I Read 10 Books That Changed My Life. Here’s What Will Change Yours..

I need to tell you something about books I need to tell you something about books that no one really says out loud. Most that no one really says out loud. Most that no one really says out loud. Most books don't change your life. Most books books don't change your life. Most books books don't change your life. Most books give you a little dopamine here, feeling give you a little dopamine here, feeling give you a little dopamine here, feeling smart for a week, and then you forget smart for a week, and then you forget smart for a week, and then you forget 90% of what you read and go back to 90% of what you read and go back to 90% of what you read and go back to operating exactly the same way you did operating exactly the same way you did operating exactly the same way you did before you open page one. You've before you open page one. You've before you open page one. You've experienced this. You read a book experienced this. You read a book experienced this. You read a book everyone raved about. You nodded the everyone raved about. You nodded the everyone raved about. You nodded the whole way through. You told someone it whole way through. You told someone it whole way through. You told someone it was really good, and then 3 months later was really good, and then 3 months later was really good, and then 3 months later you can't remember a single idea from it you can't remember a single idea from it you can't remember a single idea from it that actually changed how you live. that actually changed how you live. that actually changed how you live. That's not your fault. That's just most That's not your fault. That's just most That's not your fault. That's just most books. They inform you without books. They inform you without books. They inform you without transforming you. They add to your transforming you. They add to your transforming you. They add to your knowledge without changing your knowledge without changing your knowledge without changing your operating system. The 10 books I'm about operating system. The 10 books I'm about operating system. The 10 books I'm about to share with you are different. Not to share with you are different. Not to share with you are different. Not because they're the most popular or the because they're the most popular or the because they're the most popular or the most impressive on a shelf, but because most impressive on a shelf, but because most impressive on a shelf, but because each one broke something in my brain. each one broke something in my brain. each one broke something in my brain. Each one gave me a single idea, one Each one gave me a single idea, one Each one gave me a single idea, one idea, that fundamentally changed how I idea, that fundamentally changed how I idea, that fundamentally changed how I make decisions, how I see other people, make decisions, how I see other people, make decisions, how I see other people, how I understand myself, or how I move how I understand myself, or how I move how I understand myself, or how I move through the world. And those ideas through the world. And those ideas through the world. And those ideas didn't stay on the page. They followed didn't stay on the page. They followed didn't stay on the page. They followed me into my actual life and rearranged me into my actual life and rearranged me into my actual life and rearranged it. I'm not going to summarize these it. I'm not going to summarize these it. I'm not going to summarize these books. Summaries are not that helpful. books. Summaries are not that helpful. books. Summaries are not that helpful. I'm going to give you the one idea from I'm going to give you the one idea from I'm going to give you the one idea from each book that hit me the hardest, each book that hit me the hardest, each book that hit me the hardest, explain why it matters, and show you explain why it matters, and show you explain why it matters, and show you what changes when you actually absorb what changes when you actually absorb what changes when you actually absorb it. 10 books, 10 ideas, each one it. 10 books, 10 ideas, each one it. 10 books, 10 ideas, each one building on the last. By the end of this building on the last. By the end of this building on the last. By the end of this video, you will have a framework for video, you will have a framework for video, you will have a framework for thinking, deciding, and living that took thinking, deciding, and living that took thinking, deciding, and living that took me years and thousands of pages to me years and thousands of pages to me years and thousands of pages to assemble. And I'll tell you now, book assemble. And I'll tell you now, book assemble. And I'll tell you now, book number nine is the one that ties all the number nine is the one that ties all the number nine is the one that ties all the others together. It's the one that made others together. It's the one that made others together. It's the one that made every other book on the list make sense. every other book on the list make sense. every other book on the list make sense. It's the oldest book on the list by It's the oldest book on the list by It's the oldest book on the list by about 3,000 years, I'd say. Stay for it. about 3,000 years, I'd say. Stay for it. about 3,000 years, I'd say. Stay for it. Let's go. The first book on my list is Let's go. The first book on my list is Let's go. The first book on my list is How to Decide by Annie Duke. Here's the How to Decide by Annie Duke. Here's the How to Decide by Annie Duke. Here's the lesson. You are confusing the quality of lesson. You are confusing the quality of lesson. You are confusing the quality of your decisions with the quality of your your decisions with the quality of your your decisions with the quality of your outcomes, and it's destroying your outcomes, and it's destroying your outcomes, and it's destroying your judgment. This is the book I wish I'd judgment. This is the book I wish I'd judgment. This is the book I wish I'd read before I made every major decision read before I made every major decision read before I made every major decision in my 20s. Not because it tells you what in my 20s. Not because it tells you what in my 20s. Not because it tells you what to decide, because it exposes the to decide, because it exposes the to decide, because it exposes the fundamental error in how you evaluate fundamental error in how you evaluate fundamental error in how you evaluate your own decisions. An error you're your own decisions. An error you're your own decisions. An error you're making every single day and don't even making every single day and don't even making every single day and don't even know it. Here's the error. You judge know it. Here's the error. You judge know it. Here's the error. You judge your decisions by what happened after. your decisions by what happened after. your decisions by what happened after. If the outcome was good, [clears throat] If the outcome was good, [clears throat] If the outcome was good, [clears throat] you assume the decision was good. If the you assume the decision was good. If the you assume the decision was good. If the outcome was bad, you assume the decision outcome was bad, you assume the decision outcome was bad, you assume the decision was bad. This feels so obviously correct was bad. This feels so obviously correct was bad. This feels so obviously correct that you've never questioned it. But that you've never questioned it. But that you've never questioned it. But Annie Duke, a former professional poker Annie Duke, a former professional poker Annie Duke, a former professional poker player who went on to study decision player who went on to study decision player who went on to study decision science, dismantles this completely. She science, dismantles this completely. She science, dismantles this completely. She calls it resulting. Judging a decision calls it resulting. Judging a decision calls it resulting. Judging a decision by its result rather than by the quality by its result rather than by the quality by its result rather than by the quality of the process that led to it. And of the process that led to it. And of the process that led to it. And resulting is everywhere. You took a job resulting is everywhere. You took a job resulting is everywhere. You took a job and it worked out, you think, "Great and it worked out, you think, "Great and it worked out, you think, "Great decision." Your friend took the same job decision." Your friend took the same job decision." Your friend took the same job and it didn't work out, "Bad decision." and it didn't work out, "Bad decision." and it didn't work out, "Bad decision." But the decision was identical. The But the decision was identical. The But the decision was identical. The information available was identical. The information available was identical. The information available was identical. The reasoning was identical. The only reasoning was identical. The only reasoning was identical. The only difference was what happened next, which difference was what happened next, which difference was what happened next, which in most real-world situations involves a in most real-world situations involves a in most real-world situations involves a massive amount of luck, timing, and massive amount of luck, timing, and massive amount of luck, timing, and randomness that had nothing to do with randomness that had nothing to do with randomness that had nothing to do with the quality of the choice. Here's why the quality of the choice. Here's why the quality of the choice. Here's why this matters so much. If you judge this matters so much. If you judge this matters so much. If you judge decisions only by outcomes, you learn decisions only by outcomes, you learn decisions only by outcomes, you learn the wrong lessons from your own life. the wrong lessons from your own life. the wrong lessons from your own life. You abandon good strategies because they You abandon good strategies because they You abandon good strategies because they had bad results. You double down on bad had bad results. You double down on bad had bad results. You double down on bad strategies because they happen to work. strategies because they happen to work. strategies because they happen to work. You become superstitious instead of You become superstitious instead of You become superstitious instead of strategic. You let randomness rewrite strategic. You let randomness rewrite strategic. You let randomness rewrite your playbook. The shift is this. Start your playbook. The shift is this. Start your playbook. The shift is this. Start evaluating decisions at the moment you evaluating decisions at the moment you evaluating decisions at the moment you made them with the information you had made them with the information you had made them with the information you had at the time, not with the information at the time, not with the information at the time, not with the information you have now. Ask yourself, given what I you have now. Ask yourself, given what I you have now. Ask