The Real Reason You Can't Stop Eating (It's Not Willpower)

Key Takeaway

Create a 10-minute pause before stress-driven eating. Put a note on your fridge that asks: “What am I feeling? What do I need? Will this solve the problem?” Then take five slow diaphragmatic breaths before deciding. The goal is not to ban the cookie; it is to turn an automatic reaction into a conscious choice. If you still want it, eat it deliberately, without shame, rather than impulsively and disconnected from your needs.

Episode Overview

Dr. Mark Hyman and psychologist Dr. Rachel Goldman explore why cravings, emotional eating, and “food noise” are not simply failures of willpower. They discuss the interplay of biology, stress, sleep, food quality, learned coping patterns, and self-talk—and offer practical tools for creating a more flexible, compassionate relationship with food.

Full Transcript

Transcript of The Real Reason You Can't Stop Eating (It's Not Willpower) from The Dr. Hyman Show. Auto-generated from episode audio; may contain minor errors.

that it is not simply a matter of weakness of character or lack of willpower. Our brains and microbiomes have been hijacked by the food industry. So I think the first thing to do is admit that it's not your fault, and then focus on what you can control. Of course, there are certain health-related habits that we can change. We know that lifestyle is very important, so what can I do about it now? You know, I think there's a difference between asking "why me?" Why is this happening to me?

This will get us nowhere, unlike the question "what is in my area of ​​control right now?". What can I do? What action can I take to get one step closer to any goal someone has? Welcome, Rachel, to the Dr. Gaiman show. We are very happy to see you here. Thank you very much. It is a great honor for me to be with you today. OK. Your work is so important because it covers an area of nutrition that is often not discussed—not what to eat, or what is good or bad, but rather our relationship with food, the psychology of consumption, self-care, and the struggles that many people face with food .

And often people have a very dysfunctional relationship with food. And people often struggle with food cravings, " food noise," and simple disorganization. This is why we see 75% of Americans being overweight. We see people struggling with weight. We're seeing this boom in GLP-1 drugs, which are exploding in popularity, as people look for a way to break this cycle of addiction, cravings, " food buzz," and emotional overeating. And I mean, I've done it myself, definitely. You know, when I'm stressed, tired. I think, “Oh my god, I just want a pint of ice cream right now.

Give me a pint of Chunky Munky. And I will be fine." You know, I want to talk about why, even though we know more about nutrition than ever before, it's so hard to change the way we eat? What are we missing in the matter of “food noise,” cravings, willpower, and what have we gotten wrong? How do we need to rethink our relationship with food? We'll get into the details, but I want you to give us the big picture. Yes. And you are right. I mean, so many people have issues with their relationship with food, with their own bodies, and also with emotional overeating.

I'm actually glad you mentioned this, because we've all resorted to emotional overeating at least once. And I know we'll dive deeper into why it matters, when it matters, and what to do about it. But I think it's really important to note: knowing what to eat is not the problem, as you said, right? But being able to stick to it consistently are two different things, right? We know what to do, but knowing what to eat and being able to do it consistently are two different things. And I think it's very important to remember this, because people know what they need to eat.

There is no problem with the information. There is no lack of knowledge, but there is a problem in how to change behavior, and it's not just willpower, right? There are many more nuances here, and it is much more complicated than it seems. And I think that's exactly what people are missing, and I know we're going to dive into this much deeper. People often experience not only a bad relationship with food, but also with their bodies, and it's a kind of vicious cycle. And why then do people feel so uncomfortable in their bodies?

Why, even though they may be fine on the outside, do they feel somehow unwell? Yeah, and it's unfortunate, you know, so many people struggle with body image issues. But if we think about it, it makes sense. Society has been telling us for years, if not forever, that we “should”—should I point this out with quotes in the air? that we have to look a certain way, right? This is what the media shows us, what celebrities show us, and we are “ bombarded” with these messages from a very young age.

And eventually, when we hear the same thing over and over again, we start to internalize it, compare ourselves to others, and think we're not good enough if we don't look like celebrities or influencers. That's why it's so difficult and difficult for people today, especially, but it's always been a problem because of the messages that we get, and those messages can be at home, but there's also the media, magazines, social media, and everything else. It is essentially a set of messages from our culture and society that cause us to have distorted perceptions.

You know, we receive our first messages from our family when we are still children. Oh, don't eat this, you'll get fat, or wow, you've gained a little weight, these are all kinds of comments. You often talk about not commenting on people's bodies, whether those comments are positive or not. Can you tell me more about this ? Yes. The thing is, when making remarks, we never know what a person is going through just by looking at their appearance. So if someone praises someone for, say, weight loss or appearance, it is possible that the person is resorting to harmful methods to achieve that result.

In fact, we are only reinforcing this negative behavior. So since we don't know what's going on, I always say: it's better not to comment, right? Someone may be struggling with an illness and trying to gain weight, while someone else comments at this time that the person has lost weight. So, since we don't know the situation, it would be safer to simply refrain from commenting. I often say: if you know that a person is trying to lose weight in a healthy way, then it's a different matter.

Sure, you might want to give a compliment, but there are so many other things to compliment besides your body, like, "Oh, you look great" or "I like your new jacket." There are many other things we can praise and comment on. You have such an interesting approach to things, talking about thoughts, emotions, behavior, and how they shape our eating or self-care. Can you explain this to us using an example from your practice with patients and working with people? Yes. I do what's called cognitive behavioral therapy. The simplest example or basic theory is that our thoughts, emotions, and behavior are interconnected.

I explain it this way: if you wake up with a certain thought, it will affect how you feel, which in turn will lead to a certain behavior or action. And this becomes a cycle: action, then feeling, then thought , and so on. So, for example, if we're talking about body image, if someone wakes up, looks in the mirror and thinks, "I hate my legs," that one thought, the way you just referred to yourself, is going to make you feel something certain, which is likely to lead to you maybe wearing something different.

Maybe you'll even go back to bed. You may not show up, you know, in the world that day, or go to work or anywhere else, but one thought can literally change the course of our day. So I really like to remind people to be very mindful of how they talk to themselves, because we all have these automatic thoughts, but it's important to realize that a thought can affect how we feel and how we behave. And how, how do we get people to change that? Yes. So the first step is to simply identify and acknowledge that this is an unhelpful thought.

