The 5 Biggest Dream Killers You Must Defeat To Succeed | Ed Mylett

Key Takeaway

Stop delaying your dreams. The adversary uses four weapons against your success: discouragement, doubt, delusion, and delay. The most insidious is delay—waiting for the perfect moment, over-preparing, or believing success is far away. Successful people have a lower threshold for what they need to know before starting. They get in motion, knowing they'll figure things out along the way. Your default answer should be 'now,' not 'later.' Dreams have expiration dates, and timing matters. The best time to make that contact, start that business, or take action is right now.

Episode Overview

This episode explores the four obstacles (the 'Four Ds') that prevent people from achieving their dreams: discouragement, doubt, delusion, and delay. The host argues these are weapons used by the adversary (or failure itself) to keep people operating at low vibrational frequencies. He emphasizes that awareness of these obstacles reduces their power, and that successful people recognize and overcome them to reach their potential.

Full Transcript

Transcript of The 5 Biggest Dream Killers You Must Defeat To Succeed | Ed Mylett from The Ed Mylett Show. Auto-generated from episode audio; may contain minor errors.

Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Hit that like button and be sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel so you never miss my show whether it's Tuesday, Thursday or Saturday. Now on with the show. show. show. Welcome back to the show everybody. So I'm really excited today to talk about the obstacles to our dreams. You know, it's very common on podcasts and self-help shows or personal development, entrepreneur shows to talk about, you know, making your dreams come true, the journey, success, morning routines, daily habits, you know, scheduling, journaling, mindset, all of these things.

They're all very important. I cover them every week on my show. [snorts] But what about the obstacles to success? In other words, if we knew what the objections are or the obstacles are to making our dreams come true or making progress, if we knew what they were in advance, we could probably reduce them. Maybe eliminate them, but at least reduce the impact that they have on us yet. No one really talks about these things. Like, what's going to get in my way? You got this big vision for your family or to change your body or to start a business or take your business to the next level, whatever it could be.

What's in the way? You know, what are the things that are going to stop? What kills most dreams? What are most dream stealers? What are most things that block people from getting into their potential? And [snorts] for me, once you're aware of something, often times it loses its power over you. Even if you have a, you know, in your own personal behavior, you have this tendency to go to anger or worry or frustration. You know, just being self-aware, going, I'm doing that worry thing again. It loses like 80% of its power over you.

So awareness is such a powerful weapon in the tool bag of success. And so what I want to talk about today are what I call the four Ds. And a lot of people have their D's. Different speakers do. My friend John Gordon does. Um John Maxwell does. You know, they'll list these sort of acronyms or letters. We're going to cover four Ds today that I believe are the obstacles to success. Couple of them may be obvious and I think at least one of them will be something you've probably never heard before.

I've talked about it briefly on one of my previous podcasts, but I want to kind of take a deep dive into this today. If I could be, you know, a little bit since we're saying deep, if I could go deeper with you, you know, as a person of faith, I believe there's an adversary. Some of you might call the devil. Um, what's the weapon the adversary uses against us to get us off our game? To get us not to chase our dreams and potential, to get us not to get in a place in life where we could change other people's lives and contribute to our charities or our churches or our families the way that we'd like to.

And so if you're a person of faith, whatever your faith belief is, if you believe there's an adversary or a devil, if you don't believe in any of that, but you believe there's, you know, low vibrational frequency and high vibrational frequency, and that when you're successful, you're operating at a higher vibrational frequency, what gets us to operate at a low vibrational frequency? First thing is this, truth always vibrates at the highest frequency. And so I'm a big energy person and I'm a person of faith. And so I look at it both ways.

I really believe the adversary is trying to get us to operate at our lowest vibrational frequency by telling us lies and God in our lives is telling us the truth about us which I break vibrates at the highest possible frequency. And so I think there's four weapons that the adversary uses against us to steal our dreams or to get us off our dreams or our potential or our vision, our future. And so, or you could just look at it really basic, very simple. What are four things that are objections to me getting to who I want to be, wherever they come from?

And so, I want to go through them with you today. And uh and I think it's important that when you see these happening and coming, you can identify them. That's not from God. That's from the adversary. That's not a high vibrational frequency. That's a low vibrational frequency. That's not true. That's a lie about me. And so here's the four weapons that I'll just say that the adversary uses against us for us not to have our dreams. And there are four Ds. The first D is if I'm the adversary and I want to get you to quit on your dream and not chase who you could be, not help the people you want to help, not make the difference in the world, not reach your potential, your potential, your potential, I'm going to use the weapon of discouragement against you.

I'm going to try to get you discouraged. If I can just get you a little bit discouraged, you'll flinch. You'll question things. You'll lose confidence. you won't believe you're worthy. So, if I can discourage you, give you some setbacks, give you some trials and tribulations, have somebody let you down or hurt you or take from you, and I can just get you discouraged because discouragement is really the opposite of courage. To encourage is one thing, to discourage is the other. So, this is with people. I can get haters.

I can get critics for you. If I can get if I can load you up with a failure, if I can load you up with, you know, the worst type of discouragement doesn't come from a hater. The worst type of discouragement comes from someone that you know loves you. If I really want to get you off your game, I will get a parent or a sibling or a spouse to say, "Listen, I'm telling you this because I love you and what you're doing is not going to work or here's why it's not going to work or here's why it's not the right time and I discourage you.

I remove courage from you rather than encourage you." And so when now when something happens in your life and it discourages you, know this is a weapon of the adversary. Discouragement is a weapon that the weak use against the strong so that the strong don't prevail. It's really true and it's a lie. It's an indication of a lie. Now what actually may be happening is true, but the impact it has on you is magnified into a lie. And then it gets you to reduce your vibrational frequency.

And all of a sudden, you know what I mean? You're not moving with that swagger, that cache, that confidence that you need. If I could just get you to move a little bit. People ask me all the time with the professional athletes that you work with, whether it's a UFC fighter or a golfer or a major league baseball player, NFL quarterback, whatever it might be, what do they want to work with you on? And often times, believe it or not, the main thing they're working on is their courage, is their confidence, is their worthiness.

Because if they can get into a slump, if they're an MLB hitter and they get into a slump and they're, you know, one for their last 20, they get discouraged, their vibrational frequency drops, their confidence drops, and all of a sudden this gifted, talented, amazing athlete can't perform at their peak level because they're discouraged. Does this make sense? So, this happens in every area of our lives that the weapon of discouragement can take the best in the world and reduce them to very average and ordinary or below that because they've been some evidence.

It's a lie. It's you think about if you're a professional athlete, you've hit 50 home runs in a season before. All of a sudden, you're one for the last 20. This discouragement will get you to believe you no longer can hit. You were never that good. It was always a fluke, which is of course a great lie. You've already proven it otherwise. So, for you in your life, it's a lie when you're discouraged. God did not make you to be discouraged, did not make you inferior, did not make you less than capable, but the adversary wants you to believe that, right?

By the way, failure wants you to believe that. Forget the spiritual part of it for a second. Failure wants you to be discouraged. Success wants you to be encouraged. encouraged. encouraged. So from now on, when you see the first D, which is discouragement, know that that's a weapon of the week. Know that that's a lie. know that that's there as an obstacle to get you off your game. And if you can overcome these four Ds, you become successful. So the first thing is when discouragement hits is to be aware of it, to rid it out, to call it for what it is, to know what it is.

And by the way, what something discouraging really indicates is that you are on a path to something great. The adversary wouldn't be attacking you if you weren't trying to do something great. Failure wouldn't be trying to chase you if you weren't on the way to being successful. So the very presence of a discouraging circumstance, a discouraging event, a discouraging conversation, a discouraging mindset is indicative that you are on the path to doing something great. Let me be candid with you. I'm just I have discouraging situations happen all the time in different areas of my life.

Whether it be someone lets me down or I hear they've said something bad about me or I I make a mistake or I have a setback or a failure or three weeks ago's podcast didn't get the downloads I thought. I'm like, "Oh, the shows." It that discouragement is trying to get me to not be great. And the very fact that that's happening means I'm on the pursuit of greatness. So the first D is discouragement. That's a weapon of the adversary. It's a weapon of the devil.

It's a weapon of the weak. It's a weapon of failure. however you want to look at it. And it's a lie. Low vibrational frequency. Remember, truth vibrates at the highest frequency. Second weapon. If I can get you off your game and I'm the adversary, you know what I'm going to use against you? Doubt. If I can get you doubting, if I can get you riddled with questions of whether I'm good enough, whether it could really happen, whether it's possible, whether it's worth it, whether I can trust, whether I whether I'm clear, whether I'm crazy, whether I'm an impostor.

If I can get you doubting, I got you. There's no way to perform at the highest level in life in the presence of doubt. You might be able to perform okay, but if you're out there doubting, flinching, questioning, you've all been having someone sell you something before, haven't you? And you can tell they doubt their belief in what they're doing. They doubt their belief in themselves. You've all had a test you've had to take or one of your precious children's had to take and they doubt whether they can do well.

you know, an athlete going up doubting whether they can perform their toast. So, doubting is a weapon of the adversary. Doubt is a lie, right? Doubt is a lie. Okay? Someone who knows they can do something, believes they can do something. That's truth. People say to me all the time, you know, I love my children. I I don't know why they're not doing better in school or why they're not happier. And I one of the tips I always tell people is every parent loves their children.

