James Sexton, Rick Glassman, Matt McCusker - Mostly Wise #4

Key Takeaway

Replace silent tests with direct, low-stakes requests. When something small changes in your relationship—less affection, missed routines, growing resentment—name it before it becomes evidence that your partner does not care. Today, choose one unmet need and say it without accusation: “This matters to me, and I’d like us to figure it out together.” Paying attention to changes and discussing them early is far easier than trying to repair accumulated resentment.

Episode Overview

James Sexton, Rick Glassman, Matt McCusker, and Chris Williamson move between comedy, relationships, divorce law, intimacy, media, and modern culture. Sexton draws on his work as a divorce trial lawyer to argue that successful relationships are deliberately designed through honest conversations, safety, and attention—not left to run on default.

Full Transcript

Transcript of James Sexton, Rick Glassman, Matt McCusker - Mostly Wise #4 from Modern Wisdom. Auto-generated from episode audio; may contain minor errors.

People of the uk and ireland i'm coming to you live imagine that me on stage in your city dublin is completely sold out everywhere else is got limited tickets left and you can get yours now at chris williamson dot live this is a custom built live show i absolutely adore it spent over a year working on it so if you find everything modern wisdom come and see me on stage this october around the uk and ireland chris williamson dot life. You're like a regular here now yeah congratulations on the game and appreciate you.

I don't want to figure it out don't worry about it he only comes with counsel present a half owner new tonic now what's your problem with blowjobs and granola i keep on my problem with what it's no problem at all now it's lights it's so blow this is like this story blew up so i was representing a woman and she. I've been a lot of miles with there was an ugly divorce she was like a successful you know finance person in new york city very put together two kids husband who is in finance husband was kind of a train wreck we didn't realize it he was getting like a big bonus check every year and he unbeknownst to her was just putting it in a secret bank account that she didn't know about and then going to vegas and just blowing it up couple hundred this guy.

If i could let go back in time i would love to have seen this guy's nights out in vegas cuz when i finally got the receipts and stuff of it he was blowing like a buck fifty two hundred thousand in one night at like dow like just shirt off on the you know with bottles like crazy she had no idea. And i'm so ugly divorce because you had to prove wasteful dissipation marital assets try to get one half of that sorry look wasteful and wasteful dissipation of assets yeah balling out basically balling balling out like burning burning money that was supposed to be marital money and you get it half that's yours of it yeah wait what do you mean when it when you say marital money.

I didn't know you were a vest so what is it so basically if if like your team and your partner is out there spending buck fifty two hundred k a towel just basically shirt off blowing all your wads not like double fisting yeah like that it's more like yeah drinks bottles yeah no that just felt what about what about daily something for me i don't know what about daily amazon pack that's called DAP and it depends on if it's for the family or for yourself no we've actually made a successful argument that like someone buying a lot of Birkin bags.

And shoes was wasteful dissipation marital assets yeah yeah oh she flipped it on yeah we're flipping on her yeah but anyway i was representing this woman and she basically was like thing was falling apart did the divorce custody case kind of ugly and we'd been a lot of miles together and we were sitting on a lunch break and had gone to starbucks and we were waiting for testimony to start again and i just was making small talk with her and i said oh like was there a moment in your marriage where you knew it was over like where you just felt it was over and she said yeah my my i remember it and i was like oh what like what was it and she said oh.

You know there was this granola that i used to put on my yogurt every morning and my husband whenever like i was running out of it he would buy it for me and it would just it wasn't something he'd like asked for you know good boy points on like it was just something he would do and it made me feel very loved and seen. And then one day like the granola ran out she's like and i just was waiting for him to like refill it like i wanted to give him the chance to refill it and he just didn't and i made me realize like oh shit this thing's going down.

Yes right question you in back. Tell me if who disagrees with this statement it's wonderful that your partner recognizes the things that are important to you but when you recognize that your partner doesn't notice it instead of playing the game of will he discover and instead you say hey. I don't have any granola can we get granola and see how he responds to that as opposed to playing a game well to be fair he didn't get the granola because he's probably getting a double blowjob in las vegas we know this now.

No i didn't realize it was over before you knew that i think it's the difference between. Like a woman saying to do you think i look pretty in this dress and her walking in and you going wow that dress like it's it's the if you had to solicit it. There's this feeling that you didn't you needed to do that and now it lost something right but but there's nothing wrong with needing to do something if i if i want you to recognize that granola it's a listen we're out of granola i know you're busy you're.

Double fisting it at whatever you're doing but like this is important to me next time could you just take a look and if you know i think well but yeah but i'll tell you what is there is a thoughtful there's a thing where she was like he's thinking about me i think she felt. Because she never asked for it and he did it and he didn't even ask for like. Like hey look what i did for you it just made it's just a feeling it made her feel seen in love with the granola in the coal mine.

It was the granola in the coma and i said to her i want to send you this thing because we're having this chat and i said to her but but the p.s. of it is actually good that your wife sent it to you because i said to her like oh like you know. Is there anything like that that you did for him and you want to get blowjobs and i'd like spit my fucking coffee out because i was not expecting her to say that. And she's like yeah like when we were dating like just swallow your girl i gave him a lot of blowjobs you know and he never asked how did you know i want to get not yet but i said i used to do it in the morning it would be a birthday party get out of me we're in church come on yeah no she was just blown i'm left and right.

She's a we were first dating she's like i just used to like you know i used to have like three minutes in the morning and he'd be in a good mood all fucking day and he would like text me and be like oh it was so hot this morning and. Right now like i don't think there's something to be said about the idea of just like unload the gun you know so i think that she. I was like yeah and then at some point i just stopped it wasn't like a conscious decision it was more like you know like when he comes home tonight we'll have sex and we both get to enjoy it like i don't owe him a blowjob and like you know i don't know she doesn't owe me the granola but there was this.

Shift in the relationship and that that's why i was like look i'm not trying to say like buying granola and blowjobs is the same level of effort symbolically but it's just something that you don't have to do and that you don't have to do you don't have to buy it every time like one blowjob last for 10 comes. Eleanor rose yeah well. It's technically not if you have a mouth it's free artisanal blowjobs also three minutes for a blowjob am i am i is there something wrong with me but it might be picky you know i mean like it might be yeah because you got it yeah.

That's what it might be but a blowjob in three minutes is very quick unless it's like it's like american pie and it's naughty is sucking you off so you're saying it takes you a lot which one's my okay i'm a lot longer depends if she's funny or not. Okay sorry receiving receiving. Oh slammed you how's that even i just he said no i was i have a question well i'm not assuming anything why is it a slam to assume that i'm gay yeah it's not at all it's definitely slam what's what's a slam about that we're talking about through the classic wow yeah that was a slam can i can i do you have that much hate in your heart i want to talk to you about the rampant homophobia that's going on and what people think is the red pill world.

His ear yeah he had a prop ear ready wow he's ready to go props i am i have he's going to care about i keep my key props in all my pants in case they go on stage i i got uh i got in some that looked like cigarette i was wondering what was going on that's all and a fucking joke light it come on come on now well that's yeah the question i have and i don't know if she can disclose this like did she who slowed up first the granola i said to her like with chicken or the egg like was it granola or the blow job and she said she really didn't know she she said the blow job probably like that and she really didn't it was interesting she was kind of humble about it that she was like yeah i don't know why i did that like why i stopped she's like i probably shouldn't it stopped it started taking longer than three minutes that might have been it might have been i mean it might i think it actually is that just like life gets in the way sometimes people stop paying attention what the fuck is this yeah i kind of like it yeah it's going right at him when headphones kill us there's four people talking over each other and i'm saying the funniest stuff i should have tested this before i think it's nice it's a nice touch yeah good it's just yeah that that video went crazy that video video blew up now what is the sexual tension like in these meetings when you're sitting with a woman who's probably scorned in some capacity yeah thinking about like telling you all of her husband's weaknesses and shortcomings and you're like the knight in shining armor exactly yeah you're a lawyer standing in front of her being like yeah what a fucking jerk um they they definitely get like a crush on you but you would never find a woman attractive when you're her divorce lawyer because you just see the absolute worst parts of don't you want to see that now i would love if a first date was showing up as like hey this is what it's like when it's bad yeah and like oh i could handle that yeah yeah i'd be i mean it would probably be really healthy to see up front like okay what's this gonna look like on the really like yeah when we get divorced that's why i'm really rude on first dates yeah no there is let's say start as you start at the end and work backward from there so begin with divorce level yeah that's why i'm really rude on first dates yeah when you first date you have like spanks on your personality yeah you're really being cautious and i i think there's a lot of value that's why i said to you when last time we talked it was like i talked about a prenup on the third date like i think right away that you need to start getting that discourse out there about like what is the economy of this relationship what's the intention like what are we gonna owe each other what do we want from each other like what do we i don't mean that in an unromantic way like in a sense of like what what are we both think is meaningful in this connection between the two that's unromantic though a night it's not chivalrous at all to be like what the fuck are you gonna do for me you have to go my lady i love you you can have everything i have yeah but i also think it's about like what what do we mean to each other what do you need from me like what am i gonna like like where where can because economy to me is like we're trading value and it's like we're both bringing something really like drying her up you're drying her up right now i'm not really rude on a first date yeah it's like what i it's like i pledge my life to the yeah you have to be a knight just be like take all my stuff yeah you can have it all i think it's important that you show up uh as you are a prenup then yeah never you should show up as you really are and if that's who you really are then you should do that exactly and i i personally think it should be zero one hundred the girl should get a hundred percent of your woman yeah the girl my man i don't i don't like that i don't like bringing economics into something as beautiful as have and it's a hundred well economics is in it it's all or nothing i mean it's in it no matter every everything is in economics i give you my all it's not economics it's love i give you my all everything is in economics it's love is great merch thank you i i believe that it's like it's good for my business model because i think the more that people dive into the idea of like we're in love that's all that matters our connection is everything everything that is yours is mine well that would be 50 50 not 0 100 because if it's everything is yours is mine it implies some stuff is mine depends how good your divorce attorney is because you can get to 100 0 pretty pretty it also depends on how empathetic you're the the team that's now separating is well i i like what i like is you can have everything caveat if you cheat on me i get to kill you yeah legally like you want to do that huh would you want to do that follows betrayed i'd want the option i wouldn't i wouldn't exercise it right away but you know that mean right away how long does the option last i'd wait like six years sorry sorry until she started a new relationship why i'm kidding sorry can you try and find it's a way that medieval times they did marital disputes and the man had to be in a hole in the ground and the woman had to have a sock and it was like a public fucking display and this was how they actually settle have you seen this i haven't but it's medieval germany some legal fight books uh illustrated a rare form of trial by combat where a married couple could settle severe marital disputes yeah click on that so your husband was placed with a sword though go back go back she has a sock he has a sword that seems unfair yeah so the husband was placed in a waist deep in a pit a hole in the ground with one arm tied behind his back he was given three wooden clubs but he had to surrender one club each time he touched or stepped outside of the pit the wife was allowed complete freedom of movement around the pit and she was armed with a heavy stone or a brick sewn into a cloth sack or it feels really sexist though it doesn't respect women athletes the handicaps were designed to level the physical playing field between the man and the woman i don't think that's cool so you get on so you're in a pit with a stick and she's on ground with a rock in a sock and you got one arm tied off yeah i would you're down oh you get three clubs you still think you feel like people just throw stuff up online and then we're like you know this used to happen this was in 1467 yeah i feel like this was like two stone dudes were like you don't have to do i'm gonna draw up like a diagram and we'll be like it's somebody who's gonna totally fucking believe this yeah i think that's not a bad that's not bad i mean it's less arbitrary than the current system this side of the table a little bit more creative i'm just saying so far i was like it's sort of very litigious over there we're academics yeah i'm comfortable with the litigious labor yeah i just sort of the day job litigious dude i couldn't he's wearing a cardigan i don't can you be litigious for me you put it on for us it's very mr rogers it's i think i just watched that movie with tom hanks a couple nights ago yeah it was good yeah yeah he has a little bit of forrest gump in him i'm like oh it's the same guy yeah yeah i watched the the somebody put up on like a clip of like mr rogers at that like that it's been going around oh i saw the one in the court oh okay no this was like him like like giving an acceptance speech at the emmys and it was like this beautiful clip of him like he just had this ability to say the simplest thing and make everyone in the room cry from how beautiful it was because it was just like the most basic sentiment where he was like i just everyone is here if you could just take a minute and think about a person who helped you get here today how proud that person must be that you're thinking of them and you're listening to it you're like you know but i just i don't know like i don't think there could be another fred rogers like i don't know who mr rogers is that explains a lot about you i think you don't know he's the most like british american person why don't you just tell him then he does know how do you tell someone who mr rogers is for a long time i thought mr rogers was the guy that narrated his own painting tutorials yes mr rogers similar energy similar yeah similar calm vibe yeah okay yeah he's like the way i can describe him and he is like a very he's not a pedophile you know that's always a great disclaimer up front he's not but he like some of it's weird like he like comes in every day he says that because he loves children and i think that's why your worst description That is not a pedophile, okay, but at all Jason, but if you know, no, no, this is a terrible description.

Okay, this is a terrible. He's also not academic here. If you found out if you found out he was if you had barely is like the best guy in the world. So he believed that that life comes with pain and sadness and anger and instead of pretending it doesn't or trying to coddle children into thinking like hey, you'll be safe. It's to it's basically teaching them about self-regulation and your feelings are important and valid and if you're hurt, you're allowed to be hurt. You're supposed to be hurt.

What do we do with that hurt and in the anti David Goggins? Yes, he was kind of he was he was teaching children to have a basic emotional vocabulary and the way that no one else was in a very beautiful way to wear though. It was directed for children depending on where you are in your in your life's journey. You'll probably still discover tools if you don't adopt them exactly but questions to ask of like, oh, that's interesting. I am projecting this I am I am I don't know where to put this feeling and instead of like swallowing it and like just not needing it just like acknowledge it and it's really like he's he's beautiful.

He's wonderful, but he starts the show by taking his shoes off, which is which is where I got the name of my podcast take your shoes off. Really? So you're a big Mr. Roger said that's the cardigan true homage. I didn't know anything. I just I remember his shows a guy would come sit down and take his shoes off I would change the channel as a lot of people judge. A lot of people thought he was just some like this little sappy kids show. I think some people although the Muppets now get a little bit more respect.

Muppets are Muppets are better than Mr. Rogers for sure hundred percent Jim Henson also know that if I'm not a pedophile. I just want to be just I just feel like we now need for the Muppets. I did need to leave with that for Mr. Rogers. I'm wondering why no he did. He said that for Jim Henson. Okay, miss. Yeah, he's almost saying he's just he's not either. It's just let's just everyone's getting cold. If someone's a pedophile will identify that first because I feel like the stories are going to get there and start so weird for the rest of this.

I have a question. So we went to dinner the other night and I wonder whether people who are friends with you become friends with you whether they need to hide their friendship from from being friends with you because I went for dinner with Duluth the other night and he wasn't sure whether or not he should tell his wife. Yeah, because you're away for a couple of days in New York on a business trip. And when she says, oh, what did you where did you go for dinner?

Who did you go out with and you say I went out with one of the biggest divorce attorneys in New York City the optics. Yeah about being your friend publicly when married. I think has bad optics. Do you is this something that you have to navigate? You know, I don't have a lot of friendships. So that's like I that's cool. See like it kind of makes it easy. No, I don't I don't really have a lot of yeah. I don't I have like a lot of I don't have a lot of room for for like socializing.

I think there was like the first time I've gone out to dinner with someone in a while, but I think who paid what's that who paid the bill? I think you did. Yeah. Yeah, you do. But you have one of those things like we grab a kind of a speed shooter. It was a situation. Yeah, you pay for the bill. He gets the house thing. I like to try. Yeah. Yeah, I was trying to like like get go to the restroom and then give it to you know, if you should know that's the like Irish goodbye.

You're going to that paying the bill. Huberman did that the other night. We were out to dinner and he snagged it from the they've brought the thing over with his card. And I was like, what the fuck was that? And he was like, oh, I got it. That's that's that's a great. You know what I do is going to be a thing. I have a move now where I go to the to the server the beginning. I say, will you go to and I give the order of like talk to you first and then maybe you then you and say ask if they want to secretly pay the bill and like a lot of times they say yes and then they pay the bill and when it comes to like what the I mean, you could have let me what are we doing here?

Yeah. Yeah, I do it. I do it often. And then I go I go if I knew you were going to split the bill, I would have gotten the fillet and everyone laughs and it's going to move. Yeah bits at dinner. Now you've got like entire slot small structure. I have a fake year in my pocket, buddy. What do you think? And no friends. Yeah, I got this. And he's not a pedophile. I must ask you something. Is this new that that is new? Yeah. Yeah, I've been sometimes trying mustache.

You look sick with a mustache. By the way, you would look sick with a mustache. Yeah. Yeah, you would look like you have an illness. Any trial lawyers with a mustache. That's what I'm saying. There's a couple that have the like oops. I didn't know I was sexy stubble. You know, they do that thing like but I can't I can't do I'm going for that. Yeah, you guys. I don't know what you're talking about the whole cruise rocket that except me. Oh shit. I'm so sorry.

I forgot to shave. I get it. Like that's like a women love that. But yeah, I go for the like, you know, I go for the inherit the wind, you know, yeah vibe. It's it's good. It's like a very because you have to be kind of a blank slate when you're a trial lawyer because you're dealing with judges that are like, you know, the old school like old white man. And then you have like a lot of his elected position. You have a lot of like, you know, women and diverse, you know bench now and you kind of have to go in with this like, okay, I got to figure out how to be something for all of like middle of the bell curve.

Like half of this guy. Yeah. Yeah. If it were all women, would you have a little bit of stubble? I mean, I do. I don't sex it up a bit. Remove a couple of top buttons. I don't know that you want to be sexy. I think you want to be. Okay, I'm out some people. Some people can't help it. Do you face like the divorces? This might be a dumb question, but they ever go to jury. There's no such thing as jury work. It's all bench trials.

So that's what is that? It's just the judge, you and the judge. You're persuading the judge. Yeah, there's one member of the audience and they're wearing a black robe and that's it. And it's that's the only person you're going for. I mean, theoretically, like I feel like I'm trying to manipulate everybody in the room because I feel like the court reporter, the court officer, like each of those people, they're going to when we leave the courtroom, they're going to go with the judge. Yeah, and I feel like they're going to say like, yeah, sexting was like kind of a dick.

Do you have a want them to all feel good about? Do you have like an alternate playbook for like, you know, if you have like a lady judge or just like a normal judge? Totally, totally. And there's an old joke that a good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge. But what I think they really mean by that is like, you know, like there's some judges that like I know they're really into sports. So I'll infuse my arguments with like, yeah, that you're going to counsel throwing a Hail Mary pass on that one or your honor is trying to do an end run around the rules of evidence.

Like and you try to like play with some judges like, you know, okay, they like the show like they like the performance. So they want me to go in and be snide and cross examine someone and do the like, you know, you can't handle the truth kind of thing. And some of them, they're like, they don't like that at all. And you need to go in and be very like, yes, your honor, like very like genuflecting. Do you feel like one sex sides with the other any sort of way or?

No, I will. A lot of men think, oh shit, we've got a female judge and they're completely wrong. Yeah, because women are merciless to women. I can see that. Yeah. And I've had judges. I disagree. I've had female judges who will say like, like we'll go into chambers with just the lawyers and off the record and they'll go like, you know, if your if your client is seriously trying to persuade me that she needs alimony, maybe shouldn't have worn Louboutins to court today. I hate that.

No, dude. I hate that. I genuinely hate that. Why do you disagree? Yeah. Why do you hate that? Well, first of all, I just think putting out there that women are merciless to women is just, it's setting female athletes back a lot. There's a lot. They are. Look, watch WMEA. It feels very Sidney Sweeney. Look at the Sidney Sweeney case. Yeah, but there's a lot of, no, dude, you're in your LA bubble right now. Oh man, women, women. To be fair, they did support Lindsay Clancy way more than men did.