And I like to think about it this way: How do you know if a thought is unhelpful? So, how does it make you feel? If it makes you feel good, if it motivates, encourages, inspires you—great . Maybe this works for you. But if it makes you feel bad, uncomfortable, or depressed, I would classify it as an unhelpful thought. In psychology we call them cognitive distortions, but I like to think of them simply as unhelpful thoughts, and there are very common ones like "everything." or "nothing"; "Would-be " thinking, jumping to conclusions , catastrophizing...these are some of the most common.

So the first step is to admit, "Oh, I'm thinking in an all-or- nothing way," for example. I ate one cookie, that means I can eat the whole pack, right? Exactly, this is the best example, I use it all the time . So it's all or nothing thinking, right? Or if I don't have an hour to go to the gym, I wo n't go at all. Although we know that something is better than nothing. So , you know, unhelpful thoughts are tougher. I like to think that useful thoughts are usually a little more flexible and neutral.

They don't make you feel so bad. So when we identify them, we have certain options or choices. We can just accept them because thoughts are actually temporary. Opinions are not facts. They will pass. So, if someone wants to just be with it and say, “This is just a thought. "This is not a fact." And let her go. For some it works. For others, I think we need to adjust this opinion. I like the word " adjust" because change can seem too burdensome to people. But we can simply correct the thought by changing, for example, one word.

So, if someone says, “Well, I don’t have an hour. So I won't go to the gym at all." I would actually challenge that and say, “Okay, where’s the evidence that you shouldn’t go to the gym at all? Where is the evidence that you need a full hour? Can you do something in 20 minutes? "Isn't it better to do something than nothing?" So, you research this. Can you jump for a minute? That's right. Something significant, right? But you study the evidence, question it, and then you can adjust your opinion.

So maybe a new thought or a rethought thought is: "I don't have an hour, but I have 20 minutes, and it's better to do something than nothing." Now this statement is perceived much better, and it will probably get you moving for 20 minutes, as opposed to the thought " I don't have an hour." " I won't do anything at all. " And this will probably lead to a lot of thoughts like " I should go to the gym." "I should have woken up earlier." All these feelings of guilt, shame, and that will again lead to different behavior.

Yes. You are talking about this phenomenon. And I think, you know, it reminded me of Viktor Frankl, because you talked about this pause that you can take between thought and action, you know. Viktor Frankl said: “Between stimulus and response there is a pause, and in that pause lies choice. And in this choice lies your freedom." And it seemed to me... I don't know if that's where you got it from, but that's exactly what I'm basing it on. And I think it's kind of, you know, like you have an impulse to eat a cookie.

And you eat this cookie right away. It's like...like there 's no pause between these two things. And I usually tell my patients to hang something on their refrigerator, like a little sticker that says, “What am I feeling? What do I need?” “So what do I feel? I feel, I feel, you know, anger. I need to yell at someone, not eat a cookie. Do you know what I feel? I feel lonely. I need to call a friend . What do I need? Not eating another half of cake, you know, like this or a pint of ice cream.

And I think that pause, like, "Oh, what am I feeling?" What do I need? Oh, and we often "medicate" our feelings. And I think that's something we as a culture do very poorly with. We teach our children to be rewarded with food. So sugar is a reward for anything. And that's kind of a trigger: "Oh, if I feel something, I need food." And I think that's a big problem. So how do you help people integrate this concept, this structure of pausing and what you call the 10- minute window before eating?

And what's happening, and what should people be asking themselves when they go to the refrigerator or the pantry, trying to grab something? Yes. And I like the example you just gave, because I usually explain this to my clients in a very similar way. That one day, maybe it was your parents, or maybe you yourself felt stressed, angry, or upset at home, and you went to soothe yourself, maybe with ice cream or cookies, maybe because you grew up with your parents giving you that, right? But what happens is that he has now created an association.

So it's like, "Oh, I'm emotional." "I'm stressed." "I am upset." "I am angry." I'll take the sugar. I'm taking ice cream. I'll take the cookies. And then over time it becomes automatic behavior. And a lot of people don't even realize it, right? It's like mindless eating. It's a thoughtless impulsive act when people grab it. So I truly believe that until we understand the "why," people will not change. And I know that psychology is just one piece of the puzzle. I joke that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)—we can't " cure" everything with CBT.

You know , there's a lot of biology here. CBT is cognitive behavioral therapy, right? But I think the first step is for people to understand why this is happening. You know, I actually do something very similar to what you were talking about, I encourage people to stop, pause, listen to themselves and ask the same questions. So, what you said: what's happening now? What do I feel? What do I need? And will this solve the problem? Is n't that right? Most often, no . It's just nice at a particular moment.

This is like temporary relief . Like a band-aid. True? And this pause breaks the vicious circle. I really like your advice about the fridge sticker because I tell my clients to do the same thing, just with the words " stop" or "pause." But this pause allows us to take a breath, to look inside ourselves, because we live in a society where we are constantly running somewhere. Where automatic behavior is " grab and run." And then we grab, run, feel bad, and it is the thought behind such behavior that becomes a vicious circle.

That's why I often say: if you really want a cookie, eat it, it's not about the cookie. The more important thought that arises after that. Because if you sit down and decide, "I'm going to eat a cookie," you will eat it. You will enjoy it. It won't be impulsive. You won't feel like you're losing control. It won't be mindless eating, and you'll just say, " That was a delicious cookie ," and go on with your day. But if you impulsively grab a cookie, eat it over the counter, mindlessly, then most often the thought arises: “What have I done?

I shouldn't have done that. I feel guilty. I'm ashamed," and it becomes a vicious circle. So, it's not about the cookie, it's about the mindset . Yes, one of the biggest problems with the probiotic industry is that there is often more marketing than real science. You see the phrases “ clinically studied” everywhere, but many products have never been tested on humans or were not even designed to survive digestion. That's why I was impressed by Seed and their daily synbiotic DS-01 . It is a 24-strain probiotic and prebiotic clinically proven to improve digestive regularity, reduce bloating and gas by supporting the microbiome and strengthening the intestinal barrier.

