Stop Wasting Time! THIS Is Why You're Not Successful Yet (And How to Finally Break Through)

Key Takeaway

Self-confidence doesn't come from your abilities—it comes from your intentions. Before any high-pressure moment, focus on three things: your faith, your intention to serve, and rhythmic breathing from your heart. This trilogy creates coherence between your heart and brain, allowing you to perform at your highest level regardless of the circumstances.

Episode Overview

This episode features Ed Mylett in conversation discussing the foundations of self-confidence, accountability, and peak performance. The conversation explores how to overcome imposter syndrome, the importance of faith and intention over ability, the power of heart-centered breathing for performance, and the profound impact of 'telling people about themselves' to make them feel seen and valued. The episode also features a monthly segment with Brendan Burchard on accountability and why people avoid commitments.

Full Transcript

Transcript of Stop Wasting Time! THIS Is Why You're Not Successful Yet (And How to Finally Break Through) from The Ed Mylett Show. Auto-generated from episode audio; may contain minor errors.

Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Hit that like button and be sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel so you never miss my show whether it's Tuesday, Thursday or Saturday. Now on with the show. show. show. Well, the first thing I wanted to ask is everybody can go online to learn more about your personal story and the massive success you've had and you know I've been to a few of your homes and it's just incredible. It's why I'm I'm really inspired by the the life.

But who did you have to become as a person to achieve this? achieve this? achieve this? Uh, certainly not who I was, that's for sure. Well, I would say this. I said, well, I always grew up um I think I've always I'll brag about one thing. I think I've always been a pretty kind-hearted person. I've always loved and cared about people. So, I think that part of me was foundationally a really good thing. good thing. good thing. Even before you started working with the boys? boys?

boys? Yeah, even before I worked at the orphanage, I think I was a pretty decent human. human. human. Yeah. But about everything else had to change. I had no self-confidence. I didn't have a real picture of what success looked like. Um even even as something as you know seemingly insignificant of like having a vision and a dream for what I wanted. Like I come from a really wonderful family. Everybody knows most people know my dad was an alcoholic and a drug addict when I was young.

But my family is not material oriented. It's not even really achievementoriented. achievementoriented. achievementoriented. Um we didn't take vacations as a family or anything like that. My family is just about loving one another and being a good family member, being a good human being and being generous. So even remember when I got into like the business world, people like, "What are your big dreams and goals?" I'm like, "I have no idea." And I would literally, and it's not a bad thing, I would find someone that kind of modeled their life at first, you know, like I'll test run.

I remember one of my first think that that fits. How does that feel? feel? feel? One one of my first heroes was a guy Hector was his name and he lived on Baloa on the ocean and then he had a golf house out in the desert. I didn't golf, golf, golf, you know, but I was like, well, that looks like a pretty good combo. I could live on the ocean and then and then lo and behold, here's my life. I got a desert house and ocean houses and islands and all this other stuff.

But really, I just modeled the dream. So, everything from my ability to communicate to self-confidence to even having a vision for what I wanted, I was devoid of any of those things. M one of the uh I I went out to my audience to ask them if you could have this conversation, what would you ask? And uh lady kelly Peterson who actually was at your event in December uh October November the one the one in um with Pete Vargas and them. Uh she asks, "Do you ever deal with imposter syndrome?" Yes.

Yes. Yes. And how do you deal with it at this level? level? level? Yeah, I still do. Um, I've had some situations where I was, you know, I'm coaching somebody who's doing something really, really significant. Maybe they've run like a big country or something like that and I'm like, why in the world are they listening to me right now? I've literally had those experiences. I had a I won't say which one, but I had a I feel okay about give you I'll give everybody permission to feel it.

One of the people that I had I have worked with was a former president and um he was telling me that his first week in office he was they were in a pretty stressful meeting and he leaned back in his seat kind of like just to collect his thoughts and he looked and over his shoulder was a picture of Abraham Lincoln Abraham Lincoln Abraham Lincoln and it dawned on him in that moment what in the world am I doing sitting here right now you know this is this is like Lincoln's been here you know Kennedy's been here Reagan whoever you admire high, right?

He goes, it was just like an out-of- body experience. He goes, I literally sort of floated for a minute like I'm actually sitting here and I'm the actual president. So even somebody at that level had that experience and I have that happen sometimes. I remind myself I had a great conversation when I was young. I just use this word about you with Wayne Dyer. He wrote a book called The Power of Intention. And I met him when he was writing the book. How did you meet him?

I was running on the beach. I won an incentive trip in our financial company. the first trip I ever won to qualify. Yeah. And it was in Maui. I'd never been there before. And I'm got up, no one exercised back in those days. I was one of the first ever like business athlete people. people. people. That wasn't a thing. Well, no one did it. I go to the gyms on trips. No one was there. Okay. Okay. Okay. And I read a book called The Corporate Athlete by a guy named Grappel.

And I'm like, "Okay, I'll be a corporate athlete, a business athlete." So, I'm up running early before the sun's up on the beach in Maui. This dude's running towards me. We both have Sony Walkman's on, you know, like listening to cassettes. That's how long ago it was. This guy's bald. He's got like a hairy back and he's getting closer and closer and I'm like, I don't want to bump into this dude's sweat, you know? Yeah. And as he gets closer, I'm like, "Oh my gosh, it's Wayne Dyer." And he runs by me the other way and I go, I took my Walkman.

I go, "Dr. Dyer, you changed my life." And he he has a deep voice like me. And I'll never forget he turns around and looks at me. He goes, "I doubt that. I bet you changed your life, but how did I help you?" help you?" help you?" And he starts to walk towards me. And I spent 90 minutes sitting on the beach with Wayne Dyer watching the sun come up. up. up. And when we were done, we became friends. And but when we were done, he goes, "Ed, I think you're going to change the world." I to this day, I have no idea whether or not he said that to everybody.

I don't know. But he made me believe it. And he goes, "And it's not because of your big brain, and it's not because you're a great communicator." He goes, "It's because of your intentions. I can just tell you intend to really do great things and good for humans." And he goes, "Do me a favor. Never link your confidence to your abilities, which is very foreign because in baseball or when anything you get skill. Yeah. He goes um you'll always be chasing your tail. You'll never be good enough.

He goes when you're under pressure. He goes, I just want you to focus on your intentions. Get your get your confidence from your you intend to make a difference. You intend to serve you and intend to do right by people. Just right now before we started, I said, I'm going to go over there really quick. You see how I disappeared? Yeah. I went over there. I said a little quick prayer. M prayer. M prayer. M I reminded myself of my intentions to help people today and I sit here pretty confident not in my ability necessarily but in my intent to serve.

That's all you can bring to the table is your intentions. So most of my life my confidence has come from a trilogy and my in the power of one more I call it a trilogy trilogy trilogy but it's my faith my intentions and then my ability to execute is third for me every single time. So I my faith I've got a God who loves me that believes in me that's given me great giftedness that put me here to make a difference and my intent is to do well.

My intent is to contribute. My intent is to serve. I got a lot of confidence from that. And then my ability to execute third. I got a lot of ability but sometimes you'll find yourself in a circumstance that may exceed your capacity, may exceed your preparation, right? What do you do in those moments? What are you going to rely on then? Right? What do at the highest level in sports when I coach athletes it's all predicated on ability because everybody was the best player on their high school team in their best league.

They were all the best player on their college team. They're all the So at that level the separator's ability. No, the separator is not ability. The separator is the ability to find your best performance at any given time. And for me that's faith and intention. So when you unpack that, I'm just going to summarize it for everybody listening. It's beautiful because the imposttor syndrome may start to creep up, but you just have to go back to intention. I may not be the president today. I may not be the billionaire.

I may not be as skilled at the person I'm helping, but I can go back to the core of who I know I am and why I'm showing up for this moment. And that is undeniable. It by the way, and it becomes very easy to escape it. Most things in your life that you have, if one thing I told you today, I used this term with you today. We're we're working together. I said, 'You so self-aware. You had said a thing about being too clinical. And I go, that's the exact that's a better word than I was using to describe something that you need to work on.

You're very, very self-aware. Same thing when there's a problem or a thought that doesn't serve you. Awareness makes it lose its power over you. So part of your brain when it when you're not in coherence. So under pressure, if we're going to get technical. Yeah, let's go. Okay. under pressure. What I work with my athletes on is not lowering their heart rate, although I think a lower heart rate is a better for performance than higher. But the truth is that's not really what messes us up.

What messes us up is heart rate variability where your heart's just at different beats. It the variability quotient literally causes almost like a labbotomy for you. When your heart rate's racing like crazy, it's very difficult to think and perform clearly. So one of the things I'm constantly working on is just calming the variability which is through breathing which is through intention which is through gratitude. And one one of the powers is when I'm just aware I'm doing it. The thought loses its power over me. The anxiety loses its power over me.

Once I'm aware of something it's power is reduced and then I can use the techniques I have to reduce my heart rate variability so that I perform at a high level. So awareness is a really huge thing for me just when I know I'm doing it. So, so if anybody's having that imposter syndrome kick in, just be aware of it. Get separate from it. See it. Go back to intention and control your breathing and control your breathing. One of the main things I work with with my athletes on is breathing.

And it's rhythmic breathing. That's a conversation for another day. But when you can control your breathing, rhythmic breathing in and out. So, it's smooth and rhythmic breathing. And you actually breathe from your heart because the electrical power in your heart is about 50 times greater than your brain. What begins to happen if you do that for about a minute breathing from your heart. Heart's so important because it's where all the electrical power comes in our body. That's why we say I've heard there's intelligence in the heart.

What's that? What's that? What's that? Intelligence in the heart. Intelligence, all of it is centered there. So, give you an example. Your heart is sending messages to your brain. So, when you hear guys use the word coherence, all coherence really means is lower heart rate variability. And there's a coherence between your brain and your heart working together. I didn't know we were going to go this deep, but it's one of the things I work on for performance with people. So, one of the very basic things is just to do very rhythmic breathing that begins to get that under control.

