Achieve Any GOAL With This Simple Mindset Shift | Ed Mylett

Key Takeaway

Your life experiences don't disqualify you from helping others—they qualify you. The very struggles you're ashamed of prepare you to serve someone who desperately needs what you've learned. This is the power of 'one more': one person showing up can change everything. Start today by replacing reminiscing about the past with visualizing your future. Practice lucid daydreaming—create clear, specific, repetitive mental pictures of what you want, not what you fear.

Episode Overview

Ed Mylett shares the story behind his book 'The Power of One More,' revealing how his father's recovery from alcoholism shaped his belief in human transformation. He discusses how our darkest experiences qualify us to help others, the importance of operating from imagination rather than memory, and practical techniques for reprogramming your reticular activating system (RAS) through visualization. The conversation explores grief, change, and how to interrupt negative thought patterns by consciously choosing what you focus on.

Full Transcript

Transcript of Achieve Any GOAL With This Simple Mindset Shift | Ed Mylett from The Ed Mylett Show. Auto-generated from episode audio; may contain minor errors.

Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Hit that like button and be sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel so you never miss my show, whether it's Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday. Here's our first guest. So, here's what I want to ask you, Ed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What is it like to be Ed Mlette? Um, Um, Um, bless. I mean, it's a blessing to be me. It's it's um it's a it's an ongoing journey to you know find more out about myself and more out about other people um more about about my spirituality and my faith too.

I think where you and I really have in common is we're just very intentional about our lives and they matter to us. And so I feel things really deeply, really deeply, really deeply, you know, and I think that sometimes doesn't come with the package maybe when you look at me or something. I don't know. But I hear that often. But I just feel things deeply and I feel things deeply for other people. So I'm a really emotional guy. Um yet I think I operate pretty well even when I'm emotional.

In other words, it doesn't really dictate my actions all the time, but it what it's like to be me as a blessing. Like I can't believe my life is what it is based on where I come from that. And where do you come from? For people who don't know you, where do you come from? from? from? Well, I come from a loving family, but really dysfunctional. So, my dad was an al I wrote the book for this reason. My dad was an alcoholic until I was 15 years old.

Actually, 7 days before my 15th birthday. Only my dad would get sober on 420, but he did. So 420 my dad my dad's sobby birthday. But I come from a lot of dysfunction and chaos. And when you're the oldest son with three little sisters of an alcoholic dad, you have no self-esteem. You live in chaos. My friends wouldn't know. I was thinking about this the other day. My friends would never we never had friends over the house. Why? Cuz the whole street could hear my dad yelling all the time.

They're afraid of him. And I used to get this anxiety even we would do something cool as a family. We never went on a vacation my entire life ever once. But if we did, never one time. But if we did, that's why I love to travel and dream because we just didn't do that stuff. But I remember times like every day was anxiety, but man, especially if like we were going to go out to a restaurant, like a big night out for my family was like Sizzler.

This little steak place where you'd go and wait in the line and order your steak, but to us that was like, wow, we are we're my lets are balling tonight, you know? But I remember I remember going out and getting such anxiety hours before cuz I knew my dad was going to get in a fight at the restaurant. Oh my god. It was going to be he was going to show up drunk and it was either a server or some other person in the restaurant and we it just happens.

The Sizzler had a private room for their staff, Mel. I swear to you. And we ate in there every week. I thought, "Wow, this is unbelievable. When we go out, they give us this private room every time. They're hiding my dad from everybody else in the restaurant." And I didn't realize that until we got older. So that's what it's like to be me. So, you come from that and you're like, "Wow." And now, you know, there's a few people that like to listen to me and I've helped a few people.

It's sort of mind-blowing to me. What was the the pivot in your life? Because you were crazy successful in business and as an entrepreneur, but what was the pivot for you for when you were like, I want to like you're still obviously crazy successful as an entrepreneur, entrepreneur, entrepreneur, but you made this change and you started teaching. teaching. teaching. Yeah. and you started sharing wisdom. Do you know kind of the moment when there was this like epiphany for you? Because it feels to me almost like more spiritual spiritual spiritual than it was a business decision.

Way more spiritual. And it was right before Wayne Dyer passed away. I've been really blessed. I've had a couple really, you know, unbelievable mentors in my life. And I met Wayne Dyer when I was very young. Most of your audience would know who Wayne Dyer is, but if they don't, they should Google him. He's one of the great all-time beautiful soul thought leaders ever. And so two guys kind of ganged up on me. One's funny, one's not. Wayne told me, he goes, "Hey, listen. Um, you always watch you when you're one-on-one with people and you care so deeply and you're so present with people and you spend so much time with them." Ed, you need to take what you know out to the world about the mind and spirituality and how to change your life because you've done this and and I'm like, Wayne, no one wants to listen to me.

I'm just an entrepreneur. He goes, no, God gave you this deep voice and this ability. And Wayne had that voice, too. And it would deepen. deepen. deepen. It would deepen when we would talk. talking. He goes, "No, I'm telling you that." And I said, "Wayne, all my life I've wanted to help people like people helped my dad get sober, like my mentors, like you." And Wayne said, "I believe you'll change the world." And Ed, you won't change the world because you're brilliant or you're talented. You'll change the world because of your intentions.

intentions. intentions. And he got me. And I went, cuz I don't believe I'm brilliant, and I don't believe I'm talented. That's a lot of work for me to believe, but I do know my intentions. And intentions. I do know my intentions. And my intent is to definitely serve and help people. love people because people saved my family. Tell tell us that story. Tell everybody that story about how people saved your family. family. family. Well, I wrote this whole book because of the one Moors in my life, but when I was Mel, you're I'm going to give you this is just for me and you.

Everyone else can hear it because I haven't talked about this ever before, but it just happened two weeks ago with Cristiana. So, the the story is my dad was an alcoholic and I'm driving. I'm almost 15 and I'm driving in my car and my dad's crying. My dad's driving his car and he's crying. I never saw my dad cry before that day or after it. And he finally pulls over and he's still crying, but he doesn't look at me and he just says, he's looking straight ahead at the wheel.

He goes, I'm gonna try to go get sober. And I'll never forget this. One more time. And he goes, Eddie, I'm going to give it one more try. And I have a chapter in the book called One More Try. I get emotional telling you this because it altered my life. And I said I said, "Daddy, what would be any different this time?" He tried a lot of times. And he said, "Eddie, um, I'm going to lose my family. your mom's taking you and your sisters. And the truth is, you deserve a dad you can be proud of.

I vividly remember this. Now he's looking at me. And he says, "Your mom deserves a husband she can respect. So, I'm going to try it one more time." And then he came back and he was sober. And I said, "Dad, these themes of one more start coming up." I said, "Dad, are you never going to drink again?" He goes, "I don't know. Just not going to drink for one more day." more day." more day." That lasted for 35 years. And my dad, you know, I watch I believe humans can change my spiritual thing.

I believe so deeply human beings can change because I watched my hero do it. My dad lived like crap the first 15 years of my life and then lived the best life of anyone I've ever known personally the next 35. So I watched it right and I watched what he did. But the most amazing thing, Mel, I got to tell you, this is not in the book. It happened three weeks ago. Most people think they're disqualified from helping other people. Like yeah, Mel Robbins, she's brilliant.

legal mind, personal development mind, business mind. She's a powerhouse. She can change people's lives. Mylet, yeah, he lifts a lot of weights. He's got that deep voice. He seems to have a little swagger about him. Probably he could. He's made hundreds of millions. Whatever. Me? No way. Cuz you know what? You don't know what I'm ashamed of. You don't know my failures. I've had a divorce, a bankruptcy, had a business that didn't work. You know, I've done things I'm just completely embarrassed by. Or hey, you know, I've just never done anything great before.

and they say, "This disqualifies me." Nothing could be further than the truth. Your life experience, your humanity is actually what qualifies you. Check this out, Mel. I wake up like three weeks ago on a Wednesday crying. And I don't cry enough. I said, "Babe, wake up. Wake up." She goes, "What?" I said, "I'm 51 years old. This just dawned on me. Someone helped daddy." She went, "What, honey?" I said, "Someone helped daddy in the lowest moment of his life. the darkest moment on his knee, losing his family, losing his life, maybe physically losing his life, literally, some precious soul intervened in a dark bar or alley or I don't know where it was, a meeting, a coffee shop, and said, "I I'll help you.

I'll help you." And they changed my life. I'm talking to you, Mel, because of this person. They changed my children's lives who weren't even born. They've changed millions of people's lives that I reach in that one moment. there this human being and their humanity stepped forward and saved my family. And that's incredible to think one person can have that ripple effect. But the more incredible effect is what qualified them to do it. The things they were the most ashamed of, they were also a drug addict and an alcoholic.

Little did they know the world was preparing them when they're driving drunk and lying to their family and cheating on someone and stealing money for drugs was preparing them for this to qualify them to help my dad. So the very things in life we think disqualify us from making change in other people's lives are the very things that do qualify us. It's our humanity. It's our frailties. It's our vulnerability that allows us to connect. If this person wasn't a drunk or a drug addict, they could never have helped my father.

So this is amazing how God, if you believe that of the universe orchestrates these things. The only difference was this person in this critical moment had the courage to step forward and say, "I'll help you and they probably felt unqualified." But the truth is their whole life was preparing them to help my dad. And here we are today. And so this is what everyone needs to get out of this. There's a power to doing one more. This isn't even in the book. This is after the book was written.

My gosh, this this thing we think disqualifies us is the very thing that does qualify us. And so I wanted to share that with you. I'm just rocking like I I um there's a lot there to unpack. I I I remember uh I I just naturally started rocking when I was a trial lawyer. You always knew a jury was going to convict when they started rocking. You know, they like agree with you like so as you're talking I'm like, "Yes, yes, yes, yes." And it's so true because you're right.

