The Hidden Pattern Destroying Your Success (Delete Your Old Self) | Ed Mylett

Key Takeaway

Your life operates like a thermostat. If your identity is set at 73° of success but your business grows to 90°, you'll subconsciously cool it back down to what feels familiar. The key to stopping self-sabotage isn't just changing your habits—it's changing your internal thermostat setting through faith, intention, and association with people who operate at higher levels than you currently do.

Episode Overview

This episode explores the root causes and seven common symptoms of self-sabotage. The host explains how our identity acts as a thermostat setting that dictates our results, and why we unconsciously sabotage success when it exceeds what feels familiar. Through the thermostat metaphor, listeners learn how to identify self-sabotaging behaviors and elevate their identity to match their goals.

Full Transcript

Transcript of The Hidden Pattern Destroying Your Success (Delete Your Old Self) | Ed Mylett from The Ed Mylett Show. Auto-generated from episode audio; may contain minor errors.

Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Hit that like button and be sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel so you never miss my show, whether it's Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday. Now on with the show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. I'm so excited about today's topic. It's probably the number one topic that I get asked about, which is the topic of self-sabotage. What do people do in their life subconsciously and unconsciously to sabotage their success or their happiness, their results in general?

I'm going to let you in on a secret. I'm kind of an expert on this topic. And not because I'm so perfect, but because I spent so much of my life sabotaging particular areas that I was making progress in. Whether that was in my financial success, I'd get some financial success or business success and then I'd sabotage it. Frankly, even really in my own personal happiness and peace. I'd feel like I'd get a little bit more bliss, a little bit more happiness, a little bit more peace in my life.

Then I'd sabotage the results. Even some relationships that I've had, I've sabotaged them. So, I'm kind of an expert on this self-sabotage thing. I also think I've probably become close to an expert on how to stop it and why it happens in the first place. So, what I'm going to give you today is the gift of seven things people do to sabotage themselves, sabotage themselves, sabotage themselves, their success, their happiness, their finances, their body, their relationships. I'm going to give you seven of them. But before I do that, because I think these seven things are symptoms.

That In other words, when I outline them for you, if you're doing any of them or more than one of them, you're currently sabotaging something. So, they're symptoms. But the root cause, the disease, is something that's never discussed when it comes to sabotage. And I want to cover that today. What's going on behind the scenes in our minds subconsciously, unconsciously, that's causing us to sabotage things? Cuz if we can identify that, then we've got a chance of eliminating all of these seven symptoms I'm going to share with you.

And so, here's how I look at sabotage. See, our lives are dictated The most powerful force in our life is our personal identity. Our personal identity is like the thoughts, beliefs, and concepts that we hold to be the most true about who we believe we are or what we're worth. we're worth. we're worth. It's a worthiness, but it's even more than that. It's a combination of our experiences, what we're familiar with, what we believe we're worth, our self-confidence, all combined creates our identity or who we believe we are.

And our identity is very much like a thermostat setting on our lives. So, like in this studio right now, it's set at 73°. I checked it right before I started with you. And what's great about that is that thing set at 73°. Guess what's going on in this theater right now. 73° is happening inside here. Here's why. The external conditions do not control the conditions of this studio. Right now, it's about 85° outside. Externally, it's really hot out there, but in here, 73°. Because what happens externally does not control what happens internally in this theater.

theater. theater. And here's the story. Same with your life. It's not the external things. It's not how other people are treating you or events going on in the world or events going on in your life or circumstances outside of your control that dictates your life. What dictates your life is that thermostat setting, your identity. Let me give you an example, and you've probably seen this before with yourself or friends of yours. See, if you have multiple thermostat settings, by the way. You have an identity setting, a thermostat setting for your happiness, your finances, your success, success, success, your relationships, your physical body.

You have multiple ones. Your faith. Let's just take a few of them. Maybe you've had this happen before in your life, but if you have a 73° success thermostat setting, right? And all of a sudden, your business is growing. You're at 80, 90, 95°. Maybe you've got a promotion at work or you own your own business and it's growing. But somehow a year later, it comes right back down to what it was before. Was it all the external conditions like people go, oh, it's supply chain, interest rates went up, the economy changed.

It's it always seems like it's those things, but it never is because even in those conditions, some people are winning and some people are losing. What's happened is your success started to get higher than your thermostat setting. And it becomes unfamiliar to you. You're not used to it. So, what do you do? You turn the air conditioner on subconsciously, unconsciously, and you cool your success back down to what you believe you're worth or your identity setting. You've seen this happen in in uh your happiness level.

You really believe identity-wise you're 73° of happiness. I I know I've seen this for me or peace of mind. Maybe you have a friend or you personally that, you know, they uh got in [ __ ] they're 73° of fitness or wellness or vitality, you know, and you see them and they've and they've lost weight, they're going to the gym, they look ripped and great, you're like, "My gosh, you dropped 20 lb, you look incredible." And they're 85, 90, 100° of fitness. And then you don't see them for a while and you come back in a year and you notice, "Oh my gosh, they've they've gained all the weight back, maybe even plus three or four, five pounds." What happened?

What happened? What happened? Because although they changed their workout and their diet, they didn't change the internal thermostat setting. And so, at some point eventually, they subconsciously cooled it back down and they get the body they believe they deserve and they're worth. Maybe you've seen this in a relationship. You have a friend who's just their love thermostat is 73° of love in their relationships. Or what how much they're going to allow themselves to enjoy. And then they've got this new person, this guy or girl they're seeing, you you go to dinner with them, they're so happy, they're all lovey-dovey, they're at 90, 100°.

He or she's perfect for me, they're my soulmate, they're amazing. You're like, "Oh my gosh, they finally found 100° of love." love." love." But if inside they're still a 73-er, you come back in a year, maybe you haven't seen them, and you're like, "Hey, what happened to so-and-so?" "Oh, it didn't work out, we grew apart, we had different values, it just didn't click long-term, they cheated," whatever it might be. What happened was you turned the air conditioner on of your life and you cooled it back down to what you believe you're worth.

So, this identity, this thermostat setting dictates everything. So, if we can change that thermostat setting, and by the way, there's lots of ways we do it. In my book, The Power of One More, I have entire chapters on how do you elevate your thermostat setting. I recommend you go get The Power of One More, but I'll give you a few of them today. You always hear you're really the five people you hang around the most. Well, why that matters is because people that you hang around that have thermostat settings higher than yours will heat you up somewhere in between their setting and yours.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. You can't possibly be if you're a 73° fitness person, you're a little bit out of shape, but you're hanging around and going to dinner and working out with people that are 100, 120° of fitness and wellness and vitality, they will heat you up somewhere between where you're 73 and they're 120 is because you're eating with them, you're working out with them. See, progress is influence, proximity is influence. So, they heat you up. Same thing in your success.

If you start running around, you're 73° person of success, you're just kind of right down here, but all of a sudden, you start hanging around people that are at 90, 100, 120°. You've got mentors and friends that are 120, 150, they heat you up by proximity. So, there's faith, there's association, and there's intention. These are three things I call the trilogy of increasing one's identity. So, association is a big one. So, that's why it's important to evaluate who are you hanging around. Do they just make you feel good?

Do they validate your thermostat settings or do they increase your thermostat settings? So, identity is a major, major root cause disease of self-sabotage. And again, we're going to cover the seven symptoms in a minute. The other thing to evaluate is in our life, remember this, we like to move towards what's familiar. And we all want to have a sense of self-control in our life. So, we move towards what's familiar and we don't like the feeling of being out of control. control. control. So, I'm going to submit to you something that maybe you've never heard before.

You probably have never heard the thermostat analogy, but I'm giving you another one. another one. another one. Maybe the reason you self-sabotage is it because it allows you to predict the future. the future. the future. It allows you to predict what's going to happen, which is giving you the illusion of self-control. of self-control. of self-control. Think about that again. Maybe the reason you're self-sabotaging you're self-sabotaging you're self-sabotaging is because it allows you to predict what's actually going to happen because it's going to become familiar. And it gives you this of self-control.

Maybe that's what's going on behind the scenes. This identity thing when we cool it back down because we don't like to go to the unfamiliar. We don't like to move where we've never been before. And so, self-sabotage allows our lives to become predictable because they'll stay the way they've always been. Interesting. Now, Interesting. Now, Interesting. Now, what are seven symptoms of the two diseases I just described? Number one thing that people do that sabotage themselves, and this is in no order, but I'm going to give you seven of them.

Number one thing they do, they focus on the past. the past. the past. They focus on the past. They look backwards a lot. You know, there's this analogy that the rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield for a reason because you should be looking through the windshield. the windshield. the windshield. But, the truth is the inside of the car that you're sitting in, the present place you're sitting, is even bigger than the windshield. And I can tell you that people that are growing, that aren't sabotaging themselves, spend very little time looking in the rearview mirror.

They spend some time looking in the windshield forward, but they spend a lot of time fully present at where they are. are. are. And if you're looking in the past all the time, you're going to repeat it. You're looking in the past, the reason you look back there is it's familiar. The reason you can look back there is you can predict it. The reason you look back there is you've tied a story to it that you're very familiar with. And so, people that self-sabotage keep looking to the past and wonder why they can't move into their future.

Or every time they step into a new future, they end up sabotaging it because you're bringing the past with you because you focus there. Stop focusing on the past or you're going to be sabotaging. And if you are focusing on the past, you're in the middle of sabotaging something right now. It could be a relationship, your success, your finances, your body, your faith, faith, faith, your emotions. your emotions. your emotions. But if you focus on the past, you're going to get more of it. And by the way, even if you're reminiscing about a past that somehow you've created a story that's better than your future, all you're doing is reinforcing the negative emotions of what you have now.

Second thing that people do that self-sabotage, they focus on what they don't have. don't have. don't have. They focus on the lack of things. People that focus on lack end up replicating it and getting more of what they don't want to have. When you focus on what you don't have, the relationship you don't have, the body you don't have, that you're not as beautiful as you want to be, or as tall as you want to be, or as smart as you want to be, or you don't have the connections or the relationship or the degree, or what you think is the the notoriety or the followers on Instagram, or the friends, or whatever it might be.

When you focus on what you don't have, I promise you that's a symptom of somebody who's in the midst of sabotaging something in their life or who is going to. Let's just already look at this. You focus on the past, you focus on what you don't have, you are already turning the air conditioners on of your life. Even if it hasn't shown up in the result yet, it's about to cuz you're cooling things back down again. The third thing that people that sabotage themselves do is they compare.

They compare themselves to other people. Remember this, comparison is the thief of joy. of joy. of joy. But they also do something really interesting. They don't just compare themselves to other people. By the way, let's just stay on that for a second. You're comparing yourself typically to the most filtered, sanitized version of most people's lives, which is what you see on social media. They've taken 900 pictures to post that one, then they threw a filter on it, right? And you're comparing what is going on in your real life to the lives of other people.

people. people. And by the way, I'm I'm to tell you something. I was at dinner the other night, about two nights ago. ago. ago. And I would observe this family that was a couple tables down from us. And uh man, it was just one of those nights. We've all had that in our family. Nobody was getting along. The kids were screaming. Mom and Dad were mad at each other, saying some nasty things, yelling at the kids. One of the the daughter had hit the son. You know, we've all had something like that happen.