That's like a ticket into the game. But do your children know that you believe in them? Do you sew belief into them? If you have a spouse that you want to be, you know, doing something they're not doing, maybe stepping up financially, stepping up and starting a business, loving them is great and it's mandatory, but do they feel that you believe in them? And of all the things I don't do very well in life, and there's a long list of those, one thing I do very well is I believe in people.

and I find reasons to believe in people. I'm looking for their giftedness. I'm looking for the gifts God gave them so that I can truly authentically believe in them based on something that's true about them. So, I'm looking for belief. I'm not looking to doubt. I don't mean trust. I mean believe in their ability to do something. Believe in their goodness. Believe in their ability to perform. Great leaders don't just love people. They believe in people. And as a consequence, when they believe at a high level that vibrates at a high frequency, they transfer that belief to the person they're leading, the child they're leading, and that person is now infused with belief.

And lots of belief riddles out doubt. So the antidote to doubt is belief. Now, when a believer in their faith doubts, it really means they're not connected to their faith. Because you wouldn't be doubting your ability to do something. You wouldn't be doubting your greatness. You wouldn't be doubting your favor if you were truly operating in faith. And so again, it is such a strong weapon of the adversary, of the devil, of the weak. It's a weapon of failure if you believe in nothing spiritually because it's a lie.

When you're doubting, it's a lie. When you're believing, it's truth. You were born to do something great with your life. You were born with your own unique giftedness and talents that maybe you take for granted because they're not, you know, we look at Beyonce. Well, that's a gift. Look how beautiful she is. Look how she sings. or look at LeBron, you know, 68, 67, 360 dunk of basketball. Man, that's an obvious gift. And those are obvious gifts. They're incredible. Those are great gifts. Maybe you've seen a great speaker and go, "Wow, what a gift." Yeah, that's a gift.

Or a talent. But there's lots of other gifts that are equally important. The gift of discernment, the gift of kindness, the gift of generosity, the gift of toughness, resiliency, math skills, problem solving skills, beauty, humor, intellect, nurturing ability, right? Strength, right? Strength, right? Strength, equinimity, peace under pressure. There's all kinds of gifts that people have that they take for granted because they've had them all their lives and they just don't think they're that special. And when we're not connected to our giftedness, okay, we doubt. So doubt is a lie.

Doubt is a weapon of the adversary. Doubt is a weapon of the weak. And doubt will kill your dream. So when you're feeling doubt, see it for what it is. It will lose most of its power over you. And know the antidote to this is I've got to believe. If you're leading somebody in a business or you're have a family that you're leading and they're doubting, what they're really necessary, what what's really necessary for them is more belief. You've got to feed their belief. Feed their belief.

This will weed out doubt. The third weapon that the adversary uses to get you off your dream or that life will use to get you off your dream. We've got doubt, discouragement, and then delusion. Delusion Delusion Delusion is seeing things for what they aren't. Usually, delusion is making you believe two things. Number one, making you believe a problem is bigger and worse than it is. And what we do is we do something called thought stacking. When we get a problem, we repeat the problem over and over and over and over.

You ever do that before? Thinking, well, I've thought about it 20 times. I don't have the answer. If I think about it another 623, I'm sure I'll come up with an answer. Right? I know I've done that before. But what it does is actually makes you delusional. You actually begin to believe things that aren't true. And it makes it bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. The other type of delusion can come from ego where you believe something about yourself that you're better than you are.

Meaning that your ego takes over. I'm not talking about a gift. I'm talking about you start believing your own press clippings. You start believing you're so incredible. I've seen so many people get delusional on their own success. They get high off their own success that they end up making stupid decisions like a drunk or high person would make. Not off of some substance, but off of their own success. Their previous success makes them delusional, thinking, "Well, this is just going to happen forever. Now that I'm this successful, it's autopilot.

Everything I touch turns to gold." That's delusion. The other type of delusion is this problem's the end of the road for me. It's just so huge. Or it makes it proves I'm not worth it. It proves I'm a fake. It proves I'm an impostor. So this this failure I just had, it makes you delusional and you don't see things clearly for what they are. That's number one part of delusion. The other part of delusion is it makes you think your dreams and your success is much further away than it truly is.

If I can get you delusional believing, well, only 20 years from now, this only 30 years from now. If I can get you delusional, what you'll do is you'll start pacing yourself and you'll start acting like somebody who's not going to achieve success, happiness, bliss for 20 years, some delusional distant future. And when then what happens is you start creating patterns and beliefs, thoughts, processes in your life that perpetually keep it that far away. The truth is it's not that far away. The truth is you're usually one decision, one relationship, one meeting, one new client, one podcast like this you're listening to because there aren't a podcast like this.

This is this is the one and only for this type of stuff. You're one away. The delusion is that it's so far away. That's delusional thinking. If you look at the history of most successful people, it's one decision here, one new relationship there, one meeting, one new encounter, one new thought, one new strategy, right? One connection away from completely changing their life. So delusion gets you to believe that something's far worse than it is or you're far better than you are. That's delusion. Both those can kill a dream or delusion is a distance issue or depth perception issue.

So, so far we've got 3Ds. This is good, isn't it? That are going to when we see them, we'll know what they are. Now, when I'm doubting, I know that that's a lie. And I know that's a weapon of the adversary. It's a weapon of failure. It's low vibrational frequency. When I'm discouraged, I know for sure that someone or something is trying to get me off my game, get me not to believe, get me distracted, get me to quit, get me to give in, get me to forget that I have courage, that I'm strong, that I'm resilient, that I'm bold.

If those things don't work, man, then I'm going to try to get this person delusional. If I can't get you discouraged, I can't get you doubting, I'll get you delusional. I'll get you thinking it's way further away than it is. You're never going to get there. This problem's way bigger than it really is. Or it's way further away the success you want. So, those are the three Ds so far. The fourth one, which I've never talked about before. The fourth D that the adversary uses, that failure uses, that's low vibrational frequency, is delay.

delay. delay. This is the big one. I'm going to get you to delay. Delay making the decision. Delay starting to write the book. Delay starting to start your speaking career. Delay starting your business. Delay making that hire. Delay making that contact. Delay getting after it. Delay starting your new nutritional program. Delay starting the cardio. I'm going to get you to delay. Delay is a massive insidious weapon of the week. I have so many people on my team that are always trying to get things perfect, right?

And I'll tell them all the time, I don't need this perfect. I need it now. Right? Perfection is the enemy of success. Perfection is actually the lowest possible standard because it's never going to be reached. And so what happens is you delay. Most successful people, although they're preparation freaks, have a lower threshold of what they think they need to know before they get started. They've built something in themselves where they go, "I'll figure it out when I get there. I'll figure the next step out when I get there." You think about anyone who's ever built something great.

What if they had to think through everything they had to know before they get started, they would have delayed and delayed and delayed and it would have never happened. Take Henry Ford starting Ford Motor Company. Think way back. What if you'd have thought, "Well, wait a minute. If I actually build these cars, who's going to fix them? There's no mechanic shops, there's no mechanics because there's been none of these cars. I shouldn't get started until I can have mechanics. What about tires? What about spare parts?

What about repairs? Who's going to sell them? Right? If he thought about every what happens when fuel, where are they going to get the gas? Like, think about all these things, you would never get started. What about Steve Jobs at Apple? They were a board company. What if he started to think, well, well, wait a minute. What happens if there's no internet right now? What happens when the internet comes? What happens when this? What happen with technology? What happens? It would be crazy. You would never get started if you had to think through all the things.

Successful people get in motion. I can't teach you how to drive a parked car. You've got to get moving. No more delay. Successful people know once I get into that next level, I'll figure it out when I get there. And when I get to the next level, I'll figure out when I get there. And when life throws me a problem, I'll figure it out when I get there. I just got to get in the room. I got to get to the next step. You don't have to have every step figured out.

And by the way, God laughs at our great plans anyways. You think you got every step figured out until you get hit with a curveball. Mike Tyson has that famous quote, "Everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the face." Life punches us in the face. You've got to have this belief that when, not if, I get punched in the face, metaphorically, I'm going to get up and figure it out. I'm going to adjust. You watch an NFL football game, they can have all the great scripted plays in the world, and on the third play, the tight end blows out his Achilles and now they can't run those plays or the defense presents something they didn't think through before, or a penalty happens, or you get way behind.

Things happen in life and it's your ability to improvise and figure it out without all of the preparation that get you. Now, preparation is very critical. The separation is in the preparation. Don't get me wrong, but you c you can't prepare for everything. Eventually, you have to take a step. Successful people get going faster than unsuccessful people. Unsuccessful, unfulfilled, unhappy people live their life in delay. It's the weapon the adversary uses to get you to lose or at least not to reach your full potential. And when you're not expanding your being like you're capable of and giving to the maximum amount you could and experiencing emotions on the deepest level you could and creating memories that you could have but you're missing them.

When you delay you become an unfulfilled human being and by definition that makes you unsuccessful. And I can tell you right now, there is a direct correlation between people that delay. Listen, the best time to make that contact usually is right now. The best time to take advantage of a situation is right now. The best time to make a move is right now. Not every single time, but your default answer should be now. Your default answer should be now. There are some things in life that need to marinate a little bit.

