Break the Patterns that Hold You Back & Start Creating Real Wealth | Ed Mylett

Key Takeaway

Stop letting unconscious patterns control your life. The moment you identify a pattern—whether it's spiraling into worry, sabotaging success, or arguing the same way in relationships—it loses its power over you. Choose one emotion you want to experience (like bliss, peace, or joy) and let that choice guide your actions. When you catch yourself running an old pattern, pause and ask: 'Does this lead me to the emotion I chose?' That awareness alone interrupts the pattern and lets you create a new one that actually serves you.

Episode Overview

Ed Mylett explores how unconscious patterns control our behaviors, emotions, and outcomes. He argues that most people run automatic 'software programs' in response to success, failure, conflict, and adversity—patterns that provide payoffs (even negative ones) but keep us stuck. The solution: consciously choose the emotions you want to experience (like bliss), identify your patterns when they emerge, and create new patterns aligned with your desired emotional state and identity.

Full Transcript

Transcript of Break the Patterns that Hold You Back & Start Creating Real Wealth | Ed Mylett from The Ed Mylett Show. Auto-generated from episode audio; may contain minor errors.

Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Hit that like button and be sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel so you never miss my show, whether it's Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday. Now on with the show. Welcome back to Max Out everybody. I'm Ed Mylett and today we're going to talk about patterns. about patterns. about patterns. Yes, every human being is almost runs like a software program in their mind and they run these patterns of behavior, patterns of thoughts, patterns of words, patterns of performance.

And most of these patterns run in our lives without us being conscious of them. And they steal from us our ability to be happier, to be more joyful, to produce at the highest levels, to engage with people the right way. And they create for us often times in our life a disconnect between what our beliefs are and actually how we behave. We call that cognitive dissonance often times where we believe one thing, but we often behave differently. And that's because sometimes our patterns can even override our thoughts.

And often times in life, if we can just become conscious that we do have these patterns, we begin to evaluate them and be aware of them, we can identify them when they rear their head and we can overcome them. We can create new patterns that serve us. And so the first thing I'm here to tell you today is that you do run a series of patterns in your life. You have a pattern of behavior. You have a pattern of producing results. There's certain stimulus that cause these patterns to happen for you and unless you begin to evaluate them and be aware of them when they happen, these patterns begin to really take control of our lives.

For some of you, even as I say this, you're nodding your head in awareness. You're sort of aware, I fall into these patterns of when something happens, I begin to think a certain way which creates another thought and another behavior and I find myself running this same story again. Or if I get into a disagreement with somebody, a pattern kicks in. Or if I have a failure, a pattern kicks in. If I have a success, a pattern kicks in. And so if we can become aware of these things, it's a breakthrough in our lives.

I think today could be one of the more powerful programs I've ever brought to you. It's just becoming aware of what some of these patterns are. Now, before we get into those, I want to talk a little bit about what you really want. You know, often in life, just choosing the emotions we want. We've talked in a lot of my programs about the caliber of our life has everything to do with the caliber of the emotions we experience on a regular level. We are our emotions.

And so, the first thing I'd ask you to do is to start to use the power of choice in your life. Yes, you get to choose your life. You get to choose how you feel. Not other people. There's these illusions in life. We really can't control anything other than our own thoughts, our own behavior, our own patterns. We can't control what other people do, say, or think. And it's this illusion of control, oftentimes, that we can somehow manipulate other people or manipulate situations that cause us to fall into these patterns.

But, what we do have the power of in life is we have the power to choose. And I say this to you because I'm somebody just like you, I struggle with the different patterns I have. Some of them serve me, some of them don't. I sometimes engage in thoughts that don't create the right emotions for me, that don't serve me. I know what it's like to be frustrated and angry and depressed and down and lost and fearful and worried. Worry is a big one for me.

I love to fall into the pattern of worry when certain circumstances begin to happen. It creates a trigger and a pattern in me, and man, do I love to worry. And so, I give you these tools and resources because these are things I too struggle with. I've been able to overcome them by just being aware and choosing. And so, the first thing is the power of choice. Finish this sentence for me. I choose to be blissful rather than blank. I choose to be blissful rather than blank.

What would your answer be? One of the emotions I challenge you to experience more of in life is bliss. You know, we are the calibration of maybe the five emotions we experience on a regular basis. regular basis. regular basis. And so, if you're experiencing depression, frustration, worry, fear, anxiety, pain on a regular basis, you're going to have one life. If you're experiencing bliss and fulfillment and ecstasy and joy in in your life and and contribution, contribution, contribution, recognition and significance, if you're experiencing love, you experience those emotions, you have a totally different life.

We have the power to choose which emotions we want to experience. And so, I love the emotion of bliss. I love the word bliss, as you know, I have an audio that's out called blissful dissatisfaction, that's a critically acclaimed and a highly downloaded audio and video on being both blissfully dissatisfied, dissatisfied and desiring for more, but in a current state of bliss. bliss. bliss. I love the word bliss because of its definition. Its definition in Webster's is perfect happiness or joy. I love that. Webster's also says some of the synonyms for bliss are joy, pleasure, ecstasy, delight, happiness, euphoria, heaven, paradise, cloud nine, utopia, Eden.

These are all synonyms for the word bliss. I like how all of those sound. Those are the noun versions in the dictionary of bliss. The verb, the action of being blissful, according to the dictionary, is to reach a state of perfect happiness, perfect happiness, perfect happiness, typically as to be oblivious to everything else. everything else. everything else. Wouldn't that be amazing to be in perfect happiness and be oblivious to everything else? That's the verb or the action of being blissful. And the antonym, according to Webster's, to bliss is misery.

And the last thing we want to be is feeling misery. So, it's the antithesis of misery. So, I choose to be blissful rather than what? What if you could choose every day to be blissful? But often times, we don't choose to be blissful because we choose to be right. We choose to win. We choose to be significant. We choose to be in control. We make choices to try to experience other emotions. And by the way, all of these other emotions are typically outside of our control.

Winning is outside of our control. Dominating's outside of our control. All of these things are something we can't control and we choose them over bliss. But what if you just made a conscious decision right now? I choose bliss. I choose to be blissful rather than blank. And it's being aware of the other things you choose so that you can be conscious when you go to choose those things, you go for bliss instead. And by the way, not making a choice is a choice. A non-decision is a decision.

If you don't choose consciously to begin to experience the emotions you want. Okay, for me, bliss is very important. Joy is very important. Peace is very important. Contribution is very important. Connection is very important. What are the five emotions that if you could choose them, you'd experience on a regular basis? Just take an inventory of that. You don't have to be perfect. They may change. There may be eight. But what are five ones right now? Say them out loud to yourself. What are the five ones you'd want?

Is it love? Is it ecstasy? Is it joy? Is it passion? Is it intensity? Is it focus? Is it peace? Is it faith? What are the emotions you would choose if you could choose five emotions? And begin to tell yourself, I choose to feel blank rather than this. And when you just begin to become conscious of that choice, you've already moved ahead of 99.9% of the world who just responds and reacts and goes into pattern mode all the time. So just choosing gives you an advantage.

And by the way, once again, not choosing is a choice. You've decided to go into your pattern. You've decided to let other people dictate to you your emotions. You've decided you have no control over your life by not choosing. So, choose. I'd rather be blissful than blank. I'd rather be joyful than blank. I'd rather have ecstasy than blank. What do you choose rather than? So, now let's discuss these patterns for a second. Why do we have these patterns? You have patterns because they serve you. There's a payoff to every pattern.

And by the way, you say, "Well, no, because you know, one of my patterns is I slip into worry and then I'm completely unhappy. How's that a payoff for me?" It's a payoff for you because it's predictable. It's become your home. And so, you don't have any pattern that doesn't give you a payoff. "Well, no, because when I things don't go my way, I become combative, I become argumentative. That's my pattern. Then I get in a disagreement in my relationship and then I say things I don't mean.

How's there a payoff there for me?" There's a payoff because it gets you what you want, even though you don't know it. It gets you out of the conversation. It gets you maybe to avoid your own responsibility. It gives you the disconnect that somehow you're more comfortable with than dealing with the problem. But, I promise you every pattern you have, both healthy and unhealthy, you have them because there's a payoff for you. So, the key to a happier life, the key to a more successful life, is to evaluate our patterns and when we see them happening, begin to step outside of them and create new ones that serve us.

And so, what are some of the patterns you have, for example, that don't serve you? So, for example, when a difficult situation arises, what is your pattern? What pattern mode do you go into? Do you become more resourceful, more focused, or do you become more fearful, worried, and you begin to make excuses? When you get into a disagreement with a loved one, what is your pattern typically? Do you become more combative? Do you listen less and talk more? Does the pattern begin You understand what I'm saying.

Do you begin to run this program that you run in such a way that it puts you in a state you don't want to be in. When adversity strikes, when someone puts you down, when there's a hater, what pattern mode do you typically kick into? Do you start to repeat other negative thoughts? Do you replay videos in your mind of other people who have also said negative things to you in the past? Or other thoughts you have about yourself that are loathsome and you begin to stack these thoughts.

Often times, one person says something to us negative and it creates this pattern we run, doesn't it? Where we begin to think of another embarrassing moment, another person who said something negative. We begin to create other negative thoughts about ourselves to stack it. And you say, "How's there a payoff for me in that?" Because it's what you're used to. It pays you off by reassuring you you're right, you're a loser. You're right, you're not going to win. There's a payoff because, guess what? Now you don't have to do the real work because you were never one anyway because you're this terribly unprepared person.

So, that's your payoff. And so, you have these patterns, don't you? Now, some people, their pattern kicks into winning. winning. winning. When someone puts them down, they start to buck up. They start to get resourceful. They start to feed themselves positive thoughts. They They're aware of it that's there and they begin to go into a hyper-productive, positive emotion mode. Yes, they do, believe it or not. When adversity strikes for some people, they go into a fearful mode. They begin to think about all the things that could go worse and worse and worse and they depress themselves.

