8 Hidden Signs Your Ego is Slowly Ruining Your Life | Ed Mylett

Key Takeaway

Stop letting your ego sabotage your success. When you're defensive, constantly seeking approval, or worried what everyone thinks—that's not confidence, that's ego masking insecurity. Real winners recognize their ego when it shows up, check it immediately, and get back to being their authentic selves. Start treating yourself like someone you love: do the work to improve daily, accept criticism gracefully, and stop waiting for external validation. Your breakthrough is 6-12 months away, but only if you control your ego today.

Episode Overview

Ed Mylett delivers a powerful message about recognizing and controlling ego—not just the obvious bragging kind, but the subtle forms like defensiveness, approval-seeking, and fear of criticism. He explains how ego is actually rooted in insecurity and fear, and how it prevents us from being our authentic selves and achieving our full potential.

Full Transcript

Transcript of 8 Hidden Signs Your Ego is Slowly Ruining Your Life | Ed Mylett from The Ed Mylett Show. Auto-generated from episode audio; may contain minor errors.

Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Hit that like button and be sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel so you never miss my show. Whether it's Tuesday, Thursday or Saturday, now on with the show. Welcome back to Max Out everybody. I'm Ed Mlette and I want to start out today's show by just reminding you of something about you because maybe no one's told you in a little while. You were born to do something great with your life. You're supposed to do something special and you're going to.

I can promise you that you have all the potential in the world within you. And I know the rest of the world is probably telling you constantly to be average, to be ordinary. You know, there's different haters you have in your life. There's people who put you in your box. There's people who overlook you, that make you feel invisible. And it's important that you hear from me that that's not who you are. And by the way, you're not even who you've already been in your life.

Your past does not equal your future. Your present does not equal your future. And I just want to remind you officially that you can do something great with your life and that you're destined to do something great with your life and that you were born for a reason. So important that you know that that you hear that from me today and that you begin to believe it about yourself because if you don't believe that about yourself, there's no chance it's going to happen. You can't achieve something in your life that you don't believe strongly certainly that you can achieve.

And I know that I find many of you today, some of you are listening to this today, you've got momentum in your life and things are going well and you're looking for a key or you want to hear about a mistake you might make that you can miss because I warn you about it. And I'm going to give you all those things you know that on every program. But I know there's many of you that arrive here today, you're just not in the in the groove.

Things aren't going great. Maybe you're in a down cycle in your life. Maybe there's some letdowns and some hurts that are happening right now. maybe a little bit of um you know, a little melancholy, a little anxiety, a little fear, maybe all the way to some depression. And I just want to be that person who reminds you that you can do something special and that you're going to and that you have everything you need within you right now to make your life great and you can turn it around at any time you decide to.

You know, what you allow is what's going to continue in your life. I put out a post about this several weeks ago. It's hard to accept this, but what's happening in our lives, we're allowing it to happen. And to some extent, we almost believe we deserve it because we produce in our life what we really believe we're worth, what we really believe we deserve. And it doesn't it's hard to accept that because it seems coincidental, you know, that the wrong person enter our life or there was a business setback or our car broke down or, you know, our company went out of business or whatever it might be.

One of your clients just quit and changed their mind and it seems coincidental, but you really truly are getting out of your life what you believe you're worth, what you believe you deserve, and you're allowing it to happen. And I'm going to challenge you today to stop that. stop allowing it and know that you deserve better. And so we're going to talk about something very ironic today that doesn't seem connected to it, but it's absolutely connected to it. And that's ego. See, the truth is ego is always false.

Ego is always something that raises its head when we're insecure, when we're fearful. Um, if you meet people that you think are egoomaniacs that are constantly bragging about themselves, these are the most insecure people that you know. They're the most fearful people that you know. They're the most scared and they're usually the least happy. And so, but I'm going to say something to you. I want you to consider as I go through ego today. I know you think, "Wow, I'm so down on myself. How could I have an ego?" It's actually the people that are down on themselves that actually have their ego materialize and show up more often than they think.

And it's their ego that may actually be holding them back. You think, "Wow, how could someone with low self-esteem have a big ego?" Well, trust me, they do. And so, egos are not part of people with high self-esteem. The people in my life that are the most self-confident self-confident self-confident typically don't have big egos. And so I want to talk to you about that today. By the way, I'm covering this today. Like many things I cover because it's something I struggle with. My ego will step forward often in my life.

And it usually steps forward when I'm the most scared. It could be when I'm achieving. I'm starting to be pretty full of myself, right? But a lot of times when you're achieving and you're full of yourself, what's really happening in your mind is you're afraid you're going to fall down. You're afraid you're going to lose something. You're afraid there's going to be a setback. So often our friends where we see their ego is when they're doing good or she's she thinks she looks so good. She's showing herself.

Actually, she doesn't think she looks good and she's looking for validation from other people. You guys that have a friend you he's really winning. He's making a lot of money. It's just not the same. He's got a big ego all of a sudden. You'd be surprised that money he's making, that car he's driving now, he's so afraid he's going to lose it. He's so scared. He so believes his results have exceeded who he really is. He's so out over his skis that that ego shows up because he's afraid.

When you see ego, know it usually means fear. And I know that sounds counterintuitive, but it's true. So, we're going to talk about just recognizing our ego when it shows up. Because for me, either someone else points it out to me, close to me, or I see it in myself. If you have to wait around for other people to tell you, hey, your ego is out of control, it's too late, usually. So, we've got to be able to see our ego when it rears its head, be aware of it, and it loses its power over us.

we can go back to being our real selves, which is point one today. You can't love yourself if you're not being yourself. You can't love yourself if you're not being yourself. And when our ego shows up, in a minute I'm going to show you some not so subtle ways egos show up. And you're going to see what I mean about maybe your ego is present. But remember this, when ego shows up, we're not ourselves. We're not connected to God. In other words, if you can let go of your ego, you can let God in.

When you can let go of your ego, you can let your real confidence in. When you let go of your ego, you can go really become who you were born to be. And so oftentimes, this is so important you get. You may be losing right now because of your ego. Because of your ego, because you're not feeling good about yourself. And so, let's get into some of the things that are indicative of big egos. The really obvious ones that I want you to look at when they rear their head sometimes for you or others, but then we're going to go to the not so obvious ones, and then we'll talk about a solution.

So, here we go. Here are some of the signs that your ego is taking over in your life. Number one, defensiveness. defensiveness. defensiveness. It's not one you'd think of, is it? Defensiveness. You ever meet somebody who's very defensive, very reactive about whatever their situation is or whatever you're asking them about? Their ego is rearing its head. Sometimes we need to respond to criticism to get better. And when we're defensive about it, that's our ego rearing its head. So, in yourself and in other people, do you see any defensiveness patterns for you?

This is an ego issue. Number two thing that's ego issue is always trying to be right or prove what you're saying to be true in excess. If you ever meet somebody who's kind of going out of their way to prove what they're saying is true, this is usually their ego taking over because they know what they're saying may not be true and this is their ego rearing its head. The second thing is the need to always win in a disagreement. The need to always win in a fight.

This is an ego issue that somehow if you concede to somebody that they've made a great point and maybe you need to make an adjustment or a change that somehow you're weak. This is made out of a position of insecurity. So, believe it or not, that's an ego move based out of the insecurities you have. You don't always have to win every disagreement. It's okay to say, "I'm sorry." It's okay to admit. Admitting you're sorry, admitting you're wrong. Being open to criticism and changing is a sign of confidence and strength.

Lack of ego. Ego is when we're weak and insecure and we have to win. We have to prove what we're saying is true. We have to prove we're right. If you see this tendency in someone that you're in a relationship with, you're in business with, or in yourself, this is their ego rearing their head, and they're never going to fulfill their full potential. I know many of you right now, that's so and so at work, that's my spouse, that's my girlfriend, that's my boyfriend, that's my dad, that's my mom.

And that's great that you see it in other people, but is it you? Just ask yourself honestly, is it you? It's easy to see these egos in other people, but the real winners in life, the real achievers are so self-aware, they see these things in themselves. Number three, ego issue. Pride and boasting. Constantly bragging about themselves, boasting about their achievements, boasting about what they have going, being very prideful on their behavior. The Bible talks often about, you know, the maladies of having pride in our life.

But if you're bragging, if you're boastful, if you're prideful all the time, this is someone with a big ego. That's one of the more obvious ones. We go, I know that. But do you see that in someone you love? Do you see that in someone in business? Do you see prideful and boasting in yourself? The next one's a not so obvious one. Revenge. Do you seek revenge against people? Do you want to get back at somebody? Do you know people who are constantly getting back at somebody?

Revenge is ego every single time. Next, possessiveness. Possessiveness is an ego thing. We don't own people. And our desire to control people, control situations, to possess people almost is an ego issue. And when you see this in other people in your life, someone's trying to be possessive of you in your business or in your personal relationships. No, this is an ego out of control happening. and they better get that ego in check or it's going to make your life miserable being in a relationship with them.

And if you have this issue, you're going to make people around you miserable trying to possess them as well. Be honest. Does this fit you or someone you love or no? Talking poorly or gossiping about other people. Number one sign of insecurity and that's ego. You think, "Wow, he's right. Insecurity and lack of confidence is actually ego." And it is. And so people who gossip, who talk about others, try to go an entire day of your life without talking about another person in a negative way.

actually try to go about an entire day of your life without talking about another person. Just try to not talk about another person to other people for an entire day. And it'll begin to reveal to you how often maybe even you do it. And I say this because it's true of me. I always say I'm positive. I never talk bad about people. But that's not true. I have moments of weakness, especially when I'm with other people who sort of do that. I start to behave more like them.

