If You Can’t Make Decisions, Feel Stuck & Can’t Move Forward WATCH THIS

Key Takeaway

Plant seeds, not weeds. Before making any decision—a career choice, relationship, or daily commitment—ask yourself: Is this action driven by purpose, love, and joy (a seed that will grow into something beautiful), or by ego, fear, and comparison (a weed that will strangle your potential)? Write 'Seeds' and 'Weeds' on paper, list what each represents to you, then honestly evaluate your next choice. This simple practice transforms how you approach every decision.

Episode Overview

Jay Shetty and Melissa Wood explore what it truly means to find stillness and peace in a chaotic world. They discuss the importance of listening to your inner voice, learning to be still amid chaos rather than seeking external peace, and practical techniques like the 'Seeds and Weeds' framework for evaluating decisions. Jay shares powerful lessons from his monk training about meditating on a crowded train and how breath work can transform your day.

Full Transcript

Transcript of If You Can’t Make Decisions, Feel Stuck & Can’t Move Forward WATCH THIS from On Purpose. Auto-generated from episode audio; may contain minor errors.

Most of us don't struggle to find peace, we struggle to slow down long enough to feel it. In this conversation with Melissa Wood, we explore what it actually takes to stay grounded when life doesn't slow down and why so many of us feel disconnected even when everything looks fine. I share the practices that keep me centered and what we need to let go of to actually feel calm. If you've been feeling overwhelmed, you don't want to miss this conversation. conversation. conversation. We live in such a chaotic world and there's just this buzz of energy going on.

I mean, I live in New York City and you can hear, you know, sirens constantly. So, to be able to drop into yourself yourself yourself is it's the reason I know I'm here and the reason that I've been able to build and blossom in the way that I have and I think like the more that I've gotten to know about you and your story, I I feel that is like the one thing in people people people that they that they that they struggle with the most, they like battle with is with is with is is finding this like inner peace within themselves.

And I, you know, I'd love to know where the seed of this all really came from for you. If you ask me about inner peace, my honest answer is my mom. And I really believe that a mother's love love love can be the greatest shield to all of the challenges, stresses, pains, and pressures that a kid can go through growing up. And so, my childhood was not easy by any means. But I feel like my mother's love was this was this was this protective protective protective shield that shield that shield that when I look back on it, I think, "How do I not have any cuts on me?" And how do I not have any scars?

And where are my battle wounds? And the beautiful part of that is you realize your mother's love protected you. you. you. But then you also realize that maybe your mom took some of those wounds for you. you. you. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. And that's the hardest part because as you grow up and you want to the people around you to also feel peace and also feel love and also feel joy that they helped you have, you realize you can't always control that. that. that. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm.

And so the seed of peace for me is definitely my mother's love. I think everything that's good about me is because of how my mom raised me. Ah. Ah. Ah. And And And all the credit goes to her because yeah, she's she loves me more than anything in the world and I still feel it today. I love your mom your your love for your mother. It's mother. It's mother. It's it's so real and as a mother myself, I'm like that is I think when people are like, what is your like greatest wish in life?

It's to have my children talk about me the way you talk about your mother and your parents. Like it's just you know, I think when when you look at just like what's the point of it all, you know? And to have the people that were literally bringing into this world to feel that because I didn't feel that. I I I I hope and I pray that everyone feels what you felt and I know that's why I I feel so much passion about the way that I parent because I want to break a cycle.

I I have broken a cycle. And in your home was your mom a meditator? Was she like what were where did all of this grounded like mama bear energy come from for from her? You know what? It was she was she was she was the hardest worker I knew. And so, she woke up earlier than us. She'd do her prayers in the morning. But at that time, spirituality and religion to me were very ritualistic in how it was practiced at home. We did it on a particular day.

It didn't have meaning. It didn't necessarily have a spirit. It didn't really have depth, I guess, to some degree at least. Well, at least from the outside in it didn't feel that way to me. But I think for me, I just saw my mom working hard. I saw her making a fresh breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my sister every day, dropping us to school, picking us up from school, going back out to work, coming back home. She was the breadwinner of the family. family. family. She did everything.

Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. And to be honest, I think that's where I get my work ethic from is watching my mom just work so hard at life when it wasn't really handing her out any favors, or it wasn't giving her the best opportunities, or it wasn't like things were lining up for her. But I don't remember hearing her complain. I don't remember her making a big deal out of it. Just remember her getting on with it. with it. with it. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. And And And you know, I think I remember once when I was going through a bit of a tough time, and I don't talk to my mom about that in that way.

Our relationship today is very much I check in with her. She asks me what I ate. I tell her I love her. And she asks me a bit about something that's happening in my world which she doesn't fully understand. And it's a sweet interaction. But once I remember telling her that it was a really stressful time, and I wouldn't usually say that to my mom. This was around 7-8 years ago. years ago. years ago. And she said to me, she goes, "Well, you're really good at dealing with stress." stress." stress." And I said, "What do you mean?" And my mom doesn't give me pep talks, either.

And she said, "Yeah, when you were in my stomach, you went through a lot of stress. Like I was under a lot of stress." She goes, "You're really good at dealing with it." And that, like, I remember just like crying that day cuz I I almost had no idea what she meant, but I also know what she meant, and there was so much in that coded message that she shared with me, and I felt so much strength and resilience from it from that reminder. And at the same time felt, you know, sadness and sadness and sadness and pain from the fact that she'd undergone so much at that time, but it gave me such a boost.

Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. And so, I think it's not sometimes the peace doesn't always come from peace. It comes from knowing how to be still in chaos. chaos. chaos. And I think sometimes we're hoping that if we create a peaceful atmosphere, people will learn peace. And I don't think that's the case. I think it's giving people the skills and tools tools tools Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. to know how to be still in a chaotic atmosphere that creates peace. And I think that's what my mom did, not consciously or intentionally, but simply by watching her work and watching her move, I was sure that that's how she got through chaos.

Does that make sense? It totally makes sense. So, how did you create your practice of stillness? And I want to know what it looks like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like the real ins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really believe that my practice of stillness stillness stillness came from came from came from in the beginning listening to my inner voice. voice. voice. And I probably started listening to my inner voice when I was around 14 years old. And I remember that very strongly because there were expectations from my parents, from family, and and and I disagreed with them, or my inner voice did.

did. did. And I was strong enough and courageous enough at the time to stand up for them. And I felt that's what stillness really was. Stillness was the ability to say, "This is where I stand. This is how I feel. feel. feel. This is what's important to me. This is what I value." That's real stillness. There's the external stillness of what we think of a calm ocean or a calm lake, but to me real stillness is I'm immovable I'm immovable I'm immovable in my spirit and immovable in my conviction.

That's real stillness. I stand up for something. There's a beautiful quote from Martin Luther King where he said that that that if you if you if you can't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. for anything. for anything. And so stillness to me is that ability to say, "I'm here." Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. And at that time it wasn't serious. It was me telling my parents I didn't want to study sciences. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, you're arguing over what Totally. Totally. Totally. what you're going to focus on at school.