But it was a really difficult night for that family. And uh man, they were going at it. And it was not a pleasant evening. It was not a joyful dinner. There was not a lot of bliss, not a lot of peace. And I remember the little girl actually hit her little brother, and he started crying. And the dad said something he shouldn't have said. Then the mom was mad at the dad for what he said to the child. child. child. And uh then the server came over, and they said, "Would you take a picture of our family?" And then all of a sudden, all the noise, all the chaos, all the anger, all the frustration stopped.

And her son sat on DADDY'S LAP. "YOU SMILE. YOU YOU YOU And then they took a picture for 4 seconds. "Hey!" And it was like this blissful, joyous picture that in no way, I'm sure they posed it, in no way represented what was actually going on in that family at any given time during that dinner. It was 4 seconds of a fake picture of emotions that weren't taking place. place. place. But imagine if you saw that picture of that amazing family, and the minute you see it, you compare it to your family and the mess that you think it is right now.

Or the great time Every Doesn't seem like everyone on social media is on vacation. Everyone's partying. Everyone's somewhere cool. Everyone's got great friends. Everyone looks amazing. Everyone's happy. And then there's you and your real life. That's one way that people compare. Maybe you compare to the the the version, the mask that most people wear in front of you of how happy and successful and confident they are. And you're comparing their confidence and success, the mask they're wearing, to how you really feel. You know what's the most unfair thing you can do to a relationship that's mature, where you've been in it for 4, 5, 6, 7 years, or 10 years, or 20 years?

One of the most unfair things you can do is to compare that time that you're in currently in your relationship to the first 6 months, or the first year when everything was new, everything was blissful, you were getting to know one everyone was on their best behavior, you had no negative memories at that time. And you compare your current relationship with someone to the exact same relationship you had with them except when it started. Or worse, you compare the relationship you're in to a previous one you had with another person.

It doesn't even need to be another person. It could just be another time with the same person. None of that is fair. Maybe you're comparing your life right now to 5 years ago or 8 years ago or when you were in this or that or this career or that job. Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't compare yourself to other people. Don't compare yourself to their sanitized versions on social media, the masks they wear, and don't compare your life to another time in your life or a relationship to another relationship or even the current relationship at a just a different time in that relationship.

You're getting ready to sabotage your relationship, your success, your happiness, your emotions if you compare. So so far, people that sabotage focus on the past, they focus on what they lack or don't have, and they compare. The fourth thing people do that sabotage themselves is they focus on things they can't control instead of the things they can control. There's a lot of different things you can't control. You can't control other people. You can't control their behavior. You can't control the market. You can't control interest rates.

You can't control what's going on in the world around you. You know, one of the great distractors in life that's you know, steals people's joy is the media. The media is constantly feeding you things that you cannot control that you ought to be very upset about. And many of the things that you see, you should be upset about. There's so many things going on in the world that are tragic and hurtful and disgusting and make you wonder about humanity. And you should spend some of your time focusing on those things and trying to make a difference for them.

But at the same time, if you obsess in that world in the media of all things you can't control, all of them. You begin to become habitual about focusing on other things you can't control in your life and you're going to sabotage your own life. You're going to. Don't focus on people, things, [snorts] events that you cannot control. Now, there are things you can have some influence over by speaking out and having an opinion. You understand the difference that I'm making here. You know exactly what I mean.

But what I am saying is when you become somebody who repetitively and habitually constantly focuses on events, people, things, circumstances that you cannot control. Here's what I do know. You can't control other people. If you think you're going to control that person you're in a relationship with, you're going to sabotage it. If you think you're going to control that client or customer of yours, you're going to control the conditions of the world, you're going to control the market, you're going to control politics in the world, [snorts] [snorts] [snorts] you're going to have a life that's probably going to have a lot of self-sabotage.

So, don't do that. Influence it, be informed, but don't try to control it. Fifth thing that people do who self-sabotage, they get discouraged. discouraged. discouraged. You know, as a believer, as a faith-based person, I believe there's an adversary. And I believe the adversary's number one weapon he will use against you in your life to get you to sabotage your life is to get you discouraged. If I could just get you down. I don't have to get you to completely fail. That's the easy way. I just need to get you discouraged.

I need you to lose an account. I need you to miss a sale, if I'm the adversary. I just need someone to say something mean or negative to you. I just need a couple let-downs to happen. If I can get you discouraged, you'll sabotage the rest of it for me, if I'm the adversary. So, people that sabotage themselves, they get discouraged. discouraged. discouraged. And what discouraged mean is they lack courage. courage. courage. Discouraged. Discouraged. Discouraged. So, the antidote to that is to stay courageous. Is to feel fear and step into it anyway.

Is to feel the rejection and move forward. Is to have the sale not won or the close not happen and learn from it and grow from it, rather than be discouraged from it. So, the fifth thing is people that sabotage themselves get discouraged. The sixth thing they do, they get distracted. They don't focus on the things they can control and they get distracted. They get distracted by social media, they get distracted by the media, they get distracted by what other people are doing, they get distracted by habits that don't serve them.

One thing I would encourage you to do is make a list of the things that typically distract you. There's three or four things that constantly distract you from where you're going or what you want. If you're in a relationship, maybe it's being distracted with other people. If you're in business, it's being distracted with the media or social media. It may be in the gym and you're not training as hard as you want to because you're distracted by watching television instead of you getting up and going for your workout.

Whatever the thing is that distracts you, make a list of those things and do everything you can to eliminate or reduce them and self-sabotage, these symptoms begin to go away. Remember, these are the symptoms of the greater disease of the thermostat and the illusion of control. And then seven, believe it or not, one thing that people do that gets a lot of self-sabotage in their life is they get a little bit of success. They just get a taste of success. And that taste of success, they cool it.

In other words, if it's in their business life, they get a little bit of progress, they get a promotion at their job or if they own a business, they've grown their income, they've they're at a level they were never at before. Just a little bit of success, of success, of success, man, you'll start to sabotage things a little bit. I'm amazed when I watch this, but people that get a little bit of progress in their business and then they cool it. They don't make the same effort that got them that little bit of success.

Let me say that to you again. The very thing, the effort you made, the behavior, the relentless pursuit that got you that little taste of success, you stop doing or reduce the amount of the thing that got you the success in the first place and now you're sabotaging the very success you got. Believe it or not, one of the big instigators of self-sabotage is a little bit of progress, a little bit of success. You cool it. Literally, you cool down your life with the thermostat setting.

That term, "Dan, don't cool it." doesn't just mean stop your activity. Cool it means you've cooled the life back down, the success back down, the body back down, the emotions back down. You've started to cool it down because guess what? That little bit of success is unfamiliar. And now you want that illusion of control that I talked about in the beginning. I'm going to get this back to what I'm used to because I can control it, I can predict it. So it's subconscious, but you literally stop doing the things that got you the little bit of success.

The very thing you would think we would all, wouldn't we as adults, go, "Well, I did this, this, and this. It got me that result. I will do more of it to get more success." But most people, once they get a little bit of progress, a little bit of success, not only not even do the same amount, they do less of it. They celebrate too long. They cool it down. They do less of the very activity that produced the result in the first place, and it becomes this like chasing their tail thing where they do something to produce a result or an emotion or something in their body, and then they do less of it.

Take your body. Maybe you ate a particular way for 3 or 4 months, amount of calories, amount of protein, amount of hydration, right? Amount of cardio you do, the way you lifted. It produced a change. THEN YOU GET THAT CHANGE, and not only do YOU NOT DO THE SAME AMOUNT, you should be doing more of it, you do less of it and sabotage the result. Or in business, there's a certain amount of contacts and phone calls or emails or posts you made to produce that little bit of progress and success.

You get the success, and rather than doubling down and doing more of it, or at least the same amount of it, you do less of it or none of it and sabotage the very progress that you made. That is the absolute manifestation of turning the air conditioner on and cooling your life back down. So, let's review these seven symptoms of the disease of self-sabotage. Focus on the past. Focus on what you don't have. Compare. Compare. Compare. Focus on everything you can't control. Get discouraged. Get distracted.

And have a little bit of success. Those seven things are symptoms of people who are probably going to sabotage their lives. Why? Because they haven't increased their thermostat setting, their identity setting to 85, 90, 100. See, you can acquire all the skills to be successful, all the tools. Man, you can have the Ferrari of talents or the Ferrari of opportunities. But if you're driving a Honda of an identity, you're going to get Honda results. No offense to Honda, but you know exactly what I mean, right?

The truth of the matter is, you've got to find a way to increase that thermostat setting. And that's through your faith, by focusing on your intentions, and through your associations to let those people around you heat you up. One thing to evaluate we talked about comparing and lack and focusing on the past. I'm going to ask you a question. What about the people you hang around the most? If you took a look at the last 90 days of your four or five best friends, friends, friends, when you're around them, when you talk with them, with them, with them, how much of the conversations are about the past?

Remember this? Remember that time? Remember when we were there? You remember? You remember? Right? Is there a lot of that? Because if that is the case, you're just reinforcing the past. Or maybe you focus on what you don't have. Or maybe they gossip about other people or they're comparing to other people. Maybe they're constantly talking about what's going on in the world or around you or things they can't control. Maybe they help you get distracted. And when you start to evaluate the people that are around you, I can just tell you something.

I've had lots of friends in my life that I've added, some toxic people I've had to eliminate, but my best friends get me focusing in the present moment or on where I'm going, and we spend very little time talking about the past. And I'm blessed that many of my friends have incredible past at this stage of my life. They could talk about the Super Bowls they won, or the millions of dollars they made, or the company they built and sold, or the amazing family they've raised.

They spend very little time talking about the past even when it's incredible. They're focused in the present moment, or they're looking through that windshield going to the future. They spend very little time. But if most of the conversations you have with the people around you are on the past, you remember remember that time? Maybe they compare to other people. Maybe they gossip about other people. Maybe they focus on what they don't have. Maybe they are constantly reinforcing that you're enough right where you're at. You know, that's one of the things that's frustrating to me is this notion that you're enough right where you're at.

Well, yes, you need to accept who you are, but there ought to be this part of you that's hungry to grow. I want my friends not to accept me as I am, but to have high expectations of where I'm going. I want they to them to love me as I am, I am, I am, but believe I'm capable of more. I don't want them to accept where I'm at. at. at. I want them to love me, but not accept where I'm at. In fact, I want them to not accept it.

I want them to expect success, expect progress from me, but love me where I am. Believe in me where I am. I am. I am. I want people around me that see me as I could be, not as I am. And the more you have those people in your life, the less likely you are to sabotage your life. All right, we covered a lot of things today. I want to remind you of one thing. You were born to do something great with your life, and here's the cool part.