And maybe you do, too. When you're around gossipers, do you gossip or do you stay above it? This is a sign of insecurity. It's a sign of weakness. Do you see this in you? Be honest. Or you talk about other people in the presence of other people or do you know somebody who's like this? Either you or them have an ego issue. Next is what I call the gym weirdos. You ever been at the gym and you see that woman or that guy constantly flexing in the mirror all the time like that?

Just it makes you almost uncomfortable, doesn't it? Or maybe you have a friend who's constantly looking in the mirror, constantly checking their phone, constantly posting only filtered pictures on social media, right? They're just constantly obsessed with what they're looking at themselves. These are outofc control ego people, right? So ask yourself a question. Is that you or somebody that you care about? Bullying. Bullying is an ego issue. Only insecure and weak people bully people. When I say bully, I'm not just talking about children in school. I'm talking about at work.

You may have a boss that's a bully. You may have somebody in your department that's a bully. You may have a leader that's a bully. That their only way to get you to move and perform is bullying. This may surprise you, but as a child, I was bullied. um regularly because I was undersized and they'd call me Eddie Spaghetti and I just didn't have confidence. Bullies figure out who the unconfident kids are, don't they? And so I got picked on a lot. Not only did I not have any confidence, I was insecure.

I was also small. So I was a great target for bullies. But honestly, when I became a businessman, I think I became bit of a bully when I was young. Now this was 20 years ago. But my style of leadership was intensity was almost beating people up into performing rather than elevating them with recognition. And so bullying can be easily sloughed off. But I want you to look at your style in business and in your family. Do you get people to elevate because you recognize, praise, and believe in them?

Which is what I think I'm great at now in my life. Because I recognize the pain it caused other people when I was in my early 20s when I was more of a bully push people type leader. You'll get far more out of your life and other other people by pulling them with you than by pushing them. So ask yourself this of yourself as a leader in business, in your work, in your family or the people around you. This is an ego issue. Now let's go through some of the less obvious ego issues that you may be suffering from or people you know.

Number one, seeking outside approval and reward. The addiction to other people's approval is an ego issue on your part. You have an outofcrol ego if you're seeking the approval of other people. Remember what I said to you earlier. You can't love yourself if you're not being yourself. And you can't be yourself if you don't believe in yourself. Remember that again. Let me say it to you again. must hear this, okay? You can't love yourself if you're not being yourself. And you can't be yourself if you don't believe in yourself.

And so, when you're looking at the addiction of other people's approval and seeking that all the time, that's the symptom. The disease is you're suffering from lack of personal belief, not being able to be alone. People are afraid of being lonely usually have an ego issue. They're afraid to be alone. They don't like to be in their own company and own presence. Ask yourself, are you comfortable in your own presence, in your own company? Again, that'll indicate to you whether you love yourself. Another ego issue is that you only hang around people who agree with you.

you. you. You only hang around people who believe exactly politically what you believe, exactly what you believe religiously, exactly what you believe about society. You know, a rich life, a confident person is willing to associate with people who have different opinions and express them. An unconfident person can only surround themselves with people who think exactly like them. And that's a formula for a really boring life. It's a formula for no growth. There's no one to challenge you. There's no one to stretch you. There's no one to make you think differently.

there's no one to help you express your opinions. One of the great things about having a different opinion than a friend is you get to express that and maybe it reinforces your strength. Maybe they persuade you. Next level is really subtle is you're offended by criticism. If you're offended by people's criticism, you really have an ego issue. You need to look at that or the people around you that do. I'm going to give you two more that are ego issues that you need to look at.

Are you stuck in the past? Are you constantly telling old stories from your past? Because that's an ego issue. That's a lack of self-esteem issue. Nobody wants to hear about your past. No one wants to know where you played quarterback or what you got in college or what promotion you once had or when you were once on TV. No one wants to know about the past or what you once did anywhere in your life. They want to know where you're going and what you're doing. If you're constantly reciting the past, it means you're not living in the present.

And this is an ego issue and it's a formula for not winning. The next thing is insecurity and self-doubt. That's an obvious one. But believe it or not, people who are insecure and have self-doubt have an out of control ego because they lead with ego. They lead with this false self. Ego is false self. So, they lead with the false self because they're so insecure and they've got so much self-doubt. Constantly apologizing. Believe it or not, if you're someone who chronically apologizes, you have somebody in your life who's constantly apologizing, but then they make the same mistake all the time.

This is someone with an ego because you'd rather take the easy way out and apologize then fix your behavior. And so, these are people that I don't want in my life. You keep apologizing for the same thing over and over again. Stop doing it. You don't need to apologize. The biggie. Worrying about what everybody thinks about you. If you're constantly worried about what everybody thinks about you, you have an outofcontrol ego. That sounds crazy. What do you mean? If I had a big ego, I wouldn't care what everybody thought.

No, exactly the opposite. People with outofc control egos are so insecure. They're constantly obsessed with what people think about them. People with no ego love themselves. As we've talked about, people with the smallest ego are connected to God and they love themselves because they know they come from God in my opinion. And so because that's the case, you don't need the approval of other people because you've got God's approval. You've got the universe's approval and you've got your approval. And once you have that, you don't need other people's approval.

These are all ego issues that impact our lives. So those are all different issues with the ego, right? Some of them are very obvious, some of them are not so obvious. But let's just talk about you and finishing today. Wouldn't the ultimate version of you not brag, not boast, not tell stories about the past, not worry about what other people thought about you, right? take criticism very well. All the things that we've discussed today, the ultimate version of you would have none of those things, wouldn't he or she?

And that would be the removal of your ego. I believe the way we remove our ego is we love ourselves and we believe in ourselves. And that way we know ourselves. And so what I want to challenge you today is just to start to give yourself a little bit more credit. And just know when you see these symptoms arising in your life, these are indications your ego is out of control. And check yourself when it happens. If you have people in your life who embody these symptoms, it's often easy to see the ego things that really repel us in our life.

But the fact of the matter is for me, every single time in my life when my ego gets the better of me, I have a setback. So listen to me. It's very dangerous to lead with your ego because I'm telling you, you're getting ready for a setback in your life. Where do my setbacks come from in my life? I'm going to tell you where I have setbacks. People ask me, "How do I get out of my slump? How do I break the habit that I'm in?" And I'm going to tell you what it is for me, cuz it's connected to ego.

For me, I started to think I had it so figured out when things were going good that I stopped working on myself. I stopped reading the books. I stopped listening to the podcast. I stopped improving myself. And when you do that stuff, the poor result doesn't show up as you're doing it. The poor result shows up 90 to 120 days later. So that's the problem. The failure or the setback is delayed by like 90 to 120 days in everything we do. So in business, if you're really successful right now and you got to a certain point, but you stopped the very activities that got you there, you don't fail the next day, 90 to 120 days from now, you pay the price in your life, don't you?

You didn't do the work you were supposed to do. And so 3 4 months later, all of a sudden, business is down again. So the negative result always trails the negative behavior by about 3 to 4 months. For me, my happiness level or my confidence level, I always I got it going and then I stopped reading books. I stopped listening to the right stuff. I stopped the right associations. It didn't happen immediately, but 90 to 120 days later now my ego is out of control again.

And so where my ego rears its head for me is I begin to think I got it figured out. I think it got it going. I believe my own press clippings and I stop doing the things that are going to get me to the next level and 3 to four months later I go, "Man, I'm in a slump. Man, there's a setback right now. What the heck happened?" What happened, dummy Edlet, is 90 to 120 days ago, you stopped doing the things required to win. And so the truth is where you are right now, I love you, brother or sister.

I want you to win. I opened up today by telling you you're supposed to do something great with your life. But in order for that to happen, you have to do the great things now because the positive results will trail by 6 months to a year. So negatives come get us 90 to 120 days, but positives don't end up showing up sometimes for 6 months to a year or longer. It's kind of like when you first start to eat well. You might get a little bit improvement, then it levels off and you're like, man, I'm eating well.

I'm working out. Why isn't my body changing? Cuz the positive result is 6 months to a year away. That's why. But if you stop eating well, if you stop working out, you're 60 to 90, 120 days, your body's bad again. Same with our lives. If we're doing something great with our life, it's going to take us 6 months to a year to see the positive result. And so, don't let your ego get in the way of saying, "Man, I'm doing all this stuff and it's not working." There's a delayed gratification coming.

At the same time, if you are winning right now, don't stop doing the things that got you where you are because you're only 90 to 120 days away from a setback. This is how the ego gets us. And so, I want to remind you in conclusion, you're supposed to do something great with your life. You're supposed to contribute. You're supposed to win. But that starts with today loving yourself, which is believing in yourself. Okay? You can't be yourself if you don't love yourself. And you can't love yourself if you don't believe in yourself.

And so, today start to love yourself. Again, I'm not talking about self-love. That's not what I'm talking about. You know, some thought, I love me. You know, Steuart me. I love me. You know, Steuart Smallley, I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. Gosh darn it, people like me. That's going to get you nowhere. Do things that are in congruence with who you really are. Do things that are the removal of your ego. You know what says you have no ego? You're willing to do the work every single day on yourself and in your business even though there's no result.