Listen, man, good lawyers know the law. Great lawyers know the judge. And at the end of the day, no, I'm being serious. At the end of the day, your job is the same as my job. It's to show up authentically with the facts and omit the stuff that will make our clients look bad. And I think it's all manipulative. And if we all change the playing field into saying, here's what it really is, we don't have to worry about who has stubble and who's wearing Louboutins.

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That's L-I-V-E-M-O-M-E-N-T-O-U-S dot com slash modernwisdom and modernwisdom at checkout. But women definitely hate each other. It's a fact. Women are— I think women are women's worst enemy. Female judges dish out harsher sentences, longer sentences to women on average. Okay, never mind then. I'm just, you know, you said about the facts. You're also looking at a judge. Like, so judges— Where'd you make that up? Hold on. Hold on. Where'd you make that up from? Stop cross-examining me. You spend half an hour in his presence and you feel like— It's just by osmosis.

Good lawyers know the law. Great lawyers know the judge. And they carry a mustache in their pocket. You just never know when you're going to need one. I'm scared about what else is in the pocket. So in terms of a, let's say, lady judge, would you lean into that and be like, Oh, nice shoes. I just feel so antiquated. Lookit. Oh, we got a lady judge. I also made a joke no one picked up on. I said, lady judges and regular judges, and everyone was like, Yeah, fuck it, that sounds— Didn't hear it.

I think we would benefit from headphones. I was waiting. Sorry. No, I felt like actually I understood what you meant. Because the image in most people's head, you're like, imagine a judge. It's like an old white dude in a black robe. He's got gray hair. Like, that's what you imagine. I'm sorry, what? 27 years ago, that's what all of the judges looked like. Like, that was all of them. Accurate stereotype. Yeah, it was totally accurate. When did they drop the powdered wig? You know, in our system, we never really had the powdered wigs.

They still use it over there. Do they really? Yeah, they still do. They have barristers. Well, they also have a distinction between like a lawyer and a barrister. Like a barrister—I always make the distinction that I'm a divorce trial lawyer. So like a divorce lawyer, like the majority of divorce lawyers, they're negotiating a transaction. They're like helping people mediate something. They're drawing up contracts. Like a trial lawyer, like I go in and, you know, like put on the show. I cross-examine witnesses. I, you know, do direct testimony.

Like I do argument in court. And that's a much smaller subsect of lawyers. That's the equivalent of like an English barrister. Like once you go in, wear the wig, do the whole thing, it's like they're a courtroom lawyer. And it's a totally different animal. Is it the same saying over there? Like a good barrister knows the law, a great barrister knows the judge? I don't know. Yeah, but it would also be with the cool accent, you know? So the sound— Do you ever feel guilty? If you've absolutely torn someone and you won, and they just totally— No, no.

No guilt? Never. No emotion? No. No, it's—I mean, I don't always believe in the client. Like I represent the client, and I represent the system. I don't always believe in the client, but I believe in the system. Like I believe in the idea— I don't know what that means, but it seems like it gets you off the hook. No, I think that we—our system is designed, our legal system is designed with the presumption of innocence, and it's the burden of proof, the concept of the burden of proof, and the right to zealous advocacy within the bounds of the law.

So like there's a rule set. There's rules of how evidence gets brought in. You can't go into court and say, I talked to someone who mentioned to me that he saw this guy do this thing. You have to be able to confront your accuser on cross-examination. You get to like only certain types of evidence are competent, credible evidence. So we have rules, and I like those rules. The truth has a way of coming out, sometimes despite my best efforts. Like people pay me a lot of money to go in sometimes and just throw up smoke and mirrors and red herrings, and there's only so much I can do because the facts have a way of coming out.

Like a mediocre-at-best lawyer armed with real facts is going to kick my ass because the facts just have a way of coming out sometimes. There's not—you can put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig. Yeah, so—but to do like a very— like all that facts are in a trial is like ingredients, and a good chef can take, you know, great ingredients and make something incredible out of it, but you can't like make something amazing out of garbage ingredients. So I don't feel guilty about it because I think that I believe in the way we do it.

I think we have—you know, it's like our legal system is like our democracy. It's the worst one except for all the other ones. Like I think it's—we have a good model, and it works. You put lipstick on a pig, it's a lady. It's a lady judge, maybe. I don't condone that. That's going to cause some trouble. I don't condone that. So you said you're playing the game, and you know, you don't feel guilty because these are the rules that we all have to abide by. Do you think there's any significance in the analogy of like some games, like a sport, some people come in with a stronger advantage than another, and like when you're playing a game of basketball, and you're up 25 points with one minute left, you don't go and just keep scoring.

You kind of hold the ball out of respect. Yeah, I try to be a respectful adversary. I mean, I've had times where I could humiliate opposing counsel, and I choose not to because I do as much as I need to do. Is counsel the other lawyer? The other lawyer, yeah. Oh, interesting, right. You're playing the lawyer. Yeah, that's my competition. That's who I'm fighting. That's where the darkness is. I feel like that's like saying you're not allowed to punch too hard if you're in the MMA cage.

That person stepped into this. No, you're not allowed to punch too hard once they're already knocked out. Yeah, you want to stop punching once they're down. But there is no down. Yes, there is. The judge calls it. Right, but it's down, at least where the empathy or the sympathy that I thought you were talking about is that for the other person's client, like being too mean in cross-examination, like doing stuff to them, because they're a real person as opposed to you and your competitors. First of all, what I'll tell you is you have to earn the right to beat up a witness.

I tell young lawyers who work for me that all the time. Like you cannot go in and just start cross-examining someone to death. Like you have to start soft and get them to commit to principles. And then you have to just once you just snap their neck with it, like you have to get them to and then once you've got them to be snide or evasive or just kind of a dick or revealed them to lie. That would make me soft. Then you have a right to just knock them out.

It would, honestly. I start soft, get to know the person. A little bit and then there's connection and if they were to be snide, it would make me soft again Yeah, you wouldn't say I've heard you say that you can't be intimate unless you're in love with someone not true But I have a different so did you not say that I never said that I said I don't have to I Have to like somebody I don't have I said I don't have so if I I I don't have sex with people That I sometimes would want to from a superficial place like oh, we're maybe we're making out in this person I'm very attracted to them.

But if I don't feel a connection with the person I'm literally not able to maintain an erection did your therapist or did they not suggest that you try and have more Casual sex with people. Yes. How's that working out? This was like 10 to what this was 2016 I tried it for a couple of years Why did they say that to you? I mean I could tell you the answer to this It'll probably take a few minutes So you guys could interrupt or I could not say it but I I mean I feel like was it Sure, so so at the time I was I was going through a breakup where the my partner my ex-partner had slept with a lot More people than me.

I don't think the feeling was jealousy I'm sure there was something there, but it wasn't like I didn't think anything was wrong. What I felt was for my like a A Kid like feeling I noticed that like I felt like oh, she's cooler than me. I don't logically I don't think that's what makes somebody cool. But at that point in my life I had not had casual sex and My partner had and I'm like, man, it's cool And I had been in positions where I was too scared to sleep with somebody Whether it's performance anxiety, or I don't like this person whatever it is.

I wasn't in touch with at the time. So in therapy We had this conversation like well, maybe if I slept with more people I would think I was cooler or I would notice that's not what makes somebody cooler. I had questions and I didn't have answers so why don't you try sleeping with people and it's like I Genuinely was like doing that for the data. Does that make sense? Like I was like, how will I feel after sleeping with somebody and what I so then I went through a few years where I was like trying to do this and I noticed sometimes I enjoyed it and sometimes I felt like I had erectile dysfunction and Like this and also like you're wearing condoms and that's tougher in there and blah blah blah and then that kind of fed itself where I was kind of I was starting to get performance anxiety.

I never had that before I don't starting to get performance anxiety. And then I remember I if this is a longer story, but like somebody like Convinced me to sleep with them. Like I didn't want to she was in the neighborhood. I'm like, I don't think I run Just please let me just come it's like what you would fantasize about if you were like somebody else Like let me just come do this and I'm like she's like a strong negotiator. Yeah She's a strong Chris Voss of pussy.

You shouldn't like that's amazing. Like I've never she hurdled every obstacle I'll come like I fancied myself something of a coxswain back in the day But I have to tell you no woman has ever been like let me tell you I I need to talk you into this You'll be surprised what people read a certain objection handling very well Forgive the question But is this a like a 4d chess level of game because I feel like women who respond to that So I've noticed it's that I am very direct because if I'm not I'm not present anymore So like an example, that would be if I'm texting with somebody and they're gonna come over my place and it's 11 30 p.m The implication is we're gonna have sex.

I don't want that implication I want to know that we could if there's a connection But if she comes over and I don't say anything I'm gonna feel like oh she probably wants to do this if we don't do this She's gonna be upset that she came or whatever So before somebody comes over, I will literally say something like hey, I understand the implication is sex I'm not saying that you want to have sex. I'm not saying that we will or we won't I'm Attracted to you.

And if that happens, I mean, it's really like It's a great filtering system because if they're not for that Let me know now because I don't want to go soft on you later, you know So like and then when somebody comes over it where we don't have to have sex That's the only way I can Does that make sense? So there is pressure involved not just on what I'm because there still is this thing inside of me I talked about this on stage a little bit I'm like my for my stand-up act Which is I didn't have my first kiss until I was almost 18 and I still have this feeling of like if I don't kiss You you're gonna think I'm a loser I don't think that's really a thing but I'm still very scared to kiss somebody for the first time so like I've found ways of communicating this and it's I I do think people respond well to it.

And if they don't I'm not for them but what I learned was oh if I'm sleeping with somebody and like I don't really want to and they're just a great negotiator or I'm doing this because I don't want to be I there's generally a thing like I'll have sex to you because I don't want you I don't want to be mean like, you know, like you came all the way over here. This is what you wanted. Teddy fuck um guilty fuck It's uh, it's uh, you know what I make more money than you Let me pay for it or you make more money than me and you pay for it Like sometimes we feel obligated and the obligation makes sense Do you know what?

I mean? Like I don't think of it as a pity fuck. It's like I Morally, I I don't think this is wrong. Like I'm not judging the person or me. I just My I'm full. I don't want to eat But I needed to learn what my intolerances were and what I realized was if I'm if after sex I don't want you to stay here and watch something with you and I don't like you and or I don't feel like you really like me I Don't want to sleep with you.

I don't have to be in love with you We don't have to be in a relationship, but I want to feel safe and I think that's for everybody Why don't you just say you can come here and if you can't get me hard, we're not doing it That way you put it on her Like if you don't get me hard no dice. I think that's great. I think that's not my style. That's direct What you talking about direct but my issue isn't can you get me hard?

My issue is do I want to be hard with you? You know, I mean like like I've I think about it's a boner you can't think about boners I stopped having sex with a woman this year because I'm like, I'm I can't do this with you Just don't think about boners ever again. Don't even if you're if it's a matter of getting hard don't run it through your brain What's why you chase it? It's not about going soft. It's about going hard. You're worried about getting hard.

I'm not worried No, you have a truly erectile dysfunction use that's why I said you start soft Yeah, and then you work your way in but no, I'm what I'm saying is I'm not worried about it either way anymore What I'm saying is if I want to be with you I will probably be hard if I'm not my penis is basically saying do you like this person? Yeah, it's not a moral decision It's it's a buddy. That's like Rick. This one's not for you That's crazy.

And that's funny because I feel like my penis always gave me the absolute wrong data. Yeah To the excelling because you're describing like the penis as like the weather vane, yeah, you know that you're sort of like, okay What what's my real feeling with this person my real connection with him? And do we really have something I feel like my penis is the absolute opposite Yeah, it's like if my penis is super interested. It's a goal. This is a bad person for you It's like a tongue that thinks it wants a lot of sugar It wants like big-boob goth girls with daddy is like and I'm very like Whoa, no, you don't want you've had a lot of those and it always ended badly.

We can Bitch what do you think? I don't I don't I was into that way before. Yeah For I was into that with Susie and the Banshees like I was into that Susie and the band when MDMA was legal I was Crazy, I was at New York in the limelight Trent Reznor, you know Nine Inch Nails opening for Peter Murphy with big titty goth bitches in the audience No, I already have drinks into that. Yeah, they're hot. They're hot right now. I've never gotten there They're having a moment never got into the big titties big titty goth or gossage, I've never had a big boobs and diet Cooker Coker coming back.

Yeah, I see that pale chicks in black hill chicks in black. There's a huge right now Yeah, they're having a whole thing. They're having a mock. Yeah. Yeah, I'd say if you could invest in them Yeah. Oh, yeah by big buy right now. Yeah underpriced. Yeah Yeah a quick aside if you've wanted an eight sleep, but could never quite justify the price things just got very interesting They've somehow managed to make it significantly better and cheaper at the same time introducing the brand-new pod six It's now 50% smaller meaning it fits under most bed frames and there are nine times more senses built into it despite all of these upgrades the pod six now starts at just $1,999 the lowest starting price eight sleep has ever offered best of all for the first time eight sleep has introduced solo sizes Including single side options for Queen King and California King beds and they've got a 30-day sleep trial So you can buy it and sleep on it for 29 nights And if you don't like it, they'll just give you your money back plus they ship internationally So don't be scared by the currency amount right now You can get up to three hundred and fifty dollars off the pod six by going to the link in the description below or heading To eight sleep comm slash modern wisdom and using the code modern wisdom a checkout.

That's EIG HT sleep calm Slash modern wisdom a checkout. Okay. So what we saying your dick is like Jiminy Cricket It's like I've been saying it for weeks Pinocchio After sex with somebody if I and after eating a meal if I feel like oh that was good I enjoyed that sometimes you eat a meal and it gives you a stomachache Sometimes you eat a meal and you feel good, but it was boring if I like hey, you know what? We're going out to dinner tonight. I'm getting steak.

I'm getting cake I'm not gonna feel bad about it because there was intention behind it. So I'm not saying that like Casual stuff is bad and just pure intimacy is all that's okay I'm saying that like what's the intention of this is the intention like those are big boobs Let's let's plant a flag in this that just doesn't get me off Like I I love connection and I don't just feel that way in like romantic intimacy. I feel that way in friendships I love eye contact.

I love laughing. I want to like you and I again That's not just having sex with somebody like I don't want to do this Podcast and come to Austin if we didn't do this and I didn't have a nice time with you like friends I love having sex with somebody that I like and maybe that'll turn into something and if not It's a delicious chocolate cake and it was intentional. Mm-hmm yeah, I think the intentionality thing is interesting because for me like I I Always felt like when it came to sex in particular that whenever you had in your mind, okay We're gonna have great sex like I'm gonna have good like it's Valentine's Day or it's like or it's whatever We're going on this date night or we're gonna have great sex It's always like oh that was good or whatever But like the sex that like you just didn't like on a Tuesday that you just randomly were like, maybe we will maybe we won't And then you have like just mind-blowingly good sex like that.

You weren't like trying to have good sex I've always found like the best sex snuck up on you in some way and and that could be a function of the fact that like there wasn't Intentionality as to the sex there was just sort of intentionalities to the connection with the person So I get what you're like, I think the underlying concept and I think up front the big titty goth bitches underperform from What's pretty? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was in my experience. Yeah sort of well, cuz I think also too there's a question of like if you're Good looking enough or like you've you know that just sort of being present is sufficient and it's like no way They're low-bowling the effort because Yeah, yeah, I used to say about you that like I felt like you could be a lot dumber You could afford to be a lot dumber used to be no But I really was like when I when I met you I was like, you know I when I first was introduced to your work.

I remember being like, okay So he's like if Lex was like really good-looking, you know, like it's somebody like he doesn't he's probably just like a good-looking dude But he's not probably that You know deep and then the first couple times we talked and you were like just so much you've read and so I was like He's saying that I benefit from very low expectations. Yeah. Yeah, totally Totally. That's kind of the way I would probably be able to give you a boner. I Think you guys are misunderstood.

That's a million-dollar question. That's all I've been thinking about It's rude you're being rude to his emotional experience there's many different kinds of boners There's blood flowing into your penis and then there's body getting excited to connect with somebody you gave an emotional boner. Yeah. Oh, that's cute It's nice another thing that I've heard you say Rick. Yes, Rick. Yes thing that I've heard you say Wait, do you don't think it's weird? Like when you drop someone's name that you know during a conversation that you're in the middle of feel strange like Rick Let me tell you something that I've noticed about it feels like you're a salesman or a close friends We never do that read way too much Influence people.

Yeah, I mean it feels like a sales technique. I like you You've said it's hard. So you found it hard sometimes to find someone who is both funny and you're attracted to yes Is before you fucking accuse me of misquoting you is that one? Correct? Yes. Why what do you think? What do you think? Well in a similar thing to that you could afford to be stupider Uh The better this is a blanket a statement, but the better looking somebody is in their developmental years the less need not that it's impossible, but the less needed is for them to learn how to Connect with people in a way where they offer value So if you're beautiful you offer value if you're not what's your value now, that's not necessarily the case But like when you see a really really funny Really really good-looking guy Chances are he was fat when he was younger.

Is that fair to say or was a magician unpopular, whatever it might be I don't think you're funny. In fact, you couldn't even get me hard But what I will say is you're hilarious and I'm hard right now. Thanks. I Think that for you to be beautiful and funny. It's just You know, like remember in the matrix when he was looking for a certain weapon, but you keep like or those car commercials I want you know an SUV but it's got to be American-made and it's got to be green and eventually There's only seven of them So I think when you take those those are a big like in guess who those are two big categories and knock people out Is this person good-looking?

Yes. All right. Most people are gone. Is this person funny? Yes Oh, there's only a few left and do you look for funny? Like I've always wondered this about comics like do comics want a date fucking funny people I don't know cuz like I would never want to date a lawyer. No, there's a difference between being a performer That's always on and annoying two thumbs or somebody. That's just funny and that you laugh with and gets it and it's funny I I don't think I've had a girlfriend ever that wasn't funny Really ever would dating do you think a comedian dating another comedian would kind of be a bit of a nightmare?

I've I've never done it I could imagine it might be but it'd be a because it's comedians are inherently jealous of each other usually and then if you're in a relationship and like one of them's gonna be doing better than the other and then they get jealous of that and it's also like if I had to deal with Like if I had a girlfriend and she just bombed and now I gotta deal with that after the fact it would fucking suck I think it would kill Labona.

It was just this the last thing you want to deal with and if this she was bombing I'd be like fuck there is something About seeing somebody doing their doing their thing not specifically comedy, but when you see them doing their thing well, it's attractive. I disagree Okay, okay. It's not that it's unattractive. I just don't give a fuck. I don't care You don't think competence is sexy like someone being good at a thing doesn't turn me on. It's just like nice job. Good job It's like a high-five.

I'm not like I'm gonna kiss you If you do a good job, I'm like, oh fuck. I'm so fucking hard right now So hey, great job, but would it not be more of a boner killer if someone did something badly? No, I don't think it's a killer as long as long as like I've done lots of things badly Imagine how many people's bone is that's kill. I don't want to even think about it. I don't read the comments Yeah, I just I don't have that when it's like you're like killing it up there I'm just kind of like it's good.

I'm proud of you. You know a good job. That's it pride. You're I think it's attractive We're attracted to people that we're proud of. I mean, I think watching LeBron James do his thing I'm not sexually attracted in but it's like fucking I want that guy's awesome Yeah guys talent and competency. I just think it's attractive but you're like man I think your style is I mean, I don't know you that well, but like I I feel like You seem very comfortable in your own skin, especially for a comic like I represent a lot of comics and I I will tell you like They're the least comfortable in their own skin so much of the time I think was sometimes up when they're on stage and they're like doing their thing that they've kind of precisely honed But like you you seem in conversation Just very kind of comfortable in your own skin like you don't have a hard time disagree It is like an actor if it's like a defense mechanism or if it's legitimately how you are like, I don't know You know, it could just be your Irish like that.

