The #1 Thing People Regret on Their Deathbed and How to Avoid It with Dr. Guy Winch

In my office, I have these this list of In my office, I have these this list of the the the the five wishes of people as they were the five wishes of people as they were the five wishes of people as they were dying as they were old. dying as they were old. dying as they were old. >> [music] >> [music] >> [music] >> And you know what five is? >> And you know what five is? >> And you know what five is? I wish I worked less. I wish I worked less. I wish I worked less. And these are even people who loved And these are even people who loved And these are even people who loved >> what they did. That's what people do. >> what they did. That's what people do. >> what they did. That's what people do. They keep pushing off life. They keep They keep pushing off life. They keep They keep pushing off life. They keep like grinding and working hard. And let like grinding and working hard. And let like grinding and working hard. And let me just invest now. Let [music] me just me just invest now. Let [music] me just me just invest now. Let [music] me just push more. Let me just sacrifice more of push more. Let me just sacrifice more of push more. Let me just sacrifice more of my life now so I can achieve and and my life now so I can achieve and and my life now so I can achieve and and reach things. So at some vague unclear reach things. So at some vague unclear reach things. So at some vague unclear time in the future, I'll be able to time in the future, I'll be able to time in the future, I'll be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor. We always enjoy the fruits of my labor. We always enjoy the fruits of my labor. We always kick the can down the road and kick the can down the road and kick the can down the road and >> Yes. It's a metaphor for life. Okay, I'm >> Yes. It's a metaphor for life. Okay, I'm >> Yes. It's a metaphor for life. Okay, I'm just going to get through this. Then just going to get through this. Then just going to get through this. Then I'll enjoy myself. My day. My week. My I'll enjoy myself. My day. My week. My I'll enjoy myself. My day. My week. My month. Okay, I'm going to get through month. Okay, I'm going to get through month. Okay, I'm going to get through this stage of my life. I'm going to get this stage of my life. I'm going to get this stage of my life. I'm going to get through the next 10 years. It's not how through the next 10 years. It's not how through the next 10 years. It's not how you're supposed to do it. It's part of you're supposed to do it. It's part of you're supposed to do it. It's part of the work culture we're in now and it's the work culture we're in now and it's the work culture we're in now and it's really problematic. What you don't pay really problematic. What you don't pay really problematic. What you don't pay attention to when that focus is so attention to when that focus is so attention to when that focus is so singular is what you're actually singular is what you're actually singular is what you're actually sacrificing. It's what the price is that sacrificing. It's what the price is that sacrificing. It's what the price is that you're paying for that dedication. So you're paying for that dedication. So you're paying for that dedication. So it's like figure out what life means to it's like figure out what life means to it's like figure out what life means to you. What are the things that matter to you. What are the things that matter to you. What are the things that matter to you in the non-work part of your life. in the non-work part of your life. Figure that out and make sure that's Figure that out and make sure that's Figure that out and make sure that's happening. happening. happening. >> This conversation is needed and this is >> This conversation is needed and this is >> This conversation is needed and this is why why why my show exists. Welcome back to the show, you guys. Welcome back to the show, you guys. Today is going to be really special and Today is going to be really special and Today is going to be really special and the reason it is is in my heart, I've the reason it is is in my heart, I've the reason it is is in my heart, I've wanted to do a podcast an episode about wanted to do a podcast an episode about wanted to do a podcast an episode about this topic. this topic. this topic. And here's what I'm going to call the And here's what I'm going to call the And here's what I'm going to call the topic, guys. topic, guys. topic, guys. Stress. Stress. Stress. How to deal with stress. How to deal How to deal with stress. How to deal How to deal with stress. How to deal with with with what what I would call like work what what I would call like work what what I would call like work addiction almost. addiction almost. addiction almost. And it's prevalent in our culture, And it's prevalent in our culture, And it's prevalent in our culture, particularly particularly particularly in the western world. And and frankly, in the western world. And and frankly, in the western world. And and frankly, maybe I've even contributed to it a maybe I've even contributed to it a maybe I've even contributed to it a little bit. I certainly know I've lived little bit. I certainly know I've lived little bit. I certainly know I've lived it. it. it. And we're going to talk today about how And we're going to talk today about how And we're going to talk today about how this is sort of taken place and this is sort of taken place and this is sort of taken place and strategies just to live a better life in strategies just to live a better life in strategies just to live a better life in very stressful times with work with very stressful times with work with very stressful times with work with someone who's immensely qualified. someone who's immensely qualified. someone who's immensely qualified. Here's how qualified he is. Number one, Here's how qualified he is. Number one, Here's how qualified he is. Number one, he's his books have been [clears throat] he's his books have been [clears throat] he's his books have been [clears throat] translated into like 30 different translated into like 30 different translated into like 30 different languages. His TED Talks have 35 million languages. His TED Talks have 35 million languages. His TED Talks have 35 million plus views, actually 40 million almost plus views, actually 40 million almost plus views, actually 40 million almost by the time we're doing it. by the time we're doing it. by the time we're doing it. He hosts the Dear Therapist podcast. But He hosts the Dear Therapist podcast. But He hosts the Dear Therapist podcast. But he's got a book that he's got a book that he's got a book that I just devoured and it's right here, I just devoured and it's right here, I just devoured and it's right here, Mind Over Grime. And I like best the Mind Over Grime. And I like best the Mind Over Grime. And I like best the subtitle, How to Break Free When Work subtitle, How to Break Free When Work subtitle, How to Break Free When Work Hijacks Your Life. So how do we find Hijacks Your Life. So how do we find Hijacks Your Life. So how do we find that nuance in our lives? I don't know that nuance in our lives? I don't know that nuance in our lives? I don't know that I'd call it balance. He does. that I'd call it balance. He does. that I'd call it balance. He does. But we're going to have a beautiful But we're going to have a beautiful But we're going to have a beautiful conversation. You'll learn a lot about. conversation. You'll learn a lot about. conversation. You'll learn a lot about. It'll be very thought-provoking with Guy It'll be very thought-provoking with Guy It'll be very thought-provoking with Guy Winch. Welcome to the show, brother. Winch. Welcome to the show, brother. Winch. Welcome to the show, brother. >> Thank you for having me. It's my >> Thank you for having me. It's my >> Thank you for having me. It's my pleasure to be here. pleasure to be here. pleasure to be here. >> He's a PhD guy, so he's smarter than me. >> He's a PhD guy, so he's smarter than me. >> He's a PhD guy, so he's smarter than me. I'll try to hang in there as we go I'll try to hang in there as we go I'll try to hang in there as we go through everything today. So hey through everything today. So hey through everything today. So hey brother, let's start out. I'm I'm going brother, let's start out. I'm I'm going brother, let's start out. I'm I'm going to tell you, I just watched this new to tell you, I just watched this new to tell you, I just watched this new show. At the time we're recording it, show. At the time we're recording it, show. At the time we're recording it, it's out just brand new right now. It's it's out just brand new right now. It's it's out just brand new right now. It's called Madison. It's got Kurt Russell in called Madison. It's got Kurt Russell in called Madison. It's got Kurt Russell in it. And it's a Taylor Sheridan show. I it. And it's a Taylor Sheridan show. I it. And it's a Taylor Sheridan show. I think it's Taylor's best work. And I think it's Taylor's best work. And I think it's Taylor's best work. And I told Taylor that it was. So there's this told Taylor that it was. So there's this told Taylor that it was. So there's this scene to start the show. It sets the scene to start the show. It sets the scene to start the show. It sets the stage for this podcast. So Kurt stage for this podcast. So Kurt stage for this podcast. So Kurt Russell's sitting on a porch in a Russell's sitting on a porch in a Russell's sitting on a porch in a rocking chair with his brother and he's rocking chair with his brother and he's rocking chair with his brother and he's an achiever from New York where you're an achiever from New York where you're an achiever from New York where you're recording right now. recording right now. recording right now. And he's out and it's like Idaho or And he's out and it's like Idaho or And he's out and it's like Idaho or Montana and he's fly fishing with his Montana and he's fly fishing with his Montana and he's fly fishing with his brother, but they're on this porch and brother, but they're on this porch and brother, but they're on this porch and he's reflecting on life and I'll he's reflecting on life and I'll he's reflecting on life and I'll paraphrase. But he basically tells his paraphrase. But he basically tells his paraphrase. But he basically tells his brother about this exotic vacation he brother about this exotic vacation he brother about this exotic vacation he was just on and he said and I was just on and he said and I was just on and he said and I he said I'm 65 and the character was and he said I'm 65 and the character was and he said I'm 65 and the character was and we were the youngest people there by 10 we were the youngest people there by 10 we were the youngest people there by 10 or 20 years. or 20 years. or 20 years. And he said, I looked out on the beach And he said, I looked out on the beach And he said, I looked out on the beach and there's these people that have and there's these people that have and there's these people that have waited their whole lives, worked their waited their whole lives, worked their waited their whole lives, worked their whole lives for this time, this moment whole lives for this time, this moment whole lives for this time, this moment in their life where finally they're in their life where finally they're in their life where finally they're going to enjoy their life. going to enjoy their life. going to enjoy their life. And they arrive there physically And they arrive there physically And they arrive there physically incapable of doing so. incapable of doing so. incapable of doing so. Essentially, the stress in their life, Essentially, the stress in their life, Essentially, the stress in their life, all the work, all the years mounted, all the work, all the years mounted, all the work, all the years mounted, they finally get on that proverbial they finally get on that proverbial they finally get on that proverbial beach of life and they can't even enjoy beach of life and they can't even enjoy beach of life and they can't even enjoy it physically. They can barely walk. it physically. They can barely walk. it physically. They can barely walk. They can't ride a Sea-Doo. They can't They can't ride a Sea-Doo. They can't They can't ride a Sea-Doo. They can't get in the water and swim. And I get in the water and swim. And I get in the water and swim. And I thought, my gosh, is that what we're thought, my gosh, is that what we're thought, my gosh, is that what we're doing in the world today? So, why don't doing in the world today? So, why don't doing in the world today? So, why don't you start out you start out you start out where did this develop and like why is where did this develop and like why is where did this develop and like why is it getting worse in your mind, this it getting worse in your mind, this it getting worse in your mind, this stress addiction to work? stress addiction to work? stress addiction to work? >> First of all, that's a great scene >> First of all, that's a great scene >> First of all, that's a great scene because everything that happens, that's because everything that happens, that's because everything that happens, that's what people do. They keep pushing off what people do. They keep pushing off what people do. They keep pushing off life. They keep like grinding and life. They keep like grinding and life. They keep like grinding and working hard and let me just invest now working hard and let me just invest now working hard and let me just invest now and let me just push more and let me and let me just push more and let me and let me just push more and let me just sacrifice more of my life and now just sacrifice more of my life and now just sacrifice more of my life and now so I can achieve and and reach things so so I can achieve and and reach things so so I can achieve and and reach things so at some vague, unclear time in the at some vague, unclear time in the at some vague, unclear time in the future, I'll be able to enjoy the fruits future, I'll be able to enjoy the fruits future, I'll be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor. Currently, there's this of my labor. Currently, there's this of my labor. Currently, there's this mindset that we have. We also have it mindset that we have. We also have it mindset that we have. We also have it when it comes to overworking. I'll just when it comes to overworking. I'll just when it comes to overworking. I'll just do it now, you know, like I talked to a do it now, you know, like I talked to a do it now, you know, like I talked to a lot of founders. Just just until they lot of founders. Just just until they lot of founders. Just just until they get that first round of funding. And I'm get that first round of funding. And I'm get that first round of funding. And I'm like, yeah, what what about the second like, yeah, what what about the second like, yeah, what what about the second round, you know, the third round? We round, you know, the third round? We round, you know, the third round? We always kick the can down the road and always kick the can down the road and always kick the can down the road and keep pushing ourselves. It's part of the keep pushing ourselves. It's part of the keep pushing ourselves. It's part of the work culture we're in now and it's work culture we're in now and it's work culture we're in now and it's really problematic because what happens really problematic because what happens really problematic because what happens when you do that, when you're so when you do that, when you're so when you do that, when you're so singularly focused on your work, on And singularly focused on your work, on And singularly focused on your work, on And again, you might really love what you again, you might really love what you again, you might really love what you do. You might be enjoying it do. You might be enjoying it do. You might be enjoying it theoretically. What you don't pay theoretically. What you don't pay theoretically. What you don't pay attention to when that focus is so attention to when that focus is so attention to when that focus is so singular is what you're actually singular is what you're actually singular is what you're actually sacrificing. It's what the price is that sacrificing. It's what the price is that sacrificing. It's what the price is that you're paying for that dedication. you're paying for that dedication. you're paying for that dedication. Um and and you tend to find out only Um and and you tend to find out only Um and and you tend to find out only when it hits you sideways on the head when it hits you sideways on the head when it hits you sideways on the head and really kind of you know and really kind of you know and really kind of you know rocks your world. Or when you're 85 and rocks your world. Or when you're 85 and rocks your world. Or when you're 85 and you're on the beach finally and you're you're on the beach finally and you're you're on the beach finally and you're too, you know, too, you know, too, you know, non-ambulatory to enjoy it. non-ambulatory to enjoy it. non-ambulatory to enjoy it. >> It's so true. You know, I'm a product of >> It's so true. You know, I'm a product of >> It's so true. You know, I'm a product of that. I mean, most of my fans and that. I mean, most of my fans and that. I mean, most of my fans and friends that watch the show know. Like I friends that watch the show know. Like I friends that watch the show know. Like I I had to take a long break physically. I I had to take a long break physically. I I had to take a long break physically. I had some health stuff that came up. I I had some health stuff that came up. I I had some health stuff that came up. I I uh uh uh I haven't really posted on it social I haven't really posted on it social I haven't really posted on it social media in my main feed in a couple years media in my main feed in a couple years media in my main feed in a couple years because of some physical stuff. And because of some physical stuff. And because of some physical stuff. And I have a hard time because I know guy, I have a hard time because I know guy, I have a hard time because I know guy, and I know you do, too. and I know you do, too. and I know you do, too. I know there's seasons of life where you I know there's seasons of life where you I know there's seasons of life where you have to sacrifice things and trade have to sacrifice things and trade have to sacrifice things and trade certain things for results you want. And certain things for results you want. And certain things for results you want. And I'm actually okay with that. If someone I'm actually okay with that. If someone I'm actually okay with that. If someone says, "Look, I know this next year is says, "Look, I know this next year is says, "Look, I know this next year is going to be a grinder." going to be a grinder." going to be a grinder." I in my own opinion, I in my own opinion, I in my own opinion, what I find is what you said. And in my what I find is what you said. And in my what I find is what you said. And in my own life, I never defined the finish own life, I never defined the finish own life, I never defined the finish line. I never defined when the can stops line. I never defined when the can stops line. I never defined when the can stops getting kicked. It's not after the first getting kicked. It's not after the first getting kicked. It's not after the first round of funding. That's usually a lie. round of funding. That's usually a lie. round of funding. That's usually a lie. It's not when you get to six figures for It's not when you get to six figures for It's not when you get to six figures for most people. It's not when they get to most people. It's not when they get to most people. It's not when they get to seven figures. It's seven figures. It's seven figures. It's It So, as part of it, you said we could It So, as part of it, you said we could It So, as part of it, you said we could kind of go stuff that's not in the book. kind of go stuff that's not in the book. kind of go stuff that's not in the book. Do you think part of the advice should Do you think part of the advice should Do you think part of the advice should be like clearly define be like clearly define be like clearly define what your end zone is at least so that what your end zone is at least so that what your end zone is at least so that when you get there, you do make some when you get there, you do make some when you get there, you do make some type of an adjustment. And I know we type of an adjustment. And I know we type of an adjustment. And I know we should be adjusting as we go, which is should be adjusting as we go, which is should be adjusting as we go, which is what the work's about. We're going to what the work's about. We're going to what the work's about. We're going to talk about that in a minute. talk about that in a minute. talk about that in a minute. But what about like just determining But what about like just determining But what about like just determining where the where the where the end zone is at least for you and end zone is at least for you and end zone is at least for you and adhering to it. Do you think that's a I adhering to it. Do you think that's a I adhering to it. Do you think that's a I never did. I mean, I used to think, never did. I mean, I used to think, never did. I mean, I used to think, "Well, you know, once my house is paid "Well, you know, once my house is paid "Well, you know, once my house is paid off or once this." But I never got off or once this." But I never got off or once this." But I never got really clear really clear really clear where I was going to give myself where I was going to give myself where I was going to give myself makes me emotional. Like permission makes me emotional. Like permission makes me emotional. Like permission to live. to live. to live. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> You know, do you think part of it should >> You know, do you think part of it should >> You know, do you think part of it should be having some definition of that before be having some definition of that before be having some definition of that before we get into the the day-to-day tactics? we get into the the day-to-day tactics? we get into the the day-to-day tactics? >> I don't want to call it the end zone >> I don't want to call it the end zone >> I don't want to call it the end zone because that's the thing that that makes because that's the thing that that makes because that's the thing that that makes people go like, but they're not at the people go like, but they're not at the people go like, but they're not at the end yet. And I let's not call it the end end yet. And I let's not call it the end end yet. And I let's not call it the end zone. Let's call it the 10-yard line if zone. Let's call it the 10-yard line if zone. Let's call it the 10-yard line if you're going to go with that metaphor. you're going to go with that metaphor. you're going to go with that metaphor. In other words, you know, like first In other words, you know, like first In other words, you know, like first down, can we do that? There we go. I down, can we do that? There we go. I down, can we do that? There we go. I mean, that would be more reasonable. And mean, that would be more reasonable. And mean, that would be more reasonable. And what I would like people to actually what I would like people to actually what I would like people to actually define is when I talk about work life, define is when I talk about work life, define is when I talk about work life, what does the life part mean to them? what does the life part mean to them? what does the life part mean to them? People always say to me like, "Yeah, I I People always say to me like, "Yeah, I I People always say to me like, "Yeah, I I added an hour of yoga." And I'm like, added an hour of yoga." And I'm like, added an hour of yoga." And I'm like, "Well, bravo, but that's not life." "Well, bravo, but that's not life." "Well, bravo, but that's not life." That's an hour you added. What's life That's an hour you added. What's life That's an hour you added. What's life mean to you? Because to me, life should mean to you? Because to me, life should mean to you? Because to me, life should mean the work-life balance is that when mean the work-life balance is that when mean the work-life balance is that when you come home and you're, you know, you come home and you're, you know, you come home and you're, you know, doing the kids' homework with them or doing the kids' homework with them or doing the kids' homework with them or putting them to bed or hanging out and putting them to bed or hanging out and putting them to bed or hanging out and having a date night with your partner, having a date night with your partner, having a date night with your partner, that you're actually present enough to that you're actually present enough to that you're actually present enough to be able to enjoy it. That you're be able to enjoy it. That you're be able to enjoy it. That you're actually non-stressed enough that that actually non-stressed enough that that actually non-stressed enough that that feels like an important thing to do feels like an important thing to do feels like an important thing to do because time passes so quickly. It's the because time passes so quickly. It's the because time passes so quickly. It's the mundane stuff that we're missing out on mundane stuff that we're missing out on mundane stuff that we're missing out on because we're so chipped out, we're because we're so chipped out, we're because we're so chipped out, we're obsessed with work, we're ruminating, obsessed with work, we're ruminating, obsessed with work, we're ruminating, we're preoccupied. So, for me, living we're preoccupied. So, for me, living we're preoccupied. So, for me, living life is first be present in the regular life is first be present in the regular life is first be present in the regular stuff. You know, you come home in the stuff. You know, you come home in the stuff. You know, you come home in the evening. A lot of people come home in evening. A lot of people come home in evening. A lot of people come home in the evening. You know, people say you the evening. You know, people say you the evening. You know, people say you don't have families. They're they're so don't have families. They're they're so don't have families. They're they're so exhausted that they just veg out for exhausted that they just veg out for exhausted that they just veg out for three or four hours because they, you three or four hours because they, you three or four hours because they, you know, believe, "Oh, I'm too tired." But know, believe, "Oh, I'm too tired." But know, believe, "Oh, I'm too tired." But that's mental fatigue. It's not physical that's mental fatigue. It's not physical that's mental fatigue. It's not physical fatigue. They're not physically tired. fatigue. They're not physically tired. fatigue. They're not physically tired. They sat at a desk all day or something, They sat at a desk all day or something, They sat at a desk all day or something, you know. you know. you know. So, it's like figure out what life means So, it's like figure out what life means So, it's like figure out what life means to you. What are the things that matter to you. What are the things that matter to you. What are the things that matter to you in the non-work part of your to you in the non-work part of your to you in the non-work part of your life? Figure that out and make sure life? Figure that out and make sure life? Figure that out and make sure that's happening first. It's so basic, that's happening first. It's so basic, that's happening first. It's so basic, but let's start with basic. but let's start with basic. but let's start with basic. >> By the way, very good. And you're right >> By the way, very good. And you're right >> By the way, very good. And you're right about the end zone. I appreciate that about the end zone. I appreciate that about the end zone. I appreciate that correction. You're completely right correction. You're completely right correction. You're completely right about that cuz it about that cuz it about that cuz it you know, I I the book spoke to me. you know, I I the book spoke to me. you know, I I the book spoke to me. So, I think to some extent I was reading So, I think to some extent I was reading So, I think to some extent I was reading about my life. And what he just said about my life. And what he just said about my life. And what he just said about being present, you know, I have to about being present, you know, I have to about being present, you know, I have to tell you guys also, but chapter 3 hit tell you guys also, but chapter 3 hit tell you guys also, but chapter 3 hit me. me. me. Um the blitz about these intrusive Um the blitz about these intrusive Um the blitz about these intrusive thoughts and thoughts and thoughts and >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> you know, I I I'll be candid with my >> you know, I I I'll be candid with my >> you know, I I I'll be candid with my friends that have listened to me for a friends that have listened to me for a friends that have listened to me for a long time. You know, often times my wife long time. You know, often times my wife long time. You know, often times my wife will say, "Remember when Bella did this will say, "Remember when Bella did this will say, "Remember when Bella did this when she was 3 or 2 or Max did that?" when she was 3 or 2 or Max did that?" when she was 3 or 2 or Max did that?" And a lot of the time the honest answer, And a lot of the time the honest answer, And a lot of the time the honest answer, even though I was there, is no, even though I was there, is no, even though I was there, is no, I don't remember. I don't remember. I don't remember. So, I my body was there, So, I my body was there, So, I my body was there, but I was so fatigued mentally and but I was so fatigued mentally and but I was so fatigued mentally and emotionally or so distracted that emotionally or so distracted that emotionally or so distracted that although my body was there, I don't have although my body was there, I don't have although my body was there, I don't have any recollection of those events, many any recollection of those events, many any recollection of those events, many of them in my life. And so, the good of them in my life. And so, the good of them in my life. And so, the good thing about the book that I love is you thing about the book that I love is you thing about the book that I love is you define the problem very well, but you define the problem very well, but you define the problem very well, but you also give solutions. also give solutions. also give solutions. And so, chapter 3 is the blitz and it And so, chapter 3 is the blitz and it And so, chapter 3 is the blitz and it talks about these intrusive thoughts. talks about these intrusive thoughts. talks about these intrusive thoughts. Can you discuss that process and give us Can you discuss that process and give us Can you discuss that process and give us some key to being able to turn it off some key to being able to turn it off some key to being able to turn it off when we are at home, these intrusive when we are at home, these intrusive when we are at home, these intrusive thoughts? thoughts? thoughts? >> Yeah, when when when we have a very >> Yeah, when when when we have a very >> Yeah, when when when we have a very stressful day, a difficult day, we had stressful day, a difficult day, we had stressful day, a difficult day, we had a, you know, a very difficult client, a, you know, a very difficult client, a, you know, a very difficult client, something didn't go well, there was a something didn't go well, there was a something didn't go well, there was a confrontation with a co-worker, our boss confrontation with a co-worker, our boss confrontation with a co-worker, our boss kind of like shot us down in a meeting kind of like shot us down in a meeting kind of like shot us down in a meeting and then embarrassed us, there was some and then embarrassed us, there was some and then embarrassed us, there was some kind of political situation at work that kind of political situation at work that kind of political situation at work that we know really upset us, or some kind of we know really upset us, or some kind of we know really upset us, or some kind of incivility of somebody just being rude incivility of somebody just being rude incivility of somebody just being rude to us. What's likely to happen is that to us. What's likely to happen is that to us. What's likely to happen is that you're going to, you know, you're like you're going to, you know, you're like you're going to, you know, you're like busy all day, you're going to get home busy all day, you're going to get home busy all day, you're going to get home and start to process that. and start to process that. and start to process that. And when you're home and or when you're And when you're home and or when you're And when you're home and or when you're finished working from home. And the finished working from home. And the finished working from home. And the problem is that if you don't pay problem is that if you don't pay problem is that if you don't pay attention, the way you're going to attention, the way you're going to attention, the way you're going to process it most likely is really in a process it most likely is really in a process it most likely is really in a very ineffective and unhealthy way in very ineffective and unhealthy way in very ineffective and unhealthy way in the form of rumination. Rumination means the form of rumination. Rumination means the form of rumination. Rumination means to chew over. It's just like replaying to chew over. It's just like replaying to chew over. It's just like replaying the upsetting thing, just churning, the upsetting thing, just churning, the upsetting thing, just churning, being on an this emotional hamster wheel being on an this emotional hamster wheel being on an this emotional hamster wheel that doesn't actually get you anywhere. that doesn't actually get you anywhere. that doesn't actually get you anywhere. For example, one of the ways people do For example, one of the ways people do For example, one of the ways people do that, something upsetting happens, they that, something upsetting happens, they that, something upsetting happens, they come home and rehearse in their head, come home and rehearse in their head, come home and rehearse in their head, and it could be for hours, by the way, and it could be for hours, by the way, and it could be for hours, by the way, for hours, um, this fantasy argument for hours, um, this fantasy argument for hours, um, this fantasy argument with the person that they will never with the person that they will never with the person that they will never have. have. have. >> True. >> True. >> True. >> You know, how I'm going to tell off >> You know, how I'm going to tell off >> You know, how I'm going to tell off their boss? I'm going to tell them this. their boss? I'm going to tell them this. their boss? I'm going to tell them this. I wish I could say that. And they like I wish I could say that. And they like I wish I could say that. And they like spend hours. Now, spend hours. Now, spend hours. Now, that, A, is completely unproductive. that, A, is completely unproductive. that, A, is completely unproductive. What are you figuring out? Nothing. What are you figuring out? Nothing. What are you figuring out? Nothing. Here's what you are doing. You're Here's what you are doing. You're Here's what you are doing. You're flooding your system with cortisol. flooding your system with cortisol. flooding your system with cortisol. You're stressing yourself out. You're You're stressing yourself out. You're You're stressing yourself out. You're also activating all the upsetting also activating all the upsetting also activating all the upsetting feelings you had feelings you had feelings you had when this thing happened. If you felt when this thing happened. If you felt when this thing happened. If you felt embarrassed, or you felt angry, you felt embarrassed, or you felt angry, you felt embarrassed, or you felt angry, you felt resentful, you felt frustrated, by resentful, you felt frustrated, by resentful, you felt frustrated, by reliving it and re-churning it, you're reliving it and re-churning it, you're reliving it and re-churning it, you're reactivating all those feelings. So, reactivating all those feelings. So, reactivating all those feelings. So, you're actually taking the upsetting you're actually taking the upsetting you're actually taking the upsetting thing that happened over 5 minutes at thing that happened over 5 minutes at thing that happened over 5 minutes at work, and then supersizing it for 3 work, and then supersizing it for 3 work, and then supersizing it for 3 hours, and you know, in the evening. hours, and you know, in the evening. hours, and you know, in the evening. Well, by the way, of course you're going Well, by the way, of course you're going Well, by the way, of course you're going to be checked out, no matter what's to be checked out, no matter what's to be checked out, no matter what's going on around you. You'll be there in going on around you. You'll be there in going on around you. You'll be there in body, but not in mind, not in actual body, but not in mind, not in actual body, but not in mind, not in actual presence. And so, people don't presence. And so, people don't presence. And so, people don't distinguish when they're actually distinguish when they're actually distinguish when they're actually self-reflecting in these ways, in ways self-reflecting in these ways, in ways self-reflecting in these ways, in ways that are harmful to them, or ways that that are harmful to them, or ways that that are harmful to them, or ways that are productive to them. Let me define are productive to them. Let me define are productive to them. Let me define productive. Productive ways of Now, productive. Productive ways of Now, productive. Productive ways of Now, look, it's important to process the look, it's important to process the look, it's important to process the things that are upsetting us. I'm not things that are upsetting us. I'm not things that are upsetting us. I'm not saying that we shouldn't. But, to do it saying that we shouldn't. But, to do it saying that we shouldn't. But, to do it productively is to have a point, to be productively is to have a point, to be productively is to have a point, to be able to have a takeaway, to be able to able to have a takeaway, to be able to able to have a takeaway, to be able to learn a lesson from it, to be able to learn a lesson from it, to be able to learn a lesson from it, to be able to have an action plan from it. To do so, have an action plan from it. To do so, have an action plan from it. To do so, here's the exercise people need to do. here's the exercise people need to do. here's the exercise people need to do. When you catch yourself ruminating When you catch yourself ruminating When you catch yourself ruminating upsetting yourself by like, you know, upsetting yourself by like, you know, upsetting yourself by like, you know, replaying the same events over and over replaying the same events over and over replaying the same events over and over again, or thinking of all the other again, or thinking of all the other again, or thinking of all the other times your boss did the thing that upset times your boss did the thing that upset times your boss did the thing that upset you, and now it's 2 hours of the you, and now it's 2 hours of the you, and now it's 2 hours of the greatest hits that are upsetting. When greatest hits that are upsetting. When greatest hits that are upsetting. When you catch yourself doing that, pause, you catch yourself doing that, pause, you catch yourself doing that, pause, label it as rumination, and ask yourself label it as rumination, and ask yourself label it as rumination, and ask yourself this. Say to yourself, "What is the this. Say to yourself, "What is the this. Say to yourself, "What is the problem I need to figure out here?" problem I need to figure out here?" problem I need to figure out here?" And there can be many different Right, And there can be many different Right, And there can be many different Right, it can be like, do I need to have a it can be like, do I need to have a it can be like, do I need to have a conversation with my boss? Do I need to conversation with my boss? Do I need to conversation with my boss? Do I need to figure out why my boss jumped down my figure out why my boss jumped down my figure out why my boss jumped down my throat in the meeting? What did I do throat in the meeting? What did I do throat in the meeting? What did I do that might have triggered them that I that might have triggered them that I that might have triggered them that I can avoid doing in the future? Do I need can avoid doing in the future? Do I need can avoid doing in the future? Do I need to have this conversation with this to have this conversation with this to have this conversation with this coworker who I kind of think is a little coworker who I kind of think is a little coworker who I kind of think is a little bit scheming against me? Do I need to bit scheming against me? Do I need to bit scheming against me? Do I need to avoid the person like whatever the avoid the person like whatever the avoid the person like whatever the question is, turn it into a question question is, turn it into a question question is, turn it into a question that needs to be answered and resolved. that needs to be answered and resolved. that needs to be answered and resolved. Because then you actually figure then Because then you actually figure then Because then you actually figure then you're actually figuring something out. you're actually figuring something out. you're actually figuring something out. Then you're actually trying to come away Then you're actually trying to come away Then you're actually trying to come away with an action plan. Then it's about all with an action plan. Then it's about all with an action plan. Then it's about all right, if I need to talk to this right, if I need to talk to this right, if I need to talk to this coworker, then you work backwards. What coworker, then you work backwards. What coworker, then you work backwards. What was my goal of that conversation? It's was my goal of that conversation? It's was my goal of that conversation? It's not just a vent. Again, don't do not just a vent. Again, don't do not just a vent. Again, don't do something that's not thought through. something that's not thought through. something that's not thought through. Thought through means what's the outcome Thought through means what's the outcome Thought through means what's the outcome I'm seeking? Then once you know that, I'm seeking? Then once you know that, I'm seeking? Then once you know that, work backwards. What's the best way to work backwards. What's the best way to work backwards. What's the best way to achieve that specific outcome? That kind achieve that specific outcome? That kind achieve that specific outcome? That kind of thought process is structured. It's of thought process is structured. It's of thought process is structured. It's organized around organized around organized around posing question, finding answers to the posing question, finding answers to the posing question, finding answers to the question, coming up That will allow your question, coming up That will allow your question, coming up That will allow your brain to let go of the upsetting thing brain to let go of the upsetting thing brain to let go of the upsetting thing cuz you figured it out. When you're just cuz you figured it out. When you're just cuz you figured it out. When you're just spinning and churning, your brain will spinning and churning, your brain will spinning and churning, your brain will hold on to it and keep That's the blitz hold on to it and keep That's the blitz hold on to it and keep That's the blitz of of the reminders. They'll keep coming of of the reminders. They'll keep coming of of the reminders. They'll keep coming into you because it's not it's not into you because it's not it's not into you because it's not it's not figured out. It's still an active open figured out. It's still an active open figured out. It's still an active open issue. issue. issue. >> Wow, it's like an open tab on a >> Wow, it's like an open tab on a >> Wow, it's like an open tab on a computer. computer. computer. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> By the way, thank you. That was great >> By the way, thank you. That was great >> By the way, thank you. That was great for me. When I started this podcast, I for me. When I started this podcast, I for me. When I started this podcast, I acted like I had it all figured out and acted like I had it all figured out and acted like I had it all figured out and I didn't know anything. It was really I didn't know anything. It was really I didn't know anything. It was really overwhelming and every day seemed to overwhelming and every day seemed to overwhelming and every day seemed to introduce a new decision that needed an introduce a new decision that needed an introduce a new decision that needed an answer and I didn't have any of them. answer and I didn't have any of them. answer and I didn't have any of them. Luckily, I found somewhere that did and Luckily, I found somewhere that did and Luckily, I found somewhere that did and it was Shopify. Shopify is the commerce it was Shopify. Shopify is the commerce it was Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses platform behind millions of businesses platform behind millions of businesses around the world. 10% of all e-commerce around the world. 10% of all e-commerce around the world. 10% of all e-commerce online in the US from household names online in the US from household names online in the US from household names like this show right here, the Ed Mylett like this show right here, the Ed Mylett like this show right here, the Ed Mylett Show, to brands getting started are all Show, to brands getting started are all Show, to brands getting started are all Shopify. Get started with your own Shopify. Get started with your own Shopify. Get started with your own design studio with hundreds of design studio with hundreds of design studio with hundreds of ready-to-use templates. Shopify will ready-to-use templates. Shopify will ready-to-use templates. 