That shows no ego. Ego is why would I keep doing it? There's no result. Or ego is I got it going. I don't need to do it anymore. You want to know you don't have an ego? You want to know you got your act together? You're doing the work right now to show how much you love yourself, how much you believe in yourself, knowing the delayed gratification is coming 6 months to a year or maybe longer from now. I'm here to challenge you to start living like you love yourself.

Living like you believe in yourself. Because you can't love yourself if you're not being yourself. And the real self, the real you, takes all the steps to care for you, all the steps to improve you, all the steps to grow you. So you know you love you. You know you believe in you when you begin treating you like that. And treating you like that means you don't gossip about other people. You're not addicted to what other people think about you, right? You're not some victim. You know better than that.

You're not someone who needs everybody else's permission to win. You're not waiting around for results and not doing the work. You don't stop doing the things that help you win. So today, start doing the things that improve you confidence-wise, listening to people like me, following me on social media, listening to the right podcast, reading the right books in your business, doing the things you know you're supposed to do. Let me tell you what I know about you and your business. You're not confused about what you need to do.

If you're a school teacher or you're an entrepreneur, if you're a mom or a dad, if you're a pastor, if you're a young person who's studying and wants to get into college, you're not confused by what you need to do. There's no confusion on what you need to do. There's only the decision of whether you're willing to do it and to do it consistently and to do it even when the results don't show up. Even when the results aren't there, are you willing to do it?

And if you are making progress, you are getting good grades, you are leading your church, you are moving your business forward, you are flourishing at work, do you have enough lack of ego to continue to do the work required to get to the next level? That's the separator. I think there's a way of like really feeling blessed and that you've got some gifts yourself and not letting it be like a big ego thing. If you I had a friend of mine one time when I was really worrying a lot.

He goes, man, you got a huge ego. And I went, you've no one thinks I have a huge that's not true at all. He goes, no, no, no. You you're the center of the universe, man. And like your problems are way more important than everybody else's. Kind of to your point that you just said. just said. just said. Was he saying it in a derisive way? He was saying it like wake up. Oh, really? Oh, really? Oh, really? You know, like wake up. Like, hey, dude.

like, "Yeah, you're not that big of a deal and it's going to be okay and other people have way bigger problems than you do and like maybe start I have this phrase I use that I got from him and he doesn't even he's just a friend." He's like he goes, "Uh, whenever you feel helpless, helpless, helpless, get helpful, get helpful, get helpful, help some other people." And I've like repeated that like hundreds of times. People listen to my work, they're like, "No, that's profound." I'm like, "I got it from my buddy who told me I had a big ego." ego." ego." It's a good one.

That's where it came from. But it's really true. really true. really true. Lincoln, can I ask you a question? Sure. Sure. Sure. uh without a little bit of that ego do you think you would have been as successful as you are? No. Meaning No. Meaning No. Meaning like because you have to depends on what you define as success. Would I have made the money I made in recent recent recent if you made the money and felt that you've achieved something which I think is very important.

M I think it gives you I think achievement and success in like you know that you're helping other people and people are buying your books and people are listening to your show. It's much easier to walk through the day and slap your hands and say it's going to be a great day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When you have some things under the belt. belt. belt. Yeah. Let me tell you what I and and you kind of need like you do you got to have a lot of confidence and a lot of belief and you got to be hungry and you have to think.

think. think. Yeah. I think confidence and ego are different. And I'll tell you what happened to me when I was young. Since you asked, everyone can listen in. I met Wayne Dyer really young. Do you remember Wayne Dyer? He was a like a thought leader, kind of like a Tony Robbins guy back in the day. Okay. Okay. Okay. Maybe a little newagy kind of back in the day, but really profound guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I met him and we got to know one another very well.

Became lifelong friends. And he said, "Ed, I think you're going to change the world." You know, and gave me all this belief. Uhhuh. Uhhuh. Uhhuh. And he goes, "Do me a favor and like never attach all of your confidence to like your abilities." Mhm. because you'll always be chasing that tail. It'll never be enough. You'll never be good enough. And he goes, "Attach your confidence to your intentions." your intentions." your intentions." Meaning, he goes, "Dad, you're a real good man. Now, God gave me some good voice and pretty good brain and you're a hard worker, but attach your confidence to your intentions." And so, like, even before I speak or even meeting you today or a business meeting I go into, my my confidence booms, but it's like I'm a good guy and I want to do well.

My intention even probably before you walk on stage like I don't know that you go I'm the funniest dude in the world but I bet you there's a party it's like I intend to make these people laugh. Yeah. And you need to have a little bit of I'm the funniest guy in the world because you need to approach because you need to approach things like I can do this. Sure. Sure. Sure. That's the thing. It's not like I'm better than everybody but I can do this.

Yeah. I think that's me. And also for me there's faith involved. So I'm like kind of whatever I'm good at came from God. Although I've worked very hard at it. Yeah. So, but I think all my life, like anybody, I probably struggled with ego/confidence, ego/confidence, ego/confidence, humility, and where's that blend? My favorite people favorite people favorite people in my life, nuance, humility, and confidence. They tow that line very well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz my friends that are super confident with no humility, they make you sick.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they wear you out and they eventually burn out or mess up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My friends with tons of humility Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. and no confidence, they drain you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're always down. They're always complaining. you're always picking them up. So, it's those people kind of that tow the line, at least to me, that seem to be the people I want around me. Yeah. You got to harness it. It's like you got to like if you want to be as good as you possibly can at whatever you do, you got to believe in yourself.

to you got to believe in yourself. Yeah. [snorts] Yeah. [snorts] Yeah. [snorts] And that doesn't mean that you believe in yourself to the detriment of all everybody you run into. You know what I mean? mean? mean? Yeah. You know, I like just in the comedy clubs like there would be guys who would roll in and uh cut everybody else on the lineup. You know, there'd be 10 comedians waiting to go on and they walk in like I'm the guy and then like cut everybody and like do an hour and then everybody's like it's with this guy and you know and some people would do it before they've earned it.

Like some guys you're like no doubt you can do whatever you want to do. We're all happy you're here. And other guys like just got some success and they start throwing that weight around and you're like gh That's that's gross. And because they didn't have what you're saying like they they lost the humility part of it. Humility and some self-awareness. Don't you think too? Like just a little self-awareness. Jay Leno on your show that I was just listening to on the 4th of July. of July.

of July. I didn't agree with the way he said it, but I know what he meant on your show. He goes, I think the key to success is low self-esteem. low self-esteem. low self-esteem. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I went, that's totally backwards. But then he kind of elaborated. He goes, meaning I don't always think I'm the funniest guy in the room. I wanted the best lighting guy, the best producer. I surrounded myself with good people. I think what he really meant is the key is humility.

Yeah. Which is not low self-esteem. But I thought it was a really good point. It is a good point. It's all a balance, isn't it? Cuz like when you say the low self-esteem thing, like I've been doing this 30 years and I'm on tour now and I'm moving. I have a new act, so I'm digging deeper and trying to come up with it. And uh it's actually scary. scary. scary. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been doing it 30 years. I have a thousand people in the audience waiting with their tickets to see what's going to happen tonight.

Like, and but they don't know that I'm like, like, like, "Yeah, "Yeah, "Yeah, you know what I mean?" And so, like, I don't know if low self-esteem is the right word, but it's nice to feel vulnerable. It makes you you It makes you stay stay stay uh working hard at at it. You know what I mean? Like, if I if I just thought, "Oh, whatever I say is going to be great," great," great," I probably would start to Yeah. Yeah, deteriorate. I know exactly what you mean cuz I'm speaking and I just finished kind of a tour of my book and I had a talk that I became very comfortable with giving and it worked and everyone liked it or I think most people liked it and I don't want to keep doing it.

I want to do something new. One of the masks that Lewis talks about in the book is men, you know, with their masculinity wearing the masks of different types of people, whether it's the material mask or the athlete mask or the stoic mask. And it's such a fascinating read. It is for men, but to be candid with you, I think it's a fascinating read for women to understand their men. Exactly. So many women are telling me that they finally understand their husbands, why their father never showed them the affection, why their sons don't look them in the eyes.

So, it's like trying to understand men a little bit better. better. better. It's brilliant, man. And and so there's this story in there that stuck out to me and I could picture you as a little guy when this happened, but you talk about and it's interesting. It could be a non-event for some people, but it was through this dodgeball game. It's defining, man. It was because you end up being remember this guy ends up going on to become a college and professional athlete, right? And if you draw back all the way where that mask started, it started in a damn dodgeball game, didn't it?

In elementary school, [snorts] um, you know, I was still trying to find my way and just have a couple friends, just try to fit in. And uh one day the teacher of our class, there's probably 30 kids in the class, about 50 men, uh 50% men and and boys, uh boys and girls, uh they say, "Okay, during recess, we're going to play a team dodgeball game, and we're going to split it up into two teams." teams." teams." So, everybody's had that game at school, right? right?

right? Right. Yeah. Everyone's played dodgeball or something, right? And he said, "Okay, I'm I'm picking you two boys as the captains. captains. captains. Pick one at a time." Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. I don't think it was his intention to do this. He was just like, "Yeah, you guys split up the teams." Okay. So, we're all waiting to be like called out, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And these two popular kids, one at a time, start picking each boy. And I'm thinking to myself, I'm one of the taller kids.