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Yes. And I think the reason people can't tell the difference today is because everyone is in a hurry all the time . It's part of the fast-paced world we live in. And unfortunately, I think a lot of people have gone through life dieting . When you diet or give up on it, you lose your inner feeling and understanding of what satiety is. How am I feeling? This is introspection. So it's so easy to just grab some food, and I hear that from my clients all the time.

I do n't know when I'm hungry anymore. My body never tells me I'm hungry. My clients say, "I'm not hungry." "I'm not eating." And I say, "Well, that's part of the problem, you know?" We need to stop, look inside ourselves and ask ourselves a few questions, such as: When was the last time I ate? Was it whole food? Was it filling? Was it nutritious? Did it really satisfy me psychologically, emotionally, and physiologically? Because there is a difference between these. I usually explain it like this because no one understands unless they do it professionally.

If you open and close the refrigerator or cupboard looking for something, you are experiencing emotional hunger. This desire you feel is an emotional void you are trying to fill. But if you open the fridge, see a bowl of fruit, and are truly physiologically hungry, you will eat the fruit. This is what is at hand. So I think this is a very good sign. I remember many years ago, when I worked in a bariatric surgery unit, I was describing this in a support group, and there was a little girl there with her mother.

They came the next week, and Mom said, "Ever since my daughter heard that from you, every time I open the cupboards, she asks, 'Mom, are you sure you're not just bored?'" Because she knew Mom wasn't hungry. She just opens and closes the cabinets. So I think awareness is the first step, right ? You have to be able to say, "Oh, I do that." Okay, why are you doing this? And what is happening? Have you eaten enough to feel physiologically full ? I often say: if you ate an hour ago, you may be full, but what exactly did you eat?

Right? Did you only eat carbohydrates? Were there proteins, fiber, whole foods? You know, what you eat matters. It saturates you in different ways. And if the food is very boring, like for someone who has been on a diet their whole life , you probably won't be emotionally satisfied. You may be physiologically full, but it was boring. You will most likely want something else. Yes, that's interesting. I think that's true. And I also think about the concept: don't think about what you eat. Think about what is “eating” you.

I believe this is what often drives your eating behavior. You mentioned something really important, Rachel, that I want to focus on— conscious eating. You jumped over that a little quickly . My friend Mark David, also a nutrition psychologist, told me a story about a patient of his who was refusing. He was a very busy manager. He worked very hard. He ate mostly , you know, fast food restaurants. He was just stopping by for a drive. And he would get himself a large Whopper or something like that.

I don't even know what these places are called, like Burger King or something like that. The man said, "I really can't change my behavior like this. " “I just need you to help me”—whatever it is he needs help with. And my friend Mark Davis said, "Well, you can eat your big Whopper or whatever you want, but I want you to go inside and buy it there." I want you to sit down. I want you to take five breaths and consciously, mindfully savor each bite. Please enjoy it.

And the patient comes back to him and says, "I did it, I tasted it , and it was disgusting." And I couldn't eat it. And I think, you know, most of us just don't pay attention when we eat. We do n't enjoy food. We don't taste food. We don't let it fill us. And so we are constantly filling some kind of void, which is more of an emotional one. And I think that's a very important thing for people to think about. How can we understand what is “ eating” us from the inside, not just what we eat?

How can we cope with the emotional issues that drive us to eat and find other ways to regulate our feelings? Because eventually, if you keep stuffing it with food, it becomes a problem. And, you know, stress also plays a big role in this, in my opinion . But I want to talk to you a little bit about stress because I know that personally , when I'm stressed, like everyone else, I look for something to make me feel better, and sometimes it's Netflix, and sometimes it's something in the fridge or the pantry.

The problem with my house is that I don't keep anything in it that could be a problem. And you know, a few nights ago, when I was nervous about something, I thought, "I want ice cream." And then: "Oh , damn." I don't have any ice cream in my freezer. There's only frozen strawberries, you know? So I'm curious. What did you do in that situation? I...I ate some dark chocolate because I usually have dark chocolate at home. I ate a piece of dark chocolate, and that helped a little, but I didn't reach for the ice cream, although I would if I found myself in a difficult situation another time.

So I think part of it is understanding how to regulate your nervous system. Partly—not keeping things close at hand that tempt you to engage in wrong behavior. You know, if there was something harmful in the fridge, I would eat it. Maybe you could talk a little bit about stress, how it affects hunger, appetite, emotional eating, and our ability to make healthy food decisions, because most people don't associate stress with eating behavior. People also don't know —and this is very important from a medical point of view —that each fat cell has nerve endings, and the brain literally " communicates" with them, and during stress, the body goes into storage mode.

This is not a metabolic regimen. It's like you're just trying to survive. Therefore, it is important to understand that this is not only a psychological aspect. It also has a physiological effect on your metabolism. Yes. I love that you said that, because when my clients are going through a lot of stress—not just daily worries, but major life changes—I tell them: if you're trying to lose weight, your goal right now is not weight loss. Because your body and this stress are working against you, and your goal is simply to maintain healthy habits as much as possible.

Exactly as you said: you are in survival mode. Sometimes survival mode is normal, but chronic, accumulating stress becomes problematic. Like everything we talked about before about emotional eating, pausing, and checking in, I often tell people: when you're stressed, emotionally drained, or tired, it's much harder. It's as if your body and brain are working overtime just to find the strength to pause and listen to yourself. So it seems like stress is preventing us from doing what we need to do on many levels, but it's all connected because if you didn't sleep well last night, you're also going to wake up and your body is going to need something different.

You will want something else. So all of our health-related habits are interconnected. And when I talk about healthy habits, I also mean our stress management tools. For me, this is also a healthy habit. How do you deal with stress during the day? But if you're stressed, if you're tired, if you're not eating properly and fueling your body, if you're dehydrated, if you're not moving—all of these things are connected, and they're going to make everything we're talking about more difficult. It's not impossible, but it's more difficult.

And that's why I like to remind people: let's just pick one healthy habit to start with, okay? If you're not sleeping well, let's fix your sleep, because then you'll wake up with different feelings, different thoughts, choose different foods for breakfast, you know, all those things. So choosing just one of these healthy habits will affect everything. And then, once we get that under control, we can move on to another healthy habit. I I think this is important. You talk about this toolkit for overcoming difficulties and about healthy habits .