I think that I think that's it Yeah, no, I was married to an Irish girl like it and she was and we were getting divorce She was like dude, this is over. You're gonna have to end it. I'm Irish. I'll stay fucking you represent yourself. Yep Oh, yeah. Yeah, we were friend like we were you know, we got divorced. There's animals ago. Yeah, super friend We have two kids. We're we're great. Like she's been remarried 15 years to a great dude. Like we all get along We're nice get her on the pod.

Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm pretty comfortable on certain certain dimensions of life I'm like very very comfortable. Yeah, but I don't know. I'm not like very I get like a party I'm uncomfortable if I go to a party I feel fuck no No, but you just seem like like your beliefs don't require me to believe them yeah, like you're you seem very comfortable saying to like I listen to the conversation you have a Chris and I was very like You know you disagreed with him a few times but it was very like not in that defensive like no I have to explain myself Yeah like comfortable in your own Argument or your own skin or your own reasoning and it's like like even before when you were talking about like, oh I think I should be a hundred percent and you know It's you like you're very confident in that and it doesn't seem like you're trying to persuade me like you need me to agree with You true.

Yeah, I don't have that people disagree. It doesn't bother No, this is comics. It's true. They're very, you know, they're they're so Paralyzed by like I don't know a lot of comics that don't read the comments. Like I think they Incessantly read the fucking yeah, and then they say they don't because that's what you're supposed to say But like they they are absolutely power and they they read like if you believe the good reviews You have to believe the bad ones. Yeah, well, you have to just be like whatever I'm gonna keep moving No, it's funny because a lot of Listeners are always like it'll kind of harp on different like it's like a parasocial thing.

We're like you're obsessed with these podcasters The podcasters are almost just almost as obsessed with the listeners as the listeners are them because you do read the comments So you are kind of living and dying by the comments a lot of the time And then I think what happens is you get to a point where like you get like one great comment and then a horrible Comment right next to each other and you just kind of go Fuck, I don't know. I don't know what to believe and you just try to Ignore it or just like really just think about like I have also a life to live You know what?

I mean? Like this is the Internet. It's not necessarily but a lot of comics have post-apocalyptic But a lot of comics have put their entire life into that audience recognition, right? If you don't like me, I don't like me That's what bombing is bombing is going up and doing your job and the audience not reacting in the way that you thought we were Going to and then you that just bleeds a little bit. Oh, well, I'm not a good person It's not just that I had a bad night or the audience was wrong or the room is too hard or whatever the fuck It's like oh and now maybe I am unworthy and I suck and I'm gonna live under a bridge and everything I think in talking about the sex stuff and being on stage is a lot of similarities to this and I really think when you're Going into something with intention That is your North Star and if you go up on stage and you wanted to try something and it didn't go well But you weren't there to kill you were there to get information.

Do you connect to this at all? No, I would I sort of what I try to do and it's it's I'm not like 100% like this Is I still like if I'm doing well, I fit or doing bad I'm like, oh fuck I suck But I try to be like I'm gonna try my best to forget about myself and make sure these guys Laugh and have a good time. And if I don't get them to laugh, it's like that is you're very in service So that would be that's focusing on the cunnilingus as opposed to what am I getting exactly?

That's me doing the alphabet on the audience. If we were looking at this like like a cultural anthropologist like and looking at like I feel like there's a Breed of comedian happening right now and you and Shane I think are emblematic of it We're like it just seems like you're trying to make yourselves and each other laugh Yeah, and then the audience just happens to sort of be there and it again I don't know if that's intentionality or if it's like by design But it just I think it's really resonating because we're in this moment where everything's so fucking performative all the time like social media like everyone's an ad for themselves and for their own life and showing everyone their greatest hits and All of a sudden there's this like brand of comic that I think you're part of I think Shane is emblematic of like this Just like yeah, they're just fucking talking.

And again, I know it's curated I know a lot of it is like really thought through and it's not at all Try to make each other seems so natural and it seems so like you're trying to make each other laugh and you're cracking up a whole audience of people But it doesn't feel like you're trying to and then it sort of feels like I'm in on the joke Like I'm in the clubhouse and I think that it's a that's like a new thing like it's kind of like when you hear like some type of music and you're like like the first time I heard jungle or the First time you hear it and you're like, dude, that's a totally different Sound like that's a different sound that it's a subtle play on something.

But I don't know. It just seems to me like that's a very It's what I find very interesting about you. Yeah. Well, it's funny when we started we were both I was 30 I was like 30 living on an air mattress and I had kind of been like I'm gonna be one of those like weird uncles that like lives by himself and like The kids come to me. I had accepted that and I think he had a similar thing He's like, I'm a fucking loser and we were just making each other laugh and then things worked and we're both still like we're fucking losers and we just but I think it's landing in a moment because everyone is so Constantly trying to convince everyone that they're not a loser and they're using and they're incredible and everyone's sort of clout chasing and everyone's Like look at who I'm adjacent to and yeah when you kind of don't get that you kind of her, you know You're adjacent to I'm just excited if the Table over that For edibles, yeah, are we gonna be going on?

I had It'll kick in by the time we're done Experience I was always like a classic stoner. I had a terrible terrible edible experience I had a 10-gram should it said it was 10 grams It were milligrams. It was it was it would I don't know what it was. I was just in the void I felt like I'd eaten like three grams of mushrooms Yeah, so so I'd like to ask and please don't answer right away. Take at least two seconds to consider my question. Mm-hmm I would like to do this because it's fun and then like the back hour of this.

I'll be a little stoned Am I am I too much already Not at all. Yeah, you could be you answered quick Do you want to I do want to switch your chair out given that you broke in the fall? I've got buddy Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, we've already got a chair ready. I thought he had a prop in his pocket I was like, I don't know Or something that was speaking and I was like, this is gonna be weird Fuck that shit, dude Tell me if this sounds familiar you train regularly you eat reasonably well you feel fine But you're just kind of going off vibes Most people have absolutely no idea what's going on inside their body and that is why I partnered with function function gives you access to more than a hundred and sixty Advanced lab tests spanning hormones heart health kidney function and even detects early signals linked to more than 50 types of cancer to put That in perspective your typical annual physical might test 20 markers function runs over a hundred and sixty It's huge best of all you test twice a year and everything lives inside of a simple dashboard So you track trends over time make sure you're moving in the right direction and this level of testing would usually cost thousands but with function it is $365 per year just $1 a day to actually know what's happening inside of your body and right now you can get $25 offering it down to 340 bucks get the exact same blood panels that I use and save $25 by going to the link in the description below or heading to function health comm slash modern wisdom.

That's function health comm slash Modern wisdom. I'm gonna get silly It's fine. It's silly. I Have like Adderall and Xanax and I could bring all that. Yeah, we really just make this a whole grab bag Precise dosing is impressive. Yeah. Thank you. I like to do five milligrams I have I'm on a little bit of a time release magic mind at the moment. So when it's with caffeine I don't want too much weed. Yeah You talked about advertising online Did you see that tech exec lady who shared her non-negotiable dating Requirements on Twitter.

Do you see this trended like fuck the other day? Yes. Okay, so this Brooke LeBlanc girl tweeted who wants to co-found the rest of my life with me She wrote out a list of what she's looking for and then said X work your magic. Oh, here it is Non-negotiables 35 to 42 years old healthy masculine smart funny light-hearted provider slash protector mentality Post-economic brackets still hard work that mean must you have enough money that you don't have to be working You live off your must be kind generous thoughtful No kids yet decidedly wants kids on the healing path history of serious commitment ex-therapist books retreats can meet anywhere But will not date unless live in the same city fit and sober because you care about your health strongly preferred No previous marriages or engagements works in tech brackets comfortable with risk and career is blended into personal life Well in five years, I'll match all of those things So is she pretty and funny?

She deleted a Twitter after the response this got Really? Yeah, I mean this one people mad about it or were they like this makes mixed reviews I do want to try and work out how many men on the planet That is it would be a unbelievably small number. How old is she? Just the post economic still hard-working would be what makes post economic how much money do I have to have because that's that one and depending on what city she lives in and Me only being 30.

I think you get 50,000 per million dollars. You have invested. Well, if you were 35 to 42 And you no longer had to work then let's depend on your lifestyle Like I could do that now if I you know, just flew economy plus Yeah, but if you want to marry have children, which I would never do things. Yeah, dude I invested really well when I was young. I'm really yeah, you're like when he was five. Yeah Your post economic but still no, no, I don't think so That's what they're saying.

They're saying you don't have to work and you can but it depends like like The lifestyle that I want to live I think that you would want to live I'm not post economic Yeah, but like I could live like you guys Maybe middle of Manhattan. Yeah That's good, you know about his holiday homes, you know, so what is it what do people say to this lady? Ah, oh, I'm sure she got pillory. Yeah, cuz it's like you really do realize what percentage of men would feel It was very few I mean a lot of them were the post economic still hard-working thing and it was the terminology of post economic Yeah just referring to it is that like on the all-in podcast Jason Calacanis who is kind of the host and At least on paper appears to be the one that's the least rich of all they refer to him as asset light Compared with the rest of the dudes that are all billionaires Post-economic and asset like asset lights the most diplomatic way to say hey you poor it's also funny This is a lady who probably has like a doctorate and something computer sciences is like I'm gonna marry a prince Like she's like a tech exec.

Yeah, not funny light-hearted provided protective mentality must be kind generous thoughtful No kids yet decidedly once kid on the healing path history of serious commitment ex-therapist books retreats This is an interesting one can meet anywhere but will not date unless live in the same city Fit and sober because you go what is decidingly once kids versus just once kids a Level of certainty maybe which was like not I think there there's a type of man It's like oh I could imagine having yeah versus like I would like to have kids within three to five years Like it decidedly.

Yeah, I get freaked out by people who frame their life in business terminology He wants to confound my life with it's like, oh, yeah, but that's like that's there's a blend right now I think I was talking about this over dinner the other night that like there's a blend of Yoga babble and business babble like hybrid Like helicopter view and paradigm shift But then you also have to talk about like energy and vibes and like it's a it's this like blend of yoga babble and business Babble, that's it's huge right now in New York We need to align the aura to ensure that we can loop back by end of day exactly, right?

Yeah by a by EOB, you know like and you it's a we're like you're like EBITDA and also you're like guru or your mantra You know what? It is a question. I've had I've never had it answered in terms of like so say you have like a you know Super successful super rich man Mm-hmm, like it's easy to figure out what they see for themselves how they would enjoy their money and wealth Alone as a bachelor. Yeah, how do you think a super successful rich woman on say like 40s 40 50 side of life?

How do they tend to like display and enjoy their wealth if they a Nancy Meyers kitchen? Yeah, yeah Like like a La Conche oven or they travel a lot of luxury good women women Success like when we do prenups for very successful wealthy women in New York The amount of like luxury goods that they have is usually through the roof like Birkin bags, you know things that are 23 There's a small watches cars houses maybe for yeah. Yeah women are not as into the watches It's like we do, you know, we've had also like a million dollar wine collections million dollar a couple million dollar watch collections Like men men collect stuff like that.

There's a there's a this I think that tweet is emblematic of a there's there's a lot of like The internet is spending a lot of time gassing women been up about the like, you're a queen, you're a boss, babe, like you deserve, like you deserve the best out there. You deserve, whereas men are, I don't think as many men are being told like you deserve a queen. Like it's sort of a, you know, like just shut up, dude. You deserve like have a woman, like, yeah, I think there's a lot, I see it in prenups.

Like I'm doing, you know, a lot of prenups right now and the list of like demands that women are coming in with of like, oh, this is what, because women tend to, and this is fact, like women tend to marry even or up like economically. Men usually down, like they don't, like if you say to most men, tell me the three things you're looking for in a woman that you want to be serious with. She's a good provider is never cracks even the top 10. Provider is economics, not family.

Yeah. Provider meaning economically. Like, like I want a good earner. Like most, most men would not say in the top five things they tell. I want someone pretty, I want somebody who's thoughtful. I want someone who'd be good with kids. I want someone who's going to be supportive of me. You know, I want somebody who's getting bad. My grandpa used to say, uh, he didn't give me advice on relationships ever. The only thing that came close is he used to say, marry someone wealthy. I mean, listen, I think that, you know, that the first million is the hardest.

So if you, if you can inherit wealth, I've represented a lot of like inherited wealth people. And they, in my experience, fall into two categories. There was like the ones who just are, they inherited all this money and they're amazing. Like they speak five languages. They still went to university. They have graduate degrees. Like they've, you know, dug wells in sedan. And then there's like the opiate addicted, complete screw up ones who are like started on third and act like they hit a double. Have you noticed an observation that, that I'm, I'm making up, but I feel like confident in that when those are the case, usually the ones that knows five languages is the oldest eldest child.

And the other one is younger. Yeah. I think when you have an overachieving eldest sibling, you're like, I'm fighting to tie. And why would I do that? So you just kind of get, it's like a learned helplessness. Like you just sort of go like, I'm never going to be as good as that one. So I might as well just be the screw up, you know, and have some fun with it. And I think when you have that much opportunity, like financially, you can have a really good time.

So you're like, why would I bother working at this? What's the craziest thing that you've ever seen put into a prenup? The craziest thing that was enforceable was if for every 10 pounds that she gained during the marriage, she lost $50,000 in alimony. Well, I mean, you put on 50 pounds, it's a quarter million dollars. Yeah. Not that dramatic. Yeah. I mean, it's horribly rude. No, no, no. For a year, for a year in alimony. So it was significant. I've posed this question before, but if you were with someone and for every 10 pounds they gained, it unlocked a new, like never, you could never imagine sexual act.

How heavy would you go? As long as she's healthy and happy. That's what I'm saying. I'd go big. I'd blow her up until she popped. You'd be like... My 800 pound wife. Yeah, you'd be bringing home buttermilk. You'd be like, I want to see what this... I have no patience. I would be like, I want this by Friday. I'm calling in sick. You'd blow a garage your own home. Yeah. I would just love to see... Yeah, it'd be fun to like get to that frontier. I think the scarier question is if it was for every five pounds they lost, how thin would you let them get?

Like, would you be like straight up just, you know... They got to be happy and healthy. Like a tournament camp. Like, where would you be going, you know? Yeah, I'm not... If I'm seeing ribs, I'm like, I don't like that. I don't like if women are too bony. If I'm like, ugh, I don't like that stuff. No, yeah, that's not my... I like a nice stout. I want a stout woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rubenesque. Yeah, yeah. Like the guy from American Idol. Who? Who? The... Randy Jackson?

No, he's a... He was a little heavier. Ruben's... Stout. No, he's Rubenesque. Like the... Rubenesque. Fat little angels. Rubenesque. And like the pants. I wonder if that's where he got his name. That guy? Wow! That's exactly... Is that who you meant? That's exactly who I'm going for. Is that the guy you meant? Yeah. So, when people say Rubenesque, you thought of Ruben Stouter? If they go Rubenesque, I think of it. Okay. Yeah, because... Because he has a stout. Does he stouter? No, I think that's just his surname.

Surname is last name, right? Yes. Thought so. Yeah, yeah. Ah, I see. I know, because in the divorce papers it says premarital surname. You were talking about women are being told, like, you're a princess, you deserve all this stuff. Yeah, and I think they're coming into... Unless you're a woman judge. They're coming into prenup... A lady judge. Ah. Prenup negotiations. Not a real one. Not a normal one. Is there a judge or a lady judge? Judge or a lady judge. By the way, I'm now going to fuck up in court.

Like, I'm no longer going to be like, lady, your honor. I mean, I'm sorry, your honor. Her honor. I apologize. That's what I get when I get dragged online at the moment. His wife was carrying kids, food, drink. I saw that today. We have to watch this. It's the funniest thing I've seen. So you're talking about, like, women, you deserve it all? Well, this is, in some ways, a woman who got it all, but she's stuck in the stands at a sports game. Here it is.

I mean, she... Oh, wow, okay. She's got the diaper bag. She's got the kid. He's got the kid. I have a multitasking mother. That is the deal, right? Look, yeah, his phone's plugged in. That makes quite a big difference, because he's out of charge. I don't think she's an Olympic champion. Did I just hear that guy say... She's got three plates. She forgets something. ...bring ketchup? God. You know those little packets? So he's getting kind of... So he's like modern Kevin Federline. Yeah, well, I mean...

Oh, they went back to him? Oh! They went back to him, Slutty. Oh, my goodness. Are you kidding me? Gamer babes. She'll be the last one to eat, too. Oh, he's complaining about his meal. Did you forget something? He's getting the king treatment. Oh, man. How long did it take you? Yeah, that's... I'll see that every now and again, though. When I fly, you'll see the women carrying all the gear sometimes. I offer to help often, almost every time. Never takes me up on it. They never take up.

They get kind of particular, though, when they fly. When you fly with a woman with all, like, kid gear, they can get very, like... But sometimes they are by themselves, and there's so much stuff. And it's like, I travel with my dog, and sometimes it's a little inconvenient. I have so much empathy for that. That seems so difficult. It's an interesting thing when the response is... Like, I ride the subway all the time, because it's the fastest way to get anywhere in New York. And I was raised with...

You give your seat to, you know, a woman, any woman, or, like, anyone who's older. So, like, an older man or somebody. And so, any time I'm sitting, and then, like, the car gets crowded, and it's like, you know, even a young woman, you know, I'll stand up, and I'll go, would you like to sit? And it's like, you get one of two reactions. Like, and they're both fairly strong. Like, one is, like, the, what? No. Like, you know. And the other is, like, oh, yeah.

And they, like, almost kind of don't know what to do with themselves. And then, when you, like, leave, they're like, thank you, or whatever. They get such a, like, moved by it. So, it's interesting how polarized it is, that it's like, there's no in-between of it. It's either, like, an extreme reaction of, like, positive, or an extreme reaction of, like, wait, what? No, why? Why would I... You know, like, because, I mean, technically, I'm probably, you know, older and more infirm, I guess, than this young woman would be.

But there's just something sort of, I think, romantic about, like, that male, like, that chivalry thing. I mean, I was raised in that world, and I think that there's something to it, you know. But I don't know. I think there's so much that's... In the prenups I'm doing right now, I see a lot of young women coming in with, like, a list of things that they're going to demand. But, like, more water, for example? Like, they want a... Is that a hint? Yeah, thank you. So, are they the ones, the guys penning the prenup, and they're like, here are my conditions, or are women hitting guys with prenups now?

No, no, women aren't hitting guys with prenups. Yeah. Because women are, like I said, generally economically... Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless they come from family money or... Let's say that, on average, your client's probably the guy that's coming in with more money. Usually with the prenup, yeah. Yeah, but is the woman able to say, well, here are some demands that I've got... Yes. ...for this thing? Yes, and it should be that. Like, a prenup conversation should be that conversation. It should be, hey, what would we need?

Like, I think, you know, when you love someone, you're saying, I want to protect your heart, right? Even from me. Like, if I screw this up, if this ends somehow... Like, every marriage ends. It ends in death or divorce. So, if this doesn't end in death, if it ends in divorce, which statistically is more likely, what do we owe each other? What would you need? And I think most successful, economically successful men, if you say, you know, she's entitled to one half of everything you have, it would be like, well, that doesn't seem necessarily fair.

But if you say she's entitled to nothing, they'd be like, well, that's not fair either. Like, she's making sacrifices and choices, and there's things that... Like, she's diminishing her long-term economic capacity, being a supportive other to me. So, but what does she need? What would she need to feel safe? Like, I don't think you can feel loved if you don't feel safe. And I think both people should feel safe. Like, safe that you're not going to take tremendous economic advantage of me, and safe that you're going to, you know, that you're going to be here and be present and love me.