They need to take a little bit of time. That's the exception, not the rule. But most people live that as the rule. And the exception is that they don't delay. Successful people, their default answer is to go now. And they will delay by exception, not rule. And so the most insidious weapon that the adversary will use, the devil will use, success will use, failure [snorts] will use big time. Okay? failure will use big time getting you to delay. And so if you're delaying right now, by definition, you're operating at a low vibrational frequency and the adversary's got his hands all over you.

Failure has their hands all over you. No more delay. Okay? It's the fourth D. Often times, the first three Ds cause you to do the fourth one, which is delay your dreams, delay your life. Here's the truth. truth. truth. You don't know how long you have. I've had guests on my podcast that are in their 30s pass away. I've had friends of mine recently that are in their 50s that I've talked to on a given day and 3 days later they've been gone. We don't know how much time we have.

I think sometimes all of us think everybody else is going to die, just not me. But I don't know when that's coming for you. It could be in 5 days, 5 minutes, or 50 years. But I also know that dreams have an expiration date. And if you delay too long, the dream dies. You'll miss the moment. There's something to timing in life. There's something to timing. And what the adversary is trying to do is to get you to miss your time. Start the business too late.

See, what if Jeff Bezos started Amazon today and not when he did 30 years ago? You understand? The timing matters. What if that person that you're married to now, you would have waited to ask them out five more years? You may not have that precious person in your life. So, timing matters and delaying is almost always wrong. It's almost always the weapon of failure. It's almost always the weapon the adversary uses in our life. And so, today, when you see discouragement coming, you know what it is?

You're aware. You make a shift. When you see doubt or feel or experience doubt, you know where that comes from. You know exactly what it is. It's both the weapon of the weak, the weapon of the adversary, and it's an indicator you're about to do something great. See, if you're a professional athlete, you can't have discouragement or doubt if you weren't in the game. But because you're in the game, you got to deal with doubt and discouragement. Okay? And delusion. we start making something worse than it is or we start believing we're so incredible and great beyond our abilities.

We get a little bit delusional or we believe something's further away than it is and we have a delusional belief system. Once we have that, we now know where that comes from. We lo have our awareness over it and we make a shift. What if my dream was right around the corner? What if my dream was right now? What if I am immensely qualified to make this happen? What if this problem isn't quite as bad because God's got his hand on my life and there's favor and I'm going to get something for my pain here.

I'm going to get a lesson on the other side of this temporary pain. I'm going to learn something that I didn't know before. I'm going to experience an emotion or have an understanding that I did not have prior. That is why we don't want to be delusional. And then delay. I know what's happening here. They're trying to get me to flinch. They're trying to get me to wait. They're trying to get me to cool it. They're trying to get me to keep preparing to get perfect.

I know that's a weapon of the weak. That's a weapon of failure. That's a weapon of the adversary. And I'm not going to allow that to be in my life because I was born to do something great with my life. Okay. So, we've gone through the four Ds today. When they approach you, and they will, you now know what they are. And I'm going to tell you, how about a life, picture your life, where you call out doubt when it comes, and you rid yourself of it as quickly as possible.

You live a life where you're not discouraged except for in very short pockets of time that you can get out of. You don't live in delusion. You live in clarity and focus and passion and peace and you don't delay. What would your life look like? Let me ask you again. You live a life that is not riddled with doubt. What would your life look like? Not riddled with discouragement. What would your life look like? Not riddled with delusion with delusion with delusion and not riddled with delay.

What kind of a life would you have? I think we both know the life you deserve to have, which is the fifth D. You deserve to have an amazing life. You deserve to make your dreams come true. Your family deserves to see the best possible version of you achieving and contributing at the highest possible capacity that you were born to have. God deserves all of that favor poured on you to see you pay it back with your best effort in serving him. All right, welcome back to the show everybody.

So great to have you with me this week. And let me say this first. I see you. And I think that's important because the topic of this week's show is stop hiding. So many of us, including me in my past, we find ways to hide in our life. And that ability to hide, to stay hidden, to stay invisible, to stay small, is what keeps us from reaching our biggest dreams in our life. Our God-sized dreams, I call them. And so many of us, and I'd like you to take an inventory today as I go through some of the places people hide because let's just be honest, making your biggest dreams come true in your life, you know, I know there's this stuff on social media and Instagram that makes entrepreneurship or dreaming or achievement look glamorous and fun and easy.

But if you talk to anybody who's actually done it, they will tell you it's extremely difficult. Winning is not easy. Winning is a grind. Winning is a fight. Winning is a battle. Winning is about growing. Winning is about mental toughness. And I don't think most people have an appreciation of really how much work and really how mentally tough you have to be to make your biggest dreams come true. Whether that that dream is a big business you want to build or something philanthropic you want to do or that relationship you want to find.

You got to work on yourself and dig deep to do that to become a multi-millionaire or billionaire in your life. Whatever those goals are, it's by the or to create something that solves a problem or cures an illness or fixes something or to correct an injustice in the world. This stuff's hard. This is not for the faint of heart. That's why very few people do it. And in my opinion, most people, the vast majority of people never become who they could, never reach their potential, never achieve their God-sized dream, never become the person they're proud of because they hide.

And there's lots of ways to hide. And the only reason I know that there's lots of ways to hide is many of these I've hidden in. And so when I create content and I share, this is not from some soap box of some guy who's got it all figured out or perfect. I'm just maybe a little bit further down the road. There's this great Chinese proverb I quote often that says if you want to know the road ahead, ask those coming back. And so if I'm anything for you on this show, I hope I'm maybe just a guy coming back.

I've been down the road. And so when I talk about the mistakes that people make, I'm familiar with them because I've made most of them. But hiding throughout life is so sad. And when we get to the end of our lives, I believe our regrets are not the things we attempted to do and failed at or even hardships or painful times. I think regrets are acts of omission. Meaning things we never tried, things we didn't go for, the times we didn't speak up, the times we didn't take a stand, the time we didn't start the business, we didn't buy the property, we didn't ask the person out for the date.

Whatever it is, I think it's acts of omission. It's hiding in life. And never before in the history of our time is it easier to hide than it is now with all of the distractions that we have. And so as I go through this today, if you're thinking of yourself or someone that you love, think about what it's costing you to play small, what's costing you to hide and maybe where you hide. And even as I open up the show, you may say, "I'm not hiding.

I'm after it." Are you sure? Could you be even more after it? Could you be more focused, giving more, growing more, working harder, enjoying it more, celebrating it more, getting all the juice of life and your emotions more? My guess is because you listen to me or you're watching me, you're a lot like me and we're crazy people. We're crazy because the status quo is not good enough for us. And when I say the status quo, I don't mean necessarily just stuff or wealth or building or creating, although that can be part of it.

It may be just the status quo of us. You know, we want to grow. We want to give more. We want to contribute. I say often, I'm addicted to the expansion of my being. And I don't think that process is ever going to stop for me. I sure hope it doesn't. And I think you're either growing or dying in life. And I want to keep growing. Now, that might be growing spiritually at this stage of my life more than it when I was younger. Man, I want to grow financially or I want to grow my body physically.

So, there's different stages of life where we want to grow. But, I know what stops growth. I know what holds us back from our dreams. I know what causes us to play small. I can tell you right now it's hiding. So let's look at some of the places that you or someone you love may be hiding so that we can just identify it because once you acknowledge something, once you have self-awareness over it, you can fix it. It's not even difficult. It's just a matter of acknowledging it, admitting it, stepping up to the next level and going.

So where do people hide? First place most people hide, the past. They love to tell the story of their past. And that past could be a good story, a win, something they've achieved, or it could be a story them telling themselves that was something painful or harmful. And so we live in our stories. See, people that are growing and expanding and giving and living life all out and getting the emotions and the wealth and the contribution, the memories that they want, whatever those things are, they very rarely live in the past.

I say all the time, you guys have heard this in my book, The Power of One More, there's two points of references in life. There's people that operate out of history and memory. Everything's history and memory. So everything that comes to their their present awareness reminds them of something in the past or a memory of theirs. There's history and memory. That's most people. Very few people operate out of a different operating system which is vision and dreams. The future. We both we're both in the present.

But how do we process the present? Most people process the present through a story that they tell themselves about the past. Other people, extraordinary people, happier people process the present. Okay. And and they're they've got vision and dreams to look forward to. And so the past, are you hiding in the past? Let's look at two ways that people do it. Number one, it's some story about something that happened. You know, I often talk an awful lot about my dad being an alcoholic when I was a young man.

And as I was doing that, and as I was writing the book, and as I've given those talks, I've had to be very careful not to live there. But I actually tell that story about the past to forecast the future. But I don't live in that story. I'm no longer living with my dad. My dad's passed away. My dad is no longer an alcoholic. He quit drinking for 35 years and he's gone now. That story is the past. Now the memories, the lessons, all of that I use in the present and the future.

But many people will tell that type of a story the rest of their life. So something a divorce you've had. Are you still telling that story? By the way, telling it doesn't mean you're verbally saying it all the time. Stay with me. Could be you think about it. It's where you live. We live in our thoughts. So when I say, you know, talk about it, it may not be verbal. It may just be your thought process. How often do you think about a relationship from the past, right?

