STOP Trying To Change Others! People Change Only If They Want To... | Ed Mylett

Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Hit special. I hope you enjoy the show. Hit special. I hope you enjoy the show. Hit that like button and be sure to that like button and be sure to that like button and be sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel so you subscribe to the YouTube channel so you subscribe to the YouTube channel so you never miss my show, whether it's never miss my show, whether it's never miss my show, whether it's Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday. Here's Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday. Here's Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday. Here's our first guest. our first guest. our first guest. All right, welcome back to the show. I All right, welcome back to the show. I All right, welcome back to the show. I love our Thursday episodes because it love our Thursday episodes because it love our Thursday episodes because it gives me a chance to answer your gives me a chance to answer your gives me a chance to answer your questions on the show. questions on the show. questions on the show. So, I love creating content for you when So, I love creating content for you when So, I love creating content for you when I do the interviews or my solo episodes, I do the interviews or my solo episodes, I do the interviews or my solo episodes, but I also love answering your questions but I also love answering your questions but I also love answering your questions because I know that is exactly the because I know that is exactly the because I know that is exactly the things that you need help with. things that you need help with. things that you need help with. And so, today's no exception. By the And so, today's no exception. By the And so, today's no exception. By the way, if you have something you want help way, if you have something you want help way, if you have something you want help with or a question answered, you can DM with or a question answered, you can DM with or a question answered, you can DM me on Instagram @edmylett and there's a me on Instagram @edmylett and there's a me on Instagram @edmylett and there's a chance it'll end up on the show, like it chance it'll end up on the show, like it chance it'll end up on the show, like it did today. Today's question is all about did today. Today's question is all about did today. Today's question is all about change, which is a really interesting change, which is a really interesting change, which is a really interesting one, except not change of oneself, one, except not change of oneself, one, except not change of oneself, change of another person. So, this change of another person. So, this change of another person. So, this person's question was, "Can you please person's question was, "Can you please person's question was, "Can you please help me change my spouse and the way help me change my spouse and the way help me change my spouse and the way they behave?" they behave?" they behave?" Let me um be very clear with you. No, I Let me um be very clear with you. No, I Let me um be very clear with you. No, I can't. And more importantly, neither can can't. And more importantly, neither can can't. And more importantly, neither can you. you. you. So many of us, and I'll put myself So many of us, and I'll put myself So many of us, and I'll put myself included in this, we are wasting so much included in this, we are wasting so much included in this, we are wasting so much time, effort, and energy trying to get time, effort, and energy trying to get time, effort, and energy trying to get another human being to change when another human being to change when another human being to change when they're not going to. They're certainly they're not going to. They're certainly they're not going to. They're certainly not going to change for you. If a human not going to change for you. If a human not going to change for you. If a human being is going to change their behavior, being is going to change their behavior, being is going to change their behavior, they're going to change that behavior they're going to change that behavior they're going to change that behavior because they choose to, because they because they choose to, because they because they choose to, because they want to. And no cajoling, no want to. And no cajoling, no want to. And no cajoling, no threatening, no encouraging is going to threatening, no encouraging is going to threatening, no encouraging is going to get another human being to change on get another human being to change on get another human being to change on your behalf. And so, so many of you are your behalf. And so, so many of you are your behalf. And so, so many of you are wasting energy, focus, and time with wasting energy, focus, and time with wasting energy, focus, and time with somebody who is not going to change. And somebody who is not going to change. And somebody who is not going to change. And so, you need to decide. I'm not saying so, you need to decide. I'm not saying so, you need to decide. I'm not saying that you don't want people to treat you that you don't want people to treat you that you don't want people to treat you in a way that you deserve or that you're in a way that you deserve or that you're in a way that you deserve or that you're worthy of. That's not what I'm talking worthy of. That's not what I'm talking worthy of. That's not what I'm talking about here. about here. about here. What I am saying is they're probably not What I am saying is they're probably not What I am saying is they're probably not going to change. And so, there's two going to change. And so, there's two going to change. And so, there's two things you can try to do in your life. things you can try to do in your life. things you can try to do in your life. You can waste all the energy you have You can waste all the energy you have You can waste all the energy you have trying to change this person, trying to change this person, trying to change this person, or or or you can just change the person. you can just change the person. you can just change the person. In other words, maybe it's time you not In other words, maybe it's time you not In other words, maybe it's time you not be with this person anymore, or accept be with this person anymore, or accept be with this person anymore, or accept the way they are. the way they are. the way they are. Now, if they treat you in a way that's Now, if they treat you in a way that's Now, if they treat you in a way that's not worthy or what you deserve, not worthy or what you deserve, not worthy or what you deserve, then you should leave. But wasting then you should leave. But wasting then you should leave. But wasting energy, all the different things we do, energy, all the different things we do, energy, all the different things we do, don't we? We try to prod and we try to don't we? We try to prod and we try to don't we? We try to prod and we try to threaten. Someone's treating us in a threaten. Someone's treating us in a threaten. Someone's treating us in a way. Think about all the things we do. way. Think about all the things we do. way. Think about all the things we do. We'll give them the silent treatment. We'll give them the silent treatment. We'll give them the silent treatment. We'll give them the cold shoulder. We'll We'll give them the cold shoulder. We'll We'll give them the cold shoulder. We'll threaten them. We'll try to encourage threaten them. We'll try to encourage threaten them. We'll try to encourage them. Whatever the thing is that you them. Whatever the thing is that you them. Whatever the thing is that you might do, has any of it worked might do, has any of it worked might do, has any of it worked for the long term, not the short term? for the long term, not the short term? for the long term, not the short term? The long term. People will eventually The long term. People will eventually The long term. People will eventually reveal to you who they are. And when reveal to you who they are. And when reveal to you who they are. And when they do, they do, they do, wouldn't it be more prudent to either wouldn't it be more prudent to either wouldn't it be more prudent to either accept the way they are if it's worthy accept the way they are if it's worthy accept the way they are if it's worthy of you and you deserve it, of you and you deserve it, of you and you deserve it, or to leave? or to leave? or to leave? Or to leave. Or to leave. Or to leave. Are you so afraid to be alone Are you so afraid to be alone Are you so afraid to be alone that you're willing to stay with that you're willing to stay with that you're willing to stay with somebody over and over again who somebody over and over again who somebody over and over again who mistreats you or treats you or behaves mistreats you or treats you or behaves mistreats you or treats you or behaves or treats themselves? Maybe they do or treats themselves? Maybe they do or treats themselves? Maybe they do things where they treat themselves in things where they treat themselves in things where they treat themselves in such a way. It's just terrible. such a way. It's just terrible. such a way. It's just terrible. And And you watch this happen over and And And you watch this happen over and And And you watch this happen over and over again and it hurts you. But yet you over again and it hurts you. But yet you over again and it hurts you. But yet you stay with them. You have to ask stay with them. You have to ask stay with them. You have to ask yourself, why do you stay with them? yourself, why do you stay with them? yourself, why do you stay with them? You've already You know they're not You've already You know they're not You've already You know they're not going to change, right? You keep trying going to change, right? You keep trying going to change, right? You keep trying to do a different tactic or a strategy to do a different tactic or a strategy to do a different tactic or a strategy or give them a book or something to or give them a book or something to or give them a book or something to They have to decide this on their own. They have to decide this on their own. They have to decide this on their own. Listen, I know that when my dad was Listen, I know that when my dad was Listen, I know that when my dad was drinking and I've had other friends of drinking and I've had other friends of drinking and I've had other friends of mine that have had substance abuse mine that have had substance abuse mine that have had substance abuse issues in their life. There's nothing issues in their life. There's nothing issues in their life. There's nothing you can do. you can do. you can do. You You You can't create a word game to You You You can't create a word game to You You You can't create a word game to get them to change. They have to hit a get them to change. They have to hit a get them to change. They have to hit a place in their life where they decide place in their life where they decide place in their life where they decide they're going to change. Human beings they're going to change. Human beings they're going to change. Human beings have to make that decision themselves. have to make that decision themselves. have to make that decision themselves. And so all the games we play, the cold And so all the games we play, the cold And so all the games we play, the cold shoulder, the I'm not going to talk to shoulder, the I'm not going to talk to shoulder, the I'm not going to talk to you. I'm going to step away for a while. you. I'm going to step away for a while. you. I'm going to step away for a while. You're going to threaten them. Whatever You're going to threaten them. Whatever You're going to threaten them. Whatever it is, it is, it is, it doesn't work long term. And what it doesn't work long term. And what it doesn't work long term. And what happens when you're constantly trying to happens when you're constantly trying to happens when you're constantly trying to get somebody to change? get somebody to change? get somebody to change? Let me tell you what ends up happening. Let me tell you what ends up happening. Let me tell you what ends up happening. They resist you, They resist you, They resist you, they rebel against you, and they resent they rebel against you, and they resent they rebel against you, and they resent you. The three Rs. And so the more you you. The three Rs. And so the more you you. The three Rs. And so the more you try to get them to change, they resist, try to get them to change, they resist, try to get them to change, they resist, then they rebel, and they resent. And then they rebel, and they resent. And then they rebel, and they resent. And then it almost feeds the behavior that then it almost feeds the behavior that then it almost feeds the behavior that they're having. they're having. they're having. You know, one of my greatest strengths You know, one of my greatest strengths You know, one of my greatest strengths in my life is I see somebody as they're in my life is I see somebody as they're in my life is I see somebody as they're capable of being. capable of being. capable of being. And I love them and I believe in them. And I love them and I believe in them. And I love them and I believe in them. And it's been one of my great strengths And it's been one of my great strengths And it's been one of my great strengths in my life. in my life. in my life. It's also been one of the great It's also been one of the great It's also been one of the great weaknesses and one of the things that's weaknesses and one of the things that's weaknesses and one of the things that's been used as a weapon to hurt me. That I been used as a weapon to hurt me. That I been used as a weapon to hurt me. That I see them as they could be. And that's see them as they could be. And that's see them as they could be. And that's what you want to do as a leader in what you want to do as a leader in what you want to do as a leader in business or as a parent or as a friend business or as a parent or as a friend business or as a parent or as a friend is see somebody as they could be and try is see somebody as they could be and try is see somebody as they could be and try to get them to live up to a particular to get them to live up to a particular to get them to live up to a particular standard. standard. standard. But at some point someone has shown you But at some point someone has shown you But at some point someone has shown you who they are. who they are. who they are. They revealed to you at least who they They revealed to you at least who they They revealed to you at least who they are now. are now. are now. And so many of us stay in a relationship And so many of us stay in a relationship And so many of us stay in a relationship with somebody. with somebody. with somebody. Haven't you? Haven't you? Haven't you? Many of you listening to this or Many of you listening to this or Many of you listening to this or watching it. watching it. watching it. And the real reason you're staying And the real reason you're staying And the real reason you're staying is your own lack of self-worth. is your own lack of self-worth. is your own lack of self-worth. Your own lack of really believing what Your own lack of really believing what Your own lack of really believing what you deserve. you deserve. you deserve. You would rather be with someone who You would rather be with someone who You would rather be with someone who behaves in a way that either doesn't behaves in a way that either doesn't behaves in a way that either doesn't treat you well, isn't worthy of treat you well, isn't worthy of treat you well, isn't worthy of themselves, they don't treat other themselves, they don't treat other themselves, they don't treat other people well, maybe all of the three or people well, maybe all of the three or people well, maybe all of the three or one of them. one of them. one of them. And the reason you stay is you'd rather And the reason you stay is you'd rather And the reason you stay is you'd rather have that than the fear of [snorts] have that than the fear of [snorts] have that than the fear of [snorts] being alone because maybe you think you being alone because maybe you think you being alone because maybe you think you can't do better can't do better can't do better or get someone else. or get someone else. or get someone else. And so maybe the problem isn't with this And so maybe the problem isn't with this And so maybe the problem isn't with this other person. Maybe the issue is with other person. Maybe the issue is with other person. Maybe the issue is with you. you. you. And so please stop trying to get other And so please stop trying to get other And so please stop trying to get other people to change. It's not going to people to change. It's not going to people to change. It's not going to happen. They have to live their own happen. They have to live their own happen. They have to live their own lives, make their own decisions, their lives, make their own decisions, their lives, make their own decisions, their own mistakes and they need to deal with own mistakes and they need to deal with own mistakes and they need to deal with the consequences of those choices. And the consequences of those choices. And the consequences of those choices. And potentially potentially potentially maybe one of those consequences is that maybe one of those consequences is that maybe one of those consequences is that you're not around in their life anymore. you're not around in their life anymore. you're not around in their life anymore. Maybe they're going to suffer the Maybe they're going to suffer the Maybe they're going to suffer the consequence of you won't be quite as consequence of you won't be quite as consequence of you won't be quite as close to them anymore. Maybe you won't close to them anymore. Maybe you won't close to them anymore. Maybe you won't be close to them at all. be close to them at all. be close to them at all. Maybe you just won't be around them as Maybe you just won't be around them as Maybe you just won't be around them as much. This could be a friend. This could much. This could be a friend. This could much. This could be a friend. This could be an intimate relationship in your life be an intimate relationship in your life be an intimate relationship in your life or maybe it's somebody even that you or maybe it's somebody even that you or maybe it's somebody even that you employ. employ. employ. So, you can't be so concerned that So, you can't be so concerned that So, you can't be so concerned that you're going to be alone that you begin you're going to be alone that you begin you're going to be alone that you begin to waste all your energy. It's to waste all your energy. It's to waste all your energy. It's debilitating. You're going to be waiting debilitating. You're going to be waiting debilitating. You're going to be waiting for a long time, by the way. If your for a long time, by the way. If your for a long time, by the way. If your happiness is contingent on your happiness is contingent on your happiness is contingent on your environment or your happiness is environment or your happiness is environment or your happiness is contingent on the behavior of other contingent on the behavior of other contingent on the behavior of other peoples. If you have surrendered your peoples. If you have surrendered your peoples. If you have surrendered your own happiness own happiness own happiness to another human being, and their to another human being, and their to another human being, and their choices, and their behavior, and how choices, and their behavior, and how choices, and their behavior, and how they have to conduct themselves in a way they have to conduct themselves in a way they have to conduct themselves in a way that you see fit in order for you to that you see fit in order for you to that you see fit in order for you to feel happiness and loved, feel happiness and loved, feel happiness and loved, well, you're taking a big risk in your well, you're taking a big risk in your well, you're taking a big risk in your life, and you're wasting a lot of life, and you're wasting a lot of life, and you're wasting a lot of energy. And so, sometimes you just have energy. And so, sometimes you just have energy. And so, sometimes you just have to say bye-bye, or create distance, or to say bye-bye, or create distance, or to say bye-bye, or create distance, or just make the decision that it's okay to just make the decision that it's okay to just make the decision that it's okay to be alone. Or if someone works for you, be alone. Or if someone works for you, be alone. Or if someone works for you, maybe let them go. I think there's only maybe let them go. I think there's only maybe let them go. I think there's only so many times you can ask somebody to so many times you can ask somebody to so many times you can ask somebody to live up to a standard or a behavior, or live up to a standard or a behavior, or live up to a standard or a behavior, or hold them accountable, or threaten them, hold them accountable, or threaten them, hold them accountable, or threaten them, until at some point, all you're really until at some point, all you're really until at some point, all you're really doing is criticizing them. And all doing is criticizing them. And all doing is criticizing them. And all you're really doing is creating toxicity you're really doing is creating toxicity you're really doing is creating toxicity in your life and in your relationship in your life and in your relationship in your life and in your relationship with this person. And so, there's a lot with this person. And so, there's a lot with this person. And so, there's a lot of reasons why I don't think nagging of reasons why I don't think nagging of reasons why I don't think nagging somebody, getting on them, um giving somebody, getting on them, um giving somebody, getting on them, um giving them unwanted advice, stress, conflict, them unwanted advice, stress, conflict, them unwanted advice, stress, conflict, all that stuff, it just negatively all that stuff, it just negatively all that stuff, it just negatively impacts human beings and their impacts human beings and their impacts human beings and their relationships. And when we try to fix, relationships. And when we try to fix, relationships. And when we try to fix, change, rescue people in our lives over change, rescue people in our lives over change, rescue people in our lives over and over again, and over again, and over again, we're really assuming that we know we're really assuming that we know we're really assuming that we know what's best for them. what's best for them. what's best for them. And really what we're really probably And really what we're really probably And really what we're really probably trying to do, trying to do, trying to do, is we really know what's best for us. is we really know what's best for us. is we really know what's best for us. And so, are you really trying to get And so, are you really trying to get And so, are you really trying to get them to change so that they'll be them to change so that they'll be them to change so that they'll be happier? happier? happier? Are you trying to get them to change so Are you trying to get them to change so Are you trying to get them to change so that you'd be happier? that you'd be happier? that you'd be happier? This is a point of reflection for so This is a point of reflection for so This is a point of reflection for so many of us. many of us. many of us. And most of us spend most of our lives And most of us spend most of our lives And most of us spend most of our lives trying to get the person around us to trying to get the person around us to trying to get the person around us to behave differently. behave differently. behave differently. And we set up these expectations, where And we set up these expectations, where And we set up these expectations, where they constantly are letting us down, they constantly are letting us down, they constantly are letting us down, rather than just making one of two rather than just making one of two rather than just making one of two choices. choices. choices. I accept you as you are, I accept you as you are, I accept you as you are, or I don't. or I don't. or I don't. If I accept you as you are, I'm going to If I accept you as you are, I'm going to If I accept you as you are, I'm going to encourage you to grow and improve. And encourage you to grow and improve. And encourage you to grow and improve. And there's obviously in life, there's a there's obviously in life, there's a there's obviously in life, there's a particular standard that someone must particular standard that someone must particular standard that someone must treat us that we're worthy of, and that treat us that we're worthy of, and that treat us that we're worthy of, and that we deserve. But if someone consistently we deserve. But if someone consistently we deserve. But if someone consistently doesn't live up to that standard, why doesn't live up to that standard, why doesn't live up to that standard, why are you wasting all this energy at this are you wasting all this energy at this are you wasting all this energy at this one person to change, this one human one person to change, this one human one person to change, this one human being to change, when there's 8 billion being to change, when there's 8 billion being to change, when there's 8 billion other ones? other ones? other ones? And then what you got to do is you got And then what you got to do is you got And then what you got to do is you got to take a look at yourself. to take a look at yourself. to take a look at yourself. Why am I so reliant on this person for Why am I so reliant on this person for Why am I so reliant on this person for my happiness? Why am I so dependent on my happiness? Why am I so dependent on my happiness? Why am I so dependent on the conditions of how they act the conditions of how they act the conditions of how they act based on my own bliss? based on my own bliss? based on my own bliss? This is something that's a very This is something that's a very This is something that's a very dangerous place, and what happens is we dangerous place, and what happens is we dangerous place, and what happens is we become more resentful, we become more become more resentful, we become more become more resentful, we become more frustrated. Then we behave in a way frustrated. Then we behave in a way frustrated. Then we behave in a way that's not worthy of us or reflective that's not worthy of us or reflective that's not worthy of us or reflective reflective of how we should conduct reflective of how we should conduct reflective of how we should conduct ourselves, and now we're not treating ourselves, and now we're not treating ourselves, and now we're not treating that and now it's toxic. Rather than that and now it's toxic. Rather than that and now it's toxic. Rather than just make one of the two choices that just make one of the two choices that just make one of the two choices that I've I've I've uh suggested. I've I've I've uh suggested. I've I've I've uh suggested. When we get distracted from solving our When we get distracted from solving our When we get distracted from solving our own problems and issues own problems and issues own problems and issues and we spend all of our time trying to and we spend all of our time trying to and we spend all of our time trying to solve another person's problems and solve another person's problems and solve another person's problems and issues, we've depleted all of our energy issues, we've depleted all of our energy issues, we've depleted all of our energy and now we're not growing ourselves. And and now we're not growing ourselves. And and now we're not growing ourselves. And by the way, by the way, by the way, word to the wise, because you listen to word to the wise, because you listen to word to the wise, because you listen to my content, because you listen to my content, because you listen to my content, because you listen to programs like this, it means you're programs like this, it means you're programs like this, it means you're addicted to growing, you're addicted to addicted to growing, you're addicted to addicted to growing, you're addicted to improving yourself, an expansion of your improving yourself, an expansion of your improving yourself, an expansion of your being and becoming a better version of being and becoming a better version of being and becoming a better version of you and all of these things. you and all of these things. you and all of these things. If you're not with someone who is also If you're not with someone who is also If you're not with someone who is also that way, that's okay by the way. But that way, that's okay by the way. But that way, that's okay by the way. But trying to get them to be like you will trying to get them to be like you will trying to get them to be like you will just create more distance between you just create more distance between you just create more distance between you and them. and them. and them. I think it's okay that if in a I think it's okay that if in a I think it's okay that if in a relationship, you're growing and relationship, you're growing and relationship, you're growing and expanding and changing expanding and changing expanding and changing and the other person is rather happy the and the other person is rather happy the and the other person is rather happy the way they are. I think those two people way they are. I think those two people way they are. I think those two people can coexist. can coexist. can coexist. I think it's fine. Now, do I think it's I think it's fine. Now, do I think it's I think it's fine. Now, do I think it's best if there's two people sort of best if there's two people sort of best if there's two people sort of running together and I'm growing and running together and I'm growing and running together and I'm growing and expanding and you're growing and expanding and you're growing and expanding and you're growing and expanding and we're heading somewhere? I expanding and we're heading somewhere? I expanding and we're heading somewhere? I do think that's best, but I also believe do think that's best, but I also believe do think that's best, but I also believe that it works where one person's like, that it works where one person's like, that it works where one person's like, "Hey, I'm not satisfied with who I am. "Hey, I'm not satisfied with who I am. "Hey, I'm not satisfied with who I am. I'm changing and growing and evolving." I'm changing and growing and evolving." I'm changing and growing and evolving." And the other person's like, "I'm And the other person's like, "I'm And the other person's like, "I'm actually pretty satisfied. I like my actually pretty satisfied. I like my actually pretty satisfied. I like my job. I like my life. I I like my job. I like my life. I I like my job. I like my life. I I like my emotions. I emotions. I emotions. I I'm okay." I'm okay." I'm okay." That relationship can work as well. That relationship can work as well. That relationship can work as well. What won't work What won't work What won't work is when one resents the other one is when one resents the other one is when one resents the other one because they're not like them. because they're not like them. because they're not like them. And you want them to change the way they And you want them to change the way they And you want them to change the way they act and conduct themselves, not based on act and conduct themselves, not based on act and conduct themselves, not based on their own happiness, probably, but based their own happiness, probably, but based their own happiness, probably, but based on yours. on yours. on yours. So, just take a quick look, a long look, So, just take a quick look, a long look, So, just take a quick look, a long look, if you will. if you will. if you will. And just decide, is this the right And just decide, is this the right And just decide, is this the right person in my intimate relationship? Is person in my intimate relationship? Is person in my intimate relationship? Is this the person who should be my close this the person who should be my close this the person who should be my close friend? Maybe they should be a distant friend? Maybe they should be a distant friend? Maybe they should be a distant friend. Maybe they should no longer be friend. Maybe they should no longer be friend. Maybe they should no longer be my intimate partner, but someone that I my intimate partner, but someone that I my intimate partner, but someone that I consider consider consider uh uh uh a lifelong friend. a lifelong friend. a lifelong friend. Maybe they shouldn't be around me at Maybe they shouldn't be around me at Maybe they shouldn't be around me at all. all. all. If I employ this person, how many If I employ this person, how many If I employ this person, how many choices and chances am I going to give choices and chances am I going to give choices and chances am I going to give them before they just don't live up to them before they just don't live up to them before they just don't live up to the standard? the standard? the standard? And I've got to make a difficult And I've got to make a difficult And I've got to make a difficult decision. It's the difficult decisions decision. It's the difficult decisions decision. It's the difficult decisions that you need to make that you need to make that you need to make that are what matter. that are what matter. that are what matter. That's what matters. Instead of trying That's what matters. Instead of trying That's what matters. Instead of trying to make the easy one, which is just to make the easy one, which is just to make the easy one, which is just putting it off on them to change their putting it off on them to change their putting it off on them to change their behavior. behavior. behavior. I think you're being selfish when you're I think you're being selfish when you're I think you're being selfish when you're asking somebody to change against their asking somebody to change against their asking somebody to change against their own will. own will. own will. That's number one. Number two, I think That's number one. Number two, I think That's number one. Number two, I think it's exhausting. If this person is not it's exhausting. If this person is not it's exhausting. If this person is not interested or ready for change, interested or ready for change, interested or ready for change, you're putting out a whole lot of energy you're putting out a whole lot of energy you're putting out a whole lot of energy and a whole lot of focus and a lot of and a whole lot of focus and a lot of and a whole lot of focus and a lot of challenges in your life unnecessarily. challenges in your life unnecessarily. challenges in your life unnecessarily. And again, I want to reinforce this. You And again, I want to reinforce this. You And again, I want to reinforce this. You cannot get somebody to change. And cannot get somebody to change. And cannot get somebody to change. And what's going to happen is you're going what's going to happen is you're going what's going to happen is you're going to begin to be seen as controlling. to begin to be seen as controlling. to begin to be seen as controlling. And that's not something you want. And that's not something you want. And that's not something you want. And let me tell you the other thing. And let me tell you the other thing. And let me tell you the other thing. You're going to lose. You're going to lose. You're going to lose. You're going to lose this battle. You're going to lose this battle. You're going to lose this battle. And if you're not careful, if you keep And if you're not careful, if you keep And if you're not careful, if you keep battling them about this, you're battling them about this, you're battling them about this, you're eventually going to lose this person. eventually going to lose this person. eventually going to lose this person. And maybe in some cases it's not And maybe in some cases it's not And maybe in some cases it's not necessary. necessary. necessary. If you go back to my dad when he If you go back to my dad when he If you go back to my dad when he uh quit drinking uh quit drinking uh quit drinking and other friends of mine that have quit and other friends of mine that have quit and other friends of mine