And, you know, that you're not going to leave me in the lurch if we split up and take everything and weaponize the intimacy. So, what are the sort of demands from the women? I mean, I've seen some really, really baller ones. Like, where, like, specifics of how much they want per month as a personal care budget for things like, you know, cosmetic stuff. During the marriage. During the marriage, yeah. Do you ever do, like, if you're, like, for every three centimeters your penis shrinks as you age, I get X more dollars.

Yeah. Or is there anything superficial like that? I don't know that that happens with penises, but I don't. There's something called buried penile syndrome, which is becoming increasing. BPS. What do you mean? Buried penile syndrome. It's when you get so fat. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, the fupa, the male fupa, begins to, like, subsume the penis. You know, like, if you let loads of grass grow up around a rock. Wow. And you'd be like, where's the rock? And you go, it's there, but it's just, like, you have to.

Little. And, yeah, I think 5% of American men can't see. You know how Peter Griffin, even when he's naked, is never nude? Like, he's always covered because he's got the gunt. You're really smart. Thanks. He's got the gunt. Smarter than he needs to be. You know what I mean? That's what I'm saying. For a guy, you could probably see all of his penis. Yeah. That's true. Most of it, you know. Why can't you see all of it? It's too far away. The tip is too far away.

I mean, everyone can push down on the sides and get a little more. Yeah, absolutely. You know, it's funny that you say that because a lot of people don't know about that. And I remember, every now and then, there's conversations about how big your wiener is, and I always give two answers. I give what it is and what it is if I push the sides. There you go. One of my friends used to take photos. You know the little cans of Diet Coke that you can get on a plane?

No. Like, $1.75. He used to take a photo of the, that would be somewhere in the photo for like, but you would have turned it so you wouldn't know it was a $1.75. That's some fucking 300 IQ. You talk about me being smart. What a bummer. Holy shit, dude. Fugazi. When did pre-nups, were they always around? Or like, what's the history of them? When are they coming to play? Pre-nups have been around a long time. Who invented the pre-nup? 1947, Germany. 1497, Germany. Wow. 1467. That's very specific.

Pre-nups have been around a long time. They've been enforceable in a real way since the 1960s. They really didn't get super popular with the general population until maybe like 20 years ago. Is that because things changed or is that because women started being respected a little bit? No, I think that it was a function of that the people started to see the marriage fail rate being as high as it is and started to say like, okay, there's going to be a rule set applied to this.

Is it one that we want written by the government or is it one that maybe we want to write together in some fashion? I think in the late 1800s in England, the total number of divorces is like in the 1890s, one year, the total number of divorces was like five in all of England. So you just don't need a function for something that's never happening. You don't need protection against something that's the tailest of tail risk. Yeah, but there were always people that like went out for milk and never came back.

Yeah. Like that was like a very like relationships. I mean, I always think it's funny as people quibble with me sometimes about, you know, like, oh, is the divorce rate 46% or is the divorce rate 50%? And it calculates in like, well, there's second and third marriages have a higher divorce rate. So when you deal with the guys in the Navy SEALs have got over 100% divorce rate. How is that possible? That's like when they say like somebody watched 107% of my reels. Well, they just looped it again.

It's the same guy going through a marriage and then getting divorced again. Maybe one, like two marriages, two divorces comes to 100%. Right. But it's one person. Right. So you're pulling up the average. Okay. Say, hey, there's a thousand guys. How many divorces have there been? Oh, divorces per person, not divorces per marriage. Right. Yes. Yeah. I mean, that would be actually, I guess you could get married again and then get divorced again. Yeah. It's like padding your stats. Yeah. But people get very caught up in like, oh, pushing the sidestep the divorce rate.

But the truth is like if you're gauging the success of marriage, like, okay, it didn't catastrophically fail, which is what divorce is like the wheels came completely off and we're disbanding this legally. But then there's like plenty of people that they just never do the paperwork and they just completely separate and they just go, okay, we're just done. And then there's people that just stay together miserable because they don't even like each other, but they either don't want to give up half their stuff or they don't want to I'll have to go out for milk and never come back now.

Well, you're guaranteed to give them the house. If you go out for milk. Oh, yeah. Because you're basically like widows. Yeah. You're walking away. Yeah. But I know a lot of guys who do that. That's what you would do. Walk away? Give them 100%. Irish goodbye. It's all in your blood, baby. Irish goodbye? If I... Marriage is crazy. Well, we used to call it an Irish divorce when you go out for milk and never come back. You leave? You just leave. Like you just bounce and then it's like, yeah, I'm not coming home no more.

Like that's it. On the, your partner gains 50 pounds thing. If your partner gains 50 pounds and you're no longer attracted to them, do you think that you're allowed to say it? Like how do you broach that? You have an obligation to say it. Yeah. I think you have an obligation. Yeah, I think you have an obligation to say, there's tact, I agree. And it's not just about the weight. I mean, that's a very pointed way of doing it. But like, I would want a partner to keep me accountable with certain things.

Not that that's their job, but that is a value add. And I've had that in relationships where it's like, do you really need to eat that? I'm serious. Like then I was saying, don't eat that or can't. And there's no shame involved. It is looking out for my best interest. And I think there's something very superficial about the looks department, but there's health involved to it and an attraction involved to it. And, uh, Hey, you know, I, I, I'm, I'm noticing I'm not like if, if my partner said, I, I, you're, I, you're very good looking.

I'm still attracted to you. I love you so much. I just like, you haven't been taking care of yourself in a certain way. I just got to be honest. That's a lie because they've gained 50 pounds. You're no longer attracted. Before they gained 50 pounds, they gained one. Yeah. I see. I think what people need to do in relationship and the, the, the mistake that most of the people who end up sitting across from me, what they didn't do is when things change, because they will change.

You, you have to say like, you know, Hey, let's. Notice that this changed like and just pointed out like i think it's the difference between a relationship that's designed and a relationship that's on default like like what okay we're not having sex as much as we used to. Let's just point that out maybe it's that our sex drives have changed maybe we got kids now and it's like you know we're both a little all over the place or maybe it's what like it could be any number of things maybe you're not feeling great about your body i'm not feeling great about whatever it might be but like let's just say it out loud because maybe we're both okay with it.

Like like maybe you're putting on weight and you're like yeah i'm just like not stressed about exercise anymore and i just feel like i want to take a break from that i want to just like you know put on some like maybe it's just something that we're just gonna both be cool with and we'll talk about it that way have identified based on my example that you're not cool with it. Well it but i think before it's fifty pounds i think it would be like hey what's going on like things are changing.

I just want to point that out that they're changing and is there is that something that's gonna have an impact on us long term also is the judge coming from a medical thing is it like what's happening also can guys pay you to do that for them. I mean you're pretty good at it'd be nice to be like oh god just talk to him he has yeah yeah he's got i'm saying i actually i think that there's a bunch of i think there's that's why i laughed when you said your wife sent you the blowjobs and granola one.

Is that i do know a lot of guys that they're they're like send my stuff and they're like this is what he just realized a good movie he just said yeah passive aggressive real exchange but i don't think it has to be like i actually this is one of the reasons why i like shows like the bachelor love island or like any of those things is it gives people the opportunity to talk about their relationship without talking about the relationship. Like you sit with your your girlfriend wife and you're watching the show and you start talking about the couple and you're like you know like why did she do that to him she's always like maybe she's like feeling and it's like a way for us to talk about the relationship without.

Why do you do that like you just want to do that well maybe she does that because of this why doesn't make him feel like i have some safe distance but still talk about feelings and how many how many marriages have dissolved due to a love island. Are you because it was some marriages it didn't happen because of the lindsey clancy case with some people that got all yeah and then there was some people that were like. I thought that this is my person we were about to go down the aisle and we can agree on the lindsey clancy thing and that was you know that was a deal with trump thing once twenty sixteen twenty sixteen like we got a lot of people in like twenty seventeen twenty eighteen getting divorced because it was like somebody went very far right.

I like the maga thing and it was like the wife was very progressive liberal a lot of women spaces are very progressive liberal in their leanings and the guys were feeling very seen and understood by like a right wing movement. And it created this tremendous tension where it was like you couldn't just be we have different my dad was a reagan conservative naval academy graduate my mom was like so far left she was like a marxist practically. And they were married for like fifty plus years and i had no choice but to see both sides of every argument and become a lawyer i think because they were just been didn't agree on any political issues but they absolutely cared about each other loved each other were committed to having like the same concept of a family like.

But i really think that that we've now created this thing where it's not enough that i disagree with your politics your hitler. You know or you're like the worst friend i just think that that's that's very very bad do you think about people that are making politics like a central reason to so sad i think it's like the saddest thing ever. When they're just like it like the families that don't talk to each other now it's it's. It's not terrible yeah don't i don't know i just think i've ignored it my whole life like i don't politics i don't really care at all and it hasn't affected me.

I can't think of a thing that i'm like oh man if i only voted it's like i it doesn't affect me and if it affects you get involved i don't care. I never did my dad never cared he's always like fuck that shit just go to work and he's right i think he's put some fucking dirt on it yeah he's like just go to work a quick aside you probably heard me talk about element before and that's because i've started every single morning the same way for the last.

Five years now which is a cold glass of water with elements and element is an electrolyte drink mix with everything that you need and nothing that you don't it's a science backed electrolyte ratio of sodium potassium and magnesium no sugar no coloring no artificial ingredients it reduces muscle cramps and fatigue supports brain function and helps to regulate your appetite throughout the day i genuinely notice the difference when i take it versus when i don't which is why i don't shut up about it and also why it's used by everyone from dr andrew human to olympic athletes and FBI sniper teams.

The good sniper teams not the bad ones also never no questions asked refund policy so if you don't like it for any reason they'll just give you your money back plus they offer free shipping in the US right now you can get a free sample pack elements most popular flavors with your first purchase by going to the link in the description below heading to drink lmnt.com slash modern wisdom that's drink lmnt.com slash. What are the divorce rates i'm cuz you know every statistic of like did that even happen was it a powerful enough with like the gold blue dress or whatever thing do you think that affected people's relationship golden blue dress thing yeah i have no idea i mean.

The law of large numbers means that if there's a big enough code of people that see anything you get weird tail risk like million to one odds happen eight times a day in new york city. It's just so many people that random shit happen so maybe someone did but i'm in the lindsey clancy thing was publicized the people fell out publicly and they asked a sample of how many people got a divorce is so interesting that i don't want people posting online me and my partner we're going to get married and we disagreed about this.

Case that's going on and now we're not gonna get married i guess it was a what about all the people like oh wow men now empathize differently with certain. Chemicals and that that happened variables in another person's brain number of men that was supporting of the lindsey clancy thing was like a handful i think it was it was almost entirely agenda split. Also you could you if you're ready to marry i even that i would've been like shut up and then if you'd wait it for.

Two months there's a huge chance i was like yeah actually i was kind of fucked up i mean just i think lindsey clancy thing just became such a great advice it was like a way to you know it became a metaphor for something that's legitimate underneath that which is i think there are a lot of women. That do feel like you know they that they're suffering in silence after they have a baby that there's like tremendous hormonal shifts that there's like all kinds of issues that that they come from that and they feel like they weren't.

Heard and and and i think that this was a terrible example of like a person to go yeah she's emblematic of that let's give her a pass i think that's a crazy thing to do but i think what's underneath it is worth looking at like i, i just i'm much more like i'm not into politics but i'm really interested in why. People argue the things they argue cuz i you know my architecture is making arguments all the time and and and again not positions that i'm holding personally i'm i'm someone else's mouthpiece on trying to like put myself in their head and go okay what is it.

What's behind the reasoning of what's going on there is the crazy thing about the politics stuff i don't know how many people. Actually care that much but because everyone else say that they're supposed to care and then that starts to reverse infect. Relationship so we asked a bunch of everyone if they want to submit questions and i didn't say who. Was gonna get to answer the question but there's a question about this from this guy called billy he says hi chris my fiance and i have different political and social beliefs she's quite left leaning on the economy like tax the rich more and i on issues such as trans rights climate change and immigration i sit more centrally or to the right of these issues, neither of us are radical and i decide but we do have quite a few different beliefs we agree on important things like abuse and how to raise kids where we want to live etc but have these alternative views that can cause conflict or often leaves me not able to say my point of view in order to avoid conflict, how should we navigate this issue also i don't tell you who i vote for a principal but she often pressure pressures me to tell her regardless of whether we vote for the same party or not i don't feel like i should be compelled to tell anyone who i vote for, interested to know your thoughts p.s.

big fan of the pot and can't wait for you to get around table golden retriever sent so that was nice at the end but that seems to me to be someone who's like is that question for me. That side of the table it's the litigious side of the table and billy chris will x.com slash stories if you want to submit your question. Do you think we think about that i think it's really about what's underneath all of that stuff like i think when someone is right leaning very often if you get to the core it's not that they're like in this cult of personality that they like donald trump in particular they like that this is a person who says what they're thinking instead of being full of shit and they're like oh everybody on the left is so full of shit you know because they just do this performative kamala harris thing where it's like you ask them a question about.

You know do you support this education like children are the future and i believe in children it's like did answer the fucking question like stop stop doing so is everyone getting five thousand dollars the point is is that even though he's so full of shit. He's a complete but but but he's blunt in his presentation and at least it seems like he's answering the question he's answering it with demonstrably false information but at least he's actually answering the questions that we should blow them up and you're like wait what no we definitely shouldn't do that but it's.

Seeing that into a concept seeing that is correct is like going to chat gbt and just trusting that there's no artifacting out it's just like whatever they say is true that's negligence and i i agree with it's what's this what what's what what's triggering you underneath but i i mean everything everyone's full of shit so is there like another and i'm asking this because is there another example i don't know that everyone has to be full of shit i actually think that that when you. When you are incredible i don't think even on that stage i actually think that that there is room on that stage right now in this site guys of course for like authenticity i think i think right now we're dying that was what people thought that they were getting with.

Trump yes oh he's taking the gloves off yeah so what you got was instead of slipperiness you got like bullshit. Right so there was slippery before you ask someone a question and they do the well what i think is really important is the children you like to ask you what you mean but what so your issue is just because this guy is saying something directly. Is fabricated or like a liar whatever as opposed to doing this sort of diplomacy invasive thing i think it sucks that there is a difference to their.

Us included you give somebody a microphone and people will believe it a little bit more it's like if something rhymes you like maybe it's true. And like you say stuff and people listen to it and they clip it i'm you i don't remember what the example was in order i want to put that out there in case it wasn't public but you had mentioned something back there about somebody taking a clip of something and perhaps i had no context to what you're saying but through association you're now part of that and just the lack of critical thinking and people.

It's like it's not that we're all we want to tell the truth it's just that we want somebody to tell us what to do. And if we believe if we choose a person and we believe that certainties a proxy for truthfulness and expertise for sure i think we're just craving authenticity right now more than i really think we are really think like very basic. Authenticity i think we've discouraged we've discouraged people from having like normal human interactions like there's nothing more pleasant like we've just met today for the first time.

There's something very pleasant if we just now we're like i'm gonna tell you four things i already really like about you like and i have them in my head to do that let's stop it for i think you're really i think you have like a tremendous emotional intelligence and it feels like you're trying to be very authentic even when it's kind of scary to do that it feels like you're very like, you're talking about like things that people men in particular like a really uncomfortable talking about like erectile dysfunction or feeling like you want to contact but i think it's really like i think that's really cool and it says like something about who you are i think you have an interesting style going i got like a little bracelet thing happening i'm curious as to what it says or whatever like it so these are like nice things about you it feels nice to hear someone say here's what i've already started to put together because we're meeting makers.

Like we're just constantly trying to like you know we're like this is a symbol that's a symbol like i wore this intentionally you were that intentionally so you're trying to send some message i'm trying to send a message what's yours is yours is i don't fucking care but legit like if you showed up in this i'd be like what the fuck's mad up to like you go to court one day i think it's cool yeah but like it really i think it's cool if you were just like i one day well yeah yeah i mean your wedding you're probably i actually when i got here i and i wasn't going to go to a store but i had the idea of.

I think it would be fun if i came in in a in a in a white shirt and a dark vest and just know that would be amazing that would be like when i was a craig jones did lex friedman show any any more lexus yeah where the exact thing did you see don jr's wedding because this is maybe one of the most extravagant i didn't even know that it happened but it's been embroiled in a bunch of russian billionaire people giving them money and stuff like that so russian oligarch with ties to put in umar kremlin.

Apparently covered hundreds of thousands of dollars of the expenses don jr and his wife said it was a gift from a friend and denied that it was a political move the wedding cakes required five types of transport two cakes traveled by van private plane helicopter golf cart and boat the three day wedding and party were held across two private islands costing over a hundred thousand dollars per night to rent the bride's reception outfit required 150 hours of embroidery donald trump did not attend saying this is not good timing for me i have a thing called iran and other things on.

He actually spent the day spamming truth social with a i means not not very asset light asset heavy asset because i said big titty goth bitch i feel like you just did the impossible for me which is i actually feel bad for don jr right now like i feel bad that his dad didn't fucking show up like that's i don't know doesn't it make you feel like i gosh like you get married you have like this ridiculous wedding i have a feeling that he's used to his dad not showing up for things i know it's been conditioned from the.

That's a sad that's a sad image yeah like it's like the kid waiting with the baseball glove like it just feels like dude like like maybe if i bring like a billionaires and i make it so cool like dad will show up and you want dad's like now i'm on truth social today you know if i put the cake on five types of transport then maybe that'll come i don't get it i'm stupid they had they had the cake was what like spread across it was just so big i think it was a massive.

It's like all yeah like fuckery. Yeah, it's really this is something sad about that. I really think so Yeah, I don't think the wedding was like it probably wasn't very fun I would I have more than four things, but I would like to acknowledge one of them that I noticed before But this is just an example of your willingness to be able to understand something without necessarily agreeing with it And I think that's a great place to be when you're arguing stuff But to see that side of it whether that makes you empathize with him as as his character in a different way Who's to say but like, you know from a human level look at this.

I try very hard to do that I ask that question a lot. I don't know if I'm good at finding the answers yet, but it seems very intuitive for you Thanks. Yeah. No, I think I think doing what I do for a living You have to like really put yourself in people's head and understand them and it's it's a very strange thing I don't know if it's a good thing It's a strange thing because I've represented the victim of domestic violence and I've represented the perpetrator of domestic violence I've represented the person who's married to someone with substance use issues and I've represented the person who has substance use issues that have Blown up their marriage and it's like I've used gambling ads But if you spend enough time with that person You kind of figure out there aren't like evil people doing evil things like they mistake it for happiness like they they're hurt people hurting people like they grew up in a household where there was violence and they think that that like whoever discovered what it Wasn't a fish like this is how they think it's supposed to be and you just I don't know you spend enough time in other People's heads and you start to go like oh, they're there maybe aren't like good people and bad people There's like, you know any of us like I mean, you're a father like you if if you judge your father in this By your most impatient moment when you kind of lost it with one of the ads You're not giving you enough credit but if I judge you by like the moment where you like totally showed up perfectly for the kid and did like that's giving you A little too much credit like the aggregate, you know, like and I feel like in relationships.

I Think relationships are supposed to be like that like even friendships are supposed to be like that like where it's you know Like yeah, you showed up for me sometimes maybe you know, you stepped on a rake a couple times But like in the aggregate, we're really trying to be here for each other We've got this thing now where it's like if you're not perfect as a romantic partner, that's it. You're fucked up You didn't find your soulmate. Yeah, do you think about? Navigating that in a marriage because you are living with this person all the time You know, you're gonna see them a lot of the time stressed stuff's going wrong How do you not have those flare-ups sort of I don't know seep into Resentment and bitterness and stuff.