You have everything within you right now that you need to make your dreams come true. And you belong in your dreams. Let me say that to you again. You belong in your dreams. And if you can stop sabotaging your progress, your emotions, your body, your relationships, your finances, you're going to be there. And so it's a matter of curing that disease and keeping an eye on these seven symptoms. Once you're aware of your thoughts, they lose their power over you. over you. over you. You become an observer of your thoughts.

You are not your thoughts. In fact, not everybody and everything you think is true. true. true. I think a lot of things that aren't true, and I challenge my own thinking, my own emotions from time to time. And when you get above them, and you observe your own thoughts, you go, "My gosh, I'm trying to control this. I'm moving to the past. It's all familiar to me. I'm going to focus in the present and project into the future." You can totally change your life because you belong there.

You do not belong repeating the past. You do not belong discouraged. You do not belong comparing. You do not belong focusing on the things you don't have. You should not be focusing constantly on what you can't control. You have no business being discouraged. Don't allow yourself to be distracted. And when you get that little taste of success, get hungrier for more. Because it's great. Progress is power. That's what you were born to do is to grow and expand. I've said this many times. I am most focused on the expansion of my being.

And I'd love you to be focused on that. Get focused on the expansion of you, of your emotions, of your understanding, of your life, of your learning, of the difference you can make, the contributions you can have, the experiences and memories that you can currently have and the ones that are coming your way, not on the ones that already happened. I'm a big believer that identity drives so much of our lives. And you being I'm just I've heard you talk about this briefly, but you know, I think we all are trying to become consistent with whatever this identity is that we think we hold for ourselves.

ourselves. ourselves. And sometimes the lack of an identity is is unbelievably detrimental to someone's life. And I've heard you talk about this. Being from South Africa and watching what they tried to do with Mandela, and and so could you speak for a minute about the power that identity has over us and a little bit of how we can at least be more aware of the identity we hold and how we can change it to serve us if we need to. Love your question. It's brilliant and it's so important.

Um yes, I grew up I was born in Zimbabwe and that had enough That country alone had enough problems and still has and then grew up in South Africa and all my kids are born there. We've been in the States now for 13 years. So, I was in South Africa in the apartheid era and the transition and the post. And so, by the time I was had my first child my second child that Mandela came into power. We actually I was carrying my baby newborn baby and in the to go vote for Mandela literally and with our with our housekeeper and you know, that's how significant that is in my in my lifetime.

But I was working in the pre-apartheid if the pre-transition in the I mean the the apartheid era and it was horrific. I I chose to I worked across all socioeconomic strata and different political So, from the richest of the rich to the poorest of the poor education corporate and I spent 3 days a week working in the what they call the town townships which were areas that they had through apartheid separated out absolutely evil. absolutely evil. absolutely evil. And the reason I chose to to work in all the different environments was to understand mind and humanity.

So, wherever you are whatever you in how does this work and how can we use our mind to help us cope with all these different circumstances? So, in terms of identity absolutely what you experience um in your nurturing and in your and in the environment that you grow up in is definitely going to affect how you see yourself because every experience is a is converted through think feel choose into brain. So, you can imagine a massive forest which is your non-conscious mind inner in and that massive forest is filled with all different shapes and sizes of trees and in between the green trees you've got these little black trees and maybe there's a big clump and maybe there's a little one and some trees are little and some green little black trees from a recent experience and some very big ones from long established experience.

So, something like racism would be a very s- very dominant cluster of dark black trees using the warning signal of all the anxiety and the stress and the terrible things that come from something as evil as racism, which is pervasive and affecting ability to actually how you see yourself. And so, every bit of nurturing is built into your brain. Every experience built into your brain. So, this forest is influencing In the middle of the forest, just to give a visual, we have this white flower of optimism.

So, I always explain it like a strip of trees that are perfect. In the middle of the forest, there's this untouched area that's just perfect. And that's we want we want to really access that. So, if you flying your helicopter, which is you in life, you flying your helicopter and you kind of if you as you develop self-regulation, you don't just fly your helicopter and bash into a tree and crash, which is what you we do a lot of. That's messy. We we want to we want to know how to not do that.

So, self-regulation teaches us how to fly with a pilot and co-pilot. So, we flying over this forest and we looking at where whatever the whatever smoke signals are coming up. Where are the where are the signals? And if you see there that there's so much of that particular type of black cluster of trees, dark and that's influencing how you see yourself. Your identity's being affected. But if you look at your if you really dig deep and you'll see the middle part of the forest, which is you.

It's Ed, who can do something else that no one else can do. But there's these traumatic experiences that are affecting identity. So, they can block and they can become so big that they can actually build a like a black wall against the green forest. So, it's almost hard to see who you really are because you're so busy and being involved in that that you you're stuck in that cluster. So, that's why I say you got to self-regulation is not sitting and walking amongst those trees and getting lost, which is what we do.

do. do. But it is actually getting in the helicopter and flying above and saying, "Okay, self-regulate. What am I doing? What am What's What Why and and you And the only way you can get to the trees in the forest and all that stuff is by looking at the warning signals. So, these we track. And then so then you would pay attention, get awareness of four basic signals. The first is the emotional. So, let's say that you're feeling a high state of anxiety. That could be or depression.

Now, depression and anxiety are not its. They're not illnesses. To say you have clinical depression or clinical anxiety is one of the most unscientific statements of our age and has created a huge problem with people on our way battling way more with mental health, not because mental health is on the rise, but because the mismanagement of mental health is on the rise. We're not allowing people to talk about the story in the forest. We're just saying, "Ooh, signal of depression, five symptoms, you can't sleep, you can't get out of bed, you're feeling um whatever, suicidal, all of that.

Okay, diagnosis, label, treatment is mainly medication at the current stage as the gold standard, some therapy if you're lucky. Okay? And that is very often the therapy is putting a band-aid on the wound cuz they don't deal with the whole origin story. origin story. origin story. That's terrible. What we have to say is we have to say, "Okay, so there is the signal. There is this emotion of depression. It's consistent in your life." Or anxiety or both. Very often it's comorbid, together. And terror and despair and anger and a whole bunch of others.

It's never just one. So, all of this is giving you power and giving you control, shifting the power balance. When you do this gather in this way, and I'll finish the other three in a moment, you are making 1,400 neurophysiological responses work for you and not against you. you. you. Your blood vessels around your heart are dilating, which is sending oxygen to your brain. That's increasing your ability to think more more creatively. It's decreasing impulsivity. I can go on and on and on. So, then uh now my body is in a state of healing.

But when I suppress it, if I don't get the awareness, if I just suppress it, my 1,400 neurophysiological responses will work against me. So, now my blood vessels around my heart, for example, one of the 1,400, will constrict. That means less blood flow, less oxygen to the brain, increased impulsivity, decreased cognitive flexibility. That's just a few. There's a a lot more that I'm just giving a few not to overwhelm. So, I I I stay in a state of increased vulnerability to disease by 75% to 98% if I don't get the awareness.

But if I get the awareness, I shift that the moment I get awareness in milliseconds I've gone from brain damage to brain healing in seconds in milliseconds. It's phenomenal. This is how important mind management is. So, then I gather and this is not hard it is hard but it's not hard. It's hard because we we have got very we just want to we want quick fixes. There's no quick fix when it comes to mind. This is a lifestyle. So, you gather awareness of your emotional stuff, the depression, anxiety, label it, be specific.

Um then you're going to gather awareness of your physical state, heart flushing, GI symptoms, tension in your shoulders. What is physically going on alongside the the emotional stuff? Could be a series of things. There's no There's no cookie cutter anything. You unique that you have a unique signal card. Then you going to look at your behavioral signals. In other words, what are you doing? How are you speaking? How are you connecting with are you How are you connecting with others? How are you doing your work?

How are you just with yourself or all the behaviors? How are you speaking? How are you whatever? What your creativity like? So, what are your behaviors when you in this state? And then you going to go to your perspective. As I start getting specific about looking at these emotional, physical, and behavioral warning signals, I'm actually looking at the branches. I'm looking at this these cuz they make memories. The tree is made of memories. So, I'm the signals have drawn me in and those have been these what I've just described.

But now as I land my tree, I'm starting to look a little closer at these signals. And so now I also want to look at what my perspective is. What is the tree trunk? What's the perspective of What's this giving me? Life sucks or I hate life or it's not worth living or there's just no purpose or what's the Then you start That's So, by the time you've done that you've objectively gathered all these apples in your basket, you control them. Now you go to looking at the detail.

What is does this mean? What's the data? That's when you reflect. So reflect is ask, answer, discuss. Ask, answer, discuss. Put the thoughts on trial. Do that autopsy, that mental brain surgery without the blood. Why? And then you answer, why? And you discuss, why? And you dig, dig, dig. Anyway, so when you write, you can write in lines, but I would recommend you learn how to make a metacog. It is unbelievable. In therapy when I used to still practice, we would have people battling with schizophrenia, which is not a disease.

It is a broken mind. It is someone who's gone through so much trauma that they disassociating, their minds disassociated. It's a symptom of an underlying trauma. And very often they can get multiple personalities cuz they it's coping, it's pure survival. So this system with the neuro cycle in the extreme form, we would use that. And by the time we got to writing, I could show I could have a subject who had split their personality their minds because of trauma. trauma. trauma. As they're writing onto the medic in the medicog, which is a pattern, in the mid middle on branches, like a tree, like a branch grows, each branch goes out the previous branch and leaves are growing on the branches.

That's what you do, you grow branches and you put your words on the branches. And you you just like literally pour your brain on paper. As we did this, we would the the sub patients would actually see, oh, same They're talking about the same thing, but suddenly there's three different perspectives. The fourth step is then to recheck. It's to look at what you've written. The third step's messy. It's like words all over the place. The fourth step is where you start connecting. What are the patterns?

What is the antidote? What is the What do I need to reconceptualize, see it differently? It's If we use an algebraic example, we all probably remember x + y = z, even if we didn't understand it. I'm sure all of us can recall x + y = z. And the concept there is that x + y creates something kind of new that's over, it's like sort of replaces. I'm not saying that, I'm saying x + y = xy. Reconceptualization is xy. Because it's your story that you don't want to just is there I'm putting a band-aid on.

I'm not fixing the issue. And that's what if you just don't if you just do like 10 CBT traits, you know, cognitive behavioral therapy, not that I'm saying it's bad. You can use CBT, but CBT puts in step five if you want it to work for you. You've got to first find out what's going on and then you but if you just or positive affirmations, people use uh they're feeling terrible or they want to achieve a goal, 10 of those in the morning, 10 at night.

They it's a band-aid. It's not going to be sustainable because you have to find out what you what are you trying to drown with the affirmation? If you want the affirmation to work, you have to go through the neurocycle, then the affirmation will work as a first step. You know, that's how you got to change perspective. Yeah, I want to jump straight in. straight in. straight in. You know, I I've had a chance to to to get through all the way through Power of One More.