that have quit a habit that didn't serve them or change a habit that didn't serve them or change a habit that didn't serve them or change their behavior. They have to reach their their behavior. They have to reach their their behavior. They have to reach their own conclusions. It's an internal change own conclusions. It's an internal change own conclusions. It's an internal change is an internal thing. They They to make is an internal thing. They They to make is an internal thing. They They to make an internal decision, not based on the an internal decision, not based on the an internal decision, not based on the external external external forcing of another human being. forcing of another human being. forcing of another human being. And change in our lives, if you're And change in our lives, if you're And change in our lives, if you're someone like me who I'm constantly someone like me who I'm constantly someone like me who I'm constantly changing and evolving, and I am, changing and evolving, and I am, changing and evolving, and I am, it's hard for you to connect and relate it's hard for you to connect and relate it's hard for you to connect and relate to somebody who isn't. to somebody who isn't. to somebody who isn't. And you have to evaluate that. And then And you have to evaluate that. And then And you have to evaluate that. And then you just on your own terms, you have to you just on your own terms, you have to you just on your own terms, you have to go, "I'm okay that they're not changing go, "I'm okay that they're not changing go, "I'm okay that they're not changing and evolving." and evolving." and evolving." And let's just be honest. And let's just be honest. And let's just be honest. You fell in love with that person the You fell in love with that person the You fell in love with that person the way they were. way they were. way they were. Is it really fair for you now to say, Is it really fair for you now to say, Is it really fair for you now to say, "Hey, "Hey, "Hey, I want you to be changing all the time?" I want you to be changing all the time?" I want you to be changing all the time?" Part of them's like, "Well, wait a Part of them's like, "Well, wait a Part of them's like, "Well, wait a minute. I I'm not the one who said I minute. I I'm not the one who said I minute. I I'm not the one who said I wanted to grow and change and evolve and wanted to grow and change and evolve and wanted to grow and change and evolve and increase. I increase. I increase. I I like my life. I like the way that I I like my life. I like the way that I I like my life. I like the way that I am." am." am." One of the things we do in the personal One of the things we do in the personal One of the things we do in the personal development business is we judge people development business is we judge people development business is we judge people who don't change and grow. who don't change and grow. who don't change and grow. I've learned not to do that. I've learned not to do that. I've learned not to do that. I've learned to accept people as they I've learned to accept people as they I've learned to accept people as they are, if they accept themselves as they are, if they accept themselves as they are, if they accept themselves as they are. Now, if someone says to me, "I are. Now, if someone says to me, "I are. Now, if someone says to me, "I don't like the way my life is. I want to don't like the way my life is. I want to don't like the way my life is. I want to change. I want to grow. I want to be change. I want to grow. I want to be change. I want to grow. I want to be better." And then they don't, well, now better." And then they don't, well, now better." And then they don't, well, now we got a real issue. we got a real issue. we got a real issue. But I have a lot of people that are But I have a lot of people that are But I have a lot of people that are friends of mine that are like, "Hey, friends of mine that are like, "Hey, friends of mine that are like, "Hey, man, it's I love that you're always man, it's I love that you're always man, it's I love that you're always growing and expanding and changing. And growing and expanding and changing. And growing and expanding and changing. And I get it. I get it. I get it. I'm just not wired that way. I'm just not wired that way. I'm just not wired that way. And you need to accept me this way, And you need to accept me this way, And you need to accept me this way, or don't. or don't. or don't. But don't constantly be judging me and But don't constantly be judging me and But don't constantly be judging me and assessing me and assessing me and assessing me and my gosh, it's exhausting for them as my gosh, it's exhausting for them as my gosh, it's exhausting for them as well to always feel like they're under well to always feel like they're under well to always feel like they're under the microscope, that you're always the microscope, that you're always the microscope, that you're always watching them. watching them. watching them. And then what happens is, because they And then what happens is, because they And then what happens is, because they love you, they artificially try to love you, they artificially try to love you, they artificially try to change things in the short term. But change things in the short term. But change things in the short term. But people return back to their patterns. If people return back to their patterns. If people return back to their patterns. If your pattern is to grow and improve and your pattern is to grow and improve and your pattern is to grow and improve and expand, expand, expand, you're going to do that. you're going to do that. you're going to do that. If your pattern is you don't, you're If your pattern is you don't, you're If your pattern is you don't, you're probably not going to. And so sometimes probably not going to. And so sometimes probably not going to. And so sometimes you just got to say, you just got to say, you just got to say, "Bye-bye." "Bye-bye." "Bye-bye." "Bye." And that's the hard thing to do, "Bye." And that's the hard thing to do, "Bye." And that's the hard thing to do, and it's excruciatingly painful. And I'm and it's excruciatingly painful. And I'm and it's excruciatingly painful. And I'm not encouraging you to do that. What I'm not encouraging you to do that. What I'm not encouraging you to do that. What I'm encouraging you to do is one or the encouraging you to do is one or the encouraging you to do is one or the other. other. other. It's one or the other. Accept them or It's one or the other. Accept them or It's one or the other. Accept them or leave. leave. leave. And if it's leaving is the real painful And if it's leaving is the real painful And if it's leaving is the real painful thing to do, it's the more painful thing thing to do, it's the more painful thing thing to do, it's the more painful thing to do, right? to do, right? to do, right? But it's short-term pain. But it's short-term pain. But it's short-term pain. Long-term pain is to stay with somebody Long-term pain is to stay with somebody Long-term pain is to stay with somebody over and over and over again who's going over and over and over again who's going over and over and over again who's going to let you down, who you're in conflict to let you down, who you're in conflict to let you down, who you're in conflict with, who gets your hopes up, your with, who gets your hopes up, your with, who gets your hopes up, your expectations up, and then doesn't meet expectations up, and then doesn't meet expectations up, and then doesn't meet them. them. them. And by the way, they're in pain, cuz And by the way, they're in pain, cuz And by the way, they're in pain, cuz maybe they love you and they want to be maybe they love you and they want to be maybe they love you and they want to be a particular person that they're just a particular person that they're just a particular person that they're just not. not. not. That they just aren't. That they just aren't. That they just aren't. And if you suffer from this disease I And if you suffer from this disease I And if you suffer from this disease I have where I always see people as I have where I always see people as I have where I always see people as I think they could be, think they could be, think they could be, it's so beautiful as a business leader it's so beautiful as a business leader it's so beautiful as a business leader to be that way. to be that way. to be that way. And if you're with the right person, And if you're with the right person, And if you're with the right person, they want you to see the better version they want you to see the better version they want you to see the better version of them. Listen, I know in personal of them. Listen, I know in personal of them. Listen, I know in personal development we're constantly talking development we're constantly talking development we're constantly talking about getting people to rise to the about getting people to rise to the about getting people to rise to the standard and getting the treatment that standard and getting the treatment that standard and getting the treatment that you deserve and and not just accepting you deserve and and not just accepting you deserve and and not just accepting somebody as they are, but demanding and somebody as they are, but demanding and somebody as they are, but demanding and requiring more of them. requiring more of them. requiring more of them. That's if that person wants to be That's if that person wants to be That's if that person wants to be required to do more, if they want to required to do more, if they want to required to do more, if they want to expand, if they've signed up for that expand, if they've signed up for that expand, if they've signed up for that agreement. agreement. agreement. But there are a lot of people in the But there are a lot of people in the But there are a lot of people in the world that aren't like you and I, that world that aren't like you and I, that world that aren't like you and I, that are relatively happy the way they are. are relatively happy the way they are. are relatively happy the way they are. They don't want to be richer. They don't They don't want to be richer. They don't They don't want to be richer. They don't want to be more fit. They don't want to want to be more fit. They don't want to want to be more fit. They don't want to expand their knowledge and their their expand their knowledge and their their expand their knowledge and their their emotional basis. They're okay the way emotional basis. They're okay the way emotional basis. They're okay the way they are. Now, I don't relate to that. I they are. Now, I don't relate to that. I they are. Now, I don't relate to that. I don't understand that at all, and don't understand that at all, and don't understand that at all, and probably you don't. probably you don't. probably you don't. But you either need to accept that But you either need to accept that But you either need to accept that they're that way, they're that way, they're that way, or you need to not be with them, cuz or you need to not be with them, cuz or you need to not be with them, cuz there's no word game, there's no there's no word game, there's no there's no word game, there's no cajoling, there's no cold shoulder, cajoling, there's no cold shoulder, cajoling, there's no cold shoulder, there's no threatening, there's no there's no threatening, there's no there's no threatening, there's no silent treatment that's going to get silent treatment that's going to get silent treatment that's going to get them to do it. There's no comparison them to do it. There's no comparison them to do it. There's no comparison where you tell them, "Well, so-and-so's where you tell them, "Well, so-and-so's where you tell them, "Well, so-and-so's like this, or so-and-so's wife does like this, or so-and-so's wife does like this, or so-and-so's wife does this, or spouse does that, or husband this, or spouse does that, or husband this, or spouse does that, or husband does this." And you begin to compare does this." And you begin to compare does this." And you begin to compare them to another person. All of this is them to another person. All of this is them to another person. All of this is just this toxic soup of you trying to just this toxic soup of you trying to just this toxic soup of you trying to get another person to meet your get another person to meet your get another person to meet your conditions so you're more comfortable conditions so you're more comfortable conditions so you're more comfortable and happy. and happy. and happy. Maybe they're just the wrong person. Maybe they're just the wrong person. Maybe they're just the wrong person. Or maybe you need to just give them a Or maybe you need to just give them a Or maybe you need to just give them a break. Today's episode is brought to you break. Today's episode is brought to you break. Today's episode is brought to you by Rag & Bone. You know, Rag & Bone by Rag & Bone. You know, Rag & Bone by Rag & Bone. You know, Rag & Bone Infuse offers a range of fits tailored Infuse offers a range of fits tailored Infuse offers a range of fits tailored for any style and occasion. So you can for any style and occasion. So you can for any style and occasion. So you can get like slim and straight or you can get like slim and straight or you can get like slim and straight or you can get athletic, you can get relaxed. get athletic, you can get relaxed. get athletic, you can get relaxed. 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And so, today's message is sent you. And so, today's message is sent you. And so, today's message is just to have you reflect on this. And if just to have you reflect on this. And if just to have you reflect on this. And if you have any relationship like this, a you have any relationship like this, a you have any relationship like this, a work one, an intimate one, a friendship, work one, an intimate one, a friendship, work one, an intimate one, a friendship, eventually you got to evaluate. And you eventually you got to evaluate. And you eventually you got to evaluate. And you know what? Probably the most powerful know what? Probably the most powerful know what? Probably the most powerful thing you could do is is to ask them, thing you could do is is to ask them, thing you could do is is to ask them, "Do you want to change? Do you want to "Do you want to change? Do you want to "Do you want to change? Do you want to grow? And be honest with me. Do you want grow? And be honest with me. Do you want grow? And be honest with me. Do you want to get better? Do you want to expand? to get better? Do you want to expand? to get better? Do you want to expand? And it's okay if you don't, but please And it's okay if you don't, but please And it's okay if you don't, but please level with me. Rather than me constantly level with me. Rather than me constantly level with me. Rather than me constantly have these expectations that things are have these expectations that things are have these expectations that things are going to be different and then they going to be different and then they going to be different and then they never are or they only are short-term. never are or they only are short-term. never are or they only are short-term. Just please be honest with me." And that Just please be honest with me." And that Just please be honest with me." And that way you can make your decisions. And so, way you can make your decisions. And so, way you can make your decisions. And so, this idea that how do I get somebody this idea that how do I get somebody this idea that how do I get somebody else to change is a flawed premise and else to change is a flawed premise and else to change is a flawed premise and something that doesn't serve you. It's something that doesn't serve you. It's something that doesn't serve you. It's not going to work long-term. And the not going to work long-term. And the not going to work long-term. And the person every single minute you're person every single minute you're person every single minute you're spending looking at this other person spending looking at this other person spending looking at this other person how much they need to change are minutes how much they need to change are minutes how much they need to change are minutes you're not looking at you. You're not you're not looking at you. You're not you're not looking at you. You're not looking inside. looking inside. looking inside. And by the way, sometimes I found in my And by the way, sometimes I found in my And by the way, sometimes I found in my life is that as I've changed and life is that as I've changed and life is that as I've changed and evolved, evolved, evolved, it's created a space and a comfort level it's created a space and a comfort level it's created a space and a comfort level and a security and a safety for the and a security and a safety for the and a security and a safety for the people around me people around me people around me that they now can as well. that they now can as well. that they now can as well. And so the best thing I can do for this And so the best thing I can do for this And so the best thing I can do for this other person is to continue to run my other person is to continue to run my other person is to continue to run my play, play, play, play my game, live my life, and support play my game, live my life, and support play my game, live my life, and support and love them where they are. and love them where they are. and love them where they are. Meet somebody where they are, love them Meet somebody where they are, love them Meet somebody where they are, love them where they are. And again, if they're where they are. And again, if they're where they are. And again, if they're not meeting a standard of what you're not meeting a standard of what you're not meeting a standard of what you're worthy of or what you deserve or they're worthy of or what you deserve or they're worthy of or what you deserve or they're treating you in a mean way, a treating you in a mean way, a treating you in a mean way, a condescending way, a threatening way, an condescending way, a threatening way, an condescending way, a threatening way, an abusive way, abusive way, abusive way, get out. Leave. Do not be with them. If get out. Leave. Do not be with them. If get out. Leave. Do not be with them. If they're not honest with you they're not honest with you they're not honest with you and forthright, it's the wrong person. and forthright, it's the wrong person. and forthright, it's the wrong person. And it'd be better to be alone than to And it'd be better to be alone than to And it'd be better to be alone than to be with somebody be with somebody be with somebody that doesn't treat you in a way that that doesn't treat you in a way that that doesn't treat you in a way that you're worthy of and that you deserve. you're worthy of and that you deserve. you're worthy of and that you deserve. Stop trying to change them. It's killing Stop trying to change them. It's killing Stop trying to change them. It's killing you. It's taking all your energy. It's you. It's taking all your energy. It's you. It's taking all your energy. It's zapping you of all the juice of life. zapping you of all the juice of life. zapping you of all the juice of life. And life is supposed to be lived and you And life is supposed to be lived and you And life is supposed to be lived and you were born to do something great with were born to do something great with were born to do something great with your life. You were also born to be in a your life. You were also born to be in a your life. You were also born to be in a relationship that's loving and blissful relationship that's loving and blissful relationship that's loving and blissful and kind and kind and kind and if you so choose, growth-oriented and if you so choose, growth-oriented and if you so choose, growth-oriented and progressive and progressive and progressive and expansive. If you choose that, it's and expansive. If you choose that, it's and expansive. If you choose that, it's okay that you choose somebody who okay that you choose somebody who okay that you choose somebody who doesn't want to run the race with you, doesn't want to run the race with you, doesn't want to run the race with you, but supports you running your race and but supports you running your race and but supports you running your race and you support them running theirs. All you support them running theirs. All you support them running theirs. All welcome back to the show everybody. So, welcome back to the show everybody. So, welcome back to the show everybody. So, you like me to ever want to go to Yale? you like me to ever want to go to Yale? you like me to ever want to go to Yale? Do you ever want to go to an Ivy League Do you ever want to go to an Ivy League Do you ever want to go to an Ivy League school and wonder what it was like? You school and wonder what it was like? You school and wonder what it was like? You know, for me there was a few obstacles. know, for me there was a few obstacles. know, for me there was a few obstacles. One was IQ, two was grades, three was uh One was IQ, two was grades, three was uh One was IQ, two was grades, three was uh college scores, college scores, college scores, and uh money. So, it kind of eliminated and uh money. So, it kind of eliminated and uh money. So, it kind of eliminated me. So, you were almost there. I was me. So, you were almost there. I was me. So, you were almost there. I was almost there. I was this close. But almost there. I was this close. But almost there. I was this close. But today I'm going to bring you into what I today I'm going to bring you into what I today I'm going to bring you into what I think is, you know, one of the most think is, you know, one of the most think is, you know, one of the most popular courses at Yale School of popular courses at Yale School of popular courses at Yale School of Management and the [snorts] lady who Management and the [snorts] lady who Management and the [snorts] lady who teaches that class, teaches that class, teaches that class, we're going to go in there together we're going to go in there together we're going to go in there together today. So if you're interested in that, today. So if you're interested in that, today. So if you're interested in that, listen. And if that never interested listen. And if that never interested listen. And if that never interested you, would you like to be more you, would you like to be more you, would you like to be more influential, which I think is the most influential, which I think is the most influential, which I think is the most important skill set a human being can important skill set a human being can important skill set a human being can possess is to be able to influence possess is to be able to influence possess is to be able to influence themselves and other human beings. And I themselves and other human beings. And I themselves and other human beings. And I have the best person on the planet I have the best person on the planet I have the best person on the planet I think to talk about it today. So Zoe think to talk about it today. So Zoe think to talk about it today. So Zoe Chance, welcome to the show. Chance, welcome to the show. Chance, welcome to the show. Uh thank you so much. It's an honor to Uh thank you so much. It's an honor to Uh thank you so much. It's an honor to be here and I'm so happy to meet you. be here and I'm so happy to meet you. be here and I'm so happy to meet you. I'm so happy to meet you. By the way, I'm so happy to meet you. By the way, I'm so happy to meet you. By the way, new book out, Influence is Your new book out, Influence is Your new book out, Influence is Your Superpower. I like the tagline though, Superpower. I like the tagline though, Superpower. I like the tagline though, The Science of Winning Hearts, Sparking The Science of Winning Hearts, Sparking The Science of Winning Hearts, Sparking Change, and Making Good Things Happen. Change, and Making Good Things Happen. Change, and Making Good Things Happen. And it's available by the time you're And it's available by the time you're And it's available by the time you're listening to this guys, it's February listening to this guys, it's February listening to this guys, it's February 1st, you can go get it, pre-order it, do 1st, you can go get it, pre-order it, do 1st, you can go get it, pre-order it, do whatever you want, but it is outstanding whatever you want, but it is outstanding whatever you want, but it is outstanding stuff and we've got a full hour to cover stuff and we've got a full hour to cover stuff and we've got a full hour to cover today on this topic. So, you ready to today on this topic. So, you ready to today on this topic. So, you ready to roll? Let's roll. Okay. Interesting roll? Let's roll. Okay. Interesting roll? Let's roll. Okay. Interesting first thing for me is that you say first thing for me is that you say first thing for me is that you say something about you may not be able to something about you may not be able to something about you may not be able to change people's minds, change people's minds, change people's minds, but you can change people the way that but you can change people the way that but you can change people the way that they sort of behave. And so, I've always they sort of behave. And so, I've always they sort of behave. And so, I've always looked at influence like I'm going to looked at influence like I'm going to looked at influence like I'm going to change their mind. Then I'm starting to change their mind. Then I'm starting to change their mind. Then I'm starting to read your work, I'm like, no, I was read your work, I'm like, no, I was read your work, I'm like, no, I was wrong about that. So start out there wrong about that. So start out there wrong about that. So start out there about changing behavior and not minds. about changing behavior and not minds. about changing behavior and not minds. Right. This is a Right. This is a Right. This is a a distinction that most of us don't a distinction that most of us don't a distinction that most of us don't make. We think that if we want to change make. We think that if we want to change make. We think that if we want to change somebody, we need to change their mind, somebody, we need to change their mind, somebody, we need to change their mind, but so but so but so little of our thinking and our behavior little of our thinking and our behavior little of our thinking and our behavior is actually happening consciously or is actually happening consciously or is actually happening consciously or intentionally. That intentionally. That intentionally. That often it's not just that it's so so hard often it's not just that it's so so hard often it's not just that it's so so hard to change people's minds, including to change people's minds, including to change people's minds, including yours, of course, as you know, but it is yours, of course, as you know, but it is yours, of course, as you know, but it is very unlikely that if you do change very unlikely that if you do change very unlikely that if you do change their minds, their behavior will just their minds, their behavior will just their minds, their behavior will just naturally follow. naturally follow. naturally follow. And a simple example of conversation And a simple example of conversation And a simple example of conversation somebody was having with having with me somebody was having with having with me somebody was having with having with me this morning is about his kid not this morning is about his kid not this morning is about his kid not rinsing out the rinsing out the rinsing out the the bathroom sink after brushing his the bathroom sink after brushing his the bathroom sink after brushing his teeth. And he's like, how do I teeth. And he's like, how do I teeth. And he's like, how do I how do I get him to care? How do I get how do I get him to care? How do I get how do I get him to care? How do I get him to remember?" And he thinks he needs him to remember?" And he thinks he needs him to remember?" And he thinks he needs to change his son's mind, but he's just to change his son's mind, but he's just to change his son's mind, but he's just forgetting. It's not that his son needs forgetting. It's not that his son needs forgetting. It's not that his son needs to be motivated to rinse out the sink, to be motivated to rinse out the sink, to be motivated to rinse out the sink, right? right? right? Motivation, even though this is such a Motivation, even though this is such a Motivation, even though this is such a big part of what we talk about in our big part of what we talk about in our big part of what we talk about in our pursuit of success, pursuit of success, pursuit of success, motivation is a smaller part motivation is a smaller part motivation is a smaller part of the question than just making it of the question than just making it of the question than just making it easy. easy. easy. So, I was talking to you about what So, I was talking to you about what So, I was talking to you about what would make it easier for your son to would make it easier for your son to would make it easier for your son to remember to do the thing. And so, he's remember to do the thing. And so, he's remember to do the thing. And so, he's going to ask his son, going to ask his son, going to ask his son, "What would it take for you to remember "What would it take for you to remember "What would it take for you to remember to do the thing?" And they'll decide. to do the thing?" And they'll decide. to do the thing?" And they'll decide. And, you know, is it going to be a Hot And, you know, is it going to be a Hot And, you know, is it going to be a Hot Wheels car sitting next to the sink in Wheels car sitting next to the sink in Wheels car sitting next to the sink in the bathroom? And then he knows that's the bathroom? And then he knows that's the bathroom? And then he knows that's what it means. I don't know. Yeah. what it means. I don't know. Yeah. what it means. I don't know. Yeah. >> Well, so this is this is where we're >> Well, so this is this is where we're >> Well, so this is this is where we're going to go. So, I love this. By the going to go. So, I love this. By the going to go. So, I love this. By the way, one of the benchmarks of my work is way, one of the benchmarks of my work is way, one of the benchmarks of my work is that I don't think the most motivated that I don't think the most motivated that I don't think the most motivated people win in life. I think it's their people win in life. I think it's their people win in life. I think it's their habits and rituals and their routines on habits and rituals and their routines on habits and rituals and their routines on the days they don't feel inspired. And the days they don't feel inspired. And the days they don't feel inspired. And the reason, after reading your work, the reason, after reading your work, the reason, after reading your work, that this is true. By the way, guys, you that this is true. By the way, guys, you that this is true. By the way, guys, you already can tell. If you're listening to already can tell. If you're listening to already can tell. If you're listening to this on the treadmill or driving in the this on the treadmill or driving in the this on the treadmill or driving in the car, you're going to do it. And then car, you're going to do it. And then car, you're going to do it. And then you're going to actually want to go you're going to actually want to go you're going to actually want to go write a bunch of notes down cuz you're write a bunch of notes down cuz you're write a bunch of notes down cuz you're going to be in class today on influence. going to be in class today on influence. going to be in class today on influence. But one of the things you point out in But one of the things you point out in But one of the things you point out in the book is that what you just said, but the book is that what you just said, but the book is that what you just said, but I want you to elaborate on this point, I want you to elaborate on this point, I want you to elaborate on this point, which is one of the ways to influence which is one of the ways to influence which is one of the ways to influence people is they're typically always going people is they're typically always going people is they're typically always going to take the path of least resistance. to take the path of least resistance. to take the path of least resistance. And just the understanding and awareness And just the understanding and awareness And just the understanding and awareness that that's what a human being is likely that that's what a human being is likely that that's what a human being is likely to do, I think is one of the first to do, I think is one of the first to do, I think is one of the first pathways to being more influential. So, pathways to being more influential. So, pathways to being more influential. So, elaborate on If I'm wrong, correct me. elaborate on If I'm wrong, correct me. elaborate on If I'm wrong, correct me. And if I'm right, elaborate on that a And if I'm right, elaborate on that a And if I'm right, elaborate on that a little bit. Yeah, thank you. little bit. Yeah, thank you. little bit. Yeah, thank you. It's not that we're lazy in terms of not It's not that we're lazy in terms of not It's not that we're lazy in terms of not being willing to do a lot of hard work. being willing to do a lot of hard work. being willing to do a lot of hard work. It's that we are on autopilot It's that we are on autopilot It's that we are on autopilot maybe 95% of the time. And so, if you maybe 95% of the time. And so, if you maybe 95% of the time. And so, if you think of another person think of another person think of another person as being always already occupied as being always already occupied as being always already occupied consciously with something else than consciously with something else than consciously with something else than whatever it is that you want them to do, whatever it is that you want them to do, whatever it is that you want them to do, you can start to see how difficult it is you can start to see how difficult it is you can start to see how difficult it is to break through that mental clutter. A to break through that mental clutter. A to break through that mental clutter. A very simple example in business, very simple example in business, very simple example in business, uh but a broader scale example than the uh but a broader scale example than the uh but a broader scale example than the toothbrush thing, is Domino's Pizza, who toothbrush thing, is Domino's Pizza, who toothbrush thing, is Domino's Pizza, who figured out the secret to success in figured out the secret to success in figured out the secret to success in business is making it as easy as business is making it as easy as business is making it as easy as possible for people to buy things from possible for people to buy things from possible for people to buy things from you. So, Domino's Pizza says, "We're you. So, Domino's Pizza says, "We're you. So, Domino's Pizza says, "We're going to have a Domino's Anywhere going to have a Domino's Anywhere going to have a Domino's Anywhere campaign where we know what your campaign where we know what your campaign where we know what your favorite pizza is, and we know where you favorite pizza is, and we know where you favorite pizza is, and we know where you live, and we know that by habit most live, and we know that by habit most live, and we know that by habit most people ordering pizza order the same people ordering pizza order the same people ordering pizza order the same pizza to the same address." So, they pizza to the same address." So, they pizza to the same address." So, they said, "Listen, what if you just text us said, "Listen, what if you just text us said, "Listen, what if you just text us or tweet us an emoticon of a pizza, and or tweet us an emoticon of a pizza, and or tweet us an emoticon of a pizza, and then poof, like magic, pizza shows up at then poof, like magic, pizza shows up at then poof, like magic, pizza shows up at your house." In that year, your house." In that year, your house." In that year, they earned 12% higher sales in the they earned 12% higher sales in the they earned 12% higher sales in the United States. Number one pizza company, United States. Number one pizza company, United