And that pattern creates the very situations you fear. The same is true when we're successful. Sometimes, some people when they become successful, they go into a pattern when they begin to sabotage themselves and slow down and stop the behaviors that got them there. They begin to believe their own press clippings that they've arrived. They don't have to do the work they used to do. Maybe they begin to fall into patterns where they get their relationships out of sorts and that's their pattern. Life starts to go well in business.

My pattern is every time life goes well in business, I start having issues in my personal life. And they sabotage the business success with their personal life. And that's a pattern they run. If it's happened more than once to you, it's not coincidental, it's a pattern. In my fitness life, you may say, "Every time I start to get super fit, it seems then I get ill, then I don't go to the gym for a week, then I start eating poorly, and I'm back to where I was." If it's happened more than once, it's a pattern, right?

And so, begin to evaluate these patterns you have that don't serve you, and simply begin to choose to create new patterns, more empowering patterns, patterns that give you the emotions and the results you want to have in your life. You will be amazed at how many patterns you have. Your response to adversity, fear, success, mediocrity, criticism, strife in a relationship, your nutrition, your faith, all of the different patterns you run. There is such power in beginning to separate and identify these patterns when they begin to repeat.

Even as I'm saying it, I can feel you nodding your head. My gosh, I do have a pattern when I'm successful. Every time I climb up a little bit, I start this pattern where I sabotage, or I start to believe too much, or my relationships go sideways. Every time I start to get more fit, I start I somehow get ill, or I somehow miss a day at the gym, or that's the day my car breaks down. Every time I have a pattern where I accumulate more money, I fall into this pattern where I save, save, save, and then I spend it all on something I shouldn't.

Or then I do something with money I shouldn't have, or it seems like every time then a repair comes up, or something with my kids. You're falling into these patterns. There's massive power in beginning to understand that's not who you are. I've done enough training with you. If you haven't listened to my previous work, please go back and listen to it. You are not your possessions. You are not your accomplishments. You are not what other people say you are. You are not what you look like.

And guess what else you're not? You are not your patterns. But your life becomes a combination and a result of your patterns. The great thing about us is that we can change these patterns if we identify them. The pattern has no power over you once you know it's a program and a pattern running. The minute you start to go, "My I'm doing it again, aren't I? I'm doing this thing I do every time I accumulate money. I'm doing the same thing every time me and my spouse get in a disagreement.

I'm doing the same thing every time I'm starting to feel loved by somebody and I push them away. Every time things start to go bad financially, I spiral. Every time there's adversity, I do the same pattern where I start worrying. Every time I get fit, I do the same pattern." When you begin to see these things, you begin to go, "My gosh, this isn't who I am." That's not your identity. There's a difference between your identity and your pattern. And the more you begin to build your identity, as I've talked about my other audios, and be aware of patterns, and then simply ask yourself, "When this comes up again in the future, what pattern would serve me?

What pattern can I take control of? What would be the steps I need to take that will create the bliss I want, or the win I want, or the production I want? What would the pattern need to be?" The pattern immediately, by the way, stops when you identify it. The pattern only hurts you when it runs unconsciously. The pattern loses all its power over you once you see it. It's gone. It can't continue to run once you're aware of it, cuz all of a sudden you're like, "I know what I'm doing.

Here I go." And you can begin to identify it and make a shift. So this is so critical. Start to ask yourself, "Am I running one of these patterns? What are some of the ones I typically do that serve me? And what are the ones that don't serve me?" And what we do in our life is we compare too much. And so, remember this, you're working on your identity, okay? Everybody wears what I would call like a mask, a public mask, or even a social mask.

It's the person they present themselves to be. You do it, too. I do it as well. It's the person everybody thinks we are. And so, it's the person we reveal to the public. It's not whom we really are. It's not our real thoughts, our real behaviors, our real hope. Everybody wears this public mask, or this social mask, I call it, where they're It's who they want everybody to think they are. It's the best put version of themselves. And if you're not careful, you begin to compare your own real identity with other people's public mask.

And this begins to create a pattern for you. Don't compare yourself. Most of the people you see on social media, or even in your personal life, or even when you go to lunch with them, or see them at work, they're wearing what I would call a public mask. It's the best possible version that they can put out to themselves. And often times we do in life is we compare our real identity that we're working on, and we're growing, to their mask. And that's not fair to ourselves at all.

Any comparison doesn't serve us. And it's often times this comparison, when you're in a disagreement with somebody, it's the mask they're wearing compared to the identity you have, and then you begin to run a pattern to respond to it. It happens in in fitness, in relationships, in money, and in business. Remember, you're in charge of controlling your own identity, and growing your own identity, and being aware of the patterns you have that do and do not serve you. Not comparing yourself to someone else's public representative.

It's just the representative they're putting out there. It's not who they really are, and it's not something that you need to be aware of, because it's not something you can control. The more you can begin to delineate in life between things I can control and I cannot control, will be to the extent that you're more productive and you're happier. You can control your own thoughts, your own emotions, your own identity, and your own patterns, not other people's. So, speaking of these payoffs we talked about earlier, how can you begin to get the payoff you want from the new empowering pattern?

And so, couple questions I want you to ask yourself today, because we do want more bliss. Since that's my word, I'm assuming you want more bliss after you've heard all the synonyms, and I know you want the antithesis to misery. So, assuming you want more bliss in your life, decide to have it and take some actions towards getting it. So, let me ask you a question. What are you doing currently to create more bliss in your life? life? life? What are the actions you're taking to give yourself more bliss?

You are intentionally seeking more bliss, cuz bliss is going to lead to more wealth, more abundance, more fitness, more faith, better relationships, more happiness, more peace, more wins, more success, more recognition, more significance. So, what are you consciously doing? Now that you've chosen bliss, what is the consistent action you're taking to create more in your life? What are you doing to give yourself bliss? Is it acknowledging victories you have? Is it giving gifts to other people of your belief and your hope? Is it lifting other people up?

Is it taking a bath, getting a massage, taking a walk, going for a workout, winning, achieving, knocking goals off your list? What are the things you're doing to create bliss in your own life? Number one. Number two question I have for you. What are you doing to intentionally create bliss in the lives of the people that you care about? Because this is the pathway to getting more of it ourselves. The more we begin to give other people bliss, the more we begin to consciously make choices that give bliss to other people in their lives, the more we begin to experience it in abundance ourselves.

So, what are you doing to help other people win, other people contribute, other people get significance and recognition, other people have more peace and ecstasy and joy and passion in their lives? Because once you begin to create it for other people, when you're intentional about it, you'll have more of it yourself. These are the patterns that I'd like to see kick in for you, that when they kick in, you begin to run a pattern and a program that leads you to bliss, leads you to a win, leads you to increase, and also leads to it with someone in your your your your That if you do have a conflict with somebody that you run a pattern that eventually leads, maybe it's understanding them, maybe it's confronting them, maybe it's talking about it.

It's not always when you're in a disagreement that you lead to a win, that you must win this, that you must overcome the fact that they think this of you. What if you were consciously choosing every time you got into a disagreement with your spouse, this will eventually lead to more bliss. At least that was your outcome. Now, the steps you take, it's probably going to be ugly in the beginning, you're probably going to have to some understanding. You may not even agree on everything, but if your intention is that it leads to bliss rather than you winning, rather than you controlling them, rather than you making it go away, rather than you running a pattern.

If when you're beginning to succeed in business, if your outcome is more bliss, more winning, you'll run a pattern that does more of that. If in your fitness you're getting fit past where you've ever been before, and you're making a conscious decision, how can I get more bliss out of my fitness rather than running this other pattern of sabotage. The see, the circumstances may be the same. There may be some ugly patches, but you're now consciously choosing to run a program and a pattern that leads you to bliss, to victory, to the win, to fulfillment, whatever the emotion is you choose, just making that choice gets you there, gets you closer to it, makes it an outcome.

We are not as human beings doing enough conscious choosing of what we want in our lives. So, what are you doing to create bliss in your own life? What are you doing to create bliss in other people's lives, and how blissful are you to be around? Just ask yourself that, too. How blissful am I to be around? How joyful am I to be around? How much are people winning when they're around me? Whatever the emotion is you choose, how much of that do people experience when they're around me?

People are great now cuz there's all this stuff in personal development about choosing to win, choosing your outcome, choosing your schedule, choosing your habits. I'm the master of teaching this. Go back through my content. Nobody puts out more specific content in teaching people the tools of how to choose the right habits, the right rituals, the right thinking, programming your brain. I do that at a level far beyond anybody out there. I'm not one of these influencers that just repeats, you know, mindless memes all the time, or I don't repeat the same sayings over and over again.

I don't just tell you very basic things you could read in any book or go to any seminar. I go very deep, very tactical, very strategic. But, having said all of that, no one's talking about choosing the intentional emotion we want, which is why we do all this stuff in the first place. So, that when the stimulus happens, the win or the loss, the adversity or the success, the disagreement or the tragedy, consciously choosing in that moment to chase bliss anyway. That it may be a while till I get to it, but this pattern I'm going to run, the choices I will make, the decisions I choose, even though there may be some bumps between there, the end result is going to be more bliss.

Choosing that emotion as your outcome. And remember, not choosing it is a choice. You've chosen to let an unconscious pattern run, and you know where that's gotten you. It's gotten to where you are right now listening to this. Whatever it is, good, bad, or indifferent in your life, your current level of happiness, of joy, of success, of fulfillment, is exactly what you think you deserve. It's exactly what you think you're worth. It's a hard thing to accept, but in our lives, we are getting out of our life right now exactly what we believe we're worthy of, exactly what we think we deserve.

Our life is a direct reflection of our identity, which is the thoughts, concepts, beliefs, values, and worth we hold true to be about ourselves. And so, as hard as it is to accept, we're getting out of life right now what we believe we're worth. And we believe we're worth it because of these patterns and our identity and our lack of choosing to have what we want, not just the material things, not just the body fat, not just the body weight, not just the amount of money, not just having the relationship, but choosing the emotion we want.