It's why like when we say I love you with all my heart, right? When we hold a child to us, we don't hold them next to our knee or our shoulder. We hold them next to our heart, our heart, our heart, to the chest. So when you're in these situations, situations, situations, really faith and intention is from the heart. heart. heart. So then I'll control my breathing from my chest, from my heart. And that combination mixed in with a little bit of gratitude for the moment.

I told that president, I said that comes up again, control your breathing, focus on your intentions, focus on your faith, and then this may sound silly because everyone in personal development throws around gratitude. Gratitude is just a kicker. Gratitude is the kicker. It's an amplifier. Yeah. Yeah. And I just go, I'm grateful to be in this moment. I'm grateful for this challenge. It's not the main thing. You can't go, I'm grateful, and you're like, I'm grateful it's three and two, two out of I'm not grateful.

You're terrified. But if you can have the other things in place, gratitude is like the kicker to come from your heart. So, it's just all little stuff that I do, but it's huge when I'm coaching athletes or peak performers or anybody in life. Even my son in his golf game, my daughter before she takes a big test at Clemson, I'm like, "Let's get centered. We've got God's got our back. Our intentions is are to do our best. We've done all of our preparation. Let's do our rhythmic breathing from our heart and our chest.

Let's be grateful for the opportunity. We're here and we have the money to be able to afford to go to this school, this amazing moment. Now, let's execute and kick some ass. It's it's fun for me because you've taught me so many things that I'm I'm allowing God to to to kind of push me in directions and and he wants me to ask you about faith but also this the energy because there's a lot of people say I'm not religious but I believe in energy and one of the things that I've loved about about about your message is that you you have a faith but you also believe in the quantum quantum quantum big time big time big time like it sounds for a lot of people it doesn't make sense how are they the same thing if you had to unpack that for somebody or share your own story of like where did that it sounded like you know the you know God was always part of your life but maybe the other side came in or did it come at the same time or that's an interesting question I don't know what came first probably my faith came first but so I wrote about that in the book chapter on it and I was happy the chapter on faith in the book took me as long to write as the rest of the book because I was so concerned about you know if I was too faith-based I was being disrespectful to people of other faiths that I admire people of faith in general.

general. general. And then And then And then if I went too sciency, the faith people wouldn't like it. If I went too faithy, the science and I just went, you know what, forget it. I'm just going to write what I actually believe. And that's just going to have to stand on its own. This is who I am. This is what I think. And so I'm a I I'm a Christian. And so in my case, I have a savior, which is Jesus Christ. That's the foundation of my life.

It's the creator of the universe is God. Having said that though, I believe that there's a quantum field where there's energy and vibration. I just think it was came from a creator. Yeah. So the the notion that there is an energy to me is actually just it's almost impossible for someone to believe. You feel energy right now. There's a vibrational frequency. When you have a a thought that you repeat, it vibrates at a higher and higher frequency. You end up drawing it into your world. So that the idea that you don't sense energy.

One thing I'm very intentional about is I know I'm always making people feel something. Most people are oblivious to this fact. You're always making people feel something. So go back to intention. I'm just slightly more intentional about what you're going to feel and experience when you're in my presence. That's vibrational frequency. So truth vibrates at the highest frequency. So the highest vibrational frequency is actually your own truth and your own faith. They're correlated. The Holy Spirit to me is an energy, as a sense, as a vibrational frequency.

And so they're correlated for me. They're not the same thing. They're correlated. If you said I get to have one or the other, I will take my faith 100% of the time. But to understand that there's this field where I can have a knowing and a and a zone I'm in and a vibrational frequency and a uh a depth of wisdom and dimension to me that I don't have without it is is silly to me. And so I'm a big energy guy. I make business deals based on energy confirmed by prayer.

by prayer. by prayer. When I give a speech Yeah. When I give a speech, it's all about the energy that I'm putting out confirmed by the prayer and the blessing and hopefully the Holy Spirit gives me the words to use. So These two things together are awesome stuff and one doesn't they're not mutually exclusive. No. And I think sometimes people that are really devout in their faith are like, "Well, is that a you centered thing or a God- centered thing?" It's always a God- centered thing for me.

But that's like saying that there's an ocean right here we're looking at right now. That's beautiful, is it not? And it's making this noise behind us. Do you not feel an energy when you're closer to the water? Think about that everybody talking about for the last few days. Yeah. Most people will tell you, "Man, I don't know what happens when I'm getting around the water or the energy. I feel more at peace. That's cuz there's an energy coming from it. Now, who created that ocean? You're up to your own conclusions.

For me, there's a all- knowing God in heaven that created that ocean that I feel an energy and a peace from. So, that's maybe the best description you can ever have in the real world is when I look at that ocean, most things I go, "Thank you, God. It's so beautiful, so majestic." But there's an energy. Ask anybody who surfs. There's an energy. The clo right now, we feel the energy of the ocean, right? If we leave my house right now, because it's about 100 yards away, the closer we get to that water, the more we feel the vibrational frequency of the energy from it.

By the way, I want this clip cuz that was really good right there. Really good clip that clip that clip that that's for social. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks to Home Serve for sponsoring this episode. You know, owning a home is amazing. I've been fortunate that I've owned a couple. One minute though, you're sipping coffee. The next, bam, something happens in your house. You're ankle deep because some pipe burst. You got water all over the place. Repairs don't care about timing and they definitely don't care about your budget.

Regular homeowners insurance usually doesn't cover a lot of day-to-day wear and tear from plumbing failures, HVAC breakdowns, electrical issues, you're often left on your own for those. And that's where Home Serve comes in. And when something goes wrong, like in my case, our water heater just burst literally on Monday. Walk into my garage, there's water all over the place. And I don't have any hot water, which is why I look so bad in this ad right now. So, Homeserve would have helped with that. Help protect your home systems and your wallet with Homeserve against cover repairs.

Again, plans just start at $4.99 a month. Go to homeserve.com to find the plan that's right for you. That's homeserve.com. Not available everywhere. Most plans range from $4.99 to $1199 a month for your first year. Terms apply on covered repairs. Well, I mean, but you you brought up a some like something that you do so beautifully, Ed is you talked about your intention about how you make people feel. And one of several things you've taught me that has had a huge impact on my life, but will on many generations was generations was generations was I don't want to get emotional about it, but but but the skill of telling my boys about them, right?

right? right? you you tell people about you you know and I literally started that practice a while ago and if we called them right now they'd be like I don't want to hear it I don't want I was like let me tell you about you know and I'll take them separate separate separate and they say they don't want to but then they go all right they do they do they do yeah and like can you unpack that for people because I think for me the business stuff's awesome but wow your ability to to to cuz I had my life shifted when a guy named Brian showed up as a teenager and just saw something in me that I didn't see in myself.

Well, especially with your upbringing, that's a big big deal. It was everything and it's just available to every person to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Could you talk about that? Yeah. I'm writing a book right now called Let Me Tell You About You. So, I'm writing a I'm going to leave something out of it. I want to leave some for the book. However, if you think back in your life and I said to you for a second, I want you to think about the person who believed in you the most or made you feel the most special when you were a little boy or a little girl.

Hopefully, there's somebody. Some people there isn't. there isn't. there isn't. But for most of us, there's that grandparent or a mom or a dad or a coach or a teacher. They made you feel like all your life when you were a little boy or a little girl, there is this little voice telling you, "I was born to do something great. I was supposed to do something great with my life. And then from the minute we get out into the world, that noise, that whisper starts getting more and more faint.

more faint. more faint. For most people, by the time they're a teenager or 20 years old, they forgot. They don't hear it anymore. And every once in a while, when you were a kid, maybe there was one person, they would whisper it back to you. They'd go, "You're amazing. You're special. I love you. You're so fast. You're so strong. You're so funny. You're so handsome. And if I asked you right now, anybody listening to this or watching it, who is that person for you? Have they passed away or are they still here?

Close your eyes and picture the precious face of that person. For me, it would be my grandfather, my papa. For most people, if I made you do it a while, you'd probably start crying. You'd probably start to get emotional. And if you're lucky in your life, there are three or four of those people in your life, maybe one. And you know what? They hold a special place in your heart that no one else holds. Maybe it's your spouse right now, which would be beautiful if that was the case, right?

And so, because that's true, I I realized in my life, what if I could be that person for hundreds of people? And all they did was tell you the truth about you. They didn't lie or exaggerate. They told you about you. So, it's wonderful to go, "You're amazing, honey." Nah, that's kind of hollow. But if you say, "You're amazing, honey." Because and then you link that to a natural gift or talent that that person kind of intuitively knows they have. Woo! You got it. Let me show you how that works.

Wayne Dyer, I'm sitting on the beach. Ed, you're going to change the world. Basically, you're going to do something great with your life. He barely knew me. And he said, "And let me tell you why. It's not because you're that smart, even though you're smart. It's not your voice. It's that heart of yours that's your intention. One of the few things with my lack of confidence I believe to be true about me. I am a kind person. I opened up by saying it to you as a matter of fact today before I told you the Wayne Dy.

One thing I know you just do it so naturally now. So like man he said something true about me and then linked it to me being either happy or successful. And so in our lives, if we will study somebody, every human being I believe is born or develops one or two or three really special talents or gifts. It could be their kindness, their physical beauty, their intellect, their their humor, their nurturing skills, problem solving ability, their clinical abilities, right? Their writing abilities, their speaking abilities, their their um their their touch, whatever it might be.

and they kind of know they have these one or two things about them. And so when you go, I see this in you and this is why you're going to be happy or successful. That's what great business leaders do. You know, Collins calls it putting people in the right seats on the bus. It's way more than that. It's saying you're amazing at writing code and because you're so amazing at it, you're going to do something great here. You go, I am amazing at writing code. It's the linking part that I think people miss.

