The Hard Truth: Why Your Hardest Days Create Your Greatest Success | Ed Mylett

Key Takeaway

On a hard day, do not negotiate with your entire future—choose one constructive action that keeps you available and in motion. Make one call, complete one focused work block, take one walk, or have one honest conversation. Scale the task to your real capacity and respect genuine health limits, but avoid letting discomfort automatically decide your behavior. Repeating this “one more” response builds the resilience and habits that carry you when motivation is low.

Episode Overview

Ed Mylett argues that the defining difference between average and exceptional performance is the ability to “play hurt”: to take meaningful action through disappointment, fatigue, fear, and adversity. Using stories from sports, business, and personal loss, he frames pain as an opportunity to build resilience, discover a lesson, and keep commitments through one more deliberate step. The later conversation expands into systems, learning through teaching, attention, presence, and aligning effort with ambition.

Full Transcript

Transcript of The Hard Truth: Why Your Hardest Days Create Your Greatest Success | Ed Mylett from The Ed Mylett Show. Auto-generated from episode audio; may contain minor errors.

Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Hit that like button and be sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel so you never miss my show whether it's Tuesday, Thursday or Saturday. Now on with the show. show. show. Welcome back to the show everybody. So grateful you've decided to join me again here this week. And this week I have a question for you. Do you play hurt? Because I think playing hurt is one of the invisible skills of all the great ones.

And if you think back in your lifetime, the people that you've been the most, you know, emotional about when you've watched them perform in sports or life in business, they were overcoming some pain they were in currently at the time, typically in sports, it's some type of an injury that they have. And so I ask you, can you play hurt? Because I think that's the great separator in life and in business, is that the great ones are able to perform even when they're not at their best, even when they're hurt, even when they're wounded, even when they're down.

And average ordinary people succumb to the injury, succumb to the pain, the down cycle in their life. You know, I really believe the separator in life is not what you do on the days where you're feeling great, you're feeling healthy, you're feeling emotionally strong, everything's going your way. Everybody performs well on those days. It's what do you do on the days that you don't feel that way. In sports, especially the greatest moments of my lifetime in sports, we'll talk about them in a minute, have been watching athletes perform under pain, under injury, under hurt, and in business, in life, you know, we're not on television.

And so sometimes we don't realize that's the separator. The difference between winning and losing in life, in sports, is so small, it's almost too scary to talk about. One of the things that worries me is I have to be candid with you. I think everybody can help someone. But one of the things that's happened in the business space, the entrepreneurial space, is there just so many people that are giving advice and information that have never built a business that have never accomplished anything other than telling you how to accomplish something.

And so often times I hear their messages and I'll commiserate with other people that I know that have actually done something in their life and like, can you believe that they teach this stuff and that people are believing this? I worry sometimes that you don't get told the truth about what it really takes to win and that so many of you are listening to so many different voices, many of which aren't qualified to help you in the area that you're looking for help. And I say that with respect cuz I think everyone can help somebody.

But by and large, if I want to get fit and in shape, I want my trainer to be fit and in shape. If I want to become wealthy and build a big business, I want to listen to someone who's wealthy that's built a big business. If I want to become happier and more influential and more passionate in my life, I want to listen to someone who's done that. And so I know that one of the separators from the people that I know that have become mega successful in their lives is their ability to play when they don't have their agame, their ability to win and step up and sometimes play better.

And so ask yourself this question. The last year on days when you were down or not even feeling physically well, you had the flu or cough or you know you had an injury that you hurt yourself and your knee or your back was hurting or someone had hurt your feelings the day before or maybe a week or two before the day before you lost an account or didn't get a sale you thought you were going to get or something's going on with your kids. How did you perform those days?

Because that's the separator in life. And so we're so moved often by the people we see when they do this. I'll give you an example. I was recently moved by a young man and I'm sure this will get back to him and he may be surprised that I saw this, but a young man named Cade Belaloo and he's a college baseball player at Auburn University. I played college baseball. He's a lefty. I was a lefty. And so I took note of this young man, but the reason I saw him wasn't because he played college baseball or because he played at Auburn.

He's a much better college player than I was, by the way. But um the reason I saw him is that his mother had died and the day that his mother had passed away, he still played in the game that night. And I guess evidently went to the coaches and says, "You know, mom would want me to play tonight. This young man under tremendous pain just lost his mother. Can you imagine?" Just hours before he said, "I think mom wants me to play." And this young man steps up to the plate.

I believe it was his third at bat. Guess what he did? You know it? He had a home run. run. run. Mother of Auburn baseball outfielder Kaloo. Stacy passed away this morning after a battle with cancer. Our hearts and Auburn baseball are with the balloon family during this time. Ball right. It's deep. IT'S GONE. HE HIT IT OUT OF HERE. BRAD, I you know, some things just transcend the the human experience and how sports can bring everybody together and that that's one of them. One of the most inspiring things I've ever seen in 32 years of coaching was uh big blue getting a home run.

first one of the season. hadn't hit a home run on all the good days, but he hit a home run on that day to honor his mom when he was under tremendous pain where many people would have said, "Hey, hey, Cade, we wouldn't blame you at all, man. Sit out the game. Sit out the weekend." You know, that's okay. And by the way, that would have been okay. You know, heal up a little bit. You know, there's so much this stuff in about healing and all that stuff.

And by the way, I think you can take action and still win while you're healing. And sometimes the winning can be the healing. Instead of just sitting around and machinating in your thoughts and trying to evaluate yourself all the time, get up and do something, right? And I say that out of love. I would say this if you were my children. I talk to the audience as if they're an extension of my family. I also don't say these things sitting on some high horse because I've made the mistakes of not taking action on the days when I was down or hurting.

I've sat out games when I was an athlete when maybe I could have played. And now in life, you know, as I got older, I realized that's the separator. And so, Cade Belaloo, man, congratulations, brother. Way to honor your mom. Just want you to know I saw it. And now you've moved millions of people through our audience here today. On the day he was probably hurting the most in his life, he stepped up and hit his first home run of the season. I have to imagine that inspired his teammates.

Have to imagine that his mom's very proud of him. The rest of his family is very proud of him. By the way, would would we have been proud had Kate hit a home run? Sure. Would I be mentioning a guy at Auburn who hit his first home run of the year on my podcast to millions of people if he wasn't hurt? No. And so what I'm saying is some of your greatest accomplishments, your greatest story, we've all heard the saying that your test can become your testimony.

Your mess can become your message. But it's true. In fact, often times this adversity is a gift. It's an opening to get something for your pain. I've always said that I don't believe God's going to give you pain without a gift on the other side of it. That if you'll look for the gift of the pain you're going through, that all pain is temporary. And if you can survive the temporary, whatever the pain is you're going through, mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, if you'll survive the temporary, but while you're surviving and getting through it, look for the gift.

Look for the miracle. He's going to give you something. He's going to give you a new friend, a new relationship, a new insight, a new thought, a new talent, a new ability, a new innovation, new innovation, new innovation, a new whole new life. Often times, a new reference, a new whatever it comes your way through pain. And so this is the people that we admire in life. You think about in your sports life. Think about Michael Jordan. Of all the championships that Michael Jordan won, it was winning the 1997 NBA Finals, the flu game where most people wouldn't have played.

He had 104 degree fever. He no one thought he was even going to show up and play that night and somehow he comes through and wins the NBA title playing with the flu, right? I mean, we remember this. It's iconic. Now, he won a lot of championships, but that's the clip that you see the most. Why? Because he played hurt. He played hurt. It's Tiger Woods of all the majors that he won. He won the 2008 US Open, they tell us on basically a broken leg.

Are you kidding me? This is these are the stories of legends. These are the stories that are what icons do. And you have a chance when you're going through this down day. These are the days where maybe you're going through it today and you're like, man, I needed this today, brother. Or send this to somebody who needs it. My gosh, this is actually an opening for me. This is where I separate. This is my separation season because almost, you know, it's I almost get off in my mind on these days because I'm like, I know nobody's working as hard as I am.

Not after how bad yesterday was. Not after how bad I'm hurting. Not after that let down. Most people are licking their wounds and staying down. And there's all this stuff that says, "Well, maybe you should stay down for a while. Evaluate what happened. Learn the lesson." Yeah, maybe. Or maybe you should get your ass up and go back to battling. Go back to fighting. Go back to winning. Get in motion again. I think you could heal, learn, and take action at the same time. Tiger Woods winning that US Open on a broken leg.