It wasn't deep, but it was the seed of learning how to be still. That gave me chills. Right? Right? Right? Like I've never really thought about it in that exact way, but that is exactly what it is. It's It's standing so strong in who you are and what you believe. And regardless of all of the stuff and the opinion shopping. It's like you know, when I think about it, it's like being with self. And it doesn't mean that it needs to be quiet or anything. It's actually really going inside to the depths of your soul, which I know you can literally do anywhere.

I do it do it do it you know, on a park bench, in an Uber, on an airplane. When you learn how to do that, it's something that it just like sharpens these intuitive tools within yourself, and you can tap in like I mean right before I did it, like I'm just like, "Okay, like just do it. Go in." Like it's it is something that we all have the ability to do. Absolutely. Yeah, it's not And And it's when you first start listening to that voice, it's going to be really quiet.

It's going to be really soft because it's been ignored for so long. It's been shunned and put aside, and then it gains confidence. And then it gets stronger, and it gets louder, and it gets more courageous, and it gets more powerful. And so, when you first start listening to that voice, which is what makes you immovable, immovable, immovable, in the beginning it may be a bit shaky. The voice might even be a bit shaky. But it will gain strength as you listen to it and as you follow it.

And I think for me now my practice means being able to reconnect with that voice in and amongst all that noise. And And And I think it's about giving that voice a personality, a character, a name, a identity. identity. identity. That makes it easier for you to recognize it. Because as you get older, there's more voices. There's your voice that is true to you, but that's buried in the voices of everyone's expectations, and that's buried in the voices of society, and then that's buried in the voices of social media, and then that's buried in the voice of your boss, your team, your friends, whatever it may be.

So, your voice that you're saying gives you stillness stillness stillness is is is clouded by all of this noise. And so, hearing it and identifying it becomes the biggest challenge. And so, for me, I usually know that it's my voice because And this is true for me, and it may not be true for others, and you've got to find the characteristics that are true for you. For me, usually no one agrees with me, and that makes me go, "Yeah, that's I know my voice." Cuz no one really agrees with me.

Me, too. Me, too. Me, too. Yeah, right? And it's like, no one agrees with me. Most people are probably going to think I'm crazy or or or don't really vibe with it. with it. with it. And I'm probably going to have to go against the grain. There's going to be some resistance. That's what I found with mine. with mine. with mine. 100%. 100%. 100%. Yeah, other people they'll say, "Oh, I feel lots of flow, and I feel lots of opening doors." Mine's the opposite. I've always felt that my voice means I'm now going to have to break down doors and fight my way there.

And that's just what's worked for me. And I'm just more prepared for it now because I've done it so many times. And And I mean, we can talk more about and I'm happy to talk more about more of the stillness that we'd assume is stillness, too, if that's important. important. important. Well, I can definitely do that. Yeah, I mean, I it's all so important. I I love just you know, my my favorite thing about having a conversation with anyone who just just just has mastered the mind and and continues to be on this quest, right?

Because you can master the mind one day, and then you wake up, and you're like, "And sis, you got to get back to work." It's like this never-ending. And I will honestly tell you here in my 40s, I'm like, "Is there ever going to be a day where I just wake up, and it's like, you know what? You can just skip this day." For me, I can't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I have to continue to quite literally like get go to work inside myself because it has opened up a world beyond anything that I thought could have ever happened for me.

And with knowing that it's it's shifted and changed everything inside of me, and to be able to experience what it shifted in other people, I'm like, this is my work, you know, and it's it's what has created other beautiful things in my life, but there's actually nothing more important in any day to me, and I and I really mean this. And I'm a mom, and I'm a wife, but I can tell you that taking care of my mind first comes comes before anything else. And if if I don't things are just different.

I'm just more reactive. I'm not who I know my like purest highest self to be, and it's and it's and it's it's just this you know, it's this never-ending like beautiful journey of literally opening my eyes every day and realizing that even when I don't want to do it, you know? know? know? How did How did you do that when there's such a societal conditioning for women especially to especially to especially to forego their own needs for the family, children, partner. I feel so many women feel that, and then it comes with the guilt of I'm putting myself first.

What was it for you that What reframe helped you do that because I think so many people want that, they need it, but then the shame, the guilt, the conditioning kind of becomes overwhelming, and it's especially true for women Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. way more than it is for men. Like so where By the way, that's true for my mom. Like when I look at my mom's life, everything I was saying, my mom sacrificed everything sacrificed everything sacrificed everything Yep. Yep. Yep. for being a nurturer, and I've reaped the benefits of that.

Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. But at the same time as now an adult son, son, son, all I want is for my mom to have taken out time for herself. Right. Right. Right. Like that's what my wish So, I wonder what was the reframe for you that helped you get to that conviction of you being so clear that your mind is your first priority. priority. priority. In like complete honesty, ooh, it's hard to even say without choking up. Um It is from not growing up in a happy home home home that I like will do anything and everything in my power to bring love and happiness and joy and fulfillment into like the energy of my home and home and home and I think when you when you grow up in a house where there's just mental struggles and and mental illness and just mental health it you know, it's it's a it's a battle and for me it's just knowing that I could so easily shift in that gear.

Like that is my natural state. I can go there so quick that I know I have to work. I have to work extra hard and it's not even about hard at this point. It's it's about this devotion. It's this daily devotion to myself, to my family, to my team, to my community, to any person that I interact with because I've I know that I want to wake up and operate at a frequency that is at a vibration that I never felt growing up. I I didn't really know that that was that was that was what people felt at home.

So, it's it's so like deep you feel it. It's so deep in my soul that it's it's like I I do it when I don't want to do it because of that. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. It's really special. Thank you for sharing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, what does your practice look like because you're so wise and, you know, it's it's easy to look at someone like yourself and just think like, oh, you have it all. Like, look what you've built. Like, you're the you know, top health and wellness podcast in the world.

You're the But, I think when you like strip back the layers of just being a human, like we we all have these these these inner struggles and these things that we're up against, and and some look different for others. So, so what is it with you? Like, what what and how do you devote to yourself to keep coming back and just stay so connected to yourself and your purpose? One of my favorite practices that I do on a daily and weekly basis is called seeds and weeds.

And so, when I'm making choices every day, day, day, I ask myself whether that choice is a seed or a weed. Am I planting a seed that will one day turn into a beautiful tree and bear fruit, give shade to others, and be a beautiful place to rest, or am I planting a weed, which will eventually strangle the newborn tree in its infancy and kill all the things that are good in my garden. And that simple practice is a practice of evaluating intentions and actions. So, when I'm saying yes to something, is my intention my ego, and is my action aligned with that?

Or when I'm saying yes to something, is my intention joy intention joy intention joy and purpose, and is my action aligned with that? with that? with that? And by the way, I've made mistakes on on both of those. And you only learn by planting a weed, and a couple of years later feeling the weed grab a hold of it. And even if you did it unconsciously, by the way, sometimes it's not like you consciously made a bad choice. You subconsciously, you unconsciously, you unintentionally did it.

But that's why it happened, to teach you, to raise to you. So, now it's very clear to me that I think of seeds as purpose, love, joy, commitment, duty, responsibility, responsibility, responsibility, accountability. Those are all seeds. Weeds are ego, jealousy, anger, anger, anger, comparison, comparison, comparison, lust, illusion. These are all weeds. And we have the ability, just by pausing, to know which one we're watering, and which one we're planting. And so, I will visualize myself unweeding my garden of my mind. I'll literally visualize myself grabbing hold of the root of a weed and pulling it out in order to dispose of it from my mind, because that's what it takes.