You can give a It's what I'm taking away and I've I've seen you do this and it's inspired me in a big way is it has to be unique to them that they know you're paying attention. That's right. That's right. That's right. And you got to link it to their desire that they know inherently is in their heart that they could accomplish. When you're a little boy or a little girl, and you and I had different upbringings than most people, so you didn't give the benefit of this.

Most you watch a little kid if they're with their mom or dad, they'll go, "Daddy, watch. Daddy watch. Mama watch." You ever seen a child do that? My kids do that. And before they do anything, they anything, they anything, they daddy watch. Yeah. What they're saying is the see me. see me. see me. See me. I don't want to be invisible. See me. See me. And human beings, most of us at some age, it's just we're invisible. And even our friends, HEY, BRO. HEY, BRO. HEY, BRO.

There's no depth. There's no dimension to it. There's nothing beneath the surface. Instead of saying, "Man, you're amaz I told uh my good friend, we were talking about Richard Cabase, my buddy. I was with him yesterday and we were in a little group and I said and I did it for him in front of the so let me tell you about him and I said this dude and blah blah blah I'll give you the story this is gnarly my dog crapped all over a room the other night one of my two palm ratings I mean just destroyed this room and it was super late at night it was like 2:30 in the morning and this may seem super silly but my wife and I went we'll get it in the morning it was like in a back room in our house we'll get it in the So, we go to sleep.

I wake up to go in there and it's done. It's gone. He's staying in the out of of my guest house. Anyway, he got up in the middle of the night and spent two hours and cleaned up this entire room of my He's just the most thoughtful. People ask me, "Why are you friends?" He's so thoughtful. He's so kind. He wants to ser. And so, we're in a group that next day, and I go, "Let me just tell you about this dude." Because they're like, "He's so funny.

He's so funny." I'm like, "Dude, let me tell you about him. There's more. There's more. There's more. He's so kind, man. He's so generous. He's so giving. And he got all watery eyed, right? Because that's the truth about him. The surface thing is he's funny. The beautiful thing about him was this other thing. And we're super close because maybe 500 times I've told him about him and linked it to something that he's doing. And so I just feel like that's one of the things in my life I've been really really of like maybe a very few handful of things I'm good at doing.

It's seeing someone's giftedness, seeing someone's talent, seeing someone's truth, and man, do they feel like the light is really on them when you do that. The surface compliments of you're awesome, you're amazing, you're incredible, that means nothing. That means means means especially if it can be used for anybody. It's almost like if the sentence could be said to another person and it land, it's not specific enough. It's not It's not It's not if you if you pictured everybody's got a flashing sign on their forehead that just said, "Make me feel special.

Make me feel amazing." Tell me something unique about me to me. You just pictured that. That just that's literally what's flashing. You just did it. We were just talking about it, right? You just did this. He sits down in a m meeting. You're like, "Let me tell you, he's the best in the world at this." Right? And by the way, it's true. So, it resonates. So, the people that you do that with, you'll be connected to them in a way that maybe a handful of human beings in their entire life are.

All right. Welcome back to the show, everybody. So, as you know, every single month we get to spend time with the great Brendan Brousard. And today is that day of the month for all of you. And it's one of the most downloaded episodes we do all year are the monthly episodes with this man. And this week, I'm so excited. By the way, he is the founder of the greatest personal development app of all time called Growth Day. If you go to growthday.com/ed, growthday.com/ed, growthday.com/ed, you can get all the information you need to change your life right there and do it affordably.

And today you get to spend some time with both of us for free, which is awesome. And so today we're going to talk about, by the way, welcome to the show. First of all, my brother, it's great to have you back. As you spend time with us here every month, I'm more and more grateful every time we do it. do it. do it. It's an honor. And and man, this time of year to be together. It's so inspiring. It fires me up. So, thank you. Yeah.

We were just talking off camera about sincerely how fired up we are about the world, about life, about this being a time in history that could end up being one of the greatest times of all time to change your life. And what we're going to talk about today is a couple habits and thoughts that can help you do that. So today is all about self-confidence and accountability. And Brendan's written the book, you know, high performance habits. And so he's done studies and data and has numerical evidence to kind of back some of the things we're going to talk about today.

But if you want to know more about self-confidence, you want to know more about accountability, here we go. You're going to spend the next 35 minutes with the two of us kind of rifting back and forth on this topic. So let me start with you cuz you study this really, really deeply. I want to talk about the accountability part first because the part you and I were actually talking about off camera. M talk about the concept like why do you think it's so important and why does so many people avoid wanting to be held accountable accountable accountable I love that man I really struggle with that in coaching people for 20 years because you know as coaches you and I both help find somebody's breakthrough they discover it get clarity on a coaching call they tell us their plan they're fired up they feel champion mode they're excited they're excited they're excited And then next Monday they don't change and then they change again and they don't change don't change again and they don't change again.

You're like what is going on? And what I discovered which is so almost counterintuitive counterintuitive counterintuitive is that people suck at making commitments or setting goals or making big decisions big decisions big decisions because to do so requires and invites judgment. Wow. Wow. Wow. Judgement. Judgement. Judgement. People hate judgment. If you had an expectation and you didn't do it when you were a kid, your parents got mad at you. you. you. If you were at school and you didn't do what you were supposed to do, the teacher got mad at you.

When you feel like you're failing and somebody knows about it, it feels like they're judging you. It feels embarrassing. To judge oneself is terrifying to most people people people because you put your butt on the line. You say you're going to do it. You say you're going to be accountable. It's it's hard to say you're going to be accountable. Most people won't even say their real commitments. They won't make bold decisions because it invites so much self- judgment. What if I find out I really wasn't ready?

What if I find out I wasn't willing? What if I find out I'm not capable? What if I find out I'm not good enough? What if I find out by setting this goal, going after this thing, acting confident that when I go to hold myself accountable, I end up judging myself as inferior? So, if that's a risk, why even take it? I don't want to feel bad about myself, Ed. Do you want to feel bad about yourself? yourself? yourself? Well, you know, of course not. You know, you don't.

And I think that all things that seem to be working in people's lives though, there's some form of accountability. Like you and I were talking about my friend Andy Fcella and he's created the 75 hard program. And one of the things that comes with that is hyperaccountability. Every single day there's things you got to do. But every single day you got to post a pick online. You got to post every day. You're accountable not just to yourself, but to the public at large. Whether that's two people who follow you or 50 million people who follow you.

You're accountable. And I think that accountability accountability accountability for a lot of people, it's like a clock kind of running in the back of their mind. Man, I got to get this thing done because I've got to report. And you said something that surprised me. When I think of accountability, I think of someone else holding me accountable almost me submitting to I guess you'd call it their judgment or their assessment. So, do you think that is it different when someone I recommend when you make a goal, express it to somebody that holds you accountable that you've got to say, "Hey, I did it or I didn't do it." Do you not agree with that?

And is that why you said holding yourself accountable or do you think self accountability is the most important but it should be backed up and supported by accountability to another person? Yeah, I I think accountability is the most important thing for success because we have to stick to our personal commitments and our commitments to other people. And what I'm trying to get to is the reason because I think everybody listening to you and I right now, they know accountability is important in their life. their life.

their life. But they don't know why they don't hold themselves accountable. themselves accountable. themselves accountable. Got it. Got it. Got it. The reason people don't hold themselves accountable is because there'll be selfjudgment. selfjudgment. selfjudgment. What if I don't measure up to what I wanted and there's social judgment? What if other people who I said I was going to do this thing to and I don't follow up? What are they going to think of me? So, I do think there's both sides. There's self accountability, often just called personal accountability, and that is holding yourself accountable to a standard that you have set.

Got it. Got it. Got it. And then there's the accountability to other people. I promised you this. I said I was going to do it and now I have that social or peer pressure. They're both really important, but I'm here to tell people if you don't set up accountability in your life. And if you find yourself over and over, why am I not being accountable to the standards or the goals or the discipline or the habits I said I was going to do? I promise if you dig there, I promise you, you will find that you don't like how that judgment feels by other people or by yourself.

And what you need to do is go, "Oh, I'm probably harsh on myself." And I've probably been harsh on myself so many times. I've developed a pattern of not liking myself when I try to do hard things because I judge myself so unfairly, so impossibly, so perfectly. And if instead of self harsh judgment, I could give myself grace and adopt the learning mindset. learning mindset. learning mindset. So, So, So, I have this discipline, I have this goal, I have this dream, I'm gonna keep myself accountable, and I'm going to check in on myself or I'm going to get that daily streak as you referenced with, you know, like 75 hard or growth day.

These are daily streak activities. If I don't do that streak or if I don't do that habit, instead of punishing myself, judging myself, or letting other people be mean to me or feel like they're being mean, I'm just going to go, go, go, I didn't make it that time. What's the next right action of integrity to get back velocity to get back momentum? back momentum? back momentum? Get curious instead of mad at yourself. If you're a person don't that you just don't hold yourself accountable, you probably get mad at yourself too often.

And being mad at yourself doesn't feel good. feel good. feel good. Give yourself grace and curiosity and get a momentum towards it. Momentum feels good. And that's a switch mentally for people. We got to get you mentally feeling good about accountability versus being mad at yourself all the time. If you're mad at yourself all the time, no wonder you're not fulfilling commitments. It feels too bad. You've been around lots of highly successful people and you are one. And one of the things that I think most people don't know is the level of work required of effort.

Meaning like I don't know. I I I think if someone spent the last five years with me in business and they I'm not trying to brag, but like if they thought they worked hard, there's levels to this game. Or like in the speaking game, you and I talked when the the stuff hit the last couple years. There's just levels to the work ethic and the grind, the things you got to do. You look at a Steph Curry in basketball, oh, he's such a gifted shooter. Actually, he's not.

