Joe Rogan Experience #1225 - Theo Von

Key Takeaway

When starting a demanding physical practice such as Brazilian jiu-jitsu, build durability before intensity. Begin with several weeks of foundational calisthenics—push-ups, sit-ups, bodyweight squats, and chin-ups—then add resistance work such as kettlebells before jumping into hard sparring. This “armor your body” approach targets the shoulders, knees, back, and neck that are most vulnerable when an inactive person suddenly takes on high-impact training.

Episode Overview

Joe Rogan and Theo Von range across comedy, culture, technology, parenting, addiction, fitness, and the future of work in a loose, humorous three-hour conversation. The most practical discussions center on preparing the body for difficult training, avoiding compulsive habits, learning from other people’s consequences, improving posture and spinal health, and choosing forward-looking action over nostalgia.

Full Transcript

Transcript of Joe Rogan Experience #1225 - Theo Von from Joe Rogan Experience. Auto-generated from episode audio; may contain minor errors.

well you know alcoholics anonymous was created by a guy who was into lsd yeah bill w a really baller jamie i want to show you through your sweater and it's not a bad sweater that's what shirt you're wearing it's very cool but this is a symptom of everything that's wrong yes go ahead are we on yet yeah we're on it's got fake short sleeves over long sleeves so the the short sleeves are sewed in not so not stunt sewed it's not attached how does it work then just the short sleeves over top it comes apart but this sleeve part there's not attached at all it's separate so it's two pieces yeah i didn't know that when i bought it either but when you pull the sleeve up what happens oh it goes all the way over the top like this oh i see it's like a separate hood so do you wear the two of them together or they i just sewed on i just bought it there's a whole rocky thing that this company did a whole bunch of pieces and i was like oh that's kind of cool so um sylvester stallone is uh slated to come on the podcast you will wear that correct when he's here please okay all right so is that but that the upper shirt is just laid over the tops shorts long sleeve shirt so you could wear one without the other like you could wear the short sleeve one oh okay it's just two sweatshirts you know but it's it's the training montage oh it comes it comes as a team yep is it heavy or is it light it is not light at all i'm starting to sweat right now i've never shut this door but that'll make you stronger if you got a heavy shirt i think that's the idea so uh we are here and if uh some [ __ ] goes down i may have to bolt from the podcast oh yeah because uh there's mandatory evacuations all around here really yeah yeah what is it where you live all in ventura county there's all these mandatory of bees yeah honey bees is it really yeah they're making too much honey what is it mudslides oh wow i didn't know that yeah i had to pull off lotianica one time they had a bunch of bees on there what really yeah huge hives man wow and you see you know a lot of homeless people and they don't do anything but when bees show up they [ __ ] get to doing [ __ ] you know that's one thing i noticed quickly yeah yeah isn't it interesting how they get motivated by bees yeah bees will motivate anybody yeah you know you know you know you're not all cracked out once the bees show up dude i watched bees communicate with each other once i was on the set of fear factor and we covered these people with bees and then uh a neighboring colony a colony that actually lived there local colony came and were like what are you guys doing here and the bees all flew up in the sky together and sorted it out in the sky really it was wild we had the guy told us like the beekeeper he's like everybody's got to stand down we got to back up get out of the area like what so yeah they have to communicate i thought he was joking let them do it huh yeah it's like they have to talk it out i'm like whoa they talk what are they gonna say there's something going on with them that we you know we just kind of subtly we sort of get what they do yeah yeah they're kind of like little little kind of liaisons it seems like like i wonder from the future we'll know that like certain animals can like you know take messages around for us and like if you told an animal something could go tell you know like a wonderful start using animals more because animals are we don't use them that much i mean they're sitting around most of the time right i read something about they were trying to encode information in dna we could ask mike tyson about his pigeons yeah i think that's different though they carrier pigeons but then pigeons used to carry long distances how about game of thrones yeah right that's what i'm saying like yeah yeah yeah for sure but whatever for whatever reason it makes more sense with birds yeah right like a bird seems like you should be able to train it a little bit oh bird you could train some birds i think would do their own thing let me ask you this if you had an important message would you just send one raven that's what i never got yeah how about you send a flop to these [ __ ] what are you crazy look at that goddamn thing it's eaten what if an eagle jackson along the way the fate of your kingdom is at hand sir yeah yeah you can't put that on the back of one bird dude i would send a bird nobody would expect you know like a little warbler something or a nightingale oh that's a good move yeah you got to send a bird that nobody wants to shoot though people like to shoot birds well owl too dude we had owl two thanksgivings ago we had two owls at my sister's house yeah i saw one last night actually did you yeah it was pretty no not last night night before last it was pretty [ __ ] cool pulled into the driveway and an owl took off it was big too it's gross i think owls the meat the uh oh you ate them you're saying yeah but the you guys ate owls yeah i think that's legal you probably shouldn't say that on the podcast well i didn't have a lot billboard used to have a joke about it i didn't have a lot man i had no i think i even spit it out i'm not even joking bill clinton when you smoke that weed and they had two they didn't have all the things they don't have a lot of meat on them i [ __ ] don't like owls they're predators they're important yeah you don't have rats everywhere yeah but you know they're i think they're violent then they're dirty and they they get this owls whoever did their pr you notice everybody thinks they're smart and they can read and they're like yeah they had a good pr yeah right yeah look at that we only got one up gentlemen but see how much little meat is on him you think there's more look at he's kidding look at that he's kidding folks he's not eating owls the one in the middle looks like it's from another planet you know yeah yeah and that's what that's what it really looks like that's what it looks like underneath that fluff alien little alien raptor creature i was like a crab it looks like a crab i was driving home when one was flying above me on the road and dropped a rabbit he had got a rabbit and jacked it and was flying with the rabbit and as he was flying just decided like maybe he decided the car was too close to him or was too loud or something like that i just dropped that rabbit and said [ __ ] it and i stopped the car and check it out i was like whoa that's flirting really it sounds like flirting oh if a bird drops a rabbit at your feet hey [ __ ] yeah it's ready to [ __ ] probably yeah like an offering look what i got for you more with that game yeah dude they're predators man they we never thought of them growing up as predators yeah they talked they told us they were wise they had that that monocle like [ __ ] uh like bud friedman yeah you need the improv remember oh like that planters peanut butt friedman from evening the improv his whole deal was yeah i was i loved evening the improv when i was a kid i never saw it oh man that was like one of the reasons why i got into stand-up comedy i used to watch these tv shows they had syndicated tv shows that they would do you know vh1 had one mtv at the half hour comedy hour what time did it come on it i don't remember man i don't remember that was bud but it was probably late at night it looks like that planter's nut but daniel i think that guy was one of the owners uh he sold it eventually and cha-ching cashed out here's my friend brian freeman in the left corner that's a different dude yeah interesting a lot of freedoms out there um but anyway bud ran uh he was the host of evening the improv and he would come out with that monocle go back to that monocle picture again lower left bam that was him see google bud friedman evening at the improv that's what you did oh okay yeah nice guy real real nice guy yeah he was yeah a real nice guy always always a sweetheart to me always very very friendly he was a very gregarious guy and he um basically was one of the original owners of the evening of the improv and evening the improv i don't know the full history of the improv i probably should but i think i want to say it started out in new york yeah because i know there were one there were ones everywhere at one point in time they had one in boston for a little bit and improv yeah yeah they had one in boston and then they changed it to a different name got started hell's kitchen and 1963.

yeah so that was probably one of the original stand-up comedy clubs probably one of the top two or three do you have a favorite like a club when you were like doing clubs more did you have like a favorite one i was just happy to get on stage back then you know i mean i had favorite ones like nick's comedy stop was always a favorite in boston right stitches but stitches moved a couple of times stitches moved twice what about any of the funny bones or did you go to any of those places yeah well but for the boston club the comedy connection was the big one and now that's the wilbur theater it's really weird because it used to be the smallest club in town and everybody wanted to work it it was like a hundred and oh i want to say they could stuff maybe 150 people in there but i mean stuffed i mean this room this this ceiling was low you know i mean i'm five eight and i remember i could i'm pretty sure i could touch the ceiling so this [ __ ] is low so if you were like owen smith yeah or you know someone talk somebody with a long arm yeah like you it's a big ass stage for you like big people would look real weird on that stage yeah but the laughs would be so contained it was so low ceiling and tight i love that it looks great i saw hicks there for the first time first time i ever saw him was there i was like whoa he was doing this bit about jimi hendrix meeting uh tiffany at the mall tiffany the um singer oh yeah cause she was real popular today i think we're alone now oh yeah yeah oh that song will make you just be erect i remember being on the school bus so [ __ ] erect bro dude i remember that [ __ ] bruh dude i love being erect when i was young man now it's whatever now it's just like i have to do something now what do you know what does my dick need me to do right it's like eating now yeah so i'll tell you this if you want to feed a family of four you can't just have one owl i will say that though well if you look at what it looks like without the feathers it looks like i'm saying [ __ ] demon yeah you know it's a real baiting switch i feel like it's one of god's hidden agendas well i was talking to someone about peacocks about this i started talking about it on stage that like peacocks are pretty but if you took their feathers off you'd want to kill it with a hammer yeah like what is that thing the [ __ ] is that you wouldn't let that thing anywhere near your kids well peacocks have their feathers on you let your kids get right close to them oh yeah but a peacock with no feathers yeah [ __ ] dark skin like charcoal covered with skin dirty and the little nubs all over it oh [ __ ] look at that it looks like looks like a little twink out on the town huh a little creepy murder a little bit probably a little gray and pink murderer is that what it looks like with mange oh whoa is that real oh my god like a duck face i don't know yeah that's a duck bro but it's it says peacock that is something else that is right though go back up to the peacock picture they have a different head go back to that peacock picture that you just had oh my god look at that head that's a totally different head like the beak shaped different yeah that's the problem with the internet yeah you can't it's so hard to tell that's a duck son who is that yeah those are ducks maybe it's on that page or something like that well it says right there it said feathers ripped from live birds it didn't ripping the feathers off peacocks was bill hicks a nice guy what was he like did you meet him i met him like hi like hey what's up i was i was an open miker oh yeah yeah he ain't gonna talk to me yeah it's like you know i say hi to everybody i i run into like door guys i always try to say hi to everybody yeah because i remember what it was like when i was an open micro and seeing these guys where i couldn't even talk i couldn't even imagine that we were the same thing couldn't talk to them you know what i mean like the big comedians you mean [ __ ] yeah like bill hicks would come into town i didn't want to say hi to him and be super annoying right because then what do you back it up with that was always my thing i was so stupid back then too i'm pretty dumb now but i was really dumb back then yeah there was no way i had anything to say to that dude do you think there was a time in your life you were the dumbest that you'd ever been probably a couple weeks ago i don't know matt well i definitely have more data to work with now but i've forgotten a lot of [ __ ] too but like do you think there's generally a time in people's lives when they what they should know kind of and the there's like a kind of like a middle ground where maybe it doesn't well for sure when i was in my early 20s like deep into my you know it took me into my 30s to kind of [ __ ] shake my head loose and figure out what the [ __ ] i was doing yeah dude you're 20 bro when you think about 20s right in no direction no idea whether or not this comedy thing was going to work out i'm like what am i doing yeah i'm telling jokes jesus christ yeah and then telling people when you go back home and they've never seen you they've never heard of you they think you're gay they're just like you won't like they're like you keep flying home you don't have any money and you're not bringing a girl home you have these jokes yeah you're hiding from something you know just come out i remember my stepdad is yelling at me in the yard one time told you to come out yeah i was like i'm not [ __ ] gay bro i'm just not flying some girl home that i just met you know just to prove to you guys i'll catch you i thought he could catch it a lot yeah he thought maybe he was gonna leave a uh yeah like he's gonna set a trap yeah he's setting a trap yeah he's like a slick boxer he said the trump boy you just come out of the closet boy like what the [ __ ] the problem is that's one of the reasons why young boys will always accuse each other of being gay because it's so hard to prove you're not yeah it's so hard what someone says you're gay like hey you take that off me you're crazy the worst has got to be if someone says you're gay and you are but you don't want to oh yeah that'd be sick [ __ ] yeah you changed your clothes the next day you come dressed like in a mafia outfit or something like something to totally take them hot off the trail you know you just wish you could say you were yeah you know you wish you could say you were i think now you can i think you still can't in a lot of places it i mean i would love to think that everybody's like the people that are around us where they literally don't give a [ __ ] justin martindale or look our language is funny and after that it's cool to be around those are the things that are most valuable in our world funny and cool to be around right those two things okay someone's funny and cool to be around we don't give a [ __ ] if you're a guy a girl trans gay yeah funny ghost cool to bear you could be a ghost yeah do you think this ghost at the comedy store i i i don't know i had some friends there the other day i was trying to give them the whole tour yeah tell them how it used to be cyril's nightclub bugs put them down i didn't take them all the way but i showed them you know how you go through the back room of the main room that that used to be like their hideout and [ __ ] i told them about all the ghost stories that have been filmed there but i don't believe it i don't think it's real well i think i'm surprised we don't have more ghost animals you know what i think i think it's you this is what i think for real i think when you i think you can probably tune in to something that happened in a place that's what i think and i think if you trip yourself out you could see things that aren't really there and i think that it is entirely possible the ghosts aren't real but that you seeing a ghost is real yeah that i think that you can get your body into like such a frenzied terrified state and if you are open to the idea that a ghost is a real thing your mind can [ __ ] with you yeah like ghetto boys your mind's playing tricks yeah that's what i think i think legitimately and i also think that if if you hit the right frequency i bet you get pull-ups like just a ghost of a memory of somebody getting killed in a place right or something horrible happening just a ghost of a memory oh i think that's next that's one of the next things you're going to be able to do like a gang sign in the air a special gang sign and then a [ __ ] the truth is going to pop out right in front of you like i think we're going to start to learn a harry potter type [ __ ] yes or like maybe a song what if there's a certain like playing of us lyrics or or notes in a row would reveal like the past right in front of you like i wonder if there's some you know magic little warp holes or something well well think about what music does do music literally changes the way your body feels like a drug like if you were a kid okay and you heard that rocky song you could run faster oh you you would get more fired up you'd be able to do more push-ups but you will probably a lot of dudes probably but the point is you would for sure get energy from that like a drug yeah like if that was a cup of coffee you'd be like whoa this coffee this coffee's good right you hear that song yeah i put up that video the other day oh yeah the video that i reposted the vibration yeah if you look deep into this topic of vibrations and symbols that come out and like explain to people what we're talking about oh it's kind of difficult it's hard i posted it on my instagram i reposted it because it's really fascinating this is a black mat it's it seems like it's just a mat that's charged yeah it's being vibrated let's explain what's happening for the people who just listen i'm not gonna play this video because they're probably taken down it's got a lot of views there's lots of different versions of this online it says amazing uh amazing amazing resonance experiment so they put some is it sand this is probably salt okay i don't know that it matters i put some sort of powdered stuff sander salt onto a black mat that's charged and then they send certain hertz through it this one's 3835 hertz and then it makes a different pattern that's crazy on the ground look at this 3975 like every time they change the hertz it has a different pattern look at 4049.