Or a failure from the past or where you were a victim in the past or where someone harmed you in the past or a previous career. Or you look back at a time in your life with reverence like, I wish I looked like I used to look or felt like I used to feel, right? And so, or a stage of your life, man, I wish I was back where my kids were little again, or I wish I was younger again, or I wish I was back in school, whatever it is, you're telling yourself a story about the past now, and usually they're sad stories.

Then there's other people who they tell stories about wins they've had. They've been living off that story for way too long. You know, the old adage of the guy who talks about he's 30 years old, he's still talking about high school football. That's one version that's obvious. But some of you are still talking about some sale you closed six months ago, right? Some business win you had a year and a half ago and you're still living in it. You're still basking in the glow. It's still something you focus on.

I could tell you the most successful people I know on to the next. That doesn't mean they don't celebrate their wins. They do. I talk a lot about this in my content. I talk about the concept of blissful dissatisfaction. Learning to live blissfully simultaneously dissatisfied. Concept of blissful dissatisfaction. Most people don't get. You can live in bliss and still not be satisfied and want to grow. People conflate satisfaction and happiness. They're totally different things. You can be extremely happy and still have this internal dissatisfaction that you want to grow and expand and get better.

But a lot of people tell wins of the past, stories of the past, and it could be 10 years ago, 15 years ago, it could be last month. Let's just be serious. If you're in sales, last month's ancient history. You still talking about last month? You still talking about some award you won a year ago? So, I'm being direct with you today, but you have to really look at it. How much of the time are you spending in the past, right? And that is a place to hide.

Hide in your victim story. Hide in a true story that was painful or harmful. Either way, it doesn't exist anymore. This is what's crazy about telling stories or living or thinking in the past. It doesn't exist anymore. It's to some extent a figment of our imagination. You can't change it. There's no way to go back to it. You can reprocess what it means, which I've talked a lot about in my content. But a lot of people hide in their story of the past, both defeats, victories, great memories, and not so good ones.

A lot of you achievers that are listening to me, you spend a lot of your time dwelling on wins you've had in the past, and you allow those wins to comfort you from doing the real hard work now because things aren't as bad in your life as they used to be. You know, I work the hardest in my life. Many people tell me, and I know this was true for me when I was young, when I was the most broke, when I was working to eat, working to pay rent.

And then what happens is in life as we climb a little higher, our comfort level gets greater and we just don't quite have that edge. And I think all of you that have won at some level know what I mean. That edge. You lose that edge because you focus a little bit and take comfort and solace in wins that don't even exist anymore. They were last month, last week, last year. year. year. I love when I watch a champion win and I study them when they win an NBA title or a golf tournament.

You can tell some of them are like, "Well, this is the pinnacle. This is it. I've I've made the top." You can tell other ones are like, "This is awesome. I'm going to celebrate this. Um, this is tremendous, but I want another one. I want to climb higher." And so, are you hiding in the past? That's number one. Number two, do you hide in sports? A lot of uh male friends of mine uh spend a lot of time hiding in sports. I'm a fan. I'm a sports fan.

I was an athlete at pretty high level in college. And uh I'm a Boston Red Sox fan. Many of you see me with my Red Sox hat on and uh from time to time. I'm a fan of the team. I cheer for it. I love watching sports because I love watching greatness. I love watching competition. But I don't hide there. I'm under no illusion that whether they win or lose, it impacts my life. But you all know a lot of men in your life, let's just be honest, they they wear a jersey with another man's name on the back.

That's weird, right? You all know that guy. Some of you are that guy watching right now. You're a grown man and you're wearing the jersey that says Kobe Bryant on the back or LeBron or Gretzky or whoever. whoever. whoever. You ought to just evaluate that. I mean that as a friend. Should you really wear wearing another grown man's name on your family's back? Are you hiding a little bit? Do you get a little bit too connected? Have you ever caught yourself saying, "We won Sunday. We won last night.

We night. We night. We That's hiding. You don't play for that team. You don't play on your tombstone." They're not going to list any of the wins of some sports team you're a spectator for, who, by the way, you pay the salaries of the people you're cheering for with your ticket prices and TV watching. Oh, and but that jersey you bought. So, it's worth watching. A lot of you, uh, I can hear it right now. A lot of you have friends like that. You're going to send this to your friend.

And by the way, brother that or sister that wears those uniforms. I don't mean that as a criticism. I just think you need to know that's odd. And it's it's a it's uh something to evaluate. I love sports. Am I happy when the Red Sox win? Sure. Do I lose any sleep when they lose? No. And if you do, that's strange. If you say we or us, you don't play for that team. You don't play for that team. By the way, nowadays it's so silly. Players switch teams all the time.

most part they just take where the money's they're free agents, right? They just go. So, your self-worth, your life, uh how much time you spending on other people's lives just fantasizing and dreaming that you play for that team. And somehow if they win, here's what happens. happens. happens. If you can focus on them, maybe nobody will pay attention to you. If you can focus on that sports team, maybe no one is really going to pay attention to what you're doing. Or maybe you don't have to.

And maybe somehow in some bizarre way you think if nine strangers on a baseball field win a baseball game somehow that will comfort you in your life even though you don't play on that team. They don't pay you to play there. But you getting it? Are you doing any hiding in sports? Are you okay? Or do you know anybody who's hiding in sports? And let's just be honest. If you're a grown man over 18 years old, probably got to stop wearing another man's uniform. Okay. Now, by the way, that's one place to hide.

And again, I want you to make sure I finish this. I love sports. I love the minute I start to make money, I want to sit behind home plate. I want to do that. I've been to World Series. I've been to Super Bowls. I've been to NBA Finals. There's a TV to my left with four screens on it. In fact, I'll show you if I could show it. Everybody see that? There's a TV right there. If you're on audio, it doesn't matter. Four screens on it.

The mirror behind me, everybody, turns into a TV. You know what I watch on that? Sports. I love sports. I love cheering. I love celebrating when they hit a home run, but that's it. It's not my self-worth. It's not my dream. It's their dream. And I love watching people make their dreams come true. But I'm under no illusion that my dreams coming true when they hit a home run. You follow what I'm saying? So, just full balance. I love sport. I'm a sports fanatic because I played and I wasn't good enough to play at the level that I watch on TV.

And I love greatness. I love watching hard work pay off, all of that kind of stuff. But it does not let me out of my life. I'm living my life. They're living theirs. Hopefully, if you win really big, they'd clap and cheer for you. Third place that people hide in their life. Uh reality TV. TV. TV. Reality TV. And uh I'll put them together slashpolitics. together slashpolitics. together slashpolitics. Politics has become a bit of reality TV, hasn't it? And we sort of pick our team and root for them.

But these reality TV shows, we kind of live through their lives. Oh, did you see what she said to her? And isn't that just silly? Can it be entertaining? Yes. If you take it anywhere past that, you were living in their lives because you're not living yours. And so, this is just something to evaluate. I say this as a friend because remember all of these things. When I was a young man, by the way, go to the sports thing. I remember when I was a young man, the Red Sox lost to the Mets in the World Series.

I believe it's 1986. I must have cried for a week. I thought my life was over. But I was also a 16-year-old boy then. And I've I've watched games before where I'm throwing things at a TV and I'm like, I don't even play for this team. So, I relate to all of them. I have many friends who are on reality television. I love them, but I don't I don't think you should be living your life and paying such close attention to their life that you miss paying attention to your life.

And are you hiding a bit in their lives because yours isn't interesting enough? You're not challenging yourself. You're not growing. You're not expanding. You're not willing to fail. You're a little bit afraid of not going forward in your life. You just have to be honest. Maybe that's not true for you, but if the shoe fits, it's worth asking yourself. That's why you listen to content like this, right? Politics. right? Politics. right? Politics. I think it's important to be informed. Know what's going on in the world.

take a stand on things that you believe in to create change in the world, your country, your community, etc. And then I think we all know that we can start to take it a little too far, can't we? And we begin to just obsess about these people and what they're doing and and what they're saying and who got said this press conference today and what said that and these guys are dummies. It's affected my own mental health getting so sad or angry or upset. And so, do I think it's great to be informed?

Yes. Do I think you should take a stand? Do you think you should be well read? Do I think you should speak up when appropriate? If you choose to and you're educated about it, you're passionate about it. Absolutely. Do I think you should spend your entire life, unless that's your career, obsessing about it, thinking about it all the time, turning the TV on, spending hours and hours and hours, then your Instagram feed and then your Twitter feed and your Tik Tok d and all of a sudden like, wow, I went the whole day and didn't focus on my life.

This is pretty convenient, isn't it? I can get mad at this politician or excited about this person and but isn't this this notion of this person's going to change my life? Has any politician ever changed your life? And what is it that you've surrendered control of your entire life to some person you see on TV that they're going to change your life? With all due respect, you need to change your life, right? So, it's just I know this is uncomfortable. I don't want to make sure I'm not offending anybody, but it's worth looking at yourself.

Am I a little bit too far down the road? Am I out over the edge on this stuff? Am I waiting for them to change my life? Cuz I got you, if you're 30 years old, you've been alive through a whole bunch of these people that told you they were going to change your life. None of them did. Both political parties, right? And so, does that mean that you shouldn't have an opinion about Ukraine? Of course you should. Does that mean you shouldn't be passionate about your position on things in the Middle East or the economy or taxes or um life or social issues or civil rights issues?