Good. I got to be honest with you, this is by far one of my best books this year that I've been through. I haven't seen so much much much packed into one set of bookends. Not at all. How long? Yeah, it's a lot. Yeah. Well, one of the things that's um stuck out to me is this intention is the currency of identity or changing your identity. Mhm. Explain that to everybody because I thought that was powerful. Well, I didn't learn it's not mine. I learned it from Wayne Dyer actually.

I probably made it my own, but many many years ago I was running on a beach in Hawaii. I met Wayne Dyer. He ran by me. We ended up sitting on the beach together for about an hour and a half. I was very young. If you don't know who Wayne Dyer is, Google him. He's one of the icons of you know, thought leadership. Anyway, when we were done, he goes, "Hey, you're going to change the world." And I don't know if he said that to a lot of people or not, but to me it was incredible.

Yeah. And he goes, "And you're this this big brain, the way you speak and make people feel things and you know, you're very talented man." And he goes, "But you but that's not why." And I said, "Well, he goes, "And please never base yourself confidence on or your identity on your abilities or your achievements." I went, "Well, what the heck are you supposed to base it on then?" then?" then?" And he said, "In your case, your intentions. intentions. intentions. You have a warm, huge, beautiful heart and you want to help people.

And your intentions are so huge. They're so beautiful. That that's why you're going to change the world. Always focus on your intention. There's a power to intention. It happened to me writing a book by that title at the time. Long story short, story short, story short, um it was the first time someone had complimented me where I believed it. Mhm. I've never believed I was that smart or that special or that talented, but I did know how to good heart. And so, since that day, for the most part, man, even preparing for something like this today, my confidence, my identity comes from my intention to serve, my intention to make a difference.

So many people are chasing that tail of once I'm achieving something, once I'm really great, then I'll have confidence. That's not where mine comes from. Mine comes from intention, and that's what I recommend in the book. Yeah. No, I love that. You know, it's one It's interesting to me. I was just thinking through that, you know, we didn't get a chance because the event was so busy and packed. We didn't get a chance to to spend a lot of time together, but you and I have a lot of similarities in our in our backstories.

You told me that, but I don't know what they are. Yeah. Yeah, so my father was an alcoholic for a number of years, and I watched him uh really struggle back and forth to try to get a handle on it. Mhm. And um, you know, when I was thinking through the intentions, I remember him actually having a similar conversation uh that your dad had it with you about I'm going to try one more time. Really? Wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah, and uh lo and behold, Did it work?

It did. It did. Yeah, he's been sober for 35 plus years. Fantastic grandfather and the whole deal, man. Thank God. That's wonderful. Yeah. Um but the intention behind the mean that intent behind going through by making that um well, an importance, right? Mhm. Before Yeah, I think I think most of the things we do great in our life come from love. My dad got sober cuz he loved his family enough to try again. Your dad got sober enough cuz he loved you and loved your family enough to try again.

Hopefully he loved himself. But often times, you know, we have to find something we love. Like it may not be us, but all great things are achieved through love. And that sounds corny with two dudes talking that lift weights and stuff, but the fact of the matter is it's true. And when I focus on who I love or what I love, that's much bigger than whatever the obstacle is in my way, and that's always given me the fuel and the energy to, you know, persevere where maybe other people quit or gave in.

Yeah. How much of that intention is cycles into self-sabotage? into self-sabotage? into self-sabotage? I mean, that's one of the What do you mean? What do you mean by that? Well, that? Well, that? Well, to me, if you have a focused intention, you're you're intentionally choosing a direction, where self-sabotage appears to be a lot more subconscious. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. And And And Well, well, self-sabotage comes from that internal identity that whatever you're about to go do, you don't believe you're worthy of, or even if you get it, you'll blow it.

Like, uh you you've heard me talk many times about the thermostat analogy. It's in the book, but the truth is, if you don't get this internal thermostat, your identity high enough, no matter what you achieve, you're going to turn the air conditioners on in your life and cool it back down again to what you believe you're worth. I just I and and I watch this all the time. On my new show, I have a new TV show that's going to be streaming called Change with Ed Mylett.

And uh this woman, one of the guests on the show was a woman she gained 180 lb, lost 90, gained it back, lost 90, gained it back. And I said, "The challenge for you, Angie, is you believe you're a heavy woman who happens to have lost weight. Mhm. And because that's the case, your identity as a heavy woman, you'll always get back there and turn the air conditioners back on. But what if the truth was you've always been a healthy, fit woman who had gained weight?

Mhm. And if we could switch that identity, now we won't sabotage ourselves again. Sabotage is really the process of getting what we believe we're worth. Yeah. Yeah. We're really getting what we believe we're worth. So, we're we're trashing the current results of the current situation to get back to what our thermostat setting is. And that we call that sabotage, but it's just getting back to what we believe we're worth. Yeah, and well, at least for me, you know, I again, we didn't get a chance to super connect just one-on-one, but you know, part of my backstory is, you know, overcoming homelessness and some other things to kind of get where I'm at today.

And it was something in the book that you mentioned I thought was pretty powerful, and it was a huge shift for me, which is one of the reason I wanted to bring it up. Which is this essence of operating out of history Yeah. versus operating out of future. Yeah. You know, I kept telling myself I was the high school dropout cuz I had to pay the bills and help the family and all that kind of stuff. I kept telling myself for a number of years. Mhm.

And then one of my first mentors, old man Myrick, told me, he said, you know, he said, he said, he said, you're you there's two ways to think. You can either learn to think like me, you can learn to think like your dad. Which one will it be? Mhm. Wow. right here. Yeah. Right here. Talk to me about history, man. Talk to me about operating out of history versus future. future. future. Well, 1% of all people operate out of their imagination and their dreams, and 99% operate out of history and memory.

And this is a really insidious thing. We don't even realize we're doing it. When we're children, we're happier. Why? My belief is we were just more recently with God. Yeah. And two, we don't have a history and memory, so we're forced to operate out of imagination. And then at some point, for some children like you and I, we start getting a history early because it's thrust upon us with an alcoholic dad or whatever. But for the most part, most kids, it's 10, 12, 15 years old.

They start operating out of history and memory. And what we do in our life is we move towards what we're most familiar with. So, you become familiar with this history and memory, and you just move towards it. Same emotions over and over again. Same thoughts over and over again. Even if the external circumstances change, Mhm. they we move we our life is our emotions. We move towards the same thing. And that ties into associations. We all have heard, "Hey, you're only going to be the product of the five people you hang around." That's old school, right?

How do you know who it should be? What's what's one thing no one's ever told you before? I'll give it to you right now. It's in my book. If your peer group operates out of history and memory, they don't serve you like they should. I'll give you an example. If when you're with your friends, it's like, "Man, you remember you remember you remember that you remember in high school you remember that one thing you remember that you remember you you you you you right?" And that's what most friends do together.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. have a lot of that. I have a little bit of it. And by the way, my peer group have great histories and memories they can operate out of. Sure. Yeah. But they don't. When we're together, you almost got to force them. What we're doing is we're talking about imagination and dreams. What are you working on right now? Where are you going? What's it going to look like? You can't You think you can get Tom Brady to talk about past Super Bowls all the time, dude?

Come on, man. He's talking about, "Hey, I got this new crypto thing. I've got this new watch. I've got this new business thing I'm doing. I got this NFT. We're going to win the Super Bowl this year in Tampa. I want to get ring eight." Whatever it is. You talk to Tim Cook who runs Apple, he's not talking about Macs from 20 years ago. He's talking about what they're working on now and where they're going as a company. And so, the people around you, if it's history and memory, that's one little key.

Like, I'm not saying drop people. I'm not even a believer in that unless they're toxic. You don't got to do that. You got to add. add. add. And so, this is how critical imagination is. It's like probably you probably asked me one of the four or five most important things in life. What is your frame of reference? History or memory or imagination and vision? It's okay to have some history and memory. We learn from it. But, going back there, you cannot be in both zones at one time.

So, if you're in history and memory, you are not in vision and imagination. And you were born to imagine. You were born to dream. You were born to do something great with your life. And I just remember that there's something I want to talk about tonight in my speech. Thank you for giving us me that question. Hold on. Go ahead. Keep going. I'm going to write a note down cuz that was really good. I think that if I want to give people a gift that are that are watching this, it would be if they could have lunch with you.

And they could sit down or they got 10 minutes with you and there weren't cameras around and they could just ask you something, right? So, I'll ask you first, Brooks, and then I'll have Jules answer. But, if they ask you, "Hey, man, like I want to make my family proud of me. I want to chase the best version of me. I want to create this business. I want to transform my body. I want a transformation in my life." Yeah. What advice would you give me overall on creating a transformation in my life and chasing the best version of me?

The first Honestly, the first thing I'd ask you is, "What do you want?" When you ask somebody that question, like, "Ed, what do you want?" Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You And And people will give you a little she she. No, no, no, no. You. Just you. In your life. And sometimes it takes a while for people to get the courage to get it out. And to get clear, huh? And get specific. It's very general, too much. Tell me exactly what you want. Yeah. Okay, you want it.

Why do you want that? Great. That is exactly That's what I start my life. What do I want? Why do I want it? This what I want. I don't know how. Right. But this is what it This is enough for me to then apply my intelligence and my resources, everything to figure out and execute that. But you need to know first, man. You need a target before you can release. If you're pulling a bow, you need a somewhere to shoot it before you let it go.

So, I I like asking people that question, what do you want? At your core. Yes. Don't Don't BS me. I can see through that. If you're taking up 10 minutes, you got 10 minutes of my time, but let's go. Let's get to it now. And then everything else is a distraction. Everything that doesn't lead to this exact thing that you just told me is a distraction. Even though you might like it, maybe it's part-time, maybe get rid of it. As Tony says, burn the boats. Yeah.

You know, like my parents had that that that that conversation with me at the supper table, like, what if you can't be a hockey player? Like, Dad was a principal. He's like, you should have an education in your back pocket. I'm like, Dad, I'm going to be a hockey player. And he's like, well, what if you don't? What if you hurt your knee? I rehab it and I become a hockey player. And I burned the boats. I got rid of this is what I want, and I didn't know how, but when I was 14, I didn't know how I was going to make the NHL, but the NHL was already in my hands.

I owned it. It was mine. My owned it. I owned it. It was mine. My friends that would try and get me to drink or go to parties or smoke, still some of my best friends in my life, they were my groomsmen, but they tried to get me off that path, but I was like, you guys don't even know it. I'm I'm 5 years away from this in the NHL. I'm 14, but I'm 19 in the NHL already. Like, I knew what I wanted. Didn't know how, but I knew what I wanted and I knew why, cuz it was how I was going to express.

It was what I needed to do with my life. So, I would try and get that out of a person. And everything else is a distraction. distraction. distraction. 100%. I posted today today, I made a post. I said, "The extraordinary are fueled by why and the average are always stuck with how. And so and and what I find when I ask people that question, it's why I don't do it on the show anymore. I've had too many even of my own guests when I go, "What do you want?" Uh uh it's very vague.