look at this pattern so these hurts are weighted that's unbelievable but yeah and these are also uh you can take these numbers and these can also be um notes that that's a darker color on a piano or you're used to hearing or singing right so these can also be recreated in other ways and are probably happening right and to us you know that's how like maybe one of those uh ear worms you hear like makes your your the back your neck vibrate or something like that what if a certain hertz just spelled your like your grandparent's name well what's interesting is each one of them are different geometric patterns they're these beautiful patterns they're gorgeous and as you change the hertz the patterns morph immediately yeah and but the thing is they're kind of fractal like not fractal but they they seem to be uh what's the word equal on both sides parallel no no i think you're you're on the right topic if if the number's a little more uh round like a round number these are not specific hertz like if you do a specific like twins different than identical but anyway the both sides are exactly the same and it's separated in this one they're not it's not separated in a half it's it's it's all like the circle is the center and it all goes out from there but they're different every time but they're all even like see it looks the only thing that's keeping it from being perfect is that they run out of sand and it looks like the power is centered around the center part where the wires are connected to so that's the most potent but it's [ __ ] beautiful so that may like if you think about that like in a i'll show you maybe if there's a certain hertz going through the air yeah like in space yeah then it would form like a solar system you want better the feeling that you get from like rocky right the feeling that you get from that song oh cause that thing's going through your body yes yeah it could literally could be like a little drug look think about why people like music so much because that musician is your drug dealer yeah okay you hear like some old elton john like you're in your car and saturday night comes on you're [ __ ] goosebumps if you haven't heard that song in a long time and you don't expect it yeah oh [ __ ] yeah jesse had a friend but that one makes you want to you know that's a good song too but that vibe is good this was done with well like i was saying with musical notes wow on water we're looking at the thing it says the cymoscope is that how you say that cyma scope uses a high definition camera to monitor the effects of an individual sounds particular vibrations on purified water revealing for the first time what piano notes look like [ __ ] there are people out there so much smarter than you and me oh yeah oh god it's it's amazing that we're considered the same thing you know as what smart people it's just really smart people like i have someone like sean carolyn the physicist and he has to break down particle physics and [ __ ] to you you're like is it hard it doesn't even get in yeah does it i i can repeat what he said yeah well what the [ __ ] it means like when people start talking about quantum quantum things and quantum theory and quantum particles there's danger dude i don't get it i don't trust that kind of stuff a lot of it well how about you know what superposition is it's the ultimate what the [ __ ] where particle can be in the state of motion and be still at the same time i'm like well good luck with that good luck with this magic world that you've created crazy scientists that i don't understand yeah i would rather do something more chill than that what the [ __ ] something can say ride a bike or go for a run or something rather than study that or rather than be that particle oh rather than study that and be yeah sit like i just think but don't you want someone to know because don't you benefit from cell phones well what about the the such few people know that if they all wanted to lie to us then they could they would have to be conspiracy now you're starting to sound like some other people let's go get some tinfoil yeah but i didn't know that that that so that's funny that your body would do that the reason why they would never do that is because a scientist's whole deal is figuring out [ __ ] that other scientists didn't figure out that's like the best thing they can do the best thing a scientist can do is a real honest-to-goodness breakthrough would you have sex with a scientist you think yeah like a movie scientist like she keeps the glasses on yeah they're always blonde in the movies right side no sometimes a dark black hair too mysterious i bet they're clean too if you [ __ ] a scientist dude i bet they have a clean apartment maybe but maybe not maybe their [ __ ] brain is like that chalkboard with all the squiggly alien mathematics on it yeah that's true huh yeah yeah what if they have a bunch of [ __ ] tattoo there's a bunch of dirty math tattooed around their puss i was reading this brother but i was reading this thing about richard feynman you know who feynman was fine was a scientist he was a physicist and uh there was an article about him like was feynman an abuser but um it was it was talking about richard feynman and how you know he used to just his wife said he's just do nothing but calculations all day and then he wanted to play the bongos and he didn't want anybody to bother him but like he had a quote from one of his uh one of his books and it's crazy reading it it's like uh i just see if you can find it because it's a really it's a crazy quote calling women [ __ ] and i'm like what like that they're worth that that you know i just uh i don't want to paraphrase it he's like i don't wanna i don't i i can't deal with these [ __ ] around here so i think he was a funny guy right that's what i think it's hard it's hard when you see things in text because you think okay maybe he's like a really mean terrible person see i i adopted the attitude that those bar girls are all [ __ ] that they aren't worth anything and that they're all in the all they're in there for is for to get you to buy them a drink and they're not going to give you a goddamn thing i'm not going to be a gentleman to such worthless [ __ ] and so on he writes see but i feel like and so on when someone says and so on that implies that this is taken out of context in my mind i want to know what does that mean and so on that means to me what i'm getting out of this if i if i was going to guess is that he goes on he elaborates he might say this is how i felt back then and obviously i changed my mind i mean he could have been 18 when he was talking about this or 16 i don't know what the [ __ ] is about but he also could be very funny because he was apparently a very funny guy so his the the title of his book is surely you're joking mr feinman oh that's nice then but if it was so like if one if someone said that but i don't think all these bar girls are [ __ ] if they said it funny mm-hmm could you see those those same words i thought they had all these balls [ __ ] but it's all really depending upon how old he is too or it could be that that's really how he was and maybe he got married maybe got in trouble with his wife and he had to say this you know i don't think that's it i think he's talking about when he was younger but it's um i could see that though dude you're at the bar if you don't like where loud music and all the girls are just drinking with a bunch of i would be like oh these girls are a bunch of [ __ ] probably yeah but that's a lazy way it is a lazy way thing and it just makes it it's so you can judge and you can control the scenario the thing is look if you go into room and 10 girls are in there and seven of them are [ __ ] super annoying and you say these [ __ ] are all annoying you're being super rude to those three that aren't yeah and there might be some decent girls but that's why it's weird yeah it's like it's weird to hear a high level famous scientists probably i think in the article they were saying the second yeah beyond uh be beyond einstein he's the second famous most famous physicist especially a scientist because you think a scientist would know that there's a couple of these [ __ ] could be variables right that's why i'm thinking this might have been a quote from him when he was young yeah that's crazy i don't think that he said that or him criticizing himself when he was young but i don't know i'm just guessing i was hoping that it would be that bad it's crazy to read that dude a lot sometimes i miss being young man don't you miss it sometimes well no and yes like it looks like fun to have no responsibility and to be 22 and be backpacking around the world or doing something silly and not having a place where you have to go or a bunch of bills but on the other hand i feel so [ __ ] ridiculously lucky that i get to be a comedian right like i don't want to try to do this again yeah why would i try to do this when i i'm doing this like but yeah but to go back i just miss being young and like remember a nap man when you took a nap when you were young it could last you [ __ ] didn't care could last for three days yes but i think one of the secrets to happiness is to never look back at any point in your life and wish you were back there because a it's not possible right and b if you didn't go through that you wouldn't be you if you would go back now and be 22 again and broke and [ __ ] up with all the information you have now you'd be like [ __ ] y'all don't know i had a [ __ ] netflix special you guys don't know i was killing it out there i decided to start over like an [ __ ] now here i am oh yeah i'm young but i'm broke i can't even afford vitamins yeah what the [ __ ] i don't want to be that guy again the first thing joe wants is to get to i work out hard man i got to take care of my body yeah you're right i gotta feed it the right food i can't afford a ramen noodle i'm eating ramen noodle every day i'm gonna start breaking joints yeah i'm gonna have real problems tear muscles and [ __ ] yeah you're gonna be eating owl yeah man how many [ __ ] catching squirrels in my yard that's when it gets bad i'm not supposed to be dealing with that either i miss my body being young dude how old are you i'm 38.

shut your mouth you're fine you just got to work out yeah you don't work out huh i just started getting back into it yeah that's all it is doing some yoga and i want to go try a brazilian jiu jitsu downtown slow down with that get yourself in shape first yeah that's what i'm realizing my yeah my advice because you're trying to explode and get out of things look don't listen to me you can start jiu jitsu and be in terrible shape and get in shape through jiu jitsu you can yeah absolutely but if i was going to advise someone i would say if you're going to do something that's as physical as jiu jitsu i believe that you should armor your body what i mean by that is like your shoulders your knees your back your neck those are all areas that if you don't work out at all they could break susceptible they're susceptible so i would always advise that someone does a bunch of calisthenics particularly like like the classics push-ups sit-ups body weights squats chin-ups those all those classics do a lot of those get you just get your body accustomed to resistance training right do that first then i would move from the i would always start with the with calisthenics always start with that and then from that move into weights do like some kettlebells take a couple of months you could take a couple months before you just jump right into jiu-jitsu if you don't have but if you're an athlete right then you could just jump right in right if your guy already does basketball or you already wrestle oh yeah jump right in but a guy who doesn't do any exercise at all yeah jiu jitsu is so rough on you yeah i used to do exercise i mean i used to do did we used to shoot up steroids on the side of the interstate when i was growing up shoot on the side of the road why wouldn't you go home it was more of an outdoor thing i felt like you know i didn't want to bring that [ __ ] in the house really but we would uh me and a buddy of mine that do billy conforto actually and he passed away r.i.p and he died he had a bunch of pills and actually drove into an embankment one time but it's time to go oh yeah can you imagine it's a bad way to go and he uh but he was a busboy and i was a bus boy and he would uh and yeah we both like to go to the gym and he was like the first gay man that ever met and then he um you know he one time he got us some steroids or something i don't know i think everybody was doing them and then we just yeah we'd pull over and do them and then just go to the gym you know dude one time a guy in new york said i'm going to get some drugs in the middle of the night he went came back three hours later with steroids he's like you want a [ __ ] party wow he was partying with steroids i was like [ __ ] no bro i'm leaving tomorrow in new york i was there for about eight months how come so i was just kind of trying out the comedy scene there and seeing what it was like why'd you decide to leave i don't know i guess i just wanted like a new here's what it was i never wanted to get old and say that i didn't try it to go to l.a to try new york to oh oh i said right to never have even just six months even just have like an experience there you know well it's a hotbed for sure the two hotbeds right now are here and there yeah those are two hotbeds and there's all this debate as to like which one's better whatever it's silly it's that's a great hotbed yeah no denying that there's some world-class comedians over there and then there's ones that show up there and here like chappelle he's always bounce bouncing back and forth chris rock was always bouncing back and forth louis vuitton's working in here but louie's working again he's working at the improv right now lucy in yeah oh wow that's cool i think he's going to sell out a world tour in like a year for sure for sure or next month even if you wanted to yeah for sure you know i mean it's it's interesting this whole bit about the parkland shooting you know you know that oh yeah saw that stirred up all this controversy that is so it's such a louis ck bit it's interesting it's almost like people don't understand what kind of comedy he did right yeah like suddenly they forget who he was yeah if you look at his comedy you're not even surprised that he was jerking off you know kind of room service sort of deal you know but he's he's his style has always been like that i mean he's his style is always very irreverent yeah saying [ __ ] up [ __ ] you can't believe he's saying and you know well-written and well-thought-out stuff this is stuff he's working on and this is people like you know how could he joke it wasn't even that good he's just he probably wrote it that day yeah two days before who knows how many times he's done that bit but i guarantee you the guy takes 10 months off a stand-up and then he's starting to do it again i don't he was scared i bet i don't think i would ever joke around about that i definitely wouldn't joke around about but you can yeah i don't know if i would it just wasn't it wasn't his best stuff it wasn't good it's like it wasn't ready yeah but maybe he could have come up with a different turn on it where it wouldn't be as offensive and it would be way funnier that's what working on a bid is all about right like [ __ ] look holtzman brian holtzman if he had said that exact same thing that louis said we would be howling yeah we'd be in the back of the room slapping the table howling laughing yeah by an oatsman you don't get to talk because you put the [ __ ] fat kid in the way and that literally that's a bit that if holtzman said we would be crying we'd be slapping the table we'd all gather around and watch him on late nights would it be an issue right it wouldn't be an issue at all because we know that it's humor is it yeah it's a [ __ ] up thing to say that's kind of the point the whole art form is about saying things that are funny sometimes saying things that are funny are self-deprecating sometimes they're [ __ ] up yeah they're always different sometimes saying things they're funny is really adorable yeah sometimes someone will say something that's real adorable but also hilarious yeah or your act this is odd odd and hilarious just very very uh theo vaughn yeah if i had to describe your act and say it's very theo vaughn really yeah it's you you know how to do it but it's like everybody does it different folks and you know you take a set from someone who's just working stuff out and you pretend that this is done he's probably half those words he's saying he's probably trying to be in the moment he's probably got a place to go kind of got some punchlines and hoping that he'll see something in it while he's doing it and working it out yeah that's and then you listen to the recording and you go why did i say it that way why don't i do this and you change that and add this and it's he has to learn yeah and then you know it's just can't expect them all to be good either like immediately especially when the guy's been on trial like you know or been you know under that social pressure and or just like you know and you know probably been dealing with remorse and going to self-help i don't know i mean who knows what he's been doing this is my take on a lot of this and i think this is an important thing to say we can't lose our empathy we can't lose our compassion we we have we have we should be compassionate towards victims we could we should be compassion towards each other we should be this this tendency to want to stop people from working and be like there's a certain amount of time where it passes and it starts to look like you don't want anyone to have a path to redemption right which is everyone's got to have a path to reduce we have to because we're all faulty yeah all human but there was an article about it that i just retweeted today from nick christakis who is a professor at yale i um i retweeted it today earlier and it's about call out culture and these people that got called out for things and how it destroyed their lives people that you don't even know like yeah this one small uh a punk scene where these these two people got called out for stuff but it's like oh with the subscription they got us with the subscription got to subscribe to new york times bro you got to pay for good journalism i pay i may have this account actually if you want to use money do you have uh you have a times account i think i do i had one but uh i could i tried to renew the other day and i couldn't because these [ __ ] stole my [ __ ] american express card and i didn't get my new one yet who did the people wear on an airplane oh some [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] criminals yeah [ __ ] crazy they started charging up [ __ ] one of them was toys r us in india oh wow okay dude i love seeing what people charge when they do steal from me it is kind of fun isn't it isn't it crazy you're like pissed that they stole me like oh wow a lot of it was one dollar they got an ottoman a lot of it was one dollar and i was like what are you doing if you bang that maybe they bang the card out for like a hundred one dollars or maybe it's got a snack sometimes you're running places to get a snack get a gum it was all online you know uh i bought a reese or something the other day was 88 cents yeah that would be a stupid thing to hit someone's card for you'd want to get a jewel yeah really expensive vape pens hit him up for that 29 bucks how crazy though that that that's the future that now it's like that like i was thinking the other day that having a baby inside of your body this is going to be like the last yeah that's becoming retro yo they're going to take it out for sure there was a baby that was born today inside the amniotic sac did you see that that's a damn goldfish oh it's crazy you you're seeing it's a delicacy inside the sack i mean i don't know what the story was because i i'm a notorious headline reader i read headlines i just googled it and there's there's it's not a thing it has happens apparently well i don't care if it happens all the time i want to see incredible photos of babies um but it was an article that was going around the internet today a baby born in it's a video of the baby moving around inside this uh this sack it's very weird that's a damn got it on youtube here that's a dumpling dude if you're downtown huh what is that oh it's a dumpling it's uh they're very small it's not wow all right see if you can find it it was i saw it i believe i saw it on instagram let me see that baby man do you think baby when babies are born right when they're born look at that though that's basically the same thing that's the baby inside the sack that's one of those things they eat us eat sometimes on those games oh so i'm guessing this is a cesarean section it happens once every 80 000 births that is amazing that you could see what the baby looks like when it's in there holy crap that's incredible crazy bro oh it's spanish it was in spain human beings making human beings that's crazy this is exactly what i saw this is this one is the exact one i saw how crazy is that might be upsetting for some you're about to see the amniotic sac being opened it's like an old man upsetting that's how we exist yeah but people aren't ready for life we're gonna keep you from everything there it is bam the sack oh [ __ ] kid's free wow we could see a little bit of bud on that one oh lordy yeah i can't believe do you ever think that maybe if a baby is born a certain way like missionary or doggy style that it could affect the way that they live their life i thought about that before well you should probably understand how babies are born they have to come out ahead first the baby comes out doggy style you gotta spin around inside the womb literally okay but what if the person is doggy style when they have the baby though oh different thing uh yeah your kid's probably gonna be a freak yeah that's great yeah yeah doggy style is like we're not making love we're [ __ ] yeah yeah doggy style is basically just kind of pat yeah it's like getting to know each other quickly well it's just a different kind of [ __ ] yeah it's like oh this is a dirty [ __ ] yeah it's fast or slow sometimes it depends on how you're feeling sometimes i missed sex when i was young man sober sex is for [ __ ] kid is for what is this with you missing your youth i just lie i just love being you look at this what are you doing i don't want to watch a lady give birth you son of a [ __ ] it's not video she's like get out of here she's in a river she's giving birth in a river it's cold in the river you crazy [ __ ] that's melted glaciers that's that wim hog poor little kid and if it's not warm if it's not then it's warm and if it's warm it's filled with bacteria get the [ __ ] out of the river and go to the hospital hippie no no you can't have a baby in your bathtub if you live in [ __ ] brooklyn go to the goddamn hospital it's right down the street don't you love your kid yeah you figured out a better way look at this lady first of all she is uh she's in australia well there's spiders that are gonna crawl into her [ __ ] right now and kill the baby before it even comes out they have uh seven of the eight most dangerous snakes in the world are in australia i was trying to tell my friend adam greentree yesterday he doesn't want to believe me very the brown snake the australian brown snake dude kill the [ __ ] out of you oh kill that little [ __ ] creek [ __ ] speaking australian brown snake that's how she got pregnant in the first place you see what i did there dude a lot of man my sister almost got knocked up by a brother once man you never know yeah almost what's almost he [ __ ] her i mean i don't know if they [ __ ] but they well that's almost they were thinking about baby names so i would assume that they had had some type of interaction oh so they were going to do it on purpose i don't know i think that they're thinking about baby names in case they [ __ ] up but that's some weird plan in the head how much wear a condomer but i think that's a dude's move if you think you might have knocked a girl up and you still want to stay with her you like oh let's talk about baby names too you know what i'm saying until you ride out that until you bail that menstrual cycle no until you know that the menstrual cycle is around oh yeah you know yeah can people have a menstrual cycle on a full moon or not it's a weird thing if you you're having sex with somebody and you like having sex with them but you don't like hanging out with them yeah that happens for guys and girls yeah happens for a lot of guys i know dude it happens and girls too it happens i've heard girls say that like i don't even like hanging out with them anymore but i like [ __ ] them it's changing now a lot more girls are being very much like guys used to be well they can be the the first the birth control pill then dating apps they can get a hold of people and money yeah now they have options yeah but the um the thing about this um about uh uh dating apps it's like that's gotta be just as weird as dating for a girl yeah almost weirder maybe right because you can't even see the person right i mean you can see pictures of them yeah but you don't see them when they're looking at your profile in there right you should be able to see how they look at your profile how many people are looking at your profile at any given moment you know that's a that's a nightmare in and of itself yeah you think about that imagine like just people just looking at you and saying no and you're in the distance all the time it has to be bad for us somebody will say yes the odds the thing is you're playing the numbers maybe in that sense it's better because the only people that get a hold of you the people that say yes right so you miss all the no's that's true but what i was gonna say is that haven't had a baby with someone that you don't really like yeah that's a possibility if you just like to have sex with them and then when you're done you're like i gotta go yeah and you can't go because the baby's around it's gonna come out have [ __ ] buddies that everyone has guys and girls have [ __ ] buddies yeah ev almost everyone i know has had one in the past where you weren't in a relationship with them really drive over and [ __ ] and bang and then all right bye yeah bye but do you kiss at the end that's a lot of chicks these days i think they just want to kiss you they don't want to kiss you someone don't even want to see you sometimes you'll open the door the girls they're ready to [ __ ] and then just walks off in the other direction when you're done she puts a blindfold on you bird boxes women are done with us man they're done i feel like they're done do you feel like that i think it's a precarious time a lot of chicks are probably going lesbo this week oh it's a dude i would be with trump i think the the more days that the the government is shut down the more women are going to go lesbian they're going to hate men so much because of trump they're just going to go gay but people always say people right now going that's not how it works duh remember what i said earlier about jokes but what's funny to me is gay guys are always like i'm gonna turn this guy out and that always sounds alarming it does work but that sounds alarming it does sound alarming it but it does work i have i don't want to say i almost said his name uh he worked on he wasn't he was not an actor but he worked in the world of acting and he told me that he blew a lot of straight guys he said that was just something that happened they would have a couple drinks and pretend they'd never done it before and next thing you know yeah i got that delicious mouth that's what a lot of gay dudes say it was either him doing them or them doing him but he's like you'd be amazed at how many you know air quotes straight guys are out there like whoa yeah maybe he's just knows how to swing it but would you do you think is it less homosexual to jerk a guy off with your left hand what are you left-handed right-handed right-handed so yeah if you jerk you off with your left hand it's it's gayer to do it with your right hand scared to do with my left hand the one that doesn't work as well because it'll take longer yeah but you don't really have but it's understandable i feel like it's understandable if you do with your left hand because that's barely even your hand no it's my hand bro you're not going to feel that much of it though you should jerk them off with your right hand so you should be effective and get it done with unless you like holding on to dicks longer dude don't come yet no come yeah hey buddy i'm right here i'm your pal i know what's gonna happen you're gonna come and you're not gonna want to hang out with me anymore oh gosh no no i wouldn't do that just go faster no i don't believe you did i think no i think you i think using that left hand is that real that's the party move you know because it's not you could still use this hand to be on your phone you can do other stuff yeah but again then you're not concentrating on the jerking the guy off look once you commit to doing something gay just get it done son yeah just get after it that's true okay you don't want to be out there halfway jerking the guy off while you're pretending that you're looking at your mentions but also what about this though if you are aggressively very effectively jerking the guy off right and then you can barely use your phone it looks like you're just like maybe a you know gay or bi gentleman that's on some dope or something listen you're doing gay [ __ ] whether you're on your phone i think it sounds like it acts as a condom to prevent you with your gayness you're doing gay things man you're holding on to a dick you just gotta accept that and keep moving there's a lot of games yeah you're right just take the next right action there's gay people doing [ __ ] that's gay there's straight people doing [ __ ] that's gay oh everything you've chosen to jerk that man off once you commit to that project just keep going and yeah what's the payoff what do you got out of jerking them off i don't know i don't think let me ask you this here's a question okay if there was a place does this conversation seem gay or not if life was free if you could really do whatever you want if you're a grown adult you could do whatever you want i mean that's one of the interesting things about society is that we set up these rules in cultures and we decide what you can do and what we decide is different when they decide in holland is different when they run yeah everybody's got different rules yeah but once we set those rules it's very hard to buck those rules now let's just pretend there was no rules what if there was a place where guys would go and guys would jerk them off and new jerks yeah like if there was a place where guys straight guys got a job jerking guys off but you it you you get paid a thousand dollars an hour you don't think that straight guys would take that job straight struggling guys then they would they would morph and figure out a way oh just over a generation or two just a generation or two if you could make a thousand dollars an hour beating guys off yeah you could start it as like uh especially each job if you could wear an oven mitt while you do it i would do it do we figure that out if you could wear an oven mitt while you do it no no no no no warm oil in your bare skin that's the only way to jerk eyes off you gotta do it no way bro dude there's way other ways man you could definitely dude one way you could do is even you don't even wrap your hand you just do like that release sideways it's like kentucky fried chicken there's only one batter that crispy batter is [ __ ] nobody likes that crispy batter get the [ __ ] out of here dude i'm trying to think if i had to jerk it one thing about jerking off to me i i feel like there's not as much calm in your body as there could be you know what i'm saying you don't get that much out well it depends on what you're jerking off to and you know how focused you are on the task if you're jerking off while you're looking at your phone yeah yeah but you know you're checking your twitter and you're also beating off you're a multitasker but you're not going to get a lot no matter how much you know how how how how you do it really yeah how much do you get you get like a little bit how much do you get like like if you had a compare it to something like a quarter no probably like maybe a like an eleventh of a handful i guess i don't know how big is your hand dude i can't do you still masturbate as an adult no i do it as a child you know i mean i put a diaper on it makes me feel like i'm rejuvenating myself i feel like you'd rip your dick off if you're trying to masturbate that's what i feel like dude i hold my kids hands i know how to hold things gently yeah that's true man i uh i don't know man i i actually masturbated yesterday and i feel bad about it sometimes but why i just i don't know for some reason i feel good that's the thing it's a cultural thing they've got us when we're young like think about it this way what if the culture was all stand-up comedy culture because arguably stand-up comedians have a different culture and a different way of looking at things yes and a definitely like a very deep camaraderie between fellow practitioners right yeah if that was the culture was the stand-up comedy culture was the whole world you wouldn't give a [ __ ] if you beat off right you wouldn't even be slightly embarrassed right i tell people you would tell people i'll tell people where it's at sure ari would tell me all the time how many times you beat off toy story oh talk to all we all tell each other how we beat off or what we beat off to i just don't like it as much as i used to when i was young well that's my thing you're probably uh healthier yeah you know it's like you've gotten older you're more comfortable you're successful yeah it just feels like yeah it feels like a novice move if i'm still jerking off and it's 2019.