How many times have you disqualified yourself or stepped on the break or held yourself back or talked yourself out of it because you didn't think that your life experience or just you being there was enough. And if that's the one thing that people get out of your book that the power of one more that would change the world. But that's not the only thing that they're going to get out of this. And I think Ed, you are going to start to see this idea of one more and the power of one more person or the power of one person showing up over and over and over again because you've taken a highlighter and highlighted something that is true about life that it takes one to impact millions.

Let's talk about this book. Why this book and why now? Well, I I was with my dad when he passed away. I was holding his hand and um there's all these lessons, Mel, in my life. But this is a heavy book, by the way. We're being really emotional right now, which there's a lot of that in the book, but the truth is you've read it. So, you know, it's a very heavy content book on stuff you and I love, the reticular act. reticular act. reticular act.

Well, can I just say something though? Because some people hear the word heavy and they're like, I'm out, right? right? right? That's not what he's saying. He is saying that in every single chapter and every single page there is a takeaway. There is an insight. So it is thick with life-changing tools and stories. That's what he means by heavy. That's what I mean. Thank you. That's why you're here to clear up my mistakes. So So So that is not a [ __ ] mistake. Will you shut up?

shut up? shut up? Literally. See, you don't think you're smart. Well, I don't I don't I know I'm not really smart, but what I am is the thing what I am is the things in the book. I would like to think that some of my We just did it, Mel. There's four people in my house. You met Cristiana and I've got two kids. Yeah, I think you met at least one of them when you were at the house. I think you met my daughter. daughter. daughter.

But um I'm fourth in the house in IQ. And that's okay with me because actually I think it gives people hope to know, hey, look, this is an average ordinary man who's produced some pretty extraordinary stuff in his life. And I did it with the stuff that's in the book. But one of the things that's in the book that why why the book was I was with my dad and he passed and I think you realize the power of one more in its absence like when there isn't another one one one and so and so and so Okay, stop.

Okay, stop. Okay, stop. Yep. Yep. Yep. Stop. Stop. Stop. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, stop. Okay, stop. Okay, stop. You realize the power of one more when there isn't one. Yeah. It's a fact. I uh this is hard for me to say. I haven't said this out loud ever, I don't think, but my my my favorite human being to be with was my dad. I obviously that doesn't count my wife and kids, right? But and so my favorite thing to do is to golf with my dad.

And and it wasn't cuz we're any good cuz neither one of us are great. But it was five hours with my best friend right next to me, my hero, plus in a golf cart. And we would talk deep. My dad and I didn't have casual talks. We disagreed on politics and faith and all kinds of stuff. And we would have deep conversations. tonight. Do you know what I would give Mel? Honestly, what I would give to watch my dad walk off the green one more time.

Go, hey, dad, great putt. Just put his arm away. That was a good one, wasn't it, Eddie? You know, and they say, "Hey, let me tell you how your sister's doing, you know, do me a favor. Call your sister, you know, and we would just talk about family." My dad was a simple guy, Mel. My I've had five jets. You know that I've been blessed to own some jets. My jet was parked within walking distance. My dad was a runner. My dad could run to my jet, see it the never been on it.

My dad never went on one of my jets. Never set foot on one of them. And I would say, "Dad, let's go to Maui. Let's play some golf." He go, "Why in the world would I go all the way to Maui to play golf with my favorite man? I could just play here in Chino. It's not the golf. It's with my son. I don't need to go do there. I I just want to be with you." But when he died, I just have to tell you, Mel, do you know what I would give for one more round of golf with my dad?

If you're and you need to begin to think about this if you're listening to this. What if I said to you, you and your sweetheart, whoever they are, you got one more dance with them. It's the last one. Well, I'd hang up with you and I'd go down and dance with Chris right now. That's That's That's I know you would. I know you. Yeah. And you know what I think about a lot is I think about the fact that my dad is uh 76 and his dad died when he was 82.

And so if I'm lucky, I've got my dad for maybe 10 more years. He lives in Michigan. I'm here. I see him maybe four times a year. That means if I'm lucky, that's what I got. Yep. Yep. Yep. But that's probably not what I have. That's probably less. Right. And and the truth is, what if I said to you if you walked in and saw your children tonight that you get to tell them you love them one more time? What if it was the last conversation?

What if you started to approach your life as if there was only one more? Just to start to think about that for a second. And for me, it's altered me. I mean, it's really changed me. I'm more present with people. I um I would do anything to get that back and to have more time with them. The other thing that occurred was like I'm next. Napoleon Hill says in Think and Grow Rich, begin with the end in mind, but what why don't we do that with our lives?

lives? lives? You know what do we want the end of our life to look like? I held my father's hand as he took his last breath. I know what the end. What was that experience like for you? It was beautiful. And I'll tell you why. When my dad got cancer, this my dad died of cancer ultimately, but when he got cancer, my dad said to me, he goes, "Look," because my dad was a dude, you know, he's like, "Hey, I'mma fight this [ __ ] one time, but I'm not having you guys carry me the next five, six years and be a burden to the family and I'm going to all get all shrunk up and lose my hair." my hair." my hair." That he sounds like my mother who's like, "You're not going to wipe my ass." That's my dad.

Same. That's actually exact terminology, right? But but here's the truth. other than the wiping the ass. That's exactly what he did. And he went eight years chemo, radiation, surgery, proton, chemo, surgery, surgery, proton, new chemo, radiation, eight years. And it was destroying him. And I would say to my dad halfway through, I'd say, Mel, I'd say, "Dad, I say, why are you doing this?" And he goes, "Well, maybe I'll get to one more of my granddaughter's wedding." These one mores would come. He go, "Eddie, maybe I get to one more Christmas recital for little Juliana.

Maybe I'll watch my grandson little Jacob play one more football game. And he used to tell me, he goes, Eddie, when you're threatened with these one more is never happening again. You fight your ass for one more. And then he would tell me when I was a little boy, Christian, you've been to my house. I live on this beach. Well, my wife and I, we used to come on this beach, walk down this beach, Mel, come down here all the time. And I'd say, babe, I'm going to get us one of these beach houses someday.

I'm going to live up there. I literally live on the exact beach now. And she's like, "You are?" I'm like, "Yeah, we're going to get one of these. Don't worry about I got it. And I'd go home. I'd say, "Dad, who are these people that live in these oceanfront houses, right?" And my dad go, "I have no idea who these people. I've never met one of them. I have no clue who they are. They're probably from another planet. I got no idea." And I figured out, Mel, over time, that I know who they are.

They're the one. The second chapter of the book's called the Matrix. And the reason it's the matrix, both the RA, but also in the matrix, Neo, they call him the one. See, when you see a really happy family or a successful family or both, if you go all the way back in their lineage, at one point they weren't. They weren't. They weren't. They weren't. It's true. It's true. It's true. And then the one shows up. The one arises in that family and stands up and goes, "The world's not treating my family like anymore.

The myletes are rising up. We think different. We operate different in the world." And the one changes that family forever. And it's typically a lot closer than you think. My dad did say this to me. He'd go, "Eddie, this is the whole premise of the book. He go, "I don't know about that beach house stuff, how you get there, but here's what I do know. It's closer to you than you think it is." And he goes, "Eddie, please don't spend your life thinking that's a hundred years away." Because if you think like that, you will act in accordance with that belief, and you will perpetually keep your dreams that far away from you.

And he said, "I think it's one decision away, one relationship away, one meeting away, one thought, one emotion away, you can change your life." And he goes, "Look at me. That one decision to get sober completely changed my life." And I've always believed this man because I believed it. It's been true. I'm one decision away. I'm one meeting away. I'm one this away. I'm one relationship away. And it's I'm a stacking of those one more in my life. The truth is the difference between winning and losing in life is sometimes so small it's almost too scary to talk about.

And it's one new thought like, "Hey, I'm going to give myself a high five every morning." That one new thought can change your life. It's one decision. It's one dinner I walk into and I meet Mel Robbins at a dinner table with some other folks that I know. That changed my life. My life got better in that instance. And so if you begin to believe this, then the question becomes, how do we find these oneors? What are the things we need to know in our mind to get them?

What are the things we need? What are they? Like cuz I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like what are they? they? they? Well, there's a lot and they're in the book, but one of them, for example, is the RA, which is the filter that sort of reveals what's most important to you in your life. And so you know exactly how it works, but for the benefit of everybody else, it keeps you sane. It's why you don't feel the blood rushing through your right ear right now.

It's why when you walk in a crowded room and there's all this noise, but someone says Mel, not even loud. You can hear auditorially over all the noise what's important to you, which is your own name. It's like for me right now, I just bought a Tesla. I don't know if Musk is buying Twitter or not. You bought a Tesla? I don't I did I did it cuz I like this dude's just disturbing stuff. I have no idea whether he's a good guy or not. I just This guy's just rocking out a little bit.

I'm like, give me all these. Which Tesla did you buy? I bought the plaid. I bought the good one. one. one. What's that? I don't even know what that is. I Because my daughter was just I was bitching about the fact that I now have to drive back and forth between Vermont and Boston and Boston and Boston as if it's a problem. And she's like, "Why don't you get a Tesla and let the car drive you?" And I was like, I like it. And I'm going to tell you the other thing I like.

Is this the the thing with the wings? I don't know. No. Well, the doors open that way, but what it does do is you can hit the mode and it'll drive for you. But I don't I don't trust it. But what I do have that I like is I have this mode on the car that it it will not let you hit a car even when you're driving. So like if you're stupid and you're not going to break, it breaks. If you're drifted into the wrong lane, which I do all the time, it goes I'm not surprised by that, by the way.

I know. I know. And I can't wait for the call that you're going to have where you call me and you're like, "Mel, you know that boat I bought in Miami? I just ran it up on some rocks in Maine. It's at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. Ocean. Ocean. That's actually way more likely than YOU MIGHT THINK. THAT'S POSSIBLE. It's extremely possible. We see if you Oh my gosh. You saw me drive a boat and you see me drive Well, I'm not going to comment.