And visualizing myself, and by the way, I'm terrible at gardening, so I have no idea why my brain works this way. But the idea of planting a seed very deeply in the soil and making sure that it has sunlight and water and everything else that it needs. So, to me, that practice has been one of the game changes in my life, because it's something that I can always be honest. And that's all that's required. required. required. So, are you sitting in a meditation first? first? first?

When I first started this, I would do it on paper. And so, I would literally draw a line down the middle of the page, and on one side write seeds, and one one side write weeds. I then made a list of categories of what seeds are to me, which I just named to you. And then a list of what weeds are to me. And then I would look at the next choice. So, the next deal, the next partnership, the next career venture, whatever it may And then I get to be honest with myself.

Sometimes I would honestly put in the weed and still do it because I was being pulled. pulled. pulled. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. But recognizing it was a weed. And sometimes I'd be like, no, it's a weed. Can I upgrade my intention to a seed? Can it be improved? And so it gives you a real map of being able to figure it out. It's almost like looking at a garden and going, well, do I want to plant rose bushes over there? Do I want to plant, you know, Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. whatever else it is. And I like the idea of doing it on paper and writing seeds and weeds on either side and having a list of seeds and a list of weeds. And then looking at every choice, that's a big choice, a career choice, a relationship choice. It's almost like, am I getting into this relationship because I'm scared of being alone? alone? alone? Or because this person is compatible with my values and vision? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Am I staying in this relationship because I'm settling for less than I deserve?

Because I'm scared if anyone will ever love me? Or am I staying in this relationship because I believe we can make it work? Right. Right. Right. Every single decision, you know whether it's a seed or weed. Yes. Yes. Yes. But because we think of our decisions as final and fatalistic, we don't talk about them in the right way. Whether Whereas Whereas when you think about a seed and a weed, you realize it's something that can be grown and cut. and cut. and cut. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

And so all of a sudden you approach your life, you realize a seed has a long journey and so does a weed. So if you catch a weed when it's only got to 50% of your garden, you can still take it out. It's not a decision that can't be changed. changed. changed. I love that so much. I'm definitely going to start thinking about that when I'm like in that, you know when you're just like, but I but hold on a second. And I think the thing that I've learned in this place place place when you're maybe not feeling certainty, right?

Because we live in such an uncertain world. But the way to really gain certainty is to trust and to go with the thing and to give it 100% of what you have. Yes. Yes. Yes. Right? Because that's how you're going to like certainty is going to come through whether you made the right decision or the wrong decision. Absolutely. Yeah. And I don't think there is a right or wrong decision. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. I think there's too much pressure on making the right or wrong decision. But I think that you can choose to make something work for you and make something right if you desire to.

I think the wrong decision is just a harder decision. It may come with more discomfort. It may come with more stress and therefore we think I made the wrong decision. But sometimes that leads you to your greatest growth and your greatest lesson. And I think as as you're as you're smiling to that it's like I think there's there's a beautiful quote that I love and it says that I've never seen a strong person with an easy past. And it goes back to what we were saying about children or about raising someone that by over protecting and by over coddling you create something weak.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't create something strong because it never had to build the resilience or the strength to fight off anything that was bad for it. And so And so And so by allowing yourself to make mistakes Yes. Yes. Yes. but then from that mistake taking strength can transform everything. Everything. As you just said that it's I feel like I've you know, really been in this space of being so conscious of my vocabulary because shifting and really listening to the words that I use have really helped me realize like wow, I was holding myself back for so many years because of the the limited beliefs that I was just saying every single day.

So as soon as I said that, I swear to you, I was like there is a different way to say that. But, like that's a beautiful thing, right? Because I think about all of the quote-unquote, like wrong decisions, if you will, that I've made have, without a doubt, made me the strongest, strongest, strongest, most resilient version of myself. And also, made me realize it's not it's not it's not wrong. It's the path that you had to take to get to the right Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. thing for you.

Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. Right? Right? Right? Yeah, absolutely. I mean as you were saying that, I was just thinking thinking thinking how many people downplay their wins in order to make other people feel comfortable. comfortable. comfortable. How many people will complain about their day their day their day just because they know it will make other people feel better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How many people will lie about or even make up a relationship issue they have in order to feel more relatable to everyone else. everyone else. everyone else.

And it's really interesting how quickly we all start creating our own drama and stress and pressure in how we talk to ourselves Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. because we think that's what makes us connect with everyone around us. If someone's gossiping, or if I match their frequency, now we can connect over something. If someone's talking bad about someone, if I join in, now we can connect about something. And we all do it. I do it, too. Totally. Totally. Totally. But, it's what you're saying. It's like, wait a minute.

Are we raising our frequency? Are we lowering it? And to me, that goes back to making a choice. Because every time you lower your frequency, that becomes your frequency. You become more like what you critique. You become more like what you compare. You become more like what you complain about. And all of a sudden, you realize you're becoming all the things you didn't want to be. And it is all about how we talk to ourselves. I think how we talk to ourselves and how we talk to people we love.

Yes. Oh, that's a big one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Being able to recognize the words that you use to the person that is the closest to you. I mean, I feel like that has been one of my biggest awakenings this year, too, that that that you know, when you're when I'm like in my zone or just like meditating. That's like one thing for me, like when I'm I it's very verbally communicated in my home because everyone wants mom to meditate because when mom walks in, oh, they're like that my children, I mean, my husband's like you didn't meditate yet.

And listen, I know people are like, "But it shouldn't it completely like change the person that you are?" Yes. Actually, trust me, you want this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, it's it's a known thing, and I can feel myself if Noah interrupts me. I'm just like like the fire, but I'm just softening those edges and learning that like there's a way to not be so snappy. Big news, Juni just launched at Kroger, and we're celebrating with a free can for you. Because most of us hit that point in the afternoon when our energy dips and the focus starts to fade, but that's exactly why we created Juni, a sparkling drink crafted with natural ingredients to lift your mood, sharpen your focus, and give you smooth energy all without the crash.

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And with a backpack, right? tiny little tiny little tiny little Yeah, totally. And it takes like two to three days to get to the south. We were going on a pilgrimage. And so I get on this train and and and you know, I'm born and raised in London. Like the the tube in London's amazing. And the trains in London are amazing. And the trains in India, when you're a monk, you're not There is no such thing as coach. It's like whatever's less than coach. And I'm not kidding you.

I got on this train and I went to use the restroom and for anyone who's been to India back in the day and that train still had it that way, the the the the bathroom is not a toilet that you'd find in a Western home. Right. Right. Right. It's a hole in the floor. I've heard. I've heard. I've heard. And And And I walked in and it was the the whole bathroom in the train was so filthy. We just got on the train. It was so filthy that I decided to fast for two to three days because I didn't want to use it.

I just didn't want to go in there. So I'm on this train and the train's chaotic. I thought I had a seat, but there is no assigned seating. Everyone's sitting everywhere. There's people sitting on the floor. There's people sitting on the chair. And I told my monk teacher, I said I think when we stop because it was a long uh whole train, the stops would be like 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes at a station. They weren't these quick stops. And so I said to myself, "You know what?