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So, start your business today with the industry's best partner, today with the industry's best partner, today with the industry's best partner, Shopify, and start hearing Shopify, and start hearing Shopify, and start hearing Sign up for your $1 per month trial Sign up for your $1 per month trial Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com/mylet. today at shopify.com/mylet. today at shopify.com/mylet. Go to shopify.com/mylet. Go to shopify.com/mylet. Go to shopify.com/mylet. That's shopify.com/mylet. Hey guys, if you're like me, you're Hey guys, if you're like me, you're probably tracking a lot of stuff in your probably tracking a lot of stuff in your probably tracking a lot of stuff in your health, whether that's your heart rate health, whether that's your heart rate health, whether that's your heart rate or your macros or amount of water you're or your macros or amount of water you're or your macros or amount of water you're drinking every single day. And if you're drinking every single day. And if you're drinking every single day. And if you're doing that, that's great. But what about doing that, that's great. But what about doing that, that's great. But what about your gut health? More and more people your gut health? More and more people your gut health? More and more people have come on the show and said they have come on the show and said they have come on the show and said they believe there's a gut energy believe there's a gut energy believe there's a gut energy relationship, that there's a gut-brain relationship, that there's a gut-brain relationship, that there's a gut-brain connection that's significant for connection that's significant for connection that's significant for cognition. That's why I love Tiny Health cognition. That's why I love Tiny Health cognition. That's why I love Tiny Health because they're an at-home gut health because they're an at-home gut health because they're an at-home gut health test. And you need it. You know, get test. And you need it. You know, get test. And you need it. You know, get your microbiome looked at. They can your microbiome looked at. They can your microbiome looked at. They can track your good and your bad bacteria track your good and your bad bacteria track your good and your bad bacteria and know what's going on from that and know what's going on from that and know what's going on from that perspective. I've had so many people perspective. I've had so many people perspective. I've had so many people tell me that once they had this test tell me that once they had this test tell me that once they had this test done, they realized there needed to be done, they realized there needed to be done, they realized there needed to be adjustment in their gut, and all of a adjustment in their gut, and all of a adjustment in their gut, and all of a sudden their energy's taken off. Their sudden their energy's taken off. Their sudden their energy's taken off. Their Their, by the way, their cognition, Their, by the way, their cognition, Their, by the way, their cognition, their focus, everything has changed. So, their focus, everything has changed. So, their focus, everything has changed. So, Tiny Health is the place to get that Tiny Health is the place to get that Tiny Health is the place to get that test done. It's easy, it's test done. It's easy, it's test done. It's easy, it's cost-efficient, and it's something I cost-efficient, and it's something I cost-efficient, and it's something I highly recommend you do. Tiny Health is highly recommend you do. Tiny Health is highly recommend you do. Tiny Health is offering my listeners their most offering my listeners their most offering my listeners their most aggressive offer ever, $50 off your aggressive offer ever, $50 off your aggressive offer ever, $50 off your first at-home test kit. So, go to first at-home test kit. So, go to first at-home test kit. So, go to tinyhealth.com/mylet. tinyhealth.com/mylet. tinyhealth.com/mylet. That's tinyhealth.com/mylet That's tinyhealth.com/mylet That's tinyhealth.com/mylet for $50 off. tinyhealth.com/mylet. for $50 off. tinyhealth.com/mylet. for $50 off. tinyhealth.com/mylet. You guys, in my office, I have it It's You guys, in my office, I have it It's You guys, in my office, I have it It's hidden a little bit here, but in my hidden a little bit here, but in my hidden a little bit here, but in my office, I have these this list of the office, I have these this list of the office, I have these this list of the the five wishes of people as they were the five wishes of people as they were the five wishes of people as they were dying, as they were old, as they reflect dying, as they were old, as they reflect dying, as they were old, as they reflect back on their life. And the first one is back on their life. And the first one is back on their life. And the first one is um um um they wish they would have stayed in they wish they would have stayed in they wish they would have stayed in contact with their friends more. contact with their friends more. contact with their friends more. The second one is they wish in their The second one is they wish in their The second one is they wish in their life they would have expressed how they life they would have expressed how they life they would have expressed how they truly felt. These are the thoughts and truly felt. These are the thoughts and truly felt. These are the thoughts and wishes of dying people at the end of wishes of dying people at the end of wishes of dying people at the end of their life. Third, their life. Third, their life. Third, they wish they would have lived their they wish they would have lived their they wish they would have lived their life on their own terms. life on their own terms. life on their own terms. Four, Four, Four, let myself be happy. let myself be happy. let myself be happy. I wish I would have let myself be happy. I wish I would have let myself be happy. I wish I would have let myself be happy. Isn't that interesting? Just let Isn't that interesting? Just let Isn't that interesting? Just let yourself be happy. yourself be happy. yourself be happy. And you know what five is? And you know what five is? And you know what five is? I wish I worked less. I wish I worked less. I wish I worked less. And these are even people who loved And these are even people who loved And these are even people who loved what they did. That is not an excuse for what they did. That is not an excuse for what they did. That is not an excuse for a massive addiction to something is a massive addiction to something is a massive addiction to something is finally what I discovered cuz I love finally what I discovered cuz I love finally what I discovered cuz I love this. I love speaking. I love building this. I love speaking. I love building this. I love speaking. I love building companies. And he's like that was companies. And he's like that was companies. And he's like that was justification for this addiction. justification for this addiction. justification for this addiction. But even though it might have even been But even though it might have even been But even though it might have even been a healthy addiction to some extent, it a healthy addiction to some extent, it a healthy addiction to some extent, it still was costing me things over the still was costing me things over the still was costing me things over the years physically, emotionally, mentally, years physically, emotionally, mentally, years physically, emotionally, mentally, in my relationships with people. And so in my relationships with people. And so in my relationships with people. And so how do you distinguish between cuz these how do you distinguish between cuz these how do you distinguish between cuz these ruminating thoughts, you have it in the ruminating thoughts, you have it in the ruminating thoughts, you have it in the book, so I I know the answer, but how do book, so I I know the answer, but how do book, so I I know the answer, but how do you distinguish between something like you distinguish between something like you distinguish between something like this argument with your boss that's or a this argument with your boss that's or a this argument with your boss that's or a thing at work that's a threat thing at work that's a threat thing at work that's a threat as opposed to something that's a as opposed to something that's a as opposed to something that's a challenge? This is right out of the challenge? This is right out of the challenge? This is right out of the book, you guys. This is awesome stuff book, you guys. This is awesome stuff book, you guys. This is awesome stuff right here. right here. right here. >> So, it's a really interesting because >> So, it's a really interesting because >> So, it's a really interesting because when we have a goal before us, if we when we have a goal before us, if we when we have a goal before us, if we think how we think of that challenge, think how we think of that challenge, think how we think of that challenge, how how we think of that situation, how how we think of that situation, how how we think of that situation, um the mindset we have as we approach it um the mindset we have as we approach it um the mindset we have as we approach it makes a critical difference to how we makes a critical difference to how we makes a critical difference to how we will perform in that situation. When we will perform in that situation. When we will perform in that situation. When we have to go and have a confrontation with have to go and have a confrontation with have to go and have a confrontation with our boss, say, in some in some way, our boss, say, in some in some way, our boss, say, in some in some way, whether we perceive that as a threat whether we perceive that as a threat whether we perceive that as a threat like a something like "Ish, I hope this like a something like "Ish, I hope this like a something like "Ish, I hope this is going to go well. I'm not sure." You is going to go well. I'm not sure." You is going to go well. I'm not sure." You know, that feels like a threat versus know, that feels like a threat versus know, that feels like a threat versus whether we see that as a challenge. You whether we see that as a challenge. You whether we see that as a challenge. You know what? I rehearsed for this. I know what? I rehearsed for this. I know what? I rehearsed for this. I prepared for this. I've thought this prepared for this. I've thought this prepared for this. I've thought this through. I know my boss. I know exactly through. I know my boss. I know exactly through. I know my boss. I know exactly the kind of thing I need to say to make the kind of thing I need to say to make the kind of thing I need to say to make my point. I've got this. my point. I've got this. my point. I've got this. Different mindsets for the same Different mindsets for the same Different mindsets for the same conversation you're about to have. In in conversation you're about to have. In in conversation you're about to have. In in the challenge mindset, the challenge mindset, the challenge mindset, you are relying on your resources. You you are relying on your resources. You you are relying on your resources. You are relying on your preparation. You are relying on your preparation. You are relying on your preparation. You feel good about it. You are heading in feel good about it. You are heading in feel good about it. You are heading in there to win something. You are heading there to win something. You are heading there to win something. You are heading in there to crush something. That in there to crush something. That in there to crush something. That mindset is extremely positive. It will mindset is extremely positive. It will mindset is extremely positive. It will allow you to avail yourself of your allow you to avail yourself of your allow you to avail yourself of your resources to do your best. resources to do your best. resources to do your best. That's the opposite mindset, the one That's the opposite mindset, the one That's the opposite mindset, the one about I hope this goes well, but I'm not about I hope this goes well, but I'm not about I hope this goes well, but I'm not sure, the hesitancy, the doubt. sure, the hesitancy, the doubt. sure, the hesitancy, the doubt. It makes a difference in in just It makes a difference in in just It makes a difference in in just remarkable ways and in our brain remarkable ways and in our brain remarkable ways and in our brain chemistry, you know, in in in literally chemistry, you know, in in in literally chemistry, you know, in in in literally physiologically how our body physiologically how our body physiologically how our body responds. And you will go in and you responds. And you will go in and you responds. And you will go in and you will not do well because that hesitancy, will not do well because that hesitancy, will not do well because that hesitancy, that doubt, that questioning, that not that doubt, that questioning, that not that doubt, that questioning, that not being sure, the going in to not lose as being sure, the going in to not lose as being sure, the going in to not lose as opposed to going in to win opposed to going in to win opposed to going in to win is the same thing kind of semantically, is the same thing kind of semantically, is the same thing kind of semantically, but it's vastly but it's vastly but it's vastly different. And so anytime we have a different. And so anytime we have a different. And so anytime we have a challenge in the workplace or in life, challenge in the workplace or in life, challenge in the workplace or in life, in sports, as cuz this is a sports in sports, as cuz this is a sports in sports, as cuz this is a sports psychology theory essentially, then we psychology theory essentially, then we psychology theory essentially, then we really need to attend to our mindset. We really need to attend to our mindset. We really need to attend to our mindset. We need to prepare, we need to feel in need to prepare, we need to feel in need to prepare, we need to feel in control, we need to feel that we have control, we need to feel that we have control, we need to feel that we have the resources, we need to feel that we the resources, we need to feel that we the resources, we need to feel that we can actually win as opposed to hope we can actually win as opposed to hope we can actually win as opposed to hope we can, but worry that at least let's not can, but worry that at least let's not can, but worry that at least let's not lose. That nuance of mindset makes a lose. That nuance of mindset makes a lose. That nuance of mindset makes a critical difference. And in the critical difference. And in the critical difference. And in the workplace, especially when you're doing workplace, especially when you're doing workplace, especially when you're doing things that are anxiety provoking like things that are anxiety provoking like things that are anxiety provoking like giving presentations or having a giving presentations or having a giving presentations or having a difficult conversation or doing things difficult conversation or doing things difficult conversation or doing things that have high stakes, that mindset is that have high stakes, that mindset is that have high stakes, that mindset is really critical. really critical. really critical. >> When Max sent you to me, brother, my >> When Max sent you to me, brother, my >> When Max sent you to me, brother, my son, who's the producer, said, "Hey, son, who's the producer, said, "Hey, son, who's the producer, said, "Hey, Dad, I think this is something we should Dad, I think this is something we should Dad, I think this is something we should talk about." talk about." talk about." To be honest with you, part of me was To be honest with you, part of me was To be honest with you, part of me was conflicted. And let me tell you why. conflicted. And let me tell you why. conflicted. And let me tell you why. I know I know I know a lot of the people that follow me on a lot of the people that follow me on a lot of the people that follow me on this show want to do something great in this show want to do something great in this show want to do something great in their life, their life, their life, right? They want to be great. They want right? They want to be great. They want right? They want to be great. They want to be the goat at what they do. And I to be the goat at what they do. And I to be the goat at what they do. And I know that requires an unusual level of know that requires an unusual level of know that requires an unusual level of commitment and dedication and frankly commitment and dedication and frankly commitment and dedication and frankly focus. focus. focus. And I used to think anything that And I used to think anything that And I used to think anything that violates what I just said there violates what I just said there violates what I just said there is like the other side of personal is like the other side of personal is like the other side of personal development. Drink your wheatgrass, put development. Drink your wheatgrass, put development. Drink your wheatgrass, put your fingers together, meditate 19 hours your fingers together, meditate 19 hours your fingers together, meditate 19 hours a day. There's like these two camps, a day. There's like these two camps, a day. There's like these two camps, right? right? right? And And And over the years, I've come to believe over the years, I've come to believe over the years, I've come to believe that some of the things you teach in that some of the things you teach in that some of the things you teach in this book, this book, this book, I could have been better at work. I could have been better at work. I could have been better at work. I could have been more productive. I I could have been more productive. I I could have been more productive. I could have been more creative. could have been more creative. could have been more creative. I could have been in the right side of I could have been in the right side of I could have been in the right side of my brain more often, with more energy to my brain more often, with more energy to my brain more often, with more energy to my work, had I actually In other words, my work, had I actually In other words, my work, had I actually In other words, it's not a choice of A or B. it's not a choice of A or B. it's not a choice of A or B. There is some self-care in our lives There is some self-care in our lives There is some self-care in our lives that you talk about in this book that that you talk about in this book that that you talk about in this book that will actually make you a better machine will actually make you a better machine will actually make you a better machine that you think you want to be. that you think you want to be. that you think you want to be. One of the things you talk about, One of the things you talk about, One of the things you talk about, man, I wish I would have read this book man, I wish I would have read this book man, I wish I would have read this book 30 years ago, right? I By the way, 30 years ago, right? I By the way, 30 years ago, right? I By the way, everyone, I think I'd have been everyone, I think I'd have been everyone, I think I'd have been wealthier. wealthier. wealthier. I think I'd have been more successful. I I think I'd have been more successful. I I think I'd have been more successful. I know I'd be healthier, and I know I'd know I'd be healthier, and I know I'd know I'd be healthier, and I know I'd have deeper relationships. have deeper relationships. have deeper relationships. I don't think these things would have I don't think these things would have I don't think these things would have cost me success. I think they would have cost me success. I think they would have cost me success. I think they would have been additive. been additive. been additive. is micro breaks. is micro breaks. is micro breaks. And you talk about it in the book. And you talk about it in the book. And you talk about it in the book. You got to tell them a I know they got You got to tell them a I know they got You got to tell them a I know they got to get the book. There's so much in the to get the book. There's so much in the to get the book. There's so much in the book, you guys. Trust me, you're going book, you guys. Trust me, you're going book, you guys. Trust me, you're going to get the book no matter what we cover to get the book no matter what we cover to get the book no matter what we cover today. But can you talk about micro today. But can you talk about micro today. But can you talk about micro breaks for a second? This is a strategy breaks for a second? This is a strategy breaks for a second? This is a strategy and an idea and an idea and an idea I've not heard anybody talk about any of I've not heard anybody talk about any of I've not heard anybody talk about any of the books I've read. the books I've read. the books I've read. >> So, yeah, I just want to I just want to >> So, yeah, I just want to I just want to >> So, yeah, I just want to I just want to preface something. I just I highlight preface something. I just I highlight preface something. I just I highlight what you said there about my approach what you said there about my approach what you said there about my approach because I I think it's really important. because I I think it's really important. because I I think it's really important. I First of all, I talk about myself in I First of all, I talk about myself in I First of all, I talk about myself in the book. I pretty much made every the book. I pretty much made every the book. I pretty much made every mistake I talk about in the book. You mistake I talk about in the book. You mistake I talk about in the book. You know, because I yeah, I'm an ambitious know, because I yeah, I'm an ambitious know, because I yeah, I'm an ambitious person, and I tend to overwork, and I person, and I tend to overwork, and I person, and I tend to overwork, and I tend to say yes to a lot of things, and tend to say yes to a lot of things, and tend to say yes to a lot of things, and I tend to get excited. I tend to get excited. I tend to get excited. >> You're intense. >> You're intense. >> You're intense. >> Yeah, yeah. And and and I you know, so >> Yeah, yeah. And and and I you know, so >> Yeah, yeah. And and and I you know, so so I'm subject to all the you know, all so I'm subject to all the you know, all so I'm subject to all the you know, all those slippery slopes that I talk about. those slippery slopes that I talk about. those slippery slopes that I talk about. And my goal is like, yes, you can you And my goal is like, yes, you can you And my goal is like, yes, you can you can you can strive, you can want to can you can strive, you can want to can you can strive, you can want to succeed, and you can succeed, and you succeed, and you can succeed, and you succeed, and you can succeed, and you can achieve, can achieve, can achieve, and you can do it in a smart enough way and you can do it in a smart enough way and you can do it in a smart enough way that you're actually doing better there that you're actually doing better there that you're actually doing better there and still living your life well and still living your life well and still living your life well outside of work. So, it is really about outside of work. So, it is really about outside of work. So, it is really about having both. It's not about one over the having both. It's not about one over the having both. It's not about one over the