The level above all this stuff I discuss and the level way down here where the people just cover the basic stuff, then there's what I've been covering. The highest level is to choose the emotions we want to experience and to begin to run patterns that serve us and eliminate the ones who move us further from them. The final thing I want you to ask yourself today as we're talking a lot about these choices. I want you to evaluate for a second what these patterns are you're running and when they begin to rear their head just identify them and begin to make decisions and choices that create a new pattern.

It's as simple as it is. It's not that complicated. You fall into these patterns because there's a payoff. And so as long as you begin to identify it when it's happening and you begin to create a new pattern that leads you to the choice you've chosen which is the emotion you want. See, because these patterns you run that don't get you there, the minute you choose the emotion you want, you you're conscious about it and intentional, you can't run this pattern once you identify it. And the power of choice is critical in our lives.

I want you to think about something right now. What are five of the most important choices you've made in your life? Just think about that for a second. Begin to list them off in your head. Five of the most important choices you've made in your life. Maybe it was a decision to get involved in a particular business or to leave a particular business. Maybe it was a decision to get involved with a particular person or to become uninvolved with a particular person. particular person. particular person.

Maybe it was a friend that you chose to walk across the room and meet and it changed your life. Maybe it was a friend that you had to walk away from in order to improve your life. What are the five most important choices of your life? Just think about them for a second. And if you altered those five choices, good, bad, or indifferent, how different would your life be today? Because I'm a believer that there's everyday choices we make that when you stack them up, they make a massive difference in our life.

But I'm also believer that there are between five and 10, a handful of moments in everybody's life life life that if we make the proper choices in those moments, the complete trajectory of our life changes. And I think as you just asked yourself that question, you may say there haven't been five, there's been two. What were they? And how did they alter the direction of your life? Good, bad, or indifferent. Uh lady that picked me up a few weeks ago, uh an Uber driver, wonderful woman, and but she was an older lady, and I it was late at night when she picked me up, and I um I um I um I asked her why she was doing what she was doing.

It wasn't that she was driving for Uber because that's a choice, and I have a lot friends that do it that love it, it's extra money, they've done it in retirement, but I just had a sense that maybe she hadn't chosen it. Cuz she was complaining about her back, and that she had had back surgery. I thought, that's an interesting choice to be driving at 11:00 at night, and her back was sore. And she shared with me that she um had chosen to leave a spouse earlier in her life that she wished she'd stayed with.

And that it was a choice that altered the whole direction of her life. And I said, well, how did it alter the direction of your life? And she says, well, my my ex um I moved away from my ex, and my son wasn't around his father very much. very much. very much. And I she said, I had no idea how that choice would impact him, but um she said, the reason that I'm driving here and I moved is I lost my home. And I lost my home because my 18-year-old son one night chose to have a couple drinks.

And he had three drinks at our house, and I was at work, and my son chose to take the car out of the driveway. And he chose to drive. And two blocks from our house, he hit a family and killed somebody while drinking and driving. My son was a good boy. He had always got good grades. And he made the choice to do that that night and he's in prison. He's serving 8 years in prison. And I lost my home over the legal expenses and we moved to Las Vegas and now I drive Uber cuz that's what I've got to do just to support my family.

And she it made me think and she said the choice to leave my husband really affected my son. And I thought, yeah, the choice your son made really affected his life. Those were two life choices that both of them made that altered the direction of both of their lives. His choice, that good boy made one choice that altered the direction of his life. And I think if you evaluate, there may not be something that dramatic, but there's been probably five choices if you're my age, if you're in your 40s.

your 40s. your 40s. There's probably been five major choices in your life. Maybe it's who you decided to marry or not marry, a relationship you got in or out of, a business you started or didn't start, something you left or began, a friend, a house you bought or didn't buy, an investment you did or didn't make. You know, a decision you made in your fitness one way or the other. Maybe it's um it's stopping using alcohol or using too much alcohol. The first time you tried a drug that you're now addicted to.

I don't know what those choices are. But those handful of choices alter the direction of your life. And I want you to begin to become conscious of choosing the emotions you want because they will alter the choices you make every single day in the small choices. They will also alter the decisions you make on the five big ones in your life. If you're very clear about the emotions you want to experience, if you're very clear on the person you are as you build your identity, if you have those two things wired, I'm clear about the emotions I want to experience and I'm clear about who I am and my identity and my worth and what I'm worthy of and what I deserve, they will guide you in making the right choices in the small ones and the big ones.

They will guide you towards the right patterns. The answer to changing these patterns, the answer to making the right choices, is perfect and specific clarity on the emotions we want to have in our life on a regular basis, and on who we are in our identity, so that we produce the lives we believe we deserve, that we're worthy of. They will be your compass in making the small and big choices. They will help guide the patterns. If you're somebody who's addicted to being blissful and happy, and you begin to run a pattern and program that you know doesn't lead you there, it sort of blows it up.

It's like a virus in the program. You'll be aware and you can't run it. You'll begin to choose to create new patterns. If you've got an identity of somebody who's worthy of great relationships and abundance and success and peace and fitness and health and all of the great things, if that's your identity, your identity, your identity, you won't be able to run patterns that lead you in this place on a regular basis. There is something called cognitive dissonance, which is when we begin to behave in a way that's not consistent with our thoughts.

And the antidote to that is both of these things combined. It's the ability to begin to choose consciously the emotions we want combined with our identity. When you're conscious of choosing the emotions you want to experience, and you're completely conscious of choosing who you are and what you're worthy of deserving, you have to act in congruence with both of those combined. One missing from the other can cause us to make poor choices. Both of them missing is a choice not to choose and will lead us into pain and mediocrity, worry, fear, and all the emotions we don't want.

Having one of them in place will guide you to a decent destination, but when you have both combined, the identity and the choosing, the conscious intentions for the emotions you want, you begin to have great choices being made in your life on a very regular basis. Not every day, not every time, not every moment, but enough of the time where you make progress towards your dreams, progress towards the man or woman you're capable of becoming. And when you have the combination of these two things, these patterns begin to change.

We begin to replace them. So, I'd ask yourself today, what are the patterns you're running that don't serve you? Begin to be aware of those patterns. Know who your real identity is. Get conscious of choosing bliss over blank. See those patterns when they're happening. Interrupt them. Continue to work on your identity. These two things combined, I think, are the critical components to making the decisions and the choices in our life that when we look back, I don't want you to end up in your 80s or 90s and regret the choices you made.

I want you to go back. I put it through what I call the rocking chair test. That someday for all of you who I love so much, who I believe in so much, I want that rocking chair test for you for you to pass it. And that is, I'm proud of the choices I made. My life wasn't perfect. I made some mistakes, but I chose the emotions I wanted. I worked on my identity. I created patterns that empowered me and the people around me. And you know what?

By and large, I'm proud of the choices I made in my life. I'm proud of the man or woman I've become. That's how we know we've had a great life. I don't want you to be in that rocking chair someday and regret the choices you made. Regret the patterns you ran and that you just unconsciously went through your life without choosing the direction of it, choosing the decisions, choosing the emotions, choosing to be the man or woman you're worthy of, choosing the life you deserve. The final piece of the puzzle today is, what are the three to five choices you must make in order to create the life you want?

Right now, what are the choices you must make? The big ones. The people that need to be in your life or out of your life. The patterns you will no longer run again. The choice perhaps to work on your identity like you never have before. Evaluate what the three to five decisions are you've made so far in your life that have taken you a certain direction or what are the three to five you need to make in order to change your life and take it in the direction you want.

These patterns will lose their power over you. Your identity and your conscious choice will begin to take charge and I know you're going to have more happiness and produce more results and have a much better life and that's what I wish for you. So, I have a funny feeling that today impacted you on a deep level because we all have these patterns we need to look at. We all need to consciously choose the emotions we want and I have a feeling that it made a difference in your life.

I want to go to something you said. You used the word imagination earlier and in my book I wrote about this. I'm just curious as to I don't want this to be Pollyanna either because I know you and I are both very tactical and strategic, but I want to go to that for a minute. So, I have this theory that you know, I think children are happier than adults for the most part cuz they operate out of imagination, vision, dreams. That's their prism. And at some age, it could even be very young for so if you go through childhood trauma or whatever it might be, but at some age almost all people, 99%, start to operate out of history and memory.

And that's sort of their filter or their pattern of their life. It's it's history and memory. And I asked often, how do I break that pattern? I think this all begins when you have fear, you go to history and memory and then they're telling you what to believe. How does one begin to operate out of their imagination, imagine new skills, imagine a new life, uncover their version of their own genius. How does somebody do that, Tony? What's a skill or a strategy that you would recommend to somebody who says, I need to flip from this history and memory, these patterns I have, to create a new ones and I think that starts in your imagination.

How does somebody do that? that? that? You have to shift your your physiology first. If you try to paint a compelling future, you know, why are people depressed? One of the main reasons people are depressed is they don't have a compelling future. In other words, you can deal with any tough today if you have a compelling tomorrow. Anybody can do that. But today people think, oh my god, I can't go outside. Oh my god, oh my my my choices are taken away. Oh my god, we're all going to die in 12 years cuz of an environmental crisis, which is total but there are people that have been taught this and they're kids today they're saying, not going to have I'm not going to have children because this is the world I've entered into cuz they have no compelling future." But if you try to paint a compelling future when a person is in a lowered energy state, it won't work.

They'll just reject it because in a lowered state, your brain goes into survival mechanisms. In the survival mechanism, you're always looking for what's wrong. What do I have to fight or what do I have to fly from or what do I have to freeze and hope it don't hurt us. That's the part of your brain that's 2 million years old, and it's well wired. But we don't have a saber-tooth tiger to deal with. So now we worry about what people say to us or will we have enough money or what somebody's going to write about you in social media, and we have a similar reaction.

