The Top 1% Reprogram Their Negative Mindset. Here’s How To Do It. | Nir Eyal

It turns out that people who can persist It turns out that people who can persist the longest are the ones who are more the longest are the ones who are more the longest are the ones who are more likely to succeed. When I did interviews likely to succeed. When I did interviews likely to succeed. When I did interviews for this research, I talked to for this research, I talked to for this research, I talked to billionaires and I talked to people who billionaires and I talked to people who billionaires and I talked to people who were broke. And you would expect that were broke. And you would expect that were broke. And you would expect that people who don't succeed in life that people who don't succeed in life that people who don't succeed in life that they would have more failures. That's they would have more failures. That's they would have more failures. That's actually the opposite. People who are actually the opposite. People who are actually the opposite. People who are more successful are the ones who failed more successful are the ones who failed more successful are the ones who failed more because they were more persistent. more because they were more persistent. more because they were more persistent. And when they persevered, even though And when they persevered, even though And when they persevered, even though they failed more times, eventually if they failed more times, eventually if they failed more times, eventually if they hit it, sometimes they hit it big. they hit it, sometimes they hit it big. they hit it, sometimes they hit it big. >> Wow. He is an author, a behavioral >> Wow. He is an author, a behavioral >> Wow. He is an author, a behavioral design expert and teacher who focuses on design expert and teacher who focuses on design expert and teacher who focuses on the intersection of psychology, the intersection of psychology, the intersection of psychology, technology and human behavior. The technology and human behavior. The technology and human behavior. The inspiring mere IEL. So what happens if inspiring mere IEL. So what happens if inspiring mere IEL. So what happens if day after day, week after week, year day after day, week after week, year day after day, week after week, year after year, we constantly recite a after year, we constantly recite a after year, we constantly recite a script about our limitations, about our script about our limitations, about our script about our limitations, about our labels, about what we can't do. It labels, about what we can't do. It labels, about what we can't do. It becomes physiologically as well as becomes physiologically as well as becomes physiologically as well as psychologically true. really if you have psychologically true. really if you have psychologically true. really if you have positive views about aging at 30 studies positive views about aging at 30 studies positive views about aging at 30 studies have found there's a study at Yale that have found there's a study at Yale that have found there's a study at Yale that found that people who had those positive found that people who had those positive found that people who had those positive less at 30 lived on average 7 and 1/2 less at 30 lived on average 7 and 1/2 less at 30 lived on average 7 and 1/2 years longer that is more of an effect years longer that is more of an effect years longer that is more of an effect size than quitting smoking than diet size than quitting smoking than diet size than quitting smoking than diet it's more of an effect than exercise it's more of an effect than exercise it's more of an effect than exercise >> how important or terrifying is the words >> how important or terrifying is the words >> how important or terrifying is the words we think or say about ourselves and our we think or say about ourselves and our we think or say about ourselves and our limits to our life limits to our life limits to our life >> incredibly important the best things you >> incredibly important the best things you >> incredibly important the best things you can do can do can do Welcome back everyone to the school of Welcome back everyone to the school of Welcome back everyone to the school of greatness. Very excited about our guest. greatness. Very excited about our guest. greatness. Very excited about our guest. We have the inspiring Near I Ael in the We have the inspiring Near I Ael in the We have the inspiring Near I Ael in the house and he is an author, a behavioral house and he is an author, a behavioral house and he is an author, a behavioral design expert and teacher who focuses on design expert and teacher who focuses on design expert and teacher who focuses on the intersection of psychology, the intersection of psychology, the intersection of psychology, technology and human behavior. He's sold technology and human behavior. He's sold technology and human behavior. He's sold millions of books worldwide helping millions of books worldwide helping millions of books worldwide helping people overcome distractions, build people overcome distractions, build people overcome distractions, build habits that stick, and take back control habits that stick, and take back control habits that stick, and take back control in a world that is designed to pull us in a world that is designed to pull us in a world that is designed to pull us off track. Thank you so much, Ne, for off track. Thank you so much, Ne, for off track. Thank you so much, Ne, for being here. Excited about this, man. being here. Excited about this, man. being here. Excited about this, man. >> Thanks. Great to be back. It's got to be >> Thanks. Great to be back. It's got to be >> Thanks. Great to be back. It's got to be fun, man. Uh, this is a topic that I fun, man. Uh, this is a topic that I fun, man. Uh, this is a topic that I >> love because most of my life >> love because most of my life >> love because most of my life >> I grew up feeling very insecure >> I grew up feeling very insecure >> I grew up feeling very insecure originally because school I was in the originally because school I was in the originally because school I was in the bottom of my class all through grade bottom of my class all through grade bottom of my class all through grade school, all through middle school, high school, all through middle school, high school, all through middle school, high school, and college. Bottom of my class, school, and college. Bottom of my class, school, and college. Bottom of my class, bottom four, because he used to rank us bottom four, because he used to rank us bottom four, because he used to rank us on our on our grade cards and tell us on our on our grade cards and tell us on our on our grade cards and tell us essentially either how smart or how essentially either how smart or how essentially either how smart or how stupid we are based on the rest of the stupid we are based on the rest of the stupid we are based on the rest of the class. class. class. >> And I was always in the bottom four. So, >> And I was always in the bottom four. So, >> And I was always in the bottom four. So, I always had this belief that I wasn't I always had this belief that I wasn't I always had this belief that I wasn't smart enough. smart enough. smart enough. >> It was like this feeling that I wasn't >> It was like this feeling that I wasn't >> It was like this feeling that I wasn't smart enough. But for whatever reason, smart enough. But for whatever reason, smart enough. But for whatever reason, there was something else inside of me there was something else inside of me there was something else inside of me that said, "No, you can make something that said, "No, you can make something that said, "No, you can make something of yourself." There was like some of yourself." There was like some of yourself." There was like some calling, some voice, some feeling, some calling, some voice, some feeling, some calling, some voice, some feeling, some essence that was like, "It doesn't essence that was like, "It doesn't essence that was like, "It doesn't matter if you're stupid on your grade matter if you're stupid on your grade matter if you're stupid on your grade card or if you're lack the intelligence card or if you're lack the intelligence card or if you're lack the intelligence in school. If you have the courage to in school. If you have the courage to in school. If you have the courage to risk, to put yourself out there, to try risk, to put yourself out there, to try risk, to put yourself out there, to try and fail, to make mistakes, you can get and fail, to make mistakes, you can get and fail, to make mistakes, you can get better and you can do extraordinary better and you can do extraordinary better and you can do extraordinary things. M things. M things. M >> and that belief, thank goodness, has >> and that belief, thank goodness, has >> and that belief, thank goodness, has carried me over the last 20 years to, carried me over the last 20 years to, carried me over the last 20 years to, you know, excelling in athletics and you know, excelling in athletics and you know, excelling in athletics and sports to building a business where I sports to building a business where I sports to building a business where I had no skills or like anything about had no skills or like anything about had no skills or like anything about business to launching a podcast to business to launching a podcast to business to launching a podcast to writing bestselling books when I didn't writing bestselling books when I didn't writing bestselling books when I didn't have any of the evidence that those have any of the evidence that those have any of the evidence that those things would be possible. things would be possible. things would be possible. >> Yeah. But I had this like essence or >> Yeah. But I had this like essence or >> Yeah. But I had this like essence or belief that I was like, I think I can belief that I was like, I think I can belief that I was like, I think I can figure this out if I just if I take the figure this out if I just if I take the figure this out if I just if I take the next step, if I meet the right person, next step, if I meet the right person, next step, if I meet the right person, if I ask the right questions and then if I ask the right questions and then if I ask the right questions and then try and try and try, something's going try and try and try, something's going try and try and try, something's going to work out. to work out. to work out. >> And that belief has given me the ability >> And that belief has given me the ability >> And that belief has given me the ability to, I think, outperform to, I think, outperform to, I think, outperform so many people who are way more so many people who are way more so many people who are way more intelligent than I am, who are way intelligent than I am, who are way intelligent than I am, who are way smarter, who have more degrees, who have smarter, who have more degrees, who have smarter, who have more degrees, who have higher education than me, all that higher education than me, all that higher education than me, all that stuff. But I just had the courage to stuff. But I just had the courage to stuff. But I just had the courage to believe. believe. believe. >> And why is it in your opinion that so >> And why is it in your opinion that so >> And why is it in your opinion that so many people who are extremely smart, many people who are extremely smart, many people who are extremely smart, extremely talented have all the degrees, extremely talented have all the degrees, extremely talented have all the degrees, accolades in the world still lack the accolades in the world still lack the accolades in the world still lack the courage or the belief that they can go courage or the belief that they can go courage or the belief that they can go and launch the thing that they really and launch the thing that they really and launch the thing that they really want to launch? want to launch? want to launch? >> This we see this all the time and the >> This we see this all the time and the >> This we see this all the time and the the myth is that in order to succeed, the myth is that in order to succeed, the myth is that in order to succeed, you have to be the smartest. That's the you have to be the smartest. That's the you have to be the smartest. That's the defining trait and in fact in some ways defining trait and in fact in some ways defining trait and in fact in some ways I think that being too smart can be a I think that being too smart can be a I think that being too smart can be a liability liability liability >> really >> really >> really >> because you start looking for facts >> because you start looking for facts >> because you start looking for facts >> right and it turn so facts are very >> right and it turn so facts are very >> right and it turn so facts are very different from beliefs a fact is an different from beliefs a fact is an different from beliefs a fact is an objective truth and in school we're objective truth and in school we're objective truth and in school we're graded by how many facts we can graded by how many facts we can graded by how many facts we can regurgitate onto a piece of paper right regurgitate onto a piece of paper right regurgitate onto a piece of paper right a fact is something that is true whether a fact is something that is true whether a fact is something that is true whether you believe it or not that's one end of you believe it or not that's one end of you believe it or not that's one end of the spectrum and the other end of the the spectrum and the other end of the the spectrum and the other end of the spectrum is faith faith is a conviction spectrum is faith faith is a conviction spectrum is faith faith is a conviction that does not require evidence okay that does not require evidence okay that does not require evidence okay those are two different sides those are two different sides those are two different sides >> in the middle however is a belief. A >> in the middle however is a belief. A >> in the middle however is a belief. A belief is a conviction that is open to belief is a conviction that is open to belief is a conviction that is open to revision based on new evidence. So revision based on new evidence. So revision based on new evidence. So unlike a fact which won't change, unlike unlike a fact which won't change, unlike unlike a fact which won't change, unlike a faith that doesn't require any kind of a faith that doesn't require any kind of a faith that doesn't require any kind of evidence to to be a conviction, beliefs evidence to to be a conviction, beliefs evidence to to be a conviction, beliefs can change. And those people who hold can change. And those people who hold can change. And those people who hold themselves themselves themselves to their beliefs rather than sticking to to their beliefs rather than sticking to to their beliefs rather than sticking to things that they will only do if they things that they will only do if they things that they will only do if they know they are objectively true, they know they are objectively true, they know they are objectively true, they succeed more. can't tell you how many succeed more. can't tell you how many succeed more. can't tell you how many people I've spoken with in in people I've spoken with in in people I've spoken with in in researching uh around the power beliefs researching uh around the power beliefs researching uh around the power beliefs who who tell me the same story is that who who tell me the same story is that who who tell me the same story is that something inside me I just believe that something inside me I just believe that something inside me I just believe that it was going to succeed and it did and it was going to succeed and it did and it was going to succeed and it did and that's that's why I've done this that's that's why I've done this that's that's why I've done this research over the past six years is research over the past six years is research over the past six years is because there is an untapped power that because there is an untapped power that because there is an untapped power that people do not realize that they can people do not realize that they can people do not realize that they can access that releases their potential by access that releases their potential by access that releases their potential by harnessing the power of beliefs. My harnessing the power of beliefs. My harnessing the power of beliefs. My favorite story around this, my uh the my favorite story around this, my uh the my favorite story around this, my uh the my favorite piece of research is the Kurt favorite piece of research is the Kurt favorite piece of research is the Kurt Richtor rat study where in the 1950s Richtor rat study where in the 1950s Richtor rat study where in the 1950s Kurt Richtor took these rats and he put Kurt Richtor took these rats and he put Kurt Richtor took these rats and he put them in a cylinder and he wanted to see them in a cylinder and he wanted to see them in a cylinder and he wanted to see at the time. You can't do this kind of at the time. You can't do this kind of at the time. You can't do this kind of study anymore. It's kind of ethically study anymore. It's kind of ethically study anymore. It's kind of ethically durious, but he wanted to see how long durious, but he wanted to see how long durious, but he wanted to see how long these wild rats could survive swimming these wild rats could survive swimming these wild rats could survive swimming in water. in water. in water. >> In a cylinder with water, >> In a cylinder with water, >> In a cylinder with water, >> halfway filled with water, he put a wild >> halfway filled with water, he put a wild >> halfway filled with water, he put a wild rat inside rat inside rat inside >> to see how long how survive. >> to see how long how survive. >> to see how long how survive. >> How long they could swim and he sat >> How long they could swim and he sat >> How long they could swim and he sat there with a timer and it turns out the there with a timer and it turns out the there with a timer and it turns out the average wild rat can swim for about 15 average wild rat can swim for about 15 average wild rat can swim for about 15 minutes. before it drowns. minutes. before it drowns. minutes. before it drowns. >> before it drowns. It gives ups and >> before it drowns. It gives ups and >> before it drowns. It gives ups and drowns, right? 15 minutes. Then here's drowns, right? 15 minutes. Then here's drowns, right? 15 minutes. Then here's where the experiment really started. The where the experiment really started. The where the experiment really started. The interesting part, he brought in a new interesting part, he brought in a new interesting part, he brought in a new group of wild rats. He put them in the group of wild rats. He put them in the group of wild rats. He put them in the in the water and he wanted to see now in the water and he wanted to see now in the water and he wanted to see now what would happen if as soon as he knew what would happen if as soon as he knew what would happen if as soon as he knew that they would give up, as soon as they that they would give up, as soon as they that they would give up, as soon as they were about to drown after 15 minutes, he were about to drown after 15 minutes, he were about to drown after 15 minutes, he plucked them out, dried off the rat, let plucked them out, dried off the rat, let plucked them out, dried off the rat, let it catch its breath, and then put it it catch its breath, and then put it it catch its breath, and then put it back in the water. And he did this a few back in the water. And he did this a few back in the water. And he did this a few times. times. times. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Okay. Have you heard this study before? >> Okay. Have you heard this study before? >> Okay. Have you heard this study before? >> No. Okay. >> No. Okay. >> No. Okay. >> It sounds like torture, but it's >> It sounds like torture, but it's >> It sounds like torture, but it's >> Okay. So, how long? Now, here's the >> Okay. So, how long? Now, here's the >> Okay. So, how long? Now, here's the question. You know, there's a a trick question. You know, there's a a trick question. You know, there's a a trick here, right? You know, there's something here, right? You know, there's something here, right? You know, there's something surprising. surprising. surprising. >> If originally the rats could swim for 15 >> If originally the rats could swim for 15 >> If originally the rats could swim for 15 minutes, how long could the rats swim minutes, how long could the rats swim minutes, how long could the rats swim after they were conditioned? After they after they were conditioned? After they after they were conditioned? After they had been pulled out, dried off, caught had been pulled out, dried off, caught had been pulled out, dried off, caught their breath, put back in the water, how their breath, put back in the water, how their breath, put back in the water, how much longer could they swim? much longer could they swim? much longer could they swim? >> I would say double. >> I would say double. >> I would say double. >> Double. That would be amazing, right? If >> Double. That would be amazing, right? If >> Double. That would be amazing, right? If they went from 15 minutes to 30 minutes they went from 15 minutes to 30 minutes they went from 15 minutes to 30 minutes of extra perseverance, wow, that would of extra perseverance, wow, that would of extra perseverance, wow, that would be incredible. Wasn't double, Lewis. It be incredible. Wasn't double, Lewis. It be incredible. Wasn't double, Lewis. It wasn't triple. It wasn't quadruple. It wasn't triple. It wasn't quadruple. It wasn't triple. It wasn't quadruple. It wasn't from for an hour. wasn't from for an hour. wasn't from for an hour. These rats after they had been These rats after they had been These rats after they had been conditioned conditioned conditioned >> could swim for 60 hours. >> could swim for 60 hours. >> could swim for 60 hours. >> What? >> What? >> What? >> Not 60 minutes, 60 hours. 240 times more >> Not 60 minutes, 60 hours. 240 times more >> Not 60 minutes, 60 hours. 240 times more persistent. Now, persistent. Now, persistent. Now, >> holy cow. >> holy cow. >> holy cow. >> What changed? >> What changed? >> What changed? >> The experiment was exactly the same. >> The experiment was exactly the same. >> The experiment was exactly the same. These rats bodies hadn't changed. These rats bodies hadn't changed. These rats bodies hadn't changed. Nothing physically made them more uh Nothing physically made them more uh Nothing physically made them more uh perseverant. What had changed? We think perseverant. What had changed? We think perseverant. What had changed? We think we can't ask rats what they believe, but we can't ask rats what they believe, but we can't ask rats what they believe, but what we think happened was that what we think happened was that what we think happened was that something in their minds had changed. something in their minds had changed. something in their minds had changed. They had now seen the possibility that They had now seen the possibility that They had now seen the possibility that salvation was possible. They had learned salvation was possible. They had learned salvation was possible. They had learned hope. hope. hope. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And that made them more perseverance. So >> And that made them more perseverance. So >> And that made them more perseverance. So what does that mean for us? What's what does that mean for us? What's what does that mean for us? What's what's the takeaway here? That when we what's the takeaway here? That when we what's the takeaway here? That when we attach ourselves to these limiting attach ourselves to these limiting attach ourselves to these limiting beliefs versus liberating beliefs, when beliefs versus liberating beliefs, when beliefs versus liberating beliefs, when we find what those limiting beliefs are, we find what those limiting beliefs are, we find what those limiting beliefs are, do away with them, and then find the do away with them, and then find the do away with them, and then find the liberating belief that can harness that liberating belief that can harness that liberating belief that can harness that motivation, we unlock something. motivation, we unlock something. motivation, we unlock something. >> And it's not magic, right? It was always >> And it's not magic, right? It was always >> And it's not magic, right? It was always there within us. Interesting. there within us. Interesting. there within us. Interesting. >> These rats could always swim for 60 >> These rats could always swim for 60 >> These rats could always swim for 60 hours, but they gave up for after 15 hours, but they gave up for after 15 hours, but they gave up for after 15 minutes because they thought it was minutes because they thought it was minutes because they thought it was hopeless. And we all do this. hopeless. And we all do this. hopeless. And we all do this. >> So, they had the ability, they had the >> So, they had the ability, they had the >> So, they had the ability, they had the skill set, I guess they had the physical skill set, I guess they had the physical skill set, I guess they had the physical capacity to swim for 60 hours, but they capacity to swim for 60 hours, but they capacity to swim for 60 hours, but they didn't have the belief. That's right. didn't have the belief. That's right. didn't have the belief. That's right. >> And so, most of them would die around 50 >> And so, most of them would die around 50 >> And so, most of them would die around 50 minutes on average. minutes on average. minutes on average. >> They would give up. And once they >> They would give up. And once they >> They would give up. And once they learned the belief system, you know, learned the belief system, you know, learned the belief system, you know, even as a rat, I guess, you learn hope even as a rat, I guess, you learn hope even as a rat, I guess, you learn hope or this idea that, oh, maybe I can or this idea that, oh, maybe I can or this idea that, oh, maybe I can survive or maybe I could go a little survive or maybe I could go a little survive or maybe I could go a little longer, right? longer, right? longer, right? >> They were able to go 240% more. >> They were able to go 240% more. >> They were able to go 240% more. >> 240 times. >> 240 times. >> 240 times. >> 240 times more than originally around >> 240 times more than originally around >> 240 times more than originally around survival mode. survival mode. survival mode. >> That's exactly right. >> That's exactly right. >> That's exactly right. >> Holy cow. >> Holy cow. >> Holy cow. >> Right. And so this is what's being >> Right. And so this is what's being >> Right. And so this is what's being unlocked. It's not magic. It's not unlocked. It's not magic. It's not unlocked. It's not magic. It's not anything supernatural. It's that all of anything supernatural. It's that all of anything supernatural. It's that all of us inside of us, we have these powers us inside of us, we have these powers us inside of us, we have these powers that we don't even realize are there. that we don't even realize are there. that we don't even realize are there. >> And what's holding us back are these >> And what's holding us back are these >> And what's holding us back are these limiting beliefs. limiting beliefs. limiting beliefs. >> I mean, it kind of sounds like the David >> I mean, it kind of sounds like the David >> I mean, it kind of sounds like the David Gogggins of Rats. It's like, you know, Gogggins of Rats. It's like, you know, Gogggins of Rats. It's like, you know, okay, he talks about once you feel like okay, he talks about once you feel like okay, he talks about once you feel like you're about to die, you haven't even you're about to die, you haven't even you're about to die, you haven't even begun. Like your body can endure so much begun. Like your body can endure so much begun. Like your body can endure so much more. It might feel like you're dying, more. It might feel like you're dying, more. It might feel like you're dying, >> but maybe you do just need a little bit >> but maybe you do just need a little bit >> but maybe you do just need a little bit of a rest to the And then you get this of a rest to the And then you get this of a rest to the And then you get this thing called a second wind, right? thing called a second wind, right? thing called a second wind, right? There's this thing called a second wind There's this thing called a second wind There's this thing called a second wind where you feel like you have all this where you feel like you have all this where you feel like you have all this energy because you can go forever, energy because you can go forever, energy because you can go forever, >> right? >> right? >> right? >> And that is interesting. Now I'm curious >> And that is interesting. Now I'm curious >> And that is interesting. Now I'm curious that they went 60 hours. Did they that they went 60 hours. Did they that they went 60 hours. Did they eventually stop and die after? eventually stop and die after? eventually stop and die after? >> They've reached their natural limit. And >> They've reached their natural limit. And >> They've reached their natural limit. And we all have our natural limit. we all have our natural limit. we all have our natural limit. >> But what we think are our natural limits >> But what we think are our natural limits >> But what we think are our natural limits are way longer than we would expect. are way longer than we would expect. are way longer than we would expect. There's all these things that are There's all these things that are There's all these things that are unlocked within us that the that our unlocked within us that the that our unlocked within us that the that our beliefs hold back. Now, is it a is it a beliefs hold back. Now, is it a is it a beliefs hold back. Now, is it a is it a fear of is it a lack of skill of fear of is it a lack of skill of fear of is it a lack of skill of enduring pain that most people have? Is enduring pain that most people have? Is enduring pain that most people have? Is it a lack of skill of enduring it a lack of skill of enduring it a lack of skill of enduring humiliation and embarrassment? humiliation and embarrassment? humiliation and embarrassment? >> Is it a lack or skill of overcoming the >> Is it a lack or skill of overcoming the >> Is it a lack or skill of overcoming the idea of fear of failure, fear of idea of fear of failure, fear of idea of fear of failure, fear of success? What is the skill that people success? What is the skill that people success? What is the skill that people are lacking that is holding them back are lacking that is holding them back are lacking that is holding them back the most? the most? the most? >> So, when we look at what differentiates >> So, when we look at what differentiates >> So, when we look at what differentiates successful people, it's not necessarily successful people, it's not necessarily successful people, it's not necessarily intelligence. It's somewhat correlated, intelligence. It's somewhat correlated, intelligence. It's somewhat correlated, but that's not at the top. What's really but that's not at the top. What's really but that's not at the top. What's really at the top is two things. Number one is at the top is two things. Number one is at the top is two things. Number one is perseverance and number two is perseverance and number two is perseverance and number two is adaptability. adaptability. adaptability. