Brewing feels to me personally Go Brewing feels to me personally Go Brewing feels to me personally because a few years back I spoke at this because a few years back I spoke at this because a few years back I spoke at this event in Illinois. It was called Go and event in Illinois. It was called Go and event in Illinois. It was called Go and it was all about taking inspired action it was all about taking inspired action it was all about taking inspired action in your life. And I had no idea that in your life. And I had no idea that in your life. And I had no idea that something from that day would land so something from that day would land so something from that day would land so deeply with Joe, the founder of the deeply with Joe, the founder of the deeply with Joe, the founder of the event, or that it would eventually event, or that it would eventually event, or that it would eventually become the [music] spark for his next become the [music] spark for his next become the [music] spark for his next mission. Which is reimagining what mission. Which is reimagining what mission. Which is reimagining what social drinking could look like. What social drinking could look like. What social drinking could look like. What impresses me the most is [music] how impresses me the most is [music] how impresses me the most is [music] how seriously the entire team at Go takes seriously the entire team at Go takes seriously the entire team at Go takes their craft. These guys spent years their craft. These guys spent years their craft. These guys spent years testing thousands of batches in their testing thousands of batches in their testing thousands of batches in their lab [music] lab [music] lab [music] and the results reflect that. They've and the results reflect that. They've and the results reflect that. They've received gold and silver medals at the received gold and silver medals at the received gold and silver medals at the Best of Craft Beer Awards [music] in the Best of Craft Beer Awards [music] in the Best of Craft Beer Awards [music] in the past two years. Their lineup is past two years. Their lineup is past two years. Their lineup is thoughtful, it's distinctive. I mean, thoughtful, it's distinctive. I mean, thoughtful, it's distinctive. I mean, look at the design on these cans. Have look at the design on these cans. Have look at the design on these cans. Have [music] Have you ever seen anything like [music] Have you ever seen anything like [music] Have you ever seen anything like this? I mean, very cool. The this? I mean, very cool. The this? I mean, very cool. The alcohol-free movement is officially alcohol-free movement is officially alcohol-free movement is officially here. I'm definitely and officially here here. I'm definitely and officially here here. I'm definitely and officially here for it. And now I think [music] it's a for it. And now I think [music] it's a for it. And now I think [music] it's a great time for you to officially get great time for you to officially get great time for you to officially get into it because if you go to into it because if you go to into it because if you go to gobrewing.com/richroll50, you my friends will get 50% off your you my friends will get 50% off your first subscription [music] order to Go first subscription [music] order to Go first subscription [music] order to Go Brewing's beer club. Advertisement over. Brewing's beer club. Advertisement over. Brewing's beer club. Advertisement over. Beer drinking begins. Just to be clear, I'm not saying that we Just to be clear, I'm not saying that we shouldn't engage in these shouldn't engage in these shouldn't engage in these self-optimization self-optimization self-optimization behaviors. Like we all want to be better behaviors. Like we all want to be better behaviors. Like we all want to be better and there are effective ways and there are effective ways and there are effective ways to behave in a way that's going to make to behave in a way that's going to make to behave in a way that's going to make us better. I'm just talking about when us better. I'm just talking about when us better. I'm just talking about when self-optimization becomes self-optimization becomes self-optimization becomes self-obsession. So, these are two self-obsession. So, these are two self-obsession. So, these are two different things. different things. different things. What we don't want is a life that is What we don't want is a life that is What we don't want is a life that is oriented entirely around me, me, me. oriented entirely around me, me, me. oriented entirely around me, me, me. When we're just thinking about what we When we're just thinking about what we When we're just thinking about what we want and what we need, that comes at the want and what we need, that comes at the want and what we need, that comes at the cost of the things in life that are cost of the things in life that are cost of the things in life that are truly most important and meaningful. So, truly most important and meaningful. So, truly most important and meaningful. So, fine to optimize, fine to basically fine to optimize, fine to basically fine to optimize, fine to basically be concerned about all the behaviors and be concerned about all the behaviors and be concerned about all the behaviors and decisions that are contributing to your decisions that are contributing to your decisions that are contributing to your well-being mentally, physically, well-being mentally, physically, well-being mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc. Um it's spiritually, emotionally, etc. Um it's spiritually, emotionally, etc. Um it's just the obsession part that you need to just the obsession part that you need to just the obsession part that you need to be aware of and be cautious of. Because be aware of and be cautious of. Because be aware of and be cautious of. Because as soon as you start making all of your as soon as you start making all of your as soon as you start making all of your decisions based upon what you want and decisions based upon what you want and decisions based upon what you want and what's important to you, what's important to you, what's important to you, you start to you start to you start to erode your capacity for empathy. And erode your capacity for empathy. And erode your capacity for empathy. And once once once you disconnect from empathy, then it you disconnect from empathy, then it you disconnect from empathy, then it becomes very difficult to have