it's certainly a distraction too yeah there's something about uh especially looking at porn there's there's i'm not anti-porn i don't want anybody to get me wrong i think you should be able to do whatever you want to do ultimately and i think a lot of why people have bad opinions about people doing certain things is that we judge people when they do certain things and we have these ideas about them that we sort of impose on them right but i think for some people porn is very useful but you have to have discipline yeah see the thing is if you watch porn and you watch two people have sex and you get excited and you jerk off you just took care of like some sexual needs that you had yeah what could possibly be wrong with that the only thing that could be possibly wrong with it is that there's something wrong with these two people having sex and filming it well is there like but doesn't everybody wanna [ __ ] i don't wanna film myself [ __ ] but doesn't everybody want to have sex people love to have sex it's like one of the most important motivations that we have oh yeah most people leave the house every day because they might have a chance to [ __ ] that's for sure i mean why do people why do they get involved romantic relationships in the first place to not just not just be nice to each other but to [ __ ] eventually sometimes that's part of the whole thing yeah so what is it about two people [ __ ] on film that's so distasteful well you know you don't want people to see your special thing maybe or like what you don't you know you want to keep it private i get all those it's gotten too fancy though it's too high def though you can't you're br you ca real life can't compete with it so then it's so that's not always the case oh this stuff is just right there but it's not real life though it's not as good as real life but i think that it's visually it starts to get that it's better and it starts to get where like sometimes like i like i'm 40 days off pornography right now right oh really yeah oh so you're like on a pornography detox oh dude i don't ever want to see it again really yeah if somebody tries to get their [ __ ] out i'm like you stop but let me let me say this to you though you also had the same kind of issue with drugs and alcohol right so you have like an addictive personality yeah that's a good point so i have an executive personality so what i was saying earlier that i think that the thing of the thing itself is not necessarily bad and for some people can actually provide a service right yeah like it helps them to jerk off i don't understand why that would be bad the only thing that you would say is and this is uh i don't know how factual this is because i haven't done any surveys but what i've read is that a lot of the people that get involved in that are victims of abuse that's disturbing right you don't want to hear that but then some of them aren't some of them do it because they want to do it yeah like isn't that okay that seems more okay than someone who's doing it because they're a victim of abuse and they're desperately seeking love and attention and they don't know how how to do it that's a good point so then you look at it like in terms of but you just that's looking at that is like well then don't laugh at comedy right because you laugh at comedy almost everybody that's a comedian is [ __ ] up or been [ __ ] over i mean that's that's really why they get into it in the first place because they desperately need attention they want to be special they want to be something and they're like look at me so they figure out how to be funny but usually those are victims of abuse like in some way shape or form not all of them right because they need the affection they need they need something from people maybe six out of ten right yeah maybe in being good yeah so there's so many things that you could look at that like that what you know like something good comes out of stand up right so we just accept that that's okay to laugh at these [ __ ] up people but you know what i mean like a guy like joey diaz you know i mean that guy's lived everything he's seen everything but it's okay it's okay to laugh at the chaos that his life was because the jokes are so funny yeah you know it's it's weird right but it's not okay to look at uh like even if the girl is enjoying porn if you find out that at some point in time she was molested and that possibly was one of the motivating factors that led her into porn then you get super weird about it yeah then you have to think about it they should put that on the thing like percentage chance of somebody that was molested in the video and i think that that would deter people from watching us do you think so yeah man my thing is just i started to think of sex then in frames like okay i gotta meet the girl and then we have to walk over by us so you know we have to i have to see this and have to see that then that happens and then now and that sex so i started to you know like interpret it that way and i don't know sex was just fun when you were young remember when you were [ __ ] imagine being 16 and [ __ ] somebody else that was 16 bro you know what i want to hear in the background am i saying this the song live and let die when you were young they used to was an say book who was that diana ross who sings oh paul mccartney and wings [ __ ] wings bro that was from uh james bond i don't know oh that's right that's right guns roses oh they did it that that was one time where the [ __ ] remake was so good that was you kind of forgot it wasn't their own song we've been dancing can i hear some some of this only we hear it has axel been on your podcast joe no i definitely have him on man wow i would definitely have that guy on i can't imagine he seems to have come back from the brink yeah right yeah this who knows what kind of ego happened and what all happened whenever they went to give me some volume so i can hear it at least i want to hear him say that at the beginning here we go yeah look out so he was for years he went crazy yeah he vanished was trying to make that one album forever right took many many years and everybody's like goddammit axelrose went crazy and you'd see him like damn it was a shame guns and roses was so good so good and then slowly but surely he [ __ ] came back like really came back like he's [ __ ] back like that dude tours with ac dc now yeah i mean he crushes it i saw some videos of him on stage he's a [ __ ] animal again he looks like heart a little bit like one of the people from heart but he's but that's just age and time you know it's just oh i don't think it's asian time i think there's a lot of other ingredients it could be shrimp you gotta throw some [ __ ] onto that mix well saltwater shrimp yeah but slash looks the same oh slash looks the same but that's what i'm saying they're both the same age yeah they started out together or close to the same age at least dude how much fun must that be [ __ ] musicians i think it's too much fun this is my theory i think it's too much fun and i think they don't even have to write new [ __ ] so because they don't have to write new [ __ ] and it's too much fun they're out there just [ __ ] smashing yeah every night [ __ ] smashing smashing shows smashing tour buses and hotels breaking news and just smashing each other smashing [ __ ] just smashing they're probably crazy you probably won't even notice if you [ __ ] a dude if you're that famous i think you notice i think you're wrong i beg to differ oh he's got a teleprompter what about a fast dude did you know axel rose out of teleprompter but i guess you want that if you're on all the drugs if you want all the jug not only do i want a teleprompter i want it to be highlighted what i'm supposed to say i mean he's wearing hot pants so yeah oh he is yeah he's so close he's swearing he's very available think you keep bringing up all this gay stuff do you guys tell me was your stepdad right no bro i've never been gay man never ever no never ever ever never i mean maybe when i'm 60 or 70 i'll bust out you know i'll come on somebody but i'm not doing anything now gay i want a family and everything i think they're so free with their expression right that they wear whatever the [ __ ] they want and i think that's a part of the culture of really huge musicians is that they get very free with their looks their sexuality like look at him with his wow with his ripped up pants axel rose back when he's a cutie pie or david bowie david bowie when he was in his androgynous state beautiful prince uh i mean you can go on and on and on about men like [ __ ] mick jagger i mean mick jagger would swing his hips and yeah puff his lips well elvis is staying pretty that was a manly thing but he wore women's clothing and women's like you know you know stuff from like oh he wore stuff from like scarves and [ __ ] is that what you're saying no what's that women's clothing store that's in every like little secrets no it's for like kind of more you know lane bryant oh he wore the big fat lady stuff well i mean how does that mean he's wearing something a dude closed door for fat guys big and tall they call it yeah but that's like some of them it's called the j spot it's over there on peak of boulevard you've been there jay anthony always sells those suits over there on stage what's up oh there he is is that him now that's him that could be the lady is that cheryl swopes he's uh that's right that's his uh hair looks weird like that it's like he went to spring break but that's axel from younger days so that's when he had vanished for a while right sort of like when he resurfaced oh but when he did that like he did a big concert in brazil too right i remember listening to that his voice was kind of struggling a little bit because he has such a such a scratchy voice you know you gotta think like that voice probably very difficult to maintain yeah but that primal [ __ ] welcome to the jungle dude that was this [ __ ] when i was that was like right when i was graduating high school i remember i worked out this shitty little gym and i'd be on the leg press machine listen to welcome to the jungle what kind of headphones did you have uh whatever they have the big ones though yeah oh yeah i had a walkman with a cassette oh yeah it might have been a disc player yeah that one's ridiculous that one makes oh who is that recent is that holly hunter that's him now no it's not holly hunter you son of a [ __ ] i don't even know who holly honey is lead singer guns and roses oh i love guns and roses dude my brother and i used to beat each other in our room we'd fist fight in the yard to [ __ ] guns and roses bro ac dc it was the music my childhood was was was gnr alice in chains that's a that's a weird look the the thermal or the flannel shirt tied around the waist what's that look like right but that's a weird look yeah like on purpose it's a weird look i said darlene connor you're like hey i know i'm not gonna wear this flannel shirt but i'm gonna tie it around my waist but hey it's not really a skirt right it's just like an accoutrement to my outfit of fake ripped pants yeah right that's a weird look isn't it a weird look would you think you'd rather have like a little skirt or like be naked do you think skirt i don't want people judging me really i'll stop looking at my dick it's making me self-conscious but what if you had like a little dick hide or like a little thing that you could still did look at how big is your [ __ ] you can't get no escape would you ever wear a fake dick so that people thought your dick was bigger if i did it would be an outrageous wrap around my waist tuck into the front i'd have it tucked in my sock and it would be green like a whole dick like a dark green like people would know it's fake though kale dick people like oh that guy's is fake bro why is your dick greeted like why are you looking at my dick [ __ ] away from my desk dude i think are people even gonna have dicks in the future it just seems like everything's going away so fast man yeah they're trying to do that with this new uh gillette commercial you seen that gillette commercial i heard about it though you can shave your buddy or something no all these guys are really mad because it's like an anti-masculine gillette commercial it makes like every man look like a misogynist piece of [ __ ] it's such a disturbing commercial it's like over and over again men doing douchey [ __ ] like hey bro aren't you selling razors what are you doing you changing the world with your shitty [ __ ] advertiser based philosophy what are you doing like what are you doing who [ __ ] green lit this i know if i was actually like yo yo yo guys people get hair they want to [ __ ] shave it it's not that complicated you're not gonna fix imagine if you're a sexist rapist piece of [ __ ] and you see that gillette commercials like damn i gotta switch my game up yeah yeah i've been too much of a dick like does anybody think that gillette commercials are somehow another in any way shape or form gonna affect culture it's bad you're selling razors it's bad bro it's just a razor i'd rather braid my [ __ ] face here than bars nobody wants to be lectured to we're tired of that so sick of that stop it you don't have your [ __ ] together nobody has their [ __ ] together you telling people how to get their [ __ ] together in a [ __ ] razor blade ad yeah yeah don't be racist we know yeah don't be a sexist yeah we know we know most people aren't yeah you got it like most people are the videos like most people are it's not most people crazy that's a disproportionate amount of people that are that's what i hate about a lot of the just a lot of these idea the ideology today it's like like they say everybody where i'm from is racist or everybody's like uh you know um some christian bible thumping yeah and not that's not true so many of the people i know are not that at all that it's unbelievable but so many of the people in some in in these other places they don't even know anybody from there so it's like they have no idea but they immediately stereotype because of your accent too yeah you have a southern accent people assume you're not bright yeah it's so stupid but it's also it's indicative of what the place used to be like like what the world used to be like was like a lot of the rural edge areas were less educated yeah now that there's the internet the world is a different place man you can meet cool people in wichita kansas you meet cool people everywhere everywhere you go you're gonna run into pockets of cool people yeah cool people are everywhere man good people good people are very good and they're they have different values and a lot of them are more community oriented more friendly we we on this side and those on the east side everybody gets this idea that everybody is like the people that live all stacked on top of each other [ __ ] like bees swarming in the hive yeah most people don't live like that man most people live somewhere where there's less folks they gotta relax they can throw a frisbee and not [ __ ] hit anybody that's that most people you look at the vast majority of the country there's what is there 300 and how many people billion why is it 350 already what is it billion million bro million you're guessing billion i'm glad it's not billion i think there's can you imagine that man i would say 320.