They tell us Kirk Gibson in the 88 World Series hitting a home run coming off the bench. He was so injured he couldn't play. He didn't he didn't play the game and he didn't play at all after this home run. He had one at bat limps up to the plate. He couldn't play a position so they put him into pinch hit. He gets up there two strikes. Dennis Eckersley bam hits a home run over the right field fence to win the World Series game. One of the most, if not the most iconic home run in the history of baseball.

One of them. Why? Cuz he had a home run in the World Series. No, cuz he had a home run hurt in the World. By the way, I was at that game. game. game. Funny anecdote. My dad wanted to leave that game the inning before. We got up to leave and we ran into my T-ball little league coach in the We were in the bleachers at Dodger Stadium and my T-ball coach says, "You don't leave World Series games early, Mr. Milelet." My dad went, "Ah, all right." We walked back to our seats.

True story. Sat down in the next inning. Maybe the most famous home run in the history of baseball was hit by Kurt Gibson, but we remember it cuz he played hurt. If you're really old like me, it's a year before I was born, but I've heard about it all my Willis Reed for the Knicks coming out and inspiring his team to win. You know, when I speak, I walk out on stage to Thunderruck by AC/DC and everyone thinks that's because he's such an AC/DC fan. Well, I am a fan of that band, but that's not why I walk out.

I walk out to AC/DC when I speak because my favorite fighter of all time is Arturo Thunder Gotti. He came into the ring to Thunder Struck. My favorite fighter of all time, Gotti. Why? because he was the best fighter of all time. Arturo was not the greatest fighter of all time. If you don't know him, go watch his clips. I don't care if you're a boxing fan, female, male, go watch Arturo, guys. Cuz the shots he would take and keep coming. His fights with Mickey Ward.

I mean, I'm just going to tell you like inspired me to want to be somebody. If you think about the movies, it's Rocky Balboa. It's how he came back from being hurt. Cut me Mick, right? It's those are the things that move us. the greatest of all time, Muhammad Ali, and how he beat George Foreman and would come back from being hurt. The wonderful Carrie Scruggs, most of you don't know this, one of the greatest clips of all time. Carrie Scrubs, 1996 gymnast, ends up basically winning the gold on a torn ankle.

And I remember watching that and crying, literally crying when she won. I wonder, by the way, why do we cry when we see somebody accomplish something great and overcome something amazing? Whether someone heals from cancer and they come back and they live or an athlete that overcomes an injury like Precious Carrie Scruggs did in the Olympics and just the world cried watching her go through this pain and win. I submit that we cry when we see these great acts of courage because we know that exists within us and we're not using it.

We're not even crying out of happiness. There's a part of it's like why can't I do that? I have the same capacity. I'm also a human being. I want to be proud of me. I want to overcome my pain. You know the story that you're going through right now or have gone through. It's only inspiring if you win. It's only inspiring if there's a fairy tale. There's only it's only inspiring if there's a lesson. If there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

And so you got to play hurt. Sometimes, I'll be honest with you, I think we exaggerate the pain we go through. We make it a bigger deal than it really is. You know, I've had people cancel. Well, I've got a cough or I've got the flu. Heck, this is a Zoom call. I'm I'm doing this today. My My producer will tell you, I'm sitting here today. I've got at least two teeth that I need a root canal on today. I I've got something wrong with my jaw where I can't really open my mouth to eat.

It's enough that I can talk, right? and I've got the flu. But no one asked me to run a marathon today. They asked me to do six zooms. I'm sitting in a chair. What's the difference between sitting on the couch and doing nothing and sitting here and helping change the world? And I'm not bragging about me. Heck, I'll just tell you this. I played this whole year hurt. I I haven't been on social media in a year. I've had issues with my heart. I've had a back issue that's just very significant.

I've had surgery on my back. I've got a I played hurt all year. It's one of the best years I've ever had. Now, has it been the biggest growth year? No, but I played hurt. Deion Sanders, Coach Prime, was on my uh podcast a few weeks ago. His agent and my agent, Const Schwarz, was also on some of the most popular shows we've ever had. And Coach Prime's this legendary coach now at Colorado. But what a lot of people don't know is Coach Prime played entire major league baseball season and NFL football season at the same time, multiple years in a row.

You imagine playing, imagine how hard it is to get to the NFL. Imagine how hard it is to get to MLB. He got to both and played both and some days would play a major league baseball game and an NFL football game in the same day. Imagine that. And guess what? One year he did it with a bronchial infection, walking pneumonia basically for the entire year. Imagine that. You got a bronchial infection, almost borderline walking pneumonia for a year, and he plays a full NFL football season and major league baseball season and went to the postseason in baseball.

But some people can't get on a Zoom because they've got a cough or their tummy hurts, right? But you want to be a millionaire. You want to be one of the great ones ever. But any chance you're hurt, a little bit down, I'm just being honest with you. Maybe this isn't the message everybody wants to hear, but it's the message everybody needs to hear. The separator is what you do on the days you're hurting. This man played an entire football season, entire baseball season, both with a condition that most people would cancel their zooms for.

Can you imagine? And so it's about how many punches you can absorb. Remember this, your breaking point is God's building point. Just when you're ready to break, just when you think you've got too much, if you'll push to that next level, that's when God starts to build. That's when he starts to break through. That's when the growing happens. But we don't take advantage of these opportunities. I'm almost to the point in my life where I believe adversity is a gift. I can't tell you that every time bad things happen.

Like today, I didn't want to wake up with my jaw and I didn't want all that stuff. It's just like a year of stuff in my physical being. I've had issues personally and socially. It's been a tough year. You know, I'm not saying I would wish that. Same time, it's I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned how much, to be honest with you, I love what I do and how much I care about you all because in a long time ago financially I didn't need to do this.

And I kind of always thought in my life when I got very very wealthy I probably wouldn't work like I work still. But then when I got here I fell in love over my lifetime with people and making a difference and serving them almost like feel like it's my home and it's my calling. It doesn't feel like that much work to me. And so, who am I to be, you know, telling you to do all these things? And so, when I'm not feeling great, I don't.

And so, I'm really convinced that your breaking point is God's building point. Tell you another story of a guy you probably haven't heard of unless you live in Australia. I've been reading about this guy for a few years now. 1983, it started the one of the world's toughest ultramarathons. 540 mile trek from Sydney to Melbourne. I want you to imagine this. Some of the top runners in the world are running in this race and a farmer shows up. True story. Dressed in overalls and like galashes over his boots is what they say.

I'm just telling you what they tell you. And so people like, "Who's this farmer? This guy's got overalls on. There's this combination of runners, but some of them are the best in the world. 540 miles." And so reporters ask who he was. He replies, "His name's Cliff Young." Young." Young." Oh, by the way, Cliff is 61 years old, sheep farmer. sheep farmer. sheep farmer. Picture this. A marathon's 20some miles. Guess what? 5 days, 15 hours, and 4 minutes later, he won. He finished first in this race.

Grueling race. He beat the next closest competitor by about 10 hours. He becomes this Australian national hero, total icon of ultramarathon running, you know, example of determination, perseverance. But what he's really an example of is pushing through pain. Pushing through pain. You know how he won the race? He slept less. Now, there's some legends that say he didn't sleep at all. Evidently, that's not true. But he just slept less. He didn't know how much sleep was really required of him. And all the training of chasing sheep on his farm is what equipped him for the race.

So, while these other guys were just running their normal race, this dude's chasing sheep for years and years and years around his farm, some days having to run days at a time. He was totally built for this. And so when the actual race comes along, he dominated dominated dominated because he'd pushed through pain for years and years and years and years, the actual race was nothing. And so I believe when you push through pain over and over and over again, it starts to not affect you like it once did.

But if you avoid pain, if you shrink to it all the time, if you give in constantly, it weakens you. weakens you. weakens you. Remember this. When you've gone through a difficult, painful mental experience, a bad day yesterday, physical, spiritual, maybe it's in your relationship, maybe you're just losing confidence. This is an opportunity to either strengthen you or weaken you. And how you respond means everything. I'm pretty sure Cliff at 61 years old in overalls overalls overalls didn't have all of the pedigree to be the guy to win that race, never mind by 10 hours.

But what he had done is trained himself to sleep less than most people. what he had done is trained himself to push through pain over and over and over. This wasn't something he trained for. It was his daily life and it becomes this national icon. Isn't that incredible story? It's just incredible. So, can you push through pain until you find your truth? I think of so many of my female friends and they'll tell me the greatest experience of their life is having children. Yet, they'll tell me the most physically painful experience of their life for many of them was child birth itself.

And so for that unbelievably painful experience, you get the greatest gift of your life. your life. your life. Is that amazing? If you really look back at your life, man, you've come a long way. And if you look back, most lessons learned, most gains were made during your flu game, during your broken leg round, most of your great experience of your life were the painful ones. In some odd way, it's God's gift to us because when you go through the real pain of life, believe it draws you closer to God.