becomes very difficult to have becomes very difficult to have a happy life. You're not going to be a happy life. You're not going to be a happy life. You're not going to be able to connect with other humans. Like able to connect with other humans. Like able to connect with other humans. Like there's a cascade of consequences to there's a cascade of consequences to there's a cascade of consequences to that, and I think making the choice to that, and I think making the choice to that, and I think making the choice to inconvenience yourself, to invest inconvenience yourself, to invest inconvenience yourself, to invest yourself in other human beings, even yourself in other human beings, even yourself in other human beings, even when that causes incursions on your when that causes incursions on your when that causes incursions on your self-optimization routine, self-optimization routine, self-optimization routine, you have to be okay with that because you have to be okay with that because you have to be okay with that because these are the investments that basically these are the investments that basically these are the investments that basically pay off over the long term to give you pay off over the long term to give you pay off over the long term to give you what you're actually after. So many of what you're actually after. So many of what you're actually after. So many of these these these optimization optimization optimization protocols protocols protocols are are are on their face fine, but if you think on their face fine, but if you think on their face fine, but if you think that they are going to deliver you that they are going to deliver you that they are going to deliver you fulfillment, happiness, and and purpose, fulfillment, happiness, and and purpose, fulfillment, happiness, and and purpose, they're not. They might make you they're not. They might make you they're not. They might make you healthier. They might improve your mood healthier. They might improve your mood healthier. They might improve your mood and your cognition, etc. But the real and your cognition, etc. But the real and your cognition, etc. But the real juice, all of that is underneath. juice, all of that is underneath. juice, all of that is underneath. And what you're doing on behalf of And what you're doing on behalf of And what you're doing on behalf of yourself isn't necessarily connected to yourself isn't necessarily connected to yourself isn't necessarily connected to those things. These things require you those things. These things require you those things. These things require you to get outside of yourself, to invest to get outside of yourself, to invest to get outside of yourself, to invest yourself in the larger pursuits of life, yourself in the larger pursuits of life, yourself in the larger pursuits of life, the more selfless and community and and the more selfless and community and and the more selfless and community and and connection-oriented pursuits. The connection-oriented pursuits. The connection-oriented pursuits. The ultimate self-optimization is ultimate self-optimization is ultimate self-optimization is self-mastery, and self-mastery means self-mastery, and self-mastery means self-mastery, and self-mastery means developing the capacity to emotionally developing the capacity to emotionally developing the capacity to emotionally self-regulate, to basically make the self-regulate, to basically make the self-regulate, to basically make the best decisions, and engage in the best decisions, and engage in the best decisions, and engage in the behaviors that are going to move your behaviors that are going to move your behaviors that are going to move your life in the direction that you want it life in the direction that you want it life in the direction that you want it to move. And that means that you have to to move. And that means that you have to to move. And that means that you have to say no to a lot of stuff. You have to say no to a lot of stuff. You have to say no to a lot of stuff. You have to know how to put the phone down. You have know how to put the phone down. You have know how to put the phone down. You have to know how to pick up a book and read to know how to pick up a book and read to know how to pick up a book and read it. You have to know how to commit to it. You have to know how to commit to it. You have to know how to commit to doing hard things and following through doing hard things and following through doing hard things and following through and being a responsible member of and being a responsible member of and being a responsible member of society. Self-mastery society. Self-mastery society. Self-mastery means you are in charge of your means you are in charge of your means you are in charge of your universe, your body. Self-mastery is universe, your body. Self-mastery is universe, your body. Self-mastery is essentially the discipline to say no to essentially the discipline to say no to essentially the discipline to say no to all of the things that are driving this all of the things that are driving this all of the things that are driving this despair, this loneliness, this sense of despair, this loneliness, this sense of despair, this loneliness, this sense of disaffectation, disaffectation, disaffectation, and the emotional disconnection that so and the emotional disconnection that so and the emotional disconnection that so many people are experiencing. many people are experiencing. many people are experiencing. Self-mastery says, "No, we don't pick up Self-mastery says, "No, we don't pick up Self-mastery says, "No, we don't pick up the phone. We pick up the book." the phone. We pick up the book." the phone. We pick up the book." Self-mastery says, "No, I'm not going to Self-mastery says, "No, I'm not going to Self-mastery says, "No, I'm not going to sit on the couch and eat the hot pocket. sit on the couch and eat the hot pocket. sit on the couch and eat the hot pocket. I'm going to get up and go outside and I'm going to get up and go outside and I'm going to get up and go outside and do that hard thing that I know is do that hard thing that I know is do that hard thing that I know is necessary to drive my life in the necessary to drive my life in the necessary to drive my life in the direction of my goals." Self-mastery direction of my goals." Self-mastery direction of my goals." Self-mastery says, "I cannot sit in my own says, "I cannot sit in my own says, "I cannot sit in my own self-obsession. I