Actually, it's the grind. actually Tiger and Jack Nicholas the amount of golf balls they hit actually judge and Otani in baseball you have no idea the amount of work and even in coaching you and I have been around all these great college football coaches I think it's one of the hardest jobs in the world there's a level to where Sabin played at Davos Sweeney who I know you've been with like so talk I think most people are like at about and you talk about this a lot like maybe they 50 60% of their capacity or effort and that is not going to get it done no matter how much you sit around and do other things that serve you.

There's a level to this thing and you've been close to it and you are at it. Talk about that for a minute. Look, I I want to say this to everybody that's listening. I here's what I think would be the easier thing to do. Just lower your expectations. I'm just being real. Like, you know, when I was with Ed and he was doing the book launch, I'm just being real. I did a book launch. It would probably 70% on that level in terms of I wasn't just in the don't get it twisted.

I'm not a good guy. Okay? God makes me a better man. I was in the room learning. I wasn't I I promise y'all I wasn't just in there talking. I listen to me. I don't even know if Ed knows this. After before I did my thing and after I did my thing, I was all the way in the back sitting down. I didn't know that. I was all the way at the back of the room with a pen and a pad. I didn't know that. Like studying like, "Yo, E, bro, just being real.

You're not on this level." Like, you're not you're not one you're not on this level in terms of like maximizing, maximizing, maximizing, you know, your network. Like, you're not you're not you're not on that the the space that we were in. Listen to me. I don't know if I told you this, but your your your guy, he end up helping me um like what what would you call it? Like renovate the church and put beautiful signing on it. He don't even live here. He didn't even live here.

He he he helped he helped me. He made some phone calls. He called up. He's like, "E, if I got to leave Charlotte and come down there, I got you. But I I'mma try to find somebody." This is what I'm talking about, y'all. Like so I was in the building learning seeing who Ed was connecting with then connecting with them afterward. So here's my deal. When I was in the room I had to say to myself e if you want some of this stuff Ed got e you going to have to you got to raise your game some.

So you got an option. You could even go hey me being in the room with Ed and watching what Ed was doing th this is strictly for uh recreational purposes. You feel me? IT'S LIKE, HEY, THIS RECREATIONAL PURPOSE, BRO. Go ahead and get out of here. Or, hey, you you God showed it to you. He showed you a level. Are you ready? And so, for me, it was like, absolutely, I'm ready. So, I just want to say this to you guys. Either lower your expectations because you don't have to do everything you see other people do.

You don't have to do it. You could just go, man, I It's like going to a basketball game. You're not trying to suit up and do what Curry does, but when you look at it, you kind of thinking, "Oh, he human like I'm human. So I can watch yourself, okay? Watch yourself. You might not want to put them sneaks on. You might not want to get in that gym. And what I saw Ed do when I went back, I was like, "Okay, E, number one, you got to get more organized." So like, you got passion.

You got energy. But what you saw at Ed, you saw a system, you saw a structure, you saw people over here and people over here and people doing it and people in the back and when you get in, people in the parking. So, it's like e when you get to the crib from a speaking standpoint, you you definitely giving 1,000%. But from a structural standpoint, you're not giving 1,000%. Then I look at the packages in the deal, and I was like, e, you don't got So, y'all might have saw, if you watched it, it was a group in here, then it was a group out there, and then the level of men that was on stage who are also dominant in their particular area.

Bro, I was with people who I've only seen in their podcast. I only see these dudes ON SOCIAL MEDIA. I AIN'T never been in a room with them before. I was in a room with them. with them. with them. And so, yes, you know, I had to come home, not necessarily get up earlier, not necessarily grind physically harder, but I had to take my mental game to another level. I had to take my systems game to another level. I had to, this is a grind that you probably don't know.

I had to remove people, which hurts, to bring in a different group of people to take me where I wanted to go because I realized a group that was with me, phenomenal group of humans, phenomenal group of people, they probably would get to heaven before I get there. But in order to take me from number four to number one, they weren't necessarily the people that could do that. So, to Ed's point, I personally went home and and did a um an evaluation on ET. I personally study ET and said, "Yeah, you got it going over here." But this seed is an apple seed and orange seed.

This is not a watermelon seed. And these seeds that you're planting will never get you watermelon. So, so, yep, you got some dynamic. Are you posting every day? You putting out dynamic stuff, but that will not get what you saw Ed do in terms of systems. of systems. of systems. And so, you got to come home and your new grind is system. I don't know what your grind is, but I'm telling you, I had to start reading books. I had to go to conferences. I had to shift what I was watching online.

I had to shift who I was following. Great humans, great people. They were only going to help me sustain this energy. They weren't going to help me with the structure. Here's what I realized. E, nobody's better than you, but there are some people who's got better systems than you. And so, if you want to see growth, you got to start grinding on the systems level. So don't I don't want you to get what Ed said and you miss it. You like, "Oh, I got to get up earlier.

I got to grind." Maybe you don't have to get up earlier to accomplish what you've already accomplished. But to get this done, you do have to make some adjustments. And that's what the grind look like and that's what the hustle look like. And can I say this, Ed? I'm man, I don't even know if I ever said this before, but sometimes, and I don't know if you've experienced this, sometimes, bro, you putting up 40 with 30 rebounds and you like whatever. And then you go somewhere and God shows you.

And I was talking to my son the other day and he he kind of was hurt cuz he was like, "Dad, you know, you you you acting like I'm" I said, "Hold up. I'm sorry. You putting up 30. you putting up 10, but the 30 points and the 10 rebounds have nothing to do with the assist. You don't get credit for assists because you scored and you got rebounds. They they don't they don't take your points and go, "Well, we going to put those over and rebound." They don't take your rebounds and go, "We going to put those with your assist." And when I left you, you, you, you know, I I there was a part of me that was like, "God, you want me to do more?" Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You want me to do more? Am I not grinding enough? He was like, "Absolutely, and every seed you planted is going to grow." But you just looked at what Ed was doing and you saw there was a gap. So, you have a choice to make here. You got rebounds, you got points, but the assist, son, you you had zero. So, what do you want to do? And there was a moment where I had to was a there was a moment where I had to go, go, go, you're not overwhelmed.

You're just rising to the level that God is asking you to rise to. Oh my gosh. There there's no anxiety. The Bible said, "Be anxious for nothing, but in all things through prayer and supplication, make your requests known to God." But there was a 30-se secondond boy where was like, "Man, God, how am I going to be blessed?" When I he said, "How one that's your boy, so you can just call." Then I had a Rory in the back interviewing me. God like, "Yo, you don't have to do you could just" and then just and I did just that.

my relationship with Roy, you know, went from a person that, you know, respects him to sitting at his feet to listen to the podcast to studying you guys. And I can honestly say after that event systemwise, you know, I've gone to another level. So to me, that's what it looks like when your expectations, your dreams, your goals, and your grind match. And if y'all not ready to work, it doesn't make you a bad human. Just lower your expectations. Gosh, that's so so good. And that idea of the grind, I want to say one thing everybody when he's talking about rebounds and points, the application of that for you is this is that if you're average, you keep giving yourself credit for the things you're already doing.

But if you want to be extraordinary, you got to go, what's the thing like the power of one more in the book, I talk about you're one decision away. I think all of you listening to this right now, if I could be honest with you, you already know what it is. You know the thing you're not doing you need to be doing that would change your life and your business. You already know what it is. is having the guts, the courage, the faith to call the shot.

Like in ET's case, I'm going to go back. I don't need to work harder. I got to get more systematic. Maybe I could even work less hard if I put these systems in place for you. It might be something you are doing or that you need to stop doing to get your life to the next level. Welcome back to Max Out everybody. I'm Ed Mlette. Today's show is going to be ballistic. So, I am uh I'm sitting next to the real life Dosekis man. Um one of the most interesting people I have ever met in my life.

This man has a resume that is too long to even start the introduction with today. And we're going to talk about that today. Like life resumes, but to start put it mildly, this is someone who started the company Marquee Jet. He ends up selling that to Warren Warren Buffett and Birkshshire Hathaway. Started a water company that he sold at Coca-Cola. He's run a 100 miles in one day before. He's a father of four. He's married to one of the most successful female entrepreneurs in the country and Sarah Blakeley, the founder of Spanx.

And most importantly for me, he is one of the most giving and generous people with his time, his information, and his energy that I have ever met in my life. And I I'm literally, look at this. I'm getting goosebumps because I've been really looking forward today. So everybody, this is Jesse Hitsler. Jesse, thanks for being here. being here. being here. Oh, thank you so much, man. I appreciate it. it. it. Have we had good conversations off camera or what? It's so good. I wish we were recording the whole time.

So, you know, the thing I didn't say, too, is I also think you're one of the greatest speakers in the world, too, from the stage as well. So, any of you looking for speakers, this is a guy that you ought to be talking to. So, you're going to get a flavor for that today. So, let's help let's help some people. Let's do it. So, we can go all the way back to the beginning. I want people to know a little bit about your background because I think one of the things that fascinates me the most about you is your willingness to do things that you're not prepared for.

I think like going into the unknown, it seems to be one of these things that about you that's very unique, but also is a trait that I see in people that win at really high levels. So talk a little bit about we could start with any of the businesses you've had, but did your upbringing at all like prep you into being this sort of type of person you are. Like when you grew up, did you know you're going to turn out this way or or No, not at all.

Uh I always was dancing to my own drum. My parents gave me a really long leash which was a great gift for me growing up. They let me do whatever I wanted to do do do within reason. Yeah. And I always, you know, all of us, we always come against this wall of fear, you know, this crazy wall of fear. And you can either go to the wall and turn around, you can go through the [ __ ] wall. And I was, I always, every time I went around, turned around and went back home cuz I was too scared.

I had crazy resentment or crazy guilt that I wasn't able to do. Regret, not resentment, regret. Yeah. And every time I went through the wall and got to the other side, it was so addicting and I was so proud of myself. So, uh, let me just give you a quick example. When I was growing up, I grew up in New York City, uh, or in Long Island in the 80s when break dancing and rap and all this stuff was happening and I was really into break dancing.