At least in my case, I had to conclude, I can't do this on my own. I need you, Lord. Please help me. And so, ironically, sometimes pain is one of the great gifts we can have to strengthen our faith. But it also strengthens our resolve. There's also something that happens in us where we develop grit and toughness and resiliency and a relentless pursuit that our conditions aren't the thing that determines our behavior. our behavior. our behavior. Conditions and behavior can be separate. The Bible says in 1 Peter 5:10, "And the God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory in Christ after you have suffered a little while himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." Life can be heavy.

There are moments when the weight of the trials we go through, it feels unbearable. Pain can linger. Sometimes prayers seem unanswered. unanswered. unanswered. And oftentimes we wonder whether we're ever going to feel whole again. But take heart because your suffering is not the end of the story. Remember this. God sees every tear, every struggle, every weary side. And he's promised that after you've endured for a while, he'll step in and restore you. You got to endure for a while usually. And he steps in, strengthens you.

He'll make you unshakable over time. Your pain is temporary. All pain is temporary. The only thing that's permanent is our souls. But God's grace is eternal. Whatever your faith beliefs are, just know that. And what feels like brokenness now, brokenness now, brokenness now, it's simply the ground where he's planting something new for you. Just remember that his hands are holding on to you all the time. They're rebuilding you. The storm you're facing right now, it's not going to destroy you because you're going to get up.

You're going to persevere and you're going to fight one way or the other. You're going to get through it one way or the other. You'll get through this day. Remember this. One day at a time, one meeting at a time. My book, The Power of One More, I tell you this because I believe it to be true. You don't need to decide to never quit. You just need to decide right now I'm getting up. Right now I'll make one more call. Right now I'll do one more workout.

Right now I'll read one more book. Right now I'll go one more day. Right now one more. Just do one more. It's such a powerful concept. If you've not read the power of one more, go get it. By the way, I should say this to you. You should be on my email list. I Everything I send you is going to be free if you go to edmmylet.com. Just put your email there. I think it says join here or follow here at the top. Whatever. Go to edmmylet.com and be in there.

And by the way, let God's grace carry you and trust that he'll bring you through. But you got to step up and be resilient. Remember this, by the way, the best ability is availability. availability. availability. You got to be available. The great ones like Deion Sanders during that season, the best ability was he was available. So many people just aren't available. They miss too many hours. They miss too many meetings. They miss too much stuff. They allow too many things in their conditions to affect their behavior.

The great ones do not do this. And that's why habits matter. Rituals matter. Routines matter. Because when we're down, when we're under pressure, when we're hurting, we resort to habit mode because our brain kind of checks out. And if your habit's to get up and fight, if your habit's to get up and do it anyway, if your habit is to show up and give it your best regardless of how you feel, then that will be your default setting. But if your habit has always been, and it's been mine in the past, yeah, I got to rest a little bit.

I got to evaluate this. You know, I'm really hurting right now. They got to take a breather because that's what everybody does. But everybody's not successful. There's this whole thing in the world now. Everybody wants to be successful. Everybody wants to build a big company. Everybody wants a great body. Everybody wants a great relationship. Everybody wants a bunch of money. But nobody's willing to do the work on the hard days. They're willing to do the work on the good days. Man, I just listened to a great Instagram video.

Man, I'm fired up. Yes, someone said yesterday. Here we go. But what happens when three nos in a row somebody quits on you? Somebody hurt you. And you're feeling physically ill. Can you get up those days? Can you push through? Can you do what winners do? And when you do what winners do, you get what winners get. You get what Jordan gets. You get what Carrie Scruggs gets. You get what Tiger Woods gets. There's a great story. Kobe Bryant tears his Achilles tendon. But they need him to make the free throw to stay in the game to win.

They're like, "Kobe, you tore your Achilles. It's okay, bro. He We'll show you the clip. HE WALKS OUT ON THE COURT AND MAKES TWO free throws with a torn Achilles tendon. THAT'S WHY HE'S KOBE. THAT'S WHY HE WAS JORDAN. That's why he's Tiger. THAT'S WHY SHE WAS SERENA. That's why Carrie Scruggs is Carrie Scruggs. And I promise you, if you went through the lives of these people you admire, they played hurt. They found a way. They built that muscle. It's the separator. I tell my kids this all the time.

Max when he golfs, you know, and he said to me, "Dad, I don't have my swing." Hey, Max, it's the days you don't have your swing. Hang in. Shoot a decent score today. Go work on your swing on the range after. Come back tomorrow with your A game, but you got to score with your B game or your D game. This is the separator and let God's grace carry you through. We all go through pain in our lives. We all do. It's part of life. It's It's like if you're not in pain right now, you're probably going to be soon.

So, why not have a blueprint, a mindset, a habit, a way of being that says, "Oh, I see what's going on here, devil. Okay, I'm stepping up. I'm getting more faithful. I'm taking more action. I'm coming back stronger. I'm built for this." And by the way, I know some of you listening go, "I've just never been that way." That's okay. Neither were these people until they started to be that way. No one's born like that. What happens is they all hit a wall at one point and said, "I'm tired of running.

I'm tired of quitting. I'm tired of giving in when I'm hurt. I'm tired of backing up. I'm going to stop. At some point, Kobe Bryant said, "I'm going to stop backing up. I'm going to stop making excuses. I'm going to stop quitting. I'm going to stop flinching stop flinching stop flinching and I'm going to step into this." At some point, I did. And I'm not acquitting myself with those people. But I know what it's like to give into an injury. I know what it's like to lay down too long when I'm down.

I know many years ago, even at the prime of my health and fitness, I didn't work like I do now. And I'm probably in the worst physical condition I've been in in decades. Pro actually certainly ever. Yet, I think I've been delivering the best content of my life. Most athletes will tell you, by the way, any of you that played sports, my dad used to tell me this when I'd play sick, most athletes, most business people play better hurt, especially they got a little bit of a fever running.

everything kind of slows down a little bit. It causes you to focus a little bit deeper and a little bit more. You kind of have to move out all the noise and stay in the moment because that's all you have energy for. A lot of times you're better. you're better. you're better. And here's the truth. None of that's real pain. I was thinking about real pain this morning. I woke up, had a lot on my mind, and I was still fuzzy from waking up. And I thought, "Oh, I'll call dad." And it wasn't for about 10 minutes until I got up and started to move around.

I remembered I can't call my dad. My dad's been passed away now for 3 years. years. years. I don't know if any of you ever lost somebody, somebody, somebody, but every once in a while you forget. You have a great moment. You think you'll call them or you have a dream that's so real when they're in it. Yeah. And I woke up this morning and for about 10 minutes I was planning on calling my dad this morning and then I realized I can't. You don't know real pain until you crave a conversation with someone that's no longer with us.

That's some pain. And then I had to decide today. Don't feel real good. Wish I could call my dad and I can't. That hurts. I think I'll honor him with what I do today. I could have chose a different decision. Yeah, decision. Yeah, decision. Yeah, I worked real hard. I've got got a little bit of money. It' be okay if I kicked the curb can down the curb a little bit. Did this tomorrow. I don't want to do that. In fact, what my producer will tell you is I texted him about two hours ago.

I said, "Let's do one more today, too." So, we're actually doing more today. He probably wondered why. He's learning right now. I decided to do more today because it's one of those days. I'm not going to meet my normal standard. I'm going to do one more. more. more. So, real pain is that stuff. And if you have that in your life where you can't call someone because they're not here anymore, honor them and make them proud of you with what you do on the days you're hurting.

You wrote one about adversity. Yes. And I'm like, because there's a ton of topics you could have done about, you know, overcoming limiting beliefs, overcoming your environment, because you had you transcended an environment, which is very rare in life. Why is adversity the topic of the book? And why did you think this is the thing I want to talk about? Oh, wow. That's a great question. Um, that's what I pride myself in. You know what I'm saying? Like I I would be that adversity specialist, if you will.

Yeah. Um, that's what keeps me going. That's that's that's my purpose. My purpose is to continue to evolve no matter what, but to continue to give that information back to my culture and to my people and to be an example of what it's like to to come out of that. Because every situation that I've been in, and it's funny that we was talking about God, I don't care how crazy it got, he always put somebody in my life around the time that I needed some information or a ear or a connection or just the process.

It never fails, right? And I believe I truly believe that he does that for me to show people that you can maintain your integrity and and and be a solid individual and still survive, right? Love it. You know, without without doing anything that would go against who you are as a man man man and then your legacy because you you know, you when you think about some of the great leaders, they did great things, right? M but their integrity is what kept you locked into them, right?