need to go outside and self-obsession. I need to go outside and self-obsession. I need to go outside and be of service to somebody else." be of service to somebody else." be of service to somebody else." Self-mastery says, "Relationships are Self-mastery says, "Relationships are Self-mastery says, "Relationships are important, and I am going to invest in important, and I am going to invest in important, and I am going to invest in them even when it's inconvenient." And them even when it's inconvenient." And them even when it's inconvenient." And self-mastery says family is central and self-mastery says family is central and self-mastery says family is central and asks us to ask ourselves how are we asks us to ask ourselves how are we asks us to ask ourselves how are we showing up for hours. And just in terms showing up for hours. And just in terms showing up for hours. And just in terms of how all of this is working for me of how all of this is working for me of how all of this is working for me right now, I mean this is why I get up right now, I mean this is why I get up right now, I mean this is why I get up at 4:00 in the morning every day. This at 4:00 in the morning every day. This at 4:00 in the morning every day. This is the only is the only is the only time of the day that I have available to time of the day that I have available to time of the day that I have available to myself to myself to myself to focus on restoring my body and repairing focus on restoring my body and repairing focus on restoring my body and repairing it in the wake of this surgery to get it in the wake of this surgery to get it in the wake of this surgery to get strong again, to get fit again. It's strong again, to get fit again. It's strong again, to get fit again. It's inconvenient. I don't want to do it at inconvenient. I don't want to do it at inconvenient. I don't want to do it at 4:00 in the morning. I would like to 4:00 in the morning. I would like to 4:00 in the morning. I would like to sleep in or I have other things that I sleep in or I have other things that I sleep in or I have other things that I would like to be doing late at night would like to be doing late at night would like to be doing late at night that that compromise my ability to wake that that compromise my ability to wake that that compromise my ability to wake up that early. But I make this decision up that early. But I make this decision up that early. But I make this decision every single day to show up for myself every single day to show up for myself every single day to show up for myself in this way. Another example, I'm in the in this way. Another example, I'm in the in this way. Another example, I'm in the middle of writing this book right now. middle of writing this book right now. middle of writing this book right now. First of all, the only reason I'm First of all, the only reason I'm First of all, the only reason I'm writing this book is because it scares writing this book is because it scares writing this book is because it scares the [ __ ] out of me and because I didn't the [ __ ] out of me and because I didn't the [ __ ] out of me and because I didn't think that I could do it. It's so think that I could do it. It's so think that I could do it. It's so intimidating. intimidating. intimidating. What I'm attempting to do right now. And What I'm attempting to do right now. And What I'm attempting to do right now. And that scary-ness was the impulse that that scary-ness was the impulse that that scary-ness was the impulse that told me that I needed to do it. It's told me that I needed to do it. It's told me that I needed to do it. It's inconvenient. I don't want to be doing inconvenient. I don't want to be doing inconvenient. I don't want to be doing this right now. I have a full-time job. this right now. I have a full-time job. this right now. I have a full-time job. My kids are home from school for the My kids are home from school for the My kids are home from school for the summer. There are lots of things that I summer. There are lots of things that I summer. There are lots of things that I would like to be doing right now. would like to be doing right now. would like to be doing right now. But I have committed to this book and I But I have committed to this book and I But I have committed to this book and I need to see it through and I'm engaged need to see it through and I'm engaged need to see it through and I'm engaged in this very uncomfortable process of in this very uncomfortable process of in this very uncomfortable process of grappling with my limitations as a grappling with my limitations as a grappling with my limitations as a writer. But that again is the grist for writer. But that again is the grist for writer. But that again is the grist for growth and this is why I'm doing it. growth and this is why I'm doing it. growth and this is why I'm doing it. Here's another one. Here's another one. Here's another one. Uh Uh Uh My parents are aging. My mother has My parents are aging. My mother has My parents are aging. My mother has dementia. She's in a memory care unit. dementia. She's in a memory care unit. dementia. She's in a memory care unit. My father has decided to join her and he My father has decided to join her and he My father has decided to join her and he needed help moving. So I flew to needed help moving. So I flew to needed help moving. So I flew to Washington D.C. and basically helped out Washington D.C. and basically helped out Washington D.C. and basically helped out for a handful of days at a moment in for a handful of days at a moment in for a handful of days at a moment in time that was not just inconvenient but time that was not just inconvenient but time that was not just inconvenient but very disruptive to my life. It very disruptive to my life. It very disruptive to my life. It interfered with this book deadline and interfered with this book deadline and interfered with this book deadline and all these professional responsibilities all these professional responsibilities all these professional responsibilities and family responsibilities that I have. and family responsibilities that I have. and family responsibilities that I have. But, this is what life is about. There But, this is what life is about. There But, this is what life is about. There was nothing more important than me was nothing more important than me was nothing more important than me showing up for my dad in that moment. showing up for my