During the next, you know, time on this train, I'm going to get off the train, meditate somewhere near the station, and then jump back on the train. And I just wanted you to know that." that." that." And he asked me why and I said, "Well, because it's more peaceful. Like I would jump off and I'd find somewhere in the corner of a station that says more peaceful than the train because the train is just chaotic. There's people everywhere and there's nowhere to sit. And he saw me do this a few times and then he sat me down and he said to me, he said, "Jay, do you think life is going to be peaceful like the stop or chaotic like the train?" And I said, "I think it's going to be both, but I think it's going to be more like the train." And he said, "Yeah, that's why you need to learn how to meditate on the train." the train." the train." Mhm.

Mhm. Mhm. And it was just a really great lesson because because because that idea of just I was looking for peace to create peace. And his point was, "Don't look for peace to create peace. Find peace in the chaos because then you've really found peace." And so I remember meditating on that train in the middle of crowds, people getting on and off, people sleeping where I was meant to be sitting. And that's what's given me the ability to what you were just saying, to meditate in the back of an Uber, to meditate on a plane, to meditate wherever you are because that's the skill you were trying to develop.

And so I think sometimes when I'm being disturbed during meditation, I see it as the best thing that could happen because that's the test of can I really lock in? It's so true. And like you know when you're like real you know, every time I meditate I'm not transcending energy, but sometimes you you really are and I specifically in that very moment was what I chose to see what my husband needed and I I really it's such a vivid moment because I saw I saw I saw a version of myself that I've created show up in a way that I've always wanted to.

And it's it was so subtle, but I do think think think in relationships especially like like like these are the things that keep you together. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Respectfully Respectfully Respectfully talking to your partner. And you know, I feel like there's like I want to go in two directions with you right now cuz I'm like, okay, I want to think more like a monk, but like how does a monk meditate? Is it TM? Like tell me Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. How do you meditate? Yeah, so I have three meditation practices.

You'll be aware of some of them or maybe all of them. The first is breath work. breath work. breath work. Yes. Yes. Yes. And I think you and your audience and community will know so much about this. And it's as simple as that. For me, breath work is how I start my day because to me breath is at the core of everything. I remember when I was at my first day of being a monk and I was watching a young monk teach these children monks how to do something at their first day of school.

So I went and watched watched watched and I asked him what he was teaching them and he said, "I was teaching them how to breathe." And he said, "What did you learn on your first day of school?" And I said, "1 2 3 ABC, I don't know." And he said, "Well, here we teach them how to breathe because we believe that the only thing that stays with you from the moment you're born to the moment you die is your breath." And he said, "Your breath is connected to every emotion you experience in life.

So what changes when you're happy? Your breath. What changes when you're sad? Your breath. What changes when you're joyful? Your breath. What changes when you're crying? Your breath." And he said "Every emotion under the sun is connected to your breath. So if you learn to navigate your breath you'll know how to navigate life." He was 10 years old. And I couldn't believe just how powerful it was. And so to me our day is dictated by the quality of our breath. And for anyone who works out, you know if you're breathing right, you can lift heavier, you can push harder.

If you cold plunge, you can stay in there longer. You can deal with so much. Your body can push it to limits if you're breathing properly. The athletes that we all admire can push themselves because they're breathing properly. The musicians who sing at the top of their lungs or play wind instruments beautifully can do that because they're breathing properly. Your breath, whether you look at it through science or spirituality, is deeply connected to human performance. If you're out of energy, you can change it with your breath.

breath. breath. So true. So true. So true. Right? You can transform everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. to me, starting your day with breathwork is life-changing. And you know, whatever practice you do. For me, it's usually aligning my breath and my body. So, it's breathing in. breathing in. breathing in. Can we do it? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, I'd love to. Yeah, for sure. for sure. for sure. felt it. felt it. felt it. Of course, let's do it. I love it. Yeah, absolutely. So, absolutely. So, absolutely. So, and I I I'm always being careful cuz I don't like to tell people something they already know and doing and stuff.

So, I'm just being mindful. love it. love it. love it. Um so, what I like to do is what I find is when you wake up in the morning, we all experience one of two things. Your body's ahead of your mind. So, your body's running around and your mind is saying, "I wish we were still in bed." Or you're experiencing the opposite. Your mind is racing around and your body's saying, "I wish we were still in bed." bed." bed." So, this practice aligns your body and mind.

You're now bringing them both together so that they can be collaborative partners for the day rather than live in this stress and tension the whole day competing for your energy and your attention. And so, it's as simple as we're going to take an inhale. I'm going to count. And we're going to inhale for a count of four. And we're going to exhale for a count of four. It's as simple as that. And the goal is to align your personal pace of counting for your breath with your breath.

So, you're aligning your breath and your body. You're breathing in at the same pace as you're counting in your mind. So, breathe in for a count of four. Inhale Inhale two two two three three three four four four Exhale Exhale Exhale two two two three three three four four four Remember in your own pace at your own time. time. time. Inhale two Inhale two Inhale two three three three four four four Exhale two Exhale two Exhale two three three three four four four Aligning your breath and your body not letting your mind run ahead or your body feel like it's being left behind.

The goal is not to do this for as long as you can or as expertly as you can. It's to inhale at the same pace that your mind counts. counts. counts. And exhale at the same pace that your mind counts. One last time, inhale two three three three four four four Exhale two Exhale two Exhale two three three three four And so that simple practice is how I like to start my day because your body and mind are competing all day. Your body's saying, "I wish we were still in bed." Your mind's saying, "I wish we were doing more.

I wish we were more productive." Your body's saying, "I wish I had more energy." So you're constantly living in this inside your head where there's this competition. And here you're just saying, "Hey, I see you both. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel you both." I love how you like align the two like that. Cuz I love like I mean I I do and I share so many different versions, but the way that you like as soon as you said like aligning and not letting the the pace of your breath like be like your body be with it.

Like you could feel an immediate like just alignment. Yeah, if you think about anxiety in your mind, what happens? Your breath gets shallower and it gets faster. So, that means your mind is directly connected to your body. Now, what's happening is your mind is moving fast, it's forcing your body to move fast. But, that's not helping your body because we know shallow and fast breathing is not ideal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, now we're trying to deepen our breath, we're trying to slow it down. And so, when we're trying to bring both into alignment, you end up being able to do that as your day shifts and changes.

So, if there's anxiety, there's stress, you're able to remember, "Oh, wait a minute. I just need to bring them both back into alignment at a slower pace that's actually going to help me." And so, I love that. It changes everything. I mean, it's changed my and and life. It's just like the one practice and I've been really deepening my nasal breathing. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. So, I used to and I still do a lot of breath work with you know, into the nose, out through the mouth or just many different cycles and series of breath work, but I find that almost like the softer just like deep, long, slow inhale through your nose and then that slow, long, deep exhale out through my nose, wow.

Like just like the subtlety Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. of just like dropping in deeper and like really breathing into all of your diaphragm. It's like Yeah, and sometimes if it helps people I always say put your left palm on your stomach and stomach and stomach and when you breathe in feel your stomach come out and when you breathe out feel your stomach go in. That's how you know that you're you're doing it right if if there is a right and that definitely helps for sure. It does.

