How To Handle Your Inner Critic | Amita Schmidt
Depression and suffering aren't solid, monolithic entities—they're collections of shifting components like low energy and negative thinking. When meditation teacher Amita Schmidt stopped fighting her 20-year struggle with depression and instead saw it as 'empty' of inherent substance, it unhhooked l
1h 6mKey Takeaway
Depression and suffering aren't solid, monolithic entities—they're collections of shifting components like low energy and negative thinking. When meditation teacher Amita Schmidt stopped fighting her 20-year struggle with depression and instead saw it as 'empty' of inherent substance, it unhhooked like a caboose from a train and never returned. The key insight: bringing wise, compassionate awareness to our inner critics and painful parts, rather than battling them, creates the safety needed for genuine healing and transformation.
Episode Overview
Amita Schmidt, a therapist and meditation teacher, discusses integrating psychology (specifically Internal Family Systems therapy) with spiritual practice to heal deep suffering. Drawing from her personal 20-year journey healing chronic depression through both therapy and meditation, she explains the 'tend, befriend, transcend' framework. The conversation explores how to work with our inner critic through IFS's concept of 'self-leadership,' the importance of addressing psychological pain before pursuing transcendence, and ultimately seeing through the illusion of a fixed, separate self.
Key Insights
Parts Are Not Their Jobs
Your inner critic isn't fundamentally mean—it has a job to criticize you, often to protect you from being caught unaware or making mistakes. Many parts are actually the opposite of their function: a harsh critic may be a kind, caring part underneath. Understanding this allows you to approach difficult parts with curiosity rather than combat.
Social Media Amplifies the Comparing Mind
Internet culture and social media have created a new wave of depression and self-hatred in therapy clients. The 'fake news' of curated social feeds triggers intense comparison, dramatically amplifying inner critics in ways pre-internet generations didn't experience.
Surrender Precedes Breakthrough
After 20 years of fighting depression, Schmidt's breakthrough came when she accepted 'if I have to live with this the rest of my life, it's okay.' Two months after this surrender, she had an insight that depression was 'empty'—not a solid thing but shifting components—and it unhhooked permanently. Fighting suffering often keeps it locked in place.
Trauma Is Part of Your Spiritual Path
Don't think healing trauma is separate from spiritual development—they're the same journey. Working with difficult emotions and pain points isn't a detour from awakening; it's essential groundwork. Trying to bypass this psychological work for transcendence creates spiritual bypass.
Access to Wise Self Varies Dramatically
Many people have shockingly little access to their wise self—some as low as 20%. Most people operate from part to part without the grounded, agenda-free presence that characterizes self-leadership. Building this capacity through meditation and parts work is foundational before attempting deeper work.
Question What Animates You
When body and mind are gone, what remains? This isn't abstract philosophy—it points to the pure awareness animating everything now. Rather than identifying 'my awareness,' recognize awareness itself: what's breathing your lungs, beating your heart, animating trees and all beings.
Notable Quotes
"I just felt like what? 20 years I've been fighting and struggling with things and there's nothing there."
"This time I just looked up at there and there wasn't depression. There was just seven stars."
"Healing is really a spectrum. It includes psychology and spirituality, although people don't really want to talk about that in psychology."
"Everything is dharma now. Whether you're working with depression or we're talking in an interview right now or I'm sipping a cup of tea, it's all dharma now. What would be outside of the dharma?"
"I think there was just this moment of surrender and acceptance and then about two months later there was just an insight where the whole thing just unhooked."
Action Items
-
1
Ask Your Inner Critic What It's Afraid Of
When your inner critic shows up, don't fight it with another part. From your wise self (characterized by curiosity, compassion, and calm), ask: 'What are you afraid would happen if you didn't criticize me?' This reveals the fear driving the criticism, allowing you to address the underlying concern rather than battling the symptom.
-
2
Access Wise Self Through Future Self Visualization
Envision yourself at 80 years old. Notice this older version is likely calm, not harsh or critical—they've been through it all. Bring this wise elder presence online to help navigate current challenges. You can also ask 'What would the Buddha do?' or 'How would a good friend respond to this?'
-
3
Make Your Mind Like the Night Sky
When working with difficult parts, intentionally expand your awareness using the Hawaiian practice of kahi: make your mind and heart 'like the night sky full of stars.' This spaciousness prevents the collapsed, narrow focus that happens when trying to problem-solve from a part rather than from wise self.
-
4
Tend and Befriend Before Transcending
Don't rush to emptiness teachings or awakening practices while carrying unaddressed pain. First bring compassion and inner generosity to the places that hurt. Ask yourself Maya Angelou's question: 'Where does it hurt?' Only after calming your system through psychological work can you safely explore transcendent principles without spiritual bypass.