I feel like I'm pretty athletic already. They've got to pick me. I'm one of the first people. So, I'm standing up there in front like waiting to be called. And they pick all the boys one by one until it's me and the last boy. And this [clears throat] boy, like he was not athletic at all essentially. I'll keep it at that. [snorts] [snorts] [snorts] And they pick him. And so now I'm the last boy to be picked. However, as you know in the story, um they pick a girl next.

next. next. God, God, God, and then and then they pick another girl, another girl until it's me and the last girl. last girl. last girl. And I'm like, there's no way I'm going to be like this. They're going to pick this girl before me. This girl is like zero athletic ability, right? She can't even walk, even walk, even walk, right? right? right? And they pick her and then I'm not even picked. I'm just by default. Nope. Nope. Nope. You'll just go on the next team. They even [clears throat] pick me as like, like, like, "What's going on you?

Are you raging? Are you Are you Are you raging? I'm already a kid that feels neglected, that feels like the youngest who doesn't get any attention, you know? I didn't have any friends. So, at this point, I said, I'm going to destroy everyone on this team. Like, give me the ball. I'm just like slamming in people's faces, dude. Yeah. And I'm just like destroying people. And I go, never again will I be picked last. You can see it in me right now. You can see it in your physiology.

Never again will I ever get picked last in anything, right? And that's what I told myself. And I just become a training machine. Every day after school, I would go to the playground, go to the gym, go play basketball, and train until my mom would have to call me in at like 9:00 and say, "You got to come home." come home." come home." And you think that game has something to do with you end up being a professional athlete. athlete. athlete. I think it was one of the I think it was one of the triggers of just like always feeling like I was abused, left behind, not good enough.

It was just one of those triggers. You're triggers. You're triggers. You're saying you face change even when you just said that. It's interesting. It's just like it's one of those moments that I can remember. You know, there was many moments like that, but that was a moment where I was like, "Okay, "Okay, "Okay, I just never want to feel this again." Yeah. It literally defined part of [clears throat] your whole identity, right? It was one of these masks. You're like, "I wear this one." Well, and so I put Yeah.

So, I put the athlete mask on and I said, "Never again am I going to lose." And I also needed to be right, you know, for me like being wrong was losing. And so, I was like, "I need to win at all costs. I need to be right at all costs. And anytime I lost in a game, I was the worst loser because my self-worth and my value was tied to winning winning winning or losing. or losing. or losing. And even when I won, sometimes I wouldn't be happy because I would beat myself up about how I could have been better.

better. better. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. So, I couldn't appreciate the journey. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Was just always got to get better. Got to get to the goal. Got to get to the goal. goal. goal. Yeah. Everybody that's listening, including me, frankly, a lot of us relate to that. Yeah. And we're going to talk about some solutions that too or those of you that are watching this, you certainly know someone like us, right? And and it's it's interesting because you have that event. You have a brother who goes to prison.

I didn't know but you go to a boarding school when you were 13. You had a had a had a It's amazing that you end up becoming one of the most soughtafter people on the planet to improve people's lives. And yet you have these events that you didn't allow eventually to define who you were. There's a significant one though as you know. Y Y Y I think it's the genesis of the book probably. Yeah, probably. Yeah, probably. Yeah, but if you don't mind taking them through this, you had some sexual abuse happen to you and you were a very young boy.

I mean I mean very young. So you had the 13, you had the brother go to prison, you have the dodgeball game, but the the biggie when I was five Yeah. I was here's the thing. When I was five, I was raped by a man that I didn't know. And [snorts] it and for 25 years, no one knew about it. Is it I want to ask you this cuz I've not heard you answer this. Are you telling me literally you didn't tell anybody? anybody? anybody? I didn't tell anyone.

I told a socio uh a professor my freshman year in college. I said, you know, something happened to me, me, me, but I didn't tell them what. Wow. So, mom and dad definitely did. Parents didn't know, friends didn't know. I never told anyone exactly what happened. happened. happened. Wow. Wow. Wow. Um I was too afraid to let people know. And so for 25 years, I'm 34 now. When I was 30, I went through a bunch of different challenges in my life with intimate relationship. I was in a business partnership I was in and just everything looked good on the outside.

You know, people were like, "Man, you're crushing it, Louis." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I was suffering on the inside and I didn't know why. And I don't know if you've ever felt that when your business took off and you're like, "Why am I not fulfilled?" fulfilled?" fulfilled?" I I absolutely do. Yes. You felt that before? Of course. Of course. Of course. And for me, I was taking all of this. I was just angry. constantly angry. I was doing great in my business, but angry because I couldn't figure out how to cope and understand my emotions.

So, I took all this frustration out on the basketball court. Every day, I would go play basketball a few blocks away. And every day, it was like I was looking for a fight. You know, in college when you're like, you're like, you're like, you're just like, I hope someone looks at me. Yeah, I'm slap you. Run to me the wrong way. Like, I'm going to beat you up. You know, I was just I was looking for a fight. And I think that was the only way I knew how to express myself was through physical aggression.

physical aggression. physical aggression. So many people are relating to this right now. right now. right now. That was my life. Football was my ability to just destroy people in a legal way without getting in trouble. I could get it out every single day. So when you don't have that anymore, it's like I need to go play basketball and like rough it out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I didn't know how to cope with my emotions or what I was going through. I just didn't have the skills or the tools.

So every day I would go out and play basketball and I just constantly someone would yap at me and it was like I had to step to them like I was the alpha dog and like shove them and scream at them and just show them that they weren't going to mess with me until they backed up. backed up. backed up. Just to tell you cuz being in your presence and being around me not that way. way. way. Yeah. And our mutual friends no one would describe this way.

Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. And you know I'm typically I was typically not that way either. Like I'm always a very loving like happy person but there's a trigger thing. There's a trigger like if you cross the trigger trigger trigger Yeah. It was like you're going to go down down down or I was going to go down or something. And so every day it was like waiting for someone to hit me and they wouldn't hit me. me. me. I would like push at them. I would scream back at them.

I'd be like, "Don't talk [ __ ] to me. Don't do this. Don't like whatever." like whatever." like whatever." To a no stakes pickup basketball game in West Hollywood. It's not like anything's on the line. Yeah. It's like And one day after a few months of this, I'm guarding a guy who's much bigger than me, older than me. Okay. And we're getting in a heated battle back and forth. He's fouling me hard, I'm fouling him hard. Like, but it's kind of like this this what you do in the street ball, right?

You're kind of found each other hard, but it's it's all good. It's fair game. He's calling it. I'm calling it. It gets down to the last point. Game point for both of us, both teams. He gets a ball down, getting ready to shoot a layup. I I foul him hard, you know. I grab his arm down so we can't score. The game would be over. I guess it was enough was enough for him. And he came at me and headbutts me. Now, this was the trigger that put me over the top and said, "Incredible Hulk is coming out." Snap City.

Snap City. It was like I can't even remember because I just put him in a headlock and just started UFC pounding him, throwing him to the ground on top of him, just like unleashing all this anger. Wow. Wow. Wow. It had to come out somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And this was the moment it exploded cuz I didn't know how to let it come out any other way. [snorts] Now, afterwards, I remember was shaking so much because it got up and there's blood gushing out everywhere, all over the court.

the court. the court. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The police station is right across the street. street. street. Okay. Okay. Okay. It snapped back into me like, I have everything to lose here, right? right? right? I could go to jail. Like, what if something happens? What if I actually hurt him really bad? Whatever. Like, what if my whole life could be over from one moment? I know what happened to my brother going to prison from one drug uh deal that he was involved in. one thing he got caught which put him into prison sentenced 6 to 25 years he got out in four and a half in good behavior so all of a sudden I'm like how stupid can I be to allow my emotions to get the best of me to react Mhm.

Um, after that point, my friends were like, you know, you need some help, man. Like, you need some help. You know, it wasn't that [clears throat] bad, but they were like, why are you doing this? But that shouldn't happen, right? Why are you allowing this to happen? Did you know why then? Do you think you knew? knew? knew? I think I was just like angry at everything. everything. everything. Like, Like, Like, no matter how successful you are, you're still there's this angry piece of you. Because I would achieve all these things that I wanted, but then I was like angry, right, when I'd achieved them.

Like, it didn't fulfill me. Yes. Yes. Yes. So, I was like, I need to get bigger. I need to make more. I need to like get more goals. I need to do this. Like maybe then I'll feel good. And none of it made me feel good. I don't know if you felt that way. Like I need to get 10 million, then 100 million, then then I need to sell my company and then I'm going to feel great. And maybe it felt great, maybe not. But if it does, it's temporary.

And you're exactly right. Everybody watching this that's had any level of achievement that thinks once I get something else or I get to this place, then I'll be happy. Then I'll be happy. And it does. I don't know any and you and I also both know lots of very wealthy people who are completely unhappy. Like Tony Robbins talks about all the time, success without fulfillment is complete failure, right? And so I relate to that level of failure. So do a lot of people. And those of you that are chasing your dream, dream, dream, you've got to find a way, and we're going to talk about this in a minute, to to enjoy you now.

Celebrate you now. Because when you get to these different places, guess who arrives there? You. And if you're there with the same damage, with these same masks on, the amount of money you have just sometimes, frankly, magnifies the pain that you're in. I think because you can you can act out different ways. So So go ahead. So you you have this event. So my friend starts saying and I kind of come to an awareness of like I remember running back from those courts like up into my room up here like looking in the mirror shaking cuz I've got like blood all over me and I'm like what am I doing?