dad in that moment. showing up for my dad in that moment. And I look back on that, and I'm so And I look back on that, and I'm so And I look back on that, and I'm so grateful that I had the awareness to grateful that I had the awareness to grateful that I had the awareness to make that decision, to make that choice. make that decision, to make that choice. make that decision, to make that choice. And it might seem like an obvious one, And it might seem like an obvious one, And it might seem like an obvious one, but I think there's lots of moments in but I think there's lots of moments in but I think there's lots of moments in my life and maybe in yours where you my life and maybe in yours where you my life and maybe in yours where you knew what the right thing to do was, but knew what the right thing to do was, but knew what the right thing to do was, but there were just too many pressures and there were just too many pressures and there were just too many pressures and other things pulling on your pulling on other things pulling on your pulling on other things pulling on your pulling on your time and your attention, your time and your attention, your time and your attention, responsibilities, etc., that uh made you responsibilities, etc., that uh made you responsibilities, etc., that uh made you decline to show up for those decline to show up for those decline to show up for those opportunities. And I just know that I opportunities. And I just know that I opportunities. And I just know that I want to look back on my life and know want to look back on my life and know want to look back on my life and know that for seminal moments like that, that for seminal moments like that, that for seminal moments like that, important things, that I showed up to important things, that I showed up to important things, that I showed up to honor them. And one other aspect about honor them. And one other aspect about honor them. And one other aspect about self-mastery that I think is important self-mastery that I think is important self-mastery that I think is important to really reflect on is how are your to really reflect on is how are your to really reflect on is how are your actions actions actions uh counteracting whatever uh counteracting whatever uh counteracting whatever negative inner monologue you're negative inner monologue you're negative inner monologue you're inhabiting. So, what is the story you're inhabiting. So, what is the story you're inhabiting. So, what is the story you're telling yourself about who you are, what telling yourself about who you are, what telling yourself about who you are, what you're capable of, what you can and you you're capable of, what you can and you you're capable of, what you can and you can't do? And what is the relationship can't do? And what is the relationship can't do? And what is the relationship between your actions and your behavior between your actions and your behavior between your actions and your behavior with that monologue? And so, every day, with that monologue? And so, every day, with that monologue? And so, every day, because I have a very robust negative because I have a very robust negative because I have a very robust negative inner monologue, I'm very focused on the inner monologue, I'm very focused on the inner monologue, I'm very focused on the actions that I'm taking that defy it. actions that I'm taking that defy it. actions that I'm taking that defy it. And the more that I take those actions, And the more that I take those actions, And the more that I take those actions, the more mute my inner monologue the more mute my inner monologue the more mute my inner monologue becomes. I don't think it's ever going becomes. I don't think it's ever going becomes. I don't think it's ever going to go away, but I like to think of it to go away, but I like to think of it to go away, but I like to think of it the way Elizabeth Gilbert talks about it the way Elizabeth Gilbert talks about it the way Elizabeth Gilbert talks about it in her book Big Magic, where she just in her book Big Magic, where she just in her book Big Magic, where she just basically says, "Yeah, you can come on basically says, "Yeah, you can come on basically says, "Yeah, you can come on this road trip that I'm going on right this road trip that I'm going on right this road trip that I'm going on right now, but you're going to have to sit in now, but you're going to have to sit in now, but you're going to have to sit in the back, you can't drive, you can't the back, you can't drive, you can't the back, you can't drive, you can't navigate. In fact, you can't even say a navigate. In fact, you can't even say a navigate. In fact, you can't even say a thing, cuz I'm in control." I have this thing, cuz I'm in control." I have this thing, cuz I'm in control." I have this sense that people look at me and they sense that people look at me and they sense that people look at me and they think, "Well, you have your mission think, "Well, you have your mission think, "Well, you have your mission figured out. You feel like you're figured out. You feel like you're figured out. You feel like you're somebody who understands how to build a somebody who understands how to build a somebody who understands how to build a life with purpose and meaning and all of life with purpose and meaning and all of life with purpose and meaning and all of these things, but I promise you that these things, but I promise you that these things, but I promise you that I have weathered more than a few very I have weathered more than a few very I have weathered more than a few very confusing, very extended periods of my confusing, very extended periods of my confusing, very extended periods of my life, and I have some amazing, vivid life, and I have some amazing, vivid life, and I have some amazing, vivid memories of memories of memories of being in a career that I hated, feeling being in a career that I hated, feeling being in a career that I hated, feeling like there was no way out, no like there was no way out, no like there was no way out, no possibility that I could ever possibility that I could ever possibility that I could ever figure out a different profession that figure out a different profession that figure out a different profession that that suited me. And that sense of being that suited me. And that sense of being that suited me. And that sense of being stuck, and when you feel stuck and you stuck, and when you feel stuck and you