Because you got people that successful, but they did a lot of foul things. And when you hear people talk about them, you're like, "Wow, I never knew that." And and and adversity to me is that small small small glare of hope. Because if I tell you what I went through in this book, your life might be totally different, but you might be up against the same odds. I can tell you that that's the truth. My life is totally different than yours. But I But I But I see great storytellers um tell me stories with a you meaning right.

right. right. So as I read your work, I didn't grow up like that, but I have my version of it in my life. And so the lessons in the book, the lessons in this conversation, I don't care what someone's life story is. These are facts. Like right, right, right, you said something so important that God has sent you that person when you needed them. The information, the insight, whatever it might be. Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah, I want everybody to hear this man said this.

And the reason that I want you to hear it is he does that for you, too. The difference is you need to be in expectation that he's going to and aware that he's going to because he has probably sent those people to you previously in your life. And if you're not aware he's doing it or open to the possibility he's doing it, you will miss them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You will miss them. It's like that analogy of the people that are sitting on the roof during the flood.

Someone comes by and says, "Hey, jump on the boat." Nope. I'm waiting for God to save me. Somebody else comes by in a boat. I'm waiting for God to save me. Third guy comes by in a boat. I'm waiting for God to save me. Then they drowned and they get to heaven and they go, "God, I thought you were going to save me." Goes, "I sent three damn people in a boat. Three boats. Three boats. Three boats. Get in the damn boat." Right? And so there's a there's some there there's you have to be an expectation that God is going to send you a blessing at some point.

But if you're not looking for it and expecting it, you don't hear them or see them or feel them. And then you miss them. them. them. You have to be in a good place, too, though. You have to be in a good place with yourself. I really realized that cuz there was times that I wasn't in a good place with myself and it was just a bunch of noise. I let things on the outside of me um control my emotions, how I felt. You know what I'm saying?

I I I just had to come to a place where and I'm not there yet, of course, but I just started to understand what what peace peace peace was like to get a little taste of that. And I started to understand what going inward was about because the minute I started going inward, everything changed, right? Because now I'm not I I can't fault anyone in my life for what they done to me. me. me. I have to look inside and see what how I reacted or what I've done to contribute to that.

Right? And and I can't blame anyone else, right? And for me, um, when I started to understand that is when things started to slow down, right? Because I wasn't present. I go have conversations with people. It's all on the surface. Yeah, it's all good. Whatever. I'm gone. But then I just started taking time like to look people in their eyes and be like, are you all right, man? How you feeling? Like, what's going on? And started to have conversations where I wasn't, you know, leading all of the conversation like, you know, just tell me, you know, how you feeling?

What's going on? And when people came to me, I you know, you know, and I pride myself on having a lot of advice. That's just like my thing. You know, I think I'm like, like, like, you know, the therapist among the crew, you know what I'm saying? But I ask them, I ask them now, though. I say, you know, one is, you know, do you want me to just listen? You know what I'm saying? Two is, do you want me to tell you what I think?

Or three is do you want me to side with you? Because I could do that, too. You know what I'm saying? So, I could be like, oh, that's crazy. That should have never happened. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. And I started to understand because, you know, where we come from, it's hard for somebody to tell you how they really feel. It took me until I was 40 to tell somebody I was I wasn't I was sad or I was depressed. You know what I'm saying? Think about that.

Or or I don't I I I don't feel confident about this. You know what I'm saying? Or or that I I'm I might be, you know, concerned. concerned. concerned. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because when you're that guy, you have to to to can't show weakness. Yeah. You can't show anything. You said earlier, I'm depressed. I'm drinking. Right. drinking. Right. drinking. Right. I'm drinking a bottle of champagne in the morning. Moving a tequila in the afternoon. Right. You're eating. You're heavy. heavy. heavy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. You're stressed.

You're worried. You're running. You're running. You're running. Is there any one thing you did or was there any one moment or was it just an accumulation of things you're like, "That's enough. I can't do this anymore." anymore." anymore." I would say this. I didn't have a purpose before then. I was just chasing money and trying to get out of my situation. And he did that. God did that for me. He took me out of my situation. And I'm four albums in about 8 million records sold.

sold. sold. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Like, but what am I doing for him? What how am I continuing his message? What What am I doing? He He g He took me out of a situation where I could have had a life sentence. It was there. I I still don't know how I I think about that all the time, but it was there, right? And I've lost, you know, so many people. And I sat there and I'm just like, yo, like, you know, right now I'm the issue.

I need to work on myself because the things that I have going on inside of me is no way to lead anyone, right? And I'm making music, so I got millions of people listening to me and and listen to what I'm saying. I'm not a saint, but I do got common sense, right? And it's just like I'm I'm saying things that might affect people in different ways, but I'm like, and my thing is the audio got to match the video, right? So, I'm saying, you know what I'm saying?

I'm saying this stuff, but I'm doing something else, right? And I got to get on line with what I'm saying, right? So, now I'm I'm walking into and it was the scariest thing in my life. And by the way, just so we clear like like like I was met with a moment where I knew it was a moment. Meaning, I was I was my first album came out. I was selling um and this is uh uh uh Statue of Limitations, by the way. Anybody listen, I'm good.

I talked to my lawyers about it it it and I had to make a decision uh which was one of the the biggest decisions. I had to make a decision what I was going to do because I was trying to balance the streets and music and I had some small piece of success and I had to walk away cold turkey from the streets. Now mind you that mean depend on music right? And when I did that I had three of those nexttail chirp phones. That's what we used to talk on.

Yep. Yep. Yep. And all those phones had a lot of money on them. Like I people owed me money. And I woke up and I just said, "I'm not doing this no more." I put the phones in the bag, threw them in the uh trash bin in my building and I and I walked away, right? right? right? And that was like my first like, "Okay, I'm going to do this music stuff." Now, mind you, about eight months later, I'm performing at a show and tear my vocal cords.

Now I can't talk. Oh my god. I got a record deal with a major label. Oh my god. I can't talk. I got shows booked up from here to 2000 whatever. I can't go on the stage. And that was the first time he humbled me. humbled me. humbled me. He humbled me. And I had to really look at this and go, I'm so close. I'm this could happen. What What do I need to do? And that was just a lot of praying, a lot of confusion.

And then he let me live. I got a throat surgery that I didn't have insurance at the time. Imagine I had Lamborghinis, all this stuff, and no no health insurance. Imagine that. So, I had to pay for my surgery with cash and then I got back out there and I started the same same thing. And then that's when he hit me again with Bell's pausy. Oh my god. He hit me with Bell's pausy and my face for real. for real. for real. Yeah. My face got crooked and my mouth was and it was like my eye was shut.

So, was that from stress? And that was God cuz I he he he let me live again. And I went back out and started doing the same thing thing thing and was going about it the same way. And after that, I was just like, you know what, man? I got to change something because I've been too blessed. You know what I'm saying? And and and and now and now and now I'm I'm looking at it and I'm going like the next thing might not even be something I can recover from.

And that's what started me to just start to understand that I got to start fixing some of my ways. And it first started with like a lot of like personal stuff I would do would do would do like you know just you know I I came from a situation where if you sit down with somebody it's like sitting down and you're being interrogated. I'm not going to tell you the truth. You know what I'm saying? I can't. You know what I'm saying? It's like it's against the code and it might get me in a lot of trouble.

But then I started to notice that a grown man should never lie even if it's going to get him out of trouble. trouble. trouble. You know what I'm saying? So now I got to change this. You know that wasn't easy to do because I was taught to say whatever I had to say to get out of any situation. and now I'm having to work through this. And that was like the first step. And then it started going on different steps, different steps. And when I got to a place where I started to um to answer your question, when I started to realize that I got to do some work, that I got to do some work, right?

I didn't know where I didn't know where to start. I just started YouTube and stuff, talking to older people, telling I had my business partner now. He's been my business partner for like 20 years. I would just go sit with him and tell him what's really going on. I'm like, man, I got about five people trying to kill me. like I got beef with these guys over here and that and then this is happening that I was in a shootout last week and now this is that and I got to go to California and this is happening and he's just like okay okay just calm down okay what are you concerned about most and then we started to like work through problems and he's like okay well you have you ever thought about reaching out to them and you know just having a conversation but my thing was you know they're the opposition so I got to I got to press cuz I can't I can't let my guys think that I'm trying to sort all these things out and and I start to understand that there is a such thing called conflict resolution.