States. Number one pizza company, Pizza Hut, declined by 2%. So, you can Pizza Hut, declined by 2%. So, you can Pizza Hut, declined by 2%. So, you can imagine what's happening here is not imagine what's happening here is not imagine what's happening here is not just that it's easier to buy pizza from just that it's easier to buy pizza from just that it's easier to buy pizza from Domino's than Pizza Hut, but they're Domino's than Pizza Hut, but they're Domino's than Pizza Hut, but they're actually expanding the market for pizza actually expanding the market for pizza actually expanding the market for pizza in a place where it's so saturated, in a place where it's so saturated, in a place where it's so saturated, because it's easier to eat pizza than because it's easier to eat pizza than because it's easier to eat pizza than some other kind of food. And then, by 3 some other kind of food. And then, by 3 some other kind of food. And then, by 3 years after that, they've overtaken years after that, they've overtaken years after that, they've overtaken Pizza Hut as the number one pizza Pizza Hut as the number one pizza Pizza Hut as the number one pizza company in the entire world. That is company in the entire world. That is company in the entire world. That is such a great example. And it's just one such a great example. And it's just one such a great example. And it's just one of these things I'm always going to of these things I'm always going to of these things I'm always going to reinforce points when they're being reinforce points when they're being reinforce points when they're being made, but this is something I think made, but this is something I think made, but this is something I think about when I'm trying to get my kids to about when I'm trying to get my kids to about when I'm trying to get my kids to do things, or even when I'm in a selling do things, or even when I'm in a selling do things, or even when I'm in a selling situation, or even with myself to get situation, or even with myself to get situation, or even with myself to get myself to make changes, to take the myself to make changes, to take the myself to make changes, to take the easiest first steps, the path of least easiest first steps, the path of least easiest first steps, the path of least resistance. And the way he said it in resistance. And the way he said it in resistance. And the way he said it in the book, I'm like, "My goodness, this the book, I'm like, "My goodness, this the book, I'm like, "My goodness, this is so true." Now, one of the things you is so true." Now, one of the things you is so true." Now, one of the things you say in the book, there's so much. And by say in the book, there's so much. And by say in the book, there's so much. And by the way, the reason I'm only going to the way, the reason I'm only going to the way, the reason I'm only going to cover some of this, guys, is I want you cover some of this, guys, is I want you cover some of this, guys, is I want you to get the book, right? But things like to get the book, right? But things like to get the book, right? But things like behavioral economics is discussed in the behavioral economics is discussed in the behavioral economics is discussed in the book. You know, the neuroscience of book. You know, the neuroscience of book. You know, the neuroscience of creating change. So, it's not just like creating change. So, it's not just like creating change. So, it's not just like poopy stuff. It's It's poopy stuff and poopy stuff. It's It's poopy stuff and poopy stuff. It's It's poopy stuff and tangible stuff backed up by the tangible stuff backed up by the tangible stuff backed up by the scientific evidence of it, which is why scientific evidence of it, which is why scientific evidence of it, which is why the class, I'm sure, is like just so, so the class, I'm sure, is like just so, so the class, I'm sure, is like just so, so important, but important, but important, but to use concepts that people can to use concepts that people can to use concepts that people can remember, too. What's this alligator and remember, too. What's this alligator and remember, too. What's this alligator and judge analogy that you use? Cuz this is judge analogy that you use? Cuz this is judge analogy that you use? Cuz this is like people won't forget it, right? I like people won't forget it, right? I like people won't forget it, right? I want to start out We'll go to some want to start out We'll go to some want to start out We'll go to some complex stuff, but alligator judge uh complex stuff, but alligator judge uh complex stuff, but alligator judge uh even a guy like Ed Mylett can remember. even a guy like Ed Mylett can remember. even a guy like Ed Mylett can remember. So, give us that. Yeah, it helps to give So, give us that. Yeah, it helps to give So, give us that. Yeah, it helps to give people visual concrete analogies, right? people visual concrete analogies, right? people visual concrete analogies, right? So, that the gator represents our So, that the gator represents our So, that the gator represents our unconscious, intuitive, habitual, unconscious, intuitive, habitual, unconscious, intuitive, habitual, emotional system that like I was saying emotional system that like I was saying emotional system that like I was saying earlier drives 95% of our decisions and earlier drives 95% of our decisions and earlier drives 95% of our decisions and our behavior. And the judge represents our behavior. And the judge represents our behavior. And the judge represents the conscious, slow, rational, the conscious, slow, rational, the conscious, slow, rational, deliberate, effortful system that we deliberate, effortful system that we deliberate, effortful system that we think is in charge think is in charge think is in charge because it's conscious, and by because it's conscious, and by because it's conscious, and by definition, we just can't perceive the definition, we just can't perceive the definition, we just can't perceive the unconscious part. Mhm. unconscious part. Mhm. unconscious part. Mhm. One of the tricky things about the One of the tricky things about the One of the tricky things about the relationship between these two systems, relationship between these two systems, relationship between these two systems, the judge and the gator, the judge and the gator, the judge and the gator, is that influence goes one direction is that influence goes one direction is that influence goes one direction almost exclusively Mhm. from the gator almost exclusively Mhm. from the gator almost exclusively Mhm. from the gator to the judge. Mhm. So, when we to the judge. Mhm. So, when we to the judge. Mhm. So, when we we have strong preferences, we have strong preferences, we have strong preferences, opinions, and feelings about other opinions, and feelings about other opinions, and feelings about other people, right? Or things we do or don't people, right? Or things we do or don't people, right? Or things we do or don't want to do. And then we easily want to do. And then we easily want to do. And then we easily rationalize rationalize rationalize those preferences. Mhm. But we can't those preferences. Mhm. But we can't those preferences. Mhm. But we can't talk ourselves into say, like, what's a talk ourselves into say, like, what's a talk ourselves into say, like, what's a Do you have any kind of food that you Do you have any kind of food that you Do you have any kind of food that you hate, Ed? Yes. hate, Ed? Yes. hate, Ed? Yes. I cannot I cannot eat any type of I cannot I cannot eat any type of I cannot I cannot eat any type of broccoli whatsoever, which is terrible broccoli whatsoever, which is terrible broccoli whatsoever, which is terrible cuz it's good for you, but I don't like cuz it's good for you, but I don't like cuz it's good for you, but I don't like broccoli. Okay, so you hate broccoli. Is broccoli. Okay, so you hate broccoli. Is broccoli. Okay, so you hate broccoli. Is there any kind of rational argument that there any kind of rational argument that there any kind of rational argument that could influence you to love broccoli? No could influence you to love broccoli? No could influence you to love broccoli? No chance. No chance, right? It's possible chance. No chance, right? It's possible chance. No chance, right? It's possible you could be influenced in some way to you could be influenced in some way to you could be influenced in some way to eat broccoli through a rational eat broccoli through a rational eat broccoli through a rational argument, but you're never going to argument, but you're never going to argument, but you're never going to influence the way you feel Yes. through influence the way you feel Yes. through influence the way you feel Yes. through reason. Yes. Okay, here's how brilliant reason. Yes. Okay, here's how brilliant reason. Yes. Okay, here's how brilliant that is. I actually eat broccoli. We're that is. I actually eat broccoli. We're that is. I actually eat broccoli. We're going to talk about this later in the going to talk about this later in the going to talk about this later in the show, but frankly, it's because of the show, but frankly, it's because of the show, but frankly, it's because of the way it was framed to me, which is way it was framed to me, which is way it was framed to me, which is something we're going to talk about a something we're going to talk about a something we're going to talk about a little bit later. I've been talking little bit later. I've been talking little bit later. I've been talking about framing for years and then you about framing for years and then you about framing for years and then you took it to a whole new level. So, the took it to a whole new level. So, the took it to a whole new level. So, the way it was framed to me has compelled me way it was framed to me has compelled me way it was framed to me has compelled me to be willing to take that action. And to be willing to take that action. And to be willing to take that action. And by the way, I do it in the path of least by the way, I do it in the path of least by the way, I do it in the path of least resistance, even though it's something resistance, even though it's something resistance, even though it's something that I would never tell you that I love that I would never tell you that I love that I would never tell you that I love doing because it's been framed to doing because it's been framed to doing because it's been framed to benefit me, which we'll talk about a benefit me, which we'll talk about a benefit me, which we'll talk about a little bit later as we go. So, this is little bit later as we go. So, this is little bit later as we go. So, this is why her work is so awesome. why her work is so awesome. why her work is so awesome. >> I'm so curious to hear about how that >> I'm so curious to hear about how that >> I'm so curious to hear about how that happened. So, okay, we'll bookmark it. happened. So, okay, we'll bookmark it. happened. So, okay, we'll bookmark it. >> we'll we're going to go there. Now, >> we'll we're going to go there. Now, >> we'll we're going to go there. Now, there's the So, there's the angels in there's the So, there's the angels in there's the So, there's the angels in our life our life our life and then there's the people that aren't and then there's the people that aren't and then there's the people that aren't angels in our lives. This is part of angels in our lives. This is part of angels in our lives. This is part of that peace thing. that peace thing. that peace thing. Yeah. And everybody says all the time, Yeah. And everybody says all the time, Yeah. And everybody says all the time, "Hey, remove toxic people from your "Hey, remove toxic people from your "Hey, remove toxic people from your life." But here's the truth, almost life." But here's the truth, almost life." But here's the truth, almost nobody ever does it. nobody ever does it. nobody ever does it. Almost nobody does it. They just don't. Almost nobody does it. They just don't. Almost nobody does it. They just don't. They go, "I'm They go, "I'm They go, "I'm I'm going to get rid of these toxic I'm going to get rid of these toxic I'm going to get rid of these toxic people in my life." Yeah, but you don't. people in my life." Yeah, but you don't. people in my life." Yeah, but you don't. You don't. And I think I don't know if You don't. And I think I don't know if You don't. And I think I don't know if it's a lack of courage or the ability to it's a lack of courage or the ability to it's a lack of courage or the ability to do it or if people feel like, "Well, do it or if people feel like, "Well, do it or if people feel like, "Well, then I'm going to be alone and that's then I'm going to be alone and that's then I'm going to be alone and that's worse than this toxic person in my worse than this toxic person in my worse than this toxic person in my life." life." life." But talk about cuz you're just so But talk about cuz you're just so But talk about cuz you're just so profound about this. Is it the the way profound about this. Is it the the way profound about this. Is it the the way you say it. What do toxic people do to you say it. What do toxic people do to you say it. What do toxic people do to us? us? us? And then how do we find the strength to And then how do we find the strength to And then how do we find the strength to do we remove them? Do we keep them at a do we remove them? Do we keep them at a do we remove them? Do we keep them at a distance? Like, what are your thoughts distance? Like, what are your thoughts distance? Like, what are your thoughts about toxic people stealing that peace I about toxic people stealing that peace I about toxic people stealing that peace I want this year or we all want? want this year or we all want? want this year or we all want? Absolutely. I'll just I'll just ask Absolutely. I'll just I'll just ask Absolutely. I'll just I'll just ask everybody this question. everybody this question. everybody this question. And this question seems a little bit And this question seems a little bit And this question seems a little bit straight up and harsh, but it's the straight up and harsh, but it's the straight up and harsh, but it's the reality. You know, if you're in a reality. You know, if you're in a reality. You know, if you're in a situation where your environment sucks, situation where your environment sucks, situation where your environment sucks, your environment's terrible and I want your environment's terrible and I want your environment's terrible and I want to be clear Ed, you know what I mean? to be clear Ed, you know what I mean? to be clear Ed, you know what I mean? Sometimes we're the toxic people, you Sometimes we're the toxic people, you Sometimes we're the toxic people, you know what I mean? Sometimes we got to know what I mean? Sometimes we got to know what I mean? Sometimes we got to look ourselves in the in the mirror and look ourselves in the in the mirror and look ourselves in the in the mirror and make sure we're not that person and take make sure we're not that person and take make sure we're not that person and take that responsibility. But once you that responsibility. But once you that responsibility. But once you understand that and you have the things understand that and you have the things understand that and you have the things around your life, you got to ask around your life, you got to ask around your life, you got to ask yourself. Picture everything in your yourself. Picture everything in your yourself. Picture everything in your life as soil, right? Your environment is life as soil, right? Your environment is life as soil, right? Your environment is soil. The people that you're around the soil. The people that you're around the soil. The people that you're around the places you take your life, everything is places you take your life, everything is places you take your life, everything is soil. I believe that each and every one soil. I believe that each and every one soil. I believe that each and every one of us were a seed. of us were a seed. of us were a seed. We're a seed of greatness. We're a seed We're a seed of greatness. We're a seed We're a seed of greatness. We're a seed of of goodness. We're a seed of, you of of goodness. We're a seed of, you of of goodness. We're a seed of, you know, a person being legendary. We have know, a person being legendary. We have know, a person being legendary. We have all of those qualities in us. I believe all of those qualities in us. I believe all of those qualities in us. I believe God made us that way. What happens is God made us that way. What happens is God made us that way. What happens is a lot of us we put our seed in toxic a lot of us we put our seed in toxic a lot of us we put our seed in toxic soil. soil. soil. And we wonder why we're not producing And we wonder why we're not producing And we wonder why we're not producing the right harvest for our life. Right? the right harvest for our life. Right? the right harvest for our life. Right? We wonder why why we're we're producing We wonder why why we're we're producing We wonder why why we're we're producing weed. We wonder why we're producing weed. We wonder why we're producing weed. We wonder why we're producing things that end up dying. So, I want to things that end up dying. So, I want to things that end up dying. So, I want to ask the person listening to this right ask the person listening to this right ask the person listening to this right now, is what type of soil are you now, is what type of soil are you now, is what type of soil are you putting your seed in? Because a great putting your seed in? Because a great putting your seed in? Because a great seed in bad soil will not produce good seed in bad soil will not produce good seed in bad soil will not produce good fruit. Will not produce a good harvest. fruit. Will not produce a good harvest. fruit. Will not produce a good harvest. And you got to be real with yourself. Do And you got to be real with yourself. Do And you got to be real with yourself. Do you want to live the rest of your life you want to live the rest of your life you want to live the rest of your life unhappy? unhappy? unhappy? Do you want to die unhappy? Do you want Do you want to die unhappy? Do you want Do you want to die unhappy? Do you want to die miserable? Because like you said, to die miserable? Because like you said, to die miserable? Because like you said, that a lot of people are afraid. They're that a lot of people are afraid. They're that a lot of people are afraid. They're afraid of They're afraid of afraid of They're afraid of afraid of They're afraid of confrontation. They're afraid of what confrontation. They're afraid of what confrontation. They're afraid of what people are going to say once they make people are going to say once they make people are going to say once they make that decision because we know how it is. that decision because we know how it is. that decision because we know how it is. People will start to make you feel like People will start to make you feel like People will start to make you feel like you're the bad person no matter what you you're the bad person no matter what you you're the bad person no matter what you have done for them. They'll point out have done for them. They'll point out have done for them. They'll point out all the things you didn't do and not all all the things you didn't do and not all all the things you didn't do and not all the things you did do. the things you did do. the things you did do. Um I think people are also Yeah, they're Um I think people are also Yeah, they're Um I think people are also Yeah, they're afraid to be alone. But you have to afraid to be alone. But you have to afraid to be alone. But you have to understand this about the journey. understand this about the journey. understand this about the journey. Sometimes it takes being perfectly Sometimes it takes being perfectly Sometimes it takes being perfectly lonely, cuz I say perfectly, to lonely, cuz I say perfectly, to lonely, cuz I say perfectly, to understand what being perfectly loved understand what being perfectly loved understand what being perfectly loved feels like. So, it took me in my darkest feels like. So, it took me in my darkest feels like. So, it took me in my darkest moments, in my loneliest times to moments, in my loneliest times to moments, in my loneliest times to understand God's true love for my life. understand God's true love for my life. understand God's true love for my life. And once I realized the love that he had And once I realized the love that he had And once I realized the love that he had for me, once I realized how he created for me, once I realized how he created for me, once I realized how he created me, it became a lot easier. So, I gained me, it became a lot easier. So, I gained me, it became a lot easier. So, I gained more confidence. I knew my worth. And I more confidence. I knew my worth. And I more confidence. I knew my worth. And I went on this journey of being the went on this journey of being the went on this journey of being the greatest me. And one thing about the greatest me. And one thing about the greatest me. And one thing about the journey that's true, journey that's true, journey that's true, the journey will always be loyal to the journey will always be loyal to the journey will always be loyal to giving your life what it needs. So, as I giving your life what it needs. So, as I giving your life what it needs. So, as I walked down the right path, yeah, it was walked down the right path, yeah, it was walked down the right path, yeah, it was lonely at first. And as I'm climbing lonely at first. And as I'm climbing lonely at first. And as I'm climbing this mountain, I see somebody else that this mountain, I see somebody else that this mountain, I see somebody else that was climbing the mountain in the same was climbing the mountain in the same was climbing the mountain in the same direction. I see somebody else as I went direction. I see somebody else as I went direction. I see somebody else as I went a little higher that was climbing the a little higher that was climbing the a little higher that was climbing the mountain in the right direction. And mountain in the right direction. And mountain in the right direction. And then you build this tribe of like then you build this tribe of like then you build this tribe of like mindsets. And so, you know, another mindsets. And so, you know, another mindsets. And so, you know, another illustration just really quick and like illustration just really quick and like illustration just really quick and like Please. It's It's like a I'll just put Please. It's It's like a I'll just put Please. It's It's like a I'll just put it like this. My neighbor, like two it like this. My neighbor, like two it like this. My neighbor, like two houses down, we're in Texas, right? houses down, we're in Texas, right? houses down, we're in Texas, right? We're like in Dallas, it's hot. So, we We're like in Dallas, it's hot. So, we We're like in Dallas, it's hot. So, we moved here and my neighbor has like a moved here and my neighbor has like a moved here and my neighbor has like a palm tree. And it was about fall time, palm tree. And it was about fall time, palm tree. And it was about fall time, so the palm tree it looked good, right? so the palm tree it looked good, right? so the palm tree it looked good, right? And so, when winter hit, And so, when winter hit, And so, when winter hit, the palm [clears throat] tree was the palm [clears throat] tree was the palm [clears throat] tree was terrible, right? The palm tree was bad. terrible, right? The palm tree was bad. terrible, right? The palm tree was bad. The palm tree withered away, it died, The palm tree withered away, it died, The palm tree withered away, it died, they had to cut the top off, it looked they had to cut the top off, it looked they had to cut the top off, it looked terrible. And it made me realize this terrible. And it made me realize this terrible. And it made me realize this truth. truth. truth. I want people to understand this. I want people to understand this. I want people to understand this. When you look at your life, and you look When you look at your life, and you look When you look at your life, and you look at yourself at yourself at yourself as that palm tree, right? You're as that palm tree, right? You're as that palm tree, right? You're beautiful, everybody wants you, you're beautiful, everybody wants you, you're beautiful, everybody wants you, you're popular, you're a popular tree, but if popular, you're a popular tree, but if popular, you're a popular tree, but if you put yourself, right? If you put that you put yourself, right? If you put that you put yourself, right? If you put that palm tree in New York, that palm tree palm tree in New York, that palm tree palm tree in New York, that palm tree wouldn't ever reach its full potential. wouldn't ever reach its full potential. wouldn't ever reach its full potential. That palm tree wouldn't be a palm tree, That palm tree wouldn't be a palm tree, That palm tree wouldn't be a palm tree, it would be a ugly tree nobody would it would be a ugly tree nobody would it would be a ugly tree nobody would buy. But if you put that palm tree in buy. But if you put that palm tree in buy. But if you put that palm tree in Cali, you put that palm tree in Florida, Cali, you put that palm tree in Florida, Cali, you put that palm tree in Florida, you put that palm tree in Hawaii, you you put that palm tree in Hawaii, you you put that palm tree in Hawaii, you put that palm tree in Puerto Rico, in put that palm tree in Puerto Rico, in put that palm tree in Puerto Rico, in the right environments, that palm tree the right environments, that palm tree the right environments, that palm tree flourishes. That palm tree looks flourishes. That palm tree looks flourishes. That palm tree looks beautiful. So, with your life, yeah, beautiful. So, with your life, yeah, beautiful. So, with your life, yeah, you're that palm tree, you have all you're that palm tree, you have all you're that palm tree, you have all those great qualities, but if you're in those great qualities, but if you're in those great qualities, but if you're in the wrong environment, you will never the wrong environment, you will never the wrong environment, you will never meet the potential that your life has. meet the potential that your life has. meet the potential that your life has. There are people listening to this right There are people listening to this right There are people listening to this right now that are are failing. They're now that are are failing. They're now that are are failing. They're they're bleeding money, and maybe they're bleeding money, and maybe they're bleeding money, and maybe they've just had a business shut down, they've just had a business shut down, they've just had a business shut down, or the last 2 years has wiped them out a or the last 2 years has wiped them out a or the last 2 years has wiped them out a little bit, or they're they're looking little bit, or they're they're looking little bit, or they're they're looking right now going, all right, right now going, all right, right now going, all right, I I'm going to have to make a pivot. I I'm going to have to make a pivot. I I'm going to have to make a pivot. So, you're a guy who had a lot of So, you're a guy who had a lot of So, you're a guy who had a lot of success building gyms. success building gyms. success building gyms. It was really really going well as I It was really really going well as I It was really really going well as I understand it. You go over the next one, understand it. You go over the next one, understand it. You go over the next one, you pour all the juice from all the you pour all the juice from all the you pour all the juice from all the profits into the next one, and you go profits into the next one, and you go profits into the next one, and you go bust. So, there was a point where this bust. So, there was a point where this bust. So, there was a point where this man that I'm talking to you right now, man that I'm talking to you right now, man that I'm talking to you right now, by the way, not that long ago, by the way, not that long ago, by the way, not that long ago, was busted. You were broke. What did you was busted. You were broke. What did you was busted. You were broke. What did you do when you were on your ass? Were you do when you were on your ass? Were you do when you were on your ass? Were you on your ass mentally ever, or was it on your ass mentally ever, or was it on your ass mentally ever, or was it just a physical being broke? And then just a physical being broke? And then just a physical being broke? And then what did you do to make a move? Cuz what did you do to make a move? Cuz what did you do to make a move? Cuz there's a lot of people right now right there's a lot of people right now right there's a lot of people right now right where you were. where you were. where you were. I just focused on the controllable. I just focused on the controllable. I just focused on the controllable. So, there was a lot of things that I So, there was a lot of things that I So, there was a lot of things that I felt like I could not control or that felt like I could not control or that felt like I could not control or that were circumstantial, etc. And so it was were circumstantial, etc. And so it was were circumstantial, etc. And so it was just it's kind of like the simplicity just it's kind of like the simplicity just it's kind of like the simplicity thing of like what are the few levers thing of like what are the few levers thing of like what are the few levers that I have at my disposal? And at the that I have at my disposal? And at the that I have at my disposal? And at the time I was like, I know how to market time I was like, I know how to market time I was like, I know how to market and I know how to sell. And so, that's and I know how to sell. And so, that's and I know how to sell. And so, that's what I'm going to do. And so, I what I'm going to do. And so, I what I'm going to do. And so, I I I I The the the story is crazy, but um I had The the the story is crazy, but um I had The the the story is crazy, but um I had a credit card left from all the a credit card left from all the a credit card left from all the businesses that I had sold and then businesses that I had sold and then businesses that I had sold and then lost all the money, but I still had the lost all the money, but I still had the lost all the money, but I still had the credit card and Amex, thank god, had not credit card and Amex, thank god, had not credit card and Amex, thank god, had not actually changed my credit limit. So, I actually changed my credit limit. So, I actually changed my credit limit. So, I had a $100,000 credit card. had a $100,000 credit card. had a $100,000 credit card. And I wanted to launch Gym Launch, which And I wanted to launch Gym Launch, which And I wanted to launch Gym Launch, which was like this turnaround business where was like this turnaround business where was like this turnaround business where we'd fly out to gyms. And so, we had six we'd fly out to gyms. And so, we had six we'd fly out to gyms. And so, we had six guys that I'd already recruited and I guys that I'd already recruited and I guys that I'd already recruited and I thought this cash was going to be there thought this cash was going to be there thought this cash was going to be there and it wasn't. And so, I put $3,300 a and it wasn't. And so, I put $3,300 a and it wasn't. And so, I put $3,300 a day on a credit card and I only had day on a credit card and I only had day on a credit card and I only had $1,000 in my bank account. And so, every $1,000 in my bank account. And so, every $1,000 in my bank account. And so, every day I was becoming $3,300 poorer. And day I was becoming $3,300 poorer. And day I was becoming $3,300 poorer. And when we started that, I didn't even have when we started that, I didn't even have when we started that, I didn't even have a payment processor because we got shut a payment processor because we got shut a payment processor because we got shut down. And that was where the extra money down. And that was where the extra money down. And that was where the extra money was supposed to come from. And so, we was supposed to come from. And so, we was supposed to come from. And so, we were we were doing, you know, I had it were we were doing, you know, I had it were we were doing, you know, I had it was $3,300 a day in hotels, airfare, was $3,300 a day in hotels, airfare, was $3,300 a day in hotels, airfare, ad spend, rental car, per diem food for ad spend, rental car, per diem food for ad spend, rental car, per diem food for all the sales guys who were out on the all the sales guys who were out on the all the sales guys who were out on the road like doing the gym turnarounds. And road like doing the gym turnarounds. And road like doing the gym turnarounds. And I could not process the money that they I could not process the money that they I could not process the money that they were sending contracts over from. And were sending contracts over from. And were sending contracts over from. And so, I'm seeing these contracts stack and so, I'm seeing these contracts stack and so, I'm seeing these contracts stack and stack and stack and I had no way to stack and stack and I had no way to stack and stack and I had no way to process it and I'm just watching this process it and I'm just watching this process it and I'm just watching this debt bill go up. And then um debt bill go up. And then um debt bill go up. And then um and I got a processor the last week of and I got a processor the last week of and I got a processor the last week of the month and it was only for 50 grand the month and it was only for 50 grand the month and it was only for 50 grand and we had like $300,000 in contracts and we had like $300,000 in contracts and we had like $300,000 in contracts and I had $100,000 in expenses. But he and I had $100,000 in expenses. But he and I had $100,000 in expenses. But he was like, "Hey, it's per month, which was like, "Hey, it's per month, which was like, "Hey, it's per month, which means on the 1st of next month you can means on the 1st of next month you can means on the 1st of next month you can run another 50." And so, I ran 50 on run another 50." And so, I ran 50 on run another 50." And so, I ran 50 on like the 28th of January and then I ran like the 28th of January and then I ran like the 28th of January and then I ran 50 on February 1st. I got two more that 50 on February 1st. I got two more that 50 on February 1st. I got two more that week and got us another 50. So, the two week and got us another 50. So, the two week and got us another 50. So, the two 50s back-to-back covered my 100K from 50s back-to-back covered my 100K from 50s back-to-back covered my 100K from the last month and that was like kind of the last month and that was like kind of the last month and that was like kind of like the the plane coming under. There's like the the plane coming under. There's like the the plane coming under. There's like way more of me about to lose it like way more of me about to lose it like way more of me about to lose it like and losing it again and again after like and losing it again and again after like and losing it again and again after that, but um like that, but um like that, but um like I can go as as deep on that side as you I can go as as deep on that side as you I can go as as deep on that side as you want but want but want but >> Well, like where were you mentally? I >> Well, like where were you mentally? I >> Well, like where were you mentally? I mean were you mentally when that's mean were you mentally when that's mean were you mentally when that's happening like my dad was right, he's happening like my dad was right, he's happening like my dad was right, he's got me or were you like still I'm going got me or were you like still I'm going got me or were you like still I'm going to prove him wrong? to prove him wrong? to prove him wrong? >> Oh, I was so I had made the decision >> Oh, I was so I had made the decision >> Oh, I was so I had made the decision that I would either die that I would either die that I would either die um or I would succeed. um or I would succeed. um or I would succeed. And so I didn't know when it would And so I didn't