if i had a guess i'd say 320. but i'd say it's 325. 325. and you right but that's like how do they know about illegals oh who knows probably two billion if they knew somebody illegal aliens you wouldn't you be pissed like how do you know how many of them what are you doing you're counting them how are they still here then what do you think about what's going on dude but you can't even raise your voice in it like i have to drive to riverside and even [ __ ] raise my voice i feel like like that's how too tight it is in la 308 million people in the united states oh in 2010 but that's 2010 2000 it was 281 million whoa look at that dude think about just think of that 20 [ __ ] million people 28 29 27 million people and who's [ __ ] the most are they saying is it whites oh it's all whites bro is it really you think we're out [ __ ] every race now bro it's new no we've decided we decided to take back our country no man we're on our way to white people are on their way to being a serious minority yeah what's gonna happen beige power bro that's what i say everybody i look i love all the variety but you know what it's like it's like we have nice things we can't we we can't have nice things we keep breaking things yeah so we can't because of racist people you can't have all this wonderful diversity so we're eventually all gonna be gray we're gonna be like those [ __ ] aliens with the giant heads and we're going to have no dicks and we're all going to be the exact same thing so no one can criticize anyone on anything other than your thoughts dang yeah and they're going to be able to breathe your actions and they're going to be able to read each other's minds yeah that's what i think and i think we're going to ruin the environment so they have built-in eyeglasses when you're born they just [ __ ] glue these [ __ ] onto your head sort of like chicks with fake eyelashes oh yeah you just you just have these lenses that you put on when you're indoors you peel the lenses off and otherwise you can just see nate you can walk outside but you can't really go far and it's just you see you can press a fern button and ferns will pop up more firmly well just you know foliage or something you know falling off foliage maybe a deer runs by if you hit that side button i think nature in the future will probably be contained in these gigantic dome like places like one of them stephen king books and that's where you'll go to get into the nature yeah like a bio dome with polly shore and uh stephen baldwin i think that's what it's going to be like there's going to be nature places and the rest of the world would be city the rest of the whole plan will be city and our our wildlife would be a [ __ ] wildlife it'll be like uh you know a few a few thousand acres or something like that of a bunch of animals living together that's all that's left it'll be like a like a rabbit with like a little story like a story on its back or something because if you look at over the population and i'm not one of those doom and gloom people when it comes to overpopulation you know why because i like people when people like you know there's too many [ __ ] people you know like i have good friends that think you know you want to help the world don't have any kids like okay yeah i get why you would say that but don't you like people i love people people are awesome it's all i know i mean some of them aren't awesome but the vast majority are pretty cool or at least capable of being pretty cool if you're cool to them and you establish sort of a community being cool with each other the vast majority of people are great people are nice people are yeah friendly yes the vast majority so what's the problem the problem is there's too many of us and we're not gonna stop right they're gonna just keep [ __ ] oh i want to [ __ ] somebody right now you know we're going to make people the question is they will they say st studies say scientists say that as people become more affluent and as they become more educated they're less likely to have children or they have less children so they think that the best way to stop overpopulation is actually equity in the world like equality rather in the world make make the whole world basically like america where everybody's just got a chance to get ahead and everybody has an awesome education and everybody has access to the best information it can't happen but if that does happen that's what's going to curb overpopulation otherwise the people that are the least educated um uh are they're not gonna have the same access to like like in in countries where people are poorer like for instance they want to have more kids because they want the kids to take care of them too yes that's a big thing right that's a big thing in traditional communities and you know they're they're tighter and you if you here's the weird thing if you talk to scientists they will tell you that arguably those are happier people yeah these happy people that live in these like villages and stuff and they all enjoy each other's company even though in our mind it's a hard scrabble life you know they're living in a third world country in a village but if they have access to food like say if they live in the amazon or something they have much food you can get in there got a lot of food man like i know how you would say hey i don't want to live that way so these people live in the wrong way they you know they have [ __ ] 10 kids laying on them and [ __ ] they're all they're all community in this hut together and you're like that's that looks terrible they're all hot boxing that [ __ ] too a lot of times you see the whole family's in there [ __ ] smoking doped out too but meanwhile those people could be like really happy yeah they can arguably be happier than a comparable group of people in western civilization that you would just grab a hundred percent and why is it black families a lot of black families are still in the woods you notice that a lot of the tribes they're kind of are there i guess maybe not black but it's like a latino or darker like a not i don't know what i guess it's like a more universal shade almost kind of like a sofa color well if you're in the jungle you're you're obviously in a hot climate if you're in a hot climate you better develop some [ __ ] melanin yeah that's what it is melon and they got more melanin families i mean if you look at it i'm italian mostly if you look at it and i have some irish in me too but if you look at italians who are in the sun all the time dude they get dark as [ __ ] yeah you know and if you were seven uh seven plus generations of people living in this one area where you're exposed to like tropical sunlight all the time oh man you would brown the [ __ ] up or you wouldn't make it yeah that's true i go to costa rica even a couple days and i'm [ __ ] you know browned out and my face is all you know kind of has pus in it from the sun but i think people uh evolving in a place like that like being there hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years maybe thousands of years like you adapt to that environment or you you know the the preferential the preferable genes are the ones that make it through yeah and those people have joy those families have a lot of joy because they have their family around you know like if somebody if somebody dies they have them right there it's like there's everything's just a lot more communal i think there's just a lot more love the only problem is they don't have like ways to save each other the way we do right right like they don't have cars they don't have modern weapons so they have to hunt with these bows and arrows they make themselves but they do have pots they have some things you know but also depending on what tribe obviously and also your life expectancy is probably not as long so if you do die and you believe in a higher power then you get to go see them quicker you probably have reincarnation your you know your friend that died could now be a plant or a you know coyote that you meet or something you know i'm sure in a lot of their cultures it's a lot of uh you know it's just things are more just all intertwined you know human in nature well that was big with native american cultures right like they thought that uh coyotes were i mean in many different uh different tribes the way they looked at coyotes almost like they had some magic to them or something yeah they're wise well they're up all night i mean i could see that yeah you're in that tent sleeping sleeping off that hashish a coyote got trapped in a bathroom i want to say it was in south carolina or north carolina they're wild man it's in this bathroom and these guys have to get it out of the bathroom and sitting on the sink it's crazy they had to use one of them long poles that they they jack dogs you know grab them around the neck you see it i knew it was one of those places in nashville yeah i could see that dude it's a cool little video but it's weird like those little [ __ ] are everywhere now they are everywhere well raccoons are really dangerous they're always doing you know very silent the nashville music hall oh this beautiful so they're in this hall in a boat show look at him he's chilling they're very photogenic how weird so what they did was they captured it and they said that if they brought it to an animal shelter they would have euthanized it so instead they captured it and let it loose in the woods which is cool do you have any animals that you don't tell people that you have like any secret animals i keep a lot of giraffes do you remember that keep them under leaves [ __ ] i could see you having something though no have you thought about it i used to have piranhas allegedly and what do they keep in a tank yeah you keep them in a tank you know you used to be able to buy a human skeleton online i used to have a human skeleton at the bottom of my piranha tank really how weird is that you buy a skeleton and what can you do with it i don't think you can anymore i bet you can't buy them anymore but you used to be able to just buy human skeleton how long can you keep it the whole time forever [ __ ] who was it um here's the funny thing i got rid of it and we got rid of him like man i'm gonna throw away this human skeleton some questions might come with this you would think it'd be like a cabbage pasta like it comes with a little birth certificate we buried it which is even worse probably yeah and then people are going to be like what the [ __ ] someone someone got killed here yeah someone's going to find it someday go what the [ __ ] it's going to be a giant mystery that sounds fun i always love mystery man the thing is somebody might have died like they might have somebody might have killed somebody and sold their bones it's probably one of those um is that real what does this say is that little john look at this thing male from india in good condition 12 teeth present the rest broken missing there is lipping on the lumbar vertebrae what that's five thousand dollars you could buy a [ __ ] human skeleton holy [ __ ] dude there's several of them for sale so the lumbar vertebrae lipping you know what that means i think that means that his back's [ __ ] up excuse me and what happens is the discs themselves the lumbar vertebrae the actual vertebrae the bone piece from wearing against each other it starts to spur and develop like a curve to the bottom i think they're calling that lipping see if that's what that means lipping lipping on the lumbar vertebra lipping lipping on it yeah yeah let's see that yep that's what it is yeah see that image upper left left right there yeah see how it curves over the top oh yeah osteoporo osteophyte osteophyte grading or lipping yeah see as your disc gets smashed your bones trying to protect themselves and they grow this extra bone tissue and sometimes that obviously i'm not a doctor and if you are a doctor stop yelling i don't know what i'm talking about yeah but uh sometimes people that that [ __ ] causes sciatica either inflamed discs poke out poke into the nerves or the bone pokes it or it causes inflammation in the area eddie bravo has that he does yeah eddie bravo had his uh he got his whole disc replaced with that five seconds bottom yeah wow yeah he gained an inch in height too did he really yes he did was backs all [ __ ] up so like you got to think like your discs are these things right these little gel things and there's probably a bunch of them and they both when they smash and get smashed down to nothing i mean he was basically bone on bone he had almost no disc and so he was in a constant state of inflammation i need to text him like he couldn't he couldn't sit down sometimes he'd have to stand up and he would have to hold his lower back and he just dealt with the pain forever but it was like almost nothing there so they replaced so his bones were on top of each other they replaced that and put this thing they shove it in there [ __ ] two-story eddie suddenly he's like buying new shirts yeah he's um but he actually is no longer in pain that's what's amazing yeah and this is an articulating titanium disc so they used to have to fuse your vertebrae together yeah that's what i've heard of they don't have to do that in every case anymore sometimes they still do it for some reasons you know doctors that know what they're talking about but for many people now this articulating titanium disc is now an option check it out yeah i know l5 s1 i had a surgery part of it taken out how bad is it does it hurt it hurt bad yeah now is it better no it's better now but sometimes i have sciatica though um do you ever stretch it out yeah do you ever use one of those teeter inversion tables um no i just got something free from you guys though in the lobby what's that thing called pro formus or whatever oh that's a so right yeah that's a soas uh massager isn't that great so awesome yeah that's this muscle in here oh i'm gonna come on that thing feels [ __ ] good bro sorry bro that thing feels good you are so horny today dude i had to drive it's like 20 minute drive over here oh that gets you morning driving nothing like driving dude no i'll say this things that get me erect these days driving being on planes you know that uh bumpy roads killing those bumpy road boners dude those are real you asked me one time remember they had a lady uh i fell i got a direction on a plane and she got pissed she told the flight attendant to get me a blanket yeah well did you have it out no i was asleep and it was in my pants it was in your pants and she saw it somehow yeah she saw my pants because i wear lean pants lean pants or you know i wasn't wearing like a fat canvas or anything you know textiles yeah that's crazy that she's looking over crazy though but i guess if i was a woman and a dude had a rock hard boner just like a couple of feet i would know that's like a ticking time bomb like hey hey but i'm on a plane i'm going home yeah but what if you're a pervert yeah i am a pervert but i'm still just going home and not using my dick on what kind of scale of a pervert are you if like 10 is jerking off in front of people on the subway with a not that you open the chat i have a well this flashes and those flashes that jerk off on people he doesn't do that that's that's ten so then the nine is a flasher that just pretends to jerk off in front of you if it doesn't finish yeah or can't get hard and then you got to go back from there oh yeah seven five what are you like a three no i think i mean i guess perverted tendencies like what i guess it's like what is perverted you know well it goes back to the porn talk like you say that you had a problem with porn you were watching too much porn it became a habit for me that's what i didn't like it became a instead of me wanting to watch pornography it became oh i'm used to watching pornography at night so i'm gonna do it jerk off and get a little bit of rest i didn't like the habit it created a bad habit well you uh you get real uh intense thinking about things yeah like even when we're talking about like business stuff like you can tell like you get you focus on things yeah which is good if it's a good thing you know but sometimes that kind of thinking can get away from you yeah i think it does sometimes the same kind of focus that can get you really excited about something that's productive in your life can also get you obsessed with something that's not productive it's the same the kind of person that you are and a lot of performers you're an impulsive creative person impulsive creative people sometimes get caught in ruts you know and there's a bunch of different reasons i think for for addictions i think there's psychological addictions there's physical addictions some of them are undeniable like physical addictions some of them will kill you like you get off of alcohol too quick you'll die yeah it's a physical addiction that is real you can't pretend it's not real that [ __ ] will kill you right so it's obviously real but then there's other ones like washing your hands too many times like some people are addicted to washing their hands i know a dude it doesn't go anywhere without purell everywhere watching his hands he's putting pretty well that's crazy doesn't like to touch door knobs put touches door knob purell back to the hands it's weird and you you [ __ ] up your skin flora like it's not good yeah we had a dude that used to lick both of his shoulders before he'd start talking to you oh that's good it was crazy that's to let [ __ ] know you're serious oh yeah that's that irish hello right there yeah where will we we're we're we're in crazy town you're the mayor [ __ ] you dude you lick your shoulders yeah we had a t we had a dude in our town he put like a chocolate on your shoulder and you try to get it off eat it off that's not right that guy's gonna grab you one damn [ __ ] you well he did get in trouble for something i don't remember what it was i'd grown up but he was he's like one of those angler fish he's tricking you yeah he's getting you to look at that huh he's going to get you come looking for that chocolate god eat it off my shoulder yeah get off my shoulder bro you look down he's got a bat in his hands well if you said it he's like you on that plane come get your chocolate you want this chocolate but here's the thing man what here's the thing is if you if i was a stevie wonder move you just did just kind of get my neck better i'm trying to get my neck longer i've been wearing a little bit of a neck brace sometimes at night stretching it out it's just tight my neck feels kind of or not tight it feels short yeah have you used those things the harness that goes under the chin and you uh you attach it to the top of the door and you pull on it i've seen those those are great really yeah yeah yeah if you have a tense neck i'm a big believer in that kind of spinal decompression yes i want that yeah you can get that and i got a really good one out here too two really good ones from that teeter company where you you put your waist on one of them and you lean forward and it stretches your lower back and the other one you hang from your ankles it's really good for you it feels good to leave you because it's just like that compression of life sick of it yeah smooshing you down and it's very rare that you do anything that like i have a terrible problem slumping i've always slumped i've always been like i've always had [ __ ] posture for whatever reason and it's not good like you're supposed to sit up straight yeah you know you're supposed to your back is supposed to be straight so you can be like sometimes i like i sit like this i'll talk to people and i'll be like that like my head is forward it's like just very bad for your back like you're making your your discs carry your weight in an uneven way what you want to do is have everything everything up and strong obviously this is exaggerated but most people like you get lazy so what what good posture is is like a constant state of exercise that's what good posture is because you want to just slump i slump all the time man but yeah but doing posture all the time it feels like you're always like you know about to graduate you know i feel like you always have to be like kind of like you know what i'm saying yeah that's what it's like but you don't have to be exaggerated but you really should and i've been trying over the last few years really hard to to do that just straight i need to get an alarm for my spine that's it that's the [ __ ] i love that's called the the teeter decks inversion that's uh one of my favorite things ever for uh loosening up your lower back really decompressing yeah i got one right here man and it's not prohibitively expensive either i'll hop on that [ __ ] before i leave yeah that thing right there when you go down when when it uh press play so you can see how it works you hang down like that and when you hang down like that it just lengthens everything and straightens it out and that's the one where you hang by your ankles i love that one too oh it's good it looks good right i cannot even imagine they have that so good for you i got one right here bro really i feel like something you would do to kill a deer or something no that's that's a different kind of thing man that's wild man i need some stuff i think i need to get more you know bars and stuff i could hang off of i got to alleviate those impressions for your shoulders like chin up bars grab a hold of a chin up bar just hang hanging is really good for your shoulders because everything gets compacted and everything gets like bunched in and nothing stretches out oh i'm built like a conestoga wagon brother you know that is still going again conestoga what does the conestoga well it's like a wheelbase is really questionable it's like six by six you know like i'm not that [ __ ] you don't move that good i mean i think i used to be able to but i got going to the past bro you're still young enough to move like that right now yeah another thing oh that's a conestoga wagon like that imagine if you just decided that's how you're gonna rock it from now on you're on the highway people are beeping at you get your mode running you got a wooden wheeled wagon dragon behind your ram pickup truck [ __ ] a bar of gold just falls out the back you got a silverado chevy silverado pulling a [ __ ] covered wagon maybe like you can't do that why not this car is registered yeah it's all legal who the [ __ ] is buying wagons these days people buying them today oh the wagon's coming back is this these [ __ ] that want to reenact a civil war they want to get out there at a wagon and pretend there's still slavery well here's the thing bro i understand reenacting it in the winter but they do it in the summer man do they really yeah you don't want to do in the winter you'll die and the south always wins the reenactment too which is wild no it doesn't really yeah i don't believe i mean is that real i think there's a little bit of you know what they should do they should reenact the civil war and kill themselves not in real life but in the in the fake i mean pretend hey man i don't want to fight for slavery and just all pretend to kill themselves yeah oh that's interesting yeah they should say hey we're gonna we're gonna do it the right way or we're gonna toss down our guns and suck all the dicks of the guys in the north yeah how about that they would won that they'd won if they said that they don't want if they've been like uh if they catch us they're sucking our dicks we're like they want you to feel good and they want to apologize plus they need the nutrients they're out there starving dude i was thinking about this do you think that so slavery right right they had it do you think that what if i had this thought of one day what if computers artificial intelligence happens okay takes over yeah and then they're all gonna know that we had we owned these phones yeah yeah just like people's own like they were slate like this was a slave like remember when you owned my little buddy i don't think they're gonna be emotional about that i see where you're going with that but i disagree i don't think that'll be an actual factor i don't know i got the rose gold one though i do know that you like that but you got a black case on it that's ridiculous yeah that's true if you go on rose gold i think you have to go caseless like a sorry away bro like a savage i'm not going caseless man a lot of people go look at jamie caseless are you really jamie's a caseless barbarian wow i bet he jerks off with his [ __ ] his natural hand i got a cute case my kid drew on it oh that's nice huh adorable um do you see your kids every day yeah sometimes i keep my eyes closed this is that's he was fun podcast is it nerd were you nervous at first to have him yes yeah nervous to be vulnerable nervous to love something that much nervous to have that kind of responsibility nervous about all those things yeah it changes you changes you changes you like nothing else but did you feel like the changes would be for like uh that you won't like the changes and then you did like them like did you have reservations well i didn't have a relationship with my father growing up so for me it's very it was very very important that i did whatever i had to do to have a relationship with them to be uh as present as i can be like to whatever whoever i was before i had them to to evolve to get better like it's it's it's a very when you have kids it's a very weird thing what happens to you because all of a sudden it's you're not alone anymore like yeah you like you you don't just have responsibility like you have a dog you have to feed or a plant you have a little person yeah and you don't want to [ __ ] up that little person you're like [ __ ] and it feels overwhelming and then the world feels so dangerous change the view of the world oh yeah god there's so much threat there's so much out there that could stop signs planes well stories too you read stories about terrible people and terrible things that happen oh and then you're like [ __ ] it i don't have to worry about this just happening to me i have to worry about this happening to somebody else too man your little son or your little daughter you know yeah that's wild bro yeah it's a crazy world and you you think of people differently because you think of people as a project that developed instead of being in a static state that's interesting did you did did do you think that something phys like uh emotionally happens to you like at a level that like a dna level yeah yeah the love you have like dave chappelle said this best because not only did you increase my love it increased my capacity for love that's a great way of putting it i would i would agree 100 it could increases your capacity and you become an i at least me i became a nicer person but i've seen it not work too i've seen people that just rejected i've seen men and women that just don't want to be parents yeah i've seen women move away from their kids they don't want to take care of their kids i've seen men abandon their families they just don't want to do it it's crazy and i don't know if it's a mental health issue or if it's just some people just can't take it like there's like attitudes and this is not just about raising children it's about pretty much anything difficult in life there's some people that have a very low quit point very low they just quit everything they quit it gets tough quick quick there's a lot of people that just quit and uh when you have a little like say if you have a little theo in front of you and you think about your life and your childhood and like how important it is for you to to raise this little person and and give him love and teach him about life and protect him and keep him safe and give him good lessons in life yeah it just changes everything man changes everything it changes everything but it also is very overwhelming it's overwhelming people get serious anxiety when they have kids they start thinking about the responsibility and the weight of it all or they don't some people just [ __ ] take pills and lay on the couch and let their kids suck [ __ ] carpet glass and [ __ ] stick forks into the wall sockets and play with knives people just don't some people don't give a [ __ ] some people are dumb that's a that's a thing too man you know people don't want to say this but there's folks out there that just aren't equipped for life oh i i really believe that i think decom the dumb brother that's what i'm saying take the semen out of them you know i'm saying like at a certain point but here's the problem you're dumb compared to physicists so who's to who's to judge and who's to say that this person is really stupid couldn't have a brilliant child that happens too man a lot of times brilliant people come out of school they need adversity man who knows what they need but it's like it's not our job to decide who's stupid and who's not because it gets slippery oh yeah you you could get boxed into that stupid corner in a different metric if you're hanging around with a bunch of people from stanford you know and they're looking theo van's in the neighborhood and they know there's ten people in the neighborhood but only nine can survive there's only resources for nine people they're gonna get rid of me probably depends on how good you are digging ditches oh it could be better than them at that though yeah so suddenly i have a different skill i don't know it's uh have you thought about having kids yeah i think about it a lot more like as i get a little bit older i just yeah the thing for me is just like about being brave i think and just being willing to have my life just be totally different and be okay with that yeah and just being like willing to know that i would be okay in that space you know um i think it's hard it's like i just it's like i'm just starting to manage the space that i'm in like as just as a regular person and then to get to that point where now it's like [ __ ] you have another ball you have two balls in the air you know wife and a kid or yeah and then what we were talking about earlier look sometimes people [ __ ] people that they don't really like to hang out with yeah i'm not doing that anymore man that's where it gets slippery because sometimes that sex is fun man i was just talking to a buddy of mine about this he's got a a gal he's a single guy and he's got a gallady [ __ ] every now and again they get together and they both kind of know what it is yeah they get together and they whack one out and then they see you that's it and his his take on it is interesting he's like yeah and some people you just don't want to see him that often like that's okay that's okay but the problem is it's not always mutual like sometimes the guy wants to see the girl more than she wants to see him or vice versa and then it becomes some weird thing one person starts talking the other person's facebook yeah you know people start getting weird with people you know like that's that's actually an addiction too people get addicted to each other just as much as they get addicted to pornography just as much as they get addicted to washing their hands or anything else people absolutely get addicted to certain people oh yeah and when that person doesn't want to have sex with you anymore like it's like they're taking away your drugs you know and really dumb men in in those cases get very dangerous because because yeah they start thinking this person's done something to them because they don't want to be with them anymore and really dumb men are dangerous right there yeah that's where you know you you hear about women getting stalked by their exes and murdered and that's where that [ __ ] comes i hate that really dumb men who are angry now that the person that they loved doesn't want to be around them anymore yeah and they can't look at themselves and they're probably mentally ill and they might be on medication who the [ __ ] knows what trifecta or what conglomeration of factors is making them be that piece of [ __ ] but yeah they just feel yeah once you yeah people men get feeling they get they feel rejected and then you just want to yeah you don't know what to do sometimes you get addicted to somebody else's love or lust or sex all those things yeah women too men women get addicted to it too i was talking to a gal who was going through this with another gal a couple of lesbians boy one lesbian was mean to the other lesbian apparently i was delivering furniture you know what i'm saying boy domestic abuse there was some article about domestic abuse it's growing in a lesbian community yeah yeah it's disturbing it's a dark arts man and those women are and some of those women are tough you think tough as nails would you fight a lesbian for an undisclosed amount of money yeah really you don't even have to hear the number what does undisclosed mean do i get to hear it or i don't you don't get to know until it's over you're just ready to fight women no i'm not can i train first i wouldn't like amanda nunes i wouldn't let you find no no no no yeah it has to be a woman at least i've seen a couple pictures of them you know like i at least want to be able to make sure yeah i've seen like a couple of images of them or at least be able to scroll through their instagram you see that video of that grown man who punched that 11 year old girl in the face at the mall that [ __ ] makes me mad it is so crazy there's a bunch of kids apparently that were involved in some sort of a scuffle this guy comes over to break it up he's yelling at them break it up one kid pushes him and then he says something and then pushes the girl and she goes flying she's a little tiny person he's a big dude she comes at him with her dukes up and he just [ __ ] way lazer i didn't see this he hits her with a straight left right in the mug he's a big grown man like a he looks like a big man who knows how to throw a punch i'm not going to play the video you want to find it go find no i don't want to see it [ __ ] disturbing but two things you should tell you one that guy definitely shouldn't have done that but two she shouldn't have [ __ ] run at that big giant man with her dukes up yeah like god i know she's 11.