So that started to help me out a little bit as far as my life and now I got in a space where I started having a little peace and I was able to start like working on myself like my health and reading books and just all these different things and that thirst for knowledge kicked back in because I hate learning in school. When I was in school like I dropped out of school in the sixth grade I got my GED when I was in boot camp.

boot camp. boot camp. That's crazy, That's crazy, That's crazy, right? And then when and like in and around that time it just hit me again. And I just had this thirst for like knowledge. And I just started going around asking people questions. And think about this now. It went from me asking, you know, somebody that I knew that worked at a restaurant that I just felt like was had some type of prestige from that point to me calling John Maxwell and going, "Hey, uh, I got seven questions I need to ask you." You know, John, he like shoot them at me.

to that to Robert Green, you know, to Robin Sherman, to all these different different different Tony Robbins and all these and not to like name drop, but it's just like I'm getting this information now to give back to the culture. Yep. Because I'm able to go outside of my comfort zone to get it. But this stuff helps me with my life as well. Like we was talking about Lewis earlier, like but I've always been that type of person. So to answer your question, I got the information from the people that I respected at the time that I was able to mingle with.

And I don't come as a you know, my reputation exceeds me. Meaning like I don't come And by the way, the most gangsters guys where I'm from are the coolest guys you ever see. They're not loud. They're not boisterous. They're like Denzel and uh American Gangster. American Gangster. American Gangster. They're real smooth, but but they will reach out and touch you. I can tell you this is like an alltime great conversation. It's all time. Great conversation. A lot of things about you that I noticed. One is like how self-aware you are.

Just driving out here. It's like I think you were here today like there's millions of people be like, "Oh my god, this is unbelievable." But at the same time, lately on this show, God sends me the right person in that seat for me. Like I was I've got some stuff going on in my life right now that's not great. And um some of it's betrayal stuff with other people like we're talking about. [snorts] [snorts] [snorts] However, I was just talking to somebody actually someone that's producing a TV show I'm doing right now.

Literally before you got here, I was driving out here and I said, I I want to figure out what God's trying to teach me with this lesson. And that's one of the things you said earlier is like, what am I supposed to be learning from this? What am I supposed to be? I'm not going to get nothing for Eric Thomas says all the time, you better get something for your pain, pain, pain, right? right? right? You know, and the other thing you do very well is a lot of times when you begin to teach things you're learning, you begin to own them more.

So, a lot of you that are learning things, listen to the show, you don't teach it enough to other people. And the more you begin to teach it, the more you actually begin to live it. People think, "I can't teach any of this until I'm living it." No, you could say, "Look, I'm not good at this yet, but this is what I'm learning." And the more you begin to teach something, I found in my own life. Like, not everything I've taught all the time I was doing at the time, but I was honest enough to say I wasn't.

Right? This isn't me yet. Let me tell you, this is what so- and so gave me advice on or what I know I need to change about me. And the more I taught things, the more I own them. The other thing I've always wanted to know about you because and I know the answer because it's in the book and in interviews you've done but of all the people you collaborated with one of the other things that holds people back in addition to and by the way I want to step back.

You play such an important role in culture right now because of what you just said. There are not enough people reaching people in the communities you come from or young people people people right right right with this knowledge and information. The world's different. This isn't 30 years ago where you could just get a Tony Robbins tape, Robbins tape, Robbins tape, right? right? right? There are dudes like me, guys like you, people like John that this information is there, is there, is there, right? right? right? But it's not what most people from these communities are consuming on their feed every single day, right?

right? right? And the fact that you're saying, "Hey, listen. I come from this. Let me teach you this." And this could be someone from a particular culture, particular age group, particular part of the world. the world. the world. That's why I do this. This isn't podcasting is not a big source of revenue. like I got business, right? But what it is for me is, and by the way, serious. No, I'm just kidding. We're in the middle of a negotiation right now. That's a whole other story.

But having said that, um, but but I I want to make sure that acknowledge you and the role that you're playing. And again, this combination received that. received that. received that. It's it's a fact. And the combination of your humility with your confidence is crazy. You've been around lots of highly successful people and you are one. And one of the things that I think most people don't know is the level of work required of effort. Meaning like I don't know I I I I think if someone spent the last 5 years with me in business and they I'm not trying to brag but like if they thought they worked hard there there's levels to this game or like in the speaking game you and I talked when the the stuff hit the last couple years.

There's just levels to the work ethic and the grind the things you got to do. You look at a Steph Curry in basketball. Oh, he's such a gifted shooter. Actually, he's not. Actually, it's the grind. Actually, Tiger and Jack Nicholas, the amount of golf balls to hit. Actually, Judge and Otani in baseball, you have no idea the amount of work. And even in coaching, you and I have been around all these great college football coaches, which I think is one of the hardest jobs in the world.

There's a level to where Sabin played at Dabau Sweeney, who I know you've been with. Like so talk I think most people are like at about and you talk about this a lot like maybe they're 50 60% of their capacity or effort and that is not going to get it done no matter how much you sit around and do other things that serve you. There's a level to this thing and you've been close to it and you are at it. Talk about that for a minute.

Look, I I want to say this to everybody that's listening. I here's what I think would be the easier thing to do. Just lower your expectations. your expectations. your expectations. I'm just being real. Like, you know, when I was with Ed and he was doing the book launch, I'm just being real. I did a book launch. It was probably 70% on that level in terms of I wasn't just in the uh don't get it twisted. I'm not a good guy, okay? God makes me a better man.

I was in the room learning. I wasn't I I promise y'all I wasn't just in there talking. I listen to me. I don't even know if Ed knows this. after before I did my thing and after I did my thing. I was all the way in the back sitting down. I didn't know that. I was all the way in the back of the room with a pen and a pad. I didn't know that. Like studying like, "Yo, E, bro, this is being real. You're not on this level." Like, you're not one, you're not on this level in terms of like maximizing, you know, your network.

Like, you're not you're not you're not on that the the space that we were in. Listen to me. I don't know if I told you this, but your your your guy, he end up helping me um like what what would you call it? Like renovate the church and put beautiful signing on it. He don't even live here. He didn't even live here. He he he helped he helped me. He made some phone calls. He called up. He's like, "E, if I got to leave Charlotte and come down there, I got you.

But I I'mma try to find somebody." This is what I'm talking about, y'all. about, y'all. about, y'all. So, I was in the building learning, seeing who Ed was connecting with, then connecting with them afterward. So, here's my deal. When I was in the room, I had to say to myself, e, if you want some of this stuff, Ed got, e, you going to have to you got to raise your game some. So, you got an option. You could even go, hey, me being in the room with Ed and watching what Ed was doing, th this is strictly for uh recreational purposes.

You feel me? IT'S LIKE, "HEY, THIS RECREATIONAL PURPOSE, BRO. Go ahead and get out of here." Or, "Hey, Ee, you you God showed it to you. He showed it to you. He showed you a level. Are you ready?" And so, for me, it was like, "Absolutely, I'm ready." So, I just want to say this to you guys. Either lower your expectations because you don't have to do everything you see other people do. You don't have to do it. You could just go, "Man, I It's like going to a basketball game.

You're not trying to suit up and do what Curry does, but when you look at an agent, you kind of thinking, oh, he human like I'm human. So I can watch yourself, okay? Watch yourself. You might not want to put them sneaks on. You might not want to get in that gym. And what I saw Ed do when I went back, I was like, "Okay, E, number one, you got to get more organized." So like, you got passion. You got energy. But what you saw in Ed, you saw a system, you saw a structure, you saw people over here and people over here and people doing it and people in the back.

And when you get in, people in the parking. So, it's like e when you get to the crib, from a speaking standpoint, you you definitely giving 1,00%. Right? But from a structural standpoint, you're not giving 10,000%. Then I look at the packages in the D, and I was like, e, you don't got So, y'all might have saw, if you watched it, it was a group in here, then it was a group out there, and then the level of men that was on stage who are also dominant in their particular area.

Bro, I was with people who I've only seen in a podcast. I only see these DUDES ON SOCIAL MEDIA. I ain't never been in a room with them before. I was in a room with them. And so, yes, you know, I had to come home, not necessarily get up earlier, not necessarily grind physically harder, but I had to take my mental game to another level. another level. another level. I had to take my systems game to another level. I had to, this is a grind that you probably don't know.

I had to remove people, which hurts, to bring in a different group of people to take me where I wanted to go because I realized a group that was with me, phenomenal group of humans, phenomenal group of people, they probably would get to heaven before I get there. But in order to take me from number four to number one, they weren't necessarily the people that could do that. So to Ed's point, I personally went home and and did a um an evaluation on ET. I personally studied ET and said, "Yeah, you got it going over here." But this seed is an apple seed, an orange seed.