Of course you should. Of course you should. But unless it's your career, should it be all-consuming like it's become for so many where it actually affects your mental health and the way you look at your fellow Americans if you're in the country or people in your community worth evaluating. Are you doing too much hiding there? Here's a big one. Your kids. Do you hide in your kids? Are you starting to live your life through them? Are you taking their sports a little too seriously, their grades a little too seriously?

Is it convenient to spend all of your time I'm projecting your dreams because you're playing small to get them to play big and are you putting undue pressure on them subconsciously unconsciously I've watched a lot of my really good friends who are very successful people and really charging hard and really making a difference and you can take everything to an extreme should your should your life be dedicated to your children should they be your first priority should you sacrifice for your children 1 million% there's a line there I think you'd degree though where you're no longer just sacrificing, you're living vicariously through them.

And we hide in our own children or we use our children as an excuse not to go win. And so sacrifice, giving, focus, contribution, love, all-consuming, unconditional love, total support, giving up on some things short term while your children are a certain age. Love all of it. But there's also a point, like anything, where you are starting to hide there. and you have a life as well. You have dreams as well. And so that's a place to evaluate. And then a couple other places, alcohol, drugs, gambling, whatever that might be, a vice.

Are you spending too much time uh in that area where you kind of hide there? You hide in the alcohol, you hide in the drug, you hide in the gambling, you hide in whatever it is. You hide in pornography, you hide in, you know, like I've said earlier, TV or social. But are you hiding in these substances? Is more the point on this one. the alcohol and drugs. Are you hiding there? Is it an escape for you? Has it become a place you escape to because of pressure or anxiety or fears or just not feeling good about yourself?

Worth evaluating uh that other place that people hide. I'll give you another place people hide. They hide in their preparation. They're constantly getting ready to do something. I'm preparing. I'm reading preparation/education. I'm going to get this degree. I'm going to get this. I'm I'm preparing myself. There's a point in life where you just have to do it. Like you're not going to be completely prepared, right? But some people tend to hide, you know, in their education or their preparation or the event they go to or the book they're reading.

I'm getting ready to get ready. I'm hiding. They hide in the preparation because the preparation looks like work, right? The preparation is some form of work, but they actually never leave preparation. They never go to execute. They're always being educated. They're always learning. They're always preparing. They're always strategizing, but they never go execute. They hide in the education and the preparation. This is a dream stealer. It's insidious. What's crazy about all these things, if you think about what I've listed, all of them in moderation and the appropriate dose dose dose are okay.

There's nothing wrong with being, you know, loving a sports team. There's nothing wrong with looking at your past and evaluating it and taking the lessons from it. There's nothing wrong with, you know, um supporting your children. There's all kinds of great things about that. Nothing wrong with really being into politics. There's nothing wrong with watching reality TV as entertainment. There's nothing wrong with preparation. But when we take them to an extent where we begin to hide in it, that's when it's unhealthy. Drugs and alcohol, same thing.

If you, you know, you can drink alcohol in moderation and it's okay for you, great. I do. Heck, there's bottles of alcohol right behind me right now. But if I start to escape there, and I got to be honest with you, I said this on a podcast a few weeks ago. I had a little phase there for six weeks. I'm like, am I escaping in this stuff a little bit? Like, this isn't like me and I had to evaluate it. So, I just want you playing your game.

I want you playing your big game in your life. You were born to do something great with your life. Some people hide in their spouse. They just support their spouse. That's all. By the way, that's a beautiful thing. It's like anything. But if you just give, if you lose everything in that, in that, everything in that, you know, I don't know that that's healthy. So the most beautiful thing you can do is support your children, support your spouse, of course, and to the depth that you do it is probably the type of mother or wife or husband or father you are.

You should do this in droves. But we all know when I just when I said earlier that crazy sports parent, you thought of somebody, didn't you? You know who I'm talking about. You thought about this person your kid played soccer with or little league with. You're like, "Yeah, they just they're just a little over the line and it's unhealthy." When I was talking about the person who's too addicted to politics, you thought about somebody. When I talked about the person who's too addicted to reality TV, the sports guy, you thought about somebody.

So these are real things, yet all of them are some of the great things. Like we don't hide in bad things. We hide in great things. So we hide in alcohol because it feels good to drink it. We hide in in going too deep in in into politics because we can create change and so we should. We hide in sports because it's enjoyable. We hide in our past story because we're familiar with it and we can go there. We hide in all of these things. We hide a little bit in our kids because it's so beautiful to support your kids and everybody's going to celebrate that and everyone's what a great mom or dad and you should.

But then there's a point where you're like, "My gosh, I'm getting all of my pleasure and joy, all of it, through their achievement and their work and not mine." That's not healthy, right? I it's good to prepare, but there's a point where like you got to stop preparing and you got to go execute and lose and take some shots and get knocked down and do the hard work that comes with winning because as I said in the beginning, winning isn't glamorous. It's not pretty. It's not easy.

It's a fight. It's a battle. It's a grind. Yet, it's worth it. And we don't want to get to the end of our life and have all these acts of omission where you're like, I hid my whole life in plain sight. I hid my entire life. If I hide in sports, I hid in this. I hid in my kids. I hid in politics. I hid in reality TV. I hid in alcohol. I hid Come on. Here's the other place people hide their fears. They hide in their fears and their worries and their anxiety.

And as a consequence, they play small. And that's another place to hide. It just scares you. So you hide in them and you repeat them over and over again. And let me give you the last one. And they're they're they're brother and sister. Comparison and gossip. and gossip. and gossip. We hide in talking about other people, being critical of other people, spreading information about other people or comparing ourselves to other people. We hide in the,"Well, I'm doing better than him, so I'm doing okay. I'm doing better than her, so I'm all right." Man, they're going through a divorce.

At least we're not getting divorced. Or, you know, man, they lost their house. I still have my house. So, we do that. We We comfort ourselves by picking people who are doing worse or are suffering more than us or aren't in the emotional place they need to be. Or we do the reverse. Man, they're just so great. I'd never be like them before. They're intimidating, man. Look how confident they are or good-looking they are or successful they are or the momentum they've got or all the support and help they have.

I don't have that support and help at home. He's winning because his wife's so supportive. Or she's winning because her husband's so supportive. I don't have that kind of support. So that's why I'm losing. And you hide in that excuse. So today is all about evaluating, am I hiding it all? And is any of this hidden stuff I'm doing impacting my life? And so all of these things are really great in the right moderation. Some of them you should do a ton of. Is there Can you really love your spouse or support your children too much?

Probably not. But can you begin to hide there? Yes. Yep, you can. Can you take a stand too much for something you believe in? No. But can you allow it to affect your mental health and begin to hide there a little bit so you don't Yes. Yes. Yes. So what I wanted to do today was because I think oftent times winning is not just adding new things that you need to do. It's removing the obstacles. It's removing the things that are harming you and getting real and doing the real work of life of saying who do I really want to be and currently who am I right now and what am I hiding in?

What is holding me back? What are the places I take comfort or waste time in or get so obsessed with that it becomes an unhealthy obsession as opposed to something that fuels my dreams and my goals? And I think if you do the hard work, the honest work. Here's what's great about today's show. This is just you. You need to yell this out loud. You need to admit this to anybody. This is just your own work. You know, the sports thing, not that into it. Maybe that's you, right?

Politics. Yeah, got some stands passionate, but I think it's healthy for me. But that comparison gossip thing. Not the gossip, but the comparison, I definitely do that one. Or you know what? Maybe I am spending too much time on social. Maybe I am a little bit wigged out over my my politics stuff and it's getting a little unhealthy for me. And then the very change I want to make, I'm not capable of making because I can't communicate my best or think my clearest because I've gone over this line.

Or you know what, man? You're right. I'm spending way too much time caring about whether the Yankees or Cowboys or Lakers or Celtics or Edmonton Oilers win. Yeah, I should be entertained. I should root for my team. Pride of where we come from. But yeah, man, you're right. I kind of hang out and hide there a little bit because that way I don't have to look at what I did last week or last month or last year or where I am. And even if where you are is winning, could you win more if that were moderated correctly?

Right? How about your fears? What's crazy about this list is I got to be honest with you, I think I've actually suffered from every one of these personally at some point to some extent where a little got a little unhealthy. And I think that's why I've made the list. And by the way, there's lots of other places people can hide. That story of the past, good or bad, I've used the bad one for sure where, hey, I come from this, my family that, we didn't have any resources, my dad was an alcoholic.

I've used that one. And I've also sort of used some of my wins to validate and justify my slowing down before. before. before. And that was a BS story. That was BS. And so all of these are things. And I hope you understand the spirit in which I did this today. It's cuz I love you and I believe in you. And I believe the world becomes better when good people reach their God-given potential. I believe your family's better when you reach your God-given potential. I believe your community is better.

I believe you're better. I believe you serve God more when you just reach your potential and we do the hard work. Not just the motivational work where you know, hey, we feel great, we feel great. Okay, what's stopping me? What's holding me back? Am I hiding? Where am I hiding? I don't want to get out of this life having hidden. I don't want to get out of this life being invisible. Right? People ask me all the time, do you what do you want to be remembered by?