The way you overcome that is the way you drive your nervous system. So I'll give you an example. When I was at my worst, and I was in a place where I I gained 38 lb and I was feeling sorry for myself, and I come home one night, literally, I ran out of gas on Pacific Coast Highway in Venice. I had a little apartment down there. And I didn't run out of gas because, you know, I forgot to fill the tank. I literally had no money.

I pulled over, locked the car, and prayed it didn't get towed cuz towed would be 50 bucks. I didn't have 50 bucks. bucks. bucks. And then I walked a couple miles home. And I lived there on Pacific Avenue, 2516 Pacific Avenue, apartment 3A, if you ever want to go by. I did recently. It's pretty funny. But anyway, I walk up the stairs as the sun's setting, and there's a note typed and stapled on my door, and I don't know if you've ever had the had the had the joy of having one of these experiences in your youth, but it basically says you've not paid your rent, remove yourself and your things.

If you don't pay within 3 days, the sheriff will take your stuff, and you will lose everything, right? everything, right? everything, right? So I open the door, I go into this place, and I and I light a candle. And I I didn't light it because I was spiritual, I lit it cuz I also not paid my electric bill. It's a true story. So I'm reading by candlelight my eviction notice. This is how low I gotten. And then if that wasn't enough, I get this banging on the door, and I got three locks cuz I haven't paid anybody, right?

I'm looking through and it's a friend I've not seen in a couple years, and I got a beer belly on me and I've grown out, you know, this shaggy little beard and I was just in the worst shape. I open the door partially, "What do you want?" He's like, "Tony, it's me, you know." I let him in. He goes in my house, which is this little 400 square foot bachelor apartment. You can't even turn around. I'm cooking on a on a hot plate on the trash can.

I'm washing my dishes in the bathtub. And so after he left, I was so humiliated. The whole thing is just I it's like, I got to do something. I didn't know what I was doing then, but now I understand what I did. I hit rock bottom and it's like who I am is more than what I'm living spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically. So I'm old enough to have had a Walkman. I think you might have had one at one time or Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. And you got to really love your music in those days, right?

Because you had one cassette in there. So I took this group called Heart and I put on this song called Barracuda. I said, "I'm going to run this beach till I spit up blood." I'm just And I did. I ran as hard as I could and when I thought I couldn't do any more, I ran harder. And I got to the end of it and I had left this journal on the ground. I drew a line down the middle. I wrote everything on that list that I really hated that was in my life, which was most of my life.

And then everything I was committed to changing. And I didn't have all the skills and tools I have today, but I had changed the ignition. It's like you got the greatest computer in the world, there's not enough electricity, your screen's going to be messed up. Without that energy change, Yes. Yes. Yes. you're really not going to make the change. That's why everyone that comes to one of my seminars, you know, it's a physical experience. You're not sitting on your ass for, you know, 12 hours. You're going 12 hours a day for three or four days.

Now people are at home in 100 countries and they're going full tilt. Like they're in a stadium for full time and all of a sudden their energy changes. Well, in that place, now we can start to create this compelling future. Now we can start to make the And your nervous system says I'm ready. You know, Stanford did a study. They came to me during the pandemic. It's fascinating. They said, "Tony, we had two people go through your Date With Destiny, that little six-day seminar I do." do." do." And they said they were both clinically depressed and they had no symptoms of depression.

We've never seen anything like it. You know, what data you have on this? I said, well, I have thousands and thousands, tens of thousands of testimonials. You go, no, but like scientific data. I said, that's not my focus. They said, you mind if we did a study? And then they showed me something fascinating. fascinating. fascinating. 40% of the people that get treatment for depression, and by the way, depression has gone through the roof since COVID and since all those limitations, I know you know, suicide's gone through the roof.

roof. roof. And it's horrific, but only 40% get better through treatment of drugs and therapy. Like SSRIs, you know, Prozac, Zoloft, all these things, right? 60% don't get an ounce better. Of the 40% that get better, on average across the meta studies, they find they get about 50% better. They're half as depressed as they were. Now, some people get totally better, some not at all, but that's the average. I said, that's not much better than a placebo. They said, you're right. I said, well, what's the best you've ever seen?

They said, 2 years ago, Johns Hopkins did a study where they took people for 30 days of psilocybin, magic mushrooms, and therapy for 30 straight days. days. days. They got results that were four times greater than they'd ever seen in history. 53% of the people 30 days later had no symptoms. Never seen anything like it, but psilocybin's illegal, it's not really duplicatable. So, they said, what if we model their study? We'll use the exact same criteria, but we'll have you with no drugs and have your people go through the seminar, we'll send people in that are clinically depressed, and so forth.

And so, they did it. And the study with the results were so profound, they sent the data out to two different organizations blinded to get the data back cuz they wanted to make sure it was accurate before they reported it. 100% [clears throat] of the people 30 days later after Date With Destiny, had no symptoms of depression, but even better, 19% of those people had suicidal ideation. None had suicidal ideation. 11 months later, 11 months after 1 week, they changed so much, their negative emotions had dropped 72%, their positive emotions up 51%, and now this last week, 2 weeks ago, I did another Date With Destiny, and they did a study with 750 people, the largest study of its type.

But why does it work? Because we're not only helping people shift the way they perceive the world, like you don't experience life, you experience the life you focus on. Yes. Yes. Yes. If you're focused on things that piss YOU OFF, YOU HAVE TO BE deleting the things you could be grateful for. If you're grateful, you're deleting things that could piss you off, right? So by changing their beliefs and values, they do this, not me, there's a huge shift, but it's also the biochemical change. SO THEY TRACK MY BODY for 3 years, and they found crazy like, you know, you know cuz you're you're an athlete, but you know, I jump a thousand times in an average program on one day.

And I weigh, you know, 285 lb, so every time I come down, it's four times your body weight. So imagine 1,000 lb times 1,000 jumps, it's a million pounds of pressure. So I did my bone density, and they go, "These are humans, you know, this is great athletes, this is you." And everything like this, like I'm a gorilla from just the demand, right? If you've been running with a friend, and you can't talk anymore, it's cuz your lactate is at four. I'm at 18 and still speaking.

Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. the most interesting thing. They tracked my audience and me, and they found something really fascinating. There's a group that does studies on like Tom Brady, on the Tampa Bay Lightning that's won mul- multiple times in the you know, the what do you call Stanley Cup, and they found there's a place biochemically that people who are under stress perform at the highest level, that's why they win. And they call it the championship uh bloodstream. And what happens is, your testosterone surges, so you have this incredible drive, but your your cortisol, which is the stress hormone, drops to the ground, so you think so clearly.

That's why Tom Brady's down by 14 with 2 minutes left, and he comes back to win, right? Well, I produce that in my body, but what's even more fascinating, if you know about mirror neurons, everybody in the seminar literally, cuz they did it to people around the world at home, and they mirror neurons exactly the same biochemical change. That's why a year later the change is there. If I said, "Where were you on 9/11?" everybody knows, even in foreign countries they'll remember who they were with, what they saw.

saw. saw. But if I say, "Where were you on 8/11?" most people don't know because information without emotion is barely remembered. So I make sure those are merged and that's why we get these lasting changes. So it's not enough to just understand what to do or paint a compelling future. There has to be a shift in your identity and the way in which you feel physically and that's why the combination is so critical. Okay, I'm going to tell you something I've never said out loud anywhere and I haven't told you this.

So by the way, thank you for calling me an athlete and the reason I say that to you is I purposely adopted that identity at something you did. And and I was an athlete, I was a college athlete as you know, but then I sort of I gained weight too too too and people ask me all the time, you know, because I have been through several of these winters like you have as well. I'm fit, I'm sure there's a vanity aspect to it, a wellness, a health aspect to it, but for me it's my it's it's my neurochemistry being where I want it to be so I can make choices, my imagination is open, I am in flow state.

This has been the most critical thing and for years it was really just fitness people that were fit, not business people. But you had an event you would you don't do this anymore, you probably can't in culture today, but I don't know if you remember, but I was very young, I'd gotten a little bit out of shape and back we're in Maui at one of your events. You and I didn't know each other then. And you did this thing where I've never said this before, but I want you to know this.

You did this thing where you basically had the women in the room sort of ranked or lined up by their financial status. Do you remember this? Yes, I do remember that. The dudes, it was their fitness. And and do you remember doing this? this? this? OF COURSE I DID BECAUSE GUYS THINK THEY'RE HOT when they're like in a beer belly, RIGHT? belly, RIGHT? belly, RIGHT? WELL, SO DID I. WOMEN CAN BE TOTALLY BEAUTIFUL and they're hard on themselves, right? themselves, right? themselves, right? Yes. Yes. But it changed my freaking life.

I'm on this call with you, we're doing a podcast because of this moment. So he has the women sort of say which guys are fit. And then the fittest dudes get to walk up on the stage. Well, I'm young. I should be crushing this room at the time, right? There's a bunch of dudes in there that are in their 40s and 50s. I'm like, I don't know, mid-20s, early 20s, and I don't get picked. And then you're going to THERE'S THE DUDE, AND watch the ladies in the room cheer for the hot guys.

And I wasn't picked. And I remember going, "This is never going to happen to me again." And it wasn't It wasn't just that I wasn't picked. It's like, "You aren't living the things he's teaching." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you need to change your physiology on a regular This was an indication that my physiology wasn't being shifted on a regular basis. And it wasn't one of my patterns to shift my physiology. Everyone listening to this, you have to have a pattern of shifting your physiology. physiology. physiology.

That's right. That's right. That's right. in those moments your genius flows, your imagination flows. These skills and tactics start to happen. And it also I want you to speak to this. I just want you to know that. I credit that with you with that experience 150 years ago. years ago. years ago. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. And I want everyone to know this, but I also want people to hear this. I want you to speak to this if you would. I think the other thing that you and I with the people that we see that are higher-level achievers, their preparation freaks.