i know i get it she didn't know she's a kid and god damn teach kids and some 11 kids are hearty some 11 year olds are like what if you get a like i knew a 12 year old that's no no she's this big oh she's little she's tiny she's like nipple high on him oh he ko's her you want to see it no you do you do want to see it draw it for me on a napkin i don't want to see it yeah those are the old days man yeah dude we used to have a guy i remember they had a guy who chiseled some tits into a um i had a pine tree maybe a birch or something and people would go out there and jerk off that good no jerk off at the base of the tree he i think he used like a step stool or something or versus a barrel that's when you found all the magazines in the woods oh yeah we used to have that but sometimes you go out by the tree and somebody would be using the tree and be like oh [ __ ] i gotta walk back home now that's not a real thing oh it's 100 real you're making this up you haven't photographed this tree no why not do you know where it is could you take us back there with a film crew i could take it back there with a phone call i bet it's it devolved now though how long does the tree live go back there and touch the thing and all of a sudden you can't find your way back home where the [ __ ] are we i just we're going in a circle you go mad like it turns out that the tree got tired of people jerking off on it so it evolved some sort of a neurotoxic chemical then when you touched it it got into your bloodstream and distorted your perception of distance and time yeah yeah and then it goes but dude what if you what if [ __ ] could divide what if semen could defy gravity what do you think about that i don't but you know what i do think imagine if uh it wasn't if if [ __ ] didn't just get humans pregnant yeah oh no that's what i think of imaginative think of everything from frogs to chickens like if everywhere you went you found god this dude [ __ ] a turtle you fell like some turtle person you can't think about that man you imagine if if anything could get anything pregnant yeah then a new combination was born turtle people dude that's what's next koi people some dude [ __ ] a koi yeah you busted into that koi pond knocked that coin imagine you're out there throwing bread on your koi pond you're like hey hey it has legs what the [ __ ] man somebody [ __ ] one of these fish and then people come up on the shore it's got a sign for you people see you at the pet store shopping and they're like whoa this guy's shadiest imagine if ahri [ __ ] it and it came out and we knew it because that ari's nose yeah so it's like ari's nose on a koi fish with legs and it comes out and you're like ari what what do you care i'm going to bali can you imagine yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna go find my my turtle babies on the other side of the world but if you had to make love to an animal what would it be if you think you had to go in probably something i could brag about yeah i'm not [ __ ] anything sedentary i'm not [ __ ] anything that's like a basic something ends up in the poultry section or anything like that no b would it have to be a female what if you had gay sex with an animal which animal would it be that's not gay to [ __ ] animal bro it's not i don't think that applies dude you're [ __ ] an animal that's more both if it's a like a male gorilla i think it's both oh dude both gay and beastiality nobody's gonna be like oh remember when you yeah yes they would they're not gonna let you off people are mean they're gonna go not only did he [ __ ] a chip he [ __ ] a mail champ and everybody'd be like jesus theo bro you would never buy a beer again you put you want to break the internet you put a [ __ ] video of me sneaking up on a cheetah yeah and [ __ ] it bro wrapping a noose around its neck and you're banging it while it's clawing on you it's trying to get away and you nut no i'm talking about putting on some eddie levert or some gerald levert and playing some sweet music and just [ __ ] laying there how you plan on holding it in place while it's all happening i think if you're good enough and gentle enough it'll stay wow you don't think so think about it you for a time imagine it though i'd love to look at the world through yours for 10 minutes i think i'd take you right to the hospital whatever medication we're on we got to change it we got to fix this bro you should meet yourself then bro you are extraterrestrial man that's the most i smiled all week though so good oh dude we always have a good time bro that's funny are you working tonight are you doing tripoli shows yeah yeah you are yeah yeah yeah that's fine those are good times dude what a fun job man i just started really realizing it this year that's what i was saying like your idea of like looking back on your youth are you crazy yeah we're alive we're alive doing the most fun job you could have yeah why would we change that yeah i want to get busy i want to like you know get busy living this year and just try more things and just you know enjoy my time that i'm that i am alive that's what's up i really do the the whole thing about life is all that i wish i was doing this i wish i was doing that is only good if you're working towards something but i wish i was young again let that go that is not happening yeah i wish i was eight foot tall that's not happening i wish i could fly not happen i wish i could breathe underwater like aquaman it's not happening i could see you paying to get gills installed though i could see you coming up one day one day they get come up with some gene editing some gills like yeah man [ __ ] scuba diving joe takes you to the side and shows you his gills i don't like snorkeling bro you get that [ __ ] in your mouth i uh snorkeled a little bit when i was in hawaii it's fun oh man it's wild you're out there looking down you watched all these fish swimming around like we went near this coral reef it's crazy it's just this world down there how easy was it for you to block out like sharks or something just coming out of the blue not easy no no that's real like you're always thinking like what if one of those [ __ ] is here oh and you look like a del like a damn delectable event to a shark definitely looks like a mouthful oh but yeah i mean you know what i'm saying if you if joe's out there that's a that's a real snack how many famous people have been killed by sharks does that ever happen that'd be crazy i feel like ll cool j got killed by a shark in malibu you'd be like what the [ __ ] you know he'd be like how is that real how could it happen right what if o.j simpson got jacked by a shark can you imagine how many hahas would break out across the country if you could see o.j simpson in would have to be florida he'd be he's in florida a lot of her of course those white trash girls oh [ __ ] him he's waving waving to the beach and you just see the fin like 15 feet away from him my feet go under and then the yank twish the blood in the water like no way oh dude i bet o.j simpson and dennis rodman have [ __ ] a lot of the same chicks bro when you think about that what if what if the k oh i don't think o.j simpson's allowed to leave the country right i was saying what if kim jong-un starts partying with oj he's so good it's like i don't care what he did the juice is loose dude a buddy of mine was doing cocaine with o.j simpson one time in new and uh in miami how long ago um this is like 15 years ago post murder then yep after the murder oh jesus and the guy goes hey does anybody have a car key uh and then he hits us he's like hey you have a car key or a knife that's what he asked him for to do the cocaine off of oh and oh just like this guy asked me if i got a [ __ ] knife was he laughing yeah that's pretty funny i think it's funny i mean if you didn't get in trouble for it even if you did it i think having a sense of humor about it's still important the way he reacted every step of the way did not seem like a guy was being accused of something he didn't do every step right every step of the way i wouldn't do that yeah i couldn't do that i don't even admit that is not what you would say yeah if your wife got killed right he would not be thinking like that you'd be hard for freaking the [ __ ] out i know you didn't see this but you you should watch this one nick nolte no it's oh sasha baron cohen at the very very end of the show was almost like a bonus scene oh i didn't know he got this deep with the uh outfit who's the gal it's just it's part of his his like cell she's like a girl that's supposed to be with him he's like this uh extravagant millionaire billionaire type character oh and he's got o.j yeah i need to see this show period i think he spent like three or four hours with him he said did you hear that they might have uncovered a pedo ring he might have uncovered a pedo ring when he was doing this oj did no sasha baron cohen oh wow oh yeah i didn't see it i read a headline that said how did you find what the exact specifics of it were but like they decided not to air but it's like what dude you know what when you said that about o.j it made me think i met buzz aldrin from the moon yes and he's and when i met him it didn't seem like he'd been to the moon you know what i'm saying yeah hold on a second uh sent cut who is america interview to fbi over fears of las vegas pedophile around not surprised dude whoa said the intel said the interview led him to believe there could be a pedophile ring in las vegas holy [ __ ] could you imagine if a pedophile ring in las vegas was exposed by sasha baron cohen in a comedy movie and they find out it's real i wonder if this is all just a setup for some other type of film but let's look at it objectively okay okay there has to have been pedophile rings in the past undeniable right i would think if you go back to like the 50s or the 40s or the 30s there has to be something like that way easier but they take yeah they take orphans and they molest them all that sandusky type [ __ ] that has been going on yeah so how often has it been going on and what happens now to the same type of people like if that's no longer available for them is there some way they get it some super [ __ ] super tightly watched circus ring of people who still engage in this activity and figured out a way to do it i hope not too everybody hopes not but the idea that it's impossible is unlikely yeah there's probably a market for it sadly well you think about it all the time when you think about other countries right oh yeah they're doing it there for sure yeah most of our guys it seems fly over these other countries and be dirty over there well the idea of like going over there and there's a ring a pedophile ring that's scary dude who wants to [ __ ] some kid that's crazy i think they think it's mostly people who have been abused like that themselves yeah it's mostly yeah that's one of the things that kevin spacey's brother said about kevin is that kevin is basically like their dad and their dad sexually abused them and now kevin is acting that out and there was an interview his dad his brother rather you ever see kevin spacey's brother i never remember he looks like rod stewart on the strongest acid available he's crazy looking i miss his own weird-looking guy with wacky hair and he wears funky glasses and weird clothes donnie what's his name i don't know what his name is but he looks like he's wearing a costume donnie spacey that's not it is it no but here take a look at him look at this that's that's his brother god dang man he looks like a nice guy between an english scientist and rod stewart i can't believe kevin's when they got banged by the day i think they both did i think he's saying they both did i can't believe i even said that it's messed up yeah that's sad man they said their dad was a monster yeah yeah look at his dad like look look at his his brother how he dresses up look at that crazy rod stewart outfit yeah i bet like one chick or one dude [ __ ] him because he thought it was rod stewart and it's like look i'm just gonna ride this boat right into the rock ride stewart huh this is his outfit look at his crazy outfit that is a crazy crazy outfit he's got rings on every finger he's got a wallet chain across his pecker wow look at those dicks keeping time brother yeah look at that shirt that fluffy shirt with the crazy ass neck accoutrements yeah if you're not trying to get [ __ ] by somebody you shouldn't wear all this i think yeah and but but think about how much effort it took to do all this now go up to his teeth son yeah son what's up with that mug that's scotland bro clean that [ __ ] up is he from scotland is kevin spacey from scotland i think they're from britain i think they're from america really yeah where where was kevin spacey born [ __ ] if you know you're googling it well yeah you know bro you're the brain yeah you're the guy who's got the google in front of you um but no what about this do you think he would have been as talented if he didn't have this affliction what does it say does he say where he's from orange new jersey see there you go perfect dump and one of the most talented men of our time you think people like in new jersey [ __ ] you bro hey i was born there uh he is very talented he's also very crazy and i think uh in his day you could get away with a lot if you were a movie star i think you know they just they ran those sets like oh yeah they were crazy well they have that r kelly thing now i mean that's what got his whole life he got to do whatever he wanted it seemed like that's a different animal right because he's a musician but yeah it seems like he's the underage the underage thing with him is like aaliyah married leah underage had sex with her underage and it was told i remember we just grew up listening to his music it was so these girls are coming out about him doing that to them when they're yeah but a lot of people knew 13 14 they're saying 15.