know when it would And so I didn't know when it would happen. I just figured if I continued so happen. I just figured if I continued so happen. I just figured if I continued so I I I so if there's one thing for the audience so if there's one thing for the audience so if there's one thing for the audience if anyone who's going through it right if anyone who's going through it right if anyone who's going through it right now like one of the thing that I would now like one of the thing that I would now like one of the thing that I would the refrain the repeat repeated message the refrain the repeat repeated message the refrain the repeat repeated message that I had to myself over and over again that I had to myself over and over again that I had to myself over and over again was was was I cannot lose if I do not quit. I cannot lose if I do not quit. I cannot lose if I do not quit. And so it was that was under my control. And so it was that was under my control. And so it was that was under my control. Then when I talk about like controlling Then when I talk about like controlling Then when I talk about like controlling the controllable like I could choose not the controllable like I could choose not the controllable like I could choose not to quit. And so if I could just have to quit. And so if I could just have to quit. And so if I could just have that then it meant that it was like this that then it meant that it was like this that then it meant that it was like this tiny little thing is like if I don't tiny little thing is like if I don't tiny little thing is like if I don't quit I didn't lose. It just means I quit I didn't lose. It just means I quit I didn't lose. It just means I still get to play. And when you think still get to play. And when you think still get to play. And when you think about like I think I can't remember if about like I think I can't remember if about like I think I can't remember if it's Aristotle or Plato but he says like it's Aristotle or Plato but he says like it's Aristotle or Plato but he says like you shouldn't judge a man until the day you shouldn't judge a man until the day you shouldn't judge a man until the day he dies. he dies. he dies. And so you know he even amazing life and And so you know he even amazing life and And so you know he even amazing life and then the last five years like everything then the last five years like everything then the last five years like everything goes and you get executed publicly like goes and you get executed publicly like goes and you get executed publicly like what would people say you had a good what would people say you had a good what would people say you had a good life or bad life? Like you can only life or bad life? Like you can only life or bad life? Like you can only judge after the man is dead. And so I judge after the man is dead. And so I judge after the man is dead. And so I also think about that within my own life also think about that within my own life also think about that within my own life now like when you think about like now like when you think about like now like when you think about like what's the leverage for the next what's the leverage for the next what's the leverage for the next for the next chapter it's like well I'm for the next chapter it's like well I'm for the next chapter it's like well I'm not dead yet. And so I got to keep going not dead yet. And so I got to keep going not dead yet. And so I got to keep going cuz that's what you know that's what cuz that's what you know that's what cuz that's what you know that's what we're going to look back on. And so I we're going to look back on. And so I we're going to look back on. And so I had this little thing that I could had this little thing that I could had this little thing that I could protect which is my willpower. And it's protect which is my willpower. And it's protect which is my willpower. And it's just like if I do not quit just like if I do not quit just like if I do not quit I cannot lose. And so I was so afraid of I cannot lose. And so I was so afraid of I cannot lose. And so I was so afraid of losing that just not quitting became the losing that just not quitting became the losing that just not quitting became the one thing. And so one thing. And so one thing. And so if I just kept moving one foot at if I just kept moving one foot at if I just kept moving one foot at another one phone call after another one another one phone call after another one another one phone call after another one sales appointment after another I knew sales appointment after another I knew sales appointment after another I knew that if I did that long enough that if I did that long enough that if I did that long enough eventually it would turn around and I eventually it would turn around and I eventually it would turn around and I could could could myself out of the situation. [laughter] myself out of the situation. [laughter] myself out of the situation. [laughter] >> Wow. I I'm blown away because >> Wow. I I'm blown away because >> Wow. I I'm blown away because I have equated only losing with quitting I have equated only losing with quitting I have equated only losing with quitting all of my life. And the reason for that all of my life. And the reason for that all of my life. And the reason for that is I just want to share cuz we're going is I just want to share cuz we're going is I just want to share cuz we're going back and forth. back and forth. back and forth. Well my dad my dad was an alcoholic when Well my dad my dad was an alcoholic when Well my dad my dad was an alcoholic when he got sober. I said dad are you never he got sober. I said dad are you never he got sober. I said dad are you never going to drink again? going to drink again? going to drink again? He goes I can't promise you that. I'm He goes I can't promise you that. I'm He goes I can't promise you that. I'm just not quit for one more day. All just not quit for one more day. All just not quit for one more day. All right, I'm not going to drink for one right, I'm not going to drink for one right, I'm not going to drink for one more day. And many, many times in my more day. And many, many times in my more day. And many, many times in my business I'm like, I can't I don't I am business I'm like, I can't I don't I am business I'm like, I can't I don't I am incapable mentally right now of saying incapable mentally right now of saying incapable mentally right now of saying I'm never going to quit. That's a like I'm never going to quit. That's a like I'm never going to quit. That's a like 80-year decision based on a bunch of 80-year decision based on a bunch of 80-year decision based on a bunch of crap right now, but I can decide not to crap right now, but I can decide not to crap right now, but I can decide not to quit for one more day. And that means I quit for one more day. And that means I quit for one more day. And that means I have not yet lost. I literally equated have not yet lost. I literally equated have not yet lost. I literally equated quitting with losing. And so no matter quitting with losing. And so no matter quitting with losing. And so no matter how behind in the score I was, how behind in the score I was, how behind in the score I was, I had not officially lost the game. The I had not officially lost the game. The I had not officially lost the game. The clock has not run out until I go, I clock has not run out until I go, I clock has not run out until I go, I quit. And so I was still in the game. So quit. And so I was still in the game. So quit. And so I was still in the game. So this this concept I just this this concept I just this this concept I just I love when someone says stuff and I put I love when someone says stuff and I put I love when someone says stuff and I put it through my life barometer. My meter. it through my life barometer. My meter. it through my life barometer. My meter. I'm like, nope, I did that. You're I'm like, nope, I did that. You're I'm like, nope, I did that. You're exactly right. I know someone who did exactly right. I know someone who did exactly right. I know someone who did that. You're exactly right. What a great that. You're exactly right. What a great that. You're exactly right. What a great answer. answer. answer. So I get asked all the time, "How in the So I get asked all the time, "How in the So I get asked all the time, "How in the world did you go from having no running world did you go from having no running world did you go from having no running water in your apartment to living on the water in your apartment to living on the water in your apartment to living on the water, to living ocean front, to have water, to living ocean front, to have water, to living ocean front, to have another home that's lake front?" How another home that's lake front?" How another home that's lake front?" How does somebody go from changing their does somebody go from changing their does somebody go from changing their conditions that dramatically in a pretty conditions that dramatically in a pretty conditions that dramatically in a pretty short window of time? And a lot of short window of time? And a lot of short window of time? And a lot of different things went into that. A lot different things went into that. A lot different things went into that. A lot of it was blessing, a lot of it was a of it was blessing, a lot of it was a of it was blessing, a lot of it was a lot of hard work, all kinds of mental lot of hard work, all kinds of mental lot of hard work, all kinds of mental changes that I made, but there's one changes that I made, but there's one changes that I made, but there's one area that I've not talked a lot about area that I've not talked a lot about area that I've not talked a lot about that I want to cover today that I think that I want to cover today that I think that I want to cover today that I think you need to know if you want to change you need to know if you want to change you need to know if you want to change the conditions of your life that way as the conditions of your life that way as the conditions of your life that way as well. So when the water got turned off, well. So when the water got turned off, well. So when the water got turned off, you know what I had to do? I had to look you know what I had to do? I had to look you know what I had to do? I had to look around my life. I really had to take an around my life. I really had to take an around my life. I really had to take an inventory, not just of me, but what was inventory, not just of me, but what was inventory, not just of me, but what was around my life. around my life. around my life. And the fact of the matter was I did not And the fact of the matter was I did not And the fact of the matter was I did not have the right people in my life. I have the right people in my life. I have the right people in my life. I didn't have the people who believed in didn't have the people who believed in didn't have the people who believed in me. I didn't have the people who me. I didn't have the people who me. I didn't have the people who supported my vision. supported my vision. supported my vision. I didn't have people who made me want to I didn't have people who made me want to I didn't have people who made me want to be better in my life. I had a few, but I be better in my life. I had a few, but I be better in my life. I had a few, but I didn't have enough. I had too many didn't have enough. I had too many didn't have enough. I had too many people in my life that have just always people in my life that have just always people in my life that have just always been in my life. They always accepted me been in my life. They always accepted me been in my life. They always accepted me for who I was. And that acceptance, that for who I was. And that acceptance, that for who I was. And that acceptance, that lack of belief in me, that lack of lack of belief in me, that lack of lack of belief in me, that lack of standard, got me all the way to where I standard, got me all the way to where I standard, got me all the way to where I couldn't even pay a water bill. I didn't couldn't even pay a water bill. I didn't couldn't even pay a water bill. I didn't even have a car. even have a car. even have a car. Never mind electricity for a while. And Never mind electricity for a while. And Never mind electricity for a while. And so it's very dangerous. It was very so it's very dangerous. It was very so it's very dangerous. It was very dangerous for me, for who I allowed just dangerous for me, for who I allowed just dangerous for me, for who I allowed just to support my limiting thinking, who I to support my limiting thinking, who I to support my limiting thinking, who I had around me. They weren't bad people. had around me. They weren't bad people. had around me. They weren't bad people. There's very few bad people. They just There's very few bad people. They just There's very few bad people. They just weren't people who were going to get me weren't people who were going to get me weren't people who were going to get me going in my life where I knew I needed going in my life where I knew I needed going in my life where I knew I needed to go, where I was born to go. I had to go, where I was born to go. I had to go, where I was born to go. I had read all the books on personal read all the books on personal read all the books on personal development. I learned about influence, development. I learned about influence, development. I learned about influence, kind of learned how to change my state, kind of learned how to change my state, kind of learned how to change my state, how to think differently. how to think differently. how to think differently. Been to a lot of the events that you go Been to a lot of the events that you go Been to a lot of the events that you go to. Why is it that so many people go to to. Why is it that so many people go to to. Why is it that so many people go to all these self-improvement, personal all these self-improvement, personal all these self-improvement, personal development, business events? They get development, business events? They get development, business events? They get all excited when they're there. They're all excited when they're there. They're all excited when they're there. They're ready to conquer the world. Then they ready to conquer the world. Then they ready to conquer the world. Then they get back home and life very slowly get back home and life very slowly get back home and life very slowly starts to drift back to normal. And starts to drift back to normal. And starts to drift back to normal. And that's because environment overrides that's because environment overrides that's because environment overrides almost everything in our lives. That's almost everything in our lives. That's almost everything in our lives. That's why it's so The reason you're so excited why it's so The reason you're so excited why it's so The reason you're so excited when you're at the event, the reason when you're at the event, the reason when you're at the event, the reason you're ready to conquer the world is the you're ready to conquer the world is the you're ready to conquer the world is the environment supports what you're doing. environment supports what you're doing. environment supports what you're doing. And so, I had to start to address my And so, I had to start to address my And so, I had to start to address my environment. And environment is all the environment. And environment is all the environment. And environment is all the place you are, place you are, place you are, but most importantly, your environment but most importantly, your environment but most importantly, your environment is the people that are around you. is the people that are around you. is the people that are around you. Because write this down, number one, in Because write this down, number one, in Because write this down, number one, in our lives, the most powerful force that our lives, the most powerful force that our lives, the most powerful force that I'm aware of in the world I'm aware of in the world I'm aware of in the world is to be consistent and congruent with is to be consistent and congruent with is to be consistent and congruent with the expectations of our peer group. Let the expectations of our peer group. Let the expectations of our peer group. Let me say that to you again. The most me say that to you again. The most me say that to you again. The most powerful force on Earth is we become powerful force on Earth is we become powerful force on Earth is we become consistent with the expectations consistent with the expectations consistent with the expectations of our peer group. You're going to get of our peer group. You're going to get of our peer group. You're going to get out of life what the people around you out of life what the people around you out of life what the people around you expect of you. And so, I had to begin to expect of you. And so, I had to begin to expect of you. And so, I had to begin to address who were the people around me address who were the people around me address who were the people around me and specifically, what was the and specifically, what was the and specifically, what was the environment that I was in? Because environment that I was in? Because environment that I was in? Because number two, proximity is power. The number two, proximity is power. The number two, proximity is power. The closer somebody is to you, the more closer somebody is to you, the more closer somebody is to you, the more influence they have over you. That's why influence they have over you. That's why influence they have over you. That's why your personal relationship that you're your personal relationship that you're your personal relationship that you're in is something that must be evaluated in is something that must be evaluated in is something that must be evaluated at all given times. And people ask me, at all given times. And people ask me, at all given times. And people ask me, "How do I get more spouse support or "How do I get more spouse support or "How do I get more spouse support or partner support, boyfriend or girlfriend partner support, boyfriend or girlfriend partner support, boyfriend or girlfriend support?" I don't know that you're support?" I don't know that you're support?" I don't know that you're always going to get more support and I always going to get more support and I always going to get more support and I don't even know if that's needed. But don't even know if that's needed. But don't even know if that's needed. But one thing that's a foundation of all one thing that's a foundation of all one thing that's a foundation of all relationships is does this person relationships is does this person relationships is does this person believe in me? believe in me? believe in me? Most people love us. That's one thing. Most people love us. That's one thing. Most people love us. That's one thing. If we're in a relationship, we kind of If we're in a relationship, we kind of If we're in a relationship, we kind of feel a level of love. feel a level of love. feel a level of love. But the deeper question is, do they But the deeper question is, do they But the deeper question is, do they truly believe in me? truly believe in me? truly believe in me? And when I started to evaluate my And when I started to evaluate my And when I started to evaluate my friends that were around me, if I asked friends that were around me, if I asked friends that were around me, if I asked myself, were they supporting where I myself, were they supporting where I myself, were they supporting where I wanted to go in my life? Not that they wanted to go in my life? Not that they wanted to go in my life? Not that they didn't love me or like me. In fact, what didn't love me or like me. In fact, what didn't love me or like me. In fact, what most of us do is we love to have people most of us do is we love to have people most of us do is we love to have people around us who accept us. We say, "I want around us who accept us. We say, "I want around us who accept us. We say, "I want people to accept me as I am." And people to accept me as I am." And people to accept me as I am." And there's a benefit to that. There's a there's a benefit to that. There's a there's a benefit to that. There's a huge negative as well. If people are huge negative as well. If people are huge negative as well. If people are constantly accepting this version of constantly accepting this version of constantly accepting this version of you, you, you, there's there's there's there's nothing compelling you to go to there's nothing compelling you to go to there's nothing compelling you to go to the next version. There's no stimulus the next version. There's no stimulus the next version. There's no stimulus that says I better change. There's no that says I better change. There's no that says I better change. There's no discomfort because these people closest discomfort because these people closest discomfort because these people closest to us, their proximity has influence to us, their proximity has influence to us, their proximity has influence over us. So, number one thing I want you over us. So, number one thing I want you over us. So, number one thing I want you to ask yourself is do the people around to ask yourself is do the people around to ask yourself is do the people around me believe in me? me believe in me? me believe in me? And if they don't, that needs to be And if they don't, that needs to be And if they don't, that needs to be evaluated. People say, "Well, then what evaluated. People say, "Well, then what evaluated. People say, "Well, then what do I do? Do I get rid of them?" do I do? Do I get rid of them?" do I do? Do I get rid of them?" Well, maybe in some case. I mean, if Well, maybe in some case. I mean, if Well, maybe in some case. I mean, if they're antagonistic to you, certainly. they're antagonistic to you, certainly. they're antagonistic to you, certainly. But what you have to do is begin to add But what you have to do is begin to add But what you have to do is begin to add people in your proximity who do believe people in your proximity who do believe people in your proximity who do believe in you or who will believe in you. in you or who will believe in you. in you or who will believe in you. And if they don't believe in you, And if they don't believe in you, And if they don't believe in you, perhaps they don't need to be eliminated perhaps they don't need to be eliminated perhaps they don't need to be eliminated from your life, from your life, from your life, but one thing you may need to do is but one thing you may need to do is but one thing you may need to do is start to reduce their proximity to you. start to reduce their proximity to you. start to reduce their proximity to you. Maybe they're not as close to you as Maybe they're not as close to you as Maybe they're not as close to you as they used to be. I've had to do that they used to be. I've had to do that they used to be. I've had to do that many times in my life where I've had to many times in my life where I've had to many times in my life where I've had to eliminate a few people from my life, but eliminate a few people from my life, but eliminate a few people from my life, but very few. This is so critical to you very few. This is so critical to you very few. This is so critical to you becoming successful because your becoming successful because your becoming successful because your environmental game is more important environmental game is more important environmental game is more important even than your mental game because it's even than your mental game because it's even than your mental game because it's what supports it. And so, I want you to what supports it. And so, I want you to what supports it. And so, I want you to evaluate a few things. Do they believe evaluate a few things. Do they believe evaluate a few things. Do they believe in me? Number two, in me? Number two, in me? Number two, are they a past or future reference type are they a past or future reference type are they a past or future reference type friend? In other words, when you're friend? In other words, when you're friend? In other words, when you're around them, what do you find yourself around them, what do you find yourself around them, what do you find yourself talking the most about? Is it the past talking the most about? Is it the past talking the most about? Is it the past or the future? or the future? or the future? I want to be around people who are I want to be around people who are I want to be around people who are constantly talking about either the constantly talking about either the constantly talking about either the present, but most importantly, the present, but most importantly, the present, but most importantly, the future. In other words, I want people future. In other words, I want people future. In other words, I want people who are present with me so that when who are present with me so that when who are present with me so that when they're with me, we're together. You they're with me, we're together. You they're with me, we're together. You know you have those friends who are know you have those friends who are know you have those friends who are constantly not present even though constantly not present even though constantly not present even though they're in your presence. We don't want they're in your presence. We don't want they're in your presence. We don't want that, either. that, either. that, either. But if people are constantly taking me But if people are constantly taking me But if people are constantly taking me in the past frame of reference, old in the past frame of reference, old in the past frame of reference, old stories, old things, remember when, high stories, old things, remember when, high stories, old things, remember when, high school, college, previous date, previous school, college, previous date, previous school, college, previous date, previous vacation, previous business, remember vacation, previous business, remember vacation, previous business, remember when, constantly, you know, they're just when, constantly, you know, they're just when, constantly, you know, they're just always reminiscing. always reminiscing. always reminiscing. Or are they projecting me into the Or are they projecting me into the Or are they projecting me into the future? If at least 75% of your future? If at least 75% of your future? If at least 75% of your conversations aren't about the future conversations aren't about the future conversations aren't about the future with the people that you're around, with the people that you're around, with the people that you're around, these are not people supporting your these are not people supporting your these are not people supporting your future, they're supporting your past. future, they're supporting your past. future, they're supporting your past. They're reinforcing your past. The more They're reinforcing your past. The more They're reinforcing your past. The more we talk about something, the more we we talk about something, the more we we talk about something, the more we reinforce its importance in our life. reinforce its importance in our life. reinforce its importance in our life. And so, this is a very subtle thing. And And so, this is a very subtle thing. And And so, this is a very subtle thing. And I think even as I say it, you're going, I think even as I say it, you're going, I think even as I say it, you're going, "Whoa. "Whoa. "Whoa. They do love me. I think they might They do love me. I think they might They do love me. I think they might believe in me, but man, we talk about believe in me, but man, we talk about believe in me, but man, we talk about the past all the time." Well, this is the past all the time." Well, this is the past all the time." Well, this is somebody who's going to reinforce that somebody who's going to reinforce that somebody who's going to reinforce that state of your life. You need to add state of your life. You need to add state of your life. You need to add people to your proximity who are people to your proximity who are people to your proximity who are discussing the future with you. You discussing the future with you. You discussing the future with you. You know, you've heard about triggers before know, you've heard about triggers before know, you've heard about triggers before where you can learn a personal where you can learn a personal where you can learn a personal development that you know, you snap your development that you know, you snap your development that you know, you snap your fingers, you put yourself in a state, or fingers, you put yourself in a state, or fingers, you put yourself in a state, or you walk, you hear a song, it's a you walk, you hear a song, it's a you walk, you hear a song, it's a trigger, isn't it? You hear a song from trigger, isn't it? You hear a song from trigger, isn't it? You hear a song from some point in your life, it triggers a some point in your life, it triggers a some point in your life, it triggers a memory. Or a song you love right now memory. Or a song you love right now memory. Or a song you love right now that triggers you wanting to work out or that triggers you wanting to work out or that triggers you wanting to work out or move your body. So, things are triggers. move your body. So, things are triggers. move your body. So, things are triggers. People are also triggers. People are also triggers. People are also triggers. And if there are people in your life, And if there are people in your life, And if there are people in your life, just by their proximity, trigger events just by their proximity, trigger events just by their proximity, trigger events that are prior in your life that didn't that are prior in your life that didn't that are prior in your life that didn't serve you. Just by being around them, serve you. Just by being around them, serve you. Just by being around them, they're they're a trigger. Humans are they're they're a trigger. Humans are they're they're a trigger. Humans are triggers. Do you have people that just triggers. Do you have people that just triggers. Do you have people that just when you see them, they trigger peace when you see them, they trigger peace when you see them, they trigger peace for you? They trigger joy. They trigger for you? They trigger joy. They trigger for you? They trigger joy. They trigger abundance. They trigger competing. They abundance. They trigger competing. They abundance. They trigger competing. They trigger intensity. They trigger belief. trigger intensity. They trigger belief. trigger intensity. They trigger belief. They trigger confidence. They trigger They trigger confidence. They trigger They trigger confidence. They trigger your desire to grow. Ask yourself what your desire to grow. Ask yourself what your desire to grow. Ask yourself what triggers these people are in your life. triggers these people are in your life. triggers these people are in your life. What do they trigger in you? And you What do they trigger in you? And you What do they trigger in you? And you begin to You begin to start to look at begin to You begin to start to look at begin to You begin to start to look at these things, you're going, "Wow. Well, these things, you're going, "Wow. Well, these things, you're going, "Wow. Well, I have this group of friends who they I have this group of friends who they I have this group of friends who they accept me, but I don't know if they accept me, but I don't know if they accept me, but I don't know if they believe in me. Then I've got this other believe in me. Then I've got this other believe in me. Then I've got this other group of friends where group of friends where group of friends where they believe in me, but we're always they believe in me, but we're always they believe in me, but we're always talking about the past. talking about the past. talking about the past. And then, you know what? They kind of And then, you know what? They kind of And then, you know what? They kind of trigger these states of sort of comfort trigger these states of sort of comfort trigger these states of sort of comfort or average in me. or average in me. or average in me. Who do I have that's triggering my Who do I have that's triggering my Who do I have that's triggering my desire to grow? Who makes me desire to grow? Who makes me desire to grow? Who makes me uncomfortable? Who do I have like I kind uncomfortable? Who do I have like I kind uncomfortable? Who do I have like I kind of clean up the house before they come of clean up the house before they come of clean up the house before they come over? Who do I have where I get excited over? Who do I have where I get excited over? Who do I have where I get excited when I see them because not every when I see them because not every when I see them because not every conversation's the same. I don't know conversation's the same. I don't know conversation's the same. I don't know where it's going to go. You should have where it's going to go. You should have where it's going to go. You should have those people that accept you in your those people that accept you in your those people that accept you in your life. There's nothing wrong with that. life. There's nothing wrong with that. life. There's nothing wrong with that. It's an important thing. But you said It's an important thing. But you said It's an important thing. But you said these other people who really don't these other people who really don't these other people who really don't accept this version of you. They believe accept this version of you. They believe accept this version of you. They believe in you so greatly, so much that they in you so greatly, so much that they in you so greatly, so much that they don't accept this version of you. They don't accept this version of you. They don't accept this version of you. They don't accept this performance from you. don't accept this performance from you. don't accept this performance from you. They don't accept this level of They don't accept this level of They don't accept this level of happiness, abundance, joy, performance happiness, abundance, joy, performance happiness, abundance, joy, performance from you because they know how much more from you because they know how much more from you because they know how much more you're capable of. Who do you have like you're capable of. Who do you have like you're capable of. Who do you have like that in your life? And the reason that that in your life? And the reason that that in your life? And the reason that that matters so deeply for us is because that matters so deeply for us is because that matters so deeply for us is because and I want you to write this down, we and I want you to write this down, we and I want you to write this down, we get our standards in life. We don't get our standards in life. We don't get our standards in life. We don't always get our goals. We don't always always get our goals. We don't always always get our goals. We don't always even get what we focus on. We end up even get what we focus on. We end up even get what we focus on. We end up ultimately getting what our standards ultimately getting what our standards ultimately getting what our standards are. Standards dictate everything in are. Standards dictate everything in are. Standards dictate everything in life and the people around us help life and the people around us help life and the people around us help create that standard. For example, I was create that standard. For example, I was create that standard. For example, I was at a birthday party last night and at a birthday party last night and at a birthday party last night and the people sitting around me were all the people sitting around me were all the people sitting around me were all very fit people very fit people very fit people and dessert came. It was birthday cake and dessert came. It was birthday cake and dessert came. It was birthday cake time. time. time. And I probably normally would have And I probably normally would have And I probably normally would have probably had that piece of cake, but the probably had that piece of cake, but the probably had that piece of cake, but the first three people that were asked have first three people that were asked have first three people that were asked have this standard for how they eat in their this standard for how they eat in their this standard for how they eat in their life and when