other. It's not about I don't work so other. It's not about I don't work so other. It's not about I don't work so hard, have a better life. It's about do hard, have a better life. It's about do hard, have a better life. It's about do better in both. And and they're highly better in both. And and they're highly better in both. And and they're highly related. And and and micro breaks is a related. And and and micro breaks is a related. And and and micro breaks is a great example. When we have very great example. When we have very great example. When we have very demanding days, there there many days demanding days, there there many days demanding days, there there many days that I used to have, and I'm sure this that I used to have, and I'm sure this that I used to have, and I'm sure this is true of you and of of many many is true of you and of of many many is true of you and of of many many people, where you wake up in the people, where you wake up in the people, where you wake up in the morning, you know what's ahead of you morning, you know what's ahead of you morning, you know what's ahead of you for the day, for the week, and you go, for the day, for the week, and you go, for the day, for the week, and you go, "I've got to get through this week." "I've got to get through this week." "I've got to get through this week." Uh this this day I just got to get Uh this this day I just got to get Uh this this day I just got to get through it. Because it's it's that much, through it. Because it's it's that much, through it. Because it's it's that much, you know? And and when we have that you know? And and when we have that you know? And and when we have that mindset, unfortunately, what we tend to mindset, unfortunately, what we tend to mindset, unfortunately, what we tend to do is put our head down and we go from do is put our head down and we go from do is put our head down and we go from task to task to task to task from thing task to task to task to task from thing task to task to task to task from thing to thing to thing to thing. We do it to thing to thing to thing. We do it to thing to thing to thing. We do it kind of mindlessly. We do it on kind of mindlessly. We do it on kind of mindlessly. We do it on autopilot. And when that happens, there autopilot. And when that happens, there autopilot. And when that happens, there all kinds of problems with it. Number all kinds of problems with it. Number all kinds of problems with it. Number one, we will start to fade just in terms one, we will start to fade just in terms one, we will start to fade just in terms of our mental abilities, our creativity, of our mental abilities, our creativity, of our mental abilities, our creativity, our decision-making, our thinking, our our decision-making, our thinking, our our decision-making, our thinking, our attention to detail, our executive attention to detail, our executive attention to detail, our executive functioning, will start to decline functioning, will start to decline functioning, will start to decline seriously throughout the day because seriously throughout the day because seriously throughout the day because we're just grinding. We're just like we're just grinding. We're just like we're just grinding. We're just like going from one thing to the other. We going from one thing to the other. We going from one thing to the other. We can't sustain that for many hours can't sustain that for many hours can't sustain that for many hours without it compromising those abilities without it compromising those abilities without it compromising those abilities significantly. And it's kind of like significantly. And it's kind of like significantly. And it's kind of like misery or just like kind of let me just misery or just like kind of let me just misery or just like kind of let me just let me just tolerate this. Let me just let me just tolerate this. Let me just let me just tolerate this. Let me just get through it. Now, what we should be get through it. Now, what we should be get through it. Now, what we should be doing instead, and and it's a very doing instead, and and it's a very doing instead, and and it's a very simple thing, it's when we have simple thing, it's when we have simple thing, it's when we have demanding days, when we have demanding demanding days, when we have demanding demanding days, when we have demanding weeks, is to take an truly takes 5-10 weeks, is to take an truly takes 5-10 weeks, is to take an truly takes 5-10 minutes. 5-10 minutes before the start minutes. 5-10 minutes before the start minutes. 5-10 minutes before the start of the day, before the start of the of the day, before the start of the of the day, before the start of the week, and be much more intentional about week, and be much more intentional about week, and be much more intentional about let me look at this day, where do I take let me look at this day, where do I take let me look at this day, where do I take my breaks, what kind of breaks can I my breaks, what kind of breaks can I my breaks, what kind of breaks can I take that will actually refresh me, take that will actually refresh me, take that will actually refresh me, recharge me, reinvigorate me throughout recharge me, reinvigorate me throughout recharge me, reinvigorate me throughout the day? And in the book I talk about the day? And in the book I talk about the day? And in the book I talk about the research that looks at micro breaks the research that looks at micro breaks the research that looks at micro breaks from 2 minutes to 5 minutes to 15-minute from 2 minutes to 5 minutes to 15-minute from 2 minutes to 5 minutes to 15-minute power naps to all kinds of things that power naps to all kinds of things that power naps to all kinds of things that we can do. Because if you're not we can do. Because if you're not we can do. Because if you're not actually being thoughtful about it, you actually being thoughtful about it, you actually being thoughtful about it, you will do what most of us do. You'll get will do what most of us do. You'll get will do what most of us do. You'll get on your phone. on your phone. on your phone. You'll, you know, look at social media. You'll, you know, look at social media. You'll, you know, look at social media. You'll do the kind of which is fine, You'll do the kind of which is fine, You'll do the kind of which is fine, except it's not refreshing. It's not except it's not refreshing. It's not except it's not refreshing. It's not going to do anything going to do anything going to do anything for you. You know, you'll game. You for you. You know, you'll game. You for you. You know, you'll game. You know, you'll do stuff that will just not know, you'll do stuff that will just not know, you'll do stuff that will just not do anything to actually recharge you and do anything to actually recharge you and do anything to actually recharge you and actually refresh you. And you can actually refresh you. And you can actually refresh you. And you can actually choose to do and curate and be actually choose to do and curate and be actually choose to do and curate and be intentional about, "Oh, this is a 3-hour intentional about, "Oh, this is a 3-hour intentional about, "Oh, this is a 3-hour obnoxious meeting. I'm going to actually obnoxious meeting. I'm going to actually obnoxious meeting. I'm going to actually call with someone that I really care call with someone that I really care call with someone that I really care about so I can vent about it later or about so I can vent about it later or about so I can vent about it later or just get a feeling of loving this or just get a feeling of loving this or just get a feeling of loving this or loving that. Or, you know, Wednesday is loving that. Or, you know, Wednesday is loving that. Or, you know, Wednesday is the hump day and it's such a long day the hump day and it's such a long day the hump day and it's such a long day and I'm by the What I'm going to do is and I'm by the What I'm going to do is and I'm by the What I'm going to do is I'm going to take 15 minutes there and I'm going to take 15 minutes there and I'm going to take 15 minutes there and I'm going to, you know, prepare my I'm going to, you know, prepare my I'm going to, you know, prepare my favorite lunch. And I'm going to like favorite lunch. And I'm going to like favorite lunch. And I'm going to like look forward to that lunch. I don't do look forward to that lunch. I don't do look forward to that lunch. I don't do it a lot, but you know what? Wednesday it a lot, but you know what? Wednesday it a lot, but you know what? Wednesday is a day where I deserve that lunch. Let is a day where I deserve that lunch. Let is a day where I deserve that lunch. Let me squeeze 20 minutes here to go outside me squeeze 20 minutes here to go outside me squeeze 20 minutes here to go outside and sit in nature to just relax because and sit in nature to just relax because and sit in nature to just relax because that will recharge me. I have 2 minutes that will recharge me. I have 2 minutes that will recharge me. I have 2 minutes between these difficult meetings. You between these difficult meetings. You between these difficult meetings. You know what I should do? I've been sitting know what I should do? I've been sitting know what I should do? I've been sitting all day. Up and down some stairs. Some all day. Up and down some stairs. Some all day. Up and down some stairs. Some push-ups. Some something physical to get push-ups. Some something physical to get push-ups. Some something physical to get my blood pumping. my blood pumping. my blood pumping. You need to be thoughtful. And And if You need to be thoughtful. And And if You need to be thoughtful. And And if you do that, you will accomplish more you do that, you will accomplish more you do that, you will accomplish more during a day. Your Your work product during a day. Your Your work product during a day. Your Your work product will be better. You'll All your skill will be better. You'll All your skill will be better. You'll All your skill sets will be sharpened. And so it's sets will be sharpened. And so it's sets will be sharpened. And so it's actually advantages you. It just actually advantages you. It just actually advantages you. It just requires you to disconnect the autopilot requires you to disconnect the autopilot requires you to disconnect the autopilot and be more intentional and deliberate and be more intentional and deliberate and be more intentional and deliberate about Take charge of your day. Be the about Take charge of your day. Be the about Take charge of your day. Be the manager for yourself and and do that. manager for yourself and and do that. manager for yourself and and do that. >> That's extraordinary what he just said, >> That's extraordinary what he just said, >> That's extraordinary what he just said, you guys. Just And I know my team's in you guys. Just And I know my team's in you guys. Just And I know my team's in the studio right now kind of smirking the studio right now kind of smirking the studio right now kind of smirking because I'm in the middle right now as because I'm in the middle right now as because I'm in the middle right now as we're doing this of one of those days. we're doing this of one of those days. we're doing this of one of those days. And you know what I just did thanks to And you know what I just did thanks to And you know what I just did thanks to you? Half hour before this, I took a you? Half hour before this, I took a you? Half hour before this, I took a micro break. micro break. micro break. I did I had some this bowl of soup that I did I had some this bowl of soup that I did I had some this bowl of soup that I love. Just a kind of like a comforting I love. Just a kind of like a comforting I love. Just a kind of like a comforting bowl of soup, right? And then you know bowl of soup, right? And then you know bowl of soup, right? And then you know what I did? I closed my eyes for about what I did? I closed my eyes for about what I did? I closed my eyes for about 10 minutes. 10 minutes. 10 minutes. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> I actually was a little bit judicious in >> I actually was a little bit judicious in >> I actually was a little bit judicious in scheduling. I asked my team, "Can you scheduling. I asked my team, "Can you scheduling. I asked my team, "Can you please give me a half hour somewhere in please give me a half hour somewhere in please give me a half hour somewhere in there in the middle? I'll do the eight there in the middle? I'll do the eight there in the middle? I'll do the eight meetings. All right, I got it. It's that meetings. All right, I got it. It's that meetings. All right, I got it. It's that day, right? I got the four podcasts or day, right? I got the four podcasts or day, right? I got the four podcasts or whatever it is. whatever it is. whatever it is. But just schedule some micro breaks in But just schedule some micro breaks in But just schedule some micro breaks in there for me. And I'm bringing, you there for me. And I'm bringing, you there for me. And I'm bringing, you know, my A energy to this. And by the know, my A energy to this. And by the know, my A energy to this. And by the way, enjoying it. way, enjoying it. way, enjoying it. It's not just like, "Oh, I'll Cuz it's a It's not just like, "Oh, I'll Cuz it's a It's not just like, "Oh, I'll Cuz it's a metaphor for life, isn't it, guy? Like metaphor for life, isn't it, guy? Like metaphor for life, isn't it, guy? Like like Okay, I'm just going to get through like Okay, I'm just going to get through like Okay, I'm just going to get through this, then I'll enjoy myself, my day, my this, then I'll enjoy myself, my day, my this, then I'll enjoy myself, my day, my week, my month. Okay, I'm going to get week, my month. Okay, I'm going to get week, my month. Okay, I'm going to get through this stage of my life. I'm going through this stage of my life. I'm going through this stage of my life. I'm going to get through the next 10 years. to get through the next 10 years. to get through the next 10 years. That's not how you're supposed to do it. That's not how you're supposed to do it. That's not how you're supposed to do it. And I did it that way, right? And And I did it that way, right? And And I did it that way, right? And so much so, this is why the book's so so much so, this is why the book's so so much so, this is why the book's so good. I keep selling the book. good. I keep selling the book. good. I keep selling the book. I don't think I ever learned how to even I don't think I ever learned how to even I don't think I ever learned how to even take a vacation. take a vacation. take a vacation. And I'd like you to talk about it cuz And I'd like you to talk about it cuz And I'd like you to talk about it cuz it's in the book, right? And so it's in the book, right? And so it's in the book, right? And so um um um I don't think I took one. I don't think I took one. I don't think I took one. I mean, I did physically take my body I mean, I did physically take my body I mean, I did physically take my body like to Cabo for two or three days. And like to Cabo for two or three days. And like to Cabo for two or three days. And probably the first day I had too much probably the first day I had too much probably the first day I had too much tequila or something, right? But like tequila or something, right? But like tequila or something, right? But like beyond that, I was still ruminating. I beyond that, I was still ruminating. I beyond that, I was still ruminating. I was still in email. I was still was still in email. I was still was still in email. I was still thinking. And then like the day before thinking. And then like the day before thinking. And then like the day before I'm going back, I'm all I I got to get I'm going back, I'm all I I got to get I'm going back, I'm all I I got to get ready mentally. So I'm back in that ready mentally. So I'm back in that ready mentally. So I'm back in that mode. And then I look at it, I'm like, I mode. And then I look at it, I'm like, I mode. And then I look at it, I'm like, I flew all the way to this place or I did flew all the way to this place or I did flew all the way to this place or I did all this stuff. all this stuff. all this stuff. Like maybe for like 3 hours of And even Like maybe for like 3 hours of And even Like maybe for like 3 hours of And even then, I'm pretty sure my mind was still then, I'm pretty sure my mind was still then, I'm pretty sure my mind was still cranking away. Can you help us learn to cranking away. Can you help us learn to cranking away. Can you help us learn to unplug and vacation or what the unplug and vacation or what the unplug and vacation or what the metaphorically even? metaphorically even? metaphorically even? >> But but look, I I just want to mention >> But but look, I I just want to mention >> But but look, I I just want to mention something that's actually not in the something that's actually not in the something that's actually not in the book about me. And I I I was just I book about me. And I I I was just I book about me. And I I I was just I mean, I was just like you. I said Ed, I mean, I was just like you. I said Ed, I mean, I was just like you. I said Ed, I made so many of these mistakes. But um made so many of these mistakes. But um made so many of these mistakes. But um but one of them for me was I wouldn't but one of them for me was I wouldn't but one of them for me was I wouldn't pause to celebrate anything. pause to celebrate anything. pause to celebrate anything. Because I was setting the next goal. Why Because I was setting the next goal. Why Because I was setting the next goal. Why am I pausing here? I got my am I pausing here? I got my am I pausing here? I got my undergraduate degree, didn't go to the undergraduate degree, didn't go to the undergraduate degree, didn't go to the graduation. Didn't celebrate that at graduation. Didn't celebrate that at graduation. Didn't celebrate that at all. Master's degree, didn't go to the all. Master's degree, didn't go to the all. Master's degree, didn't go to the graduation, didn't celebrate it at all. graduation, didn't celebrate it at all. graduation, didn't celebrate it at all. It's when I got my PhD, which is the It's when I got my PhD, which is the It's when I got my PhD, which is the last degree you can get, and I was going last degree you can get, and I was going last degree you can get, and I was going about to skip about to skip the ceremony about to skip about to skip the ceremony about to skip about to skip the ceremony when when my brother was like, when when my brother was like, when when my brother was like, you you're out of degrees. you you're out of degrees. you you're out of degrees. Maybe maybe go to one. Maybe maybe go to one. Maybe maybe go to one. >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> Celebrate one, you know, like for >> Celebrate one, you know, like for >> Celebrate one, you know, like for goodness sake. This is the last one, you goodness sake. This is the last one, you goodness sake. This is the last one, you know. So, I mean, I I totally get that. know. So, I mean, I I totally get that. know. So, I mean, I I totally get that. Vacations are tricky because what we do Vacations are tricky because what we do Vacations are tricky because what we do with vacations is we like we work really with vacations is we like we work really with vacations is we like we work really really hard to get ahead beforehand really hard to get ahead beforehand really hard to get ahead beforehand so that we can clear our desk, whatever. so that we can clear our desk, whatever. so that we can clear our desk, whatever. Then we get and this was me up until Then we get and this was me up until Then we get and this was me up until recently. Get to the vacation, I'm so recently. Get to the vacation, I'm so recently. Get to the vacation, I'm so hyped up. I'm so in work mode, it's 3 hyped up. I'm so in work mode, it's 3 hyped up. I'm so in work mode, it's 3 days for me to unwind enough to be able days for me to unwind enough to be able days for me to unwind enough to be able to actually relax, then only have 3 days to actually relax, then only have 3 days to actually relax, then only have 3 days left, if that. left, if that. left, if that. And I would and I it would terrible. I And I would and I it would terrible. I And I would and I it would terrible. I was wasting all these vacations like was wasting all these vacations like was wasting all these vacations like because when you're that wound up, like because when you're that wound up, like because when you're that wound up, like you can't stroll through a new you're you can't stroll through a new you're you can't stroll through a new you're like you're so goal-oriented. You're like you're so goal-oriented. You're like you're so goal-oriented. You're like, let's get to the place. I need TO like, let's get to the place. I need TO like, let's get to the place. I need TO SEE THE PLACE, YOU KNOW, AND IT'S LIKE SEE THE PLACE, YOU KNOW, AND IT'S LIKE SEE THE PLACE, YOU KNOW, AND IT'S LIKE THAT'S not the best mindset for a THAT'S not the best mindset for a THAT'S not the best mindset for a vacation. vacation. vacation. So, I learned that you actually have to So, I learned that you actually have to So, I learned that you actually have to relax before you go on a vacation. You relax before you go on a vacation. You relax before you go on a vacation. You have to start down throttling have to start down throttling have to start down throttling before you leave. I the few days before before you leave. I the few days before before you leave. I the few days before I go to the before I leave on vacation, I go to the before I leave on vacation, I go to the before I leave on vacation, I try and clear the evenings to have a I try and clear the evenings to have a I try and clear the evenings to have a relaxed evening. I pack ahead of time. I relaxed evening. I pack ahead of time. I relaxed evening. I pack ahead of time. I don't try and get ahead at work. I I don't try and get ahead at work. I I don't try and get ahead at work. I I don't try and work till the last minute. don't try and work till the last minute. don't try and work till the last minute. I try and literally go from fifth gear I try and literally go from fifth gear I try and literally go from fifth gear to fourth gear to third gear on that to fourth gear to third gear on that to fourth gear to third gear on that last day at work. I'm I'm kind of just last day at work. I'm I'm kind of just last day at work. I'm I'm kind of just really coasting a little bit and and really coasting a little bit and and really coasting a little bit and and it's amazing when I do that. I hit the it's amazing when I do that. I hit the it's amazing when I do that. I hit the ground on the vacation ground on the vacation ground on the vacation in vacation ready mindset. And and the in vacation ready mindset. And and the in vacation ready mindset. And and the first time that happened to me, I was first time that happened to me, I was first time that happened to me, I was like, oh my god, like, oh my god, like, oh my god, I'm relaxed and I just arrived. That's I'm relaxed and I just arrived. That's I'm relaxed and I just arrived. That's amazing. I'm going to get so much more amazing. I'm going to get so much more amazing. I'm going to get so much more