It's very vague. And and so it the rarest thing is to ask somebody that question they can give you a specific, clear, compelling answer. The other thing like I just you posted that today. I posted yesterday if you're going to have one thing in your life you're going to have one thing have a magnificent obsession with getting better. better. better. You can go Whatever it is. Whatever's your like you wake up and that's what I'm doing now. If I'm not in hockey, I'm following the flow of my life.

What do I gravitate towards? Cuz I'm not getting paid for it but what's what's my thing that I love? That's telling me where I should be and then have a magnificent obsession with improving that and it will find a way to monetize itself. You'll be successful. It really does by the way. It really does and your obsession your curiosities and your obsessions. Your obsessions become your possessions. You're going to you're going to possess what you're obsessed with and here's the issue for most people. They they're obsessed with their fears.

They're obsessed with what they're worried about. They're obsessed with what other people think about them. They're obsessed with all of these things and you end up possessing these things. You said earlier and I fully believe that we are so much more capable than we than we even know. There's so much there's even in you. I mean you've been uber successful in your life and man you haven't even you're just starting to scratch. Like there's there's so much left and and my wife too and me like people we're doing well.

A lot of people are doing well and but we are so much more and it it just fires me up and lights me up to even think like just ripping that open. What does that even look like today? Even that thought like think bigger. My wife is great at this. She challenges me at this. She thinks so big and sometimes I'm like that's not even you want like you you want you want a spaceship with a hot tub and a yard? Like I don't know what you want EVEN LIKE I DON'T I DON'T WHERE WE'RE GOING HERE.

COME BACK TO EARTH A LITTLE BIT. OH, but like we we think big like that. Elon Musk and I, we get it. It's awesome, though. Just just cuz it's going to pull you higher and you need to get like you were I just believe, man, that people are so life can be so much better. You're so much more capable. Just sink sink your energy and your time, your intensity, your passion into it. Everything else is a distraction. Dude, you're firing me to her corporate right now.

I'm done. I'm serious. And by the way, You just want to move though? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I KIND OF WANT TO LIKE PUNCH, SLAP, go do something big with you right now. But like but but what's but what's interesting about that just and I'm going to let Jules wrap things up on that. But like I just want to tell you all this, too, like watch what we're doing to each other here. The other thing I want you to see each other up. Right? Is I want you to find mentors and friends who could stretch and move and motivate you, not just always validate you, not just always make you laugh.

Hey, bro, good to see you. I have tons of friends like that. People say, "Oh, drop your friends." No, you don't have to drop any friend in your life. But you got to add people who stretch you and push you and get you to visualize and inspire you, right? Like that's part of the formula. If you don't have them, you got to do it yourself for now, but still be seeking out those people. So And they, you know, people always say that like with like celebrities, oh, people are always get being the yes man, but we have yes men in our personal lives, too.

So like that is exactly what you said, you know? And it's like it's not just celebrities, it's everybody. Like we have yes men all over the place. Yeah. Like stop validating me. Tell me what to do. Like just actually like call me out. There should be some friends you have where like you got to clean up the house before they come over, man. Like you should have some people like, "Hey, there's some still people you want to have your A game for in your life, right?" So this is unreal.

I'm just telling you straight up. Like I'm like this is unreal. I'm so feel feel so blessed, but I want to finish with you. So it's hard to add to any of this. You know, but but you've had all this experience. You've traveled the world. You had this amazingly unique childhood, you've attracted this dream man, you've had all these achievements, and you're remaking yourself again, which I admire so much. And in 5 more years you'll be remaking again, I know that. But what advice would you give to Maybe it's a woman, I don't know, that's listening to this that says, "Hey, I want something special in my life." What would you say that maybe we haven't added yet?

What would you add to it? Is there something? I mean, the first thing that just popped in when you were talking just now is that that that it is about reinventing yourself all the time and continuing to grow. I think, you know, a lot of people are like, "You've changed." And then you And your response should be like, "Thank you." You know? And it's like You know? And it's it's it's amazing that, you know, we tell ourselves our stories of who we are, but that's who we were.

Like, we're continually growing and like becoming the people that we're building, you know? And like, as we as we become the person that we're becoming and and the the achievements and the things that we want, it's not about what we want, it's about who we want to be when we have all of this. And so So I think at the end of the day, like, it always comes back to us. And it's like like like like, what is it Like, who it Not what is it that I want to be, but who is it that I want to be?

And And I said it that I think at the very beginning when we were talking about how we met like met. What you put out into the universe is what you're going to get. And if you're putting negative thoughts, if you're saying like, "I don't know how. I don't know how to do this. I can't do that. I can't do that." Instead of like, visualizing, putting your goals, like, do a 1-year, do a 3-year, do a 5-year, do a 10-year, do a like 1-month, and do small achievable goals so that you can actually attain them and celebrate them and realize like, I have the power to do these things.

And then And then you get this confidence of who you are and then it just it things just start happening. Like it's an amazing thing whether it's God, the universe, whatever you believe, your own innate willpower, whatever you put out you're going to get. And so like put out some good [ __ ] guys. Jules, you're so right. Like you said something else that I just want to layer on. Like I'm just moved. Basically I was like this is so damn good. But you also earlier you said something you said I'm enough.

At one point you're enough. It's like you have to accept right now you have everything within you you need to go win. You're all you need to be right now to go win. You're getting better to prepare you for the next moment and the next moment, right? And one of my fav- sorry, I cut you off. One one of my favorite analogies and visualizations of this is if your cup is full and somebody's pouring into it all this information and like more like, you know, I can help you with this and it's just overflowing.

You're like, I can't deal with this. This is too much. This is too much. You sometimes just have to pour it out. And then you can start filling up again. You know, it's like you know what you know right now and that's great and that's going to get you to that next step. But once you're there, pour that damn cup out and start over, you know? And it's like all this new information comes in and then you're able to actually download it and receive it. So good.

Were you going to say something on that? Sorry, I get excited. We do a lot of like creative planning stuff in our in our garage and it was actually we were talking about this the other day because we're trying to she was helping me with the next stage of my life, my reinvention. And something we put up on the board, her brother Derek was also helping and we put up on the board um what do we want to do and who do we need to become to do it?

And it's exactly what she's talking about is how and we we talked about have your vision, what you want to do, okay, that's great. And then who do I need to become to do this? And I tell her this all the time. We work on this. I tell her this, I'm building a man that's better than I am right now. So I'm not yet this man. But I have a a vision and I a concept of who he is and she'll say like there'll be some mornings I'll wake up at 5:00 or 5:30 go work out or 6:00 or whatever.

She's like, "Oh babe, it's early." I'm like, "Yeah, but I'm building this man that's capable of more. When we have kids, he needs to work out before we have kids." So we don't have kids yet, but this man needs to be capable of that stuff before we're even there. So I always work towards this this far distant man that's better than I am and I acknowledge he's better than I am, but I aspire to be like him and gradually just move in that needle every day.

And then some days I fail, some days I take a step back. gosh. I want to kiss gosh. I want to kiss you right now. I'm kidding, buddy. No, I'm serious. Like all just best friends right now? No, it's like it's like it's like No, like like I just want to say something. Like it's so good. So I talk all the time that I think at the end of my life, I'm a Christian, I believe that I hope I want the Lord to go, "Hey, well done, good and faithful servant." But I also think he's going to go, "Hey man, this is the man you could have been.

I want you to meet the man you were capable of becoming." At the end of your life, I think you met the person you were destined to be. And I and my life is chasing down that dude. Every decision I make, I'm trying to chase that dude down. So at the end of my life, when I meet him, he shakes my hand and says, "Hey man, I've been watching you. Great job. And we're identical twins." The worst end of a life would be to go to the end and you meet that woman and you're total strangers.

And she had she had experiences and memories and contributions and differences. That's a great visual. Right. So I'm I'm my barometer is chasing down that person. Exactly you said you're trying to build that better man, build that better woman. And it's the the blissful dissatisfaction. dissatisfaction. dissatisfaction. Correct. It's the same thing. You're happy, you're not satisfied. You're still you're you love your life. You like you look at the life you live. Right. Family like Sure. You have a fantastic life, but still it's not it's not Not that it's not enough, it's just not enough.

It's not enough. I'm It's not enough. I'm enough, but it's not enough. You know, I wanted to ask you about something that I think has affected you. I know it's affected you, but so many people listening um have this in their life and maybe they shove it in the back of their mind, but it's still there and that is this idea of labels. And what I mean is like so many of us have had maybe it was when we were kids, someone called us a name or we you know, we're in a situation and someone says, "Oh, but you're you're not smart enough or or you don't have what it takes or you're the wrong fit for this or you don't come from the right family or or this that the other thing." And a lot of times we then find ourselves in a as an adult and that label is like stuck and it's taken root and now it's sort of coming out in our lives and we haven't even thought about it in years, but it's still there that that identity.

Yep. When you were I think it was eight eight years old, you were called Eddie Spaghetti. [clears throat] Eddie Spaghetti. Can you share how that happened and how you did or didn't let that label take root? Yeah, I but I talk about this in the book a lot too is that and how to overcome it which I have. That part of me me me I've leveraged into something pretty strong, but I talk about in the book that a lot of the beliefs we have about ourselves were installed in us our identities, these thoughts and concepts we believe to be most true about us our worth.

They were installed in us when we were defenseless as kids. So it's like be a good boy, be quiet, be a good girl, don't do that, don't make too much noise, don't and you you start to just start to develop this identity when you're young and then when you get out into the world because you believe it, you confirm it and then you gather more and more references for it and before you know it you're 20 or 30 or 35 years old and it's who you are and you've proven it because of this your identity is the most powerful force in the world, you're going to be consistent with it and most of what you believe about yourself you weren't in control of believing.

It was put there when you were a child. Well, same with me. So you have this combination of this kid who's at home at home at home things aren't real stable there most of the time. Sometimes I feel like I overcook that too because it when it was good, it was very loving. And And thing is I had this loving mother 100% of the time, right? 100% of the time. And great grandparents and lots of great stuff, but there was this thing, right? So, you have that anxiety going and chaos, going to school, I'm a little guy, uh I'm shy.

I'm very, very shy. You know this about me to this day. I'm still very introverted, which surprises most people because of the speaking and stuff and the show, but I'm super introverted. And um I just started to get picked on. And this Eddie Spaghetti, your meatballs are ready in the class would sing it to me and they'd see me get upset and it started to develop into this pattern of you're not good enough all the time. And then I remember you know, a few years later at a baseball coach really I was become a pretty good player, but we had a great player on our team who went on to play like major league baseball for many, many years.

He's still a really good friend of mine. And I had a couple bad games and I was down. And our coach pulled me into his office. He was sort of a mean dude. He's a good dude, but he was a tough dude. He pulled me into his office. He goes, "Hey, Eddie Spaghetti. This is now I'm a teenager. And he goes, "Did you ever think that maybe you're just not as good as him? Like you go an over three, like you can go over three, he can't.