It's probably possible. I need a Tesla thing on the boat is what I need. But I bought this Tesla, right? It's crazy. It's driving my wife nuts. I'm like, "Babe, red Tesla. White Tesla. THERE'S ANOTHER WHITE TESLA. Three lanes over the other side of the freeway going the other direction." I GO, "HONEY, THERE'S A BLACK TESLA." SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT is wrong with you?" And I said, "It's the RA. It's the RS. I said these Teslas were always there. But our daughter, dude, this just happened to us.

I'll give you a different car that that is not a Tesla. So, the a used Subaru Cross Tech, a Toyota RAV 4, uh the our daughter's shopping for her first car, and now she's like, "Everybody drives one of these things." I'm like, "No, they don't. They're just Yes, Yes, Yes, it looks like it, right?" And that's because it's part of my RA. Here's how life works. You already know this. If you can program your matrix, your RA, that the Teslas of your life become these meetings, these decisions, these people, these relationships, these thoughts, these emotions, you got it.

And what I'm here to tell you is that these things have always been around you, but you're oblivious to them because what's in your RA are your fears, your anxieties, your worries, your to-do list, your problems. What's right in front of you, you see, and so you validate it and prove it to be true. be true. be true. Do you have an exercise that you recommend for people that are so mired? Yes. Yes. Yes. In the negative, like it's not going to work out. This is going to be awful.

It never worked. Like what is an exercise that you would tell somebody to do so that they can start to reprogram that way of thinking? Yeah. I'm a big believer in daydreaming, lucid daydreams. And so I have lucid daydreams mean. Yeah. What lucid dream daydreams means very clear, very specific, and repetitive. The big one is repetitive. So here's what you already do. Your mind moves towards what it's most familiar with. We all know this or maybe most people don't know this, but it moves towards what it's most familiar with.

And here's I I have a chapter in the book where I say, "Become an impossibility thinker and a possibility achiever." So, I'm going to combine two things and I'll give you the technique. Okay? Okay? Okay? 99% of the people in the world operate out of a frame of reference, a pattern of thinking that is history and memory. 1% of the people operate out of imagination and vision. This is a different frame of reference. Why my friends, it's very difficult when I'm around most of my friends to go remember when you guys remember remember that.

My friends almost never do that. If you surround yourself with people where you're reminiscing most of the time, not only do you operate out of memory and history, but you're reinforcing it with the conversations you have with people. I very when you and I are talking, we were flying back with Jamie Kern Lima. There was no reminiscing. We're talking about the future and we're operating in the present. This is a different pattern of thinking and it must be worked on. And so why are we happier when we're kids?

I have two philosophies. One, I think you were just more recently with God. And two, you operate out of imagination because you have no history and memory. But by the time you're about 10 years old, you begin to slowly operate out of history and memory. Oftentimes, the history and memory of the emotions of your parents. Did you guys lose me? No. I'm thinking because this is super super helpful to me right now. And it's super helpful to me right now because Chris and I just sold our family home where we raised our kids for 24 years.

And um I've lived there almost half my life. Uh my parents have never sold the house I grew up in. My grandfather was born on the family farm that my mother was. This has never been modeled for me. Wow. And so I was not prepared for the avalanche of grief and panic and uncertainty that happened when all of a sudden in 24 hours the house sold. house sold. house sold. And I have spent the last 3 weeks in an up and down emotional breakdown around like literally when you said reminiscing reminiscing reminiscing Mhm.

Mhm. Mhm. Something snapped for me, Ed because I was like, "Oh, shoot. I am wallowing in the memory and that is now becoming this like cyclone." like cyclone." like cyclone." Y Y Y of sadness and regret and maybe we shouldn't have sold it and maybe this was too soon and maybe we weren't ready. That has blocked my ability at times the last two weeks to even remember why we were all so excited. and now is the time. And so it's the reflecting back and then allowing myself to stay there that has made the kind of grief that's normal with a transition that big really weigh me down.

And so you just broke something open something open something open good. and gave me, I think, the keys to really connect back into what you and I both do so well, which is staying inside the imagining of where is this going and why are we doing this and what's possible? Because, as we both know, the brain also can only imagine what you're losing. It can't actually imagine something beyond your wildest possibilities. And so I got to get back the [ __ ] into the imagination piece of this versus the memory and reminiscing and all that stuff.

Yes. And what and I love that that helps you. And what we do when we're reminiscing or we're going down that pattern is we're flashing in our mind pictures and videos of other times. We actually see them and it creates this emotion in us. And so this is not complicated. The most successful people are the people in life that can get very clear in their vision and their their me in their um imagination repetitively. Like when I work with top athletes, Mel, one of the things that and by the way, there's really simple visualizations in the book that you just do very simply and you do it repetitively and then I teach you like slow it down.

Now speed it up. All it's doing is forcing you to focus on it, add color to it, make it black and white. It's very easy and it it's it'll change your life. But when I work with pro athletes, I'll give you an example. I work with a fighter who won last weekend in the UFC. And what he does when things get really fast, when he gets hit in fights, he speeds things up and awfully goes into brawl mode. And what happens is it's when he's lost a couple fights.

He had lost his last two fights. And I have a chapter in the book called equinimity, one more level of equinimity. When you were visualizing in your things will begin to slow down like in the Matrix and bullet time. And in this particular fight, Mel, what was incredible is he was getting hit and he started to speed up. And you watch him consciously. I'm ringing in his ears. He steps back and he gets slows down and finds that equinimity. And he ended up knocking this guy out with a leg kick, Mel, that knocked the man out.

I don't like this stuff. For four minutes out on the mat, it's one of the most devastating knockouts in the history of fighting. And afterwards, he gets interviewed and he goes, "I don't know what happened. I've never practiced that leg kick before in person. Only in my visions and imagination." and he executed it to save his career to win the fight. And so this is something you can do over and over again. One more thing on this visualization. We think we visualize well, but the more we practice it, it's a muscle.

So when I work with like a B-level baseball player, I'll say, "Hey, let's visualize the pitch coming in." They'll go, "I got it. I saw it." I said, "Where'd you hit it?" They go, "The middle." I go, "Okay, good. Where's the camera?" They go, "Huh?" I go, "Where's the camera? Is it over the center field camera shooting over the pitcher like you watched it on television or is it from the batter's box and you're watching the view out? Inevitably, average players will go, "I'm not I don't know." And I go, "Then you weren't really visualizing.

Let's find the camera." They go, "Okay, it's uh from the batter's box." I go, "Great. Can you see the rotation on the ball? Is the pitcher left or right-handed? Can you see the stitches on the ball as it comes in?" And I make them start to see it more clearly. And then I'll say, "Can you see the ball hitting a bat?" No. Well, let's work on that. have the bat hit the ball. Do you see the stitches now rotating the other way back out? My point is that I'm getting them to visualize with specificity.

But when I work with a allstar player, they do this naturally. naturally. naturally. The difference in their athletic ability is their ability to repetitively specifically visualize. And this is not complicated stuff. I even know when I say it, you already do it. Some of you with your fears and your worries, you're really good at this. You can visualize it with clarity and you can make it bigger and bolder. You can change it to black and white to make you really sad about it. You can slow it down.

You can add sounds. So you ALREADY DO THIS WELL. HOW DO YOU interrupt that? So if you are in that negative visibility loop, right, where I immediately my my visualization was, oh my god, we just sold the container that has held our family together together together for 24 years. Now that that's gone. Mhm. I'm never going to see my kids. Yep. Yeah. Which is how do you interrupt? how do you interrupt? You interrupt. You know what it is? It's a pattern interrupt. It's a pattern interrupt.

Okay. And so I have this on how to create habits in the book. I teach you actually how to create a habit. It's a pattern interrupt. And so we'll just be real here. For me, it's usually a physical move. I'll move myself. I'll snap my fingers. I'll do a jumping. You may think this is nuts. For me, a physical move will snap me out of a thought pattern. That's for me. For some people, it's an auditory thing. And this is so funny. I have someone that I coach right now and I sneezed on one of our first calls and this person goes into negative thought loops, Mel.

Like you can't believe most people say, "God bless you." Right? Or, "Excuse you" or whatever. This person was old school except she's young and she goes, "Kazutite." And I go, "What the [ __ ] did you say?" She goes, "Kazutite." I go, "I haven't heard that since my grandfather in like 1977." And so with her, we laughed about it. It was a belly laugh. That word then became a trigger for laughter. And so her way out of her negative thought patterns, this sounds so stupid. She goes, "Gazuit tight, gazite." And she throws her arms back and we make a laugh out of it.

And what happens is it doesn't put her into the good loop. It interrupts the negative one, negative one, negative one, right? right? right? It's an auditory funny one. For a lot of people, it's a physical move. It's a snap of the fingers. It's a grab of the ear. And this is not complicated stuff. You ever watch an athlete when they get into the batters box, a baseball player, they'll tap the plate two times, adjust their batting gloves. Tom Brady gets over the center. LET'S [ __ ] GO.

PTON MANNING USED TO SAY, "OMAHA." THESE WERE PLAYS, but they were also triggered. They were accused. They were. They were. They were. And so it could be a physical. Me, you and I both, by the way, one boom. The 5-second rule is a battery interrupter. Yep. interrupter. Yep. interrupter. Yep. You got it. So there's a That's the best one. But that's that's what I don't use that crap that I, you know, teach. teach. teach. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. No, I'm just kidding. Well, when I am in a death spiral, I'm wallowing, you know.

Sometimes though, sometimes it's a physical move for me. Yeah, I think a physical move is a good one. A snap of the fingers. I like that a lot. a lot. a lot. Okay, there you go. I like that a lot. That's good. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. What do people not know about you? Um, a weird thing about me is I danced in college and Wait, wait, wait. But you did. What does that mean? You danced. I wasn't at Chip andale, but I danced in college.

So I I danced at a hip-hop club in college to put myself through college in addition to my baseball scholarship. And then I toured for like two years with a bunch of different hip-hop bands. So you would not know that with a 51-year-old middleag. 51-year-old middleag. 51-year-old middleag. Yeah. So you don't know that one. No one knows that one, but I've never seen you dance. And you you were a big dude. WERE YOU THAT BIG IN COLLEGE? YEAH. I was way bigger in college. And my daughter will tell you, you probably never should see me dance because I'm stuck in 1994.