yourself, given what I knew then, was that a reasonable choice? knew then, was that a reasonable choice? knew then, was that a reasonable choice? If yes, a bad outcome doesn't make it a If yes, a bad outcome doesn't make it a If yes, a bad outcome doesn't make it a bad decision. I'll give you an example. bad decision. I'll give you an example. bad decision. I'll give you an example. Let's say you analyze something Let's say you analyze something Let's say you analyze something perfectly as an investment. You got perfectly as an investment. You got perfectly as an investment. You got really strategic about it. You looked at really strategic about it. You looked at really strategic about it. You looked at every part of it. You finally put some every part of it. You finally put some every part of it. You finally put some money in. And it didn't pay off. You money in. And it didn't pay off. You money in. And it didn't pay off. You would say it was a bad decision to would say it was a bad decision to would say it was a bad decision to invest. Or that your process was flawed. invest. Or that your process was flawed. invest. Or that your process was flawed. But let's say you just threw in some But let's say you just threw in some But let's say you just threw in some money into something because you felt money into something because you felt money into something because you felt like it and you felt some moment that like it and you felt some moment that like it and you felt some moment that day and it turned into a great decision. day and it turned into a great decision. day and it turned into a great decision. You'll say, "Hey, I'm a lucky person. You'll say, "Hey, I'm a lucky person. You'll say, "Hey, I'm a lucky person. I'm just going to do that again." This I'm just going to do that again." This I'm just going to do that again." This distinction, separating decision quality distinction, separating decision quality distinction, separating decision quality from outcome quality, will make you a from outcome quality, will make you a from outcome quality, will make you a sharper thinker than 99% of people you sharper thinker than 99% of people you sharper thinker than 99% of people you know. Because almost everyone is letting know. Because almost everyone is letting know. Because almost everyone is letting hindsight rewrite their judgment. And hindsight rewrite their judgment. And hindsight rewrite their judgment. And hindsight is a liar dressed as a hindsight is a liar dressed as a hindsight is a liar dressed as a teacher. Book number two is Finding Your teacher. Book number two is Finding Your teacher. Book number two is Finding Your Element by Ken Robinson. Here's the Element by Ken Robinson. Here's the Element by Ken Robinson. Here's the lesson. You were not designed for one lesson. You were not designed for one lesson. You were not designed for one purpose. You were designed for an purpose. You were designed for an purpose. You were designed for an intersection, and you've probably been intersection, and you've probably been intersection, and you've probably been looking in the wrong place. Everyone looking in the wrong place. Everyone looking in the wrong place. Everyone wants to find their passion. Ken wants to find their passion. Ken wants to find their passion. Ken Robinson's work helped me realize very Robinson's work helped me realize very Robinson's work helped me realize very early in my life why that search feels early in my life why that search feels early in my life why that search feels so impossible. Because you're looking so impossible. Because you're looking so impossible. Because you're looking for one thing, a single calling, one for one thing, a single calling, one for one thing, a single calling, one career, one label, one answer to what career, one label, one answer to what career, one label, one answer to what were you put on earth to do. And that were you put on earth to do. And that were you put on earth to do. And that framing, that framing of a single framing, that framing of a single framing, that framing of a single discoverable purpose, is why you feel discoverable purpose, is why you feel discoverable purpose, is why you feel lost. Because for most people, the lost. Because for most people, the lost. Because for most people, the purpose isn't a single thing. It's an purpose isn't a single thing. It's an purpose isn't a single thing. It's an intersection. Robinson calls it your intersection. Robinson calls it your intersection. Robinson calls it your element, the place where natural element, the place where natural element, the place where natural aptitude meets personal passion. Not aptitude meets personal passion. Not aptitude meets personal passion. Not aptitude alone. Plenty of people are aptitude alone. Plenty of people are aptitude alone. Plenty of people are good at things they hate. Not passion good at things they hate. Not passion good at things they hate. Not passion alone. Plenty of people love things alone. Plenty of people love things alone. Plenty of people love things they'll never be good at. The element is they'll never be good at. The element is they'll never be good at. The element is where the two overlap. And here's what where the two overlap. And here's what where the two overlap. And here's what Robinson understood that most career Robinson understood that most career Robinson understood that most career advice ignores. The element is almost advice ignores. The element is almost advice ignores. The element is almost never found through introspection. It's never found through introspection. It's never found through introspection. It's found through exposure. You can't think found through exposure. You can't think found through exposure. You can't think your way to your purpose. You have to your way to your purpose. You have to your way to your purpose. You have to collide with it. You have to try things, collide with it. You have to try things, collide with it. You have to try things, fail at things, stumble into rooms you fail at things, stumble into rooms you fail at things, stumble into rooms you didn't plan to enter, and pay attention didn't plan to enter, and pay attention didn't plan to enter, and pay attention to the moments when time disappears, to the moments when time disappears, to the moments when time disappears, when the work stops feeling like work when the work stops feeling like work when the work stops feeling like work and starts feeling like breathing. And and starts feeling like breathing. And and starts feeling like breathing. And those moments will never happen in the those moments will never happen in the those moments will never happen in the place you expected them to. The reason place you expected them to. The reason place you expected them to. The reason this book changed my life is that it this book changed my life is that it this book changed my life is that it gave me permission to stop searching for gave me permission to stop searching for gave me permission to stop searching for one thing and start paying attention to one thing and start paying attention to one thing and start paying attention to what was already happening at the edges. what was already happening at the edges. what was already happening at the edges. The skills I was developing over here, The skills I was developing over here, The skills I was developing over here, the curiosity I couldn't explain over the curiosity I couldn't explain over the curiosity I couldn't explain over there, the conversations that energized there, the conversations that energized there, the conversations that energized me that had nothing to do with my job me that had nothing to do with my job me that had nothing to do with my job title. Robinson showed me that the title. Robinson showed me that the title. Robinson showed me that the element isn't found by narrowing down. element isn't found by narrowing down. element isn't found by narrowing down. It's found by paying attention to where It's found by paying attention to where It's found by paying attention to where your different interests, skills, and your different interests, skills, and your different interests, skills, and fascinations collide. Mine happened to fascinations collide. Mine happened to fascinations collide. Mine happened to be monk teachings with media and with be monk teachings with media and with be monk teachings with media and with management and when I worked in management and when I worked in management and when I worked in business. The intersection is the business. The intersection is the business. The intersection is the purpose, and you've probably been purpose, and you've probably been purpose, and you've probably been standing in it for years without standing in it for years without standing in it for years without recognizing it because it doesn't match recognizing it because it doesn't match recognizing it because it doesn't match the single label format the world told the single label format the world told the single label format the world told you to look for. Book number three is you to look for. Book number three is you to look for. Book number three is The Organized Mind by Daniel Levitin. The Organized Mind by Daniel Levitin. The Organized Mind by Daniel Levitin. Here's the lesson. Your brain was never Here's the lesson. Your brain was never Here's the lesson. Your brain was never designed to hold the life you're asking designed to hold the life you're asking designed to hold the life you're asking it to hold, and every ounce of mental it to hold, and every ounce of mental it to hold, and every ounce of mental clutter is costing you intelligence. clutter is costing you intelligence. clutter is costing you intelligence. This is the book that made me understand This is the book that made me understand This is the book that made me understand why I felt stupid on my most productive why I felt stupid on my most productive why I felt stupid on my most productive days and sharp on my laziest ones. And days and sharp on my laziest ones. And days and sharp on my laziest ones. And the reason was embarrassingly simple. I the reason was embarrassingly simple. I the reason was embarrassingly simple. I was using my brain wrong. Not was using my brain wrong. Not was using my brain wrong. Not metaphorically, neurologically. Daniel metaphorically, neurologically. Daniel metaphorically, neurologically. Daniel Levitin is a neuroscientist at McGill Levitin is a neuroscientist at McGill Levitin is a neuroscientist at McGill University, and his core argument is University, and his core argument is University, and his core argument is devastating in its clarity. Your brain's devastating in its clarity. Your brain's devastating in its clarity. Your brain's processing capacity is finite and processing capacity is finite and processing capacity is finite and measurable. Every decision you make, measurable. Every decision you make, measurable. Every decision you make, what to eat, what to wear, whether to what to eat, what to wear, whether to what to eat, what to wear, whether