Harvard Professor: You've Been Using Your Brain Wrong Your Entire Life | Arthur Brooks

Your brain is designed to ask all the Your brain is designed to ask all the big why questions on the right and then big why questions on the right and then big why questions on the right and then to solve how to and what questions on to solve how to and what questions on to solve how to and what questions on the left. And the reason people are the left. And the reason people are the left. And the reason people are depressed today is because they're depressed today is because they're depressed today is because they're avoiding the big right side questions. avoiding the big right side questions. avoiding the big right side questions. The whole culture of technology and The whole culture of technology and The whole culture of technology and hustle and grind and online presence is hustle and grind and online presence is hustle and grind and online presence is all [music] about staying in the left all [music] about staying in the left all [music] about staying in the left hemisphere of the brand. That's the hemisphere of the brand. That's the hemisphere of the brand. That's the reason that people don't know the reason that people don't know the reason that people don't know the meaning of their lives. meaning of their lives. meaning of their lives. >> He's a Harvard professor, international >> He's a Harvard professor, international >> He's a Harvard professor, international keynote speaker, [music] New York Times keynote speaker, [music] New York Times keynote speaker, [music] New York Times bestselling author. He spent the past bestselling author. He spent the past bestselling author. He spent the past two decades studying and teaching the two decades studying and teaching the two decades studying and teaching the art and science of happiness to millions art and science of happiness to millions art and science of happiness to millions of people. Dr. Arthur Brooks in the of people. Dr. Arthur Brooks in the of people. Dr. Arthur Brooks in the house. house. house. >> Here's what's crazy about when you're >> Here's what's crazy about when you're >> Here's what's crazy about when you're living in the wrong side of your brain living in the wrong side of your brain living in the wrong side of your brain because you're living in the matrix. because you're living in the matrix. because you're living in the matrix. You're living in the simulation of You're living in the simulation of You're living in the simulation of ordinary life. ordinary life. ordinary life. >> Your great-grandfather never came home >> Your great-grandfather never came home >> Your great-grandfather never came home and said to great grandma, "I had a and said to great grandma, "I had a and said to great grandma, "I had a panic attack behind a mule today." panic attack behind a mule today." panic attack behind a mule today." Never. [laughter] Never. [laughter] Never. [laughter] >> It's flappable. >> It's flappable. >> It's flappable. >> How could someone start going to the >> How could someone start going to the >> How could someone start going to the right side of their brain to find more right side of their brain to find more right side of their brain to find more meaning and purpose in their life rather meaning and purpose in their life rather meaning and purpose in their life rather than stress and chaos? Yeah. than stress and chaos? Yeah. than stress and chaos? Yeah. >> So to begin with, >> So to begin with, >> So to begin with, we have two kinds of dilemmas as human we have two kinds of dilemmas as human we have two kinds of dilemmas as human beings. We have complicated dilemmas and beings. We have complicated dilemmas and beings. We have complicated dilemmas and complex dilemmas in life. Two kinds of complex dilemmas in life. Two kinds of complex dilemmas in life. Two kinds of problems. Complicated problems are the problems. Complicated problems are the problems. Complicated problems are the how to and what problems that we're how to and what problems that we're how to and what problems that we're dealing with all day long. Like how do I dealing with all day long. Like how do I dealing with all day long. Like how do I get from Orange County to Los Angeles, get from Orange County to Los Angeles, get from Orange County to Los Angeles, which I was dealing with this morning, which I was dealing with this morning, which I was dealing with this morning, right? Or how do I, you know, how do I, right? Or how do I, you know, how do I, right? Or how do I, you know, how do I, you know, think about the next 5 years you know, think about the next 5 years you know, think about the next 5 years of the school of greatness podcast, of the school of greatness podcast, of the school of greatness podcast, which we were talking about such an which we were talking about such an which we were talking about such an interesting complicated problem. how to interesting complicated problem. how to interesting complicated problem. how to and what problems. But those aren't the and what problems. But those aren't the and what problems. But those aren't the problems that you care about because problems that you care about because problems that you care about because what were we really talking about? We what were we really talking about? We what were we really talking about? We were talking about your babies were talking about your babies were talking about your babies >> and your marriage and your faith. Those >> and your marriage and your faith. Those >> and your marriage and your faith. Those are complex problems are complex problems are complex problems >> which are impossible to solve. >> which are impossible to solve. >> which are impossible to solve. >> They're easy to understand, impossible >> They're easy to understand, impossible >> They're easy to understand, impossible to solve. You only live with them. And to solve. You only live with them. And to solve. You only live with them. And the reason is, believe it or not, these the reason is, believe it or not, these the reason is, believe it or not, these two types of problems are processed in two types of problems are processed in two types of problems are processed in different hemispheres of the brain. This different hemispheres of the brain. This different hemispheres of the brain. This is a theory called hemispheric is a theory called hemispheric is a theory called hemispheric lateralization, which a fancy way of lateralization, which a fancy way of lateralization, which a fancy way of saying the right side and the and the saying the right side and the and the saying the right side and the and the left side do different things. The left left side do different things. The left left side do different things. The left side does complicated problems like how side does complicated problems like how side does complicated problems like how do I get to LA? How do I build a do I get to LA? How do I build a do I get to LA? How do I build a toaster? The right side says why do I toaster? The right side says why do I toaster? The right side says why do I love my wife? Who's God? love my wife? Who's God? love my wife? Who's God? >> What's the meaning of life? >> What's the meaning of life? >> What's the meaning of life? >> What's the meaning of life? The mystery >> What's the meaning of life? The mystery >> What's the meaning of life? The mystery and the meaning. And you'll never come and the meaning. And you'll never come and the meaning. And you'll never come to a concl. And part of the reason is to a concl. And part of the reason is to a concl. And part of the reason is because that's not how your brain is because that's not how your brain is because that's not how your brain is designed. Your brain is designed to ask designed. Your brain is designed to ask designed. Your brain is designed to ask all the big why questions on the right all the big why questions on the right all the big why questions on the right and then to solve how to and what and then to solve how to and what and then to solve how to and what questions on the left. And the reason questions on the left. And the reason questions on the left. And the reason people are depressed today is because people are depressed today is because people are depressed today is because they're avoiding the big right side they're avoiding the big right side they're avoiding the big right side questions. They're not even asking questions. They're not even asking questions. They're not even asking meaning questions because the whole meaning questions because the whole meaning questions because the whole culture of technology and hustle and culture of technology and hustle and culture of technology and hustle and grind and you know online presence is grind and you know online presence is grind and you know online presence is all about staying in the left hemisphere all about staying in the left hemisphere all about staying in the left hemisphere of your brain. That's the reason that of your brain. That's the reason that of your brain. That's the reason that people don't know the meaning of their people don't know the meaning of their people don't know the meaning of their lives. That's his whole book. How do you lives. That's his whole book. How do you lives. That's his whole book. How do you find the meaning of your life? It's go find the meaning of your life? It's go find the meaning of your life? It's go to the right side of your brain. How do to the right side of your brain. How do to the right side of your brain. How do you do that? That's the challenge. you do that? That's the challenge. you do that? That's the challenge. >> How could someone start going to the >> How could someone start going to the >> How could someone start going to the right side of their brain to find more right side of their brain to find more right side of their brain to find more meaning and purpose in their life rather meaning and purpose in their life rather meaning and purpose in their life rather than stress and chaos? than stress and chaos? than stress and chaos? >> Yeah. So, to begin with, most people >> Yeah. So, to begin with, most people >> Yeah. So, to begin with, most people don't realize that that's the problem. don't realize that that's the problem. don't realize that that's the problem. That they're using their brains in the That they're using their brains in the That they're using their brains in the wrong way. Not the way that our brains wrong way. Not the way that our brains wrong way. Not the way that our brains have not been designed. And again, have not been designed. And again, have not been designed. And again, whether you believe in God or not, our whether you believe in God or not, our whether you believe in God or not, our brains have unambiguously been designed brains have unambiguously been designed brains have unambiguously been designed with two halves for a reason. the why with two halves for a reason. the why with two halves for a reason. the why half and the what and how half and and half and the what and how half and and half and the what and how half and and and they don't realize that the our and they don't realize that the our and they don't realize that the our culture or technology our economy have culture or technology our economy have culture or technology our economy have ruled out the why half systematically ruled out the why half systematically ruled out the why half systematically over the past two decades. So I'll give over the past two decades. So I'll give over the past two decades. So I'll give you an example of this you know that I you an example of this you know that I you an example of this you know that I started seeing this when I I I I was out started seeing this when I I I I was out started seeing this when I I I I was out of teaching for a long time. I went and of teaching for a long time. I went and of teaching for a long time. I went and I ran a company for 11 years and I came I ran a company for 11 years and I came I ran a company for 11 years and I came back in 2019 and it was a different back in 2019 and it was a different back in 2019 and it was a different world. I when I left academia in 2008, world. I when I left academia in 2008, world. I when I left academia in 2008, academia was happier than the rest of academia was happier than the rest of academia was happier than the rest of the world. the world. the world. >> People were falling in love and they're >> People were falling in love and they're >> People were falling in love and they're making Remember college? making Remember college? making Remember college? >> Sure. >> Sure. >> Sure. >> Falling in love, making friends, >> Falling in love, making friends, >> Falling in love, making friends, >> exploring big ideas, >> exploring big ideas, >> exploring big ideas, >> out the world. Yeah. >> out the world. Yeah. >> out the world. Yeah. >> Having your mind blown. >> Having your mind blown. >> Having your mind blown. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> 2019 triple the rates of depression, >> 2019 triple the rates of depression, >> 2019 triple the rates of depression, double the rates of anxiety. double the rates of anxiety. double the rates of anxiety. >> Why? >> Why? >> Why? >> Exactly. So I start asking them and they >> Exactly. So I start asking them and they >> Exactly. So I start asking them and they start talking about meaning. It's like I start talking about meaning. It's like I start talking about meaning. It's like I don't know what I'm meant to do. I mean, don't know what I'm meant to do. I mean, don't know what I'm meant to do. I mean, I'm going through, you know, studying I'm going through, you know, studying I'm going through, you know, studying this, I'm doing that and I'm trying to this, I'm doing that and I'm trying to this, I'm doing that and I'm trying to get a good job and but my life feels get a good job and but my life feels get a good job and but my life feels meaningless and and saying my life feels meaningless and and saying my life feels meaningless and and saying my life feels meaningless is the best predictor of meaningless is the best predictor of meaningless is the best predictor of depression and anxiety for people under depression and anxiety for people under depression and anxiety for people under 35. 35. 35. >> Saying that >> Saying that >> Saying that >> saying that that's the predictor. So >> saying that that's the predictor. So >> saying that that's the predictor. So then you start talking to them and how then you start talking to them and how then you start talking to them and how they and figure out how they live and it they and figure out how they live and it they and figure out how they live and it turns out that life dramatically changed turns out that life dramatically changed turns out that life dramatically changed after about 2008. after about 2008. after about 2008. >> Social media. >> Social media. >> Social media. >> Yeah. Well, social media, but devices, >> Yeah. Well, social media, but devices, >> Yeah. Well, social media, but devices, >> the screens, the technology radically >> the screens, the technology radically >> the screens, the technology radically changed it. You talk to young people, changed it. You talk to young people, changed it. You talk to young people, they're like, "It's like I'm living in they're like, "It's like I'm living in they're like, "It's like I'm living in the Matrix." the Matrix." the Matrix." >> You know, it's interesting you say that, >> You know, it's interesting you say that, >> You know, it's interesting you say that, not to cut you off here, I saw a video not to cut you off here, I saw a video not to cut you off here, I saw a video recently, speaking of being on my recently, speaking of being on my recently, speaking of being on my device, but I saw a video talking about device, but I saw a video talking about device, but I saw a video talking about a guy who's probably in his 40s, a guy who's probably in his 40s, a guy who's probably in his 40s, probably around my age with a I don't probably around my age with a I don't probably around my age with a I don't know 8 n 10 year old son having a know 8 n 10 year old son having a know 8 n 10 year old son having a conversation and he said, "You know what conversation and he said, "You know what conversation and he said, "You know what our punishment used to be growing up, our punishment used to be growing up, our punishment used to be growing up, you know, back in the 80s and 90s was you know, back in the 80s and 90s was you know, back in the 80s and 90s was staying inside." staying inside." staying inside." >> I know. Not being able to go outside was >> I know. Not being able to go outside was >> I know. Not being able to go outside was our punishment. And the son was like, our punishment. And the son was like, our punishment. And the son was like, >> "What do you mean?" I know. Like, >> "What do you mean?" I know. Like, >> "What do you mean?" I know. Like, >> I want to be a punishment for for me >> I want to be a punishment for for me >> I want to be a punishment for for me because I want to be on my phone or because I want to be on my phone or because I want to be on my phone or computer or on like video games all day. computer or on like video games all day. computer or on like video games all day. >> We're living the punishment voluntarily. >> We're living the punishment voluntarily. >> We're living the punishment voluntarily. Here's the weird thing about it. Here's Here's the weird thing about it. Here's Here's the weird thing about it. Here's what's crazy about when you're living in what's crazy about when you're living in what's crazy about when you're living in the wrong side of your brain because the wrong side of your brain because the wrong side of your brain because you're living in the matrix. You're you're living in the matrix. You're you're living in the matrix. You're living in the simulation of ordinary living in the simulation of ordinary living in the simulation of ordinary life. M life. M life. M >> your greatgrandfather like great grandpa >> your greatgrandfather like great grandpa >> your greatgrandfather like great grandpa house. house. house. >> Never came home and said to great >> Never came home and said to great >> Never came home and said to great grandma, grandma, grandma, >> I had a panic attack behind a mule >> I had a panic attack behind a mule >> I had a panic attack behind a mule today. [laughter] today. [laughter] today. [laughter] >> It's it's laughable because his brain >> It's it's laughable because his brain >> It's it's laughable because his brain was working the way it's supposed to was working the way it's supposed to was working the way it's supposed to work. work. work. >> They might have had hard days and >> They might have had hard days and >> They might have had hard days and stress, but not this type of stress. stress, but not this type of stress. stress, but not this type of stress. >> But and and here's the weirder part. His >> But and and here's the weirder part. His >> But and and here's the weirder part. His momentto moment life was actually pretty momentto moment life was actually pretty momentto moment life was actually pretty boring because he was behind that mule. boring because he was behind that mule. boring because he was behind that mule. But his life wasn't boring. A lot of But his life wasn't boring. A lot of But his life wasn't boring. A lot of young people today who are living in the young people today who are living in the young people today who are living in the matrix, living in the left hemispheres matrix, living in the left hemispheres matrix, living in the left hemispheres of their brains, moment to moment, they of their brains, moment to moment, they of their brains, moment to moment, they have zero boredom, but their life is have zero boredom, but their life is have zero boredom, but their life is grindingly boring. grindingly boring. grindingly boring. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> See, that's the thing. There's the micro >> See, that's the thing. There's the micro >> See, that's the thing. There's the micro boredom and the metabor eradicated boredom from my life, but my eradicated boredom from my life, but my life is actually boring. Then you know life is actually boring. Then you know life is actually boring. Then you know you're on the wrong side. you're on the wrong side. you're on the wrong side. >> And you'll never find meaning until you >> And you'll never find meaning until you >> And you'll never find meaning until you can break out of that. can break out of that. can break out of that. >> Cuz no one's actually bored anymore is >> Cuz no one's actually bored anymore is >> Cuz no one's actually bored anymore is what I'm hearing you say. cuz they can what I'm hearing you say. cuz they can what I'm hearing you say. cuz they can they can find, you know, all day long they can find, you know, all day long they can find, you know, all day long getting a dopamine hit on something, getting a dopamine hit on something, getting a dopamine hit on something, watching something entertaining or funny watching something entertaining or funny watching something entertaining or funny or what's next or or what's next or or what's next or >> gambling or whatever it might be, some >> gambling or whatever it might be, some >> gambling or whatever it might be, some type of hit type of hit type of hit >> that they don't allow for space >> that they don't allow for space >> that they don't allow for space >> to listen to what they're meant to do. >> to listen to what they're meant to do. >> to listen to what they're meant to do. >> I have a colleague at Harvard, a guy >> I have a colleague at Harvard, a guy >> I have a colleague at Harvard, a guy named Dan Gilbert. You ever had Dan named Dan Gilbert. You ever had Dan named Dan Gilbert. You ever had Dan Gilbert on the show? Gilbert on the show? Gilbert on the show? >> I haven't, but I know that you know him, >> I haven't, but I know that you know him, >> I haven't, but I know that you know him, right? He's the world's leading expert right? He's the world's leading expert right? He's the world's leading expert on boredom. He's a visionary social on boredom. He's a visionary social on boredom. He's a visionary social psychologist. He's the best in the psychologist. He's the best in the psychologist. He's the best in the business. And he's done these business. And he's done these business. And he's done these experiments where you bring people into experiments where you bring people into experiments where you bring people into the lab, young people, like the lab, young people, like the lab, young people, like undergraduates, they do anything for 20 undergraduates, they do anything for 20 undergraduates, they do anything for 20 bucks, right? bucks, right? bucks, right? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> And and he makes them sit in in in a >> And and he makes them sit in in in a >> And and he makes them sit in in in a room where there's nothing on the walls, room where there's nothing on the walls, room where there's nothing on the walls, nothing to do, completely silent. They nothing to do, completely silent. They nothing to do, completely silent. They have one choice besides sitting there have one choice besides sitting there have one choice besides sitting there quietly. Whether they have a little key quietly. Whether they have a little key quietly. Whether they have a little key fob with a button on it, and if you fob with a button on it, and if you fob with a button on it, and if you touch the button, you self-administer a touch the button, you self-administer a touch the button, you self-administer a painful electric shock. I don't know how painful electric shock. I don't know how painful electric shock. I don't know how he got through this this through the he got through this this through the he got through this this through the internal review board. Right. internal review board. Right. internal review board. Right. Right. That's all they can do because he Right. That's all they can do because he Right. That's all they can do because he wants to know whether they choose wants to know whether they choose wants to know whether they choose boredom or shocks. Boredom or pain. A boredom or shocks. Boredom or pain. A boredom or shocks. Boredom or pain. A quarter of the women shock themselves. quarter of the women shock themselves. quarter of the women shock themselves. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Twothirds of the guys. >> Twothirds of the guys. >> Twothirds of the guys. >> It's [laughter] like I can't take it >> It's [laughter] like I can't take it >> It's [laughter] like I can't take it anymore. Give me something to do. anymore. Give me something to do. anymore. Give me something to do. >> Need to know men and women. Right. >> Need to know men and women. Right. >> Need to know men and women. Right. >> But altogether more than half of the >> But altogether more than half of the >> But altogether more than half of the people gave themselves pain over people gave themselves pain over people gave themselves pain over boredom. We solved the boredom problem. boredom. We solved the boredom problem. boredom. We solved the boredom problem. Your iPhone is the solution to your Your iPhone is the solution to your Your iPhone is the solution to your boredom problem. Your device. The boredom problem. Your device. The boredom problem. Your device. The problem is that it makes your brain work problem is that it makes your brain work problem is that it makes your brain work wrong because when you're never bored, wrong because when you're never bored, wrong because when you're never bored, you don't use what's called the default you don't use what's called the default you don't use what's called the default mode network set of structures in your mode network set of structures in your mode network set of structures in your brain. And you won't find meaning. brain. And you won't find meaning. brain. And you won't find meaning. You'll be in the wrong side of your You'll be in the wrong side of your You'll be in the wrong side of your brain all day long. And so if you wake brain all day long. And so if you wake brain all day long. And so if you wake up and the first thing is you your phone up and the first thing is you your phone up and the first thing is you your phone next to your bed, big mistake, and you next to your bed, big mistake, and you next to your bed, big mistake, and you look at your phone, then your brain is look at your phone, then your brain is look at your phone, then your brain is programmed to that for the rest of the programmed to that for the rest of the programmed to that for the rest of the day. And so you're looking at it while day. And so you're looking at it while day. And so you're looking at it while you're having your coffee and breakfast. you're having your coffee and breakfast. you're having your coffee and breakfast. And then you go to work, which is in And then you go to work, which is in And then you go to work, which is in your guest room, which is a Zoom screen. your guest room, which is a Zoom screen. your guest room, which is a Zoom screen. And then you're going to date by swiping And then you're going to date by swiping And then you're going to date by swiping right. Right. and and and then your right. Right. and and and then your right. Right. and and and then your friends are a lot of them mostly on friends are a lot of them mostly on friends are a lot of them mostly on social media and then you do a lot of social media and then you do a lot of social media and then you do a lot of gaming because you know that's how you gaming because you know that's how you gaming because you know that's how you get your sense of fun and accomplishment get your sense of fun and accomplishment get your sense of fun and accomplishment and connection and connection and connection >> and then you're 12 hours a day online >> and then you're 12 hours a day online >> and then you're 12 hours a day online and guess what you don't have there's and guess what you don't have there's and guess what you don't have there's one thing that's a simulated life that's one thing that's a simulated life that's one thing that's a simulated life that's the matrix that movie was pro popular I the matrix that movie was pro popular I the matrix that movie was pro popular I I'm going to shock you I'm going to shock you I'm going to shock you >> years ago right >> years ago right >> years ago right >> 27 >> 27 >> 27 >> 1998 >> 1998 >> 1998 >> 199 >> 199 >> 199 I know right I know right I know right >> I know I know but that movie said that >> I know I know but that movie said that >> I know I know but that movie said that there was a great artificial intellig there was a great artificial intellig there was a great artificial intellig igence, a mechanical artificial igence, a mechanical artificial igence, a mechanical artificial intelligence that was subjugating the intelligence that was subjugating the intelligence that was subjugating the human race. It was sucking energy out of human race. It was sucking energy out of human race. It was sucking energy out of them in the form of attention, keeping them in the form of attention, keeping them in the form of attention, keeping them in these pods and giving them a them in these pods and giving them a them in these pods and giving them a simulation of real life that was simulation of real life that was simulation of real life that was pleasant. And and the reason that pleasant. And and the reason that pleasant. And and the reason that there's a rebellion against that is there's a rebellion against that is there's a rebellion against that is because Neo K Reeves wants meaning. because Neo K Reeves wants meaning. because Neo K Reeves wants meaning. Lewis, we're in the matrix and the one Lewis, we're in the matrix and the one Lewis, we're in the matrix and the one thing you can't simulate is the meaning thing you can't simulate is the meaning thing you can't simulate is the meaning of your life. of your life. of your life. >> And that's what's actually happening. >> And that's what's actually happening. >> And that's what's actually happening. >> So, how do we start to simulate the >> So, how do we start to simulate the >> So, how do we start to simulate the meaning of our life? We got to live like meaning of our life? We got to live like meaning of our life? We got to live like granddad house, granddad house, granddad house, >> right? >> right? >> right? >> No. The first thing that we need to do >> No. The first thing that we need to do >> No. The first thing that we need to do is get clean. The first thing that we is get clean. The first thing that we is get clean. The first thing that we need to do is to actually break out of need to do is to actually break out of need to do is to actually break out of the addictive cycle. the addictive cycle. the addictive cycle. >> Like a cleanse. >> Like a cleanse. >> Like a cleanse. >> Yeah. Like detox is what it comes down >> Yeah. Like detox is what it comes down >> Yeah. Like detox is what it comes down to. And and the problem is, you know, to. And and the problem is, you know, to. And and the problem is, you know, you can't just recommend abstinence. Cuz you can't just recommend abstinence. Cuz you can't just recommend abstinence. Cuz [snorts] you know, somebody asks you, [snorts] you know, somebody asks you, [snorts] you know, somebody asks you, "Dude, I drink all the time." You're "Dude, I drink all the time." You're "Dude, I drink all the time." You're going to say, "Stop drinking going to say, "Stop drinking going to say, "Stop drinking completely." Obviously, but you can't do completely." Obviously, but you can't do completely." Obviously, but you can't do that with your technology because you that with your technology because you that with your technology because you can't get into your bank account. And can't get into your bank account. And can't get into your bank account. And that ship has sailed completely. that ship has sailed completely. that ship has sailed completely. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Which means you need moderation. And >> Which means you need moderation. And >> Which means you need moderation. And it's a much harder thing to do. But it's a much harder thing to do. But it's a much harder thing to do. But there's a lot of data. There's a lot of there's a lot of data. There's a lot of there's a lot of data. There's a lot of research, neuroscience research that research, neuroscience research that research, neuroscience research that shows how you can actually moderate your shows how you can actually moderate your shows how you can actually moderate your device use that will revolutionize your device use that will revolutionize your device use that will revolutionize your relationship to the devices. You can relationship to the devices. You can relationship to the devices. You can solve this problem. Basically three solve this problem. Basically three solve this problem. Basically three steps. Techfree times, techree zones, steps. Techfree times, techree zones, steps. Techfree times, techree zones, and tech fasts. That's all you need to and tech fasts. That's all you need to and tech fasts. That's all you need to do. And the tech-free times are first do. And the tech-free times are first do. And the tech-free times are first hour in the morning, meal times, and hour in the morning, meal times, and hour in the morning, meal times, and last hour at night. Yeah, last hour at night. Yeah, last hour at night. Yeah, >> that's all you need. Just tech those >> that's all you need. Just tech those >> that's all you need. Just tech those tech free times. Why? Because of the tech free times. Why? Because of the tech free times. Why? Because of the neural programming that's going on first neural programming that's going on first neural programming that's going on first hour of the day. The the the hour of the day. The the the hour of the day. The the the neurochemistry of what's actually neurochemistry of what's actually neurochemistry of what's actually happening while you eat, which is that happening while you eat, which is that happening while you eat, which is that you're looking into other people's eyes, you're looking into other people's eyes, you're looking into other people's eyes, while you're having a conversation. while you're having a conversation. while you're having a conversation. We're we're evolved to do that. Over the We're we're evolved to do that. Over the We're we're evolved to do that. Over the last 250,000 years, since the beginning last 250,000 years, since the beginning last 250,000 years, since the beginning of the plea scene, homo sapiens have of the plea scene, homo sapiens have of the plea scene, homo sapiens have actually communed with their kin while actually communed with their kin while actually communed with their kin while they shove pieces of yak meat into their they shove pieces of yak meat into their they shove pieces of yak meat into their mouths around a fire. mouths around a fire. mouths around a fire. >> They put it in there. Yeah. Yeah. >> They put it in there. Yeah. Yeah. >> They put it in there. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. If you see your phone on the Exactly. If you see your phone on the Exactly. If you see your phone on the table, it cuts off the the neuropeptide table, it cuts off the the neuropeptide table, it cuts off the the neuropeptide that that is occurring to bond you to that that is occurring to bond you to that that is occurring to bond you to others called oxytocin. others called oxytocin. others called oxytocin. >> You cut the oxytocin flow by looking at >> You cut the oxytocin flow by looking at >> You cut the oxytocin flow by looking at your phone. Literally experiments to your phone. Literally experiments to your phone. Literally experiments to show this. show this. show this. >> So what you said first hour meal time >> So what you said first hour meal time >> So what you said first hour meal time was the was the was the >> last hour. >> last hour. >> last hour. >> Last hour. Yeah. >> Last hour. Yeah. >> Last hour. Yeah. >> Last hour because that's when you should >> Last hour because that's when you should >> Last hour because that's when you should be communing with your babies and your be communing with your babies and your be communing with your babies and your wife. And also you don't want to wife. And also you don't want to wife. And also you don't want to interrupt the functioning of the pineal interrupt the functioning of the pineal interrupt the functioning of the pineal gland which which as you know gland which which as you know gland which which as you know >> melatonin etc. You won't be able to wind >> melatonin etc. You won't be able to wind >> melatonin etc. You won't be able to wind down. You'll be stressed out. So that's down. You'll be stressed out. So that's down. You'll be stressed out. So that's the times. You said zones. the times. You said zones. the times. You said zones. >> Zones. There are certain zones. This is >> Zones. There are certain zones. This is >> Zones. There are certain zones. This is physical zones. Number one is a bedroom. physical zones. Number one is a bedroom. physical zones. Number one is a bedroom. No devices in the bedroom. And you don't No devices in the bedroom. And you don't No devices in the bedroom. And you don't just say, "I'm going to stop scrolling. just say, "I'm going to stop scrolling. just say, "I'm going to stop scrolling. Leave it downstairs plugged in in a Leave it downstairs plugged in in a Leave it downstairs plugged in in a closet and take a book to bed." I crazy closet and take a book to bed." I crazy closet and take a book to bed." I crazy idea. You got two things. A book and an idea. You got two things. A book and an idea. You got two things. A book and an alarm clock. Nuts, right? alarm clock. Nuts, right? alarm clock. Nuts, right? >> The challenge is I listen to the Hallow >> The challenge is I listen to the Hallow >> The challenge is I listen to the Hallow app at night. That's the challenge, man. app at night. That's the challenge, man. app at night. That's the challenge, man. Puts me to sleep. And it's like in the Puts me to sleep. And it's like in the Puts me to sleep. And it's like in the morning, too, I listen to it. morning, too, I listen to it. morning, too, I listen to it. >> I know. And so you got to figure out a >> I know. And so you got to figure out a >> I know. And so you got to figure out a way to get around this. and and and way to get around this. and and and way to get around this. and and and there are ways to do it with there are ways to do it with there are ways to do it with notifications off. notifications off. notifications off. >> And then the second zone is there >> And then the second zone is there >> And then the second zone is there shouldn't be a classroom in the world shouldn't be a classroom in the world shouldn't be a classroom in the world from kindergarten through PhD that has a from kindergarten through PhD that has a from kindergarten through PhD that has a phone in it. phone in it. phone in it. >> I don't understand how teachers could >> I don't understand how teachers could >> I don't understand how teachers could teach today. I don't know how teachers teach today. I don't know how teachers teach today. I don't know how teachers can do it. Allowing kids to have a phone can do it. Allowing kids to have a phone can do it. Allowing kids to have a phone at their desk teaching when I was a kid at their desk teaching when I was a kid at their desk teaching when I was a kid either. either. either. >> I mean, still, but it's even harder now. >> I mean, still, but it's even harder now. >> I mean, still, but it's even harder now. And I feel like And I feel like And I feel like >> there's 27 states that still don't that >> there's 27 states that still don't that >> there's 27 states that still don't that have completely unfettered access to have completely unfettered access to have completely unfettered access to telephones in public schools. It's telephones in public schools. It's telephones in public schools. It's craziness that we do this and it's a craziness that we do this and it's a craziness that we do this and it's a complete lack of will of imagination and complete lack of will of imagination and complete lack of will of imagination and you know moral will on on the part of you know moral will on on the part of you know moral will on on the part of politicians and and educators for sure. politicians and and educators for sure. politicians and and educators for sure. And then the last is techfast. Everybody And then the last is techfast. Everybody And then the last is techfast. Everybody should have I I recommend spiritual should have I I recommend spiritual should have I I recommend spiritual retreats to people all the time. You retreats to people all the time. You retreats to people all the time. You know Buddhist retreats, Hindu retreats, know Buddhist retreats, Hindu retreats, know Buddhist retreats, Hindu retreats, Jewish retreats. Jewish retreats. Jewish retreats. >> I go on a Catholic retreat four days a >> I go on a Catholic retreat four days a >> I go on a Catholic retreat four days a year silent retreat. No no no devices. year silent retreat. No no no devices. year silent retreat. No no no devices. >> Oh it's man it's like magic. It's a >> Oh it's man it's like magic. It's a >> Oh it's man it's like magic. It's a total cleanse. total cleanse. total cleanse. >> Yeah. I've done it a few times where >> Yeah. I've done it a few times where >> Yeah. I've done it a few times where I've put gone on vacation and I've left I've put gone on vacation and I've left I've put gone on vacation and I've left the phone home. the phone home. the phone home. >> It's hard. >> It's hard. >> It's hard. >> First time was like, "What do you do?" I >> First time was like, "What do you do?" I >> First time was like, "What do you do?" I I was like, "How do I get to the hotel? I was like, "How do I get to the hotel? I was like, "How do I get to the hotel? How do I get my car?" I was like, "I How do I get my car?" I was like, "I How do I get my car?" I was like, "I forget." forget." forget." >> I don't know. I know. It's like your >> I don't know. I know. It's like your >> I don't know. I know. It's like your brain doesn't work the other day. brain doesn't work the other day. brain doesn't work the other day. >> It was such an adventure. >> It was such an adventure. >> It was such an adventure. [clears throat] [clears throat] [clears throat] I was like, I just stop at a gas station I was like, I just stop at a gas station I was like, I just stop at a gas station and ask for direction. How do I get and ask for direction. How do I get and ask for direction. How do I get here? It was like here? It was like here? It was like >> I know. >> I know. >> I know. >> Oh, man. 1990s again, you know? It's >> Oh, man. 1990s again, you know? It's >> Oh, man. 1990s again, you know? It's like, let's go. like, let's go. like, let's go. >> I feel like Louis and Clark. And so the >> I feel like Louis and Clark. And so the >> I feel like Louis and Clark. And so the other day when that big Verizon outage, other day when that big Verizon outage, other day when that big Verizon outage, you just were you aware of this? I was you just were you aware of this? I was you just were you aware of this? I was in New York in New York in New York >> and and I came out of a, you know, >> and and I came out of a, you know, >> and and I came out of a, you know, taping a show and my phone didn't work. taping a show and my phone didn't work. taping a show and my phone didn't work. It was the SOS thing and I had to call It was the SOS thing and I had to call It was the SOS thing and I had to call an Uber and get to the New York airport an Uber and get to the New York airport an Uber and get to the New York airport and fly back to LA. and fly back to LA. and fly back to LA. >> How'd you do it? >> How'd you do it? >> How'd you do it? >> I And so I had to find a Wi-Fi network >> I And so I had to find a Wi-Fi network >> I And so I had to find a Wi-Fi network and actually call the Uber and actually call the Uber and actually call the Uber >> and there was no phone calls and there >> and there was no phone calls and there >> and there was no phone calls and there was no text and I and then I got to the was no text and I and then I got to the was no text and I and then I got to the airport and got on the plane and there airport and got on the plane and there airport and got on the plane and there was no Wi-Fi on the plane for 6 hours. was no Wi-Fi on the plane for 6 hours. was no Wi-Fi on the plane for 6 hours. What do you do? What do you do? What do you do? >> I had a monkey on my back. I felt like I >> I had a monkey on my back. I felt like I >> I had a monkey on my back. I felt like I was like I was like was like I was like was like I was like >> what do I do? You have to be bored. >> what do I do? You have to be bored. >> what do I do? You have to be bored. >> I know. >> I know. >> I know. >> You have to be on a plane and read a >> You have to be on a plane and read a >> You have to be on a plane and read a book or book or book or >> I'm like a heroin addict detoxing in >> I'm like a heroin addict detoxing in >> I'm like a heroin addict detoxing in jail or something like [laughter] jail or something like [laughter] jail or something like [laughter] >> sweating. So So that's really helpful. >> sweating. So So that's really helpful. >> sweating. So So that's really helpful. The first day is hard. The second day is The first day is hard. The second day is The first day is hard. The second day is easier. The third day is good. The easier. The third day is good. The easier. The third day is good. The fourth day is bliss. fourth day is bliss. fourth day is bliss. >> It's like I never want to go back. >> It's like I never want to go back. >> It's like I never want to go back. >> I know. I want 40 days, right? >> I know. I want 40 days, right? >> I know. I want 40 days, right? >> 40 days. So these are the three things >> 40 days. So these are the three things >> 40 days. So these are the three things to do. The first thing you do is you get to do. The first thing you do is you get to do. The first thing you do is you get clean. clean. clean. >> And you get clean by doing those three >> And you get clean by doing those three >> And you get clean by doing those three things. And then you start living in a things. And then you start living in a things. And then you start living in a new way that systematically opens up the new way that systematically opens up the new way that systematically opens up the right hemisphere of your brain. That's right hemisphere of your brain. That's right hemisphere of your brain. That's really what this my research is about is really what this my research is about is really what this my research is about is the six ways you can do it. And I mean the six ways you can do it. And I mean the six ways you can do it. And I mean again it's it's in a way it's gimmicky again it's it's in a way it's gimmicky again it's it's in a way it's gimmicky because there's six big ways that you because there's six big ways that you because there's six big ways that you can do it. But if you do this in six can do it. But if you do this in six can do it. But if you do this in six months you'll know the meaning of your months you'll know the meaning of your months you'll know the meaning of your life life life >> 100%. >> 100%. >> 100%. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> We're talking about your book the >> We're talking about your book the >> We're talking about your book the meaning of your life which I think a lot meaning of your life which I think a lot meaning of your life which I think a lot of people are struggling to figure out of people are struggling to figure out of people are struggling to figure out these days. And I'm curious because you these days. And I'm curious because you these days. And I'm curious because you are such a devout what you've been 45 are such a devout what you've been 45 are such a devout what you've been 45 years you've been allin on Catholicism. years you've been allin on Catholicism. years you've been allin on Catholicism. Yeah. Right. 45 years. Yeah. Right. 45 years. Yeah. Right. 45 years. >> Yeah. I'm practically a cradle Catholic, >> Yeah. I'm practically a cradle Catholic, >> Yeah. I'm practically a cradle Catholic, right? Because I'm 61. But yeah, so right? Because I'm 61. But yeah, so right? Because I'm 61. But yeah, so people can do the math, right? people can do the math, right? people can do the math, right? >> And so you've been doing this for a long >> And so you've been doing this for a long >> And so you've been doing this for a long time. All in. You go to mass every time. All in. You go to mass every time. All in. You go to mass every morning, 6 a.m. or almost every morning. morning, 6 a.m. or almost every morning. morning, 6 a.m. or almost every morning. You know, maybe once in a while you miss You know, maybe once in a while you miss You know, maybe once in a while you miss or something, but or something, but or something, but >> you're like in it. >> you're like in it. >> you're like in it. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> But you're like best friends with Daly >> But you're like best friends with Daly >> But you're like best friends with Daly Lama. Lama. Lama. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And other spiritual leaders. And you >> And other spiritual leaders. And you >> And other spiritual leaders. And you actually invited me to go. actually invited me to go. actually invited me to go. >> I know. I wanted you to go. Next time we >> I know. I wanted you to go. Next time we >> I know. I wanted you to go. Next time we go, please. And so, how do you navigate go, please. And so, how do you navigate go, please. And so, how do you navigate being allin as a Catholic, believing being allin as a Catholic, believing being allin as a Catholic, believing what you believe, what you believe, what you believe, >> but being very close to other spiritual >> but being very close to other spiritual >> but being very close to other spiritual leaders of other faiths that don't leaders of other faiths that don't leaders of other faiths that don't believe what you believe at all? How do believe what you believe at all? How do believe what you believe at all? How do you co-ingle, you co-ingle, you co-ingle, >> find connection and >> find connection and >> find connection and not judge others beliefs but also be not judge others beliefs but also be not judge others beliefs but also be close with them and find fulfillment and close with them and find fulfillment and close with them and find fulfillment and meaning from those relationships and meaning from those relationships and meaning from those relationships and those spiritual practices as well which those spiritual practices as well which those spiritual practices as well which are different or maybe aren't in are different or maybe aren't in are different or maybe aren't in alignment with the Catholic faith. alignment with the Catholic faith. alignment with the Catholic faith. >> Yeah. So >> Yeah. So >> Yeah. So it's one thing to think that you're it's one thing to think that you're it's one thing to think that you're right. It's something else to think that right. It's something else to think that right. It's something else to think that somebody else is wrong. somebody else is wrong. somebody else is wrong. >> And and we want to solve every problem. >> And and we want to solve every problem. >> And and we want to solve every problem. The leftbrain solution is always let me The leftbrain solution is always let me The leftbrain solution is always let me figure it out. And [snorts] once I figure it out. And [snorts] once I figure it out. And [snorts] once I figured it out, then I know that this is figured it out, then I know that this is figured it out, then I know that this is right and everything else is wrong. right and everything else is wrong. right and everything else is wrong. >> I have a right brain uh orientation >> I have a right brain uh orientation >> I have a right brain uh orientation toward my faith, which is I believe that toward my faith, which is I believe that toward my faith, which is I believe that this is what God wants for me. I don't this is what God wants for me. I don't this is what God wants for me. I don't know what God wants for others. know what God wants for others. know what God wants for others. >> I don't know. And I can't know. I >> I don't know. And I can't know. I >> I don't know. And I can't know. I believe that people that God puts people believe that people that God puts people believe that people that God puts people in my life for a reason. I believe that in my life for a reason. I believe that in my life for a reason. I believe that you and I met for a reason. We met at a you and I met for a reason. We met at a you and I met for a reason. We met at a thing in Idaho. It was awesome. I'm thing in Idaho. It was awesome. I'm thing in Idaho. It was awesome. I'm like, "Oh man, I feel like I've known like, "Oh man, I feel like I've known like, "Oh man, I feel like I've known this guy for years the first time I met this guy for years the first time I met this guy for years the first time I met you." There's a reason [clears throat] you." There's a reason [clears throat] you." There's a reason [clears throat] >> that you meet people that people are >> that you meet people that people are >> that you meet people that people are actually put into your life. actually put into your life. actually put into your life. >> And and for you to adjudicate that on >> And and for you to adjudicate that on >> And and for you to adjudicate that on the basis of the basis of the basis of >> whatever beliefs that you have, that's >> whatever beliefs that you have, that's >> whatever beliefs that you have, that's hubris a lot of the time. You know, it's hubris a lot of the time. You know, it's hubris a lot of the time. You know, it's God put you here for a reason to for me God put you here for a reason to for me God put you here for a reason to for me to learn and grow. And the Daly Lama, to learn and grow. And the Daly Lama, to learn and grow. And the Daly Lama, boy, oh boy. He told me, "I want you to boy, oh boy. He told me, "I want you to boy, oh boy. He told me, "I want you to be a better Catholic." be a better Catholic." be a better Catholic." >> Really, >> Really, >> Really, >> I want you to be a better Catholic. Is >> I want you to be a better Catholic. Is >> I want you to be a better Catholic. Is what he said. what he said. what he said. >> Really? because he believes that that's >> Really? because he believes that that's >> Really? because he believes that that's God's will for my life. That's what he God's will for my life. That's what he God's will for my life. That's what he actually believes. And I learned so actually believes. And I learned so actually believes. And I learned so much, you know, from my Hindu teachers, much, you know, from my Hindu teachers, much, you know, from my Hindu teachers, from my Jewish teachers, from my Muslim from my Jewish teachers, from my Muslim from my Jewish teachers, from my Muslim teachers, people that I've talked to teachers, people that I've talked to teachers, people that I've talked to that have made me so much stronger in my that have made me so much stronger in my that have made me so much stronger in my own faith. I believe my faith is what own faith. I believe my faith is what own faith. I believe my faith is what God wants for me. I don't know what's God wants for me. I don't know what's God wants for me. I don't know what's right. I don't know. I just know that I right. I don't know. I just know that I right. I don't know. I just know that I believe that this is right for me. And believe that this is right for me. And believe that this is right for me. And I'm not a universalist, you know, good. I'm not a universalist, you know, good. I'm not a universalist, you know, good. I mean, I want everybody to be Catholic. I mean, I want everybody to be Catholic. I mean, I want everybody to be Catholic. I want everybody to go to mass with me. I want everybody to go to mass with me. I want everybody to go to mass with me. Absolutely. That's the world that I Absolutely. That's the world that I Absolutely. That's the world that I want. But that's not the world that I want. But that's not the world that I want. But that's not the world that I find. find. find. >> And I believe that there's a reason that >> And I believe that there's a reason that >> And I believe that there's a reason that I'm finding the world that I am. I'm finding the world that I am. I'm finding the world that I am. >> But isn't part of the Catholic faith to >> But isn't part of the Catholic faith to >> But isn't part of the Catholic faith to preach the gospel and and invite and not preach the gospel and and invite and not preach the gospel and and invite and not recruit but convert others to recruit but convert others to recruit but convert others to Catholicism to the faith? Catholicism to the faith? Catholicism to the faith? >> Yes. And there's different ways to do >> Yes. And there's different ways to do >> Yes. And there's different ways to do that. There's different ways to be a that. There's different ways to be a that. There's different ways to be a missionary. Uh one good way to be a missionary. Uh one good way to be a missionary. Uh one good way to be a missionary like I I teach at, you know, missionary like I I teach at, you know, missionary like I I teach at, you know, Harvard University, which is not known Harvard University, which is not known Harvard University, which is not known as a big Catholic institution. No. as a big Catholic institution. No. as a big Catholic institution. No. Right. But Boston is, isn't it? Right. But Boston is, isn't it? Right. But Boston is, isn't it? >> Kind of. Except, you know, it's the >> Kind of. Except, you know, it's the >> Kind of. Except, you know, it's the Northeast. It's it's post-Christian, Northeast. It's it's post-Christian, Northeast. It's it's post-Christian, man. man. man. >> The way that I actually I bring people >> The way that I actually I bring people >> The way that I actually I bring people closer, I believe, to my faith is by how closer, I believe, to my faith is by how closer, I believe, to my faith is by how I live my life and the excellence that I I live my life and the excellence that I I live my life and the excellence that I bring to things. bring to things. bring to things. >> But is that is that enough? Just being a >> But is that is that enough? Just being a >> But is that is that enough? Just being a good person. good person. good person. >> I think that that opens the door because >> I think that that opens the door because >> I think that that opens the door because people will see there's two things to people will see there's two things to people will see there's two things to do. Be impeccable and great at what you do. Be impeccable and great at what you do. Be impeccable and great at what you do and have people know that you have a do and have people know that you have a do and have people know that you have a strong belief. strong belief. strong belief. >> That's really important. So people >> That's really important. So people >> That's really important. So people watching this are like Lewis is on a watching this are like Lewis is on a watching this are like Lewis is on a spiritual journey spiritual journey spiritual journey >> and he's going to Catholic mass and he's >> and he's going to Catholic mass and he's >> and he's going to Catholic mass and he's unbel he's the literally the best in the unbel he's the literally the best in the unbel he's the literally the best in the world at what he does. world at what he does. world at what he does. >> That's missionary work right there. >> That's missionary work right there. >> That's missionary work right there. That's the mission field, That's the mission field, That's the mission field, >> right? I mean it's like it's a Mormon >> right? I mean it's like it's a Mormon >> right? I mean it's like it's a Mormon missionary told me this one time. A guy missionary told me this one time. A guy missionary told me this one time. A guy who worked for at the Rand Corporation. who worked for at the Rand Corporation. who worked for at the Rand Corporation. I was a military operations research I was a military operations research I was a military operations research analyst early early on in my career. I analyst early early on in my career. I analyst early early on in my career. I was doing math modeling for the Air was doing math modeling for the Air was doing math modeling for the Air Force. And this guy was an old school Force. And this guy was an old school Force. And this guy was an old school applied mathematician. He was a Mormon applied mathematician. He was a Mormon applied mathematician. He was a Mormon and uh Latter Day Saint and he told me and uh Latter Day Saint and he told me and uh Latter Day Saint and he told me about his mission in in in France. I about his mission in in in France. I about his mission in in in France. I said, "You're a missionary in France." said, "You're a missionary in France." said, "You're a missionary in France." Cuz they all go on a mission, right? Cuz they all go on a mission, right? Cuz they all go on a mission, right? >> Two years. >> Two years. >> Two years. >> Yeah. Yeah. And and I said, "How many >> Yeah. Yeah. And and I said, "How many >> Yeah. Yeah. And and I said, "How many people do you convert?" He says, people do you convert?" He says, people do you convert?" He says, "Precious for you." And there's a lot of "Precious for you." And there's a lot of "Precious for you." And there's a lot of the French, you know. the French, you know. the French, you know. >> Yeah. And he doesn't speak the language. >> Yeah. And he doesn't speak the language. >> Yeah. And he doesn't speak the language. He has to learn the language while he's He has to learn the language while he's He has to learn the language while he's there. there. there. >> Yeah. And and and and he said I said, >> Yeah. And and and and he said I said, >> Yeah. And and and and he said I said, "So, how did you how did you you know "So, how did you how did you you know "So, how did you how did you you know maintain a good attitude about it?" And maintain a good attitude about it?" And maintain a good attitude about it?" And he said, "I would say, 'Lord, have him he said, "I would say, 'Lord, have him he said, "I would say, 'Lord, have him not shut the door all the way." Cuz he not shut the door all the way." Cuz he not shut the door all the way." Cuz he figured out that his job was getting the figured out that his job was getting the figured out that his job was getting the door open an inch. And his beliefs were door open an inch. And his beliefs were door open an inch. And his beliefs were that God would do the rest. that God would do the rest. that God would do the rest. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> So, here's the thing. People, you meet >> So, here's the thing. People, you meet >> So, here's the thing. People, you meet people at different points in their own people at different points in their own people at different points in their own journey. You're at a different point in journey. You're at a different point in journey. You're at a different point in your journey. I'm at a different point your journey. I'm at a different point your journey. I'm at a different point in your journey. A lot of people in your journey. A lot of people in your journey. A lot of people watching us are at different points in watching us are at different points in watching us are at different points in their journey. And all we can ask them their journey. And all we can ask them their journey. And all we can ask them is to not close the door completely, to is to not close the door completely, to is to not close the door completely, to open the door one inch. And if we open the door one inch. And if we open the door one inch. And if we believe what we say we believe about God believe what we say we believe about God believe what we say we believe about God and his goodness, God will do what he's and his goodness, God will do what he's and his goodness, God will do what he's supposed to do in their lives. supposed to do in their lives. supposed to do in their lives. >> Our job is to not close the door. And if >> Our job is to not close the door. And if >> Our job is to not close the door. And if you go in and you say, "Repent or die," you go in and you say, "Repent or die," you go in and you say, "Repent or die," the door's closing. the door's closing. the door's closing. >> Right? That's going to close the door, >> Right? That's going to close the door, >> Right? That's going to close the door, not open the door. Your excellence will not open the door. Your excellence will not open the door. Your excellence will open the door. open the door. open the door. >> There's nothing that frustrates me more >> There's nothing that frustrates me more >> There's nothing that frustrates me more than when things don't move with speed. than when things don't move with speed. than when things don't move with speed. And when it comes to building a strong And when it comes to building a strong And when it comes to building a strong daily routine for your life, the tools daily routine for your life, the tools daily routine for your life, the tools that you rely on at home should make that you rely on at home should make that you rely on at home should make things run more smoothly without things run more smoothly without things run more smoothly without interruptions. And that's the thinking interruptions. And that's the thinking interruptions. And that's the thinking behind T-Mobile's 5G home internet. And behind T-Mobile's 5G home internet. And behind T-Mobile's 5G home internet. And big news, T-Mobile now has the fastest big news, T-Mobile now has the fastest big news, T-Mobile now has the fastest 5G home internet according to the 5G home internet according to the 5G home internet according to the experts at UCLA Speed Test. Setup is so experts at UCLA Speed Test. Setup is so experts at UCLA Speed Test. Setup is so quick and simple. No technician needed, quick and simple. No technician needed, quick and simple. No technician needed, and you're online in 15 minutes or less. and you're online in 15 minutes or less. and you're online in 15 minutes or less. 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How do you do you do you navigate in your soul and in your mind navigate in your soul and in your mind navigate in your soul and in your mind that if [snorts] you're with the Dalai that if [snorts] you're with the Dalai that if [snorts] you're with the Dalai Lama or another spiritual teacher or Lama or another spiritual teacher or Lama or another spiritual teacher or anyone who's on their own journey of anyone who's on their own journey of anyone who's on their own journey of life life life that if they don't convert and baptize that if they don't convert and baptize that if they don't convert and baptize and become Catholic like they're not and become Catholic like they're not and become Catholic like they're not going to heaven essentially like how do going to heaven essentially like how do going to heaven essentially like how do you how do you reconcile with that you how do you reconcile with that you how do you reconcile with that >> knowing that you care deeply and love >> knowing that you care deeply and love >> knowing that you care deeply and love this person and you want them to live a this person and you want them to live a this person and you want them to live a beautiful life here and after here. How beautiful life here and after here. How beautiful life here and after here. How do you navigate that world? do you navigate that world? do you navigate that world? >> Well, part of that is that there's a >> Well, part of that is that there's a >> Well, part of that is that there's a kind of a there's a fundamentalist kind of a there's a fundamentalist kind of a there's a fundamentalist version of that that a lot of people version of that that a lot of people version of that that a lot of people learn in the United States, which is learn in the United States, which is learn in the United States, which is literally if you're not this dun then literally if you're not this dun then literally if you're not this dun then this, right? this, right? this, right? >> But the truth is that Catholics in >> But the truth is that Catholics in >> But the truth is that Catholics in particular, particular, particular, >> they don't believe that. I mean there's >> they don't believe that. I mean there's >> they don't believe that. I mean there's a lot we we believe that there's a lot a a lot we we believe that there's a lot a a lot we we believe that there's a lot a lot of people going to heaven who are lot of people going to heaven who are lot of people going to heaven who are not not not >> Catholics or even Christians on the >> Catholics or even Christians on the >> Catholics or even Christians on the contrary they have a different set of contrary they have a different set of contrary they have a different set of experiences from different parts of the experiences from different parts of the experiences from different parts of the world and they're implicitly baptized world and they're implicitly baptized world and they're implicitly baptized >> effectively and they have a lot to teach >> effectively and they have a lot to teach >> effectively and they have a lot to teach us us us >> you know what that says is that if you >> you know what that says is that if you >> you know what that says is that if you were raised as a Catholic then that the were raised as a Catholic then that the were raised as a Catholic then that the standard is different for you the standard is different for you the standard is different for you the obligation is different for you the the obligation is different for you the the obligation is different for you the the woe be unto you if you're not living up woe be unto you if you're not living up woe be unto you if you're not living up to it to it to it >> right >> right >> right >> but that the Daly Lama has a, you know, >> but that the Daly Lama has a, you know, >> but that the Daly Lama has a, you know, has there's a God had a different plan has there's a God had a different plan has there's a God had a different plan in the Daly Lama's life and there's a in the Daly Lama's life and there's a in the Daly Lama's life and there's a there's a different trajectory for what there's a different trajectory for what there's a different trajectory for what he believes. And so I I think that it's he believes. And so I I think that it's he believes. And so I I think that it's it's fair to say that there's a lot of it's fair to say that there's a lot of it's fair to say that there's a lot of ways to interpret that and it doesn't ways to interpret that and it doesn't ways to interpret that and it doesn't have to be literal. have to be literal. have to be literal. >> Do you think it's possible for someone >> Do you think it's possible for someone >> Do you think it's possible for someone to find meaning without having some type to find meaning without having some type to find meaning without having some type of faith or belief in God? of faith or belief in God? of faith or belief in God? >> Yes, I do. And that's really comes from >> Yes, I do. And that's really comes from >> Yes, I do. And that's really comes from this idea of transcendence, which is one this idea of transcendence, which is one this idea of transcendence, which is one of the six ways of finding the meaning of the six ways of finding the meaning of the six ways of finding the meaning of your life is transcending yourself. of your life is transcending yourself. of your life is transcending yourself. My path isn't the only path to meaning. My path isn't the only path to meaning. My path isn't the only path to meaning. It it it isn't. Now, religion is really, It it it isn't. Now, religion is really, It it it isn't. Now, religion is really, really good for this. Yes, really good for this. Yes, really good for this. Yes, >> spirituality is really, really good for >> spirituality is really, really good for >> spirituality is really, really good for finding meaning. But what you really finding meaning. But what you really finding meaning. But what you really want is to transcend yourself cuz want is to transcend yourself cuz want is to transcend yourself cuz >> you know, left to your devices, you're >> you know, left to your devices, you're >> you know, left to your devices, you're going to be in the psycho drama. Me, me, going to be in the psycho drama. Me, me, going to be in the psycho drama. Me, me, me, me, my job, my car, my money, my so me, me, my job, my car, my money, my so me, me, my job, my car, my money, my so tedious, Lewis, it's so boring. But, but tedious, Lewis, it's so boring. But, but tedious, Lewis, it's so boring. But, but mother nature wants you to be the star mother nature wants you to be the star mother nature wants you to be the star of your psycho drama. I mean, think of of your psycho drama. I mean, think of of your psycho drama. I mean, think of all the dreams you had last night. You all the dreams you had last night. You all the dreams you had last night. You were the star in every one. Yeah. It's were the star in every one. Yeah. It's were the star in every one. Yeah. It's like ah and and one of the great truths like ah and and one of the great truths like ah and and one of the great truths of that we find in all of the of that we find in all of the of that we find in all of the experiments in social psychology. If I experiments in social psychology. If I experiments in social psychology. If I can get you to think about others and can get you to think about others and can get you to think about others and stand in awe of something bigger than stand in awe of something bigger than stand in awe of something bigger than yourself, you will find meaning. Why? yourself, you will find meaning. Why? yourself, you will find meaning. Why? Because that's what illuminates activity Because that's what illuminates activity Because that's what illuminates activity in the right hemisphere of the brain. in the right hemisphere of the brain. in the right hemisphere of the brain. >> You'll start using your brain in a more >> You'll start using your brain in a more >> You'll start using your brain in a more meaningful way. There's two ways to do meaningful way. There's two ways to do meaningful way. There's two ways to do that. One is to stand in awe of that. One is to stand in awe of that. One is to stand in awe of something greater. Our mutual friend something greater. Our mutual friend something greater. Our mutual friend Brian Holidayiday, right? He talks about Brian Holidayiday, right? He talks about Brian Holidayiday, right? He talks about stoic philosophy. That's a great way to stoic philosophy. That's a great way to stoic philosophy. That's a great way to actually be looking down at or looking actually be looking down at or looking actually be looking down at or looking standing in awe. Uh walking in nature standing in awe. Uh walking in nature standing in awe. Uh walking in nature before dawn. The Hindus call that the before dawn. The Hindus call that the before dawn. The Hindus call that the Brahma Mhorta which means the creator's Brahma Mhorta which means the creator's Brahma Mhorta which means the creator's time in Sanskrit without devices. time in Sanskrit without devices. time in Sanskrit without devices. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Let the sun come up as you walk >> Let the sun come up as you walk >> Let the sun come up as you walk >> to to sort of aa meditation practice to >> to to sort of aa meditation practice to >> to to sort of aa meditation practice to listen to the fugues of Johan Sebastian listen to the fugues of Johan Sebastian listen to the fugues of Johan Sebastian Bach to do what you need to do to stand Bach to do what you need to do to stand Bach to do what you need to do to stand in awe of something that's not just my in awe of something that's not just my in awe of something that's not just my little psycho drama. little psycho drama. little psycho drama. >> Right. The other way is to transcend >> Right. The other way is to transcend >> Right. The other way is to transcend yourself by serving serving other yourself by serving serving other yourself by serving serving other people. It's one of the weirdest things people. It's one of the weirdest things people. It's one of the weirdest things is that we always want to serve is that we always want to serve is that we always want to serve ourselves, but when we're induced to ourselves, but when we're induced to ourselves, but when we're induced to serve other people, then meaning meaning serve other people, then meaning meaning serve other people, then meaning meaning pours into the vessel that is your life pours into the vessel that is your life pours into the vessel that is your life >> so much. >> so much. >> so much. >> And you've told me about this. I mean, >> And you've told me about this. I mean, >> And you've told me about this. I mean, you've been doing this. People watching you've been doing this. People watching you've been doing this. People watching the show, they don't know all the the show, they don't know all the the show, they don't know all the service stuff that you're actually service stuff that you're actually service stuff that you're actually engaged in. engaged in. engaged in. >> And you think, well, Louis House, what a >> And you think, well, Louis House, what a >> And you think, well, Louis House, what a great guy. Truly, truly is true. But but great guy. Truly, truly is true. But but great guy. Truly, truly is true. But but it's also you need it. it's also you need it. it's also you need it. >> You actually need it to feel fully >> You actually need it to feel fully >> You actually need it to feel fully alive. alive. alive. I'm every day I wake up and I just say, I'm every day I wake up and I just say, I'm every day I wake up and I just say, "Thank you, God. Thank you, God." And I "Thank you, God. Thank you, God." And I "Thank you, God. Thank you, God." And I really reflect on the beauty, the really reflect on the beauty, the really reflect on the beauty, the abundance, the relationships, the abundance, the relationships, the abundance, the relationships, the health, health, health, >> the opportunities because they weren't >> the opportunities because they weren't >> the opportunities because they weren't always there. You know, there was times always there. You know, there was times always there. You know, there was times when I didn't have those things. I when I didn't have those things. I when I didn't have those things. I really suffered for years and decades. I really suffered for years and decades. I really suffered for years and decades. I had an internal suffering because I was had an internal suffering because I was had an internal suffering because I was thinking of self so much, thinking of self so much, thinking of self so much, >> right? >> right? >> right? >> Oh, it'll make you suffer, baby. >> Oh, it'll make you suffer, baby. >> Oh, it'll make you suffer, baby. >> Suffering. Why me? Why this? Why that >> Suffering. Why me? Why this? Why that >> Suffering. Why me? Why this? Why that person? Why am I experiencing this? Why person? Why am I experiencing this? Why person? Why am I experiencing this? Why me? Me me me me me me me me me me me me me? Me me me me me me me me me me me me me? Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me. me me me me me me me me me. me me me me me me me me me. >> Right. No. >> Right. No. >> Right. No. >> And I had a big wakeup call around 30 >> And I had a big wakeup call around 30 >> And I had a big wakeup call around 30 where I was like, man, I am a selfish where I was like, man, I am a selfish where I was like, man, I am a selfish ego maniac. You know, I wasn't really I ego maniac. You know, I wasn't really I ego maniac. You know, I wasn't really I was still a happy. I wasn't. Yeah, I was still a happy. I wasn't. Yeah, I was still a happy. I wasn't. Yeah, I wasn't. But like to myself, I was like, wasn't. But like to myself, I was like, wasn't. But like to myself, I was like, >> I'm beating myself up constantly, >> I'm beating myself up constantly, >> I'm beating myself up constantly, focusing on myself. Sure, I was still focusing on myself. Sure, I was still focusing on myself. Sure, I was still giving and adding value to the world. I giving and adding value to the world. I giving and adding value to the world. I wasn't and I was like loving and happy wasn't and I was like loving and happy wasn't and I was like loving and happy and joyful outwardly, but inwardly I and joyful outwardly, but inwardly I and joyful outwardly, but inwardly I know know know >> I wasn't. >> I wasn't. >> I wasn't. >> No, no. because you're doing something >> No, no. because you're doing something >> No, no. because you're doing something that's so this is this is a a that's so this is this is a a that's so this is this is a a distinction that William James the distinction that William James the distinction that William James the father of psychology in 1890 he called father of psychology in 1890 he called father of psychology in 1890 he called the mi self versus the eye self the mi self versus the eye self the mi self versus the eye self >> human beings are you know what the the >> human beings are you know what the the >> human beings are you know what the the homo sapien advantage neurokcognitively homo sapien advantage neurokcognitively homo sapien advantage neurokcognitively is the exist is existence and size of is the exist is existence and size of is the exist is existence and size of the prefrontal cortex the prefrontal cortex the prefrontal cortex >> that's the bumper of tissue behind your >> that's the bumper of tissue behind your >> that's the bumper of tissue behind your forehead that's 30% of your brain by forehead that's 30% of your brain by forehead that's 30% of your brain by weight that is the supercomputer of the weight that is the supercomputer of the weight that is the supercomputer of the ages there's you know AI is never going ages there's you know AI is never going ages there's you know AI is never going to come close to that it just isn't I to come close to that it just isn't I to come close to that it just isn't I mean people who say that it's going to mean people who say that it's going to mean people who say that it's going to become more human become more human become more human The prefrontal cortex does amazing The prefrontal cortex does amazing The prefrontal cortex does amazing things. Among other things, it allows things. Among other things, it allows things. Among other things, it allows you to be two people and time travel. you to be two people and time travel. you to be two people and time travel. >> Isn't it fascinating? >> Isn't it fascinating? >> Isn't it fascinating? >> Oh, it's amazing. So, you go, you think >> Oh, it's amazing. So, you go, you think >> Oh, it's amazing. So, you go, you think about, you know, I did that thing and I about, you know, I did that thing and I about, you know, I did that thing and I feel I really regret it and what if it feel I really regret it and what if it feel I really regret it and what if it had turned out differently than the had turned out differently than the had turned out differently than the present would be different. You're present would be different. You're present would be different. You're practicing to be better in the future. practicing to be better in the future. practicing to be better in the future. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> By time travel, I think I'm going to do >> By time travel, I think I'm going to do >> By time travel, I think I'm going to do this tomorrow, but maybe I'll do this. this tomorrow, but maybe I'll do this. this tomorrow, but maybe I'll do this. Maybe I'll do this. You know, you and I Maybe I'll do this. You know, you and I Maybe I'll do this. You know, you and I were talking about all the cool things were talking about all the cool things were talking about all the cool things that are happening in your business and that are happening in your business and that are happening in your business and five different things that could happen five different things that could happen five different things that could happen in your business. We were time traveling in your business. We were time traveling in your business. We were time traveling 5 years into Louis House. 