So when we go to weddings, she's like, "Dad, um, just so you know, the running man, the sprinkler, uh, the the Roger Rabbit, it's just not there anymore." And I'm like, well, I'm bringing this [ __ ] back, fellas. So enjoy the wedding. Up the next time we are doing it. That's amazing. amazing. amazing. Let's go. I've seen you dance. So, but and uh a serious thing you probably not know about me is that I still struggle with the things that are in my book and I wrote it mainly for me that I use these tools because self-esteem doesn't come easy to me.

Um I'm speaking today in Arizona. I kind of already know what'll happen about six o'clock tonight when I get back to my room. I'll go into EdMlet mode, which is I should have said this. I can't believe I missed that. Oh my god. I still struggle with these things and you know that about me too. But I'm a work in progress and I I have bought into the theory I said earlier that my things that aren't perfect about me that I might I could easily conceal or be ashamed of or embarrassed by are the very things that qualify me to help you.

And I also think that's probably my favorite thing about you. We are we are both two of the most tool driven really use the stuff to produce results people on the freaking planet and our content let's just I'm just going to say it it's better than everybody's damn content we got great content right yet because it's real yet we both had success outside of this space which qualifies us differently as well yet we'll both tell you at any given time I've had three weeks of a spiral that you can't even believe that you just shared or hey tonight after my talk and I hope that people look at you and I and that we're aspirational, not just inspirational.

Meaning that I aspire to be more like this person with my vulnerability. They're not perfect. I think most things in life, I say this in the book about being a parent, are caught, not taught. Catch it. And I hope people catch things from you and I. I'd say this last to you, Mel, that I had a just something about life that I think is worth saying. Really good friend of mine called me. I've known her 30 years. I love her. And she called me the other day and she's like, "I'm" She got a preview of my book.

She's like, "I'm crying because I knew you at that age and it's so true and I can't believe what's happened to your life." And she goes, "You just came from such a neglected environment and so did I. My mom and dad got divorced." And she said, "Well, and I'm so glad both of us aren't neglecting our children." This was the hardest thing I've ever said to a friend. And I said, um, I won't say her name. I said, "Sweetheart," she's a dear, dear friend of mine, like a sister.

And I said, "You know I love you." And she said, "I do. I said, 'You might want to look into whether you're neglecting your kids.' And she says, 'What in the world does that mean?' And I said, 'Well, there's lots of neglect in life. There is drug addiction or alcoholism. There's abuse. There's divorce. Maybe they didn't say they love you enough. I said, the most insidious form, though, is a child being raised by a parent who's unwilling to pursue their potential, who's unwilling to chase their dreams.

That's neglect. You're installing in that child that it's okay to settle, that it's okay to be less than you're capable of. That's neglect. It's insidious and it's dangerous and it's terrible. And I think the last 10 or 15 years, you've slid into doing that and you need to change it. She went, "Oh my gosh." And she said, "You're right." And she made a change. And I said, "Why am I telling you this?" I said, "Cuz I think all great change in life comes from love." love." love." My dad got sober because he loved his family so much, not because he didn't want to drink alcohol anymore.

alcohol anymore. alcohol anymore. Didn't want drugs in his system. It came from love. from love. from love. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. Yeah. And I know you love those children of yours and the grandchildren you're going to have. And it's time you start having them catch things from you, not just things you teach. It's caught, not taught. So taught. So taught. So that is just beautiful. All change comes from love. from love. from love. It does. It does. It does. Wow. Wow. Wow. Hey everybody, welcome back to Max Out.

Hey, my guest today is David Nurse. If you don't know who David is, you're going to be blown away by what we're going to talk about today. And it's going to improve your life. I can tell you that for sure. I always try to bring people on that do that for you, but in a very unique and special way today. This man is equipped uh to do that for you. He's a life optimization coach. He's the author of Pivot and Go, and he's just got these He's an Iowa boy, so I already like him.

You guys know how much I love actionable items that you can move with immediately and he is loaded with them. So, it's really a pleasure to have David Nurse with me today. David, welcome to the show, brother. Ed, thank you very much. Been a big time fan and listener of yours. So, much as encouraging as I am, I mean, you motivate me, man. Thank you, brother. I I feel like we're kind of kindred spirits because we both want to make a very similar difference in the world.

And um the more I dove into your work and your content, uh the more and more impressed I became. I I almost consider myself maybe a little bit of an addict for the work you do now because some of it is phrased in a way that I've not heard before. And that's what I like. It's like a young version. Um Um Um I don't know if it's a young Tony Robbins version or what the heck I might call it, but I love it. So, let's talk first off about pivoting.

The book pivot and go too. But, you know, right now we're catching a lot of people, millions of people that are sort of in this, you know, I got to make a pivot type move. And one of the things I love in the book that you talk about is you got to get a perspective. You call it like a higher perspective almost uh in order to make those decisions. What do you mean by just kind of let you go on that tangent for a minute? Absolutely.

So, uh, making a pivot, like it's a basketball term where the defense is all over you or life is just sucking you in and you can't see a clear path, but you make a small slight turn, small pivot, and it opens up an entirely new perspective. And it's, you know, change is very daunting for people when you say, "Hey, you have to make this big change." No one rarely can anyone do it. But if it's these small these pivots, these 1% step pivots, that's what can open up an entire entirely different perspective.

And right now, like we're all going through a time that we feel stuck in some situation. We feel stuck. And that's one of the worst feelings that we can have. Me and you, we know that that we had to make our life pivot through sports. And we poured everything we could into playing professional sports, myself, the NBA, and I had to make that pivot. like everything that I did to pour into the into playing in the NBA was actually for coaching in the NBA. So, it's it's about looking at something from a slightly different perspective that can change your entire perspective.

perspective. perspective. I think people are very hesitant to make, you know, 50% pivots, you know, in one move. And that's really not usually where most of the differences are made. They're small. David also referenced the NBA. I think you're the nephew of Nick Nurse who's, you know, one of the great NBA coach people think the NBA coach right now. And then you all know that, you know, David does this for all kinds of people, but his forte particularly for a long time has been with NBA players.

And you said something I I say that everything in life happens for you, not to you. You say something close to that, but in a very nuanced and different way that involves preparation almost for the rest of your life. How do you word that? If you just share that with everybody. Yeah. So, I mean, it's it's about preparing for the opportunity. And I love that you brought up my uncle Nick because he's a great example of this. Now, people see him as winning this NBA championship and they're like, "Oh, you know, first year head coach, lightning strikes in a bottle." No, he's been a head coach for 27 years.

And one of my favorite quotes is, "It takes 10 years to become an overnight success." But in Nick's terms, 27 years to become an overnight success. and and I've seen him coaching over in countries you don't even know play basketball taking players ankles popping popcorn at halftime but the thing is he lived in that hey I am an NBA champion head coach and when he was 22 when he started his coaching career he put a picture of himself holding an NBA trophy on the fridge and he saw that every day he lived in that mindset and developed that subconscious awareness of hey I don't have to be what the world says I am all this self-doubt this negative talk I can I can live in this NBA champion coach that I know who I who I am going to be.

And now it's about embracing the process of taking what I call 1% steps. And this makes it not as daunting. 1% steps. Anybody can do that daily. It's not you have to take the whole you look at the big macros and then you take you take the little micros knowing that these steps then the most powerful thing there is is the compounding effect where you stack these 1% days on 1% days understanding it's going to take 27 years to become an overnight success but if you stay with it you will get there and I like for your story I I love how you you just like literally hey I'm going to work my butt off for these three years and then we'll get there.

But you put in that work behind the scenes that nobody sees. Yeah. Well, you're also being very humble. So did you. So most of you probably wouldn't know this about him, but he was driven to become an NBA player. And he now says that all that work he was doing was preparing him for what he's doing now. And he his philosophy is you're all doing that. It may not seem like it, but what you're doing right now is preparing you for what you're destined to do.

And just you're being humble, Dave, but I I happen to know that you basically lived in your car for like ever. Like basically, this dude's homeless. He's traveling around the world kind of really doing not for free, but for almost nothing and free often. I don't think enough people are willing to sacrifice short-term financially to get the experience to build the reputation to build the brand. And then boom, the Brooklyn Nets call and kind of the world starts to take off. But what I'd like you to address because during that time and during my time, I'm sure during Nick's time, Dwayne Johnson's time when he was struggling, had all, you know, whatever he had in his wallet that he talks about, there's a lot of self-doubt.

And I love techniques that help fix things. And you got this thing, man, with the mirror. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. That is just awesome. Like I I I'm waiting the whole week to do this part of the interview right now because I think this is so freaking brilliant. So would you share this strategy with people please? people please? people please? Absolutely man. I'm really big on giving people tools, actionable steps actually how to do things because it's one thing to talk about the purpose and the wise and that's all great but there's a big disconnect between actually knowing and doing.

So I'll take you through the whole hands example and you can put this into into play in your life. And this is a tool that we all have. So we all have our hands with us. So, first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is you look at your hands and you see all that they've been through. Do this right now if you're listening. Look at the calluses, the grooves, everything that you have been through, you have gotten through. So, you're going to get through the next challenging time as well.

Now, imagine the most confident person in your life. Maybe it's a teacher, a parent, a mentor. You see everything that they've been through. Now, your hands are their hands. Their hands are your hands. You can get through it as well. So, you wake up in the morning, first thing you do, look at those hands. You have the confident, self-awareness hands. Now, at some point, you're going to walk past a mirror. Most often, it's it's early on to brush your teeth or wash your face. Now, this mirror is what I call the mirror of self-doubt.