value value value out of this vacation. You know, and and out of this vacation. You know, and and out of this vacation. You know, and and >> Bro. >> Bro. >> Bro. >> And then it turns out there's a whole >> And then it turns out there's a whole >> And then it turns out there's a whole science behind, you know, so I end the science behind, you know, so I end the science behind, you know, so I end the book with a chapter about the science of book with a chapter about the science of book with a chapter about the science of of uh vacations because there's a lot of of uh vacations because there's a lot of of uh vacations because there's a lot of different things you can do to maximize different things you can do to maximize different things you can do to maximize the the the value of vacations you do the the the value of vacations you do the the the value of vacations you do take. But but that's that that was the take. But but that's that that was the take. But but that's that that was the major thing. Like don't get there with major thing. Like don't get there with major thing. Like don't get there with your tongue hanging out. your tongue hanging out. your tongue hanging out. >> So if you're listening to the show, >> So if you're listening to the show, >> So if you're listening to the show, we're all trying to get healthier, we're all trying to get healthier, we're all trying to get healthier, right? I mean, we're drinking the water right? I mean, we're drinking the water right? I mean, we're drinking the water that we're supposed to drink, you know, that we're supposed to drink, you know, that we're supposed to drink, you know, we're getting our steps in, you know, we're getting our steps in, you know, we're getting our steps in, you know, we're in the gym training. You're doing we're in the gym training. You're doing we're in the gym training. You're doing all that stuff. You know the missing all that stuff. You know the missing all that stuff. You know the missing link for a lot of people? Their liver. A link for a lot of people? Their liver. A link for a lot of people? Their liver. A lot of health starts with the liver, and lot of health starts with the liver, and lot of health starts with the liver, and it's the one thing nobody's talking it's the one thing nobody's talking it's the one thing nobody's talking about right now that you should be about right now that you should be about right now that you should be focused on and show your liver some focused on and show your liver some focused on and show your liver some love. And so that's where Dose comes in. love. And so that's where Dose comes in. love. And so that's where Dose comes in. Dose is a clinically backed liver Dose is a clinically backed liver Dose is a clinically backed liver supplement, and it actually tastes good. supplement, and it actually tastes good. supplement, and it actually tastes good. I mean, like yummy. You're going to love I mean, like yummy. You're going to love I mean, like yummy. You're going to love it, right? But it's actually going to it, right? But it's actually going to it, right? But it's actually going to help you with your liver, and you will help you with your liver, and you will help you with your liver, and you will feel the difference. This isn't just feel the difference. This isn't just feel the difference. This isn't just some other cup of powder. Dose is a some other cup of powder. Dose is a some other cup of powder. Dose is a liquid supplement, like a daily 2-oz liquid supplement, like a daily 2-oz liquid supplement, like a daily 2-oz shot that you would take. Taste great, shot that you would take. Taste great, shot that you would take. Taste great, like I said, and you're going to feel like I said, and you're going to feel like I said, and you're going to feel the impact of it, for sure. Head to the impact of it, for sure. Head to the impact of it, for sure. Head to dosedaily.co/mylett, or enter mylett to get 35% off your or enter mylett to get 35% off your first subscription. Your body does so first subscription. Your body does so first subscription. Your body does so much for you, it's time you do something much for you, it's time you do something much for you, it's time you do something for your body. So go to dosedaily.co. for your body. So go to dosedaily.co. for your body. So go to dosedaily.co. d o s e d a i l y d o s e d a i l y d o s e d a i l y .co/mylett .co/mylett .co/mylett for 35% for 35% for 35% off your first month subscription. off your first month subscription. off your first month subscription. >> So many of you have asked how to see me >> So many of you have asked how to see me >> So many of you have asked how to see me speak live, and for the first time ever, speak live, and for the first time ever, speak live, and for the first time ever, you can come see me speak live in you can come see me speak live in you can come see me speak live in person. All of my speeches have been person. All of my speeches have been person. All of my speeches have been private events, but now I'm teaming up private events, but now I'm teaming up private events, but now I'm teaming up with Life Surge, speaking all over the with Life Surge, speaking all over the with Life Surge, speaking all over the country. Life Surge is a one-day country. Life Surge is a one-day country. Life Surge is a one-day faith-based event where you'll walk in faith-based event where you'll walk in faith-based event where you'll walk in hungry for success, and you'll leave hungry for success, and you'll leave hungry for success, and you'll leave ready to build your resources to leave ready to build your resources to leave ready to build your resources to leave an impact on others. We're talking an impact on others. We're talking an impact on others. We're talking faith-fueled finance, growing your faith-fueled finance, growing your faith-fueled finance, growing your resources, crushing obstacles, and then resources, crushing obstacles, and then resources, crushing obstacles, and then yeah, using it all for something way yeah, using it all for something way yeah, using it all for something way bigger than yourself. I'm joining Life bigger than yourself. I'm joining Life bigger than yourself. I'm joining Life Surge in a few cities this year, and I'd Surge in a few cities this year, and I'd Surge in a few cities this year, and I'd love to see you there. I'll be sharing love to see you there. I'll be sharing love to see you there. I'll be sharing the stage with legends such as two-time the stage with legends such as two-time the stage with legends such as two-time football champion Tim Tebow, star of football champion Tim Tebow, star of football champion Tim Tebow, star of Duck Dynasty Willie Robertson, and Duck Dynasty Willie Robertson, and Duck Dynasty Willie Robertson, and leadership hero of mine John Maxwell, leadership hero of mine John Maxwell, leadership hero of mine John Maxwell, pastor and author Craig Groeschel, and pastor and author Craig Groeschel, and pastor and author Craig Groeschel, and worship with artists like Natalie Grant. worship with artists like Natalie Grant. worship with artists like Natalie Grant. Tickets are on sale at lifesurge.com. Tickets are on sale at lifesurge.com. Tickets are on sale at lifesurge.com. And just for my listeners, you can use And just for my listeners, you can use And just for my listeners, you can use the code ED30 for 30% off a ticket. the code ED30 for 30% off a ticket. the code ED30 for 30% off a ticket. There will be a link in the show notes, There will be a link in the show notes, There will be a link in the show notes, so click through and take some time to so click through and take some time to so click through and take some time to join us. Cities are being added all the join us. Cities are being added all the join us. Cities are being added all the time, so if you don't see one near you time, so if you don't see one near you time, so if you don't see one near you now, check back. I hope to see you now, check back. I hope to see you now, check back. I hope to see you there. there. there. >> So, let me ask you this. So, someone's >> So, let me ask you this. So, someone's >> So, let me ask you this. So, someone's listening to us, and I think maybe listening to us, and I think maybe listening to us, and I think maybe they're going, "Well, I'm not that they're going, "Well, I'm not that they're going, "Well, I'm not that extreme like these two weirdos are." You extreme like these two weirdos are." You extreme like these two weirdos are." You know, I mean, know, I mean, know, I mean, I do celebrate once in a while and I I do celebrate once in a while and I I do celebrate once in a while and I take a break or two here and there. take a break or two here and there. take a break or two here and there. And I think sometimes we go, "I don't And I think sometimes we go, "I don't And I think sometimes we go, "I don't have a problem compared to them." have a problem compared to them." have a problem compared to them." So, how does somebody know So, how does somebody know So, how does somebody know if they've got this issue that we're if they've got this issue that we're if they've got this issue that we're describing, that they're a little, describing, that they're a little, describing, that they're a little, you know, addicted, over overstressed, you know, addicted, over overstressed, you know, addicted, over overstressed, overworked? How do you know if you're overworked? How do you know if you're overworked? How do you know if you're suffering from an ailment that maybe suffering from an ailment that maybe suffering from an ailment that maybe you've been carrying with you forever, you've been carrying with you forever, you've been carrying with you forever, so it seems normal? so it seems normal? so it seems normal? >> Look, especially when it comes to >> Look, especially when it comes to >> Look, especially when it comes to overworking, the thing about overworking overworking, the thing about overworking overworking, the thing about overworking is that it's a vague definition. I mean, is that it's a vague definition. I mean, is that it's a vague definition. I mean, the the research definition is over 55 the the research definition is over 55 the the research definition is over 55 to 60 hours to 60 hours to 60 hours a week. a week. a week. Um but when I say that to most people, Um but when I say that to most people, Um but when I say that to most people, they're like, they're like, they're like, "I do 55 hours last Tuesday, you know, "I do 55 hours last Tuesday, you know, "I do 55 hours last Tuesday, you know, like what are you talking about?" You like what are you talking about?" You like what are you talking about?" You know, so it's like, you know, it it know, so it's like, you know, it it know, so it's like, you know, it it seems like, "Ah, you know, that that's seems like, "Ah, you know, that that's seems like, "Ah, you know, that that's nothing. I mean, you know, I'm a nothing. I mean, you know, I'm a nothing. I mean, you know, I'm a founder, of course I work like that." Um founder, of course I work like that." Um founder, of course I work like that." Um but it's not about how many hours you're but it's not about how many hours you're but it's not about how many hours you're putting in. It's about how much you are putting in. It's about how much you are putting in. It's about how much you are neglecting your life outside of work. neglecting your life outside of work. neglecting your life outside of work. One of the questions, you know, I I I One of the questions, you know, I I I One of the questions, you know, I I I have clients that mostly, you know, have clients that mostly, you know, have clients that mostly, you know, founders, those kinds of things that, founders, those kinds of things that, founders, those kinds of things that, you know, CEOs. One of the questions I you know, CEOs. One of the questions I you know, CEOs. One of the questions I have to ask all of them, unfortunately, have to ask all of them, unfortunately, have to ask all of them, unfortunately, and I was always a little embarrassed to and I was always a little embarrassed to and I was always a little embarrassed to ask this, but now I feel like I need to. ask this, but now I feel like I need to. ask this, but now I feel like I need to. Is Is Is >> because these are very senior >> because these are very senior >> because these are very senior established people, is like um established people, is like um established people, is like um when was the last time you saw a doctor? when was the last time you saw a doctor? when was the last time you saw a doctor? When was the last time Adam CEO you saw When was the last time Adam CEO you saw When was the last time Adam CEO you saw a gynecologist? a gynecologist? a gynecologist? And I have to ask it because And I have to ask it because And I have to ask it because like six seven times out of 10 like six seven times out of 10 like six seven times out of 10 what I get back is some kind of blinking what I get back is some kind of blinking what I get back is some kind of blinking um um um um um um because you know, yeah, I I put off the because you know, yeah, I I put off the because you know, yeah, I I put off the the annual physical cuz it's half a day. the annual physical cuz it's half a day. the annual physical cuz it's half a day. Who has Who has the time for that? That Who has Who has the time for that? That Who has Who has the time for that? That kind of thing. It It's very very common kind of thing. It It's very very common kind of thing. It It's very very common that if you have a difficult day at that if you have a difficult day at that if you have a difficult day at work, you're going to come home and work, you're going to come home and work, you're going to come home and there's going to be conflict there's going to be conflict there's going to be conflict at home. Because it's going to be very at home. Because it's going to be very at home. Because it's going to be very difficult to undo the tension with the difficult to undo the tension with the difficult to undo the tension with the snap of the fingers when you walk snap of the fingers when you walk snap of the fingers when you walk through the door or when you finish when through the door or when you finish when through the door or when you finish when you close your laptop at home. It's like you close your laptop at home. It's like you close your laptop at home. It's like we don't go from, you know, being we don't go from, you know, being we don't go from, you know, being completely charged up and and on alert completely charged up and and on alert completely charged up and and on alert um to completely calm. The modern day um to completely calm. The modern day um to completely calm. The modern day workplace, for many people it doesn't workplace, for many people it doesn't workplace, for many people it doesn't have to be extreme, is the modern day have to be extreme, is the modern day have to be extreme, is the modern day battlefield. There are tensions, there battlefield. There are tensions, there battlefield. There are tensions, there are conflicts, there's all these are conflicts, there's all these are conflicts, there's all these competitiveness, you know, especially if competitiveness, you know, especially if competitiveness, you know, especially if you care about what you do then you're you care about what you do then you're you care about what you do then you're involved, you're engaged, it matters, involved, you're engaged, it matters, involved, you're engaged, it matters, the stakes are high. And your body the stakes are high. And your body the stakes are high. And your body responds by putting you in fight or responds by putting you in fight or responds by putting you in fight or flight. Your body responds by activating flight. Your body responds by activating flight. Your body responds by activating you and and and keeping you activated you and and and keeping you activated you and and and keeping you activated throughout the day. And then when you throughout the day. And then when you throughout the day. And then when you get home it doesn't it's just difficult get home it doesn't it's just difficult get home it doesn't it's just difficult to unwind on a dime. It takes us a while to unwind on a dime. It takes us a while to unwind on a dime. It takes us a while and until we do, if we do, because many and until we do, if we do, because many and until we do, if we do, because many of us actually never do when we get home of us actually never do when we get home of us actually never do when we get home we're still all wired up. But even if we we're still all wired up. But even if we we're still all wired up. But even if we do, meanwhile our do, meanwhile our do, meanwhile our our partners, our kids, our families, our partners, our kids, our families, our partners, our kids, our families, our friends are picking up on that our friends are picking up on that our friends are picking up on that tension. There are There are studies tension. There are There are studies tension. There are There are studies that show that if you are really that show that if you are really that show that if you are really stressed out, somebody is really stressed out, somebody is really stressed out, somebody is really stressed out and and at work, their stressed out and and at work, their stressed out and and at work, their partner their partner will lose partner their partner will lose partner their partner will lose he or her sex drive. he or her sex drive. he or her sex drive. In other words, that's how much this In other words, that's how much this In other words, that's how much this crosses over. We think we kind of keep crosses over. We think we kind of keep crosses over. We think we kind of keep it to ourselves, but these things have it to ourselves, but these things have it to ourselves, but these things have an impact because again, we we are not an impact because again, we we are not an impact because again, we we are not able to just kind of, you know, flip a able to just kind of, you know, flip a able to just kind of, you know, flip a switch and turn ourselves off and be switch and turn ourselves off and be switch and turn ourselves off and be present like we have to be much more present like we have to be much more present like we have to be much more thoughtful and there's certain thoughtful and there's certain thoughtful and there's certain techniques we need to use to do it. So, techniques we need to use to do it. So, techniques we need to use to do it. So, when people say, "Oh, no, this doesn't when people say, "Oh, no, this doesn't when people say, "Oh, no, this doesn't apply to me." I'm like, you know, ask a apply to me." I'm like, you know, ask a apply to me." I'm like, you know, ask a family family family if [clears throat] it doesn't apply to if [clears throat] it doesn't apply to if [clears throat] it doesn't apply to you. you. you. >> By the way, what a great >> By the way, what a great >> By the way, what a great I I I I'm not any longer, but I would have I'm not any longer, but I would have I'm not any longer, but I would have been afraid almost to ask that question been afraid almost to ask that question been afraid almost to ask that question cuz I know the answer. Even just you cuz I know the answer. Even just you cuz I know the answer. Even just you posing the the idea of asking that posing the the idea of asking that posing the the idea of asking that question, you know what they're going to question, you know what they're going to question, you know what they're going to say. say. say. So, I I want to ask you about self-care, So, I I want to ask you about self-care, So, I I want to ask you about self-care, which I'm proud of myself for even which I'm proud of myself for even which I'm proud of myself for even bringing my self as a man to saying that bringing my self as a man to saying that bringing my self as a man to saying that word those words now. I'll explain to word those words now. I'll explain to word those words now. I'll explain to you why. you why. you why. I had an epiphany about 10 years ago. I I had an epiphany about 10 years ago. I I had an epiphany about 10 years ago. I was golfing with a friend of mine. was golfing with a friend of mine. was golfing with a friend of mine. And um since you do this for a living, And um since you do this for a living, And um since you do this for a living, I'll be in therapy here with you for a I'll be in therapy here with you for a I'll be in therapy here with you for a minute. So, minute. So, minute. So, I was golfing with a friend of mine. I'm I was golfing with a friend of mine. I'm I was golfing with a friend of mine. I'm not going to tell everybody even who it not going to tell everybody even who it not going to tell everybody even who it was cuz he's passed away and he was a was cuz he's passed away and he was a was cuz he's passed away and he was a wonderful man. His name was Lou Welsh. wonderful man. His name was Lou Welsh. wonderful man. His name was Lou Welsh. Lou was a wonderful man. He founded LA Lou was a wonderful man. He founded LA Lou was a wonderful man. He founded LA Fitness gyms. Fitness gyms. Fitness gyms. >> Oh, wow. >> Oh, wow. >> Oh, wow. >> Very successful man. >> Very successful man. >> Very successful man. But I loved Lou because when I would But I loved Lou because when I would But I loved Lou because when I would look at him, I admired how kindly he look at him, I admired how kindly he look at him, I admired how kindly he treated people. treated people. treated people. How at easy he seemed with himself. How at easy he seemed with himself. How at easy he seemed with himself. Um what a wonderful family life that at Um what a wonderful family life that at Um what a wonderful family life that at least I observed that I thought he had. least I observed that I thought he had. least I observed that I thought he had. We were golfing one day, which I thought We were golfing one day, which I thought We were golfing one day, which I thought I was relaxing. I was relaxing. I was relaxing. Right? Because I was golfing. And we Right? Because I was golfing. And we Right? Because I was golfing. And we played about nine holes and uh played about nine holes and uh played about nine holes and uh he goes, "What Ed, what are you doing?" he goes, "What Ed, what are you doing?" he goes, "What Ed, what are you doing?" I go, "I'm golfing with my buddies, I go, "I'm golfing with my buddies, I go, "I'm golfing with my buddies, including you, Lou." He goes, "No, including you, Lou." He goes, "No, including you, Lou." He goes, "No, you're not. you're not. you're not. You are not. You're on your phone. In You are not. You're on your phone. In You are not. You're on your phone. In between every shot, you're looking at between every shot, you're looking at between every shot, you're looking at your phone in between every shot. You're your phone in between every shot. You're your phone in between every shot. You're retrieving emails. You haven't smiled retrieving emails. You haven't smiled retrieving emails. You haven't smiled once." once." once." He goes, "Ed, this is no way to live." He goes, "Ed, this is no way to live." He goes, "Ed, this is no way to live." He goes, "At At when you're relaxing, He goes, "At At when you're relaxing, He