It's dude. It's literally that it's like the resentments the biggest one like when I would catch myself It took me years to figure this out, but I would catch myself when I'm not around that I'm not around my wife being like yeah fucking she thinks and if I'm doing that cycle of like yeah Yeah, I hope she fucking says and I'm like Stop whatever this is just stop and I just like is you can get really caught in this weird What's our keeping score of like like a fantasy?

It's a fantasy and it makes you feel horrible and angry all the time where you have to just be like You start to kind of accept the person be like that's just a thing They have like a tick like I I would get nagged all the time and I would be like Stop fucking nagging and it would make me mad and then it was just like wait If we want to marriage counseling there's like why why do you get so mad about that? It was like because she points out it is something wrong.

I feel fucking horrible And he's like yeah, but like why do you feel that bad about it? Like you don't care if the garage is up or down like why if she says it do you all of a sudden care? I was like damn good call so like now I can like great finally. It's great. Yeah, it's a great move I can finally feel the criticism, and if I if I don't care about it. I'm like okay It's hard to not take stuff like that personally I guess dude it But the thing is it would floor me if it'd be like did you open the mail?

I did I did what the fuck do you care if I suppose just saying yes and letting it be yeah Yeah, I hope actually did up in about underneath that is something I think is incredibly romantic and that is that you're like You're see like for me as a man most of the time when I'm angry It's that I'm really sad. Yeah, but anger feels more active So I feel like I have control still we're a sad I just feel like I'm just like the rain is falling I mean I'm just like passively and I don't like that like it may so like like a lot of what I in my own therapy like a Lot of what I work with my therapist about is like when I think I'm angry.

It's actually like no you're sad like you're Anyway, what do you do with that sadness? It's like you just feel it and I'm like great But how do I get rid of that and they're like you you don't you just feel it like yeah Like and I think underneath what you're saying there is like well I didn't care about the garage and like injured frustrated But it's like fuck like I want to be good at this like I want to be good at loving you like I want to be A good husband.

I want you to love me. I want you to like look at me and go. Holy shit You're awesome, you know and fuck I fucked that up like and you made it really hard like to get it, right? Like I didn't know I was supposed to do the garage I did these other five things like why didn't you give me any credit for those five things? Like I got the granola, you know, like that's literally that'd be on repeat in your head But what you just said is like when you the minute you're keeping score But see like and this is where it's challenging because I think I think you have to notice things Like that's what I said earlier.

You have to pay attention. I bet when people say to me marriage is hard work I'm like, yeah, if you consider paying attention hard work marriage is hard work paying attention doesn't have to be that hard Noticing changes saying them out loud isn't that hard but like you've gained weight Yeah, or I've gained I've gained weight yeah or like what's happening with our bodies right now what's happening with our routine What's happening with our diet? I'm sorry, honey. I thought my dick would shrink with age, but unfortunately, we're stuck with this I'm trying there's so many times.

I want to interrupt already You should keep a log and now you can just unload them all gone Now he's on the spot Yeah, it's it that is the thing it's it's um Figuring out how to be like, all right. Why am I getting spaz? I personally think as the Let's say you have a family and you're the dad Your job is to keep a level head because women do have a they have hormonal fluctuations It's like, you know, it's a real thing that if you like bring it up They'll be like fuck you, but they'll tell you like it's a real thing.

I know you bring it up after it They're cool with it. Yes, you bring it up while they're in it. Yeah dead man, but it's a real thing They they do wobble and you have to be they'll wobble and you have to not wobble and be like Chill out. Everything's fine But if you freak out the whole house falls into ruin I'm sure it flips and certain but like in the aggregate for sure I remember when my sons were teenagers and I said to my therapist at the time I was like having an issue with teenager and and he was like I said something about like, yeah I just like started yelling at him about it.

He's like, oh no never yell at a teenager and I was like why is it because whatever's coming out of your mouth if you're yelling what you're telling a teenager is I'm out of control and The message you want to send to a teenager as I am in control all the time. It's like talking to a dog Yeah Like the confidence is like a huge piece of it I think you're like I think actually and it took me like a good 40-something years To figure out that like women's hormones really do like they don't teach us this.

I'm literally 40. Yeah Once you learn it's like a life hack because when they're in that like hormonal like everything's you know Hey, like you you do not want to point that out But four days five days later if you go, you know I think last week like it seems like you were kind of having a hard time. They're like, yeah, it was fucked up I was like I was really coming out of my skin and then they feel seen But in it like you couldn't then the 28 days later or say like, oh, I think you're kind of in it right now You know, so you have to like be a little cautious this day handle but see again, I think Why why?

Why is this like? Unmanualed like there should just be like an opera Like I don't think this has to be as difficult like we could talk about this stuff more Honestly, we could be a little bit more like like we get mad at the fact that people are bad at relationships But no one really ever teaches as much about relationships like we watch our parents who watch their parents and that's how we're learning how to do relationships or we watch like the equivalent of porn we watch like Romantic comedies where everything's like perfect and everything's like and by the way, like it ends So, you know like like if like if Jack lived at the end of Titanic like you think she wouldn't eventually been like I'd stop Painting the fucking French girls.

You gotta get a job dude. Like there would have been some but he dies So it's like okay now it's you know, they live happily ever after I don't think in relationship that like we have to have it We could do better at like talking about this stuff teaching people about this stuff when they're younger Like I just think it's something it doesn't have to be it's like getting mad Like it's like having your your training and driving from watching the Dukes of Hazzard Me like why is my cars end up in ditches?

Like it's just you there's ways to learn this that are much clearer Yeah, no, I've heard that a lot too like, you know, there's that lady who had the thing like must be 40 years old independently wealthy There are I run across dudes a lot of post economic. Hmm post. I like that's all correcting 35 to 42. Sure Thank you there. I've I've seen dudes do it though Where they're like, I just want a woman who just like is like for real like stays rational all the time I don't understand why they have to like, you know Like it's things won't make sense and it's like at a certain point you're like this is I'm not being a dick, but it's true It's like women are very much different from men and once you get to the point where you can almost appreciate it when they kind Of even get a little you're kind of wacky You're like, you know, you're kind of like that's you're just a you're a lady Like this is what you if you were as rational, you know in certain context as me You would just be a dude I've had to tell a lot of my friends this who are like I just want to find like we have to gel on everything I'm like no dude.

She's gonna freak out and like make you feel horrible turn gay. Yeah, exactly You're describing a guy well a lot of my gay male friends Like I think what they describe as as one of the benefits of being in a same-sex Relationship is that like you you get this person like they're their drives are similar to yours Their hormones are similar to yours. Like you just want to like go to the gym like that's you know You say that but that wouldn't explain why lesbian relationships are so unsuccessful.

Well, it's I'll take well I'll take speaking for the lesbians No, I'm just joking, but I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I just I hate thinking about lesbian divorce. Really? Yeah, I do and I hate me. I know What's messed up is like dude if you think about I was thinking about this the other day People pay money for testosterone because it like enhances them Yeah And if a woman's pregnant she gets like a mega dose of the female hormones and they get like nauseous They feel fucked up.

Yeah, it's if it's kind of a damning Biological kind of indicator. We're like it that's how bad it sucks to be a lady Mm-hmm like your essence in terms of hormones is like a poison or as a guys is like a Godly chemical where you become like stronger and jacked and like you don't even need sleep anymore. It's just it sucks to think about It's fun definitely just no one would actually be a guy always I know It's not even it's not even the better end of the deal I think I think our art and we get to look at ladies.

Yeah, I'm sorry just Such objectively we got the better end of the deal which is rare in nature in nature If you think about it male lions have a big main male peacock or a gas tail. Yeah, they're like the only the shit They're trying to do to get laid though. I know like what they have Like we have to do a whole nother set of things true I think they have to get the peacock stuff and yeah, we have to you know, we have to do so much shit I mean how much of what we do?

From like whatever 15 on is to get laid ultimately much everything. It's everything. It's literally Talk about watches and cars. It's like I want to look indicators of like, you know Look status like look at me. Come on, please touch it like Have you ever seen that Futurama episode where sex robots are invented and all of society just grinds to a halt? Yeah, no, I it does turn out that everything that guys were doing. Yeah just to get sure Yeah, I can get laid on demand.

Yeah, everything's just stop over. Yeah, it's game over. Yeah, there's no five Yeah and women and women have always been the gatekeepers of sex like a 100% of the time and the example I've always given to this is it like like women don't like shaving their legs if all the Women tomorrow said we're not shaving our legs anymore. Are you telling me guys be like, well, then we're not having sex with you Yeah, fuck but there just be that one bitch There just be that one.

It was like wait, none of them are shaving their leg. Yeah, I'd shave my I just like it I do it for me. It's not even yeah, and then and then all of a sudden there With UBI it's the same problem Everybody gets the same income immediately you want to separate yourself out from the thing that everybody can you tell Matt that? story of how you Were convinced to shave on weekends. Oh, yeah ex-girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, actually you're as a married man. You might appreciate this So I I was this is I tell the story as an example of like how you frame something very much changes how your partner So I was dating a girl who had very sensitive skin and I I do like have like a It comes in pretty thick my beard and it's like stubbly, but I like the clean-shaven thing So I shave all during the week so I can have the lawyer thing going on and then on the weekends I wouldn't shave so I'm dating this girl and I go to like, you know I would like kiss her or whatever and she would get like Rick like, you know, like stop whatever on her skin Oh That's a classic gag Yeah, this was Freudian like it's a real So you're saying to let you From what happened to the lesbians and the divorce was the reason for high in very high very high lots of dead hydrant Domestic violence.

Yeah, and by the way until I Represented a number of lesbian women. What was that? Like this? It's I have to say something. There's something uniquely fucking weird about hearing a woman Say to me if that fucking bitch thinks she's gonna get half my business. She's fucking God She's kidding like cuz you're used to hearing I'm used to hearing that of a man 100% but to hear a woman saying it about a woman. I my brain went like oh, that's so weird Feels weird. Yeah, that is strange.

Yeah, it was strange. It was Yeah, I have a feeling if that gets what it's gonna have like a really go Like so what happened with the scratchy shavy? So I, I would shave during the week and then on the weekends I wouldn't shave and I would tend to see her on the weekends and then I would like go to kiss her or whatever. And she'd be like, Oh, your beard's so scratchy. Relationship ended eventually for unrelated reasons, but maybe related reasons. The next woman I dated was the exact same.

She had like sensitive skin and she liked to be clean shaven. But instead of being like, Oh, your beard's so scratchy. She, every time I would shave, she'd be like, Oh, like you're so, it's so sexy. When you just shave, you're like Don Draper on Mad Men. Like, I love that. Yeah. Yeah. I would shave like three times a day every time I was gonna, and I would even like shave and then I would be like, Oh, I shaved it. And she'd be like, Oh yeah, I noticed, you know?

But it was just a matter of like, you know, like how you frame the thing. It wasn't, and I've said like men, it's the same thing. Like if you're like, how come we don't have sex as often as we used to. All right, you're ready. She's in a defensive position. Whereas if you were like, Oh, you know what? I was driving home from work and I drove past that restaurant. Remember that restaurant we went to like on like our third date. Yeah. I remember we went back to our apartment and that was, remember after we went to the apartment and we just like stayed in bed for like a day and a half.

That was so, now I'm with you. Like we're, let's not even go to dinner and let me suck on your big fucking cock. Ow. Wow. Oh no. It escalated quickly. I need to leave. Yeah. You should have put the mustache on for that bit. Yeah, true. Yeah. That, that, uh, that's a tricky one to figure out how to bring it up. Well, how do you like, I think the way to do it is to bring a person back to where it's kind of like when you've, when you have a couple that clearly does not fucking like each other at the dinner party, if you do the like, Oh, so how did you guys meet?

That's actually the best way to like bring them back to that. I have, I have, I have a question, Rick, you seem to be the sort of person who in social situations sort of calls out the subtext, like the under an unspoken thing. That's kind of in the air. How do you feel if you're at dinner with a couple and there's obviously an awful lot of tension between the two of them? Is that the sort of thing that's palpable to you? Does that make you uncomfortable?

I say, what makes you talking to me? Yeah. When I said your name at the very start, unless you've changed name. I was just being playful. I'm sorry for whatever I triggered. And I'm curious what it was. Here we go. Wow. See, that's the fourth wall breaking thing that I'm talking about. This is the skillset. That's precisely why you need to be a mediator for marriages. Do you want to do a two man act? There's no money in mediation. Oh, sorry. I forgot. That's a difference.

We do it for money. Yeah. Litigation. Yeah. I do it. Why do you do your job? That's active service. Do you? Just like my buddy. I do it for the justice. Would you point out where the people are fighting? I think that if it were to the point where I felt that I wanted to acknowledge, like if I don't want to, like if they're doing their thing and I just have to be there and like they need to do their thing, I'm no part of this, then I wouldn't acknowledge it.

If like we're here for something and, or I felt the projected want to service the other people who I'm assuming are having the same discomfort that I'm having, I might, I would probably say something. And it depends on my relationship. If you guys were fighting and you guys are buddies, I would like, I would be like, Hey, you know, I'm talking, you know, maybe it'd be a little bit lighter. Just let's, let's, it's fine. Let's not do this now. But if like, if this was something about something that has that, like importance to it, like you, uh, you not only did you take too long to pick up your son, but also it was way too long and in a dangerous part of town.

And I believed that point of view. I would instead, I wouldn't say break it up. I'd be like, I think you're missing what he's trying to say. Oh yeah. Or translate. I think what he said. That's what, thank you. No, no good taking sides. But well, it takes taking, taking sides. You're right. That wasn't right, but it would be technically taking a side because I'm translating your perspective, but he has one as well. You know, good lawyers understand the. The law, but great lawyers, they live forever.

Legends. They never die. I was with him for a second. Do you want me to leave? No, no, no. Oh, but the audience does. I read the comments only while they're writing them while we're filming it. That's the only comment. Before I've even said it. Yeah. And you know, you know, it hurts. Not the bad comments hurt and the good comments feel good. The good comments are either wrong or like, I already knew that. And the bad comments that I disagree with, you know, that's the internet.

It's the ones that I agree with. And I'm agreeing with you guys at home right now. And I'm sorry. So you're saying that novel criticisms that you haven't, oh, that's a novel way to insult me that I haven't heard before. But the way that you complimented me is something that I'm kind of familiar with. And it seems, it seems a little bit. If I'm funny and you laugh, I'm not saying thank you. First of all, a novel, a novel insult is great. Sure. Then they're funny.

Yeah. Like I have to tell you, like when someone insults me in a way that like is accurate and funny, I, I have to connect to them a little bit. Yeah. Like, oh my God, I love that. Yeah. Someone pointed out that my eyes are really close together and I never stopped thinking about it. I'm always like, I was like, they're really close together. Yeah. But I love that. It kind of did make me laugh though. I was watching outtakes. Like you ate something sour all the time.

I was watching. Do you laugh more into the microphone? I have predator eyes really, but. I was watching outtakes of Veep. I love Veep. It's amazing. It stands up. It is so good. And I watch it. It's like become like my, my, like my like self soothing. Like if I've had like a long day, I'm like, I'm just going to like watch. Yeah. I just watch Veep and you could just jump into any season and it's amazing. But some of the insults they hurl at each other are so precision strikes.

And apparently like a lot of them were improv. And if you watch like the outtakes, sometimes they hit so hard that the person just busts out and it ruins the scene. But it's like go on YouTube and watch like Veep outtakes or Veep bloopers. Half the time. It's just that somebody just launched an insult to that because some of those insults are so you guys have done like TV comedy stuff when you're doing the improv thing ad hocking. Surely. Yes. Hooray. We couldn't have even written this.

It only was able to happen in the moment. But then you have the difficulty of everyone on set trying to keep a straight face to something they weren't expecting. Like I do pick up. Oh, right. Okay. So we've come up with it. All right. Now that everyone's trying to try it again and or you keep the delivery, but you cut to a different reaction shot, especially if you're television, it's all in the edit, baby. If you get to fix it in post. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I think what you're saying, like, it's, it's so funny.

People are laughing. But there's also the flip side where you're trying to like ad lib and everyone's just staring at you. Like, why are you wasting our time? And you're like, so you bombed on set? You can. Yeah. Oh, that's got to hurt. If you go off script and it doesn't kill, you're kind of like, God, I'm the biggest loser in the world. You literally gave me a gimme straight down the middle of the plate. And I decided to try and do something sexy. Yeah. It's bad feeling.

I'm filming a show at the moment. It's a single camera show because this is different specifically for multi-camera and for people at home that don't know, multi-camera is like a play. There's one of the walls is cameras and you're, you're performing to a live audience and gauging their reaction. And he was talking to me about, uh, about, which is a great observation that I don't think I, I ever articulated to myself, but like. Joking a joke oftentimes by default, isn't great. Do you, do you know that term joking?

Like here's a joke and now you make another joke. Is this joke, a tag that adds to this or does it cannibalize this? Because it, you lose the reality of what this might be, or now we didn't have time to process whatever it is, but in multi-cams you go out and you do, let's say three takes and you go out there and you do the way it's scripted and it's funny and it gets a laugh. The second take you do it again, it doesn't get as big of a laugh because they heard it already.

So then you like, you try and perform as if the home audience, the people watching the show heard all three versions, but they don't. So now when you heighten option three, it's really funny to the people there and you feel it because we were all part of something that isn't going to translate. So there's kind of like this, if you follow the laughs, just keep in mind what they're laughing at. And I think this is true outside of even performance, but like sometimes we do something because of our past experiences led us to believe that it would be funny to be, say something shocking about somebody's sexuality, because of course I have no hate for this, but they don't know that yet.

And like judging by people's reactions, uh, could be very dangerous. And I thought that was an interesting way of saying it. Like if you've heard it once, now you think the next thing's funnier than that only because it's different. Well, also if you've been friends with someone for ages and you know that they're very nice, that they've got gay friends, that they don't have any hate in their heart. And then you're on a podcast or maybe you're with a new group of friends or whatever that don't have that same level of context.

You make the joke one or a few people get it and everyone else is like, yeah, that's the danger of the internet because like you, you do, you either have to be very careful in your curation of the things you say and how they can be so easily taken out of context or you just have to like, just assume everybody knows where your heart is at. Yeah. You can have massive context. That's one solution. But basically everyone is seeing you for the first time. I think assuming that everyone is seeing you for the first time is probably like the safer way to go about it, but it makes everything really bland because you've got to play one example that I think of is when we're doing blogs, sometimes if we do a training blog and someone comes through, uh, sometimes we're training in a gym and the music's really loud and we can use a software that gets rid of the music.

So it's just us talking, but we're still shouting. We're still yelling at each other because what we heard was music that the audience now doesn't hear. And that's, have you seen the friends, uh, where they took the audience laughter out? Have you seen any of those? Yeah. Yeah. And they're just, Hey, I really like your shirt. Do they not have it in large? Yeah. It's like, it's really weird because I think so strange and the jokes actually aren't funny. Well, a lot of them aren't funny.

Here we go. Like they're just not like a lot of them aren't funny. Some people don't like country music. It doesn't mean it's not good. What happened? No, some country music, which is objectively bad. Yeah. Friends is good. What friends has some moments, but come on. I mean, have you ever, have you ever been with somebody that wasn't great just because they had some moments? I don't know. Yeah. Friends is, that's not, that's not in my top 10 by any means. I'm probably on top 20, but when I watch it, I'm like, I'm in a position of defending friends.

That's really. Yeah. Cause I, cause I think that art form is a, is not that it needs to be, but it is a bit antiquated and watching it as these are real people having conversations is a way to receive that. That isn't necessarily the case versus like, here is a play that we're watching within this world. Yeah. What happened to that style of like production? Cause that seemed to be people started sitcoms are by design joke machines, not for better or worse. Um, people in kind of like what you're saying, want more real.