5 years into Louis House. 5 years into Louis House. Exactly. And then we come back to the Exactly. And then we come back to the Exactly. And then we come back to the present and say which one of the paths present and say which one of the paths present and say which one of the paths do we want to take? That's time travel. do we want to take? That's time travel. do we want to take? That's time travel. It's amazing how that works. We also can It's amazing how that works. We also can It's amazing how that works. We also can think about me looking out or me looking think about me looking out or me looking think about me looking out or me looking in to understand myself. William James in to understand myself. William James in to understand myself. William James said the more time you spend in the me said the more time you spend in the me said the more time you spend in the me self looking in, the less happy you're self looking in, the less happy you're self looking in, the less happy you're going to be. going to be. going to be. >> And the more time that you spend in the >> And the more time that you spend in the >> And the more time that you spend in the I self, you need both because you got to I self, you need both because you got to I self, you need both because you got to know what you're doing in the world and know what you're doing in the world and know what you're doing in the world and what's going on, but you also have to what's going on, but you also have to what's going on, but you also have to understand your place in the world. understand your place in the world. understand your place in the world. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> So you need both. The problem is that >> So you need both. The problem is that >> So you need both. The problem is that mother nature wants you to think me me. mother nature wants you to think me me. mother nature wants you to think me me. Happiness comes by looking out at the Happiness comes by looking out at the Happiness comes by looking out at the world. I had this this really world. I had this this really world. I had this this really interesting experience with this guy who interesting experience with this guy who interesting experience with this guy who did um uh phys physical therapy for me did um uh phys physical therapy for me did um uh phys physical therapy for me because my back hurts a lot. My that's because my back hurts a lot. My that's because my back hurts a lot. My that's wear and tear, man. That's that's like wear and tear, man. That's that's like wear and tear, man. That's that's like kids when you're 61, you'll understand. kids when you're 61, you'll understand. kids when you're 61, you'll understand. And and but he's the a beautiful person And and but he's the a beautiful person And and but he's the a beautiful person and and he was a loving person. Physical and and he was a loving person. Physical and and he was a loving person. Physical therapists are funny because you notice therapists are funny because you notice therapists are funny because you notice that the best ones, they're full of that the best ones, they're full of that the best ones, they're full of love. love. love. >> Sure. >> Sure. >> Sure. >> And that's their actual superren, >> And that's their actual superren, >> And that's their actual superren, okay? okay? okay? >> They want to know you. They want to heal >> They want to know you. They want to heal >> They want to know you. They want to heal you is what it comes down to. And this you is what it comes down to. And this you is what it comes down to. And this guy was a classic. He did he did um guy was a classic. He did he did um guy was a classic. He did he did um acupuncture and physical therapy. And he acupuncture and physical therapy. And he acupuncture and physical therapy. And he was really helping me with my backs a was really helping me with my backs a was really helping me with my backs a lot. I said, you know, you have you have lot. I said, you know, you have you have lot. I said, you know, you have you have weird you have crazy gifts and weird you have crazy gifts and weird you have crazy gifts and >> you know, how did you get here? He's a >> you know, how did you get here? He's a >> you know, how did you get here? He's a young guy. He's your age. And and he young guy. He's your age. And and he young guy. He's your age. And and he said, oh, it's a long path. I said, tell said, oh, it's a long path. I said, tell said, oh, it's a long path. I said, tell me more because now I'm a behavioral me more because now I'm a behavioral me more because now I'm a behavioral scientist. I want to know. Right. Yeah. scientist. I want to know. Right. Yeah. scientist. I want to know. Right. Yeah. >> He says, "Yeah, no, I used to be a >> He says, "Yeah, no, I used to be a >> He says, "Yeah, no, I used to be a fitness influencer." fitness influencer." fitness influencer." >> Really? >> Really? >> Really? >> I was selling my body. I was selling >> I was selling my body. I was selling >> I was selling my body. I was selling pictures of myself, my shirt off. Yeah. pictures of myself, my shirt off. Yeah. pictures of myself, my shirt off. Yeah. >> Uh diet plans, exercise routines, etc. >> Uh diet plans, exercise routines, etc. >> Uh diet plans, exercise routines, etc. >> And he said, "I realized I was just >> And he said, "I realized I was just >> And he said, "I realized I was just completely I was miserable." He said, "I completely I was miserable." He said, "I completely I was miserable." He said, "I hadn't eaten what I wanted to eat for 10 hadn't eaten what I wanted to eat for 10 hadn't eaten what I wanted to eat for 10 years." years." years." >> Chicken and rice every day. [laughter] >> Chicken and rice every day. [laughter] >> Chicken and rice every day. [laughter] >> Because you got to He's trying to stay >> Because you got to He's trying to stay >> Because you got to He's trying to stay at sub 10 body fat. at sub 10 body fat. at sub 10 body fat. >> So hard. >> So hard. >> So hard. >> Uh-huh. It's so hard. >> Uh-huh. It's so hard. >> Uh-huh. It's so hard. >> Under Yeah. 10% body fat. Either you got >> Under Yeah. 10% body fat. Either you got >> Under Yeah. 10% body fat. Either you got weird genetics or you're unhappy. Yeah. weird genetics or you're unhappy. Yeah. weird genetics or you're unhappy. Yeah. I mean, I got weird genetics, right? You I mean, I got weird genetics, right? You I mean, I got weird genetics, right? You train hard. And then I could stay at train hard. And then I could stay at train hard. And then I could stay at seven, but that's because of my seven, but that's because of my seven, but that's because of my genetics, not because I'm making myself genetics, not because I'm making myself genetics, not because I'm making myself miserable. Because nobody wants me to miserable. Because nobody wants me to miserable. Because nobody wants me to take my shirt off on the internet. take my shirt off on the internet. take my shirt off on the internet. [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] >> So, you should go viral. >> So, you should go viral. >> So, you should go viral. >> Put it on. Anyway, so >> Put it on. Anyway, so >> Put it on. Anyway, so >> human did it. It exploded the internet. >> human did it. It exploded the internet. >> human did it. It exploded the internet. >> I know. I know. He broke the internet, >> I know. I know. He broke the internet, >> I know. I know. He broke the internet, but I know. But uh somebody took a but I know. But uh somebody took a but I know. But uh somebody took a picture of him and he allowed it to be picture of him and he allowed it to be picture of him and he allowed it to be posted. But probably I don't know. But posted. But probably I don't know. But posted. But probably I don't know. But but you know he said that he realized but you know he said that he realized but you know he said that he realized >> that he was thinking about himself too >> that he was thinking about himself too >> that he was thinking about himself too much. He needed to fix it. So he's a much. He needed to fix it. So he's a much. He needed to fix it. So he's a smart guy. smart guy. smart guy. >> So he the first thing he did is he's got >> So he the first thing he did is he's got >> So he the first thing he did is he's got rid of his social media accounts. rid of his social media accounts. rid of his social media accounts. >> Step two is he enrolled in physical >> Step two is he enrolled in physical >> Step two is he enrolled in physical therapy school so he could serve others, therapy school so he could serve others, therapy school so he could serve others, learn something new. learn something new. learn something new. >> The third thing he did was this is going >> The third thing he did was this is going >> The third thing he did was this is going to blow your mind. He took every mirror to blow your mind. He took every mirror to blow your mind. He took every mirror out of his house. out of his house. out of his house. >> I love that. >> I love that. >> I love that. >> Every mirror gone. God, I was just >> Every mirror gone. God, I was just >> Every mirror gone. God, I was just thinking the other day about how thinking the other day about how thinking the other day about how mirrors, that invention of mirror has mirrors, that invention of mirror has mirrors, that invention of mirror has probably ruined probably ruined probably ruined >> awful >> awful >> awful >> human psychology. >> human psychology. >> human psychology. >> I know because it basically it torquked >> I know because it basically it torquked >> I know because it basically it torquked myself. myself. myself. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> And then and then and then he showered >> And then and then and then he showered >> And then and then and then he showered in the dark for a year. So he couldn't in the dark for a year. So he couldn't in the dark for a year. So he couldn't see his abs. see his abs. see his abs. [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] >> You didn't see the water rushing down. >> You didn't see the water rushing down. >> You didn't see the water rushing down. It was like, "Look at my abs." Yeah. It was like, "Look at my abs." Yeah. It was like, "Look at my abs." Yeah. >> But he couldn't see it because he was so >> But he couldn't see it because he was so >> But he couldn't see it because he was so attuned to criticizing himself and attuned to criticizing himself and attuned to criticizing himself and belittling himself, belittling himself, belittling himself, >> shaming himself, judging What is this >> shaming himself, judging What is this >> shaming himself, judging What is this little fat? I got to eat you more. I got little fat? I got to eat you more. I got little fat? I got to eat you more. I got to I got to whatever. Yeah, to I got to whatever. Yeah, to I got to whatever. Yeah, >> the me self does this to you. It makes >> the me self does this to you. It makes >> the me self does this to you. It makes you crazy. It makes you completely nuts. you crazy. It makes you completely nuts. you crazy. It makes you completely nuts. So the whole point is that you need to So the whole point is that you need to So the whole point is that you need to look out more. Look at that's look out more. Look at that's look out more. Look at that's self-trcendence. Standing in awe, self-trcendence. Standing in awe, self-trcendence. Standing in awe, serving others puts you into the eye serving others puts you into the eye serving others puts you into the eye self and you find the meaning of your self and you find the meaning of your self and you find the meaning of your life because your brain works right. So life because your brain works right. So life because your brain works right. So this comes from the philosophy, the this comes from the philosophy, the this comes from the philosophy, the theology, the neuroscience. It all works theology, the neuroscience. It all works theology, the neuroscience. It all works together. Yes. together. Yes. together. Yes. >> You want to find the meaning of life, >> You want to find the meaning of life, >> You want to find the meaning of life, stop looking at yourself. stop looking at yourself. stop looking at yourself. >> It's so true, man. around 29. When I was >> It's so true, man. around 29. When I was >> It's so true, man. around 29. When I was 29, so 13 years ago, I guess almost 14 29, so 13 years ago, I guess almost 14 29, so 13 years ago, I guess almost 14 years ago, years ago, years ago, I I'd gotten off my sister's couch where I I'd gotten off my sister's couch where I I'd gotten off my sister's couch where I was like suffering and broke and had I was like suffering and broke and had I was like suffering and broke and had no purpose. I started building a no purpose. I started building a no purpose. I started building a business. I started pursuing these business. I started pursuing these business. I started pursuing these things. And things. And things. And >> five, six years later, I'm 28, 29, 30 >> five, six years later, I'm 28, 29, 30 >> five, six years later, I'm 28, 29, 30 >> and I make my first million dollars and >> and I make my first million dollars and >> and I make my first million dollars and I'm building a little personal brand and I'm building a little personal brand and I'm building a little personal brand and I have some influence and I'm like I have some influence and I'm like I have some influence and I'm like >> making a name for myself in this online >> making a name for myself in this online >> making a name for myself in this online marketing world marketing world marketing world >> and I feel like I'm the most miserable I >> and I feel like I'm the most miserable I >> and I feel like I'm the most miserable I am after about five, six years of this am after about five, six years of this am after about five, six years of this because I was like so focused on me and because I was like so focused on me and because I was like so focused on me and more and more and more and >> well there's also another error that >> well there's also another error that >> well there's also another error that people make that that really hurts their people make that that really hurts their people make that that really hurts their search for training and it's very search for training and it's very search for training and it's very common. It's not it's not just you never common. It's not it's not just you never common. It's not it's not just you never cast dispersions for people making this cast dispersions for people making this cast dispersions for people making this error. This is what I say on my first error. This is what I say on my first error. This is what I say on my first day of class. I teach MBA students at day of class. I teach MBA students at day of class. I teach MBA students at the Harvard Business School. They want the Harvard Business School. They want the Harvard Business School. They want to be unbelievably successful and to be unbelievably successful and to be unbelievably successful and they're going to be right. they're going to be right. they're going to be right. >> They want to make millions of dollars. >> They want to make millions of dollars. >> They want to make millions of dollars. They want to raise a bunch of money. They want to raise a bunch of money. They want to raise a bunch of money. They want to sell companies. All this They want to sell companies. All this They want to sell companies. All this >> they want to be masters of the universe. >> they want to be masters of the universe. >> they want to be masters of the universe. They want to be rich. They want to be rich. They want to be rich. >> And here's what they think. If I get the >> And here's what they think. If I get the >> And here's what they think. If I get the money, if I get the power, if I get the money, if I get the power, if I get the money, if I get the power, if I get the fame, then I'll be happy. Right? And I fame, then I'll be happy. Right? And I fame, then I'll be happy. Right? And I say this on the first day of class and say this on the first day of class and say this on the first day of class and it makes them panic and you're going to it makes them panic and you're going to it makes them panic and you're going to see why. Because you're a stver par see why. Because you're a stver par see why. Because you're a stver par excellence. excellence. excellence. >> I say go for the happiness and I'm going >> I say go for the happiness and I'm going >> I say go for the happiness and I'm going to teach you how and then you'll be to teach you how and then you'll be to teach you how and then you'll be successful enough successful enough successful enough >> and the rest doesn't matter. >> and the rest doesn't matter. >> and the rest doesn't matter. >> But you know what makes them panic? >> But you know what makes them panic? >> But you know what makes them panic? >> What? >> What? >> What? >> Enough. >> Enough. >> Enough. >> Cuz at the Harvard Business School, >> Cuz at the Harvard Business School, >> Cuz at the Harvard Business School, there's no such thing as enough. And for there's no such thing as enough. And for there's no such thing as enough. And for all the stvers who look why do you watch all the stvers who look why do you watch all the stvers who look why do you watch the school of greatness? the school of greatness? the school of greatness? >> You want more. You want >> You want more. You want >> You want more. You want >> because there's not enough. And and I >> because there's not enough. And and I >> because there's not enough. And and I admire strivvers. I admire strivvers. admire strivvers. I admire strivvers. admire strivvers. I admire strivvers. But this is the key thing. And this is But this is the key thing. And this is But this is the key thing. And this is what you were experiencing. If you think what you were experiencing. If you think what you were experiencing. If you think that the money and the power and the that the money and the power and the that the money and the power and the honor, but mostly the money for what you honor, but mostly the money for what you honor, but mostly the money for what you were doing with direct marketing, right, were doing with direct marketing, right, were doing with direct marketing, right, and all the stuff that you were doing, and all the stuff that you were doing, and all the stuff that you were doing, >> you thought that that would bring you >> you thought that that would bring you >> you thought that that would bring you that you would arrive at some level. that you would arrive at some level. that you would arrive at some level. That first million dollars would help That first million dollars would help That first million dollars would help you arrive at some level of happiness, you arrive at some level of happiness, you arrive at some level of happiness, >> some level of peace. >> some level of peace. >> some level of peace. >> But now look at your life. Your life is >> But now look at your life. Your life is >> But now look at your life. Your life is full of love. full of love. full of love. >> You have a friendship with God. You have >> You have a friendship with God. You have >> You have a friendship with God. You have a you have a you're you're living with a you have a you're you're living with a you have a you're you're living with you're living with your guru. you're living with your guru. you're living with your guru. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You got your babies. >> You got your babies. >> You got your babies. >> It's crazy, man. We're the future you. >> It's crazy, man. We're the future you. >> It's crazy, man. We're the future you. >> That's that's really the the source of >> That's that's really the the source of >> That's that's really the the source of happiness and makes you successful happiness and makes you successful happiness and makes you successful enough. enough. enough. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> That's the beautiful thing. That's what >> That's the beautiful thing. That's what >> That's the beautiful thing. That's what people need to actually focus on and people need to actually focus on and people need to actually focus on and that's what will happen when you take that's what will happen when you take that's what will happen when you take the mirrors out of your life. the mirrors out of your life. the mirrors out of your life. >> Yeah. Whether that's literal mirrors or >> Yeah. Whether that's literal mirrors or >> Yeah. Whether that's literal mirrors or you know other you know other you know other >> metaphoric mirrors like notifications on >> metaphoric mirrors like notifications on >> metaphoric mirrors like notifications on >> Exactly. [laughter] >> Exactly. [laughter] >> Exactly. [laughter] because you know or view counts or because you know or view counts or because you know or view counts or whatever it might be because I remember whatever it might be because I remember whatever it might be because I remember reflecting at this time I had a kind of reflecting at this time I had a kind of reflecting at this time I had a kind of a big breakthrough and of like maybe a big breakthrough and of like maybe a big breakthrough and of like maybe over a three to six month window of the over a three to six month window of the over a three to six month window of the >> my life during that time where I had it >> my life during that time where I had it >> my life during that time where I had it all all all >> but all my relationships were falling >> but all my relationships were falling >> but all my relationships were falling apart business relationships it was with apart business relationships it was with apart business relationships it was with a girlfriend that was falling apart a girlfriend that was falling apart a girlfriend that was falling apart friendships like things were falling friendships like things were falling friendships like things were falling apart and I was at the center of all apart and I was at the center of all apart and I was at the center of all those. those. those. >> Yeah. So in the beginning I'm like this >> Yeah. So in the beginning I'm like this >> Yeah. So in the beginning I'm like this person's doing this and she did this and person's doing this and she did this and person's doing this and she did this and he did and they don't and then I go oh he did and they don't and then I go oh he did and they don't and then I go oh but it's all happening I'm at the center but it's all happening I'm at the center but it's all happening I'm at the center I'm the common denominator of all I'm the common denominator of all I'm the common denominator of all >> the me self was saying something is >> the me self was saying something is >> the me self was saying something is happening so that I'm not being loved happening so that I'm not being loved happening so that I'm not being loved enough the eye self says I need to go enough the eye self says I need to go enough the eye self says I need to go love more love more love more >> and that's what I started doing I said I >> and that's what I started doing I said I >> and that's what I started doing I said I I went through my own healing journey I went through my own healing journey I went through my own healing journey around that time I started opening up around that time I started opening up around that time I started opening up about the different things that I was about the different things that I was about the different things that I was going through from childhood sexual going through from childhood sexual going through from childhood sexual abuse and other things that I've talked abuse and other things that I've talked abuse and other things that I've talked about times yeah very public And I about times yeah very public And I about times yeah very public And I realized I need to serve more. I was realized I need to serve more. I was realized I need to serve more. I was like I felt my first big calling was like I felt my first big calling was like I felt my first big calling was like you've got to serve those that like you've got to serve those that like you've got to serve those that can't serve themselves. And I thought can't serve themselves. And I thought can't serve themselves. And I thought about what is something that's about what is something that's about what is something that's meaningful for me. I struggled in school meaningful for me. I struggled in school meaningful for me. I struggled in school my entire life. I struggled at learning my entire life. I struggled at learning my entire life. I struggled at learning sitting in a classroom reading sitting in a classroom reading sitting in a classroom reading textbooks. It didn't work well for how I textbooks. It didn't work well for how I textbooks. It didn't work well for how I >> Are you dyslexic? >> Are you dyslexic? >> Are you dyslexic? >> Very. Yeah. Yeah. >> Very. Yeah. Yeah. >> Very. Yeah. Yeah. >> And I was always in the bottom of my >> And I was always in the bottom of my >> And I was always in the bottom of my class. I was always like And they used class. I was always like And they used class. I was always like And they used to rank us on our grade cards back in to rank us on our grade cards back in to rank us on our grade cards back in the day. I don't know if they still do the day. I don't know if they still do the day. I don't know if they still do it. So I was always in the bottom four it. So I was always in the bottom four it. So I was always in the bottom four from middle school through high school from middle school through high school from middle school through high school and I just struggled and I just felt and I just struggled and I just felt and I just struggled and I just felt like man I'm never going to be smart like man I'm never going to be smart like man I'm never going to be smart enough. enough. enough. >> You felt stupid, right? >> You felt stupid, right? >> You felt stupid, right? >> Very stupid every day. Not enough. >> Very stupid every day. Not enough. >> Very stupid every day. Not enough. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. >> The the way I learned was through >> The the way I learned was through >> The the way I learned was through sports, through mentors, through coaches sports, through mentors, through coaches sports, through mentors, through coaches >> and because you're super athletic. >> and because you're super athletic. >> and because you're super athletic. >> Yeah. I mean professional athlete. >> Yeah. I mean professional athlete. >> Yeah. I mean professional athlete. >> I leaned into that and I was like, >> I leaned into that and I was like, >> I leaned into that and I was like, "Okay, I can find value here." "Okay, I can find value here." "Okay, I can find value here." >> But I I was like, I need to start >> But I I was like, I need to start >> But I I was like, I need to start serving. What is the thing that I care serving. What is the thing that I care serving. What is the thing that I care about? I care about education and I care about? I care about education and I care about? I care about education and I care about kids. Yeah, about kids. Yeah, about kids. Yeah, >> cuz I struggled as a kid. >> cuz I struggled as a kid. >> cuz I struggled as a kid. >> So I said, I need to find ways to serve >> So I said, I need to find ways to serve >> So I said, I need to find ways to serve children to have education. And that's children to have education. And that's children to have education. And that's something I did. I launched my first something I did. I launched my first something I did. I launched my first school with an organization called Pence school with an organization called Pence school with an organization called Pence the Promise. the Promise. the Promise. >> It was 14 years ago. And I don't know >> It was 14 years ago. And I don't know >> It was 14 years ago. And I don't know how many schools I've built over the how many schools I've built over the how many schools I've built over the last 14 years and brought others to last 14 years and brought others to last 14 years and brought others to serve and travel the world serve and travel the world serve and travel the world >> in these communities and seeing the joy >> in these communities and seeing the joy >> in these communities and seeing the joy of these children having a place to go of these children having a place to go of these children having a place to go to learn. to learn. to learn. >> At least I had a school, you know, even >> At least I had a school, you know, even >> At least I had a school, you know, even though I didn't feel like it worked well though I didn't feel like it worked well though I didn't feel like it worked well for me, I had somewhere to go. for me, I had somewhere to go. for me, I had somewhere to go. >> Yeah. so many kids that don't have that >> Yeah. so many kids that don't have that >> Yeah. so many kids that don't have that and I'm it's something I'm doing through and I'm it's something I'm doing through and I'm it's something I'm doing through this mission now. Instead of just this mission now. Instead of just this mission now. Instead of just selling something to make money, I was selling something to make money, I was selling something to make money, I was like, how can I build something that like, how can I build something that like, how can I build something that serves? serves? serves? >> How can I do both? And >> How can I do both? And >> How can I do both? And >> yeah. Yeah. And it was it's intensely >> yeah. Yeah. And it was it's intensely >> yeah. Yeah. And it was it's intensely satisfying. satisfying. satisfying. >> Intensely >> Intensely >> Intensely >> because it it just jams you into the >> because it it just jams you into the >> because it it just jams you into the self. self. self. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> You're loving outwardly >> You're loving outwardly >> You're loving outwardly >> constantly. >> constantly. >> constantly. >> Notwithstanding anything that comes >> Notwithstanding anything that comes >> Notwithstanding anything that comes back. back. back. >> Exactly. >> Exactly. >> Exactly. >> Without expectation of return. >> Without expectation of return. >> Without expectation of return. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> That's what we're built to do. >> That's what we're built to do. >> That's what we're built to do. >> Serving. The more I think about that, >> Serving. The more I think about that, >> Serving. The more I think about that, how can I continue to serve at the how can I continue to serve at the how can I continue to serve at the highest level? Use my gifts and talents highest level? Use my gifts and talents highest level? Use my gifts and talents and serve people at the highest level. and serve people at the highest level. and serve people at the highest level. It's the most rewarding feeling. It's the most rewarding feeling. It's the most rewarding feeling. >> I know. I know. >> I know. I know. >> I know. I know. >> It's the most rewarding feeling. >> It's the most rewarding feeling. >> It's the most rewarding feeling. >> That's that's transcendence. It that's >> That's that's transcendence. It that's >> That's that's transcendence. It that's what people want. That's what they what people want. That's what they what people want. That's what they that's what they need. But but but but that's what they need. But but but but that's what they need. But but but but mother nature and the current mother nature and the current mother nature and the current environment and the culture and the environment and the culture and the environment and the culture and the technology technology technology will force you away from that. And and will force you away from that. And and will force you away from that. And and that's why we need to live in a very that's why we need to live in a very that's why we need to live in a very proposive way. We need to live in an proposive way. We need to live in an proposive way. We need to live in an entrepreneurial way where we're living entrepreneurial way where we're living entrepreneurial way where we're living the startup of our own lives doing the startup of our own lives doing the startup of our own lives doing something that you know people people something that you know people people something that you know people people are very very and very positively are very very and very positively are very very and very positively interested in a lot of content on the interested in a lot of content on the interested in a lot of content on the internet that that en urges them to do internet that that en urges them to do internet that that en urges them to do uncomfortable hard things right I mean uncomfortable hard things right I mean uncomfortable hard things right I mean all the bro podcasts are out there like all the bro podcasts are out there like all the bro podcasts are out there like grind it out harder work harder and and grind it out harder work harder and and grind it out harder work harder and and tons of dudes are like yeah give that to tons of dudes are like yeah give that to tons of dudes are like yeah give that to me. I mean, it's interesting because me. I mean, it's interesting because me. I mean, it's interesting because Jordan Peterson, my friend Jordan Jordan Peterson, my friend Jordan Jordan Peterson, my friend Jordan Peterson, I mean, he's very very very Peterson, I mean, he's very very very Peterson, I mean, he's very very very successful giving hard advice. Yes. successful giving hard advice. Yes. successful giving hard advice. Yes. >> Giving really hard advice. >> Giving really hard advice. >> Giving really hard advice. And I understand why because people have And I understand why because people have And I understand why because people have this this sense that there's something this this sense that there's something this this sense that there's something bigger. There's something better. bigger. There's something better. bigger. There's something better. They're looking for meaning. And and so They're looking for meaning. And and so They're looking for meaning. And and so they're they're they're willing to walk they're they're they're willing to walk they're they're they're willing to walk towards something that's incredibly towards something that's incredibly towards something that's incredibly uncomfortable. By the way, this is a uncomfortable. By the way, this is a uncomfortable. By the way, this is a second avenue toward meaning is second avenue toward meaning is second avenue toward meaning is understanding suffering. do hard things understanding suffering. do hard things understanding suffering. do hard things >> is doing hard things but understanding >> is doing hard things but understanding >> is doing hard things but understanding suffering suffering suffering >> because when you understand the way that >> because when you understand the way that >> because when you understand the way that suffering actually works and you're no suffering actually works and you're no suffering actually works and you're no longer resisting it you will find longer resisting it you will find longer resisting it you will find meaning your brain will work right is meaning your brain will work right is meaning your brain will work right is the bottom line the bottom line the bottom line >> and that's what a lot of people are >> and that's what a lot of people are >> and that's what a lot of people are grasping toward a lot of young people on grasping toward a lot of young people on grasping toward a lot of young people on the internet are grasping it at this the internet are grasping it at this the internet are grasping it at this this kind of thing and that's the kind this kind of thing and that's the kind this kind of thing and that's the kind of thing that we're talking about here of thing that we're talking about here of thing that we're talking about here >> that that when you're doing something >> that that when you're doing something >> that that when you're doing something that's an uncomfortable thing it's a that's an uncomfortable thing it's a that's an uncomfortable thing it's a morally uncomfortable thing it's an morally uncomfortable thing it's an morally uncomfortable thing it's an emotionally uncomfortable thing it's a emotionally uncomfortable thing it's a emotionally uncomfortable thing it's a spiritually uncomfortable thing or yeah, spiritually uncomfortable thing or yeah, spiritually uncomfortable thing or yeah, it's a cold plunge or whatever, right? it's a cold plunge or whatever, right? it's a cold plunge or whatever, right? >> You're doing this thing. So, you're >> You're doing this thing. So, you're >> You're doing this thing. So, you're exploring the space. You're transcending exploring the space. You're transcending exploring the space. You're transcending yourself. You're exploring the space of yourself. You're exploring the space of yourself. You're exploring the space of actually non-resistance towards actually non-resistance towards actually non-resistance towards suffering. suffering. suffering. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> And and you're saying, "I don't know why >> And and you're saying, "I don't know why >> And and you're saying, "I don't know why I feel better because the right I feel better because the right I feel better because the right hemisphere of your brain is illuminated hemisphere of your brain is illuminated hemisphere of your brain is illuminated and you're and you're and you're >> and you have an understanding, an >> and you have an understanding, an >> and you have an understanding, an incoate understanding, a wordless, incoate understanding, a wordless, incoate understanding, a wordless, ineffable understanding of the meaning ineffable understanding of the meaning ineffable understanding of the meaning of your life." of your life." of your life." >> I mean, you work with a lot of high >> I mean, you work with a lot of high >> I mean, you work with a lot of high achievers. I feel like a lot of people achievers. I feel like a lot of people achievers. I feel like a lot of people that watch and listen to this show, that watch and listen to this show, that watch and listen to this show, they're consciously trying to achieve they're consciously trying to achieve they're consciously trying to achieve something greater in their life. That's something greater in their life. That's something greater in their life. That's why they're here. And I love this kind why they're here. And I love this kind why they're here. And I love this kind of like speech that I heard Jim Carrey of like speech that I heard Jim Carrey of like speech that I heard Jim Carrey give. I think it was at the Golden give. I think it was at the Golden give. I think it was at the Golden Globes one year where he said, you know, Globes one year where he said, you know, Globes one year where he said, you know, I'm twotime Golden Globe winner Jim I'm twotime Golden Globe winner Jim I'm twotime Golden Globe winner Jim Carrey. And if I can become three-time Carrey. And if I can become three-time Carrey. And if I can become three-time Golden Globe winner Jim Carrey, then Golden Globe winner Jim Carrey, then Golden Globe winner Jim Carrey, then I'll be enough. It's like this kind of I'll be enough. It's like this kind of I'll be enough. It's like this kind of anecdote of like anecdote of like anecdote of like >> I know >> I know >> I know >> how many >> how many >> how many >> He was making a joke and people laughed. >> He was making a joke and people laughed. >> He was making a joke and people laughed. >> They laughed. Yeah. >> They laughed. Yeah. >> They laughed. Yeah. >> But it's like how you know what I'm >> But it's like how you know what I'm >> But it's like how you know what I'm talking about. talking about. talking about. >> I do. I do. I know. is very he's a very >> I do. I do. I know. is very he's a very >> I do. I do. I know. is very he's a very profound guy. profound guy. profound guy. >> God, I want to interview him so bad. >> God, I want to interview him so bad. >> God, I want to interview him so bad. >> He's a very profound. I bet he Hey, Jim, >> He's a very profound. I bet he Hey, Jim, >> He's a very profound. I bet he Hey, Jim, come on the show. come on the show. come on the show. >> I know. I want to interview him so bad. >> I know. I want to interview him so bad. >> I know. I want to interview him so bad. I think it'd be fascinating. But I love I think it'd be fascinating. But I love I think it'd be fascinating. But I love his thought process around around that. his thought process around around that. his thought process around around that. And I'm sure he struggled many years cuz And I'm sure he struggled many years cuz And I'm sure he struggled many years cuz he never maybe didn't feel enough for a he never maybe didn't feel enough for a he never maybe didn't feel enough for a long time, but long time, but long time, but >> I think he's I think he's talked openly >> I think he's I think he's talked openly >> I think he's I think he's talked openly about his struggles actually. Yeah. about his struggles actually. Yeah. about his struggles actually. Yeah. >> And there was another interview he did >> And there was another interview he did >> And there was another interview he did where he said he was going to retire a where he said he was going to retire a where he said he was going to retire a few years ago and someone said, "No, you few years ago and someone said, "No, you few years ago and someone said, "No, you can't retire. Like you're too talented." can't retire. Like you're too talented." can't retire. Like you're too talented." The the journalist was saying like, The the journalist was saying like, The the journalist was saying like, "Please don't retire." And he goes, "I'm "Please don't retire." And he goes, "I'm "Please don't retire." And he goes, "I'm going to say something that most going to say something that most going to say something that most celebrities will never admit to." And he celebrities will never admit to." And he celebrities will never admit to." And he said, "I've done enough. I have enough. said, "I've done enough. I have enough. said, "I've done enough. I have enough. I [snorts] am enough." I [snorts] am enough." I [snorts] am enough." >> And most celebrities will won't admit to >> And most celebrities will won't admit to >> And most celebrities will won't admit to that. that. that. >> Right >> Right >> Right >> now, easy for him to say at his age and >> now, easy for him to say at his age and >> now, easy for him to say at his age and his career and his his career and his his career and his >> But it's not, you know, it just gets >> But it's not, you know, it just gets >> But it's not, you know, it just gets harder and harder. It just gets harder harder and harder. It just gets harder harder and harder. It just gets harder and harder. and harder. and harder. >> That need for validation, that need for >> That need for validation, that need for >> That need for validation, that need for being in the game, being talked about. being in the game, being talked about. being in the game, being talked about. >> The more famous you are, the more famous >> The more famous you are, the more famous >> The more famous you are, the more famous you need to be. you need to be. you need to be. >> Gosh, >> Gosh, >> Gosh, >> the richer you are, the richer you need >> the richer you are, the richer you need >> the richer you are, the richer you need to be. That's just and the reason is to be. That's just and the reason is to be. That's just and the reason is because you're you're on the hedonic because you're you're on the hedonic because you're you're on the hedonic treadmill. There isn't enough. There treadmill. There isn't enough. There treadmill. There isn't enough. There isn't enough in the world. It's said isn't enough in the world. It's said isn't enough in the world. It's said these rewards these worldly rewards. these rewards these worldly rewards. these rewards these worldly rewards. This is what s St. Thomas Aquinas he This is what s St. Thomas Aquinas he This is what s St. Thomas Aquinas he called the world's idols. A and the called the world's idols. A and the called the world's idols. A and the world's idols are the things that world's idols are the things that world's idols are the things that beguile you and they have a kind of a beguile you and they have a kind of a beguile you and they have a kind of a divine divine divine feel to them but they lead you away from feel to them but they lead you away from feel to them but they lead you away from what you truly want which is the mission what you truly want which is the mission what you truly want which is the mission and meaning of your life. They lead you and meaning of your life. They lead you and meaning of your life. They lead you away from it because they look like away from it because they look like away from it because they look like they're going to bring you to it, but they're going to bring you to it, but they're going to bring you to it, but they actually don't. So, they're like they actually don't. So, they're like they actually don't. So, they're like drinking salt water. The more that you drinking salt water. The more that you drinking salt water. The more that you drink, the thirstier you get. And and drink, the thirstier you get. And and drink, the thirstier you get. And and and actually, every single one of the and actually, every single one of the and actually, every single one of the all the stvers watching us right now and all the stvers watching us right now and all the stvers watching us right now and you and me, there's one that beguiles us you and me, there's one that beguiles us you and me, there's one that beguiles us more than the others. And if you have more than the others. And if you have more than the others. And if you have information, if you have knowledge about information, if you have knowledge about information, if you have knowledge about which is your idol, you got power. You which is your idol, you got power. You which is your idol, you got power. You want You want to play What's my idol? want You want to play What's my idol? want You want to play What's my idol? >> What's your idol? Yeah. >> What's your idol? Yeah. >> What's your idol? Yeah. >> No, I want to play with you. >> No, I want to play with you. >> No, I want to play with you. >> What's your idol? >> What's your idol? >> What's your idol? >> So, let's find out. Let's find out. So >> So, let's find out. Let's find out. So >> So, let's find out. Let's find out. So kids, you can play along at home. kids, you can play along at home. kids, you can play along at home. [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] >> I play my idol. So I play this game with >> I play my idol. So I play this game with >> I play my idol. So I play this game with my students because if they know their my students because if they know their my students because if they know their idol, they have power. Your idol idol, they have power. Your idol idol, they have power. Your idol >> is what will always lead you astray. And >> is what will always lead you astray. And >> is what will always lead you astray. And when you look back to the times of your when you look back to the times of your when you look back to the times of your life where you suffered the most, it's life where you suffered the most, it's life where you suffered the most, it's because you were beguiled by that idol because you were beguiled by that idol because you were beguiled by that idol the most. the most. the most. >> And it's always one of four things. >> And it's always one of four things. >> And it's always one of four things. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Money, power, pleasure, or honor. And >> Money, power, pleasure, or honor. And >> Money, power, pleasure, or honor. And honor means like internet famous or honor means like internet famous or honor means like internet famous or something. Yeah. Prestige, something. Yeah. Prestige, something. Yeah. Prestige, >> admiration >> admiration >> admiration of the right people or admiration of of the right people or admiration of of the right people or admiration of lots of people. Success addicted people lots of people. Success addicted people lots of people. Success addicted people who get famous when they're young. They who get famous when they're young. They who get famous when they're young. They seek the admiration of strangers. That's seek the admiration of strangers. That's seek the admiration of strangers. That's the honor idol. And we can talk about the honor idol. And we can talk about the honor idol. And we can talk about that one because that one's super that one because that one's super that one because that one's super dangerous. dangerous. dangerous. >> What was the third one? >> What was the third one? >> What was the third one? >> Pleasure. >> Pleasure. >> Pleasure. >> Pleasure. Money. Pleasure. >> Pleasure. Money. Pleasure. >> Pleasure. Money. Pleasure. >> Money. Power. Pleasure. Honor. Those are >> Money. Power. Pleasure. Honor. Those are >> Money. Power. Pleasure. Honor. Those are the four. Now this comes from Aristotle the four. Now this comes from Aristotle the four. Now this comes from Aristotle via Thomas Aquinus in 1265 and his suma via Thomas Aquinus in 1265 and his suma via Thomas Aquinus in 1265 and his suma theologia. He was an unbelievably a theologia. He was an unbelievably a theologia. He was an unbelievably a droid behavioral scientist way before droid behavioral scientist way before droid behavioral scientist way before his time. And all this stuff that I'm his time. And all this stuff that I'm his time. And all this stuff that I'm talking about here has been completely talking about here has been completely talking about here has been completely validated by modern neuroscience and validated by modern neuroscience and validated by modern neuroscience and behavioral science. Okay? But it was the behavioral science. Okay? But it was the behavioral science. Okay? But it was the 13th century. It's unbelievable. 13th century. It's unbelievable. 13th century. It's unbelievable. >> Crazy. >> Crazy. >> Crazy. >> The school of greatness is brought to >> The school of greatness is brought to >> The school of greatness is brought to you in partnership with Airbnb. Now, I'm you in partnership with Airbnb. Now, I'm you in partnership with Airbnb. Now, I'm a big fan of Airbnb. And whether you a big fan of Airbnb. And whether you a big fan of Airbnb. And whether you travel a little or a lot, time away travel a little or a lot, time away travel a little or a lot, time away always brings a fresh perspective. And always brings a fresh perspective. And always brings a fresh perspective. And for us, that often means visiting for us, that often means visiting for us, that often means visiting family, taking a short trip to recharge, family, taking a short trip to recharge, family, taking a short trip to recharge, or just heading somewhere new for a few or just heading somewhere new for a few or just heading somewhere new for a few days. And every time we leave, I notice days. And every time we leave, I notice days. And every time we leave, I notice the same thing is that our home sits the same thing is that our home sits the same thing is that our home sits there completely empty. And that's why there completely empty. And that's why there completely empty. And that's why we've started hosting all of our we've started hosting all of our we've started hosting all of our properties on Airbnb while we're away. properties on Airbnb while we're away. properties on Airbnb while we're away. It's a practical way to make use of the It's a practical way to make use of the It's a practical way to make use of the space instead of just having it sit space instead of just having it sit space instead of just having it sit there alone by itself. And at the same there alone by itself. And at the same there alone by itself. And at the same time, it gives travelers a place to time, it gives travelers a place to time, it gives travelers a place to create their own memorable experience in create their own memorable experience in create their own memorable experience in our city. From our experience, hosting our city. From our experience, hosting our city. From our experience, hosting has always been easy and has always been easy and has always been easy and straightforward. It's not something that straightforward. It's not something that straightforward. It's not something that takes over your life. It's simply a takes over your life. It's simply a takes over your life. It's simply a smart way to earn a little extra income smart way to earn a little extra income smart way to earn a little extra income while you're already traveling. And when while you're already traveling. And when while you're already traveling. And when you're gone, instead of just leaving you're gone, instead of just leaving you're gone, instead of just leaving your place empty, you can host your home your place empty, you can host your home your place empty, you can host your home on Airbnb. Your home might be worth more on Airbnb. Your home might be worth more on Airbnb. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at than you think. Find out how much at than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com/host. airbnb.com/host. airbnb.com/host. >> Okay, so here's how it works, Louis. >> Okay, so here's how it works, Louis. >> Okay, so here's how it works, Louis. Here's how. Here's how. Here's how. >> What's my idol? >> What's my idol? >> What's my idol? >> So, what I'm going to do is I'm not >> So, what I'm going to do is I'm not >> So, what I'm going to do is I'm not going to ask you what it is. I'm going going to ask you what it is. I'm going going to ask you what it is. I'm going to ask you what it's not. to ask you what it's not. to ask you what it's not. >> Okay, before we do that, what is the >> Okay, before we do that, what is the >> Okay, before we do that, what is the idol of most Harvard Business School idol of most Harvard Business School idol of most Harvard Business School students coming in? What is most of students coming in? What is most of students coming in? What is most of their is there? their is there? their is there? >> They think it's money and it isn't. >> They think it's money and it isn't. >> They think it's money and it isn't. >> What is it? >> What is it? >> What is it? >> We'll see. >> We'll see. >> We'll see. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. Okay. >> Okay. Okay. >> Okay. Okay. >> Gosh. So, we're going to take the idols >> Gosh. So, we're going to take the idols >> Gosh. So, we're going to take the idols away. And one of the reasons is because away. And one of the reasons is because away. And one of the reasons is because this is an elimination technique that's this is an elimination technique that's this is an elimination technique that's the most accurate way for you to figure the most accurate way for you to figure the most accurate way for you to figure out all kinds of things in life. This is out all kinds of things in life. This is out all kinds of things in life. This is cognitively a very powerful technique cognitively a very powerful technique cognitively a very powerful technique for finding something. So, I want you to for finding something. So, I want you to for finding something. So, I want you to look at these things and I want you to look at these things and I want you to look at these things and I want you to get rid of one you care about the least, get rid of one you care about the least, get rid of one you care about the least, which doesn't mean you don't have it. which doesn't mean you don't have it. which doesn't mean you don't have it. >> What it means is what it means is you >> What it means is what it means is you >> What it means is what it means is you have the population average, have the population average, have the population average, >> which you know, you take away money for >> which you know, you take away money for >> which you know, you take away money for example, example, example, >> you're the population average in the >> you're the population average in the >> you're the population average in the United States. That's pretty darn good. United States. That's pretty darn good. United States. That's pretty darn good. M M M >> but the problem is this. You're not >> but the problem is this. You're not >> but the problem is this. You're not extraordinary in it, which means it extraordinary in it, which means it extraordinary in it, which means it sucks if it's your idol. sucks if it's your idol. sucks if it's your idol. >> Gosh. >> Gosh. >> Gosh. >> Okay. So, money, power, pleasure, fame. >> Okay. So, money, power, pleasure, fame. >> Okay. So, money, power, pleasure, fame. Which one do you got to get rid of Which one do you got to get rid of Which one do you got to get rid of first? first? first? >> I >> I >> I >> Which one do you care about the least? >> Which one do you care about the least? >> Which one do you care about the least? >> What if you feel like you have all four? >> What if you feel like you have all four? >> What if you feel like you have all four? >> Of course you do have all four inside >> Of course you do have all four inside >> Of course you do have all four inside >> because you're Mr. Big and of course you >> because you're Mr. Big and of course you >> because you're Mr. Big and of course you care about all four of them. But which care about all four of them. But which care about all four of them. But which one would you could you kick away one would you could you kick away one would you could you kick away >> most easily? >> most easily? >> most easily? >> I can make a prediction for you already. >> I can make a prediction for you already. >> I can make a prediction for you already. >> What's not your idol? Um, >> What's not your idol? Um, >> What's not your idol? Um, >> power means influence over other people. >> power means influence over other people. >> power means influence over other people. >> I guess power is going to be the one >> I guess power is going to be the one >> I guess power is going to be the one because I'd rather have honor than I because I'd rather have honor than I because I'd rather have honor than I don't want to look with your don't want to look with your don't want to look with your >> honor is kind of power where it's >> honor is kind of power where it's >> honor is kind of power where it's >> No, no, no, no. It's respect. It's like, >> No, no, no, no. It's respect. It's like, >> No, no, no, no. It's respect. It's like, oh, oh, oh, >> power is influence over other people. >> power is influence over other people. >> power is influence over other people. So, they do what you want. So, they do what you want. So, they do what you want. >> Now, how do I know that about you? >> Now, how do I know that about you? >> Now, how do I know that about you? Because you're highly intelligent. Because you're highly intelligent. Because you're highly intelligent. >> You'd be a CEO of a big company right >> You'd be a CEO of a big company right >> You'd be a CEO of a big company right now now now >> and you're not. >> and you're not. >> and you're not. >> You're running an enterprise that's an >> You're running an enterprise that's an >> You're running an enterprise that's an idea enterprise. It's not in a skeleton idea enterprise. It's not in a skeleton idea enterprise. It's not in a skeleton crew. I mean, there's a bunch of people crew. I mean, there's a bunch of people crew. I mean, there's a bunch of people around us right now that are doing good around us right now that are doing good around us right now that are doing good work, but the whole point is you'd have work, but the whole point is you'd have work, but the whole point is you'd have a big company. You'd be running a big a big company. You'd be running a big a big company. You'd be running a big public company, and you'd be the public company, and you'd be the public company, and you'd be the chairman and CEO. And Louis House could chairman and CEO. And Louis House could chairman and CEO. And Louis House could absolutely have that gig. absolutely have that gig. absolutely have that gig. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> If power were the thing. Okay, good. So, >> If power were the thing. Okay, good. So, >> If power were the thing. Okay, good. So, you got three left. Money, pleasure. you got three left. Money, pleasure. you got three left. Money, pleasure. >> I already know what I already know. My >> I already know what I already know. My >> I already know what I already know. My >> What's the Well, let's let's eliminate a >> What's the Well, let's let's eliminate a >> What's the Well, let's let's eliminate a little bit more. Okay. Which one do you little bit more. Okay. Which one do you little bit more. Okay. Which one do you get rid of next? It gets harder. I feel get rid of next? It gets harder. I feel get rid of next? It gets harder. I feel like, like, like, gosh, this is interesting because I was gosh, this is interesting because I was gosh, this is interesting because I was just telling Martha last night, I go, just telling Martha last night, I go, just telling Martha last night, I go, you know, I could live in a two-bedroom you know, I could live in a two-bedroom you know, I could live in a two-bedroom apartment and be fine. Yeah. apartment and be fine. Yeah. apartment and be fine. Yeah. >> You know, and like >> You know, and like >> You know, and like >> it's actually not money. >> it's actually not money. >> it's actually not money. >> Yeah. I was like, >> Yeah. I was like, >> Yeah. I was like, >> you're not I mean, money is great, but >> you're not I mean, money is great, but >> you're not I mean, money is great, but >> I like having it like as a security, I >> I like having it like as a security, I >> I like having it like as a security, I guess, but I don't see the thing I don't guess, but I don't see the thing I don't guess, but I don't see the thing I don't buy stuff. buy stuff. buy stuff. >> Security isn't security isn't a money >> Security isn't security isn't a money >> Security isn't security isn't a money idol. Security is a pleasure idol. idol. Security is a pleasure idol. idol. Security is a pleasure idol. >> Yeah. Okay. What it is is if you and and >> Yeah. Okay. What it is is if you and and >> Yeah. Okay. What it is is if you and and one of the things people my age they'll one of the things people my age they'll one of the things people my age they'll say well I don't I'm not motivated by say well I don't I'm not motivated by say well I don't I'm not motivated by pleasure. How often do you ch you you pleasure. How often do you ch you you pleasure. How often do you ch you you check your stock portfolio check your stock portfolio check your stock portfolio >> every day? >> every day? >> every day? >> Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So >> Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So >> Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So >> I don't every day. >> I don't every day. >> I don't every day. >> And so comfort, security, and feeling >> And so comfort, security, and feeling >> And so comfort, security, and feeling good are all the same idol. That's good are all the same idol. That's good are all the same idol. That's interesting because money I know it's interesting because money I know it's interesting because money I know it's not I mean listen [clears throat] I'm a not I mean listen [clears throat] I'm a not I mean listen [clears throat] I'm a driven business entrepreneur that needs driven business entrepreneur that needs driven business entrepreneur that needs to make money to pay for people's lives to make money to pay for people's lives to make money to pay for people's lives and my livelihood but I turn down money and my livelihood but I turn down money and my livelihood but I turn down money all the time. all the time. all the time. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Like the reason I know it's not my >> Like the reason I know it's not my >> Like the reason I know it's not my because I get sponsorship and deal because I get sponsorship and deal because I get sponsorship and deal offers all the time to pay me and I'm offers all the time to pay me and I'm offers all the time to pay me and I'm like no I don't want to I don't want to like no I don't want to I don't want to like no I don't want to I don't want to make money to do that. make money to do that. make money to do that. >> I get it. >> I get it. >> I get it. >> And so for me it doesn't mean I don't >> And so for me it doesn't mean I don't >> And so for me it doesn't mean I don't want lots of it want lots of it want lots of it >> but I want to do it the right way. >> but I want to do it the right way. >> but I want to do it the right way. >> I get it. And it's nice. >> I get it. And it's nice. >> I get it. And it's nice. >> It's nice. >> It's nice. >> It's nice. >> It's nice. But the two-bedroom apartment >> It's nice. But the two-bedroom apartment >> It's nice. But the two-bedroom apartment wasn't wasn't wasn't >> I was living the dream in a two-bedroom >> I was living the dream in a two-bedroom >> I was living the dream in a two-bedroom apartment. apartment. apartment. >> It wasn't a lot worse than a huge house. >> It wasn't a lot worse than a huge house. >> It wasn't a lot worse than a huge house. >> I was living the dream and I had less >> I was living the dream and I had less >> I was living the dream and I had less things to manage. things to manage. things to manage. >> Yeah. You >> Yeah. You >> Yeah. You >> know, I'm grateful for my home, but I >> know, I'm grateful for my home, but I >> know, I'm grateful for my home, but I was still living the dream. was still living the dream. was still living the dream. >> Okay, we've got number two is gone. Now >> Okay, we've got number two is gone. Now >> Okay, we've got number two is gone. Now it gets real hard cuz there's it gets real hard cuz there's it gets real hard cuz there's >> So, what does pleasure mean versus >> So, what does pleasure mean versus >> So, what does pleasure mean versus honest? honest? honest? >> Pleasure means there's three things that >> Pleasure means there's three things that >> Pleasure means there's three things that pleasure could be. Number one is feeling pleasure could be. Number one is feeling pleasure could be. Number one is feeling good. Feeling good. Number two is good. Feeling good. Number two is good. Feeling good. Number two is comfort. Number three is security. comfort. Number three is security. comfort. Number three is security. That's the pleasure idol. And then fame That's the pleasure idol. And then fame That's the pleasure idol. And then fame is there are very many different kinds is there are very many different kinds is there are very many different kinds of fame. One is you know the internet of fame. One is you know the internet of fame. One is you know the internet famous which famous which famous which >> there which by the way you are. >> there which by the way you are. >> there which by the way you are. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Um there is prestige >> Um there is prestige >> Um there is prestige in the in the eyes of the right people in the in the eyes of the right people in the in the eyes of the right people and there's the admiration of people. and there's the admiration of people. and there's the admiration of people. Those are different kinds of fame but Those are different kinds of fame but Those are different kinds of fame but they're all the same model. they're all the same model. they're all the same model. >> And so what's the difference between >> And so what's the difference between >> And so what's the difference between pleasure and honor? pleasure and honor? pleasure and honor? >> Pleasure and honor is honor is the >> Pleasure and honor is honor is the >> Pleasure and honor is honor is the reflection of other people's feelings reflection of other people's feelings reflection of other people's feelings toward you. Uh-huh. toward you. Uh-huh. toward you. Uh-huh. >> Pleasure is how you feel, >> Pleasure is how you feel, >> Pleasure is how you feel, [snorts] [snorts] [snorts] >> man. [sighs] So, you got to get rid of >> man. [sighs] So, you got to get rid of >> man. [sighs] So, you got to get rid of that. Doesn't mean I know you want both. that. Doesn't mean I know you want both. that. Doesn't mean I know you want both. >> Yeah. I want to feel good and I want >> Yeah. I want to feel good and I want >> Yeah. I want to feel good and I want >> and you want other people to you want >> and you want other people to you want >> and you want other people to you want other people's feelings about you. You other people's feelings about you. You other people's feelings about you. You care about other people. Yeah. Yeah. I care about other people. Yeah. Yeah. I care about other people. Yeah. Yeah. I want to feel like Yeah. want to feel like Yeah. want to feel like Yeah. >> So, you got to get rid of one of them. >> So, you got to get rid of one of them. >> So, you got to get rid of one of them. What really is motivating you more? What really is motivating you more? What really is motivating you more? >> And again, this is not that this is not >> And again, this is not that this is not >> And again, this is not that this is not to live a a life of vice and to live a a life of vice and to live a a life of vice and >> no, this just means you're trying to >> no, this just means you're trying to >> no, this just means you're trying to find what actually would lead you find what actually would lead you find what actually would lead you astray. the one that I care about the astray. the one that I care about the astray. the one that I care about the most. Like most. Like most. Like >> not the one that actually kind of the >> not the one that actually kind of the >> not the one that actually kind of the one that drives you a little bit more. one that drives you a little bit more. one that drives you a little bit more. >> The one that I want more. >> The one that I want more. >> The one that I want more. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Or the one that I want to that's less >> Or the one that I want to that's less >> Or the one that I want to that's less holding me out. Um holding me out. Um holding me out. Um >> I feel like >> I feel like >> I feel like >> this takes work. I know. >> this takes work. I know. >> this takes work. I know. >> Gosh. Yeah. I mean, I might need to dive >> Gosh. Yeah. I mean, I might need to dive >> Gosh. Yeah. I mean, I might need to dive deeper on this because they're deeper on this because they're deeper on this because they're >> in some ways I'm working more and more >> in some ways I'm working more and more >> in some ways I'm working more and more to care less what people think about me. to care less what people think about me. to care less what people think about me. That's why I'm taking you know the That's why I'm taking you know the That's why I'm taking you know the reason, right? reason, right? reason, right? >> Tell me. >> Tell me. >> Tell me. >> Is because it's your idol. Maybe that's >> Is because it's your idol. Maybe that's >> Is because it's your idol. Maybe that's probably that's probably it. In the last probably that's probably it. In the last probably that's probably it. In the last four years, I have done so much work and four years, I have done so much work and four years, I have done so much work and maybe I talked about this with you when maybe I talked about this with you when maybe I talked about this with you when we were at the mastermind where I've had we were at the mastermind where I've had we were at the mastermind where I've had to create so many boundaries with to create so many boundaries with to create so many boundaries with influential people, billionaires, influential people, billionaires, influential people, billionaires, celebrities, or just everyday people celebrities, or just everyday people celebrities, or just everyday people that want things or that expect that want things or that expect that want things or that expect something from me, something from me, something from me, >> right? >> right? >> right? >> They expect me to be the good guy that >> They expect me to be the good guy that >> They expect me to be the good guy that always delivers, that's like willing to always delivers, that's like willing to always delivers, that's like willing to do whatever it takes to help them. do whatever it takes to help them. do whatever it takes to help them. >> Yeah. The fact that you're concerned >> Yeah. The fact that you're concerned >> Yeah. The fact that you're concerned >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. indicates that you're self-aware. But indicates that you're self-aware. But indicates that you're self-aware. But that is the tendency. that is the tendency. that is the tendency. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Here's the deal. When you were a kid, >> Here's the deal. When you were a kid, >> Here's the deal. When you were a kid, when you were a kid, you learned when you were a kid, you learned when you were a kid, you learned something about yourself. Yeah. something about yourself. Yeah. something about yourself. Yeah. >> Which is that you got attention and >> Which is that you got attention and >> Which is that you got attention and affection when you did stuff. affection when you did stuff. affection when you did stuff. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Right. And you felt crummy about >> Right. And you felt crummy about >> Right. And you felt crummy about yourself when you didn't when you yourself when you didn't when you yourself when you didn't when you weren't able to do things. Why? Because weren't able to do things. Why? Because weren't able to do things. Why? Because you were you had a a learning disability you were you had a a learning disability you were you had a a learning disability which made it hard for you to do things. which made it hard for you to do things. which made it hard for you to do things. It made you feel crummy about yourself. It made you feel crummy about yourself. It made you feel crummy about yourself. Yes. Yes. Yes. >> But then when you achieved, especially >> But then when you achieved, especially >> But then when you achieved, especially as an athlete, that adults gave you as an athlete, that adults gave you as an athlete, that adults gave you attention and and affection. attention and and affection. attention and and affection. >> And what you learned from that is that >> And what you learned from that is that >> And what you learned from that is that love is earned. love is earned. love is earned. >> You learned that love is earned. That >> You learned that love is earned. That >> You learned that love is earned. That that's actually wrong. By the way, that's actually wrong. By the way, that's actually wrong. By the way, Martha doesn't love you because of what Martha doesn't love you because of what Martha doesn't love you because of what you give her. She loves you as a grace. you give her. She loves you as a grace. you give her. She loves you as a grace. >> Love is a free gift freely given. It is. >> Love is a free gift freely given. It is. >> Love is a free gift freely given. It is. >> The problem is that when you wire that >> The problem is that when you wire that >> The problem is that when you wire that in, when you have the programming as a in, when you have the programming as a in, when you have the programming as a child that love is earned, you will child that love is earned, you will child that love is earned, you will become a success machine. become a success machine. become a success machine. >> Yes. And the success machine has to >> Yes. And the success machine has to >> Yes. And the success machine has to understand whether or not it's understand whether or not it's understand whether or not it's functioning. And how do you know it's functioning. And how do you know it's functioning. And how do you know it's functioning? Because of points on the functioning? Because of points on the functioning? Because of points on the board. And the points on the board comes board. And the points on the board comes board. And the points on the board comes from the affection of strangers and the from the affection of strangers and the from the affection of strangers and the admiration of other people and the and admiration of other people and the and admiration of other people and the and and and the viewer numbers and the bank and and the viewer numbers and the bank and and the viewer numbers and the bank account. account. account. >> That's an honor idol. >> That's an honor idol. >> That's an honor idol. >> Yeah. So in the last few years, I've >> Yeah. So in the last few years, I've >> Yeah. So in the last few years, I've really worked to knock that down. really worked to knock that down. really worked to knock that down. >> Yeah, for sure. And you're working on >> Yeah, for sure. And you're working on >> Yeah, for sure. And you're working on it's important. it's important. it's important. >> And it's going to be a lifelong journey, >> And it's going to be a lifelong journey, >> And it's going to be a lifelong journey, I'm sure. But it's I'm sure. But it's I'm sure. But it's it was and it was scary the moment I it was and it was scary the moment I it was and it was scary the moment I started to say I need to create started to say I need to create started to say I need to create boundaries with all these people right boundaries with all these people right boundaries with all these people right >> and get on the phone and say you're not >> and get on the phone and say you're not >> and get on the phone and say you're not a good friend and no I'm not going to do a good friend and no I'm not going to do a good friend and no I'm not going to do this for you and take the reactions and this for you and take the reactions and this for you and take the reactions and know that they might talk bad about me know that they might talk bad about me know that they might talk bad about me and know that they have a different and know that they have a different and know that they have a different viewpoint of me viewpoint of me viewpoint of me >> and like the grieving the loss of that >> and like the grieving the loss of that >> and like the grieving the loss of that like clinging on to that idol was scary. like clinging on to that idol was scary. like clinging on to that idol was scary. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> For the la for two three years ago. >> For the la for two three years ago. >> For the la for two three years ago. >> Yeah. And so I don't feel it as much. >> Yeah. And so I don't feel it as much. >> Yeah. And so I don't feel it as much. Like sure I want to like look good in Like sure I want to like look good in Like sure I want to like look good in the eyes of other people, but not at the the eyes of other people, but not at the the eyes of other people, but not at the detriment of my own happiness. detriment of my own happiness. detriment of my own happiness. >> Right. And here's the point. That's >> Right. And here's the point. That's >> Right. And here's the point. That's great. great. great. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> The point is in your weak moments, >> The point is in your weak moments, >> The point is in your weak moments, you'll snap back into the honor idol. you'll snap back into the honor idol. you'll snap back into the honor idol. >> Hopefully not. >> Hopefully not. >> Hopefully not. >> Well, I mean, there's We're all weak. >> Well, I mean, there's We're all weak. >> Well, I mean, there's We're all weak. You know, it's not like you're going to You know, it's not like you're going to You know, it's not like you're going to go on a bend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. go on a bend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. go on a bend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> You know, of that you're not going to >> You know, of that you're not going to >> You know, of that you're not going to become a monster because you're not a become a monster because you're not a become a monster because you're not a monster. But the whole point is that monster. But the whole point is that monster. But the whole point is that self-nowledge is critically important. self-nowledge is critically important. self-nowledge is critically important. >> Here's mine. >> Here's mine. >> Here's mine. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> I would get rid of power. I was a CEO. I >> I would get rid of power. I was a CEO. I >> I would get rid of power. I was a CEO. I the thing I hated most about being a CEO the thing I hated most about being a CEO the thing I hated most about being a CEO is having power over other people. Okay? is having power over other people. Okay? is having power over other people. Okay? When people called me boss, it bummed me When people called me boss, it bummed me When people called me boss, it bummed me out. out. out. >> And and the reason is because I hate >> And and the reason is because I hate >> And and the reason is because I hate people having power over me. people having power over me. people having power over me. >> You always admire the people who have >> You always admire the people who have >> You always admire the people who have your idol. your idol. your idol. >> And so if you look at a politician who >> And so if you look at a politician who >> And so if you look at a politician who kind of admires demagogic tyrannical kind of admires demagogic tyrannical kind of admires demagogic tyrannical desperates in other countries, it's desperates in other countries, it's desperates in other countries, it's because that's what he wants, because that's what he wants, because that's what he wants, >> right? You always admire if you know >> right? You always admire if you know >> right? You always admire if you know somebody who admires billionaires wants somebody who admires billionaires wants somebody who admires billionaires wants to be a billionaire. Yes. That's what it to be a billionaire. Yes. That's what it to be a billionaire. Yes. That's what it admires the richness in in their lives. admires the richness in in their lives. admires the richness in in their lives. Okay. Power. I don't even like it, let Okay. Power. I don't even like it, let Okay. Power. I don't even like it, let alone have it as an idol. alone have it as an idol. alone have it as an idol. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Number two is money. >> Number two is money. >> Number two is money. >> So, we have the same I haven't had it. >> So, we have the same I haven't had it. >> So, we have the same I haven't had it. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Number three, I would get rid of I would >> Number three, I would get rid of I would >> Number three, I would get rid of I would get rid of pleasure cuz I actually I'm a get rid of pleasure cuz I actually I'm a get rid of pleasure cuz I actually I'm a pretty austere guy. Comfort is not pretty austere guy. Comfort is not pretty austere guy. Comfort is not important to me. I get up before dawn important to me. I get up before dawn important to me. I get up before dawn every single day, including Sundays. I every single day, including Sundays. I every single day, including Sundays. I work out every day. I bring pain. work out every day. I bring pain. work out every day. I bring pain. >> Yeah. Right. >> Yeah. Right. >> Yeah. Right. >> I'm in that place, too. >> I'm in that place, too. >> I'm in that place, too. >> My problem is the same as yours, man. >> My problem is the same as yours, man. >> My problem is the same as yours, man. Really? Really? Really? >> I mean, I want the admiration of >> I mean, I want the admiration of >> I mean, I want the admiration of strangers. Love is earned. strangers. Love is earned. strangers. Love is earned. >> I got the attention of adults when I >> I got the attention of adults when I >> I got the attention of adults when I played the French horn as a little kid. played the French horn as a little kid. played the French horn as a little kid. That was when I felt special. That's That was when I felt special. That's That was when I felt special. That's when I felt like and then teacher and when I felt like and then teacher and when I felt like and then teacher and >> so the result is that I'm a success >> so the result is that I'm a success >> so the result is that I'm a success addict. addict. addict. >> And you know, I'm I'm a >> And you know, I'm I'm a >> And you know, I'm I'm a self-objectifying success addict. And self-objectifying success addict. And self-objectifying success addict. And the result is that you know the my worst the result is that you know the my worst the result is that you know the my worst moments Lewis are when I I I I spent the moments Lewis are when I I I I spent the moments Lewis are when I I I I spent the 14th hour at the office looking for the 14th hour at the office looking for the 14th hour at the office looking for the admiration of strangers as opposed to admiration of strangers as opposed to admiration of strangers as opposed to the first hour with my kids the first hour with my kids the first hour with my kids >> when they were little and they grew up. >> when they were little and they grew up. >> when they were little and they grew up. I wanted to be special more than I I wanted to be special more than I I wanted to be special more than I wanted to be happy. wanted to be happy. wanted to be happy. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> And and and that's my weakness. >> And and and that's my weakness. >> And and and that's my weakness. >> And consciousness of this has allowed me >> And consciousness of this has allowed me >> And consciousness of this has allowed me to take my life back. And when I take my to take my life back. And when I take my to take my life back. And when I take my life back, I understand what the real life back, I understand what the real life back, I understand what the real meaning of my life actually is. That's meaning of my life actually is. That's meaning of my life actually is. That's why everybody needs to play this game. why everybody needs to play this game. why everybody needs to play this game. >> What is the real meaning of your life? >> What is the real meaning of your life? >> What is the real meaning of your life? >> The real meaning of my life is to love >> The real meaning of my life is to love >> The real meaning of my life is to love and be loved. The meaning of my life is and be loved. The meaning of my life is and be loved. The meaning of my life is to lift people up and bring them to lift people up and bring them to lift people up and bring them together in bonds of happiness and love together in bonds of happiness and love together in bonds of happiness and love using the gifts that I've been given, using the gifts that I've been given, using the gifts that I've been given, which is science and ideas. That's what which is science and ideas. That's what which is science and ideas. That's what it is. it is. it is. >> But I can't do that when I'm just trying >> But I can't do that when I'm just trying >> But I can't do that when I'm just trying to get applause. It's like, to get applause. It's like, to get applause. It's like, >> why do so many smart, intelligent people >> why do so many smart, intelligent people >> why do so many smart, intelligent people sabotage their own happiness? because sabotage their own happiness? because sabotage their own happiness? because they're in well there's a couple of they're in well there's a couple of they're in well there's a couple of different things going on. One is different things going on. One is different things going on. One is they'll they'll leave so they'll leave they'll they'll leave so they'll leave they'll they'll leave so they'll leave their happiness on the table and then their happiness on the table and then their happiness on the table and then there's some that will actually sabotage there's some that will actually sabotage there's some that will actually sabotage their own happiness and those are two their own happiness and those are two their own happiness and those are two different problems. different problems. different problems. >> Number one, >> Number one, >> Number one, >> many stvers will will forego happiness >> many stvers will will forego happiness >> many stvers will will forego happiness because they actually know what they because they actually know what they because they actually know what they need. I was I was interviewing this need. I was I was interviewing this need. I was I was interviewing this woman uh in my research who's a woman uh in my research who's a woman uh in my research who's a billionaire. I mean in finance, iconic billionaire. I mean in finance, iconic billionaire. I mean in finance, iconic in the industry, my age at the time. I in the industry, my age at the time. I in the industry, my age at the time. I was in my 50s at the time was in my 50s at the time was in my 50s at the time >> and and and she was confessing to me >> and and and she was confessing to me >> and and and she was confessing to me that she was horribly unhappy. She said, that she was horribly unhappy. She said, that she was horribly unhappy. She said, "I got everything I wanted, but I'm "I got everything I wanted, but I'm "I got everything I wanted, but I'm unhappy." And I said, "Well, talk to me, unhappy." And I said, "Well, talk to me, unhappy." And I said, "Well, talk to me, sister." sister." sister." >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Right. And and she says, "Well, my my >> Right. And and she says, "Well, my my >> Right. And and she says, "Well, my my husband and I were like roommates. Um husband and I were like roommates. Um husband and I were like roommates. Um I'm I'm cordial with my adult kids, you I'm I'm cordial with my adult kids, you I'm I'm cordial with my adult kids, you know. Um I think my my employees are know. Um I think my my employees are know. Um I think my my employees are afraid of me, you know. Um I'm not afraid of me, you know. Um I'm not afraid of me, you know. Um I'm not taking care of myself the way I should. taking care of myself the way I should. taking care of myself the way I should. I drink too much. I'm not going to the I drink too much. I'm not going to the I drink too much. I'm not going to the gym. I used to be religious when I was a gym. I used to be religious when I was a gym. I used to be religious when I was a child and it gave me so much joy, but I child and it gave me so much joy, but I child and it gave me so much joy, but I never even practiced my faith. What never even practiced my faith. What never even practiced my faith. What should I do, professor? And I'm like, should I do, professor? And I'm like, should I do, professor? And I'm like, you need a Harvard professor to tell you need a Harvard professor to tell you need a Harvard professor to tell you, you just gave yourself your own you, you just gave yourself your own you, you just gave yourself your own prescription. I mean, go away with your prescription. I mean, go away with your prescription. I mean, go away with your husband, get to know your kids, step husband, get to know your kids, step husband, get to know your kids, step back from your firm, go to AA, go back back from your firm, go to AA, go back back from your firm, go to AA, go back to church, do your thing. And she said, to church, do your thing. And she said, to church, do your thing. And she said, I know, I know, I know, I know. I said, I know, I know, I know, I know. I said, I know, I know, I know, I know. I said, so why not? And she thought about it and so why not? And she thought about it and so why not? And she thought about it and she said, she said, she said, because I've always chosen to be special because I've always chosen to be special because I've always chosen to be special rather than happy. rather than happy. rather than happy. >> See, here's the here's the calculus. Any >> See, here's the here's the calculus. Any >> See, here's the here's the calculus. Any loser can have love relationships, but loser can have love relationships, but loser can have love relationships, but not everybody can build a company. not everybody can build a company. not everybody can build a company. >> The people will homo sapiens, we're >> The people will homo sapiens, we're >> The people will homo sapiens, we're weird, dude. We will we will choose weird, dude. We will we will choose weird, dude. We will we will choose specialness over happiness all day long. specialness over happiness all day long. specialness over happiness all day long. >> Can you be special and happy at the same >> Can you be special and happy at the same >> Can you be special and happy at the same time? time? time? >> Of course. Except there are sacrifices >> Of course. Except there are sacrifices >> Of course. Except there are sacrifices in your specialness that you need to do in your specialness that you need to do in your specialness that you need to do what every other person can do because what every other person can do because what every other person can do because we are built to love each other. We are we are built to love each other. We are we are built to love each other. We are built to love our kids. We are built to built to love our kids. We are built to built to love our kids. We are built to to to to serve our marriages. We're to to to serve our marriages. We're to to to serve our marriages. We're built to do that. And that's it's not built to do that. And that's it's not built to do that. And that's it's not special because everybody can do it. And special because everybody can do it. And special because everybody can do it. And here's the thing. [snorts] Most people here's the thing. [snorts] Most people here's the thing. [snorts] Most people would look at you and say, "Man, if I would look at you and say, "Man, if I would look at you and say, "Man, if I had Louis Houses's money and prestige, had Louis Houses's money and prestige, had Louis Houses's money and prestige, then I would actually be happy. But I then I would actually be happy. But I then I would actually be happy. But I can't get it. So, okay, I guess I'll do can't get it. So, okay, I guess I'll do can't get it. So, okay, I guess I'll do this dumb thing. I'll just take my kid this dumb thing. I'll just take my kid this dumb thing. I'll just take my kid to the park and play ball." That's the to the park and play ball." That's the to the park and play ball." That's the secret. [laughter] secret. [laughter] secret. [laughter] And because they feel like they can't be And because they feel like they can't be And because they feel like they can't be special, then they choose the happiness. special, then they choose the happiness. special, then they choose the happiness. And they have a good life. And they have a good life. And they have a good life. >> But here's the thing. >> But here's the thing. >> But here's the thing. probably 80 to 90% of the world has the probably 80 to 90% of the world has the probably 80 to 90% of the world has the ability to be happy because they're not ability to be happy because they're not ability to be happy because they're not special. And yet they're still not special. And yet they're still not special. And yet they're still not choosing how to be happy. Yeah. choosing how to be happy. Yeah. choosing how to be happy. Yeah. >> They're still not leaning into this is >> They're still not leaning into this is >> They're still not leaning into this is the life that I have. I have a good the life that I have. I have a good the life that I have. I have a good life, but I'm still not happy because life, but I'm still not happy because life, but I'm still not happy because I'm missing the special. I'm missing the special. I'm missing the special. >> So they have it and they still diminish >> So they have it and they still diminish >> So they have it and they still diminish it because it because it because >> they don't have what they >> they don't have what they >> they don't have what they >> Well, they're unsatisfied with what they >> Well, they're unsatisfied with what they >> Well, they're unsatisfied with what they actually have. And so they want that actually have. And so they want that actually have. And so they want that thing and they don't get that thing. thing and they don't get that thing. thing and they don't get that thing. they're frustrated about that thing and they're frustrated about that thing and they're frustrated about that thing and they're also all missing the opportunity they're also all missing the opportunity they're also all missing the opportunity to do the things they need to do and to do the things they need to do and to do the things they need to do and that's that's there's a lot of that's that's there's a lot of that's that's there's a lot of desperation that goes into that. I wind desperation that goes into that. I wind desperation that goes into that. I wind up talking about that an awful lot in up talking about that an awful lot in up talking about that an awful lot in just my general work on the science of just my general work on the science of just my general work on the science of happiness. happiness. happiness. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> But but it's but but when it comes to >> But but it's but but when it comes to >> But but it's but but when it comes to the struggle to striving and this the struggle to striving and this the struggle to striving and this paradox of striving this is your whole paradox of striving this is your whole paradox of striving this is your whole audience. Want to know why? audience. Want to know why? audience. Want to know why? >> Because your show is not called the >> Because your show is not called the >> Because your show is not called the school of good enough. school of good enough. school of good enough. >> No, it's not the school of average. It's >> No, it's not the school of average. It's >> No, it's not the school of average. It's not the school of okay, the school of not the school of okay, the school of not the school of okay, the school of awesome kind of, you know, it's the awesome kind of, you know, it's the awesome kind of, you know, it's the school of greatness. And I really admire school of greatness. And I really admire school of greatness. And I really admire that. that. that. >> But you can't sacrifice the love in your >> But you can't sacrifice the love in your >> But you can't sacrifice the love in your life on the altar of what you're trying life on the altar of what you're trying life on the altar of what you're trying to do in the world's eyes. to do in the world's eyes. to do in the world's eyes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> That's >> That's >> That's >> because that's not greatness. >> because that's not greatness. >> because that's not greatness. >> That's not greatness. >> That's not greatness. >> That's not greatness. >> If you're if you're special, >> If you're if you're special, >> If you're if you're special, >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> but you have no great relationships, I >> but you have no great relationships, I >> but you have no great relationships, I don't think that's greatness. don't think that's greatness. don't think that's greatness. >> Yeah. If you're pursuing money, power, >> Yeah. If you're pursuing money, power, >> Yeah. If you're pursuing money, power, pleasure, and fame, there's a problem, pleasure, and fame, there's a problem, pleasure, and fame, there's a problem, per se. I mean, there's nothing wrong per se. I mean, there's nothing wrong per se. I mean, there's nothing wrong with those things, with those things, with those things, >> but they should lead you to what you >> but they should lead you to what you >> but they should lead you to what you should truly want, which is your faith, should truly want, which is your faith, should truly want, which is your faith, your family, your friends, and work that your family, your friends, and work that your family, your friends, and work that serves. Faith, family, friends, and work serves. Faith, family, friends, and work serves. Faith, family, friends, and work that serves, those will bring authentic that serves, those will bring authentic that serves, those will bring authentic happiness. happiness. happiness. >> Yeah. And and if you It sounds like what >> Yeah. And and if you It sounds like what >> Yeah. And and if you It sounds like what I'm hearing you say, if you focus on I'm hearing you say, if you focus on I'm hearing you say, if you focus on your faith, your family, your faith, your family, your faith, your family, your friends, and work that serves, your friends, and work that serves, your friends, and work that serves, it may lead you to more money, more it may lead you to more money, more it may lead you to more money, more power, more power, more power, more >> I got the data. It will actually >> I got the data. It will actually >> I got the data. It will actually >> more you know honor >> more you know honor >> more you know honor >> you'll be successful. It'll be a >> you'll be successful. It'll be a >> you'll be successful. It'll be a byproduct, byproduct, byproduct, >> right, >> right, >> right, >> of you doing that. And then it'll be >> of you doing that. And then it'll be >> of you doing that. And then it'll be your responsibility to not your responsibility to not your responsibility to not >> give too much emphasis on that. You >> give too much emphasis on that. You >> give too much emphasis on that. You know, it'll be the, know, it'll be the, know, it'll be the, >> you know, um, Ryan Holidayiday, Marcus >> you know, um, Ryan Holidayiday, Marcus >> you know, um, Ryan Holidayiday, Marcus Aurelius, you needing someone to say Aurelius, you needing someone to say Aurelius, you needing someone to say you're just a man, you're just a man, you're just a man, >> right? >> right? >> right? >> Like reminding you you're just a man. >> Like reminding you you're just a man. >> Like reminding you you're just a man. >> That's why you get married. [laughter] >> You're just a man, right? Even when >> You're just a man, right? Even when you're this like god or in your own you're this like god or in your own you're this like god or in your own world or something, it's like you need a world or something, it's like you need a world or something, it's like you need a reminder daily that you're just a man. reminder daily that you're just a man. reminder daily that you're just a man. >> Yeah, for sure. And it's going to be >> Yeah, for sure. And it's going to be >> Yeah, for sure. And it's going to be taken. taken. taken. >> It's going to be taken away. >> It's going to be taken away. >> It's going to be taken away. >> All of it. Your life will be taken away >> All of it. Your life will be taken away >> All of it. Your life will be taken away one day. one day. one day. >> That's right. You and I were talking >> That's right. You and I were talking >> That's right. You and I were talking about this earlier that that you know a about this earlier that that you know a about this earlier that that you know a great CEO one time told me who had great CEO one time told me who had great CEO one time told me who had managed he was a private equity manager managed he was a private equity manager managed he was a private equity manager meaning that he bought and sold meaning that he bought and sold meaning that he bought and sold companies and he had seen the careers of companies and he had seen the careers of companies and he had seen the careers of thousands of CEOs. And I asked him thousands of CEOs. And I asked him thousands of CEOs. And I asked him because I was a CEO at the time, close because I was a CEO at the time, close because I was a CEO at the time, close friend. How do I understand the end of friend. How do I understand the end of friend. How do I understand the end of my career as a CEO? And he said, my career as a CEO? And he said, my career as a CEO? And he said, "There's two ways. You can quit before "There's two ways. You can quit before "There's two ways. You can quit before you're ready or you can quit under some you're ready or you can quit under some you're ready or you can quit under some on somebody else's terms. Those are the on somebody else's terms. Those are the on somebody else's terms. Those are the only two doors. So his recommendation only two doors. So his recommendation only two doors. So his recommendation was quit before you're ready. But the was quit before you're ready. But the was quit before you're ready. But the whole point is things end. Here's what whole point is things end. Here's what whole point is things end. Here's what doesn't end. Love. doesn't end. Love. doesn't end. Love. >> Love doesn't end. >> Love doesn't end. >> Love doesn't end. >> You know what do you want to be doing on >> You know what do you want to be doing on >> You know what do you want to be doing on your last day? What do you want people your last day? What do you want people your last day? What do you want people to say at your funeral? Lewis House had to say at your funeral? Lewis House had to say at your funeral? Lewis House had 5 million miles on Delta Airlines. I 5 million miles on Delta Airlines. I 5 million miles on Delta Airlines. I mean, [laughter] mean, [laughter] mean, [laughter] >> that he couldn't use. >> that he couldn't use. >> that he couldn't use. >> Who cares? >> Who cares? >> Who cares? >> Who cares? And we all kind of know that. >> Who cares? And we all kind of know that. >> Who cares? And we all kind of know that. I mean, it's funny because, you know, I mean, it's funny because, you know, I mean, it's funny because, you know, that was the premise of a great George that was the premise of a great George that was the premise of a great George Clooney movie up in the air Clooney movie up in the air Clooney movie up in the air >> was he was looking for meaning and >> was he was looking for meaning and >> was he was looking for meaning and counting it in airline miles. counting it in airline miles. counting it in airline miles. >> Crazy. >> Crazy. >> Crazy. >> And then he finally got there. He >> And then he finally got there. He >> And then he finally got there. He arrived in the middle of a flight, arrived in the middle of a flight, arrived in the middle of a flight, right? Like he the captain came out and right? Like he the captain came out and right? Like he the captain came out and sat next to him and said, "What was it sat next to him and said, "What was it sat next to him and said, "What was it like some like you got the most points like some like you got the most points like some like you got the most points in the world?" and the captain sat next in the world?" and the captain sat next in the world?" and the captain sat next to him and he's like and then it just to him and he's like and then it just to him and he's like and then it just when he looked out the window he when he looked out the window he when he looked out the window he realized how empty it was. his new his realized how empty it was. his new his realized how empty it was. his new his got that George what a great actor got that George what a great actor got that George what a great actor >> he's got that new movie on Netflix uh >> he's got that new movie on Netflix uh >> he's got that new movie on Netflix uh Jay Kelly have you seen it it's called Jay Kelly have you seen it it's called Jay Kelly have you seen it it's called Jay Kelly it's phenomenal it's the same Jay Kelly it's phenomenal it's the same Jay Kelly it's phenomenal it's the same movie is up in the air he's a he's he movie is up in the air he's a he's he movie is up in the air he's a he's he he's a movie star playing an aging movie he's a movie star playing an aging movie he's a movie star playing an aging movie star star star >> who's looking for the ultimate role >> who's looking for the ultimate role >> who's looking for the ultimate role >> because then he'll he will have arrived >> because then he'll he will have arrived >> because then he'll he will have arrived >> there'll be enough >> there'll be enough >> there'll be enough >> and he sacrificed all of his his >> and he sacrificed all of his his >> and he sacrificed all of his his happiness and his love relationships to happiness and his love relationships to happiness and his love relationships to be special he's he chose specialness be special he's he chose specialness be special he's he chose specialness over happiness over happiness over happiness >> that's that's that's the premise of the >> that's that's that's the premise of the >> that's that's that's the premise of the movie. It's a very very beautiful movie movie. It's a very very beautiful movie movie. It's a very very beautiful movie actually. actually. actually. >> Why is this drug or idol of specialness >> Why is this drug or idol of specialness >> Why is this drug or idol of specialness over happiness seemed to captivate most over happiness seemed to captivate most over happiness seemed to captivate most of the world? of the world? of the world? >> Yeah. So, and that's evolution and >> Yeah. So, and that's evolution and >> Yeah. So, and that's evolution and there's an actual exp we have an there's an actual exp we have an there's an actual exp we have an evolutionary biological explanation for evolutionary biological explanation for evolutionary biological explanation for this. We're born homo sapiens are not this. We're born homo sapiens are not this. We're born homo sapiens are not are not made to be happy. We're we're are not made to be happy. We're we're are not made to be happy. We're we're made to be special. We homo sapiens. The made to be special. We homo sapiens. The made to be special. We homo sapiens. The brain of homo sapiens is the same as it brain of homo sapiens is the same as it brain of homo sapiens is the same as it was at the beginning of the pleaene era was at the beginning of the pleaene era was at the beginning of the pleaene era 250,000 years ago when all of humanity 250,000 years ago when all of humanity 250,000 years ago when all of humanity lived in bands of 30 to 50 kin-based lived in bands of 30 to 50 kin-based lived in bands of 30 to 50 kin-based individuals. Hierarchical kin-based individuals. Hierarchical kin-based individuals. Hierarchical kin-based groups of 30 to 50. And what do you groups of 30 to 50. And what do you groups of 30 to 50. And what do you want? You want to maintain and rise in want? You want to maintain and rise in want? You want to maintain and rise in that particular hierarchy which is like that particular hierarchy which is like that particular hierarchy which is like and the way that you do that is with and the way that you do that is with and the way that you do that is with more hunting skills etc. Why? Because more hunting skills etc. Why? Because more hunting skills etc. Why? Because you get more food and you get more you get more food and you get more you get more food and you get more mates. mates. mates. >> We're that simple in its way. And that >> We're that simple in its way. And that >> We're that simple in its way. And that is metastasized in modern society in is metastasized in modern society in is metastasized in modern society in wanting more internet followers, more wanting more internet followers, more wanting more internet followers, more Instagram followers, having a lot of Instagram followers, having a lot of Instagram followers, having a lot of likes. That's how we're actually, you likes. That's how we're actually, you likes. That's how we're actually, you know, being rewarded for dragging in a know, being rewarded for dragging in a know, being rewarded for dragging in a slightly bigger gazelle into the into slightly bigger gazelle into the into slightly bigger gazelle into the into the cave. the cave. the cave. >> But that's all that explains that nilu >> But that's all that explains that nilu >> But that's all that explains that nilu explains so much of of our explains so much of of our explains so much of of our relationships. You know, for example, relationships. You know, for example, relationships. You know, for example, one of the things that we find in one of the things that we find in one of the things that we find in relationships between husbands and relationships between husbands and relationships between husbands and wives, the the reasons that marriages wives, the the reasons that marriages wives, the the reasons that marriages fail is because women are not adored by fail is because women are not adored by fail is because women are not adored by their husbands and or husbands are not their husbands and or husbands are not their husbands and or husbands are not admired by their wives. admired by their wives. admired by their wives. >> This is the fuel of happiness in in >> This is the fuel of happiness in in >> This is the fuel of happiness in in these traditional relationships. And so these traditional relationships. And so these traditional relationships. And so what she needs to hear because of the what she needs to hear because of the what she needs to hear because of the evolutionary biology like she has a huge evolutionary biology like she has a huge evolutionary biology like she has a huge commitment and investment in raising commitment and investment in raising commitment and investment in raising kids carries them. I mean your wife just kids carries them. I mean your wife just kids carries them. I mean your wife just carried your babies for months carried your babies for months carried your babies for months >> and she's taking care of them. They die >> and she's taking care of them. They die >> and she's taking care of them. They die without her, right? And so the result of without her, right? And so the result of without her, right? And so the result of it is that she needs the protector who it is that she needs the protector who it is that she needs the protector who has a complete commitment to her. And has a complete commitment to her. And has a complete commitment to her. And how does she know the commitment? how does she know the commitment? how does she know the commitment? Through the adoration. And so she wants Through the adoration. And so she wants Through the adoration. And so she wants to hear, "Honey, to hear, "Honey, to hear, "Honey, >> may you fight a tiger for you with my >> may you fight a tiger for you with my >> may you fight a tiger for you with my hands." and only you, hands." and only you, hands." and only you, >> right? >> right? >> right? >> And what do you need to hear? That is >> And what do you need to hear? That is >> And what do you need to hear? That is the biggest gazelle anybody's ever the biggest gazelle anybody's ever the biggest gazelle anybody's ever dragged into this cave. dragged into this cave. dragged into this cave. >> You're so big and strong, you're going >> You're so big and strong, you're going >> You're so big and strong, you're going to feed our family for two weeks. And to feed our family for two weeks. And to feed our family for two weeks. And that motivates all of this behavior. And that motivates all of this behavior. And that motivates all of this behavior. And >> we go out and risk our lives again >> we go out and risk our lives again >> we go out and risk our lives again >> and again and again and again. All I >> and again and again and again. All I >> and again and again and again. All I mean like I do 150 talks a year, public mean like I do 150 talks a year, public mean like I do 150 talks a year, public talks a year. And and the two weeks ago talks a year. And and the two weeks ago talks a year. And and the two weeks ago I was in um Columbus, Ohio, and I was I was in um Columbus, Ohio, and I was I was in um Columbus, Ohio, and I was where I'm from. where I'm from. where I'm from. >> It's great. People are awesome. Cold >> It's great. People are awesome. Cold >> It's great. People are awesome. Cold right now though, but yeah, right now though, but yeah, right now though, but yeah, >> it's cold, baby. [laughter] >> it's cold, baby. [laughter] >> it's cold, baby. [laughter] 17,000 17,000 17,000 Catholic missionaries in the audience. Catholic missionaries in the audience. Catholic missionaries in the audience. 17,000, right? And I was I was super 17,000, right? And I was I was super 17,000, right? And I was I was super nervous. You want to know why? nervous. You want to know why? nervous. You want to know why? >> Why? >> Why? >> Why? >> Cuz Esther was in the front row. >> Cuz Esther was in the front row. >> Cuz Esther was in the front row. >> My wife. >> My wife. >> My wife. >> Cuz she was in the front row. Nervous. >> Cuz she was in the front row. Nervous. >> Cuz she was in the front row. Nervous. >> That was why I was nervous. Cuz I want >> That was why I was nervous. Cuz I want >> That was why I was nervous. Cuz I want her to admire me. All I want is my her to admire me. All I want is my her to admire me. All I want is my wife's admiration. wife's admiration. wife's admiration. >> Not the 17,000. >> Not the 17,000. >> Not the 17,000. >> Yeah. And so this is the the example of >> Yeah. And so this is the the example of >> Yeah. And so this is the the example of how the evolutionary biology man, it has how the evolutionary biology man, it has how the evolutionary biology man, it has teeth. And when we understand ourselves teeth. And when we understand ourselves teeth. And when we understand ourselves in this context, we understand all the in this context, we understand all the in this context, we understand all the things that we do. This is why we go things that we do. This is why we go things that we do. This is why we go after those worldly idols is because we after those worldly idols is because we after those worldly idols is because we want to rise in the kinbased hierarchy want to rise in the kinbased hierarchy want to rise in the kinbased hierarchy of 30 to 50 individuals which has been of 30 to 50 individuals which has been of 30 to 50 individuals which has been >> exploded in the billions of people. >> exploded in the billions of people. >> exploded in the billions of people. >> That's crazy. >> That's crazy. >> That's crazy. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And when you know that >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And when you know that >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And when you know that you got power because then you don't you got power because then you don't you got power because then you don't have to be a prisoner of the of the have to be a prisoner of the of the have to be a prisoner of the of the animal impulse. You can get into the animal impulse. You can get into the animal impulse. You can get into the space of your moral aspiration. space of your moral aspiration. space of your moral aspiration. >> That's what the amazing human brain >> That's what the amazing human brain >> That's what the amazing human brain allows you to do. Speaking of marriage, allows you to do. Speaking of marriage, allows you to do. Speaking of marriage, you've been married for 30 34 years. 34 you've been married for 30 34 years. 34 you've been married for 30 34 years. 34 years. You've got a lot of great wisdom years. You've got a lot of great wisdom years. You've got a lot of great wisdom on marriage and relationships and in a on marriage and relationships and in a on marriage and relationships and in a time where it feels like people are time where it feels like people are time where it feels like people are struggling the most in relationships struggling the most in relationships struggling the most in relationships with themselves but also in intimacy with themselves but also in intimacy with themselves but also in intimacy with the with the with the >> the committed partners, >> the committed partners, >> the committed partners, >> right? >> right? >> right? >> What are the keys to having a successful >> What are the keys to having a successful >> What are the keys to having a successful happy marriage or relationship? And why happy marriage or relationship? And why happy marriage or relationship? And why do most marriages fail? do most marriages fail? do most marriages fail? >> Yeah. So that there's so much on that >> Yeah. So that there's so much on that >> Yeah. So that there's so much on that these days, but the biggest problem that these days, but the biggest problem that these days, but the biggest problem that we see is that your marriage is not a we see is that your marriage is not a we see is that your marriage is not a problem that you can solve. problem that you can solve. problem that you can solve. Your marriage is not a leftbrain Your marriage is not a leftbrain Your marriage is not a leftbrain complicated problem. Your bra you're complicated problem. Your bra you're complicated problem. Your bra you're it's not it's not an algorithm and our it's not it's not an algorithm and our it's not it's not an algorithm and our culture has actually told us that that culture has actually told us that that culture has actually told us that that we should be able to solve every problem we should be able to solve every problem we should be able to solve every problem >> right and you know with with proper >> right and you know with with proper >> right and you know with with proper information we should be able to solve information we should be able to solve information we should be able to solve the problem and when when people the problem and when when people the problem and when when people conclude that when they can't solve conclude that when they can't solve conclude that when they can't solve their marriage that something is their marriage that something is their marriage that something is actually wrong with the relationship. actually wrong with the relationship. actually wrong with the relationship. >> So it's the approach is wrong. Your >> So it's the approach is wrong. Your >> So it's the approach is wrong. Your marriage is a rightbrain phenomenon. marriage is a rightbrain phenomenon. marriage is a rightbrain phenomenon. You'll never solve it. You only live in You'll never solve it. You only live in You'll never solve it. You only live in it and love in it. That it's it's a it's it and love in it. That it's it's a it's it and love in it. That it's it's a it's a permanent st state of disequilibrium. a permanent st state of disequilibrium. a permanent st state of disequilibrium. That's what your marriage is supposed to That's what your marriage is supposed to That's what your marriage is supposed to be. My wife might be totally pissed off be. My wife might be totally pissed off be. My wife might be totally pissed off at me by the end of the day. I know she at me by the end of the day. I know she at me by the end of the day. I know she loves me. We will have a conflict. I loves me. We will have a conflict. I loves me. We will have a conflict. I know we'll have a conflict. We have know we'll have a conflict. We have know we'll have a conflict. We have 10,000 arguments 10,000 arguments 10,000 arguments and because of me, because of her, and because of me, because of her, and because of me, because of her, because we're human beings living in because we're human beings living in because we're human beings living in this complex relationship. The number this complex relationship. The number this complex relationship. The number one thing is not understanding the one thing is not understanding the one thing is not understanding the nature of living with another person is nature of living with another person is nature of living with another person is what it comes down to and and what it comes down to and and what it comes down to and and appreciating the complexity of that and appreciating the complexity of that and appreciating the complexity of that and trying to force it into this complicated trying to force it into this complicated trying to force it into this complicated problem that you can Google that you can problem that you can Google that you can problem that you can Google that you can ask Chad GPT. ask Chad GPT. ask Chad GPT. >> You see we think that those are the >> You see we think that those are the >> You see we think that those are the things those and and yeah and this the things those and and yeah and this the things those and and yeah and this the wrong kind in other words they're wrong kind in other words they're wrong kind in other words they're dealing with the wrong kind of problem. dealing with the wrong kind of problem. dealing with the wrong kind of problem. That's number one. Number two is that That's number one. Number two is that That's number one. Number two is that the way that we've now entered into the way that we've now entered into the way that we've now entered into relationships is through complicated relationships is through complicated relationships is through complicated tools. tools. tools. So, you don't just meet somebody and let So, you don't just meet somebody and let So, you don't just meet somebody and let sparks fly a little bit. It's funny sparks fly a little bit. It's funny sparks fly a little bit. It's funny because the way that the human brain is because the way that the human brain is because the way that the human brain is is designed for relationships to start is designed for relationships to start is designed for relationships to start is kind of a four-step neurochemical is kind of a four-step neurochemical is kind of a four-step neurochemical process. process. process. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Number one is is attraction. Yes. >> Number one is is attraction. Yes. >> Number one is is attraction. Yes. >> And attraction is largely governed by >> And attraction is largely governed by >> And attraction is largely governed by testosterone and estrogen, sex hormones. testosterone and estrogen, sex hormones. testosterone and estrogen, sex hormones. Men and women both have both, by the Men and women both have both, by the Men and women both have both, by the way. I mean, men have both and and so do way. I mean, men have both and and so do way. I mean, men have both and and so do women. Men obviously have more women. Men obviously have more women. Men obviously have more testosterone. Women have more estrogen. testosterone. Women have more estrogen. testosterone. Women have more estrogen. And that's how you you spark, which is And that's how you you spark, which is And that's how you you spark, which is why no matter how emancipated and modern why no matter how emancipated and modern why no matter how emancipated and modern you are, you still want to look nice. you are, you still want to look nice. you are, you still want to look nice. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> And the reason is because that's what >> And the reason is because that's what >> And the reason is because that's what actually sparks in the brain of somebody actually sparks in the brain of somebody actually sparks in the brain of somebody that you're that you're that you want to that you're that you're that you want to that you're that you're that you want to connect to. connect to. connect to. >> Interest. >> Interest. >> Interest. >> The second part is where it gets really >> The second part is where it gets really >> The second part is where it gets really complicated and and interesting, complicated and and interesting, complicated and and interesting, >> which is when the the the neurochemistry >> which is when the the the neurochemistry >> which is when the the the neurochemistry actually really starts to flow in terms actually really starts to flow in terms actually really starts to flow in terms of uh noradrenaline, norepinephrine, and of uh noradrenaline, norepinephrine, and of uh noradrenaline, norepinephrine, and and dopamine. And that's anticipation of and dopamine. And that's anticipation of and dopamine. And that's anticipation of reward and euphoria. So when you're kind reward and euphoria. So when you're kind reward and euphoria. So when you're kind of interested in somebody, you have this of interested in somebody, you have this of interested in somebody, you have this undue interest and like I think I'm undue interest and like I think I'm undue interest and like I think I'm gonna I think I just got a text from gonna I think I just got a text from gonna I think I just got a text from her. It's a text. Who cares? You asked, her. It's a text. Who cares? You asked, her. It's a text. Who cares? You asked, "Want to get dinner?" You're waiting for "Want to get dinner?" You're waiting for "Want to get dinner?" You're waiting for the next. That's because your the next. That's because your the next. That's because your neurochemistry is really really hopped neurochemistry is really really hopped neurochemistry is really really hopped up. You got high levels of up. You got high levels of up. You got high levels of norepinephrine, which is a stress norepinephrine, which is a stress norepinephrine, which is a stress hormone, and and dopamine, which is hormone, and and dopamine, which is hormone, and and dopamine, which is anticipation of reward. Then when you're anticipation of reward. Then when you're anticipation of reward. Then when you're falling in love, this weird thing falling in love, this weird thing falling in love, this weird thing happens, which is that your serotonin happens, which is that your serotonin happens, which is that your serotonin tanks by like a third. Now, when tanks by like a third. Now, when tanks by like a third. Now, when serotonin is low in the syninnapse, serotonin is low in the syninnapse, serotonin is low in the syninnapse, that's that provokes the feeling of that's that provokes the feeling of that's that provokes the feeling of clinical depression. And that that that clinical depression. And that that that clinical depression. And that that that starts this process of ruminative starts this process of ruminative starts this process of ruminative sadness. sadness. sadness. >> When you're falling in love, >> When you're falling in love, >> When you're falling in love, >> when you're falling in love, it's >> when you're falling in love, it's >> when you're falling in love, it's actually almost indistinguishable from actually almost indistinguishable from actually almost indistinguishable from from clinical depression. And the reason from clinical depression. And the reason from clinical depression. And the reason is because you're ruminating on the is because you're ruminating on the is because you're ruminating on the other person. That's why you'll send a a other person. That's why you'll send a a other person. That's why you'll send a a thousand stupid text messages when you thousand stupid text messages when you thousand stupid text messages when you don't hear from the person and you're don't hear from the person and you're don't hear from the person and you're getting digger and digging yourself into getting digger and digging yourself into getting digger and digging yourself into a deeper and deeper hole. That's because a deeper and deeper hole. That's because a deeper and deeper hole. That's because you're doing insane things because your you're doing insane things because your you're doing insane things because your brain is slightly insane because you're brain is slightly insane because you're brain is slightly insane because you're bonding the other person. You ruminate bonding the other person. You ruminate bonding the other person. You ruminate >> almost depressively on the other person >> almost depressively on the other person >> almost depressively on the other person because you're bonding to the other because you're bonding to the other because you're bonding to the other person because you're basically creating person because you're basically creating person because you're basically creating kin for somebody with whom you're kin for somebody with whom you're kin for somebody with whom you're biologically unrelated ideally. Mhm. biologically unrelated ideally. Mhm. biologically unrelated ideally. Mhm. >> And the last is what you want to get to >> And the last is what you want to get to >> And the last is what you want to get to is oxytocin and vasopressin which are is oxytocin and vasopressin which are is oxytocin and vasopressin which are these neuropeptides in the brain where these neuropeptides in the brain where these neuropeptides in the brain where actually you are kin and that's your actually you are kin and that's your actually you are kin and that's your person. This person is part of your person. This person is part of your person. This person is part of your tribe. You've actually adopted somebody tribe. You've actually adopted somebody tribe. You've actually adopted somebody into your family. into your family. into your family. >> Crazy. >> Crazy. >> Crazy. >> That's that's a you you and Martha were >> That's that's a you you and Martha were >> That's that's a you you and Martha were and you feel like you've been together and you feel like you've been together and you feel like you've been together forever. That's oxytocin is the way that forever. That's oxytocin is the way that forever. That's oxytocin is the way that that works. And you want to go one two that works. And you want to go one two that works. And you want to go one two three four. When it doesn't work, when three four. When it doesn't work, when three four. When it doesn't work, when when relationships are a skew, it's when relationships are a skew, it's when relationships are a skew, it's because they go in different speeds because they go in different speeds because they go in different speeds through that neurochemical cascade or through that neurochemical cascade or through that neurochemical cascade or somebody stops after stage two, that's somebody stops after stage two, that's somebody stops after stage two, that's when things aren't working. There's some when things aren't working. There's some when things aren't working. There's some people who go through them too fast and people who go through them too fast and people who go through them too fast and freak out their other partner. These are freak out their other partner. These are freak out their other partner. These are people who have emoilia, not with an H. people who have emoilia, not with an H. people who have emoilia, not with an H. It's not a blood disorder. Emoilia, It's not a blood disorder. Emoilia, It's not a blood disorder. Emoilia, which is which is which is >> excessively quickly falling in love. >> excessively quickly falling in love. >> excessively quickly falling in love. This is a lot of what I teach my This is a lot of what I teach my This is a lot of what I teach my students, you know, is about actually students, you know, is about actually students, you know, is about actually how the this neurochemistry of actually how the this neurochemistry of actually how the this neurochemistry of actually how all this stuff works. how all this stuff works. how all this stuff works. >> You got to slow the falling in love >> You got to slow the falling in love >> You got to slow the falling in love process down. I feel like, process down. I feel like, process down. I feel like, >> oh yeah, you want to walk through this, >> oh yeah, you want to walk through this, >> oh yeah, you want to walk through this, >> not sprint and jump in, right? Yeah. >> not sprint and jump in, right? Yeah. >> not sprint and jump in, right? Yeah. It's It's It's >> Well, and the older you are, the slower >> Well, and the older you are, the slower >> Well, and the older you are, the slower it is. it is. it is. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> If you you fall in love in your People >> If you you fall in love in your People >> If you you fall in love in your People in their 80s will fall in love, in their 80s will fall in love, in their 80s will fall in love, >> but when you're in your when you're 16 >> but when you're in your when you're 16 >> but when you're in your when you're 16 years old, it'll be like 4 days and years old, it'll be like 4 days and years old, it'll be like 4 days and you're going through the entire process. you're going through the entire process. you're going through the entire process. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of how it >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of how it >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of how it works. But anyway, this is how I teach works. But anyway, this is how I teach works. But anyway, this is how I teach an awful lot about it. And this is a an awful lot about it. And this is a an awful lot about it. And this is a miracle. miracle. miracle. >> I mean, our brains are amazing on how >> I mean, our brains are amazing on how >> I mean, our brains are amazing on how this whole thing works. So, in modern this whole thing works. So, in modern this whole thing works. So, in modern life, the problem is that we're with life, the problem is that we're with life, the problem is that we're with technology, we're torquing this entire technology, we're torquing this entire technology, we're torquing this entire process. process. process. and it's not working right. You know, and it's not working right. You know, and it's not working right. You know, I'll give you a classic example. Most I'll give you a classic example. Most I'll give you a classic example. Most dating apps allow you to curate your dating apps allow you to curate your dating apps allow you to curate your profile in a way that you're looking for profile in a way that you're looking for profile in a way that you're looking for yourself because we're so narcissistic. yourself because we're so narcissistic. yourself because we're so narcissistic. I want somebody who votes like me, I want somebody who votes like me, I want somebody who votes like me, >> you know, for example, and and I'm not >> you know, for example, and and I'm not >> you know, for example, and and I'm not going to say which political side it is, going to say which political side it is, going to say which political side it is, but one political side, 71% of people but one political side, 71% of people but one political side, 71% of people say they won't they won't date somebody say they won't they won't date somebody say they won't they won't date somebody who's not on that political side, who's not on that political side, who's not on that political side, >> man. >> man. >> man. >> The other side is 41%. So, >> The other side is 41%. So, >> The other side is 41%. So, >> wow. Use your imaginations. Anyway, so >> wow. Use your imaginations. Anyway, so >> wow. Use your imaginations. Anyway, so but the whole point is that that we we but the whole point is that that we we but the whole point is that that we we we curate for compatibility, but the we curate for compatibility, but the we curate for compatibility, but the human brain wants complimentarity. human brain wants complimentarity. human brain wants complimentarity. It wants sexy difference. It wants sexy difference. It wants sexy difference. >> And and the applications what they do >> And and the applications what they do >> And and the applications what they do it's compatibility is a leftbrain it's compatibility is a leftbrain it's compatibility is a leftbrain solution. Complimentarity is a solution. Complimentarity is a solution. Complimentarity is a rightbrain phenomenon. And so all the rightbrain phenomenon. And so all the rightbrain phenomenon. And so all the technology is making us fall in love technology is making us fall in love technology is making us fall in love wrong. So, we're not wrong. So, we're not wrong. So, we're not >> I mean, if someone's been in a >> I mean, if someone's been in a >> I mean, if someone's been in a relationship for a few years or been relationship for a few years or been relationship for a few years or been married for a while and it's not married for a while and it's not married for a while and it's not working, working, working, >> right? >> right? >> right? >> How do they improve their relationship >> How do they improve their relationship >> How do they improve their relationship or marriage? or marriage? or marriage? >> Yeah. So, I have a lot of my wife and I >> Yeah. So, I have a lot of my wife and I >> Yeah. So, I have a lot of my wife and I actually do a lot of this stuff actually do a lot of this stuff actually do a lot of this stuff together, but there are a lot of, you together, but there are a lot of, you together, but there are a lot of, you know, deep work that you can actually know, deep work that you can actually know, deep work that you can actually do, but I've got a kind of a break glass do, but I've got a kind of a break glass do, but I've got a kind of a break glass thing to think about actually, believe thing to think about actually, believe thing to think about actually, believe it or not. There's an algorithm of it or not. There's an algorithm of it or not. There's an algorithm of things that will save most relationships things that will save most relationships things that will save most relationships really. really. really. >> Some of it's biological and some of it's >> Some of it's biological and some of it's >> Some of it's biological and some of it's actually more in terms of learning. So actually more in terms of learning. So actually more in terms of learning. So number one is is believe it or not it's number one is is believe it or not it's number one is is believe it or not it's eye contact. So most couples when eye contact. So most couples when eye contact. So most couples when they're on the rocks is they've stopped they're on the rocks is they've stopped they're on the rocks is they've stopped looking at each other in the eyes. looking at each other in the eyes. looking at each other in the eyes. Believe it or not that's characteristic Believe it or not that's characteristic Believe it or not that's characteristic of of relationships that have gone cold. of of relationships that have gone cold. of of relationships that have gone cold. And part of the reason is because men in And part of the reason is because men in And part of the reason is because men in a heterosexual relationship a man and a a heterosexual relationship a man and a a heterosexual relationship a man and a woman the man has stopped talk looking woman the man has stopped talk looking woman the man has stopped talk looking at his wife or partner when he's talking at his wife or partner when he's talking at his wife or partner when he's talking to her. to her. to her. >> Cuz and and the reason is cuz guys are >> Cuz and and the reason is cuz guys are >> Cuz and and the reason is cuz guys are really good at that. You and I can talk really good at that. You and I can talk really good at that. You and I can talk to each other and have a, you know, men to each other and have a, you know, men to each other and have a, you know, men when they're together, they tend to when they're together, they tend to when they're together, they tend to >> look at other stuff. >> look at other stuff. >> look at other stuff. >> Yeah. They're like wa talking to each >> Yeah. They're like wa talking to each >> Yeah. They're like wa talking to each other deeply about things while watching other deeply about things while watching other deeply about things while watching a football game. a football game. a football game. >> Yeah. Exactly. >> Yeah. Exactly. >> Yeah. Exactly. >> That's called parallel play. Men have >> That's called parallel play. Men have >> That's called parallel play. Men have deep relationships as they're walking deep relationships as they're walking deep relationships as they're walking together towards something side by side, together towards something side by side, together towards something side by side, right? Eye contact is not as common and right? Eye contact is not as common and right? Eye contact is not as common and it's actually not as necessary because it's actually not as necessary because it's actually not as necessary because men have less oxytocin. About a third as men have less oxytocin. About a third as men have less oxytocin. About a third as much oxytocin. And oxytocin is pumped much oxytocin. And oxytocin is pumped much oxytocin. And oxytocin is pumped out when you're making eye contact. out when you're making eye contact. out when you're making eye contact. >> Why? Well, the reason is because women >> Why? Well, the reason is because women >> Why? Well, the reason is because women get a lot of oxytocin as they lay eyes get a lot of oxytocin as they lay eyes get a lot of oxytocin as they lay eyes have eye contact with their baby. So have eye contact with their baby. So have eye contact with their baby. So when babies nurse, they're looking into when babies nurse, they're looking into when babies nurse, they're looking into their mother's eyes. their mother's eyes. their mother's eyes. >> It is powerful, man. Babies are staring >> It is powerful, man. Babies are staring >> It is powerful, man. Babies are staring at you where they're eating. You're at you where they're eating. You're at you where they're eating. You're like, like, like, >> I know. I know. And stare at you. It's >> I know. I know. And stare at you. It's >> I know. I know. And stare at you. It's like, stop. What are you staring at me? like, stop. What are you staring at me? like, stop. What are you staring at me? You're freaking me out. You know, and You're freaking me out. You know, and You're freaking me out. You know, and what they're doing is that's pumping what they're doing is that's pumping what they're doing is that's pumping oxytocin into mom's brain, which is oxytocin into mom's brain, which is oxytocin into mom's brain, which is really important for milk production. really important for milk production. really important for milk production. >> So So this is kind of how the the >> So So this is kind of how the the >> So So this is kind of how the the biology works. But the whole point is biology works. But the whole point is biology works. But the whole point is that women get three times as much that women get three times as much that women get three times as much oxytocin and that's how they bond to oxytocin and that's how they bond to oxytocin and that's how they bond to people more. And when dude when you're people more. And when dude when you're people more. And when dude when you're not looking at her in the eyes when not looking at her in the eyes when not looking at her in the eyes when you're talking to her, you're denying you're talking to her, you're denying you're talking to her, you're denying her the feeling of love, her the feeling of love, her the feeling of love, >> man. >> man. >> man. >> And so the number one rule, >> And so the number one rule, >> And so the number one rule, >> eye contact. >> eye contact. >> eye contact. >> Number one rule is never say a word to >> Number one rule is never say a word to >> Number one rule is never say a word to her without looking at her in the eyes. her without looking at her in the eyes. her without looking at her in the eyes. When you're talking to her, you're When you're talking to her, you're When you're talking to her, you're looking at her and she'll be like, I'm looking at her and she'll be like, I'm looking at her and she'll be like, I'm happier. I don't know why. That's why. happier. I don't know why. That's why. happier. I don't know why. That's why. Number two, Number two, Number two, >> y >> y >> y >> abt. Always be touching. Always be >> abt. Always be touching. Always be >> abt. Always be touching. Always be touching. If you're with each other, if touching. If you're with each other, if touching. If you're with each other, if you're watching TV, you're touching. If you're watching TV, you're touching. If you're watching TV, you're touching. If you're sitting in church, you're you're sitting in church, you're you're sitting in church, you're touching. If you're walking down the touching. If you're walking down the touching. If you're walking down the street, you're holding hands. When you street, you're holding hands. When you street, you're holding hands. When you when uh when when when when you're when uh when when when when you're when uh when when when when you're driving, she's she's got her hand on driving, she's she's got her hand on driving, she's she's got her hand on your arm. Touch touch. That's actually your arm. Touch touch. That's actually your arm. Touch touch. That's actually more important for men than it is for more important for men than it is for more important for men than it is for women because when she you know, like women because when she you know, like women because when she you know, like when you're walking down the street with when you're walking down the street with when you're walking down the street with her and she touch your arm. her and she touch your arm. her and she touch your arm. >> It's like that's a vasopressin palm. >> It's like that's a vasopressin palm. >> It's like that's a vasopressin palm. >> A man, you know? Yeah. >> A man, you know? Yeah. >> A man, you know? Yeah. >> I know. You feel like you're you are >> I know. You feel like you're you are >> I know. You feel like you're you are like seven feet tall, but you know, even like seven feet tall, but you know, even like seven feet tall, but you know, even I feel seven feet tall. I feel seven feet tall. I feel seven feet tall. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And Okay. Always be touching. Always be >> And Okay. Always be touching. Always be >> And Okay. Always be touching. Always be touching. touching. touching. >> Number three. >> Number three. >> Number three. have more fun. have more fun. have more fun. >> Y >> Y >> Y >> now that's important because couples >> now that's important because couples >> now that's important because couples that are on the rocks, they rehearse that are on the rocks, they rehearse that are on the rocks, they rehearse their grievance a lot. And a lot of their grievance a lot. And a lot of their grievance a lot. And a lot of couples therapy is about rehearsing couples therapy is about rehearsing couples therapy is about rehearsing grievances. grievances. grievances. >> Talking about the past constantly, >> Talking about the past constantly, >> Talking about the past constantly, constantly constantly constantly >> the problem. You talk about problems. >> the problem. You talk about problems. >> the problem. You talk about problems. You got a problem, you go to therapy, You got a problem, you go to therapy, You got a problem, you go to therapy, they're going to talk about the they're going to talk about the they're going to talk about the problems. Have more fun. Fun makes you problems. Have more fun. Fun makes you problems. Have more fun. Fun makes you forget problems. forget problems. forget problems. >> Does add more fun into your plate. >> Does add more fun into your plate. >> Does add more fun into your plate. >> Yeah. Add more fun. Wash out the dirt in >> Yeah. Add more fun. Wash out the dirt in >> Yeah. Add more fun. Wash out the dirt in the glass by pouring a gallon bucket of the glass by pouring a gallon bucket of the glass by pouring a gallon bucket of water into the glass. Not by looking at water into the glass. Not by looking at water into the glass. Not by looking at the dirty glass and talking about it all the dirty glass and talking about it all the dirty glass and talking about it all day. day. day. >> And not by stirring it up with a spoon, >> And not by stirring it up with a spoon, >> And not by stirring it up with a spoon, [laughter] you know, [laughter] you know, [laughter] you know, >> pour fun into it. >> pour fun into it. >> pour fun into it. >> Right. And last but not least, >> Right. And last but not least, >> Right. And last but not least, >> pray or meditate together. >> pray or meditate together. >> pray or meditate together. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> The single most intimate thing that >> The single most intimate thing that >> The single most intimate thing that couples do together is prayer or couples do together is prayer or couples do together is prayer or meditate together. And most couples meditate together. And most couples meditate together. And most couples never do it. I mean, I talked to never do it. I mean, I talked to never do it. I mean, I talked to Catholic couples who've been married for Catholic couples who've been married for Catholic couples who've been married for 60 years. You pray together. It's like, 60 years. You pray together. It's like, 60 years. You pray together. It's like, oh, that's kind of embarrassing. But you oh, that's kind of embarrassing. But you oh, that's kind of embarrassing. But you have sex, you're not praying together have sex, you're not praying together have sex, you're not praying together because praying feels more intimate. And because praying feels more intimate. And because praying feels more intimate. And the reason is because one flesh in terms the reason is because one flesh in terms the reason is because one flesh in terms of sex is one thing. One flesh in terms of sex is one thing. One flesh in terms of sex is one thing. One flesh in terms of the right hemispheres of your brain, of the right hemispheres of your brain, of the right hemispheres of your brain, that's you're looking into the soul, that's you're looking into the soul, that's you're looking into the soul, man. Gosh. man. Gosh. man. Gosh. >> And you're praying in front to God with >> And you're praying in front to God with >> And you're praying in front to God with in front of each other. It's scary. Do in front of each other. It's scary. Do in front of each other. It's scary. Do you pray with Martha? you pray with Martha? you pray with Martha? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. And when you first started doing >> Yeah. And when you first started doing >> Yeah. And when you first started doing this, this, this, >> I'm not staring her eyes like praying. >> I'm not staring her eyes like praying. >> I'm not staring her eyes like praying. >> Well, no. I mean, you're praying >> Well, no. I mean, you're praying >> Well, no. I mean, you're praying together, but you're praying to God together, but you're praying to God together, but you're praying to God together. And at first, it was probably together. And at first, it was probably together. And at first, it was probably awkward, awkward, awkward, >> right? >> right? >> right? >> And and the reason is because it was >> And and the reason is because it was >> And and the reason is because it was intimate. It was the most intimate intimate. It was the most intimate intimate. It was the most intimate thing. And I was also used to kind of thing. And I was also used to kind of thing. And I was also used to kind of praying alone and like do my own praying alone and like do my own praying alone and like do my own practice and ritual. Now it's like we're practice and ritual. Now it's like we're practice and ritual. Now it's like we're doing it together in certain ways. And doing it together in certain ways. And doing it together in certain ways. And it's it's it's >> and that's a really really super super >> and that's a really really super super >> and that's a really really super super deep right brain bonding experience. deep right brain bonding experience. deep right brain bonding experience. >> This is the protocol, you know, dudes >> This is the protocol, you know, dudes >> This is the protocol, you know, dudes protocols. This is the protocol. protocols. This is the protocol. protocols. This is the protocol. >> Four things. Eye contact, always be >> Four things. Eye contact, always be >> Four things. Eye contact, always be touching, have more fun, and pray touching, have more fun, and pray touching, have more fun, and pray together. together. together. >> That's it. >> That's it. >> That's it. >> That should that should make any >> That should that should make any >> That should that should make any marriage last and be better. marriage last and be better. marriage last and be better. >> Yeah, I know. And I know people would be >> Yeah, I know. And I know people would be >> Yeah, I know. And I know people would be like, "Yeah, what if there's abuse?" I like, "Yeah, what if there's abuse?" I like, "Yeah, what if there's abuse?" I got it. What if there's infidelity? I got it. What if there's infidelity? I got it. What if there's infidelity? I got it. I mean, I I understand these got it. I mean, I I understand these got it. I mean, I I understand these these radical exogenous circumstances, these radical exogenous circumstances, these radical exogenous circumstances, what we're talking about is the cooling what we're talking about is the cooling what we're talking about is the cooling of the aror that naturally happens. of the aror that naturally happens. of the aror that naturally happens. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> And so, if there's not these big >> And so, if there's not these big >> And so, if there's not these big audacious crazy problems, you're just audacious crazy problems, you're just audacious crazy problems, you're just kind of kind of kind of >> cold is how you get it back. >> cold is how you get it back. >> cold is how you get it back. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You're just kind of numb. >> You're just kind of numb. >> You're just kind of numb. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Walking through life, going through the >> Walking through life, going through the >> Walking through life, going through the motions. motions. motions. >> Uhhuh. You're basically your brains are >> Uhhuh. You're basically your brains are >> Uhhuh. You're basically your brains are not neurochemically connecting. not neurochemically connecting. not neurochemically connecting. >> With all this information that you have >> With all this information that you have >> With all this information that you have and you've studied and you've taught and and you've studied and you've taught and and you've studied and you've taught and you've written about, what is the one you've written about, what is the one you've written about, what is the one thing you wish you would have done thing you wish you would have done thing you wish you would have done earlier in your life that maybe you earlier in your life that maybe you earlier in your life that maybe you don't regret, but you're like, now that don't regret, but you're like, now that don't regret, but you're like, now that I know I could have done this better I know I could have done this better I know I could have done this better with my wife or with my kids or with my with my wife or with my kids or with my with my wife or with my kids or with my purpose or with my whatever, what is the purpose or with my whatever, what is the purpose or with my whatever, what is the thing that's like, uh, this is the thing thing that's like, uh, this is the thing thing that's like, uh, this is the thing I really wish I would have done I really wish I would have done I really wish I would have done differently? differently? differently? >> Yeah, there are things. There really are >> Yeah, there are things. There really are >> Yeah, there are things. There really are things. Um, I wish I'd chosen more things. Um, I wish I'd chosen more things. Um, I wish I'd chosen more happiness or a specialness happiness or a specialness happiness or a specialness >> really. >> really. >> really. >> When my kids were little, >> When my kids were little, >> When my kids were little, >> but if then you wouldn't have this >> but if then you wouldn't have this >> but if then you wouldn't have this opportunity you have now. opportunity you have now. opportunity you have now. >> I know. >> I know. >> I know. >> You wouldn't have all the books and the >> You wouldn't have all the books and the >> You wouldn't have all the books and the Oprah and the Daly Lama and the Oprah and the Daly Lama and the Oprah and the Daly Lama and the credibility and the money and the you credibility and the money and the you credibility and the money and the you wouldn't have this now. You wouldn't be wouldn't have this now. You wouldn't be wouldn't have this now. You wouldn't be speaking 150 times a year now speaking 150 times a year now speaking 150 times a year now >> if you didn't pursue specialness for >> if you didn't pursue specialness for >> if you didn't pursue specialness for those. those. those. >> Would I have more love in my life? I >> Would I have more love in my life? I >> Would I have more love in my life? I would have had more love. And and and would have had more love. And and and would have had more love. And and and related to that, um, here's a real related to that, um, here's a real related to that, um, here's a real regret. um when I was in my 20s and it regret. um when I was in my 20s and it regret. um when I was in my 20s and it was go go go. I wasn't doing what I'm was go go go. I wasn't doing what I'm was go go go. I wasn't doing what I'm doing now. I didn't get my PhD until I doing now. I didn't get my PhD until I doing now. I didn't get my PhD until I was 34. As a matter of fact, I was a was 34. As a matter of fact, I was a was 34. As a matter of fact, I was a professional classical musician. I was professional classical musician. I was professional classical musician. I was playing in the Barcelona City Orchestra. playing in the Barcelona City Orchestra. playing in the Barcelona City Orchestra. I was the associate principal French I was the associate principal French I was the associate principal French horn. I had a good career and I wanted horn. I had a good career and I wanted horn. I had a good career and I wanted literally to be the best French horn literally to be the best French horn literally to be the best French horn player in the world. I was pursuing a player in the world. I was pursuing a player in the world. I was pursuing a career as a soloist and I wanted to tour career as a soloist and I wanted to tour career as a soloist and I wanted to tour the world. It was a lot of work. the world. It was a lot of work. the world. It was a lot of work. >> But it was also >> But it was also >> But it was also >> it meant that I didn't and know not all >> it meant that I didn't and know not all >> it meant that I didn't and know not all my relationships were bad. I had some my relationships were bad. I had some my relationships were bad. I had some very close friends and I I got married very close friends and I I got married very close friends and I I got married during that time and you know Esther's during that time and you know Esther's during that time and you know Esther's from Barcelona and so but the the one from Barcelona and so but the the one from Barcelona and so but the the one relationship that I marginalized was relationship that I marginalized was relationship that I marginalized was with my parents. with my parents. with my parents. >> I did I mean I didn't and my parents >> I did I mean I didn't and my parents >> I did I mean I didn't and my parents were interesting people. My dad was a were interesting people. My dad was a were interesting people. My dad was a was a a mathematics professor with a PhD was a a mathematics professor with a PhD was a a mathematics professor with a PhD in bioatistics. He was a really really in bioatistics. He was a really really in bioatistics. He was a really really serious intellectual. My mother was an serious intellectual. My mother was an serious intellectual. My mother was an artist of of some renown in the Pacific artist of of some renown in the Pacific artist of of some renown in the Pacific Northwest where I grew up in Seattle. Northwest where I grew up in Seattle. Northwest where I grew up in Seattle. And they were interesting, intelligent, And they were interesting, intelligent, And they were interesting, intelligent, cultivated, cultured people. And I knew cultivated, cultured people. And I knew cultivated, cultured people. And I knew that I was like, I want to know them that I was like, I want to know them that I was like, I want to know them more. But, you know, and I was in my 20s more. But, you know, and I was in my 20s more. But, you know, and I was in my 20s and yeah, I was I was living in Europe and yeah, I was I was living in Europe and yeah, I was I was living in Europe and the whole thing and the whole thing and the whole thing >> and then they died. >> and then they died. >> and then they died. >> Both of them died. >> Both of them died. >> Both of them died. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I mean, my dad died at 66 >> I mean, my dad died at 66 >> I mean, my dad died at 66 >> and um my mom was she suffered from >> and um my mom was she suffered from >> and um my mom was she suffered from dementia very early dementia very early dementia very early >> and so there wasn't it wasn't the same. >> and so there wasn't it wasn't the same. >> and so there wasn't it wasn't the same. It wasn't the same. And then she died at It wasn't the same. And then she died at It wasn't the same. And then she died at 73. But she was she was suffering um a 73. But she was she was suffering um a 73. But she was she was suffering um a loss of who she was significantly by the loss of who she was significantly by the loss of who she was significantly by the time she was my age and younger. And I time she was my age and younger. And I time she was my age and younger. And I missed it. And I missed it because my missed it. And I missed it because my missed it. And I missed it because my own negligence own negligence own negligence and I thought to myself, you know, for a and I thought to myself, you know, for a and I thought to myself, you know, for a long time I really that [snorts] was a long time I really that [snorts] was a long time I really that [snorts] was a source of suffering for me. Um source of suffering for me. Um source of suffering for me. Um >> how when you mean you missed it, was it >> how when you mean you missed it, was it >> how when you mean you missed it, was it like you saw them once or twice a year, like you saw them once or twice a year, like you saw them once or twice a year, holidays, like one week? holidays, like one week? holidays, like one week? >> Yeah. Never more than that. Couple days >> Yeah. Never more than that. Couple days >> Yeah. Never more than that. Couple days here and there. here and there. here and there. >> Yeah. I talked to him >> Yeah. I talked to him >> Yeah. I talked to him >> once a month or something like that. >> once a month or something like that. >> once a month or something like that. >> Something like that. Yeah. I mean, it >> Something like that. Yeah. I mean, it >> Something like that. Yeah. I mean, it was like it was always cordial. was like it was always cordial. was like it was always cordial. >> Yeah. But it was like 20 years >> Yeah. But it was like 20 years >> Yeah. But it was like 20 years essentially. It was like, essentially. It was like, essentially. It was like, >> and I'm going to get to it. I'm going to >> and I'm going to get to it. I'm going to >> and I'm going to get to it. I'm going to get to it. I'm going to get to it. And get to it. I'm going to get to it. And get to it. I'm going to get to it. And they died. they died. they died. >> And um and and I and I I suffered about >> And um and and I and I I suffered about >> And um and and I and I I suffered about that for a long time. I felt regret that for a long time. I felt regret that for a long time. I felt regret about that for a long time. And then I about that for a long time. And then I about that for a long time. And then I had this realization based on the had this realization based on the had this realization based on the research. This is your question. I research. This is your question. I research. This is your question. I realized I get a doover. And the doover realized I get a doover. And the doover realized I get a doover. And the doover is with my kids and grandkids. is with my kids and grandkids. is with my kids and grandkids. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> That's my doover. And I said, "Okay, >> That's my doover. And I said, "Okay, >> That's my doover. And I said, "Okay, what am I going to do?" And I looked at what am I going to do?" And I looked at what am I going to do?" And I looked at the work. I looked at the research on the work. I looked at the research on the work. I looked at the research on this. And you know how you do it? You this. And you know how you do it? You this. And you know how you do it? You don't visit your grandkids. You live don't visit your grandkids. You live don't visit your grandkids. You live with them. with them. with them. >> And so we had every day you're living. >> And so we had every day you're living. >> And so we had every day you're living. >> You had a family meeting. We had a >> You had a family meeting. We had a >> You had a family meeting. We had a family meeting. family meeting. family meeting. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> On the basis of this. And I and and and >> On the basis of this. And I and and and >> On the basis of this. And I and and and the family meeting was this. I said the family meeting was this. I said the family meeting was this. I said >> to my kids, "You didn't know your >> to my kids, "You didn't know your >> to my kids, "You didn't know your grandparents very well. You almost never grandparents very well. You almost never grandparents very well. You almost never saw them." saw them." saw them." >> Um I I didn't see my grandparents very >> Um I I didn't see my grandparents very >> Um I I didn't see my grandparents very often. I didn't know my parents very often. I didn't know my parents very often. I didn't know my parents very well. I wished I knew them well. well. I wished I knew them well. well. I wished I knew them well. >> It's going to be better for you if we >> It's going to be better for you if we >> It's going to be better for you if we help you with your kids. It's going to help you with your kids. It's going to help you with your kids. It's going to be better for us if we have a be better for us if we have a be better for us if we have a relationship with our grandchildren. relationship with our grandchildren. relationship with our grandchildren. It's going to be better for all of us if It's going to be better for all of us if It's going to be better for all of us if we get in each other's way a lot. Let's we get in each other's way a lot. Let's we get in each other's way a lot. Let's not visit each other. Vacation should be not visit each other. Vacation should be not visit each other. Vacation should be apart. apart. apart. >> Not together. Yeah. >> Not together. Yeah. >> Not together. Yeah. >> And and that was entirely based on this >> And and that was entirely based on this >> And and that was entirely based on this behavioral science research. Entirely. I behavioral science research. Entirely. I behavioral science research. Entirely. I was I was and we had a big family was I was and we had a big family was I was and we had a big family meeting. meeting. meeting. >> So you read like a research paper on >> So you read like a research paper on >> So you read like a research paper on this. this. this. >> I read you know volumes on this. And >> I read you know volumes on this. And >> I read you know volumes on this. And what everything that was written on it? what everything that was written on it? what everything that was written on it? What did the research say about it? What did the research say about it? What did the research say about it? >> The research said you're going to be >> The research said you're going to be >> The research said you're going to be happier and live longer if you're if happier and live longer if you're if happier and live longer if you're if you're living around and with your you're living around and with your you're living around and with your grandchildren. And your grandchildren grandchildren. And your grandchildren grandchildren. And your grandchildren are going to be have greater emotional, are going to be have greater emotional, are going to be have greater emotional, spiritual, and cognitive development if spiritual, and cognitive development if spiritual, and cognitive development if they're around their grandchildren, they're around their grandchildren, they're around their grandchildren, their grandparents. And there's going to their grandparents. And there's going to their grandparents. And there's going to be a better long-term relationship as be a better long-term relationship as be a better long-term relationship as people grow old if they have a people grow old if they have a people grow old if they have a day-to-day relationship with their adult day-to-day relationship with their adult day-to-day relationship with their adult children. That's what the data say. And children. That's what the data say. And children. That's what the data say. And so we had this big family meeting. It's so we had this big family meeting. It's so we had this big family meeting. It's literally better for every single literally better for every single literally better for every single generation. How old were your kids at generation. How old were your kids at generation. How old were your kids at this time? this time? this time? >> My kids were early 20s, mid20s, and and >> My kids were early 20s, mid20s, and and >> My kids were early 20s, mid20s, and and my kids got married early. My kids are my kids got married early. My kids are my kids got married early. My kids are their rebellion was like going super their rebellion was like going super their rebellion was like going super traded out hippies out hippies >> cuz you know, free will and musicians, >> cuz you know, free will and musicians, >> cuz you know, free will and musicians, man, and the whole thing. We tell them man, and the whole thing. We tell them man, and the whole thing. We tell them stories about, you know, when we're And stories about, you know, when we're And stories about, you know, when we're And so my kids, uh, you know, two of my kids so my kids, uh, you know, two of my kids so my kids, uh, you know, two of my kids are Marines, are Marines, are Marines, >> you know, and my and two my my two older >> you know, and my and two my my two older >> you know, and my and two my my two older kids got married at 22 and 23 and kids got married at 22 and 23 and kids got married at 22 and 23 and started having kids at 23 and 24. started having kids at 23 and 24. started having kids at 23 and 24. They're like military and marriage They're like military and marriage They're like military and marriage early. early. early. >> Yeah. Yeah. And they're all religious >> Yeah. Yeah. And they're all religious >> Yeah. Yeah. And they're all religious and all my kids are religious and you and all my kids are religious and you and all my kids are religious and you know when we were in our 20s we were I know when we were in our 20s we were I know when we were in our 20s we were I mean we were screwing up and you know mean we were screwing up and you know mean we were screwing up and you know it's like and we were doing all the it's like and we were doing all the it's like and we were doing all the stuff you're not supposed to we lived stuff you're not supposed to we lived stuff you're not supposed to we lived together before we got married and the together before we got married and the together before we got married and the whole thing that the Catholic church is whole thing that the Catholic church is whole thing that the Catholic church is like and anyway so and and and so my like and anyway so and and and so my like and anyway so and and and so my kids rebelled by by being like a kids rebelled by by being like a kids rebelled by by being like a Catholic family in 1940. So we had this Catholic family in 1940. So we had this Catholic family in 1940. So we had this meeting [laughter] meeting [laughter] meeting [laughter] was like rebellion. So and we're like was like rebellion. So and we're like was like rebellion. So and we're like these kids are such squares. these kids are such squares. these kids are such squares. >> Right. Right. Right. They're just doing >> Right. Right. Right. They're just doing >> Right. Right. Right. They're just doing everything by the book. everything by the book. everything by the book. >> I know. And so we had this family >> I know. And so we had this family >> I know. And so we had this family meeting and we said, meeting and we said, meeting and we said, >> "Here's what the research says and we >> "Here's what the research says and we >> "Here's what the research says and we all know it's true. Where do you want to all know it's true. Where do you want to all know it's true. Where do you want to raise your kids? Where do you think you raise your kids? Where do you think you raise your kids? Where do you think you can have the a good career and raise can have the a good career and raise can have the a good career and raise your kids?" And they voted. They voted your kids?" And they voted. They voted your kids?" And they voted. They voted the Washington DC region where I had the Washington DC region where I had the Washington DC region where I had raised them. My wife and I had raised raised them. My wife and I had raised raised them. My wife and I had raised them. And they wanted to send their kids them. And they wanted to send their kids them. And they wanted to send their kids to the same schools that they went to, to the same schools that they went to, to the same schools that they went to, very, very strong Catholic schools, very, very strong Catholic schools, very, very strong Catholic schools, really good Catholic schools. And so we really good Catholic schools. And so we really good Catholic schools. And so we all packed up moving vans and moved all packed up moving vans and moved all packed up moving vans and moved there. there. there. >> Wow. We all we made a family decision, >> Wow. We all we made a family decision, >> Wow. We all we made a family decision, you know, we literally it was one van you know, we literally it was one van you know, we literally it was one van had two families in it and then the had two families in it and then the had two families in it and then the others came from California and Wow. And others came from California and Wow. And others came from California and Wow. And my daughter, who's the baby, she's 22, my daughter, who's the baby, she's 22, my daughter, who's the baby, she's 22, she's still in the Marine Corps. So, she's still in the Marine Corps. So, she's still in the Marine Corps. So, >> what about the the the son-in-law or or >> what about the the the son-in-law or or >> what about the the the son-in-law or or daughter-in-law, daughter-in-law, daughter-in-law, >> they wanted family life. >> they wanted family life. >> they wanted family life. >> They wanted to live with >> They wanted to live with >> They wanted to live with >> they wanted family life. And so, we've >> they wanted family life. And so, we've >> they wanted family life. And so, we've got one of the families is literally in got one of the families is literally in got one of the families is literally in our house. our house. our house. >> They're in the bottom floor. We're in >> They're in the bottom floor. We're in >> They're in the bottom floor. We're in the top floor. We have meals, family the top floor. We have meals, family the top floor. We have meals, family meals together in the middle floor. And meals together in the middle floor. And meals together in the middle floor. And we get in each other's way. I mean, we get in each other's way. I mean, we get in each other's way. I mean, there's like some yelling. there's like some yelling. there's like some yelling. >> Sure. >> Sure. >> Sure. >> You know, because there's friction in >> You know, because there's friction in >> You know, because there's friction in any family, but I'm telling you, man, any family, but I'm telling you, man, any family, but I'm telling you, man, >> it's better than the outside. >> it's better than the outside. >> it's better than the outside. >> It's not overrated. It is not overrated. >> It's not overrated. It is not overrated. >> It's not overrated. It is not overrated. I go home, I come home and my little I go home, I come home and my little I go home, I come home and my little grandson, Joey, grandson, Joey, grandson, Joey, >> my god, it's like your dad again almost >> my god, it's like your dad again almost >> my god, it's like your dad again almost like you're like, like you're like, like you're like, >> he's like, I'm changing diapers at 61. >> he's like, I'm changing diapers at 61. >> he's like, I'm changing diapers at 61. And Joey's like, he calls me Yaou And Joey's like, he calls me Yaou And Joey's like, he calls me Yaou because I in Catalan in Barcelona, the because I in Catalan in Barcelona, the because I in Catalan in Barcelona, the language is Catalan and that's language is Catalan and that's language is Catalan and that's grandfather and my wife is Yaya. So, I'm grandfather and my wife is Yaya. So, I'm grandfather and my wife is Yaya. So, I'm Yaya. Yay. Yayu, wrestle, wrestle. He's Yaya. Yay. Yayu, wrestle, wrestle. He's Yaya. Yay. Yayu, wrestle, wrestle. He's two and a half. We wrestle every day two and a half. We wrestle every day two and a half. We wrestle every day when when I come home from work. It's when when I come home from work. It's when when I come home from work. It's unbelievable. unbelievable. unbelievable. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> It's it's happiness. >> It's it's happiness. >> It's it's happiness. >> How do you I can see how amazing that >> How do you I can see how amazing that >> How do you I can see how amazing that would be, would be, would be, >> but how do you in your mind as a father >> but how do you in your mind as a father >> but how do you in your mind as a father say, "I need to not take the say, "I need to not take the say, "I need to not take the responsibility of like taking care of my responsibility of like taking care of my responsibility of like taking care of my sons. They need to get out into the sons. They need to get out into the sons. They need to get out into the world and like learn to go hunt world and like learn to go hunt world and like learn to go hunt themselves and learn to go provide and themselves and learn to go provide and themselves and learn to go provide and learn to learn to learn to >> whatever do their taxes, you know, and >> whatever do their taxes, you know, and >> whatever do their taxes, you know, and not have like dad still taking care of not have like dad still taking care of not have like dad still taking care of them." Yeah. them." Yeah. them." Yeah. >> When they're 35 or 40. >> When they're 35 or 40. >> When they're 35 or 40. >> Yeah. How do you in their mind live >> Yeah. How do you in their mind live >> Yeah. How do you in their mind live together and have this rich beautiful together and have this rich beautiful together and have this rich beautiful life together but also allow them to be life together but also allow them to be life together but also allow them to be the man of the house, the man of the house, the man of the house, >> right? And the answer is that you give >> right? And the answer is that you give >> right? And the answer is that you give them these responsibilities themselves. them these responsibilities themselves. them these responsibilities themselves. So my sons make really good living. So my sons make really good living. So my sons make really good living. They're really, really successful. They're really, really successful. They're really, really successful. They're making money. They're making They're making money. They're making They're making money. They're making good money. They're taking care of their good money. They're taking care of their good money. They're taking care of their own household economically. They're own household economically. They're own household economically. They're taking care of their own kids. And I'm taking care of their own kids. And I'm taking care of their own kids. And I'm not telling them what to do. If they not telling them what to do. If they not telling them what to do. If they need help with something, I'll help them need help with something, I'll help them need help with something, I'll help them with something. And they always ask my with something. And they always ask my with something. And they always ask my advice, which is crazy. advice, which is crazy. advice, which is crazy. >> It's cool. >> It's cool. >> It's cool. >> But I'm asking their advice, too. >> But I'm asking their advice, too. >> But I'm asking their advice, too. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> They're helping me a lot. I mean, I'm >> They're helping me a lot. I mean, I'm >> They're helping me a lot. I mean, I'm having this like freighted dumb thing having this like freighted dumb thing having this like freighted dumb thing with somebody in my wife's family, and I with somebody in my wife's family, and I with somebody in my wife's family, and I was feeling really, really, really was feeling really, really, really was feeling really, really, really crummy about it. And I called my son, crummy about it. And I called my son, crummy about it. And I called my son, Carlos, and you know, Carlos is 25 years Carlos, and you know, Carlos is 25 years Carlos, and you know, Carlos is 25 years old. He gave me he's like gave me old. He gave me he's like gave me old. He gave me he's like gave me really, really good advice. really, really good advice. really, really good advice. >> It was beautiful actually what he told >> It was beautiful actually what he told >> It was beautiful actually what he told me because and and people never ask me because and and people never ask me because and and people never ask their adult kids advice. their adult kids advice. their adult kids advice. >> They're the best people to advise you >> They're the best people to advise you >> They're the best people to advise you because they're future you. M because they're future you. M because they're future you. M >> I mean they're they're they're you man. >> I mean they're they're they're you man. >> I mean they're they're they're you man. And I ask my daughter who's 22 and a And I ask my daughter who's 22 and a And I ask my daughter who's 22 and a second lieutenant in the Marine Corps at second lieutenant in the Marine Corps at second lieutenant in the Marine Corps at Quantico right now. She's tough as Quantico right now. She's tough as Quantico right now. She's tough as nails, 4' 11, nails, 4' 11, nails, 4' 11, >> crazy. >> crazy. >> crazy. >> She's a killer of men. And and I ask her >> She's a killer of men. And and I ask her >> She's a killer of men. And and I ask her advice and she always reliably gives me advice and she always reliably gives me advice and she always reliably gives me really really good advice. And and there really really good advice. And and there really really good advice. And and there are certain things that they do that I are certain things that they do that I are certain things that they do that I can't do. They they do things that I can't do. They they do things that I can't do. They they do things that I actually can't do. I'm not taking actually can't do. I'm not taking actually can't do. I'm not taking responsibility off their plate. What responsibility off their plate. What responsibility off their plate. What we're really doing is we're kind of we're really doing is we're kind of we're really doing is we're kind of family as a firm. We're dividing and family as a firm. We're dividing and family as a firm. We're dividing and conquering the world together. conquering the world together. conquering the world together. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> And and they know kind of what the deal >> And and they know kind of what the deal >> And and they know kind of what the deal is. You know, I probably will die before is. You know, I probably will die before is. You know, I probably will die before my wife because that's generally my wife because that's generally my wife because that's generally speaking the way that it works. God's speaking the way that it works. God's speaking the way that it works. God's law. Not entirely. law. Not entirely. law. Not entirely. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And and she will she will live in family >> And and she will she will live in family >> And and she will she will live in family for the rest of her life. for the rest of her life. for the rest of her life. >> Wow. That's beautiful. >> Wow. That's beautiful. >> Wow. That's beautiful. >> Yeah. And there will be >> Yeah. And there will be >> Yeah. And there will be intergenerational wealth. intergenerational wealth. intergenerational wealth. >> But the transfer of intergenerational >> But the transfer of intergenerational >> But the transfer of intergenerational wealth is because we're each other's wealth is because we're each other's wealth is because we're each other's safety net. safety net. safety net. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> It's not so I can even get a boat, dude. >> It's not so I can even get a boat, dude. >> It's not so I can even get a boat, dude. Right. Right. Right. >> The expectation is that you'll you'll >> The expectation is that you'll you'll >> The expectation is that you'll you'll leave more than you get and and that our leave more than you get and and that our leave more than you get and and that our family will be able to do beautiful family will be able to do beautiful family will be able to do beautiful things philanthropically and we'll have things philanthropically and we'll have things philanthropically and we'll have goals together as a family. Is it going goals together as a family. Is it going goals together as a family. Is it going to work? to work? to work? >> I hope. >> I hope. >> I hope. >> And if it doesn't, that's a lesson, too. >> And if it doesn't, that's a lesson, too. >> And if it doesn't, that's a lesson, too. I've got a few final questions for you. I've got a few final questions for you. I've got a few final questions for you. This has been fascinating. We're talking This has been fascinating. We're talking This has been fascinating. We're talking about the meaning of your life. And this about the meaning of your life. And this about the meaning of your life. And this is about finding purpose in an age of is about finding purpose in an age of is about finding purpose in an age of emptiness. And I think there are a lot emptiness. And I think there are a lot emptiness. And I think there are a lot of empty people out here today. Again, of empty people out here today. Again, of empty people out here today. Again, if you guys don't have this book yet, if you guys don't have this book yet, if you guys don't have this book yet, make sure to grab a copy. Get one for a make sure to grab a copy. Get one for a make sure to grab a copy. Get one for a friend. If you know someone in your life friend. If you know someone in your life friend. If you know someone in your life who's struggling, going through a down who's struggling, going through a down who's struggling, going through a down season of life, get them a copy as a season of life, get them a copy as a season of life, get them a copy as a gift. They will appreciate it. Let's gift. They will appreciate it. Let's gift. They will appreciate it. Let's imagine you in 10 years, 71. imagine you in 10 years, 71. imagine you in 10 years, 71. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> What is the advice your 71year-old self >> What is the advice your 71year-old self >> What is the advice your 71year-old self is screaming at you right now that is screaming at you right now that is screaming at you right now that you're not taking? you're not taking? you're not taking? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> That you know, >> That you know, >> That you know, >> Oh, man. >> Oh, man. >> Oh, man. >> It will I get chills just saying this. >> It will I get chills just saying this. >> It will I get chills just saying this. >> That you know will pull you to where >> That you know will pull you to where >> That you know will pull you to where you're meant to be. Whether it's your you're meant to be. Whether it's your you're meant to be. Whether it's your 71-year-old wiser self is more connected 71-year-old wiser self is more connected 71-year-old wiser self is more connected to God and knows what you need to go to God and knows what you need to go to God and knows what you need to go through or what you need to let go of. through or what you need to let go of. through or what you need to let go of. What is your future version of yourself What is your future version of yourself What is your future version of yourself saying to you right now? Why didn't you saying to you right now? Why didn't you saying to you right now? Why didn't you stop the things you needed to stop in stop the things you needed to stop in stop the things you needed to stop in their time? their time? their time? My 71-year-old self is not going to be My 71-year-old self is not going to be My 71-year-old self is not going to be telling this is not going to be telling telling this is not going to be telling telling this is not going to be telling me today is not telling me today that me today is not telling me today that me today is not telling me today that I'm missing opportunities I'm missing opportunities I'm missing opportunities to do more to do more to do more >> in the world. My 71-year-old self is >> in the world. My 71-year-old self is >> in the world. My 71-year-old self is telling me I'm missing opportunities to telling me I'm missing opportunities to telling me I'm missing opportunities to love more. And that means I'm not love more. And that means I'm not love more. And that means I'm not stopping the things, the worldly things stopping the things, the worldly things stopping the things, the worldly things that I need to stop. that I need to stop. that I need to stop. >> So, what do you need to stop? >> So, what do you need to stop? >> So, what do you need to stop? >> Because I don't know how. >> Because I don't know how. >> Because I don't know how. >> Man, >> Man, >> Man, >> I don't know how. >> I don't know how. >> I don't know how. >> What are the things you think the 701 >> What are the things you think the 701 >> What are the things you think the 701 version of you is telling you to stop? version of you is telling you to stop? version of you is telling you to stop? >> And maybe it's through phases. Maybe >> And maybe it's through phases. Maybe >> And maybe it's through phases. Maybe it's not all right now. it's not all right now. it's not all right now. >> No, no, it's not all right now because >> No, no, it's not all right now because >> No, no, it's not all right now because right all right now probably means I got right all right now probably means I got right all right now probably means I got cancer or something, right? I mean, it's cancer or something, right? I mean, it's cancer or something, right? I mean, it's like a screeching halt where the car like a screeching halt where the car like a screeching halt where the car hits a wall, hits a wall, hits a wall, >> that's usually catastrophic. >> that's usually catastrophic. >> that's usually catastrophic. >> But just cuz you can do 300 days a year >> But just cuz you can do 300 days a year >> But just cuz you can do 300 days a year on the road doesn't mean you should. on the road doesn't mean you should. on the road doesn't mean you should. Just because you can do this book with Just because you can do this book with Just because you can do this book with the next big celebrity doesn't mean you the next big celebrity doesn't mean you the next big celebrity doesn't mean you should. Just because you can teach here, should. Just because you can teach here, should. Just because you can teach here, >> you know. So, what is he saying >> you know. So, what is he saying >> you know. So, what is he saying that he knows best? that he knows best? that he knows best? >> That you missed an opportunity to love >> That you missed an opportunity to love >> That you missed an opportunity to love your guru and to be close to your guru, your guru and to be close to your guru, your guru and to be close to your guru, >> your wife. >> your wife. >> your wife. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. And the reason you missed that And the reason you missed that And the reason you missed that opportunity is because you saw a shiny opportunity is because you saw a shiny opportunity is because you saw a shiny thing. thing. thing. >> You went for it. >> You went for it. >> You went for it. >> And I went for it. And >> And I went for it. And >> And I went for it. And >> you're with your wife a lot. You're >> you're with your wife a lot. You're >> you're with your wife a lot. You're >> I'm with my wife a lot. We are best >> I'm with my wife a lot. We are best >> I'm with my wife a lot. We are best friends, but I'm not doing enough. I'm friends, but I'm not doing enough. I'm friends, but I'm not doing enough. I'm not doing enough. not doing enough. not doing enough. >> What would be enough to be with your >> What would be enough to be with your >> What would be enough to be with your guru, your wife, more that you feel like guru, your wife, more that you feel like guru, your wife, more that you feel like your 71-year-old self would say, your 71-year-old self would say, your 71-year-old self would say, >> would just do this. >> would just do this. >> would just do this. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You just be like, "That's it. You can >> You just be like, "That's it. You can >> You just be like, "That's it. You can still go chase these shiny objects still go chase these shiny objects still go chase these shiny objects because if you're being in service to because if you're being in service to because if you're being in service to something greater. and you'll get the something greater. and you'll get the something greater. and you'll get the rewards of the idols, but you know, as rewards of the idols, but you know, as rewards of the idols, but you know, as long as you're in service, it's all long as you're in service, it's all long as you're in service, it's all good. But good. But good. But >> that was a good week there. >> that was a good week there. >> that was a good week there. >> That was a good month. Like, what would >> That was a good month. Like, what would >> That was a good month. Like, what would he be clapping at and saying, "Bravo, he be clapping at and saying, "Bravo, he be clapping at and saying, "Bravo, Arthur." What would he be saying? Arthur." What would he be saying? Arthur." What would he be saying? >> Probably there would be a film clip of >> Probably there would be a film clip of >> Probably there would be a film clip of Mrs. Brooks saying, "Don't you have Mrs. Brooks saying, "Don't you have Mrs. Brooks saying, "Don't you have something to do?" something to do?" something to do?" >> Really? >> Really? >> Really? >> Yeah, probably. [sighs] >> Yeah, probably. [sighs] >> Yeah, probably. [sighs] Don't you have something to do? Don't you have something to do? Don't you have something to do? >> That would be like >> That would be like >> That would be like >> I've never heard that once. I've never >> I've never heard that once. I've never >> I've never heard that once. I've never heard that once in my life. Never once. heard that once in my life. Never once. heard that once in my life. Never once. >> What would it take for you to get that >> What would it take for you to get that >> What would it take for you to get that this year? this year? this year? >> We're at the beginning of the year >> We're at the beginning of the year >> We're at the beginning of the year still. still. still. >> I know. >> I know. >> I know. >> And is that even something that you >> And is that even something that you >> And is that even something that you think you should do this year? think you should do this year? think you should do this year? >> It is something I need to do this year. >> It is something I need to do this year. >> It is something I need to do this year. >> Is that a week long? No. Is that a >> Is that a week long? No. Is that a >> Is that a week long? No. Is that a month? Is that a day? Is that three month? Is that a day? Is that three month? Is that a day? Is that three months? months? months? >> That's a cadence. That's a cadence of >> That's a cadence. That's a cadence of >> That's a cadence. That's a cadence of And it really starts with the time that And it really starts with the time that And it really starts with the time that you actually have. I mean, one of the, you actually have. I mean, one of the, you actually have. I mean, one of the, you know, you always hear that you you know, you always hear that you you know, you always hear that you should have quality time versus quantity should have quality time versus quantity should have quality time versus quantity time. time. time. >> The truth is, you need both. >> The truth is, you need both. >> The truth is, you need both. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> With the people that you love, your your >> With the people that you love, your your >> With the people that you love, your your your little babies who are not going to your little babies who are not going to your little babies who are not going to be little babies soon. They're going to be little babies soon. They're going to be little babies soon. They're going to be saying words and walking around and be saying words and walking around and be saying words and walking around and and and and pretty soon they're going to and and and pretty soon they're going to and and and pretty soon they're going to have a lot less interest in you. have a lot less interest in you. have a lot less interest in you. >> I mean, you'll be the hero. The good >> I mean, you'll be the hero. The good >> I mean, you'll be the hero. The good news, by the way, here's the crystal news, by the way, here's the crystal news, by the way, here's the crystal ball. ball. ball. >> They're you're going to be their hero >> They're you're going to be their hero >> They're you're going to be their hero when they're in their 20s. when they're in their 20s. when they're in their 20s. >> I got to wait that long. >> I got to wait that long. >> I got to wait that long. >> No, no, no. You're going to be their >> No, no, no. You're going to be their >> No, no, no. You're going to be their hero up until they're like 12th hero up until they're like 12th hero up until they're like 12th >> and then again when they're 22. That's >> and then again when they're 22. That's >> and then again when they're 22. That's good. good. good. >> No, no, it's good. It's really, really >> No, no, it's good. It's really, really >> No, no, it's good. It's really, really good. Dad, dad's the best. Dad's dad's good. Dad, dad's the best. Dad's dad's good. Dad, dad's the best. Dad's dad's not the best for this anyway. not the best for this anyway. not the best for this anyway. >> Yeah. Yeah. [snorts] >> Yeah. Yeah. [snorts] >> Yeah. Yeah. [snorts] >> So quantity and quality are both really, >> So quantity and quality are both really, >> So quantity and quality are both really, really, really important. So what it really, really important. So what it really, really important. So what it would take, and this is the true for would take, and this is the true for would take, and this is the true for everybody watching the school of everybody watching the school of everybody watching the school of greatness, is to be really there greatness, is to be really there greatness, is to be really there >> when you're there, [clears throat] to be >> when you're there, [clears throat] to be >> when you're there, [clears throat] to be there more, and then to be really there there more, and then to be really there there more, and then to be really there when you're there. when you're there. when you're there. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> That's what it really takes. Now, let me >> That's what it really takes. Now, let me >> That's what it really takes. Now, let me take a side note. Let me tell you what take a side note. Let me tell you what take a side note. Let me tell you what you may know or you may not know. Why you may know or you may not know. Why you may know or you may not know. Why you're so good at what you do. you're so good at what you do. you're so good at what you do. >> Tell me. >> Tell me. >> Tell me. >> Cuz you're here now. >> Cuz you're here now. >> Cuz you're here now. >> Yeah. Present. >> Yeah. Present. >> Yeah. Present. >> That's unusual. >> That's unusual. >> That's unusual. >> You're looking into my soul. The first >> You're looking into my soul. The first >> You're looking into my soul. The first time I met you. Why did I love you the time I met you. Why did I love you the time I met you. Why did I love you the first time I met you? first time I met you? first time I met you? >> Cuz you saw me. >> Cuz you saw me. >> Cuz you saw me. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> You just met me and you saw me. >> You just met me and you saw me. >> You just met me and you saw me. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> That's a superpower. >> That's a superpower. >> That's a superpower. >> You're super good at that. >> You're super good at that. >> You're super good at that. >> Thank you. And that's what your babies >> Thank you. And that's what your babies >> Thank you. And that's what your babies need. And that's what your guru needs. need. And that's what your guru needs. need. And that's what your guru needs. >> My wife. Yeah. Everyone. >> My wife. Yeah. Everyone. >> My wife. Yeah. Everyone. >> Yeah. That's what they that's what they >> Yeah. That's what they that's what they >> Yeah. That's what they that's what they And so the the the the the mistake that And so the the the the the mistake that And so the the the the the mistake that you could make or I could make is to be you could make or I could make is to be you could make or I could make is to be fully present when we're doing what we fully present when we're doing what we fully present when we're doing what we do for the admiration of the world and do for the admiration of the world and do for the admiration of the world and using that super strength for the using that super strength for the using that super strength for the applause of strangers, applause of strangers, applause of strangers, >> but not at home. >> but not at home. >> but not at home. >> And not bringing it home. >> And not bringing it home. >> And not bringing it home. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And not bringing it home. >> And not bringing it home. >> And not bringing it home. >> Do you do that sometimes? >> Do you do that sometimes? >> Do you do that sometimes? >> Of course. >> Of course. >> Of course. >> And that's that's the that's the error I >> And that's that's the that's the error I >> And that's that's the that's the error I need to correct. What would that look need to correct. What would that look need to correct. What would that look like this year if at the end of this like this year if at the end of this like this year if at the end of this year your 71-year-old self said, "You year your 71-year-old self said, "You year your 71-year-old self said, "You know what? What you said on the school know what? What you said on the school know what? What you said on the school of greatness was to to really be there of greatness was to to really be there of greatness was to to really be there with quality and quantity." with quality and quantity." with quality and quantity." >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And you did it this year. >> And you did it this year. >> And you did it this year. >> What would need to happen from you to >> What would need to happen from you to >> What would need to happen from you to say, "I did it just this year." say, "I did it just this year." say, "I did it just this year." >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Not for the next 10 years, but this one >> Not for the next 10 years, but this one >> Not for the next 10 years, but this one year I did it. year I did it. year I did it. >> It would mean slowing down a little. >> It would mean slowing down a little. >> It would mean slowing down a little. >> So, what does that look like? Give me an >> So, what does that look like? Give me an >> So, what does that look like? Give me an actual game plan another at least actual game plan another at least actual game plan another at least another day a week at home. another day a week at home. another day a week at home. >> One day a week at home >> One day a week at home >> One day a week at home >> and and by the way I have already set >> and and by the way I have already set >> and and by the way I have already set protocols in motion where I'm always protocols in motion where I'm always protocols in motion where I'm always home on weekends. home on weekends. home on weekends. >> I don't travel weekends >> I don't travel weekends >> I don't travel weekends >> plus that another >> plus that another >> plus that another >> Yeah. And and another day and >> Yeah. And and another day and >> Yeah. And and another day and when I'm home I'm home. When I'm home when I'm home I'm home. When I'm home when I'm home I'm home. When I'm home I'm home texting strategizing. I'm home texting strategizing. I'm home texting strategizing. >> No because the problem is the cycles in >> No because the problem is the cycles in >> No because the problem is the cycles in the brain. You know that feeling the brain. You know that feeling the brain. You know that feeling >> thinking about the next >> thinking about the next >> thinking about the next >> Yeah. Because it's it's the castles in >> Yeah. Because it's it's the castles in >> Yeah. Because it's it's the castles in the sky. The school of greatness is a the sky. The school of greatness is a the sky. The school of greatness is a castle in the sky. castle in the sky. castle in the sky. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Right. Is what it comes down to. And and >> Right. Is what it comes down to. And and >> Right. Is what it comes down to. And and that leads to a whole lot of success. that leads to a whole lot of success. that leads to a whole lot of success. But that is a tremendous sacrifice. But that is a tremendous sacrifice. But that is a tremendous sacrifice. >> And it's it's a sacrifice borne by the >> And it's it's a sacrifice borne by the >> And it's it's a sacrifice borne by the people who love you the most people who love you the most people who love you the most >> and you. And that's what it's going to >> and you. And that's what it's going to >> and you. And that's what it's going to take. It's going to take something take. It's going to take something take. It's going to take something tangible like a little bit more of a tangible like a little bit more of a tangible like a little bit more of a sacrifice when it comes to being more sacrifice when it comes to being more sacrifice when it comes to being more present physically and also more present physically and also more present physically and also more psychologically where my right brain is psychologically where my right brain is psychologically where my right brain is truly open so that my meaning can find truly open so that my meaning can find truly open so that my meaning can find me. And that's only happening when me. And that's only happening when me. And that's only happening when you're truly present. Here's the thing you're truly present. Here's the thing you're truly present. Here's the thing that have you read CS Lewis? that have you read CS Lewis? that have you read CS Lewis? >> No, I haven't read much, but >> No, I haven't read much, but >> No, I haven't read much, but >> CS Lewis. >> CS Lewis. >> CS Lewis. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> CS Lewis has this uh I know he is. >> CS Lewis has this uh I know he is. >> CS Lewis has this uh I know he is. >> He makes a point. He's a theologian and >> He makes a point. He's a theologian and >> He makes a point. He's a theologian and it's really worth reading. He wrote the it's really worth reading. He wrote the it's really worth reading. He wrote the Chronicles of Narnia which almost every Chronicles of Narnia which almost every Chronicles of Narnia which almost every kid knows about, but but also very very kid knows about, but but also very very kid knows about, but but also very very beautiful books about religion beautiful books about religion beautiful books about religion >> and he makes this observation which is >> and he makes this observation which is >> and he makes this observation which is scientifically very robust. It's a very scientifically very robust. It's a very scientifically very robust. It's a very important point that we spend all our important point that we spend all our important point that we spend all our time in the past in the pre in the time in the past in the pre in the time in the past in the pre in the present and the future, right? But most present and the future, right? But most present and the future, right? But most people who are really ambitious are people who are really ambitious are people who are really ambitious are spending all their time in the future. spending all their time in the future. spending all their time in the future. You can't love in the future. You can't love in the future. You can't love in the future. >> You can only love now. >> You can only love now. >> You can only love now. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> And so if you go home and you're in the >> And so if you go home and you're in the >> And so if you go home and you're in the future, you're not loving at all. future, you're not loving at all. future, you're not loving at all. >> No. >> No. >> No. >> Love happens right now. >> Love happens right now. >> Love happens right now. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> And when you spent your time in the >> And when you spent your time in the >> And when you spent your time in the cycles living in the future, cycles living in the future, cycles living in the future, you've lost the opportunity to do the you've lost the opportunity to do the you've lost the opportunity to do the only love, to experience the only love only love, to experience the only love only love, to experience the only love that you can experience as a human that you can experience as a human that you can experience as a human being. being. being. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> And that's what I don't want to miss >> And that's what I don't want to miss >> And that's what I don't want to miss anymore. That's what 71year-old Arthur anymore. That's what 71year-old Arthur anymore. That's what 71year-old Arthur says. Stop. says. Stop. says. Stop. Fix it. Fix it. Fix it. >> So, what would what would one day a week >> So, what would what would one day a week >> So, what would what would one day a week look like? Is that picking a day every look like? Is that picking a day every look like? Is that picking a day every week that you say this is off and I'm week that you say this is off and I'm week that you say this is off and I'm >> not off. No, it's just it's just >> not off. No, it's just it's just >> not off. No, it's just it's just actually it's actually having dinner actually it's actually having dinner actually it's actually having dinner together and being home and and and together and being home and and and together and being home and and and after dinner actually completely after dinner actually completely after dinner actually completely present. Oh, yeah. For sure. I mean, present. Oh, yeah. For sure. I mean, present. Oh, yeah. For sure. I mean, it's like no problem with that. I mean, it's like no problem with that. I mean, it's like no problem with that. I mean, she's going to work. she's going to work. she's going to work. >> Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's not just sitting >> Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's not just sitting >> Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's not just sitting around waiting, around waiting, around waiting, >> but it's really And again, it sounds >> but it's really And again, it sounds >> but it's really And again, it sounds like I'm really really really geared like I'm really really really geared like I'm really really really geared toward my wife, but there's a reason toward my wife, but there's a reason toward my wife, but there's a reason that she's put in my life. She's my that she's put in my life. She's my that she's put in my life. She's my partner. partner. partner. >> She's my partner. It's like, and if you >> She's my partner. It's like, and if you >> She's my partner. It's like, and if you met her, man, she's ride or die, man. met her, man, she's ride or die, man. met her, man, she's ride or die, man. >> That's cool. >> That's cool. >> That's cool. >> Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But ride or die >> Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But ride or die >> Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But ride or die deserves the very best. deserves the very best. deserves the very best. And when she gets the very best, then And when she gets the very best, then And when she gets the very best, then I'm in my bliss. I'm in my bliss. I'm in my bliss. >> And then I'm being the man that God >> And then I'm being the man that God >> And then I'm being the man that God wants me to be. wants me to be. wants me to be. >> Yeah. You're not >> Yeah. You're not >> Yeah. You're not >> That's the stage. >> That's the stage. >> That's the stage. >> You're not in the specialness of the >> You're not in the specialness of the >> You're not in the specialness of the world when you're in that moment, world when you're in that moment, world when you're in that moment, though. You're not getting an award and though. You're not getting an award and though. You're not getting an award and on a stage, on a stage, on a stage, >> husband of the year. >> husband of the year. >> husband of the year. >> Yeah. But you're not getting the >> Yeah. But you're not getting the >> Yeah. But you're not getting the dopamine hit of more of more idols. dopamine hit of more of more idols. dopamine hit of more of more idols. Exactly. Right. Exactly. Right. Exactly. Right. >> You're getting more. You're getting love >> You're getting more. You're getting love >> You're getting more. You're getting love and [snorts] feeling presence of and [snorts] feeling presence of and [snorts] feeling presence of >> And I'm a success addict. >> And I'm a success addict. >> And I'm a success addict. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Because I have the same childhood that >> Because I have the same childhood that >> Because I have the same childhood that you had. you had. you had. >> I only got attention when I played the >> I only got attention when I played the >> I only got attention when I played the French horn when I got straight A's French horn when I got straight A's French horn when I got straight A's whenever I happened to do it. And so I whenever I happened to do it. And so I whenever I happened to do it. And so I still think that that points on the still think that that points on the still think that that points on the board. Points on the board. This is why board. Points on the board. This is why board. Points on the board. This is why I do my work, by the way, because I want I do my work, by the way, because I want I do my work, by the way, because I want the solutions for myself. the solutions for myself. the solutions for myself. >> Of course I do the show, too. Yeah. >> Of course I do the show, too. Yeah. >> Of course I do the show, too. Yeah. >> It's me, search, not research. Isn't it >> It's me, search, not research. Isn't it >> It's me, search, not research. Isn't it interesting that your parents are no interesting that your parents are no interesting that your parents are no longer with us, but you're still longer with us, but you're still longer with us, but you're still pursuing the same pursuits to get the pursuing the same pursuits to get the pursuing the same pursuits to get the attention? attention? attention? >> Oh, I know. You know, it's like I ask >> Oh, I know. You know, it's like I ask >> Oh, I know. You know, it's like I ask this all the time. I wonder if my dad's this all the time. I wonder if my dad's this all the time. I wonder if my dad's wonder if my dad would be proud of me. wonder if my dad would be proud of me. wonder if my dad would be proud of me. He's been dead 23 years. I wonder if my He's been dead 23 years. I wonder if my He's been dead 23 years. I wonder if my dad would be proud of me. dad would be proud of me. dad would be proud of me. >> What do you think if he was alive? >> What do you think if he was alive? >> What do you think if he was alive? >> Yeah. He'd be like, "Yeah, my son >> Yeah. He'd be like, "Yeah, my son >> Yeah. He'd be like, "Yeah, my son teaches a little school near Boston." teaches a little school near Boston." teaches a little school near Boston." He'd be making some sort of corny dad He'd be making some sort of corny dad He'd be making some sort of corny dad professor joke. professor joke. professor joke. >> Right. Yeah. He'd be he'd be he'd think >> Right. Yeah. He'd be he'd be he'd think >> Right. Yeah. He'd be he'd be he'd think that's cool. He'd think that's cool. But that's cool. He'd think that's cool. But that's cool. He'd think that's cool. But I think about it all the time. Would my I think about it all the time. Would my I think about it all the time. Would my dad be proud of me? And this is how we dad be proud of me? And this is how we dad be proud of me? And this is how we are. And this is a normal thing and it's are. And this is a normal thing and it's are. And this is a normal thing and it's a healthy thing actually, but you can't a healthy thing actually, but you can't a healthy thing actually, but you can't be animated by it in a particular way be animated by it in a particular way be animated by it in a particular way where you're trying and where you're on where you're trying and where you're on where you're trying and where you're on the hit on a treadmill more, more, more, the hit on a treadmill more, more, more, the hit on a treadmill more, more, more, more, and more more. You can't be more, and more more. You can't be more, and more more. You can't be subjugated to that. subjugated to that. subjugated to that. >> Do you feel sad that he wasn't able to >> Do you feel sad that he wasn't able to >> Do you feel sad that he wasn't able to watch everything you've done in the last watch everything you've done in the last watch everything you've done in the last 20 years? 20 years? 20 years? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It's sad for me. >> It's sad for me. >> It's sad for me. >> Yeah. You too. >> Yeah. You too. >> Yeah. You too. >> Yeah. Well, he My dad passed four years >> Yeah. Well, he My dad passed four years >> Yeah. Well, he My dad passed four years ago. It's sad for me. But he was he also ago. It's sad for me. But he was he also ago. It's sad for me. But he was he also had a brain injury like 20 years ago. So had a brain injury like 20 years ago. So had a brain injury like 20 years ago. So he was kind of like I guess maybe he was kind of like I guess maybe he was kind of like I guess maybe similar to your mom where he wasn't able similar to your mom where he wasn't able similar to your mom where he wasn't able to have a relationship with me. to have a relationship with me. to have a relationship with me. >> He didn't have the memory. He didn't >> He didn't have the memory. He didn't >> He didn't have the memory. He didn't have the cognitive skills and he was have the cognitive skills and he was have the cognitive skills and he was kind of like a child kind of like a child kind of like a child >> as an adult. >> as an adult. >> as an adult. >> He died when you were 39. >> He died when you were 39. >> He died when you were 39. >> Yeah. I was 39. Someone 38 39. But when >> Yeah. I was 39. Someone 38 39. But when >> Yeah. I was 39. Someone 38 39. But when I was 22 I was 22 I was 22 >> 22 he had an accident. >> 22 he had an accident. >> 22 he had an accident. >> He kind of died. He was alive but he >> He kind of died. He was alive but he >> He kind of died. He was alive but he emotionally wasn't available. And when emotionally wasn't available. And when emotionally wasn't available. And when I'd see him, which was rare, it was who I'd see him, which was rare, it was who I'd see him, which was rare, it was who are you again? And where'd you go to are you again? And where'd you go to are you again? And where'd you go to school again? Like he could talk to you, school again? Like he could talk to you, school again? Like he could talk to you, but he didn't have the it wasn't him. but he didn't have the it wasn't him. but he didn't have the it wasn't him. >> I understand. >> I understand. >> I understand. >> It's like a different human was in him. >> It's like a different human was in him. >> It's like a different human was in him. >> I understand. >> I understand. >> I understand. >> And it was a childlike version. >> And it was a childlike version. >> And it was a childlike version. >> You lost him and lost him in a in a in a >> You lost him and lost him in a in a in a >> You lost him and lost him in a in a in a fatherly way. Yes. fatherly way. Yes. fatherly way. Yes. >> You still loved him and he still had >> You still loved him and he still had >> You still loved him and he still had full dignity, but full dignity, but full dignity, but >> he couldn't be on his own though. >> he couldn't be on his own though. >> he couldn't be on his own though. >> The dad the dad thing was gone. Yeah. >> The dad the dad thing was gone. Yeah. >> The dad the dad thing was gone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. kind. So we kind of So Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. kind. So we kind of So Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. kind. So we kind of So it's been like 20 something years of not it's been like 20 something years of not it's been like 20 something years of not having a father having a father having a father >> and you think about him a lot. >> and you think about him a lot. >> and you think about him a lot. >> Think about him more in the last few >> Think about him more in the last few >> Think about him more in the last few years. years. years. >> Yeah. It's funny. I got married and have >> Yeah. It's funny. I got married and have >> Yeah. It's funny. I got married and have kids. I'm like, dang, he would have kids. I'm like, dang, he would have kids. I'm like, dang, he would have really loved this. really loved this. really loved this. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Like he would have really >> Like he would have really >> Like he would have really >> Is your mom alive? >> Is your mom alive? >> Is your mom alive? >> She's alive. Yeah. >> She's alive. Yeah. >> She's alive. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You have a relationship? Yeah. Yeah. She >> You have a relationship? Yeah. Yeah. She >> You have a relationship? Yeah. Yeah. She lives in LA. Yeah. lives in LA. Yeah. lives in LA. Yeah. >> That's great. >> That's great. >> That's great. >> But I'm like, he would really love this. >> But I'm like, he would really love this. >> But I'm like, he would really love this. Like And he would be really excited, you Like And he would be really excited, you Like And he would be really excited, you know? know? know? >> He would love this. And you know what? >> He would love this. And you know what? >> He would love this. And you know what? He does. He does. He does. >> He does. Yeah, >> He does. Yeah, >> He does. Yeah, >> he does. He's proud of you. >> he does. He's proud of you. >> he does. He's proud of you. >> Yeah, I know that. Dad's proud of you. >> Yeah, I know that. Dad's proud of you. >> Yeah, I know that. Dad's proud of you. >> But what do you >> But what do you >> But what do you how often do you think of your dad? how often do you think of your dad? how often do you think of your dad? >> Every day. >> Every day. >> Every day. >> Really? >> Really? >> Really? >> Every day. Every >> Every day. Every >> Every day. Every >> day. >> day. >> day. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I love my dad. >> I love my dad. >> I love my dad. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I wish I knew him better. >> Yeah. I wish I knew him better. >> Yeah. I wish I knew him better. >> What was the last time you had with him? >> What was the last time you had with him? >> What was the last time you had with him? Do you remember? Do you remember? Do you remember? >> Yeah. Um the last time I had with him >> Yeah. Um the last time I had with him >> Yeah. Um the last time I had with him was when he was dying. was when he was dying. was when he was dying. >> He was dying and and he got sick. He he >> He was dying and and he got sick. He he >> He was dying and and he got sick. He he retired at 62 from his professorship. He retired at 62 from his professorship. He retired at 62 from his professorship. He wasn't happy. wasn't happy. wasn't happy. >> He wasn't happy. >> He wasn't happy. >> He wasn't happy. >> 62. One year old. >> 62. One year old. >> 62. One year old. >> 62. Yeah, exactly. >> 62. Yeah, exactly. >> 62. Yeah, exactly. >> When's your birthday? Uh May 21st I'll >> When's your birthday? Uh May 21st I'll >> When's your birthday? Uh May 21st I'll be 62. be 62. be 62. >> So he died at this age. >> So he died at this age. >> So he died at this age. >> No, no, he he retired at this age. He >> No, no, he he retired at this age. He >> No, no, he he retired at this age. He got sick sick at 64. got sick sick at 64. got sick sick at 64. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> And the doctor gave him 15 to 20 years >> And the doctor gave him 15 to 20 years >> And the doctor gave him 15 to 20 years to live and he died in two. to live and he died in two. to live and he died in two. >> 66. >> 66. >> 66. >> And he was a he was a biostistician. >> And he was a he was a biostistician. >> And he was a he was a biostistician. >> And so I said, "Oh man, that's a that's >> And so I said, "Oh man, that's a that's >> And so I said, "Oh man, that's a that's that's lousy." And he says, "Yeah, but that's lousy." And he says, "Yeah, but that's lousy." And he says, "Yeah, but somebody's got to be on the left side of somebody's got to be on the left side of somebody's got to be on the left side of the curve." the curve." the curve." >> Oh my gosh. No. >> Oh my gosh. No. >> Oh my gosh. No. >> Bioat bioat till the end. >> Bioat bioat till the end. >> Bioat bioat till the end. >> Bioat till the end. Gosh. and and uh and >> Bioat till the end. Gosh. and and uh and >> Bioat till the end. Gosh. and and uh and I I would I was living in Syracuse at I I would I was living in Syracuse at I I would I was living in Syracuse at the time. I was teaching at Syracuse the time. I was teaching at Syracuse the time. I was teaching at Syracuse University at the time and I would go University at the time and I would go University at the time and I would go back every few weeks and I I got closer back every few weeks and I I got closer back every few weeks and I I got closer to my brother during those years and um to my brother during those years and um to my brother during those years and um and my mom was really sick. I mean, she and my mom was really sick. I mean, she and my mom was really sick. I mean, she was really sick and so she couldn't and was really sick and so she couldn't and was really sick and so she couldn't and um um um and and we talked a lot, you know, and and we talked a lot, you know, and and we talked a lot, you know, during that during that period. And it during that during that period. And it during that during that period. And it was funny because he, you know, he had a was funny because he, you know, he had a was funny because he, you know, he had a I think a kind of a spiritual awakening I think a kind of a spiritual awakening I think a kind of a spiritual awakening during that time, too. He was always a during that time, too. He was always a during that time, too. He was always a he was a serious Christian guy. But I he was a serious Christian guy. But I he was a serious Christian guy. But I think that he he drew closer to God as think that he he drew closer to God as think that he he drew closer to God as well. And uh and he was worried. He was well. And uh and he was worried. He was well. And uh and he was worried. He was worried about my mom. He was worried worried about my mom. He was worried worried about my mom. He was worried worried. He was going to take care of worried. He was going to take care of worried. He was going to take care of her. He was going to take care of her. her. He was going to take care of her. her. He was going to take care of her. And and and he knew my brother. My And and and he knew my brother. My And and and he knew my brother. My brother's a good man. My brother is brother's a good man. My brother is brother's a good man. My brother is going to take care of her. The whole going to take care of her. The whole going to take care of her. The whole thing. But by the end, he finally said, thing. But by the end, he finally said, thing. But by the end, he finally said, "I have to let go now. I have to let go "I have to let go now. I have to let go "I have to let go now. I have to let go now." now." now." >> Of his life. Of the worry of his wife. >> Of his life. Of the worry of his wife. >> Of his life. Of the worry of his wife. >> All of it. Wow. >> All of it. Wow. >> All of it. Wow. >> All of it. And he died. >> All of it. And he died. >> All of it. And he died. when you let go when you let go when you let go >> really like the next few days or next >> really like the next few days or next >> really like the next few days or next weeks or something. Why? weeks or something. Why? weeks or something. Why? >> Yeah, >> Yeah, >> Yeah, >> sooner thereafter. >> sooner thereafter. >> sooner thereafter. >> What was your biggest lesson of >> What was your biggest lesson of >> What was your biggest lesson of witnessing your father's death that witnessing your father's death that witnessing your father's death that taught you about life? taught you about life? taught you about life? >> That's a good question. It's a good >> That's a good question. It's a good >> That's a good question. It's a good question. It's that question. It's that question. It's that it's that it's that it's that in the act of actually, you know, he and in the act of actually, you know, he and in the act of actually, you know, he and he wasn't holding on to the same stuff he wasn't holding on to the same stuff he wasn't holding on to the same stuff that I'm holding on to. I mean, I have a that I'm holding on to. I mean, I have a that I'm holding on to. I mean, I have a different kind of life and a different different kind of life and a different different kind of life and a different kind of career. you know, I'm doing a kind of career. you know, I'm doing a kind of career. you know, I'm doing a lot of stuff that he's never he had lot of stuff that he's never he had lot of stuff that he's never he had never done before, [snorts] never done before, [snorts] never done before, [snorts] but that I think that it's pretty but that I think that it's pretty but that I think that it's pretty healthy to let go even earlier. healthy to let go even earlier. healthy to let go even earlier. >> You know, he was he was a he was an >> You know, he was he was a he was an >> You know, he was he was a he was an anxious person, you know, and and so am anxious person, you know, and and so am anxious person, you know, and and so am I. And you're an anxious guy, too. I I. And you're an anxious guy, too. I I. And you're an anxious guy, too. I mean, we're all tightly wound, right? mean, we're all tightly wound, right? mean, we're all tightly wound, right? >> And and letting go was not a tragic act. >> And and letting go was not a tragic act. >> And and letting go was not a tragic act. It was a natural thing to do. It was a natural thing to do. It was a natural thing to do. And I think we could all And I think we could all And I think we could all >> exhausting being anxious. >> exhausting being anxious. >> exhausting being anxious. >> Oh my gosh. >> Oh my gosh. >> Oh my gosh. >> Clenching on and holding on. >> Clenching on and holding on. >> Clenching on and holding on. >> Holding on. It's like white knuckling >> Holding on. It's like white knuckling >> Holding on. It's like white knuckling your life. your life. your life. >> Exhausting. >> Exhausting. >> Exhausting. >> It's [snorts] like on the wheel of the >> It's [snorts] like on the wheel of the >> It's [snorts] like on the wheel of the car. car. car. >> There's no peace. >> There's no peace. >> There's no peace. >> No. And uh and I think about that a lot. >> No. And uh and I think about that a lot. >> No. And uh and I think about that a lot. I think about um I can let go too more. I think about um I can let go too more. I think about um I can let go too more. And so I thought about that an awful And so I thought about that an awful And so I thought about that an awful lot. I haven't succeeded lot. I haven't succeeded lot. I haven't succeeded >> but I thought about that an awful lot. >> but I thought about that an awful lot. >> but I thought about that an awful lot. And that really was a life lesson. Yeah. And that really was a life lesson. Yeah. And that really was a life lesson. Yeah. >> And he he also when my mom got sick, >> And he he also when my mom got sick, >> And he he also when my mom got sick, >> how old were you when he passed? >> how old were you when he passed? >> how old were you when he passed? >> 38. Not young, but 38. >> 38. Not young, but 38. >> 38. Not young, but 38. >> Same age for me. Yeah. My dad. Yeah. >> Same age for me. Yeah. My dad. Yeah. >> Same age for me. Yeah. My dad. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> And um he loved my mom. He loved her. He >> And um he loved my mom. He loved her. He >> And um he loved my mom. He loved her. He was totally devoted to my mom. And she was totally devoted to my mom. And she was totally devoted to my mom. And she was sick and she wasn't present because was sick and she wasn't present because was sick and she wasn't present because of, you know, cognitive decline. And he of, you know, cognitive decline. And he of, you know, cognitive decline. And he loved my mom and he took care of my mom. loved my mom and he took care of my mom. loved my mom and he took care of my mom. And that was a great lesson to me that I And that was a great lesson to me that I And that was a great lesson to me that I learned learned learned >> that I learned that this is it, man. >> that I learned that this is it, man. >> that I learned that this is it, man. >> This is it. >> This is it. >> This is it. >> This is your life. This is it. This is >> This is your life. This is it. This is >> This is your life. This is it. This is it. This is your path. it. This is your path. it. This is your path. >> Oh my gosh. [sighs] I don't want to stop >> Oh my gosh. [sighs] I don't want to stop >> Oh my gosh. [sighs] I don't want to stop this, but I I got to I got to bring it this, but I I got to I got to bring it this, but I I got to I got to bring it to the end here because to the end here because to the end here because uh there's a lot here I think people can uh there's a lot here I think people can uh there's a lot here I think people can take on, and we'll probably do another take on, and we'll probably do another take on, and we'll probably do another episode about a lot of this stuff later. episode about a lot of this stuff later. episode about a lot of this stuff later. >> I would love that. >> I would love that. >> I would love that. >> The book is called The Meaning of Your >> The book is called The Meaning of Your >> The book is called The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness. Emptiness. Emptiness. >> You guys can get it right now. Um you >> You guys can get it right now. Um you >> You guys can get it right now. Um you also have a virtual launch event for the also have a virtual launch event for the also have a virtual launch event for the meaning of your life. You've also got a meaning of your life. You've also got a meaning of your life. You've also got a podcast, this is really cool, called podcast, this is really cool, called podcast, this is really cool, called Office Hours. I'm glad you're doing this Office Hours. I'm glad you're doing this Office Hours. I'm glad you're doing this uh with Arthur Brooks. So guys, check uh with Arthur Brooks. So guys, check uh with Arthur Brooks. So guys, check that out. You can go everything is at that out. You can go everything is at that out. You can go everything is at arthurbrooks.com. arthurbrooks.com. arthurbrooks.com. Social media arthurbrooks as well. Social media arthurbrooks as well. Social media arthurbrooks as well. >> There's a a website for the book called >> There's a a website for the book called >> There's a a website for the book called The Meaning of Your Life, all The Meaning of Your Life, all The Meaning of Your Life, all oneword.com. And all the resources for oneword.com. And all the resources for oneword.com. And all the resources for the book are there. Awesome. the book are there. Awesome. the book are there. Awesome. >> But again, if someone is if you felt >> But again, if someone is if you felt >> But again, if someone is if you felt like any part of this has spoken to you, like any part of this has spoken to you, like any part of this has spoken to you, if you're watching or listening right if you're watching or listening right if you're watching or listening right now, please share this with one friend. now, please share this with one friend. now, please share this with one friend. Please get the book. Uh if you feel like Please get the book. Uh if you feel like Please get the book. Uh if you feel like something is lost inside of you, if you something is lost inside of you, if you something is lost inside of you, if you feel stuck, if you feel like you're not feel stuck, if you feel like you're not feel stuck, if you feel like you're not fulfilling your purpose, you're not fulfilling your purpose, you're not fulfilling your purpose, you're not clear on what that is, or you just feel clear on what that is, or you just feel clear on what that is, or you just feel like you're not getting the most out of like you're not getting the most out of like you're not getting the most out of your life, make sure you get a copy of your life, make sure you get a copy of your life, make sure you get a copy of the meaning of your life and get one for the meaning of your life and get one for the meaning of your life and get one for a friend that you know is struggling. a friend that you know is struggling. a friend that you know is struggling. And we all have friends that we're And we all have friends that we're And we all have friends that we're trying to coach through life throughout trying to coach through life throughout trying to coach through life throughout the day that are just really struggling the day that are just really struggling the day that are just really struggling in some area of life. This will give in some area of life. This will give in some area of life. This will give them great stories, great science, and them great stories, great science, and them great stories, great science, and great tools on how to start improving great tools on how to start improving great tools on how to start improving the quality of your life. Uh, so make the quality of your life. Uh, so make the quality of your life. Uh, so make sure you guys get a few copies for sure you guys get a few copies for sure you guys get a few copies for friends as well. I've got two final friends as well. I've got two final friends as well. I've got two final questions for you before I ask them. questions for you before I ask them. questions for you before I ask them. Arthur, I want to acknowledge you Arthur, I want to acknowledge you Arthur, I want to acknowledge you >> for the service you have on people, even >> for the service you have on people, even >> for the service you have on people, even though that you're still tied around an though that you're still tied around an though that you're still tied around an idol. Uh, uh, and we all are in some idol. Uh, uh, and we all are in some idol. Uh, uh, and we all are in some ways. ways. ways. >> An idol is an idol. Yeah. >> An idol is an idol. Yeah. >> An idol is an idol. Yeah. >> But, uh, the fact that you care deeply >> But, uh, the fact that you care deeply >> But, uh, the fact that you care deeply about human beings getting out of about human beings getting out of about human beings getting out of suffering or understanding their suffering or understanding their suffering or understanding their suffering to have more meaning with suffering to have more meaning with suffering to have more meaning with their suffering to find more peace their suffering to find more peace their suffering to find more peace >> is such a beautiful gift. Thank you. >> is such a beautiful gift. Thank you. >> is such a beautiful gift. Thank you. >> So even though you do get to take an >> So even though you do get to take an >> So even though you do get to take an extra, you know, evening, a day, a week extra, you know, evening, a day, a week extra, you know, evening, a day, a week to be with your wife and your guru and to be with your wife and your guru and to be with your wife and your guru and your kids and be more present in those your kids and be more present in those your kids and be more present in those ways, when you are out there being ways, when you are out there being ways, when you are out there being present with the rest of us, it really present with the rest of us, it really present with the rest of us, it really makes a difference. makes a difference. makes a difference. >> Thank you. >> Thank you. >> Thank you. >> So I acknowledge you for the gift that >> So I acknowledge you for the gift that >> So I acknowledge you for the gift that you are. you are. you are. >> Thank you, Louis. >> Thank you, Louis. >> Thank you, Louis. >> Umise this >> Umise this >> Umise this >> much love and admiration. >> much love and admiration. >> much love and admiration. >> Thank you. Thank you. >> Thank you. Thank you. >> Thank you. Thank you. >> This is a question called the three >> This is a question called the three >> This is a question called the three truths. Imagine hypothetical scenario. truths. Imagine hypothetical scenario. truths. Imagine hypothetical scenario. You get to live as long as you want, but You get to live as long as you want, but You get to live as long as you want, but it's the last day on earth for you. it's the last day on earth for you. it's the last day on earth for you. can be 100, 200, whatever it age is. You can be 100, 200, whatever it age is. You can be 100, 200, whatever it age is. You get to live as long as you want. It's get to live as long as you want. It's get to live as long as you want. It's your last day. And you get to accomplish your last day. And you get to accomplish your last day. And you get to accomplish all your wildest dreams. all your wildest dreams. all your wildest dreams. And And And you do all the things that your future you do all the things that your future you do all the things that your future self envisions you doing. And it's like, self envisions you doing. And it's like, self envisions you doing. And it's like, good and faithful son, everything, you good and faithful son, everything, you good and faithful son, everything, you did it. did it. did it. >> But for whatever reason, we don't get >> But for whatever reason, we don't get >> But for whatever reason, we don't get any access to your work anymore any access to your work anymore any access to your work anymore >> left in this world. Your books, your >> left in this world. Your books, your >> left in this world. Your books, your content, everything has to go with you. content, everything has to go with you. content, everything has to go with you. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. >> But you got to leave one final message >> But you got to leave one final message >> But you got to leave one final message with the world that was your three with the world that was your three with the world that was your three truths, truths, truths, >> your biggest lessons in life. What would >> your biggest lessons in life. What would >> your biggest lessons in life. What would those three truths be for you? those three truths be for you? those three truths be for you? >> Number one, your life has meaning. >> Number one, your life has meaning. >> Number one, your life has meaning. >> That meaning you have purpose in your >> That meaning you have purpose in your >> That meaning you have purpose in your life and God created you for a reason. life and God created you for a reason. life and God created you for a reason. >> Number two, >> Number two, >> Number two, the world has a coherence to it. Things the world has a coherence to it. Things the world has a coherence to it. Things happen for a reason. Your job is to happen for a reason. Your job is to happen for a reason. Your job is to figure out what they are. figure out what they are. figure out what they are. Number three, Number three, Number three, happiness is love. happiness is love. happiness is love. >> Your destiny is to love and be loved. >> Your destiny is to love and be loved. >> Your destiny is to love and be loved. That's the only job that matters. That's the only job that matters. That's the only job that matters. >> Man, puts it in perspective. >> Man, puts it in perspective. >> Man, puts it in perspective. >> Um >> Um >> Um >> I hope that all of the, you know, bunch >> I hope that all of the, you know, bunch >> I hope that all of the, you know, bunch write a bunch of books, do a bunch of write a bunch of books, do a bunch of write a bunch of books, do a bunch of shows. Yeah. shows. Yeah. shows. Yeah. >> I hope it all kind of boils down to >> I hope it all kind of boils down to >> I hope it all kind of boils down to that. that. that. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I really hope it boils down to that. >> I really hope it boils down to that. >> I really hope it boils down to that. >> Absolutely. >> Absolutely. >> Absolutely. >> The three truths. Beautiful question. >> The three truths. Beautiful question. >> The three truths. Beautiful question. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. >> Final question. What is your definition >> Final question. What is your definition >> Final question. What is your definition of greatness? My definition of greatness of greatness? My definition of greatness of greatness? My definition of greatness comes from the answer to the last comes from the answer to the last comes from the answer to the last question which is heroically to love and question which is heroically to love and question which is heroically to love and be loved. be loved. be loved. >> To love notwithstanding what the world >> To love notwithstanding what the world >> To love notwithstanding what the world tells me. No. To love notwithstanding my tells me. No. To love notwithstanding my tells me. No. To love notwithstanding my feelings. feelings. feelings. >> To transcend myself >> To transcend myself >> To transcend myself >> and to love notwithstanding all of those >> and to love notwithstanding all of those >> and to love notwithstanding all of those things. That's true greatness. That's things. That's true greatness. That's things. That's true greatness. That's the man that I want to be. That's the the man that I want to be. That's the the man that I want to be. That's the greatness that I think that actually all greatness that I think that actually all greatness that I think that actually all of us have within ourselves. of us have within ourselves. of us have within ourselves. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And you've made it easier for me to do >> And you've made it easier for me to do >> And you've made it easier for me to do that today. Oh, that today. Oh, that today. Oh, >> man. Thanks for being here. Appreciate >> man. Thanks for being here. Appreciate >> man. Thanks for being here. Appreciate it, brother. it, brother. it, brother. And so there's FOMO and fear of being And so there's FOMO and fear of being And so there's FOMO and fear of being left [music] behind. And some of it's left [music] behind. And some of it's left [music] behind. And some of it's true, but not necessarily the haste and true, but not necessarily the haste and true, but not necessarily the haste and and [music] blindness which we're and [music] blindness which we're and [music] blindness which we're throwing the technology at our companies throwing the technology at our companies throwing the technology at our companies and our businesses. And I think history and our businesses. And I think history and our businesses. And I think history will [music] always repeat itself, which will [music] always repeat itself, which will [music] always repeat itself, which is when you do something blindly and too is when you do something blindly and too is when you do something blindly and too quickly, at some point it's going to quickly, at some point it's going to quickly, at some point it's going to break,