This is not a watermelon seed. And these seeds that you're planting will never get you watermelon. So, so, yep, you got some dynamic. Are you posting every day? You putting out dynamic stuff, but that will not get what you saw Ed do in terms of systems. systems. systems. And so, you got to come home and your new grind is system. I don't know what your grind is, but I'm telling you, I had to start reading books. I had to go to conferences. I had to shift what I was watching online.

I had to shift who I was following. Great humans, great people. They were only going to help me sustain this energy. They weren't going to help me with the structure. Here's what I realized. E, nobody's better than you, but there are some people who's got better systems than you. And so, if you want to see growth, you got to start grinding on the systems level. So don't I don't want you to get what Ed said and you miss it. You like, "Oh, I got to get up earlier.

I got to grind." Maybe you don't have to get up earlier to accomplish what you've already accomplished. But to get this done, you do have to make some adjustments. And that's what the grind look like and that's what the hustle look like. And can I say this, Ed? I'm Man, I don't even know if I ever said this before, but sometimes, and I don't know if you've experienced this, sometimes, bro, you putting up 40 with 30 rebounds and you like whatever. And then you go somewhere and God shows you, and I was talking to my son the other day and he he kind of was hurt cuz he was like, "Dad, you know, you you you acting like I'm" And I said, "Hold up.

I'm sorry. You putting up 30, you putting up 10, but the 30 points and the 10 rebounds have nothing to do with the assist. You don't get credit for assists because you scored and you got rebounds. They they don't they don't take your points and go, "Well, we going to put those over and rebound." They don't take your rebounds and go, "We going to put those with your assist." And when I left you, you know, I I there was a part of me that was like, "God, you want me to do more?" do more?" do more?" Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You want me to do more? Am I not grinding enough? He was like, absolutely. And every seed you planted is going to grow. But you just looked at what Ed was doing and you saw there was a gap. So you have a choice to make here. You got rebounds, you got points, but the assist, son, you you had zero. So what do you want to do? And there was a moment where I had to go, a there was a moment where I had to go, you're not overwhelmed.

You're just rising to the level that God is asking you to rise to. Oh my gosh. There there's no anxiety. The Bible said, "Be anxious for nothing, but in all things through prayer and supplication, make your request known to God." But there was a 30 secondond boy where was like, "Man, God, how am I going to be blessed?" When I he said, "How one that's your boy, so you can just call." Then I had a Rory in the back interviewing me. God like, "Yo, you don't have to do you could just" and then just and I did just that.

my relationship with Roy, you know, went from a person that, you know, respects him to sitting at his feet to listen to the podcast to studying you guys. And I can honestly say after that event systemwise, you know, I've gone to another level. So to me, that's what it looks like when your expectations, your dreams, your goals, and your grind match. And if y'all not ready to work, it doesn't make you a bad human. Just lower your expectations. Gosh, that's so so good. And that idea of the grind.

I want to say one thing to everybody. When he's talking about rebounds and points, the application of that for you is this. Is that if you're average, you keep giving yourself credit for the things you're already doing. But if you want to be extraordinary, you got to go, what's the thing like the power of one more in the book, I talk about you're one decision away. I think all of you listening to this right now, if I could be honest with you, you already know what it is.

You know the thing you're not doing, you need to be doing that would change your life and your business. You already know what it is. is having the guts, the courage, the faith to call the shot. Like in ET's case, I'm going to go back. I don't need to work harder. I got to get more systematic. Maybe I could even work less hard if I put these systems in place for you. It might be something you are doing or that you need to stop doing to get your life to the next level.

Can I wrap up with one one thought? 100%. Yes. 100%. Yes. 100%. Yes. Okay. So, I I I don't know if you tuned out after day 100. Um do you do you know what we did the next day? No, I don't. Okay. So, um, we did 101. Did you really? And, um, And, um, And, um, did you really? Yeah. So, we went live every day during the swim and and and I I think this is important because of who you are and you know your tagline of uh, max out and and we turned on the live the following day when I would have normally been swimming every single day.

And it was and it was just me in the pool by myself um doing one more. And I got asked the question a lot, why did you do one more? And I had a lot of people understand. And then I had a lot of people just they were confused. And I I I hate the because my the way I feed my family is I I get on stage and we tell our story. We we motivate and we do coaching and and whatnot. Um, and I and I love um talking from stage and impacting people.

impacting people. impacting people. Um, and Um, and Um, and I I I don't appreciate the speakers that are out there telling uh trying to teach a lesson when they haven't done it. They haven't been on the battlefield in the battle. And I felt like I would be a hypocrite if I told people that you can get up and you can do one more. And it the campaign day 100 was on a Tuesday and Sunday night I said I just got the most intense impression. James, you need to do one more.

And and I was like, are you freaking kidding me? Like I am broken. Like I am mentally exhausted. I've been showing up for a quarter of a year. Why would I do one more? And and and I got the impression, it's not for you. and and I felt like our team needed to show up and do one more because on your journey when you're broken and when you are at your limit I promise you you can get up and you can do one more and that one more might be by yourself [snorts] and I don't know how many times you're going to have to get up and do one more by yourself but I promise you you can get up one more and I didn't feel like I I could bring integrity to our story if I didn't go out and as a team we did one more and so we did we did 101 because I I want to lead from the front and I want to show people when you are broken and when you have reached your limit you can do one more.

James James James the book I'm writing right now is called one more. You just stole the title of my next book, Ed. We're in a fight. I'm gonna be out before you. It's uh and I'm adding your story to the book because I have the rights to this podcast. But I'm not exaggerating. I'm almost done. And I told you that you went on this journey. You did this. I know you did it for my audience, but you just did it for me. And so, I'm sure the books will be very different in content, but yeah, the p my book is The Power of One More, and it'll be out in the fall.

And So excited for that book, Ed. I'm just blown away that you just said that. That may be the craziest thing that's ever been done on the show and it was at the end. I hope everyone's still listening cuz that's a that's a wow. Thank God you added that too to an unbelievable conversation. So here's something you're going to have to all accept and and and if you already have at an even deeper level, if you're going to win, you got to change your relationship with pain.

You got to do hard things and build the habit of doing hard things. And what you wouldn't know about Dean, but I'm going to make him speak to it right now. This dude leans, his tendency is to drive through the smoke. I tell this story about we used to sponsor Carl Edwards, the NASCAR driver. I said, "What's the scariest thing about driving NASCAR?" He goes, "Easy question to answer. when there's an accident in front of you and there's all this smoke and you're going to drive 150 miles an hour through that smoke and you don't know what's on the other side, you could be hitting something head-on and you're done.

And he said, "I've learned to drive through the smoke." And the people that I know that are ultra successful, they have a different relationship with fear and pain, and they drive through the smoke. They do hard things. They build the muscle fibers mentally of doing hard things that other people avoid doing or try to find a way around a smarter, easier way. And that is not you. You've gotten where you are. And I don't want you to be humble about this because this dude does difficult things.

He does difficult things quite frankly like most people do easy things. He just runs towards the smoke. Tell him about that about you. Don't be humble. Yeah. I appreciate the the kind words. Uh I would have to say it's true because what I realized at a young age is my father and not going back to childhood, but my father stressed about all the little things and and you know, you don't realize this stuff when you're in it, Ed. You realize when you look back after 20, 30 years, but my dad freaked out and stressed about $100 ideas, thousand ideas.

And I watched the pain this guy went through. And I remember at a young age just thinking to myself, if I solve like my dad worries so much about the little things, what if I put that much energy in just the bigger things? And and what happens when you're young and you start that way of thinking? It's honestly a lot easier because I was 17, 18, young, naive, dumb in some cases, right? So I just ran towards the fire. Say if my dad's going to stress so much about a $1,000 deal, what if I did it on $5,000, $10,000 deals?

And the proof is in the pudding. And you know this, Ed, some of your biggest deals that you probably have done in your life had less stress than one of the smaller deals you've done. And what I've done is just programmed myself to say, "How could I go after something bigger?" You know, I just be honest. I I read um Green Lights by MCA, right? right? right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I get done with that book just like I felt with your book. I got done. I'm like, damn, this is good.

I want more. Like the world needs more MCA. So, I had a mutual friend. I fin I got a voice memo over to McConna and I told my team we're we're going to help this dude build a course through what we do, right? We're going to help build a course. We're going to do a live event and uh we're going to help get this course in the hands of tens of thousands of people. My team's like, "How the heck could we get that done?" Right? When I got on the phone with his attorney, working with celebrities is different.

You have an agent, you have attorney, you have somebody and and rightfully so. This crazy world, you do one thing off, it could hurt your brand, right? We get done with a meeting. My team gets off and goes, "No way this is happening. How do you make that person happy, that person h McConnA is the sweetest man on the planet. You've you've interviewed him. He's he's sweetest guy." But my team's like, "No way that's happening." So, we get done with this meeting and I go in and sit with my team like, "What do you guys think?" Like, "No way in hell.