I think that's very true with, with the arts as well. And if you didn't grow up watching that kind of stuff and that's not part of what your palate is, you, you don't believe, cause it's not a lot of people look at that. That's not how people really talk. Of course not. This is a silly play. It's a comic book strip. And I think people either don't appreciate that or just don't want that. Um, otherwise they would be doing more. It's the cheapest kind of show to make.

It's the easiest kind of set largely. Sometimes you make swing sets, but yeah, not only that, but with scheduling, it's all, not only is it all indoors, so you don't have to worry about lighting. It's all at the same place and everybody shows up there and then you kind of get it. So my first job was a multi-cam and you read the script. And then the next three, four days is literally, it's all about camera blocking and just how you deliver the joke. The, the most work is which way are we facing for this?

That's a science that isn't specific to one show. So people already have it down. So it's, it's hard for the writers because it's joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. But like there are shows when they have it in there in season three, season four, where they do four day weeks, they rehearse for three days, they film the show on a half day. And then that's it. People say it's like the cushiest gig you could get as a director is like, you want to get into the multi-cam and there's only like, I'm making this number up.

So I won't a few amount of multi-cam directors that they know how to do it. They know how to pace it. They know how to talk to actors. They know how to turn a joke. And that's like the gig. Super efficient to make. Yeah, you could, you could work 25 hours a week. I think it's also about developing a palette. I think like a, you develop like a, almost a comedic palette. Like I think that. I need to move you down. You are. Sorry. Gravitating to what?

Understandably. Yeah. He's got that aura. Yeah. I feel crazy when I watch sitcoms. Now, if I try to watch like Big Bang Theory, I'm like, this is. What about the ones you grew up with? I haven't seen them in a while. I used to love them. When that was what was on the menu. Yeah. That was what you were consuming. And then because you were used to that. When Arrested Development or the office or something came and it kind of was different than that all of a sudden was like, wait, what's this?

Yeah. Like I genuinely think if right now you did like a friends type of thing, like a, like a multi-cam, like if you did that. There would actually be for, for young people who didn't grow up on that. They might be like, oh, this is something different. I think it's, it's like developing a palette. Like, I really think that this all moves in like. I wonder how long the cycle needs to go before having multi-cam audience. What's it called? Crowd in a studio crowd, whatever it's called.

Where that's like so old that it could be new again. I think we're probably there. I think if someone did it right now, it could be really. There's still multi-cams all the time. Yeah. I mean. I, so I think when vine came out, things change, uh, things change to where, um, people were having stages before it was curated. You know what I'm saying? So like before I would ever see your, the first time I, if I didn't know you, I wasn't in this world. The first time I saw you might be a standup special.

And now I've been introduced to you when you have. Earned the stage. When vine came out, there were a lot of people for better and for worse that didn't have to go through those channels to be allowed to be seen by a Netflix or whatever. So other people were able to find them and, and for better and for worse, it has a less curated, less polished thing. But now there are so many people that have stages where. There's the multi-cam there's the single cam. Zoom out a little bit.

It's just network television. Zoom out a little bit more. It's television shows. And that is already such a subcategory of what people want to watch for better and for worse that I think if you're not going to be able to learn an art form and instead you're just learning to be distracted deep. I think that you're not looking for something that has that kind of stuff. You're looking for something else. You're looking for something to be distracted. You're looking for some goth chick with big tits or, you know, a person that you love from something else.

Let's see him in this show. And I don't think we have relationships for better and for worse with that kind of stuff anymore. We love full house. We love family matters. We love Bob. Boy meets world. It just shows that we're beloved the Cosby show. I've champs right like there was so little choice not only there more channels Oh, I think all those channels are still such a small part of what you're watching on YouTube or podcasts or shorts or reality But people aren't watching anywhere near as much of like now.

That's why I think multi-times aren't gonna come back What was the most? concurrent viewed show on British television, I'm pretty sure it was only fools and horses you'll hear of that show fuck me. That is crazy I'm not kidding I think it was like Tens of millions of people in a country that only had like 30 million or something at the time like a third of the That would be a six or two-thirds Fuck me the funeral of Princess Diana was 32 million royal family. You guys are obsessed with you Love your Royals we do Paula 13 just soccer.

It's all people It's people dying in sport, that's it that's crazy. Oh and some space stuff. There's more to baseball. That's it Olympics too. Oh, here we go. There we go EastEnders Wow someone What is this statistic English TV most watched? Wow serves his wife Angie with divorce papers EastEnders Dude, imagine 30 million people watching a TV show. I don't even know that show EastEnders yeah, so it is about people in London. It's probably one of the longest running There's basically like two or three big Long running.

I don't know that's a sitcom. Yeah, it's not calm. It's like a drama once in London one is in the Countryside and another one is in Manchester Coronation Street. You had a Coronation Street Is that where the where she got Korean Elizabeth got coordinated? Fortunately, it's another Drama show like this. No, look at the dates on these 86 Like there's none of these crack mm good that miss world 1967 where miss Peru won the Madeline Hartog bell able. Yeah, but not even cable I really think the the internet but look at my cable cable comes on.

He's like nothing Yeah, but once you democratize like like the ability to just fractured everything. Yeah too many I think I don't know if it's true But they said now with a lot of movies they have to they encourage them to kind of almost re-explain the plot every so many Minutes distracted people distract. I saw that so they're constantly like having to be like so here's the mission. Here's what we're doing They're assuming that people are watching the television as one of two devices Yeah, so they have to repilot things they want to start the dialogue really explain but such exposition Yeah, just doing tons and tons of exposition over and over but the what I don't know if that's true I thought I mean it seems like it but what he's talking about is not just getting the exposition is Exposition out clearly, but it's literally repiloting and you explain that.

Yeah, so We're gonna go in and make this bank heist, but what's important to remember is We have to put pepper spray in the guns or you know If we're gonna rob the radio or whatever airheads or something Now that's the thing they go in to get the pepper spray in the guns and stuff It's like then later on you got the pepper spray in the gun, right? Because when we go in we're gonna have to do it and they're like, oh we said this already but they make the audience Miss mission that's piloting.

It's not mutually exclusive. But I'm what I'm saying is like Not pie it like when you establish something you've established it you could do it with a lot of exposition or a little but it's been Established we've decided that's now on to phase two. This is once we're on to phase two What if they didn't hear that we got to say it again, so they're like re saying the same stuff I think it's so funny. It's it's if you could do this I don't know how you would look at it written out maybe in a script or whatever And maybe you could highlight all of the times that like make sure that the pepper sprays in the gun Okay, you've got the pepper spray all of those different things.

It's the same as removing the studio audience So, okay, this is this absurd little thing that's happening. And if we take it out of context, isn't it silly? Yeah Yeah, it's uh, I mean, I don't know Kind of sad. Mm-hmm. I really think so because you're not making art anymore Yeah, you're you're distracting people Maybe you're trying to gain their attention from something else as opposed to I only want you here If you want to be here, like this is like well, look at me too, and yeah, it's dark I think they say you got to like start with an explosion Like it's something something has to happen like insane in the first five I'm pretty sure that there's a stat around the number of cuts that was in the first Fast and Furious movie and if you just track all of the cuts across each of them the duration of each scene on average has gotten shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter now to the point where it's a super We're just wildly desensitized, I mean if you like look at how many People get shot in a John wick film versus like watching like old heist films or old like spy films Like it's a level of violence.

Yeah, it's basically a superhero that but it's designed to be like Just moving so fast and so intense that it's like, I don't know. You're just you're just absolutely Is a good. Yeah barometer for like what's going on with cinema, but you start off because it lasted so long Well, yeah, and they were racing and now they catapult cars. Yeah Helicopter physics of it is now gone That's another good example of being funny depending on what you're looking at as as as divisive as that is I'll fucking watch that what Fast and Furious?

Oh, yeah for what is yeah like when there's a new Jason Statham movie, even if because I I'm with my parents a lot. I love going to their house. We watch movies together and My dad and I are always watching something and my mom's reading her book It doesn't want to but if there's a new state the movie she doesn't even ask what it's about What do you think a beekeeper? I might I want to call him right now and ask him the last time he's watched it I bet you it's within the past two months.

He keeps just keeps watching beekeeper. I love it. I Struggled with big I'm saying but even huge Satan Stan big huge. That's why it's enough struggled I like the accountant wanted to those are the last types those movies that got me. I still turn my garage I try to like pull in as my garage doors coming up. I do it every time. Oh my god, basically Oh, that's the Ben Affleck. Yeah. Yeah, I saw the first one why the garage doors up so much probably I'm just like I did it again.

I just forget to put it back down It's kind of like flushing trying to time it right above like so by the time it all goes down. You're done peeing. Yes Everyone does that? Yeah, I do it all the time I Given that we this is a great opportunity to name something that I don't think has a name So there's X right which is something that typically a guy does that sort of turns off a girl She notices something that you might not typically think about noticing and then that sort of kills a attraction I want a word for something that guys do that They think is sick that most women don't realize like you batter good awesome Like fucking like you click the garage thing Yeah, and you pull it and she's in the passenger seat and you're like, you know fucking and she's like, it's an inverse Ick, you know what?

I mean? Yeah, there's something that should have just like panties are off That's you know, you just peed and you did the flush and you Read it. Did anyone see that? Yeah, but like what anyone care what so what? What like those things? Which by the way that the attention to detail the timing and the the prostate control, you know what I mean? That's a real combination. Well, sometimes you have to do really finish. Yeah Yeah, no, but you're like you are. Okay, I got it, you know that but then it leads you to work out check out Am I trying to time this outright because it's fun or am I trying to win because there are men out there that will flush And as it's going down instead of just peeing into the new water, they'll just cap their pee.

That's crazy I think that's great. Oh, that's insane. You gotta be in the new you just need to accept loss. Yeah That's why Kobe says What about what about peeing old poop off the bowl and you get it all off and you're like But if it's if I'm in a public bathroom, it's a stranger's poop I don't touch it I'm picking up my dog poop and it's right next to somebody else's poop. I leave it really. Yeah. Yeah Oh, you're very territorial with the poop. I don't want it when I'm touching my dog's poop It's like it's like I'm using the same straw as my lover.

Yeah, but if I'm picking up another dog shit I feel like I'm dipping my straw into dog shit. Yeah, I'll pick it. I've recently turned a corner. I'll pick it up I thought about it like as a public service my kids play there and I'm like, well, I'm gonna pick it up It feels different. It feels like you feels like I'll put money in a meter. If somebody is if I see a meters empty though, that's nice. That's charitable Yeah, I don't wait for them to get there and in case they're they're like they're like look what I did Yeah in Philadelphia, we had the coin operated meters for a while So we spill stick tinfoil in them and it'll just say out of order and you can just park there You just leave your car there make a meter is broken.

It didn't work No, but how would you verify that couldn't parking operators just come along and go no it wasn't no it's Like if I if you're ever at a meter and it's out of order park there baby take a picture and spend the fucking night I don't know. They're watching the phones yet. The phones were just coming. It was like the coin park That's what I mean, but my point is you can't verify it says out of order. Oh, it says on there. Yeah So when the parking person?

Walks up and sees out of order. They won't give you a ticket. Yeah, it's like they go like this technicality Yeah, cuz it would say like it would say how they Yeah Rascals me my god Me and my brother had a lunch truck So we would I would hit the meter out of order we parked there all days you're supposed to feed the meter and the lady would come back come by Every day and be like it's out of order again. I'm like man. This thing's got a fixies Put foil around a penny and just to get stuck in there and says out of order never told you that again Yeah, has anyone told you you kind of to camera look like Rosie the Riveter Wow, no No, but I'll like you put you hold a fist kind of like her.

Okay, who's Rosie the Riveter, buddy? Oh the put her up again a lady. Yeah propaganda lady. Yeah. What do we Rosie the Riveter? I've been talking about for a while You make a fist you look like a girl have you ever in call that before no I was just trying to give you a novel in so I'll take it. That is Very good. Yeah. Yeah, great. What are some other inverse eggs? Cuz I like hmm. I got one When I'm doing anything and music is playing and I do mean any thing I will dance to it Not just with the rhythm of my body example.

I'm sitting on the toilet I'm ready to go but you know, the course is about to kick in I'll put on the chorus I feel that way with farting. I don't feel like I have to fart. I feel like I get to fart I will like do things musically. So like when there's music going I'll dance and like you don't even know I'm dancing Fucking it's fucking sick It's fucking sick List in my head is all things that would actually I Think we should get credit for it, but it would actually just be an egg like I think like knowing all of the lines of a movie is Fucking awesome like the fact that I like know all the lines or that like I've watched it so many times that I know exactly like I Think I'm like my guy friends Like when we know the lines and we can do the lines of a movie like perfectly or some piece of a stand-up routine It was so good that we both can just do it that we all say together bonding moment It feels so good Like I'm still growing up like Monty Python like every fucking Monty Python skit I could do the whole life of Brian I could do the whole Holy Grail like I can you know There's some things I've seen so many times that I feel like I could just do it for memory.

There's like bits of from Shane from Beautiful dogs that like I could probably do from memories. I've watched it so many times self-soothed with it Like it's just something to have on that makes me happy I farted every woman I know like when you like they're not impressed by the fact that you know Knowing it is different than saying it. Yeah, but I feel like a lot of times after shows Girls will put down their guy and be like he's like obsessed with here. It's like all right lady like something Oh, yeah, like just be excited like like any like a thing That's so specific.

Yeah, that's so funny. It happens dude. It's like kind of like he's like I'm sassy That's what if you'll say I don't know who you are You never knew who you were but like this like you know what they want to remove themselves from dinner We went to dinner and the dude came over and I was like that is the most fucking but he came over and asked for Yeah, it's something like that. It's just us to Friday night be like fucking we had a lot of food It was really nice.

This guy came over. I was like, hey just wanted to say massive fan of the show I don't know what you do. So I know it's like yeah if I'm like It's so rude to do that. I Come on, but I see why there I think so too in a vacuum, but I see why they're doing that They're doing that because there's a vulnerability and when giving somebody a compliment and it's easier to be vulnerable If you open yourself to saying I'm not hiding anything I think it's manipulative, but I think when people say I don't know I don't even like cupcakes This is one of the greatest cupcakes I've ever had it puts value into the thing that brought Coming over to say I think you're so funny and then to go like oh, you're really great, too Is it now taking away from the intention?

I think that's the psychology. You're gonna say like hey, man I think it's an insecurity. Yeah, I agree I think it's an insecurity but that insecurity is coming from that place of like I want you to believe this thing So maybe I don't know who you are could be making a joke or I'm sorry I don't know who you are, but I think you're fantastic I think they're saying that because they think they subconsciously they think they need to say that to you so they could say it to you We're all insecure man I'm not people's brains glitch with celebrity like I represent a lot of celebrities and I have to tell you like I think people don't Quite know how to there is a reality distortion.

Yeah There's just like a feeling of like like I I am the lowest level of like recognizable celebrity now But when I walk, you know, I don't I don't believe me I think the fucking praise of strangers doesn't mean a whole lot to me. Yeah, but I I find people Know but just it confused me because you don't think it's important to give people compliments. Yeah I'm not I'm saying that's not my thing. No, I'm not I don't need that. Yeah. I have a thing I have another thing.

I'm another thing let him finish. Sorry about that. Oh, no. No, no I just exciting I think that celebrity like people just glitch because I will tell you one of the weird things for me now that people recognize me is they'll they'll just go like You know and you can you go like this and then it's just like a little chain Or they freak out like they're oh my god, I love your stuff like and it's such a like granola Yeah, but exactly right like people will say stuff like that or they're just yell something of my and I I mean for me it's like incredible because I'm I'm They're complimenting me like they're like if someone like I represent celebrities and like I'll They'll sit across from me and I'll have seen this person in like a dozen movies and I'll realize like oh I don't fucking know you at all Like I you read lines somebody wrote and you did it really good but like I don't know you like I'm about to get to Know you I'm about to like look at your bank accounts and like know what happened in your marriage like And it's surreal because it's like a person I know, like I've seen you, but I, I don't know you at all.

I'm going to explode if I don't get to do my thing. So I was really quick. I was just thinking about what you said, looking at the numbers, looking at people, like, I'm going to get to know you. I look at your bank statement and stuff. It's like the accountant and content. True. So I just wanted to kind of, okay, can I read, this is really good. I think everyone's experienced this somewhere in your house. There is a door that closes without much friction. I know I already know what you're saying and you managed to get it to close, just, you touch it, you walk and then you have to touch and walk and then you're away and you're like sitting down and then you hear like, just, it's the latches just about got the door.

Hasn't even hit the frame, man. That is cool. Yeah. That's the sickest thing. That's awesome. Or when you pull up and the song ends, as soon as you stop that, I'm like, yeah, you press the button, the car turns off. You're like, what about when you sing a song and then you play the song and you were already in that song's key. What do you mean you're, Oh, you're like, Oh, he is love. And then if you put that over that, was I in the right key?

You're like, guys, come on. I've never sang. We, I usually, the song's on and I sing to the song. I never sang first and then hit the song on. Yeah. Well, when you do, I think it's more a post thing. Oh, you want to post that? But like when you sing something and then you're already in the key, like we could just use that song. What about if you harmonize? What if you found out that you've just decided to go one octave up and then it comes in and you're like, Oh man, in key, but one above I'm I've crushed it.

I'll also not like songs if I can't sing them. If I try to sing a song while it's on, I'll be like, fuck it. If I can't do it, right. I'm like, song sucks. And I just turn. Oh, that's like thinking somebody sucks. Cause they don't like you. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I get that. It's a little bit like thinking that a sport sucks because you can't play it. Yeah. Well, yeah, that makes sense. Why are you so good at basketball? Buddy. I appreciate that. But the truth is we're all good at something.

I just found something that I was good at that fit my body and my energy. Right. But it's like, it's kind of, it's quite hard. So it's quite a technically difficult sport. And it seems like the sort of thing that would take a lot. Why? You know, I have an amazing dog and the dog is so well behaved. The dog is this big. It can't play basketball. No, no. What I'm saying is I think I have some part of why it travels so well and he's so kind and he's like a perfect dog, but the truth is I got lucky and then it took on some of my character traits.

I think when people are good at stuff, it's not as difficult for them because they're, I'm not saying, I'm not telling you to sound like I'm this incredible bad, I'm just saying that as far as like skills are concerned, like some things fit people, uh, I play the piano. I don't know how. Like I, I've learned how to play the piano without lessons. A lot of people do. I'm not special to this, but I'm saying there's something about it. Well, I, and I'm a good piano player.

I've tried and I put a lot of effort into guitar and like, I know how to do it. Uh, and that's to prep, like have somebody teach me or like, I can't, it doesn't feel the same. This does, you know, are there things that you do when you're like, Ooh, I'm in a pocket and things like, ah, so like keyboard, basketball, hooray. But like guitar, baseball, maybe not so much. I don't know. I'd probably be great at baseball. What won't even greater. What do you say?

You know, I was asking myself this the other day. Um, I think I'd be a great football player. I know I'd be a great wrestler. I know I'd be a great father. I don't know. Um, I'm not good at, uh, language, learning other people's languages, other people's like they belong to them. That's how far away it is that it's possible for me. Um, making love. Um, uh, you're not good at that. No, no, because I'm only able to do it to people that I'm actually in love with that.

Make me a bad guy. Some people can make love to anybody just because, is that more skillful or less skillful? I don't, I don't know if you want to keep anything I've said in on this podcast. I just like basketball. I just like basketball, man. Just cut that all out. And you do basketball. Yeah. Have you guys ever played? We were talking about, we want to get, we want to play together. We want to get stoned together. He's inspired me to use my left. So I would always use my right.