So, why don't you just accept the fact you're just not that good." This was my coach, right? And I remember just walking out of there like, "Whoa." And then I shared with you another story that when I became a speaker of someone that I looked up to was like, "You know, you're really not that good. You know, like I can't even listen to you for more than about 15 minutes." And then he and I I used to think to like, "Am I like is there something on me that's like you can just punch me?

Like is there something about me like you people think they can just tell me these things about me? What is it about me?" Cuz other people aren't What I found out is other people are hearing similar things. And the truth is I just started to go I actually asked myself a question that I say in the book. I don't really believe that many good things about myself. What would I need to believe about me that would serve me? What would I actually need to believe about me that would cause me to change the way I show up in the world?

What would I need to believe? to believe? to believe? And all of a sudden, I started to really think about that. How would that guy walk? How would that guy talk? I'm doing an impersonation of this insecure guy. I'm doing an impersonation of a shy person. I'm doing an impersonation of someone who doesn't have confidence. It's an impersonation. It's not who I really am. Well, maybe I could begin to impersonate the person I want to be. And I actually started to impersonate him a little bit.

Not fake it, but like, you know what? He'd walk with his shoulders back. His voice would be a little bit deeper than the one I'd walk around with. He'd think certain things about himself. about himself. about himself. Moreover, he would treat other people a particular way. particular way. particular way. He would treat other people in a kind and generous and strong way. Almost in an almost in an overabundance of kindness and generosity to people and belief and love for people. And a lot of that happened when I worked at the orphanage.

I was like, "Now, that's the guy I like. That's the guy that I am. I'm the giving guy. I'm the kind guy." And you know what I found out when I did that? I took it away from me, as we said earlier, and it was about other people that I found a lot more peace. So, I just started to become that person and slowly but surely I I think I am that person. That is really powerful. There's I'm sure so many people and sure they'll send messages about this who, you know, see you online, watch your content, and maybe think that everything's perfect.

Right. And think that you were just born with all of this confidence and with you know, everyone loving you and millions of people following you even through grade school, right? I mean, we just we tend to think those things about people that we don't yet know deeply and then we think when those things happen to us, like someone tells us we're just not good enough, we kind of hide it cuz we're embarrassed by it or we think it doesn't happen other people. And I feel like you like you like you sharing that sharing that sharing that is so powerful.

Thank you. I think it I have a lot of people from high school actually that follow me now, right? When you when you're and I think if you were to ask a lot of them because they've told me this, this, this, I just wasn't I I think they would just say to you like it just I wouldn't expect it to be an Eddie. Uh you know, not like he was a complete I was just there, if that makes any sense. Like, no, I would not There was no like most likely to succeed in any of my, you know, yearbooks or anything like that.

But I don't think by the time I graduated wasn't like he's a complete dum-dum, but it was just like he's just Eddie Milett, you know, he's just Eddie. Like, you would never suspect he would be the person that, you know, might reach a lot of human beings in his life. You know, you just wouldn't ever have predicted that. And that ought to give everybody hope. If if you're not one of those people that everyone's like, "No, for sure it's her." Yeah. I was definitely not that person.

You go, "Oh, go, "Oh, go, "Oh, just mark it down. He's going to do something great with his life." No, no one was saying that about me. No one. No teacher, no coach. Maybe a couple teachers when I was a little little guy, but most people would not have said not that anything significant was ever going to happen. So good. They didn't know you were the one. That's right. know. And that's that's powerful cuz a lot of people are wondering, "Am I the one? Can I be the one?

No one's telling me I'm the one." And I think the fact that you doubt I think the fact that you doubt or wonder whether you're the one is indicative of the fact that you probably are. probably are. probably are. Woo! I do. I do. I just believe that. Oh, that's so good. And you know this for And by the way, the reason it's good is cuz you know that to be true about you. true, but I've never thought about it that way. I know that's true.

And I'm just thinking right now, I have goosebumps thinking about how many people are listening to this and right now they know, but they're wondering if they're the [clears throat] one. Yeah, and that makes you probably the one. Yes. That's right. And you know this cuz it happened in your life. Yes. That is huge. Um all right. This is good. I want to talk about, you know, the story or your Can you share with everyone the story? I feel like someone needs to hear this today about your first grade teacher.

Yeah, Mrs. Smith. Yes. So, yeah. Um I'll even elaborate on it a little bit. So, I had no confidence at all and uh and I was getting picked on. This is what I think happened. Mrs. Smith was just a super really kind lady and we had moved to um the town that we were in then and so I was also a new kid. Mhm. On top of being small, on top of being Eddie Spaghetti, on top of being insecure, on top of leaving many mornings where my dad maybe didn't come home the night before or there was just turmoil the night before.

I'm just leaving that house, this little dude. I wish I could go back and hug him. You know, which my mom did a lot of, by the way. And so, she knew that I just had no self-esteem. self-esteem. self-esteem. And I believe she orchestrated this entire thing, but we were doing testing like for grades and stuff for the next grades. And she purposely had I believe she purposely did this for me. She had someone come in the back of the room and say, "Mrs. Smith, we need your smartest student to come take a test to represent the class." And I could see the person in the back.

I heard them. And I watched Mrs. Smith go, "That's Eddie, my lad. I would pick Eddie. He's the smart boy." And she picks me and I remember going, "Oh my gosh, she thinks I'm the smart boy." boy." boy." And I just looked at her and she smiled at me. at me. at me. And I remember just lighting up. And then the person goes, "Okay, um then Eddie Mylett, you need to come with us." And I stood up and it was the first time ever in my life that I was like, "I'm special." Mhm.

special." Mhm. special." Mhm. This is special. And I walked up and went to the back and I took the test and I guess I did well. And but when I came back in, I I I didn't say this on the last time I told this. When I came back in, at the end of the day, um class was over and Mrs. Smith said, "Eddie, can you come up here for me?" And I came up and uh she hugged me. And she goes, "You're so special and so smart.

You're the smartest boy." She just like hugs on me for a minute. And um it really changed my life a lot. It changed my life cuz that was the first time I was like, "Well, maybe I maybe they're wrong. Maybe I'm Maybe I am smart. Maybe I am special." special." special." And this beautiful soul knew exactly what she was doing. She orchestrated all of that. She knew there was this child. I think she had the sense something was going on in my home cuz kids don't come like that to school that shy, that timid unless something's wrong at how at the house.

And um And um And um I'm telling you the truth that I have thought about that like hundreds, maybe thousands of times in my life. That that event in my life. What a beautiful, beautiful beautiful beautiful soul soul soul she was. So, that's Mrs. Smith. It's one of those people, you know, in your life when you close your eyes and you go, there's this handful of humans that that that make you feel special, make you feel loved and cared for and believed in. And she's on that highlight reel of like maybe three or four human beings in my entire 51 years.

And And And the reason that that's important is because I've tried really hard in my life to be that person for other people that they go, "He loves me. He cares about me. He most impo- maybe even as important, he believes in me." And um and then you show people how to live a little better. And that's exactly what she did. She was a super, super special person. And little did she know that little first grade dude would, you know, be on a show with you today.

You know, um, last night when we were talking on the phone about this idea about how many [snorts] people don't feel seen. Yeah. And I'm just imagining like the power, right, of her seeing you. First time anyone saw me. I was telling you last night that a lot of my work in my life has been I don't know [clears throat] why it makes me so emotional, but a lot of my work in my life has been about helping people that perform pretty well perform their best.

best. best. And the more and more I've been doing what I do, the more it's occurring to me that that's my role is a little different and that is that there's millions and millions and millions of people, maybe more than ever in the world that were like the first grader me, but they're 30 years old. I you talked about this recently and it just struck me. This isn't a frequent thing necessarily, but but but why are so many people, and you said you had a little of this, too, or maybe a lot of it, they're in their own way.

They're their own biggest enemy in life. Yeah. What's why? How? I I I think there can be multiple reasons, but reasons, but reasons, but self-doubt is a is a really fascinating thing. thing. thing. It really comes down to what voices you allowed to determine your identity. All of us have a series of voices that speak to us from childhood all the way through life. through life. through life. But those voices do not matter until you accept them as your voice. So, if someone says to you, you don't matter, but your voice tells you you do matter, that voice doesn't have power over you.

over you. over you. But when you let that voice shape who you are, and I think for me, Ed, I I had voices in inside of me saying, um, don't be too successful. I literally was always my greatest enemy. This voice because I I'm a deeply spiritual person. Yes. And I and I have this I mean, my life is centered around the person of Jesus Christ. And I've never wanted to do anything to invalidate invalidate invalidate my relationship with him or to cause anyone to ever question my sincerity.

So, what that did for me is it actually created some self-limiting mindsets. mindsets. mindsets. Because I I didn't know how to become the full version of myself and and not have people question my faith. And when I had the realize eventually I think this is one of the things I learned from you and so many others is others is others is the the better you're at something, the more people are going to hate you. They There is There is no way to escape opposition or hate or whatever you want to describe it.

And once I could accept that going, "Even if I'm completely sincere, there's always going to be people who question your sincerity." sincerity." sincerity." So true. So true. So true. And and so then I went, "Well, if I'm going to have people who hate me anyway, I might as well be the best version of myself. I might as well move toward optimal performance." And at this point in my life, Ed, I'm at the point where I'm going, "I want to have the greatest impact on the world that I can while I'm still on this earth." And writing The 7 Frequencies was a huge part of that journey for me.

Writing Mindshift was a huge part of that. And what I'm going to do from this point forward in my life is I'm going to give to the world what I feel will great create the greatest contribution on this planet. I love it. And and you have to decide at some point, "I will not live my life based on the voices that are speaking at me. That I will listen to a deeper inner voice that calls me to the greatest purpose that I have." That's so good.

Erwin, you're so He has so much to give you guys and um I remember, you probably don't remember this, but there's even shame in some people's lives about making a little bit of money. Oh, I've been I've had so much shame for that. In my own life, Ed, I I mean, my wife and I lived I had a salary of less than $12,000 for 10 years. Gosh. Because I thought it was ethically wrong for me to make money. We slept on the floor. I wouldn't buy a bed cuz I I I told her that was a luxury, not a necessity.

I I don't I don't know what what got into my head. And I remember one day we were married, we had kids, and I said, "I think that it's okay I think God told me it's okay for me to make some money." And she goes, "You can make money?" I said, "Oh, I've always known how. I just would have to stop myself." Mhm. And she goes, "Well, could you, you know, start like now?" But I always put a cap on myself. This is interesting. is interesting.

is interesting. Irwin. You did. And and I I've always known I could make billions of dollars. Like I've never had that confusion in my head. And I would The confusion in my head was, do I give myself permission? Do you know what you said to me about what you just Why is this so huge? Why I asked you. I was wondering if you were going to say this. You guys, you won't remember this, Irwin. We were at a friend's house, you know whose house it was, that lives on the ocean, and you and I walked into the kitchen, and I kept telling you, "Irwin, you're in this room." And you're like, "I've met these guys now." And you like, "It's not that big of a deal." And I said, "Irwin, you could impact millions of people." And you said, "Ed." And you kind of had this cringe when you said it to me.