It's never going to happen. How do you satisfy so many people?" And I'm like, "Listen, you guys, that means no one else can do it besides us. Let's let's just do whatever it takes. And if we go all the way and it doesn't happen, then I'm going to love the lessons we learned along this journey. And I I know it takes years to get up to that, you know, to to to do an event like that. But it was one of the toughest events on the planet and the most rewarding in my life.

And tough in the meaning of just every ad that we did, every mo every every visual that we did, how to be approved by five different people, how to work. And I would not change one bit of it. Ed, I I created new friends. McConna became a friend. And we did the largest event in the history of the We had two and a half million people on day one live. Like insane what we did. And we put his course in the hands of tens of thousands of people.

They all loved it. They thank him to this day. They people find him on the street and thank him. In fact, the the last thing I'll say, I said to McConna, "What do you think of the whole experience?" And he said, "Well, I thought you were crazy at first. I thought I'd never do something like this." I said, "Well, what do you think now?" He said, "Uh, I realize it's the greatest experience of my life because my whole life I play," he said, "my whole life I've played a character that was written by somebody else, directed by somebody else, edited by somebody else." He said, "I got to play me." So when people come up, they don't go, "I love the character." They say, "Thank you." That goes to my point from earlier, brother, which is that you get to play you.

See, you're most fulfilled when you're expressing the real you. And even someone like Matthew McConna who's had all these external accolades says it's the best experience of his life because he got to express him and that's when we're fulfilled. I really believe probably the most un underpursued underspoken about part of fulfillment in life right now in the personal development industry is the level of fulfillment one feels when they're the fullest expression or the truest expression of themselves and serving people. And if you're looking for a pathway to have a little bit more juice in your life, peace, happiness, fulfillment, I believe that's the place to look.

Am I expressing myself, my love, my gift, my knowledge, my information, information, information, my feelings to the people around me, to the broader world in a way that fulfills me. And if you're not, if you're holding these things in, which is what most people do, they hold their feelings, they hold their thoughts, they hold what they believe in, they hold their opinions, they hold their knowledge, I believe you're dying. I believe that's the beginning of a death of our spirit. And I believe, you know, not to be very, you know, faith-based here, but I really believe this.

God did not make you to for you to repress your greatness, for you to suppress your expression of you. You're not you're not doing what I believe is God's will in your life when you suppress your stance, when you suppress your knowledge, when you cheat another human being out of the gift of you helping them. And I always say this, my life changed because my dad got sober. But my dad got sober because somebody helped him get sober. Another human being said, "I can help you." And by the way, what qualified them wasn't they were there this magnificent perfect person.

What qualified them is they at one time were also an alcoholic and a drug addict and that's what was qualifying them. So ironically the great pain they went through in their life was the qualifier to help other people. Perhaps that what you should be looking at right now my friend. Maybe this pain you've been through somewhere is the pathway for that expression to help other people and to your fulfillment. I believe Ed like you that ultimately the life you live are the lessons you teach. The O in max out stands for observation.

A lot of people say I have a horrible memory and it's their they blame their retention. It's not your retention, it's your attention. You know, I got to the story I tell is um um um come on that was great. The second time I got to uh I got to meet President Bill Clinton and regardless of people's political ideology, everyone would agree he's got a lot of charisma. He's a great connector, a great communicator. What people don't know, he's got an incredible memory. An incredible memory.

The first time I met him was very, very brief. But the second time he remembered my name and I was like, "Okay." He was fed that by security. And then he he remember our last conversation. I was like, "Nobody was there. there. there. He definitely remembers this." And I was like, "You know, you know, I I'm the memory guy. How do you do this? What memory technique are you using?" Because I believe genius leaves clues. And he tells me these stories about his grandfather in Arkansas in the living room telling the grandkids all these stories, but he would do something different.

Afterwards, he would quiz every single one of them to see if they're really paying attention. M and I was like, "Wow, that's" and he went he went deep in that rabbit hole. And I noticed when he [clears throat] was explaining this to me, we're at we're at a a fundraiser. It's 2,000 people. And I was sitting right next to him at dinner and it was like me uh Forest Whitaker who won the Academy Award, Richard Branson, Ashton Kutcher, Ashton Kutcher's twin brother. I put it on on on you know Facebook but I I was like this when he's talking to me to me to me he's like there's a lot more important people in that room certainly at that table but I feel like I'm the only one and and this is a quality that you have like I can feel this because I believe like you know you go to events you were talking about remembering names and they're looking over your shoulder and like who else is important in this room and you know and everyone feels especially women they feel like when your attention goes somewhere else they know it right away or if it's not being distracted outside, you know, they're not paying attention.

Yes. Because what are they doing? They're not listening. They're waiting for their turn to speak or they're thinking how they're going to respond. Yes. Right. Another another habit of highly effective people seek first to understand. You got it. Then to be understood. Most people, they want to be understood and they're thinking about that and they're not so powerful. so powerful. so powerful. And they're not interested. They're just trying to be interesting. The most Oh my gosh. They're trying to be interesting. They're not interested. That's powerful.

Let's just slow that down a little bit. The people whose company I enjoy the most, who are some of the most influential people I've ever met, have that exact skill set that you've just described. They are less interested in being interesting and they are more interested in you. That is 100,000% 100,000% 100,000% true. true. true. And Ed, just an explanation, like they're they're present with you. You know what I mean? Like like you are since I walked through this door. You're you're there. And that's that and that's a trained skill.

Listen. If you write the word listen on your phone or just in your notes and then scramble the letters, it spells another word perfectly. perfectly. perfectly. It spells the word silent. And most people, they can't they're not silent. They're talking to themselves and they're distracting. If you're talking to yourself and listening to a new person talk, you can't listen to two conversations at once. You can't multitask. By the way, just as a side note, there's a myth to multitasking. Everybody, I just have to address this.

Give it. I know. Yeah. Because, and you know this, the science is saying, everyone who thinks you're doing two cognitive activities, I'm not talking about riding a bike and chewing gum. I'm talking about two cognitive activities, you're not really doing it. It's called task switching. That when you go from one thing to another, which you're making more mistakes. Science has shown this. You're making more errors and you're wasting time. It takes anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes to regain your focus and your flow. What do you do?

You hydrate because your brain's mostly water. Even a two or 3% decrease in water in your brain could could reduce your reaction time, your thinking ability. When you're fully hydrated, it boosts like 30% reaction time thinking. Hydrate and then breathe. Deep breathing, right? Get those six deep breaths in. Actually, to create neurogenesis, neuroplasticity to literally just get smarter. You need two things. Novelty and nutrition. Just like if you want to build your body, you give it novelty. You work it out. Okay? out. Okay? out. Okay?

You know, and then you give it nutrition, you feed it, and then you rest. because the rest is really important because that's where you consolidate short to long-term memory. So the O is observation, the U I would go to use and I'm doing this on the spot because I know these are the principles, but I would say to remember a name, use the name in the conversation, right? So you some somebody introduces themselves and you get it and you say it and you use it because you want to make sure you heard it right.

You don't want to have a conversation with with Ed and say goodbye Ted, right? Because some people, you're at a wedding, you're at an event, it's it's loud, you get distracted. Better to be corrected in the beginning. And then I'm not saying I'm not going to say use it a million times. Ed, you have a beautiful home. Ed, what do you want to talk about? Ed, what? That's abuse. But use it three or four times in the conversation. Now, in the context of non-remembering names, use it because anything you learn, if you want to learn it better, right, if you want to max out with your ability to apply, then you want to always think about how do I use this obsessively?

when you're reading something, how can I use this? When you're listening to podcast, how can I use this instantly? Right? So, even people listening to this could be thinking, okay, I have this event tonight or I have this event tomorrow. Which what am I how am I going to use this? Right? So, I'm going to use it. And then finally, the T in max out, I would say teach. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, intention intent matters. Intent matters. And what I would suggest everybody do, and I would challenge everyone who's listening to do this, because with challenge comes the change that you need, right?

I would challenge everybody who's listening, if you're really serious, to use this and not just be like, "Oh, that was an entertaining show." I would say, "Think about somebody you wish was listening to this right now." And let's say you had to teach them tomorrow or teach them or give a TED presentation on Monday about the things. If you were to learn with the intention of teaching, would you focus better? Would you take better notes? Would you ask better questions on social media? Right? You would own that information.