I don't need to be remembered. I would love for my children or grandchildren, my family to remember me, but I want my life to echo through eternity that I made some difference in someone else's life. That's what you can leave here. You can't take any of this stuff with you. Can't take this bar with me or my house or my car or money or this shirt. Can't take any of this with me. This microphone's not going anywhere with me. But I can leave something here. And I want you to leave your mark here.

I want you to live your best life. I want you to max out your life. People forget my tagline for years is max out. And it's what eliminates it. It's if you're looking at a bench press and you're maxing out, maxing out, maxing out, right? What extra weights are on that bench that's making it harder for you in your life to lift it? And what I did today is I listed some of those extra weights that may be holding you back from maxing out. And so we talked about them.

sports, gossip, comparison, TV, social media, reality TV, politics, kids, you know, fears, spouse, alcohol, preparation, the story you're telling yourself, sport or all of it. Maybe it's a little bit of a weight and if we removed it or modulated it or moderated it, we could max out. A lot of the things you have in here are about stories and that we live our stories. And chapter three is the first thing I want to ask you about, missing your meaningful mission. What causes someone to not know their mission and miss it?

Is it that they spend too much time in the former story? That they've taken meanings that don't serve them from the story. What causes somebody to do that? All of that. And the fears that hold them back. And there's really three fears that I've identified, which is the fear of failure, the fear of success, and the fear of judgment. M and when [clears throat] we can reflect on on analyzing which one of these hold me back the most and what is the root cause of me living in that fear then we can start to again mend the wounds and create meaning from those wounds and then create a new meaningful mission moving forward.

For a lot of my life, I don't know if you've ever been in this place, I was so driven to succeed because I didn't feel enough. And I thought by succeeding, achieving, getting awards, getting followers, making more money would fill the hole of not feeling enoughness, not smart enough, not talented enough, not good-looking enough, whatever it was. Is that something you've experienced in your past? your past? your past? One billion% exactly the same. Yes. And for me, I would get I don't know about you, but when I would experience success in sports and then early in business, it's almost like 20 minutes after I accomplished a goal of 10 years I was chasing, I was angry.

Yep. Yep. Yep. I don't know if you ever felt that way. Angry and it was kind of like mad at everyone around me. Like when everyone's celebrating me, I was kind of like, "Get away from me." Yes. Yes. Yes. And I didn't understand it until I started the healing journey about ago. about ago. about ago. So this is what happened for me. I realized that realized that realized that my fear when I started to dissect this, I was never afraid of failure. And I don't think you ever were either because you're an athlete and athletes who go through the journey of multiple sports, which we both played multiple sports.

We have coaches that say, "Hey, it's okay to fail. You know, just adjust it a little bit. Adjust your shot. Adjust your swing a little bit. You're going to miss it. You're going to miss it." But here's how you adjust it. It was always feedback. It was information. So it wasn't like you suck and leave if you fail. We failed every day. day. day. Yes. Yes. Yes. And we knew that this was the process to success. success. success. I became familiar with failure. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.

Then the greatest uh you know baseball players in the world fail 70% of the time, right? It's like they're failing constantly, but we celebrate them for their for their successes. And so I was never like ashamed to like miss a shot or fail because I knew it was just practice. And I always wanted success. So I wasn't afraid of success. I wanted success for the wrong reasons though and that's why I was upset and angry when I would accomplish it and I didn't feel like I needed more.

But I was like I want to accomplish success. I'm excited about it so I'm not afraid of it. But I was afraid of judgment. I was afraid of the opinions of other people. And I was afraid of what people would say in front of my face, behind my face, would they accept me? All these different things. When I ask people in a in a big room um who's afraid of failure, most people raise their hand and say this is a fear of mine and that's why they don't launch their book or their podcast or they don't start speaking on stage or they don't start a new career or ask the person out.

They're afraid to fail. And I ask people, okay, for everyone who's afraid of success, raise your hands. And almost equally amount of people raise their hand who are afraid of success. And I never understood it because I've always wanted it. [clears throat] And over the last 10 years, I started to ask why. There is a there's a documentary called The Weight of Gold. of Gold. of Gold. Okay, Okay, Okay, I want people to watch this at some point because it's about Olympic gold medalists who go depressed, commit suicide, have overdoses within like six months or a year after they win the gold.

gold. gold. If we do not prepare ourselves for success, it could us. and the pressure of okay now friends and family want more from you. I know you are extremely wealthy and you've had to deal with probably lots of people asking for things all the time. Can you give me money? Can you help me with this? Can you do this for me? And in some ways it's a great privilege to be generous and supportive to people. But when it feels inauthentic, you feel like people are taking advantage of you.

And so that pressure of success is real. And people don't want that responsibility. They're afraid of that pressure leaning into it. I always wanted it. Mhm. Um but when I started to accomplish, I started to notice, oh yeah, I don't like some of these things that come with it as well. as well. as well. So I have to learn how to manage it. But it was the fear of judgment which always crippled me. crippled me. crippled me. So I was extremely self-critical of everything. Even when I broke the world record, even when I was a two sport all-American, even when I played the USA handball team, even when I hit my first million dollars after I was broke, I was so self-critical because at the root cause of all three of these fears is I am not enough.

Gosh. And the I am not enoughness will destroy us. It will hold us back from our truest gifts, from expressing our love, from being generous, from being open. And that's the thing that I had to learn how to heal. Why do I not feel enough? No matter what I accomplish, I still don't feel enough. Why am I never satisfied with me? It was never about the accomplishments. It was always back to the root of me. I don't feel enough. I don't feel lovable is what it really is.

And I need to accomplish more in order for others to love and accept me. But really at the end of the day, I did not love and accept myself. And when we can learn the art of loving and accepting ourselves authentically for all of our flaws and all of our beauty, that's when we can start stepping into true greatness. true greatness. true greatness. Lewis, I feel like you just described me. me. me. Really? Really? Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. you know, um, bro. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Tell me, tell me more. Well, Well, Well, uh, I don't even know that I have fixed that yet. I'm not sure. I think I've made progress on it. But this notion of because what you just said, fear of failure, nah, not too much. And people say, I'm afraid to succeed. I've always thought and there just people are different on their experience. I'm like, why would you be afraid of success? I know. I know. I know. But fear of judgment, holy smokes. I almost feel like you've created a new category that maybe if people really analyze it, a lot of us fit into that one.

Yes. You have a fear of failure. Is it the failure you're afraid of or the judgment that would come with the failure? failure? failure? And so when I looked at category 3, I'm reading the book the other night because you gave it to me maybe a week ago or two weeks ago. I'm like, "Oh man, fear of failure." It's like this old school fear of success. Yeah. Fear of judgment. Oh boy. He's on to something right here. And it is exactly what you just said. I am not enough.

I'm not. And if you go even a little bit deeper, it's what you said. I had our mutual friend that you introduced me to, Leanne Rimes on my show. And I finally said to her in the interview, you know what my issue is? I can give love to people. I don't allow myself to feel loved. And she said the same thing. same thing. same thing. And it's weird for two big dudes that are accomplished, you know, to two guys sitting here to share this. But I think it's powerful that we are.

I'm still not sure right now that that's not something that needs more exploration for me. That I'm still And I wonder it with you too. Is there a little bit? Maybe it's maybe I've made progress and it's reduced. it's reduced. it's reduced. But there are a lot of moments, if I'm being real, where I should be experiencing more joy than I do from something. I should be experiencing more love than I allow myself to experience. And it's pretty obvious to me that that's probably because my dad was an alcoholic and I probably lacked a little bit of that and all that anxiety.

But you are on to something so huge here, which is the next thing you have in there, which is the dream killer, which is called self-doubt. I feel like judgment and self-doubt are sort of related somehow. Do you? I think self-doubt is the killer of all dreams and and that's why I love you and your message because you instill so much belief in people. You you give people belief by your presence, by just your way of being. It's so powerful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

And and I think the whole game is learning how to believe in ourselves. That is the game of life. I think it's what allows you to accomplish any goal you want. the more belief you have. And I love your definition of uh you know, self-esteem and self-belief. This concept is really being your word. You know, you've heard you say this a lot of times. Like when you can live to your word and be that that that and honor it or take responsibility when you're not with your word and take responsibility for that as well, you start to become more believable to yourself and others believe you as well.

You become a credible person to yourself and others and that attracts more things. So self-doubt for me is the is the killer of dreams. And I think I wanted to ask you another thing. I'll follow up on that. The interview in your always comes out. By the way, I know. Well, I'm just curious because I wanted to ask you about do you worry more about the judgments of other people or do you worry more about the judgments of yourself about you? I think it's moved from other people to me.

me. me. And I think that was probably the cause the whole time. So it was easy for me to worry about what are they going to say? What are they going to believe? What if I fail here? um uh opinions of others, but I feel like that's more the symptom if I'm being I'm just answering you right now on the moment on the fly. I think the disease is me not believing I'm worthy of it. Mhm. Um I was talking to a mutual friend of ours that you're about to go see and we were both describing to each other today.

He's very successful guy that I still have a lot of imposttor syndrome at 50 years old and and this dude has no reason to have any either and he has it and I think even sometimes I see this in you now. Part of me thinks that's driven me to do extra work and prepare more. And that might work when you're starting but it's a painful way to live your life. life. life. Exhausting later, too. It's exhausting. I mean, I'm so glad you're saying that because don't you feel that way that if I don't and I would like you to unpack that thing you I want to go back a little bit and stay there for a minute.