You and I are prepared today. You're prepared. But they have a lower threshold of what they think they need to know and order to step into action. That's true. That's true. That's true. Right? And so, how does one build that? Cuz there's a lot of people going, "Okay, I got to overcome my fear. I got to move my physiology. I've got to anchor the right emotional state in. But man, I'm just ill-prepared." And you may be. That may be true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you think you have to be so prepared that you never move.

You never take action. And now it'll be 2024, and we'll be on another call, and you're going to want to get going again. So, how does one build that resourceful, aggressive, whatever you want to call it, nature to go when they don't know everything? everything? everything? Well, you've got to first see what's preventing it. What's preventing it is everyone has the same two deepest fears. All humans. I don't care. I've dealt with the greatest athletes in the world, multi-millionaires, you know, guys in prison, you name it, kids.

We all are afraid we're not enough at some point. If you feel like you're not young enough, strong enough, old enough, mature enough, funny enough, rich enough, something enough for someone who you really want to be enough for, it brings up an even deeper fear, which is if I'm not enough, I won't be loved. And love is the oxygen of the soul. You know, if a baby is not kinesthetically loved, it develops what's called failure to thrive syndrome. We are a unique species in that love is our competitive advantage.

If you're born as a baby and there's no mother or father there, you're a lizard, you live. But if you're A CHILD, YOU DIE. WE NEED EACH OTHER. We have a long dependency on each other. You know, you know, some of the longest animals other than primates are like whales that are dependent for a year, but 5 years, 10 years, these years, 35 years. Some people are still dependent right up on their parents to make sure things work for them, right? fear of mine with my kids.

So, but the but the point is that those that fear that we're not enough is what's getting in the way. And you don't get over it, you get beyond it. And the way you get beyond it is you just train yourself. And as you just said, that's why in the seminars, it isn't just the content, it's putting you in a state where the content can land. And when you put yourself in that state on a regular basis, those flows happen. Now, you want daily practices as well.

So, you know, every day I've got a variety of daily practices, but one of those things, I jump in freezing cold water every day, I think you know. But I don't do it because I like it or I want it. There's never a day I look forward to it. But I don't hesitate. I don't negotiate with myself. It's both physically great cuz it flushes your blood and your lymph system completely. You feel like a million bucks coming out of it. Going in it is painful as hell, but it's like I don't say in a minute, when I'm ready, or maybe tomorrow.

It's like I say go, we go. So, it's a mental training as well as it's a physical training, right? And when you do that over and over, and then you say I'm going to do this, your brain doesn't negotiate. You've trained your own mind. A lot of people have these discussions in their own head back and forth, and that's just a habit. All these things are patterns. You know, I get up and I do my priming, which is putting myself in a state for just 10 minutes, a form of meditation, but it's a directed meditation.

I think of three things I'm grateful for about a minute each, and I live them. I don't remember it over there. I get in the roller coaster as it's going down and feel it. And I get associated to what I'm most grateful for because gratitude destroys the two emotions that mess up your life, which are fear and anger. You can't be angry and grateful simultaneously. simultaneously. simultaneously. You can't be fearful and grateful. So, I train my nervous system every day to start with that. Then I do this form of a prayer or blessing.

Then I do this three to thrive, which is a minute each on what I really want to make happen, but I don't think about making it happen. I see it as done and complete, and I train my brain to feel celebratory in that area. And in 10 minutes, I've changed my body, I've changed my mind, and then my third discipline is I usually text or call someone to leave a message, a sincere acknowledgement, because I like to start my day to brighten somebody else's day. Yeah, but I don't ever I don't go, "Oh, you're cool." I'll go, "Listen, I saw last Thursday, you know, in the meeting you did this and this and this.

I just thought that was so amazing. I just want to thank you for being that kind of person." And so, it starts my day with momentum. Physical momentum, mental momentum, relationship momentum. So, there's disciplines like that. Then there's my workout just like you, right? You know, you have your workout that You look great, by the way. that pop on and I make sure in that workout I do something that's incredibly difficult, so that I'm always pushing a little bit stronger, getting a little bit better in some area.

And then what that does is it creates a foundation that when winter's here, you go, "Give me winter, you know, bastard. I'll rip through this I don't care what it is you want to do. I'm ready." But most people, you know, they're living their life in front of a screen, a lot of people today. They're living at home. Right? Their shoulders are down, they're breathing like this, they get distracted by all the things around them. There's no energy really at a vital level. And then so what happened there's no stimulus from being at the office for some people anymore.

And so what happens is people's lives have gone down to a low level of energy. If if you forgot everything else that I teach you skill-wise, financially, emotionally, business, all those tools, but all you did was constantly increase the strength and energy in your body as a resilient source, you're going to find the answers, whether I taught them to you or somebody else. YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE UP THE ANSWERS. GUYS, this is a hundred Yeah, I got to sorry to interrupt you, but I have to say this.

It's so This is true, what he's telling you, okay? Not that you need me to second something Tony Robbins is saying, but he's right. I've lived it. He's a thousand percent right. Do the things we're talking about. These will make changes for you. The other thing he added to that that I must say that is brilliance is that when you are feeling helpless, get helpful. Help people. He You had a video out recently that you recorded you about the feeding the families this year. You were so emotional.

It moved me cuz I know I know how This is the richness of your life is helping other people. It's the same in mine. And I think people think, "Well, once I get over the stuff I need, then I'll do these things." That's what they think. They think, "Once I get my own stuff handled, then I'll be that person." No, you'll you'll get that stuff handled when you're that person. And I'm I'm writing I just want to say one thing about you with that morning message.

message. message. Uh the FBI did this study recently. I know you know about it where they're talking about the releasing of hostages. Yeah. And how do you get a hostage release? And is it When someone's taken a hostage, is it Is it the fact that you meet their demands that actually you get the hostages back? Actually, it's about the same whether you meet the demand or you don't. Believe it or not, there's a 2,000 times greater likelihood of the hostage being released if the person who took the hostages believes you understand why they did it.

That's right. That's right. That's right. That they feel seen. And one of the things when if If want to be seen as a person, see other people. I have this thing I do, Tony. I'm writing a book about it right now. Let me tell you about you. I love doing that with friends. Let me tell you about you, but something he said, not your awesome or your cool or your fun. Something really true that they go, that is true. I did do that. I do have that.

So, I just want to acknowledge the brilliance of what he's sharing with all of you. I'll tell you a two-second story about that. It's interesting. I remember when I was going to my 10-year high school reunion. When I was in school, I was really a driven kid and I was not popular. I was popular with certain girls, more like more friend girls than anything else. I had like all the cheerleaders on my side. I became student body president, but I ran it like a real thing.

I went to all the different groups and said, what do you want to do? And I went to the principal and I said, I don't think this will work, but I think I can make this happen. So, it taught me that if you're sincere, even if you weren't popular, that you could have the kind of impact. it was a real shaping experience for me. And so, but I remember I had some guys specifically that were older than I was that were competitive with me and were really brutal.

I was 5'1". They were like you know, my head nose guard was 6'6" and he he just would brutalize me. Come and pour milk over my head and So, now my 10-year high school reunion comes up and so, I'm going to be what? 28 years old. You know, I've become pretty successful. I've got books and I'm having impact around the world. And you know, I've been seen all over the world. So, I'm getting ready to go and I got kind of I don't know. I got really uncomfortable.

uncomfortable. uncomfortable. And I part of it was I realized like I don't know if like I don't know if I even relate to any of these people. I don't know if they'll even remember me or anything else. And I remember calling my mom and my mom was an interesting character and rarely did she have advice, but she I was talking to her. I was driving in the car up there and I always imagine I'd go up there in my limousine and you know, I'd have the the three women in my life that would be there or whatever that was, you know, that was my picture as a stupid boy, right?

And you know, I had a limousine at that point. It was funny as hell, but I didn't take it. I took my least expensive car. I drove myself. And I'm talking to my mom on the phone and I said she goes I said what are you doing? I said I'm going up to my 10-year high school reunion. She goes wow, she goes you feel funny there's something funny about you right now. I said what do you mean funny? She goes I know what it is. You were so different in high school.

And you're thinking about you're not one of them and you're going up there. She was so intuitive. And I said well, I guess yeah, I think you're right. She goes honey, you know, one seminar you touch more lives of people than your entire high school of a couple thousand people. She goes you know, look what being different got you. And I remember after you hung up the phone I realized you know, I'm so focused on well, how will I connect and all this which I never would think normally because normally I'm thinking about how to give.

I'm not like how do I receive? And so I I started thinking I was driving up there about the people I might bump into and some of them that actually kind of tortured me at the time and I thought you know, I'm going to get fascinated by their lives. I'm not here to talk about mine or tell them how great it is. I'm not going to do that. [clears throat] [clears throat] [clears throat] And I remember you know, you go to your high school reunion I don't know if you ever did this but they have the old picture of you when you're in high school and I had you know, hair down beyond my shoulders and you know, and I was this little guy and so I walk in and I never forget the first guy that comes up to me.

He didn't recognize who I was and he looks his eyes were at the level of my chest here where my stomach and he goes Tony? He looks like this. It was the guy that used to torture me, right? It was the guy. I was kind of hard on you. I was kind of rough and I said you know what? I deserved I had a really what? I deserved I had a really bad mouth. I didn't have much respect. And I just tell him about you and I SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT GOING AROUND TALKING TO PEOPLE ABOUT them nothing about me and I had the best night.

Because it's like if you really focus on others, you disappear. It's like I used to have these long mission statements and change the earth and all that. Now my mission statement's really simple. How can I help? It's like every day I get phone calls from people. Somebody's got cancer. Somebody's you know, I've done so much in the health area. Somebody's got something in their business. Somebody knows somebody's got a challenge. It's like how can I help? And nothing makes me more grateful. So, I think people, as you grow, you you know, the hopefully, you know, you and I are at a stage of life where we can mentor people cuz we've been through so much crap.