goes, "At At when you're relaxing, relax." relax." relax." And I said, "You know, Lou, I don't know And I said, "You know, Lou, I don't know And I said, "You know, Lou, I don't know if I know how to do that." And he said, if I know how to do that." And he said, if I know how to do that." And he said, "Oh, that's [ __ ] you know, of "Oh, that's [ __ ] you know, of "Oh, that's [ __ ] you know, of course you do." And he said, "Ed, you course you do." And he said, "Ed, you course you do." And he said, "Ed, you don't care for yourself." don't care for yourself." don't care for yourself." And um I went, "What do you mean?" And And um I went, "What do you mean?" And And um I went, "What do you mean?" And he goes, "Well," he goes, "I think you he goes, "Well," he goes, "I think you he goes, "Well," he goes, "I think you treat yourself like you're your own treat yourself like you're your own treat yourself like you're your own personal slave." personal slave." personal slave." "You've been living with you for 40 "You've been living with you for 40 "You've been living with you for 40 years. Look how poorly you treat years. Look how poorly you treat years. Look how poorly you treat yourself. Would you do that to anybody yourself. Would you do that to anybody yourself. Would you do that to anybody else the way you treat you? The stress else the way you treat you? The stress else the way you treat you? The stress you put you under, the pressure you're you put you under, the pressure you're you put you under, the pressure you're under, the work, the rumination in your under, the work, the rumination in your under, the work, the rumination in your mind." I'm We're standing there, this mind." I'm We're standing there, this mind." I'm We're standing there, this kind man. He goes, "You treat yourself kind man. He goes, "You treat yourself kind man. He goes, "You treat yourself like sh" like sh" like sh" He said, "Shit." He said, "Shit." He said, "Shit." And he goes, "My only conclusion is you And he goes, "My only conclusion is you And he goes, "My only conclusion is you want to die young and you don't like want to die young and you don't like want to die young and you don't like yourself." yourself." yourself." And it woke me up. And he goes, "Would And it woke me up. And he goes, "Would And it woke me up. And he goes, "Would you just start to care for Ed for all of you just start to care for Ed for all of you just start to care for Ed for all of us, please?" us, please?" us, please?" And so, I say that for all of you that I And so, I say that for all of you that I And so, I say that for all of you that I know are like me. know are like me. know are like me. What are some forms of self-care What are some forms of self-care What are some forms of self-care strategically that you would recommend strategically that you would recommend strategically that you would recommend somebody try to begin to implement who somebody try to begin to implement who somebody try to begin to implement who doesn't know anything about this? doesn't know anything about this? doesn't know anything about this? >> First of all, let me just say about your >> First of all, let me just say about your >> First of all, let me just say about your friend, that's a friend. friend, that's a friend. friend, that's a friend. Right? That is a friend. To like tell Right? That is a friend. To like tell Right? That is a friend. To like tell you bluntly, "Dude, you bluntly, "Dude, you bluntly, "Dude, wake up." Yeah. That's That's I define wake up." Yeah. That's That's I define wake up." Yeah. That's That's I define that as as a true friend. Anyway, that as as a true friend. Anyway, that as as a true friend. Anyway, >> I agree. >> I agree. >> I agree. >> I I wanted to just comment on what you >> I I wanted to just comment on what you >> I I wanted to just comment on what you said earlier. Self-care uh for men, said earlier. Self-care uh for men, said earlier. Self-care uh for men, well, I also used to cringe at the term well, I also used to cringe at the term well, I also used to cringe at the term because I used to think, "Does that mean because I used to think, "Does that mean because I used to think, "Does that mean like a manicure and people putting like a manicure and people putting like a manicure and people putting cucumbers on my eyes or something? I cucumbers on my eyes or something? I cucumbers on my eyes or something? I don't I don't want that to happen." And don't I don't want that to happen." And don't I don't want that to happen." And um um um >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> That's That's not what self-care >> That's That's not what self-care >> That's That's not what self-care means. Here's Here's how I define it. Um means. Here's Here's how I define it. Um means. Here's Here's how I define it. Um to me, self-care means to give oxygen to to me, self-care means to give oxygen to to me, self-care means to give oxygen to those aspects of my personality and my those aspects of my personality and my those aspects of my personality and my identity that do not get stage time identity that do not get stage time identity that do not get stage time during the work day. during the work day. during the work day. To do those activities that really To do those activities that really To do those activities that really access different parts of my brain access different parts of my brain access different parts of my brain because I just don't access them during because I just don't access them during because I just don't access them during the weekday during the work day to to be the weekday during the work day to to be the weekday during the work day to to be in touch with friends who for me for in touch with friends who for me for in touch with friends who for me for example, you know, I can be super goofy example, you know, I can be super goofy example, you know, I can be super goofy with and super silly with or super with and super silly with or super with and super silly with or super irreverent with because I can't do that irreverent with because I can't do that irreverent with because I can't do that that much during the work day, you know, that much during the work day, you know, that much during the work day, you know, to play literally to to find ways of joy to play literally to to find ways of joy to play literally to to find ways of joy and and there are certain things. I and and there are certain things. I and and there are certain things. I mean, I I I like to think of myself as a mean, I I I like to think of myself as a mean, I I I like to think of myself as a mature person but with a wicked childish mature person but with a wicked childish mature person but with a wicked childish streak. I have it. What are you what are streak. I have it. What are you what are streak. I have it. What are you what are you going to say? So I I can I can I can you going to say? So I I can I can I can you going to say? So I I can I can I can you know, you know, you know, I can be pretty base, you know, at I can be pretty base, you know, at I can be pretty base, you know, at certain times and I enjoyed and that's certain times and I enjoyed and that's certain times and I enjoyed and that's fun and I don't I never used to get to fun and I don't I never used to get to fun and I don't I never used to get to express that and then I I think I talked express that and then I I think I talked express that and then I I think I talked about this in the book but after 9/11 about this in the book but after 9/11 about this in the book but after 9/11 being a therapist here and in being a therapist here and in being a therapist here and in psychologist here in New York after psychologist here in New York after psychologist here in New York after 9/11, that was heavy for a while and I I 9/11, that was heavy for a while and I I 9/11, that was heavy for a while and I I realized wow, I need to do something realized wow, I need to do something realized wow, I need to do something therapeutic therapeutic therapeutic to add to lighten my day and I started to add to lighten my day and I started to add to lighten my day and I started doing stand-up comedy after hours after doing stand-up comedy after hours after doing stand-up comedy after hours after I finished work and I did it like three I finished work and I did it like three I finished work and I did it like three or four years quite quite seriously and or four years quite quite seriously and or four years quite quite seriously and I never spoke about being a psychologist I never spoke about being a psychologist I never spoke about being a psychologist on stage. I had a completely different on stage. I had a completely different on stage. I had a completely different persona. I mean, it was still me but a a persona. I mean, it was still me but a a persona. I mean, it was still me but a a different life, you know, cuz I didn't different life, you know, cuz I didn't different life, you know, cuz I didn't have a career and it allowed me it gave have a career and it allowed me it gave have a career and it allowed me it gave me the freedom to say the you know, the me the freedom to say the you know, the me the freedom to say the you know, the the the rudest things, the the bluest the the rudest things, the the bluest the the rudest things, the the bluest things, the you know, like as I used to things, the you know, like as I used to things, the you know, like as I used to say like yeah, I I say like yeah, I I say like yeah, I I you know, finish you know, finish you know, finish close up my office and go and tell dick close up my office and go and tell dick close up my office and go and tell dick jokes to strangers and you know, to jokes to strangers and you know, to jokes to strangers and you know, to drunk strangers in a basement bar, you drunk strangers in a basement bar, you drunk strangers in a basement bar, you know, that's what I was doing in the know, that's what I was doing in the know, that's what I was doing in the beginning and and it just was like it beginning and and it just was like it beginning and and it just was like it felt so refreshing. It it just was a felt so refreshing. It it just was a felt so refreshing. It it just was a different me, you know, that I didn't different me, you know, that I didn't different me, you know, that I didn't get you know, it was a part of me but I get you know, it was a part of me but I get you know, it was a part of me but I never and and then when I stopped I never and and then when I stopped I never and and then when I stopped I stopped but I but I brought a lot of stopped but I but I brought a lot of stopped but I but I brought a lot of that back into my work. I didn't think that back into my work. I didn't think that back into my work. I didn't think there was room for humor in my work and there was room for humor in my work and there was room for humor in my work and then I was like no there has to be then I was like no there has to be then I was like no there has to be because that's too important for me. because that's too important for me. because that's too important for me. It's too much a part of me and so to me It's too much a part of me and so to me It's too much a part of me and so to me that's what self-care means. It means that's what self-care means. It means that's what self-care means. It means really nourishing those parts of really nourishing those parts of really nourishing those parts of yourself that don't get nourished during yourself that don't get nourished during yourself that don't get nourished during the work day. the work day. the work day. >> Bro, you're extraordinary. >> Bro, you're extraordinary. >> Bro, you're extraordinary. No, I mean it. I got to tell you. No, I mean it. I got to tell you. No, I mean it. I got to tell you. The highest form of self-care that I The highest form of self-care that I The highest form of self-care that I give me is surrounding myself with my give me is surrounding myself with my give me is surrounding myself with my wackiest friends which my personal wackiest friends which my personal wackiest friends which my personal friend friend friend that make me laugh so hard. It's the that make me laugh so hard. It's the that make me laugh so hard. It's the most alive I am most alive I am most alive I am other than when I'm with my family is other than when I'm with my family is other than when I'm with my family is when I'm with these men and women many when I'm with these men and women many when I'm with these men and women many of which have been on the show and then of which have been on the show and then of which have been on the show and then I have to tell you something cuz I know I have to tell you something cuz I know I have to tell you something cuz I know they're freaking out in the studio. Last they're freaking out in the studio. Last they're freaking out in the studio. Last week I told these guys I said you guys I week I told these guys I said you guys I week I told these guys I said you guys I think I should try stand up. think I should try stand up. think I should try stand up. Of all the things you could have said Of all the things you could have said Of all the things you could have said bro cuz I'm a public speaker. I speak on bro cuz I'm a public speaker. I speak on bro cuz I'm a public speaker. I speak on stages all over the world and people do stages all over the world and people do stages all over the world and people do laugh at my stuff but that's different. laugh at my stuff but that's different. laugh at my stuff but that's different. >> Oh yeah. >> Oh yeah. >> Oh yeah. >> Walking into >> Walking into >> Walking into an underground comedy club in New York an underground comedy club in New York an underground comedy club in New York and they just heckled the dude before and they just heckled the dude before and they just heckled the dude before you. you. you. >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> And I think I know why and I think for >> And I think I know why and I think for >> And I think I know why and I think for you and I just wanted to say this. you and I just wanted to say this. you and I just wanted to say this. I think another way of another form of I think another way of another form of I think another way of another form of self-care is finding other forms of self-care is finding other forms of self-care is finding other forms of expression of your being. expression of your being. expression of your being. >> Yeah. Yes. >> Yeah. Yes. >> Yeah. Yes. >> Whether that be the guitar or the piano >> Whether that be the guitar or the piano >> Whether that be the guitar or the piano or running or yoga or and then it's it or running or yoga or and then it's it or running or yoga or and then it's it it's those are forms of expression. it's those are forms of expression. it's those are forms of expression. Competing in a sport, doing a triathlon. Competing in a sport, doing a triathlon. Competing in a sport, doing a triathlon. Whatever it might be. Some of my Whatever it might be. Some of my Whatever it might be. Some of my happiest most alive friends have found happiest most alive friends have found happiest most alive friends have found forms of expression forms of expression forms of expression >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> outside of work. So good guy. How do you >> outside of work. So good guy. How do you >> outside of work. So good guy. How do you know hard one? It's in the book so I know hard one? It's in the book so I know hard one? It's in the book so I know your answer but I want you to talk know your answer but I want you to talk know your answer but I want you to talk about it. about it. about it. How do you know when you've sort of OD'd How do you know when you've sort of OD'd How do you know when you've sort of OD'd and you need to leave something? and you need to leave something? and you need to leave something? >> A job you mean? When when you need to >> A job you mean? When when you need to >> A job you mean? When when you need to like look like look like look First of all what I suggest in the book First of all what I suggest in the book First of all what I suggest in the book is I you know that because part of what is I you know that because part of what is I you know that because part of what you might be doing is over grinding you might be doing is over grinding you might be doing is over grinding unnecessarily unnecessarily unnecessarily first try and you know do the mind of a first try and you know do the mind of a first try and you know do the mind of a grind thing. First try and unwind that. grind thing. First try and unwind that. grind thing. First try and unwind that. And so that you're not too stressed out, And so that you're not too stressed out, And so that you're not too stressed out, you're not too burnt out. And and then you're not too burnt out. And and then you're not too burnt out. And and then see what you're left with. Because, you see what you're left with. Because, you see what you're left with. Because, you know, I start the book at my experience know, I start the book at my experience know, I start the book at my experience of being burnt out after 1 year in my of being burnt out after 1 year in my of being burnt out after 1 year in my career. 1 year and I was already I career. 1 year and I was already I career. 1 year and I was already I already felt like I've been doing it for already felt like I've been doing it for already felt like I've been doing it for 40, you know. So, I was burnt out and I 40, you know. So, I was burnt out and I 40, you know. So, I was burnt out and I thought I didn't like what I did thought I didn't like what I did thought I didn't like what I did anymore. But when I was recovered from anymore. But when I was recovered from anymore. But when I was recovered from the burnout, then I reconnected to my, the burnout, then I reconnected to my, the burnout, then I reconnected to my, you know, joy and my and my passion for you know, joy and my and my passion for you know, joy and my and my passion for what I do. So, you're not that objective what I do. So, you're not that objective what I do. So, you're not that objective when you're really burnt out. You're not when you're really burnt out. You're not when you're really burnt out. You're not that objective when you're exhausted all that objective when you're exhausted all that objective when you're exhausted all the time. You're not that objective when the time. You're not that objective when the time. You're not that objective when you're in the wrong mental space and you're in the wrong mental space and you're in the wrong mental space and over grinding, overworking. First, give over grinding, overworking. First, give over grinding, overworking. First, give yourself some some some grace and some yourself some some some grace and some yourself some some some grace and some mercy and and then see how you feel mercy and and then see how you feel mercy and and then see how you feel about about the place, you know. First, about about the place, you know. First, about about the place, you know. First, try and and and fix, you know, the the try and and and fix, you know, the the try and and and fix, you know, the the head space and then and then see how you head space and then and then see how you head space and then and then see how you feel. feel. feel. But if you do feel that you need to But if you do feel that you need to But if you do feel that you need to leave, you need to do it really really leave, you need to do it really really leave, you need to do it really really thoughtfully. And you should definitely thoughtfully. And you should definitely thoughtfully. And you should definitely not do it impulsively, especially in not do it impulsively, especially in not do it impulsively, especially in today's today's today's workplace. It's a harsh workplace. You workplace. It's a harsh workplace. You workplace. It's a harsh workplace. You need to consider where you are in your need to consider where you are in your need to consider where you are in your career. You need to consider what the career. You need to consider what the career. You need to consider what the options are. You need to consider what options are. You need to consider what options are. You need to consider what the quality of life trades are. I work the quality of life trades are. I work the quality of life trades are. I work with a lot of people in finance and some with a lot of people in finance and some with a lot of people in finance and some some of them will say to me like, "I some of them will say to me like, "I some of them will say to me like, "I just I just feel like I can I can be just I just feel like I can I can be just I just feel like I can I can be doing so much more and I want to find a doing so much more and I want to find a doing so much more and I want to find a different job." And I say to them in different job." And I say to them in different job." And I say to them in some cases like, "Dude, you're in some cases like, "Dude, you're in some cases like, "Dude, you're in finance. You're in finance. You make finance. You're in finance. You make finance. You're in finance. You make this many millions of dollars a year. this many millions of dollars a year. this many millions of dollars a year. And every time I talk to you, you're And every time I talk to you, you're And every time I talk to you, you're coming out of the pool at your club or coming out of the pool at your club or coming out of the pool at your club or you're just finished a brunch. You have you're just finished a brunch. You have you're just finished a brunch. You have like the best like the best like the best hours. Like, you know, there're not that hours. Like, you know, there're not that hours. Like, you know, there're not that many eyes on you. You're living your many eyes on you. You're living your many eyes on you. You're living your best life. You might trade up, but you best life. You might trade up, but you best life. You might trade up, but you might find that you are losing a lot in might find that you are losing a lot in might find that you are losing a lot in the trade. the trade. the trade. And a lot of freedom and, you know, like And a lot of freedom and, you know, like And a lot of freedom and, you know, like because of that, you know, like what is because of that, you know, like what is because of that, you know, like what is the quality of life that you have at the quality of life that you have at the quality of life that you have at work? That quality of life which is work? That quality of life which is work? That quality of life which is about the hours and it's about the about the hours and it's about the about the hours and it's about the people. people. people. You know, the people matter of Those are You know, the people matter of Those are You know, the people matter of Those are the people you are That's your work the people you are That's your work the people you are That's your work tribe. You're going to spend the vast tribe. You're going to spend the vast tribe. You're going to spend the vast majority of your awakening hours with majority of your awakening hours with majority of your awakening hours with them, more than most of them with your them, more than most of them with your them, more than most of them with your family. family. family. If