stuck, and when you feel stuck and you feel feel feel like your life doesn't have purpose and like your life doesn't have purpose and like your life doesn't have purpose and you're not really engaged in the work you're not really engaged in the work you're not really engaged in the work that you're doing, and you feel like the that you're doing, and you feel like the that you're doing, and you feel like the work that you're performing doesn't have work that you're performing doesn't have work that you're performing doesn't have meaning, the only way to feel better meaning, the only way to feel better meaning, the only way to feel better about yourself is to take whatever money about yourself is to take whatever money about yourself is to take whatever money you're earning and spend it on something you're earning and spend it on something you're earning and spend it on something that you think is going to make you feel that you think is going to make you feel that you think is going to make you feel better, whether that's leasing a car better, whether that's leasing a car better, whether that's leasing a car that's just a little bit outside of what that's just a little bit outside of what that's just a little bit outside of what you can afford or you can afford or you can afford or you know, I don't know, going to the you know, I don't know, going to the you know, I don't know, going to the clothing store and and and buying a clothing store and and and buying a clothing store and and and buying a piece of clothing that you might think piece of clothing that you might think piece of clothing that you might think might make you feel more comfortable in might make you feel more comfortable in might make you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Like I have lived that your own skin. Like I have lived that your own skin. Like I have lived that life, I've done that. life, I've done that. life, I've done that. And I've reached my breaking point with And I've reached my breaking point with And I've reached my breaking point with it, and I know the confusion of not it, and I know the confusion of not it, and I know the confusion of not knowing what to do next. In my case, knowing what to do next. In my case, knowing what to do next. In my case, I remember making this decision to just I remember making this decision to just I remember making this decision to just honor my body with some movement. honor my body with some movement. honor my body with some movement. And going out for And going out for And going out for a run, which is something I a run, which is something I a run, which is something I wasn't known for doing, [clears throat] wasn't known for doing, [clears throat] wasn't known for doing, [clears throat] and coming back from running probably and coming back from running probably and coming back from running probably what was no more than a mile, and and what was no more than a mile, and and what was no more than a mile, and and feeling like good about myself, and feeling like good about myself, and feeling like good about myself, and feeling feeling feeling better in my body, and making a very better in my body, and making a very better in my body, and making a very conscious decision, like I'm going to conscious decision, like I'm going to conscious decision, like I'm going to honor that. Like this is the one thing honor that. Like this is the one thing honor that. Like this is the one thing that actually makes me feel good, and that actually makes me feel good, and that actually makes me feel good, and even if it's inconvenient or I can't even if it's inconvenient or I can't even if it's inconvenient or I can't justify it, like I'm going to justify it, like I'm going to justify it, like I'm going to I'm going to do this. I'm going to do I'm going to do this. I'm going to do I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this for myself, and that slowly, over this for myself, and that slowly, over this for myself, and that slowly, over time, turned into time, turned into time, turned into doing more and more things in the doing more and more things in the doing more and more things in the fitness-oriented kind of world and led fitness-oriented kind of world and led fitness-oriented kind of world and led me into the world of ultra-endurance. me into the world of ultra-endurance. me into the world of ultra-endurance. But, in the very beginning, it was just But, in the very beginning, it was just But, in the very beginning, it was just like, I just want to feel a little bit like, I just want to feel a little bit like, I just want to feel a little bit better. I don't want to be so fat and better. I don't want to be so fat and better. I don't want to be so fat and feel so tired and lazy all the time. feel so tired and lazy all the time. feel so tired and lazy all the time. This is one thing I can control, and I'm This is one thing I can control, and I'm This is one thing I can control, and I'm going to commit myself to doing it. And going to commit myself to doing it. And going to commit myself to doing it. And there were plenty of days when I didn't there were plenty of days when I didn't there were plenty of days when I didn't want to, but I knew that if I did it, I want to, but I knew that if I did it, I want to, but I knew that if I did it, I would feel better. would feel better. would feel better. I was living this mood follows action I was living this mood follows action I was living this mood follows action idea that I'd learned in the rooms of idea that I'd learned in the rooms of idea that I'd learned in the rooms of recovery, and it started to pay off. I recovery, and it started to pay off. I recovery, and it started to pay off. I didn't have a goal. I didn't have didn't have a goal. I didn't have didn't have a goal. I didn't have a concept that this was going to change a concept that this was going to change a concept that this was going to change my life. I was just making the simple my life. I was just making the simple my life. I was just making the simple decision that I was going to honor decision that I was going to honor decision that I was going to honor myself in this way. And just like, myself in this way. And just like, myself in this way. And just like, over time, one thing led to another, and over time, one thing led to another, and over time, one thing led to another, and one thing led to another. But, I could one thing led to another. But, I could one thing led to