but i can't believe more people aren't coming there was a video of it you know that more people aren't complicit in that it was unbelievable like what about the people that like well here's what's crazy the video is out of him peeing on people and then years later people are still making music with them wow that's crazy that's crazy yeah that's crazy when you find out how many people were what was it was it the breakfast club what show was it that they uh they started reading off a list of all the people that worked with r kelly post video so the video was out lady gaga all these people and he it's like a giant number of people do you think we'll ever be able to eradicate the the fact that people do that too like uh have like the pedophile or have that vibe for them first to sexual sexualized children or young people hopefully scientists will figure out a way to isolate that part of human thinking someday like hopefully there'll be something researchers doctors scientists psychologists whoever it is figure out a way to stop that but in the meantime what it has gotten is way more difficult for them to get away with it right right and it's it's going to get more difficult still i think people are going to be connected i mean we're connected right now with cell phones like this is how weird the connection is um you know adam greentree who was here yesterday we were talking about toyota tundras he said after we were talking about it he said all of his ads on his phone like when he would look at a website it would all be toyota ads no way it's like they're listening yeah they're listening to his phone like the word toyota tundra came up over and over and over again in search searches toyota trucks because we'll see if that happens toyota trucks toyota trucks i'm gonna say that tundra toyota tacoma say it over and over again yeah but whatever the [ __ ] process of i mean i don't know if he actually accidentally googled toyota trucks that day too yeah but they found out he's he's my point is like saying something in a conversation and it's being connected to these internet searches like these little things are starting to happen and it's going to get more and more prevalent it's over for us man we're going to be like way more connected now than we way more connected rather than 10 years than we are now [ __ ] man we got to figure out what would that be like because no one saw this coming yeah no one saw us being disconnected so what the [ __ ] is it going to be like if we're connected much much more than that in the future what's that going to be it's going to be something unimaginable because it's this was unimaginable right so that's what i'm thinking it's going to be some next plane that we're going to get to there has to be some next level of intuition maybe that comes into it or yeah i when i was really high i thought this up yeah my really high thought was you know how kids learn things really easily they just learn things way easier they can learn a language really easy if very soon in the future a universal language is developed that coincides with artificial artificial intelligence technology virtual reality and augmented and augmented reality and so this universal language allows people of all languages they can learn it and this was coming off of something that jamie said once we were talking about emojis being almost like hieroglyphs like wow like that seems so weird because they seem so cute and corny but someone could send you a whole like series of them like eggplant water uh smiley face high fiving and that's like oh someone wants a [ __ ] oh yeah right that's my right me time the meme a picture could sell sure well while i was thinking i was like okay well what would stop once they develop augmented reality or artif or or virtual reality in some sort of a easily digestible form whatever it is whether it's a chip that you have in your body that sends signals directly to your brain allows you to communicate with each other if we develop the language and we can send and receive images in a way that be even more effective than the language that like we assume that english is the best way to talk because we only know how to talk english right maybe if we could speak chinese we could express ourselves clear maybe if we speak turkish or arabic maybe there's a better one i don't know i only know one language but what if sound languages are far inferior to visual languages and what if these visual languages allow people that even can't even see to see because they could send it directly into their mind they can see these things with their eyes closed they're not even using their eyeballs and everybody can communicate on an even plane so there's no language barriers and when i was thinking this i was like well that's got to be this impossible no it's not impossible because there's more than 100 languages i mean how many languages are there if you had a guess i would bet there's probably 100 and maybe 15.

yeah i bet you're right i'll say 130. let's go crazy i'll say 130 likes okay it's probably a thousand who the [ __ ] knows one language bob more more than a thousand okay i'm gonna go then let me i would like to have a separate guess i wanna go with eighteen hundred i would like to go with one thousand sixty this says there are roughly this is number of spoken languages in the world today 6 500. whoa what where about about 2 000 of those have less fewer than a thousand speakers so even if we count those off it's still four over four thousand well you know those people on that sentinel north sentinel island i think they have a dead language there's only thirty oh really where that guy got killed there's only 39 of them four thousand so even if you take off that 2500 right if you take those off the ones that he said that only less than 100 people are yeah but they're using it right good point well here's the thing that's really crazy um the the the indigenous people of australia my friend adam greentree who's here yesterday he uh he works with a lot of these people he has a like a mining company and one of his uh like a bunch of the people that he work with would explain to him these different languages that they're not written down and you and your mob like they would call uh the aborigines would call themselves like it's not like a clan it's called a mob their term for it would have a totally different language than someone who lives just a few miles away wow so there'd be a different mob that was a few miles away totally different language you can't understand what the [ __ ] they're saying they don't know what the [ __ ] you're saying then there's another one over here and there's never no other one i'm like how many do you think there is he's like oh it's probably hundreds like hundreds hundreds of different languages nobody knows what the [ __ ] anybody's saying it's almost like they don't want the other one to know because it's like they'll get their secrets maybe how many do you think there's another report that says there's this number of languages that are spoken in u.s homes as of this as of 2015.

oh okay it's a smaller number but still um 300 350. wow at least it says at least 350. if you had asked me before this conversation always said 13 yeah me too that's what i was going to guess actually i was going to guess 11. [ __ ] that's a lot of languages dang that's so crazy so here's where [ __ ] dude no no we're okay that makes my point i think the next stage is a universal language yeah universal language would like think about the aborigines there that's how [ __ ] up situation to be in nobody knows what the [ __ ] anybody's saying and none of those things are written down so you have to be in that clan to understand that language or that mob and then they die off yeah they're thinking small small ball well they didn't think it's not planned out well but we are connected everyone's interconnected and i think through a universal language it's entirely possible that we could reshape civilization yeah through a universal language that every kid picks up in school you teach them bing bong right outside of english or chinese or anything else but bing bong is the the internet language and this internet language that everybody understands everybody just starts communicating through bing bong and nobody yeah nobody's using regular language anymore you just you occasionally talk to like when you're in bed you talk yeah [ __ ] remember dirty talk yeah english english or french dirty talk there's that are spoken just in los angeles wow damn that's a lot but that makes sense if there's 300 in the country in l.a i would think all of them would be here i'm more shocked at all monies pretty multi-cultural area there's a group in 2500 people or so that speak dutch at home in riverside oh yeah that makes sense but only dutch well not only but that mostly maybe i guess wonder why it's riverside the dutch are so aerodynamic they move good you know you ever seen a dutch they're really aerodynamic they're they're what what are you doing with your hands lean face lean headed no they're not four inches cheek to cheek they're big people man dude dude how big they are the dutch oh they're very tall but they're very aerodynamic very aerodynamic the downhill people they call them dude look at pull up a dutch okay pull up ernesto who's yeah ernesto let's get a gander at this fella right here famous dutch kickboxer mr perfect i bet you it's hard to kick him in the sides of his head because he has a little less than others he's goddamn adonis okay that's him later in his career too if you get earlier in his career he's more jacked get earlier in his career right there bam take that picture right there no no the one above it where your cursor was to write to the right to the left of that one or right i'm sorry of that photo you just pulled up the right of the photo you just pulled up that one right there bam that's what he looked like when he was in his prime can we let's get a basic dutch that guy's an advanced dog which i feel like advanced dutch look at him yeah that guy's okay how about rob cayman r o b k a m e n or a n rather one of the greatest kickboxers of all time and there we go aerodynamic assistance yeah look how narrow his head is but he's looking at you sideways what up about basic dutch that does not look like a guy with a narrow head bro yes it does look at that mind if your head was next to his head you you he his head would have clips your head no yes it would there'd be nothing behind you look how long that hit is narrow if his head got in front of you i wouldn't even know you were there like deal was that you back there i'd see the bottom you're like i'm back here jerking off with my non-dominant hand brother it doesn't count you think it's i better be crazy in this i know i don't know i'm thinking about this but to watch people from different uh ethnicities jerk off you know we're back to this again it's jesus but you know what i'm saying though because everybody probably you should watch a little porn get this out of your system ah man are you jerking off from memory now uh yeah i'm joking off from memory now do you find that your um fantasies become more elaborate 100 they're more excited to set it up in your head oh no how many how many days a week you're beating it more than four and you got a problem oh no two days a week and i'm disappointed at that i'm just trying to turn over a new leaf you know i want to not jerk off all the time yeah walk around be confused i think that's uh that's look there's a re there's a if you just look at sexual desire and lust yeah there's a reason why you become more and more desperate as time goes on it's like your your sights are set too high or you're not being ambitious enough you've got to spread your seed if you think about how ridiculous it is if people didn't know that having sex with people has consequences uh and and by that i mean you can get pregnant you can get diseases if there was no and there's cultural limitations people frown upon it but if there's none of those can you imagine how much people would be [ __ ] oh yeah it would be insane yeah the the er if there was no such thing as masturbating you could [ __ ] at a gas station people would be [ __ ] yeah if there was no such if masturbation wasn't possible first of all you know what would happen what women would rule everything 100 percent but men would have so much chi built up in them nope nope they'd be [ __ ] they'd be giving in every chance they couldn't because the women would own it it would be worth so much more that's true yeah because women would be able to decide whether or not you came there's the only way if that was the only way if women were the rulers of whether or not you came if there was no way to come without them oh my god they would dominate we're [ __ ] dude i know that's gonna be the next law if they're really smart that's how they would take over chop our arms off dude what you're telling me though you wouldn't watch like a little like chinese guy jerk off from like 30 feet away going back to this again no but just don't watch train accidents i don't want them to happen jamie pulls up a video of a train accident oh my god you got to see this one [ __ ] okay go ahead right i watch it oh i don't watch that kind of stuff you know but tell me about this how close do you get like there's a chinese guy jerking off in a park okay and he's ma he's depends on who i am he's cantonese he's cantonese am i me right now you're you right now you're jogging right jogging yeah guys beating off depends on how close he is like you stop to tie your shoe right and you see him in the park you're like oh that guy's definitely beaten off and you're about 200 yards away i probably would stay there how close would you walk to it i don't know when someone's jerking off in public yes you have an obligation to do one of two things you have an obligation it depends on what he's doing is he looking at you and jerking off no because if he's looking at you and jerking off if he's doing it out in the open he might be sick but he turned enough towards you that you're kind of invited i think no no no yeah you're right if you're in the park this is just i mean being a hundred percent serious yeah if i'm running in the park and i see you know five yards over to the side right next to a tree there's a guy beating off okay i'm gonna stop running and i'm going to look at him and i'm going to look at all the people around him and i'm going to keep an eye on him and i'm probably either going to call the cops or i'm definitely going to stand there because what if some person is jogging and he just decides this is the time to jump on this person yeah what if some kid is walking by and he snatches that kid and drags him into the bushes this guy's so crazy he's beaten off in public and he's looking at you yeah that's true i don't think i would go over and be violent with him but i would definitely keep an eye on him i'm not gonna let what if he's a [ __ ] sexual predator and he's looking to do something to someone and you could be like peter parker and spider-man save your uncle yeah right you know that's what made peter parker become spider-man he saved his uncle well he had the power and he didn't save his uncle and a robber ran past him and he didn't feel like he had to do anything about it the robber got into the elevator and he killed his uncle oh i didn't even know that yeah that's just or that wasn't an elevator i forget what the actual story was but the robber did something to his uncle and killed him and his uncle was everything his uncle took care of him so then he decided he could never let evil people do anything bad again and he became spider-man like that superhero i think uh you have an obligation especially if you're if you're a man especially yeah like if you if i was a small woman and i was in that same situation i would say call the cops immediately you know don't try to be a hero get the [ __ ] away from that guy but call the cops immediately but i'm pretty sure most dudes that are beating off in the forest like that they're not looking for me right they're looking for a woman or a child yeah that's true they're probably not looking to meet another i would tell another dude if i saw another dude i'd grab another dude for sure to help me like let's get this dude i'd be like hey hey hey come here man this [ __ ] guy's just beating off and most men would be like oh jesus what do we do we'll call the cops keep an eye on him i'm gonna call the cops yeah don't let them get away call you know if somebody runs by tell them to oh yeah that's a see when someone's really crazy like that kind of crazy like some guy got arrested for trying to abduct a kid trying to drag a kid into his house and he had horns on his head yeah he's got horns he's a sexual predator and he's got those those uh implants in his head where yeah it looks like some kind of devil demon and his his ears hang down to like his [ __ ] chin [ __ ] idiot oh great that guy's out there that's a real guy just got caught right so if you run into that sort of a situation you're like you have to as a person you can't just run away i feel like you got to stand around and make this you know make people aware of this right say this guy's coming over trying to come over here this guy is jerking off or yeah yeah i think getting somebody else to help but there's less of that than there's ever been before but there's always going to be some of it it's like you're talking about with pedophiles like how do you stop that forever yeah how is that possible to stop that forever we had a dude in school when i was growing up this guy big richard right and he ended up meaning big dick that's what you call them no this yeah well we didn't know this was before we were old enough to know that dick and richard were the same how are dick how about this how is jack john how was short for john jack is it really yeah i don't even know that jfk john f kennedy john jeff kennedy jack kennedy oh wow i didn't know who jack kennedy was the [ __ ] is that yeah there's some other weird ones right yeah we're never going to get a universal language if you can't even get that right it's from irish it's how you say jack and irish you got to look this up really yeah and since they're irish that makes a lot more sense by the way you say john i believe it actually i guess if you said it fast and from far away it could sound like jack hey john yeah how about short for barbara is babs yeah i know what babs actually is that that's weird short for barbara barb is a rough name though i think barb like a hook yeah like and who wants to [ __ ] barb he's cute barbie's cute huh sal is like a man's name salvatore what that's a short for well there's other weird ones with men i know there's some other weird ones that i forget big sal i know a lesbian named big sal whoa what's her real name sally i don't know sucks to be called sal but one time she borrowed a man's bathing suit to go swimming with us and i thought that was pretty impressive dude no topper top no top daddy let's go she's [ __ ] selling oh big sand she was in the shallow end too daddy you know and that's a that's a healthy gal but yeah i think if somebody i i was in germany one time i was on a bike ride and they had a man swinging his dick in a big circle and i thought that that was but it was a nudist area of a park well if you got a nudist area that's what you're going to encounter yeah people swinging dicks yeah i guess i was kind of i was just sped off yeah but you know i think about it sometimes about big sal no it's about that guy in the park on what he was doing while he was doing that you know what i used to think oh look at that piece of [ __ ] now i think oh that was a baby right that was a baby that nay became this helicopter dick weirdo what's standing on the street yeah pointing to his hog spinning around exactly he was doing spinning like that that's [ __ ] weird it's crazy it's [ __ ] weird it's weird that there are people that do that and how much of that is because of repression like that would if you went to the most sexually liberated country they have more or less perversion that's the question right and how much of it is imported like if you went to the most sexually liberated place like and how many of the people that come in are people from out of town that are weird that want freaky [ __ ] and then it becomes an economy yeah and how many people you just leave them to their own just be chill yeah because we're pretty caged up they say here in america it's pretty you know everything's kind of taboo and you can't see nipples and stuff on television and yeah it's weird but i wonder if that's also why we get so much done yeah you know like do we i mean maybe it's just maybe it's my perception that we get more done than other that we're more productive i mean it's i think we focus on it a lot yeah a lot of things have definitely come from here i think that's changing right yeah but i think pedophile is going out of style too i think there was a time where more people got away with it easier that's for sure yeah it's harder to get away with it but god that that [ __ ] that whatever that is that makes a person do that just doesn't seem like we've eradicated that it must just be a loose wire in them imagine that the thing about that is if they could one day figure out a way to get certain traits and and breathe them out of people or engineer them out of people like we're [ __ ] then well what if what what would you leave in like would you leave in emotional outbursts would you leave in the ability to have an emotional outburst like what the [ __ ] yeah i would leave that would you leave that in that's fun yeah it's fun for me but uh maybe you and i wouldn't be the ones who decide would you leave sneezing in no i mean behavior male 1 emotional outbursts okay like [ __ ] yeah you [ __ ] like that kind of [ __ ] yes i would leave that in too not a lot of it though i'd turn it down a little i wouldn't [ __ ] with it i don't think it's our job to [ __ ] with it okay because you need that if a war breaks out right yeah you can't have be some guys like oh you're gonna need that going to war yeah you're gonna need that energy you're gonna need that whole like male eruption [ __ ] crazed aggression that you don't like well when an invading village is headed over the top of the hill you want that and a dude with an axe yeah you want that to be available yeah agreed unless we get to a point where we don't have any war anywhere ever again but until then like what but what if we engineer it out but the russians say they're going to but they don't they don't they would do that probably we would do that also we would definitely we're so [ __ ] sneaky do you think that we will have another war i hope not but that's always the fear right i mean we're in the middle of two right now you know i think it could be you think there could ever be another state war in america of the like a civil war states well some people were worried about that some people are people who want state government some people want state-run government well some people are worried about that as hate for the republicans and hate for trump in particular ramps up and that they're really worried that there'll be some sort of a violent outbreak between the right and the left and that this could actually really happen man it's not impossible that at least battles could break out because people are [ __ ] polarized man yeah yeah but i think what's interesting to me is that more and more people it seems like at least from my perspective on the right are now coming out against trump it seems more common more common especially with this government shutdown people like what the [ __ ] you know there's so many videos of people going what are you talking about with this wall like we need money like people there's government people a lot of them are living check to check yeah you're shutting down their p this is the only way you can negotiate this wall this is the only way you can fund this wall this is crazy yeah yeah i mean it's i don't know i mean people always say the government sucks [ __ ] shut it down and then it shuts down everybody gets mad you know well it makes an argument that the government should be doing less things this is the real argument the argument is some of those things the government does why does the government have to do it why can't it be privatized why why can't it become a business it would probably run better if some of those things were not run by the government like airport security or like road maintenance or like a lot of other things yeah like don't have the government do it have private contractors do it from real yeah strong standards and and strong competition and uh john stossel actually has a video about it right now um it's on his uh twitter page it's a long video but explaining how one of the things people are realizing from this government shutdown is that the government does a lot of things that they don't have to do yeah it would be probably better for everybody if some of these things were streamlined some of these things were done by the private sector i don't think that's a bad idea yeah i think there's a lot of things that could be done better if there was competition as soon as the government controls certain businesses i mean maybe they do it really well maybe they don't you know i think that i think there's certain things that where socialism works really well like here's one fire department [ __ ] you got to pay for the fire department everybody wants to fund the fire department don't you you cut the fire budget man what if my grandma oh no fire a house yeah somebody wants fire man we're gonna pay for the fire department pay for that [ __ ] pay for the police yeah pay and everybody says pay you shouldn't be rich people only get cops and poor people don't get comps that's crazy everyone would say that's crazy yeah right well why is that not the case with education too then well right don't you want people to learn things like when did education become such a big business why is that a business it should be our goal as patriots right to make less losers more happy successful people more aware people more educated people you know but instead it's like subsidized by the government and that makes it even weirder and then you have student loans you can't escape yeah a lot of that is pretty bizarre dude it's bizarre as [ __ ] it should be free but there's also like there's another like a lot some people don't want to do anything data is true want to be alive and they just they just they don't want to contribute and really have any sort of life and they have no desire for that and there's generation and generation and generation of them that is true but what if you ever would you ever look at universal basic income it's a weird idea i i flatly rejected it when i first heard do we have it no we don't have it they've tried it out in a couple of places but i don't think it's really worked out that well but the idea behind it i'm having a guy who comes on soon his name is andrew yang he's a proponent of universal basic income and the idea is you give people x amount of dollars per month whether it's a thousand dollars per month and everybody gets it no matter what and by doing that you take care of all of the burden of survival like we take care of everyone in the civilization everyone gets food everyone gets shelter so that eliminates a lot of crime and a lot of strife just right away right questions where's all that money come from there's a thousand dollars a month 300 8 million is that what it was plus you know that was 2010 it's probably more now let's let's say 320.