their cheat days are, life and when their cheat days are, life and when their cheat days are, their cheat meals are and all three their cheat meals are and all three their cheat meals are and all three people passed on it and immediately, people passed on it and immediately, people passed on it and immediately, almost through peer pressure, I went, almost through peer pressure, I went, almost through peer pressure, I went, "No, I'll pass, too." And then my buddy "No, I'll pass, too." And then my buddy "No, I'll pass, too." And then my buddy goes, "Dude, it's okay. Have a piece." I goes, "Dude, it's okay. Have a piece." I goes, "Dude, it's okay. Have a piece." I said, "No, no, no, man, it's good." That said, "No, no, no, man, it's good." That said, "No, no, no, man, it's good." That standard alters us in every little area. standard alters us in every little area. standard alters us in every little area. Now, that's an obvious example, but Now, that's an obvious example, but Now, that's an obvious example, but we're going to get our standards, our we're going to get our standards, our we're going to get our standards, our standards of wealth, our standards of standards of wealth, our standards of standards of wealth, our standards of faith, our standards of abundance and faith, our standards of abundance and faith, our standards of abundance and the people in our proximity help set the the people in our proximity help set the the people in our proximity help set the standard based on what theirs are in standard based on what theirs are in standard based on what theirs are in their life. So, the people around you, their life. So, the people around you, their life. So, the people around you, evaluate next, what are the standards evaluate next, what are the standards evaluate next, what are the standards they help you set in your life? The they help you set in your life? The they help you set in your life? The other thing we win with is energy. other thing we win with is energy. other thing we win with is energy. And so, ask yourself this, is this And so, ask yourself this, is this And so, ask yourself this, is this person in my life an energy giver or an person in my life an energy giver or an person in my life an energy giver or an energy drainer? This is massive. energy drainer? This is massive. energy drainer? This is massive. So, when you're talking to them, do they So, when you're talking to them, do they So, when you're talking to them, do they feed you energy? You know, there's that feed you energy? You know, there's that feed you energy? You know, there's that one number where it shows up on your one number where it shows up on your one number where it shows up on your phone and you're like, "Oh." phone and you're like, "Oh." phone and you're like, "Oh." Uh, right? You know that conversation, Uh, right? You know that conversation, Uh, right? You know that conversation, that text is going to be an energy that text is going to be an energy that text is going to be an energy drain. drain. drain. This person's proximity to your life is This person's proximity to your life is This person's proximity to your life is stealing some things from you. I'm not stealing some things from you. I'm not stealing some things from you. I'm not saying you shouldn't have people in your saying you shouldn't have people in your saying you shouldn't have people in your life who you're supporting and you're life who you're supporting and you're life who you're supporting and you're helping because we're going to talk helping because we're going to talk helping because we're going to talk about that next. about that next. about that next. But if the vast majority of people But if the vast majority of people But if the vast majority of people around you are energy neutral or energy around you are energy neutral or energy around you are energy neutral or energy drainers, what do you think that's doing drainers, what do you think that's doing drainers, what do you think that's doing to your environment that you're to your environment that you're to your environment that you're supporting yourself with? Okay? Or, on supporting yourself with? Okay? Or, on supporting yourself with? Okay? Or, on the contrary, is this someone who gives the contrary, is this someone who gives the contrary, is this someone who gives you energy, feeds your energy, feeds you energy, feeds your energy, feeds you energy, feeds your energy, feeds your belief, makes you stronger, gives your belief, makes you stronger, gives your belief, makes you stronger, gives you that juice in your life? Because all you that juice in your life? Because all you that juice in your life? Because all of these things, these people around us, of these things, these people around us, of these things, these people around us, all these evaluations, they're creating all these evaluations, they're creating all these evaluations, they're creating our environment so that it'll support our environment so that it'll support our environment so that it'll support our thinking, it'll support the changes our thinking, it'll support the changes our thinking, it'll support the changes we're making, it'll support our goals. we're making, it'll support our goals. we're making, it'll support our goals. This is supported by scripture as well. This is supported by scripture as well. This is supported by scripture as well. Proverbs 27:17, "As iron sharpens iron, Proverbs 27:17, "As iron sharpens iron, Proverbs 27:17, "As iron sharpens iron, so does one person sharpen another." And so does one person sharpen another." And so does one person sharpen another." And so, one of the obvious questions about so, one of the obvious questions about so, one of the obvious questions about this is, if someone is lower energy for this is, if someone is lower energy for this is, if someone is lower energy for me or is a past reference person or a me or is a past reference person or a me or is a past reference person or a trigger that doesn't support me or they trigger that doesn't support me or they trigger that doesn't support me or they don't believe in me or they only accept don't believe in me or they only accept don't believe in me or they only accept me as I am. If you have some of these me as I am. If you have some of these me as I am. If you have some of these issues, what do you do with them? I'll issues, what do you do with them? I'll issues, what do you do with them? I'll give you three things. I don't need you give you three things. I don't need you give you three things. I don't need you to eliminate people from your lives. to eliminate people from your lives. to eliminate people from your lives. It's not that hardcore a thing, because It's not that hardcore a thing, because It's not that hardcore a thing, because this is more about adding the right this is more about adding the right this is more about adding the right people that it is eliminating people, people that it is eliminating people, people that it is eliminating people, but it is reducing their proximity. And but it is reducing their proximity. And but it is reducing their proximity. And so, I think with people in your life so, I think with people in your life so, I think with people in your life that aren't supporting you the way you that aren't supporting you the way you that aren't supporting you the way you want to, I number one, I would recommend want to, I number one, I would recommend want to, I number one, I would recommend you be kind to them. Be kind in your you be kind to them. Be kind in your you be kind to them. Be kind in your conversations with them. You don't have conversations with them. You don't have conversations with them. You don't have to become mean to them or adversarial to to become mean to them or adversarial to to become mean to them or adversarial to them. And I don't even think you need to them. And I don't even think you need to them. And I don't even think you need to let them know this. Number two, I think let them know this. Number two, I think let them know this. Number two, I think you need to be cordial. But I will tell you need to be cordial. But I will tell you need to be cordial. But I will tell you that you begin to become three, you that you begin to become three, you that you begin to become three, which is concise. Your dialogue with which is concise. Your dialogue with which is concise. Your dialogue with them begins to be concise. Their them begins to be concise. Their them begins to be concise. Their proximity to you begins to shrink. And proximity to you begins to shrink. And proximity to you begins to shrink. And these are things people say, "Gosh, these are things people say, "Gosh, these are things people say, "Gosh, that's so difficult." Well, do you want that's so difficult." Well, do you want that's so difficult." Well, do you want to be happier? to be happier? to be happier? Do you want to win? I mean, you've Do you want to win? I mean, you've Do you want to win? I mean, you've already tried the other things, right? already tried the other things, right? already tried the other things, right? You've already started to write goals You've already started to write goals You've already started to write goals down. You're already working on down. You're already working on down. You're already working on yourself. You've already got some habits yourself. You've already got some habits yourself. You've already got some habits that you're working on. that you're working on. that you're working on. Maybe this is the area. Perhaps this is Maybe this is the area. Perhaps this is Maybe this is the area. Perhaps this is the area. Those of you that have the area. Those of you that have the area. Those of you that have children, this is an audio or video they children, this is an audio or video they children, this is an audio or video they should be watching or listening to. should be watching or listening to. should be watching or listening to. Their school teachers influence them. Their school teachers influence them. Their school teachers influence them. That's their mentors. That's like what That's their mentors. That's like what That's their mentors. That's like what we're doing right now, right? But who we're doing right now, right? But who we're doing right now, right? But who really has influence over your children? really has influence over your children? really has influence over your children? Who really sculpts who they are? It's Who really sculpts who they are? It's Who really sculpts who they are? It's their friends and it's their closest their friends and it's their closest their friends and it's their closest friends. That's why parents guard those friends. That's why parents guard those friends. That's why parents guard those associations so vigilantly, the good associations so vigilantly, the good associations so vigilantly, the good parents do, because they know the parents do, because they know the parents do, because they know the proximity of these kids around their proximity of these kids around their proximity of these kids around their children are going to influence children are going to influence children are going to influence ultimately who they become. Our lives ultimately who they become. Our lives ultimately who they become. Our lives begin to have a a pace of that's begin to have a a pace of that's begin to have a a pace of that's different than when we're young, but the different than when we're young, but the different than when we're young, but the same exact thing is true for us. These same exact thing is true for us. These same exact thing is true for us. These people closest to us dictate who we people closest to us dictate who we people closest to us dictate who we become. It's not our mentors like our become. It's not our mentors like our become. It's not our mentors like our school teachers. They have some school teachers. They have some school teachers. They have some influence. influence. influence. I have influence, hopefully with you, I have influence, hopefully with you, I have influence, hopefully with you, but not the same as the people that but not the same as the people that but not the same as the people that you're texting with when you're done you're texting with when you're done you're texting with when you're done listening to this. Not the same as who listening to this. Not the same as who listening to this. Not the same as who you're having dinner with tonight. Not you're having dinner with tonight. Not you're having dinner with tonight. Not the same as who you have lunch, who the same as who you have lunch, who the same as who you have lunch, who you're around at work, who you're around you're around at work, who you're around you're around at work, who you're around in the evening, who you socialize with, in the evening, who you socialize with, in the evening, who you socialize with, right? They have the greatest form of right? They have the greatest form of right? They have the greatest form of influence over you, cuz in your life, influence over you, cuz in your life, influence over you, cuz in your life, you're trying to build this library of you're trying to build this library of you're trying to build this library of memories, aren't you? And in your mind memories, aren't you? And in your mind memories, aren't you? And in your mind right now, these memories are going to right now, these memories are going to right now, these memories are going to be different. They're different places, be different. They're different places, be different. They're different places, different experiences, different things, different experiences, different things, different experiences, different things, right? Different moments, different right? Different moments, different right? Different moments, different achievements, different breakthroughs, achievements, different breakthroughs, achievements, different breakthroughs, different feelings. different feelings. different feelings. With the same people? With the same people? With the same people? With the same people. With the same people. With the same people. With the same people you were likely to With the same people you were likely to With the same people you were likely to build the same types of memories over build the same types of memories over build the same types of memories over and over again. So, if you love your and over again. So, if you love your and over again. So, if you love your life right now, if everything in your life right now, if everything in your life right now, if everything in your life is rich, and you don't want it to life is rich, and you don't want it to life is rich, and you don't want it to change, and you don't want it to grow, change, and you don't want it to grow, change, and you don't want it to grow, and you'd like to keep repeating these and you'd like to keep repeating these and you'd like to keep repeating these memories you're getting now, well, then memories you're getting now, well, then memories you're getting now, well, then by all means keep these people very by all means keep these people very by all means keep these people very close to you. And add people as you go. close to you. And add people as you go. close to you. And add people as you go. But if there's this part of this I want But if there's this part of this I want But if there's this part of this I want to change the memories. I don't want the to change the memories. I don't want the to change the memories. I don't want the next 10 years of my life, the feelings, next 10 years of my life, the feelings, next 10 years of my life, the feelings, the experiences, the accomplishments, the experiences, the accomplishments, the experiences, the accomplishments, the places I see, moments I have. So, the places I see, moments I have. So, the places I see, moments I have. So, all I'm asking you to do today is do an all I'm asking you to do today is do an all I'm asking you to do today is do an audit on your environment. I want you to audit on your environment. I want you to audit on your environment. I want you to audit the people around you in your audit the people around you in your audit the people around you in your environment, and the things around you environment, and the things around you environment, and the things around you in your environment. What do you have in your environment. What do you have in your environment. What do you have around you in your environment? Are your around you in your environment? Are your around you in your environment? Are your goals up on a board? Do you have goals up on a board? Do you have goals up on a board? Do you have visualizations? Are you reading things visualizations? Are you reading things visualizations? Are you reading things that you can see visually in your life? that you can see visually in your life? that you can see visually in your life? Are you listening to the right things? Are you listening to the right things? Are you listening to the right things? These are all part of your environment, These are all part of your environment, These are all part of your environment, but the most important thing are the but the most important thing are the but the most important thing are the people that are inside that environment people that are inside that environment people that are inside that environment that are around you. And so, that's how that are around you. And so, that's how that are around you. And so, that's how you eliminate. Now, adding people to you eliminate. Now, adding people to you eliminate. Now, adding people to your life, the best way to do that is to your life, the best way to do that is to your life, the best way to do that is to seek out, go to places where they are. seek out, go to places where they are. seek out, go to places where they are. So, I mean, where do they have lunch? So, I mean, where do they have lunch? So, I mean, where do they have lunch? Where do they have coffee? Where do they have coffee? Where do they have coffee? Where do they work out? Where do they Where do they work out? Where do they Where do they work out? Where do they worship? Go to the places where these worship? Go to the places where these worship? Go to the places where these people that you think could help you to people that you think could help you to people that you think could help you to become good friends and just become a become good friends and just become a become good friends and just become a part of that environment. And the more part of that environment. And the more part of that environment. And the more you're in the environment, you'll end up you're in the environment, you'll end up you're in the environment, you'll end up meeting people. It's a strategy. It's meeting people. It's a strategy. It's meeting people. It's a strategy. It's work to add people to your life. I could work to add people to your life. I could work to add people to your life. I could tell you that I work very hard at this. tell you that I work very hard at this. tell you that I work very hard at this. I also believe in the law of I also believe in the law of I also believe in the law of reciprocity. You don't just ask somebody reciprocity. You don't just ask somebody reciprocity. You don't just ask somebody to be your friend. You find a way that to be your friend. You find a way that to be your friend. You find a way that you can contribute. You want to become a you can contribute. You want to become a you can contribute. You want to become a friend of mine, say, "How can I help friend of mine, say, "How can I help friend of mine, say, "How can I help you? How can I serve you?" Just offer you? How can I serve you?" Just offer you? How can I serve you?" Just offer whatever you have. You say, "Well, I whatever you have. You say, "Well, I whatever you have. You say, "Well, I don't have anything to offer people." don't have anything to offer people." don't have anything to offer people." You'd be surprised. Could you offer me You'd be surprised. Could you offer me You'd be surprised. Could you offer me your belief in me? your belief in me? your belief in me? Could you offer me your truth? Could you Could you offer me your truth? Could you Could you offer me your truth? Could you offer me your prayers? offer me your prayers? offer me your prayers? Could you offer me your support? These Could you offer me your support? These Could you offer me your support? These are real gifts you give people. Not all are real gifts you give people. Not all are real gifts you give people. Not all of them need to be knowledge and of them need to be knowledge and of them need to be knowledge and breakthroughs and an example and a track breakthroughs and an example and a track breakthroughs and an example and a track record. You'd be surprised. Someone like record. You'd be surprised. Someone like record. You'd be surprised. Someone like myself, what just your belief means to myself, what just your belief means to myself, what just your belief means to me, your support means to me. And I'm me, your support means to me. And I'm me, your support means to me. And I'm the type of person the people you want the type of person the people you want the type of person the people you want in your life. When I feel like you've in your life. When I feel like you've in your life. When I feel like you've given me something, I feel obligated, given me something, I feel obligated, given me something, I feel obligated, obligated to pay you back even more. And obligated to pay you back even more. And obligated to pay you back even more. And so, the way you add people to your life so, the way you add people to your life so, the way you add people to your life is with the law of reciprocity. Put is with the law of reciprocity. Put is with the law of reciprocity. Put yourself in environments where they are yourself in environments where they are yourself in environments where they are and begin to offer your belief, your and begin to offer your belief, your and begin to offer your belief, your kindness, your support, your love. Maybe kindness, your support, your love. Maybe kindness, your support, your love. Maybe it is your collaborations. Maybe it is it is your collaborations. Maybe it is it is your collaborations. Maybe it is your connections. Maybe it is a talent your connections. Maybe it is a talent your connections. Maybe it is a talent or skill you have, but it doesn't have or skill you have, but it doesn't have or skill you have, but it doesn't have to be those things. When I was a young to be those things. When I was a young to be those things. When I was a young person, I ended up adding people to my person, I ended up adding people to my person, I ended up adding people to my life that were much more successful than life that were much more successful than life that were much more successful than me, much more well-known than me. But me, much more well-known than me. But me, much more well-known than me. But you know what? As I got to know them, I you know what? As I got to know them, I you know what? As I got to know them, I think they sensed, "This person truly think they sensed, "This person truly think they sensed, "This person truly believes in me. They truly care about believes in me. They truly care about believes in me. They truly care about me. This is a real friend." You have me. This is a real friend." You have me. This is a real friend." You have those people in your life as well, where those people in your life as well, where those people in your life as well, where they don't necessarily have the the the they don't necessarily have the the the they don't necessarily have the the the all the experience to support you, but all the experience to support you, but all the experience to support you, but they really believe in you. They really they really believe in you. They really they really believe in you. They really love you. And then the last thing I want love you. And then the last thing I want love you. And then the last thing I want to ask you today is, because for you to to ask you today is, because for you to to ask you today is, because for you to add these people to your life, what I add these people to your life, what I add these people to your life, what I just said is the most important thing. just said is the most important thing. just said is the most important thing. How do you show up in people's lives? How do you show up in people's lives? How do you show up in people's lives? How do you show up in people's lives? How do you show up in people's lives? How do you show up in people's lives? Right now, are you that person that's an Right now, are you that person that's an Right now, are you that person that's an energy giver or drainer? Are you a energy giver or drainer? Are you a energy giver or drainer? Are you a future frame of reference or the past? future frame of reference or the past? future frame of reference or the past? Do you help your friends set high Do you help your friends set high Do you help your friends set high standards or the acceptable standards standards or the acceptable standards standards or the acceptable standards they already have? Right? Are you they already have? Right? Are you they already have? Right? Are you someone who deeply believes in people someone who deeply believes in people someone who deeply believes in people and they know it? and they know it? and they know it? Or are you just kind of accept them as Or are you just kind of accept them as Or are you just kind of accept them as they are? These are the things you begin they are? These are the things you begin they are? These are the things you begin to ask yourself, how are you showing up to ask yourself, how are you showing up to ask yourself, how are you showing up in other people's lives because that'll in other people's lives because that'll in other people's lives because that'll have an awful lot to do with who shows have an awful lot to do with who shows have an awful lot to do with who shows up in your life. How do you show up in up in your life. How do you show up in up in your life. How do you show up in other people's lives? And if you begin other people's lives? And if you begin other people's lives? And if you begin to evaluate these things, your to evaluate these things, your to evaluate these things, your environment slowly but surely will begin environment slowly but surely will begin environment slowly but surely will begin to support your mental game will be to support your mental game will be to support your mental game will be supported by your environmental game. supported by your environmental game. supported by your environmental game. And why is that so important? Because I And why is that so important? Because I And why is that so important? Because I want to remind you about something. You want to remind you about something. You want to remind you about something. You were born to do something great with were born to do something great with were born to do something great with your life. You were put here to do your life. You were put here to do your life. You were put here to do something special. All your life, when something special. All your life, when something special. All your life, when you were a little boy or a little girl, you were a little boy or a little girl, you were a little boy or a little girl, there was some point in your life where there was some point in your life where there was some point in your life where you knew you were supposed to do you knew you were supposed to do you knew you were supposed to do something great, that you were put here something great, that you were put here something great, that you were put here for a reason, that you've got a calling, for a reason, that you've got a calling, for a reason, that you've got a calling, that you've got a home in your life that you've got a home in your life that you've got a home in your life you're eventually going to find where you're eventually going to find where you're eventually going to find where you're living the real, true, authentic you're living the real, true, authentic you're living the real, true, authentic version of you, your best version. You version of you, your best version. You version of you, your best version. You know you're supposed to do something know you're supposed to do something know you're supposed to do something great with your life. And right now, if great with your life. And right now, if great with your life. And right now, if you're listening to this or you're you're listening to this or you're you're listening to this or you're watching this, maybe you're not quite watching this, maybe you're not quite watching this, maybe you're not quite there yet. And maybe it's your thinking, there yet. And maybe it's your thinking, there yet. And maybe it's your thinking, maybe it's some tactics and strategies maybe it's some tactics and strategies maybe it's some tactics and strategies and habits, which I cover all the time and habits, which I cover all the time and habits, which I cover all the time on this show. Maybe it's all the mental on this show. Maybe it's all the mental on this show. Maybe it's all the mental stuff, but more than likely it's the stuff, but more than likely it's the stuff, but more than likely it's the environmental stuff. It's the standards. environmental stuff. It's the standards. environmental stuff. It's the standards. It's the people around you that believe It's the people around you that believe It's the people around you that believe in you. It's not just having people that in you. It's not just having people that in you. It's not just having people that accept you cuz you want to do something accept you cuz you want to do something accept you cuz you want to do something so great with your life. I have this so great with your life. I have this so great with your life. I have this theory that many of you have heard that theory that many of you have heard that theory that many of you have heard that when I die someday, when I die someday, when I die someday, I believe I want the Lord to say, "Well I believe I want the Lord to say, "Well I believe I want the Lord to say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." But I done, good and faithful servant." But I done, good and faithful servant." But I have this hallucination, as many of you have this hallucination, as many of you have this hallucination, as many of you know, that when I die, the Lord's going know, that when I die, the Lord's going know, that when I die, the Lord's going to do that and he's going to turn around to do that and he's going to turn around to do that and he's going to turn around and say, "Eddie, I want you to meet the and say, "Eddie, I want you to meet the and say, "Eddie, I want you to meet the man I made you to be. When I made you in man I made you to be. When I made you in man I made you to be. When I made you in my image and likeness, this is the my image and likeness, this is the my image and likeness, this is the destiny version of you. This is the man destiny version of you. This is the man destiny version of you. This is the man you were born to be." And that guy's you were born to be." And that guy's you were born to be." And that guy's going to be standing there, and I want going to be standing there, and I want going to be standing there, and I want to meet him and go, "I've been chasing to meet him and go, "I've been chasing to meet him and go, "I've been chasing you all my life, man." And he's going to you all my life, man." And he's going to you all my life, man." And he's going to say, "Boy, you caught me. You did it. say, "Boy, you caught me. You did it. say, "Boy, you caught me. You did it. I'm proud of you. You had all the I'm proud of you. You had all the I'm proud of you. You had all the memories, all the moments, all the memories, all the moments, all the memories, all the moments, all the contribution, all the feelings, all the contribution, all the feelings, all the contribution, all the feelings, all the difference, all of it in your life. You difference, all of it in your life. You difference, all of it in your life. You made it all happen. You became the man made it all happen. You became the man made it all happen. You became the man you were born to be. We're identical you were born to be. We're identical you were born to be. We're identical twins. To me, that's heaven when I pass twins. To me, that's heaven when I pass twins. To me, that's heaven when I pass away. Heaven is I meet the man I was away. Heaven is I meet the man I was away. Heaven is I meet the man I was born to be and we're identical twins. born to be and we're identical twins. born to be and we're identical twins. Hell would be that you'd meet that Hell would be that you'd meet that Hell would be that you'd meet that person and you're total strangers. person and you're total strangers. person and you're total strangers. You're total strangers. That woman You're total strangers. That woman You're total strangers. That woman someday when you die and you meet the someday when you die and you meet the someday when you die and you meet the woman you could have been and you're woman you could have been and you're woman you could have been and you're total strangers. You went down different total strangers. You went down different total strangers. You went down different paths, different roads, different paths, different roads, different paths, different roads, different decisions your entire life and you never decisions your entire life and you never decisions your entire life and you never become that woman. You never become that become that woman. You never become that become that woman. You never become that man. To me that's hell. So, if it's that man. To me that's hell. So, if it's that man. To me that's hell. So, if it's that important to you that you've always important to you that you've always important to you that you've always known and maybe it got buried as you got known and maybe it got buried as you got known and maybe it got buried as you got older. Maybe life sort of kicked us older. Maybe life sort of kicked us older. Maybe life sort of kicked us around a little bit to where not around a little bit to where not around a little bit to where not everyone in our life believed it and everyone in our life believed it and everyone in our life believed it and then maybe our parents, our friends, our then maybe our parents, our friends, our then maybe our parents, our friends, our school teachers, just life started to school teachers, just life started to school teachers, just life started to happen and we forget who we are. We happen and we forget who we are. We happen and we forget who we are. We forget who we are and you know why you forget who we are and you know why you forget who we are and you know why you forget who you are? Because of the forget who you are? Because of the forget who you are? Because of the people that have been in your damn life. people that have been in your damn life. people that have been in your damn life. Because they haven't supported that Because they haven't supported that Because they haven't supported that great version of you. When you were great version of you. When you were great version of you. When you were really little you knew it. You felt it really little you knew it. You felt it really little you knew it. You felt it because you were closer to God at that because you were closer to God at that because you were closer to God at that time and the more and more people were time and the more and more people were time and the more and more people were added to your life, they began to treat added to your life, they began to treat added to your life, they began to treat you in such a way you in such a way you in such a way that they didn't expect those things of that they didn't expect those things of that they didn't expect those things of you and maybe you started to accept you and maybe you started to accept you and maybe you started to accept that. So, if it's people that created that. So, if it's people that created that. So, if it's people that created these limiting beliefs, created this these limiting beliefs, created this these limiting beliefs, created this anxiety, created this fear, created this anxiety, created this fear, created this anxiety, created this fear, created this thing about us where we forget our thing about us where we forget our thing about us where we forget our greatness. If