to answer that text, where you put your answer that text, where you put your answer that text, where you put your keys, uses the same neural resources as keys, uses the same neural resources as keys, uses the same neural resources as your most important creative and your most important creative and your most important creative and analytical work. Your brain does not analytical work. Your brain does not analytical work. Your brain does not have separate budgets for trivial have separate budgets for trivial have separate budgets for trivial decisions and important decisions. It decisions and important decisions. It decisions and important decisions. It has one budget, and you are blowing most has one budget, and you are blowing most has one budget, and you are blowing most of it before noon on things that don't of it before noon on things that don't of it before noon on things that don't matter. The research he cites is matter. The research he cites is matter. The research he cites is staggering. The average person makes staggering. The average person makes staggering. The average person makes approximately 35,000 approximately 35,000 approximately 35,000 decisions per day. 35,000. decisions per day. 35,000. decisions per day. 35,000. Most of them are micro decisions you Most of them are micro decisions you Most of them are micro decisions you don't even notice. But your prefrontal don't even notice. But your prefrontal don't even notice. But your prefrontal cortex notices every single one. And cortex notices every single one. And cortex notices every single one. And each one drains the same tank that you each one drains the same tank that you each one drains the same tank that you need for the work that actually matters. need for the work that actually matters. need for the work that actually matters. Here's the idea that rewired me. Here's the idea that rewired me. Here's the idea that rewired me. Every piece of information you're Every piece of information you're Every piece of information you're holding in your head instead of writing holding in your head instead of writing holding in your head instead of writing down, every decision you're making in down, every decision you're making in down, every decision you're making in real time instead of making in advance, real time instead of making in advance, real time instead of making in advance, every open loop you're tracking mentally every open loop you're tracking mentally every open loop you're tracking mentally instead of externally, all of it is instead of externally, all of it is instead of externally, all of it is taxing your working memory and reducing taxing your working memory and reducing taxing your working memory and reducing your available IQ. Literally, not your available IQ. Literally, not your available IQ. Literally, not figuratively. You're making yourself figuratively. You're making yourself figuratively. You're making yourself measurably dumber by trying to keep measurably dumber by trying to keep measurably dumber by trying to keep everything in your head. The fix is not everything in your head. The fix is not everything in your head. The fix is not productivity hacks. The fix is productivity hacks. The fix is productivity hacks. The fix is externalization. externalization. externalization. Get everything out of your head and into Get everything out of your head and into Get everything out of your head and into a system. Any system. Write down the a system. Any system. Write down the a system. Any system. Write down the decisions, automate the routines, put decisions, automate the routines, put decisions, automate the routines, put the keys in the same place every day. the keys in the same place every day. the keys in the same place every day. Not because you're type A, because every Not because you're type A, because every Not because you're type A, because every micro decision you eliminate frees up micro decision you eliminate frees up micro decision you eliminate frees up neural bandwidth for the thinking that neural bandwidth for the thinking that neural bandwidth for the thinking that actually matters. The most organized actually matters. The most organized actually matters. The most organized people in the world aren't organized people in the world aren't organized people in the world aren't organized because they love order. They're because they love order. They're because they love order. They're organized because they understand the organized because they understand the organized because they understand the neurological cost of disorder, and they neurological cost of disorder, and they neurological cost of disorder, and they refuse to pay it. Book number four is refuse to pay it. Book number four is refuse to pay it. Book number four is The Courage to Be Disliked. Here's the The Courage to Be Disliked. Here's the The Courage to Be Disliked. Here's the lesson. lesson. lesson. You're not living your life. You're You're not living your life. You're You're not living your life. You're living your fear of other people's living your fear of other people's living your fear of other people's judgment, and it has cost you everything judgment, and it has cost you everything judgment, and it has cost you everything authentic about you. This is the book authentic about you. This is the book authentic about you. This is the book that makes you angry first and feel free that makes you angry first and feel free that makes you angry first and feel free second. Because its central argument It second. Because its central argument It second. Because its central argument It the one thing most of us have built our the one thing most of us have built our the one thing most of us have built our entire identity around, and we don't entire identity around, and we don't entire identity around, and we don't even realize it. The book is structured even realize it. The book is structured even realize it. The book is structured as a conversation between a philosopher as a conversation between a philosopher as a conversation between a philosopher and a young man. and a young man. and a young man. The philosopher draws on the work of The philosopher draws on the work of The philosopher draws on the work of Alfred Adler, the third giant of Alfred Adler, the third giant of Alfred Adler, the third giant of psychology alongside Freud and Jung, psychology alongside Freud and Jung, psychology alongside Freud and Jung, whose ideas have been largely overlooked whose ideas have been largely overlooked whose ideas have been largely overlooked in the West but are foundational in in the West but are foundational in in the West but are foundational in Japan. Japan. Japan. And Adler's central claim is the one And Adler's central claim is the one And Adler's central claim is the one thing that will make you want to throw thing that will make you want to throw thing that will make you want to throw this book across the room before you this book across the room before you this book across the room before you realize it's true. realize it's true. realize it's true. All problems are interpersonal All problems are interpersonal All problems are interpersonal relationship problems. Every single one. relationship problems. Every single one. relationship problems. Every single one. Not most, all. Your anxiety about your Not most, all. Your anxiety about your Not most, all. Your anxiety about your career? That's anxiety about how other career? That's anxiety about how other career? That's anxiety about how other people will judge your career. Your people will judge your career. Your people will judge your career. Your dissatisfaction with your body? That's dissatisfaction with your body? That's dissatisfaction with your body? That's dissatisfaction filtered through how you dissatisfaction filtered through how you dissatisfaction filtered through how you believe others perceive your body. Your believe others perceive your body. Your believe others perceive your body. Your reluctance to pursue the thing you reluctance to pursue the thing you reluctance to pursue the thing you actually want? That's calculation, actually want? That's calculation, actually want? That's calculation, unconscious, instant, and devastating unconscious, instant, and devastating unconscious, instant, and devastating about what pursuing it would cost you in about what pursuing it would cost you in about what pursuing it would cost you in other people's eyes. other people's eyes. other people's eyes. Adler called this separation of tasks, Adler called this separation of tasks, Adler called this separation of tasks, and it's the single most liberating and it's the single most liberating and it's the single most liberating framework I've ever encountered. The framework I've ever encountered. The framework I've ever encountered. The idea is this, in any situation, there idea is this, in any situation, there idea is this, in any situation, there are your tasks and there are other are your tasks and there are other are your tasks and there are other people's tasks. Your task is to live people's tasks. Your task is to live people's tasks. Your task is to live according to your values, to do your according to your values, to do your according to your values, to do your best work, to be honest, to act with best work, to be honest, to act with best work, to be honest, to act with integrity. integrity. integrity. Other people's task is to have their Other people's task is to have their Other people's task is to have their opinion about it. Their judgment is opinion about it. Their judgment is opinion about it. Their judgment is their task, not yours. And the moment their task, not yours. And the moment their task, not yours. And the moment you start doing your tasks while also you start doing your tasks while also you start doing your tasks while also trying to manage their tasks, their trying to manage their tasks, their trying to manage their tasks, their perceptions, their expectations, their perceptions, their expectations, their perceptions, their expectations, their approval, you lose the ability to do approval, you lose the ability to do approval, you lose the ability to do either one well. either one well. either one well. Here's what makes this so difficult. Dr. Here's what makes this so difficult. Dr. Here's what makes this so difficult. Dr. Naomi Eisenberger's fMRI research at Naomi Eisenberger's fMRI research at Naomi Eisenberger's fMRI research at UCLA, the same research that showed UCLA, the same research that showed UCLA, the same research that showed social rejection activates the brain's social rejection activates the brain's social rejection activates the brain's physical pain matrix, explains why we're physical pain matrix, explains why we're physical pain matrix, explains why we're so enslaved to the opinions of others. so enslaved to the opinions of others. so enslaved to the opinions of others. Disapproval doesn't feel like an option. Disapproval doesn't feel like an option. Disapproval doesn't feel like an option. It feels like a threat. It feels like