A Buddhist Antidote to Fear and Anxiety | Devin Berry
Meditation teacher Devon Berry shares his journey from angry, prickly person to compassion practitioner through meta (loving-kindness) meditation. The key insight: You don't need to feel loving to practice loving-kindness—simply offering well-wishes without hatred is enough. Start with easy beings (
1h 12mKey Takeaway
Meditation teacher Devon Berry shares his journey from angry, prickly person to compassion practitioner through meta (loving-kindness) meditation. The key insight: You don't need to feel loving to practice loving-kindness—simply offering well-wishes without hatred is enough. Start with easy beings (pets, children), use phrases that resonate with you personally, and accept that some sessions will feel dry or rote. The practice isn't about achieving brilliant white light experiences; it's about cultivating non-separation and reducing the automatic tendency to see others as threats or obstacles.
Episode Overview
Devon Barry discusses his resistance to and eventual embrace of meta (loving-kindness) meditation, one of the four Brahma Viharas (divine abodes) in Buddhist practice. Initially skeptical and angry, Barry found meta meditation particularly challenging because it addressed exactly what he needed most. The episode explores practical approaches to meta practice, including customizing phrases, starting with joy or humor, and understanding that the goal isn't transcendent feelings but rather non-separation and reduced ill will. Barry emphasizes that meta practice helps us stay engaged with difficult situations and people without hatred, making us more effective advocates and citizens, especially during challenging times like contentious election cycles.
Key Insights
Start Meta Practice with Joy or Humor
Barry begins his meta sessions by recalling a humorous childhood memory (trying to see New York landmarks past his parents' giant 1970s afros). This simple technique primes the pump, creating ease before formal practice. Many practitioners find meta practice can feel dry or rote; starting with something that generates warmth or a smile makes the subsequent well-wishing more natural and less forced.
Customize Your Meta Phrases
Rather than rigidly adhering to classical phrases like "May I be happy," Barry recommends creating phrases that hold genuine meaning for you. He uses phrases pointing toward the felt sense underneath the words, sometimes condensing to single words like "peaceful" or "ease." The phrases are pointers to embodied feelings, not magical incantations requiring perfect wording.
Meta Isn't About Forced Feelings
The practice doesn't require achieving states of unconditional love or being "bathed in brilliant white light." Sometimes the result is simply feeling okay, not wanting to harm others, or experiencing non-ill will. Barry emphasizes this prevents people from abandoning the practice when they don't have transcendent experiences. The practice is effective even when it feels mechanical or uninspiring.
Non-Separation Enables Engaged Action
Contrary to concerns that loving-kindness leads to passive acceptance, Barry finds meta practice helps him stay engaged with difficult people and situations without hatred. Recognizing shared humanity (everyone wants well-being for themselves and their children) doesn't mean agreeing with harmful actions—it means responding from a cleaner-burning fuel than rage, making advocacy more sustainable and effective.
The Four Brahma Viharas Work Together
Meta (loving-kindness), karuna (compassion), mudita (sympathetic joy), and upekkha (equanimity) aren't isolated practices but interconnected qualities. Meta provides the foundation, but threads of joy, compassion, and equanimity run through all practices. For example, equanimity involves accepting reality without collapse, supported by the other three qualities.
Notable Quotes
"I thought it was complete BS. I was convinced that it was something made up by some hippies in Marin County in California at Spirit Rock."
"I won't be angry. I won't be upset. I won't be screaming at you in the car or anywhere else. And that's I mean given the world we live in, I think that's actually great."
"It helps me stay engaged but not from a place of hatred. And so that's a cleaner burning fuel that's going to help me be more effective in the long run."
"We're all wanting the best for ourselves and everyone else. It creates less of those separating thoughts or separating ideas of really sort of isolating myself."
"Sometimes what we can do is to bear witness to another's suffering. And that can be a hard one because we want to take care of everything. And sometimes there are things that we cannot take care of."
Action Items
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1
Begin Meta Sessions with Personal Joy
Start your loving-kindness meditation by recalling a humorous or warm memory that naturally creates a smile or ease. This primes your system before offering formal well-wishes, making the practice feel less forced and more natural.
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2
Create Personalized Meta Phrases
Experiment with phrases that resonate with you rather than rigidly using traditional formulas. Try simple words like 'peaceful,' 'ease,' or 'safe' that point to felt experiences in your body. The goal is meaning, not perfection.
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3
Practice Meta with Easy Beings First
Start your session with pets, children, or people who naturally evoke warmth. Spend time here before moving to yourself, then mentors, neutral people, difficult people, and all beings. This 'bait and switch' approach builds momentum.
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4
Accept 'Good Enough' Sessions
Release expectations of transcendent feelings. On days when the practice feels dry or mechanical, recognize that simply sitting and offering well-wishes without hatred is valuable. Like physical exercise, the benefit comes from consistent practice, not perfect performance.