John Maxwell: The REAL Reason You’re Afraid to Fail
Success and failure aren't opposites—they're dance partners. Keep them close together because when you're winning, failure brings humility that keeps you learning. When you're losing, success brings resilience that keeps you trying. The question isn't whether you'll fail, but whether you'll make exc
47mKey Takeaway
Success and failure aren't opposites—they're dance partners. Keep them close together because when you're winning, failure brings humility that keeps you learning. When you're losing, success brings resilience that keeps you trying. The question isn't whether you'll fail, but whether you'll make excuses (bad miss) or adjustments (good miss). Your response to failure, not the failure itself, determines whether you're getting closer to your goal or further away.
Episode Overview
John Maxwell, the world's premier leadership expert, sits down with Ed Mylett to discuss his third book on failure: 'How to Get a Return on Failure.' This conversation goes deep into reframing failure as an asset rather than a liability. Maxwell challenges conventional thinking by arguing that success and failure should be kept together, not separated—failure provides humility during winning streaks, while success provides resilience during setbacks. The discussion reveals why highly successful people often fail more (because they attempt more), the critical distinction between 'good misses' (making adjustments) and 'bad misses' (making excuses), and why getting over yourself is essential to taking risks. Maxwell shares his philosophy that there is no finish line in personal growth, which has freed him to continuously learn and attempt new challenges at age 78.
Key Insights
Success and Failure Must Stay Together
Culture separates success and failure as opposites—one good, one bad. But they're actually intertwined in everything we do. Keep failure close to your success because it provides humility when you're winning. Keep success close to your failure because it provides resilience when you're losing. Separating them causes you to lose both humility and resilience.
Good Miss vs. Bad Miss
The failure itself doesn't determine whether it's productive—your response does. A 'good miss' is when you make adjustments after failing. A 'bad miss' is when you make excuses. You can't go from excuses to success because excuses eliminate awareness, and you can't fix what you don't know needs fixing. Stay with your failure long enough to learn from it.
Get Over Yourself to Embrace Failure
Fear of failure is rarely about the actual outcome—it's about what others will think of you. Until you get over yourself, you'll never be highly successful. The world is composed of billions of people and one you. When you're overly concerned about how you look to others, you stay in the bleachers instead of getting in the game. No one ever won with a beer and a hot dog in the stands.
There Is No Finish Line
The destination mindset is a trap. You don't do hard things so life gets easy—you do hard things and get something harder. Respect and significance are only earned on difficult ground. The fulfillment, joy, and adrenaline you want come from going where you've never been, learning what you've never known, and doing what you've never tried. Success is a journey, not a destination.
Learning Is the Ultimate Advantage
Maxwell's secret sauce isn't needing to win, but needing to learn. He doesn't have to 'get there' because there is no 'there.' Over 30+ years of learning lunches with highly successful people, every single person's most important life lesson involved failure. The more you know, the more you realize you don't know, and the more you know you need to know.
Notable Quotes
"Do you want to get in the game and fail or do you want to sit in the bleachers and fail? Because sitting in the bleachers has already disqualified you. There's no win. No one ever had a beer and a hot dog and won."
"Success and failure are intertwined in everything that we do. If I keep failure close to my success when I'm on a roll, it will give me humility."
"Until you get over yourself, you're never going to be a highly successful person because it's not about me. It's all about the audience."
"Success is a lousy teacher. It makes people think they can't lose."
"Respect is only earned on difficult ground. Significance is only taken on difficult ground."
Action Items
-
1
Reframe Your Failure Question
Instead of asking 'If failure were not possible, what would I do?' (unrealistic), ask 'If failure were possible but I knew it would help me, what would I do?' This shifts your mindset to see failure as an asset for growth rather than something to avoid.
-
2
Make Adjustments, Not Excuses
After any setback, consciously choose whether you're making a 'good miss' or 'bad miss.' A good miss means analyzing what went wrong and making specific adjustments. A bad miss means making excuses or blaming circumstances. Stay with the failure long enough to extract the lesson before moving on.
-
3
Keep Success and Failure Together
During your winning streaks, deliberately remind yourself of past failures to maintain humility and keep learning. During your losing streaks, remind yourself of past successes to maintain resilience and keep trying. Don't let culture's separation of these two derail your growth in either direction.
-
4
Remove 'You' From the Equation
When facing a challenge or potential failure, ask yourself: 'Am I holding back because of the actual risk, or because of what people will think of me?' Recognize that excessive self-focus is a form of ego that keeps you on the sidelines. Shift your focus to serving others or the mission rather than protecting your image.