It does. It does. Cuz we're all breathing up here in our chest and our heart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's only so much you can breathe in when you're using that part of your body. So I'll usually start with that. The second form of meditation that I love is visualization. And I practice this almost on a daily basis. basis. basis. And the reason this is so important to me is because I think today when we think about visualization people think about visualizing the result or success or the podium or where we want to be.

And those things are beautiful but that's that's not what I'm doing. What I'm visualizing is the process to get there. there. there. So I'll visualize what I have in my day. So I knew I was going to see you today. I knew I was going to see other people today. And I'll visualize meeting that person. If I've seen them before I'll visualize them in my mind's eye. If I've never seen them before I'll visualize wherever I'm going a bit more generically. generically. generically. And I visualize how I want to show up.

I don't visualize how successful it is. I don't visualize it being the best thing I've ever done. I visualize how I want to show up, what energy I want to walk in with because I find what you're doing is almost a dress rehearsal in your mind. But you don't get to do that in life. Life isn't a dress rehearsal. You have to live it in real time. It's always live. And when you're living always live you can kind of just run from one thing to the next.

So when I visualize my day I get to already live there with that person the way I want to. So when I walk through that door I'm living in that space. So I've had the time to rehearse. I've had the time to prepare myself. I've had the time to prime myself to set my intention of who I want to be and how I want to show up. And now I don't leave a space thinking I wish I said that. I wish I wasn't so rushed when I walked in.

I wish all those regrets that we have, all those things we should have done, could have done, would have done, you've tested them out in your rehearsal. rehearsal. rehearsal. And you may not deliver them perfectly as you did in your rehearsal, but there's a presence. There's a priming. And I find that that takes like 3 minutes to do, but it's one of my favorite things. I'll do it before I go on stage. on stage. on stage. I'll do it before an interview. I'll do it before a meeting.

I'll do it before a presentation. So, this is something I recommend everyone does. And you're just visualizing where am I going to stand? Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. How am I going to walk on? What do I want to be thinking about when I walk on? And I found this to be especially useful for things you find difficult. I remember a few years ago, a client of mine said to me, "Tomorrow we're going skydiving." And this was at a point in my life where I never ever wanted to go skydiving.

And I didn't want to look like a chicken, so I said yes. I said, "Sure, we'll go skydiving tomorrow." I felt the peer pressure and I said came uh succumbed to it. And so, that day I watched videos of people skydiving. And I watched on YouTube. Now you can search everything, so I'm watching people going up in the plane and jumping out. And every time in my visualization I felt sick. I literally felt it in my stomach. stomach. stomach. I'm I'm I'm literally literally literally And and I literally experienced it.

And what I found is on the seventh time of visualizing it, I didn't feel sick again. And the next day when I went up in the plane and jumped on the plane, I didn't feel sick at all. Because you've primed your body through visualization to have that experience. When you look at the best athletes in the world, I had the honor of interviewing Lewis Hamilton, who drives a car at like 180 miles per hour or whatever it is, he visualizes the night before not winning and being on the podium and lifting a trophy, he visualizes taking each turn.

He visualizes how fast he's moving in that moment. He visualizes how it feels in his body when he takes a turn at a certain speed. He's not doing this Now he has a simulator and things like that, but he's doing this doing this doing this with his eyes closed for years while he's training. When you Look at David Beckham who scored so many iconic goals in his career, he would visualize kicking a ball in a specific way so that it curves in a perfect way so that it hits the top corner of the goal.

He's not just visualizing winning the game, it's visualizing his process. And so I encourage people to visualize how you want to wake up. I often ask people people people visualize and rehearse at 7:00 p.m. the night before how you want to wake up. So go through your morning. So imagine it's 7:00 a.m., 5:00 a.m., 6:00 a.m., whatever time you want to wake up. When you wake up, what do you want to feel when your feet hit the floor? Maybe your bedroom floor is too hard and you actually want a nice cushy rug to make you feel more comfortable.

Maybe you want your slippers right there. Maybe when you walk outside you actually going to going to going to every day you convince yourself not to work out because your workout clothes are not already ready. Your sneakers are not already ready placed at the door that you're going to go out to the gym. If you rehearse that before in your visualization in the night before or even a week before, you're now primed to know how your mind's going to trick you up at every step. Oh, I'm so here right now.

Yeah, so you can use it for anything. So I'll do that with clients. I'll literally walk through their morning routine with them at night or the day before or the week before and go, "What are you going to wish was there? What is your mind going to say when you're in the bathroom brushing your teeth? Let's write a post-it note that tells you the exact opposite so that you can prime your mind for it because we can train our mind. Oh, absolutely. I was so like it what you just did for me because we all have our process, right?

And I think like this is the beauty of these moments to be able to connect with people who just make you think differently. That's what I think life is all about and surrounding yourself with someone who just gives you that like you just gave me so much inspiration for even just like before the podcast. I think before speaking is a big one. I always say a prayer and I get really really grounded in myself and I find that that helps me move with love. It helps me move literally like with my heart.

And I just I felt like what you just painted cuz it was so vivid for me. That can help you just set it up in a way where like you don't have to be so scared of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, cuz like waking up the next That's like a big thing for people. Like getting out of I think that's the hardest thing in the world for people to master is getting out of bed earlier than you want to. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. And and you have to rehearse it when you're not getting up.

Because when you're doing it in the moment you're getting up, your mind's going to beat you because everything you didn't spot because you didn't rehearse is now going to come at you whether it's the thought in your head. So the first thought in your head is I'm going to snooze, right? Remove the ability to snooze. Keep your alarm clock on the other side of the room. room. room. Now you knew that the night before so you set it up so the next morning you had to wake up to turn it off, right?

So you figured that out so you're not losing in the morning to your mind. You're actually winning and owning your mind and getting that. So that's my second practice of visualizing. And then the third practice, which is the longest part of my practice, is mantra meditation, which is the repetition of sacred sound. And so, in the Vedas and the teachings of the East, sacred sounds are considered to have frequency and potency to connect you to your higher self, to connect you to source, to connect you to God and divinity.

divinity. divinity. And those names, those words, they're almost like affirmations. They just happen to be in Sanskrit, which is which is which is an ancient Indian language, one of the oldest languages in the world, if not the most. And that connects you back to the beginning of creation. So, when you think about when we hear the word Om, which everyone's so familiar with today, Om is considered the starting syllable of the universe. It's considered to be the first ever sound that existed. And so, when you're chanting that mantra, which many people do, that mantra reconnects you to that inception, to that beginning, to that moment.

And so, there's a the way I like people to think about it is is is when you hear certain music, it makes you dance. When you hear certain music, it makes you cry. When you hear certain music, it makes you nostalgic. Sound takes you back. And sound reveals images. When you hear a song, you can remember a party you were at. You can remember a moment you shared with your partner, a moment your child was born, whatever that sound does. So, does. So, does. So, when you speak or listen, you can then visualize.