it's people who did this greatness. If it's people who did this greatness. If it's people who did this to us, it's people who are going to help to us, it's people who are going to help to us, it's people who are going to help us get out of it. If it's the us get out of it. If it's the us get out of it. If it's the environment that stole this joy, stole environment that stole this joy, stole environment that stole this joy, stole this belief, stole this confidence from this belief, stole this confidence from this belief, stole this confidence from us, stole this sense of purpose from us us, stole this sense of purpose from us us, stole this sense of purpose from us and passion, it's the environment and passion, it's the environment and passion, it's the environment that'll give it back to us again. And we that'll give it back to us again. And we that'll give it back to us again. And we put the people in our lives that we put the people in our lives that we put the people in our lives that we deserve to have, not just that have deserve to have, not just that have deserve to have, not just that have always been there. What is it about most always been there. What is it about most always been there. What is it about most of us that makes us think we're not of us that makes us think we're not of us that makes us think we're not worthy of being successful? Cuz it ties worthy of being successful? Cuz it ties worthy of being successful? Cuz it ties into this, right? I mean, if we can into this, right? I mean, if we can into this, right? I mean, if we can unpack that, I'm going to go do this. If unpack that, I'm going to go do this. If unpack that, I'm going to go do this. If I don't unpack that, maybe I don't. I don't unpack that, maybe I don't. I don't unpack that, maybe I don't. I I've been struck all my life by people I I've been struck all my life by people I I've been struck all my life by people that just that just that just Like I I In my case, I'm critical of Like I I In my case, I'm critical of Like I I In my case, I'm critical of myself, I'm hard on myself, but I've myself, I'm hard on myself, but I've myself, I'm hard on myself, but I've never had this belief like I don't never had this belief like I don't never had this belief like I don't deserve to win. I I mean, I thought I deserve to win. I I mean, I thought I deserve to win. I I mean, I thought I could. Right. I don't know how I'm going could. Right. I don't know how I'm going could. Right. I don't know how I'm going to, but I've not had it so all the way to, but I've not had it so all the way to, but I've not had it so all the way back there. I'm like, I just don't back there. I'm like, I just don't back there. I'm like, I just don't deserve to win. I deserve to win. I deserve to win. I I I or someone like me can't win. I've I I or someone like me can't win. I've I I or someone like me can't win. I've not ever had that. I've had all the not ever had that. I've had all the not ever had that. I've had all the other stuff. But what is it Wow, that's other stuff. But what is it Wow, that's other stuff. But what is it Wow, that's a that's such a good As you say that, a that's such a good As you say that, a that's such a good As you say that, I've never felt that either. I always I've never felt that either. I always I've never felt that either. I always felt the cards might be stacked against felt the cards might be stacked against felt the cards might be stacked against me. This one's going to be rough. Not me. This one's going to be rough. Not me. This one's going to be rough. Not sure I can get through it. sure I can get through it. sure I can get through it. >> Me too. I've I've had sleepless nights, >> Me too. I've I've had sleepless nights, >> Me too. I've I've had sleepless nights, a lot of them. I've gone I've gone 6 a lot of them. I've gone I've gone 6 a lot of them. I've gone I've gone 6 months with sleeping 2 3 hours a night months with sleeping 2 3 hours a night months with sleeping 2 3 hours a night cuz I was stressed and then you know, my cuz I was stressed and then you know, my cuz I was stressed and then you know, my wake up and my brain's thinking thinking wake up and my brain's thinking thinking wake up and my brain's thinking thinking thinking. I like to share that with thinking. I like to share that with thinking. I like to share that with people cuz I think when they see people cuz I think when they see people cuz I think when they see success, they think man, that was just success, they think man, that was just success, they think man, that was just probably a harmonious ride for you, probably a harmonious ride for you, probably a harmonious ride for you, right? I went through a divorce in the right? I went through a divorce in the right? I went through a divorce in the middle of it. Like I've been through a middle of it. Like I've been through a middle of it. Like I've been through a lot of the things on the opposite side, lot of the things on the opposite side, lot of the things on the opposite side, right? right? right? >> But you've also worked with millions of >> But you've also worked with millions of >> But you've also worked with millions of people and you know that a lot of them people and you know that a lot of them people and you know that a lot of them suffer from this. suffer from this. suffer from this. >> do, but you just said that I've never >> do, but you just said that I've never >> do, but you just said that I've never felt that I didn't deserve it. felt that I didn't deserve it. felt that I didn't deserve it. >> Mhm. And and I would say it's I think >> Mhm. And and I would say it's I think >> Mhm. And and I would say it's I think it's society. And especially we live in it's society. And especially we live in it's society. And especially we live in a society right now where a society right now where a society right now where you when you're successful, there's a you when you're successful, there's a you when you're successful, there's a lot of people that look at it as a lot of people that look at it as a lot of people that look at it as a negative, right? So we almost have this negative, right? So we almost have this negative, right? So we almost have this negative association to sales. We have a negative association to sales. We have a negative association to sales. We have a negative association to success. Mhm. negative association to success. Mhm. negative association to success. Mhm. But I always Here's the last thing I'll But I always Here's the last thing I'll But I always Here's the last thing I'll say about it. I always I said this one say about it. I always I said this one say about it. I always I said this one time on stage randomly and the the time on stage randomly and the the time on stage randomly and the the audience went nuts, but I just said audience went nuts, but I just said audience went nuts, but I just said when it comes to money and success, when it comes to money and success, when it comes to money and success, it's like you're at a therapist. Money's it's like you're at a therapist. Money's it's like you're at a therapist. Money's on one chair, you're on the other. on one chair, you're on the other. on one chair, you're on the other. Therapist is in the middle and you go, I Therapist is in the middle and you go, I Therapist is in the middle and you go, I I hate that money. If I get that money, I hate that money. If I get that money, I hate that money. If I get that money, I I might change. I might be a horrible I I might change. I might be a horrible I I might change. I might be a horrible person. And then in the other part, person. And then in the other part, person. And then in the other part, you're like, but I need that money so I you're like, but I need that money so I you're like, but I need that money so I can have freedom and take care of my can have freedom and take care of my can have freedom and take care of my family and I need control and I don't family and I need control and I don't family and I need control and I don't want to work in this horrible job want to work in this horrible job want to work in this horrible job anymore. Could you imagine a therapist anymore. Could you imagine a therapist anymore. Could you imagine a therapist saying, well, we got to get this saying, well, we got to get this saying, well, we got to get this straight. Do you hate money in that straight. Do you hate money in that straight. Do you hate money in that chair or do you love money? I'm I'm chair or do you love money? I'm I'm chair or do you love money? I'm I'm really unsure and I think that's the really unsure and I think that's the really unsure and I think that's the conflict. I think the conflict is we conflict. I think the conflict is we conflict. I think the conflict is we think think think I think money and alcohol just expose I think money and alcohol just expose I think money and alcohol just expose and compound who you are. You're a jerk and compound who you are. You're a jerk and compound who you are. You're a jerk sober, you're a real jerk drunk, right? sober, you're a real jerk drunk, right? sober, you're a real jerk drunk, right? You're violent sober, you're very You're violent sober, you're very You're violent sober, you're very violent, right? Same with same with violent, right? Same with same with violent, right? Same with same with money. And I think money. And I think money. And I think I think if you're listening to Ed I think if you're listening to Ed I think if you're listening to Ed Mylett, you have to realize that money Mylett, you have to realize that money Mylett, you have to realize that money [clears throat] is a byproduct of [clears throat] is a byproduct of [clears throat] is a byproduct of service and what money can do service and what money can do service and what money can do is Listen, when people say to me money is Listen, when people say to me money is Listen, when people say to me money doesn't buy happiness, I say you haven't doesn't buy happiness, I say you haven't doesn't buy happiness, I say you haven't given enough away. given enough away. given enough away. So true. When I was on your stage, I was So true. When I was on your stage, I was So true. When I was on your stage, I was compelled. I was compelled by you. I I compelled. I was compelled by you. I I compelled. I was compelled by you. I I watched your emotions behind camera when watched your emotions behind camera when watched your emotions behind camera when you were talking about the families in you were talking about the families in you were talking about the families in Texas. I was compelled. Do you know how Texas. I was compelled. Do you know how Texas. I was compelled. Do you know how great you're thanking me? What Like great you're thanking me? What Like great you're thanking me? What Like you're thanking me for something that you're thanking me for something that you're thanking me for something that filled my heart. You know how great You filled my heart. You know how great You filled my heart. You know how great You know what $50,000 was to me at 18? I know what $50,000 was to me at 18? I know what $50,000 was to me at 18? I thought if I could make that a year, I'd thought if I could make that a year, I'd thought if I could make that a year, I'd be the richest man alive. And to be able be the richest man alive. And to be able be the richest man alive. And to be able to sit on stage and say, "Hey, to sit on stage and say, "Hey, to sit on stage and say, "Hey, Ed, let's Let me give you another 50 Ed, let's Let me give you another 50 Ed, let's Let me give you another 50 grand." But at the same time, I built grand." But at the same time, I built grand." But at the same time, I built two schools in Africa. I fed 7 million two schools in Africa. I fed 7 million two schools in Africa. I fed 7 million people, right? people, right? people, right? I've I donated $600,000 last year to I've I donated $600,000 last year to I've I donated $600,000 last year to Operation Underground Railroad. Mhm. How Operation Underground Railroad. Mhm. How Operation Underground Railroad. Mhm. How blessed are we that we get to do those blessed are we that we get to do those blessed are we that we get to do those things, right? So, I don't know You things, right? So, I don't know You things, right? So, I don't know You know, earlier I said, you know, Tony, I know, earlier I said, you know, Tony, I know, earlier I said, you know, Tony, I like when he says get leverage. I said, like when he says get leverage. I said, like when he says get leverage. I said, "Get in the right mindset." If If you "Get in the right mindset." If If you "Get in the right mindset." If If you feel feel feel that being successful that you don't that being successful that you don't that being successful that you don't deserve it or that money is bad, I'm deserve it or that money is bad, I'm deserve it or that money is bad, I'm going to tell you to dig into that. Find going to tell you to dig into that. Find going to tell you to dig into that. Find out where that is. Ask yourself One of out where that is. Ask yourself One of out where that is. Ask yourself One of the simplest ways I always do is ask the simplest ways I always do is ask the simplest ways I always do is ask yourself why seven times. Why Why do I yourself why seven times. Why Why do I yourself why seven times. Why Why do I think I don't deserve it? Uh I'm not think I don't deserve it? Uh I'm not think I don't deserve it? Uh I'm not that smart. Well, why do I think not that smart. Well, why do I think not that smart. Well, why do I think not being smart has anything to do with being smart has anything to do with being smart has anything to do with being successful? being successful? being successful? And just keep asking why over and over And just keep asking why over and over And just keep asking why over and over again, and you'll get to a point where again, and you'll get to a point where again, and you'll get to a point where you'll start getting emotional and be you'll start getting emotional and be you'll start getting emotional and be like, "Everything I just shared is like, "Everything I just shared is like, "Everything I just shared is Really, really good cuz it's a story we Really, really good cuz it's a story we Really, really good cuz it's a story we You're the best at talking about the You're the best at talking about the You're the best at talking about the story we tell ourselves. Let's stay on story we tell ourselves. Let's stay on story we tell ourselves. Let's stay on this just for a second because I feel this just for a second because I feel this just for a second because I feel like all of this is tied together in like all of this is tied together in like all of this is tied together in order to participate in the challenge. order to participate in the challenge. order to participate in the challenge. And also, every week I want people on And also, every week I want people on And also, every week I want people on here to change their life every single here to change their life every single here to change their life every single week. It's why I do the show. You know, week. It's why I do the show. You know, week. It's why I do the show. You know, like I said, there's only been two like I said, there's only been two like I said, there's only been two humans come back here three times, you humans come back here three times, you humans come back here three times, you and Dr. Joe Dispenza. and Dr. Joe Dispenza. and Dr. Joe Dispenza. And because I just [snorts] think that And because I just [snorts] think that And because I just [snorts] think that you you work on this story thing so well you you work on this story thing so well you you work on this story thing so well with people. So, I have this new show, with people. So, I have this new show, with people. So, I have this new show, as you know, coming out. I can't say a as you know, coming out. I can't say a as you know, coming out. I can't say a lot about it, but it's I It's a show lot about it, but it's I It's a show lot about it, but it's I It's a show It's a show where I intervene in It's a show where I intervene in It's a show where I intervene in people's lives. It'll be out the end of people's lives. It'll be out the end of people's lives. It'll be out the end of August, beginning of September. August, beginning of September. August, beginning of September. And one of the ladies on the show had And one of the ladies on the show had And one of the ladies on the show had gained a bunch of weight, like 180 lb. gained a bunch of weight, like 180 lb. gained a bunch of weight, like 180 lb. And uh and then had lost like 90 of it, And uh and then had lost like 90 of it, And uh and then had lost like 90 of it, gained it back, and did that a couple gained it back, and did that a couple gained it back, and did that a couple times. times. times. And in the middle of it, I said, "Let me And in the middle of it, I said, "Let me And in the middle of it, I said, "Let me Why do you have all this weight on your Why do you have all this weight on your Why do you have all this weight on your body?" And I said, "There's two things." body?" And I said, "There's two things." body?" And I said, "There's two things." I said, "One, you have the identity" She I said, "One, you have the identity" She I said, "One, you have the identity" She She the identity of a heavy person who She the identity of a heavy person who She the identity of a heavy person who happened to have lost weight. Oh. And in happened to have lost weight. Oh. And in happened to have lost weight. Oh. And in that case, she's going to get back to that case, she's going to get back to that case, she's going to get back to that identity. So, she was a heavy that identity. So, she was a heavy that identity. So, she was a heavy person who lost weight. I said, I won't person who lost weight. I said, I won't person who lost weight. I said, I won't say her name, but I said, we have to say her name, but I said, we have to say her name, but I said, we have to adopt that you're a healthy, beautiful, adopt that you're a healthy, beautiful, adopt that you're a healthy, beautiful, vibrant woman who's gained weight. Yeah, vibrant woman who's gained weight. Yeah, vibrant woman who's gained weight. Yeah, what a great story. what a great story. what a great story. >> this identity, switch that narrative >> this identity, switch that narrative >> this identity, switch that narrative >> two, I think you have to do the >> two, I think you have to do the >> two, I think you have to do the thermostat, right? The same thing. You thermostat, right? The same thing. You thermostat, right? The same thing. You You shifted her thermostat. Shifting You shifted her thermostat. Shifting You shifted her thermostat. Shifting this story. And then later, I said, this story. And then later, I said, this story. And then later, I said, "Listen, we don't do anything in our "Listen, we don't do anything in our "Listen, we don't do anything in our life that there's not some benefit for life that there's not some benefit for life that there's not some benefit for it, even if the majority of it is it, even if the majority of it is it, even if the majority of it is detrimental." So, this story you're all detrimental." So, this story you're all detrimental." So, this story you're all telling yourself, those of you that telling yourself, those of you that telling yourself, those of you that suffer from that you don't deserve it, suffer from that you don't deserve it, suffer from that you don't deserve it, you're doing that for a reason that you you're doing that for a reason that you you're doing that for a reason that you get something for doing it. And in her get something for doing it. And in her get something for doing it. And in her case, she said, "I think I hide in my case, she said, "I think I hide in my case, she said, "I think I hide in my weight." That as I start to lose the weight." That as I start to lose the weight." That as I start to lose the weight, maybe people are going to see weight, maybe people are going to see weight, maybe people are going to see other things in me that I don't think other things in me that I don't think other things in me that I don't think Wow. Wow. Wow. >> handle. And it was really this very >> handle. And it was really this very >> handle. And it was really this very emotional breakthrough. I want people to emotional breakthrough. I want people to emotional breakthrough. I want people to watch the show, so I'm not going to get watch the show, so I'm not going to get watch the show, so I'm not going to get into There's There's 10 of them, but into There's There's 10 of them, but into There's There's 10 of them, but what about that? That this story we tell what about that? That this story we tell what about that? That this story we tell ourselves, Dean, even though it may not ourselves, Dean, even though it may not ourselves, Dean, even though it may not serve us, there's some service in it serve us, there's some service in it serve us, there's some service in it that we can hide in it. Yeah. that we can hide in it. Yeah. that we can hide in it. Yeah. >> That it masks other things in our lives. >> That it masks other things in our lives. >> That it masks other things in our lives. And I think for everyone listening to And I think for everyone listening to And I think for everyone listening to this right now, this could be the this right now, this could be the this right now, this could be the breakthrough moment of your life as we breakthrough moment of your life as we breakthrough moment of your life as we just talk about this concept. This thing just talk about this concept. This thing just talk about this concept. This thing you keep telling you about you that you keep telling you about you that you keep telling you about you that holds you back from jumping into a holds you back from jumping into a holds you back from jumping into a challenge, holds you back from starting challenge, holds you back from starting challenge, holds you back from starting a business, holds you back from getting a business, holds you back from getting a business, holds you back from getting into that relationship or getting fit into that relationship or getting fit into that relationship or getting fit like you know you should or asking like you know you should or asking like you know you should or asking yourself the right questions, you're yourself the right questions, you're yourself the right questions, you're getting something from it, even if getting something from it, even if getting something from it, even if massive it may most of it's negative for massive it may most of it's negative for massive it may most of it's negative for you. How does one, just in general, you. How does one, just in general, you. How does one, just in general, start to change the story they tell start to change the story they tell start to change the story they tell themselves about their life? Cuz you're themselves about their life? Cuz you're themselves about their life? Cuz you're the master of this. Yeah, well, you the master of this. Yeah, well, you the master of this. Yeah, well, you know, and and I know if you're if you're know, and and I know if you're if you're know, and and I know if you're if you're listening to Ed Mylett, you've heard listening to Ed Mylett, you've heard listening to Ed Mylett, you've heard this before, you've other people talk this before, you've other people talk this before, you've other people talk about it, but I think it's Maybe this is about it, but I think it's Maybe this is about it, but I think it's Maybe this is the first time you get to really feel it the first time you get to really feel it the first time you get to really feel it or maybe this silly version that I'm or maybe this silly version that I'm or maybe this silly version that I'm going to give you sticks with you. And going to give you sticks with you. And going to give you sticks with you. And if this is why you're here today, this if this is why you're here today, this if this is why you're here today, this is why you're here. Here's the way I is why you're here. Here's the way I is why you're here. Here's the way I look at it. look at it. look at it. We need pain sometimes to disconnect We need pain sometimes to disconnect We need pain sometimes to disconnect from a story. You know, somebody asked from a story. You know, somebody asked from a story. You know, somebody asked me about success once, and I would love me about success once, and I would love me about success once, and I would love to say I was always aspirational. I to say I was always aspirational. I to say I was always aspirational. I wanted more. I didn't want to be like my wanted more. I didn't want to be like my wanted more. I didn't want to be like my dad and struggle and be like my mom who dad and struggle and be like my mom who dad and struggle and be like my mom who worked three jobs to make 90 bucks a worked three jobs to make 90 bucks a worked three jobs to make 90 bucks a night. I had this vision of something night. I had this vision of something night. I had this vision of something bigger and better and and being in bigger and better and and being in bigger and better and and being in control of my life. And all those things control of my life. And all those things control of my life. And all those things sound good at this phase. sound good at this phase. sound good at this phase. Sometimes you got to go to the dark Sometimes you got to go to the dark Sometimes you got to go to the dark side. I just didn't want to be them. My side. I just didn't want to be them. My side. I just didn't want to be them. My father was miserable and fought with father was miserable and fought with father was miserable and fought with everyone and he'd be in love for 6 everyone and he'd be in love for 6 everyone and he'd be in love for 6 months and be divorced within three and months and be divorced within three and months and be divorced within three and always mad. And sometimes you got to always mad. And sometimes you got to always mad. And sometimes you got to give your permission give yourself give your permission give yourself give your permission give yourself permission. When I went in my toughest permission. When I went in my toughest permission. When I went in my toughest thing when I needed the extra boost the thing when I needed the extra boost the thing when I needed the extra boost the the turbo boost to get off the ground, the turbo boost to get off the ground, the turbo boost to get off the ground, I'm like, you're going to end up like I'm like, you're going to end up like I'm like, you're going to end up like your dad. You're going to end up broke. your dad. You're going to end up broke. your dad. You're going to end up broke. You're going to end up alone. You're You're going to end up alone. You're You're going to end up alone. You're going to end up not in control of your going to end up not in control of your going to end up not in control of your life. Someone else going to tell you how life. Someone else going to tell you how life. Someone else going to tell you how to raise your kids and how to dress and to raise your kids and how to dress and to raise your kids and how to dress and when to go to work. I would I would push when to go to work. I would I would push when to go to work. I would I would push myself. So sometimes myself. So sometimes myself. So sometimes you got to go to the dark side to get you got to go to the dark side to get you got to go to the dark side to get the momentum. And I'm I'm telling you to the momentum. And I'm I'm telling you to the momentum. And I'm I'm telling you to use that to shift your story. Right? So use that to shift your story. Right? So use that to shift your story. Right? So so I'm you know, Tony always says to get so I'm you know, Tony always says to get so I'm you know, Tony always says to get the rocket off the ground, all the the rocket off the ground, all the the rocket off the ground, all the energy is in the first couple of feet. energy is in the first couple of feet. energy is in the first couple of feet. And then once it gets in space, you hit And then once it gets in space, you hit And then once it gets in space, you hit the button you're 1,000 miles an hour, the button you're 1,000 miles an hour, the button you're 1,000 miles an hour, right? right? right? Do whatever it takes to get the rocket Do whatever it takes to get the rocket Do whatever it takes to get the rocket off the ground if to start the new off the ground if to start the new off the ground if to start the new business to say I'm worthy to shift the business to say I'm worthy to shift the business to say I'm worthy to shift the story. If it's pain that'll drive you, story. If it's pain that'll drive you, story. If it's pain that'll drive you, then use the pain cuz half of us run then use the pain cuz half of us run then use the pain cuz half of us run away from pain. Half of us run towards away from pain. Half of us run towards away from pain. Half of us run towards pleasure. We know that. You you pleasure. We know that. You you pleasure. We know that. You you use the one that you're custom to and use the one that you're custom to and use the one that you're custom to and and amplify it, right? So amplify the and amplify it, right? So amplify the and amplify it, right? So amplify the pain. Most people Joe Dispenza would pain. Most people Joe Dispenza would pain. Most people Joe Dispenza would probably tell you not to do that and I probably tell you not to do that and I probably tell you not to do that and I love that guy and I'm glad you had him love that guy and I'm glad you had him love that guy and I'm glad you had him three times. But I needed that. three times. But I needed that. three times. But I needed that. Secondly, Secondly, Secondly, you know the story if you think back, I you know the story if you think back, I you know the story if you think back, I could have made it but or I would do it could have made it but or I would do it could have made it but or I would do it or or or that's how you find this the number one that's how you find this the number one that's how you find this the number one thing. thing. thing. I'm I'm you know, I don't have the I'm I'm you know, I don't have the I'm I'm you know, I don't have the money. I don't have the time. My family money. I don't have the time. My family money. I don't have the time. My family thinks I'm nuts. I I could never do thinks I'm nuts. I I could never do thinks I'm nuts. I I could never do something like this. I'm an introvert. I something like this. I'm an introvert. I something like this. I'm an introvert. I don't have a following. I don't know don't have a following. I don't know don't have a following. I don't know what that is. But here's the way I look what that is. But here's the way I look what that is. But here's the way I look at it. at it. at it. If you spend enough time today, and this If you spend enough time today, and this If you spend enough time today, and this is my quick hack on stories. If you is my quick hack on stories. If you is my quick hack on stories. If you spend enough time today, you can find spend enough time today, you can find spend enough time today, you can find the one thing. There's lots of them, but the one thing. There's lots of them, but the one thing. There's lots of them, but you can find the one that's probably you can find the one that's probably you can find the one that's probably held you back the most. So, the two held you back the most. So, the two held you back the most. So, the two things I would say is things I would say is things I would say is >> Good. >> Good. >> Good. go look at what it's already cost you. go look at what it's already cost you. go look at what it's already cost you. Again, this is personal development 101. Again, this is personal development 101. Again, this is personal development 101. I don't want to act like I made this up, I don't want to act like I made this up, I don't want to act like I made this up, but I want to remind you today. We all but I want to remind you today. We all but I want to remind you today. We all need reminder services. This story, this need reminder services. This story, this need reminder services. This story, this thing, this too young, too old, not thing, this too young, too old, not thing, this too young, too old, not money, it's already cost you pain. You money, it's already cost you pain. You money, it's already cost you pain. You already missed opportunities. You already missed opportunities. You already missed opportunities. You already let the ship go down the track already let the ship go down the track already let the ship go down the track and the train go down the tracks. You and the train go down the tracks. You and the train go down the tracks. You didn't start the business. You didn't go didn't start the business. You didn't go didn't start the business. You didn't go for the relationship. You didn't fix for the relationship. You didn't fix for the relationship. You didn't fix that thing, and it's already cost you a that thing, and it's already cost you a that thing, and it's already cost you a lot. So, what I say, here's a cool way lot. So, what I say, here's a cool way lot. So, what I say, here's a cool way to look at it. It'd be like to look at it. It'd be like to look at it. It'd be like two armies. Mhm. You already know the two armies. Mhm. You already know the two armies. Mhm. You already know the story that will come up when you decide story that will come up when you decide story that will come up when you decide to go all in. When you say, you know, I to go all in. When you say, you know, I to go all in. When you say, you know, I don't care about I'm going I'm starting don't care about I'm going I'm starting don't care about I'm going I'm starting the business. I'm scaling the business. the business. I'm scaling the business. the business. I'm scaling the business. I'm not going to You already know the I'm not going to You already know the I'm not going to You already know the army that's coming. You already know the army that's coming. You already know the army that's coming. You already know the story that's going to go uh uh uh at story that's going to go uh uh uh at story that's going to go uh uh uh at little Eddie. You know, come on, Ed. You little Eddie. You know, come on, Ed. You little Eddie. You know, come on, Ed. You know, you know where you came You know know, you know where you came You know know, you know where you came You know what your house looked like when you what your house looked like when you what your house looked like when you were little. You know you weren't that were little. You know you weren't that were little. You know you weren't that good in school. You know you cheated in good in school. You know you cheated in good in school. You know you cheated in ninth grade. You know you cheated your ninth grade. You know you cheated your ninth grade. You know you cheated your way through I'm making this up, man. I'm way through I'm making this up, man. I'm way through I'm making this up, man. I'm just saying. just saying. just saying. >> Biology. >> Biology. >> Biology. >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> Accounting. >> Accounting. >> Accounting. So, if you use the dark or the light, So, if you use the dark or the light, So, if you use the dark or the light, whatever you need to get the engine whatever you need to get the engine whatever you need to get the engine going. If you identify the story that's going. If you identify the story that's going. If you identify the story that's already cost you, and you really think already cost you, and you really think already cost you, and you really think about it, it becomes painful. But, about it, it becomes painful. But, about it, it becomes painful. But, here's the thing. As you think about here's the thing. As you think about here's the thing. As you think about this next thing you want to do, you want this next thing you want to do, you want this next thing you want to do, you want to thrive in a shifting economy. If that to thrive in a shifting economy. If that to thrive in a shifting economy. If that story's coming, it's like you're going story's coming, it's like you're going story's coming, it's like you're going to war, but to war, but to war, but the the scout went out, and you know the the scout went out, and you know the the scout went out, and you know that the other army is 2 days away. You that the other army is 2 days away. You that the other army is 2 days away. You know what kind of guns they have. You know what kind of guns they have. You know what kind of guns they have. You know what kind of horses you have. You know what kind of horses you have. You know what kind of horses you have. You already know Here's the thing. You already know Here's the thing. You already know Here's the thing. You already know your enemy. Yeah. So, if already know your enemy. Yeah. So, if already know your enemy. Yeah. So, if you're not preparing and fortifying and you're not preparing and fortifying and you're not preparing and fortifying and creating the things that block the creating the things that block the creating the things that block the enemy, then you're kind of inviting the enemy, then you're kind of inviting the enemy, then you're kind of inviting the story back so you could be, you know, story back so you could be, you know, story back so you could be, you know, how many Uber drivers have you had I how many Uber drivers have you had I how many Uber drivers have you had I haven't been in Uber in a while, but haven't been in Uber in a while, but haven't been in Uber in a while, but before COVID when you're in Uber, how before COVID when you're in Uber, how before COVID when you're in Uber, how many Uber drivers did you say, "Oh, man, many Uber drivers did you say, "Oh, man, many Uber drivers did you say, "Oh, man, I was I was on my way, Dean. I see I I was I was on my way, Dean. I see I I was I was on my way, Dean. I see I love your books and '07 when the market love your books and '07 when the market love your books and '07 when the market shifted, I lost my business and I just shifted, I lost my business and I just shifted, I lost my business and I just said the hell with it." You know how said the hell with it." You know how said the hell with it." You know how many of those stories I've heard? many of those stories I've heard? many of those stories I've heard? >> Me, too. >> Me, too. >> Me, too. >> What they've done is they let that army >> What they've done is they let that army >> What they've done is they let that army come in, that story come in, because at come in, that story come in, because at come in, that story come in, because at least they have something. And what I least they have something. And what I least they have something. And what I want to tell you is if you really want want to tell you is if you really want want to tell you is if you really want more, you know your enemy. The number more, you know your enemy. The number more, you know your enemy. The number one enemy is that story that held you one enemy is that story that held you one enemy is that story that held you back. You can fortify the gates, you can back. You can fortify the gates, you can back. You can fortify the gates, you can decide to turn that story around, and decide to turn that story around, and decide to turn that story around, and you cannot let it in. Welcome back to you cannot let it in. Welcome back to you cannot let it in. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm Ed Mylett, and Max Out, everybody. I'm Ed Mylett, and Max Out, everybody. I'm Ed Mylett, and today I'm extremely excited to share today I'm extremely excited to share today I'm extremely excited to share these thoughts with you, because I think these thoughts with you, because I think these thoughts with you, because I think what we're going to cover today may be what we're going to cover today may be what we're going to cover today may be the single most important thing that the single most important thing that the single most important thing that will lead to you reaching the ultimate will lead to you reaching the ultimate will lead to you reaching the ultimate version of yourself, your optimal version of yourself, your optimal version of yourself, your optimal results, your max out level of play, or results, your max out level of play, or results, your max out level of play, or not ever getting there. And so, it's not ever getting there. And so, it's not ever getting there. And so, it's that important to me. You know, people that important to me. You know, people that important to me. You know, people ask me often, "What were some of the ask me often, "What were some of the ask me often, "What were some of the decisions and choices and areas I decisions and choices and areas I decisions and choices and areas I focused on that made the biggest focused on that made the biggest focused on that made the biggest difference for me in my life?" difference for me in my life?" difference for me in my life?" And today's topic is the thing that I And today's topic is the thing that I And today's topic is the thing that I would probably give you the gift of would probably give you the gift of would probably give you the gift of first. first. first. And that is the power of your identity. And that is the power of your identity. And that is the power of your identity. See, I believe the most powerful force See, I believe the most powerful force See, I believe the most powerful force in the world is to be consistent with in the world is to be consistent with in the world is to be consistent with the thoughts, ideas, concepts, and the thoughts, ideas, concepts, and the thoughts, ideas, concepts, and beliefs you hold to be true about beliefs you hold to be true about beliefs you hold to be true about yourself. yourself. yourself. And that is what identity is. Identity And that is what identity is. Identity And that is what identity is. Identity is the governor on every single area of is the governor on every single area of is the governor on every single area of your life. It literally sets the your life. It literally sets the your life. It literally sets the temperature for all of the conditions of temperature for all of the conditions of temperature for all of the conditions of your life. Shakespeare has this your life. Shakespeare has this your life. Shakespeare has this incredible quote that says, "We know incredible quote that says, "We know incredible quote that says, "We know what we are, but not what we may be." what we are, but not what we may be." what we are, but not what we may be." And the who you may be is going to be And the who you may be is going to be And the who you may be is going to be dictated by your ability to alter your dictated by your ability to alter your dictated by your ability to alter your identity. Because you are going to identity. Because you are going to identity. Because you are going to always be consistent with what you always be consistent with what you always be consistent with what you believe your worth and what you believe believe your worth and what you believe believe your worth and what you believe you deserve, or what is your identity. you deserve, or what is your identity. you deserve, or what is your identity. Your identity, the best analogy I could Your identity, the best analogy I could Your identity, the best analogy I could give you is like a thermostat sitting on give you is like a thermostat sitting on give you is like a thermostat sitting on the wall of your life. It sets the the wall of your life. It sets the the wall of your life. It sets the entire temperature for the conditions of entire temperature for the conditions of entire temperature for the conditions of your life in multiple areas. And so, your life in multiple areas. And so, your life in multiple areas. And so, most people think their life is dictated most people think their life is dictated most people think their life is dictated by external circumstances. They spend by external circumstances. They spend by external circumstances. They spend their entire life trying to control what their entire life trying to control what their entire life trying to control what is outside of them. You've all heard the is outside of them. You've all heard the is outside of them. You've all heard the great saying that people in 12-step great saying that people in 12-step great saying that people in 12-step programs talk about about learning to programs talk about about learning to programs talk about about learning to control the things they can and letting control the things they can and letting control the things they can and letting go of the things that they can't go of the things that they can't go of the things that they can't control. And the fact of the matter is control. And the fact of the matter is control. And the fact of the matter is you cannot always control the external you cannot always control the external you cannot always control the external factors that are impacting you in your factors that are impacting you in your factors that are impacting you in your life. The good news is it's the external life. The good news is it's the external life. The good news is it's the external things in your life that do not dictate things in your life that do not dictate things in your life that do not dictate the direction or the ultimate the direction or the ultimate the direction or the ultimate destination of your life. That is a destination of your life. That is a destination of your life. That is a fallacy. Listen to me when I tell you fallacy. Listen to me when I tell you fallacy. Listen to me when I tell you this, external circumstances do not this, external circumstances do not this, external circumstances do not dictate the ultimate destination of your dictate the ultimate destination of your dictate the ultimate destination of your life. It's an internal game. You and life. It's an internal game. You and life. It's an internal game. You and your faith, your God, are what will your faith, your God, are what will your faith, your God, are what will control the direction of your life, not control the direction of your life, not control the direction of your life, not the external things that are impacting the external things that are impacting the external things that are impacting you all the time. And this identity is you all the time. And this identity is you all the time. And this identity is that internal thermostat. It sets the that internal thermostat. It sets the that internal thermostat. It sets the temperature, just like a thermostat temperature, just like a thermostat temperature, just like a thermostat sitting on the wall, of the conditions sitting on the wall, of the conditions sitting on the wall, of the conditions of your entire life. Let me give an of your entire life. Let me give an of your entire life. Let me give an example of how the thermostat of our example of how the thermostat of our example of how the thermostat of our lives works. The best analogy I can give lives works. The best analogy I can give lives works. The best analogy I can give you is exactly how one works in the room you is exactly how one works in the room you is exactly how one works in the room I'm sitting in. It sets the temperature I'm sitting in. It sets the temperature I'm sitting in. It sets the temperature of the room. And so the external of the room. And so the external of the room. And so the external conditions don't impact the internal conditions don't impact the internal conditions don't impact the internal temperature of this room because that temperature of this room because that temperature of this room because that thermostat regulates the condition of thermostat regulates the condition of thermostat regulates the condition of the room. So if we open the door and the the room. So if we open the door and the the room. So if we open the door and the windows in this room and cold air blew windows in this room and cold air blew windows in this room and cold air blew in here, the thermostat would kick on, in here, the thermostat would kick on, in here, the thermostat would kick on, wouldn't it, and heat the room back up wouldn't it, and heat the room back up wouldn't it, and heat the room back up to 75°. So no matter what hit it, to 75°. So no matter what hit it, to 75°. So no matter what hit it, it regulates the temperature of the it regulates the temperature of the it regulates the temperature of the room. The reverse is also true. If a room. The reverse is also true. If a room. The reverse is also true. If a bunch of hot air blew in the room, if we bunch of hot air blew in the room, if we bunch of hot air blew in the room, if we open the doors and the windows, the open the doors and the windows, the open the doors and the windows, the thermostat would cool the room back down thermostat would cool the room back down thermostat would cool the room back down and regulate it to 75°. and regulate it to 75°. and regulate it to 75°. Guess what? That's exactly how your life Guess what? That's exactly how your life Guess what? That's exactly how your life works. Once you accept this truth, it is works. Once you accept this truth, it is works. Once you accept this truth, it is a fact that it's not the external things a fact that it's not the external things a fact that it's not the external things that are happening, it's the internal that are happening, it's the internal that are happening, it's the internal thermostat. Too often in life, people thermostat. Too often in life, people thermostat. Too often in life, people don't work on changing their identity. don't work on changing their identity. don't work on changing their identity. They're always working on producing They're always working on producing They're always working on producing external results. Have you ever known external results. Have you ever known external results. Have you ever known somebody who was wealthy and no longer somebody who was wealthy and no longer somebody who was wealthy and no longer is? is? is? Have you ever known somebody who made a Have you ever known somebody who made a Have you ever known somebody who made a bunch of money and no longer does? How bunch of money and no longer does? How bunch of money and no longer does? How about somebody who was in a great about somebody who was in a great about somebody who was in a great relationship and that relationship no relationship and that relationship no relationship and that relationship no longer exists? How about someone who got longer exists? How about someone who got longer exists? How about someone who got in great shape that is no longer in that in great shape that is no longer in that in great shape that is no longer in that shape again? If your results begin to shape again? If your results begin to shape again? If your results begin to exceed your internal thermostat, you exceed your internal thermostat, you exceed your internal thermostat, you will find a way to cool your life back will find a way to cool your life back will find a way to cool your life back down to what you believe you're worth down to what you believe you're worth down to what you believe you're worth and you're comfortable at your identity. and you're comfortable at your identity. and you're comfortable at your identity. You'll think it's coincidental. Oh, I You'll think it's coincidental. Oh, I You'll think it's coincidental. Oh, I was this accident happened or this was this accident happened or this was this accident happened or this appointment canceled or this appointment canceled or this appointment canceled or this circumstance took place. It's not circumstance took place. It's not circumstance took place. It's not coincidence. All of those things have coincidence. All of those things have coincidence. All of those things have happened because you set the thermostat happened because you set the thermostat happened because you set the thermostat of your life and you've regulated what of your life and you've regulated what of your life and you've regulated what you're going to get. Isn't that you're going to get. Isn't that you're going to get. Isn't that incredible that you could learn all the incredible that you could learn all the incredible that you could learn all the talents, the behaviors, the skills, the talents, the behaviors, the skills, the talents, the behaviors, the skills, the tactics, all the strategies that I teach tactics, all the strategies that I teach tactics, all the strategies that I teach you, but if you don't alter that you, but if you don't alter that you, but if you don't alter that thermostat internally, you could have thermostat internally, you could have thermostat internally, you could have all of the skills of a 100° producer and all of the skills of a 100° producer and all of the skills of a 100° producer and you will live a 75° existence because you will live a 75° existence because you will live a 75° existence because you will turn the air conditioner of you will turn the air conditioner of you will turn the air conditioner of your life on back down to cool it where your life on back down to cool it where your life on back down to cool it where you're comfortable. It's also true by you're comfortable. It's also true by you're comfortable. It's also true by the way. the way. the way. You've seen this in your own life. Maybe You've seen this in your own life. Maybe You've seen this in your own life. Maybe you've had something really good going you've had something really good going you've had something really good going in business before. You've got momentum. in business before. You've got momentum. in business before. You've got momentum. It seems like things are happening great It seems like things are happening great It seems like things are happening great and then you wake up four, five, six and then you wake up four, five, six and then you wake up four, five, six months later and you've cooled your months later and you've cooled your months later and you've cooled your life, your business right back down to life, your business right back down to life, your business right back down to where it was before. Maybe you'd saved where it was before. Maybe you'd saved where it was before. Maybe you'd saved some money at one time and then some money at one time and then some money at one time and then coincidentally your car broke down or a coincidentally your car broke down or a coincidentally your car broke down or a bill happened or there was a run of bill happened or there was a run of bill happened or there was a run of birthday parties and all of a sudden birthday parties and all of a sudden birthday parties and all of a sudden that bank account's back to where it that bank account's back to where it that bank account's back to where it always was. It's not coincidental. always was. It's not coincidental. always was. It's not coincidental. You've cooled the conditions back down You've cooled the conditions back down You've cooled the conditions back down again. And so you've seen this happen. again. And so you've seen this happen. again. And so you've seen this happen. Maybe you gotten great shape at one Maybe you gotten great shape at one Maybe you gotten great shape at one point, but your identity wasn't that fit point, but your identity wasn't that fit point, but your identity wasn't that fit a person and you've cooled it back down a person and you've cooled it back down a person and you've cooled it back down to about what you're comfortable being. to about what you're comfortable being. to about what you're comfortable being. This is true in your faith and your This is true in your faith and your This is true in your faith and your relationships. By the way, you have relationships. By the way, you have relationships. By the way, you have multiple thermostat settings. You have multiple thermostat settings. You have multiple thermostat settings. You have one in your faith. You have one in your one in your faith. You have one in your one in your faith. You have one in your fitness, one in your money, one in your fitness, one in your money, one in your fitness, one in your money, one in your happiness, right? One in your business happiness, right? One in your business happiness, right? One in your business life. So there's multiple identities we life. So there's multiple identities we life. So there's multiple identities we have. have. have. The reverse is also true. There's been The reverse is also true. There's been The reverse is also true. There's been times in your life where the times in your life where the times in your life where the circumstances, the conditions were circumstances, the conditions were circumstances, the conditions were terrible. You thought you'd never get terrible. You thought you'd never get terrible. You thought you'd never get out of it. You're never going to eat out of it. You're never going to eat out of it. You're never going to eat again. Well, guess what? You ate again, again. Well, guess what? You ate again, again. Well, guess what? You ate again, didn't you? And you heated your life didn't you? And you heated your life didn't you? And you heated your life back up to that same place again. So back up to that same place again. So back up to that same place again. So you've proven this over and over in your you've proven this over and over in your you've proven this over and over in your life, haven't you? So have I. So has life, haven't you? So have I. So has life, haven't you? So have I. So has every single human being. The governor every single human being. The governor every single human being. The governor on our life, the regulator of our life on our life, the regulator of our life on our life, the regulator of our life is our identity, which is the internal is our identity, which is the internal is our identity, which is the internal thermostat that sets the temperature for thermostat that sets the temperature for thermostat that sets the temperature for our life. So, the key in life is to our life. So, the key in life is to our life. So, the key in life is to learn all the thoughts, the skills, the learn all the thoughts, the skills, the learn all the thoughts, the skills, the tactics, and the strategies that can tactics, and the strategies that can tactics, and the strategies that can heat our life up in the areas that heat our life up in the areas that heat our life up in the areas that matter most to us. But, if we don't matter most to us. But, if we don't matter most to us. But, if we don't simultaneously simultaneously simultaneously change the conditions of our thermostat, change the conditions of our thermostat, change the conditions of our thermostat, change what we're comfortable living at, change what we're comfortable living at, change what we're comfortable living at, change our identity, our worth, change change our identity, our worth, change change our identity, our worth, change the thoughts, beliefs, concepts, and the thoughts, beliefs, concepts, and the thoughts, beliefs, concepts, and value we hold to ourself, value we hold to ourself, value we hold to ourself, we will cool or heat our life back to we will cool or heat our life back to we will cool or heat our life back to that regulated temperature. And so, I'm that regulated temperature. And so, I'm that regulated temperature. And so, I'm telling you the overall key to changing telling you the overall key to changing telling you the overall key to changing the external conditions of your life is the external conditions of your life is the external conditions of your life is changing that internal thermostat changing that internal thermostat changing that internal thermostat setting. So, that's what we're going to setting. So, that's what we're going to setting. So, that's what we're going to talk about some strategies on today. talk about some strategies on today. talk about some strategies on today. Just being aware that you need to alter Just being aware that you need to alter Just being aware that you need to alter the thermostat the thermostat the thermostat is a life-changing, liberating is a life-changing, liberating is a life-changing, liberating condition. I cover this in very specific condition. I cover this in very specific condition. I cover this in very specific detail in #MaxOutYourLife, my book. It's detail in #MaxOutYourLife, my book. It's detail in #MaxOutYourLife, my book. It's a quick read, 100 pages. I wrote it so a quick read, 100 pages. I wrote it so a quick read, 100 pages. I wrote it so that every page has strategies on it, no that every page has strategies on it, no that every page has strategies on it, no fluff. If you want the book, go to fluff. If you want the book, go to fluff. If you want the book, go to maxoutbook.com. maxoutbook.com. maxoutbook.com. If you put in the code max out, I'll buy If you put in the code max out, I'll buy If you put in the code max out, I'll buy the book for you. So, I cover this in the book for you. So, I cover this in the book for you. So, I cover this in detail there, but I want to cover it in detail there, but I want to cover it in detail there, but I want to cover it in detail right now with you as well. What detail right now with you as well. What detail right now with you as well. What you need to be doing is becoming aware you need to be doing is becoming aware you need to be doing is becoming aware of how important it is that you adjust of how important it is that you adjust of how important it is that you adjust this thermostat setting as you produce this thermostat setting as you produce this thermostat setting as you produce better results, as you start to learn better results, as you start to learn better results, as you start to learn new skills and strategies and tactics. new skills and strategies and tactics. new skills and strategies and tactics. See, you can move from an average See, you can move from an average See, you can move from an average business into an extraordinary business business into an extraordinary business business into an extraordinary business with incredible opportunity, with incredible opportunity, with incredible opportunity, but you will produce the same results but you will produce the same results but you will produce the same results you're getting in the average business you're getting in the average business you're getting in the average business if you don't change that thermostat if you don't change that thermostat if you don't change that thermostat setting up to 95 or 100 or 120 degrees setting up to 95 or 100 or 120 degrees setting up to 95 or 100 or 120 degrees of what you believe you're worth, the of what you believe you're worth, the of what you believe you're worth, the thoughts, concepts, and beliefs you hold thoughts, concepts, and beliefs you hold thoughts, concepts, and beliefs you hold true to be about yourself. So, it is the true to be about yourself. So, it is the true to be about yourself. So, it is the regulator on our lives, and it's the regulator on our lives, and it's the regulator on our lives, and it's the main thing I work on with my private main thing I work on with my private main thing I work on with my private coaching, with some of the elite coaching, with some of the elite coaching, with some of the elite performers I work with in business and performers I work with in business and performers I work with in business and athletics, and entertainment, and athletics, and entertainment, and athletics, and entertainment, and politics is me working with them on politics is me working with them on politics is me working with them on changing that internal thermostat where changing that internal thermostat where changing that internal thermostat where we can heat it higher and higher and we can heat it higher and higher and we can heat it higher and higher and higher so that they can produce the higher so that they can produce the higher so that they can produce the results and the conditions of their life results and the conditions of their life results and the conditions of their life stay and exceed those levels all the stay and exceed those levels all the stay and exceed those levels all the time. In fact, in my own life, I'm time. In fact, in my own life, I'm time. In fact, in my own life, I'm always working on my self-confidence. always working on my self-confidence. always working on my self-confidence. I'm working on my tactics and I'm working on my tactics and I'm working on my tactics and strategies, my ability to influence, strategies, my ability to influence, strategies, my ability to influence, right? My thoughts, all of those right? My thoughts, all of those right? My thoughts, all of those different things. But the thing I'm most different things. But the thing I'm most different things. But the thing I'm most obsessed about that I know is going to obsessed about that I know is going to obsessed about that I know is going to get me to the ultimate version of me is get me to the ultimate version of me is get me to the ultimate version of me is constantly elevating the temperature in constantly elevating the temperature in constantly elevating the temperature in the areas that matter to me, adjusting the areas that matter to me, adjusting the areas that matter to me, adjusting that thermostat setting higher and that thermostat setting higher and that thermostat setting higher and higher and higher and higher so that I higher and higher and higher so that I higher and higher and higher so that I can get those conditions to match it cuz can get those conditions to match it cuz can get those conditions to match it cuz it always will. You will always get your it always will. You will always get your it always will. You will always get your thermostat setting, always in your life. thermostat setting, always in your life. thermostat setting, always in your life. So, can I give you any insights as to So, can I give you any insights as to So, can I give you any insights as to how to change that thermostat setting? I how to change that thermostat setting? I how to change that thermostat setting? I can. Let me give you a couple. can. Let me give you a couple. can. Let me give you a couple. The most powerful way and the easiest The most powerful way and the easiest The most powerful way and the easiest way to change your thermostat setting is way to change your thermostat setting is way to change your thermostat setting is by adding people to your circle, very by adding people to your circle, very by adding people to your circle, very close proximity, that live at a higher close proximity, that live at a higher close proximity, that live at a higher temperature in that area than you do. temperature in that area than you do. temperature in that area than you do. For example, in your faith, let's just For example, in your faith, let's just For example, in your faith, let's just say, you're a 75-degreeer in your faith. say, you're a 75-degreeer in your faith. say, you're a 75-degreeer in your faith. You've already seen this. You can't You've already seen this. You can't You've already seen this. You can't possibly begin to regularly associate possibly begin to regularly associate possibly begin to regularly associate with good, godly people who pray with good, godly people who pray with good, godly people who pray regularly, who try to live righteously, regularly, who try to live righteously, regularly, who try to live righteously, and they're 110, 120 degrees of of faith and they're 110, 120 degrees of of faith and they're 110, 120 degrees of of faith in their life and not have that in their life and not have that in their life and not have that proximity heat you up. Now, you won't proximity heat you up. Now, you won't proximity heat you up. Now, you won't get to where they are, you'll get to get to where they are, you'll get to get to where they are, you'll get to somewhere between where you are at 75 somewhere between where you are at 75 somewhere between where you are at 75 degrees and they are at 110. Over time, degrees and they are at 110. Over time, degrees and they are at 110. Over time, you become a 100-degreeer and you alter you become a 100-degreeer and you alter you become a 100-degreeer and you alter the thermostat setting through the thermostat setting through the thermostat setting through association. Same in business. If you association. Same in business. If you association. Same in business. If you and I were to hang around each other and I were to hang around each other and I were to hang around each other every single day, and let's say you were every single day, and let's say you were every single day, and let's say you were a 75-degreeer in business, a 75-degreeer in business, a 75-degreeer in business, hypothetically, and I don't know that hypothetically, and I don't know that hypothetically, and I don't know that about you, but let's just say you were, about you, but let's just say you were, about you, but let's just say you were, and I was a 150-degreeer, and we hung and I was a 150-degreeer, and we hung and I was a 150-degreeer, and we hung around each other all the time, don't around each other all the time, don't around each other all the time, don't you think through that association, you think through that association, you think through that association, especially if you had two or three or especially if you had two or three or especially if you had two or three or four people like me in your life, that four people like me in your life, that four people like me in your life, that just over time, you don't even feel it, just over time, you don't even feel it, just over time, you don't even feel it, you're at 80, you're at 85, you're at you're at 80, you're at 85, you're at you're at 80, you're at 85, you're at 90, you're at 95, and that's where you 90, you're at 95, and that's where you 90, you're at 95, and that's where you are. We understand the power of this are. We understand the power of this are. We understand the power of this with our children with our children with our children because we know at school the teachers because we know at school the teachers because we know at school the teachers have influence over them, they're have influence over them, they're have influence over them, they're mentors, but the people that really have mentors, but the people that really have mentors, but the people that really have influence over our children are their influence over our children are their influence over our children are their friends because they're around them all friends because they're around them all friends because they're around them all the time. And so, we know what sets the time. And so, we know what sets the time. And so, we know what sets their temperature. This is true in in their temperature. This is true in in their temperature. This is true in in fitness. If you're 75° fitness and every fitness. If you're 75° fitness and every fitness. If you're 75° fitness and every meal, every day at the gym, all your meal, every day at the gym, all your meal, every day at the gym, all your associations, hypothetically speaking, associations, hypothetically speaking, associations, hypothetically speaking, were with someone who was shredded and were with someone who was shredded and were with someone who was shredded and fit the way you wanted to look at 150°, fit the way you wanted to look at 150°, fit the way you wanted to look at 150°, you know over time you get heated up. you know over time you get heated up. you know over time you get heated up. And so you can't be with someone every And so you can't be with someone every And so you can't be with someone every day, you can't be with them all the day, you can't be with them all the day, you can't be with them all the time, but the key is to get more time, but the key is to get more time, but the key is to get more proximity in the areas that matter with proximity in the areas that matter with proximity in the areas that matter with people whose thermostat setting is people whose thermostat setting is people whose thermostat setting is higher than yours. I am a product. You higher than yours. I am a product. You higher than yours. I am a product. You are listening to me right now because are listening to me right now because are listening to me right now because I've been so obsessed with this concept I've been so obsessed with this concept I've been so obsessed with this concept of adding new associations to my life of adding new associations to my life of adding new associations to my life that live in the areas that I want to that live in the areas that I want to that live in the areas that I want to improve in