another. But, I could have never imagined in my wildest dreams have never imagined in my wildest dreams have never imagined in my wildest dreams that it would have that it would have that it would have laid this foundation to lead this in- laid this foundation to lead this in- laid this foundation to lead this in- tirely unimaginable life that I'm so tirely unimaginable life that I'm so tirely unimaginable life that I'm so privileged to lead today. So, the point privileged to lead today. So, the point privileged to lead today. So, the point is, it starts with these very basic is, it starts with these very basic is, it starts with these very basic things, things you don't want to do, but things, things you don't want to do, but things, things you don't want to do, but once you do them, you feel better about once you do them, you feel better about once you do them, you feel better about yourself, better in your body, better yourself, better in your body, better yourself, better in your body, better emotionally, more connected to yourself, emotionally, more connected to yourself, emotionally, more connected to yourself, more capable of connecting with other more capable of connecting with other more capable of connecting with other people, people, people, and with a improved and with a improved and with a improved outlook on outlook on outlook on possibility, which instills you with a possibility, which instills you with a possibility, which instills you with a sense of hopefulness that perhaps was sense of hopefulness that perhaps was sense of hopefulness that perhaps was absent prior. absent prior. absent prior. Uh and also, Uh and also, Uh and also, a sense of curiosity about what might be a sense of curiosity about what might be a sense of curiosity about what might be possible. And I think once you start to possible. And I think once you start to possible. And I think once you start to trust your intuition and invest in that trust your intuition and invest in that trust your intuition and invest in that curiosity, that's when some magical curiosity, that's when some magical curiosity, that's when some magical things start to happen. And finally, for things start to happen. And finally, for things start to happen. And finally, for all the young people out there who are all the young people out there who are all the young people out there who are thinking, "Okay, boomer." Uh thinking, "Okay, boomer." Uh thinking, "Okay, boomer." Uh not for nothing, I'm Gen X, I'm not a not for nothing, I'm Gen X, I'm not a not for nothing, I'm Gen X, I'm not a boomer. But, that aside, uh boomer. But, that aside, uh boomer. But, that aside, uh I'm sympathetic and understand that uh I'm sympathetic and understand that uh I'm sympathetic and understand that uh some of what I'm saying might not land some of what I'm saying might not land some of what I'm saying might not land as intended because I come from a as intended because I come from a as intended because I come from a generation that knows what it's like to generation that knows what it's like to generation that knows what it's like to not have phones and perhaps has a degree not have phones and perhaps has a degree not have phones and perhaps has a degree of appreciation for that in a way that of appreciation for that in a way that of appreciation for that in a way that is difficult for young people who've is difficult for young people who've is difficult for young people who've never never never not had these things in their life. And not had these things in their life. And not had these things in their life. And to ask somebody, "Hey, put it down and to ask somebody, "Hey, put it down and to ask somebody, "Hey, put it down and go outside when everybody else that they go outside when everybody else that they go outside when everybody else that they know know know is online constantly is asking them to is online constantly is asking them to is online constantly is asking them to exile themselves voluntarily from their exile themselves voluntarily from their exile themselves voluntarily from their peer group." So, doesn't that sound more peer group." So, doesn't that sound more peer group." So, doesn't that sound more like like like alienation and disconnection than alienation and disconnection than alienation and disconnection than connection? And I get that. I'm not connection? And I get that. I'm not connection? And I get that. I'm not saying you need to break up with your saying you need to break up with your saying you need to break up with your phone entirely or that you need to phone entirely or that you need to phone entirely or that you need to develop a completely different develop a completely different develop a completely different relationship with the tools that are relationship with the tools that are relationship with the tools that are integral to how you live your life and integral to how you live your life and integral to how you live your life and how all your friends live your life. All how all your friends live your life. All how all your friends live your life. All I'm saying is that you need to build in I'm saying is that you need to build in I'm saying is that you need to build in and invest in analog experiences. You and invest in analog experiences. You and invest in analog experiences. You need to learn how to put it down long need to learn how to put it down long need to learn how to put it down long enough to go outside and join a run enough to go outside and join a run enough to go outside and join a run group or take a ceramics class or group or take a ceramics class or group or take a ceramics class or go to a stand-up comedy club with your go to a stand-up comedy club with your go to a stand-up comedy club with your friends and do it with the phones in friends and do it with the phones in friends and do it with the phones in your pocket or the phones in those your pocket or the phones in those your pocket or the phones in those pouches or whatever you need to do to pouches or whatever you need to do to pouches or whatever you need to do to experience IRL, a little bit more IRL, a experience IRL, a little bit more IRL, a experience IRL, a little bit more IRL, a little bit more eye contact, a little little bit more eye contact, a little little bit more eye contact, a little bit more conversation, and a little bit bit more conversation, and a little bit bit more conversation, and a little bit less texting. I think there is a lack of less texting. I