You can see, you can experience. And the name is the beginning of that. And so, I'll practice mantra meditation as the core part of my practice. practice. practice. And you say, like, "Om" or is it internal? It It's It's loud enough so that I can hear it. hear it. hear it. So, it's you're putting a sound down. Oh, no. I'll I'll repeat it with my own Yeah, I'll repeat it with my own lips. And it can be different names. There's so many different names in our tradition of tradition of tradition of Krishna is the name for the divine, which is the name of the all attractive.

Rama means the reservoir of all pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, which is another name for the divine. And so these are all beautiful names that could be repeated and that connect you to that. And what you're basically saying is use me in your service. That's the request of the prayer is use me in your service, use me to do your work. Make me a true vessel and instrument in your hand and allow me to you know, experience you every moment of every day. every day. every day. Mhm.

Mhm. Mhm. And that's the real request, the real intention behind it. Have you visualized yourself before you got to where you are today? Like have you known that this was going to be your your power and your strength? strength? strength? I hope this helps when I say it to people because I don't think I I've had different moments in my life where where where I had different dreams, but I don't think I ever believed it was possible. And what I'm living today is so far beyond my imagination is what made me realize that there are is a far greater plan for each of us than we even know.

Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. And you think your plan is good. And that's your biggest mistake. Our biggest mistake is that we think our plan is good. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. And so we hold on tightly to our plan. And when life doesn't go to plan, we think it's going wrong, not realizing that there is a far great not realizing that there is a far greater, far better, far more profound plan that exists for us, but you only get it if you let go of yours. So at one point my master plan was to live as a monk for the rest of my life.

And when I left, it was the most embarrassing, humiliating, challenging thing that I had been through for myself. Why? Why? Why? Because I had told my family that this is what I was going to do for the rest of my life. And my family had warned me and said, "When you leave, no one's going to give you a job. When you leave, it could be the worst decision you ever made. You're going to waste 3 years of your life. You're going to be behind everyone else." Whatever it is.

And when I left, I felt that all of that was true. When I left, I was rejected from 40 companies. No one would give me an interview, let alone a job. Because surprise, surprise, who wants to hire a former monk? Like, what are your transferable skills? transferable skills? transferable skills? Sitting still or being silent? You know, if I would love to Yeah, I would love to come and work with you. Uh but that wasn't an option. Like, companies in 2013 were not thinking about this. about this.

about this. So, So, So, when I came out, it almost felt that everything those people said when I went in was true. And I had to sit with that and reconfigure that. And so, I hope it helps people to realize that I didn't have this vision for myself. So, even if you don't have a vision for your greatest self right now, it doesn't mean it's not possible. And I don't want you to think you have to dream big or think big in order to kick it off.

I would actually suggest you to start it small. When I started this, this, this, I was grateful if two people showed up. And that's what it was like for many, many years. When I did my first ever talk, talk, talk, zero people showed up. And then the second time I did it, zero people showed up. And I just practiced my talk in an empty room. And then the third time I did it, two people showed up. And then the fourth time was 10. And for years in my life, 10 years before I ever made a video, video, video, the largest audience I potentially had was, if I was lucky, 100.

And that was incredible to me. That was mind-blowing. Like, that was so special. It wasn't this feeling of, "Oh, 100 is not enough." And I think that's kind of where we've got to now, where you're so overexposed to these numbers of million and billion and you know tens of millions of views and tens of millions of downloads that you don't even have the opportunity to be grateful for 10 views. I come from a time when I was just grateful if one person turned up. Mhm. Mhm.

Mhm. And I think that's what the universe reciprocates with that when you're grateful that one person turns up, you get the opportunity to serve a hundred. You get the opportunity to serve a million. million. million. But if you're constantly living in my vision's bigger, I want more for myself, I I'm not convinced that that leads to a a happier more fulfilled journey. It may lead to success, but even today when I'm speaking to large groups of people, I'll often just remember speaking to a group of three people in a room because that's how I want it to feel.

Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. Even if it isn't what I'm isn't my reality anymore, reality anymore, reality anymore, I want everyone in that room to feel I'm looking right at them and I'm dead there with them because I am. And I could do that in a room of three and so I have to recreate that for myself. myself. myself. That's so powerful. I when I started it was in my living room on my phone and and and to this day every single time I film anything, I still feel that that's like that's where I am.

And like I'm I'm still connecting to like you know that that. that. that. smaller community at that time because I think when you move through life from this true state of appreciation and gratitude for like what it is right now, the abundance that comes and I I mean clearly, right? It's like looking at what what you're doing in the world, the guests who you have had these incredible conversations with, you know, it's like it's like it's like I would wonder I'm like what what is your like, what is your deepest desire?

Like, what is something that in this moment in your life right now is bringing you the most fulfillment? Mhm. My deepest desire genuinely is to use up everything that I've been given in the service of others. Like, if I could could just completely completely run dry and empty and leave it all, that would be perfect. And then if I could use every gift that I've been given in the service of others, that would be my deepest joy because because because I feel like I've been given so much.

I'm so fortunate. so fortunate. so fortunate. And And And I feel a responsibility with that, but I feel the need to reciprocate with that. And that isn't to say my life's been easy or it's been a straight path or any of that, for sure. But there's there's a feeling I have of I have a lot to give. And and I want to be able to give it all. And then what's bringing me the greatest joy right now, I mean, nothing brings me the great greater joy than being with my wife.

I love her. She's just like her. I was ending with her. my my wife is like I she is joy. She's joy. Yeah, she's joy personified. And so any moment I get to see her smile or get to hang out with her or get to just, you know, be with her, that's like magic. And I'm lucky because yeah, it's just she's she's always like that. And she hates when I say that cuz she's like, "I'm not always like that." I'm like, "No, you are. To me, at least.

I have more mood swings than you do." And and she's just Yeah, she's just so steady in her joy. And she works for it. It's not she she has practices, she has habits, she has everything else. Like, it's it's it's definitely comes from her amazing parents and upbringing and everything, but it also comes from her investment in wanting to do that. And so, yeah, anytime I'm with her, I feel it gives me the greatest joy. Uh from a work point of view, I get the greatest joy from constantly trying to see what's possible.

possible. possible. I live in this ultimate realm of possibility. possibility. possibility. Because Because Because I come from as I said earlier not believing anything was possible to now living like, "Well, let me see what's possible." possible." possible." And so, I get the greatest joy from trying things that are so far out of my comfort zone, that are so far reaching, that are things that I only could have dreamt of once upon a time or maybe wouldn't even have dreamt of. And now I'm like, "Well, it's all bonus world." Like when people say to me like, "Oh, don't you just Aren't you happy with what you're doing?" I'm like, "Yeah, I love what I'm doing, but there's more to give and there's more to experience and there's more to live." And so, why not?

And it's not safe, it's risky, and everything else, but I love it. That's what life's for. Like It's fun. It's fun. It's fun. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah. I love feeling nervous and yeah, I love feeling that. feeling that. feeling that. It's the best feeling in the world when you're like, you're like, you're like, I don't know like someone's like, "But what if?" And you're like, "But why not?" not?" not?" Why not? Yeah. test it and try it. Yeah, and you don't feel that at the start and that's fine.