But I think one of the things I want to delve into is willpower. Now people think they need to use willpower. I would be interested to hear your thoughts on this, because from my perspective, it's biology. And when I take people and help them change their diet in a way that changes their hormones, their neurochemistry, their microbiome, the medical stuff, they literally stop needing willpower, and they can use science, not willpower, to regulate their appetite and their behavior. And I'll give you a quick example. I had a person at one of my seminars, it was a week-long workshop where we eliminated sugar , processed foods, refined carbohydrates, and all the starchy things that people are addicted to.

And she says, "Doctor, I've been addicted to sugar my whole life." "I constantly want him." "I don't think I can handle this." "I don't know what to do." " I think I'm going to have problems." I said, " Okay, well, let's just see how it goes." I'm here, you know, and you tell me how your progress is, but just stick to the exact nutrition program that you're going to get, which is designed to regulate your hormones, your neurochemistry, your immune system, your microbiome. And the next day she says: I don't know what happened.

It was like all my food cravings had disappeared. Me, I don't want sugar. I say, and so I tried to, you know, teach the group that it's not willpower that you have to focus on, because you can't force yourself to lose weight. This is impossible. You might last a day or two, but you, you, you'll break down again after a while. So, can you help us understand this willpower issue? And how can people cope with this ? And, you know, what are the tools that people can use to reboot that?

And also, how, you know, how do we deal with people who are just overwhelmed with these constant, you know, food cravings, cravings, and stress overeating? Yes. And I think if more people understood that it's not about willpower, I think they could start making some of those small changes that you're talking about, and that I'm talking about, because you're absolutely right . You cannot walk this path by willpower. And the problem is that because people think it's willpower, they don't move forward because it just keeps them trapped where they are, because they try over and over again and it doesn't work, or as you said, it only works for a short time.

So this cycle is our cycle of thoughts, right? It's like, "Oh , I guess it's just me." It's just my willpower. I'm trying. This doesn't work. I am a loser. But actually, to some extent, GLP-1 and what it does with " food noise" and helping people lose weight, and even some of the brain imaging studies ( which I even did a few years ago), I think point us in that direction, really proving that it's not about willpower, right? It's about biology, because, you know, if you can change -- like you did in that seminar -- if you can change someone's food cravings and they don't feel them anymore, it's easy (not easy, because it's hard, of course, to change behavior), but doing the same thing that I've done with the GLP1 drugs, like all my clients say, "I don't get it, I don't have the cravings anymore, this food noise is gone," or as I like to think, it's diminished -- that's evidence that something else is going on here.

It's not willpower, it's biology, it's the chemicals in our brains, it's the interaction of everything else. So, we can stop blaming ourselves, right? I used to do brain imaging research, and we were able to, you know, modulate brain activity and reduce food cravings. Literally: a person sat, looked at pictures of food, and their cravings for food decreased when we activated a certain area of ​​the brain. And how exactly, through some stress reduction techniques or something? This was transcranial micropolarization (tDCS) . Like transcranial magnetic stimulation. Yes.

But that still brings us to the question: if it were just willpower...How could we do it by simply changing or activating a certain part of the brain? Yes? This is proof for people to understand: wait, something different is happening here. This is all very complicated, as we know, willpower may only be part of it, but it is much more complicated than that. I think it's very important—what you say, because most people judge themselves. I'm just weak. I have no willpower. I can't control myself. What's wrong with me?

I am bad. I am like that. I am what I am . And this is a negative internal dialogue. And it is reinforced by society and messages like "just eat less." I mean, doctors say that too. Just eat less, move more. Here's how you can lose weight. This is nonsense. If it worked, everyone would be slim, right? It's like, "Oh, of course, yes." Eat less, move more. It just doesn't work. It's really about understanding how to change your biology through the quality of the food you consume.

Focus on what you eat. You don't need to worry about how much, because the cravings will go away on their own . And I think it's important to know this as a doctor, but as a psychologist, I'm convinced that it's extremely important for people to understand this. And I think people are really suffering a lot. Um, and I think people don't understand how certain foods take over their system. So it's like as soon as you start, you're already hooked. David Ludwig, my friend and colleague at Harvard, has done a lot of work in this area.

He did some interesting research. I call it the " milkshake study," where he used two different shakes. One had a higher glycemic index , the other had a lower one. In other words, one increased blood sugar levels more, the other less. Both had the same amount of calories, protein, fat, carbohydrates, and fiber. They tasted the same. The only difference was that they replaced fast-acting carbohydrates with slow-digesting carbohydrates . When they did brain imaging and blood work, it was fascinating to see the brain images of the group, and these were the same people who consumed different cocktails on different days.

So they didn't know exactly what kind of cocktail they were getting. So, to some extent, they were their own control group. So when they drank a regular cocktail, they were fine. It was the one with a low glycemic index. When they drank a cocktail with a high glycemic index, their insulin, triglycerides, cholesterol, and blood sugar levels increased, but their brains also became more active. As they observed the functions in real time, their brains lit up in an area called the nucleus accumbens, which is the addiction center in the brain where dopamine is released.

This is essentially the same place where heroin, cocaine, and other addictive substances trigger this biological dependence, which I think is pretty amazing. People need to understand that we have scientific evidence, like yours and his brain imaging studies, that it's not just a matter of weak will, lack of will, bad character, or inability to control yourself. It's like " body snatchers." Our brains, microbiome, hormones, and neurotransmitters have been hijacked by the food industry in ways we don't notice, and then we blame ourselves. So maybe you can talk a little bit more about that and how people can start to fix things, and how you mentioned the concept of a " coping toolbox." And I'm really grateful that you brought this up, because again, I think the first step is to understand that it's not our fault, right?

Here the matter is different. This is biology. This is a food system. It's all different , because our thoughts, emotions, and behavior are interconnected. So if people keep trying and failing, they eventually start blaming themselves, right? Like, what's wrong with me? I am a loser . They look at what others are doing. Why can they do it and I can't? But we don't know every person's story. We don't know everyone's medical history and many other things. So everything is much more complicated here. I think it's worth pausing, and I want to say to everyone who's listening: it's not your fault.

There are a lot more things going on here. And this is the first step. And then the question arises: you know, I like to focus on what we can control. So, if it's not my fault, like because of biology, the food industry, and everything else, then what can I control? What is one thing I can do today that will help me feel better and move forward? I think the first thing is to admit that it's not your fault, and then focus on what you can do.