think there is a lack of less texting. I think there is a lack of emotional resilience in younger people emotional resilience in younger people emotional resilience in younger people because they're so used to communicating because they're so used to communicating because they're so used to communicating via text that real-life conversations via text that real-life conversations via text that real-life conversations become intimidating and things to avoid. become intimidating and things to avoid. become intimidating and things to avoid. I've seen it myself and I don't think I've seen it myself and I don't think I've seen it myself and I don't think that that bodes well for developing the that that bodes well for developing the that that bodes well for developing the emotional capacity to deal with the emotional capacity to deal with the emotional capacity to deal with the challenges that life is going to present challenges that life is going to present challenges that life is going to present you with. And I think, again, this is you with. And I think, again, this is you with. And I think, again, this is white space. While all of your friends white space. While all of your friends white space. While all of your friends are so acclimated around managing all of are so acclimated around managing all of are so acclimated around managing all of their conflicts through text, their conflicts through text, their conflicts through text, can you be the person who shows up in can you be the person who shows up in can you be the person who shows up in person to have an uncomfortable person to have an uncomfortable person to have an uncomfortable conversation with a friend in real life, conversation with a friend in real life, conversation with a friend in real life, face-to-face, making eye contact? And if face-to-face, making eye contact? And if face-to-face, making eye contact? And if you can develop that as a skill or set you can develop that as a skill or set you can develop that as a skill or set that as a goal and work towards it, that that as a goal and work towards it, that that as a goal and work towards it, that puts you in a position to really outpace puts you in a position to really outpace puts you in a position to really outpace your peers in every regard. Because your peers in every regard. Because your peers in every regard. Because while everyone is so distracted while everyone is so distracted while everyone is so distracted and so tethered to their device, it's and so tethered to their device, it's and so tethered to their device, it's never been easier to distinguish never been easier to distinguish never been easier to distinguish yourself in whatever it is that you're yourself in whatever it is that you're yourself in whatever it is that you're aspiring to do with your life if you can aspiring to do with your life if you can aspiring to do with your life if you can carve out 10% less distraction and more carve out 10% less distraction and more carve out 10% less distraction and more focus. If you can do that, you're just focus. If you can do that, you're just focus. If you can do that, you're just way ahead of the game in a way that way ahead of the game in a way that way ahead of the game in a way that wasn't possible with my generation and wasn't possible with my generation and wasn't possible with my generation and the boomers that preceded me. Like the the boomers that preceded me. Like the the boomers that preceded me. Like the bar is so low. Everyone's so distracted. bar is so low. Everyone's so distracted. bar is so low. Everyone's so distracted. If you could just carve out like the If you could just carve out like the If you could just carve out like the tiniest amount of distraction, like like tiniest amount of distraction, like like tiniest amount of distraction, like like a half an hour a week or a day, like a half an hour a week or a day, like a half an hour a week or a day, like you're doing something no one else in you're doing something no one else in you're doing something no one else in your friend group is doing. Imagine your friend group is doing. Imagine your friend group is doing. Imagine scaling that over time. Forecast a year scaling that over time. Forecast a year scaling that over time. Forecast a year later, five years later, 10 years later later, five years later, 10 years later later, five years later, 10 years later as you develop this increased capacity as you develop this increased capacity as you develop this increased capacity for focused attention as opposed to for focused attention as opposed to for focused attention as opposed to mindless distraction, that puts you in a mindless distraction, that puts you in a mindless distraction, that puts you in a rare air, my friend, in terms of trying rare air, my friend, in terms of trying rare air, my friend, in terms of trying to achieve whatever ambitions and goals to achieve whatever ambitions and goals to achieve whatever ambitions and goals you hold for yourself. Think about that you hold for yourself. Think about that you hold for yourself. Think about that as the discomfort that you're willing to as the discomfort that you're willing to as the discomfort that you're willing to engage with, if nothing else. In engage with, if nothing else. In engage with, if nothing else. In closing, closing, closing, your attention is all that you have. your attention is all that you have. your attention is all that you have. So, live your life accordingly. So, live your life accordingly. So, live your life accordingly. I think it's important to think about I think it's important to think about I think it's important to think about our capacity for attention and to think our capacity for attention and to think our capacity for attention and to think even more deeply about where we direct even more deeply about where we direct even more deeply about where we direct it because where you place your it because where you place your it because where you place your attention is everything. It determines attention is everything. It determines attention is everything. It determines the quality of how you're experiencing the quality of how you're experiencing the quality of how you're experiencing life in the present moment. It life in the present moment. It life in the present moment. It determines your future self and it also determines your future self and it also determines your future self and it also determines the relationship that you