a threat. It feels like a threat. Your nervous system processes the Your nervous system processes the Your nervous system processes the possibility of being disliked using the possibility of being disliked using the possibility of being disliked using the same neural hardware it uses for same neural hardware it uses for same neural hardware it uses for physical danger. physical danger. physical danger. So, when I tell you to stop caring what So, when I tell you to stop caring what So, when I tell you to stop caring what people think, your brain hears, "Stop people think, your brain hears, "Stop people think, your brain hears, "Stop protecting yourself from harm." No protecting yourself from harm." No protecting yourself from harm." No wonder it sounds impossible. wonder it sounds impossible. wonder it sounds impossible. But here's what the book showed me that But here's what the book showed me that But here's what the book showed me that changed everything. changed everything. changed everything. The freedom you're looking for, the The freedom you're looking for, the The freedom you're looking for, the freedom to pursue what matters to you, freedom to pursue what matters to you, freedom to pursue what matters to you, to be who you actually are, to stop to be who you actually are, to stop to be who you actually are, to stop performing and start living, that performing and start living, that performing and start living, that freedom has a price. freedom has a price. freedom has a price. And the price is being disliked. Not by And the price is being disliked. Not by And the price is being disliked. Not by everyone, but by some people. The people everyone, but by some people. The people everyone, but by some people. The people who preferred the performing version of who preferred the performing version of who preferred the performing version of you, the people whose expectations you you, the people whose expectations you you, the people whose expectations you were carrying, the people whose approval were carrying, the people whose approval were carrying, the people whose approval was running your life without your was running your life without your was running your life without your conscious permission. You cannot be free conscious permission. You cannot be free conscious permission. You cannot be free and universally approved of at the same and universally approved of at the same and universally approved of at the same time. time. time. Those two things are mutually exclusive. Those two things are mutually exclusive. Those two things are mutually exclusive. Every authentic life in human history Every authentic life in human history Every authentic life in human history has been built on the willingness to has been built on the willingness to has been built on the willingness to disappoint someone. disappoint someone. disappoint someone. And the person you're most afraid of And the person you're most afraid of And the person you're most afraid of disappointing is almost certainly the disappointing is almost certainly the disappointing is almost certainly the person whose approval has been costing person whose approval has been costing person whose approval has been costing you the most, controlling you the most. you the most, controlling you the most. you the most, controlling you the most. The courage to be disliked is not The courage to be disliked is not The courage to be disliked is not arrogance, it's not selfishness, it's arrogance, it's not selfishness, it's arrogance, it's not selfishness, it's the prerequisite for an honest life. the prerequisite for an honest life. the prerequisite for an honest life. An honest life, Adler would argue, and I An honest life, Adler would argue, and I An honest life, Adler would argue, and I now believe, is the only life that now believe, is the only life that now believe, is the only life that doesn't eventually collapse under the doesn't eventually collapse under the doesn't eventually collapse under the weight of its own performance. Mother's weight of its own performance. Mother's weight of its own performance. Mother's Day is a moment to pause and really Day is a moment to pause and really Day is a moment to pause and really think about the woman who shaped so much think about the woman who shaped so much think about the woman who shaped so much of who we are. The one who dreamed of who we are. The one who dreamed of who we are. The one who dreamed before we knew how to dream for before we knew how to dream for before we knew how to dream for ourselves, the one who kept going even ourselves, the one who kept going even ourselves, the one who kept going even when things were hard, the one who when things were hard, the one who when things were hard, the one who showed up again and again, often without showed up again and again, often without showed up again and again, often without needing recognition. This Mother's Day, needing recognition. This Mother's Day, needing recognition. This Mother's Day, celebrate her with something that celebrate her with something that celebrate her with something that reflects not just what she's done, but reflects not just what she's done, but reflects not just what she's done, but who she is. With Pandora jewelry, you who she is. With Pandora jewelry, you who she is. With Pandora jewelry, you can choose a piece that holds meaning, can choose a piece that holds meaning, can choose a piece that holds meaning, something that represents your something that represents your something that represents your relationship, your memories, your relationship, your memories, your relationship, your memories, your journey together. And what I love is how journey together. And what I love is how journey together. And what I love is how you can make it personal. You can you can make it personal. You can you can make it personal. You can engrave something in your own engrave something in your own engrave something in your own handwriting, a date, a name, a phrase handwriting, a date, a name, a phrase handwriting, a date, a name, a phrase that only the two of you understand. that only the two of you understand. that only the two of you understand. Because sometimes the smallest details Because sometimes the smallest details Because sometimes the smallest details carry the deepest meaning. carry the deepest meaning. carry the deepest meaning. Because the best Mother's Day gift Because the best Mother's Day gift Because the best Mother's Day gift doesn't just say, "I love you." It says, doesn't just say, "I love you." It says, doesn't just say, "I love you." It says, "I see you." Find the perfect Mother's "I see you." Find the perfect Mother's "I see you." Find the perfect Mother's Day gift at your local Pandora store or Day gift at your local Pandora store or Day gift at your local Pandora store or online at pandora.net. Book number five, online at pandora.net. Book number five, online at pandora.net. Book number five, Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman. The lesson, you have two Kahneman. The lesson, you have two Kahneman. The lesson, you have two brains and they're lying to each other. brains and they're lying to each other. brains and they're lying to each other. And the one you trust most is the one And the one you trust most is the one And the one you trust most is the one that's wrong most often. This book that's wrong most often. This book that's wrong most often. This book showed me that the machine I was using showed me that the machine I was using showed me that the machine I was using to navigate the world, my own brain, is to navigate the world, my own brain, is to navigate the world, my own brain, is far less reliable than I believed. far less reliable than I believed. far less reliable than I believed. Kahneman, who won the Nobel Prize in Kahneman, who won the Nobel Prize in Kahneman, who won the Nobel Prize in economics despite being a psychologist, economics despite being a psychologist, economics despite being a psychologist, which should tell you something about which should tell you something about which should tell you something about the importance of his work, spent the importance of his work, spent the importance of his work, spent decades with his research partner, Amos decades with his research partner, Amos decades with his research partner, Amos Tversky, mapping the systematic errors Tversky, mapping the systematic errors Tversky, mapping the systematic errors in human judgment. Not random errors, in human judgment. Not random errors, in human judgment. Not random errors, systematic ones, predictable ones, systematic ones, predictable ones, systematic ones, predictable ones, errors that repeat across every culture, errors that repeat across every culture, errors that repeat across every culture, every education level, every IQ bracket. every education level, every IQ bracket. every education level, every IQ bracket. His framework is deceptively simple. You His framework is deceptively simple. You His framework is deceptively simple. You have two cognitive systems. System one have two cognitive systems. System one have two cognitive systems. System one is fast, automatic, intuitive, and is fast, automatic, intuitive, and is fast, automatic, intuitive, and effortless. It's the system that reads effortless. It's the system that reads effortless. It's the system that reads facial expressions, finishes sentences, facial expressions, finishes sentences, facial expressions, finishes sentences, and makes snap judgments in and makes snap judgments in and makes snap judgments in milliseconds. System two is slow, milliseconds. System two is slow, milliseconds. System two is slow, deliberate, analytical, and effortful. deliberate, analytical, and effortful. deliberate, analytical, and effortful. It's the system that does math, It's the system that does math, It's the system that does math, evaluates evidence, and makes complex evaluates evidence, and makes complex evaluates evidence, and makes complex decisions. Here's the problem. System decisions. Here's the problem. System decisions. Here's the problem. System one runs the show approximately 95% of one runs the show approximately 95% of one runs the show approximately 95% of the time. And system one, for all its the time. And system one, for all its the time. And system one, for all its speed and efficiency, is riddled with speed and efficiency, is riddled with speed and efficiency, is riddled with biases. It uses mental shortcuts, biases. It uses mental shortcuts, biases. It uses mental shortcuts, heuristics, that are often useful but heuristics, that are often useful but heuristics, that are often useful but frequently catastrophically wrong. It frequently catastrophically wrong. It frequently catastrophically wrong. It anchors to irrelevant numbers, it anchors to irrelevant numbers, it anchors to irrelevant numbers, it confuses how easily it can recall confuses how easily it can recall confuses how easily it can recall something with how likely that thing is. something with how likely that thing is. something with how