The last fight I was in was when I was like 15 or something and I'm like why am I doing this? Look at myself in the mirror literally like why why are you doing this? Who are you? you? you? And who do you want to become? I was just asking myself this over and over and I started to say, "Okay, I need to take a deeper look of why I'm so resentful, why I'm so angry, why I'm so frustrated, and why I'm triggered. Why am I triggered when someone steps to me or says something to me or leaves a negative review online or why do I always have to defend myself?" So, I started calling some some therapist friends of mine that I knew, some spiritual coaches that I knew.

I started going to workshops. Um, and I went to this one emotional intelligence workshop that similar to like what Tony does where I had us address kind of our past, past, past, past with our parents, past with girlfriends, past with friends, like childhood, and just kind of addressing it all. it all. it all. Okay. Okay. Okay. We recreated and reenacted situations to face ourselves in those moments and and and recognize why we become that way. And after I was in this five-day workshop and after the third day, we had done a lot, you know, addressing our past.

I'd cleared with my parents internally. I'd cleared with like relationships. And the facilitator of this workshop, there about 50 people in it. He said, "Okay, we're moving forward to focus on our vision for our future, the things you want to create, the person you want to become. We've addressed everything in the past, but if there's anything you haven't addressed yet, now's the time to talk about it. Otherwise, we're moving forward." like get on the ship. Okay. Okay. Okay. And so I'm going through in my mind at this moment like it's a pause in the room.

And I'm going through I'm like my parents [snorts] getting divorced. Yeah. Like pretty much everyone has done that, right? Okay. I went through that. Feeling bullied and picked on. I talked about this. Feeling like insecure in school, my brother in prison. Like I talked about all these things and I was like, "What about that time I was raped by a man?" It just kind of came in my mind. mind. mind. And this was always in the back of my mind. You know, every week I would think about that moment.

It would come up like just kind of randomly pop in and out of my head and I would just push it to the side. And I would I remember thinking to myself, if I don't say this now, I'll probably never say it to anyone. Like the setting was perfect. I'd gone through enough challenges and breakdowns in my life where I was like, I'm willing to figure out whatever it is, I'm going to go there. And so I just stood up, walked to the front of the room.

I didn't even ask for permission or anything. I just stood up, watched the front of the room. And I remember, Ed, that I couldn't look anyone in the eyes. So, I was staring down the entire time at the ground. And I walked through for the first time, just looking down, you know, when I was 5 years old. I was at the babysitters. The babysitter had a son who's a teenager. And I just walked through the entire thing. And I couldn't look up cuz I was so embarrassed and so ashamed of people knowing this about me.

Mhm. And when I was complete, I said it pretty calmly, you know, I just kind of said it very calmly. And when I went to walk down, it's like almost the moment I sat down, it's like I erupted of tears that I've never had in my life. And I just couldn't stop crying. I was just like crying over and over again. Thankfully, there were two women on either side of me that were holding me. They were crying. I was embarrassed and ashamed of what I just said, of people knowing this about me, cuz I wasn't perfect looking anymore.

Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. I wasn't this like all American guy who had it figured out anymore. And I remember running out of the room outside. It was in a hotel conference room. I ran outside cuz I just needed some fresh air. I had my head up against a wall outside and uh one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me happened next. One by one, the men who were in the room came up to me outside and just gave me a big hug, looked me in my eyes, and told me that I was their hero.

one by one they said different things like that and the crazy thing the thing that I'm af I was afraid of people knowing about me the most was actually the thing that when I shared it people connected with me even more and trusted me more and people kept saying that they're like wow I thought like something completely different about you but now I trust you now I'll follow you anywhere like they said these things to me and I was like what that makes no sense wow wow wow you know everything that I was afraid of that I was taught not to be a little [ __ ] a little girl, a little [ __ ] a little [ __ ] whatever the words were that made you wrong, that made you different, that push people away from you.

I was taught to like fit in by like being manly, having it figured it out, you know, winning, like talking bad to people, whatever it may be. And none of those things served my heart. And And And it it started to awaken everything in me. Like when I finally opened up about that, I just said, you know what? I'm going to open up about everything. How? Because the freedom it gave me to realize, wow, you still accept me for who I am or the things I've been through and you still you still like me.

You actually like me more. You trust me more. I was like, what? Wow. Wow. Wow. This concept of like being real. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, not that I wasn't real. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I think I was always like had a little bit of layer of a mask hiding behind behind behind we you we all do. And what's amazing. Sorry, I'm getting a little joked, but of all the I mean, I read all these personal development books. I listen to all these guys. It's the most compelling story I've read.

I'm just going to tell you. I appreciate it, man. No, it is, brother, because the courage I think it takes courage when you're five, but to carry it and then release carry it and then release it like this massive that takes a gargantuan amount of courage, right? It does, brother. And I think for those the people that are listening to this because because because this is corny to say but like often in our life our greatest test is actually our defining testimony of our life. Like that was the greatest test of your life and it's really the testimony of your life.

Like everything you're becoming was unleashed because you finally took your mask off. That was the big mask you huge for me. It's thing I was the secret I was carrying around my whole life that I didn't I want anyone to know. And here's the crazy thing. You know, the people in that workshop were like, "You should tell your family." And I was like, "There's no way Even after that, I was still scared to let anyone." I was like, "This is a safer container. You know, it's like confidential.

Like, no one's going to hear about this." But I was willing to explore and see what I needed to let go of to see what I could create in my life. Eventually, I I was like, "Okay, I'm going to tell my family one by one." And it was terrifying. But again, when I told them, they opened up to things about me that I didn't know. And we built a stronger relationship as a family. family. family. Then they were like, "You should tell your friends." I was like, "No way.

My family has to love me." You know what I mean? But my friends, they're probably not gonna accept me anymore. anymore. anymore. But I started doing it one by one. What was that like? Was it you go into them like them like them like I think I went back to like just being terrified as a kid like what if they don't accept me? Same thing. It was like the fear of what if people don't accept me? But one by one people accepted me even more more more and they trusted me even more and they were there for me more and had compassion.

You know, humanity is a powerful thing when you show vulnerability. I I truly believe that other people who have a deep hearts like are going to open up even. You know, there may be some people who are going to be so guarded they can't receive it, but usually most people have a great heart. You're right. You're right. You're right. And my friends started saying, "You got to share this publicly." And I was like, "No [ __ ] way." Now you're right. Right. They're like, "You should tell this on your podcast." I was like, "No, it's going to hurt my business.

Like what? People are really going to think weird about me." Yeah. But after 6 months of [snorts] me just saying, "You know what? I need to continue to talk about this because it still has power over me." Because when I talk about it, I quiver I I palpitate my heart. Like, it still owns me. And I don't want this thing to own me anymore. I want to own it. And so, so I finally had enough courage to just kind of tell all the close people in my life, my friends, the family, family, family, and it wasn't a hard thing anymore to talk about it.

You know, it's still a moment that I wish no one to go through. of course, of course, of course, but it doesn't take over my body. And so I said, you know what? I need to do this publicly cuz I felt like I'd never seen another white straight male jock looking guy open up about this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've never seen it. Maybe it's happened, but I just nor have I I can't think of like some personality or athlete or business leader who has opened up about it.

And one in six men have been sexually abused in some way. One in six. And yet it's not acceptable to talk about it, about it, about it, whether it be uh you know to friends and family or publicly or whatever. It's just and I'm not saying everyone should publicly talk about it. Sure. Sure. Sure. But I [snorts] felt like for me I love what you said about it still owning you. It did not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And um I was just like I felt a duty, a responsibility to continue to talk about it it it because um and here's the thing that happened when I put it on my podcast.

I I talked about it on my podcast and did a whole episode about it four years ago. I shared it out and at night I posted it out at night like 11:00. I was right here in this room. I posted it out and I went out and sat on that uh patio right there there there and I sent out one tweet and I just said I'm going to leave it up to the universe to see what happened. So I didn't promote it anywhere. I just put one tweet out and I was like I'm going to go to bed and see hopefully no one watches it.

You know, I was like hoping that no one saw it. You want them to but you don't. And the crazy thing is I went outside and it was like it was 11 o'clock at night, but it felt like it was daytime. It was the largest moon in the last hundred years that happened that night. It was a super moon and it was like I didn't know this was happening at that time. I just decided I needed to post it then. And it kind of gives me chills thinking about it.

And I was looking up the definition of like what's a super moon mean? And it's like a super moon like shifts the world and like and I was like this is crazy, right? And um over the next couple of weeks, I was getting hundreds of emails from men sending essays telling me, "I've been married for 35 years. My wife doesn't know. This is what happened to me. I've been in this relationship for this long. I've never told anyone. told anyone. told anyone. You know, this this happened to me for years when I was a kid.

This, you know, the craziest stories I've ever heard made mine look like a Disney movie compared to some of the stuff that men were emailing me." Yeah, but it's like I gave these men who listened permission for the first time to talk about it. Cuz if a big jock looking guy like me, Yeah. Right. Good looking big jock athlete, successful. athlete, successful. athlete, successful. If I talk about it, then maybe someone else can talk about it. Wow. Wow. Wow. And the healing that started to happen from within of these men where they finally started to talk to their partner about it, where they finally started to address it, where they finally started to not be so stoic or so driven by sexual mask or the material mask to make themselves feel better.