you are among good people, be very If you are among good people, be very If you are among good people, be very thoughtful about whether you want to thoughtful about whether you want to thoughtful about whether you want to leave that because you don't know the leave that because you don't know the leave that because you don't know the people you're going to end up with. people you're going to end up with. people you're going to end up with. Maybe they'll be good. Maybe they won't. Maybe they'll be good. Maybe they won't. Maybe they'll be good. Maybe they won't. And that quality of life delta might not And that quality of life delta might not And that quality of life delta might not be worth whatever the delta in comp be worth whatever the delta in comp be worth whatever the delta in comp is for you or title, whatever the thing is for you or title, whatever the thing is for you or title, whatever the thing is. is. is. >> Interesting advice. What great advice. >> Interesting advice. What great advice. >> Interesting advice. What great advice. Makes me think Makes me think Makes me think as you're talking, I'm reflecting on as you're talking, I'm reflecting on as you're talking, I'm reflecting on something I've taught, maybe I should something I've taught, maybe I should something I've taught, maybe I should teach more, but you really do you get teach more, but you really do you get teach more, but you really do you get the life you focus on. the life you focus on. the life you focus on. So, if at work you're focused on all the So, if at work you're focused on all the So, if at work you're focused on all the things you don't like, but there's these things you don't like, but there's these things you don't like, but there's these beautiful human beings there, if you beautiful human beings there, if you beautiful human beings there, if you started to focus a little bit more on started to focus a little bit more on started to focus a little bit more on that, maybe you have a different sense that, maybe you have a different sense that, maybe you have a different sense of it. of it. of it. I think my overriding challenge with the I think my overriding challenge with the I think my overriding challenge with the grind culture, so to speak, is that it grind culture, so to speak, is that it grind culture, so to speak, is that it causes focus to be so narrow on causes focus to be so narrow on causes focus to be so narrow on the climb. the climb. the climb. And I wonder what you think about this. And I wonder what you think about this. And I wonder what you think about this. And I've I've been saying it lately, and And I've I've been saying it lately, and And I've I've been saying it lately, and I'm not even sure I completely believe I'm not even sure I completely believe I'm not even sure I completely believe it, but I want your opinion about it. it, but I want your opinion about it. it, but I want your opinion about it. There's stages of life, right? Like for There's stages of life, right? Like for There's stages of life, right? Like for all of us. And you know, there's a all of us. And you know, there's a all of us. And you know, there's a trade-off for climbing the ladder, trade-off for climbing the ladder, trade-off for climbing the ladder, proverbial ladder of life, to where if proverbial ladder of life, to where if proverbial ladder of life, to where if you grew up like I did, you know, when I you grew up like I did, you know, when I you grew up like I did, you know, when I was really young on welfare, and then we was really young on welfare, and then we was really young on welfare, and then we were middle class, but I wanted to climb were middle class, but I wanted to climb were middle class, but I wanted to climb in my life to where my family was in my life to where my family was in my life to where my family was financially free. It was a priority to financially free. It was a priority to financially free. It was a priority to me. me. me. And I got there. And I got there. And I got there. And then And then And then that wasn't enough. And then I had to that wasn't enough. And then I had to that wasn't enough. And then I had to keep climbing. And no one said to me, keep climbing. And no one said to me, keep climbing. And no one said to me, you know, Ed, at some every rung, but at you know, Ed, at some every rung, but at you know, Ed, at some every rung, but at some point there is a trade some point there is a trade some point there is a trade for that rung. You're trading something for that rung. You're trading something for that rung. You're trading something for that rung. for that rung. for that rung. And it's okay And it's okay And it's okay if at some point in your life you decide if at some point in your life you decide if at some point in your life you decide what you have to give up to grab that what you have to give up to grab that what you have to give up to grab that next rung is no longer worth grabbing next rung is no longer worth grabbing next rung is no longer worth grabbing it. And you haven't lost who you are in it. And you haven't lost who you are in it. And you haven't lost who you are in that process, that process, that process, I just think we've been perpetually I just think we've been perpetually I just think we've been perpetually conditioned conditioned conditioned to a never-ending climb to a place that to a never-ending climb to a place that to a never-ending climb to a place that is so undefined is so undefined is so undefined that it becomes almost habitual with no that it becomes almost habitual with no that it becomes almost habitual with no reasoning behind it. reasoning behind it. reasoning behind it. Do you agree with that? Do you agree with that? Do you agree with that? >> Yes. And and I think a lot of people >> Yes. And and I think a lot of people >> Yes. And and I think a lot of people First of all, there's this comparison First of all, there's this comparison First of all, there's this comparison culture, right? Like, you know, culture, right? Like, you know, culture, right? Like, you know, I've talked with so many people over the I've talked with so many people over the I've talked with so many people over the years that like years that like years that like my first 10 million and I'll be good. my first 10 million and I'll be good. my first 10 million and I'll be good. And then they get their first 10 million And then they get their first 10 million And then they get their first 10 million and they're like, "Yeah, but the people and they're like, "Yeah, but the people and they're like, "Yeah, but the people I'm around now I'm around now I'm around now have 50. So, I, you know, I need to, you have 50. So, I, you know, I need to, you have 50. So, I, you know, I need to, you know, aim for that." It just doesn't know, aim for that." It just doesn't know, aim for that." It just doesn't end. You can always compare yourself, end. You can always compare yourself, end. You can always compare yourself, you know, to more. The thing is what we you know, to more. The thing is what we you know, to more. The thing is what we get addicted to is not just the climb, get addicted to is not just the climb, get addicted to is not just the climb, but the feeling of achievement and but the feeling of achievement and but the feeling of achievement and accomplishment. And that's real. Because accomplishment. And that's real. Because accomplishment. And that's real. Because when you set a goal and it's a when you set a goal and it's a when you set a goal and it's a multi-year goal and it's a, you know, multi-year goal and it's a, you know, multi-year goal and it's a, you know, it's a long-term goal and you reach it, it's a long-term goal and you reach it, it's a long-term goal and you reach it, it is very satisfying. Now, what the it is very satisfying. Now, what the it is very satisfying. Now, what the research tells us though is the research tells us though is the research tells us though is the primarily satisfying part is the primarily satisfying part is the primarily satisfying part is the journey. journey. journey. Actually reaching it tends to be Actually reaching it tends to be Actually reaching it tends to be short-lived and anticlimactic. In other short-lived and anticlimactic. In other short-lived and anticlimactic. In other words, when when you do it and you words, when when you do it and you words, when when you do it and you finally achieved it and it's a finally achieved it and it's a finally achieved it and it's a celebratory for a little time and then celebratory for a little time and then celebratory for a little time and then there's this huge now what? That kind of there's this huge now what? That kind of there's this huge now what? That kind of comes over you that makes you want to comes over you that makes you want to comes over you that makes you want to like, "Well, now let me set another like, "Well, now let me set another like, "Well, now let me set another goal." goal." goal." Cuz otherwise, Cuz otherwise, Cuz otherwise, what am I doing now? Like, you know, what am I doing now? Like, you know, what am I doing now? Like, you know, that that whole purpose has gone for me. that that whole purpose has gone for me. that that whole purpose has gone for me. And and the thing is you don't have to And and the thing is you don't have to And and the thing is you don't have to set another goal that's the next rung on set another goal that's the next rung on set another goal that's the next rung on the ladder. You don't have to do that. the ladder. You don't have to do that. the ladder. You don't have to do that. You can find other things in your life You can find other things in your life You can find other things in your life that will give you purpose and find that will give you purpose and find that will give you purpose and find other goals in your life. And it could other goals in your life. And it could other goals in your life. And it could be about family and it could be about be about family and it could be about be about family and it could be about friends and it could be about individual friends and it could be about individual friends and it could be about individual accomplishment. accomplishment. accomplishment. Uh you know, it it could be about Uh you know, it it could be about Uh you know, it it could be about personal accomplishment in terms of personal accomplishment in terms of personal accomplishment in terms of sports. Maybe you want to set out to do sports. Maybe you want to set out to do sports. Maybe you want to set out to do a marathon and you want to improve your a marathon and you want to improve your a marathon and you want to improve your time on that or maybe you want to, you time on that or maybe you want to, you time on that or maybe you want to, you know, like find purpose and meaning in know, like find purpose and meaning in know, like find purpose and meaning in other ways. That's the thing that people other ways. That's the thing that people other ways. That's the thing that people really crave. That, you know, once they really crave. That, you know, once they really crave. That, you know, once they they used to doing that, but it doesn't they used to doing that, but it doesn't they used to doing that, but it doesn't have to be in the same lane. It doesn't have to be in the same lane. It doesn't have to be in the same lane. It doesn't have to be just more of this. You can have to be just more of this. You can have to be just more of this. You can have a qualitative shift. And like, have a qualitative shift. And like, have a qualitative shift. And like, "Okay, now I will kind of hover where I "Okay, now I will kind of hover where I "Okay, now I will kind of hover where I am cuz that's good, but let me set my am cuz that's good, but let me set my am cuz that's good, but let me set my sights now, you know, on something sights now, you know, on something sights now, you know, on something else." And I work with a lot of people else." And I work with a lot of people else." And I work with a lot of people who are very, very successful at work who are very, very successful at work who are very, very successful at work and then they retire. And if they don't and then they retire. And if they don't and then they retire. And if they don't have a plan, they get depressed. And if have a plan, they get depressed. And if have a plan, they get depressed. And if they're not depressed when they then they're not depressed when they then they're not depressed when they then turn all those energies and all that, turn all those energies and all that, turn all those energies and all that, you know, all that drive into something, you know, all that drive into something, you know, all that drive into something, you know, less intense but meaningful. you know, less intense but meaningful. you know, less intense but meaningful. And then they go after that and then And then they go after that and then And then they go after that and then they have a great life. they have a great life. they have a great life. >> You're so right. I have a really good >> You're so right. I have a really good >> You're so right. I have a really good friend, Scotty D. He uh owned a bunch of friend, Scotty D. He uh owned a bunch of friend, Scotty D. He uh owned a bunch of transmission shops and he uh transmission shops and he uh transmission shops and he uh he's one of my friends who gets it. He he's one of my friends who gets it. He he's one of my friends who gets it. He uh he exited. uh he exited. uh he exited. And he could have then tripled down And he could have then tripled down And he could have then tripled down again on another one. He goes, "You know again on another one. He goes, "You know again on another one. He goes, "You know what, man? I what, man? I what, man? I I'm going to move to Montana with my I'm going to move to Montana with my I'm going to move to Montana with my family." And then he got there family." And then he got there family." And then he got there and I I was worried about him. I'm like, and I I was worried about him. I'm like, and I I was worried about him. I'm like, "Well, what's his purpose? What's he "Well, what's his purpose? What's he "Well, what's his purpose? What's he going to do?" You know, this is a this going to do?" You know, this is a this going to do?" You know, this is a this is a you know, you know, he's one of is a you know, you know, he's one of is a you know, you know, he's one of these guys he's a machine. He's a these guys he's a machine. He's a these guys he's a machine. He's a hunter. He's an achiever. Right. hunter. He's an achiever. Right. hunter. He's an achiever. Right. And it wasn't work. He poured himself And it wasn't work. He poured himself And it wasn't work. He poured himself into he like became unbelievable to into he like became unbelievable to into he like became unbelievable to guitar and especially his faith. guitar and especially his faith. guitar and especially his faith. His faith life and his work in his His faith life and his work in his His faith life and his work in his church. church. church. And those things are a form of I think And those things are a form of I think And those things are a form of I think it's just finding ways to still express it's just finding ways to still express it's just finding ways to still express yourself. yourself. yourself. I'm always saying I'm addicted to the I'm always saying I'm addicted to the I'm always saying I'm addicted to the expansion of my being. And I feel like expansion of my being. And I feel like expansion of my being. And I feel like that's a healthy one. But I'm not that's a healthy one. But I'm not that's a healthy one. But I'm not addicted to only achieving it through my addicted to only achieving it through my addicted to only achieving it through my vocation. vocation. vocation. >> Mhm. Right. >> Mhm. Right. >> Mhm. Right. >> I'm open to the idea >> I'm open to the idea >> I'm open to the idea of a different way. So, let me I guess of a different way. So, let me I guess of a different way. So, let me I guess we're going to run out of time and I we're going to run out of time and I we're going to run out of time and I I don't know that I've done a podcast a I don't know that I've done a podcast a I don't know that I've done a podcast a long time that's flown by this quickly long time that's flown by this quickly long time that's flown by this quickly cuz I'm really enjoying you and and the cuz I'm really enjoying you and and the cuz I'm really enjoying you and and the topic and the nuances of it. But I want topic and the nuances of it. But I want topic and the nuances of it. But I want to ask you, if someone came to you right to ask you, if someone came to you right to ask you, if someone came to you right now, and this is a hard question. No one now, and this is a hard question. No one now, and this is a hard question. No one ever asks these questions anymore, but ever asks these questions anymore, but ever asks these questions anymore, but I'm going to ask it. Mental health in I'm going to ask it. Mental health in I'm going to ask it. Mental health in general. general. general. Do you find in your work that there is a Do you find in your work that there is a Do you find in your work that there is a difference in the causality difference in the causality difference in the causality and and and the suffering of men and women? Is it the suffering of men and women? Is it the suffering of men and women? Is it different in our culture now? Meaning, different in our culture now? Meaning, different in our culture now? Meaning, are Do you see a certain propensity in are Do you see a certain propensity in are Do you see a certain propensity in men men men and a certain propensity in women that and a certain propensity in women that and a certain propensity in women that may be slightly different as it comes to may be slightly different as it comes to may be slightly different as it comes to this grind culture? Or are humans humans this grind culture? Or are humans humans this grind culture? Or are humans humans in general, and are these generalities in general, and are these generalities in general, and are these generalities dangerous to get into? Or do you dangerous to get into? Or do you dangerous to get into? Or do you actually truthfully see a difference actually truthfully see a difference actually truthfully see a difference between the two? And if so, what are between the two? And if so, what are between the two? And if so, what are they? they? they? >> Look, my my problem with generalities is >> Look, my my problem with generalities is >> Look, my my problem with generalities is that they're generalities, and so they that they're generalities, and so they that they're generalities, and so they only apply to a specific, you know, like only apply to a specific, you know, like only apply to a specific, you know, like rough mean in the middle, and they don't rough mean in the middle, and they don't rough mean in the middle, and they don't apply to almost as many people as they apply to almost as many people as they apply to almost as many people as they do apply to. That's my general problem do apply to. That's my general problem do apply to. That's my general problem with generalities. But just to if people with generalities. But just to if people with generalities. But just to if people will forgive my generalizing about what will forgive my generalizing about what will forgive my generalizing about what I'm about to say, uh there are some I'm about to say, uh there are some I'm about to say, uh there are some differences between men and women. It I differences between men and women. It I differences between men and women. It I am not in any way suggesting that one am not in any way suggesting that one am not in any way suggesting that one group has more challenges than the group has more challenges than the group has more challenges than the other. They have different challenges. other. They have different challenges. other. They have different challenges. And how challenging and how upsetting And how challenging and how upsetting And how challenging and how upsetting and how, you know, problematic those and how, you know, problematic those and how, you know, problematic those challenges are, you know, is up is, you challenges are, you know, is up is, you challenges are, you know, is up is, you know, is is is subjective. But but men know, is is is subjective. But but men know, is is is subjective. But but men have specific challenges that women have specific challenges that women have specific challenges that women often don't, and women have specific often don't, and women have specific often don't, and women have specific challenges that men often don't. Women challenges that men often don't. Women challenges that men often don't. Women are disadvantaged in the workplace, for are disadvantaged in the workplace, for are disadvantaged in the workplace, for example. You know, there there studies example. You know, there there studies example. You know, there there studies that show that if, you know, a man does that show that if, you know, a man does that show that if, you know, a man does a certain amount of work and and creates a certain amount of work and and creates a certain amount of work and and creates a certain work product in a certain a certain work product in a certain a certain work product in a certain amount of time, and a woman creates the amount of time, and a woman creates the amount of time, and a woman creates the exact same work product in less time exact same work product in less time exact same work product in less time than the man did. I.e., she's more than the man did. I.e., she's more than the man did. I.e., she's more efficient, she's more competent, she efficient, she's more competent, she efficient, she's more competent, she will be judged less favorably because will be judged less favorably because will be judged less favorably because the man put in the hours. She was, you the man put in the hours. She was, you the man put in the hours. She was, you know, she was kind of And same work know, she was kind of And same work know, she was kind of And same work product. You know, so women face product. You know, so women face product. You know, so women face [clears throat] tons and tons of biases [clears throat] tons and tons of biases [clears throat] tons and tons of biases in the workplace. They have a lot of in the workplace. They have a lot of in the workplace. They have a lot of challenges in that way that are totally challenges in that way that are totally challenges in that way that are totally unfair. It's a unfair. It's a unfair. It's a a bigger hill to climb, you know, in in a bigger hill to climb, you know, in in a bigger hill to climb, you know, in in so many ways. Men have their own set of so many ways. Men have their own set of so many ways. Men have their own set of challenges. For men, the burden of of of challenges. For men, the burden of of of challenges. For men, the burden of of of how they're socialized and the the idea how they're socialized and the the idea how they're socialized and the the idea that they have to own this idea of that they have to own this idea of that they have to own this idea of supporting, of creating, of you know, supporting, of creating, of you know, supporting, of