You go, go, go, "I think I'm going to allow myself to make some real money now." And even when you said it, there was this discomfort in you. I said, "Irwin, you have permission to do that. You just got to give it to yourself." Now, I don't know that you remember that moment, but I know where I was standing in the kitchen when you said it. And I just want everybody to hear this. This is a man who's coached some of the most influential people in the world.

Top people in industries come to him. And even in his case, he had to give himself permission to allow some form of abundance to flow into his life because of some sort of a limiting belief around it. Now, if that's true of someone with his eloquence and brilliance, are any of you suffering with something that you're not giving yourself permission to feel, whether that be joy or love or the love of God, your faith, to know you can be somewhere in eternity. Maybe it's wealth. Maybe it's physical health.

But there's probably something today something today something today that you're not allowing yourself or giving yourself permission to have and feel. And give yourself the gift today like Erwin did. And by the way, once Erwin unlocked that type of permission, he had more financial abundance, but his impact grew impact grew impact grew with the world changers he now affects, right? Or that open up other lanes for you. Absolutely. And one of the things I realized for myself is I'm just not motivated by money. It just is not a It's not a good motivator for me.

But I am motivated in seeing people's lives changed. And instead of waiting for someone to to finance the vision we have to impact the world, we create the wealth, we finance it, we help millions of people. It's just so much more exciting to be perfectly honest. Yeah. I want to share something with you cuz it just happened this weekend and I just from my folks here, too. I think one of mine is that I am present with people. Yeah. And I do observe people. And so it's really interesting because I think that's one of the things that I love about doing the show and and it was fascinating because I never gave any thought as to where that came from because I I mean, your brain brilliance comes from the fact that you had this damaged brain as a child.

Yet it's one of your great gifts and one of the great things you're intelligent at, one of your your your geniuses. And so this weekend somebody had asked me, "Why do you think like on your show or even we were at a dinner, you're so present. You're listening. Where do you think that comes from?" And I didn't know I didn't I thought about it and I said, "You know, I'm not sure, but but but you know, it's interesting. My dad was My dad's sober 30 years now, but when I was a little boy, my dad was a had a drinking problem.

drinking problem. drinking problem. And I never knew as a little boy which dad was going to come through the front door at night. Mhm. And so unlike most kids who would run up and hug dad, I would observe dad when he came home. And when So when dad walked through the front door, front door, front door, I'd look at his physiology. I'd look at his eyes, his face, his lips. I'd listen to what his first few words were. And I think since I was about a 4-year-old little boy, little boy, little boy, I was sort of through that unfortunate circumstance in my family, I developed this intelligence of being present and really being with someone and and understanding them and connecting with them and seeing where they really were.

And it's ended up serving me as a 47-year-old man with you here today. here today. here today. Wow. Wow. Wow. Isn't that interesting? And so many For some of you listening, I would just say to you that sometimes some of your great genius could be coming from some of what you would think might be some of the more tragic events in your life or difficult events in your life. So, just think about that. And the self-talk also, you know, when I said I had the you know, at age nine, a teacher looked at me said, "That's the boy with the broken brain." From the whole class.

You know, and parents and adults have to be very careful because your external words become a child's internal words. Because every single time I did bad on a quiz, on a test, or not picked for a sports team, which was all the time, I'd say, "Oh, cuz I have the broken brain." That became my internal conversation. And I always tell people when they come to me and they say, "I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough. I have a horrible memory." I would say, "If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them." Boy.

If you fight for your limitations, you argue for your limits, they're yours. Boy. And here's the thing, your brain is like a supercomputer, and your self-talk is a program it will run. So, if you tell yourself you're not good at remembering names, you will not remember the name of the next person you meet because you programmed your supercomputer not to. They say the most two most powerful words in English language are also the smallest, I am. Because whatever you put after that, complete that sentence with, is going to determine your destination, your your destiny.

I'm so glad you're saying this because this is typically said by like, you know what I mean, to a but motivational people or inspiring people. Now we've got a brain person science telling you this is a fact. identity is this. Let's say at a simple level, let's say people want to change their behavior, they want to stop procrastinating. Yes. But their identity is I'm a procrastinator. Yes. Ooh, that's going to be a tough one. Yes. They want to change their behavior like, oh, I want to stop smoking.

Mhm. But their identity is I am a smoker. Wow. Right. That's going to be a challenge, right? Yes. So, here's the thing. The reason why I bring these distinctions up is because it takes the the self-loathing or the judgment out of it because you don't have to If you're not good at something, you could say like, oh, you could address the level that that's holding you back. Mhm. Finally, below the level of behavior, and this is big one, is the environment is the level of environment.

Environment. Environment because you could The behavior is you want to stop smoking. Mhm. But the environment is you're around a lot of smokers. Because it's not Here's the thing. The people you spend time with is the people you become. You know this. You teach this because your mirror neurons are always imitating what's around you. And that's the thing. That's it. want to sensitize you to cuz often the people that hold us back are the people that love us the most. You nailed it. You know, cuz you know why?

They're like, oh, you're going to another event? You're listening to another podcast? Why are you reading another book? Spending all that money. Right. And they have good in They could have good intentions. Sure. Right? Cuz ultimately, people are doing things for, you know, generally, I believe for good reasons. people. But people. But people. But they could be sincere, but they could be sincerely wrong. Sincerely wrong. And I love the I'm not this yet. Right. I also want to just repeat things that just We just You're You say brilliant things that one after the other.

And so, this idea that as a parent, your external dialogue becomes your child's internal dialogue is just riveting. I mean, it's riveting, and it's also true. I think of leaders in companies, too. Your external dialogue about your company or about that individual can become their internal dialogue. So, what you're saying matters so deeply. There There's six primary questions we learn in school. Five W's and one H, right? Now, watch this. The identity level answers the question of who. Mhm. The beliefs and values answer the question of why.

Mhm. The capabilities answer the question of how you do it. The behavior is the what. And the environment answers the question of when and where. Oh, wow. It is fully aligned. And so, I feel like we have natural genius in inside of us and if we when this is aligned with this when people talk about their mind and their body and their values and their habits when they're all aligned things happen naturally and they're not having forced and my goal for everybody who's watching and listening to this is that they're smarter than they think it's just we weren't taught how to do these things and when you're in congruence and then alignment things happen your natural superpowers if you will will will Yes.

come out come out organically and are not forced. Boy, that's man brother that's so good. I'm processing all of this with you. They'll be mad at me if I don't ask you a practical question. Absolutely. So can you give them I'm going to get a couple more things but thank you for taking the extra time. They'll they'll be I'll get I'll get DMs and emails if I don't ask you tactically ask him a a specific tactic to remember a name. Yeah. So I have maxed out.

Do you do an association when you remember someone's name? someone's name? someone's name? I do. Okay. Um really fast I would say be suave. be suave. be suave. Be suave. I'll give you really quick. B is believe right? Believe you can believe you can't you're right. So stop the negative self-talk. Okay. Right? So that that that's obvious. The second thing is E is exercise we already talked about the power of exercise practice because the bad news is it takes practice to learn someone's name the good news not as much as you think.

Okay. Like I'm really good at names Mhm. but after practicing it for a couple months it's just become second nature. Okay. Right? Just like parking a car learning how to type you do it without thinking. The suave is this. S stands for say the name. When tactically when you meet somebody you say their name back to them right? Cuz you make sure you're observing correctly. The U is you use the name. Use it three or four times we talked about that. The A is you ask about a name.

This is really great Ed when you meet somebody whose name you haven't heard before. Okay. And you meet now someone named Afzal or Rüdiger what can you ask about a person's name? You already said this you already said it's not travel entrepreneurship what's everyone's favorite subject? It's themselves. So what can you ask about a person's name? How do you spell it? Where's it from? You know, what does it mean? I was doing this training at the at the country's largest life insurance company. 100 people in the room.

The train director's name was Nankita. And I was like in front of the whole group, I was like, "That's a beautiful name. How do you spell it? Where's it from? What does it mean?" She paused. I was like, "Nankita, what does it mean?" She looked at all her coworkers and says, she said it means graceful falling waters. And I was like, "Wow." And then her coworkers gave that kind of reaction like a novelty. And I was like, "Wait a second. How long have you worked here?" She was like, X amount of years.

With these people? Yeah, yeah, a lot of them good friends are at my wedding. I was like out of 100 I said, "Raise your hand if you knew that's what her name meant." Out of 100 people, how many people raised their hand? Zero. Zero. And talk about like caring, that became like a 10-year client, right? Because that's the power of a name, the emotion, right? So, ask about a person's name. And then V in Be Suave stands for visualize. And here's a real tactical thing. tactical thing.

tactical thing. We tend to be better with faces than names, right? Aren't you? You you you meet a lot of people. Right? People come and you meet somebody, you know, you you say to them, "I remember your face, but I forgot your name." You never go to someone say the opposite. You never go to someone, "I remember your name, but I forgot your face." Absolutely not. But here's the reason why for neurological larger than other parts of your brain. So, you tend to remember what you see.

Now, if you tend to remember what you There's Chinese proverb that goes, "What I hear I forget. What I see I remember. What I do I understand." What I hear I forget. I heard the name, I forgot the name. What I see I remember. I saw the face, I'll remember the face. What I do, going back to practice and exercise, I understand. So, if you tend to remember what you see, try seeing what you remember. So, quick visual aid is this, play Pictionary. A person's name, for example, is Mark, take a split second and put a check mark on their forehead.

And you're like, "Jim, that's so childish." Who are the fastest learners on the planet? Children. How fast can they learn a musical instrument? How fast can they learn another language? Right? They're sponges. And part of how they remember names is they make fun of people. Like they You to somebody and you're like, you know, they go to someone named Jason and Jason the basin, right? And all of a sudden like Jason's in therapy for years not knowing you know cuz he was teased. But that's how you learn.

Banana fana fo fana, you learn through through imagery, right? They make fun. And so that remember more emotion, too. Information you forget, information combined with emotion. So person's name is Mary, imagine meet someone named Mary, handshake break, you imagine she's getting married or she's carrying two lambs under her arms. And here's the thing, it overcomes in business what I call the 6-second rule. Six Somebody tells you something important in a conversation or their name, you have 6 seconds to do something with it, otherwise what happens?

You lose it. It's gone. Out of your working memory, short-term memory, it's gone. So this helps you to focus uniquely on both the person and also the name. So if a person's name so for example is is let's say Carol, imagine they're singing Christmas carols, right? A person's name is is Mike, imagine them jumping on the table singing on a microphone for a split second. And then when you say goodbye to them 20 minutes later, you're like, "Oh, that guy was singing on the you know karaoke on the microphone, what's his name?" Mike, right?