This idea of working on healing oneself and loving oneself. Man, everybody listen to me. I know leveraging the dark side is a common thing and it does work and you should do it and there's a great space for it for a while. For a while. But if it's the only thing that moves you, don't you agree? It's just eventually miserable. It's exhausting after after after exhausting, right? exhausting, right? exhausting, right? And I think and I think, you know, we all have our own hero's journey to to fall in that dark side, you know, early to push us.

It's a driver to overcome something, right? something, right? something, right? But I think we've got to learn how to mend and heal at some point. Otherwise, it's going to constantly be exhausting and feel I'm not enough or this is I'm always fighting something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm always trying to fight. And that was most of my life was a fight. Everything was a fight. Me, too. Me, too. Me, too. Relationship, competition, sports, business, it's all like a a fight. fight and it's exhausting, but you end up not winning.

winning. winning. Never. And and the people around you don't win either. So, it's a lose-lose battle. lose-lose battle. lose-lose battle. And there might feel like there's certain moments of success, but it's a lose-lose. lose-lose. lose-lose. And so, my emotional coach, I started this journey two years ago with her and I've been healing doing different healing modalities for 10 years. 10 years ago, I opened up about sexual abuse for the first time. It was about four months after I launched my podcast, right? Right. So, it's almost been 10 years since I started talking about that process.

And I thought, man, okay, that took about 2 years to go through a process of healing that and talking about it in a in a in a safe environment where I felt like I can speak about this and it no longer triggers me or affects me or has power over me. Like I healed that memory and that wound. Now it didn't mean I but what I didn't and I thought I was good because I was like okay this is the main wound but there's other stuff that I wasn't a facing and that's why I kept repeating patterns in relationships and intimacy and thinking oh I I thought I healed this but healing is not uh a one-time event healing is a journey and it's a constant process you're in progress right you're you're better than you were before and I feel like I'm going to be healing for the rest of my life and constantly holding myself accountable because as you know I'm sure things get you triggered from time to time and you feel like oh this person did this and I don't like it and there's a reaction.

a reaction. a reaction. I think that's our normal competitive edge where it's like I'm going to come back I'm going to come at you. Yep. Yep. Yep. And that energy will fuel us to get results but will not fuel us to get fulfillment. And so I've learned how to manage that energy. And I still get triggered and reactive and all these things. I'm not like this perfect human, but I do emotional coaching every two weeks to get me back to a place of peace. peace. peace.

So, it just helps me integrate the lessons I'm learning, reflect on, oh, I went back into that place of pain. Let [snorts] me keep integrating and keep healing. And just the more I practice it, like anything, the better it gets. it gets. it gets. It's so apparent because you give off an energy now that's really loving and kind. Like Lewis does this thing when he hugs you. hugs you. hugs you. First off, he just swallows you up because he's massive, but he does this thing where he holds you a little bit longer than might be comfortable for you initially, and then you're like, "This actually feels really good." Yeah.

Well, some people don't like it, but I also just keep doing I know exactly why you do it. And you're 100% right. If we're just talking as brothers here, you can fix, you can think you've healed something, but if you haven't changed the patterns in which you live your life, like for example, when my dad got sober, he fixed the issue with drinking alcohol, drinking alcohol, drinking alcohol, but he still had the what they call like the alcoholic's personality, of course, right? Very obsessive, went to anger quickly.

Yeah. quickly. Yeah. quickly. Yeah. You know, would would um remove himself emotionally from situations, didn't listen, didn't pay attention very well. So, the pattern stayed the same. He wasn't doing the drinking, but he was still the personality. That's exactly right. And I think that's an evaluation for everybody. And by the way, I think Lewis and I would both tell you there's a place to leverage a dark side. 100%. A light that's just light all the time. Sometimes a little bit of the dark side makes the light side even brighter.

But we're both telling you, you get to another side of this stuff and you have to bring you with you eventually. eventually. eventually. Exactly. And our mutual friend Dr. Joe Despensza says your personality becomes your personal reality. Yeah. And so if you haven't again mended your personality that is fractured and causes you to be triggered or reactive or angry or lash out or closed down or hold your heart back, then you're going to keep bringing that personal reality into your life. And so we've got to mend the the things that caused us to have a certain personality that doesn't serve us or the people around us so good.

Welcome back to Max Out everybody. I'm Ed Milelet and I want to welcome you back to the program. I'm fired up about today's show because we're getting right into what it takes to win. And that is this. Write this down. One more. One more. See, I accepted a long time ago I wasn't the smartest, the best looking, the fast enough, with the best background, the most connections. I didn't have any of those things. What I could control was my work ethic. You've heard me speak many times about outworking everybody.

But I think that just feels good when we hear it, but most people don't take it seriously. If you think that I have a little bit of success in my life, I can tell you what I attribute it to. Yes, self-confidence. Yes, mindset, visualization, goals, all the things I talk about all the time. Listening skills, influence, energy transfer, how to be happier, all of that stuff applies when you get to winning. For me, it's come down to maxing out. And what maxing out means is you do one more at least than you think you're capable of.

So when you're done whatever you're doing, whether it's at the gym or phone calls or meetings or in sports, one more shot, one more throw, one more swing of the golf club or the baseball bat, the separator is for the winners, they do one more. I'm addicted to one more. And so I want your mantra going forward to be one more. What does that look like? If we're working out, that means when we're in the gym and we say, I'm going to do five sets of 10.

I'm crazy. Like I'm a psycho because I want to win. I want to be somebody. I want to separate. I want to compete. And the way I do that isn't with my giftedness. Cuz I wasn't born with a bunch of gifts. And I think gifts are crap. I think for the most part, gifted people struggle in life because things come easy to them. I like that things haven't come easy for me in my life. I like they don't have natural talents in every area. And maybe you like that about you, too.

Maybe you've looked at yourself all your life and thought, "Man, I don't have that natural beauty or that natural talent or this gift for creativity or intellect or humor. I don't have any of those things." But what I got is I will outwork you. And so at the gym, one of the things I focus on, they say it's five sets of 10. When I'm at 10, I go one more. Bam. 11. If I'm running on the treadmill and it's a 45m minute run, I never finish at 45.

I always go one more minute. 46. If I'm at the office and I'm supposed to make 25 phone calls that day. When I'm at the end of the day, I always do one more. If I've got meetings, I always do one more. My mantra for three decades in business has been one more. Why? Because we get out of life what we think we deserve. And I'm the kind of guy that I know when you do 45 minutes on the treadmill and I do 46, I deserve to be fitter.

I know that when I'm lifting weights and I watch you do five sets of 10 and every single time I do one more. When it's a set of five, I do six. When it's a set of eight, I do nine. When it's 45 on the treadmill, I do 46. When it's supposed to be 20 phone calls, I make 21. When it's supposed to be an 8 hour workday, I work nine. Whatever it is, I always do one more. And what that does is it makes me eventually think I'm doing things other people aren't willing to do, so I should get things other people aren't going to get.

And if you go to the root of the things I believe philosophically about winning, the people that win, the great athletes that I coach, when I watch the really gifted golfer and the one who actually wins, the gifted golfer, they do what they're supposed to do. You'd never know they weren't working hard. It's not like people don't work hard. Everybody works hard. That's a given now. But what's the separator to where you become the maxed out version of you? See, the gifted golfer, they hit their 100 balls cuz they're supposed to.

But the not so gifted one that ends up winning, they hit 101 or 110 or 120. I watch them on the driving range and you can hear them say, "One more, one more." What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and other gifted NBA players when he played or Michael Jordan when they played or right now Kevin Durant people tell me, or Steph Curry, they're constantly when everyone else is done shooting in the gym, they say one more. Larry Bird was legendary for one more. One more. The people that would throw the passes to him, the ball guys in practice say, "He always wants more.

He always wants more." The great hitters that I know, the Mike Trouts and MLB, they're gifted, but they just take a little more. They take that extra batting practice, that extra session. They're always doing extra. That's the separator. Like, you can learn all this stuff. You can digest all the tactics and information that I give out, but if you're not willing to do one more, eventually there's a part of you that says, "Maybe, maybe I don't deserve it. I'm just doing what everybody else is doing and that's not good enough.

It's not even good enough to do more than everybody else. It's your maxed out level. It's one more of everything. And so whether that's a phone call, an email, a text, an appointment, one more time you tell your spouse you love them, one more time you go in and kiss your children good night. One more hug of somebody. One more phone call. One more everything. I want your theme to be one more. Have I said that enough times for you today? So what's that really look like in application?

Well, the second thing it does for you is you actually do more reps of whatever it is you're doing. And when we do more repetitions, we get better. And when we do more repetitions, we're more productive. So, number one is the psychology part. If you're someone who's always doing things other people aren't willing to do, you always max out. You always go to the next level. You convince yourself you deserve to win. You can take low self-esteem, low identity, low confidence, and change it over time by building this habitual addiction to doing one more.

this obsession of one more. All the greats do one more and all the average don't. It's not that the average don't work hard. It's not that the average at your company, they don't. It's not that they don't work hard. They probably work pretty hard, but do they always do extra? Do they always do one more? Do they always do 10 more if they need to? Do they always get after it? The other part of it, number two, is you just get better because of the reps?