I don't know, I don't look like it and but you know, get some cardboard out here, man. We can do something. something. something. Mike, get some cardboard. Okay. Okay. Okay. And um I decided that like I could make more money probably if I went to Washington DC, you know, because the kids in Washington DC couldn't be as good as the kids in New York. We invented this whole genre. So I got my friend Myin who's my partner. My sister just got her driver's license and I convinced her to drive us to Washington DC.

And the whole drive down I was having all that self-doubt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, at a young age, 14, 15 years old, like what if the kids are better? What if no one shows up? What if we get booed? what if, you know, what if we go there and I I stink. And so I was almost talking myself out. I was building the wall of doubt up brick by brick in my own head. And when we got there, we went to a little bank in uh Georgetown and we set up a boom box in a parking lot of a bank and we hit play and my friend started spinning on his head and he passed it to me and a crowd gathered around and ultimately after I did my thing, more people came.

I took my hat and I passed it around and we made about $200. I paid my sister for the gas money. And then Myin and I split $82, $41 each. And this guy, you know, he's counting up the money and money and he's counting up the money and he he gets all the money and then he sprints over to me and he gives me a bear hug and he goes, "Jess, we're [ __ ] rich." [ __ ] rich." [ __ ] rich." And what what the reason why we were rich is because on that particular trip, despite all the fear of this young little kid that was so scared, I went around that wall and I realized I could be rewarded and I was like, I want more of that.

I was doing writing sports songs after the Nick song with my partner. We set up a company to write theme songs for professional sports teams. Mh. And uh I did that for a year and a half and we sold that company to a public company called SFX. You did. You did. You did. And it was the gentleman that owned SFX that had a time share on a jet that invited us as guests and that's how we got exposed to the world of private aviation. aviation. aviation.

So you're flying on this jet. Was it the first private jet you'd have been on? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So you're on a private jet and you take this flight and rather than just enjoying the flight, you get off the flight and go what? What? No. First, I walked on the plane and it was like the scene in the Wizard of Oz when everything goes from black and white to color. And I was like, "People fly like this? We want to fly like this." And we literally were like, "Let's start a private jet company so we can fly privately cuz we definitely can't afford it." it." it." That's crazy.

That's crazy. That's crazy. And and we were like, "Did you know anything about jets? Did you own a jet? Did you Nothing. So you knew nothing about jets. You didn't own a jet. But I knew that if we wanted to take two or three trips a year to go skiing with our friends or take a college our college friends on a trip or my partner had a family and he wanted to go away for Thanksgiving if we knew that if we had a need for not for hundreds of hours hours hours but for maybe 25 hours there's got to be a lot of people like us.

And that's really where the idea started from. It's like how could we make flying privately a little bit more affordable? Yep. Yep. Yep. More to the masses. And how could we solve the problem? How could we eliminate all the the the pain points of owning your own private plane like you know the pilots, the scheduling, the maintenance, all that and provide all the benefits and that's what we created this 25-h hour jet card called which ultimately was called marquee jet. marquee jet. marquee jet. Okay. So let's talk about this.

So here comes the note-taking time all you entrepreneurs out there cuz there's a lot of entrepreneurs out there that have these ideas. So that's great that you had the idea and brilliant but idea to execution to business to profitability to selling it is a completely different idea altogether. How in the world do you get you end up somehow getting NetJets to allow you to use their jets somehow to do this card, right? How the hell did that happen? that happen? that happen? Well, first of all, you know, we thought about what's the fastest way to get from point A to point B.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. That was the starting point. Okay. Okay. Okay. And we realized that we needed airplanes. Obviously, you can't have a private jet company without airplanes. And for us, there were only a couple of there was only two games in town or one game in town. It was NetJets owned by Warren Buffett. You know, they had 650 planes in the fleet. So, we were able to get a meeting, you know, through a couple of phone calls. And and in the meeting, we got thrown out of the first meeting in like 12 minutes.

They're like, the guy, the CEO was like, "There's no way we're giving two kids access to our airplane." You got thrown out of the first meeting. Got thrown out. He literally said, they literally said, "There's no way we're giving two kids." He said that probably didn't break a thousand on their SAT, which we talked about, which pissed me off. I got a 980. He got a 980. Just so you know, in the history of interviews, so he's he's 9. This is so wonderful. So, you end up being on the same label as Young MC.

I end up being a uh paid for free backup dancer for a few weeks for him. The people are laughing their asses off. I know, right now, rolling their eyes. He gets a 980 on his SATs. I'm in the high sevens. I'm a 780 SAT. and we've both ended up becoming, you know, very successful entrepreneurs. This should give everybody out there hope who thinks their prior resume somehow dictates their future resume. And that's not the case whatsoever. And so you get kicked out, he literally quotes your SAT score back, I'm not I'm not giving you guys 20 if 28 29 years old access to my airplanes.

And you know, our starting point is we have to convince them. We have to have a lot of conviction. We're the business plan. They're betting on us. Yes. And the question we asked oursel, I think you know the starting point for any entrepreneur when you're going to give a pitch, what's in it for them? What's in it? What are we going to say to convince them that they want to do business with us? And for us, it was like we can they were catering to a much older demo older demo older demo and we were 28, 29 years old.

In my music business, I had access to athletes and entertainers just from the videos and just being in the scene. I lived in New York. I was connected to that world. There was that was my demo and age group. So, we offered the ability to attract much younger athletes, entertainers that we said, "Look, if these guys are introduced to your fleet, they're going to be customers for the next 50 years." And think about the lifetime value of that customer. Give us a shot. If it doesn't work, there's not like no harm, no foul.

And they said, "You know what? We'll give you guys a shot." So, the second meeting, they say, "We'll give you a shot. Put up your own money. Okay, Okay, Okay, you guys, we'll give you guys a shot." Okay? And now this is one of my favorite stories of all time. Literally of all time. So now you get a yes, which is just incredible. The idea to get in there to pitch, to get kicked out, to come back in to get a yes. Now the issue is though, you have no clients.

So that theory sounded great. By the way, a lot of people, entrepreneurs, listen to this. They got kicked out. They got rejected the first time. They've got an idea. Now they're in business, but they got no clients. And by the way, we really didn't have a business plan because we didn't know anything about the space. and to present a business plan. They could have been like, "Well, we're not looking for that. We were the business plan." It was like, "We are going to make this. Look me in the eye, Ed.

I'm telling you, we will make this happen. We give us a shot." I mean, that those weren't the exact words, but that was the spirit of it. Let's stay on that for a second cuz I think this is huge, man. People buy into people. They buy into stories and people. They don't buy into powerpoints. powerpoints. powerpoints. You know, powerpoints are just words. And we had a passion and a conviction around the idea cuz we knew we could make it work. We knew if we had the chance that no matter what we were going to work 21hour days, we're going to make it work.

You and I are both involved in a business together that we'll talk about at the end. And that's exactly what we both did in this case. We bought into the people. It's like so super true. But you have this thing that I think I think to the extent that someone has this thing I'm going to ask you about before we get into how you end up getting your first client, which is the best story of all time. it. But I think all successful people on some level and to the extent you are successful is the extent you have this thing which is that you're willing to step into spaces you are illprepared for.

So it seems to me like you're willing to you kind of think like if I get my foot in the door then I'll figure this stuff out, right? Whereas what most people do and this is killing you by the way. I won't step into the door until I'm completely prepared, which is a total fallacy anyways as an entrepreneur, right? For sure, or wanting to become a rapper or have a music career or an artist or anything great. If you're waiting for a threshold of I need to be totally prepared, then I'll step in the door.

You will be on the other side of the door the rest of your life. So, talk about that. You have this sort of thing about you, you'll figure it out once you get in there. Yeah. I Well, first of all, nothing happens if you don't get into the door. So, you have to have you have to figure out how to get in the door. And I've always trusted the process that I'd be able to figure it out. But like the common thread throughout all my journey as an entrepreneur in everything is I had no prior experience in anything that I did.

I did. I did. And for me that was the greatest blessing blessing blessing because for me it meant rip up the playbook. No one taught me how to do it. So the whole industry was operating the same way. And I always say to my employees, Sarah, my wife does the same thing. You know, if no one taught you how to do your job, how would you do it? Like if you ripped up the playbook and you said like how would I treat my customer? How would I go after and pitch this?

this? this? That's where innovation comes from. Everybody else in the space, they were doing the same playbook. All the brochures look the same and we didn't know anything. We didn't know anything. So for us, it was a greatest blessing. So I think experience is overrated. It's important, but it takes so damn long. Yes. you know, and like if I if we would have waited to get three years on on the front on the line and this there would have been four other jet companies and we would have never have done it.

So, um So, um So, um Wow, that's so true. You got to start the process. As an entrepreneur, I think like the number one thing is start. You never have it all figured out. It's never the right time. You never have enough experience. But if you let that slow you down until you have it's the right time and the right experience, right experience, right experience, come on, man. The world's like the world's so fast. So, you're telling me you did not know a lot about the rap game before you got in.

You didn't know a lot about the the writing lyrics game before that. You didn't know a lot. Just listen to everybody. Didn't know a lot about the coconut water business before you got in the jet business before you got in or the NBA before you got in it. I would say nothing. Literally, Literally, Literally, I wouldn't say not a lot. I would say nothing. nothing. nothing. It's incredible. I I absolutely and look you know I was fortunate you know I we were able to as soon as we were able to afford to bring in people that knew more we were able to scale it and you know but we started everything very small very small very small you know we always thought really big and once we got momentum we were able to ramp it up super fast the only way that I could really find you know I I had to go where wealthy people were and I heard about this conference called TED in Mterrey California when they were first starting out that was attracting all these tech guys and welloff off folks, etc.