at higher temperatures than improve in at higher temperatures than improve in at higher temperatures than me. It's my obsession to this day. I'll me. It's my obsession to this day. I'll me. It's my obsession to this day. I'll give you a secret. One of the reasons I give you a secret. One of the reasons I give you a secret. One of the reasons I even do my show is I know that I'm even do my show is I know that I'm even do my show is I know that I'm influencing many of these guests in the influencing many of these guests in the influencing many of these guests in the areas that matter most to them through areas that matter most to them through areas that matter most to them through our proximity and in some cases they do our proximity and in some cases they do our proximity and in some cases they do it for me. And so I'm obsessed with the it for me. And so I'm obsessed with the it for me. And so I'm obsessed with the power of association, but I don't just power of association, but I don't just power of association, but I don't just associate. See, associate. See, associate. See, all personal says, "Yeah, you're the all personal says, "Yeah, you're the all personal says, "Yeah, you're the five people you hang around." Kind of. five people you hang around." Kind of. five people you hang around." Kind of. You really are the five to 10 people you You really are the five to 10 people you You really are the five to 10 people you hang around if you're conscious all the hang around if you're conscious all the hang around if you're conscious all the time of studying them, of observing time of studying them, of observing time of studying them, of observing them, of asking questions, of the fact them, of asking questions, of the fact them, of asking questions, of the fact that you should be altering your that you should be altering your that you should be altering your thermostat setting. That's when it thermostat setting. That's when it thermostat setting. That's when it really moves. It's not just hanging really moves. It's not just hanging really moves. It's not just hanging around, it's consciously and around, it's consciously and around, it's consciously and intentionally spending time with people intentionally spending time with people intentionally spending time with people where you allow it to impact you, where where you allow it to impact you, where where you allow it to impact you, where you study them, where you really observe you study them, where you really observe you study them, where you really observe them, where you're open to their them, where you're open to their them, where you're open to their influence. There has to be a level of influence. There has to be a level of influence. There has to be a level of trust before you can do that, where you trust before you can do that, where you trust before you can do that, where you surrender yourself to them, but it's not surrender yourself to them, but it's not surrender yourself to them, but it's not just being around them. It's just being around them. It's just being around them. It's intentionally being around people that intentionally being around people that intentionally being around people that alters that thermostat setting. So power alters that thermostat setting. So power alters that thermostat setting. So power of association is the main way to do it. of association is the main way to do it. of association is the main way to do it. Second way to alter your identity Second way to alter your identity Second way to alter your identity is in a short window of time behave is in a short window of time behave is in a short window of time behave completely differently. completely differently. completely differently. In a 30-day window of time in your In a 30-day window of time in your In a 30-day window of time in your fitness life, you shock your system into fitness life, you shock your system into fitness life, you shock your system into eating or training completely eating or training completely eating or training completely differently than you used to. Or in your differently than you used to. Or in your differently than you used to. Or in your business life, you make a hundred times business life, you make a hundred times business life, you make a hundred times more phone calls, a hundred more more phone calls, a hundred more more phone calls, a hundred more contacts. You do something in a very contacts. You do something in a very contacts. You do something in a very short window of time that shocks you short window of time that shocks you short window of time that shocks you into believing, "My gosh, I can never go into believing, "My gosh, I can never go into believing, "My gosh, I can never go back where I was before." You trick your back where I was before." You trick your back where I was before." You trick your brain brain brain into believing you're different. There's into believing you're different. There's into believing you're different. There's this part of our brain that always wants this part of our brain that always wants this part of our brain that always wants to be consistent with what we're worth. to be consistent with what we're worth. to be consistent with what we're worth. Well, if in a short window of time I Well, if in a short window of time I Well, if in a short window of time I begin to behave completely differently, begin to behave completely differently, begin to behave completely differently, your brain begins to believe you deserve your brain begins to believe you deserve your brain begins to believe you deserve something differently. When you begin to something differently. When you begin to something differently. When you begin to do the things nobody else is willing to do the things nobody else is willing to do the things nobody else is willing to do, you begin to believe you will do, you begin to believe you will do, you begin to believe you will deserve the results nobody else deserves deserve the results nobody else deserves deserve the results nobody else deserves to get. This is important also cuz it to get. This is important also cuz it to get. This is important also cuz it changes the water line. It's almost like changes the water line. It's almost like changes the water line. It's almost like a water line in the pool. If you raise a water line in the pool. If you raise a water line in the pool. If you raise it, it leaves a new mark. Have you ever it, it leaves a new mark. Have you ever it, it leaves a new mark. Have you ever seen that before it in a lake or a pool seen that before it in a lake or a pool seen that before it in a lake or a pool where you raise the water line a short where you raise the water line a short where you raise the water line a short window of time and it just changes the window of time and it just changes the window of time and it just changes the mark in your life. It changes the mark in your life. It changes the mark in your life. It changes the thermostat setting. So, you can alter thermostat setting. So, you can alter thermostat setting. So, you can alter things in your life in short bursts, and things in your life in short bursts, and things in your life in short bursts, and I do this often. In an area where I I do this often. In an area where I I do this often. In an area where I really need to change, like right now, I really need to change, like right now, I really need to change, like right now, I just started back on a really seriously, just started back on a really seriously, just started back on a really seriously, deeply committed fitness journey. I want deeply committed fitness journey. I want deeply committed fitness journey. I want to get back and past where I've ever to get back and past where I've ever to get back and past where I've ever been in fitness in my life. So, I'm been in fitness in my life. So, I'm been in fitness in my life. So, I'm going to add some of these new going to add some of these new going to add some of these new associations. I'm going to train with a associations. I'm going to train with a associations. I'm going to train with a new group of people cuz I've been new group of people cuz I've been new group of people cuz I've been training alone. I'm going back to training alone. I'm going back to training alone. I'm going back to training with some people that are training with some people that are training with some people that are fitter than me, men and women that are fitter than me, men and women that are fitter than me, men and women that are fitter than me. That's my first fitter than me. That's my first fitter than me. That's my first combination that'll alter my thermostat combination that'll alter my thermostat combination that'll alter my thermostat setting, our proximity. And secondly, setting, our proximity. And secondly, setting, our proximity. And secondly, I'm going psycho the next 30 days. I'm I'm going psycho the next 30 days. I'm I'm going psycho the next 30 days. I'm going psycho. I'm I'm altering my going psycho. I'm I'm altering my going psycho. I'm I'm altering my nutrition and my diet dramatically, my nutrition and my diet dramatically, my nutrition and my diet dramatically, my workouts dramatically, and I'm going to workouts dramatically, and I'm going to workouts dramatically, and I'm going to shock my system in the next 30 days into shock my system in the next 30 days into shock my system in the next 30 days into changing the water line, changing that changing the water line, changing that changing the water line, changing that temperature setting. That's the second temperature setting. That's the second temperature setting. That's the second way you alter identity, alter the way you alter identity, alter the way you alter identity, alter the thermostat setting, so that you alter thermostat setting, so that you alter thermostat setting, so that you alter the external results. I've said this to the external results. I've said this to the external results. I've said this to you before as well. See, beliefs are so you before as well. See, beliefs are so you before as well. See, beliefs are so important to guard because once you have important to guard because once you have important to guard because once you have a belief, your brain goes to work. I've a belief, your brain goes to work. I've a belief, your brain goes to work. I've said this in another audio video where said this in another audio video where said this in another audio video where your brain has to go to work to prove your brain has to go to work to prove your brain has to go to work to prove your beliefs to be true. Your brain your beliefs to be true. Your brain your beliefs to be true. Your brain literally goes to work on finding the literally goes to work on finding the literally goes to work on finding the evidence to prove you right. And so, evidence to prove you right. And so, evidence to prove you right. And so, that identity, you're constantly that identity, you're constantly that identity, you're constantly reinforcing it. Let me give you an reinforcing it. Let me give you an reinforcing it. Let me give you an example of what I mean. If you believe a example of what I mean. If you believe a example of what I mean. If you believe a certain worth about yourself, a certain certain worth about yourself, a certain certain worth about yourself, a certain identity, that impacts the type of identity, that impacts the type of identity, that impacts the type of action you're willing to take. So, if action you're willing to take. So, if action you're willing to take. So, if there's a goal you've got set, it there's a goal you've got set, it there's a goal you've got set, it doesn't matter what it is, pick a goal. doesn't matter what it is, pick a goal. doesn't matter what it is, pick a goal. To the extent that you believe it's To the extent that you believe it's To the extent that you believe it's consistent with your identity is to the consistent with your identity is to the consistent with your identity is to the extent that you will make an effort extent that you will make an effort extent that you will make an effort towards it. towards it. towards it. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, however, because what happens is if your however, because what happens is if your however, because what happens is if your identity is here and the goal is there, identity is here and the goal is there, identity is here and the goal is there, you will only make an effort congruent you will only make an effort congruent you will only make an effort congruent with what you believe you're worth. And with what you believe you're worth. And with what you believe you're worth. And so, that limited effort you make so, that limited effort you make so, that limited effort you make produces the result not consistent, and produces the result not consistent, and produces the result not consistent, and it reinforces the belief. It's like a it reinforces the belief. It's like a it reinforces the belief. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. So, you set a self-fulfilling prophecy. So, you set a self-fulfilling prophecy. So, you set a goal that is inconsistent with an goal that is inconsistent with an goal that is inconsistent with an identity you're working on, you will identity you're working on, you will identity you're working on, you will only make an effort consistent with the only make an effort consistent with the only make an effort consistent with the identity, which will get you to here, identity, which will get you to here, identity, which will get you to here, doesn't produce the result, and it doesn't produce the result, and it doesn't produce the result, and it reinforces this belief you have about reinforces this belief you have about reinforces this belief you have about yourself. So, it's important as you set yourself. So, it's important as you set yourself. So, it's important as you set new goals, as you set new visions, that new goals, as you set new visions, that new goals, as you set new visions, that you also upgrade your identity you also upgrade your identity you also upgrade your identity simultaneously. You're in process of simultaneously. You're in process of simultaneously. You're in process of upgrading it, because that identity upgrading it, because that identity upgrading it, because that identity impacts the effort you make, right? impacts the effort you make, right? impacts the effort you make, right? Impacts the will you put towards it, and Impacts the will you put towards it, and Impacts the will you put towards it, and that will is reinforced by the lack of that will is reinforced by the lack of that will is reinforced by the lack of result, and so it becomes this result, and so it becomes this result, and so it becomes this self-fulfilling prophecy. So, your your self-fulfilling prophecy. So, your your self-fulfilling prophecy. So, your your mind has this belief it wants to prove mind has this belief it wants to prove mind has this belief it wants to prove to be true, and it starts to find to be true, and it starts to find to be true, and it starts to find references. So, if you believe you're references. So, if you believe you're references. So, if you believe you're 75°, it's going to start finding legs to 75°, it's going to start finding legs to 75°, it's going to start finding legs to put under that table to make it put under that table to make it put under that table to make it immobile, so it can't move to prove you immobile, so it can't move to prove you immobile, so it can't move to prove you right. And so, our identity equals our right. And so, our identity equals our right. And so, our identity equals our effort, and the challenge is that effort effort, and the challenge is that effort effort, and the challenge is that effort produces the result. And so, this produces the result. And so, this produces the result. And so, this identity has everything to do with the identity has everything to do with the identity has everything to do with the effort you make, which produces the effort you make, which produces the effort you make, which produces the result, which will reinforce the result, which will reinforce the result, which will reinforce the identity or the lack thereof. So, it's identity or the lack thereof. So, it's identity or the lack thereof. So, it's critical that you upgrade identity with critical that you upgrade identity with critical that you upgrade identity with your new visions and goals. The next your new visions and goals. The next your new visions and goals. The next layer of this is, you need to stop layer of this is, you need to stop layer of this is, you need to stop what's no longer needed. what's no longer needed. what's no longer needed. In other words, there were behaviors and In other words, there were behaviors and In other words, there were behaviors and thoughts you've had in the past that thoughts you've had in the past that thoughts you've had in the past that were needed to produce the results you were needed to produce the results you were needed to produce the results you currently have. currently have. currently have. But you need to stop what's no longer But you need to stop what's no longer But you need to stop what's no longer needed. Maybe you're continuing a needed. Maybe you're continuing a needed. Maybe you're continuing a behavior in your life that's no longer behavior in your life that's no longer behavior in your life that's no longer needed. Maybe you're continuing a needed. Maybe you're continuing a needed. Maybe you're continuing a thought or a worry that at one time was thought or a worry that at one time was thought or a worry that at one time was needed but no longer is. Maybe there's a needed but no longer is. Maybe there's a needed but no longer is. Maybe there's a stress or an anxiety or a belief you're stress or an anxiety or a belief you're stress or an anxiety or a belief you're holding true to be about yourself that holding true to be about yourself that holding true to be about yourself that maybe you needed at some point in your maybe you needed at some point in your maybe you needed at some point in your life that you no longer need. It could life that you no longer need. It could life that you no longer need. It could be something to protect yourself from be something to protect yourself from be something to protect yourself from fear, to protect yourself from harm, or fear, to protect yourself from harm, or fear, to protect yourself from harm, or to serve you in getting through a to serve you in getting through a to serve you in getting through a certain circumstance. But if we're not certain circumstance. But if we're not certain circumstance. But if we're not conscious of dropping a thought or a conscious of dropping a thought or a conscious of dropping a thought or a behavior that's no longer needed, we behavior that's no longer needed, we behavior that's no longer needed, we take old thoughts, old behaviors that take old thoughts, old behaviors that take old thoughts, old behaviors that served an old version of ourselves into served an old version of ourselves into served an old version of ourselves into trying to become the new version of trying to become the new version of trying to become the new version of ourselves. So, ask yourself that ourselves. So, ask yourself that ourselves. So, ask yourself that question. What do I need to drop that's question. What do I need to drop that's question. What do I need to drop that's no longer needed? Is it a person? Is it no longer needed? Is it a person? Is it no longer needed? Is it a person? Is it a thought? Is it a behavior? Or is it an a thought? Is it a behavior? Or is it an a thought? Is it a behavior? Or is it an emotion? One of those things you emotion? One of those things you emotion? One of those things you probably are carrying with you from the probably are carrying with you from the probably are carrying with you from the past that maybe you needed to get past that maybe you needed to get past that maybe you needed to get through a circumstance. Maybe you needed through a circumstance. Maybe you needed through a circumstance. Maybe you needed to get through a relationship, through a to get through a relationship, through a to get through a relationship, through a setback, through a failure, or just to setback, through a failure, or just to setback, through a failure, or just to produce the results you currently get. produce the results you currently get. produce the results you currently get. But that thought, that behavior, that But that thought, that behavior, that But that thought, that behavior, that emotion, that person is no longer needed emotion, that person is no longer needed emotion, that person is no longer needed for you to go to the next level of your for you to go to the next level of your for you to go to the next level of your identity, the next level of your identity, the next level of your identity, the next level of your performance, the next level of yourself. performance, the next level of yourself. performance, the next level of yourself. And then finally is this. And then finally is this. And then finally is this. If you're stuck, If you're stuck, If you're stuck, you're stuck in a story. you're stuck in a story. you're stuck in a story. That's where you're stuck. There's a That's where you're stuck. There's a That's where you're stuck. There's a story you're telling yourself that story you're telling yourself that story you're telling yourself that doesn't serve you anymore. doesn't serve you anymore. doesn't serve you anymore. And you have to evaluate what that story And you have to evaluate what that story And you have to evaluate what that story is. I'm serious. Right now if you say, is. I'm serious. Right now if you say, is. I'm serious. Right now if you say, "Ed, I'm kind of stuck where I am." "Ed, I'm kind of stuck where I am." "Ed, I'm kind of stuck where I am." Well, what you need to do is you need to Well, what you need to do is you need to Well, what you need to do is you need to alter your associations. You need to do alter your associations. You need to do alter your associations. You need to do something in a short window of time, no something in a short window of time, no something in a short window of time, no question about it. You definitely need question about it. You definitely need question about it. You definitely need to evaluate what is no longer needed and to evaluate what is no longer needed and to evaluate what is no longer needed and evaluate the story you're telling evaluate the story you're telling evaluate the story you're telling yourself. There's all kinds of stories yourself. There's all kinds of stories yourself. There's all kinds of stories we tell ourselves that don't serve us we tell ourselves that don't serve us we tell ourselves that don't serve us anymore. This is critical. Maybe it's a anymore. This is critical. Maybe it's a anymore. This is critical. Maybe it's a story about your past, a story about story about your past, a story about story about your past, a story about your parents, a story about a previous your parents, a story about a previous your parents, a story about a previous relationship, a story about a success relationship, a story about a success relationship, a story about a success you used to have you keep talking about you used to have you keep talking about you used to have you keep talking about that doesn't serve you to get to the that doesn't serve you to get to the that doesn't serve you to get to the next level. next level. next level. If I can be real with you, whatever If I can be real with you, whatever If I can be real with you, whatever you've achieved up to this point, that you've achieved up to this point, that you've achieved up to this point, that story you keep talking about, every story you keep talking about, every story you keep talking about, every second you spend in that old story about second you spend in that old story about second you spend in that old story about what you've achieved, your degree, some what you've achieved, your degree, some what you've achieved, your degree, some business you had, one thing you were business you had, one thing you were business you had, one thing you were real successful at in the past, every real successful at in the past, every real successful at in the past, every time you live in that story, you're time you live in that story, you're time you live in that story, you're stripping time and focus from the new stripping time and focus from the new stripping time and focus from the new story. What's the new story you're story. What's the new story you're story. What's the new story you're telling yourself? You can't have a new telling yourself? You can't have a new telling yourself? You can't have a new identity without a new story. What's the identity without a new story. What's the identity without a new story. What's the old story you keep repeating? Maybe it's old story you keep repeating? Maybe it's old story you keep repeating? Maybe it's not a success. Maybe it's a failure that not a success. Maybe it's a failure that not a success. Maybe it's a failure that you've had. It was a business setback. you've had. It was a business setback. you've had. It was a business setback. It was the market turned. It was the It was the market turned. It was the It was the market turned. It was the economy. It was someone who did you economy. It was someone who did you economy. It was someone who did you wrong. A relationship that let you down. wrong. A relationship that let you down. wrong. A relationship that let you down. A business partner who wasn't A business partner who wasn't A business partner who wasn't consistent. A failure you've had. A poor consistent. A failure you've had. A poor consistent. A failure you've had. A poor decision you made. A mistake you made decision you made. A mistake you made decision you made. A mistake you made in your life. And you're repeating this in your life. And you're repeating this in your life. And you're repeating this story to yourself simultaneously trying story to yourself simultaneously trying story to yourself simultaneously trying to create a new identity. You can't take to create a new identity. You can't take to create a new identity. You can't take that old story into the new identity. that old story into the new identity. that old story into the new identity. One of the things we have to do to One of the things we have to do to One of the things we have to do to create a new identity is to begin to create a new identity is to begin to create a new identity is to begin to tell a new story. What's your new story? tell a new story. What's your new story? tell a new story. What's your new story? Who are you now? What are you all about Who are you now? What are you all about Who are you now? What are you all about now? Where are you going now? What's now? Where are you going now? What's now? Where are you going now? What's this new version of you? See, here's this new version of you? See, here's this new version of you? See, here's what's amazing. At any point in your what's amazing. At any point in your what's amazing. At any point in your life, you can just decide to write a new life, you can just decide to write a new life, you can just decide to write a new script. You could decide to become a script. You could decide to become a script. You could decide to become a whole new character. See, the leading whole new character. See, the leading whole new character. See, the leading character in the story of your life is character in the story of your life is character in the story of your life is you. you. you. And guess what? You and God control the And guess what? You and God control the And guess what? You and God control the script. You could write a new script at script. You could write a new script at script. You could write a new script at any time you want. Listen to me. At any any time you want. Listen to me. At any any time you want. Listen to me. At any time you want, you can simply decide to time you want, you can simply decide to time you want, you can simply decide to be a new character. I'm strong now. I'm be a new character. I'm strong now. I'm be a new character. I'm strong now. I'm beautiful now. I'm handsome now. I'm beautiful now. I'm handsome now. I'm beautiful now. I'm handsome now. I'm bold now. I'm funny now. I'm smart now. bold now. I'm funny now. I'm smart now. bold now. I'm funny now. I'm smart now. I'm going there now. Stop telling the I'm going there now. Stop telling the I'm going there now. Stop telling the old story. Here's the truth. Nobody old story. Here's the truth. Nobody old story. Here's the truth. Nobody cares. No one cares if you had a cares. No one cares if you had a cares. No one cares if you had a failure. No one cares if you've had a failure. No one cares if you've had a failure. No one cares if you've had a setback. No one cares if you had a setback. No one cares if you had a setback. No one cares if you had a victory. And none of those failures, victory. And none of those failures, victory. And none of those failures, none of those setbacks, none of those none of those setbacks, none of those none of those setbacks, none of those victories, and that old character you victories, and that old character you victories, and that old character you keep playing is the very thing that will keep playing is the very thing that will keep playing is the very thing that will prevent you from becoming this new prevent you from becoming this new prevent you from becoming this new version of you. version of you. version of you. It's a story if you're stuck. It's an It's a story if you're stuck. It's an It's a story if you're stuck. It's an old story you're telling with an old old story you're telling with an old old story you're telling with an old character that was last year's version, character that was last year's version, character that was last year's version, last decade's version. Who's the new last decade's version. Who's the new last decade's version. Who's the new character? What's the new script? What's character? What's the new script? What's character? What's the new script? What's the new story? I must tell you I have a the new story? I must tell you I have a the new story? I must tell you I have a lot of weaknesses, a lot of things I do lot of weaknesses, a lot of things I do lot of weaknesses, a lot of things I do that don't serve me. But this identity that don't serve me. But this identity that don't serve me. But this identity thing, thing, thing, I get this. It's the key. Now, there's a I get this. It's the key. Now, there's a I get this. It's the key. Now, there's a lot of little many things in life that lot of little many things in life that lot of little many things in life that matter. There's never one thing. But if matter. There's never one thing. But if matter. There's never one thing. But if you said what's the key, I can tell you you said what's the key, I can tell you you said what's the key, I can tell you it's my addiction and my obsession to it's my addiction and my obsession to it's my addiction and my obsession to working on my identity. It's the thought working on my identity. It's the thought working on my identity. It's the thought of mine that dominates most of my of mine that dominates most of my of mine that dominates most of my thinking. That's number one. So, I'm thinking. That's number one. So, I'm thinking. That's number one. So, I'm conscious of the concept. That's huge. conscious of the concept. That's huge. conscious of the concept. That's huge. Just being aware of the concept will put Just being aware of the concept will put Just being aware of the concept will put you light years ahead of 99.9% you light years ahead of 99.9% you light years ahead of 99.9% of you. Just awareness of the power of of you. Just awareness of the power of of you. Just awareness of the power of identity. Just now you knowing about the identity. Just now you knowing about the identity. Just now you knowing about the thermostat puts you in the 0.1% thermostat puts you in the 0.1% thermostat puts you in the 0.1% of all the people on the spinning Earth of all the people on the spinning Earth of all the people on the spinning Earth right now. And then the next thing I'm right now. And then the next thing I'm right now. And then the next thing I'm really focused on is always adding really focused on is always adding really focused on is always adding people to my life in the areas that people to my life in the areas that people to my life in the areas that matter to me that live at higher matter to me that live at higher matter to me that live at higher temperatures than me. The second thing temperatures than me. The second thing temperatures than me. The second thing is I'm constantly doing things in short is I'm constantly doing things in short is I'm constantly doing things in short bursts of time to change the waterline. bursts of time to change the waterline. bursts of time to change the waterline. I'm also super obsessed with dropping I'm also super obsessed with dropping I'm also super obsessed with dropping what's no longer needed. There were what's no longer needed. There were what's no longer needed. There were certain things I needed to think and do certain things I needed to think and do certain things I needed to think and do and say or people I needed to be around, and say or people I needed to be around, and say or people I needed to be around, emotions I needed to have that got me to emotions I needed to have that got me to emotions I needed to have that got me to the place I'm currently at. I'm the place I'm currently at. I'm the place I'm currently at. I'm evaluating all the time. What is no evaluating all the time. What is no evaluating all the time. What is no longer needed? What emotion, what longer needed? What emotion, what longer needed? What emotion, what anxiety, what thought, what belief, what anxiety, what thought, what belief, what anxiety, what thought, what belief, what person, what behavior is no longer person, what behavior is no longer person, what behavior is no longer needed in my life? And then lastly, needed in my life? And then lastly, needed in my life? And then lastly, I never tell the old story. I never tell the old story. I never tell the old story. I don't like telling the old story. I'm I don't like telling the old story. I'm I don't like telling the old story. I'm constantly trying to write the new constantly trying to write the new constantly trying to write the new script, become the new character in my script, become the new character in my script, become the new character in my life. And it could just be the new life. And it could just be the new life. And it could just be the new emotions. It could be the new beliefs I emotions. It could be the new beliefs I emotions. It could be the new beliefs I have. It could be the new story, the new have. It could be the new story, the new have. It could be the new story, the new place I'm moving. But I'm constantly place I'm moving. But I'm constantly place I'm moving. But I'm constantly retelling a new story all the time. I'm retelling a new story all the time. I'm retelling a new story all the time. I'm constantly obsessed with writing the constantly obsessed with writing the constantly obsessed with writing the next chapter of my life, not reading the next chapter of my life, not reading the next chapter of my life, not reading the previous ones. The happiest and most previous ones. The happiest and most previous ones. The happiest and most fulfilled people don't read the past fulfilled people don't read the past fulfilled people don't read the past chapters of their life, whether they're chapters of their life, whether they're chapters of their life, whether they're good or bad. They are writing new ones good or bad. They are writing new ones good or bad. They are writing new ones all the time. These are the keys of all the time. These are the keys of all the time. These are the keys of changing the internal thermostat of our changing the internal thermostat of our changing the internal thermostat of our lives and ultimately are the keys of lives and ultimately are the keys of lives and ultimately are the keys of changing the external circumstances of changing the external circumstances of changing the external circumstances of our lives. our lives. our lives. >> [music]