You're just doing more of something. You get better. You get you get stronger. You you become a better phone caller when you make one more phone call every day. You become a better communicator when you do one more meeting every single day. You get better at coordination in your sport or at the gym by just doing more reps. Yes, you get better. So that's the second layer. But the third one is you stack the odds in your favor. See, for me, I want the odds that I'm going to win to increase.

The larger numbers we play in life in every area. More is always better. People tell you more isn't always better. And almost everything more is better. Just so you know. And almost everything. People who tell you more isn't better in most things are lazy. They try to justify their own weakness. Don't let people who are justifying their own weakness convince you that you working hard. You doing more isn't the pathway to your success. People say, "Well, you got to work smarter, not harder." That's a lie.

Because everybody who wins works smarter. The separator is who works harder. And by the way, we become smarter through working harder. All the new revelations, all the breakthroughs, all the new discoveries always come when you're doing one more. Always come through more repetitions. You find new ways, new strategies, new words, new keys, by higher repetitions. So even if you believe working smarter is more important, you will become smarter by doing more. So, if you work 300 days a year, let's just say 300 days a year, that's 300 more phone calls every single year.

Over five years, that's 1500 more contacts. 1,500 more contacts. Just think about that just for a second. Over 30 years, that's 9,000 more contacts. What are the odds the person who makes 9,000 more contacts or even 300 more a year going to win? Give me two average people that walk in a room, same ability, same skills, same backgrounds, same product, one of them makes 300 more contacts a year than the other one. Who's going to win? We know. How about over five years? One of them makes 1500 more contacts over 5 years.

Who's going to win? Over a lifetime, 30 years of work, one makes 9,000 more contacts. Who's going to win? You stack the odds in your favor. Never mind the person who made the 9,000 more contacts is better. They've got more reps. They've got more confidence. They believe they deserve to win. They just have 9,000 more opportunities. How about a golfer? One of them makes 300 more swings a year. A year. And that's just one more swing a day, right? And over a year, over five years, 1500 more, 9,000 over a lifetime.

Who's more likely to win? So, you pick anything you want. You begin to stack the odds in your favor. How about at the gym? If every day you went one more minute in your cardio, so it's supposed to be 45, you do 46. Do you know what that starts to do to you? You start knowing you're different. You start knowing you obliterate standards. You start knowing you can break through. When you break through an artificial barrier like 45 minutes, you do one more. It sets a catalyst for your entire day.

It sets a syntax. It sets a mindset for the rest of your life. Never mind the fact that if you do 300 more minutes, which is 9,000 more over your lifetime, who's going to be more fit? So, you begin to stack these things and your entire life changes. This is what I like to call compound pounding. Most people underestimate what time can do when backed up with massive activity. Right as I'm speaking to you, I'm looking out at the ocean right now and there's a massive rock formation.

And you can see the rivets in the rocks. And what caused those rivets in the rocks was compound pounding of the ocean hitting that rock over and over and over again. Over and over. Compound pounding against that rock. And over time that ocean breaks the rock down over time where you can see the breakdown in a rock that water does hitting it. Think about that over time. Not one time when the water hits it, not two times, not five times. When you add up years and years and years of that water hitting the rock, it breaks it down.

And that's like getting through to your dream. You have to be like that water hitting the rock I'm staring at right now. that over time that compound pounding breaks down the barriers, breaks down the obstacles, breaks down anything in your way of getting to your dream. So, I'm sold out on all the strategies and tactics that I teach you. But what I believe in completely is the power of compound pounding. And here's the crazy thing about most people. They will give up on their dream before the compounding has been allowed to kick in.

So they'll work at it and they'll work at it and they don't see the breakthrough. But what they don't understand is that rock was getting ready to break. If you just keep pounding against it, but because most people don't see the evidence, see if you watch that water hit that rock over one day, you're going to see no difference. Two days, no difference. 5 days, no difference. Maybe even a year, there's no difference. Maybe even five years. But you have the compound pounding of every wave hitting that rock over and over again.

There's an inevitability to the breakdown of the rock. That's true of your goals and dreams as well. There's an inevitability to success. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. When we adopt one more, when we adopt compound pounding, do you know the kind of confidence you begin to have when you just accept in your life that I am going to be relentless? I'm always going to do extra. And you accept the fact that all things break down over time. All the barriers will go away.

All the obstacles will go away. Everything in your way will go away if you keep after it over an extended period of time. Most people overestimate what they can do in a year. They do. They set up goals for a year and they overestimate where they're going to get to. And they dramatically underestimate what they can do in a decade. And the reason for that is most people don't understand the power of compound pounding. So I want you to accept today that you're going to be relentless.

That you're going to keep coming. That you're like a dripping faucet. You're like those waves hitting the rock. Other people are going to get slowed down. Other people are going to take a break. Other people are going to flinch. Other people are going to cool it. Other people are going to believe they've made it. Or maybe some people are going to believe they can't make it. But you're going to be relentless. You're going to be repetitious. You may not be the fastest. You may not be the smartest.

You may not be the strongest. You may not be the most beautiful. You may not have the most articulate thoughts and ideas in the world. But what you got is compound pounding. What you got is one more. And when they get weak, you just keep coming. When they flinch, you blow their doors off. That's how you win in life is you keep getting after it and keep getting after it until the job gets done. You show me somebody who can succeed. So, a lot of people can be excited for a day.

They could be excited for a month. Some people can be excited for a year or two or three years. But the winners, they stay excited as long as it takes to get the job done. They keep after it until the job gets done. They never stop. They're always after it. And that's where their strength comes from. That's where their confidence comes from is knowing their capacity to keep coming at you and that all your competition is going to get weak. They're going to get tired. They're going to surrender.

They're going to give in. They're going to think they made it. They're going to take a break. They're going to cool it. And you just keep coming. It's just nature. Just like the nature of the ocean against that rock. It's just nature that you run down your dream. That you knock down your dream. I want you to implement all the things that I teach on max out, all the tactics, all the strategy, but more than anything, I want you to buy into the fact of an inevitability of you winning, that it's inevitable, that it might not be a year or two years or three years, but you're going to stay excited and you're going to keep doing one more until the job gets done.

Today's message is very simple. You can win. You should win. And you will win. I want you to feel this. You will win if you just keep coming. You keep getting after it. You keep doing one more. You can control this. You can't control all the exterior things in your life. People's attitudes, how they treat you, who cancels on you, who changes their mind, who hates on you, who lets you down. But you can control this. You can always go 46 instead of 45. You can always go 11 instead of 10.

You can always make the next phone call. Always do one more meeting. Always do one more. Always, always, always. And I promise you, you will knock down that rock that's in between you and your dream and make them come true. Today's really simple. You're going to knock down whatever that rock is that's been between you and your dream. You're going to keep after it. You're going to be relentless. You're not going to give in. You're going to be the person who stays excited until the entire job gets done, until that dream is real.

And you know longterm all these other people, they're going to flinch. They're going to get weak. And you won't. You've adopted a max out mindset. And I want to remind you today to stay connected with me. I want you to win. Hope you can feel it today. I want to break it down to its most simple form, which is that you use nature to your advantage. You use the force of you, the force of effort, the force of sustained effort over an extended period of time to wear out the obstacles in front of you in your dream.

I want you to feel the confidence that comes with that. I'm telling you, look at me. Listen to me. You're going to do this. You're going to win if. And it's a big if. If you'll just adopt it. It ought to be written everywhere. One more. One more. Max out. Everywhere you can put it. It's inevitable. It's not if anymore. It's just when. And I want to remind you of that. And another reminder is the max out two-minute drill. I'm trying to stay so connected with you.

I want to know what you're going through. I want to know what your issues are, your thoughts, your your hopes, your aspirations, your dreams, so that I can help you with the right material, the right tactics, the right inspiration. So, every day on Instagram, we run the MaxO out two-minute drill. And it's very simple. Here's what winners get. By the way, the winners of the Max Out two-minute drill win coaching calls with me with my guests, tickets to see me speak, copies of my book, Max Out gear.

There's some going forward now in a few weeks that are riding on my jet with me, doing their coaching call live on my jet. There's so many great things that you can win. And there's three ways to win that prize. When I make a post in my main feed on Instagram, you just make a comment within the first two minutes. And not just #maxout, make a comment in the first two minutes. We pick a winner every day who just makes a comment in the first two minutes and we usually extend it to about 5 minutes.

Number two, make a comment on other people's comments. So after you've left your comment, comment on a few other people's comments. I'm going to begin to reward people who connect and collaborate because I want you doing that with each other in the community. So make a comment on someone else's comment. And third, if you miss the first two to five minutes, that's not a problem. Just make a comment every day on every post I make. And at the end of the week, we pick winners who just make a comment every day, regardless of whether it's at 2 minutes or 4 hours or 8 hours afterwards.

Doesn't matter what time it is. So, there's three ways to win. Want to encourage you to participate in the max out two-minute drill. Share and subscribe to today's program. I hope it gave you hope. I hope it gave you certainty. And I hope it gives you a very simple recipe to dominate. God bless you and max out. Heat. Hey, Heat.