So, my partner's like, "You got to go to the tech conference in Mterrey, California." So, I had I think I connected through Chicago into LA. It's a 5-h hour car ride to Mterrey, California. It was a 16-hour journey. And I get there and as soon as I get there, everybody it's like Fort Knox. I didn't have a credential to get in way. So, they didn't we couldn't go anywhere near the conference. So, I'm like, man, I just flew 16 hours. I can't go in. I'm so frustrated.

But, it smelled like there was a sale there somewhere. So, I was like, "Let me go into the little coffee shop over here and try to like figure this out." And I'm sitting in the coffee shop and about 20 minutes into my sitting there kind of like thinking, "God, how am I going to do this?" A wave of people with credentials come in and they're ordering lattes and muffins. Okay? Okay? Okay? And I realize that they must be on coffee break from in between speakers at the tech conference.

So, they're all ordering lattes and muffins. Lattes and latte and muffins. So the next morning I show up at 5:00, first one there as soon as they open and I buy every single muffin. muffin. muffin. I control all the muffin inventory in Mterrey, California. I bought every muffin. And when the first wave of folks come in, you know, they're like have a latte and a muffin. Like you can have a latte, but we're all out of muffins. And as they would walk out, I would say, "Excuse me, I over actually I have the muffin my office here.

We have all the muffins and would you like a muffin?" "No, no, no." Yeah. What do you do? Next thing you know, I'm in a conversation with someone. He's like, and he said, he asked me what I did. And I said, "Well, I have a private jet company called Marquee Jet." And uh guy who just sold this company called Half.com to eBay. And he said, "Well, I'm actually interested in a private jet. Would you mind if I have a sit down and talk to you about it?" And I was like, "Absolutely." "Absolutely." "Absolutely." I'm like, "Please sit down.

You can have two muffins." And we started talking. And here's what's interesting. And here's how I built my career. He ended up being my my first customer. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. And but he was the key because I serviced the hell out of him. Anything he wanted, carried his bags. If he was going to Mexico, shock and awe. Here's a book of places. Here's a reservation. Here's where you can snorkel. Like, that's not the business I'm in. Yes. I provide time on jets. No, that's what everybody else was doing.

Wow. Wow. Wow. This is what we're going to do. Here you I see your family's going. Here's a a floaty thing for your 2-year-old. And they would get that. and I just serviced him. How was the trip? Can I help you? Here are your bags. And he was my source of referrals. of referrals. of referrals. There you go. And then the next guy came in. Same system. system. system. Same thing. Same thing. Same thing. And what was interesting about Marquee Jet. Wow. Wow. Wow. You know, it wasn't that we built this amazing company, you know, we it was an amazingly successful venture clearly.

clearly. clearly. And um but that's that wasn't the gold for me. The gold for me were the people that we flew because we flew we flew 4,000 of the who's who of entrepreneurs, CEOs, athletes, entertainers, and I was like, "Wow, here I am. I'm 30 years old." old." old." I was obsessed with meeting these people and learning about their daily routines. So, what I would do is I would say like every conversation was like, "What time do you get up? What do you eat? How do you spend your time?

How do you live rich? How do you do this? What's a vacation look like? Like and I would take all these habits from these winners at the highest level and start to incorporate them in my life. And the things that worked stuck and the things that didn't I got rid of them and over time built this system you mentioned in the beginning like your life resume built this system that works for me. And as I've evolved now I have four kids. my system evolves because I can't have the same system as single Jesse 40 years old and no kids where I have I can I have the freedom to do what I want now I have way more responsibilities you know with my family so the system evolves so that that was the gift wow this is see for me for someone listening to this and I already know what they're thinking this is literally like an inside peak to like an absolute master class of how to do these things right here everybody and I just want to illustrate two points you made I want to make sure that I say them correctly correctly.

The first thing is is that all of the most successful entrepreneurs I know and obviously you're at the top of that list because there's been multiple wins. What I the reason I want you all listening to what Jesse covers and his social media and his content is because he's he's not only is he a mega successful entrepreneur and also successful as a father, successful as an athlete of sorts, successful as an author, he's also had multiple wins. In other words, it wasn't a one-hit business wonder.

This is a formula that has worked for him that he's replicated into many different business ventures. And you said something brilliant. The unique thing for the ones I see is they create an experience for their customers that is completely different than everybody else. I don't care if you're a personal trainer at a gym, you're you own a dry cleaners or you own a gym brand. It's the experience because if they don't enjoy the experience, it's not mind-blowing. They're not going to refer you to anybody and your business can't go viral.

It can't multiply. Correct. Correct. Correct. I always ask myself this one question. Would I recommend myself as fill in the blank? Would I recommend myself as a dad? Would I recommend myself as a business partner? Would I recommend myself as a coach? Would I recommend myself as a boss? And if the answer is no, why like why why aren't I re why would I recommend myself? And I always tell people like you know like that people call up like my kids are going to their first job.

What would be the one piece of advice? Make yourself irreplaceable. irreplaceable. irreplaceable. Make yourself irreplaceable. If you have that relationship with the customer with if you're so important, you're incredibly valuable. incredibly valuable. incredibly valuable. Wow, that's brilliant. And and but it's but it's true. And you know, I ask myself a lot of questions. I ask myself a lot of questions. And that's one thing I always ask myself like, you know, if I go, let's say I go sideways with someone for some reason. I'm just I don't very often, but if I do, do, do, would I recommend myself?

What did I do? And very often, you know, it's I could I can I'm okay with it. And if it's something that I did, then I want to get in front of it and apologize or address it internally so it doesn't happen again. again. again. You mentioned something about success and you know everybody has mult multiple definitions of success. If you ask 100 people you might get a hundred answers but you touched on something I think is important to the listeners listeners listeners and my to me I have a lot of different definitions.

Success isn't being good in one bucket. It's not about like I made all this money, you know, and I know, oh, it's easy for you to say, no, success is not about being good in one bucket. It's about being good in all the buckets. buckets. buckets. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All the buckets. It's about being a good dad. It's about being, you know, good to your employees. It's about giving back in the charity bucket. It's about doing the right thing when you do it. It's about standing up for something that you see is wrong.

That's success. When I see people that are mega wealthy, they're just [ __ ] wealthy. wealthy. wealthy. Yes. No, they're just wealthy. That's not what it looks like. And it's and you don't have to be wealthy. If you're struggling in one area, you can still be good in all the other areas. other areas. other areas. So true, man. You can't spiral down because success, the way you look at it, isn't happening. Well, then go be successful in the other buckets and fill up your plate. And then what it does too, by the way, like I could feel you coming at me with that cuz you feel so strong about it.

Your physiology changed too. But what also happens is when you and you talk a lot about this, but when you get wins in other areas, you get life momentum and and people just I did a training on this the other day, but like you're to me I look at you I go, "Okay, look you the thing you said about associating with these people and their habits. I didn't have a jet card company, but I joined the club where I could meet these kinds of guys. What is your schedule?

What's your workout routine? How do you eat? What do you think about? How do you talk?" talk?" talk?" I'm sorry to interrupt you. Habits. You're getting me all fired up. Everything comes around your day. Yeah. You're talking, we're talking about all these successes. They took years. years. years. Years. I remember walking into the president of Coca-Cola about the Ziko thing. He's like, "It takes eight years to build a brand in this country." Of course, there's get rich quick things and now it's a little faster, but it takes time.

takes time. takes time. But what the foundation of that is your daily habits. It's creating winning habits, winning routines, and a winning mindset. That's that's the formula. It is. It is. It is. It it there's no way around it. It doesn't happen without that. One of the unique things for me, cuz I completely agree, but one of the things unique about you and I is we both will be creating this content for a while and then when we looked at each other's stuff, we're like, "My god, we so believe the same things." We say it a little bit differently, but we so believe the same things.

One of the unbelievable things about social media or podcasts like this is that you kind of can peek into what you had at Marquee Jets doing this. If someone follows you on Instagram or follows myself, you get access nowadays to something you and I never had. You can get access daily to some of the most successful entrepreneurs in the world or fitness people or parents or people of faith or whatever your area is through digital connection now. It's not the same as live, but it's incredible the information you can tap into.

Now, you are my virtual mentor. No, you are. I mean, I I'm I'm in tune to what you say. It resonates deeply with me. Thank you. You're in it for the right reasons. Like there's a lot of reasons why the things you say really have stickiness with me, but you are you're to millions of people you're a virtual mentor. And that's exactly your point. Yeah. And we didn't have that growing up. No. No. No. Our mentor was my like my dad and anyone in my small town.

Yeah. Me too. Don't you think don't you think part of your life, Jesse, that you got some life momentum going though, right? I mean these the journey is I think it's the most I mean you're a young man and I but I I think it's I think it's the most remarkable journey that I've of anybody I've talked to because of the breadth of different areas. It's just bananas to me. One of the things that popped up when you were talking earlier is that low point in your life.

Uh I I feel like people can talk to you until they're blue in the face. Like get up, get going, do the thing that you want, you know, make, you know, do the thing that you need to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What did you find in you that actually brought you out of that? Right? Cuz I I mean I may be wrong, but I don't think it was the people talking to you, was it? it? it? No, it was uh it was just starting to take the steps.

It was like, and this whole thing about one more is a real thing. It was just like, look, here's what I'm going to do. In spite of how I feel, I'm going to operate out of what I know I'm supposed to do, not how I feel. I'm going to finally, here's how I was. I was a very average person. Here's why I was average. How I felt is how I acted. That's how most people are. They feel great, they do great. They feel bad, they lay around.

And in that moment, I'm like, I don't feel good. I've had a pattern of not feeling good. If I'm going to wait around till I feel good to take some steps, this ain't going to happen. But what if maybe if I take these steps, then I'll feel good. And so slowly but surely, I'm like, I'm just going to make these contacts. I'm going to make these calls. I'm going to go see these people. And I just started taking steps. It's not always what you do on the days you're motivated that separates you, cuz everyone does well.