Because it glues it. And then by the way, it's it's a short-term because once you know the person's name is is Ed or Athena or Mike or whatever, what will happen is once once you do that, then the pictures disappear because you would know it. You just need something to glue it because there's three parts to your memory. You encode the information, you store the information, then you retrieve the information. But most people can't retrieve it because they're not encoding in a way that makes it memorable.

So you make it visual, you make it fun and interesting. So if a person's name is John, you can imagine whatever. And then finally that's the V. The E in SWAV stands for end. You always end the conversation using their name, saying goodbye using their name because if you could walk into a room of strangers and leave saying goodbye to 20 strangers by name, who are they all going to remember? They're going to remember that's a standout skill because it's not just what you know, yes yes you can learn faster, it's not only who you know, but it's also who knows you.

you? you? you? And who's going to remember you. That's the stand out skill. is awesome awesome. And the 6-second rule, if you don't use it, you lose it. So, do something within the first seconds. That is brilliant. There are a few obstacles to effective reading. So, let's go through them really quickly. Number one, what keeps you from reading slow is lack of education. You're not born with the ability to read. Nobody is. And so, we learned it through class and through a training, right? But when's the last time you took a class called a reading?

How old were you? I was probably six. Six or seven years old, right? Exactly. So, we are still every single person watching this, for the most part, we're still reading like we're a 6-year-old or 7-year-old. Because that's the last time we had training in that one area. Right? The difficulty demand has increased tremendously, but we're still reading like a 6-year-old. So, that's number one, get the proper education. Lack of education. Number two, lack of focus. We can all relate to this. You read a page in a book, you get to the end, just forget what you just read.

Your attention is everywhere. Your mind wanders. You're thinking about the dry cleaning, the clients, everything, the kids. So, here's the thing. Um Um Um You just mentioned that if you read faster, you feel like you wouldn't retain as much and understand as much. not true. It's not. It's It's not because we weren't taught differently, right? And so, what I would say is the fastest So, I think it's a it's a myth being spread around by slow readers that if you read faster, you won't understand as much because it's a lie.

And I And this is interesting cuz we have online academy, right? Of our speed reading. And we have students in over 180 countries. So, we have a lot of data. And we found the fastest readers actually have the best comprehension because they have the best focus. Okay. So, here's the This is a metaphor. Your brain is this incredible supercomputer. But when you read, you feed this supercomputer one supercomputer one supercomputer one word word word at at at a time. Metaphorically, you're starving your mind. Right? And even if we were to talk like that to this conversation, it would be like 8 days to get right.

And what would happen to people very quickly if they were talking that slow? Their mind would wander, they would fall asleep, they would think about other things, they would just they do And isn't that Aren't those the same exact things that happen when you read? Your mind wanders, you fall asleep, you start thinking about other things because if you don't give your brain the stimulus it needs, it'll seek entertainment elsewhere in the form of distraction. Third obstacle, this is the big one. Subvocalization. Subvocalization. Subvocalization. Okay, this is the big one.

By far, we're talking about your inner voice. Subvocalization means You ever notice when you're reading something you hear that inner voice inside your head reading along with you? You hear that Hopefully it's your own voice, it's not like somebody else's voice. The reading why keeps you reading slow. The reason why is because if you have to say all the words to understand them, you can only read as fast as you can speak. And that that this this is mind-blowing to me. Subvocalization, vocal speech, sub like a submarine, inner speech.

If you're saying the words to understand what you're reading, you're doing it not right because New York City, you don't have to say the word New York City or computer to understand what those Just like when you're driving, you see a stop sign, you don't say to yourself stop. 95% of the words Do you understand what that stop sign means though? Yes. 95% of words are words you've seen before, you don't have to pronounce the words. You know, leaders are readers, right? You read a lot, Tony Robbins read a lot, you know, like Oprah reads a lot, Bill Gates reads a lot, like John F.

Kennedy, you know, leaders are readers. He was a very fast reader. He was said to have read every morning six newspapers with one cup of coffee. Most people it's the opposite, it takes like six cups of coffee to get through like a newspaper, right? And that's the challenge, but he's, you know, he's let's say, you know, he was said to have read 800 to 1,000 words a minute, but if he could talk at They were talking to you about 200 250 words a minute. There were like 700 words per minute he's not pronouncing, right?

You don't have to pronounce words you've seen before, but that's how we were taught as a kid. Like a lot of what accelerated learning is, just like success is unlearning bad habits. When you were a kid, you had to say the words out loud cuz the teacher need to know you're pronouncing the words phonetically correctly. But later on remember this your teacher said read quietly to yourself. Read silently to yourself and that's when you shut that external voice and you put it internal there and it's been there ever since.

Here's here's a point. When we listen to podcasts or audiobooks, how many people like to listen to it at 1.5 or 2x or 3x and they can understand it too. You can't talk that fast though and that's the thing right? And so that's why subvocalization is saying basically if you're subvocalizing your reading speed is limited to your talking speed not your thinking speed. You can understand so much more so much faster but you can't talk that fast. It's a bad habit we picked up as a kid.

So we did a whole podcast on how to reduce subvocalization right? And or our programs like over 21 30 days we teach people methodically how to do it cuz there's difference than a tip than a than a trainer. Fourth obstacle I would say and then we go to solution regression. It's a very bad habit we picked up as a kid. Regression is back skipping. notice you read something you go back and reread words or you reread a whole line by accident? You know upwards of 20 25% of the time can be spent rereading words.

So how do you Now now I'm going to give you just one tip on how to overcome this which will make a big difference. This tip is going to help you read 25 to 50% faster with better focus. Now that's a huge return because like 205 like like on average our online program 300% increase. I know right now people are like okay, how do I get more information from this person? And so I want to make sure they know where to go find you. The first one is you've referenced this podcast that you have and I'm a subscriber.

subscriber. subscriber. There's just stuff every single time you're on there that is valuable and I like that often times it's not even very long. Often times it's just digestible stuff. So how do they find your podcast? So on anyone's podcast app search my name Jim Kwik. And that is his real name by the way. change it to do my father's name my grandfather's name and so my life was pretty much planned out. So go get your podcast and then Or they go to go to the the way is actually go to quickbrain.com.

kwikbrain.com. Uh well, there actually videos on speed reading, remember names. I take a live audience up there and they do that. Yep. And then links to all my links to podcasts are there. So, for podcast and and your website, both are also where they can get involved with your programs, too, if they choose to, correct? And then also, you got a great Instagram account. Yeah. I mean, the podcast episodes also, we've done episodes on the top 10 brain brain foods, how to change your habits, how to change your limiting beliefs, everything that has to do cognition, we do it in 10 or 15 minutes.

Okay. So, brain hacks are busy people and learn faster to achieve more. more. more. Brain hacks are awesome. And then I love your Instagram. Thank you. You know, and I I it's it's so wonderful. And so, I do the lives and the Q&A's that are there. And so, we like to post things that are just uh brain hacks. His His Instagram is you you you're going to get addicted to it. It's outstanding. Like yours. And I want to challenge people again, ending with this, to take a screenshot of this episode, Mhm.

tag us both on there, and then share, remember, what you teach, you get to learn twice and you own it. Share your big ah-has or questions, and I'll actually I'll repost some of my favorites. favorites. favorites. I like So do I. So, please do that, everybody. Take a screenshot, tag both of us, tell us what your biggest takeaway was. So, in finishing, um um um you know, people that when we're done here, they're going to wish I wish, you know, I'd asked you so many more things.

We got so much done today, but you're such a, you know, just a wealth of knowledge. It's unbelievable. people take big pictures even of their notes. I'd be curious if they tag that. love to. They're going to be long, I can tell you that cuz we've covered so much today, and thank you. But, I think probably, you know, one of the things that I think most people that are listening this, they're trying to change things, whether that be a habit or change their life in general, and you're an expert at this.

If someone said they got I always do this. They got 2 minutes with Jim Kwik. Yeah. They ran into you at your Starbucks, and you were as busy as you are, you said, "I'll give you 2 minutes." Yeah. And they could ask you something. I think the vast majority of the people would say, "I want to change something in my life, whether that be a habit or the external results in my life. I want to create a change." What would you say to that person? Where do they begin?

What would be a step they could take? What would be a thought they would have in order to create change? So, the obvious thing to say is is lifelong learning. Commit yourself to lifelong learning, but that would be preaching to the choir because if someone's watching this right now or listening to this, you know, they [clears throat] they are exceptional. And I I applaud anyone who's who made it till the way to the end. What I would say is say is say is self-love is not selfish.

I feel like the biggest challenge people have in life is this fear that they're not enough. And I believe that's what holds us back. And people talk about themselves in relationships and I think we grow a lot in our intimate relationships because they are mirror to us. And I also feel like you have to fall in love again with the person in the mirror who has been through so much, but it's still standing. standing. standing. You know what I mean? And when's the last time, you know, learning and love I I always wish people you know, this year and their days before lots of life, lots lots of love, lots of laughter, and lots of learning, but I think they go hand in hand.

And self-love, it's kind of I I don't want to you know, people could put it into a hold hands and sing Kumbaya, but I'm saying do the things that you would do for yourself cuz I feel like we're only happy when two things happen. This may my my advice. Number one, you need the curiosity to know yourself. know yourself. know yourself. Right? Because that's self-awareness. That's why we meditate, that's why we journal, that's why we listen to things. It's self-reflection. We don't have intimate relationship, we build businesses because they puts us through tests and shows us who we really are.

So, have the curiosity to know yourself. But once you know yourself, you need the courage to be yourself. You know what I mean? And that's a different game. different game. different game. You know, and a lot of us, you know, when when we're looking back again, we don't want to have those those regrets. And the the expectations of other people. And that's that's where I think people could they they limit themselves. So, I would say my advice to somebody right now is to make sure you dedicate time every single day to self-care.

You know, and really spend the time to not only know yourself, but give yourself permission to really be yourself because I feel like everyone makes smart goals, right? They're specific and they're measurable and they're action oriented and they're they're they're they're realistic and they're time bound and I'm I'm all for that in setting goals. But also make them heart goals. Remember I talked about the power of the heart? Yes. You know, make them H healthy in every area of your life. Make sure that they're they're healthy in in your ecology of your life.

I would also say E, make them enduring. You know, make them enduring so as we go through hard times, which invariably will in business and in life and relationships and health, make sure that they they're inspiring enough to be able to get you through those hard times. The A is make them alluring. Alluring mean they pull you, right? They they're so attractive. They just like get you out of the out of out of bed. They're alluring. The R is relevant, meaning you want to make them relevant because a lot of people set goals, but are they solving a personal problem for you?

Are they really relevant to your particular values in life and in relationships and business? And finally, the T, I think it's the most important one when you're setting goals, make them your truth. Because so many people are setting goals and vision that's not really theirs. They picked it up from their parents, you know, they're doctors because their parents were doctors or they picked it up from the Joneses or or something outside. You know, know your truth and live from live from there. Yeah.