likely that thing is. It substitutes easy questions for hard It substitutes easy questions for hard It substitutes easy questions for hard ones without telling you it made the ones without telling you it made the ones without telling you it made the swap. But the real devastation is this. swap. But the real devastation is this. swap. But the real devastation is this. System one doesn't just make errors, it System one doesn't just make errors, it System one doesn't just make errors, it makes errors and then delivers the makes errors and then delivers the makes errors and then delivers the answer to system two with absolute answer to system two with absolute answer to system two with absolute confidence. confidence. confidence. You don't feel the bias operating, you You don't feel the bias operating, you You don't feel the bias operating, you feel the certainty. The intuition feel the certainty. The intuition feel the certainty. The intuition arrives and it feels right. It feels arrives and it feels right. It feels arrives and it feels right. It feels like truth. And system two, which is like truth. And system two, which is like truth. And system two, which is supposed to be the fact-checker, is supposed to be the fact-checker, is supposed to be the fact-checker, is lazy. It mostly rubber-stamps whatever lazy. It mostly rubber-stamps whatever lazy. It mostly rubber-stamps whatever system one delivers because engaging system one delivers because engaging system one delivers because engaging system two is metabolically expensive. system two is metabolically expensive. system two is metabolically expensive. Your brain would rather be wrong Your brain would rather be wrong Your brain would rather be wrong effortlessly than right effort fully. effortlessly than right effort fully. effortlessly than right effort fully. The single idea that changed my life, The single idea that changed my life, The single idea that changed my life, the feeling of certainty is not evidence the feeling of certainty is not evidence the feeling of certainty is not evidence of accuracy. of accuracy. of accuracy. The strength of your intuition about The strength of your intuition about The strength of your intuition about something, how right it feels, how something, how right it feels, how something, how right it feels, how obvious it seems, how confident you are, obvious it seems, how confident you are, obvious it seems, how confident you are, has almost no correlation with whether has almost no correlation with whether has almost no correlation with whether you're actually correct. Kahneman proved you're actually correct. Kahneman proved you're actually correct. Kahneman proved this across hundreds of studies. this across hundreds of studies. this across hundreds of studies. Confidence is not a signal of truth. It Confidence is not a signal of truth. It Confidence is not a signal of truth. It is a signal of cognitive fluency. It is a signal of cognitive fluency. It is a signal of cognitive fluency. It means the thought was easy to produce, means the thought was easy to produce, means the thought was easy to produce, that's it. After this book, I started that's it. After this book, I started that's it. After this book, I started treating my strongest intuitions with treating my strongest intuitions with treating my strongest intuitions with the most suspicion, not the least. the most suspicion, not the least. the most suspicion, not the least. Because the moments when I feel most Because the moments when I feel most Because the moments when I feel most certain are precisely the moments when certain are precisely the moments when certain are precisely the moments when system one is most likely to have system one is most likely to have system one is most likely to have hijacked the process. hijacked the process. hijacked the process. And the question I now ask myself before And the question I now ask myself before And the question I now ask myself before every important decision, "Am I sure every important decision, "Am I sure every important decision, "Am I sure about this because I've thought it about this because I've thought it about this because I've thought it through? through? through? Or am I sure about this because it feels Or am I sure about this because it feels Or am I sure about this because it feels easy?" has saved me from more bad calls easy?" has saved me from more bad calls easy?" has saved me from more bad calls than any other mental tool I own. than any other mental tool I own. than any other mental tool I own. Book number six is called Flow by Mihaly Book number six is called Flow by Mihaly Book number six is called Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Csikszentmihalyi. Csikszentmihalyi. Here is the lesson. Here is the lesson. Here is the lesson. Happiness is not a destination or an Happiness is not a destination or an Happiness is not a destination or an emotion, it's a state of absorption that emotion, it's a state of absorption that emotion, it's a state of absorption that you can engineer. you can engineer. you can engineer. This is the book that solved the This is the book that solved the This is the book that solved the happiness question for me. Not by happiness question for me. Not by happiness question for me. Not by answering it, by making me realize I'd answering it, by making me realize I'd answering it, by making me realize I'd been asking the wrong question entirely. been asking the wrong question entirely. been asking the wrong question entirely. Most people spend their 20s chasing Most people spend their 20s chasing Most people spend their 20s chasing happiness as if it were a place they happiness as if it were a place they happiness as if it were a place they could arrive at. If they got the right could arrive at. If they got the right could arrive at. If they got the right job, the right relationship, the right job, the right relationship, the right job, the right relationship, the right body, the right bank balance, they'd body, the right bank balance, they'd body, the right bank balance, they'd arrive. They'd feel it. arrive. They'd feel it. arrive. They'd feel it. The pursuit would be over. Flow takes it The pursuit would be over. Flow takes it The pursuit would be over. Flow takes it differently. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a differently. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a differently. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a psychologist whose name I practiced psychologist whose name I practiced psychologist whose name I practiced pronouncing for longer than I'd like to pronouncing for longer than I'd like to pronouncing for longer than I'd like to admit, studied happiness for decades. admit, studied happiness for decades. admit, studied happiness for decades. Not by asking people if they were happy, Not by asking people if they were happy, Not by asking people if they were happy, by interrupting people throughout their by interrupting people throughout their by interrupting people throughout their day and asking what they were doing and day and asking what they were doing and day and asking what they were doing and how they felt in that moment. Thousands how they felt in that moment. Thousands how they felt in that moment. Thousands of people, hundreds of thousands of data of people, hundreds of thousands of data of people, hundreds of thousands of data points across cultures, demographics, points across cultures, demographics, points across cultures, demographics, and income levels. What he found and income levels. What he found and income levels. What he found destroyed the conventional model. destroyed the conventional model. destroyed the conventional model. The moments when people reported the The moments when people reported the The moments when people reported the highest levels of fulfillment, joy, and highest levels of fulfillment, joy, and highest levels of fulfillment, joy, and aliveness were not moments of aliveness were not moments of aliveness were not moments of relaxation, leisure, or reward. relaxation, leisure, or reward. relaxation, leisure, or reward. They were moments of deep absorption in They were moments of deep absorption in They were moments of deep absorption in a challenging task. Moments where their a challenging task. Moments where their a challenging task. Moments where their skill level was perfectly matched to the skill level was perfectly matched to the skill level was perfectly matched to the difficulty of what they were doing. Not difficulty of what they were doing. Not difficulty of what they were doing. Not too easy, not too hard, but right at the too easy, not too hard, but right at the too easy, not too hard, but right at the edge of their ability. Let me explain edge of their ability. Let me explain edge of their ability. Let me explain this. If you're doing something where this. If you're doing something where this. If you're doing something where your skills are above the challenge, your skills are above the challenge, your skills are above the challenge, you'll feel bored. you'll feel bored. you'll feel bored. If you do something where your challenge If you do something where your challenge If you do something where your challenge is above your skills, you'll feel lost is above your skills, you'll feel lost is above your skills, you'll feel lost and confused. and confused. and confused. But if you have your challenge and your But if you have your challenge and your But if you have your challenge and your skills match, you will experience flow. skills match, you will experience flow. skills match, you will experience flow. So, in any given situation, you either So, in any given situation, you either So, in any given situation, you either have to increase your skills or increase have to increase your skills or increase have to increase your skills or increase your challenge. Mihaly called this flow your challenge. Mihaly called this flow your challenge. Mihaly called this flow state. The people who experienced the state. The people who experienced the state. The people who experienced the most flow, and therefore the most most flow, and therefore the most most flow, and therefore the most moment-to-moment happiness, were not the moment-to-moment happiness, were not the moment-to-moment happiness, were not the wealthiest, not the most successful, or wealthiest, not the most successful, or wealthiest, not the most successful, or the most celebrated. They were the ones the most celebrated. They were the ones the most celebrated. They were the ones who had structured their lives around who had structured their lives around who had structured their lives around activities that demanded their full activities that demanded their full activities that demanded their full attention and pushed the edge of their attention and pushed the edge of their attention and pushed the edge of their capability. This means happiness is not capability. This means happiness is not capability. This means happiness is not something you achieve after the work is