It's what do you do on the days you're not motivated? And so for me, it was like, I'm going to take steps towards my potential even though I don't feel like it every day. And you go, well, that's easy to say, not hard to do. Actually, it's not that hard to do. You just have to do it. You have to actually get up, get dressed, put your clothes on, and take steps towards it. And then what I would do is I'd like little promises. So, I was just a mess.

Like, I had no self-confidence because I had a reputation with me of not doing stuff I said I was going to do. So, I started what? How can I rig the game so I do what I say? This sounds really stupid. I'm going to tell you what I did. I'm go take you back to when I'm 23 years old. I'm going to set my clothes out the night before for the next day. Simple thing I don't have to think about in the morning. Something I can control doing.

I'm going to make my bed in the morning. I'm going to get up at 6:00 a.m. I'm going to do some meditation and prayer when I wake up. And I'm going to go to the gym. And I actually started setting my clothes up, getting up at 6:00 a.m. stuff I could do. I said my prayers and my meditation, right? I did the things I said I was going to do. And all of a sudden now when I said I'm gonna make 10 calls, I'm like, I could do that.

Then when I said I'm gonna make a,000 bucks this week, I could do that. 10,000 bucks this week, 10,000 bucks this day. So it started with small stuff when I didn't feel like it. And I rigged the game on stuff I could completely control. control. control. Yeah. I that's amazing because it's a lot of people think it's, you know, things turn on immediately for them. They see you who you are today. Not not the I laid my clothes out guy. I see you as the guy that you are today, which is which is the hard part for most people to see cuz they inspiring.

It's the before and the after. I'll tell you one more thing. We go a couple more minutes. I'll tell you the one thing. I have a You don't know this story, but like I wanted to look rich when I wasn't. And so I wanted I thought no one's going to take me seriously. This is a true story, brother. Okay, they're going to laugh already. My family. I wanted to drive a Mercedes. I thought no one's going to take me serious in my business. I'm not driving a Benz.

So there was this thing called a penny saver back in the day. It'll be like a glorified Craigslist now. And I'm looking for convertible Mercedes. This so true, dude. You wouldn't even believe this. And you know what this is, but all of a sudden it's 60 grand. 60 grand. 60 grand. Says Mercedes 600 SL parenthesis kind of. I'm like, tell me more. And what it was was a Chrysler Learon. Oh, hell yeah. Kit car with a Mercedes bodies on it. So kit cars have welded other car bodies.

This thing was two feet too long. interior was a Learon, you know, air the heat blew constantly. This gets way better. I drive down to Dana Point. I meet this lady. And I say, "Tell me about this kit car." She's like, "Look, it's $5,000 and it's a wonderful. Only about half the people won't know it's real." And I'm like, "I'll give you four grand." She goes, "I'll take it." So, she takes the four grand for me and she goes, "There's one catch I didn't tell you.

I swear to you, brother, this is true." She goes, "Um, it's actually not welded on there." I said, "What do you mean?" And she goes, I said, "How's the kit on the car?" She goes, "It's uh velcroed." And I go, "What did you just say? Say that again." Cuz he's already got She goes, "It's velcroed on there, but most of the car stays together pretty good." I said, "The machine I'm going to drive 60 m hour is velcroed together." She goes, "You don't have to worry when you're driving fast." She goes, "But when you drive up to a stoplight, don't stop too suddenly cuz the front left headlight will fly out into the intersection." intersection." intersection." And dude, more than a I have a good social media following.

If there was social back in the day, I would be the most viral mfer of all time. Cuz more than a hundred times in my life, in this dude's life, that headlight went out in the intersection. I had TO GET OUT OF THAT CAR, stop the four-way traffic, grab my headlight. You imagine people watching. What the hell is this dude doing? doing? doing? I would grab my the Velcro's hanging out. I would go grab my headlight, run back to my car, velcro that sucker back on, and jump back in the car.

But about 30 of the times, I was so rattled, I shut the door too hard, and it would fall off. And people are honking trying to make their left turn. I'm trying to put my door back on the car, dude. I swear to God. And I drove that car for 4 years. I made $770,000 one year driving that car. I swear to you. And it got stolen the fourth year it got stolen. And the dude that stole the car got one block from our house and just left the car with the keys in it cuz they know what it was.

I swear to you, I got pulled over in that car by the cops cuz they thought it was stolen and that's all cuz it was like wrong license plates. So I went from a velcroed Mercedes, velcroed Mercedes, velcroed Mercedes, dude, to a global express jet in a number of a decade or two doing the stuff that's in my book. I swear to you that is 100 Babe. Is that 100% true? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, "Yeah." She had to drive that. might be one of the most incredible.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you said the wife was getting the wife to go get the dum. And then at the same time, man, we were so broke. We were so broke. I bought her a Mustang when her other car got repossessed and the doors didn't work. So, she had to get go through her trunk to get to the front seat. So, here's this power couple you see on Instagram. I'm driving a Velcro car. her car. Everywhere she goes, she has to climb through the trunk and crawl into the driver's seat.

driver's seat. driver's seat. Is that awesome, dude? That is so awesome. See, this is what we're here for, guys. This is the real Ed Mlet. This is the real story. This is This is This helps everybody understand that look, doesn't matter where you're at right now, go buy a Velcro Mercedes because that's a starting point. It doesn't matter. Ed Milelet, welcome to the show. Welcome back. back. back. Welcome back. It's great to be here, man. It's the one I'm looking forward to the most. So good to have you.

Your book is amazing. The power of one More. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Love it. I'm not at all surprised. Now, for people that haven't read it, for people that feel like they're wasting their time, they're not getting the results they want, what is one thing that they could be doing right now that would turn things around for them? Well, actually doing one more. So, you know, we we always talk, you and I both, about self-confidence and the fact that building self-confidence is the process of keeping the promises you make to yourself.

And if you lack self-confidence, you've got a relationship and reputation with yourself that's not very favorable. And so the baseline way to get self-confidence is you keep the promises you make to yourself. But in life, as you know, we don't get like our goal. We get probably 25% of our goals, but we ultimately always get our standards. Long term, you will get your standard. So the question becomes, what's the standard need to be then? And that standard needs to be you keep the promises you make to yourself and one more.

So if you're going to do 30 minutes on the treadmill every day, you don't do 30 minutes. You do the 30 minutes, you do one more. you're going to make 10 contacts in a day. You don't make 10 contacts in a day. You do the 10 contacts and you make one more. Now, what happens is you start stacking up those one more. You're going to tell your tell Lisa you love her every day. You don't just tell her that. You tell her one more time every single day.

So, you start stacking up mathematically all of these one mores. You've just done more so you're better, but you've changed the standard of your life. And you've built this superhuman type self-confidence that I not only do what I say I'm going to do. I do one more than I'm saying I'm going to do. And that's something almost nobody's willing to do. So I'm going to get things almost nobody's going to get. So that's one thing initially everybody can do. Yeah. So you are one of the sweetest guys on planet earth like in real life.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. But also in real life you're one of the most intense guys which I really respond to. So my journey as an entrepreneur was toughening up. I was super weak as a kid. kid. kid. Way whiny. Like definitely did not push myself. And my parents love them to death but they didn't know how to push me either. Mh. And so I really when I went to college, my mom assumed I was going to fail because I was so profoundly lazy. And so hearing you in the book talk about like pushing to the extreme.

Like you actually use the word extreme multiple times. I do and that to to expand your capabilities you have to go into the extreme. Talk to me about that cuz right now I feel like that's an incredibly unpopular message. It is. It is. It is. And at the same time it is true. Thank you. And by the way you talked about that on my show. So there's a part of the book where I talk about extremity expands capacity. Until you push something to the extreme, you don't really stretch your capacity to do it.

And so for me, I already know, you know, at this point in my life, we know what we were capable of at one point. So how do we change what we're capable of? And that's with extremity. That's with pushing it to the extreme. I have another chapter in the book where I call it do one more inconvenience. This is something that if we could train ourselves to do, our entire lives would change, which is that do the inconvenient or difficult thing in your day or in your life.

Human nature is to avoid that. You talk, you call it being lazy, but it's just to avoid the inconvenient. Napoleon Hill says in Think and Grow Rich, which I love. He says on the other type of temporary pain, you are introduced to your other self and that other self produces another life. So what we have to change, I think, to some extent, is our relationship with pain. I'm willing to pursue pursue pain. I'm willing to pursue discomfort and do the inconvenient thing because on the other side of that, I have extended my capacity.

I've literally changed who I am by getting on the other side of that. And so for me, I am always trying to find the inconvenient thing to do because it's not my nature either. I have to build all these habits like you do cuz left to my own devices, man. I'm Netflix and pizza and Cheetos. I really would be like people say to me, "Man, you just seem so hardcore. people think this about you as well. No, actually I'm not. And so I've had to develop these mindsets, the strategies in the book, the the ways I think, my habits.

There's a whole chapter on how to build habits in the book because I'm not that way. I'm not overly disciplined. But I've learned to sort of change my relationship with pain even in the gym, but even in a given day, you know, for me, I chase the thing that's inconvenient because I know on the other side of that is where all the stuff lies that I want. And so that's, you know, this old notion of, well, you know, do get out of your comfort zone. I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about pursuing the inconvenient in a given day because that's the pathway to your bliss. That's the pathway to your happiness. happiness. happiness. Why is that? That's super counterintuitive. counterintuitive. counterintuitive. Mhm. Well, it's the pathway to your bliss and your happiness because when we're doing things that aren't convenient on a very regular basis, there's a part of our spirit, I believe, in our soul that knows we were born to do something great, that knows we were born to grow. And when we begin to settle in our lives, it's like I had a conversation this morning with a friend of mine who's a parent.