Of course, there are certain aspects of health that we can control. We know that lifestyle is very important. So it's worth thinking: what can I control and what can I do about it now? You know, I think there's a difference between asking "why me?" Why is this happening to me? This will get us nowhere, unlike the thought: " Okay, here are the facts." This is my biology. Now I know this, and what can I change? What can I do? What step can I take to get closer to achieving any goal a person has?

And this is often where I turn to my " arsenal" of stress-management techniques. And I want to emphasize again that stress management is very important, because life happens. We all experience stress every day, all day long. Even me, a psychologist, you , a doctor—we all face stress. But what matters is how we deal with it. Unfortunately , we cannot eliminate it completely, but we can manage it. What matters is how we respond to it, not just react. And again , the question of what is within my power allows me to choose another path: I can choose a reaction or a conscious response.

And when we choose a response, there are both healthy and less healthy coping mechanisms we can use. We've already talked about emotional overeating, for example, for many people food is a psychological defense mechanism. I don't like to categorize it as healthy or unhealthy, because I think a lot of people do. But if it's your only defense mechanism and the only tool in your arsenal, it can become a problem. Like alcohol, drugs, or anything else , if it's your only way to cope with stress, it's definitely problematic, right?

We want to have a whole toolbox that we can pull out when we need them. So, regarding others, I always like to give a few examples. Here I am, for example, running. Going outside and moving your body. Even if you're not a runner, walking, moving, going to the gym, stretching—any movement is a great stress reliever. But we can't always go for a run when we're stressed. I always joke that I have to go on stage and perform. If I'm feeling stressed, I can't just say, "Bye." This is impossible, unrealistic.

So we also have to be realistic, right? So, in addition to other stress management tools, I believe we need to have something internal that doesn't require other people or outside knowledge. This could be breathing exercises, meditation, mindfulness, or relaxation techniques. One of the biggest misconceptions about aging is that feeling older is inevitable. This is not true. Many of the things we associate with aging, such as low energy, loss of strength, and decline in physical function, can often be explained by what happens inside our cells, specifically in the mitochondria.

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The healthier your mitochondria, the younger you feel. That's why Timeline has become a part of my routine and why I recommend it to anyone who wants to support healthy aging from the inside out. Visit timeline.com and use the code Hyman to get 20 % off your order. This episode was produced with the support of liposomal DIM from Row Nutrition. And here's the thing that most women are never told. Many symptoms that people chalk up to " just hormones" or mood swings, stubborn weight in the hip area, skin problems, PMS that throws you off track for the whole week.

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If you've been told your hormones are "normal" but you still feel like something's wrong , it's worth paying attention to your estrogen metabolism. So go to rownutrition.com and use the code hymed for 20% off the entire range. This is h ym on rhhutrition.com. Yes, this is important. This is important, you need these skills, this is a vital skill—learning to regulate your nervous system. Most people don't know how to do it. Your breath is always available to you. It works instantly. It works. Diaphragm— when you expand your diaphragm, it activates your vagus nerve.

Your vagus nerve is your parasympathetic relaxation system . So you literally physiologically can consciously raise your hand, right? But you can't consciously relax. However, by using your diaphragm, you can consciously move this muscle, and the diaphragm is the muscle that activates the relaxation response . This is very important because people breathe shallowly. They don't take deep breaths. They, you know, don't oxygenate the body properly, and this is such a simple way, I call it "doing five." You take five breaths in for a count of five and five breaths out for a count of five.

You can even hold your breath for five seconds after exhaling if you want, but just do it five times and you 'll feel great. I also advise people to do this before meals, because if they take five breaths before each meal, it resets the nervous system so that they don't eat under stress. That's right. And I like to remind people: You know, when you're under a lot of stress, maybe you do some of these things all the time, but be more conscious about it, okay? So be really aware.

Take this conscious breath. Find this moment to breathe consciously. This will do everything you just said. And then what actually happens is this pause, this breath allows you to react because it automatically reduces tension. So, we can respond again, not react, and that's where this pause is needed. That's what this breath is for. So yes, I literally teach all my clients diaphragmatic breathing during the first two sessions because I truly believe it's very powerful. I think it's like such an easy access to a state of peace.

I want to talk about the flip side of things. It's quite popular in our culture, and you know, I've seen jokes on YouTube and memes about it, but basically it's about people restricting their diet. I don't eat gluten. I don't eat dairy products. I'm not eating this. I don't eat that. You know, I think there 's a phenomenon called orthorexia: "ortho" means to straighten or correct, and these people are constantly obsessed with what they eat, but in a negative sense. People restrict themselves in food or have a bad relationship with food out of fear, and that's unhealthy.

So, can you explain what this is about? Yes. It's interesting because the term was coined a few years ago, but people are only hearing about it now. I actually think the reason is because of social media, which is why we are seeing more of what I would classify as eating disorders . That is, eating disorders or certain thoughts. But the difference between orthorexia and anorexia is that with orthorexia, the goal isn't actually weight loss. The goal is actually to become healthier. This is a very common goal that many people have, but it becomes a problem when it turns into an obsession.

This becomes an obsession. It starts to rule a person's life and take control, that's when it becomes problematic. That's when this term "orthorexia" or, again, eating disorders comes up , and I think a lot of people are feeling something similar right now. Like you just said, "Well, you know, everything has to be organic," or " I need to be this or that," or "I need to eat clean." Sure, " clean eating" is fine, but when it starts to control our lives, when we become less flexible in our thinking, reverting to rigid versus flexible thinking.

That's when it becomes problematic, and it can be quite serious, just like eating disorders . Interesting. So how do you advise people to work with this? How do you , you know, advise people who are stuck in this cycle where they're kind of obsessed with every ingredient, they come to a restaurant, they change their order five times, and they say, " Take this out, add that, I can't eat that, I can't have that ." Well, you know, this whole story. How do you deal with this?

I think it's all on a continuum, where there are two extremes, right ? So I'll say this first: if it's affecting your daily life, if it's preventing you from doing your usual things, you may have already reached the point where you don't even communicate with people because you're afraid to go somewhere without knowing the ingredients of the dishes. So if you're at this point, I'd say it's time to seek professional help. Talk to your doctor, see a therapist. Because, you know, I always say that this is where it gets tricky, right?