that is a lot of money 320 million 000 so that's 320 billion is that what it is i have no clue 320 billion a month when that would be if you gave a thousand people a million dollars isn't that what it would be a thousand million is a billion right just do it in the calculator bro don't do it in your head that's what it is a thousand million yeah yeah so that's right so it must be so that that's so much money so three so the the wall like him talking about building the wall isn't he asking for five billion yeah they want five bills yeah sure okay it's not that much i don't think well that's to build a wall once this is every month you would need all those billions that's a lot of [ __ ] cheddar and so that means everybody would have their basic needs met yes everybody get a thousand bucks where that money comes from this is what i need to talk to this guy about obviously i'm not a mathematician or any sort of an economist so i don't have any idea what they've how they feel like they could do this they got that three thousand of every adult in the country jesus that's a lot plus a stipend of 250 a month is that andrew yang it's not from him specifically but he's a different guy from like a guy that was talking bad about it actually he's just giving you what people were oh someone talking that's that ubi yeah someone talking bad about it well yeah 3 000 a month is a lot yeah that's crazy that's almost that's crazy but yeah thirty six thousand dollars a year that's i mean look that would be nice right then you'd be in the top one percent of the world everybody over thirty four thirty thirty four thousand yeah thirty four thousand dollars i think is one percent says it would cut the nation's poverty rate in half wow yeah but do you where's the money coming from and also do you lose incentive at that point that's a good question is that bad is it bad to lose incentive yes why because that's what it's like the drive it's the only reason otherwise you nobody overcomes anything nobody achieved there's no is that true is it the the is the drive does the drive always have to be for survival or can the drive be the drive to succeed and better yourself so say look at it this way if you had 35 000 a year would you think you'd be cool you'd be like i don't need to tour i got 35 grand coming no i'd want to work harder right i think a lot of people would want to work harder because i think your motivation would be different your motivation would be to do better than 35 000 but that 35 000 would take care of you look if money was free and economy didn't make any sense and you could just fix it like that i would say yeah fix it like that where the [ __ ] is all that money coming from that's a crazy amount of money yeah we couldn't do it we could i mean no and that means a lot of rich people have to give up some of their money people aren't doing all of that dude that would be 900 billion dollars every month yeah right he's doing that am i right about that 300 billion it's not it's for every adult it's not to give it to every person oh oh okay every adult oh so you'd have to raise your kids they get the money [ __ ] it they get a car 3 000 no bills that's true that's true so how many people are we dealing with how many people are adults it changes too this is the argument they make that is that you would end some of the um subsidies that are already going on like medicare and some social security and maybe welfare in some cases because people would have money that they're spending or they're getting now so that money might i don't know it'd be worth a shot i think it'd be worth a shot but how long do you try to make you know because then people are going to be like i needed more time you know right well that would be they wouldn't ever get their [ __ ] together there's some people that will definitely do that there's some people that will never get their [ __ ] together and i don't believe that this is a simulation i don't believe that we're in some sort of a video game but if we're in something that was learned that you would it was a learning environment you would want both to have your own opportunities for failure and to see examples of failure around you you would want to see that like i'm not happy that artie lange that his nose is caved in and that he's got all these problems with drugs i'm not happy with that i love artie lange i want artie lang to be clean i think he's hilarious i think he's a great guy the one thing that could be good that comes out of that for anyone other than artie lang and artie lang's loved ones and friends is someone that's just looking at him online and sees what he's done and goes like [ __ ] that inspiration i don't want to ruin this guy's in and out of court he's always getting arrested he keeps pissing hot this is kind of cheesy i was reading something today well the thing is that it's it's it's sad it's sad and people love the guy and you you see this is dangerous yeah drugs are dangerous yeah some people it hits them this way and for whatever host of factors already's got it bad right we love already so someone on the outside seeing that could be like wow and that now is a thought in their head if somebody offers them those same drugs right and so i don't need to make my life hit rock bottom i can look at this guy or that guy or maybe someone in the neighborhood or people around you that don't get their [ __ ] together you can see what happens right when they don't chase their dreams they follow their ambitions they don't they don't take the time to let the people around them know that they love them they don't do those things and you get to see that that's a little bit of your own education too it's not ideal right idea would be everybody is doing great and we would all have this big old [ __ ] happy community but yeah some education comes from that you get education from that and also but do you start to even specifically with artie lang do you ever think that when that started to become such a big part of his life that i like i'm worried that that i wonder will it does he is he gonna fault her with drugs and stuff it because it keeps his name in people's minds no i don't think so you know i don't think i wouldn't think people are success he was always a successful guy anyway when i met him he was on mad tv i met him in 1994 the same time i met callan i became friends with artie we did a scene together where i played a boxer and he was a boxing manager i didn't even know that i didn't know he did that show yeah man it's probably online somewhere it's wow he looks so young i was like i think i was 27.

wow yeah and he was probably the same age as me or real close as was callan callan is just uh that's me right there that is crazy you're the boxer yeah wow dude that is crazy that's a joker come on i can't even see that oh look at the shoulders though huh you know i got to thank you because it wasn't for you it never got this far oh my god this is so damn atrocious what does it feel like to look at your young body like that weird is it yeah it's weird it's like a different person yeah it doesn't doesn't feel like it was me yeah yeah yeah well you you look at yourself you know from the past [ __ ] bro look at you look at already handsome guy even already [ __ ] handsome in this yeah dude i had hair look at all that hair it's kind of an illusion was it yeah it was falling out it was definitely on the way did you know you were gonna lose your hair terrified yeah it's weird seeing my body with no tattoos too oh that's interesting i bet yeah that wasn't even like uh weightlifting days that was all martial arts days dang bruh strange i but yeah the first time i even heard already was just through drugs so maybe my perception of that is that you know well artie um you know he was a very successful comedian for sure from the howard stern show from doing dirty work that norm mcdonald movie and a bunch of other things mad tv so many different things that he did he was always very successful and very well liked like in the comedy world if you don't like like if someone says [ __ ] already lying you'd be like what really right who the [ __ ] are you yeah what you don't like artie yeah that's wrong he's the nicest guy ever it's just one of those things man you don't want to see it go down like that you don't want to but you learn from it yeah other people learn other people do learn from it other people learn from all kinds of things that people do wrong you know you don't want those things to happen but man they're educational for all of us we're all in this constant state of evolving this this culture that we're in right now the civilization is rapidly changing everything is shifting and moving and growing it's out of control man i mean it really is oh and a lot of elements even like um i was listening to the when you and bill burr were talking last time he was talking about like flying around and stuff like that and then he was talking about doing a comedy special he's like i don't even know what to do with it these days do i just do clips do i put it like yeah things just change so fast whereas like a year ago or two years ago i've been like oh this is exactly what you do make a special it's like now it's like do i well it used to be you didn't have an option you know the first guy who actually introduced it as an option was louie because louis decided to put his special on his website and you buy it for like five bucks which is a really reasonable amount and it was a really good special and it killed he made a [ __ ] ton of money right and then people realized that he made a [ __ ] ton of money and then people realized how good he was and then people realize how famous he really actually was and then everything started booming and taking off for him and he was already in the process of happening but it happened even more because he did that then netflix came along right that's the ideal they shook it up there's nothing better than that situation that situation they just set it up so they put they're like we're gonna get everybody we have a [ __ ] trillion dollars we're going to get everybody we're going to get all the greats we're going to get chappelle chris everybody fill in the blanks sebastian they're just going to cry bill burr they're going to just crush it and keep crushing it and then um anything else now like if someone has a special on comedy central you you go oh i guess uh netflix wouldn't hook them up yeah you gotta go to comedy central that's how you look at it right in the comedy community right but i think um a real player is going to be amazon because uh this amazon show the marvelous mrs maisel yeah people love it it is [ __ ] good it's good as a comic i watch i get nervous i get anxiety when she's about to go on stage i gotta watch it dude it's [ __ ] good the guy who plays lenny bruce kills it kills it he seems like a less cd less problematic lenny bruce but he seems a lot like lenny bruce i mean he's it's you know he can only do so much with it he's written in as uh he's like uh someone who helps the marvelous missus was lenny seedy was lenny bruce seedy man a little bit i mean it's just i just i i he doesn't see the god this is just the way it's written doesn't seem like a guy who died of a heroin overdose right is that how he died yeah he seems like more together than the tv show it's almost like it seems like in the tv show he seems like a victim of the censorship of the circumstances involved in that point in time more like in the future like he went mad you know if you ever see any of the ancient one of the things that i noticed when i when i really started getting into stand-up i used to start i would watch some of the old stuff and one of the things that i found is you can i think i bought it as a vhs i forget i don't think it was online i think it was way before youtube and this stuff was available online you could get old performances and i watched lenny bruce wow in this videotape that i bought it's basically they're filming him going over his court case in front of a group of people it's really weird because he's not really telling stand up he's just reading off of his court case oh wow it's kind of interesting it's interesting it's not it's not it's like he's going mad it's going crazy because they're trying to bring him into jail they're finding him and arresting him and they're locking him up in jail and they're ruining his career because he's swearing on stage and what he's trying to say is like you know no this is i'm trying to point things out i swear if i say something if i say a naughty word it's for a reason it's to express myself i'm not just just saying things because they're illegal and i want you to lock me up he went on trial for that oh yeah oh he went to jail for that he got arrested many times many times him and george carlin look the reason why we can do it with the way we do it now has a there's a direct you could trace the path there's a direct path to lenny bruce lenny bruce started it all off i got to re i need to do some more work he opened the door for guys like carlin and pryor his you know there's mort saul back then too but lenny in particular he had a irreverence to him and and this this uh notion to buck the current yeah standard of what you couldn't couldn't say you know he just changed he changed what comedy was that's brave dude he was a you know there's people like that that are these these figures whether it's nikola tesla for technology and innovation whether it's you know there's a bunch of people like that in this world yeah they're just changers one dudes like elon musk is another one one dude pow just whoa look at this jesus christ these these these people that are like that one guy just goes off in a direction yeah and i say i think like i wonder if say if they went to the universal um money for everybody right you you bi or whatever i don't necessarily think it's the worst thing in the world but then would you have as much adversity for people like would you get a nikola tesla would you get a george carlin would you get people if they didn't have to look at the world that they're born into and see not things be uneven and spark some desire you know i just wonder if we get that i don't know i think you would only have your needs met i think you would still have your desire to improve i think that's an inherent thing but i think it would be more beneficial this is just a wild guess i'm absolutely wrong it might be totally wrong it might be it might you might be right it might ruin people's ambition but it might raise the base level right so what we're where we're operating from is never the same level of desperation so maybe we're not as mean to each other right but maybe the innovation still takes place because people are always going to want to be challenged and maybe it's comes from a good place right instead of from this constant place of desperation right so if somebody goes from a 0 to a 10 in their life which would be you know somebody that does something unique and special and outstanding if everybody automatically is given a three at their base then now that person is going to get us to a 13.

yeah or maybe you just don't have as much violence yeah you don't have as much sadness oh that's true because people yeah people who are violent when they see they want stuff from other people if your food and your shelter is always met like we don't have that right and we've talked about earlier about like cultures have standards and these standards they're different everywhere and those communities accept them and they don't like it when you try to change the standards if our standards here were that all of our needs are met we just we decide as a community if we're going to stick together and call ourselves america we should treat ourselves as a family we shouldn't ignore neighborhoods we shouldn't ignore communities that are downtrodden we shouldn't ignore any kind of poverty we shouldn't ignore a lack of education or a lack of nutrition we shouldn't ignore those things so if we take care of all those things all of those things first before we do anything else have you had a re-engineer america would you think hey what we have to do is ramp up the military budget by 94 billion dollars because we're basically arms dealers yeah and we're going to make these deals with syria and saudi arabia wherever the [ __ ] we could sell rockets to it's old yeah but that's what we do that is what we do but if instead someone came along and said no the way to make this country stronger is not make the arms industry bigger the way to make this country stronger is to make the human industry better right make it better let's fine-tune humans fine-tune us yeah why haven't we done that less losers yeah 2024.