something you achieve after the work is something you achieve after the work is done. It's something you experience done. It's something you experience done. It's something you experience during the work if the work is the right during the work if the work is the right during the work if the work is the right challenge and the right skill. Book challenge and the right skill. Book challenge and the right skill. Book number seven is The Lean Startup by Eric number seven is The Lean Startup by Eric number seven is The Lean Startup by Eric Ries. Here is the lesson. You don't fail Ries. Here is the lesson. You don't fail Ries. Here is the lesson. You don't fail because you built the wrong thing. You because you built the wrong thing. You because you built the wrong thing. You fail because you built the perfect fail because you built the perfect fail because you built the perfect version of something nobody asked for. version of something nobody asked for. version of something nobody asked for. This is the book that cured me of the This is the book that cured me of the This is the book that cured me of the most dangerous mindset you can develop most dangerous mindset you can develop most dangerous mindset you can develop in your 20s. Perfectionism disguised as in your 20s. Perfectionism disguised as in your 20s. Perfectionism disguised as preparation. Here's what I used to do. preparation. Here's what I used to do. preparation. Here's what I used to do. I'd have an idea for a project, a I'd have an idea for a project, a I'd have an idea for a project, a business, a piece of content, a life business, a piece of content, a life business, a piece of content, a life change, whatever, and for weeks, change, whatever, and for weeks, change, whatever, and for weeks, sometimes months, I'd be perfecting, sometimes months, I'd be perfecting, sometimes months, I'd be perfecting, refining, trying to figure it out, refining, trying to figure it out, refining, trying to figure it out, making sure it was exactly right before making sure it was exactly right before making sure it was exactly right before I showed it to anyone. And then when I I showed it to anyone. And then when I I showed it to anyone. And then when I finally revealed this polished, finally revealed this polished, finally revealed this polished, meticulously crafted thing to the world, meticulously crafted thing to the world, meticulously crafted thing to the world, the world would shrug. Not because the the world would shrug. Not because the the world would shrug. Not because the execution was bad, but because the execution was bad, but because the execution was bad, but because the premise was wrong. I'd spent months premise was wrong. I'd spent months premise was wrong. I'd spent months building a beautiful answer to a building a beautiful answer to a building a beautiful answer to a question nobody was asking. Eric Ries question nobody was asking. Eric Ries question nobody was asking. Eric Ries calls this the fundamental startup calls this the fundamental startup calls this the fundamental startup fallacy, and it applies to far more than fallacy, and it applies to far more than fallacy, and it applies to far more than startups. It applies to careers, startups. It applies to careers, startups. It applies to careers, creative work, to relationships, to creative work, to relationships, to creative work, to relationships, to every domain where you're building every domain where you're building every domain where you're building something you hope other people will something you hope other people will something you hope other people will value. The fallacy is this: You assume value. The fallacy is this: You assume value. The fallacy is this: You assume you know what people want. You build the you know what people want. You build the you know what people want. You build the complete version in isolation, and you complete version in isolation, and you complete version in isolation, and you treat the launch as a single high-stakes treat the launch as a single high-stakes treat the launch as a single high-stakes parcel fail moment. That model fails at parcel fail moment. That model fails at parcel fail moment. That model fails at a staggering rate, not because of bad a staggering rate, not because of bad a staggering rate, not because of bad execution, but because of untested execution, but because of untested execution, but because of untested assumptions. Ries's solution is the assumptions. Ries's solution is the assumptions. Ries's solution is the minimum viable product, the MVP. And the minimum viable product, the MVP. And the minimum viable product, the MVP. And the MVP is not, as most people think, a MVP is not, as most people think, a MVP is not, as most people think, a worse version of your idea. It's the worse version of your idea. It's the worse version of your idea. It's the smallest possible version that lets you smallest possible version that lets you smallest possible version that lets you test whether your core assumption is test whether your core assumption is test whether your core assumption is correct before you invest months or correct before you invest months or correct before you invest months or years building on top of it. It's not years building on top of it. It's not years building on top of it. It's not about lowering your standards. It's about lowering your standards. It's about lowering your standards. It's about learning before you build, rather about learning before you build, rather about learning before you build, rather than building and hoping you learn. than building and hoping you learn. than building and hoping you learn. Here's the idea that rewired me. The Here's the idea that rewired me. The Here's the idea that rewired me. The fastest path to something great is not fastest path to something great is not fastest path to something great is not perfecting. It's exposing your imperfect perfecting. It's exposing your imperfect perfecting. It's exposing your imperfect thing to reality as early as possible, thing to reality as early as possible, thing to reality as early as possible, listening to what reality says back, and listening to what reality says back, and listening to what reality says back, and iterating. Ship it ugly. Ship it iterating. Ship it ugly. Ship it iterating. Ship it ugly. Ship it incomplete. Ship it scared, because a incomplete. Ship it scared, because a incomplete. Ship it scared, because a mediocre thing that has been tested mediocre thing that has been tested mediocre thing that has been tested against the real world will evolve into against the real world will evolve into against the real world will evolve into something greater faster than a perfect something greater faster than a perfect something greater faster than a perfect thing that has only been tested against thing that has only been tested against thing that has only been tested against your own assumptions. This applies to your own assumptions. This applies to your own assumptions. This applies to everything. Businesses, for sure, but everything. Businesses, for sure, but everything. Businesses, for sure, but not just products. not just products. not just products. That conversation you've been rehearsing That conversation you've been rehearsing That conversation you've been rehearsing in your head for weeks? in your head for weeks? in your head for weeks? Have the messy version now. That career Have the messy version now. That career Have the messy version now. That career change you've been planning in a change you've been planning in a change you've been planning in a spreadsheet for 6 months? Run a small spreadsheet for 6 months? Run a small spreadsheet for 6 months? Run a small experiment this week. That creative experiment this week. That creative experiment this week. That creative project you keep perfecting in private? project you keep perfecting in private? project you keep perfecting in private? Publish the rough draft, the video, the Publish the rough draft, the video, the Publish the rough draft, the video, the podcast, whatever it may be. Let reality podcast, whatever it may be. Let reality podcast, whatever it may be. Let reality be your editor. It's better at the job be your editor. It's better at the job be your editor. It's better at the job than you are. Book number eight is The than you are. Book number eight is The than you are. Book number eight is The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt. You Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt. You Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt. You can tell I've read this one a few times. can tell I've read this one a few times. can tell I've read this one a few times. I've lost the cover. Here's the lesson. I've lost the cover. Here's the lesson. I've lost the cover. Here's the lesson. You don't use reason to form your You don't use reason to form your You don't use reason to form your beliefs. You use your beliefs to select beliefs. You use your beliefs to select beliefs. You use your beliefs to select your reasons, and everyone you disagree your reasons, and everyone you disagree your reasons, and everyone you disagree with is doing the same thing. This is with is doing the same thing. This is with is doing the same thing. This is the book that changed how I debate and the book that changed how I debate and the book that changed how I debate and discuss things, how I listen, and how I discuss things, how I listen, and how I discuss things, how I listen, and how I think about every person I've ever think about every person I've ever think about every person I've ever dismissed as wrong. Jonathan Haidt is a dismissed as wrong. Jonathan Haidt is a dismissed as wrong. Jonathan Haidt is a social psychologist at NYU, and his social psychologist at NYU, and his social psychologist at NYU, and his central argument is one of the most central argument is one of the most central argument is one of the most humbling findings in modern psychology. humbling findings in modern psychology. humbling findings in modern psychology. Moral reasoning is not what you think it Moral reasoning is not what you think it Moral reasoning is not what you think it is. You think you arrive at your moral is. You think you arrive at your moral is. You think you arrive at your moral and political beliefs through careful and political beliefs through careful and political beliefs through careful thought, evidence evaluation, and thought, evidence evaluation, and thought, evidence evaluation, and logical analysis. You don't. You arrive logical analysis. You don't. You arrive logical analysis. You don't. You arrive at them through intuition, a fast, at them through intuition, a fast, at them through intuition, a fast, automatic emotional response, and then automatic emotional response, and then automatic emotional response, and then you construct rational-sounding you construct rational-sounding you construct rational-sounding arguments after the fact to justify what arguments after the fact to justify what arguments after the fact to