The line is blurry, but once it starts to affect your daily functioning or cause you stress, and you might be listening to it and thinking, "Oh, that's what I do." So I would ask myself: is this stopping me from enjoying life? Does it control my life? Again , if it suits you and isn't too harsh or extreme, it's probably fine . But I would advise you to see a doctor and get tested, because, of course, excessive restriction and rigidity can lead to nutrient deficiencies and other problems.

So it's important to make sure you're healthy in other ways. But the key question, I would say, is exactly whether it affects your daily functioning. Yes, I think that's true. I mean, I'm definitely focused on healthy eating . This is my life, my job, my career. And I am completely committed to it . I am obsessed with not eating any ultra-processed foods . That is, I won't do it. Well, you're not going to make me eat a Snickers bar, a Ritz cracker, or Cheetos. It's just impossible, you know?

I don't know if this is considered orthorexia, but it's a kind of principled boundary for me. Besides, you know, will I eat cake? Will I eat ice cream? Well, if it's made with real ingredients and products that I know and understand their origins, yes, I will. And I think if there are foods that I know cause me problems, then I won't eat them. For example, if I know that a certain product, like regular dairy (not sheep or goat), will give me stomach problems, acne, or nasal congestion.

Sometimes I still eat ice cream and consciously make that choice, but I understand what I'm doing and limit it. But I think people don't realize that their biology can change quickly, and it's possible to break these cycles of hunger and cravings . You mention something called the "restriction- overeating" cycle. Can you explain this and why, when you try to control your eating better, you end up feeling less in control? Yes. It often happens, especially with those who have been restricting themselves or dieting their entire lives: they restrict themselves or certain foods for so long that they reach a breaking point and binge on them, right?

And then, since our thoughts, emotions, and behavior are connected, after overeating, shame, guilt, and the question "why did I do that?" arise. I shouldn't have done that. I am so bad. And then it leads to the fact that now I have to limit myself again, or they go to the gym for a few hours, or, unfortunately, resort to other cleansing methods. It becomes a vicious cycle, and the key is really to not limit yourself. I like that you said about ice cream and mentioned Ben and Jerry's because, honestly, I don't diagnose, but I would say you don't have anorexia.

There is none, because you just described a more flexible way of thinking. You have a flexible mindset. You know, if I really want ice cream, I'll eat it. Maybe I wo n't feel great the next day, but you don't deny yourself. And I don't eat it all . I'll take, say, one ball. Well, I will. You must be very conscious. Yes. Well, the thing is, there were periods in my life when I was n't like that. For example, I worked in an ambulance when I was in my 30s.

I had to stay up all night. I went to work at 11 pm. I literally had to leave for work at 10am. I was there at 11 o'clock. I worked until 7 in the morning . And I literally drank a quadruple shot of espresso. I probably ate half a pint of ice cream and a huge chocolate chip cookie. And she went to work. Well, you were in survival mode, right? Yes. Yes. And I was exhausted. It was 2 o'clock in the morning. The only thing open in the hospital was McDonald's.

I went there and thought that apple pie was something healthy. You're like, "There are apples there." Probably not apples, but maybe there were apples there. I don't know. Apple-like substances. I remember this state of intense cravings , as well as fatigue and lack of sleep. This is another big trigger. And people don't realize that many people suffer from sleep deprivation. And when you don't get enough sleep, even now that I do n't get enough sleep, I crave more sugar and carbs. I want to graze. I want rice.

I want potatoes. I want sugar. And I'm like: give me this. Even though I know it's my job. I know it's not good for me, but I often do it at times like these because I think sleep is another big trigger that people don't realize. So, there are many biological triggers for appetite and dysregulation. Yes, that's true. And I think it's important to remember to know yourself, like you said: if you eat certain foods, you know you're going to feel bad, right? But sometimes, at that moment, that's exactly what you really want.

But I, again, come back to this pause, because I think people... if more people could slow down and think, "Okay, if I eat this, how am I going to feel afterward?" —by creating this complete mind-body connection, I think that will also help change behavior, right? It's the realization, "Oh, when I eat this, I feel terrible," right? And then we have to make a choice: do I want to eat this? Okay, maybe you want to, and that's how it is today, or sometimes you think, "You know what ?

This is just a bad idea for me today," right? But if we can stop long enough to look inside ourselves and ask: What is my body telling me? What do I really need right now? This, you know, this will help us determine the next step. And often, as we said, we just run, run, run. We grab food, we're exhausted, we grab a cookie, we grab an espresso, and we think that's the solution, but it's not. It's our body telling us that we're missing something, and this is what it's telling us.

But in reality, in such a situation, we need to go to sleep. But this is not always possible. So the other option is a solution for now . Yes. I mean, that's the thing. What do we hang on the refrigerator? What do I need? What do I feel? And what do I need? Well, I... I'm tired. I need sleep. It's not like I'm tired. I need a cookie. That's right. Exactly. Let's talk about how you create a healthy relationship with food when you counsel people? People struggle trying to figure out how to find a healthy balance in their diet, not obsessing, not restricting themselves too much, but also, you know, not overeating and not eating unhealthy things.

How do you help people solve this? Yes. And that's a lot. Even as you were saying all this, I was thinking, "Oh my god, if anyone's listening, they're probably thinking, oh my god, where do I even start?" Truth? And I think the first step is to understand that we don't have to change everything right now, right? And I just love to take people right where they are right now. So again, it's worth pausing and asking yourself: "What's happening in my life right now?" and understand that your and your body's needs today are likely different from those of years ago.

Isn't that right ? We age, hormones change, bodies change, our needs change, as do the different stages of life. For example, I have two small children at home. My life looks different today than it did 10 years ago. So it's worth accepting the fact that what worked in the past won't necessarily work the same way. Of course, we know that our healthy habits, structure, routine, and lifestyle are still very important, but it gets a little more difficult over time. So we can start by accepting the person as they are.

And I also really enjoy helping people separate their self- worth from their body weight or the food they eat, because we don't become bad just because we ate a cookie. We don't become bad if we eat ice cream. We may not feel our best, but I think that's a great start: to identify what really identifies us, what defines us and our self-worth beyond all of these things . Because society has been telling us for years: "thin means healthy." But we know that's not true, right? Or that a certain weight or a certain food means you're " good," well, "good" in quotes.