And so, when you teach something, my gosh, you get to learn it twice. It's when you teach something, you get to learn it twice. You know, when when we grew up and we heard that phrase, those who can't do teach like you can't do, you know, business, so teach it in business school. You know, yes, there's a certain truth, but then also I always thought it wasn't a negative. I was like, wow, if I can't do it, teach it and then I could do it. Yes.

You know, I could get better at it because when you teach it, you own it. It becomes you. You're not using their words, you're using your words and you it becomes, you know, who you are. About 20 years ago, I got into the space of teaching people. And so since that time, everything I've listened to related to these topics, everything I've read, every seminar I've attended was at the was was with the intention to teach it. it. it. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. It it's exactly what you just said.

So I'm I'm I'm getting a double whammy every single time on all of these today and having you here. I'm listening with the intent to teach these things and you and you because it becomes you and then that's a double benefit double whammy because you why learn anything? Number one, so you could benefit from it, but why learn it also? So people you care about could benefit it too. I always believe it was you learn to earn to return. to return. to return. Oh, that's so good.

You learn and then with the learning comes earning and then you could return. You could you could pay it forward. Welcome back to the show everybody. Today's special for me because I get to uh I get to share with you I just think one of the most remarkable people walking the earth. She's she's an amazing woman. I just I just know I like her very much. And so any chance I get a chance to any opportunity to spend time with her is a blessing for me.

And I know it'll be a blessing for all of you. You all know who she is. There's a lot of things I can say. She's a journalist. She's an author. Emmy award winner. She was the first lady of California. She's a philanthropist. But she's just a remarkable and good human being. And you're going to feel her spirit today. So, I'm really grateful she's here. Maria Shrivever, welcome to the show. Thank you, Ed. I'm kind of blushing. It's all true. And there's like 80 other things I can say.

You know what else? She's an amazing mother, too. And so when [clears throat] you have someone that's this diverse, she had an amazing life, by the way, everybody. You can go in a lot of directions. So we're going to talk about all kinds of things. We're talk about, you know, life, wisdom, parenting. We're going to talk about Alzheimer's. It's going to be a farreaching convo. farreaching convo. farreaching convo. That's a lot. Are you ready? Oh, I'm always ready. I'm all ready. I'm always ready to go in whatever direction you take me.

All right. I'm gonna [snorts] take you all over the place today. So I when we met, you obviously I'm you spirit. I immediately loved and liked you very much, but then I'm like, I'm going to learn more about her. So, I read a couple of your books right away, like within a couple weeks of us meeting. Yeah, you guys, she's an amaz She's known as a journalist. I think most people think TV or something like She's an amazing writer. She's an amazing writer. And so, I want to ask you this there.

You wrote this book, 10 things I wish I'd known before I went out into the real world. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Could you share with everybody what one or two of those things were? I know what they are, but could you share with them because people watching the show, a lot of them are younger, some of them are our age, but they're all looking for some kind of wisdom to make their life better. And in this book, there was a bunch bunch bunch there.

That was a while ago. I wrote that. I gave a graduation speech actually. And it came out of that graduation speech where I talked about uh career, I talked about marriage, I talked about motherhood, I talked about working your way up uh from the bottom. I talked about who you work for being more important than what you do. Um I talked about the definition of success. I I thought I would actually write a sequel to that book uh kind of 101 15 years afterwards. and I started it and then kind of my life blew up.

So, I learned a lot of things uh that would go into the sequel that I never anticipated. But I think one of a couple of the things that really still I think apply um these many years later is the importance I believe in working your way up in whatever it is you do. I know some people say, "Well, you don't have to do that anymore." And I couldn't disagree more. I think it's really important uh to do every kind of a job in the profession that you choose to be in.

Why? Why? Why? Because I think you learn first of all I think it gives you self-confidence. I think it gives you knowledge. I think you know in journalism for me I started on the overnight. I did the police radio. I logged other people's tapes. I wrote other people's scripts. I was a producer. I was in the edit room. I learned lighting. I was a soundwoman. So when I go out into the field, I know about lighting, I know about sound, I know how to produce, I know how to write, I know how to edit.

And it's helped me in every way uh in my uh career. And also it helped me build up my self-confidence that I could take care of myself out in the field and then behind the anchor desk. So that to the point where when I got to the anchor desk, I felt like I deserved to be there regardless of what anybody else said. You deserved it. I deserved it and I knew I deserved it. So I think that's super important. I think also who you work for is super important.

important. important. Um I think you can go get a big job for someone you don't respect or admire or you can start at the bottom with someone you respect and admire and then work your way up. So I'm a big believer in that as well. And so, you know, there's a lot um I think also kind of the whole superwoman thing being overrated. I think that was a big chapter I think for women uh when I was starting out and I still think it worth it's worth uh talking about.

Um, there's a lot on women's plates. If you choose to have a high-powered career, if you also want to be a wife, if you want to be a mother, if you take on the role of daughter, if you take on the role of caretaker, whatever, all these multiple roles. I think pacing yourself is really important important important and um acknowledging the kind of marathon of life as opposed to the moment where everybody looks like they're getting ahead of you. Gosh, Maria, I got to tell you that's very true for me.

I just acknowledge that. I think I've discovered that maybe just in the last year or two that there there should be a pacing because that pacing, I think, gives a richness to your experience experience experience that you don't have if you're just all the time. the time. the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's it steals some of the richness out of your life of being even present in certain places because you're so focused all the time on do do. And I do think you miss so many things.

I totally agree with you on that. I think we don't really have a culture that honors that, right? We don't really have a society that honors you kind of going slow. Everybody when they meet you, what are you doing now? You write a book and they're like, what's next? You meet a guy. When are you getting married? When are you having a kid? When are you having your next kid? We're always I gave another graduation speech called the power of the pause. And I really think that that's super important is to, you know, pause in your life, particularly in journalism where everything is like, you know, reactive.

Let's get this up. Let's get it up now. Wait a minute. Should we get it up now? Do I really need to send that text? Do I really need to respond from that place? place? place? Do I really need to be first with that story even if I haven't double triple checked it? M um so I think there's a lot to honor in the pause, but we don't honor it when someone says um I'm taking a pause. We think what what's that about? Right. That's a weakness almost.

Yeah. Well, not almost. We don't we don't see it um as a sign of strength, as a sign of um getting to know yourself, as a sign of trying to be more present. present. present. You know, it's interesting. I was just writing about this actually and I was saying, you know, a full life requires some reflection during it. And I think that's part of the pause, don't you, though? I mean, I think that I think if in order to grow, there has to be some rest period of reflection.

If you just worked out in the gym every day on the same muscle and it never had a chance to pause and grow and reflect that, you're just tearing it down all the time. And so a lot of times I think you can get a little bit further in your life and there's stages for this obviously but you know there's you get further in your life and you you've acquired all these things or achievements maybe they're not even material things they're just awards or you were first at this or but there was no real richness to your life and that's why I'm so grateful that you're on and you're actually saying these things because I'm writing about it right now.

So I agree. That's great that you're writing about it because I think oftenimes people can't see that. you know, they don't see the pause. the pause. the pause. They don't see uh reflection. They don't see you taking a break and going in and thinking about um what do I think about this? Somebody once said, you know, they they told me that they were sitting there at a desk and just kind of staring into space and someone came in and said, "What are you doing?" And they said, "This is what thinking looks like." looks like." looks like." That's awesome.

You know, we need to have like what does it look like to pause? What does it look like to daydream? What does it look like to be bored? What does it look like to be reflective? Um I came from two parents who went to mass every single day. And that was where they um were quiet. Um so I had a visual of what praying looked like. I had a visual for going to church, you know, but I didn't have a visual for being. I had a visual for doing doing those things, doing doing, but I didn't have a visual for sitting down and going, [sighs] okay, okay, okay, what does that look like?

Yeah. And so I've tried to model some of that um for my children that you know how I feel about you, my love for you is not predicated on your doing, on your accomplishing, on your uh winning. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My love for you is there. Yes. Yes. Yes. Regardless, Regardless, Regardless, unconditionally. unconditionally. unconditionally. Unconditionally. And does not I you don't have to do something to earn it. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's amazing. I I have not been a perfect parent. That's one thing. thing. thing.

No one is. Well, you know, but that's one thing I did well was that I really don't think my children think in any way my love for them is conditional on something they do externally or achieve. I think it's a great lesson. By the way, on the topic of thinking, she has another book called I've been thinking, which I recommend. Okay. So, Okay. So, Okay. So, I do my research, Maria. But I I And what is thinking, everybody? Just so before we move off that thinking is the process of asking and answering your questions to yourself.

And if you don't have that pause, there's no time to ask yourself the questions. There's no time to reflect. And so this is a really it's counterculture right now as she's saying. That's why it's so valuable to have you here.