determines the relationship that you determines the relationship that you engage in with your past. Attention is engage in with your past. Attention is engage in with your past. Attention is everything. The more that you can everything. The more that you can everything. The more that you can cultivate it and direct it mindfully, cultivate it and direct it mindfully, cultivate it and direct it mindfully, the better your life is going to be. the better your life is going to be. the better your life is going to be. So, I'll close with a few So, I'll close with a few So, I'll close with a few recommendations for those that are recommendations for those that are recommendations for those that are interested in cultivating a little bit interested in cultivating a little bit interested in cultivating a little bit of a healthier relationship with your of a healthier relationship with your of a healthier relationship with your attention and I would start with the attention and I would start with the attention and I would start with the books of Cal Newport. He's got three books of Cal Newport. He's got three books of Cal Newport. He's got three great books that I would recommend: Deep great books that I would recommend: Deep great books that I would recommend: Deep Work, Digital Minimalism, and Slow Work, Digital Minimalism, and Slow Work, Digital Minimalism, and Slow Productivity. If you read nothing else, Productivity. If you read nothing else, Productivity. If you read nothing else, read those books. If you don't like read those books. If you don't like read those books. If you don't like reading or you don't want to read, you reading or you don't want to read, you reading or you don't want to read, you can check out the podcasts that I've can check out the podcasts that I've can check out the podcasts that I've done with Cal and I'll link them up done with Cal and I'll link them up done with Cal and I'll link them up below or in the show notes. But, if below or in the show notes. But, if below or in the show notes. But, if you're really interested in you're really interested in you're really interested in self-mastery, maybe check out The Last self-mastery, maybe check out The Last self-mastery, maybe check out The Last Dance. That is a masterstroke on Dance. That is a masterstroke on Dance. That is a masterstroke on self-mastery and what it takes to win at self-mastery and what it takes to win at self-mastery and what it takes to win at all costs, the obsessive commitment to all costs, the obsessive commitment to all costs, the obsessive commitment to self-mastery. self-mastery. self-mastery. Uh but, meanwhile, Uh but, meanwhile, Uh but, meanwhile, maybe just practice placing your maybe just practice placing your maybe just practice placing your attention in healthier directions in attention in healthier directions in attention in healthier directions in very simple, easy ways throughout your very simple, easy ways throughout your very simple, easy ways throughout your everyday life with these low lifts that everyday life with these low lifts that everyday life with these low lifts that lead to small habit changes. Another lead to small habit changes. Another lead to small habit changes. Another book I would recommend is James Clear's book I would recommend is James Clear's book I would recommend is James Clear's Atomic Habits. He's a master of that Atomic Habits. He's a master of that Atomic Habits. He's a master of that subject matter. subject matter. subject matter. Uh and just Uh and just Uh and just buy yourself a little bit more time to buy yourself a little bit more time to buy yourself a little bit more time to respond to the situations of your life a respond to the situations of your life a respond to the situations of your life a little bit more mindfully so that you little bit more mindfully so that you little bit more mindfully so that you can respond can respond can respond by placing your attention where it by placing your attention where it by placing your attention where it should properly go rather than react should properly go rather than react should properly go rather than react compulsively or impulsively and do the compulsively or impulsively and do the compulsively or impulsively and do the thing that you've always done. The goal thing that you've always done. The goal thing that you've always done. The goal here is to do something else, to take here is to do something else, to take here is to do something else, to take that contrary action, and then build that contrary action, and then build that contrary action, and then build upon it with the next right actions that upon it with the next right actions that upon it with the next right actions that are going to move your life in a better are going to move your life in a better are going to move your life in a better trajectory. And it all begins with where trajectory. And it all begins with where trajectory. And it all begins with where you place your attention. Do that and you place your attention. Do that and you place your attention. Do that and you put yourself on the path towards you put yourself on the path towards you put yourself on the path towards change and transformation. And my hope change and transformation. And my hope change and transformation. And my hope is that you develop a lifelong is that you develop a lifelong is that you develop a lifelong relationship with that path and your relationship with that path and your relationship with that path and your constant evolution and unfoldment. And constant evolution and unfoldment. And constant evolution and unfoldment. And my other hope is that I meet you along my other hope is that I meet you along my other hope is that I meet you along that path [music] one day. that path [music] one day. that path [music] one day. So, hope this was helpful. If you So, hope this was helpful. If you So, hope this was helpful. If you enjoyed it, uh, make sure you subscribe enjoyed it, uh, make sure you subscribe enjoyed it, uh, make sure you subscribe [music] to this channel. And I'm [music] to this channel. And I'm [music] to this channel. And I'm interested in how this landed for you. interested in how this landed for you. interested in how this landed for you. So, leave your comments, your So, leave your comments, your So, leave your comments, your criticisms, and your thoughts [music] criticisms, and your thoughts [music] criticisms, and your thoughts [music] below. And I'll see you next time.