I hear from people all the time, "Oh, I ran today, I was good, so I can eat whatever I want." This should be divided, right? If you want to eat ice cream—eat ice cream. But it shouldn't depend on whether you've been moving, exercising, or doing anything else. So I think being able to understand that and start to differentiate is a really important step. Yes. I think this is important. I think people don't understand how to do it. So that helps a lot. I would like to talk about the GLP-1 phenomenon, " food noise" and what's going on here, because we often hear the term " food noise." I would like to know how you define it and how it differs from ordinary hunger or the desire to snack.

So, to clarify, " food noise" is not currently a clinical diagnosis or, you know, any official medical term. But it's interesting, because now we have a name for what I think a lot of my patients have been experiencing for years, you know? We didn't have a name for this before . And when the name appears, it's easier to talk about it. It's easier to learn. It also becomes easier to find a solution or understand how to deal with it . Personally, I define food mania as obsessive worry or obsessive thoughts about food.

The best way to describe it is what I hear from my clients: “I think about food all the time.” What should I eat next? When will I eat next time? What exactly am I eating? Have I eaten enough? Will I need more? These are, again, very intrusive thoughts that are difficult to calm down. I like to think of food noise as the loudness of a sound, because for many people, this noise is very loud. It takes up so much mental space . And when it gets a little quieter, maybe thanks to GLP-1, people say, "Oh my God, I don't think about food so much anymore." " I can enjoy life." I have a client who said that before taking GLP-1, she was cooking dinner and couldn't help but snack while cooking, even when she wasn't hungry, because of how strong that food buzz was.

So when it was time for dinner with her family, she couldn't eat anymore because she had eaten so much while she was cooking. She ate so much. Yes. And now she says she enjoys cooking again because she doesn't have to think about the next snack. She says, " Okay, dinner will be later." "I'm cooking." And this is now perceived separately. So it's literally a reduction in those constant obsessive thoughts about food and nutrition . Whether it's been a busy week, I'm pushing myself hard at a workout, or I'm just trying to get everything done, I know my body is constantly being forced to respond and recover.

This is why I consider resilience to be one of the most important markers of long-term health. And one of the best tools for this that I have found for both myself and my clinical practice is the infrared sauna. I treat it the same way I treat exercise . This is a useful stressor. You are signaling your body to adapt, recover, and become stronger. And this is one of the reasons why I find time for regular sunbathing and sauna. What sets Sunlight apart is their Pulse IQ technology.

It provides red light along with near, mid, and far infrared waves independently. So you get a more personalized infrared experience , not just mixed waves. And whether you're just starting out or looking for a more advanced system, Sunlight offers options for a variety of homes, lifestyles, and budgets. And if you're looking for another way to increase your stamina, you might want to try sauna therapy. Visit sunlight.com and use the code him to save up to $2,100 plus free shipping . I am very careful about what I eat.

We need to eat real whole foods to stay healthy. And that's why I love my box of clean seafood from Ctopia. It arrives at my house frozen . They are lab-tested for microplastics and mercury, and filled with a variety of seafood rich in bioavailable omega-3s. You get the best nutritional benefits of seafood without the cytotoxins that are unfortunately now commonly found in our oceans. My favorite is Ctopia King Salmon, which is full of bioavailable EPA and DHA. And you get so much of it in one meal that it surpasses what most people get in a week with supplements.

And, honestly, it tastes a lot better than a pill. Get your first box at ctopia.fish and use the code highman for free shipping. Before we begin, I would like to note that today's conversation explores one perspective on the field of medicine that continues to be hotly debated. And while we discuss new evidence and criticisms of current psychiatric practice, treatment decisions, especially regarding antidepressants or other prescription medications, should always be made in consultation with a doctor. The views expressed by my guest are her own and reflect her interpretation of the available evidence.

My goal in having these conversations is to explore different perspectives, learn the science, and encourage meaningful discussion, not to provide individual medical advice. So, if you are currently taking medication, please do not stop or change your treatment based solely on this conversation. Instead, use this episode as a starting point for an informed conversation with your medical team. I hope these discussions will encourage curiosity, critical thinking, and shared decision-making between patients and their doctors. So, before we wrap up, if you found today's conversation about Lyme disease helpful, be sure to check out my upcoming conversation with one of the world's leading experts on Lyme disease, Dr.

Richard Horowitz. We go beyond Lyme disease itself to explore why so many people remain chronically ill. We explore his groundbreaking MS framework for understanding chronic disease, and look at the biggest drivers of chronic inflammation and what it really takes for the body to heal. So be sure to check it out on Wednesday. Here is the announcement. If you enjoyed today's episode, don't miss my upcoming conversation with Lyme disease expert Dr. Richard Horowitz. We delve into why so many people continue to get sick, look at the hidden causes of chronic illness, and take a whole new approach to understanding inflammation, recovery, and healing.

The issue will be released this Wednesday, but for now, we suggest you watch the preview of what awaits you. Yes, I mean, this whole GLP-1 revolution has definitely changed everything, because people used to live with constant food cravings, " food noise" and a constant internal buzz, and after the injection, it goes away. So can you explain what happens to people's psychology when they experience this? Yes, I would say that is quite incredible. My clients are coming back, and again, I don't want to just describe it as "once and gone" because for some it just gets quieter.

You know, it may remain, but it's not as loud anymore. It no longer takes over their lives. But they describe it like this: "Wow, I have so much time." I have much more mental space . And in this mental space, I'm always wondering: what are you going to do with this time now? Yes? And that's often when cognitive behavioral therapy starts to work, right? It's as if a person couldn't take in new things because their brain was so consumed with food and thoughts about it that there was no room left to work on themselves, right?

So when this " food noise," this din, becomes a little quieter, I see that the relationship with food, the relationship with the body, and the work on thinking start to improve. It's like: "Oh." Yes. Oh yeah, I think this is literally a moment of epiphany for a lot of people. When I think about GPP-1, it kind of challenges our old ideas about weight, that it's all about discipline, calories, or just more effort. How do you think this has changed people's attitudes towards food in this regard?