justify what you already feel. Haidt's metaphor is you already feel. Haidt's metaphor is you already feel. Haidt's metaphor is devastating. Reason is not the driver, devastating. Reason is not the driver, devastating. Reason is not the driver, it's the press secretary. The driver is it's the press secretary. The driver is it's the press secretary. The driver is intuition. The press secretary's job is intuition. The press secretary's job is intuition. The press secretary's job is not to seek truth. It's to defend the not to seek truth. It's to defend the not to seek truth. It's to defend the position the driver already took. And position the driver already took. And position the driver already took. And the press secretary is brilliant at its the press secretary is brilliant at its the press secretary is brilliant at its job. It can find evidence for anything. job. It can find evidence for anything. job. It can find evidence for anything. It can construct a compelling case for It can construct a compelling case for It can construct a compelling case for any position, not because the position any position, not because the position any position, not because the position is correct, because that's what press is correct, because that's what press is correct, because that's what press secretaries do. This means that when secretaries do. This means that when secretaries do. This means that when you're in an argument with someone about you're in an argument with someone about you're in an argument with someone about values, about any charged topic, you're values, about any charged topic, you're values, about any charged topic, you're not watching two rational minds clash. not watching two rational minds clash. not watching two rational minds clash. You're watching two press secretaries You're watching two press secretaries You're watching two press secretaries perform. Neither one is seeking truth. perform. Neither one is seeking truth. perform. Neither one is seeking truth. Both are defending the intuition that Both are defending the intuition that Both are defending the intuition that was already there before the first word was already there before the first word was already there before the first word was spoken. was spoken. was spoken. But here's the part that should change But here's the part that should change But here's the part that should change how you engage with everyone you how you engage with everyone you how you engage with everyone you disagree with. disagree with. disagree with. Haidt identifies six moral foundations: Haidt identifies six moral foundations: Haidt identifies six moral foundations: care, fairness, liberty, loyalty, care, fairness, liberty, loyalty, care, fairness, liberty, loyalty, authority, and sanctity. That function authority, and sanctity. That function authority, and sanctity. That function like taste buds for moral judgment. like taste buds for moral judgment. like taste buds for moral judgment. Different people in different cultures Different people in different cultures Different people in different cultures weight these foundations differently. weight these foundations differently. weight these foundations differently. Liberals tend to weight care and Liberals tend to weight care and Liberals tend to weight care and fairness heavily, and discount loyalty, fairness heavily, and discount loyalty, fairness heavily, and discount loyalty, authority, and sanctity. Conservatives authority, and sanctity. Conservatives authority, and sanctity. Conservatives tend to weight all six more equally. tend to weight all six more equally. tend to weight all six more equally. Neither configuration is wrong. They're Neither configuration is wrong. They're Neither configuration is wrong. They're different moral palettes. And the person different moral palettes. And the person different moral palettes. And the person you think is insane, the person whose you think is insane, the person whose you think is insane, the person whose views make no sense to you, whose views make no sense to you, whose views make no sense to you, whose positions seem cruel or naive or positions seem cruel or naive or positions seem cruel or naive or backwards, is not operating without backwards, is not operating without backwards, is not operating without morality. They're operating on a morality. They're operating on a morality. They're operating on a different combination of the same moral different combination of the same moral different combination of the same moral ingredients you use. They're tasting the ingredients you use. They're tasting the ingredients you use. They're tasting the same meal with a different tongue. After same meal with a different tongue. After same meal with a different tongue. After this book, I stopped trying to win this book, I stopped trying to win this book, I stopped trying to win arguments, because winning an argument arguments, because winning an argument arguments, because winning an argument means convincing someone's press means convincing someone's press means convincing someone's press secretary, which changes nothing. secretary, which changes nothing. secretary, which changes nothing. Instead, I started trying to understand Instead, I started trying to understand Instead, I started trying to understand which moral foundations the other person which moral foundations the other person which moral foundations the other person was weighing most heavily. What are they was weighing most heavily. What are they was weighing most heavily. What are they actually protecting? What value are they actually protecting? What value are they actually protecting? What value are they afraid of losing? What do they care afraid of losing? What do they care afraid of losing? What do they care about that I'm not seeing? The moment about that I'm not seeing? The moment about that I'm not seeing? The moment you understand someone's moral you understand someone's moral you understand someone's moral foundation, even if you disagree with foundation, even if you disagree with foundation, even if you disagree with their conclusion, something shifts. They their conclusion, something shifts. They their conclusion, something shifts. They stop seeming like an idiot to you. They stop seeming like an idiot to you. They stop seeming like an idiot to you. They become a person navigating the same become a person navigating the same become a person navigating the same complex world with a different moral complex world with a different moral complex world with a different moral instrument panel. And that shift from instrument panel. And that shift from instrument panel. And that shift from dismissal to understanding is not dismissal to understanding is not dismissal to understanding is not weakness. It's the beginning of actual weakness. It's the beginning of actual weakness. It's the beginning of actual wisdom. Book number nine is the Bhagavad wisdom. Book number nine is the Bhagavad wisdom. Book number nine is the Bhagavad Gita. Here's the lesson. You have the Gita. Here's the lesson. You have the Gita. Here's the lesson. You have the right to the work, but never to the right to the work, but never to the right to the work, but never to the fruit of the work. And this single idea fruit of the work. And this single idea fruit of the work. And this single idea makes every other book on this list make makes every other book on this list make makes every other book on this list make sense. I told you at the beginning to sense. I told you at the beginning to sense. I told you at the beginning to stay for this one. It's a conversation stay for this one. It's a conversation stay for this one. It's a conversation between a warrior named Arjun and his between a warrior named Arjun and his between a warrior named Arjun and his charioteer Krishna, who also happens to charioteer Krishna, who also happens to charioteer Krishna, who also happens to be God. Arjun is standing on a be God. Arjun is standing on a be God. Arjun is standing on a battlefield about to enter a war, and battlefield about to enter a war, and battlefield about to enter a war, and he's paralyzed. Not by fear, but by he's paralyzed. Not by fear, but by he's paralyzed. Not by fear, but by overthinking. He's calculating outcomes, overthinking. He's calculating outcomes, overthinking. He's calculating outcomes, weighing consequences, trapped in the weighing consequences, trapped in the weighing consequences, trapped in the infinite loop of what if I'm wrong? infinite loop of what if I'm wrong? infinite loop of what if I'm wrong? Sound familiar? Krishna's instruction to Sound familiar? Krishna's instruction to Sound familiar? Krishna's instruction to Arjun, the central teaching of the Arjun, the central teaching of the Arjun, the central teaching of the entire text, is contained in one verse, entire text, is contained in one verse, entire text, is contained in one verse, chapter 2, verse 47. And it is, without chapter 2, verse 47. And it is, without chapter 2, verse 47. And it is, without exaggeration, the single most powerful exaggeration, the single most powerful exaggeration, the single most powerful operating instruction I've ever operating instruction I've ever operating instruction I've ever encountered. encountered. encountered. You have the right to your work, but You have the right to your work, but You have the right to your work, but never to the fruit of the work. Let not never to the fruit of the work. Let not never to the fruit of the work. Let not the fruit of action be your motive, nor the fruit of action be your motive, nor the fruit of action be your motive, nor let your attachment be to inaction. Now, let your attachment be to inaction. Now, let your attachment be to inaction. Now, think about that again slowly, and let think about that again slowly, and let think about that again slowly, and let me explain it. You have the right to the me explain it. You have the right to the me explain it. You have the right to the work. You control the work. You control work. You control the work. You control work. You control the work. You control the process. You don't control the the process. You don't control the the process. You don't control the result. The work is where all your focus result. The work is where all your focus result. The work is where all your focus should be, because the result is should be, because the result is should be, because the result is something you don't have full control something you don't have full control something you don't have full control over. Here's what this looks like in over. Here's what this looks like in over. Here's what this looks like in practice. It doesn't mean you don't care practice. It doesn't mean you don't care practice. It doesn't mean you don't care about results. It doesn't mean you don't about results. It doesn't mean you don't about results. It doesn't mean you don't have goals. It means you do the work have goals. It means you do the work have goals. It means you do the work with everything you have, full effort, with everything you have, full effort, with