Like at the start, you're just like, "All right, I just need to start small and figure it out." But then once you've done that, I think you have to get to a point where you just go, "Well, now let's just give everything a go, you know?" Yeah. Yeah. That's a Well, beautiful answers. I love your wife. She is such a radiant being. I've never met her, but it's crazy. You guys would love each other. other. other. Love each other. Yeah, you guys would definitely meet each other.

I want you both to meet. Yeah. I want you both to meet each other and be friends. I think you'd be great friends. friends. friends. need to. The last time she was here, we we our schedules couldn't connect, but we will we'll make You'll make it happen. happen. happen. Yes, I will make it happen. But that's just so beautiful. I mean, it's at the at the end of the day, it's all about the love that we have in our life and the love that we have to share and the love that we have to give and the love that we experience with the people closest to us.

Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. And I you know, I I mean you wrote an entire book on the lessons of love. Can you just give us You've been with your wife for a long time. We've been together for 12 years and married for nine. It's a long time. Through marriage and just you know, I think think think the longevity of being with someone for so like it's like you you start you literally marry so many different versions within those years. For sure. For sure. For sure. Right? I mean my husband had no idea what he was getting himself into.

None. I'm like, "Did you think?" He's like, like, like, "No." "No." "No." He's like, "I knew there was greatness, but like I didn't know it was going to be this great." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is it's a beautiful thing. Like how does how do you stay so connected with your wife? This is reciprocal and mutual and that's why it's so powerful. The first is when you love someone and if someone loves you, loves you, loves you, they never use your wounds against you. So they never use your vulnerabilities as a weapon.

So if you've opened up to them, they don't use that to shut you down. If you've If you've If you've shared a deep part of yourself, they don't expose it in a shallow way. If you've If you've If you've shared your heart, they don't treat it harshly. If someone loves you, they say to you, "I know you told me this was sacred and so I'll hold it gently." And when I think about my wife, I can't think of a moment where I felt judged by my wife.

my wife. my wife. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. And that is so freeing. It is the most freeing thing in the world because I think everyone in the world is judging you constantly. And to not have that at home Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. That doesn't mean she doesn't want me to be better at something like yeah. Doesn't mean she doesn't want me to be better at things or doesn't want me to improve or doesn't challenge me. She does all of those things. And she she checks me and she humbles me.

She does all of those things. I can see her doing that. It's yeah, for sure. She roasts me. I mean my If anyone seen any of mine and my wife's stuff like everyone knows she is not scared to do any of that. But I never feel judged by it. Yeah, that's different. And it's different. It's different. Judged means Judged means Judged means I want to change this about you. I want to control this about you. I really dislike this about you. And it's a pressure that we carry in our relationships relationships relationships that pushes someone away, doesn't bring them closer.

them closer. them closer. So that's been a big one for me. I've always felt that And And then by the way, it's the same for her. I don't judge judge her either. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Another thing that's been really beautiful that's leads on from that is is is if someone loves you, they won't try to change you. change you. change you. They accept everything that you bring. They may not love everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But they accept it. And what they really try and do is they really try and understand how that makes you you.

So I'll give an example. If I was less ambitious, ambitious, ambitious, I think I'd be less attractive to my wife because she married me because that's who I was. That's my drive. Now, I'm not saying she's attracted to my ambition, but she's attracted to a version of me where ambition is core to who I am. So even if that's not what she's attracted to, that makes me who I am. And when I think about my wife, family and connection for her are what makes her who she is.

And so in the first few years of our marriage and even now, my wife will take any opportunity she can to fly back to London to be with her family. And I know that's her number one priority. priority. priority. And I don't want to change that. I don't want to compete with that. I don't want to compare that to something else because that's what makes her who she is. And I think often in relationships, we take away what makes our partner the person we first fell in love with.

We want to change the very thing that made them attractive to us in the first place. It's like if someone was with you and was like "I don't want you to do all this meditation stuff anymore. It's just not It's just woo-woo. Like it doesn't make sense to me." It's like, "Well, wait a minute. Like that's who I am." Right? Sorry. What was that? Like yeah, peace. Yeah, exactly. Exactly because that's who you are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But if someone just suddenly sprung that on you cuz they're like, "Well, now I'm just tired of hearing about it.

It's not enough." enough." enough." And And I think everyone's experienced that version of that where a part of their identity was being questioned or taken away taken away taken away as opposed to being thought about. And I think think think people go through this with their careers where you married someone who was a full-on career person. That's who they are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're not suddenly just going to slow down and shift all their priorities. And if you want that, then you can't have the other part of it, too.

That's who they are. And so I think a lot of the time time time we get into relationships wanting to change our partners and they get into relationship with us never wanting us to change. I feel like that is me in a nutshell. And it's like They're like, "Please don't change." And you're like, "Please change." And then And then And then you're like, "Wait a minute. Like why are you trying to change me?" And they're like, "Why don't you want to change?" You know? And it's And And the truth is you're never going to change anyone anyway, so why waste your time?

your time? your time? Yeah. First of all, what you said it was so deeply heartfelt about your wife, and I feel like with me making the like uh-oh I didn't even mean to like interrupt that moment cuz it was so beautiful and you you can really feel that when you're in a partnership with someone who has your like your full embrace, right? Now, on the flip, everything you just said said said has been me in every single relationship that I've been in. Even with my husband, I can own that.

However, However, However, through my own transformation and being able to like see my stuff and to see that control is something that something that something that has always stood in the way of of everything for me and and really surrendering to it, and like, you know, I'm in wellness. I married someone in nightlife. Like, you don't get more polar opposite than this, okay? And you know, here I am and I'm like, "Well, why aren't you meditating and you're staying out so late?" And then you would you do have to have these moments where I'm like, "Well, I knew this." this." this." Yes.

So, what you just said, I wanted to change him, he didn't want me to, and then then I blo- blossom like this butterfly. butterfly. butterfly. And And And I I I have gotten to this place where it's still a daily practice of of of not not saying something in that moment because what is it that I'm trying to say? say? say? Change the way in which and I think and know that is why I've been with my husband for 15 years because I've been able to recognize it for a good half of our our our you know, partnership I was very much fully thought that I could just get him in a meditation pose and like this is going to be it.

Now, the more that I let go go go and I don't nag and I don't passive-aggressively say things. I used to be like that. Still, you know, we still work on the moments where it's coming out. He meditate. He meditate. He meditate. Totally. Totally. Totally. He's doing the things from his own free will. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. And I think that that's like the dance, right? Of being the embodiment of what you would love to see within others that you love. Totally. Totally. Totally. Right? Right? Right?

When I when I met my wife, my wife has always had a great commitment to working out. And when we met, I was like, I've I'm mastering the mind. I don't really care about the body. Um and she's a dietitian, nutritionist, you know, ayurvedic, health counselor, like like she's totally about food, nutrients, body, like everything. And And And she never made me feel bad that I didn't work out. All I saw was someone who worked out worked out worked out five days a week, seven days a week, committed to it, invested in her mental health.

health. health. And it was just inspiring. And she also presented it to me in a way that would reach my goals. So, she'd always said to me, she said, "Do you really care about being efficient and effective and productive?" She said, "If you worked out, you'd be so much more productive. Your mind would be on another level." And I was like, "Yeah, I'm sold. Like if it if it can help me do that, yeah, then I'm in." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so I started working out consistently because I could see why it helped me reach my goals, not her goals.