Cause like you, you kind of pick one hand usually, and you kind of go with it. Be able to like shoot or really just do a layups to your left. It's opened up a whole new. I'd rather you miss more layups for a year and then be able to go both ways than to never have loved at all. So he's training, training the weakness. Training the weakness at 40. Yeah. What information, you know, this, what valuable information it is to discover a weakness to either accept it or try to do something different.

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Cause you get really, by the time you're a blue belt, you have like a couple of techniques you're a black belt at. And you just do those all the time. Cause that's how you submit guys. Like having three dance moves and just going back. Yeah. And you have to like, go, okay, I got to start to suck again. Like I got to play open guard cause I'm bad at open guard and I'm never going to get good at open guard. Who do you think is going to win out of Mikey and Nicky Rod today?

Those two fights. I think Mikey's very technical and I think he's great too. I mean, I think, yeah, I just, I think those are the two. I think those are two of the best that are out there. I think Nicky is also very physically gifted. I mean, he's just imposing, you know, but he, and he knows how to like use his weight in like real ways, but I think Mikey is just so skilled. So this is Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, UFC BJJ. I'm trying to make it happen.

Lots of big characters that are in that. So BJJ being, I don't do it. I'm just interested in some of the drama that goes on. But like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is gay or Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is for divorced dads. It's kind of a meme that was like below the, below the surface for a long time. This entire press conference, including the UFC BJJ Instagram was tweeting. Like I was, was posting stuff saying, um, like my, Mikey Musumechi will not do gay stuff tonight on the mat.

Like that was in the caption. I was like, oh, this has really broken the fucking containment zone of being an in joke to now being like the branding of an entire fucking site. Are they doing it as a joke or are they really think that, that people won't tune in if somebody's. Gay. It's the joke is because you're guys rolling on top of other guys inherently. It's the gayest looking thing. Are they saying it as a joke? Are they saying it as a warning? It's supposed to be like a meta joke around the fact that this is what guys do that rolling on top of each other, but like to take it and to use that joke, right, which only six years ago would have been completely fucking unforgivable.

He made that joke to me at the beginning of the podcast. Well, I understand. What did I say? Do I have to it? I'll show you guys, I'll remind you later. I don't remember. Uh, just it's the fact that that's broken through. Yeah. I think at its core was always like, there was humor. I've been doing it for 20 years and there was always jokes within it of like, yeah, you just have like a dude's balls in your face and like it's, but it, but it, it also is like, it's, you know, struggle cuddles.

I mean, that's what it is. Like it's physical intimacy between two men and a tremendous amount of trust in each other physically. Like, cause basically, like, I trust that when I tap, you're going to stop and not break my arm. I trust that when I tap, you're going to stop and not like choke me into unconsciousness and kill me. Like, cause basically when a person taps, what you're saying is like, yeah, you won, like you just dominated physically. Yeah. I'd be dead or I'd have a broken limb.

Like that's, that's how it works. So you could have actually live with a man instead of having sex. You could just wrestle every night, get tired, go to bed together. I mean, listen, what I want to do with the sex drive. It's not the same, but I used to say, I used to say that when a, when a girl has daddy issues, you end up with a stripper. And when a guy has daddy issues, you end up with a guy who does BJJ. Because there, it is really like an opportunity for men to like be together, have physical contact with each other.

And then once you've rolled with someone, like you've these six minute rounds, once you roll with somebody, like you're like buddies, like you're just, you're, you're physically like right there. Like you're just next to each other. You're like comfortable touching each other because you've just been, I noticed there was less physical contact coming back that way. Is there a reason for that? Yes. You just, I wanted, I didn't want to be mean, but I noticed that you had something right there. But listen, they say that women are become strippers.

If they have daddy issues, I say, Hey man, none of my business. It's like, let me just raise a son that, that doesn't go out for milk. Who's lactose intolerant. You notice that the, the, the amount of lack, like a lot of the Chinese. Can I say this? Yeah. They're lactose intolerant. Yeah. It's true. I mean, if it's true, yeah. Even if they struggled to, uh, get away with beer as well, I think they're missing an enzyme, which means they get, it's called Asian flush. I think my whole business, black people are also, yes.

And a lot of the Jews, the Chinese, the blacks and the Jews clip it. Who doesn't like milk? The reason why I bring this up is because we follow, apparently we follow the cows. We were like, you know, that's what the French people say about English people that we smell of milk. Like that we say frogs, we call the French frogs and it is kind of interesting to think about, okay, what are the in jokes that other countries have about your country? And apparently the French say that the English smell like milk.

Crazy. The French have some cool, like aphorisms, like, like marriage turns a lover into a relative. Like that's fucking gold. Yeah. Yeah. But in France, presumably. Yeah. Cause they wouldn't say it like that. They wouldn't say it like that. Yeah. Well, they might. I want to speak English. If you just fucking said that in French, I'm going to be blown away. You do have secret in post, put that in back in reverse. I'm being serious. Watch this. You said it in reverse. Wait a second. And then cut to this.

Well, what would say the same again? Please do this. We've say play reverse and play this marriage turns a lover into a relative. Okay. And now this is going to sound like that's what my French thing sinned was backwards. Can we do that? No. Oh, this would look like, oh no. Now they're seeing how the magic is made. Yeah. The sausage gets made like that. Uh, yeah. I, I Brazilian jujitsu, gay joke coming through. It's just like, that's a lit that's a litmus test. That's sort of where we're at.

You know, I think there's a thing happening right now. Our word's coming back. You can call something gay. I think, I think it just, we always in this culture treat dandruff with decapitation. And then we go back in the other direction. Again, the pendulum swinging back in the other direction again. Yeah. And notice he still called it the R word. And I'm proud. What I want to say is the Chinese don't go out for milk. Does that affect the divorce rates? Cause they, they don't have the excuse.

Why did he go? He went out for a mountain. No, he didn't. Cigarettes for sure. Yeah. I went out for cigarettes. I wonder if interesting. Yeah. Yeah. You see him. Yeah. See your father squatting and smoking one last time. Squats 200 yards away. No, they squat and smoke a lot of the time. Oh, they squat. I mean, it's, it's the way humans are supposed to stand. Yeah. They do. They, they sell, they sell pants. I ordered them off Amazon. I just learned so much right now.

I just really want you to look at it. Look at the way the GI tract sits while you're in a squat position and it evens out and that's true because it also strengthens your hip flexors, your quads. It's your alignment for your spine. Instead of chairs, we're supposed to be like this. Yeah. Like a real thing. You can do the rest of the pod like that. Yeah. Me too. Uh, it was a little strange, but it unkinks the wreck. Yeah. Uh, uh, unmoves the rectal kink.

That's what I meant. Yeah. So the squatty potty. Yeah. I haven't, I, I just didn't worry about rectal kink before. A divorce attorney has never heard of rectal kink. No, no. Squatty potty side of the table. I know squatty potty. Have you got one? Where I do not. Have you got one? I have a Japanese toilet though. Yes. Like, is that low to the ground? Change. What's Japanese toilet low? The ones that have the buttons and it does the water. It's a, it's a, it's like a, it's a Cadillac.

Gosh, like with a head dryer, warm water, warm bidet waters too. It's almost too much for me. Well, this is, this is like, it's just, it feels so good. The seat is warm, warm bidet. What are you kind of like? The seat is warmed. Is this a sex toy or a fucking toilet? It's always warm. Just any bidet, any warm water bidet hits you. And you're like, once you have it though, you're just fracked. It's cold water. I'm damn near killed him. Yeah. That's why, like, it's like flying first class.

Like, you know, once you do it, you're like, but why did I do this? If you add a squatty potty to that Japanese toilet. Oh, that'd be crazy. Game changer. Think about the rectal kink. That'd be a real rectal. I'd have a real rectal kink on that. You know, I use my bidet to clean up my asshole, but I don't run away from the feeling of pleasure and think like, I I'll fill up my ass. Go on. Um, I'll, I'll fill up my ass with so much water that I don't know.

Is that water coming out or is that water pulling more shit out? And it doesn't matter. Hang on. You fill it up, buddy. I, I could, here's a cool one of those things that we're talking about. What you could do closing the door at the right length. Like that ski ball game that you play at bars on sand with a little puck. I'll be able to, on my toilet, go like this, know exactly how to go. So not only am I getting it right up my ass, I'm nothing but net.

And I shoot it up there to the point where it's got to go somewhere. Way to beat. It all comes out after you like come inside of a self-administered enema. How open is your asshole? Dude, everyone's asshole is the most open when they're relaxed. Can we at least concede this point? Okay. Relax. Sit on the much, hear me out. I don't think I've ever been that relaxed because ever, because when I, because I really, I could go like, I could go from this. To this. Because your butt cheeks are pulled apart.

You're bending over. I'm basically just, I used to, when I was a kid and I had to get throat cultures, which I had to do quite a bit, cause my throat hurt all the time. I would have panic attacks. Knowing that sticks going down there would freak me the fuck out. Like I couldn't, I can't, I can't, I can't. Like I was so terrified. And then I learned to sit on my hands and I was terrified, but I was able to do it. Right. I'm getting a throat culture.

I don't know. Let's say I'm 17 years old or something. And the doctor says you're crazy. Switch. The doctor says, the doctor says, are we going to do it? I'm still scared, but I'm just, I'm really, I could really, I hate it, but I'm fine. I've shot so much water up my ass. Nothing but net that I trust myself that this is good for me. This is good. Well, why am I so? Oh no. Water's going to go up my ass. Oh yes. Water's going to go up my ass and clean.

People are wiping. Imagine if you had shit on your hands and then you just took some paper and went like this and threw it away. You're right. Fucking disgusting. Put some water on your shitty fucking hands. You fucking coward. I can't get over how open your asshole is. Do all of our. Assholes are open more than that when we poop. All right, so get off your high horse. Yeah, but for the duration that the poop's coming out. I'm not holding it open like I'm doing wall squats.

I'm just saying like, you know, you blink. I'll blink and the blink would be the ass goes like this, the water takes it, the rest, and now I'm fine. It's clean now. But in order for the water to collect, you have to be tightening it back up to pull. No, no, no, you can only shoot so much water up your ass before water comes down. Believe me, Eleanor Roosevelt. So are you pulsing like sphinctal tension? I'm not there for a full chorus. I go, water shoots up my ass.

I'm like, okay, I think I'm done now. I turn the water off and then some stuff comes out. It's like washing your hands. I'm literally- You never got the cascading effect. It's always just kind of- Because you're not putting enough water up there, friend. Yeah, I guess so. Have you ever made love to a woman and you ejaculated inside of her and then- I just got two kids, so yeah. No, but there's- One another on the way. But it doesn't mean that- At least three times.

But it doesn't mean that a lot of his semen was pouring out of her. That's true. You gotta keep him on the back. Let me finish my sentence. You gotta keep him on the back. Yeah. Stay on the back. I let them be wherever they want to be. I don't keep a woman anywhere after I come inside of her, just so you know. It depends how functional you want it, you know? Stay down there. Yeah, true. Stay down there. If you're trying to have a kid, it is, you lay there.

Even if you don't have an emotional connection with a woman, you shouldn't tell her what she should be doing with her body as well. Well, unless- A lot of you think so. Unless she wants you to. That's not really telling her what to do. That's making her feel that she is submissive. There's a big difference. That's why you have safe words. I'm only doing this because- You're only going on this roller coaster going down so much because you trust you're harnessed in. You wouldn't do it without that harness.

And how do you know how well somebody could harness you until you get to know them? Are you thinking about the come run? So you've done the ejaculation, and then there is a window of time before it started to come back out that they need to get to the bathroom. I always say, if you come on a- If I come on you, I'll go to the bathroom first. If I come into, in you, please, you go first. Why don't you always say it? I say it all the time.

That's like rules. That's kind of like the rules. It's certain rules. If I come on you, if I come on your belly and your boobs and you know, whatever it is that- Sure. Whatever other weird six. Her open butthole. So wherever it is that you want, whatever it is that's easiest. Just relax a little more, it'll be fine. Wherever you've agreed to. You go to the bathroom and you get a wet and a dry towel. It could be two towels. Warm towel. Yeah, so I often will ask- I will ask, I'll say, hey, it takes a while for it to get to warm.

Would you like me to bring you cool and dry? Because I don't want to go in there and wait, like wait for the warm water. Then she doesn't realize like what I'm doing in there. So like- She thinks you're looking after yourself. Which is fine if that's what I want to be doing. And I communicate that, but that's not what I want to be doing. I want to clean you up. I got to be honest, the post-coital service from you sounds really nice. And I get- It's invited back usually, is it?

You know what I mean? I get that. That's where they get the saying, you're invited to the cookout. Now, I also get something out of this because I'm embarrassed of my flat ass, but I'm very proud of my huge fat cock. So when I'm walking to the bathroom- You don't reverse out. That's just so, yeah. After sex, I'll- Do you want me to get you a warm towel? You know, boom, boom, boom. But I don't want her to see my little ass. I just came on top of you.

I want you to think well of me. Why don't you go- From hindsight. Why don't you go sideways so that then the small ass makes your giant dick even bigger? I just never- I never thought about the relative size of your ass. It'll look like my quad. I feel like that's- Say it again? So you're like self-conscious about having a small ass? Like you want to have like a donk-a-donk? I'm not ashamed of it. But yes, by definition, I am self-conscious of it. I've accepted this as what it is.

But like, there are parts like when, right after having sex with somebody, where like, I'll give you another example. Jesus Christ. Something like if you're tall and have a big dick, like you could- Hey, get in line. Who the fuck cares? Whatever your ass looks like. I don't think she's going to vomit. I don't think she's going to see my butt and be like, what did I do? You know? I'm just like, I do feel like if I show my butt, I'll probably go like this around my crack and I go, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm embarrassed. You got to do what I do, which is just get like a huge back piece of tattoo. Yeah, I'll get a big back tattoo because I got a little ass. Is that the psychology? Yeah. The only reason you have a back tattoo? It's the only reason I got it. Yeah. Yeah. So you get it. That's why I have the abdomen tattoo, is it draws the eye, you know what I mean? You know, we're seeing that water trap. She's like, damn, you put a bunch of water in that little fucker's ass.

Yeah, a little. A little water bottle. A little wet butt hole. I had to show my butt on a show recently. And when the showrunner messaged me, he goes, hey, do you feel comfortable doing this? We can get you a butt double. And I felt a butt double, I don't like because I'm lying. So it has to be so different than mine that that's not the tone of the show. So, but I honestly said- Look at some black dude's ass, you know? I don't think that was his ass.

I was embarrassed to do it. And I meant it. I know that I would rather show my penis than my butt. But I did it and I was embarrassed and I'm gonna see it and I'm- That's exposure therapy. I think, I recently had Lily Phillips on my podcast, actually. Friend of the country? Yes, friend of the country. Friend of the pod. No, Bonnie Blue's friend of the pod. I'm team Bonnie, I'm not team Lily, sorry. Oh, interesting. I don't take teams, not my body. Okay. But when we were talking- It's not her body either.

That's, cut that out. That's, what are you doing? It's all of our bodies, man. It definitely is after a thousand. What's their Bonnie Blue debate with Louise? Thank you. What's their beef? Louise is, by the way, like, Louise is such my crush. Like, I think she is just- She's in Australia now. If somebody sold as many tickets as Shane, but maybe one of them had a little bit less or one of them had a little bit more, yeah, but who did it first? If you sold a few more, but I was the first one to do it, that's kind of what their beef is, correct?

Apart from the fact that it's a factor of 10. Like, Lily Phillips had sex with a hundred men in a day. Bonnie Blue had sex with a thousand. Lily also had sex with a thousand. Look it up. Did she? Yes. She ran it back? Look it up. Dude, I hate counterfeits. Like, the cover is never as good as the original. Well- First time to hit four figures. Remember Eddie Hall? You know Eddie Hall? First guy to break a thousand pound deadlift. About 500 kilo deadlift, right?

Like, yeah- How come the debate doesn't always go to Oscar Robertson as the greatest of all time? Who's that? Exactly. That's- What, more championships? More MVPs? But like, that's not Kobe, because that's not the generation they grew up in. That's the same Uncle Rogers guy. Huh? Uncle Oscar Robertson. Rogers' son. I believe you're saying something of value or a joke. I don't get it. It's neither. Oh. Kind of wisdom. I also feel kind of sad for both those ladies. How was the conversation? It's a nightmare, man.

It was nice. I just brought up, because like, she- Honest, because I got that text right before that podcast. And her talking about, like, what she's comfortable doing with her body, it's to a different level of what I'm comfortable doing with mine, just because I don't have the same experience. But I'm like, she's like, just show your butt. And I'm like, yeah. Hang on, you got butt advice from Lily Phillips? Yeah. She's actually probably one of the few people on the planet that I would consider an expert.

That works. Can we go back to the cum run? Yes, I'm so sorry. No, I do think that that's very important to talk about, like, the effect of gravity. And I guess women, like chicks, ladies have got to work out how quickly do I need to move? Because I don't want to get straight up out of bed. Yeah. Like, especially if you're not going for the kid thing, you know, if you're not- But they do have to pee, so they don't get an infection. Yeah, so that, true, right?

But you're like, okay, well, maybe I want to lie here for a little bit, but if I lie here for too long, then I'm risking as soon as I get up. And it gets, it's weird. Cum gets more, like, less viscous over time. Mine gets more viscous. The temperature. More viscous? I was just trying to talk. Mine gets hard and crusty. On the outside. Not on the inside. It better not be on the inside. That would be awful. That'd be like the shit that people use, like polyfiller to put into walls.

It just expands in my pocket. That would be terrible. But yeah, and then they've got to make this awkward, just, it's like, I'm comfy in bed, but now I've got to get up. Pun intended? What was the pun? Comfy. Oh, very good. Oh, I didn't even see that. That's kind of my superpower. Love that. Well played. Yeah, that's an inverse ick as well. Like, just puns that go straight over some, everybody's head. Well, listen- That was cool, but I noticed. I think this all packs together really well, and could we all finish?

Sure. Would you like to? I was just making another cum joke. Yeah, that was a good, I saw what that was, yeah. Hey man, this isn't for your audience. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. It's just for us. This is just for us. But yeah, the cum run, I think, is kind of a fascinating bargain that they need to fight. And sometimes futile though. I don't know if you've had that experience, but there's like the, you know, you've had the sex, and then it's like an hour later, and all of a sudden she goes like, and you go like, oh, what?

And she's like, some of you just showed back up again. Like, it's just sort of, you know, I haven't had that? Every time- I've had it happen so many times. Maybe your cum does, something happens after it goes in there. Maybe like, it goes like this, kind of like, you know, you see people like, let's say I'm trying to hide from you, and I run in here, and there's nowhere to go, and you see me come in, and you look around, and you're like, oh, you must not be here, and you leave.

But I'm up on the ceiling with my legs up against the wall, my head's up against the wall, yeah. See, I had a theory, because I got snipped like 27 years ago when my second kid was born, and so I had the theory that like, the vagina's like holding onto the C, but they're like, there's gotta be something in here. Oh, like red meat in your intestines. Yeah, like they're like, it's holding onto it. Like, dude, come on, there's gonna be some sperm. How was that?

Did that hurt, or did it like, because I mean, yeah. Oh, it was fucking awesome. Really? For the best $40 copay in the history of the world. It was great. The experience is not. It was fine. Insurance covers that? Yeah, insurance covers that. Where does all your like, where do all the sperm cells go? It just cuts off the production of, it doesn't change anything about any aspect of your sexual experience. So did you cum? Yes, of course. Like, does cum come out? Of course. It's cut to a clip.

The exact same place it always did, the exact same volume. Just think of it like a soda gun. It just doesn't have sperm in it. Like, the sperm. But where does the sperm go is the question. Yeah, you stop making them? You stop producing them. How does that not affect you if you cut off the life force in your body? It does. It affects your, I think it affects your hormones. Well, I mean, listen, from life force, I have no idea. Yeah, that's kind of. It certainly didn't change my sex drive.