They started to communicate in healthier forms and and just show a little bit of emotion, show a little bit of vulnerability vulnerability vulnerability and heal from within and they got healthier physically. Their businesses grew. Their relationships thrived thrived thrived cuz they were able to communicate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think as men, we've been conditioned not to share certain things, to be tough, to be these things, to not be weak, to not be soft, to not show emotion, to not show affection. Mhm. affection. Mhm. affection.

Mhm. You know, as a kid, I was always like pushed away from my friends when I would be like, "It's so good to see you." You know, I would like put an arm around a guy, not in a sexual way, just like buddy buddy and be like, "Get off me. What are you, gay?" Yes. It's interesting. I was going to tell you something cuz I'm that way, too. I touchy feeling especially It's funny, especially with it's like when I see my buddies, I touch them, you know.

I want to say something about what you said there because it was just I think we all want people to like us, you know, and I think that when we wear these masks, masks, masks, I think the more honest we are about who we truly are, the more people actually love us, love us, love us, the real us, you know, and I think what I love, what I want the men listening to this know, this is a real man. A real man is vulnerable. A real man is honest.

A real man's transparent. And not all of us have big muscles and are big guys like that, but I'm attracted to people and I think everybody is who are their their authentic selves, right? And you have this big big story and I love what you said about more men came to you and I just want to acknowledge it, man. Like I think it's made a huge difference in the world. Thank you. And I think those of you that are watching this, this, this, I I always advocate for somebody on my program, but I think there's a I know when I'm with a genuine good person who cares and like I think if if if [clears throat] Louis is this honest about this, imagine the kind of transparency honesty you get if you were reading his books, if you were a part of his podcast, become a part of his community because I think when you're like this, I think you get this out of your guests.

I think you get it out of the people that you interview, too. interview, too. interview, too. This is profound. Everyone listen really closely to this part I want him to speak on because he's awesome at this. But there's this shame that can only be released by giving yourself some grace. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And those two words resonate with me. I I think even in my case I always I'm open with my audience. I have shame about things that I'm not even sure what they are.

they are. they are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Meaning I did I have I think growing up as a child I had an alcoholic dad as you know. There's a measure of shame that came with that that wasn't my doing. But I remember thinking, man, I don't want people to know our family's like this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I would carry that to school with me every single day. Or when my dad was yelling, I remember thinking, they can hear them down the street in their house. They must think.

So there's a measure of shame. Like you can carry shame from things that aren't even your bags. And then of course there's your bags. You made a mistake. You didn't treat somebody well. You told a lie. You were human. And what Dr. G's work, you guys, is that this is stored in your body and your emotions, and it's going to show up until and if you give yourself some measure of grace. So, and it has shown up for me in different ways in my life. And I I I'm at such an interesting time in my life, and it's the reason that your work resonates with me where I'm like, I do want to show up as me.

It the sexual me being more sensual, right? Not just so whatever that is, right? And in my personal life like this, being more authentic and transparent and vulnerable with people feels good to me. It actually feels good in my body when I do it. Feels good emotionally. I feel good about me when I do it. So talk about that relationship between shame and then in the body, the heart and then grace. grace. grace. Yeah. And and thank you for sharing your background. background. background. I want everyone to notice when you feel awkward that is shame.

When you feel awkward, you're holding in. That's your shame being activated. Wow. Wow. Wow. Right? So, think about it. How many of us feel awkward? Just when we see things, when we see someone expressing something that we want to express, but we judge them instead, right? Cuz we're triggered by them. Why are they dressed like that? I don't like how they're dressed. It's oh my god. As a man or as a woman, you can't dress like that. The truth is is that the part of you that feels awkward and disconnected and and and wanting to be tri like just create distance and triggered by them.

The truth is is the inside of you, the part of you that wants to express like that is being shown. Now, I want you to think about it. Growing up in your household and feeling, oh god, I want the neighbors here. I don't want the neighbors here. Is this too loud? This is too loud. Ironically, is giving your body the signal that I can't be fully big, fully me. And it's it's crazy because you've created such a beautiful brand for yourself. It's helping so many people and you have this bigness to you.

But I wonder how much more personally you walking the streets, you at a party, you walking through the office is is even wanting to be expressed more of. And it's I can't understate this. The fascia in your body has no linearity of time. of time. of time. Doesn't care about past. It doesn't care about future. about future. about future. Meaning that that's why we talk about inner child. We're talking about our fascia. Our fascia remembers just like it happened 1 second ago. Wow. Wow. Wow. That's how deeply it is evolutionarily to our protection.

So if you grew up in a household that had an alcoholic dad or alcoholic mom or bipolar, it's just not safe and you have not done any work around that, you are not going to feel safe in your own body cuz your fascia believes that it's still in the same moment as it was 40, 50, 30, whatever years ago. So this is so important to understand. This is why it's protecting you. The fascia is always protecting you from the environment. This is why when there's someone raising their voice and getting loud and it's reminiscent of dad, there's a part of you that contracts.

Just right, Just right, Just right, bro. Can I interrupt? When I'm in a restaurant and someone's loud, it drives me nuts. Right. Nuts. And I'm always wondering like it doesn't bother anybody else at the table except me. Like why are they being so loud? cuz that sensitivity is in your fascia. Your body remembers as if it was yesterday. yesterday. yesterday. So any loudness is going to trigger you internally. Now you're of rational mind. You're a grown man and you're not going to go, "Okay, I'm going to shake and I'm going to cry." Or I'm going to be like, "Hey, shut up.

Don't be so loud." You're going to be rational and be like, "Okay, hey, this is bothering me, but let's get back to the conversation." But guess what? You can stop listening, but your body's not. Your body's going to be contracted. You're going to get in your car. You're going to get home and be like, "I don't know why my back is hurting again. Wow, I don't know why I can't really breathe today. It's cuz your body is communicating with you, hey, there's some things inside of you, whether it's anger that wants to be expressed for that or sadness and pain.

Why were you like this? I wish we could. That needs to be expressed out of you. And that's everyone listening. When you feel awkward or feel triggered by someone else, that is your body talking to you. And you have two things you can do. You can either ignore it and judge them and be like them or you can be like, "Why am I feeling this way in my body? There's something about this person, right, for me, and you said I I've been very open about this, like I grew up in a place where we celebrated like frat living, right?

Drinking, partying, Jersey Shore. This is where I was. Like, you've seen the show. That's real. Like, that's what the consciousness is. [snorts] Guys would celebrate sleeping with the most women at the end of the summer. I was in that tornado. And there was a part of me that felt so inauthentic doing it because I knew I was much more soft. I knew I was much more gentle. I knew I was much more of I wanted connection. I' I've always been more romantic. I grew up like that, right?

Like, but it was so hard not being that. It was easy easier being just just just one of the frat type frat guys, right? So, it took many years for me to come back to that place and go, "Hold on, wait, that's not too feminine, right? That's not too feminine. I can be sensual. sensual. sensual. I can move sensually. I can be slower. I can make love not just right like and this is this is where so many men are this is me I got to get out of me how do I and instead of going hold on take a moment like what's true for you and that's that's where we talk about the sexuality and sensuality but shame is everything you could be ashamed to just be big you could be ashamed to take up space you could be ashamed to to do anything you could be ashamed when someone's angry and you don't want to get angry shame that's why shame is such a iron blanket on our shoulders and it puts us it puts our tails between our legs.

legs. legs. And ultimately what that does, it holds back your authentic expression, which is ultimately the the the state of health that everyone I I want the world to be in is authentic expression. Cuz when you're in that state of health, you've told your body, I am me. And when you tell your body that your nervous system is in harmony, your immune, your hormones, your gut, you're able to eat what your body wants to cuz you know what you want to. And and on top of that, you're giving to the world what you're here to do, right?

When you're in your authentic expression, just you being you shifts mountains. Just by you being, you don't have to put in the work. You put in the work, but you don't have to push against the grain. You can just show up and flow and be like, "This is me." And the words that I say that are authentic to me, why are they touching millions of people? It's because you're you. And people feel that. This is what you said in the beginning of the podcast before we started.

You go, Dr. G, you say these like things, but people feel you. People feel me because I'm coming from my authenticity. authenticity. authenticity. Bro, your work is so brilliant and profound. And I'm going to share with you. I'm going to confirm with what you just said. This last week, I was at a um golf tournament, a celebrity golf tournament. I brought my son in it. And um the I want to make sure I say this the right way, but the night before the tournament, I ended up in a long conversation with Caitlyn Jenner.

And I've watched Caitlyn's life when Caitlyn was Bruce. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I'm old enough for that for the Olympics all the way through to this day. And um I've always had a genuinely good feeling about her. Same time that issue I haven't been able to navigate my true feelings about first off, I always want somebody to express them true selves, but all the way to men, biological men fighting women in sports, all these issues are very complicated for me and I don't feel comfortable with that.

And then does that mean I'm not supporting of trans people? You know, that whole dynamic. dynamic. dynamic. And so there's been a I don't know what I would call it. There's a curiosity slash probably some assessment of Caitlyn for me. And I ended up talk we ended up talking for like an hour and I can genuinely say that it was one of the most enjoyable conversations of my lifetime. And it's one of the people It makes me emotional actually to say this. One of the people I have liked the most.