The foggy mirror. We all wake up with self-doubt. The imposttor syndrome is in us when we wake up. We have that choice to live in that and what the world is telling us that we have to be or the expectations or we can take our hands those hands and make the motion of wiping away that foggy mirror. So literally there's a power in actually making this motion triggering into our subconscious that hey we don't have to live in this self-doubt that we have. We wipe away this foggy mirror with our hands.

So to keep it going with it now so we have these hands. We've got our confident hands. We have our wiping away the self-doubt hands. Now, these hands are our service hands, too. So, every room that you enter, look at your hands and say the word serve. So, you know, when you step into that room, it's not about yourself or what others can do for you, what you can get out of it. It's about what you can give, what you can pour into others, how you can serve others.

Because that honestly like it that is the biggest thing. It takes so much pressure off ourselves knowing that it's not all on us, but it's how we can give and how we can serve. And so these hands, try that. Like it's really powerful, man. Try that. When you enter a room or when you type an email or write a text, you can look at your hands and say serve. And the last part of the hands, the tool that you always have with you are the encouragement hands.

And there's a player in the NBA, Steve Nash, used to play in the NBA. He's my favorite player. He would lead the league, lead the NBA in high fives given. They take that stat. High fives given. He gave 239 high fives a game. Like literally like encouraging everybody. He's a two-time NBA all-star. He's 6'2 unathletic like myself, but yet he was the best teammate that anybody ever had because he was always given high fives. And we can all do that. We can be that person who gives high fives.

Yeah, sure. Maybe it's Zoom high fives right now, but we can always be that person that encourages and and looking at your hands and and maybe it's sending out I I do it every morning. I send out either three texts or three video messages to someone that maybe I haven't talked to for a while. Just an encouraging note to them. And man, you wouldn't believe that the amount of change that or trajectory in their life that has had just by that encouraging note. And we can all have that encouragement hands.

Thank you for sharing that. And guys, um there's a lot to unpack there. Like first off, if you follow any of my work, any of you guys, you know that I'm a big believer in triggers. Great athletes do it. But it's something that just now I've been I've been teaching for years behind the scenes to business people, but just now it's becoming more mainstream. This is brilliance what he just taught you. And it ought to be one of these where you go back a little bit and listen to it again.

If you're listening to it, he gave you the physical description if you check out YouTube, but hands are an easy trigger. And I love that there's multiple triggers that you've created there. And all people that I know that perform at a high level have these triggers at their disposal. They're not just thoughts, they're triggers. They're phys you do enough of these looking at your hands and the wipe away and all of those different things that he's referencing. And these hands serve as well. And switching it with the confident person.

Those are those are massive massive tools for people. It just so happens also that Steve Nash is now the new head coach of the Brooklyn Nets, which is like pretty ironic too, right? So, it's or the New Jersey Nets. I don't know what they call themselves now. So, that is awesome stuff right there, brother. Thank you for that. Uge everybody to practice that technique. And one other thing, everybody, when you hear someone brilliant like David give you these techniques. These are things that are more effective the more repetitious they become.

They're not completely effective the first wipe away, although you'll feel it the first time you look at your hands, although you'll feel it. Well, I'm going to tell you the 300th time it has massive power in your life. The other thing you teach that I love is this notion of terminology, the power that words have over us and the redefinition of them. And it's like to me right now this is like a master class on pivoting, changing self-confidence and improving your life that the elite athletes only get access to guys that you're now getting access to.

Would you kind of dive a little bit into redefinition of terminology? terminology? terminology? Such a good question. Yes. And this is very powerful. So this is actually one of the steps. I have a seven steps to develop unshakable confidence. And this is one of them. Very powerful. And being able to redefine vocabulary. And what I mean by that is we all grow up learning that certain words mean certain things and we attach them like with failure or success or rich. We all think they mean certain things that we're taught but not necessarily.

Like let's take for example the NBA as we've been talking about basketball. So every time I work with a player I'll ask them when was your last shooting slump and then I'll see them already their body language goes down and they're like you know couple games ago I couldn't make a shot. I missed every one of them. And then I'll ask them hey when was your last shooting hippopotamus? And they look at me like what are you talking about? You're crazy. What? But what I'm doing there is showing them it's just the power in the word.

They have already thought that this word slump means something bad. But it's only if you decide that you have the power to be able to change that. Just like failure. Like most people will say, "Hey, failure is bad. They're scared of failure." Some will even say failure is a way to learn and grow. Yeah, I agree with that. I think failure is the only way to learn and grow. So if we can embrace this failure and look at it what I call being in the pit like where you fall down in this pit this is this failure and if you can embrace this and understand this is what's sharpening you this is what's making the fire that makes the diamond even shinier like this pit that you embrace like this is how you're going to get out of this failure and come out so much better on the other end and like you mentioned earlier it's it's not about like these these failure times these difficult situation times that happened to us, somebody else along the along the line is going to go through the same exact thing that we do.

Now, we use this failure not only for our own growth, but also to help others grow as well. And that's that's so powerful just being able to redefine that word of failure and even like the word rich. I have a chapter in my book called the rich life and it goes into depth of like what really does rich mean? I mean, you can have a lot of money and you can end up being Steve Jobs and miserable on your deathbed. But are you rich in your relationships with your family, with your kids, with your spouse.

Like, that's where you can really pour into this living this rich life and redefining these words that the world says we have to think they're one way, we can have them in a different way, way, way, brother. So good. So good. And and guys, there's all these words that you use that have certain triggers and power over you as well. And sometimes infusing humorous words for the power word loses all of its influence over you. And so sometimes whether it's the hippopotamus word or you know you know here comes you know this is the angry version of me and you're like nah this is poopy pants or whatever it sounds silly but it just you the ridiculousness of it then it loses its power over you.

Same with when you're in these things that we call slumps and whatnot. I wanted to go back for a second because it's interesting for me for a guy that works with athletes for the most part. Now you're working with everybody but fa found his bearings with athletes and I do a lot of work with athletes as well and this is an interesting topic you go to a lot which is service. It's not something you think you talk to an athlete about about how to improve their life.

And I always say when you're feeling the most helpless become helpful and and instantly you're no longer helpless. But you said it's I we I I moved over it too quickly and I want to go back to it for a minute because I'd like to know do you do it every day? How do you do it? Which was this three message thing in the morning? morning? morning? Yeah. So every morning I I will send out a message and it's either a text message or a video message just a small encouragement to somebody and I'll have my I I have a list of all my relationships and everything like relationships are who we are.

We are the people we surround ourselves with. We know that. But also one thing about cultivating relationships is how you maintain relationships and how you grow relationships. Like that's a skill in itself. And having people know that you're always there for them. You're in their corner. Like you're there to cheer them on, to be their encourager. Like that's really really powerful, man. When you get a text message or a video message that just says, "I'm thinking of you. Hey, checking in on you. Hope you're doing well." Like that can change your whole day.

So I do that in the morning, what I call that the big three. But I also have the big three in the evening as well. And I think this is a great way to be able to track your progress to be able to see how things like in in your goals and your dreams and your 1% steps that you're taking is I'll have I'll write down three things before I go to bed that I'm going to focus on the next morning. So, I know that when I after my morning routine, I'm able to just go right into my main three points and that like those are going to be my three focuses because far too often we have so many things bombarding us left and right, especially this time during this this virus time.

We don't know what's coming, but to be able to keep that focus on three main things, keep it on the main important things. So, it's it's a it's a good way to remember, hey, three text messages or three three video messages, three big things, and like you're compiling those days, Ed, that's that's 1% win, 1% win, 1% win, and that compounding effect just just kicks into play. And I want So, so I want you guys to get pivot and go because I want you to hear the entire routine.

But, you know, one thing that I love is that it's simple. Complexity is the enemy of execution. Yep. Yep. Yep. Especially at the highest level of things. It can't be complicated things that someone's thinking through in a routine. They've got to be able to do it quickly. It is interesting that you and I had never met until today, but I've been we've been familiar with each other's work for a while. But, you know, I wrote a book and I think the opening line of the book is we have 86,400 thoughts a day.

I start talking immediately about thinking. I also uh do a cold shower. We both use chili pads. Maybe we'll get into that in a minute. Amazing how we're we're both learned to sleep a little bit differently. But you talk very eloquently about how many self-talk self-talk self-talk thoughts you have a day, which is different than total thoughts. And then this notion, guys, if your mind isn't blown so far, you're welcome because when you hear about highlight reel, which he works with athletes, and then you hear about the self-talk thoughts a day, this is groundbreaking stuff right here, guys.

So would you address that for a second? I know you know where I'm going, but they don't do it. I I love it. And and first big credit to you, too, because it like we're able to give people tools and it's not like super overly complicated. You hear far too often all these doctors and everybody talking like it sounds great, but I don't know how to apply it. This is way over my head. So, yeah. Yes, thank you. And big credit to you. So, in the the highlight reel is really really powerful.

Let's let's start off with the highlight really. And and that that's the moment that you know you feel like you're just in the zone where you're killing it. You're having the best meeting, the best sales call, but for my basketball players, the best game that they've ever played. And I'll have them watch their their clips or you can visualize yourself your best moment that you've had going through it. And I'll have them do it every morning when they wake up. I'll have them do it before they step on the floor for practice and before they step on the floor for game.

So constantly you're being put in this frame of mind that this your highlight reel you are at your best you can be this person because these self-t talk thoughts thoughts thoughts we have 50,000 on average self-t talk thoughts 50,000 80% of those are negative so think about that 40,000 self-talk thoughts negative going through your head throughout the day like that's I mean that's terrible but we can pivot this by one tool being living in your highlight light reel where you're constantly watching yourself at your best and and I mean this is this isn't something that's just like oh this is airy fairy and up there no you have done this like you have literally done this you can do this again you will do this again and we can we can pivot these selft talk thoughts into being 80% positive to 20% negative and just think about how much that can open up just not just for yourself but how infectious living in that becomes to others others others okay so I'm a mom.