It didn't change my virility. You did stop choking men, though. So your free testosterone and your testosterone aren't necessarily connected with each other. And your body is able to absorb things and use things in the way that your body uses it. See, I can get into that. If you're telling me I'm still producing sperm, my body's absorbing them, that'd be nice. No, it's not that your body's absorbing them. It's the testosterone and the, and I don't remember the other hormones. And if you told me, I would know.

I've actually been learning a lot about this stuff. I'm having some hormone stuff. And your body, like, it doesn't need it. So like there are certain levels that will become elevated that are in me, for example, that I don't even notice. And like if the thing that creates it and then it goes into the testicles and then there's the semen and there's the sperm. And the semen is just basically the waffle and the sperm is the syrup. Fair? Sure, sure. Okay. Where does the semen come from?

I'm glad you asked. Just a video of me jerking off. I think it's the epididymis. The epididymis? I know there's the thing. How did that come up so fucking quickly? So the vas deferens is what puts the sperm into the seminal vesicles is what creates the semen. There's the epididymis. My favorite Greek god. Literally, it's crazy. Yeah, I mean- You need a sick tattoo. It was not in any way- Wait, what were you saying? It was not in any way- Just get the whole thing? So you see the vasectomy right there, where it's cut?

What you're just cutting is the vas deferens. That's all you're cutting. Oh, so they're coming straight from your body. And then they want you, they cauterize it so you couldn't reconnect it ever. It couldn't accidentally reconnect. It's like one of those cookie jars that you put a timer on. That's hooked to your prostate gland. Your sperm's coming from your prostate gland? No, the vas, no. I love the bulbarithral gland. I think the prostate creates some of the hormones that- Oh, I see what you're saying. The bulbarithral.

Yeah, that's where- I'm talking about bulbarithral. Yeah, I mean it was- Sounds like a Pokemon. Dude, your sperm are made under your, they're not even made in your balls. No, the semen. The semen's made in your balls. No, the semen's made somewhere else because you still produce- Correct. Semen, but not sperm. Correct. Dude, spermless semen is crazy. I mean, it's happening more and more with all the radiation. It's a lot less stressful. It's a lot less stressful, no. It's not a different consistency. Exactly the same, yeah.

I mean, I haven't tasted it, but I- I'm blown away by this. This is fascinating. Yeah, it's scary. How long- It was a function of the fact, so my ex-wife, who, you know, she had very difficult pregnancies. She had something called the prothrombin mutation, which caused her, whenever she was pregnant, for her body to create blood clots. And she almost died with our first child. She ended up in, and she was 24, like we were kids. And she was in the hospital for like two months because she had this deep vein thrombosis of the iliofemoral vein.

Like, and she almost had a pulmonary embolism. The reaction to being pregnant. To being pregnant. It's this prothrombin mutation is a mutation that causes a woman, when they're pregnant, because your body, when you're pregnant, starts producing clotting factors right near, because it's getting ready to like tear. And like, you know, childbirth is a very traumatic physical thing. So your body increases clotting factors. Well, there's some women who, from the minute you get pregnant, it starts to produce clotting factors, like way too many clotting factors. And she ended up with a terrible blood clot.

So we had our first son. They had to put her on a drug called heparin or Phragmin, which is a, it basically makes you a chemically induced hemophiliac. And it was kind of dangerous for her because she was like a chemically induced hemophiliac, but it prevented the blood clots. She was able to deliver our oldest son, who he was born 22 and a half inches, nine pounds, six ounces. Like it's a profuse placenta because she was on these blood thinners. Second child, they go, look, the minute you're pregnant, we got to have you on blood thinners because you're going to start having blood clots.

He was born healthy, wonderful. Doctor comes in, he goes, great, everything's great. Two's good, two kids is good. And we were like, yeah, no, we think, you know, we're two's probably good. But he was like, no, no, two's good. Like you don't, like the chances of her having a pulmonary embolism, having a serious blood clot, they go up every time more. So I was at that point married, two kids, 26 years old. And I was like, okay, I have no plans to get into divorce. And I was like, yeah, I don't want her to die.

I don't want to be married and wearing condoms. She can't go on the pill because the pill basically tricks your body into thinking you're pregnant. So it increases your clotting factors. So I was like, okay, I either have to be a married man wearing condoms or I'm going to go just get snipped. I was like, this is a no brainer. When got snipped, what does it feel like? Honestly, it was like, it's an outpatient thing. You go in. and they shoot you up with, you know, like some Novacaine or whatever.

They don't knock you out? No, no, you're totally awake. Like, you don't want to look, but you're, you know. And then you- You're on stirrups? Yeah, yeah, you're kind of up on stirrups. Then you don't really see what's going on. You don't feel anything because you're numbed out. By the time I drove myself home, by the time I got home, it felt like someone had kicked me in the balls. But you put a bag of frozen peas on it. And then you got a nut. You can't bust for like, what?

No, actually, you're supposed to bust. You're supposed to do, it's like something like 50 ejaculations to get all the spurn out. It's like changing, it's like changing. And I at the time was like, this is your job. Like, I did my part. Now you have to help clean this out. But don't you gotta wait like six days or something? I think you're supposed to wait a few days just because you, trust me, your dick would not get hard right after that. Because it felt like you had kicked in the balls.

If I felt connected. I get boners, I get boners from eye contact, basically. Then you're over. And then it's over and you're like, all right, I'm good. Like, and you don't have to worry about that. It's like one less thing. My boy is married. He ain't wearing condoms. I wasn't doing that. That would be crazy to do that. Seriously, wearing a condom with your wife? Come on. He was trying to get a low five. It's brutal. Oh, I didn't, I'm sorry. Okay. Yeah, no, that's true.

I have something about it freaks me out, man. You're just snipping all those wires. I think you need to justify that. I don't think you need to be like, to believe that this is something that is abnormal. Dude, I know so many people that get them. They're like, yeah, it'd be great. I got laser eye surgery too. It's like, snip my balls, why don't you? Chris. I got laser eye surgery. I did too. Oh shit. 2020. I can't because my eyes, I could see fine. It just weights them because when I take my glasses off, my eyes go in.

Yeah, yeah. That's why you couldn't get the vasectomy because your balls do the same thing. Burn me. I actually had, I've had ball surgery when I was in 11th grade. I had a varicoseal. Incidentally, it came back, I still have one. I was going to elect to get that last year. I'm going to get varicoseal surgery. What the hell? What's a varicoseal? No, I think we're talking about a different thing. Oh, you have a varicoseal. I have a varicoseal. And you want, are you trying to get pregnant?

I just want to increase, but I want to have a family at some point in the not too distant future. It doesn't necessarily increase your semen level. So you're not decidedly so. Oh yeah, decidedly. Well, if I may. I am decidedly. You got to get post-economic. If I may, I had that. We got to get some new tonic post-economic. You know what I mean? We got to get you there. I had the surgery when I was younger and it went away, but then it came back.

So the reason I'm not having the surgery now is because one, it's kind of a cheat. It does make it more difficult to get somebody pregnant, which if I'm not trying to get somebody pregnant now, it's advantageous, but also it might come back again. And also every time you do it, you're adding more and more scar tissue. And not that the surgery is necessarily that difficult, but like, why do it now with the risk of like, also you might be able to be fine with your partner.

And if not, have it. I froze, I did the whole sperm campaign. I froze my cum too. I froze my sperm. I was like, hey, what would be a way, what would be something that would probably make me reliably unhappy? Like not having kids. Then I watched a video of a guy losing his dick in a freak road traffic accident. And I was like, that might happen to me. Well, that's propaganda from the cum freezing business, by the way. Yeah, think cum, think cum is. Is there any other kind?

Yeah. Losing your dick in like a car accident is crazy. How did you? It would be funny if you were not part of this. Yeah. Wait a minute, I'm sorry, I hit it rough. See, losing your dick in a car accident, that's crazy. That is. What is that? A car accident. It was technically a bike accident. So the guy was riding on a, and then he hit, you know, in London, there were those spiked fences, thin sort of wrought iron with a little spike on the top.

Homeboy just like hit the, and there's a photo of his dick, like his dick came off. It came off? Came off, dick off. Wasn't Nick Cajun that? Dick off. Who could be meaner, Nick Cajun or John Travolta? Vladimir Dickoff. I had a big discussion about a year and a half ago, and I must think about it at least once a month, which is one of the guys made the case that cumming on yourself is gay. And that. That I'm gay. But his, and I was like, okay, well, that's obviously, that's an insane thing.

And he's like, well, no, cause he used the landing strip. The what? He's making a, that's a joke. No, this is, he was ardent about this. This was not someone that was joking that he will put before he engages in. Oh, I thought you meant he shaved the landing strip. He put, he'll put like a bunch of toilet paper. Yeah. You don't do that? Beforehand. Yeah. Is that saying to like, we'll catch it so we can hit him? Yes. I mean, if that's gay, jerking off's gay.

No, no, no. His point was if you do it, if you like, it would, the gay thing is a little gay. It is, it kind of is. It's a little gay. It literally is. You do have cum on you after you've jerked off. You've also jerked off a guy. You're a guy. I put a towel down, not because I'm afraid of being gay, but just because it's like, I don't want to have to like clean up my, you know. But surely, you're just like, if you're going to use the towel, you could just wet the towel and then.

Not the same. You don't just wet cum, especially if you have body hair. Mm, that's different. Yeah. Yeah, I'll go. I'm also worried it's pointing it. You know what I mean? Yeah, I point, I usually put a towel over it. I'm serious. You put a burka on. I put a burka on, cut a hole in it. From my pelvic bone, when I'm about to cum, I go like this, and I literally just. I just fuck people, they know where they go. Yeah, okay, all right. But this landing strip thing, this is, because the table was split pretty much 50-50 between people that were like, yeah, yeah, of course.

I appreciate the proactivity of that. I feel like there's like, you've thought about, you begin with the end in mind. Yeah, but. You know, like, yeah, I respect that. I know what I'm doing here. This is intentional. I don't, dude. It just seems like such a high-friction way to do it. Have you ever, you know, I'm gonna have a vulnerable moment. Well, don't use tissues. You have a cum rag. I'm gonna have a vulnerable moment, because we're really, we just got into masturbation, and we're having this group mail talk.

We covered like the seminal vesicles. We've really covered a lot here. Have you, and I don't know if this is just like, yeah, I'm the oldest in this group. I'm turning 54 next week. Have you ever just given up while jerking off? Yes. You have, okay, cool. I guess, like, where you're just like jerking off, then you kind of go, ah, fuck it, and you just stop. Yeah, done it. You have. First thing in the morning, a few times. But that's a rarity. Well, first thing in the morning, because that's, morning wood is like not really functional, I don't think.

That's a good point. It's a Trojan horse bone. It really is. And I can tell you, the older you get, you're gonna get mad at that. Because- I'm ready to go. You get up, and you're like, where were you yesterday? Like, where were you? Where was this? Like, you could hang your hat on this. Maybe your penis would be nicer if you stopped yelling at him. Hey, fucker! You know? First of all, he's gotten me in a lot of trouble. So, I feel like I don't know that we're friends.

Those goth chicks. Those big titty goth bitches. Yeah, I don't know that we're friends. I've given away half of 401k. Like, I don't know that I feel money-created about that. Isn't that just a 200.5? We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, giving up. It almost, it's like a, sometimes it can be almost a moral victory, where you're like, I don't need to do this. You're running for president. Yeah. But you're not, like, fully in it. It's like, you're thinking about it.

You're like, oh, maybe I will. And then you're like, ah, you know. Well, there's the old distinction. Are you horny or are you porny? I actually have a great, so I think of this sometimes, because I feel the same. I see what you're saying. When you kick one of the tripwires, you go like, ha, ha, ha. Well, I feel like, I'm actually really interested to hear his position. Yeah, I'm a pornographer. It's so great. You're so progressive in your thought, and you want to, like, connect with a woman, in an intimate way before you get, but, like, how do you land on porn then?

Come closer on me? So something I've noticed is, first, I want to say what I tripped on. I think that, like, sometimes, like, sometimes I'll masturbate because I can, and I feel it's very similar to, like, I'm not hungry, but if you look in the fridge, there's something that'll get me hard. You know, and it's like, ah, I didn't need this, and you don't eat the whole thing. You know, I get that. There's grapes on the counter. Yeah, you don't eat them. You're not hungry, but you're like, ah, there's a grape.

But, like, if you're at home, and you're lonely, and you're like, I don't know what to do, and I don't want to sit in my feelings, let me put on some porn and see if I'll eat something, and then you could get a little bit hard, and you're like, then you do that, but it's not good. That's chocolate cake when you shouldn't be eating it. Bad juju. What did you call me? I think I know what you're saying. What did you mean? Mojo. Like, bad karma.

Bad vibes. Okay. Ju. Did you just sneeze? Am I missing something? I feel like if you're a lawyer, you're allowed to. Yeah, yeah. I think that's the most anti-Semitic of all of them. I'm a German lawyer. But yeah, I'll come on a towel. Yeah. I think that pornography, much like processed foods in the cabinet, serve a purpose, and I understand its want. I think it's dangerous. I think being able to get that, I'm not a scientist, but I still recognize that feeling of it. Getting access to that is easier than it's supposed to be, and I think whether it's porn or it's junk food or if it's having a conversation with my mother-in-law, the issue is really just moderation.

Can I give you some stats? Because I wanted to bring this up for everybody, but specifically you. This week, Playboy published the 2026 Gen Z Sex Survey that asked more than 2,000 young people aged 18 to 29 what's happening in the world of sex, dating, and intimacy. One in five Gen Zers are virgins. 45% of those who had sex in the last three months had just one partner. So most sex is happening inside of relationship. 36% have not masturbated in the last three months. Wow. 36%.

I don't believe it. Yeah, it's crazy. I think young kids won't admit that they jerk off and they're lying to the testers. 34% of young men say porn completely satisfies their sexual desire. That I believe. Yeah, that I think I believe. Because you're not, it's your physiology, you're masturbating. Yeah. There's no way. I also just think the proliferation of porn and then the gateway drug of like Instagram almost, you know what I mean? Like you're just inundated with images that are like porn adjacent. And then porn is so easily accessible.

In that case, what's happening with the 36%, 36% have not masturbated in the last three months. There's no way. Do you think that's just straight up? I think that, yeah, I think that, I forget what the term is called in surveying, but like that sample's flawed. There's no way. What are they doing? Priests are jerking off. I don't mean that from a Christian sense. I'm just saying from a biological sense. Like it's, of course you are. We're all jerking off all the time. If you stop shouting at it.

Are these just men or just men and women? Across both. So it could just be, but that would be like still more, dude, 30% of men, 30% of men have not. Oh, it's interactive. This is great. I also don't believe that statistic of women. I think a lot of women that don't do it feel a sense of shame and they don't talk. I think that's on both sides. More women masturbate. Can we go single in relationship? I have a really strong stance on this. We have, all right, no, no.

What's worse right now is I think shaming men for masturbating and for porn again. I think that that's come back and that's made like a comeback. Matt thinks that he's a saint if he goes a weekend without jerking off. If I go to a hotel and I go away for a weekend if I don't jerk off, I feel. Have you done that? Like invincible. Do you do that because like I've already gone two days. I could go one more. No, it's just like, there's something about it.

I'm getting to the age where I'm like, I just don't wanna, I don't wanna watch it. I don't wanna watch porn. Yeah, it's just like. Oh, you're talking about porn or masturbating? Porn, porn. If I'm not gonna watch porn, I can skip porn. I can probably skip. Interesting. You don't, 100% of the times you masturbate is with porn? Not always, but it's always like, if I can skip one, I can kind of skip the other. That makes sense. Like if you've already flossed. It's hard to eat the cookies that you don't have in the house, so to speak.

Like it's just not queuing the hunger in the same way. Yeah. I can, I've done it obviously. Uber Eats. But yeah, but no, I, something about it. Not even like a intense shame spiral. It's just kind of like, I don't know. Memory-wise, it does feel pure. We never talked about your masturbation on the weekends. Yeah. Weird. Yeah, I never talked about it. We've never talked about that. I was never a porn guy. You know, it's funny, it's generational, I think. Like it was really difficult to get porn in the 70s and 80s when I was growing up.

Like you had one friend whose dad had a Betamax and maybe he had like a porno tape under the, and like, so you'd have to be with someone when you were watching it and that made it kind of weird. And then you're like, got to, you know, so it was just, or like you'd trade like a bunch of your comics for like someone's Hustler magazine. And then you had like one magazine that you just like a million times over, you know, every photo in it, you know, you'd gone with.

So I grew up poor and we couldn't afford, definitely porn poor. I grew up in like a super Catholic household. We weren't allowed to see movies that weren't, we weren't allowed to see movies that weren't on the Vatican approved list. And- I used to get the Catholic standard in time. Yeah, big time, big time. And I still know, like, I mean, I was a accolade, like I was super in the church. Like I still to this day know the, you know, the whole thing like I know the entire mass, like I know from beginning to end.

Nice and clean. Just like movies, maybe you just have a great memory. No, I think when I've seen something a billion times, yeah, I can remember it, but it's not that I have a great memory. It's just that repetition, like Monty Python, I saw so many damn times and the Nicene Creed, I had to say so many times. I just, you know, we blew it on judge Jesus Christ, God of God, light from light, true God, true God, by God and not made one of being with the father.

Like the whole thing, it's just in my head. I'm like that with AG1 ad reads. Yeah, I'm not like that with law. Like hearsay is a statement made by the declarant other than while testifying a trial or the proceeding offered into evidence, prove the truth of the matter asserted. I could do that with the alphabet. That's cool. Yeah, it's pretty good. Well, I appreciate you all. Where you shows, anything for people to go to? Houston this weekend, Salt Lake City, Seattle somewhere. I don't have any dates booked now after those, as that's the end of this run of the tour.

Go to rickglassman.com. I'm adding a whole bunch of new dates and thank you guys for your patience with me. Thank you for your patience. How's the weed? It's Pfizer. Fine, I don't even feel that high. I kind of passively feel high. What have you got going on? I'll be Jacksonville, Florida, Charlotte, North Carolina, Tampa, Orlando, Newark, New Jersey. That's a big one. You can go to mattmccusker.com. Salt Lake City. Boom. Pimps, what have you got? I'm just out there facilitating the demise of unhappy marriages. That's really the main thing.

Go to trustedprenup.com if you want to get a prenup from us. Trustedprenup.com. I'm at NYCDivorceLawyer on Instagram. That's about all you'll- The trustedprenup.com, was it available or did you have to find somebody who had it and you made a bid? It was available. Yeah, it was available. Oh. That's how you know you found your niche. Well, we were like, we want to do a prenup, like a prenup service online, all 50 states. And we were like, what should we call it? And we were like, well, like prenup, you want to be able to trust the prenup.

And we were like, oh, Trusted Prenup. I sometimes see the sign for this is dentist office in Los Angeles, where they knock you out no matter what it is. Oh, you're doing sedation dentistry? Yeah. And it's something that it's like no fear dentist. They're doing sedation tattooing. Like if you're having like a massive piece, they will knock you out. You can have full anesthesia. Do you think they target guys with little dicks or little asses? Yeah. So you've got a massive piece. Oh, no. He was saying that he to distract from his little butt.

He got that big back piece. I was suggesting that for you. I was saying it would draw the eyes up. So you turn around, you would see. I thought you said that's why you did it. Were you just joking? I was just joking. I genuinely, I genuinely. No, they're sewing my massive cock is sewed like that. You got a big ass? I don't know. I've never really gazed at my ass. I don't know. Pun intended. Yeah. It's nice. Solidarity in small asses. Boys, appreciate you all.

You got a nice ass. Thank you. See you next time, my beauties. Dude, I have a couple. Keep it going. I have a couple of ideas. Comes great deniability. I'm not the Earth Daddy. Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a middle adult parent.