everything you have, full effort, full presence, full integrity, full presence, full integrity, full presence, full integrity, and then you open your hands. Whatever and then you open your hands. Whatever and then you open your hands. Whatever comes back, comes back. If the result is comes back, comes back. If the result is comes back, comes back. If the result is what you hoped for, good. If it isn't, what you hoped for, good. If it isn't, what you hoped for, good. If it isn't, also good, because your self-worth was also good, because your self-worth was also good, because your self-worth was never attached to it. Your identity was never attached to it. Your identity was never attached to it. Your identity was never riding on it. You did the work. never riding on it. You did the work. never riding on it. You did the work. That's the only thing that was ever That's the only thing that was ever That's the only thing that was ever yours. Most of us can't do this. Most of yours. Most of us can't do this. Most of yours. Most of us can't do this. Most of us need the result to validate the us need the result to validate the us need the result to validate the effort. I worked so hard, so I deserve effort. I worked so hard, so I deserve effort. I worked so hard, so I deserve the outcome. But when we work that way, the outcome. But when we work that way, the outcome. But when we work that way, we often get depleted if we don't get we often get depleted if we don't get we often get depleted if we don't get the outcome. the outcome. the outcome. The Gita doesn't say stop wanting. The Gita doesn't say stop wanting. The Gita doesn't say stop wanting. It says stop needing the result to be It says stop needing the result to be It says stop needing the result to be the way you want it to be. Work toward the way you want it to be. Work toward the way you want it to be. Work toward it, but don't need it to be the way you it, but don't need it to be the way you it, but don't need it to be the way you want it to be. want it to be. want it to be. Because the moment you need it to be a Because the moment you need it to be a Because the moment you need it to be a certain way, you've handed your peace to certain way, you've handed your peace to certain way, you've handed your peace to a variable you don't control. a variable you don't control. a variable you don't control. Book number 10 is Breath by James Book number 10 is Breath by James Book number 10 is Breath by James Nestor. Here's the lesson. The most Nestor. Here's the lesson. The most Nestor. Here's the lesson. The most powerful tool you have for changing your powerful tool you have for changing your powerful tool you have for changing your mental state is not in your mind. It's mental state is not in your mind. It's mental state is not in your mind. It's the thing you've been doing wrong 40,000 the thing you've been doing wrong 40,000 the thing you've been doing wrong 40,000 times a day. I'm ending with this book, times a day. I'm ending with this book, times a day. I'm ending with this book, because after nine books about the mind, because after nine books about the mind, because after nine books about the mind, how it thinks, how it decides, how it how it thinks, how it decides, how it how it thinks, how it decides, how it deceives, how it suffers, this book deceives, how it suffers, this book deceives, how it suffers, this book lands you back in the body. And that's lands you back in the body. And that's lands you back in the body. And that's exactly where you need to end up. James exactly where you need to end up. James exactly where you need to end up. James Nestor is a journalist who spent years Nestor is a journalist who spent years Nestor is a journalist who spent years investigating something so basic, so investigating something so basic, so investigating something so basic, so overlooked, so absurdly fundamental, overlooked, so absurdly fundamental, overlooked, so absurdly fundamental, that the fact we ignore it should that the fact we ignore it should that the fact we ignore it should embarrass us. Breathing. The thing you embarrass us. Breathing. The thing you embarrass us. Breathing. The thing you do approximately 20,000 times a day. The do approximately 20,000 times a day. The do approximately 20,000 times a day. The thing you've never been taught to do thing you've never been taught to do thing you've never been taught to do correctly. The thing that is, according correctly. The thing that is, according correctly. The thing that is, according to the research Nestor compiles, the to the research Nestor compiles, the to the research Nestor compiles, the single most direct lever you have for single most direct lever you have for single most direct lever you have for altering your nervous system, your altering your nervous system, your altering your nervous system, your cognitive function, your stress cognitive function, your stress cognitive function, your stress response, your sleep, and your emotional response, your sleep, and your emotional response, your sleep, and your emotional state. Here's the finding from the book state. Here's the finding from the book state. Here's the finding from the book that I think about every single day. that I think about every single day. that I think about every single day. Nestor participated in a study at Nestor participated in a study at Nestor participated in a study at Stanford, where participants had their Stanford, where participants had their Stanford, where participants had their noses completely blocked for 10 days, noses completely blocked for 10 days, noses completely blocked for 10 days, forcing them to breathe exclusively forcing them to breathe exclusively forcing them to breathe exclusively through their mouths. Within days, not through their mouths. Within days, not through their mouths. Within days, not weeks, their blood pressure increased, weeks, their blood pressure increased, weeks, their blood pressure increased, their heart rate variably tanked, their their heart rate variably tanked, their their heart rate variably tanked, their stress hormones spiked, their sleep stress hormones spiked, their sleep stress hormones spiked, their sleep quality collapsed, their cognitive quality collapsed, their cognitive quality collapsed, their cognitive performance measurably declined. They performance measurably declined. They performance measurably declined. They experienced anxiety, brain fog, and experienced anxiety, brain fog, and experienced anxiety, brain fog, and exhaustion from changing nothing in exhaustion from changing nothing in exhaustion from changing nothing in their lives except the pathway through their lives except the pathway through their lives except the pathway through which air entered their body. which air entered their body. which air entered their body. Then they switched back to nasal Then they switched back to nasal Then they switched back to nasal breathing, and every single metric breathing, and every single metric breathing, and every single metric reversed. This should stop you in your reversed. This should stop you in your reversed. This should stop you in your tracks. Nasal breathing versus mouth tracks. Nasal breathing versus mouth tracks. Nasal breathing versus mouth breathing. That was the variable, and it breathing. That was the variable, and it breathing. That was the variable, and it shifted everything. [clears throat] shifted everything. [clears throat] shifted everything. [clears throat] The science is extensive. Nasal The science is extensive. Nasal The science is extensive. Nasal breathing filters and humidifies air, breathing filters and humidifies air, breathing filters and humidifies air, increases nitric oxide production, which increases nitric oxide production, which increases nitric oxide production, which dilates blood vessels and improves dilates blood vessels and improves dilates blood vessels and improves oxygen absorption, activates the oxygen absorption, activates the oxygen absorption, activates the parasympathetic nervous system, and parasympathetic nervous system, and parasympathetic nervous system, and engages the diaphragm in a way that engages the diaphragm in a way that engages the diaphragm in a way that mouth breathing does not. The body is mouth breathing does not. The body is mouth breathing does not. The body is the foundation and the single fastest the foundation and the single fastest the foundation and the single fastest way to change the state of your body is way to change the state of your body is way to change the state of your body is the thing you're doing right now as you the thing you're doing right now as you the thing you're doing right now as you watch this without thinking about it. watch this without thinking about it. watch this without thinking about it. The breath. Slow it down. Breathe The breath. Slow it down. Breathe The breath. Slow it down. Breathe through your nose. through your nose. through your nose. Extend the exhale. Extend the exhale. Extend the exhale. 5 seconds in, 5 seconds in, 5 seconds in, 7 seconds out. 7 seconds out. 7 seconds out. The way you breathe while you work, The way you breathe while you work, The way you breathe while you work, while you drive, while you speak, while while you drive, while you speak, while while you drive, while you speak, while you work out will change your life. you work out will change your life. you work out will change your life. I'm so glad you watched this video. I I'm so glad you watched this video. I I'm so glad you watched this video. I hope that you take a moment to dive into hope that you take a moment to dive into hope that you take a moment to dive into one of these books this month. Let me one of these books this month. Let me one of these books this month. Let me know in the comments which one you're know in the comments which one you're know in the comments which one you're excited to read. I can't wait to see excited to read. I can't wait to see excited to read. I can't wait to see what you learn. Thank you for being what you learn. Thank you for being what you learn. Thank you for being here. Remember, I'm forever in your here. Remember, I'm forever in your here. Remember, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you. corner and I'm always rooting for you. corner and I'm always rooting for you. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy If you love this episode, you'll enjoy If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how to change your life by changing your to change your life by changing your to change your life by changing your brain. They don't do things until brain. They don't do things until brain. They don't do things until someone's mad at them to get it done. someone's mad at them to get it done. someone's mad at them to get it done. They need stress in order to get stuff They need stress in order to get stuff They need stress in order to get stuff done. And that just makes everybody done. And that just makes everybody done. And that just makes everybody around them stressed.