I'm not a mom, but I'm listening and I'm a mom. Uh, or I'm a business person. I might be a young athlete. I could be an entrepreneur. Whatever. I'm a dentist. You're saying to me that I ought to put together a highlight reel of the best moments or moment of my life and I should be visualizing that video when and how often. often. often. Yeah, absolutely. Like even to the the more detail you can get with things, the better. So, you're watching like let's say you're a mom and you made this unbelievable meal or your kid got a great report card all in the same day and it's like this was your most your proudest day.

Now, you're going to do this in the morning when you wake up. You can do along with your hands after you're done wiping the mirror clean. You can just visually sit there and see this going see that day like see what you wore, see what you ate, see who you interacted with. Recreate that day in your mind. And that subconscious is is where it's actually going to live. So you're living in that highlight reel zone. zone. zone. So yeah, you can de I mean definitely visualize seeing yourself going through that moment that you are you are absolutely at your best.

And I I do it three times a day myself. I have my NBA players do it three times a day, but I do it three times a day. I do it when after my morning routine when I'll have my coffee. I'll be doing it during that time. I'll do it during lunch. I'll do it during dinner. on scheduling it in. I think it's really important that we actually schedule things in too where we're we're not just going to say we're going to do them, we we put them on the calendar, but to the point of of being very detailed about it, like even for gold.

So, what I want to do is second that everybody because, you know, one of the things I've done, you know, without really knowing I did it is every time before I speak when I walk out on a stage, I literally go through a highlight reel of the best talk and talks of my career, the feeling in my body, what it looked like. One of the thing with all of you with your visualizations too that I want to tell you is it's like meditation. You'll get better at doing it over time.

You'll build the muscle of it, be able to see it more clearly. You can slow it down into slow motion. You can change the colors. You learn to zoom in. And to the extent that you great at doing it, it imprints it more deeply in your subconscious mind. So, just give yourself the gift of doing that regularly. The other thing you talk about, man, that I love is, you know, we've talked we've had experts on our show about flow state here. We talk a lot about focus.

Thought it was interesting. I'd never heard somebody say this before, but you were saying you can have a little bit too much flow and a little too much focus. You talk about is it the locus? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What is that? which it's one of my favorite it's one of my favorite terms because we all want to be in the flow state and we all want to be focused but often it doesn't go hand in hand but it's it's that rhythm that you can be in flow cuz so with with basketball players or anybody that that is is trying to do something at a high level sometimes we overanalyze things and we really like okay I gotta I gotta do this with my elbow on my shot I gotta get to this spot on the court or I gotta do this in the business meeting that I'm at and it and It takes us out of that flow, that natural rhythm and that the talent that that we have that we've developed over preparation over time.

So the key is in this focus state, you are in the flow. You are you're going off all the preparation, all those hours that you put in the 10,000 hours rule, that's a real thing. Like that is that is real. As much as we want to think there's shortcuts, there's not shortcut. It's the the myelin in our brain is what develops the the muscle memory as we know for for sports, for whatever we're doing, but also for our mindset too. So we live in this flow that we've developed through the 10,000 hours.

Now we can also be very focused, very streamlined while letting our flow being able to take care of the rest. So it's you don't I mean both are great, but if you combine them, it's even more powerful. powerful. powerful. I love it. You talk about uh I'm loving this just so you know. These are my favorite shows where it's just it just it's just naturally it goes. Two people trying to serve. Um self-confidence is a huge thing. You my son just went off to college and people have asked me, you know, are you I don't know if I'm a good dad or a bad dad, but I know that what I wanted my son to leave with was some sort of moral compass.

It for us that comes through faith, but want him to be a good person. I wanted him to embody really, really good work ethic, right? I wanted him to have self-confidence. have self-confidence. have self-confidence. And the fourth thing is I wanted him to be able to communicate very well. I think if you have those four things in life, you've got a moral compass, faith, you got great work ethic, you have self-confidence, and you can communicate, you're going to do pretty well in the world. Those four things.

The third one so many people just struggle with overall. It's it's at the core of your work. Whether it's I think it surprises most people that some of the best athletes in the world also struggle with self-confidence. They think they're alone in this. And you do have seven steps. I'm curious, you probably know I was going to ask you this, but why do you think it's such a struggle naturally for humans? It seems maybe it's not natural, maybe we learn it to not have confidence and then could you give us one other thing that you think because you say I infuse people with confidence, the athletes you work with, that's a direct quote.

another step to helping me build my self-confidence if I'm listening or watching. watching. watching. Yes, absolutely. Great question. And first off, Ed, like that is we we know where we get our joy is through the faith. That so cool that you have your son in like that's that's why I do everything I do that with with joy because I know I have faith. I know I have Jesus. And so, first of all, that's that's amazing. But yes, confidence and having this unshakable confidence is something we all struggle with.

Like 98% of us are thinking of the worst case scenario even though 98% of the time the worst case scenario doesn't happen. It's just built in us to think that worst case is going to happen. And so I'll give you an example. So the conf like I've preached the confidence gospel to my NBA players for years and years and I've seen it take them literally from from average players to future Hall of Famers just on that self-confidence alone. And and I know we we all can look around and we we see that the uh success.

We see our results in certain situations. We see our resume and we can find some confidence in that. And that's that's just that that's great. But that's just the tip of the iceberg of what true confidence is. And understanding this is the foundation literally I think literally of everything for confidence for mindset is true selfawareness. And what I mean by true self-awareness is knowing what you stand for, why you do what you do, and having it be something bigger than yourself. So, I'll give you an example real quick.

One of my best friends is Jeremy Lynn, and Jeremy went through this time with the New York Knicks. It was called Lynsanity. He was like taking over the NBA. He was he was going gamewinners, 30-point game. Like, he was the number one trending thing in in the world for weeks. But if Jeremy was being honest, he would tell you that he like he didn't really embrace that moment that he was going through that because he was living in the what ifs. What if I don't keep this up?

What will people think of me? What if I can't keep performing at this level? And it drove him nuts. So those results that everybody saw, man, he should be so confident. He was he was very unconfident. very unconfident. very unconfident. But so one of the biggest things that I've seen over my career that I'm the most proud of is seeing Jeremy come into his own and realize his own self-awareness. And that the fact that he stands for so much more than just basketball production, that he stands for his his Taiwanese people, for his faith in Jesus and for being a great gourmet chef in the kitchen.

Like he has he has self-awareness in things other than what the world is saying, hey, this is where you have to be. Like this is who you have to be. So good. I uh dropped my son off at college and obviously that self-confidence thing is the biggest piece. He's a college athlete, too. And it's amazing that you just phrase it that I just want to second things because we've not talked about this stuff. It's just remarkable. And the last my my people that listen to my show regularly will know this.

I I left my son the last thing I said to him as I said, "Remember who you are and what you stand for." stand for." stand for." Yes. Yes. Yes. And all of your confidence can come from those things. And I think there's something, by the way, self-awareness is something I talk about an awful lot. Completely agree with you. The other thing is I don't think people give themselves enough credit for their intentions. So I think confidence can come from I'm a good person. and I intend to do well.

The um there's a reciprocity in life, you know, whether you believe in if you're Christian like you and I, the parable of the sewer that you know the there's reciprocity in life. Um what you reap is what you sow also, which is not the parable of the sewer, but it's a scripture karma, whatever you think it is in your life, that there power to intention that I don't think enough people give themselves confidence just stemming from their awareness of their intention. Do you not agree with that?

I completely agree with that. I love that so much on so many levels levels levels because I mean what it is at the core is knowing that hey, you are preparing for your opportunity daily. We don't know when that time is going to come. God has that time and it's it's on a much better time than we can even imagine. But everything you do is a preparation for an opportunity to come. The person that you are today, how you act, no matter who's watching or no matter what your job title is, is going to determine what you're going to be.

And I have a story in the book. One of my one of my former teammates when I was playing in Europe, he he came over and he was he got a contract with the Spurs and now he was a great player over in Europe and he's playing with the Spurs. And so he goes from this being this star to this bench guy. And he told me he's like, "David, I'm going to be the best towel waiver in the NBA." Like literally, he was going to embrace being on the bench and just waving his towel and encouraging others.

And from that alone, like that became so infectious to teammates where he finally got his opportunity. He made the most of it because he was ready, because he was coining into teammates where he's ended up making about a hundred million dollars with different teams throughout his NBA career, but would have never done that if he didn't embrace the moment he was in and do the absolute best with what he was given, understanding that every day was a preparation for a greater opportunity to come. come. come.

Welcome back, everybody. Now, today is big time. I'm talking big big time. So, when I first got into the personal development space, I was doing a lot of speaking and I'm in this green room with a bunch of other people. I won't say who they are. And I'm like, "So, who's who who's?" And then one of them goes, "That one over there. She's big money." And it was my guest today. Like, she is making big money. And then I learned her story and I'm like, "No way.

What a remarkable story." And I remember thinking to myself that day, that would be a cool book. book. book. Really, Really, Really, that would be a cool book. Turns out it's uh kind of a book now. So, my guest today is Amy Porterfield. She's got a new book out you can pre-order if you're listening to this before February of 2023, February 21st. If you listen to it after, go get it, too. But two weeks notice, find the courage to quit your job, make more money, work where you want, and change the world.

And you kind of have done this. So, we're going to talk about how to do it today. So, welcome to the show. Thanks so much for having me. This is so fun. fun. fun. I'm fired up. And uh you do make big money. And um let me give you an idea, guys. Statistically, I went through something here. What is it like? Was it how many how many total 40 million downloads of your podcast? Yeah, the P podcast. I've had it for a while. But yeah, it's a big one for me.

But there's another stat that was nuts that I was reading about. How many clients? How many? So, we have helped over uh 40,000 of my students. What? students. What? students. What? Yes. And generated about $70 million in the business since we started. So, can I have some? There you I think you got enough. So, but you didn't do this overnight. One first thing just like advice you gave that I was surprised by and then we'll go back to your story, but like you actually start out by saying like you can start a business and not know what it is or what you're going to do.