And I think often when we're encouraging our partners to do something, we're like, "Well, if you meditated, you'd be calm like me." And they're like, "Well, you're not calm right now, so I don't even believe you." And And I feel that happens a lot in personal growth and self-development, where people will say, "Oh, my partner doesn't meditate, and they don't pray, and they don't work out, and they don't take care of their own health, and they don't do all of this." And it's like, "Well, you just sound like you're complaining and nagging." And actually, if you just did it, and you did it committedly for yourself, that person is going to feel inspired like like your husband is, Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. and I'm sure seeing him has inspired you in certain ways. a boss. a boss. a boss. Right, exactly, right? So, you've seen that in him, and by the way, it's same for me and my wife as well. It's not just one way. This happens both ways. Right. Right. Right. And so, I've become healthier because of my wife. I check every ingredient list because of my wife. I know I know so much about health that I didn't know because of my wife. I work out five times a week because of my wife, but she never had to force me to do it.

And if she did, I probably would have been turned away because all of us have a little kid inside of us that doesn't want to do the thing we're told to do. So, most of us are acting like parents, our partners end up acting like kids, and now we're also playing that role. And by the way, what does that do? That takes the love, it takes the romance out, it takes the connection out because now you're mirroring parent-child. Whereas if you just set the example, they get to either rise to that or they choose when they want to, and now you're partners.

partners. partners. And so, when you're mimicking parent-child, you're taking out romance, love, attraction, joy, all of the stuff that actually made you fall in love in the first place. Ah, it's so true. It's so good. It's It's real. And by the way, of course, like me and my wife are passive-aggressive. We We We Yeah, digs all like all of course, we're real, we're human, but judgment I put at a very high very high very high I feel like your partner has to be a safe place where they could be everything they need to be in front of you and with you.

Again, not that not if it's exploitative, abusive, or Of Of like those are very obvious boundaries, but I want to be able to admit my weaknesses to my wife and not feel judged for them. You know, like that I need that. Like who else am I going to go to? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If I can't go to you, where am I going to go? to go? to go? Then what are you doing? What are we doing? And I think that that's like just a a life moment to look at with everything that you're doing, by the way.

way. way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With like where you're spending your time, time, time, what you're what you're what you're doing for your career. If you're not loving it and you're not feeling a way that you want to feel like you visualize when you wake up in the morning, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. then what's the point, you know? And it comes with lots of hard conversations. I've conversations. I've conversations. I've Yeah. I've always said to my wife that I never want to live a day without love. And so, if she ever falls out of love with me, just tell me.

Because I can't bear to live without love. It's just not what I've signed up for. I really believe I deserve love. I really believe I'm worthy of love. And it's something I want to have for the rest of my life. And I don't want to waste any time not feeling it. And it's hard. It's a hard conversation to have, but it's real. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's what I want in life. I wouldn't It's almost like I wouldn't compromise on my career. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't compromise on that trajectory.

I wouldn't compromise on anything in that space. So, why are we doing it in love? Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. It's like the deepest part of life. It's the meaning of it all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Jay, I have to say, you know, you meet so many people in this space and and and you you you are just one of those humans that when you can like uh sit in a room with you, uh you know, some people it's like and I I absolutely love everything you're doing, but you like I'm just like you're even better if it could even be.

Like you're just so No, I really mean that. I I loved this conversation and whenever I think about a guest and I don't even love outlines and things because I I really want it to be what happened here today. And I think it's just just just better than anything that I could have prepared for or planned. And you're just so uh pure and I just loved this conversation. conversation. conversation. for you. for you. for you. And I'm not just saying that because we're here, but you know, when you're running around doing a lot of this stuff, there's very few people that just have the ability to make everything slow down and you do that.

And I felt that sitting with you today, I want to do this with you offline lots more. more. more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't know, yeah, I just feel like you were able to create an energetic space and force field around us today that I I've definitely felt just being with you here. And it's such a genuine, sincere, sincere, sincere, calming place to be and I felt so natural and comfortable and raw and vulnerable in a healthy way and it's it's a beautiful energy that you've crafted and curated here.

So, thank you for doing that and thank you for giving me this opportunity. And how lucky are we that we get to do this and call it work and work and work and thanks thank you to everyone who's been listening all the way up until now. If you're still listening because you know, you give us the opportunity to do this. I feel so grateful that people care to listen and care to connect and yeah, and I hope this has reminded you that your that your that your what's planned for you is way greater than your plan.

And And And sometimes just taking a tiny small step forward is enough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that we're all human and still figuring it out, me included. I I haven't got everything figured out, and not everything's perfect, but just trying to plant more seeds. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. That's all I'm trying to do, and watch out for those weeds. So beautiful. You you planted such a seed in me today. You just posted something on Instagram, and I was like, "Oh, hold on, he's going to 15 places." And then I swiped, and you're actually going to How many?

Because I was like, "How are you Is it 15?" 15?" 15?" 15. Yeah, you're Is it? Is it? Is it? Yeah, it's 15. Okay, cuz I was counting, and then I was like, "Did I get lost? How are you doing all of this?" No, uh 2 years ago, we went on a world tour, nearly did 40 cities across the world. world. world. 40? 40? 40? Yeah, this is 15 across North America and Canada. and Canada. and Canada. And I'm so excited because I feel like you know, it's been 6 years of On Purpose, millions of people been listening, hundreds of millions of people have been listening, and it's I feel like we're seeking community and connection right now.

Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. And I'm excited for the feeling people are going to have that you're going to walk into a room full of thousands of people people people which can usually be anxiety-inducing or challenging. challenging. challenging. But everyone there is listening to the same podcast. same podcast. same podcast. And And And you're going to have something in common with everyone sitting next to you. And sometimes that doesn't even happen That doesn't happen in many places. I think podcasts are really special in that way. that way.

that way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That you look left and right, and you'll be able to ask someone, "What was your favorite podcast?" And and everyone will have an episode or a time of the podcast that helped them, and the fact that I get to tour the podcast tour interviewing 15 surprise guests in 15 cities. cities. cities. I'm so excited for it. So, at New York In New York, we're at the theater at MSG. MSG. MSG. I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming. Yeah, so I'd love for you to be there.

Definitely, please come and join. Uh in LA, we're at the Greek Theatre, and then we're going to Chicago, Vancouver, Toronto, Dallas, Colorado, Miami, Colorado, Miami, Colorado, Miami, uh Dallas. Um There's Yeah, San Francisco, did I San Francisco is on the list. Uh Seattle, Chicago, Boston, yeah. is there anywhere you're not going? Oh yeah, well, I'm I'm I'm going to try and do more, but we're starting with these 15. It's incredible. You're such a powerhouse. powerhouse. powerhouse. And I'm excited for people to feel this. Yeah, we found a feeling.

Cuz there was just like what It's different. It's different. It's different. it's a vibration. Like you leave feeling shifted. shifted. shifted. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm so excited for you. Congratulations. come and see me there. I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming. Yeah, love to have you there. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. If you loved this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how to change your life by changing your brain. brain. brain. They don't do things until someone's mad at them to get it done. They need stress in order to get stuff done.

And that just makes everybody around them stressed.