I have ever met in my life. Trans, non-trans, athlete, non-athlete, celeb, non-seleb. So much so that the next day we were at another event together and um we ended up sort of just gravitating to one another. She says, "Man, you keep showing up on my phone and all this motivational stuff." And I said, "That's probably cuz we were talking and now the phone heard you, you know." But we had this visit the next day and then I watched how everyone responded and people filming her and this or that or the other thing.

And I remember I think the reason that I liked her so much is exactly what you just said. That assessment, judgment, setting that aside, this person is their authentic self. authentic self. authentic self. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that overrides everything else that's the noise in someone's life. And I think that's a pretty extreme case of someone expressing their true selves who knew they were going to take enormous criticism, enormous blowback. And then even in the trans community because Caitlyn doesn't support all of the, you know, niche issues of trans people.

And so, wow, what a gutsy person to come out as trans to change their their entire life and look and then at the same time say, and I'm not locked up and barrel with all of you either on some of my beliefs. It's like that. No matter if you I'm not saying I agree, disagree with stances, positions, any of that stuff. What I'm saying is what overrode all that was this human being is their authentic self. authentic self. authentic self. Man is that attractive. Man, was that interesting.

So much so that I'm expressing it on my show right now a week later. week later. week later. So, I just want to make sure that I acknowledge you. You guys, there is something to this just being you and expressing you and being free to be you. that is so attractive, so magnetic. So attract and magnetic, that's the word. word. word. And and in order to be you, you have to face the parts of you that are you that you don't want to look at. You have to go into the proverbial house, the body, and open that closet that is the angry you with horns and fangs and a tail.

And you have to open up the closet and you have to see yourself on a fetal position crying the heaviest tears you've ever cried. In another closet, you shaking so scared of monsters when you were a kid. Whatever it is, you have to see that in order for you to fully be you. Because ultimately, you know, you hear so many people go, "Love yourself." And I go, "What the does that even mean?" mean?" mean?" Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How do we even do that? Right. Essentially, when we were children, we are this full spectrum of expression.

We were that as kids. We we know that because we were the saddest of the sads and then a minute later jumping on the bed and the joyous of the joy and everything in between. We in self-help and motivation, we go, let's just look at the light. And you got to be all of the loving positive emotions. Negative emotions, you know, go for a walk or do some breathing, meditate through them. No, man. You have to embody all parts of you. Until you embody all parts of you, you cannot use the word love for yourself.

Unconditional [snorts] Unconditional [snorts] Unconditional [snorts] love, you know, when people say it's a container, what does that mean? It means it's the container that holds all parts of you. The heaven and the hell, the dark, the light, all parts of you. And then once you hold yourself fully, you can hold another. You can hold a lover. You can hold your children. Then you've held so much of your deep grief and deep sadness for the [ __ ] that's happened in your life that when your child cries, they ain't triggering you.

You don't have to say, "Stop crying." You can be with them fully openhearted. You know how many women I see and they go, "I I love my dad. He he provided and protected for us, but I never had an emotional connection to him. Why? It's cuz that man has doesn't have an emotional connection to himself. He's never looked at the pain that he's holding. And until a man does that, it's going to be very difficult to have a deep connection with your wife and your daughter.

So, this is our responsibility as men. This is our responsibility as humans. And here's the biggest superpower all human beings have. We know. We have this awareness. Even if it's so turned up and we think we're unconscious. Oh, we know. We know when we're not doing what our body wants to do. We know when when we're not being authentic. We know when we're putting on a mask. We know and we definitely know when people are doing it. This is why people can only fake people out for so long until things just stop working out for them, for them, for them, right?

You can't you can't just fake it out. At some point people are going to be see through the And this is why we buy stock in people who we go that's the authenticity. Um I want stock in that. Whatever they're talking about, they they're just being them. them. them. And they're radiating from internal external. And the external is aligning itself as the experience to them, not internal. How do I show up for the world so everyone likes me? You got to be you. And whoever likes you will they'll find their way to you.

Brother, this needs to go everywhere. what we're talking about. I mean, given how profound what you're just saying is is like even if you don't even agree what I was just talking about with Caitlyn, like you didn't even agree with the person's position or stance, there's something so attractive about somebody saying, "This is who I am and it's okay if you don't like me." And what ends up happening is there's a magnetism, an affection, an attraction to something that is real and true to somebody, even if it is like I have friends of mine that, you know, are super political.

I'm really not that much, but like super leftle leaning, like oh my gosh. And then I got friends that are super rightle leaning and they're both really great friends of mine because I know who they really are and there's something awesome about that even if I think they're both wacky. Yeah, that's that's that's a beautiful way to say it. And and and this is what was happening. Caitlyn was only mirroring your authenticity. What you saw in her is you. M. So that shows you there's parts of you that are dying to come out.

That that doesn't mean it has to be that. Yes. Yes. Yes. But there's there's there's parts of her, the authentic, the I'm big. I don't care who sees me. Maybe that's something in you that even more wants to be expressed. expressed. expressed. I think absolutely you're right. This is why we're attracted. This is why we're attracted to people who are being themselves unapologetically, not hurting people, people, people, but being them from their soul out to the world. So, you go away and you come back and I'm just curious like does the anxiety manifest itself in any area?

Like could even be like coming here today or Yeah, it does. It does. So, you'll still you'll still and what does it look like for you like I don't really want to do this or I'm not good enough to do this or how do I get out of doing this or like like like Oh, no. I mean, yeah, it definitely well it could manifest in all those ways actually. actually. actually. Yeah, me too. That's why I ask. I um I think it's definitely kind of comes back to this like worthy worthiness wound.

Um Wow. It's amazing for you. I know it is pretty crazy if you think about it because of all that I've accomplished in my life and and I but I do think that that's why I was so adamant about accomplishing so much because because because I felt like I had to in order to receive love. love. love. Me too. Me too. Me too. And and and when you really boil it down, especially for myself ultimately at the end of the day. And so now it's I I feel like that's definitely quieted down a lot.

And I like I said, I can stop myself this morning and be like, "No, you're like it's all okay." Like you can have all the anxiety and all these feelings of unworthiness and you can still show up and you're still going to for me it's like just I just ask like you know I trust that whatever needs to come through will come through me and it is it is it is and thanks. And that's what that's the thing like you just for me I've learned to kind of move that piece of me just to the side.

Not like out of the way completely. completely. completely. Just move it to the side. Tell it it can be there. Like you can have your space in me today. Like you can be right here and I'm also with you. There's another part of me that's here too. Um so it's a bit of compartmentalizing and at the same time allowing it to be complete. Like complete. Like complete. Like I you know for me in the past like I used to never have stage fright, never have anxiety have anxiety have anxiety like when I was a kid I was just I felt super human super human super human and until I once I started to see my humanity it changed everything.

All of a sudden I had anxiety all of a sudden had stage fright at times like I realized about when was that my humanity it started I would say it started um maybe around 28. 28. 28. Yeah. 27, 28. Um, Um, Um, me too. For me, it was when other people started to criticize me a little bit completely. That's exactly when it happened. My husband and I have been married for 12 years, but we went through, you know, very public affair. And And And um, I mean, the press is just brutal and especially for a woman and especially for a young woman who they built up to be America's sweetheart forever.

Yeah. And so it was like the ultimate story for them. Mhm. And that's when I started judging myself through other people's eyes. And one day that did switch and like maybe 32 or 33, I realized, wait, these are people's projections on to me. Like I don't have that's not who I am. You know, my my mistakes um I'm not my mistakes and I'm not I'm not who they say I am. And I think that it took me it took me doing a lot of soulsearching to recognize who I was in order for that not to be projected upon me.

upon me. upon me. It's very good. Yeah. Same with me. Yeah. It's intense. It's an intense relation. relation. relation. Yeah. And by the way, this manifests this projection from other people manifest in your life listening to this maybe the same way it does for Lan and I. Leanne and I, but maybe differently. Maybe you're living someone's projection in your life. Your parents projected a particular career on you. totally or beliefs in yourself or what you are or are not good at. They projected that onto you and you've adapted it and that's how you live your life.

And so a lot of our lives there's this whole thing are we living in some ulterior dimension? You know, we're not. But we are oftentimes is living other people's projections. And and for me and you, it was like, wow, we were sort of achiever achiever achievers and then criticism. And then I started to sort of look at myself as if maybe I've been fooling myself the whole time. You know, maybe maybe I am that horrible person they say. say. say. Maybe I am. And maybe part of those maybe some of it was true.

Maybe some of it was true. And some of it I was like, "Oh, I can see where I was kind of an [ __ ] at that moment in time." You know, like, "Oh, I didn't, you know, I didn't take other people's feelings into consideration when I did blank." Whatever it may have been. I can look back now and go, "Oh, yeah." Like there were parts of that that were true, but that's not totally that's not who I am. Me, too. Me, too. Me, too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

My way out. I'm curious what some of your ways are. Let's talk about some tools out for you. What works for you? Ice baths. No, I'm just kidding. We were just for everybody. We were just talking about how much we can't stand ice baths before the show. Yeah, it's definitely not ice bath for the two of us right now. Um, that's so dang funny. It's so true. I I uh for me the hardest thing I'll tell you something interesting because I've been in front of people I conflated two things too.