How the heck does somebody do that? I know that kind of sounds crazy, but I really mean it. So, here's the thing. I typically work with a lot of women and women tend to think that they have to have it all figured out before they get going. Even a lot of men, of course, too. And I feel like that stops people in their tracks. So, of course, you've got to have an idea and you've got to start putting some feelers out there. But a whole business plan, absolutely not.

All the details figured out, you'll never get started. So, I encourage people to get started even when you feel like you're not ready. What's get started look like? What does somebody So, I'm at a job like you say, I'm in a cubicle. Yeah. You got And we're going to talk about some of the story, too. Actually, maybe it should be through your story that someone sees this. So, you're working a job. you're successful at this job, right? But like your lifestyle is not what you want it to be.

Not at all. So, was there a was it from the very beginning you're like, I want out of here, or was there like a point where you're going, nope, I got to get out of here. So, I'm with my family. I'm with my child. What was it for you? Okay, so here's what happened. I was working this really great job. I worked as the content development director for Tony Robbins. I got to travel the world with Tony, do amazing things. So, he paid me well, he treated me well.

It was awesome. However, there was this one meeting that changed my life. Here's what happened. I was in the San Diego offices and I was asked to come to a meeting and I walk in and there's this big oak table and a bunch of guys are sitting at this table waiting for Tony to come in. Now, this is humbling. I was called in to take notes. So, I wasn't even invited to the main table. I was sitting at a side table and I was called in to take notes.

And Tony invited these internet marketers to talk about their businesses because he was getting more into the online space with digital courses. So he said, "Come in. I want to hear about your businesses." So what happened was he went around and he asked each of these guys, "Tell me about your businesses." We're talking, if you know internet marketing, uh um Frank Kern, Jeff Walker, Evan Pagan, Brendon Brousard, like guys we know, right? Really successful. Really successful. Really successful. And this is like 15 years ago. So I didn't know who these guys were.

You were in that meeting. I was in that meeting and I had no idea who the guys were, but they went around and talked about their businesses and all I heard was freedom. They talked about lifestyle freedom, financial freedom. They were calling the shots. They were making things happen. And in that moment, I thought, I am not free. Like these guys have absolute freedom to do what they want. And it was the first time I realized in my life, I'm not free. I started out with a really strict dad who was my boss.

Like my first boss was my dad. his way or the highway, period. No questions asked. Then I got into the work world and all I had was bosses. bosses. bosses. And I was really good at being an employee. I love to climb the the ladder. I love to get the attent ever. But then I realized, wait a second, I don't know what these guys are doing. Have no clue, but I want a piece of it. of it. of it. You really had no clue? No clue.

I didn't know how to create digital courses. I didn't know I didn't know how they were creating things just like from their houses. Like it was so bizarre. And back then no one worked from home but all these guys did. So in that moment I thought I don't know how they're doing it. I don't know what they're doing but I want a piece of it. And that was like my pivotal moment. Wasn't there like you talk about I think some people like no I'm pretty free at my job.

Uh are you? Uh really like you were at the story really broke my heart a little bit. You're at your someone's wedding. wedding. wedding. Yes. Okay. Let's talk about that. My best friend got married and she got married in this little sleepy town in Northern California. And by sleepy I mean no Wi-Fi anywhere and I was still in my corporate job. I go to the wedding and the entire weekend I was sneaking around to cafes trying to work on this project that I needed to get done.

And anywhere that there was Wi-Fi in these cafes, I'm like pounding away on my computer secretly cuz I didn't want her to know. And so I show up at the wedding. I think I'm being like a great friend and we do a champagne toast and she looked at me and she said all you do is work is work is work and I just even now I think about it I'm like you're right and I thought no one really noticed that I was so obsessed with like grinding all the time.

So that was you would think that would be a pivotal moment that I'd kind of changed things. Oh no, I went back to my corporate job and kept on grinding. You did. So what was the was there a turning point like this is the day I'm going to start something? Yeah. So what happened was I think the the wedding thing happened and then the meeting happened at the Robins organization and that's when I thought I'm going to figure this out. So I immediately started to think I started to think what would I do in my own business and I turned to a good friend of mine who worked for Robins and she was a writer and I said you're a writer.

You could go out and be a freelancer. You could have a business. I know nothing to be an entrepreneur. I've only ever known getting a paycheck from a boss. And she's like you're crazy. there's tons of stuff you could do with this. So, I started to think like what could I do? And I did a lot of social media and I thought I could teach this. I could create a digital course and teach social media. So, that was my first plan. And what I did is I started a side hustle.

So, I'm a big proponent of side hustles. I think they're a great way to kind of get your foot out the door, just begin. Agree. And I started to do social media for small businesses. small businesses. small businesses. Okay. And so that was like my little like I'm going to see what this looks like. And I did that for about six months till I officially quit my job. Okay. Let me ask you about that. Okay. Okay. Okay. Because the the purpose of this book to some extent is like, hey, chase your dream.

You don't have to be ready. Don't discount yourself. But there's like you guys in the book, it's very tactical. Like there's this part of the book where she goes the mindset, the strategies, the work. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. And so we're going to go there in a little bit. But I want to you this side hustle thing. Everyone thinks well the way a side hustle works is cuz this is the theory. What I'll do is I'll work for 6 months to 18 months on a side hustle.

My part-time income will pass my full-time income. And when that gets really cozy and comfortable when I'm making this transition, then I just go because there's really no risk at that point. But like 99.7% of the time, that's not really how it ends up happening. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. So what do you do then? And how and that happened to you too. You probably weren't replacing your income already. Absolutely not. And so I started this side hustle and had a few clients and was making enough money to barely scrape by.

But what happens when you start a side hustle and you really want to leave your job? You are already gone mentally. Like you want it bad. And I wanted it so bad. I figured this is my first time to work when I want, where I want, how I want to work. I don't want to be on someone else's dime or someone else's time. Like I wanted it. And that's the first thing with if you're going to leave your nineto-ive job, start your side hustle, turn that side hustle into a full-time thing, you got to want it bad cuz it's going to be painful.

Like everyone starting a business, it is not easy in the beginning. Do you think Amy, I want to interrupt you on that. I want to ask you, do you think that's because the initial move you have probably less freedom initially? Would you agree with that as a overall state? Oh, absolutely. I'm glad you said that. Okay, so this is something I've been thinking about a lot. If you want to leave your nineto-ive job and go out on your own, and we'll get back to the side hustle thing.

I think that you have to be open to what I call the path of possibility. Okay? And the path of possibility is picture it as there's like these three circles. The first one is present where you are. You're comfy. You're cozy. You're in your job. You're getting a regular paycheck. You're getting benefits. That is a comfortable situation. Usually, it might not be fun. You might not love it, but you're comfortable. You're safe. In order to get to possibility, you have to pass through the middle circle if you're visualizing it, which is pain.

And I believe there has to be pain in order to get to what you really want. I have you ever known anything that you wanted bad enough that it wasn't painful? painful? painful? You got to survive the temporary pain. You have to. So when I started thinking about you have to be willing to feel the pain and pass through it, that's where I came up with this concept of capacity for zero. for zero. for zero. How much capacity for zero do you have? And what I mean by that is are you willing to burn it all down?

Are you willing to make less money? Start with zero people on social media. to start with a business that you're not even sure if it's going to work. Maybe you have a side hustle a little bit, but like you said, it's not building up your full-time income. full-time income. full-time income. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so this capacity for zero, how willing are you to start again, start from scratch? And I look back and I think my capacity for zero was very high. I wanted it bad.

And that helped immensely. And it's helped me with tons of stuff that I've started since I started. love this capacity for zero because to our former point that I interrupted you on was cuz I just think what you just said is so compelling is that it's not it very well might be zero. Meaning you're if you're making $9,000 a month and you've got a side hustle for 6 to 18 months, the likelihood that you're consistently making that same $9,000 and not being on some roller coaster of ups and downs or just no ups yet is pretty likely, right?

So what did you do? How did you navigate that? that? that? So, what I did is I thought, okay, I am going to get just a few clients to pay the bills enough and and I had a husband who at the time, Hobie, my husband, was becoming a firefighter. So, he wasn't making a lot of money. So, we were in a a place that it was a little dicey. And I said, I'm going to save a bunch of money before I leave my corporate job. I'm going to make a bunch of money with these clients, then I'll leave.

But, I think I realized I wanted freedom so bad. I realized that it was time for me to go out on my own. That I thought if I wait much longer, I'm gonna lose the nerve and I'm never going to do it. So, what I teach people is you got to choose your exit date no matter what. Come hell or high water, you're leaving on this date. And so, I looked at the calendar and at that point it was about 6 months out. I chose the exit date, put it on a post-it, put it on my mirror, and every single day I looked at that date and I said, "I'm doing this no matter what." Now, when you remind yourself every day that you're doing it, and you visualize yourself going out on your own, being your own boss, you start to embody it.

What decisions do I need to make today to make this happen? How do I need to show up to make this happen? Who do I need to reach out to or get support from? So, every day I was looking at this date. And so, as it got closer and closer, I realized I'm going for it. I don't have a savings. I I didn't have it at all. And I was maybe making a fourth of what I was making at Robins. So, it wasn't a lot, but I said, "Screw it.

I'm going to do this." See, this book is so good, and you're so good, by the way, being in your presence now, like to be able to share this hour with you. Uh, I think success has an energy to it. And and I'm overwhelmed. I mean, a lot of people have sat in that seat. I'm overwhelmed by your energy and your capacity to communicate these thoughts in a way no one's ever sat there has before. And by the way, no one's ever said this kind of truth on the show either.

Thank you. On this topic. Yeah. Um because that is the real of how you're going to leave something. The funny thing about it is that decision that you just stated about look in 6 months this is the place I put it up on my mirror in the bathroom. That's the first decision towards freedom. Yes. Yes. Yes. The bondage part is negotiating it. When this, when this, when this, when this call the shot if you're ready to do it, call the shot. That's the first free People think massive commitment is a lack of freedom.