I mean, things have changed so much, and you know, I often see and talk about how it has given hope to my clients who had lost it, and it's all because of this willpower factor, right? People have literally lost hope. People came to me and said: I've tried everything. I just can't seem to get it right . What's wrong with me ? And then they start taking GLP -1, and they continue to do all the things they were trying to do before. You know, they've been exercising, they've been trying to eat less, they've been trying to eat healthier, but now they're taking medication— it's a tool, a treatment option, and they're like, "Oh my God , this works." Something is working, right?

And again, I think this is proof that we're not talking about willpower, but about biology. This is biology, to some extent it is not psychology. And I think we try, you know, " grit our teeth," to rely on psychology, but that's impossible when you're trying to ignore these powerful hormonal biological signals. And I think that's important. Um, but you know, when people take GLP-1, these drugs can change your food cravings. They can help with weight, but it doesn't necessarily automatically change a person's attitude towards food, how they perceive food, how they think about food, body image, stress coping skills.

So how do you work with them psychologically to build that bridge? Because people often stop taking GLP-1 after a year, they gain the weight back, you know, sometimes they try to lose it but end up at the same point. So how do you, you know, how do you look at this? Yes. And that's difficult, isn't it? Because again, food, nutrition, and everything we talk about is much more than just what we consume. There's, you know, psychology, stress, sleep, all the healthy habits. You know, we don't live in a vacuum.

So I think if we lived in a vacuum, if we took medication, didn't have stress, sleepless nights, and other problems, it would be easier, right? But this is not reality. You know , it's like bariatric surgery: someone can achieve great weight loss success through surgery, but that doesn't mean they're any happier. This doesn't mean that everything in their life has changed just because of the weight loss, or maybe they're gaining weight back because of stress, lack of sleep, biological factors, and all these other things. So I think people forget that we as humans are much more complex than just biology, right?

We live in a society that constantly sends us such messages. And if we don't change some of these other things, work on our relationships and our own thoughts, we may stay in the same place. That's why we often hear from people: "I lost all the weight, but why don't I feel happy?" Isn't that right? And I often like to ask, "Well, you know, let's dig a little deeper." What really happened, huh? Were you unhappy because you were living in an old, let's say, bigger body, or were you unhappy because of your relationships and so on?

So, losing weight is n't the answer, right? This is just part of the bigger picture. But often people just think, "If I lose weight, I'll be happy," right? Or: "I need to lose weight so I can go on a date." "I need to lose weight so I can go on vacation." But we often see that this is not necessarily the answer, again , because of psychology, right? If you have lived in a certain body your whole life, had a certain routine, and certain automatic actions and habits, it will not change instantly, as if by magic.

You know, there's a psychological aspect to this . There are emotions, thoughts, feelings here. And we need to talk about all of this and work on it. Yes. So you can fix the biology, but you're still left with what's going on in your head. Yes. You're kind of talking about how knowledge and willpower aren't really enough. You know what really helps a person build a healthy relationship with food for the long term. So I really think it all comes down to our thoughts, you know, taking into account biology , not forgetting biology, not forgetting everything that we just talked about, but our thoughts can literally keep us where we are.

So if we can rewire our thoughts to work for us again, as I said before, we can't " cure" biology with cognitive behavioral therapy, but if we can rewire our thoughts and be kinder to ourselves, treating ourselves like a friend, that's a great start. And we have to start somewhere, right? We can acknowledge and accept that there are biological factors here that I can't change, but I can control and change the way I talk to myself to feel a little better. And if I'm a little bit kinder to myself and maybe allow myself, for example, to eat a cookie or exercise for just 20 minutes, instead of not doing it at all , right?

Correcting such unhelpful thoughts brings us one step closer to our goal, and that's how we start to build confidence, right? Truth? I think people think that confidence is an innate trait, and it is . Well, we must act to build confidence . So, we do something and think, “Oh, wow. That was nice. I was able to do it. Oh, I can do that a little better. Oh, I can try something else. So, if we take a step back and say to ourselves, “Okay, if it’s not about willpower, then what can I control?

What can I correct? Knowing that biology is involved here. You know, I think there 's a lot about that in your book, When Life Happens: The Mindset Shift You Need to Manage Stress, Build Confidence, and Settle Down, right? She just came out. And I think it's important for people to have such a valuable resource. So, given your experience working with patients and the content you create, what resources should people turn to for help with this issue? I mean, of course, your book, your website drrachelenyc.com. Um, what other resources are available to people so they can learn more about all of this?

Yes, thank you. Um, so I think if you're struggling with anything we've talked about, reaching out for help can be a great first step. And people often ask, “How do I know if I need to seek help?” And I often answer: if this question has arisen in your mind, then it's time to seek help, right? At least consult, talk to someone. So there are therapists, you know, psychologists. I also think you, your podcast, and all your books are a great resource too. There's a lot of information out there, but the problem is understanding who's an expert and who's just an influencer, right?

So be careful about the information you consume and make sure you get it from experts. But I think if someone struggles with eating disorders , for example, there are relevant associations. There is a mental health coalition that also has great resources. I always say that I'm happy to talk to people, point them in the right direction, and provide resources, referrals, and recommendations on who to contact. One man once said, "I can't believe you put your email address on the first page of the book." And I replied: "Why not?" In fact, there are so many resources out there that I think asking for help is brave.

Many are afraid, but the main thing is to ask for help, because it is available; understand where you are and in which direction to move to take the first step. Yes, this is an extremely important conversation to have, because I think people often have very unhealthy, destructive relationships with food. It's not just about what they eat or what they should or shouldn't eat—which I often talk about—but more about the relationship and psychology of eating, which isn't talked about enough . And also about misinformation about why we behave the way we do, and about self-flagellation, self-blame, and to some extent self-destruction due to negative attitudes towards food.

So it's important to have a positive relationship with food. I know many people have told me over the years that sitting down to a meal is a very stressful experience for them because of a dysfunctional relationship with food. This is a very important part of life that should be regulated and organized. Sometimes you need to get the biology right first and then move on to the psychological aspects. I think all of this is important, and your work is really important. I encourage you to check out your book, visit your website, and learn more about what you do.

And I thank you for your contributions to this entire industry. Of course. Thank you very much . If you liked this video, you'll like the next one. Watch it here.

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