creating, of you know, being a man means producing, means, you being a man means producing, means, you being a man means producing, means, you know, like providing, you know, it's a know, like providing, you know, it's a know, like providing, you know, it's a it's a it's a it's a big burden as a it's a it's a it's a big burden as a it's a it's a it's a big burden as a whole you know, and the and don't whole you know, and the and don't whole you know, and the and don't complain because that also goes with the complain because that also goes with the complain because that also goes with the thing just like just show up, do it, and thing just like just show up, do it, and thing just like just show up, do it, and you know, and shut up. Like no one wants you know, and shut up. Like no one wants you know, and shut up. Like no one wants to hear if it's difficult. Just show up to hear if it's difficult. Just show up to hear if it's difficult. Just show up and so men have a much harder time than and so men have a much harder time than and so men have a much harder time than being able to talk about the being able to talk about the being able to talk about the difficulties. And if you have trouble difficulties. And if you have trouble difficulties. And if you have trouble talking about the difficulties, you talking about the difficulties, you talking about the difficulties, you can't really deal well with the can't really deal well with the can't really deal well with the difficulties and they have, you know, difficulties and they have, you know, difficulties and they have, you know, mental health struggles because they're mental health struggles because they're mental health struggles because they're actually not paying attention, actually not paying attention, actually not paying attention, addressing, or feeling that it's legit addressing, or feeling that it's legit addressing, or feeling that it's legit to even talk about them or address them. to even talk about them or address them. to even talk about them or address them. So, I'm I'm just giving examples. But So, I'm I'm just giving examples. But So, I'm I'm just giving examples. But they're but they're different they're but they're different they're but they're different challenges, challenges, challenges, uh you know, that that men and women uh uh you know, that that men and women uh uh you know, that that men and women uh face, but but they are very challenging face, but but they are very challenging face, but but they are very challenging in each group and beyond me to assess in each group and beyond me to assess in each group and beyond me to assess like, you know, which like, you know, which like, you know, which ultimately is worse because I just think ultimately is worse because I just think ultimately is worse because I just think it's the the there's some real hardships it's the the there's some real hardships it's the the there's some real hardships on both sides. on both sides. on both sides. >> And you know why I'm asking you. He's >> And you know why I'm asking you. He's >> And you know why I'm asking you. He's one of the podcasts that he hosts is The one of the podcasts that he hosts is The one of the podcasts that he hosts is The Visibility Gap and uh it goes into a lot Visibility Gap and uh it goes into a lot Visibility Gap and uh it goes into a lot on men's mental health. And that's why I on men's mental health. And that's why I on men's mental health. And that's why I asked the question specifically so asked the question specifically so asked the question specifically so everybody has context right for why I everybody has context right for why I everybody has context right for why I asked this. And I do know I coach men asked this. And I do know I coach men asked this. And I do know I coach men and women about equally. And and in and women about equally. And and in and women about equally. And and in fact, the audience of this show may fact, the audience of this show may fact, the audience of this show may actually now be 60/40 women. I mean, it actually now be 60/40 women. I mean, it actually now be 60/40 women. I mean, it seems to be evolving. But I do see a seems to be evolving. But I do see a seems to be evolving. But I do see a burden in men burden in men burden in men in our culture that concerns me, which in our culture that concerns me, which in our culture that concerns me, which is their measurement is their measurement is their measurement in these last few decades of their in these last few decades of their in these last few decades of their manliness is of almost financial status manliness is of almost financial status manliness is of almost financial status or career status or job status and the or career status or job status and the or career status or job status and the pressure pressure pressure on uh some of these guys um on uh some of these guys um on uh some of these guys um concerns me. And I'm sure that affects concerns me. And I'm sure that affects concerns me. And I'm sure that affects women as well that have different women as well that have different women as well that have different pressures. Um, pressures. Um, pressures. Um, but it concerns me. Okay, so last but it concerns me. Okay, so last but it concerns me. Okay, so last question, I want you to know I've question, I want you to know I've question, I want you to know I've enjoyed this tremendously. And I want enjoyed this tremendously. And I want enjoyed this tremendously. And I want everybody to go get Mind Over Grind cuz everybody to go get Mind Over Grind cuz everybody to go get Mind Over Grind cuz we've covered 10%. We haven't covered we've covered 10%. We haven't covered we've covered 10%. We haven't covered 10% of the book. Go get his book. 10% of the book. Go get his book. 10% of the book. Go get his book. Um, someone listened to the show today. Um, someone listened to the show today. Um, someone listened to the show today. They said, "Man, I enjoyed you. I heard They said, "Man, I enjoyed you. I heard They said, "Man, I enjoyed you. I heard you on the Ed Mylett Show. Great you on the Ed Mylett Show. Great you on the Ed Mylett Show. Great strategies. Thank you for speaking strategies. Thank you for speaking strategies. Thank you for speaking my life. I feel like they were looking my life. I feel like they were looking my life. I feel like they were looking in a mirror, a lot of people. Man, I in a mirror, a lot of people. Man, I in a mirror, a lot of people. Man, I wish Ed had asked one more question, wish Ed had asked one more question, wish Ed had asked one more question, which cuz he get one more strategy or which cuz he get one more strategy or which cuz he get one more strategy or tactic or daily habit out of you that I tactic or daily habit out of you that I tactic or daily habit out of you that I could put into my practice of my life. I could put into my practice of my life. I could put into my practice of my life. I wish there was that one more question." wish there was that one more question." wish there was that one more question." So, I'm asking it for him. They get the So, I'm asking it for him. They get the So, I'm asking it for him. They get the one more question. Something we didn't one more question. Something we didn't one more question. Something we didn't cover today that you would say, "Hey, cover today that you would say, "Hey, cover today that you would say, "Hey, this habit, this practice, this ritual, this habit, this practice, this ritual, this habit, this practice, this ritual, this behavior on a daily, weekly, or this behavior on a daily, weekly, or this behavior on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis, whatever it would be, monthly basis, whatever it would be, monthly basis, whatever it would be, would really serve you would really serve you would really serve you in, uh in, uh in, uh in eradicating some of this addiction to in eradicating some of this addiction to in eradicating some of this addiction to grind and stress would be what? grind and stress would be what? grind and stress would be what? >> Okay. Um, I can I can say 10 his I'm I'm >> Okay. Um, I can I can say 10 his I'm I'm >> Okay. Um, I can I can say 10 his I'm I'm going to say one, which is which is a going to say one, which is which is a going to say one, which is which is a general one. Um, you need to create and general one. Um, you need to create and general one. Um, you need to create and by you I mean listeners and me and by you I mean listeners and me and by you I mean listeners and me and everyone. Um, everyone. Um, everyone. Um, you you need to create a ritual to you you need to create a ritual to you you need to create a ritual to transition your mindset from work to transition your mindset from work to transition your mindset from work to personal life, the life after work, the personal life, the life after work, the personal life, the life after work, the evening supposedly, you know, whatever evening supposedly, you know, whatever evening supposedly, you know, whatever that in that in that in is for you. is for you. is for you. Because again, you are on high alert, Because again, you are on high alert, Because again, you are on high alert, you're in fight flight during the day, you're in fight flight during the day, you're in fight flight during the day, you're you're you're charged up, you're you're you're you're charged up, you're you're you're you're charged up, you're activated, you need to come down. And activated, you need to come down. And activated, you need to come down. And that's difficult for our brain. What our that's difficult for our brain. What our that's difficult for our brain. What our brain does do well is it learns well brain does do well is it learns well brain does do well is it learns well sequences of events cuz then it sequences of events cuz then it sequences of events cuz then it anticipates what's coming next. So, if anticipates what's coming next. So, if anticipates what's coming next. So, if you have a ritual that you do every day you have a ritual that you do every day you have a ritual that you do every day on your commute home or when you get on your commute home or when you get on your commute home or when you get home or before you leave the office to home or before you leave the office to home or before you leave the office to to help you transition your mindset from to help you transition your mindset from to help you transition your mindset from the mindset of the work battlefield to the mindset of the work battlefield to the mindset of the work battlefield to the home life, that will help your the home life, that will help your the home life, that will help your brain. That ritual should include brain. That ritual should include brain. That ritual should include repetitive steps and as many of the repetitive steps and as many of the repetitive steps and as many of the senses as possible. So, create a senses as possible. So, create a senses as possible. So, create a playlist or have specific songs that you playlist or have specific songs that you playlist or have specific songs that you listen to that help you calm down or listen to that help you calm down or listen to that help you calm down or prepare you for, you know, the the prepare you for, you know, the the prepare you for, you know, the the family time if that's it or for friend family time if that's it or for friend family time if that's it or for friend time if that's it for romantic time if time if that's it for romantic time if time if that's it for romantic time if that's it. You know, listen to music. that's it. You know, listen to music. that's it. You know, listen to music. Music is very very evocative. Change Music is very very evocative. Change Music is very very evocative. Change clothes at the end of the work day. Our clothes at the end of the work day. Our clothes at the end of the work day. Our clothes are very embodied. There's a clothes are very embodied. There's a clothes are very embodied. There's a reason power suits called power suits reason power suits called power suits reason power suits called power suits and leisurewear is called leisurewear. and leisurewear is called leisurewear. and leisurewear is called leisurewear. The the the purpose of them is literally The the the purpose of them is literally The the the purpose of them is literally to make us feel powerful or relaxed, to make us feel powerful or relaxed, to make us feel powerful or relaxed, etc. And now some people say to me, "I etc. And now some people say to me, "I etc. And now some people say to me, "I work from home. I'm in jeans and a work from home. I'm in jeans and a work from home. I'm in jeans and a t-shirt." And like terrific, have jeans t-shirt." And like terrific, have jeans t-shirt." And like terrific, have jeans and t-shirts that you wear when you're and t-shirts that you wear when you're and t-shirts that you wear when you're working and very different jeans and working and very different jeans and working and very different jeans and t-shirts that you wear when you're not t-shirts that you wear when you're not t-shirts that you wear when you're not and change clothes. Your brain will and change clothes. Your brain will and change clothes. Your brain will learn to associate those clothes I feel learn to associate those clothes I feel learn to associate those clothes I feel this way in. Those clothes I feel that this way in. Those clothes I feel that this way in. Those clothes I feel that way in. So, change clothes. If you if way in. So, change clothes. If you if way in. So, change clothes. If you if you work from home, a lot of people, you you work from home, a lot of people, you you work from home, a lot of people, you know, when they're working from home, know, when they're working from home, know, when they're working from home, they have a workstation at home. And so, they have a workstation at home. And so, they have a workstation at home. And so, they're seeing it all the time. they're seeing it all the time. they're seeing it all the time. And it's reminding them of work all the And it's reminding them of work all the And it's reminding them of work all the time. Shut the laptop off. Cover it. Put time. Shut the laptop off. Cover it. Put time. Shut the laptop off. Cover it. Put a plant on it. If there's a big computer a plant on it. If there's a big computer a plant on it. If there's a big computer screen, get some kind of fabric cover screen, get some kind of fabric cover screen, get some kind of fabric cover for it so it doesn't look like that. Put for it so it doesn't look like that. Put for it so it doesn't look like that. Put the paperwork in some kind of box the paperwork in some kind of box the paperwork in some kind of box somewhere. Like make it look different. somewhere. Like make it look different. somewhere. Like make it look different. Shift the lighting. Shift the lighting. Shift the lighting. You know what I mean? Open a window. You know what I mean? Open a window. You know what I mean? Open a window. Make it look like a different space. If Make it look like a different space. If Make it look like a different space. If you don't If you're working from home you don't If you're working from home you don't If you're working from home and you don't have the the the physical and you don't have the the the physical and you don't have the the the physical separation between work and home, create separation between work and home, create separation between work and home, create a separation psychological one. And you a separation psychological one. And you a separation psychological one. And you can and it's very very effective. But if can and it's very very effective. But if can and it's very very effective. But if you have a transition ritual that you you have a transition ritual that you you have a transition ritual that you enact every day, I do. I have, you know, enact every day, I do. I have, you know, enact every day, I do. I have, you know, a lot of people can see, you know, a lot of people can see, you know, a lot of people can see, you know, people who can see the video, there's a people who can see the video, there's a people who can see the video, there's a door behind me. I'm in my home office. I door behind me. I'm in my home office. I door behind me. I'm in my home office. I close the door. close the door. close the door. At the end of the day, I tell myself, At the end of the day, I tell myself, At the end of the day, I tell myself, "Now the evening begins." "Now the evening begins." "Now the evening begins." >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> That's how And it's the same message. >> That's how And it's the same message. >> That's how And it's the same message. "Now the evening begins." It's like a "Now the evening begins." It's like a "Now the evening begins." It's like a you know, it's like a it's like a flag you know, it's like a it's like a flag you know, it's like a it's like a flag to like off we go to the races except to like off we go to the races except to like off we go to the races except the races are you know our life and and the races are you know our life and and the races are you know our life and and I literally am very intentional about I literally am very intentional about I literally am very intentional about shifting my mindset taking a deep breath shifting my mindset taking a deep breath shifting my mindset taking a deep breath you know really kind of like and then I you know really kind of like and then I you know really kind of like and then I kind of define what my goal for the kind of define what my goal for the kind of define what my goal for the evening is and again it's life it can be evening is and again it's life it can be evening is and again it's life it can be I'm going to we're going to watch that I'm going to we're going to watch that I'm going to we're going to watch that show and and see a few more episodes of show and and see a few more episodes of show and and see a few more episodes of the show or I'm going to see this friend the show or I'm going to see this friend the show or I'm going to see this friend or have dinner here I just remind myself or have dinner here I just remind myself or have dinner here I just remind myself that that is a goal too that that too is that that is a goal too that that too is that that is a goal too that that too is something that I need to be focused on something that I need to be focused on something that I need to be focused on the life part whatever it is. the life part whatever it is. the life part whatever it is. >> Brother you're extraordinary I mean this >> Brother you're extraordinary I mean this >> Brother you're extraordinary I mean this like like like guys just to do this what he just said guys just to do this what he just said guys just to do this what he just said you know what's interesting we're really you know what's interesting we're really you know what's interesting we're really intentional about our work life we're intentional about our work life we're intentional about our work life we're just like oh and then I'll just turn it just like oh and then I'll just turn it just like oh and then I'll just turn it off and then my relaxed family life will off and then my relaxed family life will off and then my relaxed family life will just miraculously happen. just miraculously happen. just miraculously happen. >> Right. >> Right. >> Right. >> And especially for those of you that >> And especially for those of you that >> And especially for those of you that work at home this distinction is work at home this distinction is work at home this distinction is difficult so I just want to tell you difficult so I just want to tell you difficult so I just want to tell you just to validate his work because I knew just to validate his work because I knew just to validate his work because I knew it. it. it. I switch off out of my jeans or whatever I switch off out of my jeans or whatever I switch off out of my jeans or whatever I'm wearing or my suit for the day no I'm wearing or my suit for the day no I'm wearing or my suit for the day no matter where I am and kind of sweatpants matter where I am and kind of sweatpants matter where I am and kind of sweatpants or my home gear right like that shells or my home gear right like that shells or my home gear right like that shells tells my brain we've shifted. tells my brain we've shifted. tells my brain we've shifted. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> And then my little daily ritual just to >> And then my little daily ritual just to >> And then my little daily ritual just to give it to all of you that also serves give it to all of you that also serves give it to all of you that also serves me me me is when I have to switch into family is when I have to switch into family is when I have to switch into family mode I just call my mom it's a 5-minute mode I just call my mom it's a 5-minute mode I just call my mom it's a 5-minute conversation I call my mom I've been conversation I call my mom I've been conversation I call my mom I've been doing everything I'm doing today call my doing everything I'm doing today call my doing everything I'm doing today call my mom for 5 minutes and all of a sudden my mom for 5 minutes and all of a sudden my mom for 5 minutes and all of a sudden my mom doesn't care about work hi honey how mom doesn't care about work hi honey how mom doesn't care about work hi honey how are the kids are you taking care of are the kids are you taking care of are the kids are you taking care of yourself how do you feel and that moment yourself how do you feel and that moment yourself how do you feel and that moment I just need five plus I've now called my I just need five plus I've now called my I just need five plus I've now called my mom mom mom I'm now in family mode it's almost like I'm now in family mode it's almost like I'm now in family mode it's almost like my trigger or anchor to tell my brain my trigger or anchor to tell my brain my trigger or anchor to tell my brain we've switched modes now and that's we've switched modes now and that's we've switched modes now and that's thanks to you guys so thanks to you guys so thanks to you guys so this was so good brother thank you so this was so good brother thank you so this was so good brother thank you so much. much. much. >> Thank you so much. >> Thank you so much. >> Thank you so much. >> This conversation is needed and this is >> This conversation is needed and this is >> This conversation is needed and this is why why why my show exists gosh darn it that was my show exists gosh darn it that was my show exists gosh darn it that was good. All right go get his book you guys good. All right go get his book you guys good. All right go get his book you guys that was Guy Winch and by the way he that was Guy Winch and by the way he that was Guy Winch and by the way he also has a podcast also has a podcast also has a podcast dear Therapist dear Therapist dear Therapist that that that don't listen to it before you listen to don't listen to it before you listen to don't listen to it before you listen to mine, but listen to it afterwards. mine, but listen to it afterwards. mine, but listen to it afterwards. >> [laughter] [gasps] [gasps] >> All right, you guys. God bless you. Max >> All right, you guys. God bless you. Max >> All right, you guys. God bless you. Max out. Peace out.