Right? You know, you know, overcome so much. And then my hope is that the people that listen to you that listen to Ed personally, I I endorse Ed as a friend because Ed lives this stuff. I mean, there's very few people that live it. You know, that's one of the reasons I love you and respect you. You work out, you train, you do this stuff. You're not somebody just interviewing other people. You're somebody who lives it. And that unfortunately is rare. But when you find those rare people, you want to learn from them because we all become like who we spend time with.

And the good thing about a podcast is you get to spend time with somebody like Ed. I think it's fantastic. fantastic. fantastic. Everyone listening to this, including you and I, wants to improve our life to some extent. We want to find even other level of happiness, another level of bliss, another level of contribution. We want to help more people. That's what everybody wants. But people fall into patterns. In fact, humans are patterns to some large extent, right? And that's another part of this energy piece I want you to talk about.

But in the terms of humans and their patterns cuz I've watched people, they've got a brand new business they're all excited about, but they still run the same thought patterns, these same energy patterns in their life. Or they're in a new relationship. So, there's a new person, but somehow they run a pattern of every relationship they've been with just a new person in the relationship. They don't change the pattern. So, do you notice those things? And is there any advice you can give to somebody on that?

Every day, every client, every group, every Zoom, everything I'm doing, Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. it's to get people to recognize what are those patterns. And I'll say to them, you know, you're coming to me right now because you want to fix your grief. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. I can't fix your grief. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. I go, I could raise your awareness. I go, here's the difference. You need to plug your phone into the outlet to charge it. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. You want to plug into me. I go, I'm I'm just an anchor anchor block.

You know what I'm saying? I can give you a little bit of a of a of a boost right now. I go, but when you go back to not being around me, your phone's going to be almost dead again. I said, so you need to figure out how to recharge your own phone, right? And you got to charge your own phone in your own way, not in my way. I can share with you what works for me, me, me, but that's the that's like the equivalent of somebody like, you know, hiring a nutritionist and getting a gym membership and doing nothing with either one of them and going, I'm fat.

Like, I can't lose any weight, you know? And like that that that is the like if you ever come to me, like that's the place not to go cuz I'm brutal. But people like, you know, am I ever going to lose weight? Drop the fork, join a gym, like do a diet, like don't ask me questions like that. So, from a from a pattern standpoint, you can get physical fitness and weight. You can understand if you don't make changes, you don't see results. So, this is energetic fitness.

If you don't make changes, you won't see results. You're going to see the same thing. And oh my god, with the excuses that people make. So, if they come to a person like yourself or they work with a life coach or if they go for a reading and you see the potential of opportunities where they can make changes and then they give you all the reasons why that can't happen, happen, happen, then why are we talking? It's like you got to be willing to make the changes.

You're not going to negotiate with malignancy. You're going to cut it out, right? So, it's like, okay, are we going to like, you know, talk to our cancer? Or are we going to get rid of it and treat it? So, you got to figure out what's the toxicity in you. So, again, real world example. I like to work with both medical doctors as well as holistic approaches. So, one of my doctors has a holistic approach and he said to me, I noticed that you have a lot of fillings.

And I go, I do. So, he goes, we need to get rid of some of the mercury. Great, no problem. So, you gave me a directive. I'm going to go do it. So, I talked to my dentist. I don't have a lot of time in schedule. I might have made the mistake of doing it all in one sitting. A six and a half hour day Oh my gosh. All of it was done, dental dam, did the whole thing. Go back to my doctor and he notices and he says, "Oh, wow." He goes, "How how often did you go?" And I go, "Doc, I did it in one day." He goes, "Sit down." And I go, "What?" He goes, "We're doing a mercury test on you." you." you." I scored the highest level of mercury that he's ever seen in his entire career.

entire career. entire career. And he goes, "Now we're going to do a chelation treatment." I'm like, "Okay. What does that mean?" He goes, "It means that we're going to be sitting here and we're going to do a chelation We have to pull the mercury out of your system as best." So, I had like two or three chelation treatments over a period of time time time to be able to get rid of the mercury. So, now So, now So, now I laughed and said, "Okay, I'm psychic.

Should I have known that?" No. No, I should not have known that. Should I have done my research to know that? Yes, but what I did was I looked at my schedule and said, "Oh my god, I can get it all done right here, right now. And let me get it out of the way." Not always the best idea. Sometimes you need to do things and and and it's got You have to be able to And I should have known better, honestly, cuz I use an analogy.

I say, "You can't frost the cake until it's baked." And right now we have the ingredients sitting on the counter and you can't talk about the frosting. So, I frosted the cake before it was baked. It's so interesting to me. for it. So, You see, you talk about the IFS therapy in the book. There's so many things like this, too, but you touched on this trigger thing and then your pattern. So, let's talk let's talk a little bit about triggers and patterns cuz I think even that terminology may be new to most people.

Right? People that have been in therapy are probably familiar with that or even if they know how to They read some of my stuff on changing their state and being a peak performer, they know how to create a trigger and patterns. But do you feel like So, discuss that for a second. But do you feel like also like just being aware of the pattern like what you just said, like, "All right, I'm doing it again." That to some extent the awareness of the pattern can help it lose its power and grip over you?

you? you? Absolutely. And actually, that's actually one of the first That is the first exercise in the book, which is really about witnessing your triggers, how do you feel, and then what are you doing to run from them. What that's doing is in IFS language, internal family systems therapy. It's nothing to do with family therapy, although it kind of comes from that core core model, but it is based on your inner family. inner family. inner family. Inside of us, we have multiple different parts. parts. parts.

So, we have these child parts, the little boy Ed whose dad was an alcoholic and and and wasn't telling the truth and you know, whatever the the storyline is. Those little exiled parts, little boy, he's locked up. He's like under lock and key. You know he's there, but he's like real down there in the dungeon. You know, we're not talking to him, lock him up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then we've got all these protector parts. parts. parts. I'll speak for my own, right? I've got my little girl, she's locked up and the little girl that was abused, she's locked up.

But my protector parts are the controller, the controller, the controller, the cocaine addict, right? Even though I'm in recovery, that addict part is present. Uh the the out knives out is one that I call. The the outraged part of me that wants to be like, you mess with me, you mess with that girl, like I am going to come after you. And so all these parts are very extreme and they're very protective. And often you might consider them bad habits. You might be looking at it and say, oh, that's my my, you know, my the the the the part of me that's that wants to go pick up a drink because I can't feel that or the part of me that just wants to zone out and freeze because I can't handle this.

You know, [clears throat] so we have all these different protection protective mechanisms, but they're really in IFS called protective protector parts. The they're not bad. These parts are very valuable. They have had a very important role in our inner system and the role is to keep us safe from the extreme terror, shame, and fear of these exiled child parts. Gosh, Gabby, so good. So, can I ask you about that? So, like when you're looking at yourself, everybody, one of the things that I discovered in Gabby's book and it like I'm reading the book and it's pretty emotional for me cuz you know, the sort of trauma I've had in my life my life my life maybe there were parts of it that were very different than how I thought they affected me.

Like I give you one crazy trigger stupid example with me for everybody in here. When I go on the road and I'm traveling and I'm speaking and stuff I often get room service and I'll eat in. And it's just really weird. I've said this for like 20 years on shows and stuff. I'm like I'm just introverted so I kind of hide out in the room. And then I realized something as I'm reading your book I sort of had this flash of like all the restaurants we would go in when I was a kid if my dad was drunk.

was drunk. was drunk. And the confrontations that would happen in there and the shame and embarrassment of my dad yelling at a waiter or whatever in these restaurants in public restaurants. And I just like I got emotional reading the book. I'm like, "Oh my gosh. That's why the restaurants are trigger for me. I don't want to go in these places I've had multiple experiences in restaurants like this in public places where we were completely shamed as a family and I was ashamed of it. And so I've realized these little tiny things about me that for everybody listening this like think about what what does trigger you.

You know, for me the reason I think I'm such a big communicator is I would talk to my dad and he would be not there like literally sitting there in the room so gone with alcohol in his system. And my dad got sober it's a great story but but those days like, "Are you hearing me dad?" And then I have to work on being a better communicator just to get him to hear me. So many of you have all of these patterns and triggers in your life that if you just become aware like I'm doing it again, where's this come from?

You can sort of start to unlock sort of the code of you. Why does it matter? And then I want to ask you a question Gabby. Cuz this is what life's about everyone. There's two things in life. It's understanding more about ourselves and hopefully understanding more about the spiritual parts of our lives of where we're going. That's why this show today is so meaningful to me for all of you cuz as you're hearing Gabby tell her story I want you thinking about your story and your awareness of who you are and why you operate the way you do.

The name of today's show, what I want you to write down, I think this will just you know, potentially really serve you is that this. Write this down. Success requires no apologies, failure permits no alibis. Success requires no apologies, failure permits no alibis. Where did I get that from? It's not mine. It's actually out of the book Think and Grow Rich that I just referenced earlier. One of the original versions I'm holding up my dear friend Robin Sharma sent to me. And so that is not my quote.

I can't stand when people use my content and quotes and don't give me credit. That's not my quote. That's out of Think and Grow Rich. But the theme of today is that listen, success requires no apologies and failure permits no alibis. We can't be making alibis. And so how do we create change in our life? How do we How do we make moves through this difficult times? Cuz no matter what time you're listening to this, it'll be trying. There's always things to overcome. That's what life's about.

One of the things in Think and Grow Rich that I love is in the book. This is so profound and I hope this gives you hope that in the book he talks about going through adversity, going through trials and tribulations. tribulations. tribulations. And he ends up saying in the book that if you can get to the other side of these trials, if you don't quit, that you get introduced to your other self. Your other self. And so what if it is that all of the tragedies, trials, tribulations, difficulties in our lives are all set up there so that on the other side of it there's another version of us.