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Why? Because it turns out that people >> Why? Because it turns out that people >> Why? Because it turns out that people who can persist the longest are the ones who can persist the longest are the ones who can persist the longest are the ones who are more likely to succeed. When I who are more likely to succeed. When I who are more likely to succeed. When I did interviews for this research, uh I did interviews for this research, uh I did interviews for this research, uh I talked to billionaires and I talked to talked to billionaires and I talked to talked to billionaires and I talked to people who were broke. And you would people who were broke. And you would people who were broke. And you would expect that people who are who who don't expect that people who are who who don't expect that people who are who who don't succeed in life for let's say that they succeed in life for let's say that they succeed in life for let's say that they would have more failures, right? People would have more failures, right? People would have more failures, right? People think to themselves, you know, I I I think to themselves, you know, I I I think to themselves, you know, I I I don't succeed because I failed so much. don't succeed because I failed so much. don't succeed because I failed so much. And it's that it's actually the And it's that it's actually the And it's that it's actually the opposite. That people who are more opposite. That people who are more opposite. That people who are more successful are the ones who failed more successful are the ones who failed more successful are the ones who failed more because they were more persistent. They because they were more persistent. They because they were more persistent. They kept trying and trying. It was just like kept trying and trying. It was just like kept trying and trying. It was just like those rats who kept swimming. And when those rats who kept swimming. And when those rats who kept swimming. And when they persevered, even though they failed they persevered, even though they failed they persevered, even though they failed more times, eventually if they hit it, more times, eventually if they hit it, more times, eventually if they hit it, sometimes they hit it big. sometimes they hit it big. sometimes they hit it big. >> Do do unsuccessful people just don't try >> Do do unsuccessful people just don't try >> Do do unsuccessful people just don't try enough? Is that kind of what you enough? Is that kind of what you enough? Is that kind of what you researched researched researched >> that what's lacking is motivation at >> that what's lacking is motivation at >> that what's lacking is motivation at fundamentally what these beliefs unlock fundamentally what these beliefs unlock fundamentally what these beliefs unlock is your motivation but the way we think is your motivation but the way we think is your motivation but the way we think about motivation is completely wrong. about motivation is completely wrong. about motivation is completely wrong. The way we've been taught about The way we've been taught about The way we've been taught about motivation is if you do this behavior motivation is if you do this behavior motivation is if you do this behavior you'll get this benefit. So that's why you'll get this benefit. So that's why you'll get this benefit. So that's why we need motivation. Right? That's kind we need motivation. Right? That's kind we need motivation. Right? That's kind of the stat the the classical economic of the stat the the classical economic of the stat the the classical economic explanation. I pay you a salary that's explanation. I pay you a salary that's explanation. I pay you a salary that's the benefit so that you do this the benefit so that you do this the benefit so that you do this behavior. behavior. behavior. >> Yeah. I work out for this long and I get >> Yeah. I work out for this long and I get >> Yeah. I work out for this long and I get a result. I lose weight. But when you a result. I lose weight. But when you a result. I lose weight. But when you don't see the result within two weeks, don't see the result within two weeks, don't see the result within two weeks, >> people give up. >> people give up. >> people give up. >> Why? So why why do we lose motivation? >> Why? So why why do we lose motivation? >> Why? So why why do we lose motivation? What's missing? I mean, we have tons of What's missing? I mean, we have tons of What's missing? I mean, we have tons of of self-help books telling us what to of self-help books telling us what to of self-help books telling us what to do. Uh we've got Google, but we can do. Uh we've got Google, but we can do. Uh we've got Google, but we can Google something if we don't know how to Google something if we don't know how to Google something if we don't know how to do it. We can ask uh AI to tell us what do it. We can ask uh AI to tell us what do it. We can ask uh AI to tell us what to do. We all know what to do. What's to do. We all know what to do. What's to do. We all know what to do. What's lacking is not a lack of knowledge. It's lacking is not a lack of knowledge. It's lacking is not a lack of knowledge. It's not a lack of resources. There's not a lack of resources. There's not a lack of resources. There's something else missing. And that thing something else missing. And that thing something else missing. And that thing that's missing is the fact that that's missing is the fact that that's missing is the fact that motivation is a triangle. It's not a motivation is a triangle. It's not a motivation is a triangle. It's not a straight line. On one side, you have the straight line. On one side, you have the straight line. On one side, you have the behavior, what you need to do. On the behavior, what you need to do. On the behavior, what you need to do. On the other side, we have the benefit, why we other side, we have the benefit, why we other side, we have the benefit, why we need to do it. But holding the triangle need to do it. But holding the triangle need to do it. But holding the triangle together is belief. together is belief. together is belief. >> If I don't believe I'm going to get the >> If I don't believe I'm going to get the >> If I don't believe I'm going to get the benefit, let's say you work for a boss benefit, let's say you work for a boss benefit, let's say you work for a boss who you don't believe has your best who you don't believe has your best who you don't believe has your best interest at heart. They're not going to interest at heart. They're not going to interest at heart. They're not going to give you that promotion. They're not give you that promotion. They're not give you that promotion. They're not going to give you that raise. Are you going to give you that raise. Are you going to give you that raise. Are you going to be motivated to work for them going to be motivated to work for them going to be motivated to work for them even if you want the benefit? No. even if you want the benefit? No. even if you want the benefit? No. >> No. What's very likely on the other side >> No. What's very likely on the other side >> No. What's very likely on the other side of the triangle is the behavior. That if of the triangle is the behavior. That if of the triangle is the behavior. That if I don't believe in my own ability to do I don't believe in my own ability to do I don't believe in my own ability to do the behavior, yeah, the behavior, yeah, the behavior, yeah, >> if I have a limiting belief about that >> if I have a limiting belief about that >> if I have a limiting belief about that behavior, I'm also going to quit. So, if behavior, I'm also going to quit. So, if behavior, I'm also going to quit. So, if it was just as easy as I want this, so I it was just as easy as I want this, so I it was just as easy as I want this, so I do that, we'd all have six-pack abs and do that, we'd all have six-pack abs and do that, we'd all have six-pack abs and be multi-millionaires. Doesn't work that be multi-millionaires. Doesn't work that be multi-millionaires. Doesn't work that way because of the power of belief. You way because of the power of belief. You way because of the power of belief. You have to have all three. The behavior, have to have all three. The behavior, have to have all three. The behavior, the benefit, and most importantly, the the benefit, and most importantly, the the benefit, and most importantly, the belief. belief. belief. >> If someone focuses only on I'm going to >> If someone focuses only on I'm going to >> If someone focuses only on I'm going to go do this thing. I'm going to have I'm go do this thing. I'm going to have I'm go do this thing. I'm going to have I'm I'm really excited and motivated to I'm really excited and motivated to I'm really excited and motivated to launch this thing because I want this launch this thing because I want this launch this thing because I want this result. I want this benefit. result. I want this benefit. result. I want this benefit. >> But they lack the behavior >> But they lack the behavior >> But they lack the behavior or excuse me, they lack the belief that or excuse me, they lack the belief that or excuse me, they lack the belief that they're actually capable of they're actually capable of they're actually capable of accomplishing it or deserving and worthy accomplishing it or deserving and worthy accomplishing it or deserving and worthy of receiving that accomplishment. What of receiving that accomplishment. What of receiving that accomplishment. What will happen if they lack that belief? will happen if they lack that belief? will happen if they lack that belief? Well, Well, Well, >> they they lose motivation. They don't >> they they lose motivation. They don't >> they they lose motivation. They don't keep trying. They're just like those keep trying. They're just like those keep trying. They're just like those rats that give up and sink. And that's rats that give up and sink. And that's rats that give up and sink. And that's exactly what happened. And when we keep exactly what happened. And when we keep exactly what happened. And when we keep trying, trying, trying, >> invariably we don't succeed. Now, this >> invariably we don't succeed. Now, this >> invariably we don't succeed. Now, this isn't magical thinking. isn't magical thinking. isn't magical thinking. >> This isn't positive thinking. I'm not a >> This isn't positive thinking. I'm not a >> This isn't positive thinking. I'm not a big advocate. If you look at the big advocate. If you look at the big advocate. If you look at the research literature, just wishing for research literature, just wishing for research literature, just wishing for something actually makes you less likely something actually makes you less likely something actually makes you less likely to go out and get it. Uh Gabrielle Oten to go out and get it. Uh Gabrielle Oten to go out and get it. Uh Gabrielle Oten did this wonderful study where she did this wonderful study where she did this wonderful study where she hooked up people to blood pressure hooked up people to blood pressure hooked up people to blood pressure monitors and she tracked what happened monitors and she tracked what happened monitors and she tracked what happened to them when they did a visualization to them when they did a visualization to them when they did a visualization exercise when they thought about you exercise when they thought about you exercise when they thought about you know when they manifested when they know when they manifested when they know when they manifested when they thought about the future they wanted thought about the future they wanted thought about the future they wanted when they aligned themselves with when they aligned themselves with when they aligned themselves with vibrations or whatever they they thought vibrations or whatever they they thought vibrations or whatever they they thought here's what happened Louis their blood here's what happened Louis their blood here's what happened Louis their blood pressure dropped pressure dropped pressure dropped and they became more relaxed and then and they became more relaxed and then and they became more relaxed and then afterwards they became less likely to do afterwards they became less likely to do afterwards they became less likely to do the things that it would take to get the the things that it would take to get the the things that it would take to get the results they wanted. results they wanted. results they wanted. >> So what the research shows us that just >> So what the research shows us that just >> So what the research shows us that just dreaming, just visualizing about that dreaming, just visualizing about that dreaming, just visualizing about that potential outcome, just manifesting is potential outcome, just manifesting is potential outcome, just manifesting is not enough. In fact, it hurts you. It not enough. In fact, it hurts you. It not enough. In fact, it hurts you. It makes you less likely to get those makes you less likely to get those makes you less likely to get those results because your body interprets results because your body interprets results because your body interprets that relaxation that relaxation that relaxation as the benefit. as the benefit. as the benefit. >> Interesting. >> Interesting. >> Interesting. >> It feels like I've already accomplished >> It feels like I've already accomplished >> It feels like I've already accomplished financial success because I dreamed it financial success because I dreamed it financial success because I dreamed it in my head. So, how does someone learn in my head. So, how does someone learn in my head. So, how does someone learn to manifest the right way? Specifically to manifest the right way? Specifically to manifest the right way? Specifically from, you know, sports psychology from, you know, sports psychology from, you know, sports psychology talking about visualizing the outcome, talking about visualizing the outcome, talking about visualizing the outcome, visualizing the process on the court or visualizing the process on the court or visualizing the process on the court or the field, how you're going to react and the field, how you're going to react and the field, how you're going to react and respond. Yeah. respond. Yeah. respond. Yeah. >> Strategizing and planning in business in >> Strategizing and planning in business in >> Strategizing and planning in business in the future when certain things happen, the future when certain things happen, the future when certain things happen, how will you react? Like kind of putting how will you react? Like kind of putting how will you react? Like kind of putting yourself in the future, yourself in the future, yourself in the future, >> what else needs to happen alongside >> what else needs to happen alongside >> what else needs to happen alongside visualization in order to manifest what visualization in order to manifest what visualization in order to manifest what you want. So what what the research you want. So what what the research you want. So what what the research literature shows us is that just the the literature shows us is that just the the literature shows us is that just the the dreaming doesn't work. What and this is dreaming doesn't work. What and this is dreaming doesn't work. What and this is a great example of how the self-help a great example of how the self-help a great example of how the self-help industry has taken something true and industry has taken something true and industry has taken something true and manipulated into something that's false. manipulated into something that's false. manipulated into something that's false. We hear that visualization works and we We hear that visualization works and we We hear that visualization works and we hear that athletes use visual hear that athletes use visual hear that athletes use visual visualization exercises which is true. visualization exercises which is true. visualization exercises which is true. But what do athletes visualize? Do But what do athletes visualize? Do But what do athletes visualize? Do athletes visualize the trophy? No. Do athletes visualize the trophy? No. Do athletes visualize the trophy? No. Do they visualize the gold medal? No. What they visualize the gold medal? No. What they visualize the gold medal? No. What do athletes visualize? They visualize do athletes visualize? They visualize do athletes visualize? They visualize the obstacles in their way. the obstacles in their way. the obstacles in their way. >> They visualize if I'm on offense and >> They visualize if I'm on offense and >> They visualize if I'm on offense and defense is coming at me. If I'm going defense is coming at me. If I'm going defense is coming at me. If I'm going down the mountain skiing, what could be down the mountain skiing, what could be down the mountain skiing, what could be in my way? They're visualizing the in my way? They're visualizing the in my way? They're visualizing the obstacles so that they are emotionally obstacles so that they are emotionally obstacles so that they are emotionally ready to deal with it when those ready to deal with it when those ready to deal with it when those obstacles come. obstacles come. obstacles come. >> So, I I don't know if you remember this >> So, I I don't know if you remember this >> So, I I don't know if you remember this in our last interview, but I I might in our last interview, but I I might in our last interview, but I I might have mentioned I used to be clinically have mentioned I used to be clinically have mentioned I used to be clinically obese, obese, obese, >> like clinically obese. Not just >> like clinically obese. Not just >> like clinically obese. Not just overweight, obese. Yeah. overweight, obese. Yeah. overweight, obese. Yeah. >> Now you're a machine. Thanks. >> Now you're a machine. Thanks. >> Now you're a machine. Thanks. >> I appreciate lean machine. >> I appreciate lean machine. >> I appreciate lean machine. >> I appreciate. But how did I how did I do >> I appreciate. But how did I how did I do >> I appreciate. But how did I how did I do that? What was kind of the secret to it? that? What was kind of the secret to it? that? What was kind of the secret to it? was that I stopped dreaming about the was that I stopped dreaming about the was that I stopped dreaming about the outcomes and instead I started planning outcomes and instead I started planning outcomes and instead I started planning for the obstacles. So what really made a for the obstacles. So what really made a for the obstacles. So what really made a difference for me was planning ahead, difference for me was planning ahead, difference for me was planning ahead, visualizing in my imagination when I go visualizing in my imagination when I go visualizing in my imagination when I go to that dinner party and someone offers to that dinner party and someone offers to that dinner party and someone offers me a drink or a piece of birthday cake, me a drink or a piece of birthday cake, me a drink or a piece of birthday cake, >> what am I going to do? >> what am I going to do? >> what am I going to do? >> What am I going to do? >> What am I going to do? >> What am I going to do? >> What am I going to say? >> What am I going to say? >> What am I going to say? >> How do I deal with that discomfort of >> How do I deal with that discomfort of >> How do I deal with that discomfort of having to say no? having to say no? having to say no? >> What is a pro? I mean, if someone is >> What is a pro? I mean, if someone is >> What is a pro? I mean, if someone is overweight right now and they've always overweight right now and they've always overweight right now and they've always tried to get healthy or lose weight, but tried to get healthy or lose weight, but tried to get healthy or lose weight, but they've yo-yoed or up and down or they've yo-yoed or up and down or they've yo-yoed or up and down or they've never been able to keep the they've never been able to keep the they've never been able to keep the weight off. weight off. weight off. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> What would be the plan in this >> What would be the plan in this >> What would be the plan in this motivation triangle from belief, motivation triangle from belief, motivation triangle from belief, behavior, and benefit to say, "I'm behavior, and benefit to say, "I'm behavior, and benefit to say, "I'm actually going to get out of obesity or actually going to get out of obesity or actually going to get out of obesity or lose this weight for good." What would lose this weight for good." What would lose this weight for good." What would they need to do? they need to do? they need to do? >> Well, so this is my story. First of all, >> Well, so this is my story. First of all, >> Well, so this is my story. First of all, I feel for for anyone who's in that I feel for for anyone who's in that I feel for for anyone who's in that situation, and I still have to do this situation, and I still have to do this situation, and I still have to do this every day. I have to think about this. every day. I have to think about this. every day. I have to think about this. It doesn't just go away. It's still a It doesn't just go away. It's still a It doesn't just go away. It's still a struggle. Now, I'll tell you what struggle. Now, I'll tell you what struggle. Now, I'll tell you what happened to me that from a very young happened to me that from a very young happened to me that from a very young age when when I was very overweight from age when when I was very overweight from age when when I was very overweight from a young age, for a long time. And what I a young age, for a long time. And what I a young age, for a long time. And what I did starting back in the 1990s was uh I did starting back in the 1990s was uh I did starting back in the 1990s was uh I would read whatever diet book was the would read whatever diet book was the would read whatever diet book was the latest fad. So, it started with lowfat latest fad. So, it started with lowfat latest fad. So, it started with lowfat and uh snackwell cookies, right? That's and uh snackwell cookies, right? That's and uh snackwell cookies, right? That's what I ate all day long cuz that's how what I ate all day long cuz that's how what I ate all day long cuz that's how we thought we would lose weight. And we thought we would lose weight. And we thought we would lose weight. And then after that, I went to a vegetarian then after that, I went to a vegetarian then after that, I went to a vegetarian diet. It was all tofu and potatoes. And diet. It was all tofu and potatoes. And diet. It was all tofu and potatoes. And then after that came keto. And that's then after that came keto. And that's then after that came keto. And that's what I, you know, I threw out the potato what I, you know, I threw out the potato what I, you know, I threw out the potato and tofu and now it was all keto all day and tofu and now it was all keto all day and tofu and now it was all keto all day long. And then after that, I think it long. And then after that, I think it long. And then after that, I think it was intermittent fasting. was intermittent fasting. was intermittent fasting. >> And the interesting thing is every diet >> And the interesting thing is every diet >> And the interesting thing is every diet worked. Every diet worked. I would lose worked. Every diet worked. I would lose worked. Every diet worked. I would lose weight until it didn't because what weight until it didn't because what weight until it didn't because what would happen invariably every single would happen invariably every single would happen invariably every single time, the reason the yo-yo kept going time, the reason the yo-yo kept going time, the reason the yo-yo kept going back up and down was that when there was back up and down was that when there was back up and down was that when there was a little bit of doubt, when that doubt a little bit of doubt, when that doubt a little bit of doubt, when that doubt crept in, somebody would tell me, "Oh, crept in, somebody would tell me, "Oh, crept in, somebody would tell me, "Oh, vegetarians don't get complete nutrients vegetarians don't get complete nutrients vegetarians don't get complete nutrients or keto is bad for your kidneys or or keto is bad for your kidneys or or keto is bad for your kidneys or whatever." whatever." whatever." >> Question it. You're like, "Huh?" >> Question it. You're like, "Huh?" >> Question it. You're like, "Huh?" Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. >> Is there a better way? >> Is there a better way? >> Is there a better way? >> That's right. >> That's right. >> That's right. >> What should I be doing? >> What should I be doing? >> What should I be doing? >> And then those limiting beliefs crept in >> And then those limiting beliefs crept in >> And then those limiting beliefs crept in so that next time I said, "Okay, I'm so that next time I said, "Okay, I'm so that next time I said, "Okay, I'm going to have that piece of pizza and going to have that piece of pizza and going to have that piece of pizza and you know it's whatever. I'll have a you know it's whatever. I'll have a you know it's whatever. I'll have a little snack and have some pizza. How little snack and have some pizza. How little snack and have some pizza. How bad can it be? bad can it be? bad can it be? >> What would happen the it's called this >> What would happen the it's called this >> What would happen the it's called this is actually a real term in psychology. is actually a real term in psychology. is actually a real term in psychology. It's called the what the hell effect." It's called the what the hell effect." It's called the what the hell effect." >> Yeah. I've had one piece. Let me have >> Yeah. I've had one piece. Let me have >> Yeah. I've had one piece. Let me have the whole pie. the whole pie. the whole pie. >> Exactly. Right. Or for me it would be, >> Exactly. Right. Or for me it would be, >> Exactly. Right. Or for me it would be, you know, let me chase it with with a you know, let me chase it with with a you know, let me chase it with with a beer and some fries. Right. Goes what beer and some fries. Right. Goes what beer and some fries. Right. Goes what what's the point? Ah, diets don't work what's the point? Ah, diets don't work what's the point? Ah, diets don't work anyway. And now I have this this anyway. And now I have this this anyway. And now I have this this information that maybe the diet I was on information that maybe the diet I was on information that maybe the diet I was on don't doesn't work. Oh, no diets work. don't doesn't work. Oh, no diets work. don't doesn't work. Oh, no diets work. And so that became a limiting belief as And so that became a limiting belief as And so that became a limiting belief as opposed to opposed to opposed to >> the liberating belief of okay, I'm maybe >> the liberating belief of okay, I'm maybe >> the liberating belief of okay, I'm maybe I went off track and I had a piece of I went off track and I had a piece of I went off track and I had a piece of pizza when I shouldn't. Okay. pizza when I shouldn't. Okay. pizza when I shouldn't. Okay. >> But I control the next thing that enters >> But I control the next thing that enters >> But I control the next thing that enters my mouth. my mouth. my mouth. >> As opposed to the what the hell effect, >> As opposed to the what the hell effect, >> As opposed to the what the hell effect, which was a limiting belief. which was a limiting belief. which was a limiting belief. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And so for for not just weight >> And so for for not just weight >> And so for for not just weight management, for time management, for management, for time management, for management, for time management, for money management, all these things, what money management, all these things, what money management, all these things, what is the core of human motivation, right? is the core of human motivation, right? is the core of human motivation, right? It's not carrots and sticks. A lot of It's not carrots and sticks. A lot of It's not carrots and sticks. A lot of people kind of beat themselves into people kind of beat themselves into people kind of beat themselves into submission with punishments or rewards submission with punishments or rewards submission with punishments or rewards if they do the right thing. if they do the right thing. if they do the right thing. >> And this blew my mind that the research >> And this blew my mind that the research >> And this blew my mind that the research now shows that it's actually not about now shows that it's actually not about now shows that it's actually not about carrots and sticks. That that's not how carrots and sticks. That that's not how carrots and sticks. That that's not how the brain motivates us. That in fact the the brain motivates us. That in fact the the brain motivates us. That in fact the carrot is the stick. carrot is the stick. carrot is the stick. >> Explain that. >> Explain that. >> Explain that. >> Right? So it's like kind of like a >> Right? So it's like kind of like a >> Right? So it's like kind of like a Matrix moment, right? There is no spoon. Matrix moment, right? There is no spoon. Matrix moment, right? There is no spoon. >> The carrot is the stick. What does that >> The carrot is the stick. What does that >> The carrot is the stick. What does that mean? that all human motivation, all mean? that all human motivation, all mean? that all human motivation, all human motivation is from one thing and human motivation is from one thing and human motivation is from one thing and one thing only and that is the desire to one thing only and that is the desire to one thing only and that is the desire to escape discomfort. escape discomfort. escape discomfort. Even wanting to feel good, Even wanting to feel good, Even wanting to feel good, craving, lusting, hunger, desire itself craving, lusting, hunger, desire itself craving, lusting, hunger, desire itself is psychologically destabilizing. So is psychologically destabilizing. So is psychologically destabilizing. So what that means if all human behavior is what that means if all human behavior is what that means if all human behavior is spurred by a desire to escape discomfort spurred by a desire to escape discomfort spurred by a desire to escape discomfort that means time management is pain that means time management is pain that means time management is pain management money management is pain management money management is pain management money management is pain management weight management it's all management weight management it's all management weight management it's all pain management so if you can learn to pain management so if you can learn to pain management so if you can learn to manage that discomfort you can unlock manage that discomfort you can unlock manage that discomfort you can unlock this hidden music this hidden music this hidden music >> yeah so one more time if you can learn >> yeah so one more time if you can learn >> yeah so one more time if you can learn to manage pain or discomfort then you to manage pain or discomfort then you to manage pain or discomfort then you can unlock essentially anything you want can unlock essentially anything you want can unlock essentially anything you want >> that's right >> that's right >> that's right >> in any area of life >> in any area of life >> in any area of life >> anything that the laws of physics don't >> anything that the laws of physics don't >> anything that the laws of physics don't prevent you prevent you prevent you Because everything in life, right, you Because everything in life, right, you Because everything in life, right, you know this is on the other side of that know this is on the other side of that know this is on the other side of that discomfort. discomfort. discomfort. >> You want to build a great family, >> You want to build a great family, >> You want to build a great family, >> it's going to take hard work. You want >> it's going to take hard work. You want >> it's going to take hard work. You want to build a business, you know, it takes to build a business, you know, it takes to build a business, you know, it takes hard work. You want to get in shape, hard work. You want to get in shape, hard work. You want to get in shape, it's going to take work. it's going to take work. it's going to take work. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> But what blew my mind is that I always >> But what blew my mind is that I always >> But what blew my mind is that I always separated separated separated I sorry I always I never separated pain I sorry I always I never separated pain I sorry I always I never separated pain from suffering. from suffering. from suffering. >> What's the difference? >> What's the difference? >> What's the difference? >> That was always synonymous. >> That was always synonymous. >> That was always synonymous. >> What's the difference between pain and >> What's the difference between pain and >> What's the difference between pain and suffering? suffering? suffering? >> So pain is just a signal. Where does >> So pain is just a signal. Where does >> So pain is just a signal. Where does pain happen? Where does pain occur? Is pain happen? Where does pain occur? Is pain happen? Where does pain occur? Is pain here? Is pain here? It's pain pain here? Is pain here? It's pain pain here? Is pain here? It's pain >> in the mind, right? >> in the mind, right? >> in the mind, right? >> Always in the mind. It's always in the >> Always in the mind. It's always in the >> Always in the mind. It's always in the Where else could it be? Right? If if if Where else could it be? Right? If if if Where else could it be? Right? If if if you break your arm, the pain isn't here. you break your arm, the pain isn't here. you break your arm, the pain isn't here. The pain is registering in your brain. The pain is registering in your brain. The pain is registering in your brain. Where else could it be? Doesn't mean Where else could it be? Doesn't mean Where else could it be? Doesn't mean it's not real. All pain is real. it's not real. All pain is real. it's not real. All pain is real. >> But the suffering occurs up here. For >> But the suffering occurs up here. For >> But the suffering occurs up here. For example, let's say, Lewis, that uh right example, let's say, Lewis, that uh right example, let's say, Lewis, that uh right now now now >> uh all of a sudden your your heart >> uh all of a sudden your your heart >> uh all of a sudden your your heart started beating very quickly. You were started beating very quickly. You were started beating very quickly. You were short of breath, dry mouth. Something short of breath, dry mouth. Something short of breath, dry mouth. Something would be terribly wrong, right? and you would be terribly wrong, right? and you would be terribly wrong, right? and you would have to go to the ER immediately. would have to go to the ER immediately. would have to go to the ER immediately. But if you had the same physiological But if you had the same physiological But if you had the same physiological sensations while you're on a run or in sensations while you're on a run or in sensations while you're on a run or in the gym, that's great. Now you have a the gym, that's great. Now you have a the gym, that's great. Now you have a positive perception of that same exact positive perception of that same exact positive perception of that same exact physiological response. physiological response. physiological response. >> And so pain is just a signal. Suffering >> And so pain is just a signal. Suffering >> And so pain is just a signal. Suffering is the interpretation of that signal. is the interpretation of that signal. is the interpretation of that signal. >> What does that mean? >> What does that mean? >> What does that mean? >> It means that that we can shape how we >> It means that that we can shape how we >> It means that that we can shape how we experience that pain. It doesn't experience that pain. It doesn't experience that pain. It doesn't necessarily have to be suffering. based necessarily have to be suffering. based necessarily have to be suffering. based on our beliefs, on our beliefs, on our beliefs, >> based on the filter of perception, we >> based on the filter of perception, we >> based on the filter of perception, we can interpret differently. So, I'll give can interpret differently. So, I'll give can interpret differently. So, I'll give you a great example. you a great example. you a great example. So, some of the research that stopped me So, some of the research that stopped me So, some of the research that stopped me cold in my tracks was around hypnosed. cold in my tracks was around hypnosed. cold in my tracks was around hypnosed. Have you ever heard of hypnosed? Have you ever heard of hypnosed? Have you ever heard of hypnosed? >> Like hypnosis? >> Like hypnosis? >> Like hypnosis? >> Yeah. But for surgery? >> Yeah. But for surgery? >> Yeah. But for surgery? >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> It's mind-blowing. Okay. I've And I >> It's mind-blowing. Okay. I've And I >> It's mind-blowing. Okay. I've And I Lewis, I would not believe it if I have Lewis, I would not believe it if I have Lewis, I would not believe it if I have not seen the tapes. And in the research, not seen the tapes. And in the research, not seen the tapes. And in the research, I I I did I saw many of these surgeries. I I I did I saw many of these surgeries. I I I did I saw many of these surgeries. There's a guy I I I wrote about There's a guy I I I wrote about There's a guy I I I wrote about >> hypnosed. >> hypnosed. >> hypnosed. >> Hypnosed. >> Hypnosed. >> Hypnosed. >> So essentially hypnotizing yourself to >> So essentially hypnotizing yourself to >> So essentially hypnotizing yourself to not feel pain so you don't have to go not feel pain so you don't have to go not feel pain so you don't have to go under anesthesia. under anesthesia. under anesthesia. >> Right. And you know me, I'm I'm a pretty >> Right. And you know me, I'm I'm a pretty >> Right. And you know me, I'm I'm a pretty scienceback guy, right? It took me six scienceback guy, right? It took me six scienceback guy, right? It took me six years to write this book. I'm very years to write this book. I'm very years to write this book. I'm very skeptical, right? Like almost to the skeptical, right? Like almost to the skeptical, right? Like almost to the point of being cynical, right? Of point of being cynical, right? Of point of being cynical, right? Of course. course. course. >> And so I needed the evidence. And so I >> And so I needed the evidence. And so I >> And so I needed the evidence. And so I had to watch the actual video of the had to watch the actual video of the had to watch the actual video of the surgery. And it turns out that in surgery. And it turns out that in surgery. And it turns out that in Europe, mostly Switzerland and France, Europe, mostly Switzerland and France, Europe, mostly Switzerland and France, this is a technique that tens of this is a technique that tens of this is a technique that tens of thousands of people have gone through. thousands of people have gone through. thousands of people have gone through. And so the the the guy that I And so the the the guy that I And so the the the guy that I interviewed, his name is Daniel Gistler. interviewed, his name is Daniel Gistler. interviewed, his name is Daniel Gistler. He was a former commodities trader, very He was a former commodities trader, very He was a former commodities trader, very numbers guy, analytical, not woo woo in numbers guy, analytical, not woo woo in numbers guy, analytical, not woo woo in the least. the least. the least. >> And this guy uh he young 50s, he has >> And this guy uh he young 50s, he has >> And this guy uh he young 50s, he has this freak accident and he he breaks a this freak accident and he he breaks a this freak accident and he he breaks a bone in his ankle and he has to get uh bone in his ankle and he has to get uh bone in his ankle and he has to get uh these these screws put into his leg. these these screws put into his leg. these these screws put into his leg. >> And then it's time to get these screws >> And then it's time to get these screws >> And then it's time to get these screws taken out. taken out. taken out. >> And in the well, this is years later. >> And in the well, this is years later. >> And in the well, this is years later. He's healed up. He has to do this still. He's healed up. He has to do this still. He's healed up. He has to do this still. >> And he learns he comes across this >> And he learns he comes across this >> And he learns he comes across this technique called hypnosed sedation. He technique called hypnosed sedation. He technique called hypnosed sedation. He gets kind of curious. He watches some gets kind of curious. He watches some gets kind of curious. He watches some YouTube videos. He decides to take a YouTube videos. He decides to take a YouTube videos. He decides to take a class and he prepares his mind to the class and he prepares his mind to the class and he prepares his mind to the point where he goes under the surgery point where he goes under the surgery point where he goes under the surgery for 55 minutes with scalpel cutting into for 55 minutes with scalpel cutting into for 55 minutes with scalpel cutting into flesh with metal screws being extracted flesh with metal screws being extracted flesh with metal screws being extracted from bone. from bone. from bone. >> Oh my gosh. >> Oh my gosh. >> Oh my gosh. >> Without general anesthesia, without >> Without general anesthesia, without >> Without general anesthesia, without local anesthesia, nothing. local anesthesia, nothing. local anesthesia, nothing. >> Nothing. He just said >> Nothing. He just said >> Nothing. He just said >> let me put myself in a mental state to >> let me put myself in a mental state to >> let me put myself in a mental state to turn off the pain signal. turn off the pain signal. turn off the pain signal. >> How does he do that? and then allow you >> How does he do that? and then allow you >> How does he do that? and then allow you to cut open my leg without me screaming. to cut open my leg without me screaming. to cut open my leg without me screaming. >> That's exactly right. And not only not >> That's exactly right. And not only not >> That's exactly right. And not only not only this and if you Yes. And and not only this and if you Yes. And and not only this and if you Yes. And and not only is he you would think, okay, well, only is he you would think, okay, well, only is he you would think, okay, well, maybe he's feeling the pain but not maybe he's feeling the pain but not maybe he's feeling the pain but not letting. No, we can see in his blood letting. No, we can see in his blood letting. No, we can see in his blood pressure, in his heart rate, all the pressure, in his heart rate, all the pressure, in his heart rate, all the things that should be going that's things that should be going that's things that should be going that's spiking, you know, when when the bane spiking, you know, when when the bane spiking, you know, when when the bane when the body's in in stress mode, when the body's in in stress mode, when the body's in in stress mode, nothing happens. nothing happens. nothing happens. >> He turned the pain signal off. >> He turned the pain signal off. >> He turned the pain signal off. >> Well, he turned the suffering off. >> Well, he turned the suffering off. >> Well, he turned the suffering off. >> Not the pain signal. >> Not the pain signal. >> Not the pain signal. >> Not necessarily. So what so here's this >> Not necessarily. So what so here's this >> Not necessarily. So what so here's this is this is the heart of of of the is this is the heart of of of the is this is the heart of of of the research I've done is that beliefs have research I've done is that beliefs have research I've done is that beliefs have these three powers. The power of these three powers. The power of these three powers. The power of attention, the power of anticipation, attention, the power of anticipation, attention, the power of anticipation, and the power of agency. So what Daniel and the power of agency. So what Daniel and the power of agency. So what Daniel Gistler was able to do and tens of Gistler was able to do and tens of Gistler was able to do and tens of thousands of other people do all the thousands of other people do all the thousands of other people do all the time is that through the power of time is that through the power of time is that through the power of beliefs, they can choose where to pay beliefs, they can choose where to pay beliefs, they can choose where to pay attention to the signals coming into attention to the signals coming into attention to the signals coming into their brain. Because what's happening their brain. Because what's happening their brain. Because what's happening right now, your brain is taking in 11 right now, your brain is taking in 11 right now, your brain is taking in 11 million bits of information. right now million bits of information. right now million bits of information. right now 11 bits bill million bits of information 11 bits bill million bits of information 11 bits bill million bits of information the sound of my voice entering your ears the sound of my voice entering your ears the sound of my voice entering your ears the light entering your eyes the ambient the light entering your eyes the ambient the light entering your eyes the ambient temperature of the room you're taking temperature of the room you're taking temperature of the room you're taking all this in okay just to put that in all this in okay just to put that in all this in okay just to put that in perspective that's the equivalent of perspective that's the equivalent of perspective that's the equivalent of reading war in peace every second twice reading war in peace every second twice reading war in peace every second twice okay that's what your brain is okay that's what your brain is okay that's what your brain is processing right now processing right now processing right now >> however your conscious awareness is only >> however your conscious awareness is only >> however your conscious awareness is only 50 bits per second 50 bits per second 50 bits per second >> 50 bits versus 11 million bits that >> 50 bits versus 11 million bits that >> 50 bits versus 11 million bits that means that your conscious brain the means that your conscious brain the means that your conscious brain the perception of suffering is only taking perception of suffering is only taking perception of suffering is only taking in 0.000045% of the information has available. of the information has available. >> So what does the brain have to do? It's >> So what does the brain have to do? It's >> So what does the brain have to do? It's called predictive processing. called predictive processing. called predictive processing. >> It doesn't see reality as it is. It sees >> It doesn't see reality as it is. It sees >> It doesn't see reality as it is. It sees it as you predict it to it as you predict it to it as you predict it to >> be. >> be. >> be. >> Bingo. How did you know that? Because >> Bingo. How did you know that? Because >> Bingo. How did you know that? Because you've seen it a million times. These you've seen it a million times. These you've seen it a million times. These are called our priors. are called our priors. are called our priors. >> And so our prior beliefs >> And so our prior beliefs >> And so our prior beliefs >> dictate what we see in the present >> dictate what we see in the present >> dictate what we see in the present reality. So, how do we shift a prior reality. So, how do we shift a prior reality. So, how do we shift a prior belief into creating future evidence belief into creating future evidence belief into creating future evidence that we can create something we've never that we can create something we've never that we can create something we've never created before? created before? created before? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> If we only have proof and evidence that >> If we only have proof and evidence that >> If we only have proof and evidence that we've been a failure, that we've tried we've been a failure, that we've tried we've been a failure, that we've tried and humili humiliated ourselves over and and humili humiliated ourselves over and and humili humiliated ourselves over and over again, that we're not enough, that over again, that we're not enough, that over again, that we're not enough, that we're someone that's worth being we're someone that's worth being we're someone that's worth being abandoned, whatever it is, abandoned, whatever it is, abandoned, whatever it is, >> right? >> right? >> right? >> How do we create a belief that we've >> How do we create a belief that we've >> How do we create a belief that we've never experienced? never experienced? never experienced? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> To create a new result in our life. >> To create a new result in our life. >> To create a new result in our life. 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All rights reserved. half of 2025. All rights reserved. >> Yeah. So this is this is where the magic >> Yeah. So this is this is where the magic >> Yeah. So this is this is where the magic happens. And the magic is that number happens. And the magic is that number happens. And the magic is that number first step is to see those limiting first step is to see those limiting first step is to see those limiting beliefs because we all have it. But beliefs because we all have it. But beliefs because we all have it. But >> what was yours? >> what was yours? >> what was yours? >> Oh my god. Where the the >> Oh my god. Where the the >> Oh my god. Where the the >> what was your biggest two or three like >> what was your biggest two or three like >> what was your biggest two or three like our biggest our biggest our biggest >> Oh, where do we start? Okay, I'll tell >> Oh, where do we start? Okay, I'll tell >> Oh, where do we start? Okay, I'll tell you. Um for me it was relationships. I you. Um for me it was relationships. I you. Um for me it was relationships. I had a lot of limiting beliefs with my had a lot of limiting beliefs with my had a lot of limiting beliefs with my relationships relationships relationships >> like intimacy or like >> like intimacy or like >> like intimacy or like >> I'll I'll tell you exactly what >> I'll I'll tell you exactly what >> I'll I'll tell you exactly what happened. So uh for me it was my happened. So uh for me it was my happened. So uh for me it was my relationship with my mom. relationship with my mom. relationship with my mom. >> Uhhuh. that uh and this is this this >> Uhhuh. that uh and this is this this >> Uhhuh. that uh and this is this this particularly illustrates the point. So particularly illustrates the point. So particularly illustrates the point. So um a few years ago my my mom had her um a few years ago my my mom had her um a few years ago my my mom had her 74th birthday and I wanted to do 74th birthday and I wanted to do 74th birthday and I wanted to do something very nice for her and so I something very nice for her and so I something very nice for her and so I wanted to send her some flowers. Now I wanted to send her some flowers. Now I wanted to send her some flowers. Now I was in Singapore. She was in central was in Singapore. She was in central was in Singapore. She was in central Florida where I grew up and uh getting Florida where I grew up and uh getting Florida where I grew up and uh getting flowers from Singapore to Central flowers from Singapore to Central flowers from Singapore to Central Florida is no small task. So I called up Florida is no small task. So I called up Florida is no small task. So I called up a bunch of florists. I stayed up till 1 a bunch of florists. I stayed up till 1 a bunch of florists. I stayed up till 1 in the morning making sure that the the in the morning making sure that the the in the morning making sure that the the delivery would happen on time that she delivery would happen on time that she delivery would happen on time that she would get them that the flowers wouldn't would get them that the flowers wouldn't would get them that the flowers wouldn't uh wilt in the car in the in the Florida uh wilt in the car in the in the Florida uh wilt in the car in the in the Florida heat. Stayed up till one in the morning. heat. Stayed up till one in the morning. heat. Stayed up till one in the morning. I went to bed and I patted myself on the I went to bed and I patted myself on the I went to bed and I patted myself on the back. I said, "Where I'm a good son, back. I said, "Where I'm a good son, back. I said, "Where I'm a good son, right? I did the right thing." right? I did the right thing." right? I did the right thing." >> I call her up the next morning. I say, >> I call her up the next morning. I say, >> I call her up the next morning. I say, "Hey, mom. Happy birthday. Did you get "Hey, mom. Happy birthday. Did you get "Hey, mom. Happy birthday. Did you get the flowers I sent?" And she said, "Yes, the flowers I sent?" And she said, "Yes, the flowers I sent?" And she said, "Yes, I got the flowers. Thank you very much. I got the flowers. Thank you very much. I got the flowers. Thank you very much. But just so you know that they arrived But just so you know that they arrived But just so you know that they arrived half dead and I wouldn't order from that half dead and I wouldn't order from that half dead and I wouldn't order from that place again. place again. place again. >> Oh my gosh. So it's finding the fault as >> Oh my gosh. So it's finding the fault as >> Oh my gosh. So it's finding the fault as opposed to opposed to opposed to >> Yeah. So you feel me on this one, right? >> Yeah. So you feel me on this one, right? >> Yeah. So you feel me on this one, right? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> So I >> So I >> So I >> You failed. >> You failed. >> You failed. >> Yes. So I said something uh to the >> Yes. So I said something uh to the >> Yes. So I said something uh to the effect of effect of effect of >> Well, that's the last time I ever buy >> Well, that's the last time I ever buy >> Well, that's the last time I ever buy you flowers again. you flowers again. you flowers again. >> And that went over just about as well as >> And that went over just about as well as >> And that went over just about as well as you'd expect, right? Not so good. you'd expect, right? Not so good. you'd expect, right? Not so good. >> And then after the call, uh my wife >> And then after the call, uh my wife >> And then after the call, uh my wife Julie, she turned to me and she said, Julie, she turned to me and she said, Julie, she turned to me and she said, "Do you want to do a turnaround on "Do you want to do a turnaround on "Do you want to do a turnaround on this?" To which I said, "Fo, this?" To which I said, "Fo, this?" To which I said, "Fo, >> no. No. I'm pissed off. >> no. No. I'm pissed off. >> no. No. I'm pissed off. >> I want your mumbo jumbo touchy feely." >> I want your mumbo jumbo touchy feely." >> I want your mumbo jumbo touchy feely." >> Yeah. Yeah. I was up till 1:00 a.m. I >> Yeah. Yeah. I was up till 1:00 a.m. I >> Yeah. Yeah. I was up till 1:00 a.m. I did my best. did my best. did my best. >> I did. You hear what she said? I need to >> I did. You hear what she said? I need to >> I did. You hear what she said? I need to vent. Right. Because that's what we've vent. Right. Because that's what we've vent. Right. Because that's what we've been told. This lie that if somebody been told. This lie that if somebody been told. This lie that if somebody hurts you, you need to tell them how you hurts you, you need to tell them how you hurts you, you need to tell them how you feel. You need to get it off your chest. feel. You need to get it off your chest. feel. You need to get it off your chest. You have to vent. You have to vent. You have to vent. >> Wrong. The research literature shows >> Wrong. The research literature shows >> Wrong. The research literature shows that that is not helpful. That when you that that is not helpful. That when you that that is not helpful. That when you do that, when you vent about people, do that, when you vent about people, do that, when you vent about people, you're doing nothing but reinforcing you're doing nothing but reinforcing you're doing nothing but reinforcing your belief about that person. So you your belief about that person. So you your belief about that person. So you don't see people as they are. You see an don't see people as they are. You see an don't see people as they are. You see an effigy of what your beliefs say they effigy of what your beliefs say they effigy of what your beliefs say they are. And so I knew this research at the are. And so I knew this research at the are. And so I knew this research at the time. I was I was writing the book. And time. I was I was writing the book. And time. I was I was writing the book. And so I I knew about this. So I stopped so I I knew about this. So I stopped so I I knew about this. So I stopped venting. I said, "Okay, fine. I won't venting. I said, "Okay, fine. I won't venting. I said, "Okay, fine. I won't vent." Which I really wanted to do, vent." Which I really wanted to do, vent." Which I really wanted to do, >> of course. >> of course. >> of course. >> And instead I did what what she advised. >> And instead I did what what she advised. >> And instead I did what what she advised. I did a turnaround. Now this technique I did a turnaround. Now this technique I did a turnaround. Now this technique comes from Byron Katy and she's been comes from Byron Katy and she's been comes from Byron Katy and she's been around for a very long time. She's around for a very long time. She's around for a very long time. She's wonderful. And she actually channeled a wonderful. And she actually channeled a wonderful. And she actually channeled a technique that goes back all the way to technique that goes back all the way to technique that goes back all the way to Aristotle. That Aristotle Aristotle. That Aristotle Aristotle. That Aristotle >> the work. >> the work. >> the work. >> Exactly. Exactly. It's the work. So, so >> Exactly. Exactly. It's the work. So, so >> Exactly. Exactly. It's the work. So, so I I did this and I and I really respect I I did this and I and I really respect I I did this and I and I really respect it and and you know it's it's a very it and and you know it's it's a very it and and you know it's it's a very very long tradition but but Byron Katy very long tradition but but Byron Katy very long tradition but but Byron Katy really put it into a format that I think really put it into a format that I think really put it into a format that I think >> is it true? Is it really true? >> is it true? Is it really true? >> is it true? Is it really true? >> So here's what I did. First step, >> So here's what I did. First step, >> So here's what I did. First step, >> I wrote down the belief. The belief was >> I wrote down the belief. The belief was >> I wrote down the belief. The belief was my mother is too judgmental and hard to my mother is too judgmental and hard to my mother is too judgmental and hard to please. So the first question is it please. So the first question is it please. So the first question is it true? Duh. Didn't didn't you just hear true? Duh. Didn't didn't you just hear true? Duh. Didn't didn't you just hear right? Okay. Next question. Let's move right? Okay. Next question. Let's move right? Okay. Next question. Let's move on. Obviously she's too judgmental and on. Obviously she's too judgmental and on. Obviously she's too judgmental and hard to please. Next question. What's hard to please. Next question. What's hard to please. Next question. What's the next question? The next question is, the next question? The next question is, the next question? The next question is, is it absolutely true? is it absolutely true? is it absolutely true? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Is it absolutely true? Well, >> Okay. Is it absolutely true? Well, >> Okay. Is it absolutely true? Well, >> well, could there be? Absolutely means >> well, could there be? Absolutely means >> well, could there be? Absolutely means in all circumstances. in all circumstances. in all circumstances. >> Never ever ever is it not true? >> Never ever ever is it not true? >> Never ever ever is it not true? >> Okay. Maybe. I don't know how, but maybe >> Okay. Maybe. I don't know how, but maybe >> Okay. Maybe. I don't know how, but maybe there's a circumstance where it's not there's a circumstance where it's not there's a circumstance where it's not true. Fine. Okay. Third question. true. Fine. Okay. Third question. true. Fine. Okay. Third question. >> Who am I when I hold on to this belief? >> Who am I when I hold on to this belief? >> Who am I when I hold on to this belief? >> When I hold on to the belief that my >> When I hold on to the belief that my >> When I hold on to the belief that my mother is too judgmental and hard to mother is too judgmental and hard to mother is too judgmental and hard to please, who do I become? What kind of please, who do I become? What kind of please, who do I become? What kind of person am I? I'm not very patient. I'm person am I? I'm not very patient. I'm person am I? I'm not very patient. I'm not kind. Frankly, I'm not myself. I'm not kind. Frankly, I'm not myself. I'm not kind. Frankly, I'm not myself. I'm not someone who I'm proud of. And then not someone who I'm proud of. And then not someone who I'm proud of. And then the fourth question, who would I be the fourth question, who would I be the fourth question, who would I be without that belief? without that belief? without that belief? >> And when I thought about that, I said, >> And when I thought about that, I said, >> And when I thought about that, I said, okay, if there's some kind of magic wand okay, if there's some kind of magic wand okay, if there's some kind of magic wand and I could wave it and dissolve that and I could wave it and dissolve that and I could wave it and dissolve that belief from my brain, belief from my brain, belief from my brain, I would be kinder. I would be more I would be kinder. I would be more I would be kinder. I would be more patient. I would be who I think I really patient. I would be who I think I really patient. I would be who I think I really am. am. am. >> And so, I really, you know, I I >> And so, I really, you know, I I >> And so, I really, you know, I I understood that my that belief wasn't understood that my that belief wasn't understood that my that belief wasn't really serving me. Now, here's here's really serving me. Now, here's here's really serving me. Now, here's here's the important part is that beliefs are the important part is that beliefs are the important part is that beliefs are tools, not truths. Unlike a fact or tools, not truths. Unlike a fact or tools, not truths. Unlike a fact or faith, a belief is something else. A faith, a belief is something else. A faith, a belief is something else. A belief is a tool, not a truth. So, it belief is a tool, not a truth. So, it belief is a tool, not a truth. So, it doesn't actually matter doesn't actually matter doesn't actually matter if it's true or not. Okay? But I was if it's true or not. Okay? But I was if it's true or not. Okay? But I was holding on to belief that to me felt holding on to belief that to me felt holding on to belief that to me felt very true. And so, the process you ask, very true. And so, the process you ask, very true. And so, the process you ask, how do you go about changing these how do you go about changing these how do you go about changing these beliefs? You look for the diametric beliefs? You look for the diametric beliefs? You look for the diametric opposite of that belief in this opposite of that belief in this opposite of that belief in this turnaround. Okay? But what's the turnaround. Okay? But what's the turnaround. Okay? But what's the opposite of that belief? My mother is opposite of that belief? My mother is opposite of that belief? My mother is too judgmental and hard to please. too judgmental and hard to please. too judgmental and hard to please. What's the opposite? What's the opposite? What's the opposite? >> My mother is not too judgmental and hard >> My mother is not too judgmental and hard >> My mother is not too judgmental and hard to please. Okay. At first, I didn't to please. Okay. At first, I didn't to please. Okay. At first, I didn't know. There's no way. know. There's no way. know. There's no way. >> I don't believe that. >> I don't believe that. >> I don't believe that. >> I don't believe that. Right. But again, >> I don't believe that. Right. But again, >> I don't believe that. Right. But again, I'm not looking to change my beliefs. I'm not looking to change my beliefs. I'm not looking to change my beliefs. The point of a turnaround is not to The point of a turnaround is not to The point of a turnaround is not to change your beliefs. It's to give you a change your beliefs. It's to give you a change your beliefs. It's to give you a portfolio of perspectives that you can portfolio of perspectives that you can portfolio of perspectives that you can now choose from to see which one serves now choose from to see which one serves now choose from to see which one serves you better. So, I tried it on for size. you better. So, I tried it on for size. you better. So, I tried it on for size. How could that possibly be true? that my How could that possibly be true? that my How could that possibly be true? that my mother is not too judgmental and hard to mother is not too judgmental and hard to mother is not too judgmental and hard to please. please. please. >> Could that possibly be true? Well, >> Could that possibly be true? Well, >> Could that possibly be true? Well, >> let me find some instances. Let me pull >> let me find some instances. Let me pull >> let me find some instances. Let me pull the memory bank. Let me the memory bank. Let me the memory bank. Let me >> or even with this specific instant, >> or even with this specific instant, >> or even with this specific instant, maybe maybe maybe maybe she was trying to help me. Maybe maybe she was trying to help me. Maybe maybe she was trying to help me. Maybe she was trying to make sure that I just she was trying to make sure that I just she was trying to make sure that I just didn't get scammed from this florist and didn't get scammed from this florist and didn't get scammed from this florist and she was trying to be helpful and not she was trying to be helpful and not she was trying to be helpful and not hurtful. hurtful. hurtful. >> Okay, perhaps. >> Okay, perhaps. >> Okay, perhaps. >> Didn't come off that way, but maybe. >> Didn't come off that way, but maybe. >> Didn't come off that way, but maybe. >> Exactly. Now, let's do another >> Exactly. Now, let's do another >> Exactly. Now, let's do another turnaround. turnaround. turnaround. >> Instead of my mother's too judgmental >> Instead of my mother's too judgmental >> Instead of my mother's too judgmental and hard to please, I am too judgmental and hard to please, I am too judgmental and hard to please, I am too judgmental and hard to please. and hard to please. and hard to please. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Could that be true? >> Could that be true? >> Could that be true? >> You need her to have this perfect >> You need her to have this perfect >> You need her to have this perfect response for you to feel like it was was response for you to feel like it was was response for you to feel like it was was a good job. a good job. a good job. >> Bingo. I I I wish you were there because >> Bingo. I I I wish you were there because >> Bingo. I I I wish you were there because it took me a while to realize that. But it took me a while to realize that. But it took me a while to realize that. But that's exactly what that's what I that's exactly what that's what I that's exactly what that's what I realized is that when I called her and realized is that when I called her and realized is that when I called her and she didn't respond exactly the way I had she didn't respond exactly the way I had she didn't respond exactly the way I had scripted in my head. scripted in my head. scripted in my head. >> Thank you so much for thinking of me. >> Thank you so much for thinking of me. >> Thank you so much for thinking of me. >> The ausive praise didn't come. >> The ausive praise didn't come. >> The ausive praise didn't come. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I lost it. And I said something that I >> I lost it. And I said something that I >> I lost it. And I said something that I regret. So who was being judgmental? regret. So who was being judgmental? regret. So who was being judgmental? >> Yeah. I was what is uh I think Tony >> Yeah. I was what is uh I think Tony >> Yeah. I was what is uh I think Tony Robbins says when you trade expectation Robbins says when you trade expectation Robbins says when you trade expectation for appreciation your life will start to for appreciation your life will start to for appreciation your life will start to change. change. change. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It's hard to have appreciation when you >> It's hard to have appreciation when you >> It's hard to have appreciation when you have a strong expectation. have a strong expectation. have a strong expectation. >> That's right. >> That's right. >> That's right. >> Even if you haven't voiced the >> Even if you haven't voiced the >> Even if you haven't voiced the expectation, you have an internal expectation, you have an internal expectation, you have an internal >> I was up till 1:00 a.m. I did this. I >> I was up till 1:00 a.m. I did this. I >> I was up till 1:00 a.m. I did this. I researched for hours to just to get my researched for hours to just to get my researched for hours to just to get my mom flowers. And I had all these Yeah. mom flowers. And I had all these Yeah. mom flowers. And I had all these Yeah. And I deserve at least a thank you. And I deserve at least a thank you. And I deserve at least a thank you. >> Which is what? Which is a belief. >> Which is what? Which is a belief. >> Which is what? Which is a belief. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> It's just a belief. True. But there's >> It's just a belief. True. But there's >> It's just a belief. True. But there's one there's a fourth one which was the one there's a fourth one which was the one there's a fourth one which was the most true which was the one I most did most true which was the one I most did most true which was the one I most did not want to believe. not want to believe. not want to believe. >> Instead of my mother is too judgmental >> Instead of my mother is too judgmental >> Instead of my mother is too judgmental and hard to please, I am too judgmental and hard to please, I am too judgmental and hard to please, I am too judgmental and hard to please towards myself. and hard to please towards myself. and hard to please towards myself. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Never enough. >> Never enough. >> Never enough. >> How could that be true? >> How could that be true? >> How could that be true? >> Well, now when I thought about it, I >> Well, now when I thought about it, I >> Well, now when I thought about it, I realized when I did something and put realized when I did something and put realized when I did something and put effort towards something that didn't effort towards something that didn't effort towards something that didn't work out, work out, work out, >> that I took that as a personal failing. >> that I took that as a personal failing. >> that I took that as a personal failing. That I had somehow messed up. That I was That I had somehow messed up. That I was That I had somehow messed up. That I was incompetent. I couldn't even get my mom incompetent. I couldn't even get my mom incompetent. I couldn't even get my mom proper flowers. And so who was judging proper flowers. And so who was judging proper flowers. And so who was judging who? I was judging myself. who? I was judging myself. who? I was judging myself. >> Now again, are any of these true? Does >> Now again, are any of these true? Does >> Now again, are any of these true? Does it matter? What matters is which one of it matter? What matters is which one of it matter? What matters is which one of those beliefs gave me peace? those beliefs gave me peace? those beliefs gave me peace? >> Yeah. Which one serves you the most? >> Yeah. Which one serves you the most? >> Yeah. Which one serves you the most? >> Exactly. So now I had a portfolio to >> Exactly. So now I had a portfolio to >> Exactly. So now I had a portfolio to choose from. The first belief that my choose from. The first belief that my choose from. The first belief that my mother's too judgmental and hard to mother's too judgmental and hard to mother's too judgmental and hard to please. There's only one way out of please. There's only one way out of please. There's only one way out of that. She had to change for me to be that. She had to change for me to be that. She had to change for me to be happy. Yes. happy. Yes. happy. Yes. >> It's the only way out. with the other >> It's the only way out. with the other >> It's the only way out. with the other three, I could do something about that. three, I could do something about that. three, I could do something about that. And so that's the real power of beliefs And so that's the real power of beliefs And so that's the real power of beliefs is that when you for me, you said what is that when you for me, you said what is that when you for me, you said what changed most, changed most, changed most, >> it was when I could look at my >> it was when I could look at my >> it was when I could look at my relationships and now I do this probably relationships and now I do this probably relationships and now I do this probably six 10 times a day when someone annoys six 10 times a day when someone annoys six 10 times a day when someone annoys me. me. me. >> I I take a step back and I say, "Okay, >> I I take a step back and I say, "Okay, >> I I take a step back and I say, "Okay, what's the limiting belief here? what's the limiting belief here? what's the limiting belief here? >> What's the opposite of that limiting >> What's the opposite of that limiting >> What's the opposite of that limiting belief? And how could it also be true?" belief? And how could it also be true?" belief? And how could it also be true?" >> And my life again, it's not about >> And my life again, it's not about >> And my life again, it's not about finding facts. It's not about proving finding facts. It's not about proving finding facts. It's not about proving the truth. the truth. the truth. >> It's not about truth. >> It's not about truth. >> It's not about truth. >> It's about finding peace. Yes. So now >> It's about finding peace. Yes. So now >> It's about finding peace. Yes. So now I'm happier. I'm more myself. I'm more I'm happier. I'm more myself. I'm more I'm happier. I'm more myself. I'm more calm and relaxed. calm and relaxed. calm and relaxed. >> And th those benefits and and what >> And th those benefits and and what >> And th those benefits and and what changed all that changed was my my changed all that changed was my my changed all that changed was my my belief. belief. belief. >> And it's a you could call it a belief or >> And it's a you could call it a belief or >> And it's a you could call it a belief or a perspective, I guess, around what's a perspective, I guess, around what's a perspective, I guess, around what's happening in life. happening in life. happening in life. >> That's right. >> That's right. >> That's right. >> And what you choose to see and witness, >> And what you choose to see and witness, >> And what you choose to see and witness, right? right? right? >> That's right. But these limiting >> That's right. But these limiting >> That's right. But these limiting beliefs, beliefs, beliefs, we all have them and they're all hidden. we all have them and they're all hidden. we all have them and they're all hidden. It's almost like our face. Right. Right. It's almost like our face. Right. Right. It's almost like our face. Right. Right. Now, if I said, "Look at your face." You Now, if I said, "Look at your face." You Now, if I said, "Look at your face." You can't see your face. You can see your can't see your face. You can see your can't see your face. You can see your hands. You can't see your face. Right? hands. You can't see your face. Right? hands. You can't see your face. Right? Right? The only way you can see your Right? The only way you can see your Right? The only way you can see your face is if you hold your face up to a face is if you hold your face up to a face is if you hold your face up to a mirror and then you can uncover your mirror and then you can uncover your mirror and then you can uncover your limiting beliefs. And we all have them. limiting beliefs. And we all have them. limiting beliefs. And we all have them. Doesn't matter how successful you are. Doesn't matter how successful you are. Doesn't matter how successful you are. We all have them in one area of our We all have them in one area of our We all have them in one area of our life. life. life. >> What are the three biggest limiting >> What are the three biggest limiting >> What are the three biggest limiting beliefs of most people in the world? beliefs of most people in the world? beliefs of most people in the world? >> The one I hear most often, there's no >> The one I hear most often, there's no >> The one I hear most often, there's no time. time. time. >> I don't have time. >> I don't have time. >> I don't have time. >> I don't have time. I hear that all the >> I don't have time. I hear that all the >> I don't have time. I hear that all the time. Uh it's too late. Uh people like time. Uh it's too late. Uh people like time. Uh it's too late. Uh people like me don't do that. or um you know, he she me don't do that. or um you know, he she me don't do that. or um you know, he she it hurt me or um uh the world sucks or it hurt me or um uh the world sucks or it hurt me or um uh the world sucks or exercise is hard. I mean, where where exercise is hard. I mean, where where exercise is hard. I mean, where where does the list start? It goes on and on does the list start? It goes on and on does the list start? It goes on and on and on. and on. and on. >> Yeah. It's funny because something >> Yeah. It's funny because something >> Yeah. It's funny because something that's coming up for me is I've told that's coming up for me is I've told that's coming up for me is I've told this story a few different times, but it this story a few different times, but it this story a few different times, but it always struck with me. I was in eighth always struck with me. I was in eighth always struck with me. I was in eighth grade grade grade and the high school that my middle and the high school that my middle and the high school that my middle school was kind of connected to, I school was kind of connected to, I school was kind of connected to, I really looked up to these senior really looked up to these senior really looked up to these senior basketball players. I was playing basketball players. I was playing basketball players. I was playing basketball basketball basketball >> and I was playing a lot with kind of the >> and I was playing a lot with kind of the >> and I was playing a lot with kind of the upper classmen because I was tall and I upper classmen because I was tall and I upper classmen because I was tall and I had developed some athletic abilities. had developed some athletic abilities. had developed some athletic abilities. >> So, I was playing with like these kind >> So, I was playing with like these kind >> So, I was playing with like these kind of juniors and seniors in 8th grade of juniors and seniors in 8th grade of juniors and seniors in 8th grade practicing with them. And I remember practicing with them. And I remember practicing with them. And I remember looking up to looking up to looking up to one specific senior who was the most one specific senior who was the most one specific senior who was the most gifted athlete probably I've still seen gifted athlete probably I've still seen gifted athlete probably I've still seen today in my life, right? Like one of the today in my life, right? Like one of the today in my life, right? Like one of the most gifted basketball players, but just most gifted basketball players, but just most gifted basketball players, but just athletically could do anything on the athletically could do anything on the athletically could do anything on the basketball court. Probably had a 45 inch basketball court. Probably had a 45 inch basketball court. Probably had a 45 inch vertical, could dunk so easily, looked vertical, could dunk so easily, looked vertical, could dunk so easily, looked so smooth. He was a freak of nature. But so smooth. He was a freak of nature. But so smooth. He was a freak of nature. But for whatever reason, when he was playing for whatever reason, when he was playing for whatever reason, when he was playing in a game, in a game, in a game, >> he was average at best. M >> he was average at best. M >> he was average at best. M >> like he he wasn't reaching his abilities >> like he he wasn't reaching his abilities >> like he he wasn't reaching his abilities when he was just when he was just when he was just >> in practice >> in practice >> in practice >> in practice he could do whatever but >> in practice he could do whatever but >> in practice he could do whatever but then in the game something would happen then in the game something would happen then in the game something would happen where he was just kind of like where he was just kind of like where he was just kind of like >> huh why isn't he doing what he's capable >> huh why isn't he doing what he's capable >> huh why isn't he doing what he's capable of. of. of. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And I don't know if this is true or not >> And I don't know if this is true or not >> And I don't know if this is true or not but what it reminds me of is it doesn't but what it reminds me of is it doesn't but what it reminds me of is it doesn't matter if you are if everyone thinks matter if you are if everyone thinks matter if you are if everyone thinks that you can accomplish incredible that you can accomplish incredible that you can accomplish incredible things. If you don't believe it doesn't things. If you don't believe it doesn't things. If you don't believe it doesn't matter if the world believes in you. You matter if the world believes in you. You matter if the world believes in you. You still have to learn to believe in still have to learn to believe in still have to learn to believe in yourself. But on the flip side, yourself. But on the flip side, yourself. But on the flip side, something I learned because I didn't something I learned because I didn't something I learned because I didn't have that athletic ability have that athletic ability have that athletic ability >> and people didn't fully I didn't believe >> and people didn't fully I didn't believe >> and people didn't fully I didn't believe that people believed in me at different that people believed in me at different that people believed in me at different stages. stages. stages. >> That was no longer true later, but that >> That was no longer true later, but that >> That was no longer true later, but that was my original belief. But I was like, was my original belief. But I was like, was my original belief. But I was like, you know what? I'm going to believe in you know what? I'm going to believe in you know what? I'm going to believe in me. me. me. >> Even if no one, if the world's against >> Even if no one, if the world's against >> Even if no one, if the world's against me, I'm still going to believe in me and me, I'm still going to believe in me and me, I'm still going to believe in me and I'm going to have the courage to risk, I'm going to have the courage to risk, I'm going to have the courage to risk, to put myself out there, to try, to to put myself out there, to try, to to put myself out there, to try, to train, to be consistent, to do hard train, to be consistent, to do hard train, to be consistent, to do hard things over long periods of time. Yeah. things over long periods of time. Yeah. things over long periods of time. Yeah. And you could have the world believing And you could have the world believing And you could have the world believing you, but if you don't believe in you, but if you don't believe in you, but if you don't believe in yourself, it's going to be hard to yourself, it's going to be hard to yourself, it's going to be hard to accomplish anything to your potential. accomplish anything to your potential. accomplish anything to your potential. And you could have the world against And you could have the world against And you could have the world against you, but if you have unwavering belief, you, but if you have unwavering belief, you, but if you have unwavering belief, you can do incredible things. you can do incredible things. you can do incredible things. >> That's exactly right. That's exactly. >> That's exactly right. That's exactly. >> That's exactly right. That's exactly. And and what's what's maddening about And and what's what's maddening about And and what's what's maddening about this is that just like you can't see this is that just like you can't see this is that just like you can't see your own face, but you can see other your own face, but you can see other your own face, but you can see other people's faces. You were able to see his people's faces. You were able to see his people's faces. You were able to see his limiting beliefs, but he couldn't. limiting beliefs, but he couldn't. limiting beliefs, but he couldn't. >> Mhm. And that's what's so terrifying >> Mhm. And that's what's so terrifying >> Mhm. And that's what's so terrifying about this is that we all carry these about this is that we all carry these about this is that we all carry these hidden limiting beliefs and we can't see hidden limiting beliefs and we can't see hidden limiting beliefs and we can't see them. them. them. >> Why can't we see them? >> Why can't we see them? >> Why can't we see them? >> Because our default is passivity. >> Because our default is passivity. >> Because our default is passivity. >> Uhhuh. >> Uhhuh. >> Uhhuh. >> We we used to think we used to believe >> We we used to think we used to believe >> We we used to think we used to believe this theory throughout psychology this theory throughout psychology this theory throughout psychology throughout the literature. Everybody throughout the literature. Everybody throughout the literature. Everybody knew this concept called learned knew this concept called learned knew this concept called learned helplessness. You probably heard learned helplessness. You probably heard learned helplessness. You probably heard learned helplessness. Martin Selman and Meyer. helplessness. Martin Selman and Meyer. helplessness. Martin Selman and Meyer. Uh turns out a few years ago they Uh turns out a few years ago they Uh turns out a few years ago they proclaimed that they had got it proclaimed that they had got it proclaimed that they had got it completely backwards. There is no such completely backwards. There is no such completely backwards. There is no such thing as learned helplessness. What we thing as learned helplessness. What we thing as learned helplessness. What we have is not that we learn helplessness. have is not that we learn helplessness. have is not that we learn helplessness. We our default state is helplessness. We our default state is helplessness. We our default state is helplessness. Think about how we're born. Yeah. Think about how we're born. Yeah. Think about how we're born. Yeah. >> Right. You just had beautiful twin >> Right. You just had beautiful twin >> Right. You just had beautiful twin girls. girls. girls. >> When your girls were born, >> When your girls were born, >> When your girls were born, >> they're helpless. >> they're helpless. >> they're helpless. >> Completely helpless. >> Completely helpless. >> Completely helpless. >> They they rely on someone else to keep >> They they rely on someone else to keep >> They they rely on someone else to keep them alive, them alive, them alive, >> right? >> right? >> right? >> So, we've we've started in survival >> So, we've we've started in survival >> So, we've we've started in survival mode, but some of us stay in survival mode, but some of us stay in survival mode, but some of us stay in survival mode for our entire lives, mode for our entire lives, mode for our entire lives, >> right? Because that actually we that is >> right? Because that actually we that is >> right? Because that actually we that is what provides safety, right? And so that what provides safety, right? And so that what provides safety, right? And so that evolution is alive. Exactly. Exactly. So evolution is alive. Exactly. Exactly. So evolution is alive. Exactly. Exactly. So what we have to learn is we don't learn what we have to learn is we don't learn what we have to learn is we don't learn helplessness. In fact, we learn hope. helplessness. In fact, we learn hope. helplessness. In fact, we learn hope. And so the way out of a limiting belief And so the way out of a limiting belief And so the way out of a limiting belief >> is tiny bits of agency. The third power >> is tiny bits of agency. The third power >> is tiny bits of agency. The third power belief is proving to yourself, showing belief is proving to yourself, showing belief is proving to yourself, showing your brain how an alternative belief can your brain how an alternative belief can your brain how an alternative belief can also be true. So for example, what also be true. So for example, what also be true. So for example, what happened with my mom or what happens uh happened with my mom or what happens uh happened with my mom or what happens uh in athletic ability or an in athletic ability or an in athletic ability or an entrepreneurial venture. It's proving to entrepreneurial venture. It's proving to entrepreneurial venture. It's proving to yourself with small steps that that yourself with small steps that that yourself with small steps that that thing that you had held on to as a truth thing that you had held on to as a truth thing that you had held on to as a truth wasn't a truth. It was just a belief. wasn't a truth. It was just a belief. wasn't a truth. It was just a belief. >> So, how do you recognize when a belief >> So, how do you recognize when a belief >> So, how do you recognize when a belief that helped you survive is now limiting that helped you survive is now limiting that helped you survive is now limiting your greatness? your greatness? your greatness? >> You find the areas where you're stuck. >> You find the areas where you're stuck. >> You find the areas where you're stuck. You look at the New Year's resolution You look at the New Year's resolution You look at the New Year's resolution that you've had year after year. that you've had year after year. that you've had year after year. >> Year. Yeah. Or that dream you keep >> Year. Yeah. Or that dream you keep >> Year. Yeah. Or that dream you keep talking about that you never take talking about that you never take talking about that you never take action. action. action. >> That's right. That problem that persists >> That's right. That problem that persists >> That's right. That problem that persists that you can't find a way around. that that you can't find a way around. that that you can't find a way around. that relationship that annoys the hell out of relationship that annoys the hell out of relationship that annoys the hell out of you and it's still annoying year after you and it's still annoying year after you and it's still annoying year after year and you can't find a possible year and you can't find a possible year and you can't find a possible solution. You're a smart person. Why solution. You're a smart person. Why solution. You're a smart person. Why can't you find a way to be happy? That's can't you find a way to be happy? That's can't you find a way to be happy? That's where you look. So that's the first step where you look. So that's the first step where you look. So that's the first step is figure out the areas where you have is figure out the areas where you have is figure out the areas where you have this muck in your life. And what this muck in your life. And what this muck in your life. And what underlies it is typically not a lack of underlies it is typically not a lack of underlies it is typically not a lack of resources, not a lack of understanding. resources, not a lack of understanding. resources, not a lack of understanding. Right? Before you buy another self-help Right? Before you buy another self-help Right? Before you buy another self-help book, you have to understand that that book, you have to understand that that book, you have to understand that that the OS, the operating software of your the OS, the operating software of your the OS, the operating software of your brain, it is those beliefs. And unless brain, it is those beliefs. And unless brain, it is those beliefs. And unless you fix those, knowing what to do won't you fix those, knowing what to do won't you fix those, knowing what to do won't help. help. help. >> Yeah. And we now with AI, you can say, >> Yeah. And we now with AI, you can say, >> Yeah. And we now with AI, you can say, "Give me a detailed step-by-step plan on "Give me a detailed step-by-step plan on "Give me a detailed step-by-step plan on how to lose weight in 90 days or how to how to lose weight in 90 days or how to how to lose weight in 90 days or how to launch a business." It'll tell you launch a business." It'll tell you launch a business." It'll tell you everything you need to do. That's everything you need to do. That's everything you need to do. That's exactly everything. It'll hold you exactly everything. It'll hold you exactly everything. It'll hold you accountable with a daily plan, step by accountable with a daily plan, step by accountable with a daily plan, step by step, give you the research, give you step, give you the research, give you step, give you the research, give you the information backing with the data. the information backing with the data. the information backing with the data. You have the whole plan You have the whole plan You have the whole plan >> and you still won't do it. >> and you still won't do it. >> and you still won't do it. >> Why is that? Why will people not do it >> Why is that? Why will people not do it >> Why is that? Why will people not do it when they know the exact plan now on how when they know the exact plan now on how when they know the exact plan now on how to get the results they want? It's to get the results they want? It's to get the results they want? It's nothing new. It's not AI, right? Who nothing new. It's not AI, right? Who nothing new. It's not AI, right? Who doesn't know? Basically, for 99% of the doesn't know? Basically, for 99% of the doesn't know? Basically, for 99% of the population to lose weight, population to lose weight, population to lose weight, >> you eat right, exercise, >> you eat right, exercise, >> you eat right, exercise, >> and move more. >> and move more. >> and move more. >> Yeah. You don't need a diet book to tell >> Yeah. You don't need a diet book to tell >> Yeah. You don't need a diet book to tell you that. That's it's been around for a you that. That's it's been around for a you that. That's it's been around for a very long time. To start a business, you very long time. To start a business, you very long time. To start a business, you need to do things that other people need to do things that other people need to do things that other people don't want to do. To have a great don't want to do. To have a great don't want to do. To have a great relationship, you have to be fully relationship, you have to be fully relationship, you have to be fully present with people. We know this, but present with people. We know this, but present with people. We know this, but we don't do it because we keep getting we don't do it because we keep getting we don't do it because we keep getting in our own way because of these limiting in our own way because of these limiting in our own way because of these limiting beliefs. We refuse to look at these beliefs. We refuse to look at these beliefs. We refuse to look at these limiting beliefs. Do you know why? limiting beliefs. Do you know why? limiting beliefs. Do you know why? because they feel like facts. They feel because they feel like facts. They feel because they feel like facts. They feel like the truth. And there's nothing more like the truth. And there's nothing more like the truth. And there's nothing more uncomfortable to our psychological uncomfortable to our psychological uncomfortable to our psychological immune system than changing our beliefs. immune system than changing our beliefs. immune system than changing our beliefs. We hate it. We hate it. We hate it. >> But of course, those beliefs that feel >> But of course, those beliefs that feel >> But of course, those beliefs that feel crazy, that feel like that can't be crazy, that feel like that can't be crazy, that feel like that can't be true, those are exactly the beliefs we true, those are exactly the beliefs we true, those are exactly the beliefs we should lean into, should lean into, should lean into, >> man. So as a parent, you know, what >> man. So as a parent, you know, what >> man. So as a parent, you know, what advice would you give to me as a new advice would you give to me as a new advice would you give to me as a new parent on how to parent on how to parent on how to model and communicate beliefs model and communicate beliefs model and communicate beliefs for my twin girls for my twin girls for my twin girls >> so that they don't feel like they are >> so that they don't feel like they are >> so that they don't feel like they are stuck when stuck when stuck when things happen that they haven't learned things happen that they haven't learned things happen that they haven't learned how to do on their own yet? how to do on their own yet? how to do on their own yet? >> They haven't figured out yet in the >> They haven't figured out yet in the >> They haven't figured out yet in the future. Like how do we model and future. Like how do we model and future. Like how do we model and communicate communicate communicate the ability to have agency when you are the ability to have agency when you are the ability to have agency when you are in survival mode in some ways until a in survival mode in some ways until a in survival mode in some ways until a certain stage in your life? certain stage in your life? certain stage in your life? >> Yeah. What I love about what you just >> Yeah. What I love about what you just >> Yeah. What I love about what you just said that a lot of people don't say said that a lot of people don't say said that a lot of people don't say a lot of people say how do I get my kids a lot of people say how do I get my kids a lot of people say how do I get my kids to to to >> No, >> No, >> No, >> that's a huge mistake. >> that's a huge mistake. >> that's a huge mistake. >> No, you have to model. >> No, you have to model. >> No, you have to model. >> Exactly. Exactly. That's the way we >> Exactly. Exactly. That's the way we >> Exactly. Exactly. That's the way we change. change. change. >> Everyone says you they're not going to >> Everyone says you they're not going to >> Everyone says you they're not going to listen to what you say. They're going to listen to what you say. They're going to listen to what you say. They're going to listen to what you listen to what you listen to what you >> do. >> do. >> do. >> Exactly. >> Exactly. >> Exactly. >> That's exactly right. And and it's crazy >> That's exactly right. And and it's crazy >> That's exactly right. And and it's crazy that you know my uh my second book that you know my uh my second book that you know my uh my second book indistractible was all about technology indistractible was all about technology indistractible was all about technology distraction and people would come to me distraction and people would come to me distraction and people would come to me and say how do I get my kid off Tik Tok? and say how do I get my kid off Tik Tok? and say how do I get my kid off Tik Tok? How do I get my kid to stop playing How do I get my kid to stop playing How do I get my kid to stop playing Fortnite and that's what they do. Fortnite and that's what they do. Fortnite and that's what they do. >> So so just like if you want an >> So so just like if you want an >> So so just like if you want an indestructible kid you have to be an indestructible kid you have to be an indestructible kid you have to be an indestructible parent. In order to model indestructible parent. In order to model indestructible parent. In order to model the power of beliefs, you have to be a the power of beliefs, you have to be a the power of beliefs, you have to be a high agency parent. You have to show high agency parent. You have to show high agency parent. You have to show your kids that, hey, here's this your kids that, hey, here's this your kids that, hey, here's this challenge I had and here's how I challenge I had and here's how I challenge I had and here's how I overcame it. Here's what I used to think overcame it. Here's what I used to think overcame it. Here's what I used to think and be vulnerable. A lot of parents, and be vulnerable. A lot of parents, and be vulnerable. A lot of parents, >> they think that they need to have all >> they think that they need to have all >> they think that they need to have all the answers. And I found, at least for the answers. And I found, at least for the answers. And I found, at least for my relationship with my 17-year-old my relationship with my 17-year-old my relationship with my 17-year-old daughter, that when I'm the most daughter, that when I'm the most daughter, that when I'm the most vulnerable, when I ask for help, not vulnerable, when I ask for help, not vulnerable, when I ask for help, not only does she actually help, I mean, she only does she actually help, I mean, she only does she actually help, I mean, she helped me with this book. It's amazing. helped me with this book. It's amazing. helped me with this book. It's amazing. She she helped me every step of the way She she helped me every step of the way She she helped me every step of the way through this book as I would talk to her through this book as I would talk to her through this book as I would talk to her about I'm struggling with this and how about I'm struggling with this and how about I'm struggling with this and how do I express that, not only do I learn do I express that, not only do I learn do I express that, not only do I learn from it, from it, from it, she learns from it, she learns from it, she learns from it, >> right? She gets the most out of it >> right? She gets the most out of it >> right? She gets the most out of it because now she gets to be in a position because now she gets to be in a position because now she gets to be in a position of authority. She gets to help you out. of authority. She gets to help you out. of authority. She gets to help you out. So, I think that's one of the best So, I think that's one of the best So, I think that's one of the best things you can do is to honestly don't things you can do is to honestly don't things you can do is to honestly don't make it up, but show your daughters when make it up, but show your daughters when make it up, but show your daughters when they get a little older. Here's what they get a little older. Here's what they get a little older. Here's what daddy's struggling with. Yeah. daddy's struggling with. Yeah. daddy's struggling with. Yeah. >> What do you think I could do? >> What do you think I could do? >> What do you think I could do? >> I'm trying to figure it out. What would >> I'm trying to figure it out. What would >> I'm trying to figure it out. What would you guys do? you guys do? you guys do? >> Yeah. What would you do? Exactly. And >> Yeah. What would you do? Exactly. And >> Yeah. What would you do? Exactly. And showing them most importantly that showing them most importantly that showing them most importantly that you're willing to change those beliefs. you're willing to change those beliefs. you're willing to change those beliefs. One of the the worst sentences in the One of the the worst sentences in the One of the the worst sentences in the English language is that's just how I English language is that's just how I English language is that's just how I am. am. am. >> That's just who I am. That's how I am. >> That's just who I am. That's how I am. >> That's just who I am. That's how I am. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> The worst. The worst. I'm not a morning >> The worst. The worst. I'm not a morning >> The worst. The worst. I'm not a morning person. I that's my ADHD which I by the person. I that's my ADHD which I by the person. I that's my ADHD which I by the way have I used to tell myself all the way have I used to tell myself all the way have I used to tell myself all the time whenever I was distracted by time whenever I was distracted by time whenever I was distracted by something that's my ADHD something that's my ADHD something that's my ADHD >> just the excuse we we hold on to that we >> just the excuse we we hold on to that we >> just the excuse we we hold on to that we don't want to change don't want to change don't want to change >> well what are we doing when we're >> well what are we doing when we're >> well what are we doing when we're thinking about that right or or now thinking about that right or or now thinking about that right or or now people my age now my friends say that's people my age now my friends say that's people my age now my friends say that's I'm having a senior moment I'm having a senior moment I'm having a senior moment >> wow that's not good >> wow that's not good >> wow that's not good >> why do we do that even if it's true >> why do we do that even if it's true >> why do we do that even if it's true let's say it's true again beliefs are let's say it's true again beliefs are let's say it's true again beliefs are tools not truth so we don't even know if tools not truth so we don't even know if tools not truth so we don't even know if that's true right that's true right that's true right >> when I would say to myself and again >> when I would say to myself and again >> when I would say to myself and again I've been diagnosed with ADHD and when I I've been diagnosed with ADHD and when I I've been diagnosed with ADHD and when I would forget something or have or be would forget something or have or be would forget something or have or be distracted and catch myself. I say, "Oh, distracted and catch myself. I say, "Oh, distracted and catch myself. I say, "Oh, there's my ADHD." there's my ADHD." there's my ADHD." >> You're you're labeling yourself more. >> You're you're labeling yourself more. >> You're you're labeling yourself more. You're emphasizing the belief of why you You're emphasizing the belief of why you You're emphasizing the belief of why you can't break through that thing to create can't break through that thing to create can't break through that thing to create what you want. what you want. what you want. >> Bingo. And so what happens, >> Bingo. And so what happens, >> Bingo. And so what happens, >> even if it's hard, still you you're >> even if it's hard, still you you're >> even if it's hard, still you you're holding on to more of a limit when you holding on to more of a limit when you holding on to more of a limit when you continue to communicate and verbalize continue to communicate and verbalize continue to communicate and verbalize the belief of that something is hard. the belief of that something is hard. the belief of that something is hard. >> Your labels become your limits. >> Your labels become your limits. >> Your labels become your limits. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. And and and what this does is it creates And and and what this does is it creates And and and what this does is it creates what what I call a a a sociological what what I call a a a sociological what what I call a a a sociological placebo effect placebo effect placebo effect >> that there's a a wonderful example in >> that there's a a wonderful example in >> that there's a a wonderful example in the in the psychology literature of Mr. the in the psychology literature of Mr. the in the psychology literature of Mr. A. And Mr. A is uh this guy, you know, A. And Mr. A is uh this guy, you know, A. And Mr. A is uh this guy, you know, he's anonymized in this study. And Mr. A he's anonymized in this study. And Mr. A he's anonymized in this study. And Mr. A uh took he broke up with his girlfriend. uh took he broke up with his girlfriend. uh took he broke up with his girlfriend. He had a bad breakup with his He had a bad breakup with his He had a bad breakup with his girlfriend. and he takes an entire jar, girlfriend. and he takes an entire jar, girlfriend. and he takes an entire jar, a di an entire pill box, uh, a a di an entire pill box, uh, a a di an entire pill box, uh, a prescription pill box of prescription pill box of prescription pill box of anti-depressants. anti-depressants. anti-depressants. >> He wants to commit suicide. And after he >> He wants to commit suicide. And after he >> He wants to commit suicide. And after he swallows all these pills, he changes his swallows all these pills, he changes his swallows all these pills, he changes his mind. He decides he doesn't want to die. mind. He decides he doesn't want to die. mind. He decides he doesn't want to die. And he goes to his neighbor and he asks And he goes to his neighbor and he asks And he goes to his neighbor and he asks his neighbor to take him to the his neighbor to take him to the his neighbor to take him to the hospital. He rushes into the ER. He hospital. He rushes into the ER. He hospital. He rushes into the ER. He collapses on the floor and he shows the collapses on the floor and he shows the collapses on the floor and he shows the nurse the pill box and says, "I I took nurse the pill box and says, "I I took nurse the pill box and says, "I I took all my pills. I took all my pills." They all my pills. I took all my pills." They all my pills. I took all my pills." They take him into the ER. His heart rate is take him into the ER. His heart rate is take him into the ER. His heart rate is elevated, his blood pressure is elevated, his blood pressure is elevated, his blood pressure is dangerously low, and uh he has all the dangerously low, and uh he has all the dangerously low, and uh he has all the symptoms, all the signs of a critical symptoms, all the signs of a critical symptoms, all the signs of a critical overdose. Okay, but the the the pills overdose. Okay, but the the the pills overdose. Okay, but the the the pills don't say what medicine he consumed. All don't say what medicine he consumed. All don't say what medicine he consumed. All it has on the on the pills is the number it has on the on the pills is the number it has on the on the pills is the number is a phone number. is a phone number. is a phone number. Turns out that Mr. A was in a clinical Turns out that Mr. A was in a clinical Turns out that Mr. A was in a clinical trial of these anti-depressants and so trial of these anti-depressants and so trial of these anti-depressants and so he didn't know what he was taking. he didn't know what he was taking. he didn't know what he was taking. >> It wasn't real. >> It wasn't real. >> It wasn't real. >> Well, hold on. >> Well, hold on. >> Well, hold on. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. >> So they call up this number. They say, >> So they call up this number. They say, >> So they call up this number. They say, "What did this guy take? He overdosed. "What did this guy take? He overdosed. "What did this guy take? He overdosed. Tell us what this medicine is so that we Tell us what this medicine is so that we Tell us what this medicine is so that we can, you know, pump his stomach or do can, you know, pump his stomach or do can, you know, pump his stomach or do whatever. Give him the the antidote to whatever. Give him the the antidote to whatever. Give him the the antidote to whatever he took." They say, "Give me whatever he took." They say, "Give me whatever he took." They say, "Give me one minute." They look him up. They say, one minute." They look him up. They say, one minute." They look him up. They say, "Oh, this person took the placebo." "Oh, this person took the placebo." "Oh, this person took the placebo." >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Right. This is a guy who passed out, had >> Right. This is a guy who passed out, had >> Right. This is a guy who passed out, had low blood pressure, he had a dangerously low blood pressure, he had a dangerously low blood pressure, he had a dangerously low heart rate. All these physiological low heart rate. All these physiological low heart rate. All these physiological symptoms had manifested because of a symptoms had manifested because of a symptoms had manifested because of a belief called the noibo effect, the belief called the noibo effect, the belief called the noibo effect, the opposite of the placebo effect. And so opposite of the placebo effect. And so opposite of the placebo effect. And so let me ask you, Le, if the noibo effect, let me ask you, Le, if the noibo effect, let me ask you, Le, if the noibo effect, if believing something can have if believing something can have if believing something can have physiological symptoms that are clearly physiological symptoms that are clearly physiological symptoms that are clearly manifested in the fact that, you know, manifested in the fact that, you know, manifested in the fact that, you know, as soon as this guy discovered that he as soon as this guy discovered that he as soon as this guy discovered that he had taken the placebo, that there was had taken the placebo, that there was had taken the placebo, that there was totally an inert substance here. totally an inert substance here. totally an inert substance here. >> Oh, okay. >> Oh, okay. >> Oh, okay. >> 15 minutes. That's all it took. 15 >> 15 minutes. That's all it took. 15 >> 15 minutes. That's all it took. 15 minutes, he was revived. He was back to minutes, he was revived. He was back to minutes, he was revived. He was back to normal. So, let's think. Okay, that's normal. So, let's think. Okay, that's normal. So, let's think. Okay, that's that's when you actually take a whole that's when you actually take a whole that's when you actually take a whole bottle of pills, right? bottle of pills, right? bottle of pills, right? >> Which is whatever it was, candy or >> Which is whatever it was, candy or >> Which is whatever it was, candy or something. something. something. >> Yeah, it was it was nothing. It was an >> Yeah, it was it was nothing. It was an >> Yeah, it was it was nothing. It was an inert substance. So what happens if day inert substance. So what happens if day inert substance. So what happens if day after day, week after week, month after after day, week after week, month after after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, we constantly month, year after year, we constantly month, year after year, we constantly recite a script about our limitations, recite a script about our limitations, recite a script about our limitations, about our labels, about what we can't about our labels, about what we can't about our labels, about what we can't do, it becomes physiologically as well do, it becomes physiologically as well do, it becomes physiologically as well as psychologically true. as psychologically true. as psychologically true. >> So how important or terrifying is the >> So how important or terrifying is the >> So how important or terrifying is the words we think or say about ourselves words we think or say about ourselves words we think or say about ourselves and our limits to our life? This message and our limits to our life? This message and our limits to our life? This message is brought to you by Apple Card. It's a is brought to you by Apple Card. It's a is brought to you by Apple Card. It's a great time to apply for an Apple Card. great time to apply for an Apple Card. great time to apply for an Apple Card. You'll love earning unlimited daily cash You'll love earning unlimited daily cash You'll love earning unlimited daily cash on every purchase. That includes 3% on every purchase. That includes 3% on every purchase. That includes 3% daily cash when you buy the latest daily cash when you buy the latest daily cash when you buy the latest iPhone, AirPods, and Apple Watch at iPhone, AirPods, and Apple Watch at iPhone, AirPods, and Apple Watch at Apple. Through this special referral Apple. Through this special referral Apple. Through this special referral offer, when you get a new Apple card, offer, when you get a new Apple card, offer, when you get a new Apple card, you can earn bonus daily cash. To you can earn bonus daily cash. To you can earn bonus daily cash. To qualify, you must apply at qualify, you must apply at qualify, you must apply at apple.co/getaily cash. Apple card issued by Goldman Sachs cash. Apple card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City branch. offer Bank USA, Salt Lake City branch. offer Bank USA, Salt Lake City branch. offer may not be available elsewhere. Terms may not be available elsewhere. Terms may not be available elsewhere. Terms and limitations apply. and limitations apply. and limitations apply. >> Incredibly important. And this is this >> Incredibly important. And this is this >> Incredibly important. And this is this is one of the the best things you can do is one of the the best things you can do is one of the the best things you can do is to because this is this is it's not is to because this is this is it's not is to because this is this is it's not easy. I'll be honest with you. I wish I easy. I'll be honest with you. I wish I easy. I'll be honest with you. I wish I had some, you know, overnight solution. had some, you know, overnight solution. had some, you know, overnight solution. It it doesn't work like that. Changing It it doesn't work like that. Changing It it doesn't work like that. Changing your beliefs is not easy. The one of the your beliefs is not easy. The one of the your beliefs is not easy. The one of the first steps you can take is to listen to first steps you can take is to listen to first steps you can take is to listen to the words you are actually verbalizing. the words you are actually verbalizing. the words you are actually verbalizing. When you say out loud, "Oh, that's so When you say out loud, "Oh, that's so When you say out loud, "Oh, that's so like me," or "Just my luck," or "This is like me," or "Just my luck," or "This is like me," or "Just my luck," or "This is why I can't" or whatever the reason, why I can't" or whatever the reason, why I can't" or whatever the reason, those words that you verbalize, that's those words that you verbalize, that's those words that you verbalize, that's the first place to start it because the first place to start it because the first place to start it because you're actually saying it out loud. you're actually saying it out loud. you're actually saying it out loud. >> Unless they're empowering words. >> Unless they're empowering words. >> Unless they're empowering words. >> Oh, absolutely. >> Oh, absolutely. >> Oh, absolutely. >> Just my luck. This happens all the time >> Just my luck. This happens all the time >> Just my luck. This happens all the time to optimistic person. So, that's how you to optimistic person. So, that's how you to optimistic person. So, that's how you interpret. interpret. interpret. >> Gosh, I always get the first like uh you >> Gosh, I always get the first like uh you >> Gosh, I always get the first like uh you know, parking spot, man. Things money know, parking spot, man. Things money know, parking spot, man. Things money always comes my way easily. Like, yeah, always comes my way easily. Like, yeah, always comes my way easily. Like, yeah, of course it does. Why not? of course it does. Why not? of course it does. Why not? >> But most people don't do that. >> But most people don't do that. >> But most people don't do that. >> Huh? They don't do that. And and and >> Huh? They don't do that. And and and >> Huh? They don't do that. And and and here's what happens. Uh there was a here's what happens. Uh there was a here's what happens. Uh there was a beautiful study where they had people beautiful study where they had people beautiful study where they had people who were selfidentified optimist versus who were selfidentified optimist versus who were selfidentified optimist versus selfidentifi no sorry selfidentified selfidentifi no sorry selfidentified selfidentifi no sorry selfidentified lucky or selfidentified unlucky. lucky or selfidentified unlucky. lucky or selfidentified unlucky. >> Okay? People who said to themselves, I >> Okay? People who said to themselves, I >> Okay? People who said to themselves, I am unlucky or I am lucky. Right? They am unlucky or I am lucky. Right? They am unlucky or I am lucky. Right? They had this label had this label had this label >> and >> and >> and >> they took them into into a room and they >> they took them into into a room and they >> they took them into into a room and they said, "Okay, here here's a newspaper. We said, "Okay, here here's a newspaper. We said, "Okay, here here's a newspaper. We want you to do this task. If you count want you to do this task. If you count want you to do this task. If you count as quickly as you can all the photos in as quickly as you can all the photos in as quickly as you can all the photos in this newspaper, this newspaper, this newspaper, tell us how many photos and you'll tell us how many photos and you'll tell us how many photos and you'll collect your prize. It's $250. Okay? So, collect your prize. It's $250. Okay? So, collect your prize. It's $250. Okay? So, do it as quickly as you can. do it as quickly as you can. do it as quickly as you can. >> Both groups did this. >> Both groups did this. >> Both groups did this. >> Both groups did this. The pessimists >> Both groups did this. The pessimists >> Both groups did this. The pessimists took two and a half minutes. The unlucky took two and a half minutes. The unlucky took two and a half minutes. The unlucky people took two and a half minutes. The people took two and a half minutes. The people took two and a half minutes. The lucky people took 11 seconds. lucky people took 11 seconds. lucky people took 11 seconds. >> Oh my gosh. >> Oh my gosh. >> Oh my gosh. >> Why? What was the difference? Because on >> Why? What was the difference? Because on >> Why? What was the difference? Because on page two, one of those pictures said, page two, one of those pictures said, page two, one of those pictures said, "There are 40, sorry, there are 43 "There are 40, sorry, there are 43 "There are 40, sorry, there are 43 photos in this newspaper. Collect your photos in this newspaper. Collect your photos in this newspaper. Collect your prize." So they just prize." So they just prize." So they just >> and they saw the lucky people literally >> and they saw the lucky people literally >> and they saw the lucky people literally saw reality differently. Whereas the saw reality differently. Whereas the saw reality differently. Whereas the unlucky people said okay 1 2 3 4 5 6 and unlucky people said okay 1 2 3 4 5 6 and unlucky people said okay 1 2 3 4 5 6 and they sat there and counter for two and a they sat there and counter for two and a they sat there and counter for two and a half minutes. Whereas the lucky people half minutes. Whereas the lucky people half minutes. Whereas the lucky people the people who say good things always the people who say good things always the people who say good things always happen to me found the opportunity for happen to me found the opportunity for happen to me found the opportunity for the good thing to happen to them. It the good thing to happen to them. It the good thing to happen to them. It wasn't that they were actually more wasn't that they were actually more wasn't that they were actually more lucky. They just were more observant. lucky. They just were more observant. lucky. They just were more observant. Their beliefs shape what they could see. Their beliefs shape what they could see. Their beliefs shape what they could see. They could see reality differently. They could see reality differently. They could see reality differently. That's by the way why entrepreneurs tend That's by the way why entrepreneurs tend That's by the way why entrepreneurs tend to be more optimistic. Entrepreneurs to be more optimistic. Entrepreneurs to be more optimistic. Entrepreneurs tend to think they're more lucky. They tend to think they're more lucky. They tend to think they're more lucky. They think that good things happen. So, one think that good things happen. So, one think that good things happen. So, one of the things I've adopted since this of the things I've adopted since this of the things I've adopted since this line of research is that now instead of line of research is that now instead of line of research is that now instead of saying I used to I I hate to admit it. I saying I used to I I hate to admit it. I saying I used to I I hate to admit it. I totally was one of these people that totally was one of these people that totally was one of these people that says, "Oh god, this is happening today. says, "Oh god, this is happening today. says, "Oh god, this is happening today. Traffic or why is this happening or I Traffic or why is this happening or I Traffic or why is this happening or I got sick or whatever the case might be, got sick or whatever the case might be, got sick or whatever the case might be, I would constantly remind myself of the I would constantly remind myself of the I would constantly remind myself of the bad things. Now, every time something bad things. Now, every time something bad things. Now, every time something good happens, we say it out loud as a good happens, we say it out loud as a good happens, we say it out loud as a family. We say everything good happens family. We say everything good happens family. We say everything good happens to us." to us." to us." >> Is that a fact, Lewis? No. Bad things >> Is that a fact, Lewis? No. Bad things >> Is that a fact, Lewis? No. Bad things happen, too. But we emphasize that happen, too. But we emphasize that happen, too. But we emphasize that everything good happens to us. Why? everything good happens to us. Why? everything good happens to us. Why? Because now we're are more conscious of Because now we're are more conscious of Because now we're are more conscious of it. Vanessa Van Edwards, our mutual it. Vanessa Van Edwards, our mutual it. Vanessa Van Edwards, our mutual friend, she has a wonderful uh phrase of friend, she has a wonderful uh phrase of friend, she has a wonderful uh phrase of not asking people how you doing, right? not asking people how you doing, right? not asking people how you doing, right? What do people say? How you doing? What do people say? How you doing? What do people say? How you doing? >> Busy. >> Busy. >> Busy. >> Busy. Fine. Whatever. >> Busy. Fine. Whatever. >> Busy. Fine. Whatever. >> Whatever. Instead, she says what's good. >> Whatever. Instead, she says what's good. >> Whatever. Instead, she says what's good. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I love that because what it's doing is >> I love that because what it's doing is >> I love that because what it's doing is training us. What's good? I'll tell you training us. What's good? I'll tell you training us. What's good? I'll tell you what's good. Actually, you know what? what's good. Actually, you know what? what's good. Actually, you know what? I'm alive today. You know, like I I get I'm alive today. You know, like I I get I'm alive today. You know, like I I get to breathe like that. Let's start there. to breathe like that. Let's start there. to breathe like that. Let's start there. just focusing on something so small that just focusing on something so small that just focusing on something so small that is a positive thing rather than what's is a positive thing rather than what's is a positive thing rather than what's not working. I like to ask, what are you not working. I like to ask, what are you not working. I like to ask, what are you most grateful for today? What are you most grateful for today? What are you most grateful for today? What are you grateful in your life? What are you most grateful in your life? What are you most grateful in your life? What are you most excited about in your life? Just to get excited about in your life? Just to get excited about in your life? Just to get people shifting from a negative people shifting from a negative people shifting from a negative >> into some type of a more empowering >> into some type of a more empowering >> into some type of a more empowering emotion or thought. emotion or thought. emotion or thought. >> Absolutely. >> Absolutely. >> Absolutely. >> The more empowering emotions and >> The more empowering emotions and >> The more empowering emotions and thoughts we have consistently throughout thoughts we have consistently throughout thoughts we have consistently throughout the day, the more good things will the day, the more good things will the day, the more good things will happen or at least we'll feel better. happen or at least we'll feel better. happen or at least we'll feel better. >> That's right. Even if good things don't >> That's right. Even if good things don't >> That's right. Even if good things don't happen, we at least feel better. happen, we at least feel better. happen, we at least feel better. >> But you can not only do you feel better, >> But you can not only do you feel better, >> But you can not only do you feel better, you start seeing more of that. So this you start seeing more of that. So this you start seeing more of that. So this is one of the three defining traits of is one of the three defining traits of is one of the three defining traits of what we call entrepreneurial alertness what we call entrepreneurial alertness what we call entrepreneurial alertness is that people who have entrepreneurial is that people who have entrepreneurial is that people who have entrepreneurial alertness are more grateful. alertness are more grateful. alertness are more grateful. >> They uh Tina Seligman at uh uh Tina >> They uh Tina Seligman at uh uh Tina >> They uh Tina Seligman at uh uh Tina Selig sorry at uh Stanford had has this Selig sorry at uh Stanford had has this Selig sorry at uh Stanford had has this practice where she just sends thank you practice where she just sends thank you practice where she just sends thank you notes like you wouldn't believe. Anybody notes like you wouldn't believe. Anybody notes like you wouldn't believe. Anybody who makes her feel good or does anything who makes her feel good or does anything who makes her feel good or does anything nice, she sends them a handwritten thank nice, she sends them a handwritten thank nice, she sends them a handwritten thank you note or an email or quick SMS. And you note or an email or quick SMS. And you note or an email or quick SMS. And that turns to be one of these these that turns to be one of these these that turns to be one of these these qualities of successful entrepreneurs, qualities of successful entrepreneurs, qualities of successful entrepreneurs, successful people, is that they successful people, is that they successful people, is that they constantly look for opportunities to say constantly look for opportunities to say constantly look for opportunities to say thanks. thanks. thanks. >> Gosh, that's so interesting you're >> Gosh, that's so interesting you're >> Gosh, that's so interesting you're saying that because I've literally been saying that because I've literally been saying that because I've literally been for the last like 3 weeks thinking that for the last like 3 weeks thinking that for the last like 3 weeks thinking that I need to order thank you notes, like I need to order thank you notes, like I need to order thank you notes, like custom thank you notes, cuz all I want custom thank you notes, cuz all I want custom thank you notes, cuz all I want to start doing is sending more. So, to start doing is sending more. So, to start doing is sending more. So, you're another confirmation and a sign you're another confirmation and a sign you're another confirmation and a sign that this needs to happen ASAP. And I do that this needs to happen ASAP. And I do that this needs to happen ASAP. And I do that through text and video messages and that through text and video messages and that through text and video messages and things like that and calls. things like that and calls. things like that and calls. >> But there's something about receiving a >> But there's something about receiving a >> But there's something about receiving a letter. letter. letter. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> That my dad used to do a lot as well. >> That my dad used to do a lot as well. >> That my dad used to do a lot as well. And I think it's one of the reasons why And I think it's one of the reasons why And I think it's one of the reasons why he became such a successful entrepreneur he became such a successful entrepreneur he became such a successful entrepreneur is because he was just constantly is because he was just constantly is because he was just constantly thinking about thinking about thinking about >> others. Yeah. >> others. Yeah. >> others. Yeah. >> And he was thinking about, hey, how can >> And he was thinking about, hey, how can >> And he was thinking about, hey, how can I send a nice note? Or I saw something I send a nice note? Or I saw something I send a nice note? Or I saw something in newspaper. He's back in the day the in newspaper. He's back in the day the in newspaper. He's back in the day the newspapers. Cut out a clipping and send newspapers. Cut out a clipping and send newspapers. Cut out a clipping and send it to someone with a little thank you it to someone with a little thank you it to someone with a little thank you note. note. note. >> It goes a long way and people remember. >> It goes a long way and people remember. >> It goes a long way and people remember. >> People remember. And what the crazy >> People remember. And what the crazy >> People remember. And what the crazy thing is, this is called provoked luck. thing is, this is called provoked luck. thing is, this is called provoked luck. How we can manufacture our own luck. How we can manufacture our own luck. How we can manufacture our own luck. >> What happens when that thank you note >> What happens when that thank you note >> What happens when that thank you note lands on someone's desk and right next lands on someone's desk and right next lands on someone's desk and right next to the thank you note is a potential to the thank you note is a potential to the thank you note is a potential opportunity to do business with opportunity to do business with opportunity to do business with somebody. somebody. somebody. >> Oh, the thinking of that person. >> Oh, the thinking of that person. >> Oh, the thinking of that person. >> Exactly. >> Exactly. >> Exactly. >> You're creating your own luck. >> You're creating your own luck. >> You're creating your own luck. >> You're creating your own luck. >> You're creating your own luck. >> You're creating your own luck. >> It's so interesting because um >> It's so interesting because um >> It's so interesting because um >> What kind of business did your dad >> What kind of business did your dad >> What kind of business did your dad start? start? start? >> He was a life insurance salesman, which >> He was a life insurance salesman, which >> He was a life insurance salesman, which was hard. was hard. was hard. >> It's hard to reach out to someone, do >> It's hard to reach out to someone, do >> It's hard to reach out to someone, do you want life insurance? you want life insurance? you want life insurance? >> Yeah. But he would do that constantly >> Yeah. But he would do that constantly >> Yeah. But he would do that constantly and send people notes and send people notes and send people notes >> and just show up also and just like >> and just show up also and just like >> and just show up also and just like acknowledge people. acknowledge people. acknowledge people. >> And so that's something I've just always >> And so that's something I've just always >> And so that's something I've just always taken on. And I I think it's one of the taken on. And I I think it's one of the taken on. And I I think it's one of the keys to keys to keys to >> being able to be where I'm at in life is >> being able to be where I'm at in life is >> being able to be where I'm at in life is constantly thinking about, hey, I saw constantly thinking about, hey, I saw constantly thinking about, hey, I saw you doing this thing. Just want to say you doing this thing. Just want to say you doing this thing. Just want to say congrats. Yeah, you're doing awesome. congrats. Yeah, you're doing awesome. congrats. Yeah, you're doing awesome. Keep it up. Keep it up. Keep it up. >> Not asking for anything. Just, hey, keep >> Not asking for anything. Just, hey, keep >> Not asking for anything. Just, hey, keep it up. You're doing great. it up. You're doing great. it up. You're doing great. Congratulations. Yeah. Congratulations. Yeah. Congratulations. Yeah. >> And I think when we get out of our own >> And I think when we get out of our own >> And I think when we get out of our own I'm not enoughness or jealousy of what I'm not enoughness or jealousy of what I'm not enoughness or jealousy of what someone else has accomplished or what someone else has accomplished or what someone else has accomplished or what we're not accomplishing that we see we're not accomplishing that we see we're not accomplishing that we see other people doing and we just other people doing and we just other people doing and we just acknowledge them and congratulate them. acknowledge them and congratulate them. acknowledge them and congratulate them. >> Good things are to come back. >> Good things are to come back. >> Good things are to come back. >> That's right. And it's not magical. It's >> That's right. And it's not magical. It's >> That's right. And it's not magical. It's not it's not vibrations in the universe. not it's not vibrations in the universe. not it's not vibrations in the universe. It's not quantum anything. It's not quantum anything. It's not quantum anything. >> It's because it changes what we see, >> It's because it changes what we see, >> It's because it changes what we see, what we feel, and what we do. The three what we feel, and what we do. The three what we feel, and what we do. The three powers of belief, anticipation, uh uh uh powers of belief, anticipation, uh uh uh powers of belief, anticipation, uh uh uh attention and agency. It's by believing attention and agency. It's by believing attention and agency. It's by believing differently that we ultimately do things differently that we ultimately do things differently that we ultimately do things differently. differently. differently. >> You talked about there's facts, there's >> You talked about there's facts, there's >> You talked about there's facts, there's faith, and then in the middle there's faith, and then in the middle there's faith, and then in the middle there's belief. belief. belief. >> How much does faith play into unlocking >> How much does faith play into unlocking >> How much does faith play into unlocking success in people's lives? success in people's lives? success in people's lives? >> So, uh it's interesting that uh um I I >> So, uh it's interesting that uh um I I >> So, uh it's interesting that uh um I I grew up uh pretty secular. I didn't grew up uh pretty secular. I didn't grew up uh pretty secular. I didn't pray. Uh I prayed when I was very young. pray. Uh I prayed when I was very young. pray. Uh I prayed when I was very young. My my family immigrated to America and My my family immigrated to America and My my family immigrated to America and by the time I was 6 years old, they had by the time I was 6 years old, they had by the time I was 6 years old, they had been scammed out of every penny. They been scammed out of every penny. They been scammed out of every penny. They some American uh saw that these some American uh saw that these some American uh saw that these immigrants barely spoke the language and immigrants barely spoke the language and immigrants barely spoke the language and he he scammed them he he scammed them he he scammed them >> basically took their life savings which >> basically took their life savings which >> basically took their life savings which they used to come to America and start a they used to come to America and start a they used to come to America and start a living. So living. So living. So >> that's >> that's >> that's >> I used to pray then when I was very >> I used to pray then when I was very >> I used to pray then when I was very young um because we were going through young um because we were going through young um because we were going through such hard times and I didn't I didn't such hard times and I didn't I didn't such hard times and I didn't I didn't pray again until I started doing this pray again until I started doing this pray again until I started doing this research. research. research. >> Really? >> Really? >> Really? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> 40 something years later. Well, here's >> 40 something years later. Well, here's >> 40 something years later. Well, here's what I found was that what I found was that what I found was that >> you didn't pray at all for the last four >> you didn't pray at all for the last four >> you didn't pray at all for the last four decades. decades. decades. >> Pray I didn't, you know, here's what >> Pray I didn't, you know, here's what >> Pray I didn't, you know, here's what happened. I used to pray. Do you pray? happened. I used to pray. Do you pray? happened. I used to pray. Do you pray? Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, >> you do. You have a >> you do. You have a >> you do. You have a >> I I I prayed growing up and then I kind >> I I I prayed growing up and then I kind >> I I I prayed growing up and then I kind of paused for like a dec not a pause but of paused for like a dec not a pause but of paused for like a dec not a pause but >> I wasn't as active a participant in >> I wasn't as active a participant in >> I wasn't as active a participant in prayer for maybe a decade and then the prayer for maybe a decade and then the prayer for maybe a decade and then the last four years I've gotten much deeper. last four years I've gotten much deeper. last four years I've gotten much deeper. >> Last four years. >> Last four years. >> Last four years. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Since meeting Martha. >> Since meeting Martha. >> Since meeting Martha. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Since I guess five years almost. >> Yeah. Since I guess five years almost. >> Yeah. Since I guess five years almost. >> And how's it been for you? >> And how's it been for you? >> And how's it been for you? >> Game changer. game changer. >> Game changer. game changer. >> Game changer. game changer. >> I mean, there's so many things that we >> I mean, there's so many things that we >> I mean, there's so many things that we do and I do that support my inner peace. do and I do that support my inner peace. do and I do that support my inner peace. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And I think going through a a healing >> And I think going through a a healing >> And I think going through a a healing journey, a reflection journey, you know, journey, a reflection journey, you know, journey, a reflection journey, you know, where I looked within all of my hurts where I looked within all of my hurts where I looked within all of my hurts and pains and past and all these things and pains and past and all these things and pains and past and all these things >> and allowed myself to heal over many >> and allowed myself to heal over many >> and allowed myself to heal over many years years years >> brought me harmony and peace. >> brought me harmony and peace. >> brought me harmony and peace. >> Yeah. But having a sense of faith and a >> Yeah. But having a sense of faith and a >> Yeah. But having a sense of faith and a true belief true belief true belief and praying about it every morning and and praying about it every morning and and praying about it every morning and every night gives me more confidence every night gives me more confidence every night gives me more confidence that I'm exactly where I need to be. that I'm exactly where I need to be. that I'm exactly where I need to be. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And that good things are coming. >> And that good things are coming. >> And that good things are coming. And it's not about me. It's it's about And it's not about me. It's it's about And it's not about me. It's it's about being of service. Mhm. being of service. Mhm. being of service. Mhm. >> And as long as I continue to show up >> And as long as I continue to show up >> And as long as I continue to show up consistently consistently consistently and essentially following the triangle and essentially following the triangle and essentially following the triangle of motivation of motivation of motivation >> and doing these things consistently, >> and doing these things consistently, >> and doing these things consistently, good things are going to happen. good things are going to happen. good things are going to happen. >> So I would hear people say that. >> So I would hear people say that. >> So I would hear people say that. >> Uhhuh. >> Uhhuh. >> Uhhuh. >> But tell me the the science >> But tell me the the science >> But tell me the the science >> and Yeah. Yeah. that I'm I'm I'm just >> and Yeah. Yeah. that I'm I'm I'm just >> and Yeah. Yeah. that I'm I'm I'm just >> I just it didn't resonate. The >> I just it didn't resonate. The >> I just it didn't resonate. The supernatural part didn't resonate for supernatural part didn't resonate for supernatural part didn't resonate for me. And so I I I would hear people say me. And so I I I would hear people say me. And so I I I would hear people say that and I would be very jealous that that and I would be very jealous that that and I would be very jealous that you would get all these benefits. you would get all these benefits. you would get all these benefits. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I couldn't feel that. >> I couldn't feel that. >> I couldn't feel that. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And it turns out now >> And it turns out now >> And it turns out now >> you're like, "That's just my ADHD. I >> you're like, "That's just my ADHD. I >> you're like, "That's just my ADHD. I can't pray." can't pray." can't pray." >> It turns out now uh people like me are >> It turns out now uh people like me are >> It turns out now uh people like me are the largest religious group in America. the largest religious group in America. the largest religious group in America. >> Tell me. >> Tell me. >> Tell me. >> They're called the nuns. Not Not the >> They're called the nuns. Not Not the >> They're called the nuns. Not Not the Catholic nuns. N O N E. Catholic nuns. N O N E. Catholic nuns. N O N E. >> That the largest no religion. The >> That the largest no religion. The >> That the largest no religion. The largest religious faith group in America largest religious faith group in America largest religious faith group in America today are nuns. That just happened today are nuns. That just happened today are nuns. That just happened actually fairly recently. Uh, a lot of actually fairly recently. Uh, a lot of actually fairly recently. Uh, a lot of them they say they're them they say they're them they say they're >> they're not atheists. >> they're not atheists. >> they're not atheists. >> No, just no affiliation. Some atheists, >> No, just no affiliation. Some atheists, >> No, just no affiliation. Some atheists, some many of them are what they identify some many of them are what they identify some many of them are what they identify as spiritual but not religious. as spiritual but not religious. as spiritual but not religious. >> Uhhuh. >> Uhhuh. >> Uhhuh. >> What's crazy about that is that people >> What's crazy about that is that people >> What's crazy about that is that people who identify as spiritual and who identify as spiritual and who identify as spiritual and non-religious non-religious non-religious have higher rates of depression and have higher rates of depression and have higher rates of depression and anxiety disorder. anxiety disorder. anxiety disorder. >> People who >> People who >> People who >> more than people who are not spiritual, >> more than people who are not spiritual, >> more than people who are not spiritual, not religious. Wait, people who say they not religious. Wait, people who say they not religious. Wait, people who say they are spiritual but not religious have are spiritual but not religious have are spiritual but not religious have higher rates of depression higher rates of depression higher rates of depression >> and anxiety disorder >> and anxiety disorder >> and anxiety disorder >> than people who say they are religious. >> than people who say they are religious. >> than people who say they are religious. >> Much much higher. >> Much much higher. >> Much much higher. >> Really? >> Really? >> Really? >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> So when someone says I'm not religious >> So when someone says I'm not religious >> So when someone says I'm not religious but I'm spiritual. but I'm spiritual. but I'm spiritual. >> Right. What are they saying? Like they >> Right. What are they saying? Like they >> Right. What are they saying? Like they they have some kind of conviction in they have some kind of conviction in they have some kind of conviction in some kind of higher power but they don't some kind of higher power but they don't some kind of higher power but they don't connect with any kind of faith connect with any kind of faith connect with any kind of faith tradition. tradition. tradition. >> Uhhuh. >> Uhhuh. >> Uhhuh. >> Okay. So they have higher rates of >> Okay. So they have higher rates of >> Okay. So they have higher rates of depression than those with a religious depression than those with a religious depression than those with a religious faith. That's right. Tradition. And faith. That's right. Tradition. And faith. That's right. Tradition. And we've known that for quite some time we've known that for quite some time we've known that for quite some time that that people who have uh people who that that people who have uh people who that that people who have uh people who pray pray pray >> have all kinds of benefits. They live >> have all kinds of benefits. They live >> have all kinds of benefits. They live longer, they're healthier, they make longer, they're healthier, they make longer, they're healthier, they make more money, they contribute more to the more money, they contribute more to the more money, they contribute more to the community. There's all kinds of benefits community. There's all kinds of benefits community. There's all kinds of benefits to prayer and and I knew that to prayer and and I knew that to prayer and and I knew that >> that's backed by science. Many Oh, >> that's backed by science. Many Oh, >> that's backed by science. Many Oh, that's this is well established. that's this is well established. that's this is well established. >> Neuroscience, everything else >> Neuroscience, everything else >> Neuroscience, everything else >> very well established. Now, I I read >> very well established. Now, I I read >> very well established. Now, I I read this research as I was I was writing this research as I was I was writing this research as I was I was writing this book and I I came across it and uh this book and I I came across it and uh this book and I I came across it and uh I was kind of jealous, but I thought I was kind of jealous, but I thought I was kind of jealous, but I thought it's not for me because I don't have it's not for me because I don't have it's not for me because I don't have that particular faith in the that particular faith in the that particular faith in the supernatural. supernatural. supernatural. >> And then I came across this study that >> And then I came across this study that >> And then I came across this study that blew my mind. blew my mind. blew my mind. >> And the study, here's what they did. >> And the study, here's what they did. >> And the study, here's what they did. They took three groups of people and They took three groups of people and They took three groups of people and they they uh one was a control group, so they they uh one was a control group, so they they uh one was a control group, so nothing no intervention. One were people nothing no intervention. One were people nothing no intervention. One were people who prayed from a particular faith who prayed from a particular faith who prayed from a particular faith tradition. Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, tradition. Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, tradition. Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, they had some kind of particular faith they had some kind of particular faith they had some kind of particular faith uh tradition and one group were people uh tradition and one group were people uh tradition and one group were people who had never prayed that they taught who had never prayed that they taught who had never prayed that they taught how to pray. And they said if you don't how to pray. And they said if you don't how to pray. And they said if you don't have any kind of faith tradition, you have any kind of faith tradition, you have any kind of faith tradition, you don't have to say God, say whatever is don't have to say God, say whatever is don't have to say God, say whatever is meaningful to you. Substitute the sum of meaningful to you. Substitute the sum of meaningful to you. Substitute the sum of all forces or mother nature or a higher all forces or mother nature or a higher all forces or mother nature or a higher power. Whatever. It doesn't have to be power. Whatever. It doesn't have to be power. Whatever. It doesn't have to be anything supernatural. whatever it is anything supernatural. whatever it is anything supernatural. whatever it is that you want, substitute that word, but that you want, substitute that word, but that you want, substitute that word, but here's how to pray. Okay? And they here's how to pray. Okay? And they here's how to pray. Okay? And they taught them how to pray taught them how to pray taught them how to pray >> like a what, like a 60-second prayer or >> like a what, like a 60-second prayer or >> like a what, like a 60-second prayer or like like like >> some kind of they had a standardized >> some kind of they had a standardized >> some kind of they had a standardized intervention. intervention. intervention. >> Then they took those three groups and >> Then they took those three groups and >> Then they took those three groups and they gave them this is a there's a they gave them this is a there's a they gave them this is a there's a standard protocol to test pain standard protocol to test pain standard protocol to test pain tolerance. The test is essentially they tolerance. The test is essentially they tolerance. The test is essentially they take your hand and they tell you to put take your hand and they tell you to put take your hand and they tell you to put it in a in a ice cold bath, very very it in a in a ice cold bath, very very it in a in a ice cold bath, very very cold, painfully cold water. And then cold, painfully cold water. And then cold, painfully cold water. And then they have a researcher who looks at your they have a researcher who looks at your they have a researcher who looks at your face and they see every grimace and face and they see every grimace and face and they see every grimace and every, you know, your contortion. And every, you know, your contortion. And every, you know, your contortion. And then ultimately when you can't do it then ultimately when you can't do it then ultimately when you can't do it anymore, when you have to take your hand anymore, when you have to take your hand anymore, when you have to take your hand out of the water. Now out of the water. Now out of the water. Now both the group that prayed out of faith both the group that prayed out of faith both the group that prayed out of faith tradition and who didn't have a faith tradition and who didn't have a faith tradition and who didn't have a faith tradition but prayed way outlasted the tradition but prayed way outlasted the tradition but prayed way outlasted the control group. They were ma way more control group. They were ma way more control group. They were ma way more pain tolerant. pain tolerant. pain tolerant. >> They were like the rats that could go 60 >> They were like the rats that could go 60 >> They were like the rats that could go 60 hours. hours. hours. >> Exactly. Now what's fascinating about >> Exactly. Now what's fascinating about >> Exactly. Now what's fascinating about that even the people who didn't have a that even the people who didn't have a that even the people who didn't have a faith tradition but learned how to pray faith tradition but learned how to pray faith tradition but learned how to pray also had those benefits. They also had also had those benefits. They also had also had those benefits. They also had greater pain tolerance greater pain tolerance greater pain tolerance >> than the people that didn't pray at all. >> than the people that didn't pray at all. >> than the people that didn't pray at all. They didn't pray at all. And so this is They didn't pray at all. And so this is They didn't pray at all. And so this is something I've changed when you ask something I've changed when you ask something I've changed when you ask what's the power of faith. It turns out what's the power of faith. It turns out what's the power of faith. It turns out that prayer works even without faith. that prayer works even without faith. that prayer works even without faith. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> And so this is kind of my call to >> And so this is kind of my call to >> And so this is kind of my call to action. I think a lot of the problems we action. I think a lot of the problems we action. I think a lot of the problems we have today in America come from the fact have today in America come from the fact have today in America come from the fact that many people like I used to say, I that many people like I used to say, I that many people like I used to say, I can't step into church because I can't can't step into church because I can't can't step into church because I can't prove that everything that was said here prove that everything that was said here prove that everything that was said here is absolutely the truth. is absolutely the truth. is absolutely the truth. >> I was looking at everything through the >> I was looking at everything through the >> I was looking at everything through the fact lens. fact lens. fact lens. >> I I can't either. Like everything for me >> I I can't either. Like everything for me >> I I can't either. Like everything for me isn't like how is that really truthful isn't like how is that really truthful isn't like how is that really truthful from 2,000 years ago and the from 2,000 years ago and the from 2,000 years ago and the translations and this and this. translations and this and this. translations and this and this. >> But you still you still go. >> But you still you still go. >> But you still you still go. >> I still go because I asked this to >> I still go because I asked this to >> I still go because I asked this to Arthur Brooks recently. I don't know if Arthur Brooks recently. I don't know if Arthur Brooks recently. I don't know if you know who Arthur Brooks is. He's like you know who Arthur Brooks is. He's like you know who Arthur Brooks is. He's like a devout Catholic. He goes to mass every a devout Catholic. He goes to mass every a devout Catholic. He goes to mass every morning like 6:00 a.m. or something. morning like 6:00 a.m. or something. morning like 6:00 a.m. or something. >> And I go, "Arthur, you're a smart guy. >> And I go, "Arthur, you're a smart guy. >> And I go, "Arthur, you're a smart guy. Like you're intelligent. You're like Like you're intelligent. You're like Like you're intelligent. You're like professor this like bestselling author. professor this like bestselling author. professor this like bestselling author. How can you really say that everything How can you really say that everything How can you really say that everything is true?" He goes, "I can't. is true?" He goes, "I can't. is true?" He goes, "I can't. But the belief of these things and the But the belief of these things and the But the belief of these things and the essence of it in the stories and the essence of it in the stories and the essence of it in the stories and the lessons give me more peace. Yes. And lessons give me more peace. Yes. And lessons give me more peace. Yes. And help me live a more peaceful life. help me live a more peaceful life. help me live a more peaceful life. >> And that's the goal. So I don't call >> And that's the goal. So I don't call >> And that's the goal. So I don't call myself an atheist or agnostic. I call myself an atheist or agnostic. I call myself an atheist or agnostic. I call myself a freethinker. myself a freethinker. myself a freethinker. >> And this is a term I learned when I >> And this is a term I learned when I >> And this is a term I learned when I learned when I lived in Singapore that learned when I lived in Singapore that learned when I lived in Singapore that you can be a freethinking Christian. You you can be a freethinking Christian. You you can be a freethinking Christian. You could be a freethinking Muslim. You could be a freethinking Muslim. You could be a freethinking Muslim. You could be a free-thinking atheist. It could be a free-thinking atheist. It could be a free-thinking atheist. It doesn't matter. It means that you're not doesn't matter. It means that you're not doesn't matter. It means that you're not you're not asking that question anymore. you're not asking that question anymore. you're not asking that question anymore. I stopped looking for proof. I stopped looking for proof. I stopped looking for proof. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And what I'm looking for is peace. as >> And what I'm looking for is peace. as >> And what I'm looking for is peace. as you said. you said. you said. >> Gosh, let's go. >> Gosh, let's go. >> Gosh, let's go. >> That is what people need. They need >> That is what people need. They need >> That is what people need. They need peace. They don't have it. A lot of peace. They don't have it. A lot of peace. They don't have it. A lot of people don't have it people don't have it people don't have it >> because beliefs are tools, not truths. >> because beliefs are tools, not truths. >> because beliefs are tools, not truths. I'm not Look, we're we're never going to I'm not Look, we're we're never going to I'm not Look, we're we're never going to know. Okay, we're just not going to know. Okay, we're just not going to know. Okay, we're just not going to know. know. know. >> But what I find when I walk into a >> But what I find when I walk into a >> But what I find when I walk into a church or a synagogue and I I I start church or a synagogue and I I I start church or a synagogue and I I I start with a prayer, which I never used to do with a prayer, which I never used to do with a prayer, which I never used to do since I was 6 years old. Now I do. since I was 6 years old. Now I do. since I was 6 years old. Now I do. >> It benefits me, >> It benefits me, >> It benefits me, >> right? I feel better. I am better when I >> right? I feel better. I am better when I >> right? I feel better. I am better when I adopt this belief that I can pray even adopt this belief that I can pray even adopt this belief that I can pray even if I don't have all the answers. if I don't have all the answers. if I don't have all the answers. >> Yeah. You're more you're more present >> Yeah. You're more you're more present >> Yeah. You're more you're more present probably. You're less reactive. You're probably. You're less reactive. You're probably. You're less reactive. You're more tolerant. You're more more tolerant. You're more more tolerant. You're more >> I can solve these problems. >> I can solve these problems. >> I can solve these problems. >> Grateful. Yeah. >> Grateful. Yeah. >> Grateful. Yeah. >> Yeah. And so what what I did I went to >> Yeah. And so what what I did I went to >> Yeah. And so what what I did I went to it sounds like a setup for a joke. I it sounds like a setup for a joke. I it sounds like a setup for a joke. I went to five religious leaders. I went went to five religious leaders. I went went to five religious leaders. I went to a rabbi, a priest, an imam, a monk, to a rabbi, a priest, an imam, a monk, to a rabbi, a priest, an imam, a monk, and a swami and a swami and a swami >> and I asked them all the all walked into >> and I asked them all the all walked into >> and I asked them all the all walked into a bar a bar a bar >> and the same question was how do I pray >> and the same question was how do I pray >> and the same question was how do I pray when I have uncertainties about God? when I have uncertainties about God? when I have uncertainties about God? >> Oh wow. What do they say? And so I >> Oh wow. What do they say? And so I >> Oh wow. What do they say? And so I learned these five key tenants of prayer learned these five key tenants of prayer learned these five key tenants of prayer >> that uh so everybody gave me a different >> that uh so everybody gave me a different >> that uh so everybody gave me a different piece of the puzzle. Now a lot of it was piece of the puzzle. Now a lot of it was piece of the puzzle. Now a lot of it was overlapping. Nobody has a monopoly on overlapping. Nobody has a monopoly on overlapping. Nobody has a monopoly on these practices these practices these practices >> but what I was doing was that I threw >> but what I was doing was that I threw >> but what I was doing was that I threw out everything. I said well if I can't out everything. I said well if I can't out everything. I said well if I can't if I don't have perfect certainty then I if I don't have perfect certainty then I if I don't have perfect certainty then I can't do any of it. can't do any of it. can't do any of it. >> And then I learned from these religions >> And then I learned from these religions >> And then I learned from these religions that there's we we can pray even if we that there's we we can pray even if we that there's we we can pray even if we do have doubts. So from the from the do have doubts. So from the from the do have doubts. So from the from the rabbi I learned that uh you can do first rabbi I learned that uh you can do first rabbi I learned that uh you can do first and understand later. and understand later. and understand later. >> So on Mount Si uh the Jews say when they >> So on Mount Si uh the Jews say when they >> So on Mount Si uh the Jews say when they receive the ten commandment they say receive the ten commandment they say receive the ten commandment they say first we do then we will hear first we do then we will hear first we do then we will hear >> first we do so that to my in my life >> first we do so that to my in my life >> first we do so that to my in my life first I do the ritual then I will see. first I do the ritual then I will see. first I do the ritual then I will see. Don't ask why why I'm supposed to do Don't ask why why I'm supposed to do Don't ask why why I'm supposed to do this or what the result will be, but this or what the result will be, but this or what the result will be, but just have the faith I guess that you're just have the faith I guess that you're just have the faith I guess that you're supposed to do this first. supposed to do this first. supposed to do this first. >> The I would call it the belief, not the >> The I would call it the belief, not the >> The I would call it the belief, not the blind faith. Not not, you know, not blind faith. Not not, you know, not blind faith. Not not, you know, not Yeah. The belief that Yeah. The belief that Yeah. The belief that >> I'm doing this because it serves me, >> I'm doing this because it serves me, >> I'm doing this because it serves me, >> right? I'm not going to I'm not going to >> right? I'm not going to I'm not going to >> right? I'm not going to I'm not going to >> uh accept everything whole cloth. I'm >> uh accept everything whole cloth. I'm >> uh accept everything whole cloth. I'm not going to do everything that someone not going to do everything that someone not going to do everything that someone tells me. I'm not I'm not going to be tells me. I'm not I'm not going to be tells me. I'm not I'm not going to be gullible. gullible. gullible. >> I'm going to What's the definition of >> I'm going to What's the definition of >> I'm going to What's the definition of belief? It's a conviction that is open belief? It's a conviction that is open belief? It's a conviction that is open to revision based on evidence. So if you to revision based on evidence. So if you to revision based on evidence. So if you know as opposed to before first I need know as opposed to before first I need know as opposed to before first I need it to be a fact then I can do it first it to be a fact then I can do it first it to be a fact then I can do it first I'm going to do it and then I'm going to I'm going to do it and then I'm going to I'm going to do it and then I'm going to see what what comes of it the rituals see what what comes of it the rituals see what what comes of it the rituals right from the imam I learned about the right from the imam I learned about the right from the imam I learned about the simplicity of prayer in Islam you pray simplicity of prayer in Islam you pray simplicity of prayer in Islam you pray five times a day same prayer five times five times a day same prayer five times five times a day same prayer five times a day doesn't have to be super a day doesn't have to be super a day doesn't have to be super complicated you don't have to have a complicated you don't have to have a complicated you don't have to have a prayer that's you know super lurggical prayer that's you know super lurggical prayer that's you know super lurggical and has all kinds of practices you can and has all kinds of practices you can and has all kinds of practices you can create a very simple ritual of just create a very simple ritual of just create a very simple ritual of just sitting and being with your thoughts for sitting and being with your thoughts for sitting and being with your thoughts for a minute and showing gratitude and uh a minute and showing gratitude and uh a minute and showing gratitude and uh just a moment of peace right to solve just a moment of peace right to solve just a moment of peace right to solve these problems on your own Can you can these problems on your own Can you can these problems on your own Can you can create that in your life whether you create that in your life whether you create that in your life whether you have a faith tradition or not. have a faith tradition or not. have a faith tradition or not. >> From the the Catholic priest I learned >> From the the Catholic priest I learned >> From the the Catholic priest I learned it was is beautiful. Uh he told me about it was is beautiful. Uh he told me about it was is beautiful. Uh he told me about how people come to church looking for how people come to church looking for how people come to church looking for their prayers to be answered and they their prayers to be answered and they their prayers to be answered and they ask for things right. They say uh you ask for things right. They say uh you ask for things right. They say uh you know I I I want to find love. I want to know I I I want to find love. I want to know I I I want to find love. I want to find uh business success. Uh please heal find uh business success. Uh please heal find uh business success. Uh please heal me etc. me etc. me etc. And what they oftenimes don't realize is And what they oftenimes don't realize is And what they oftenimes don't realize is that the coming to church, the community that the coming to church, the community that the coming to church, the community aspect is many times how prayers are aspect is many times how prayers are aspect is many times how prayers are answered. answered. answered. >> That it's the person down the pew who >> That it's the person down the pew who >> That it's the person down the pew who can help you with your business, who can can help you with your business, who can can help you with your business, who can help you find love, who can solve many help you find love, who can solve many help you find love, who can solve many of these problems. It's that community of these problems. It's that community of these problems. It's that community aspect. And that's something that a lot aspect. And that's something that a lot aspect. And that's something that a lot of us who are uh who don't have that of us who are uh who don't have that of us who are uh who don't have that faith tradition don't get unless we go. faith tradition don't get unless we go. faith tradition don't get unless we go. It's true. It's true. It's true. >> Right. And then from the Swami, from the >> Right. And then from the Swami, from the >> Right. And then from the Swami, from the Hindu uh leader, I learned about how it Hindu uh leader, I learned about how it Hindu uh leader, I learned about how it has to be about something bigger than has to be about something bigger than has to be about something bigger than yourself. How about the power of of of yourself. How about the power of of of yourself. How about the power of of of of you know finding a cause, finding a a of you know finding a cause, finding a a of you know finding a cause, finding a a purpose that's more than just you. And purpose that's more than just you. And purpose that's more than just you. And then from the Buddhist, the separation then from the Buddhist, the separation then from the Buddhist, the separation of pain from suffering about the of pain from suffering about the of pain from suffering about the practices in Buddhism, you know, my my practices in Buddhism, you know, my my practices in Buddhism, you know, my my wife is Chinese and and something that wife is Chinese and and something that wife is Chinese and and something that she heard growing up in her Buddhist she heard growing up in her Buddhist she heard growing up in her Buddhist household was bitter now, sweet later. household was bitter now, sweet later. household was bitter now, sweet later. >> About how you can separate the pain from >> About how you can separate the pain from >> About how you can separate the pain from the suffering in order to sustain the suffering in order to sustain the suffering in order to sustain motivation, in order to keep going. motivation, in order to keep going. motivation, in order to keep going. >> Wow. And so you can take you every >> Wow. And so you can take you every >> Wow. And so you can take you every religion has aspects of of all these religion has aspects of of all these religion has aspects of of all these things. But even if you don't have a things. But even if you don't have a things. But even if you don't have a particular faith tradition, you can do particular faith tradition, you can do particular faith tradition, you can do what I call constructive interpretation. what I call constructive interpretation. what I call constructive interpretation. You can walk into a place of worship and You can walk into a place of worship and You can walk into a place of worship and say, you know what, I don't need every say, you know what, I don't need every say, you know what, I don't need every single thing to be true in order for me single thing to be true in order for me single thing to be true in order for me to get these benefits. to get these benefits. to get these benefits. >> And I think that's what holds a lot of >> And I think that's what holds a lot of >> And I think that's what holds a lot of people back. They need the facts to people back. They need the facts to people back. They need the facts to really like say, well, did that really really like say, well, did that really really like say, well, did that really happen? If not, then I'm going to happen? If not, then I'm going to happen? If not, then I'm going to discount this whole thing, discount this whole thing, discount this whole thing, >> right? And and to be fair, it's not just >> right? And and to be fair, it's not just >> right? And and to be fair, it's not just the believers. It's not just the the believers. It's not just the the believers. It's not just the participants. There's a lot of faith participants. There's a lot of faith participants. There's a lot of faith institutions that want a purity test. institutions that want a purity test. institutions that want a purity test. >> Uhhuh. >> Uhhuh. >> Uhhuh. >> Right. You have to believe. >> Right. You have to believe. >> Right. You have to believe. >> It's not good either. >> It's not good either. >> It's not good either. >> That's not constructive either, right? >> That's not constructive either, right? >> That's not constructive either, right? That pushes people away. That pushes people away. That pushes people away. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It's so interesting because every time >> It's so interesting because every time >> It's so interesting because every time we go to church, Martha just feels she's we go to church, Martha just feels she's we go to church, Martha just feels she's so grateful. She just feels better just so grateful. She just feels better just so grateful. She just feels better just going. She's like, "Ah, I feel so much going. She's like, "Ah, I feel so much going. She's like, "Ah, I feel so much peace." peace." peace." >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> So, if prayer gives you that peace. Now, >> So, if prayer gives you that peace. Now, >> So, if prayer gives you that peace. Now, if it makes you feel bad, I guess it's if it makes you feel bad, I guess it's if it makes you feel bad, I guess it's not good. Don't do it. But if it brings not good. Don't do it. But if it brings not good. Don't do it. But if it brings you a peace, why not do that more you a peace, why not do that more you a peace, why not do that more frequently, frequently, frequently, >> right? Even if you don't have all the >> right? Even if you don't have all the >> right? Even if you don't have all the answers. I can't remember I don't know answers. I can't remember I don't know answers. I can't remember I don't know if Wayne Dyer said this quote or where if Wayne Dyer said this quote or where if Wayne Dyer said this quote or where this quote came from, but it's like, you this quote came from, but it's like, you this quote came from, but it's like, you know, a lot of people think seeing is know, a lot of people think seeing is know, a lot of people think seeing is believing, but believing is seeing. It's believing, but believing is seeing. It's believing, but believing is seeing. It's like how do we switch it? Like I'll I'll like how do we switch it? Like I'll I'll like how do we switch it? Like I'll I'll believe it when I see it. No, it's like believe it when I see it. No, it's like believe it when I see it. No, it's like start believing it and it will reveal start believing it and it will reveal start believing it and it will reveal itself. itself. itself. >> That's right. >> That's right. >> That's right. >> Right. Isn't that >> Right. Isn't that >> Right. Isn't that >> Did Wayne I thought I came up with that. >> Did Wayne I thought I came up with that. >> Did Wayne I thought I came up with that. That's a chapter title. That's a chapter title. That's a chapter title. >> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. That's exactly >> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. That's exactly >> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. That's exactly right because that's that's what we tend right because that's that's what we tend right because that's that's what we tend to think. We think, oh, you know, when I to think. We think, oh, you know, when I to think. We think, oh, you know, when I see it, I'll believe it. But we do not see it, I'll believe it. But we do not see it, I'll believe it. But we do not see reality as it really is. We have see reality as it really is. We have see reality as it really is. We have this simulation running in our brains this simulation running in our brains this simulation running in our brains because of the, you know, the 11 million because of the, you know, the 11 million because of the, you know, the 11 million bits versus the 50 bits. bits versus the 50 bits. bits versus the 50 bits. >> We h we all have this simulation. None >> We h we all have this simulation. None >> We h we all have this simulation. None of us are seeing reality clearly, right? of us are seeing reality clearly, right? of us are seeing reality clearly, right? So, when I advocate, so one of the one So, when I advocate, so one of the one So, when I advocate, so one of the one of the things that sometimes people will of the things that sometimes people will of the things that sometimes people will say, say, say, >> uh, is, you know, are you telling people >> uh, is, you know, are you telling people >> uh, is, you know, are you telling people to lie to themselves? Aren't you telling to lie to themselves? Aren't you telling to lie to themselves? Aren't you telling people to gaslight themselves to just be people to gaslight themselves to just be people to gaslight themselves to just be delusional? And the answer is you're delusional? And the answer is you're delusional? And the answer is you're already delusional. already delusional. already delusional. >> You're already gaslighting yourself. >> You're already gaslighting yourself. >> You're already gaslighting yourself. You're just in a negative way. You're just in a negative way. You're just in a negative way. >> Exactly. You're gaslighting yourself >> Exactly. You're gaslighting yourself >> Exactly. You're gaslighting yourself with these existing limiting beliefs and with these existing limiting beliefs and with these existing limiting beliefs and refusing to see another potential refusing to see another potential refusing to see another potential reality which if you considered could reality which if you considered could reality which if you considered could actually be just as true, if not more actually be just as true, if not more actually be just as true, if not more true than your current limiting belief. true than your current limiting belief. true than your current limiting belief. >> Yeah. But I mean, come on, Neil. You >> Yeah. But I mean, come on, Neil. You >> Yeah. But I mean, come on, Neil. You study, you know, psychology and human study, you know, psychology and human study, you know, psychology and human behavior. behavior. behavior. How can you put all this into prayer? How can you put all this into prayer? How can you put all this into prayer? Like that's not what you've lived your Like that's not what you've lived your Like that's not what you've lived your entire life. I I feel like you're the um entire life. I I feel like you're the um entire life. I I feel like you're the um Gosh, who am I thinking of? You're the Gosh, who am I thinking of? You're the Gosh, who am I thinking of? You're the uh who is uh the the newscaster Dan um uh who is uh the the newscaster Dan um uh who is uh the the newscaster Dan um >> S Sullivan. >> S Sullivan. >> S Sullivan. >> No, no, no. Gosh, why am I forgetting >> No, no, no. Gosh, why am I forgetting >> No, no, no. Gosh, why am I forgetting his name right now? This is He did the his name right now? This is He did the his name right now? This is He did the meditation. Meditation. Yes. Not Dan meditation. Meditation. Yes. Not Dan meditation. Meditation. Yes. Not Dan Sullivan, but Dan Harris. Sullivan, but Dan Harris. Sullivan, but Dan Harris. >> Dan Harris. Dan Harris. Harris. Yes. >> Dan Harris. Dan Harris. Harris. Yes. >> Dan Harris. Dan Harris. Harris. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. >> You're like the Dan Harris of prayer >> You're like the Dan Harris of prayer >> You're like the Dan Harris of prayer now. You know, it's like the skeptical now. You know, it's like the skeptical now. You know, it's like the skeptical like analytical. never gonna believe in like analytical. never gonna believe in like analytical. never gonna believe in this stuff. But now you're saying this stuff. But now you're saying this stuff. But now you're saying prayer. prayer. prayer. >> I believe in the practice of prayer. >> I believe in the practice of prayer. >> I believe in the practice of prayer. >> I'm not I'm not uh >> I'm not I'm not uh >> I'm not I'm not uh >> I've just stopped asking about the >> I've just stopped asking about the >> I've just stopped asking about the questions that I I don't think I'm going questions that I I don't think I'm going questions that I I don't think I'm going to answer. to answer. to answer. >> I don't think anyone will. >> I don't think anyone will. >> I don't think anyone will. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Cuz you ju just to have blind faith and >> Cuz you ju just to have blind faith and >> Cuz you ju just to have blind faith and trust from people from thousands of trust from people from thousands of trust from people from thousands of years ago. years ago. years ago. >> That's right. >> That's right. >> That's right. >> For me, that's hard to do, too. >> For me, that's hard to do, too. >> For me, that's hard to do, too. >> But I think the essence of the stories, >> But I think the essence of the stories, >> But I think the essence of the stories, the essence of the historical things the essence of the historical things the essence of the historical things that happened when they did or didn't do that happened when they did or didn't do that happened when they did or didn't do certain things. certain things. certain things. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I can say, how can that relate to my >> I can say, how can that relate to my >> I can say, how can that relate to my life today? I I think that what's life today? I I think that what's life today? I I think that what's unusual about you is that a lot of times unusual about you is that a lot of times unusual about you is that a lot of times when I talk to people of faith, they when I talk to people of faith, they when I talk to people of faith, they they feel a little uncomfortable they feel a little uncomfortable they feel a little uncomfortable admitting that. admitting that. admitting that. >> Well, cuz I think I've questioned it my >> Well, cuz I think I've questioned it my >> Well, cuz I think I've questioned it my whole life. whole life. whole life. >> You have questioned your whole life? >> You have questioned your whole life? >> You have questioned your whole life? >> I think I have. Yeah. Cuz I'm like this >> I think I have. Yeah. Cuz I'm like this >> I think I have. Yeah. Cuz I'm like this doesn't make sense. doesn't make sense. doesn't make sense. >> But you But how come you kept going >> But you But how come you kept going >> But you But how come you kept going despite thinking despite thinking despite thinking >> I stopped for like? Yeah. I mean, I >> I stopped for like? Yeah. I mean, I >> I stopped for like? Yeah. I mean, I stopped just cuz I was just kind of like stopped just cuz I was just kind of like stopped just cuz I was just kind of like on my own journey and I was a critical on my own journey and I was a critical on my own journey and I was a critical thinker and I was a free thinker. thinker and I was a free thinker. thinker and I was a free thinker. >> So I was like, "Oh, let me try this. Let >> So I was like, "Oh, let me try this. Let >> So I was like, "Oh, let me try this. Let me try this. Let me try this." me try this. Let me try this." me try this. Let me try this." And I think I still question a lot of And I think I still question a lot of And I think I still question a lot of stuff. I'm like, why do they do these stuff. I'm like, why do they do these stuff. I'm like, why do they do these traditions? Why do they do that? Like traditions? Why do they do that? Like traditions? Why do they do that? Like all this stuff I question, all this stuff I question, all this stuff I question, >> but I'm like, you know what? Let me if I >> but I'm like, you know what? Let me if I >> but I'm like, you know what? Let me if I know it benefits. know it benefits. know it benefits. >> It doesn't mean I have to agree with >> It doesn't mean I have to agree with >> It doesn't mean I have to agree with every specific thing or I can still every specific thing or I can still every specific thing or I can still question it. But how can I apply the question it. But how can I apply the question it. But how can I apply the things that I know are helpful for me, things that I know are helpful for me, things that I know are helpful for me, >> for my wife, for our marriage, and our >> for my wife, for our marriage, and our >> for my wife, for our marriage, and our relationship that just help us feel relationship that just help us feel relationship that just help us feel better? better? better? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Like I don't have to have all the >> Like I don't have to have all the >> Like I don't have to have all the answers. answers. answers. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. But I can believe that But I can believe that But I can believe that good things are going to happen for me good things are going to happen for me good things are going to happen for me if I continue to believe them. if I continue to believe them. if I continue to believe them. >> Right. Yeah. >> Right. Yeah. >> Right. Yeah. >> And that is a that is a type of prayer. >> And that is a that is a type of prayer. >> And that is a that is a type of prayer. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> In itself. I don't have to say God give >> In itself. I don't have to say God give >> In itself. I don't have to say God give me these things. It's just more of like me these things. It's just more of like me these things. It's just more of like >> it's more of a gratitude prayer. Thank >> it's more of a gratitude prayer. Thank >> it's more of a gratitude prayer. Thank you so much for the blessings. Thank you you so much for the blessings. Thank you you so much for the blessings. Thank you for the opportunities. Thank you for the for the opportunities. Thank you for the for the opportunities. Thank you for the hard lessons that have given me hard lessons that have given me hard lessons that have given me appreciation. And now it's like a appreciation. And now it's like a appreciation. And now it's like a thankful prayer for me that puts me in a thankful prayer for me that puts me in a thankful prayer for me that puts me in a state of peace and appreciation. state of peace and appreciation. state of peace and appreciation. >> And I think the more grateful >> And I think the more grateful >> And I think the more grateful I am and appreciative I am of life, I I I am and appreciative I am of life, I I I am and appreciative I am of life, I I believe life brings me more to be believe life brings me more to be believe life brings me more to be grateful and appreciative of, whether grateful and appreciative of, whether grateful and appreciative of, whether it's it's it's >> a law, a science, a belief that I've >> a law, a science, a belief that I've >> a law, a science, a belief that I've made up, whatever it is. Yeah. made up, whatever it is. Yeah. made up, whatever it is. Yeah. >> It works, >> It works, >> It works, >> right? >> right? >> right? >> And it gives me more peace. >> And it gives me more peace. >> And it gives me more peace. >> Well, you're you're ahead of the game >> Well, you're you're ahead of the game >> Well, you're you're ahead of the game cuz I had to like see the studies. cuz I had to like see the studies. cuz I had to like see the studies. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. That's fantastic. That's >> Yeah. Yeah. That's fantastic. That's >> Yeah. Yeah. That's fantastic. That's that's excellent. I wish that's excellent. I wish that's excellent. I wish >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Go ahead. You wish >> Go ahead. You wish >> Go ahead. You wish >> I just I wish uh I wish it didn't take >> I just I wish uh I wish it didn't take >> I just I wish uh I wish it didn't take me so long. Uh and that I wish more me so long. Uh and that I wish more me so long. Uh and that I wish more people would would find that path. I people would would find that path. I people would would find that path. I think would would we would we would be think would would we would we would be think would would we would we would be much happier. I think much happier. I think much happier. I think >> Well, I think a lot of people have dealt >> Well, I think a lot of people have dealt >> Well, I think a lot of people have dealt with so much pain and then turn pain with so much pain and then turn pain with so much pain and then turn pain into suffering from some type of I don't into suffering from some type of I don't into suffering from some type of I don't know belief, maybe a religious belief or know belief, maybe a religious belief or know belief, maybe a religious belief or their parent that was in a religion that their parent that was in a religion that their parent that was in a religion that then did something wrong to them. then did something wrong to them. then did something wrong to them. They're like, "Oh, this person." They're like, "Oh, this person." They're like, "Oh, this person." >> Yeah. And it's like an association with >> Yeah. And it's like an association with >> Yeah. And it's like an association with someone that said something to you or someone that said something to you or someone that said something to you or judged you or made you feel less than judged you or made you feel less than judged you or made you feel less than who was a part of some belief system of who was a part of some belief system of who was a part of some belief system of faith. faith. faith. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And then you associate it and you're >> And then you associate it and you're >> And then you associate it and you're like that is bad and wrong. like that is bad and wrong. like that is bad and wrong. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> That this person was supposed to look >> That this person was supposed to look >> That this person was supposed to look out for me, take care of me, not lie to out for me, take care of me, not lie to out for me, take care of me, not lie to me, not cheat on me, not steal from me, me, not cheat on me, not steal from me, me, not cheat on me, not steal from me, and they did this thing and they follow and they did this thing and they follow and they did this thing and they follow this belief, the whole belief is wrong. this belief, the whole belief is wrong. this belief, the whole belief is wrong. >> And and if you think about it, it's very >> And and if you think about it, it's very >> And and if you think about it, it's very protective. protective. protective. >> Yeah. And so this is why we can't see >> Yeah. And so this is why we can't see >> Yeah. And so this is why we can't see our hidden limiting beliefs because to our hidden limiting beliefs because to our hidden limiting beliefs because to us, you know, if we are looking for us, you know, if we are looking for us, you know, if we are looking for evidence, evidence, evidence, >> we'll always find it. >> we'll always find it. >> we'll always find it. >> We'll always find it. And so that >> We'll always find it. And so that >> We'll always find it. And so that becomes our new belief which we adopt becomes our new belief which we adopt becomes our new belief which we adopt without even questioning it. without even questioning it. without even questioning it. >> And so then it's then it's sealed in. We >> And so then it's then it's sealed in. We >> And so then it's then it's sealed in. We we we become incapable of actually we we become incapable of actually we we become incapable of actually testing and seeing any way. testing and seeing any way. testing and seeing any way. >> But here's here's the other side of it. >> But here's here's the other side of it. >> But here's here's the other side of it. I could hear a skeptic, you know, I could hear a skeptic, you know, I could hear a skeptic, you know, listening to this and say, "Yeah, I get listening to this and say, "Yeah, I get listening to this and say, "Yeah, I get it that you were skeptical. You found a it that you were skeptical. You found a it that you were skeptical. You found a way." But I'm still skeptical. You know, way." But I'm still skeptical. You know, way." But I'm still skeptical. You know, I'm still skeptical near that. you know, I'm still skeptical near that. you know, I'm still skeptical near that. you know, I I I follow your four steps of the the I I I follow your four steps of the the I I I follow your four steps of the the work and and at the end of the day, I work and and at the end of the day, I work and and at the end of the day, I still need a boundary in place with my still need a boundary in place with my still need a boundary in place with my mother because every time pretty much mother because every time pretty much mother because every time pretty much every time I do show up for her, it's a every time I do show up for her, it's a every time I do show up for her, it's a negative comment. negative comment. negative comment. >> And what am I just going to say? Well, >> And what am I just going to say? Well, >> And what am I just going to say? Well, one day she was nice to me and she one day she was nice to me and she one day she was nice to me and she accepted me and she acknowledged me when accepted me and she acknowledged me when accepted me and she acknowledged me when I did something for her. But it just I did something for her. But it just I did something for her. But it just seems so hard. seems so hard. seems so hard. >> Yeah. So when do boundaries come into >> Yeah. So when do boundaries come into >> Yeah. So when do boundaries come into play to just to also add to someone's play to just to also add to someone's play to just to also add to someone's life so they don't either don't get life so they don't either don't get life so they don't either don't get taken advantage of over and over again taken advantage of over and over again taken advantage of over and over again because they say, "Well, that's not because they say, "Well, that's not because they say, "Well, that's not really the belief, they're really a good really the belief, they're really a good really the belief, they're really a good person deep down inside. I'm going to person deep down inside. I'm going to person deep down inside. I'm going to give them another chance cuz they didn't give them another chance cuz they didn't give them another chance cuz they didn't mean to screw me over." mean to screw me over." mean to screw me over." >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And that just continues to happen. >> And that just continues to happen. >> And that just continues to happen. >> Well, first of all, I'm not here to >> Well, first of all, I'm not here to >> Well, first of all, I'm not here to change anybody. change anybody. change anybody. >> I'm relaying my journey. >> I'm relaying my journey. >> I'm relaying my journey. >> Yeah. And this is what's what's worked >> Yeah. And this is what's what's worked >> Yeah. And this is what's what's worked for me is that um what I was looking for for me is that um what I was looking for for me is that um what I was looking for was that peace that it wasn't helping me was that peace that it wasn't helping me was that peace that it wasn't helping me in my life when I was labeling people as in my life when I was labeling people as in my life when I was labeling people as constantly judging them as evil or this constantly judging them as evil or this constantly judging them as evil or this or that. It it wasn't it wasn't making or that. It it wasn't it wasn't making or that. It it wasn't it wasn't making me better. It wasn't it wasn't helping me better. It wasn't it wasn't helping me better. It wasn't it wasn't helping my life. my life. my life. >> And one of the mantras, one of the the >> And one of the mantras, one of the the >> And one of the mantras, one of the the prayers that I repeat to myself prayers that I repeat to myself prayers that I repeat to myself um is that love is measured by the um is that love is measured by the um is that love is measured by the benefit of the doubt. benefit of the doubt. benefit of the doubt. Love is measured by the benefit of the Love is measured by the benefit of the Love is measured by the benefit of the doubt. That to me is very meaningful doubt. That to me is very meaningful doubt. That to me is very meaningful because because because as a human I want to love my fellow man as a human I want to love my fellow man as a human I want to love my fellow man at least to some amount right we should at least to some amount right we should at least to some amount right we should all offer grace to others all offer grace to others all offer grace to others but it's very difficult right because we but it's very difficult right because we but it's very difficult right because we are again our beliefs are again our beliefs are again our beliefs find it much easier you because we are find it much easier you because we are find it much easier you because we are born into passivity our default state is born into passivity our default state is born into passivity our default state is passivity we find it much easier to passivity we find it much easier to passivity we find it much easier to stick with what we always have because stick with what we always have because stick with what we always have because that's what's protected us in the past that's what's protected us in the past that's what's protected us in the past but it's like a tool that we keep but it's like a tool that we keep but it's like a tool that we keep carrying that's busted and not a good carrying that's busted and not a good carrying that's busted and not a good tool for the job. It's not like a tool for the job. It's not like a tool for the job. It's not like a carpenter says, "Oh, the hammer, it's carpenter says, "Oh, the hammer, it's carpenter says, "Oh, the hammer, it's the one and only true tool." No, a the one and only true tool." No, a the one and only true tool." No, a carpenter says sometimes it's a saw, carpenter says sometimes it's a saw, carpenter says sometimes it's a saw, sometimes a good tool is a is a wrench, sometimes a good tool is a is a wrench, sometimes a good tool is a is a wrench, right? There's different tools for the right? There's different tools for the right? There's different tools for the job. So, just because you've always held job. So, just because you've always held job. So, just because you've always held this this hammer, just because you've this this hammer, just because you've this this hammer, just because you've always held this belief, doesn't mean always held this belief, doesn't mean always held this belief, doesn't mean you can't take it out and examine, a is you can't take it out and examine, a is you can't take it out and examine, a is this the right tool for the job. So what this the right tool for the job. So what this the right tool for the job. So what I found in my own life is that when I I found in my own life is that when I I found in my own life is that when I held these grudges, when I had these held these grudges, when I had these held these grudges, when I had these these um these belief filters about these um these belief filters about these um these belief filters about people, not that you shouldn't put those people, not that you shouldn't put those people, not that you shouldn't put those barriers on, sometimes boundaries are barriers on, sometimes boundaries are barriers on, sometimes boundaries are the right thing to do. Sometimes it the right thing to do. Sometimes it the right thing to do. Sometimes it doesn't mean you have to constantly doesn't mean you have to constantly doesn't mean you have to constantly subject yourself to an uncomfortable subject yourself to an uncomfortable subject yourself to an uncomfortable situation, situation, situation, >> but without giving that grace. Now what >> but without giving that grace. Now what >> but without giving that grace. Now what do I mean by love is measured by the do I mean by love is measured by the do I mean by love is measured by the benefit of the doubt. benefit of the doubt. benefit of the doubt. When uh when my daughter was born, uh When uh when my daughter was born, uh When uh when my daughter was born, uh there was this love unlocked for this there was this love unlocked for this there was this love unlocked for this new human being, right? You just new human being, right? You just new human being, right? You just experienced it a few months ago that experienced it a few months ago that experienced it a few months ago that just comes out of nowhere, right? And just comes out of nowhere, right? And just comes out of nowhere, right? And and we give these babies ultimate grace, and we give these babies ultimate grace, and we give these babies ultimate grace, total benefit of the doubt. Why do we do total benefit of the doubt. Why do we do total benefit of the doubt. Why do we do that? Babies are kind of annoying. Let's that? Babies are kind of annoying. Let's that? Babies are kind of annoying. Let's be honest, right? Screaming, crying, be honest, right? Screaming, crying, be honest, right? Screaming, crying, constant, all these things that they do constant, all these things that they do constant, all these things that they do >> that you can interpret as annoying, >> that you can interpret as annoying, >> that you can interpret as annoying, right? But you don't interpret it as right? But you don't interpret it as right? But you don't interpret it as annoying. A baby's not trying to annoy annoying. A baby's not trying to annoy annoying. A baby's not trying to annoy you. That's the best tool the baby has you. That's the best tool the baby has you. That's the best tool the baby has is to cry. That's how they get what they is to cry. That's how they get what they is to cry. That's how they get what they need. So we give them this benefit of need. So we give them this benefit of need. So we give them this benefit of the doubt. And the more we love someone, the doubt. And the more we love someone, the doubt. And the more we love someone, how do we measure that love? The more how do we measure that love? The more how do we measure that love? The more benefit of the doubt you give someone, benefit of the doubt you give someone, benefit of the doubt you give someone, the more you love them. the more you love them. the more you love them. >> So what I try to constantly remind >> So what I try to constantly remind >> So what I try to constantly remind myself is that we're all just grown up myself is that we're all just grown up myself is that we're all just grown up babies. babies. babies. >> Yeah, it's true. >> Yeah, it's true. >> Yeah, it's true. >> We're all just doing our best. Why is it >> We're all just doing our best. Why is it >> We're all just doing our best. Why is it that when we grow up, no, you get no that when we grow up, no, you get no that when we grow up, no, you get no more benefit of the doubt. you have to more benefit of the doubt. you have to more benefit of the doubt. you have to do anything perfect and if you mess up do anything perfect and if you mess up do anything perfect and if you mess up and if you hurt me, if I interpret you and if you hurt me, if I interpret you and if you hurt me, if I interpret you as hurting me, you get no grace. as hurting me, you get no grace. as hurting me, you get no grace. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Because you hurt me. >> Because you hurt me. >> Because you hurt me. >> Whereas what I try and remind myself >> Whereas what I try and remind myself >> Whereas what I try and remind myself now, it's not always easy. What I try now, it's not always easy. What I try now, it's not always easy. What I try and remind myself is that that person is and remind myself is that that person is and remind myself is that that person is doing the best they can with the tools doing the best they can with the tools doing the best they can with the tools they have. It's like me expecting, they have. It's like me expecting, they have. It's like me expecting, >> yeah, >> yeah, >> yeah, >> you know, my daughter to suddenly speak >> you know, my daughter to suddenly speak >> you know, my daughter to suddenly speak Russian, right? She can't speak Russian. Russian, right? She can't speak Russian. Russian, right? She can't speak Russian. How could she possibly have that tool at How could she possibly have that tool at How could she possibly have that tool at her disposal? Like she she doesn't have her disposal? Like she she doesn't have her disposal? Like she she doesn't have that tool. when she was a baby, she that tool. when she was a baby, she that tool. when she was a baby, she couldn't speak in complete sentences. couldn't speak in complete sentences. couldn't speak in complete sentences. All she had was the ability to cry. And All she had was the ability to cry. And All she had was the ability to cry. And people who who harm us, people who hurt people who who harm us, people who hurt people who who harm us, people who hurt us, people who have done things in the us, people who have done things in the us, people who have done things in the past, it doesn't mean that they didn't past, it doesn't mean that they didn't past, it doesn't mean that they didn't hurt us. It doesn't mean that that we hurt us. It doesn't mean that that we hurt us. It doesn't mean that that we should just, should just, should just, >> you know, forgive them blank uh you >> you know, forgive them blank uh you >> you know, forgive them blank uh you know, with unconsciously. It means that know, with unconsciously. It means that know, with unconsciously. It means that we would be better off. We would enjoy we would be better off. We would enjoy we would be better off. We would enjoy life more. We could be more at peace if life more. We could be more at peace if life more. We could be more at peace if we have a new belief that serves us we have a new belief that serves us we have a new belief that serves us better. better. better. >> Yeah. I'm curious about this. What >> Yeah. I'm curious about this. What >> Yeah. I'm curious about this. What happens to a person's biology when they happens to a person's biology when they happens to a person's biology when they expect to fail before they even start expect to fail before they even start expect to fail before they even start with the thing they really want to do? with the thing they really want to do? with the thing they really want to do? >> What happens to their mind, their body, >> What happens to their mind, their body, >> What happens to their mind, their body, their cells? their cells? their cells? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> When they expect to fail or they don't >> When they expect to fail or they don't >> When they expect to fail or they don't believe it's going to be the ultimate believe it's going to be the ultimate believe it's going to be the ultimate outcome before they even begin the thing outcome before they even begin the thing outcome before they even begin the thing they want to do. they want to do. they want to do. >> Well, we know that if you expect to >> Well, we know that if you expect to >> Well, we know that if you expect to fail, you will, right? So, someone who's fail, you will, right? So, someone who's fail, you will, right? So, someone who's running a marathon, who's more likely to running a marathon, who's more likely to running a marathon, who's more likely to finish a marathon? Okay. someone who finish a marathon? Okay. someone who finish a marathon? Okay. someone who says I can't finish this marathon or says I can't finish this marathon or says I can't finish this marathon or someone who says I believe I can finish someone who says I believe I can finish someone who says I believe I can finish the marathon now we don't know the facts the marathon now we don't know the facts the marathon now we don't know the facts many people don't finish marathons but many people don't finish marathons but many people don't finish marathons but who's more likely who's more likely who's more likely >> to finish >> to finish >> to finish >> the person who believes they can >> the person who believes they can >> the person who believes they can >> exactly because if you believe I cannot >> exactly because if you believe I cannot >> exactly because if you believe I cannot finish this marathon you quit you're finish this marathon you quit you're finish this marathon you quit you're done that's it end of story right so done that's it end of story right so done that's it end of story right so it's not that beliefs guarantee success it's not that beliefs guarantee success it's not that beliefs guarantee success it's that you're much more likely to it's that you're much more likely to it's that you're much more likely to achieve success when you believe achieve success when you believe achieve success when you believe >> what if someone's just like believing >> what if someone's just like believing >> what if someone's just like believing but they are just so far you know but they are just so far you know but they are just so far you know they've never run a mile and they say they've never run a mile and they say they've never run a mile and they say I'm going to go run a marathon today and I'm going to go run a marathon today and I'm going to go run a marathon today and I believe I can do this. What happens I believe I can do this. What happens I believe I can do this. What happens when the belief when the belief when the belief >> really, you know, you don't have that >> really, you know, you don't have that >> really, you know, you don't have that 240% or times in you really for what 240% or times in you really for what 240% or times in you really for what you're trying thinking you're going to you're trying thinking you're going to you're trying thinking you're going to do. do. do. >> So belief is not faith. >> So belief is not faith. >> So belief is not faith. >> A belief is a conviction that is open to >> A belief is a conviction that is open to >> A belief is a conviction that is open to revision based on evidence. So you still revision based on evidence. So you still revision based on evidence. So you still got to look at the evidence. It still got to look at the evidence. It still got to look at the evidence. It still has to be open to real world has to be open to real world has to be open to real world assumptions, right? It can't just be assumptions, right? It can't just be assumptions, right? It can't just be miracle cures. You have to look at what miracle cures. You have to look at what miracle cures. You have to look at what actually serves you. But the point you actually serves you. But the point you actually serves you. But the point you had earlier about about biology, you had earlier about about biology, you had earlier about about biology, you asked what happens if you don't believe. asked what happens if you don't believe. asked what happens if you don't believe. >> Yes. You know what happens when you do >> Yes. You know what happens when you do >> Yes. You know what happens when you do believe? believe? believe? >> What happens? >> What happens? >> What happens? >> We know that people who have positive >> We know that people who have positive >> We know that people who have positive views about aging at age 30. Okay, if views about aging at age 30. Okay, if views about aging at age 30. Okay, if you have positive views about aging at you have positive views about aging at you have positive views about aging at age 30, a person who says uh something age 30, a person who says uh something age 30, a person who says uh something like growth is possible at any age. If like growth is possible at any age. If like growth is possible at any age. If you believe that that growth is possible you believe that that growth is possible you believe that that growth is possible at any age versus aging leads to at any age versus aging leads to at any age versus aging leads to inevitable decline. Now between those inevitable decline. Now between those inevitable decline. Now between those two statements, which is true, Lewis, two statements, which is true, Lewis, two statements, which is true, Lewis, age uh I can learn at any age or uh uh age uh I can learn at any age or uh uh age uh I can learn at any age or uh uh aging involves inevitable decline, aging involves inevitable decline, aging involves inevitable decline, >> the one you believe, >> the one you believe, >> the one you believe, >> right? >> right? >> right? >> That would that's what's true. >> That would that's what's true. >> That would that's what's true. >> Which one is the fact? They're both kind >> Which one is the fact? They're both kind >> Which one is the fact? They're both kind of facts, of facts, of facts, >> right? But which one becomes which one >> right? But which one becomes which one >> right? But which one becomes which one is manifested as the truth in real life? is manifested as the truth in real life? is manifested as the truth in real life? The one you actually believe. So here's The one you actually believe. So here's The one you actually believe. So here's what happens. If you have positive views what happens. If you have positive views what happens. If you have positive views about aging at 30, studies have found about aging at 30, studies have found about aging at 30, studies have found there's a study at Yale that found that there's a study at Yale that found that there's a study at Yale that found that people who had those positive leads at people who had those positive leads at people who had those positive leads at at 30 lived on average 7 and a half at 30 lived on average 7 and a half at 30 lived on average 7 and a half years longer. years longer. years longer. >> This is crazy. >> This is crazy. >> This is crazy. >> Seven. You know what that means, Lewis? >> Seven. You know what that means, Lewis? >> Seven. You know what that means, Lewis? That is more of an effect size than That is more of an effect size than That is more of an effect size than quitting smoking than diet. It's more of quitting smoking than diet. It's more of quitting smoking than diet. It's more of an effect than exercise. an effect than exercise. an effect than exercise. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Right now, is it magic? Is it that >> Right now, is it magic? Is it that >> Right now, is it magic? Is it that you're vibrating a certain frequency and you're vibrating a certain frequency and you're vibrating a certain frequency and because I think that that therefore I do because I think that that therefore I do because I think that that therefore I do that that that therefore like these that that that therefore like these that that that therefore like these things change in my biology and my things change in my biology and my things change in my biology and my cells? No. cells? No. cells? No. >> And what is it? >> And what is it? >> And what is it? >> It's got nothing to do with that. It's >> It's got nothing to do with that. It's >> It's got nothing to do with that. It's the fact that if I have positive views the fact that if I have positive views the fact that if I have positive views about aging from a young age, what do I about aging from a young age, what do I about aging from a young age, what do I do differently? Remember the beliefs, do differently? Remember the beliefs, do differently? Remember the beliefs, the three powers, what they how what we the three powers, what they how what we the three powers, what they how what we see, what we feel, and what we do. see, what we feel, and what we do. see, what we feel, and what we do. >> So, who's more likely as they age to get >> So, who's more likely as they age to get >> So, who's more likely as they age to get out there and go for a walk, to start out there and go for a walk, to start out there and go for a walk, to start gardening, to see friends, to work out gardening, to see friends, to work out gardening, to see friends, to work out if you believe, oh, I'm having a senior if you believe, oh, I'm having a senior if you believe, oh, I'm having a senior moment. Right. Right. moment. Right. Right. moment. Right. Right. >> Versus, hey, growth is possible at any >> Versus, hey, growth is possible at any >> Versus, hey, growth is possible at any age. age. age. >> Your behavior will continue to to show >> Your behavior will continue to to show >> Your behavior will continue to to show up to empower you. Yeah, up to empower you. Yeah, up to empower you. Yeah, >> as you age versus an disempowering >> as you age versus an disempowering >> as you age versus an disempowering behavior behavior behavior >> like I'm having a senior moment. I'm >> like I'm having a senior moment. I'm >> like I'm having a senior moment. I'm just going to smoke all day now. just going to smoke all day now. just going to smoke all day now. >> Or or or yeah, I can't do that because >> Or or or yeah, I can't do that because >> Or or or yeah, I can't do that because of XYZ. Let me let me give you another of XYZ. Let me let me give you another of XYZ. Let me let me give you another study. Steroids. Okay. Uh there was two study. Steroids. Okay. Uh there was two study. Steroids. Okay. Uh there was two two groups. Uh one was told just to two groups. Uh one was told just to two groups. Uh one was told just to exercise per normal. Go to the gym, exercise per normal. Go to the gym, exercise per normal. Go to the gym, exercise per normal. The other was told, exercise per normal. The other was told, exercise per normal. The other was told, "We have this amazing new steroid. "We have this amazing new steroid. "We have this amazing new steroid. We want you to take this steroid so we We want you to take this steroid so we We want you to take this steroid so we could test its efficacy. Here's your could test its efficacy. Here's your could test its efficacy. Here's your workout routine. Okay, do these workout routine. Okay, do these workout routine. Okay, do these exercises. Now, turns out the steroid exercises. Now, turns out the steroid exercises. Now, turns out the steroid was a placebo. Okay, you know there's a was a placebo. Okay, you know there's a was a placebo. Okay, you know there's a trick here. The steroid was a placebo. trick here. The steroid was a placebo. trick here. The steroid was a placebo. And yet on that placebo, the men who And yet on that placebo, the men who And yet on that placebo, the men who took the the the pill they believed was took the the the pill they believed was took the the the pill they believed was a steroid gained more muscle mass. a steroid gained more muscle mass. a steroid gained more muscle mass. >> Crazy. >> Crazy. >> Crazy. >> They physically their beliefs became >> They physically their beliefs became >> They physically their beliefs became their biology. Just like beliefs can add their biology. Just like beliefs can add their biology. Just like beliefs can add years to your life, their beliefs became years to your life, their beliefs became years to your life, their beliefs became their biology. Why? Wasn't magic. It was their biology. Why? Wasn't magic. It was their biology. Why? Wasn't magic. It was the fact that when I believed that I'm the fact that when I believed that I'm the fact that when I believed that I'm on a steroid, I would get one more rep. on a steroid, I would get one more rep. on a steroid, I would get one more rep. I would put on a tiny bit more weight. I I would put on a tiny bit more weight. I I would put on a tiny bit more weight. I would work on a little harder because, would work on a little harder because, would work on a little harder because, hey, I've got this steroid in me. It's hey, I've got this steroid in me. It's hey, I've got this steroid in me. It's going to I I better make it pay off. going to I I better make it pay off. going to I I better make it pay off. >> So, the belief became the biology even >> So, the belief became the biology even >> So, the belief became the biology even though it was completely a placebo. And though it was completely a placebo. And though it was completely a placebo. And >> and it influenced the behavior. >> and it influenced the behavior. >> and it influenced the behavior. >> That's right. >> That's right. >> That's right. >> And the behavior helped influence the >> And the behavior helped influence the >> And the behavior helped influence the results. results. results. >> It's all about the behavior. It's all >> It's all about the behavior. It's all >> It's all about the behavior. It's all when it comes to placeos. That's exactly when it comes to placeos. That's exactly when it comes to placeos. That's exactly what it's all about. what it's all about. what it's all about. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And this is fascinating. Your book is >> And this is fascinating. Your book is >> And this is fascinating. Your book is called Beyond Belief. the sciencebacked called Beyond Belief. the sciencebacked called Beyond Belief. the sciencebacked way to stop limiting yourself and way to stop limiting yourself and way to stop limiting yourself and achieve extraordinary results. I'm achieve extraordinary results. I'm achieve extraordinary results. I'm curious in this book from all the curious in this book from all the curious in this book from all the research you've done, it took you six research you've done, it took you six research you've done, it took you six years to write, edit, rewrite, years to write, edit, rewrite, years to write, edit, rewrite, >> you know, >> you know, >> you know, start praying after 40 years because you start praying after 40 years because you start praying after 40 years because you had so much research that showed the had so much research that showed the had so much research that showed the benefits to it. What was the the biggest benefits to it. What was the the biggest benefits to it. What was the the biggest takeaway for you from researching beyond takeaway for you from researching beyond takeaway for you from researching beyond belief? belief? belief? The biggest takeaway for me was that I The biggest takeaway for me was that I The biggest takeaway for me was that I am and by extension all of us are am and by extension all of us are am and by extension all of us are capable of far more than we know. We're capable of far more than we know. We're capable of far more than we know. We're just scratching the surface of our just scratching the surface of our just scratching the surface of our capabilities. And there are many many capabilities. And there are many many capabilities. And there are many many studies in the literature that I share studies in the literature that I share studies in the literature that I share in the book as well that just blow blows in the book as well that just blow blows in the book as well that just blow blows your mind, right? The things that people your mind, right? The things that people your mind, right? The things that people can do when they believe uh you know can do when they believe uh you know can do when they believe uh you know monks who can raise their body monks who can raise their body monks who can raise their body temperature consciously, they can do temperature consciously, they can do temperature consciously, they can do that. Uh there's a a case study that I that. Uh there's a a case study that I that. Uh there's a a case study that I talk about where someone who had talk about where someone who had talk about where someone who had Parkinson's disease, okay, who was Parkinson's disease, okay, who was Parkinson's disease, okay, who was bedridden during the day. bedridden during the day. bedridden during the day. They're they're in a sleep lab and in They're they're in a sleep lab and in They're they're in a sleep lab and in the middle of the night they wake up uh the middle of the night they wake up uh the middle of the night they wake up uh they hop on a a table, they raise a they hop on a a table, they raise a they hop on a a table, they raise a piece of furniture over their head and piece of furniture over their head and piece of furniture over their head and they start screaming alligator alligator they start screaming alligator alligator they start screaming alligator alligator because they were having a dream. This because they were having a dream. This because they were having a dream. This is a Parkinson's patient who was is a Parkinson's patient who was is a Parkinson's patient who was bedridden in the middle of the night got bedridden in the middle of the night got bedridden in the middle of the night got up and was fighting alligators in their up and was fighting alligators in their up and was fighting alligators in their sleep. Right? they were sleep they were sleep. Right? they were sleep they were sleep. Right? they were sleep they were having a delusion. They were having a having a delusion. They were having a having a delusion. They were having a like a sleepwalking event because they like a sleepwalking event because they like a sleepwalking event because they weren't bound to the reality of their weren't bound to the reality of their weren't bound to the reality of their beliefs. They were they were uh beliefs. They were they were uh beliefs. They were they were uh unconscious at that moment. unconscious at that moment. unconscious at that moment. >> And so this this goes on and on and on >> And so this this goes on and on and on >> And so this this goes on and on and on that this this demonstration as the rats that this this demonstration as the rats that this this demonstration as the rats as we talked about earlier that when we as we talked about earlier that when we as we talked about earlier that when we unlock our true potential when we remove unlock our true potential when we remove unlock our true potential when we remove those limiting beliefs and adopt these those limiting beliefs and adopt these those limiting beliefs and adopt these liberating beliefs we can do so much liberating beliefs we can do so much liberating beliefs we can do so much more than we ever imagined. more than we ever imagined. more than we ever imagined. >> What do you feel is possible for your >> What do you feel is possible for your >> What do you feel is possible for your life with all this that you've life with all this that you've life with all this that you've researched over the next 5 to 10 years? researched over the next 5 to 10 years? researched over the next 5 to 10 years? Hm. For my life specifically, Hm. For my life specifically, Hm. For my life specifically, >> for your life, like is there anything >> for your life, like is there anything >> for your life, like is there anything that you felt like ah I'm only going to that you felt like ah I'm only going to that you felt like ah I'm only going to be able to do books a certain way or I'm be able to do books a certain way or I'm be able to do books a certain way or I'm going to be researcher or I'm going to going to be researcher or I'm going to going to be researcher or I'm going to be this type of a dad or something that be this type of a dad or something that be this type of a dad or something that you always had until after this book you always had until after this book you always had until after this book where now it's unlocked a new hidden where now it's unlocked a new hidden where now it's unlocked a new hidden potential inside of you that you want to potential inside of you that you want to potential inside of you that you want to take on over the next 5 to 10 years. take on over the next 5 to 10 years. take on over the next 5 to 10 years. >> I think one when I changed my >> I think one when I changed my >> I think one when I changed my relationship with my mom, I also changed relationship with my mom, I also changed relationship with my mom, I also changed my relationship with my daughter. my relationship with my daughter. my relationship with my daughter. >> Really? >> Really? >> Really? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> How so? you know, typical teenage. >> How so? you know, typical teenage. >> How so? you know, typical teenage. >> Yeah. Like when I tell, you know, one of >> Yeah. Like when I tell, you know, one of >> Yeah. Like when I tell, you know, one of my friends who also has a teenage girl, my friends who also has a teenage girl, my friends who also has a teenage girl, oh my gosh, it's the worst, you know, oh my gosh, it's the worst, you know, oh my gosh, it's the worst, you know, teenage girls and um they have all their teenage girls and um they have all their teenage girls and um they have all their issues and drama and all that. And uh issues and drama and all that. And uh issues and drama and all that. And uh that's just a belief. That's just a that's just a belief. That's just a that's just a belief. That's just a belief. You know, in uh belief. You know, in uh belief. You know, in uh pre-industrialized countries, there's no pre-industrialized countries, there's no pre-industrialized countries, there's no such thing as a rebellious teenager. such thing as a rebellious teenager. such thing as a rebellious teenager. >> That's something that we've invented in >> That's something that we've invented in >> That's something that we've invented in industrialized countries. industrialized countries. industrialized countries. >> Why? >> Why? >> Why? >> What do you mean? Why doesn't it happen >> What do you mean? Why doesn't it happen >> What do you mean? Why doesn't it happen there? Or why there? Or why there? Or why >> Yeah. Why? Why did we invent it or why >> Yeah. Why? Why did we invent it or why >> Yeah. Why? Why did we invent it or why doesn't it happen? Because it's a doesn't it happen? Because it's a doesn't it happen? Because it's a belief. belief. belief. >> Oh, wow. you know, the the teenage brain >> Oh, wow. you know, the the teenage brain >> Oh, wow. you know, the the teenage brain that there's all these hormones and that there's all these hormones and that there's all these hormones and they're all rebellious. When I tell they're all rebellious. When I tell they're all rebellious. When I tell people this is not a fact. There is no people this is not a fact. There is no people this is not a fact. There is no such thing. It's not a a foregone such thing. It's not a a foregone such thing. It's not a a foregone conclusion that a teenager has to be conclusion that a teenager has to be conclusion that a teenager has to be rebellious. Many cultures don't have rebellious. Many cultures don't have rebellious. Many cultures don't have rebellious teenagers. People are rebellious teenagers. People are rebellious teenagers. People are listening to this and saying, "That's listening to this and saying, "That's listening to this and saying, "That's crazy. Why don't look at the science? crazy. Why don't look at the science? crazy. Why don't look at the science? Look at the science. Google it. It Look at the science. Google it. It Look at the science. Google it. It doesn't exist. The the the sugar makes doesn't exist. The the the sugar makes doesn't exist. The the the sugar makes you hyper. Every parent Every parent you hyper. Every parent Every parent you hyper. Every parent Every parent knows you can't give your kid too much knows you can't give your kid too much knows you can't give your kid too much sugar. It makes them hyper. No, it's sugar. It makes them hyper. No, it's sugar. It makes them hyper. No, it's false. It's a complete myth. look it up. false. It's a complete myth. look it up. false. It's a complete myth. look it up. >> But but people hate this stuff because >> But but people hate this stuff because >> But but people hate this stuff because we hate challenging our beliefs. We we hate challenging our beliefs. We we hate challenging our beliefs. We don't like it. We have this don't like it. We have this don't like it. We have this psychological immune system. psychological immune system. psychological immune system. >> And so if you feel that reaction, if >> And so if you feel that reaction, if >> And so if you feel that reaction, if there's a belief that's challenged that there's a belief that's challenged that there's a belief that's challenged that you really don't want to believe that you really don't want to believe that you really don't want to believe that sounds crazy, sounds crazy, sounds crazy, >> those are the beliefs you most need to >> those are the beliefs you most need to >> those are the beliefs you most need to explore. explore. explore. >> It's like principal thinking, I guess, >> It's like principal thinking, I guess, >> It's like principal thinking, I guess, not only is it probably not true, but not only is it probably not true, but not only is it probably not true, but it's defending you against something, it's defending you against something, it's defending you against something, >> right? What is it defending? When I >> right? What is it defending? When I >> right? What is it defending? When I think to myself, uh, my kid goes crazy think to myself, uh, my kid goes crazy think to myself, uh, my kid goes crazy when I give them sugar. My kid goes when I give them sugar. My kid goes when I give them sugar. My kid goes crazy when I give them too much social crazy when I give them too much social crazy when I give them too much social media. My kid is what? Whatever. media. My kid is what? Whatever. media. My kid is what? Whatever. Whatever. What is that serving? What is Whatever. What is that serving? What is Whatever. What is that serving? What is that belief doing for me? It's giving that belief doing for me? It's giving that belief doing for me? It's giving >> reinforcing it. >> reinforcing it. >> reinforcing it. >> Exact. Not only is it reinforcing, it's >> Exact. Not only is it reinforcing, it's >> Exact. Not only is it reinforcing, it's giving me something that's much more giving me something that's much more giving me something that's much more comfortable. It gives me passivity. comfortable. It gives me passivity. comfortable. It gives me passivity. Remember, our default state is Remember, our default state is Remember, our default state is helplessness. We like that passivity. helplessness. We like that passivity. helplessness. We like that passivity. That's our default. That's our default. That's our default. >> Man, that is crazy. Yeah, it's >> Man, that is crazy. Yeah, it's >> Man, that is crazy. Yeah, it's interesting. I saw a clip online of a interesting. I saw a clip online of a interesting. I saw a clip online of a comedian doing an interview with like a comedian doing an interview with like a comedian doing an interview with like a talk show host and I can't remember what talk show host and I can't remember what talk show host and I can't remember what exactly said, but he said, you know, I exactly said, but he said, you know, I exactly said, but he said, you know, I heard um like something around like, oh, heard um like something around like, oh, heard um like something around like, oh, he has daughters and they're about to he has daughters and they're about to he has daughters and they're about to turn teenage years, so like 11 or 12. turn teenage years, so like 11 or 12. turn teenage years, so like 11 or 12. And he goes, oh man, get ready. Like the And he goes, oh man, get ready. Like the And he goes, oh man, get ready. Like the the interviewer is like, get ready. It's the interviewer is like, get ready. It's the interviewer is like, get ready. It's about to be really hard for you. And the about to be really hard for you. And the about to be really hard for you. And the guy cut him off right before and he guy cut him off right before and he guy cut him off right before and he goes, that's just a belief. Like goes, that's just a belief. Like goes, that's just a belief. Like everyone who says that is just a dad, everyone who says that is just a dad, everyone who says that is just a dad, you know, it's like it's just a crappy you know, it's like it's just a crappy you know, it's like it's just a crappy dad who didn't know how to like connect dad who didn't know how to like connect dad who didn't know how to like connect with his daughters, you know, and just with his daughters, you know, and just with his daughters, you know, and just puts that label in this. puts that label in this. puts that label in this. >> Oh, your daughters are about to be crazy >> Oh, your daughters are about to be crazy >> Oh, your daughters are about to be crazy when they turn teenage years. when they turn teenage years. when they turn teenage years. >> Comfortable. >> Comfortable. >> Comfortable. >> Oh, yeah. >> Oh, yeah. >> Oh, yeah. >> Right. And now I don't have to actually >> Right. And now I don't have to actually >> Right. And now I don't have to actually do something like there's something out do something like there's something out do something like there's something out there that's doing it. This is, by the there that's doing it. This is, by the there that's doing it. This is, by the way, whenever if I go to the doctor and way, whenever if I go to the doctor and way, whenever if I go to the doctor and I need a prescription for something, you I need a prescription for something, you I need a prescription for something, you know how the doctor has to tell you all know how the doctor has to tell you all know how the doctor has to tell you all the side effects? I don't tell me. I the side effects? I don't tell me. I the side effects? I don't tell me. I don't want to know them. I don't want to don't want to know them. I don't want to don't want to know them. I don't want to hear the side effect. hear the side effect. hear the side effect. >> You don't hear because then you're >> You don't hear because then you're >> You don't hear because then you're enforcing them. enforcing them. enforcing them. >> That's right. You're primed to look for >> That's right. You're primed to look for >> That's right. You're primed to look for those things. those things. those things. >> Yeah, that's interesting. >> Yeah, that's interesting. >> Yeah, that's interesting. >> This is how I actually I cured my >> This is how I actually I cured my >> This is how I actually I cured my insomnia. I used to have terrible insomnia. I used to have terrible insomnia. I used to have terrible insomnia. And insomnia, turns out, as I insomnia. And insomnia, turns out, as I insomnia. And insomnia, turns out, as I was doing this research, is highly was doing this research, is highly was doing this research, is highly susceptible to the placebo effect. When susceptible to the placebo effect. When susceptible to the placebo effect. When they took uh they put people in a lab they took uh they put people in a lab they took uh they put people in a lab who got great sleep and they told them, who got great sleep and they told them, who got great sleep and they told them, "Hey, we were monitoring your sleep. You "Hey, we were monitoring your sleep. You "Hey, we were monitoring your sleep. You know, you slept really, really poorly." know, you slept really, really poorly." know, you slept really, really poorly." And then they had them take these And then they had them take these And then they had them take these objective tests of alertness and objective tests of alertness and objective tests of alertness and cognitive abilities. And guess what? cognitive abilities. And guess what? cognitive abilities. And guess what? These people who had gotten perfect These people who had gotten perfect These people who had gotten perfect sleep when they were told you got crappy sleep when they were told you got crappy sleep when they were told you got crappy sleep sleep sleep >> believed >> believed >> believed >> they no on the objectively on the test >> they no on the objectively on the test >> they no on the objectively on the test they did worse and then they did the they did worse and then they did the they did worse and then they did the opposite. They took people who they opposite. They took people who they opposite. They took people who they interrupted their sleep they gave them a interrupted their sleep they gave them a interrupted their sleep they gave them a bad night's sleep on purpose told them bad night's sleep on purpose told them bad night's sleep on purpose told them you had a fantastic sleep. Wow look at you had a fantastic sleep. Wow look at you had a fantastic sleep. Wow look at these amazing scores you did really well these amazing scores you did really well these amazing scores you did really well >> great >> great >> great >> they did very well their test sharp >> they did very well their test sharp >> they did very well their test sharp >> right and so I would wake up day after >> right and so I would wake up day after >> right and so I would wake up day after day thinking oh I'm feeling groggy I'm day thinking oh I'm feeling groggy I'm day thinking oh I'm feeling groggy I'm feeling tired I had a bad night's sleep feeling tired I had a bad night's sleep feeling tired I had a bad night's sleep you only remember the parts when you're you only remember the parts when you're you only remember the parts when you're asleep when you were conscious. Yeah, asleep when you were conscious. Yeah, asleep when you were conscious. Yeah, >> but all that time you were unconscious, >> but all that time you were unconscious, >> but all that time you were unconscious, you don't remember. you don't remember. you don't remember. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> So today I have another mantra, one of >> So today I have another mantra, one of >> So today I have another mantra, one of these secular prayers that I repeat these secular prayers that I repeat these secular prayers that I repeat whenever I wake up at 2 in the morning, whenever I wake up at 2 in the morning, whenever I wake up at 2 in the morning, which happens sometimes. I repeat to which happens sometimes. I repeat to which happens sometimes. I repeat to myself this phrase. The phrase is that myself this phrase. The phrase is that myself this phrase. The phrase is that the body gets what the body needs if you the body gets what the body needs if you the body gets what the body needs if you let it. let it. let it. >> That's all I say. I just take a deep >> That's all I say. I just take a deep >> That's all I say. I just take a deep breath in. The body gets what the body breath in. The body gets what the body breath in. The body gets what the body needs if you let it. I just say that needs if you let it. I just say that needs if you let it. I just say that again and again. And what that helps me again and again. And what that helps me again and again. And what that helps me do is to divert away from the rumination do is to divert away from the rumination do is to divert away from the rumination which causes the leading cause of which causes the leading cause of which causes the leading cause of insomnia. If I don't get a night's insomnia. If I don't get a night's insomnia. If I don't get a night's sleep, then I can't perform tomorrow and sleep, then I can't perform tomorrow and sleep, then I can't perform tomorrow and I've got this interview with Louiswis I've got this interview with Louiswis I've got this interview with Louiswis and it's going to be terrible. Whereas and it's going to be terrible. Whereas and it's going to be terrible. Whereas now I just tell myself, look, if I get a now I just tell myself, look, if I get a now I just tell myself, look, if I get a bad night's sleep tonight, I'll get a bad night's sleep tonight, I'll get a bad night's sleep tonight, I'll get a good night's sleep tomorrow. Yeah. good night's sleep tomorrow. Yeah. good night's sleep tomorrow. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. >> And I have exactly what I need for >> And I have exactly what I need for >> And I have exactly what I need for today. today. today. >> As long as I Exactly. that the body will >> As long as I Exactly. that the body will >> As long as I Exactly. that the body will reconfigure unless you know there's some reconfigure unless you know there's some reconfigure unless you know there's some some exceptions of course. some exceptions of course. some exceptions of course. >> Yeah. If you go for two weeks no sleep >> Yeah. If you go for two weeks no sleep >> Yeah. If you go for two weeks no sleep then you're like then you're like then you're like >> Yeah. or if you have some kind of severe >> Yeah. or if you have some kind of severe >> Yeah. or if you have some kind of severe condition. But for the vast majority of condition. But for the vast majority of condition. But for the vast majority of us, this insomnia is produced because of us, this insomnia is produced because of us, this insomnia is produced because of the fear of insomnia. the fear of insomnia. the fear of insomnia. >> Gosh, that's the worst. That's the >> Gosh, that's the worst. That's the >> Gosh, that's the worst. That's the worst. Nearandfar.com. Nandfar.com. worst. Nearandfar.com. Nandfar.com. worst. Nearandfar.com. Nandfar.com. Beyond belief, the sciencebacked way to Beyond belief, the sciencebacked way to Beyond belief, the sciencebacked way to stop limiting yourself and achieve stop limiting yourself and achieve stop limiting yourself and achieve extraordinary results. this is going to extraordinary results. this is going to extraordinary results. this is going to be the book that you want you're going be the book that you want you're going be the book that you want you're going to want to get because for me as someone to want to get because for me as someone to want to get because for me as someone who's a a researcher skeptic, if you can who's a a researcher skeptic, if you can who's a a researcher skeptic, if you can learn these things and really see the learn these things and really see the learn these things and really see the benefit of them. I feel like anyone benefit of them. I feel like anyone benefit of them. I feel like anyone who's skeptical and who's analytical and who's skeptical and who's analytical and who's skeptical and who's analytical and needs like the research to prove certain needs like the research to prove certain needs like the research to prove certain things, they're going to get it in this. things, they're going to get it in this. things, they're going to get it in this. And I truly believe, it's funny, I truly And I truly believe, it's funny, I truly And I truly believe, it's funny, I truly believe that belief is everything. Like believe that belief is everything. Like believe that belief is everything. Like belief is everything. And my whole belief is everything. And my whole belief is everything. And my whole mission within my book, The Greatest mission within my book, The Greatest mission within my book, The Greatest Mindset, is to rid people of self-doubt Mindset, is to rid people of self-doubt Mindset, is to rid people of self-doubt because I believe self-doubt is the because I believe self-doubt is the because I believe self-doubt is the killer of all dreams. killer of all dreams. killer of all dreams. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And when you doubt yourself, you will >> And when you doubt yourself, you will >> And when you doubt yourself, you will not accomplish your dreams. That's 100%. not accomplish your dreams. That's 100%. not accomplish your dreams. That's 100%. Like you said, if you don't believe you Like you said, if you don't believe you Like you said, if you don't believe you can finish the marathon, you're not can finish the marathon, you're not can finish the marathon, you're not going to finish, going to finish, going to finish, >> right? But if you learn to believe in >> right? But if you learn to believe in >> right? But if you learn to believe in yourself and you learn how to stay yourself and you learn how to stay yourself and you learn how to stay consistent with it and do what you talk consistent with it and do what you talk consistent with it and do what you talk about in the triangle of motivation, about in the triangle of motivation, about in the triangle of motivation, have the behaviors that match those have the behaviors that match those have the behaviors that match those beliefs and what was the bottom one? beliefs and what was the bottom one? beliefs and what was the bottom one? >> The the benefit the behavior >> The the benefit the behavior >> The the benefit the behavior >> benefit. Yeah. Yeah. Benefit, belief, >> benefit. Yeah. Yeah. Benefit, belief, >> benefit. Yeah. Yeah. Benefit, belief, >> you're going and if you can stay >> you're going and if you can stay >> you're going and if you can stay consistent with that behavior and keep consistent with that behavior and keep consistent with that behavior and keep the belief that you can stay consistent the belief that you can stay consistent the belief that you can stay consistent with that behavior, good things are with that behavior, good things are with that behavior, good things are going to happen. So I want people to get going to happen. So I want people to get going to happen. So I want people to get beyond belief. Um, powerful book, Change beyond belief. Um, powerful book, Change beyond belief. Um, powerful book, Change Your Mind, Change Your Life. You can get Your Mind, Change Your Life. You can get Your Mind, Change Your Life. You can get it now. You can get it anywhere books it now. You can get it anywhere books it now. You can get it anywhere books are sold, Amazon, all the places. You're are sold, Amazon, all the places. You're are sold, Amazon, all the places. You're also on social media. I believe also on social media. I believe also on social media. I believe Instagram is your main spot, but you Instagram is your main spot, but you Instagram is your main spot, but you might be on LinkedIn as well. I think I might be on LinkedIn as well. I think I might be on LinkedIn as well. I think I see your content there. So, see your content there. So, see your content there. So, >> um, ne9 >> um, ne9 >> um, ne9 on Instagram. I believe that's still on Instagram. I believe that's still on Instagram. I believe that's still your Instagram, but nerandfar.com. Got a your Instagram, but nerandfar.com. Got a your Instagram, but nerandfar.com. Got a lot of great resources and content lot of great resources and content lot of great resources and content there. Near, I got a couple final there. Near, I got a couple final there. Near, I got a couple final questions for you. One, I want to questions for you. One, I want to questions for you. One, I want to acknowledge you for taking this on acknowledge you for taking this on acknowledge you for taking this on because again, you know, you're like the because again, you know, you're like the because again, you know, you're like the Dan Harris of meditation but now in Dan Harris of meditation but now in Dan Harris of meditation but now in belief in terms of stepping into new belief in terms of stepping into new belief in terms of stepping into new things at this season of life. You're things at this season of life. You're things at this season of life. You're extremely successful as an author, extremely successful as an author, extremely successful as an author, speaker, business person, speaker, business person, speaker, business person, but to take on your own limiting beliefs but to take on your own limiting beliefs but to take on your own limiting beliefs at this season is hard to do. M at this season is hard to do. M at this season is hard to do. M >> most people don't risk enough to look at >> most people don't risk enough to look at >> most people don't risk enough to look at themselves and reflect and say, "How can themselves and reflect and say, "How can themselves and reflect and say, "How can I try something new on? How can I let go I try something new on? How can I let go I try something new on? How can I let go of a belief that's not serving me in my of a belief that's not serving me in my of a belief that's not serving me in my relationship with my mom or other people relationship with my mom or other people relationship with my mom or other people in your life? How can I create more in your life? How can I create more in your life? How can I create more harmony at this season?" So, I harmony at this season?" So, I harmony at this season?" So, I acknowledge you for taking this on and acknowledge you for taking this on and acknowledge you for taking this on and actually applying the research that you actually applying the research that you actually applying the research that you found. found. found. >> Um, I asked you this before. before. I >> Um, I asked you this before. before. I >> Um, I asked you this before. before. I think the last time you were on was like think the last time you were on was like think the last time you were on was like five or six years ago, five or six years ago, five or six years ago, >> but I'm curious what your three truths >> but I'm curious what your three truths >> but I'm curious what your three truths are now. And if you were able to live as are now. And if you were able to live as are now. And if you were able to live as long as you want, but at the end of the long as you want, but at the end of the long as you want, but at the end of the day, you have to take all your work with day, you have to take all your work with day, you have to take all your work with you. All of your writing, your books, you. All of your writing, your books, you. All of your writing, your books, your content, it's gone from the world. your content, it's gone from the world. your content, it's gone from the world. >> But you get to leave behind three >> But you get to leave behind three >> But you get to leave behind three truths. Three things you know to be true truths. Three things you know to be true truths. Three things you know to be true from all of your lessons. What would from all of your lessons. What would from all of your lessons. What would those three truths be for you? those three truths be for you? those three truths be for you? the three truths that I would leave the three truths that I would leave the three truths that I would leave behind. That's so that's all I get to behind. That's so that's all I get to behind. That's so that's all I get to leave these three truths. leave these three truths. leave these three truths. >> Three lessons, three truths kind of like >> Three lessons, three truths kind of like >> Three lessons, three truths kind of like from all the things that you've learned from all the things that you've learned from all the things that you've learned up to now and all the things you think up to now and all the things you think up to now and all the things you think you will learn until your death. you will learn until your death. you will learn until your death. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You can't leave any of that content >> You can't leave any of that content >> You can't leave any of that content behind. behind. behind. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> But you could share three truths. >> But you could share three truths. >> But you could share three truths. >> I think one is we do not see reality as >> I think one is we do not see reality as >> I think one is we do not see reality as it is. We see it as we are. it is. We see it as we are. it is. We see it as we are. Uh I think another one would be that you Uh I think another one would be that you Uh I think another one would be that you are capable of far more than you know are capable of far more than you know are capable of far more than you know and that your beliefs become your and that your beliefs become your and that your beliefs become your reality. reality. reality. >> Your beliefs don't become reality for >> Your beliefs don't become reality for >> Your beliefs don't become reality for everyone but your beliefs become your everyone but your beliefs become your everyone but your beliefs become your reality. reality. reality. >> Yeah. Amen to that. Say a prayer. Say >> Yeah. Amen to that. Say a prayer. Say >> Yeah. Amen to that. Say a prayer. Say that prayer over and over again. Your that prayer over and over again. Your that prayer over and over again. Your beliefs become your reality. Repeat that beliefs become your reality. Repeat that beliefs become your reality. Repeat that mantra. Um final question. What's your mantra. Um final question. What's your mantra. Um final question. What's your definition of greatness? definition of greatness? definition of greatness? >> Uh so last time you asked me that. The >> Uh so last time you asked me that. The >> Uh so last time you asked me that. The last time I was on, uh, it was about last time I was on, uh, it was about last time I was on, uh, it was about doing what you say you're going to do, doing what you say you're going to do, doing what you say you're going to do, right? Living with personal integrity. right? Living with personal integrity. right? Living with personal integrity. >> And I think now I've learned that real >> And I think now I've learned that real >> And I think now I've learned that real greatness is about having control over greatness is about having control over greatness is about having control over those beliefs. That it's one of the few those beliefs. That it's one of the few those beliefs. That it's one of the few things we can control. We can't control things we can control. We can't control things we can control. We can't control what's happening in the world. what's happening in the world. what's happening in the world. >> We can't control there's all these >> We can't control there's all these >> We can't control there's all these things that are outside what we're able things that are outside what we're able things that are outside what we're able to influence. to influence. to influence. >> But you always have the luxury to >> But you always have the luxury to >> But you always have the luxury to control those beliefs. Can't control control those beliefs. Can't control control those beliefs. Can't control what happened to you in the past. can't what happened to you in the past. can't what happened to you in the past. can't control what's going to happen to you in control what's going to happen to you in control what's going to happen to you in the future. But I think real greatness the future. But I think real greatness the future. But I think real greatness comes from controlling those beliefs so comes from controlling those beliefs so comes from controlling those beliefs so that they serve you rather than you that they serve you rather than you that they serve you rather than you serving them. serving them. serving them. >> Yeah. Thanks for being here, man. >> Yeah. Thanks for being here, man. >> Yeah. Thanks for being here, man. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. >> Thank you. >> Thank you. >> Thank you. >> Powerful, man. >> Powerful, man. >> Powerful, man. >> Thanks, buddy. >> Thanks, buddy. >> Thanks, buddy. >> The first rule of entrepreneurship is >> The first rule of entrepreneurship is >> The first rule of entrepreneurship is you use what you have. Every self-made you use what you have. Every self-made you use what you have. Every self-made billionaire and millionaire was in the billionaire and millionaire was in the billionaire and millionaire was in the exact same position as you because they exact same position as you because they exact same position as you because they were self-made, which means that you were self-made, which means that you were self-made, which means that you have the same exact ingredients they have the same exact ingredients they have the same exact ingredients they had, which is nothing but also nothing had, which is nothing but also nothing had, which is nothing but also nothing to lose. And that's the piece that I to lose. And that's the piece that I to lose. And that's the piece that I think anyone who starts out misses. If think anyone who starts out misses. If think anyone who starts out misses. If you lose it all, you're still at zero. you lose it all, you're still at zero. you lose it all, you're still at zero. You have unlimited shots on goal.