It's the reverse. Once you've completely committed that there are no other options, that's the beginning of freedom for you because you have no choice but to execute. So, all right, welcome back to the show everybody. So, today um you are going to hear from one of the most influential human beings on spinning earth right now. She would never admit to it, but she is. She's influencing entertainment, sports, culture, sports, culture, sports, culture, and she's behind the scenes type person for the most part. So, she's probably the most influential person many of you don't know yet because she likes it that way.

And so, just think about people like Prime Deion Sanders, think about Michael Strahan, think about Snoop Dogg, Whiz Khalifa. It's a kind of a collective group. Myself, by the way, this show doesn't exist without her either the way that it exists today. She is the CEO and founding partner of Smack Entertainment. It's a talent management agency, but it's way more than that. It's a business incubator. She's got an Emmy nominated production company. And just about anybody who's got any heat on planet Earth today, somehow behind the scenes, this lady is touching their lives and their brand and their businesses.

So, Constance Schwarz Marini, welcome to the show finally. Thank you, Ed, and thank you for that great introduction. I'm sitting here like probably red as a beat because you know me very well. And so when I got the text from you about coming on, I literally like if I could do a backflip, I would have done it. But I mentally did one and called Mike Marie right away, my husband. I was like, "Guess whose podcast I'm going on." So, thank you. Seriously, thank you. Well, I want to start out by saying that I don't I'm going to get emotional.

I don't do this on the show very often at all, but I just really want to thank you for being such a um believer in me. And you know, most people don't know this, but a lot of the good things you've seen happen in my life are because of this woman right here. and uh especially my business life. And so I'm grateful for you in my life. So, thank you so much. I'm grateful for you and you're giving me way too much credit cuz you were a force when we met and we might have just maybe redirected you a little bit, but that's about it.

Yeah, that ain't true. But thank you. Okay, so um you guys, I just want you to know she started at the NFL and then she's built this company. Her business partner is Michael Strahan in Smack. SMAC is the name of their agency and um or their company rather and they've touched everything. $100,000 pyramid, the Fox Sports, the most of the people on there, you name it, but different apparel brands, etc. So, we're going to go all over the place today. Let me ask you a question first, Con.

When you guys founded Smack, did you know it would turn into all of these other things? Cuz you came out of the NFL, right? Like I met you, I met the after you where you were already balling, but you and Michael founded this together. What did you intend it to be and then what has it become? become? become? I love when people act like this was exactly, you know, I executed my vision. I had no idea. I I just knew that there was nothing like this business.

And it was almost I was forced into it because I got fired. And when I went to interview at other companies, they were putting me in a box. They said, "Okay, you're a talent manager. You're a sports person. You can do endorsements. You're, you know, non-scripted producer." I was like, "You guys don't get it. like I just I'm going to take the last 20 years of my career and I'm going to build this. And I started it from the kitchen table. Had no idea what it would become.

Started out more management and talent um sports and small. I mean it was Michael Coach Prime who was you know Dion Sanders just you know recently well not recired four years three years at that point. Um my old boss from the NFL was at the NHL and brought us on to help him on some entertainment pieces of business as they were expanding and that was it you know so here we are 14 15 years later and wow that's all I can say but everything that you've seen from that point till now it came from just knowing that there's a piece of business here that could be bigger and better and extended.

same thing that we do with the people, right? It's like you keep the main thing. The main thing is Coach Prime says, use your main platform to build around it. And that's what we're still doing. I feel like we're just getting started. getting started. getting started. Well, let me let's take Coach Prime first. Let's just pick one. Okay. So, first off, you guys, right now is Coach Prime season 3 on Amazon streaming. I watched the whole season in a day. It's that good. that good. that good.

It was I was sick one day. I watched all the episodes. It's outstanding. But something's happened with Coach Prime the last four or five years. He was he's the greatest quarterback of all time, one of the greatest football players of all time. But then like this brand went bananas, right? You're the behind the scenes on that. She's also on the show. She's in the cover of Sports Illustrated with them, you guys. Like I first thing I got I got the cover. I'm like, there's Con. She's right on the cover.

But what happened? Like obviously this is move more if the world's become sort of brandoriented. Everything's brand now, right? So did you guys consciously take Coach Prime and go, "Okay, we're going to do this. you're going to post on social or did or is this all sort of organic what's taking place? Let's just start with like him. him. him. It was organic but with direction like you he's one of the smartest people in my life. It's it's remarkable and I knew when he did your pod last year you guys were going to hit it off and I'm so glad you did because you got to see what I get to see every day.

So when we first started working together we reconnected because I helped Snoop Dogg start the Snoop Youth Football League. Dion had the Truth League, which was his youth league in Dallas. Every year at the Super Bowl, their teams would meet up and play in the Snooper Bowl. And so one year I get a call from Dion and he said, "Hey, who handles Snoops marketing? Who handles Snoops this, this, and this?" And I said, "Well, I oversee the whole operation. Like there's a team of us, but you know, I'm in the middle of it.

What's up?" And he said, "I um need to pivot and I need a new team on my marketing side. Can you suggest someone?" I was like, "Well, me." And he was like, "Okay." And that's literally how we started working together. So when we first started working together, he didn't have a lot of brand partnerships. Like he was hot when he was playing and then there was a day he was on the CBS um Sunday football and then he pivoted to the NFL network and that was it.

So when we started working together, I had to help sort of recraft and and rebuild his brand which nobody his brand better than himself. And and that's one of the beautiful things about not just him but the Smack clients is they know that we're in it for the right reasons because I said I don't care if you're not going to make a dollar on this first big commercial we do if it's the right creative and the right brand we're going for it and and that's what started our journey together.

So at that point like I said he was on the networks NFL network Thursday Night Football. Many opportunities started coming his way but they weren't going to be in Dallas. He would not leave Dallas because he was coached all of his kids. That was the most important thing to him was staying local. He could leave on Sundays or Thursdays, but had to be there for football, basketball, baseball, etc. So, right when Shadore was graduating high school and figuring out where he would be going to college, coach called me and he said, this is one of his famous things.

I'm baking an idea, but it hasn't been ready for me to take it out of the oven for you. I was like, all right, what do we got? And I popped in to see him. me happen to be in LA. And he said, I reached out to my old AD, I mean to the AD at my old school and I want to go help them recruit. And I just didn't think twice about it. And I said, why would you go help somebody recruit? You should go for it and be a college head coach.

And he looked at me and I said, I know it's not the norm. I get it. You don't go from youth to high school right into college, but you're far from the norm. And if anybody can do it, it's you. And that was how that all started. So, wait a minute. You were actually the person that encouraged him to coach instead of just recruit. Are you being serious? serious? serious? Oh my gosh. Con, that's crazy. Crazy. I know. When let's talk about branding for a sec.

I want to stay on that topic. You guys, we could go this could be with constants like a 9-h hour episode, but I want it to be relevant for all of you when you hear like Aaron Andrews, the Bellas, Snoop, Coach Prime, Michael Strahan. It would be easy for you to think, well, they're sort of already at this level. But then you could actually take me take me take me and Khan did this with me as well. And so let's talk about branding first of all because I don't know if you remember this or not but something really profound you said to me when we met and it was many years ago and I've I've tried to stay true to this since.

So I don't care if you have eight followers right now everybody just listen to this. I meet another person, a great friend of ours named Kristen Prrowy introduced us who was sort of believed in me and I met Conhan and she was a little bit skeptical of me I think cuz she had seen my content Ferraris and jets and all this stuff and so we're about halfway through our lunch and you went, "Oh, I like you and you're nothing like your brand and you got to cut this crap out.

Quit posting your jet and your car and you're really a good guy. You really care about people." But the the point that I'm making was my brand took off when my brand was really me. In other words, I didn't have to create anything. When I now that I met Coach Prime, Coach Prime is his brand, right? Michael is this just super kind guy who you think he's your best friend with everybody that he meets. So, if you were to give someone advice on their brand, they're not Coach Prime, they're not some famous rapper right now.

Would that be your advice? like start posting things that are just true organic to you or is there some flavor in there you got to mix in as well to get any traction. I wasn't skeptical of you. Okay. Okay. Okay. I knew how great you are and how smart you are, but it just was like you said the Jets and the Ferraris, you just expect this, you know, different person than who you are and all the messaging and the help that you provide people. So, where I'm always coming from is this place.

Just because you do have five million followers, that doesn't mean you're connecting to your audience and to your people. I don't have a lot of followers, but the the I guess what's the word? Like the insights or the clicks or or just the interactions I have with the people that do follow go far because I am who I am and I don't apologize for it. And I think that's where a lot of young people today are so caught up in putting out there what they think they need to because they see the world of plastic surgery or they see, you know, people spending more money on their cars than their homes, like things that are really should be your basic necessities.

Who really cares, right? Like it's truly about the messaging. It's truly what you're you're working on or giving back. It's the same thing that I tell so many of my friends who are freaking out about what college their kids going to. I went to Sunni Asiggo, right? I did okay. Like I have no issues what college someone goes to. And I even have no issues hiring somebody that doesn't go to college. As long as they have great work ethic, if they're giving back to society or to their community, that's way more important to me.

And that's what I mean by a brand. And like you nailed it. Coach Prime though is known for creating the Prime Time brand in in college in his dorm room, but he's still two different brands almost and he lives both of them. When he's not working, when that camera's not on or the whistle's not on, he's sitting at Country Prime in the flats of Texas somewhere on his boat fishing. That's really who he is. But when he has to be on, he's on. So just going back to what we're saying about your brand really in order for it to work it has to be who you are not who you think you are in a sense that's the disconnect so many people I think have a problem with it and once you can find that it just goes like it really goes it's the same thing when people say you know I'm so unhappy with myself well then how do you expect people to be happy with you or how do you expect someone to have confidence in you if you don't have the confidence in yourself And yes, this is a lot of selfwork and help and things of that nature, but this is what's worked for me and for our clients and continues to go down that path.

Just shoot it straight. No one knows what to do with you when you tell the truth these days. It's the craziest thing.