On the other side of it we get introduced to our other self. I'm [snorts] I'm [snorts] I'm [snorts] 51 years old when this comes out and I must tell you that I've been introduced to many different versions of me and the only way I got to those versions of me was to have to go through something difficult that tried me, that pushed me, that caused me to question myself, doubt myself, almost give in, almost resist. If you think about it for you, the things you have achieved in your life, where you are today, this version of you has been put together, has been developed, has been created because of the things you learned, the things you went through, the lessons you gained through difficult times.

So when you're hitting these difficult times, just remember on the other side of this time, whatever it is for you, is your other self. How beautiful is that? And when you step back and look at one's entire life, even if you have children, and you all were a child at one point, think about the difficult things and you got introduced to that other version of you. I remember going to high school, so scared. There was this whole thing when I was going to high school, they would put the freshman in trash cans, you know, and I didn't know anybody, and you know, was anybody going to like me?

But the person who walked in my freshman year of high school, I think you'll agree, a totally different person walked out my senior year. year. year. I got introduced to my other self. And then when I started my business journey, you know, there's one guy that started, and then after the first trial and tribulation I pushed through, I got introduced to another self of me, and then another self, and then another self. In relationships, you've been introduced to other selves of you once you've gotten through them or learned from them.

And so, what you're going through right now, the beauty of it is, it's preparing this other self, this better version of you. And you got to remind yourself of this because it's so easy not to want to outlast the temporary. I did a big long coaching call with Arête Syndicate on this. I'm not going to get into what I covered there. I'm going to cover different things today. But I just want you to think about this for a second. Without it, it's just you all the way through life.

There's no change. There's no growth. And so, this trial, this thing that you're going through, or maybe just this thing you're trying to accomplish, maybe it doesn't even feel trying, maybe you're just trying to accomplish something that's difficult, right? The other self is on the other side of that. And I just want to tell you, chase that version of you. Chase that person. Embrace it. And when you see this adversity coming at you, right? See it for what it really is. It's this introduction to the new you waiting for you on the other side of it.

I love one of the things I'm going to read to you out of Napoleon Hill's book a little bit right here. But he says, uh, and again, a lot of this stuff was written for, you know, back in the day where we he would say men instead of people, but he says, uh, "If the first plan which you adopt does not work successfully, replace it with a new plan. If this plan fails to work, replace it and in turn with it another and so on until you find a plan which does work.

Right here is at the point at which the majority of men, people, meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of the old ones with faith which fail. The most intelligent man living cannot succeed in accumulating money nor to any other undertaking without plans which are practical and workable. And his point in the chapter was this is where most people quit. This is where most people give in. They surrender at the sign of adversity rather than pivot, rather than innovate, rather than create a new plan, they give in.

And what costs you when you give in is you rob the world and you of this other self. Those are my words, not him in this case. But that's what gets robbed. And quitting becomes a habit. It's habitual. When you quit on one thing, you'll quit on other things. And so finish, adopt, adapt all the time in your life. I want to share something with you. Why do we get so worked up? Why do we Let me share something with you. You have emotions that you're familiar with.

with. with. Okay? And some of these emotions serve you and some of them don't serve you. It's called your emotional home is what I call it. And often times in our lives, we will find a way to get that emotion we're addicted to. addicted to. addicted to. Our heart and our emotions move towards what we are most familiar with. I'm going to cover this in two places today for you. And I hope that this is one of these life-changing shows you're like, "Yeah, man. I'm glad he didn't interview somebody today.

This is better." So I have to say this to you. You have an emotional home and it's important to take an inventory of what is that home because you find a way to get it every week. Whatever those emotions are. They could be peace, joy, ecstasy, passion, right? All those great emotions that you could have. And by the way, they aren't good and bad. Just some serve us and some don't. don't. don't. Then there's other ones. Pain, fear, anxiety, worry, depression, frustration, anger. anger. anger. You all know people as I describe those emotions, you thought of different people, didn't you?

When I said anger, you thought of someone you know who's regularly angry. When I said fearful or depressed, you thought of somebody. Maybe you thought of you. And so, if you have this primary emotion that you're getting on a regular basis, you find a way to get it, don't you? You do. No matter what's going on, you find a way at some point during your week to get your fear. Why? Because it's familiar. And we move towards what's familiar. This is how human beings are. So, the reason we want to go through difficulties is because if at the other end of that we can get another self, maybe we can get another emotion.

Because self is really emotions. What you really don't want is a jet or cash. You You want how you think that will make you feel. What you really don't want is just a relationship, it's how you think the relationship will make you feel. You don't just want to win that contest you're in right now, it's how you think it'll make you feel. So, what you're chasing is the emotions. See, I know people with absolutely no money who feel rich. I know a bunch of people with a lot of money who feel broke.

Right? So, what we're really chasing is our emotions. So, for me, I'm How do you do that? You become very intentional about what they are. You become intentional. My primary emotion I'm chasing right now that I can experience anytime I want, but I don't have to chase it. That's That word's probably not well said. I can experience anytime I want because it exists within me is peace. peace. peace. And when I'm not getting peace, I get intentional about seeking it. I'm not going to do things in my life anymore that on the other end of it can't acquire me more peace.

I may lack some as I do it, but I'm going to get more of it on the other side of it. Starting to become intentional. And I'll share with you, we all have emotions that don't serve us. We all do. One of mine is chaos. I love chaos. Isn't that interesting? interesting? interesting? I love chaos. I just realized this is a adult. Like adult. Like adult. Like I always create chaos in my Why? I thrive I always say people, I thrive in chaos cuz I do.

I'm familiar with it. Why do I always create chaos? Even when things are great, it's like, nope, I got to do this, I got to do that. I got I get create a chaotic state, I create chaos around me. I've become aware of this. Why? Because chaos is familiar to me. Why is chaos familiar to me? Because to some extent in my childhood, it was chaotic. Most of you know that my dad was an alcoholic. Greatest guy in the world, sober for 35 years after that.

But in my early upbringing, it was chaotic. It was unstable. I didn't know was he coming home? Was he not coming home? What mood's he going to be in? Are mom and dad going to stay married? You know, all those kinds of things. And it was chaotic, and I became familiar with chaos. And so, I find a way in my given week or my month or my day to find chaos, don't I? And I do. Anybody that knows me knows that's true. And I thrive in it.

Chaos, by the way, can be used positively. Chaos has caused me to become wealthy. Chaos has caused me to not want to be overweight and to be fit. Sometimes that chaos, I've learned to thrive in it. But you have to ask yourself, and I had to ask myself, do I want to live all my life in chaos? No. And then I got intentional. If chaos doesn't serve me that way, what emotions do I want? I want more joy. I want more laughter. I want more peace.

And so, I'm intentional about getting it, and I'm aware aware aware when I'm starting to generate chaos unintentionally. And that awareness for me, that awareness, causes it to lose its power over me. So, in your case, I would ask you, what emotion is your emotional home that you get the most regularly? Is it really joy? Is it really peace? really peace? really peace? Is it really ecstasy? Passion? Right? Or do you get a little bit familiar with worry, anger, frustration, melancholy, whatever you want to call it?

it? it? Fear, Fear, Fear, right? right? right? And it once you know that, ask yourself, what are the emotions I would want to experience on a regular basis? And get intentional about them, and become aware when you're doing the ones you don't think serve you, all right? And then ask yourself this. yourself this. yourself this. What would I have to think or believe in order to generate that emotion? Right? Because a lot of times we have thoughts that don't serve us. Thoughts generate emotions, right? It's not an event event event that generates the quality of our life.

There's an event, then there is our perception of the event, our thought about it, which creates the emotion. So, it's not the events of our lives. You can be going through a very difficult time and have peace. You can go through a very difficult time and feel strong. feel strong. feel strong. It's being intentional about it. And so, I would challenge you to begin to think about what would I need to think. What do I normally think that causes me, and I'm going to tell you in a minute, what do I normally think that causes me to get this emotion that creates [snorts] stress for me?

And what would I need to think in order to get the ones I want when the same stimulus happens? happens? happens? So, So, So, in Think and Grow Rich, he says there are six basic fears. By the way, in the power of one more, I show you how to overcome these fears with daily strategies. So, it's not just the thought, it's the action you would take. I mirror the thought in congruency with the action, and that's why the power of one more is such a really unique book.

Having said that, these are the six basic fears according to Napoleon Hill, and they're really interesting. He says, "There are six basic fears, with some combination of which every human suffers at one time or another. Most people are fortunate if they do not suffer from the entire six." Named in the order of their most common appearance, they are, this is interesting, in sequence. The number one fear is the fear of poverty. And just process that. Do you have the fear of poverty? Do you have the fear that whatever you're going through right now, you're going to be broke?

You have the fear that you're going to run out of money, that you're not going to eat, or whatever it might be, the fear of poverty. Number two, the fear of criticism. Right? By the way, these are the bottom, not the top, excuse me. The fear of criticism. Do you have any of that? The fear of ill health. Okay, so those are the bottom three, not the top three. Bottom three. Fourth fear, the fear of loss of love of someone. someone. someone. In other words, someone you love will no longer love you.

Okay? Okay? Five, the fear of old age, getting old and missing your prime, missing your moment, missing your life. [snorts] [snorts] [snorts] And then lastly, the fear of death. And so those are the six fears, poverty, criticism, bad health, loss of the love of someone, old age, and death. And usually, I think you'll find that when you're experiencing stress and anxiety, it's born out of one of those fears. And I know you're sitting there going, "Ed, this is damn good. Thank you for doing the show today." I hope you are.

And if you do feel that, share it. Fastest growing show in the world, share it. So, I'm aware of the fears that I have, and that's why success records is no apologies. I'm not worried about criticism. criticism. criticism. And failure permits no alibis. There are no excuses. There just aren't any. And you can go, "Well, Ed, you don't understand. I do have this excuse. I do have this issue. I do have this situation that isn't fair for me." By the way, you're probably right. And if you think it, you're definitely right.

right. right. What you have to ask yourself is, does it serve you to believe that? Or what would you need to believe in spite of that? You say, "Well, hey, I started too late. I don't have enough money." What if you started to think, man, what a story this is going to be that I started with no money? Or you know what? I'm a particular group of people that's marginalized and it's more difficult for me. I would just submit to you that isn't the story going to be sweeter when you do win?