I conflated like um love with significance. with significance. with significance. When I did significant things I felt loved. So if I would just keep doing significant things and sometimes in life these things also work for you. like one of the reasons you were so successful is because you did make this and then you're oftentimes in life if something works for you a little bit it's really scary to give it up entirely because you're like that's part of my recipe if I don't have anxiety or worry maybe I won't practice as I won't be on my agame and so there's a nuance to life that's the hard part about podcasting or writing a book it's like there's a nuance to something but for me the hardest thing that is now the most beautiful thing is what you just said earlier me being alone with me.

with me. with me. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. I realized like maybe it's different for a woman, but maybe it's not, but like for me, like I never even just stopped and really just like looked at me in a mirror. mirror. mirror. Like just not I'd look at like is my hair messed up or something, but I mean just like just like just like I love this man. I've like I've never done I had never done that. Like I I love this man. This is a good man.

I've never would stop. I was just doing life. And then this idea of like getting alone with myself and being quiet and like just being with my breathing and these were so difficult for me and when they were difficult for me I thought well maybe that's because it would be so valuable for me if I could do it and so for me forms of meditation have helped me a lot um sometimes like actually writing for me can be a form of meditation. So has what's worked for you?

Like if you were to share with somebody who says, "I got anxiety, I got worry, I got fear, I got anger." What has actually worked most of the time? the time? the time? Yeah. I mean, I think that piece of creativity is super important. Um, I mean, we're all creative beings. Like that is our nature. And I think until we nurture that nature, um, um, um, and find a way of doing that like, and I think what's so interesting too is we are all so unique.

Like what works for one person will not work for the next person possibly. And you know, it's just you have to find your own path with it. So I I dip in and out of things all the time. Meditation is pretty much a non-negotiable for me. Even if it's five minutes during the day, I just need to sit, breathe, um, and you know, I'll take in an inhale and like and do it like double time, double longer exhale. That [clears throat] usually will help my anxiety a little bit.

Um but yeah, I mean I've really gotten into recently um working a lot with my physical body, like balancing my hormones. Like I've I kind of went from the beginning meditation and breathing to now like going running the gamut of pretty much everything you can think of. But you know, physical, mental, spiritual, like emotional, it's all important. You can't leave one out. You really can't. Um, writing I think you know has been such a a big thing for me also creating. Um, and I Yeah, it's interesting that you just said because something clicked for me is you said um that you know we get projected upon like the things we're good at, things we're not good at.

I think leaning into the things I've been told I wasn't good at. Like I I I don't like to dance. Like it really I do not like to move my body. And there was I think that also has to do with um old uh religious programming too. Um but it's I had this whole thing around someone told me one time that I was a better singer than I was a dancer and I stopped dancing. And which by the way like I I might have been a fine dancer but if you're going to tell me I'm a better singer I mean I'm like I'm I was exceptionally good at singing so I like I couldn't dance that well too.

Um but yeah I felt like I just stopped doing it. And so for me, finding what those places are that feel really uncomfortable and even if it's for me putting one song on and like moving my body body body freely is and when I do that, I'll ball like I'll ball and I'll have so much joy at the same time and then I I'll stop. I'm like, okay, if that's that's kind of my threshold of how I but how I lean into those things. But I I feel like it's finding those places for people that are scary and walking into them.

And they don't have you don't have to just, you know, run and jump off the cliff. Like just dipping a toe into things to expand who we believe ourselves to be. Yeah. Like it just it opens our lives up in every other aspect. Not just that one little space, but in every other aspect of our life starts to change. You're so right. That's where I want to go too. You're like doing the interview for me. for me. for me. But like I tied up my identity into everything outside of me all in my life.

So like uh if I made money or I got a muscle or whatever it was, it was my identity was always tied to the external. Man, it worked for me for a long time. Yeah, it does. It works. It works. But it like when I got wealthy or whatever, like I it never was quite what I thought it would be when I would get there. And I think it was because I had I had tied it to the external instead of like like I I just love this work.

I love doing this work. So you had to have had your identity completely tied up in being famous or being a singer. And did you have you unpacked that at all? Like someone listen your identity could be that and stay with me. Your identity could be that you're a mother. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, someday, by the way, someday you'll be an empty neester. And then what? Right. So, so it could be anything out there. But did you you must had a lot of that. I got still tied up um and to a certain extent around my voice.

I I went through this few days the other day where I was thinking like what could I live without and when I really could live without Yeah. Like could I live without my voice? And that was one big one where I was like, was like, was like, I don't want to, but if I had to, I guess I would have to. And I just looked up at the sky. I was like, don't do that to me. So, you know, this is not an invitation to test that theory, that theory, that theory, right?

right? right? But I, you know, I there was like my wedding, it was interesting things like my wedding ring like was really is really important to me and yeah, it's random little things that I was like, it's a powerful question. Yeah, it was. And it was like, okay, well, maybe that's because of how important like relationships I was told how important relationships were at a certain age, you know, like, well, how are these things how are why why are the the few things that I wouldn't really want to let go of?

Why are they so important? So, I went through that for a moment and my my voice is definitely one of those weird things when you're born into this world with something like that. And, you know, as you get older, like things shift and change and I know that I'm not going to be doing this my whole life. you know, I mean, who knows? But I mean, I I at some point I I feel like I want a different experience. That's been a new thing for me, too, is that that whole term different experience.

Um, especially when shifting things, it's like, oh, I want a different experience. What's a different experience look like? So, that's been something I've been playing with. And I know for me, like, I will want a different experience one day than being on the road. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, and I don't know. I mean, I've I've had moments like, look, co, you know, gave us an opportunity to kind of untangle from all of those things that we were attached to. And I did for a moment and I was I was okay with it.

with it. with it. I was okay with it. I I think, look, I you know, I just released an album. album. album. I um I haven't ever I don't even look at charts anymore. Like, I don't know what what it did. I I really don't. And I maybe it's part of that self-preservation and also part of it though is is not the reason I do it anymore. anymore. anymore. Like the reason I do it is to connect with people and help shift help them shift or help them question question question and it's really Yeah.

It's it's so interesting how my reason for doing things has shifted changed. changed. changed. It really has. What was someone would listen to this and they just said hey I'm I'm curious you're I saw you on a stage I don't remember whose event it was. It was Louis's. Oh, yeah. Blues. That's where I met you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [snorts] And um I had to go up after you. I think. You did? You did? You did? I think I had to go up after you. I was like, I'm not I' I rarely have ever had that feel in my life.

I don't want to go up after that cuz the room was so moved. I just thought she's going to be doing this too. this too. this too. Like what meaning this meaning like leveraging this gift she has, but and it was much more like direct approach. It wasn't like just enjoy my work. It was a message, spoken message, some chanting with it. I'm just cur I I'm surprised you haven't gone further down that road. It's something I want to do. Yeah. Well, maybe today's the beginning, right?

right? right? I know, right? It is. When I It's funny when you when you asked me to come on here. That's what I thought about. And I remember you saying to me, you came up after and you were like, "You've never done this before." Because I had such a I was going through this whole thing with with Lewis. I'm like, "I don't speak. I speak during my shows, but like this is you're asking me to give a speech." and he's like, "Just come do it for like 10 minutes and then you can sing and then we'll have a chat." I'm like, "Cool, I can do that." But it it did give me this bug of this is another way for me to share and connect with people.

And when you asked me to do this, it made me think of that. I'm like, you know what? I need to do that. I've been speaking for 30 years. One time ever, I went, I would really prefer not to go up right now after that person. And it was you. I'm serious. And it's not cuz you could sing better than me. I think that's kind of a given. I was like, no. Something just happened in the room right now that I'm not so sure I can match or do anything better than.

And I I'm dead serious when I say that to you. And it's the heart. It's the heart. I mean, I think that I was so open. I mean, I walked up on stage and just started balling because it was I was conquering and that's what I talked about. I was I crying now. I was conquering a huge fear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I know that that's also the reason why I haven't done more of it. But I the reason as I'm crying the reason I know I need to need to need to which is rather remarkable that you of all people were uncomfortable getting up in front of a group but the lesson in it the reason I bring it up is the lesson I made a post Saturday about this like start a new hobby you said a new experience experience experience that's the pathway to bliss everybody that's the pathway is to do something new that you feel illprepared for that's a bit scary but maybe you have some potential proclivity for like I shouldn't decide that right now I'm going to start doing 360 windmill dunks It's just not a lot of dudes that are my build that are doing that right now.

So, it's got to be something that you have some proclivity for, but create a new experience. Like, even if you're great at something, to your point, like you're you're the best at what you do, but do you want that to be the entire experience of your life? Yeah. Right. Like Like Like that's the juice of life. And so, what I was so proud of you not even knowing you that day and then to watch you just go, "Wow." But I remember thinking, "This is probably something she's going to do a lot of." And then really you haven't very much since that time.

Yeah, I haven't since then. Well, but also co C co happened along those lines too. So, but it is something that I've I I just had this huge meeting the other day with my team and I'm like that is that is on the docket of things like to to walk into. I'm I did Well, you just got introduced to a couple million more people to do it. So, it's really good. I did um I did a chant record during um during the middle of CO because I felt like people just people needed it.

um which was something new for me. I've never kind of branched out and did that. And then I think that kind of, you know, that informed this new record. And I'm also working I'm working on a chant too at the moment. So I'm wanting to create this whole like sound experience for people. You guys, when she does this, it's unreal. It's unreal. She did it that day. It's unreal.