i like that yo vaughn run for president leslie's losers that would be the best i'll be your vice president but you will like pence i don't do anything i like that man hang back and eat chicken nice and all of the weird hair i got to pee so bad yo is it okay if i step out and you're right go ahead good we're probably almost done anyway it's already three o'clock go pee okay there's an infographic on it the uh the ubi it's because there are the argument for the positive or wanting it is a lot of jobs are gonna be replaced by robots soon right yeah and these are some of the jobs that are at risk they think automation automation is going to kill most jobs so insurance underwriter 99 of jobs are at risk farm laborer 97 of jobs are less wow fast food cook 97 of jobs at risk construction laborer 88 truck driver 79 percent mail carrier 68 wow they recently had a robot cooking food i think it was called flippy they i don't remember where they put i think it was somewhere in the united states maybe but they just fired it was the word they used because it was doing too good whoa yeah fired it because it was doing too good that doesn't i get it i believe it yeah that's a stupid ass ended way of looking at it i don't understand that stupid [ __ ] some place called cali burger it was too good that's so so stupid that's so dumb it's been sidelined at least temporarily turns out the automated fast food worker created by miso robux with a victim of his own success 150 burgers an hour wow so yeah why is that bad it's better it's way better it's better than you you don't want to work that job no right i'd suck at that job if we can find some other things for people to do maybe yeah but you know i'm good at a couple of things i'm not good at flipping burgers you're not good at that you don't want to [ __ ] mindlessly flip burgers it doesn't even need a mind why not leave the mindless things to them to things with no mind so this is the idea behind it but the problem is where's the money come to take care of all the people with the universal basic income and are you saving enough money with the robots to make it actually profitable to pay for people part on that like you save more money and make more money implementation well andrew yang is going to come in here and he's going to explain all this stuff to me in a way that's supposedly going to make sense uh he seems really smart and he was on sam harris's podcast and that worked over there oh man that's the most urine i've ever held i think congratulations how much can you hold what kind of car you drive theo vaughn i drive a bmw but i'm trying to get rid of it figure more for a muscle car type fella really yeah i used to own a 1984 ford escort and somebody stole my passenger seat god damn it yeah what are they gonna do with a passenger seat i don't know probably put you know put in the living room i would guess at the time put in the forest and jerk off dude how much comes out in the [ __ ] forest bro that's where the next no wonder swamp thing happened well i was thinking this once they found out that in some plants some plants contain dna from salmon because the salmon were used as fertilizer by the plant as it decomposed it got into the actual plant itself and you can actually somehow or another through some scientific process that i'm too stupid to understand they can actually detect salmon in the actual plant itself we're close so if you were whacking off on that tree and that tree it's every day that's your spot you went down to that titty tree yeah and and whacked off on the roots yeah and then like after a while you did an analysis and you found your dna in the tree itself hell yeah can you imagine oh it'd be great man if it maintains the information of everything that whacked off on it you have a little sun made out of wood one day dude they had a kid in our town one time this guy made his son a wooden shirt did i tell you that a wooden shirt yeah he made his son a shirt out of plywood for christmas what yeah you wanted a kid to wear it oh yeah he did and i remember i was um wait a minute is it a stiff shirt or is he make it like little itty bitty tiny pieces of plywood and weave it all together oh no it was pretty stiff and the dad was a um yeah like an elvis impersonator you know but dad was an elvis impersonator yeah at a casino or did he do it at carnivals no just locally oh um but we didn't even need in that no no money in it really i think he's probably an alcoholic but he had uh he had four kids and one of them he made i was going walking home one night and i heard him in the garage and he's making like a sun like a like a for christmas like a wooden shirt like a you know oh there you go oh not as nice that one is nice wooden shirt yeah can you get more oh but that's a like a sculpture yeah that's nice can you get one more that's like uh like if you go over someone's house and they have a wooden shirt on a hanger like and they think that's cute just leave now these people are [ __ ] now this kid needed it because people used to beat this kid up is that salmon sculpture yeah yeah it's a framed wooden shirt that looks like people used to beat him up because of his wooden shirt no people used to beat him up anyway on the bus well the wooden shirt would protect you from a lot of shots is that the idea and it helped he didn't wear that wooden shirt you better shut the [ __ ] up i swear to god he did that kid's not walking around with wood over his body like that not today that would be yeah those your pads inside it looked heavy [ __ ] no dude who do you think his dad is estee lauder lady yeah see there's some lady wearing something there okay but this was early it might have been antique needs way too much attention yeah look at her posing pretending to be aloof short hair by the ocean wearing a wooden shirt how about a big no that's a big no from me hey do you want to meet my friend michelle she's channeling with her [ __ ] geometrically patterned wooden shirt on what no i like regular people this kid's name was eddie can you look up teak what does teak look like imagine if someone was trying to set you up with that gal you'd be like well i'm torn because obviously she's very pretty are you sure she's not crazy yeah if you're super desperate she might have splinters in her tits dude it was one photo shoot she doesn't wear that yeah except when she worships the ocean i don't like it now that's something a little more malleable teak or something like that what other kind of wood do they have over print shirt now we're talking yeah but that's just the print yeah so it was like that but a little bit more but more real and uh he wore this for what reason get out protection like it's like a chest plate like a like a roman soldier type would say like that okay was it like how was it uh connected on the waist on the sides rather it was just kind of like a long square it was almost like a kind of a cereal box kind of where did he put his arms like rest his arms on the side in the side yeah [ __ ] your armpits up oh it's limiting i mean look man these weren't i mean the man that made it not a real you can't do that people would find out they would call him out well yeah dude when i was younger you could do anything you wanted to you know people would people were i don't know just more fun you used your imagination more when i was young you had more fun how many kids you see beating when you were a kid people used to beat their kids oh yeah probably like at least 20 i bet oh yeah but people would people fight in the street beat their kids yeah yeah yeah you see people beat people up it's way more common but i guess it's maybe we've moved out of those areas too that's true people back in those areas like bro i'm on the front line shit's still going down the mall dude yeah we used to see people fight man i saw this old man get thrown into a fire one time in a ditch fire that people were burning leaves threw them right in this guy was in his 80s too mr polito oh my god why'd they throw him in a ditch he was fighting a bus driver he was fighting our bus driver and uh the bus driver threw him in a ditch yeah i don't know why why was he swinging on the bus driver i don't know whose fault was it both of them i think i mean one of them you know they're both adults i mean look man i'm not surprised they were doing it oh you know questionable humans yeah yeah yeah if you saw me with me shocked they were fist fighting right like what do you do with people like that once universal basic income rolls around and there's some stupid people that just ain't getting any better basic needs met okay so then after that after you do a couple years universal basic income then what do you do wolves in the woods yeah let wolves loose you gotta thin the herd something man got some dude out there jerking off thinking he's being cute hanging out behind a bush he just turns these six wolves looking up and they just know what to do take his ass out well you think a wolf would attack you while you were jerking off right now [ __ ] yeah you're all pink everything's pink pink ass pink dick looks delicious when you're wearing clothes it's like can i eat that i guess i can eat that i gotta get through all that [ __ ] plywood t-shirt once i get through that i'll eat the [ __ ] out of that dude but if they catch you out there with just all pink oh yeah they eat the [ __ ] out of you yeah yeah i hope i don't do anything bad like that and they in any of them see me you know i don't want to be have that kind of ending you get injured by a name listen i'm going to say right now i don't think you're going to be jerking off in the woods and eaten by a wolf i might be wrong yeah but i would say that's not how you're going to go thanks man i just don't see that in you bro i i see better things for you pack of wolves naked your pecker in your hand imagine if like you were about to come and the first wolf built your cat bit your calf and like look they're gonna get me anyway let me just keep going finish it off on the edge oh yeah and maybe the bite and the pain because you're about to come up rock it you you bust like and you get more than usual yeah and you're like wow at least i died with my biggest load ever take that that's one thing you've always been disappointed by right is the sheer volume of your loads well it's not much if you look at it zinc and magnesium really yeah allegedly egg whites i do have zinc at the house actually zing's supposed to be good for raising testosterone oh i want that bus bro the more you uh save it up to oh yeah you gather up more but i like to do that nocturnal i want to ride i want that dream bus that used to get if you want to ride ride the tiger super bus yeah bro dude i want that dream bus remember when you would bust in a dream hmm those don't happen anymore but they can if you search for it if you seek it out yeah but you have to not beat off for a long time to the point where your body's like this dumb [ __ ] can't even jerk off yeah i'm just gonna have to jerk off for him when he's unconscious your brain [ __ ] jerks you off while you're asleep bro but do you think that you're learning things while you're dreaming because some people think you learn things when you're dreaming i think that'll be one of the next hurdles that we get over where people are able to uh be able to take in information while they're asleep well this is what i mean like they say if you have a problem something's bothering you you should sleep on it and when you wake up in the morning you'll have a clear perspective i believe that yeah i think so too i think that's real because i've done that before that seems to actually be a good strategy if you can go to sleep the problem is if something's really bothering you like damn i gotta figure this out like you might stay up all night and be exhausted and then you might not be able to sleep and think through it you got to get a higher power to help you out man yeah so you got to get you just got to see where a higher power comes into place do you think you see yourself ever going to church again yeah i would think so i think church is kind of evolving over our time and stuff like that and um would you go to justin bieber's preacher carl lentz you know who he is yeah whoa he texted me actually whoa he's trying to groom you trying to pull you in is he a dark art how low do you wear your shorts huh oh i saw you guys making fun of his roots yeah that was a little wild huh so you know him i've never met him no you just text each other back and forth yeah we communicate sometimes yeah that's that root dick root handsome and he uh looks good yeah they're both camo too i think it's great yeah but i've never met him but i would go to each other yeah does he try to meet you and you're like not tonight bro you think he's homoerotic no oh no i mean that's a weird way of putting it i think you're homoerotic what bro you're way gayer than me bro you always every time i'm here you talk about jerking off the magical hat we almost wore what about that problem it's like you came in here with like gay expectations no i got nothing dude i jerked off yesterday i'm not even planning on coming again for a couple days uh do you have a time where like if you've jerked off and it's been like four days like man maybe i should do something uh oh i get that feeling inside of me it's like a vulture that wants to fly out of my face right right right you don't want to be like too sex obsessed no like there's a balance right you don't want to beat off every day but you don't want to not beat off either because then it'll consume you but i think i'm going to start hunting that dream did i want that [ __ ] nocturnal bust dude i'm gonna start a group i'm hunting that dream the lnbs bro there's late night busters brothers dream dude how funny is that expression i'm hunting that dream yeah i want that nocturnal bust hunting the dream but dude imagine you [ __ ] are just like would you have you ever commented dice plane noises oh have you that guy's a [ __ ] mook man a mook i never liked him every time i've seen him at the comedy story he's never been nice he's not been nice to you no that doesn't make any sense i don't know why no have you said hi to him have you had a conversation with him i've tried i feel like i've tried to engage with him and he and well one time he brought me up on stage and he kept like they told him my name a million times he never got it it just got to the point where it felt like he was like being rude you know like making fun he might just be having fun he's a good guy is he yeah he's a good guy i'm a fan maybe i need to see another side of him i mean you just gotta get to know him man just get to know him dude when i was a kid i was a gigantic dice clay fan i remember when i first started meeting him at the store i was like i can't even believe he's healer but once you got to know him as an adult i mean he's been always been cool yeah yeah maybe i just need to have a new experience with him yeah he's he you know he just he's dice he's crazy like half of his thing like if you go to his instagram page half of it is like a put on he's always [ __ ] around oh yeah always being funny yeah that's true but he gave me very good he's the reason why i started touring he gave me very good advice and i was you know i was like in the 90s man he's like you should go [ __ ] tour he's like you're funny he's like you want to hang around here all the time yeah i was like yeah he's right i don't want to hang around here like i should do clubs i should make a living and his what he was basically saying was like don't get roped into only working in hollywood doing television shows and stuff like that because then these other people control your destiny you could tour yeah and this is from him obviously coming out of he had the most insane epic success of any comedian ever yeah he was a rocket ship he was he had sold out hundreds of arenas arenas giant ass places oh i remember when his dvd or his seat whatever would hit the neighborhood and whenever all the kids were watching it and i wouldn't even allowed to watch it so i thought when i was listening to him talk i was thinking oh yeah of course like this guy probably made more money than anybody ever did on a sitcom ever oh yeah and he did it just doing whatever the [ __ ] he wanted to do and he was basically saying hey don't get wrapped up in this only you could tour you can make money i mean even if i never made money the way he did you could still make a living whereas if you don't tour and you just do sitcoms or just work in television especially if you work as a writer that's the dark path the great stand-up comic that becomes a writer they never tour and they never develop a crowd and then does that happen yes it happens a lot but weren't they just supposed to be a writer then no no no no no they gave in to the writing they could have we know great comedians who mostly work as writers and it doesn't make any sense when they don't want to they want to be a comic out there performing and the level of their material is far better than the level of their notoriety you know obviously what you're saying yeah i always use owen smith as a perfect example owen smith in my opinion is one of the best comedians on the planet he's a killer that dude makes me cry funny guy and he's so good his timing his stage presence his delivery his material the subject matter it's excellent it's top shelf comedy yeah but most people don't know who he is right and that's because he's made a i mean he's made a great living as a writer but he's still he should you know he should be recognized as a comic as well yeah that's how i look at it so basically what dice was telling me back then was like get out go go someplace go do the road do comedy out there you could headline clubs well gratefully yeah i mean i'm glad you did that because if we wouldn't get you you might not be the same comedian if you didn't say that yeah i'm sure and uh i don't know you know it's easy like it's easy to just decide someone's an [ __ ] or you know you have one interaction with someone you want to [ __ ] on them i just think we you should be and i'm trying to do this myself be very careful when you [ __ ] on somebody yeah when is it valid and when is it just you looking for something to [ __ ] on right like when are you showing no empathy yeah you know when what is it no i think i mean uh yeah you're right i mean i'm willing to have a new you know a new experience too late you [ __ ] up [ __ ] you said his name he said mook it's over oh well i don't care about that i mean he's gonna get mad but he he was an [ __ ] to me so it's okay if i if i they he just they kept they're like he was on stage before me so i was gonna go up after him he was probably joking around man yeah but at a certain point it was uh it was just rude it went past that no it was looks like he kept not getting it and then did like oh [ __ ] you know is this like at a certain point to me it was just rude i see because you were probably a little bit anxious you're going on after him and then he's not saying your name right you feel like oh he doesn't know who i am so this is kind of disrespectful there could have been yeah i think that that certainly could have been my part and it could have been some ego 99.9 [ __ ] around yeah he thought it was funny maybe he would do that if it was if he knew you yeah he'd be like oh who bobby lee right he's alive i mean that's part of who he is right well maybe and maybe i'll have an opportunity to get to know him better um him and don hate each other they do i'm great friends with both of them now i loved watching him at mitzi shores when he performed at mitchy shores reunion or death's party but i remember i liked watching him there you know i don't i mean i think that he's a great comedian and stuff at it you know who what does he like now though i don't know who would you have liked to have seen live that you're never going to i got to see him live when he was really old and sick unfortunately i love him man yeah he's from near where my mother's from in illinois peoria in the house i at least got a chance to see be in his presence and see him live yeah and he had this kind of he kind of had this head bob thing that was very you know who i think could come back and murder stand up right now roseanne eddie murphy yeah i think if eddie murphy came back right now he would murder stand up murder it somebody said that the other day they were thinking he might come back he did a thing one day where he was talking about bill cosby about them taking awards away from bill cosby and he did this bill cosby impression and he did it with this what does that say what happened pop-ups [ __ ] he's coming back for that the movie oh really well is arsenio in it too i don't know he just he just had his 10th kid wow [ __ ] just shooting mad loads now there's a guy who needs a birth tree in the yard 57 years old he's 57 yeah damn it's amazing he's only six years older than me or uh yeah six years older than me there's amazing eddie murphy's it's been around forever he's in a new movie coming out dude he was killing it when he was like 18 years old he was on saturday night live and he was like 18 or something it's crazy you forget how young he was when delirious rolled around like good lord he was probably 22 years old or something would you i bet he can come pretty far how far do you think he can come probably a foot we just got we went over the world record jim jim carrey can come 30 feet bro that guy looks like there's a lot of dudes out there that have broken the world record in distance coming and nobody wants to give him any credit for it because it's like an impromptu thing you know like you don't know i think you're so excited you pull out yeah i didn't know what peter north was known for he was known for volume oh yeah yeah they call it that's a crazy thing the biggest when you're better your loads are so hectic that you're known for them like like if you say big loads you say peter north everybody knows think about that oh yeah but all the [ __ ] substantial loads that all the porn stars have dumped on all those all those maidens all over the land and then one dude is known for the highest volume of comic you got to be known known you know what i'm saying you're right you've got to be known known known right you got to be time after time again you got to [ __ ] bring that gravy boat yeah yeah you got to be like the kanye west of loads you have to be coming and also probably look at your watch or your phone during it and you're still coming when you look back at your dick you got to be the most crazy of loads yeah you got to be michael douglas like michael jackson undeniable you think no he has very little comment probably zero oh but dancing prodigy like he's the michael jackson of dance yeah but you don't come much when you're doing all that what activities you think you do where you come a lot like the kind of people that like power lifters probably shoot giant loads right i think you would think they do but for their size and stuff they're not doing that much who do you think shoots the biggest loads oh i think a guy that's in space i think a guy that's on a cliff like a cliff climber yeah but is that the biggest loads i mean that guy's shooting some [ __ ] just because he has the balls to climb up like that he's busting some real spackle maybe that's what it is like he's got balls like those guys shoot bigger loads yeah like bmx jumpers they jump three times in the air and then land on the bike yeah maybe they have the biggest loads um also guys who like fake put a sign on their car when they don't pay a meter it's like meters broken and they just put that on their car if i can still park there those dudes bust some loads bro i think there's other things too like pickpockets oh people that wear turtlenecks do not come very much or far no what is it about wanting to keep your neck warm it's not very manly it's just a [ __ ] move out it's such some french thing too and i don't care about the french dude wow but have you been there or you just i've been there prejudice i'm probably prejudiced too have you been to france yeah you've been in montreal i've been in montreal you didn't love the french i love the canadians french canadians yeah i'll take them you love canadians period i love canadians period but do you love french canadians yes because they are canadian but french bro not into french and nobody is they make great wine yeah that's not true people go to paris every year yeah but they leave it's not the kind of place people are milling around man i think people go there and they decide that it's better than america sometimes didn't johnny depp move there yeah poor johnny you know who else moved there um [ __ ] the guy from law and order uh mandy patinkin no richard richard belzer richard belzer moved to france he met a woman probably then oh yeah i would think we i mean love yeah bread i bet you bust in france bro imagine seaman just cruising down the street in that city the roads are slippery i bet it's all scooters sideways dna have the [ __ ] manhole covers like the clown pennywise dude this [ __ ] is getting gay bro today sorry i got it it's just very dick oriented today i wouldn't say it's gay well it's that time of year it's spring people are refreshed it's spring it's the middle of the winter yeah it's freezing cold out it's just january whatever you guys don't know you guys aren't open-minded that's what i think it doesn't get more winter than january not even a groundhog's day yet why don't i just say it's august okay this is july hey man it's like it's august out like what it's spring i have the best dude we just did three hours did we it's 3 30.

jesus christ brother's the longest i've ever been in my life now oh we've done this before not this much man i think we did well how long was the last one i think a lot of them are three hours i'm gonna have to get on some pills or something to be able to go through this again drink one of these nitros really caffeinated yeah they they juice you up plus it was fun come on oh it was fun actually the last one was longer oh that [ __ ] limited bust on this one huh i think it's the right time to end it though yeah we did it um thanks for having me my pleasure brother anytime you got a new podcast out with brendan chob yep called the king and the sting and it comes out how'd you become the rat king what is that he just made fun of me one time and called me a rat oh did you see that video of a bunch of rats connected together to pretend that they're a snake oh yeah there was i just said whitney cummings sent it to me they do that that's trickery i found it on twitter you seen that yeah it's about it's on my on my twitter there's a bunch of rats that connected themselves and they're running together to pretend that they're a snake that's a rat king to confuse well rat king is when they all get bundled up together and they get stuck and they get their tails twined up how the [ __ ] does that ever happen disgusting creatures party yeah they die that way too they find them all caked up and [ __ ] trapped i'm partying bro but this is spring break dude that's burning man for rest right yeah look at this watch this play this look at this those are all rats all completely bundled up together to look like a snake so the mama rats in the front and all the baby rats stay connected to each other to pretend they're a snake so they avoid predators and i and if you and i saw that from far away we think it was a snake 100 yeah how crazy that's amazing mother nature's amazing man mother nature's a [ __ ] yeah we're limited time i think humans you think oh this is part-time brother there's nobody letting us out here [ __ ] around forever those dumb [ __ ] could do is pretend to be a snake we could make snakes we can make robot snakes shoot them to mars out of our robot dick we can't beat an avalanche though ken if you're not there oh don't go near where it gets avalanchey theo vaughn on instagram and twitter thank you for having me uh thank you my brother anytime anytime and we'll we'll see you tonight at the comedy store later you