Isn't it going to even be more inspiring when you do win? Isn't it going to move more people? Isn't your test going to be your testimony? Whatever this thing is that is the alibi that you have in your life, whatever it is. Someone hurt me. This overcame. I I'm in this situation. You don't understand my health situation. Listen, if it serves you to believe that, keep believing it. But as your friend and your coach and a mentor to you and someone who loves you and cares about you, I would say this does not serve you even if it's true.

Even if it's true. What would you need to believe about it that now gives you power instead of kryptonite? And you begin to ask yourself these questions. So, questions. So, questions. So, you know, you're going to show up, so that's one thing. You're going to show up 20 years from now somewhere. The question is where? And what I would submit to you is that one of the ways out of difficult times is huge, bold, God-sized dreams. Like, what is your huge bold The one you're embarrassed to tell people about?

The huge, bold, God-sized dream in your life. And the more of it you can to project into [snorts] that dream state of what you want in your life, the more it gives you the inspiration. If your dreams are bigger than the adversity, you'll get through it. But the minute that adversity, those emotions are bigger than where you're going, bigger than your dreams, you're toast. You got to reevaluate that. You got to look at it. You got to say, "Wait a minute. What's my big dream? What's my big goal?

What's that big emotion? What's that thing? What's that place? What's that person? What's that contribution?" Whatever it might be, and you got to begin to obsess about it because what I said earlier is true. Your mind moves towards what it's most familiar with. familiar with. familiar with. So, if you're most familiar with your fears, those six fears, or these emotions you don't want, or your problems, or your setbacks, or the things that are are not in your favor, then you're going to move towards them. Let me say that to you again.

You may be right about this adversity. You may be right about your circumstance. You may be right about all that. But does it serve you to believe it? Because the way the mind works is it moves towards what it's most familiar with. And the reason some people are successful and most aren't is the successful people have the ability to begin to program into their mind the things they want, the dreams they have over and over and over because they know this to be true. They belong in their dreams.

dreams. dreams. Their dreams are not some hallucination. They're not a joke. God gave you those dreams as a glimpse, as a preview of what's possible in your life. And the more you understand, these dreams don't just come from me. How do I have these dreams? Where do they come from? They come from God in your life. Or they Whatever you believe about that. I'm a Christian. I believe they come straight from Jesus, straight from God. But whatever your faith is, the universe, whatever you believe, they come from outside of you and they're not a joke.

They're a preview of what's possible. what's possible. what's possible. And the more you move towards those thoughts, those dreams in faith, boldly, strong, strong, strong, and not towards these six fears you have, or this circumstance. And I'm not talking about don't deal with reality. I'm not saying I already said, you need to pivot. You need to course correct. You need a better plan. Clearly, you need a better plan. But what you don't need is to be moving towards the thoughts that don't serve you, because you keep getting them, don't you?

You keep drawing the circumstances into your life that don't serve you, because your mind moves you towards what you're familiar with. Please, sister. I love you. Please, brother. Listen to what I'm saying. Begin to feed these thoughts to you regularly. And begin to take the actions in congruency with them. And when you begin to think and act in congruency, you become a force in the world that is unstoppable eventually, if you can outlast the temporary. Not right away. See, there's two things people lack. The Bible says, "Where there is no vision, the people perish." People lack vision, but oftentimes when they get a vision, the other thing that they suffer from is depth perception issues.

They think it's further than it is. They think they're further away than they really are, and so they pace themselves and they act like it, and they don't let their mind go there regularly, and so they constantly stay in a perpetual state of being far from it. The premise of my book, The Power of One More, is very simple when you get it. And it's this, you're a lot closer to your dreams than you think. You're a lot closer to these emotions, these feelings, that life, that other self than you think you are.

And let me tell you what you are. You're one decision away, one possible meeting, one relationship, one thought, one emotion, one strategy in my new book, away from changing it. You're a lot closer than you think. you think. you think. So, stop thinking it's so far away. And stop thinking about all the things all the time that don't serve you. Right? By the way, what is thinking and how do I think better? What's a thought? A thought is the process of asking yourself a question and answering it.

So, ask yourself better questions and you will have better thoughts and better answers. So, if you do have this detriment, that's that's this this thing that's this it's a hindrance and you know it's a hindrance and it's a challenge or you're going through something, something, something, right? That's okay. The question is, ask yourself a better question about it. Instead of saying, that's why I'm going to lose, it's hey, how can I overcome this? What are the answer to this? Who are people like me that have won?

Who's over What is my story going to look like when I win? How's it going to feel when I get there? What's the tactic or strategy that I need to implement to overcome this that other people don't, but I'm going to because I deserve to get there because these dreams are a preview of who I'm supposed to be. So, get these familiar thoughts, get these familiar emotions, know that all pain is temporary, outlast the temporary. temporary. temporary. One of the things I want to wrap up on, Ed, and it's, you know, the power of one more, you talk about it, is just every person has the potential to be the one.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I didn't call it that, but if you meet my family, they will definitely say like we're Sugars. Dan Dan went first. Yep. Yep. Yep. And then people always say, well, were your brothers and sisters in trouble growing up? Yeah. But it seemed like once I got my life together and I and I changed the energy that everybody just kind of came with us and like like like how beautiful is it? And this is the thing I I I I want to acknowledge is um the moment you realize that there was a one for your dad.

Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. Your dad was an alcoholic and somebody showed up and was that for him and it shifted his life and your life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And my life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I'm here with you. Yeah. So, thank you for asking that. I wrote The Power of One More and I um A lot of it has to do with my dad and you know, one more was my dad got sober one more time and then he would stay sober one day at a time.

It's interesting cuz that's a little bit of the book but the rest of it is like really detailed stuff as you know. But after I wrote it, it was about 6 months months months after I wrote it, it was out actually. Woke up right down the bedroom right below where we're sitting right now. house? house? house? Yeah, in this house. I was really I was crying. crying. crying. And And And Christiane woke up, she goes, "What's wrong?" And I said, "Babe." I was kind of gasping.

I'm like, "Someone helped Daddy." And she's like, "What?" And I go, "Someone helped Daddy." And she goes, "What do you mean?" I go, "Someone helped my dad get sober." Why in the world this never occurred to me before, but in my dad's program someone helps you. And she goes, "Oh my gosh." She said, "This person has no idea I'm my dad's son." So, the ripple effect, they did something great with their life, they helped my dad in the darkest, lowest moment of my my father may have been taking his own life.

Certainly was going to lose his family, certainly losing his career, but maybe his life. In my dad's lowest moment of his life, some precious human being stepped forward and said, "I see you." "I see you. I can help you. Let me tell you about you." you." you." And they changed and saved my dad's life. That person has no idea that because they helped my dad, I'm his son, I've reached millions of people. They have no idea the ripple effect of that one act of kindness, that one act of my intention intention intention is to serve you.

Now, that's incredible. My wife goes, "Oh my gosh." I said, "That's not even the most amazing thing. The most amazing thing is what qualified this person to help my dad. dad. dad. What qualified this person help my dad is the very thing most of us thinks disqualifies us from ever being successful. It was the things that human being was most ashamed of, most embarrassed by. You know what qualified them? They were also a drunk at one time. They were also a drug addict. They were also a liar.

They were also living in the shadows. They were also ashamed at one time in their life. And because of that, the thing that they thought disqualified them was the very thing that was qualifying them to change my dad's life and be the one in my dad's life. life. life. In our lives, we are constantly stacking things that we think disqualifies my bankruptcy, my business failure, this sin of mine, this thing I cheated on, this mistake I made. Maybe it's none of that. I'm just always been invisible and average and ordinary, so I'm disqualified going forward from not being.

And we stack these things and believe we're disqualified. Nothing could be further from the truth. You are most qualified to help the person or people you used to be. You used to be. And in my dad's case, right? That guy used to be a drunk. That dude used to be an alcoholic. That person used to be a liar and a drug addict. That's what qualified them. So they could look at my dad and go, "Let me tell you about you." I know. I know. I know.

I know who you are. I'm also that person and I changed. And that's also why it's so important in life to continue to grow and change because every time you evolve into the next version of you, you're more qualified to help the people you used to be. And so you're not disqualified from being successful. You're not disqualified from being the one. In fact, probably the things that you think are the disqualifiers are the very things God would prefer to use to help you change other people's lives and ultimately your own.

Even that mistake I made with my family, I could have that family that I didn't know. I could have easily lived the rest of my life going, "Man, I'm disqualified. I didn't help that family." That's not the case. The case is I'm immensely qualified because I made that mistake to never do it again and to help all these other family Do you know how many families I told I'm not leaving here tonight because let me tell you about this mistake I made once and I'm not making it tonight with your family.

And how many of them were persuaded by that story to then participate? So the thing I thought disqualified me actually qualified me most to help the rest of the families. Ooh. It's true. That was powerful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I think most people wouldn't have connected the connected the connected the shame the area of life that they feel less than deficit as the the the tool that they should be using to go serve the world. the world. the world. and if you're not, that's okay. Everybody listen but if you're faith-based, if I'm the adversary and I want to get you to quit on your dream, there's one weapon I'm going to use against you, discouragement.

I'm going to get you discouraged and believe you're disqualified cuz if I can get you to believe that, you have no chance. And most people are walking around discouraged thinking they're disqualified and they're actually hanging that lie onto the very thing that is probably their qualifier. That's the irony. It's like if you really In politics right now, what you do in politics if you want to win, you accuse the other party of the very thing you do and you do it before they can accuse you.

And so in life, what we do the adversary does is he gets us to accuse us with the things that are the very thing that would be the key to get us to go change our life. Uses it as a weapon against us. And so don't let anybody do that to you.