They're having some parenting issues and they're like, "Well, yeah, you grew up with an alcoholic dad." So, that was child neglect. And my parents got divorced. That was child neglect, but I'm not neglecting my kids. This is just this morning. Really good friend of mine. I said, "I think you should rethink that." And I said, "There's an insidious form of neglecting your children." And she goes, "Well, what is it?" And I said, "It's not pursuing your potential and your dreams. your dreams. your dreams. That's a form of neglect of your children.

You're installing the software in them that it's okay to settle, that it's it's it's because they're watching you. Because they're watching you. And almost everything in life is caught, not taught. taught. taught. You don't teach lessons to people. They catch lessons from you. And so you're neglecting that child when you're not pursuing your potential, your bliss, or andor your dreams in your life. That's a form of neglect. So if it's neglecting a child when we do it, it's a form of self- neglect when we do it to ourselves.

And so that's why it's counterintuitive not to do inconvenient things. But the reason it's a pathway to bliss and happiness is intuitively we know we're neglecting our spirit. We know we're neglecting our soul. We know we're neglecting our potential when we're not chasing it. And there's no way that we can simultaneously be blissful and at the same time know that we're somehow treating ourselves less than we're worthy of. I have a growing hypothesis. I'm super curious. So when I hear people like you talk about this stuff, I'm going to say 99 times out of 100 there's been a physical transformation that they've gone through.

through. through. Obviously your physique is insane. I know what it would take to achieve your physique. I don't have your physique not because I don't want it, because I don't want to put that level of energy into it. it. it. I'm honest with myself about that, but I have transformed my physique. And so, I know what that takes. And that I didn't think a lot about it at the time, but that coincided with me getting better at being an entrepreneur because I realized I saw what you were saying that as I did one more, as I pushed myself, as I did the things that were inconvenient, as I reached for the extreme, as I began to model myself after something other people said was crazy, right?

Oh, that guy's too big. Oh, what are you doing? That's crazy. But I really got obsessed with it. Yes. And in doing that and going to the gym and pushing myself and being uncomfortable, I remember one time getting trapped under a weight and I was like, "Fuck, I don't how am I going to get out of this?" And by being in those situations over and over and over, you begin to realize, "Oh my god, like I actually change as a result of this, which then lets you believe that you can change your mind in the same way." Yes.

Yes. Yes. How important do you think it is for people to deal with the body to to push themselves to have a transformation there? Wow, brother, I love you because we think so similarly. I catalyst for change for me all my life has been in my body. And the reason for that is it's something that I actually have some measure of control over. I can't control the external result. I can't control every time how someone's going to respond to me, what the market's doing, whatever it might be.

I can control, like you and I were talking off camera, what I'm putting in here, what I'm putting in this pie hole every day. I can control my amount of hydration. I can control the training in my life. And so for me, the catalyst for change, frankly, I was 221 lbs, big and not fat. And um but I knew the book was coming out and I was writing the book. And the catalyst for me to get in the most peak state I could do is to do something extreme.

And so the extreme thing I did is I said, I'm going to weigh 180 lbs in 90 days. 90 days. 90 days. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. And I I got down to 177. And I did that through, you know, intermittent fasting, caloric restriction, changing my cardio. But it was an extreme while you were working on the book. Well, I was. And the reason I did it is I knew that if I could transform the internal parts of me that the external results I was going to produce would be that much more extraordinary.

And so I'm kind kind kind of chills. of chills. of chills. Yeah. Well, by the way, and you've done it as well. It's not like I'm going to do this every single, you know, month of my life or even every single year of my life. But to your point, if you're sitting there and you're thinking, I can't change things. It's like I don't have the capital. I don't have the relationships. I don't have the this or the that. You do have a body and you can change that.

There's things you can do to move it differently, treat it differently, potentially be more kind to it. One thing I'm doing, I'm 51 years old, man. I've never stretched in my life. I've never done yoga in my life. These joints and tendons are sick of me beating them up. And so, one of the reasons I got a little lighter, a little smaller, a little bit less taxing on it. And I'm giving myself the gift of great stretching, you know, great yoga. I'm doing massage now. I'm doing things to be kinder to my body as well.

And this may sound really hokey and cheesy. I find myself, this is a strange thing to word it, but I find myself being a little more gentle with myself when I'm so aggressive in the gym all the time. You know, there's a there's a transfer of that even in my life where I'm so aggressive and intense on myself, which I love that part of me, but like I've had 51 years of that. And so now I'm like, you know what? I'm being a little more kind to my body, a little bit more gentle with it.

And I find myself, you know, when I give a speech, usually I'll beat myself up. I could have done You do the same thing. I should have done this. I should have done that. Leave a meeting. Leave a podcast. Why didn't you say this? And I've just beat myself up all my life, just like I do in the gym. Recently, I find as I treat my body differently, I'm treating me differently. I'm like, that's okay, bro. You got the next one. That wasn't so bad. I'm sure you still made a difference.

I've never said those words to myself in my life because I've always thought if I let go of this beating myself up, that's part of my recipe, part of my formula. The truth is, I've probably been successful in spite of the way I've treated myself, not because of it. That's interesting. I don't know that I agree. And as you're describing that, I'm so intrigued how you're going to answer this question. Do you think that you can do that now because you have pushed yourself so far, so hard, or do you wish that you had gone back and done things the way you're doing them now?

Back then, Back then, Back then, I wish I had done both. I wish I've had the extremity part of my life where I'm pushing myself to that point of past what I think I'm capable of. But then I also wish that I wasn't so hard on myself, man. Like I've spent a lot of years of my life I've never really said this before. I've spent a lot of years of my life I think at my own expense makes me emotional to say it. I don't even know why where that's coming from.

At my own expense in the service of other people and I think I had this delusion that I had to be almost suffering in order to produce bliss for other people. And some of that software was probably installed in me when I was young with my dad being an alcoholic. when I was young. And so, no, brother, I know I could have pushed myself and been one intense beast and still been a little bit more kind to myself. There's a more beautiful and elegant way to get to the results that I wanted.

I totally know what you're saying that there's different seasons of your life and it's easy to say when you got a couple hundred mil in the bank and all that other stuff like, you know what, I'm going to stretch now. I'm going to get a massage. It's a little bit different than that. So, one, I think your insight about what you learned to do to be the peacemaker in your family, to read your dad, to figure out where he was, and that you were still so generous to him as well as to the rest of your family, to take his hand, to hand, to hand, to and you talk about this in the book.

So, I highly encourage people to read it. But you would take his hand and try to shift his mood. And that really trained you to to be somebody that could read people and help change their state, which I think is incredible. But where the way that I see it is that you've earned earned earned you've earned the right and I'm going to back up in a second, but you've earned the right to get to that position because you know you can fall back on discipline, the habits, all that stuff where because what I'm thinking is okay, if I'm if I'm if I'm 24 and I'm encountering Ed Milelet for the first time and I I have this glimmer of like oo maybe I can do something more with my life, that guy really does and this is rejecting because this is where I was.

But that guy probably really does need to go hard first and he needs first to learn to be tough, to be a badass. Like for me to transform my physique, I had to imagine my wife being physically assaulted. It was the only way I could show up and put in the work. You got leverage on yourself. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Yep. Yep. Yep. And if somebody had been at that moment telling me, "No, no, no, you need to be kinder, gentler." It's like on balance, you're right.

And if you're talking to me when I'm in my 50s, 100%. But in the beginning, I wouldn't have been able to be so nuanced. And so, I guess what I'm saying is with what you've done and accomplished, you understand the nuance. You understand how important it is to do all of that and to sacrifice yourself doesn't make sense. sense. sense. I think you're right. I I think we agree. So, I think you have to know yourself. What's your default place? My default position has been all my life to try to earn things.

I I conflated when I was young. The only time I got love from my dad is if I achieved something. If I did something. If I Dad, I got an A. Dad, I hit a home run. You know, dad, I won the spelling be, you know. So, I conflated achievement and pushing myself with love. So, I know me. I know that part of me is sort of my default place to go. My default place is to do this. I think you have to know yourself. I think if your default is to not do those things, then yeah, giving yourself a break and being kindler and gentler is the absolute worst thing that you could do to yourself.

In my case, man, it's been a lifetime. I was never a child. I was never a little boy. That 5-year-old, I was literally not a child. My dad would, you know, five years old. I got two skills in life, man. One is I can communicate. The other one is I can be president and read people. The president and read people's really simple. I had three sisters and a mom. And when my dad would walk through that front door at five years old, this beautiful little boy that I was, I would have to look up at this man and quickly figure out, was he drunk or sober?

What was his body language like? How was he walking? Was his tie tie? Was he slurring his words? If it was drunk dad, sisters need to get upstairs. Mom, go take a shower. And then the man of the house, me at that time, would take over and like you said, grab my dad's hand and change his state. Dad, I hit a home run today. Dad, I got a 96 on my spelling test. And so I never afforded myself or was afforded to be a boy in my life to ever really have a bunch of peace or bliss in that life.

And my dad got sober and you know that and he was my best friend, but that part of my life was taken from me. I never had it. So, I don't have to be I don't have to worry about Ed Milelet's, you know, drive or ambition or any of those other things. I got to worry about this dude hurting himself, you know, metaphorically, but actually theoretically too, in any possible way. And so, you just got to know yourself. If your default is you'll cool it, then you know what?

The worst thing you could do is give yourself a break. You're wired like me and you beat yourself to a pulp all the time and you think you can do that and there's some point in your life you'll fray and there's just a part of your brain, man. There's just there's there's the neural parts of our brain are telling us, man, can you give me a little dopamine? Can you give me a little hit of something blissful? Can I celebrate this a little bit? Can I be a little bit more kind to myself?

Because if you don't do that, eventually you've trained your brain that you don't want to do those things. Yeah. I think learning to love yourself is critical. I always tell people in my back pocket I have detachment at all times. Like a Buddhist style detachment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how you feel about yourself when you're by yourself. success, money, all those things ultimately are irrelevant. If you hate yourself and you're rich, you're still going to have a terrible life.

You got it.