How to Build Unshakable Confidence When You’re Losing Feat. Alan Stein Jr.
The 'next play' mindset is about refusing to let past failures or emotions dictate your current performance. Great performers like Kobe Bryant had 'whiteboard memories'—they'd erase the negative energy from eight missed shots before taking the ninth one, shooting it as if they'd made all eight. This
49mKey Takeaway
The 'next play' mindset is about refusing to let past failures or emotions dictate your current performance. Great performers like Kobe Bryant had 'whiteboard memories'—they'd erase the negative energy from eight missed shots before taking the ninth one, shooting it as if they'd made all eight. This principle applies everywhere: Don't let a bad sales call ruin the next one, or past setbacks derail your future. Focus on what's happening now, not what just happened.
Episode Overview
This conversation with mental performance coach Allan Stein explores the transformative power of the 'next play' mindset—both in micro moments (like recovering from a missed shot) and macro transitions (like becoming an empty nester). Drawing from his work with NBA players like Kobe Bryant and Kevin Durant, Stein reveals how elite performers separate emotions from actions, maintain whiteboard memories, and obsessively master fundamentals. The discussion covers the fragility of confidence, the intensity required for greatness, and practical strategies for upgrading your operating system in business, parenting, and life.
Key Insights
Whiteboard Memory: Erase Past Failures Instantly
Great shooters like Kobe Bryant don't allow the negative energy from missed shots to affect their next attempt. They shoot as if they'd made all previous shots. This 'whiteboard memory'—instantly erasing what just happened—prevents emotional hijacking and maintains consistent performance regardless of recent outcomes.
Don't Let Feelings Dictate Behavior
We can't control our emotions, but we can control whether we let them drive our actions. If you're only kind when you're in a good mood, you'll be the opposite half the time. Elite performers separate how they feel from their standard of performance—they execute regardless of emotional state.
Attach Identity to Process, Not Outcomes
The pitfall is attaching self-worth to outcomes you don't control. Instead, tie your identity to controllable factors: your effort, attitude, and process. In sales, you don't control whether someone buys—but you do control whether you qualified the right prospect and asked the right questions.
Confidence Comes from Three Sources
First, keeping promises to yourself (if you say you'll wake up at 6 AM and jog, doing it builds confidence; hitting snooze erodes it). Second, demonstrated performance during unseen hours (Kobe's confidence came from making shots when no one was watching). Third, your self-talk and internal narrative.
Never Get Bored with the Basics
When asked why he practiced fundamental drills, Kobe said: 'Why do you think I'm the best player in the world? I never get bored with the basics.' Mastery of fundamentals is the foundation for everything else. In every area where you seek excellence, identify the 4-5 key fundamentals and work relentlessly toward mastery.
More Isn't Always Better—Better Is Better
Kobe worked out three times daily to create separation, but it wasn't just volume—it was quality. His 60 minutes of focused work equaled 60 minutes of actual work, unlike the average person who works 3 hours out of an 8-hour day. Efficiency and effectiveness create real separation.
Upgrade Your Operating System Continuously
Like an iPhone gets incremental updates to fix bugs and improve performance, you need to continuously upgrade your operating system: your perspective, approach, belief system, and what you feed yourself (content, relationships, environment). Small tweaks compound over years into radical transformation.
Study Your Craft Like a Science and an Art
To master speaking, Stein watches talks three ways: first with no audio (studying body language), second with only audio (studying tonality and pauses), third watching the full package. He also studies hip-hop and stand-up comedy for storytelling techniques. Apply this level of study to whatever craft matters to you.
Notable Quotes
"We call it a whiteboard memory. It's as if whatever was written on the whiteboard, we just erase it immediately. They don't allow the negative energy from the first eight misses to affect the ninth shot."
"I'm not allowing my emotions or how I feel in the moment to dictate my behavior and actions. The name of the game is put the ball in the basket."
"Most people's confidence or their identity is very fragile. It's predicated on results all the time."
"We don't control our feelings. We control what we do with them. We control whether or not we listen to them, but we don't necessarily control our feelings or our thoughts."
"I want folks to be very proactive in figuring out what's their next play going to be instead of reactive when it happens."
"Because if you keep behaving in the same manner, you will keep getting what you're getting."
"Well, why do you think I'm the best player in the world? It's because I never get bored with the basics."
"Never spend extensive time with someone you don't want to become."
Action Items
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1
Practice the 'New Two' Method
In every important presentation or performance, include two minutes of brand new material you've never tried before. This forces continuous iteration and growth. Over 80 presentations a year, that's 160 minutes of tested new content.
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2
Develop Your Whiteboard Memory
When something goes wrong (missed sale, bad call, mistake), consciously practice erasing it like a whiteboard before your next attempt. Don't let past failures carry negative energy into your next play. Shoot the ninth shot as if you made the first eight.
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3
Identify Your Top 4-5 Fundamentals
For each area where you want excellence (parenting, speaking, business, fitness), identify the 4-5 key fundamentals. Then work relentlessly toward mastery of those basics. Review them daily and track your progress on these core skills.
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4
Study Excellence Outside Your Field
Don't just study people in your exact profession. Watch how stand-up comedians tell stories, how hip-hop artists manipulate emotion, how pastors engage audiences. Steal techniques from other fields and adapt them to your craft.